Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 7
Previously on Project Runway: A bunch of garbage, both in the clothes and in the judging. Kayne constructed clothing well in the past, but had an off week, partly due to the fact that he had to throw a new dress together at the last minute. Well, that's understandable, so he was spared. Alison constructed clothing well in the past, but had an off week, partly due to the fact that she had to throw a new dress together at the last minute. What? That's inexcusable! She must go! Michael scored an undeserved win, while Vincent didn't score a deserved loss. But no doubt the judges will finally cut him this week, right? RIGHT? Eight designers remain. Who will be out tonight?
Opening credits. No, you've got to be kidding me, Vincent.
Morning comes to the Atlas. Designers get ready. Kayne respikes his hair. Jeffrey is upset because Alison was his best friend amongst the designers. Yep. And now they'll be nobody to give him a knowing nod and smile every time Heidi introduces a challenge. He goes on to say that Angela should have been in the bottom three last week. But her dress was messy and weird-looking! You'd think Jeffrey would love something like that. Meanwhile, Michael basks in his double win. He interviews that he's been grinning so much, he gave himself a headache. That's it for the morning-after interviews. No interview from Kayne about how he's going to bounce back and do something faaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous this week? Missed opportunity.
Everyone heads to the runway, and Heidi comes out. She's holding the velvet bag, which means there's some childish name-picking coming up. I love it. Heidi tells the designers that their next challenge will be to design for the "everyday" woman. There's more to the challenge, but first, let's bring out the models. A woman's silhouette strikes a pose behind the white screen, and either Amanda's been hitting the Mallomars really hard this week, or these aren't our usual models. Michael interviews that everyone immediately realized that something was afoot. A stream of women come out, complete with a Queen For A Day harp trill. Heh. Angela squeals like a pig. Michael just giggles. Angela interviews that at first, she thought they just pulled people off the street, but then she saw her mom. Robert is amazed that the show flew his sister from England to be humiliated on a reality show. Laura starts crying. Her mom has the same flaming red hair, and I'm not quite sure either of them came by the color through genetics. Jeffrey's mom is totally normal-looking. Michael's mom has a bright print on. Also present are Kayne's mom, Vincent's sister, and Uli's mom. Never thought I'd see the day where two blond, German Heidis were running around on stage. How will I ever tell them apart?
Heidi (Klum, that is) tells the designers that their relatives will be the models for this challenge, and they each have to pick one, but cannot pick their own relation. The designers are crushed. Hehehe. I like that evil little twist. Michael won the last challenge, so he gets to pick first. He chooses Robert's sister. I suspect it's because Teresa has the best figure of all the women on stage, so she'll be the easiest to dress. The rest of the designers will be chosen at random. Laura chooses Jeffrey's mom Pam "to torture Jeff". Hehe. Vincent picks Heidi (or as he says, "Yooli's mom"). Angela chooses Laura's mom, Lorraine. All the skinny women are chosen now. Kayne chooses Michael's mom, Pamela. Uli picks Kayne's mom, Judy. Robert chooses Vincent's sister, Patricia. That leaves Jeffrey and Darlene, Angela's mom. Hahahahahaha! He interviews that he wound up with the mother of the woman he despises because "God got drunk today". No, I think God just hates Jeffrey. All glory to God. Heidi sends the designers to the workroom, but takes the moms/sisters with her, so that she can...send them to the workroom. Er. OK, then.
The designers and their relations finally have a chance to talk to each other. Uli interviews that she hasn't seen her mom in a few years. Aw. Michael shows off his challenge-winning outfits to his mom. Tim comes in and tells everyone that they've been invited to a special event hosted by this week's guest judge. They're off! They wind up at Tavern on the Green. I thought New Yorkers avoided this place like the plague now that it's become all touristy. Eh, what do I know? Michael Kors is there and welcomes everyone. We need no introduction to the woman standing next to him, because they look identical. Yes, it's Joan Kors, Michael's mother. They're even wearing matching clothing, which is freaking hilarious. Michael (Knight) interviews that he could tell that Michael (Kors) was a total mama's boy. Heh. Kors goes on to explain that his mother is a real inspiration as to what he thinks about when he designs. And with that, he pops some champagne, and everyone settles in for some drinks. It looks like the moms were encouraged to bring family photos, and Kayne's mom was only too glad to agree. Kayne was a tubby little boy with a bowl haircut. Hahaha, that's awesome. Robert looks at the photos and cracks up. Michael's mom has also brought a picture of Michael when he was a kid. Oh, dear. I think I had that exact same striped shirt he's wearing. Jeffrey's mom has opted for high-school pics. You can tell from the dyed hair that his identity crisis goes waaaay back. His mom is proud that he's gone from being an alcoholic to a successful designer. No disrespect to the people who manage to pull themselves out of addiction, but I think I'd rather he be drunk if being sober is what's responsible for him being such a dick. Laura shows Michael Kors childhood pictures of herself, but we never get to see them. Boo! Michael talks about he and Laura being only children, and confides to his mom that Laura's got five kids. "I'm...workin' on six," Laura responds, and her mother's face goes slack with shock. Whoops! Laura interviews that she just found out herself, and that letting the news of her pregnancy slip was Grade A stupid. Now everyone knows except her husband. Double whoops! Everyone heads back to the workroom.
Vincent interviews something typically nonsensical. Tim tells everyone that they should design a day-to-day outfit for the model, but it should be fashion-forward, and reflect who they are as a designer. They have thirty minutes to talk about ideas with their "client", and have only one day to complete the outfit. Everyone's surprised, even though this is exactly what happened last week. Robert tries to tactfully interview that dressing fat women is hard. He and Patricia discuss kimonos. Angela... Oh, Christ. She's wearing another fucking bubble skirt! This is, like, the seventeenth one we've seen! And everyone's already told her that they're really ugly! She interviews that Lorraine wants a casually elegant look, like Audrey Hepburn. Angela's excited about this, since she did so well with Audrey Hepburn's look in the icon challenge. Lorraine interviews that she'd like Laura to win, but won't do anything to hinder Angela. Well, sure. It would take a real asshole to push one of these women into intentionally bad-mouthing them, so that'll never happen. Kayne interviews that he was attracted to Pamela's bright shirt and rhinestones. I'm not surprised Kayne is attracted by shiny things. Coming from a...ah...hefty past himself, he's anxious to make something that a larger woman will find fashionable.
Vincent says that Uli's mom has a "European air" around her, whatever that means. He has some trouble communicating, because he doesn't speak any German. Like he communicates any better in English. Laura and Pam discuss doing a sort of cruise-themed outfit. Ah, the pleasures of the idle rich. Darlene interviews that she's very traditional and Jeffrey clearly...isn't. She tells him she would like a long dress, because of her size. So she's aiming for something modest, and tells him she likes deep colors like dark green and dark purple. Jeffrey interviews that he's never done a design like this. Darlene goes on to tell him that she'd love a striking jacket, but he tells her he'd rather not do a jacket, because there isn't enough time to do it well. That's completely understandable, although he disagrees in a way that sounds ruder than it should have. They don't really reach any agreement by the time Tim comes in to tell them that it's time to go fabric shopping. Darlene tells Jeffrey that she's about to cry, because she feels like she's limiting him so much. Wait, the woman who raised Angela is overly emotional? Stop the presses!
Commercials. In honor of tonight's challenge, let's make this commercial observation mom-themed. L'OREAL has got another pointless skin cream out. If you'd ever like a free show, walk up to my mother and say "Hey, Limecrete's Mom. What do you think of Andie MacDowell?". Then stand back.
Mood. Kayne recaps the challenge for us, just in case we had been struck blind and deaf up until this point, and are desperately trying to understand what's going on. Robert interviews that Patricia likes red and black, and he's upset because he thinks they're boring colors. Um. They are? There are a million things you can do with red and black, and there are about a million shades of red. He settles on a shade I'd call "Hooker's Delight". Uli plays to her strengths by selecting another very pretty print fabric, which she says is slimming. Jeffrey tugs a roll of black fabric off the shelf. He interviews that he couldn't find any usable dark green fabric, so he went with periwinkle instead. He says it will accent the dark purple and navy blue well. I can buy that. People wrap up their shopping and leave.
Back in the workroom, Laura dismissively interviews that some of the designers are completely stumped, because they don't know how to work around larger women's proportions. You'll note that her own model is fairly slim, and I'm struck with an overwhelming desire to see what she would have come up with for one of the bigger models. Robert is petrified, because he has no idea what he's doing. I like that this challenge is ruffling their feathers. Brace yourself. Vincent is about to say something relevant and incisive. "People felt uncomfortable with this challenge, because they like to dress beautiful, lean models that have perfect 25-inch waists. You have to be able to compensate and deliver to real women, because these are the people that wear your clothes." I couldn't have put it any better. A few more statements like that, and Vincent might become semi-tolerable. But enough of my gushing. Michael says that he's creating a shirt-dress, and came up with the idea to make it reversible. Sounds good.
Ten hours until the deadline. Hot sewing action. Time slips away. Kayne likes the pants he's made. Tim comes in to tell everyone that the models are coming in to see what progress they've made. He sends them in. Kisses abound. Kayne whips out his coral fabric for Pamela. Judy likes Uli's print. Uli interviews that she's incorporating vertical stripes to elongate the body. I! Love! Uli! Vincent says that Heidi is very comfortable with him "in spirit". You can pretty much assume I tack on "whatever that means" to 90% of Vincent's statements. Lorraine politely, but firmly tells Angela that she's incorporating too much color for her tastes. Tim tells Angela she's lucky to have a client with a point of view. We're about to see how lucky. Gnat makes me rewind to see just how much color Angela was planning on incorporating. I see black, dark blue (or purple), light purple, bright orange, and lime green. Wowsers. Lorraine interviews that she feels like she may have intimidated Angela a little bit, not realizing that Angela does her best work when people impose limits on her crazy ideas.
While Jeffrey's off doing something, Tim comes over to talk to Darlene. Tim asks her if she's happy with what Jeffrey's doing, and she says that she's concerned that the colors are matronly, and she's trying to avoid that. Now, I'm going to be indulging in some rabid defense of Darlene in a minute, so let's get this out of the way first. Gnat hates her guts because she's being passive-aggressive about the outfit, which I can't argue with. Also, she specifically told Jeffrey to choose these colors, except the periwinkle, which is in no way more "matronly" than any of the ones she selected. Tim asks her if she's told Jeffrey she's disappointed in the color, and she says that he doesn't know. Yeah, she's trying to make Tim do her dirty work for her. At this point, Jeffrey returns. He asks what they were talking about and Tim says that Darlene is "a little ambivalent about the color". Jeffrey calmly tells Tim about the colors Darlene chose, and how the dark green didn't work with the dark purple, so that's why he chose the periwinkle. He thinks Darlene is "setting him up". You can tell that he's about to crack. And crack he does.
He tells Darlene that he hopes that she likes the dress he makes for her, but if she doesn't, there's not a thing he can do about it. Wow, was that ever the wrong way to start. If he had just been like "I'm sorry you don't care for the periwinkle, but I'm confident that once I'm finished, you'll look terrific," she probably would have meekly agreed. Instead, since he's basically telling her that her opinion just plain sucks, she passive-aggressives some more about why is he treating her this way? She does go on to have a point when she says that she was asked her opinion and gave it. She would have said the exact same thing had Jeffrey been standing there the whole time, and she's not going to pretend to be excited about an outfit she feels doesn't work for her. Woo! Knowing that he has no argument against this, he retreats to saying that there are aspects of her beauty (or whatever) that he wants to bring out that maybe she doesn't see in herself. It's a fair point, but he's openly sneering as he says it, so it again comes across as "Shut up! You'll like what I tell you to like!" She again zings him by saying that just because she has different taste in clothing, it doesn't mean she's insecure.
Jeffrey runs away to the sewing room. In his most self-delusional moment, he interviews that he "just let her know he didn't appreciate it," and that he didn't want to talk to her anymore, because he's got work to do (read: "Waaah! She doesn't like my stuff, and rather than consider for even a half-second that she might have the sliver of a point, I'll just write her off completely like I do everyone else who doesn't appreciate my ROCKIN' HARDCORE aesthetic! Poor me!"). Then he calls her a crazy bitch. Classy. Tim asked her how she liked the colors. She said she wasn't wild about them. That's all that happened. He makes it sound like Darlene was running around the workroom, waving a flag with I HATE JEFFREY'S DRESS written across it. And rather than taking the four seconds it would have taken to placate her, he jumps down her throat. Seriously, his tantrum would be out of line even with a regular "guest" model, but these are your coworkers' moms. Even if she was being a total bitch about it, which she wasn't, just smile and nod, then interview about how dumb she is. What does it cost you to be polite to someone you find distasteful for twenty fucking minutes? What a douchebag. In the breakroom, Darlene cries to Angela. Angela tells her not to let Jeffrey get to her, because he's always like this. What I find surprising is that knowing what we know about Angela, I'd expect her to be cramming a sewing machine down Jeffrey's throat right about now. How is she staying so calm?
Vincent tells Jeffrey that Darlene is crying. Then Jeffrey says the thing that gets my blood boiling more than almost anything else, so prepare yourself for some capital letters. "I was just being honest with her," he whines. Oh, well then that must make everything OK. Treating people with decency and respect is stupid. If you're honest, nobody's allowed to be angry with you or dislike you, because after all, you're just telling the truth. SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING COCKSHIT ASS-PIMPLE. "Sweetie, how do you like my new outfit?" "It makes you look fat and like you're imitating teenagers. Hey, why are you getting mad? I'm just being honest." "I just got out of the hospital. How do I look?" "Like you should check back in immediately. Hey, I'm just being honest." Honesty does not excuse you from being courteous. But nice try. Vincent interviews that we're now starting to see "Jeff's real colors". I'd love to believe he's being clever, but I don't. Plus, I'll have you know that some of us have seen Jeff's real colors since the casting special. Now, let's have a peek into why Jeffrey's such an asshole. Pam comes to talk to Darlene. It's almost like working off a checklist entitled "Steps to Enable Your Child's Awful Personality".
Step 1: It's not that your child is a jerk, he's just different from all those boring, normal people! "Jeffrey can get very emotional." Yes. And part of being an adult is knowing when it's appropriate to keep your temper in check.
Step 2: Your child cannot possibly be expected to conform to society's rules. He's far too special. "He's just under a lot of stress." Know who else is under a lot of stress? EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.
Step 3: Your child is struggling against intolerance. People need to accept him for what he is! "This means a lot to him. Let's just move forward. For your sake. For Jeff's sake. Everything will be better tomorrow."
Ten points to you if you can pinpoint a very important word that is absent in both poor, belabored Jeffrey's speech and poor, sainted Pam's. Why doesn't the world love her honest child? Also, don't you love that "For your sake"? Like Darlene has so much to gain from a Jeffrey win. It almost sounds like a threat. "Eat shit and kiss my son's ass, and nobody gets hurt." Pam comes back into the workroom, hugs Jeffrey, and tells him that everything's going to be OK. If I yelled at somebody's mom and made her cry, and my mom was there? She'd come into the workroom and beat my ass into the ground with a dress form. Now that would get some high ratings. Jeffrey tries one final tack for sympathy by telling us he used to be a suicidal junkie. Oh, how wonderful that he was spared and can now spread his love and wisdom to the rest of us.
Commercials. There isn't one person involved with this new Nike commercial, from its inception to its production to its casting that I don't want to hit in the nose with a candlestick.
Two hours until deadline. Angela tells Jeffrey she has no idea what happened between him and her mother, and I'm still really surprised that she's not making a bigger deal out of it. "[Darlene] was going out of her way to make me look bad and embarrass me," Jeffrey whines, which is demonstrably false. But it's too late. He's already cast the morality play in his head with himself as the poor victim, which he probably does about fifty times a day. To Angela's credit, she knows he's full of shit, but doesn't really follow up on it. Meanwhile, Kayne is harried because he has three pieces to finish. Michael likes how his outfit's coming along, and Uli kids that he's going to win three challenges in a row. He says he'll faint if that happens. One quick work montage later, and it's midnight. Jeffrey says that he's happier with his piece than he thought he would be, snottily saying that he didn't cut a hole in a piece of fabric and call it a poncho. There's a shot of Robert's outfit, and yeeks. I take back that "snottily" comment, because he's entirely correct. Robert tries to convince himself that his muumuu (or whatever he's trying to pass it off as) looks fairly good and that Patricia will like it.
Back at the Atlas, Uli heads straight for the wine. Hehehe. Laura says she's going to bed, and Uli ribs her about being pregnant. Laura interviews that having six kids won't be that different from having five. She'll just throw the new one "on the pile". She says that she's tired of hearing about being pregnant, grins, and goes to bed. The next morning, Michael interviews that he's excited to see all these moms and sisters play model, doing a little impression of them vogueing down the runway. Heh. At the workroom, Tim tells everyone that they have an hour and half to get the models ready. The ladies stream in. Jeffrey directs Darlene to a privacy screen to stand behind while she changes. Angela goes in to help her, and tells her mom to be completely honest on the runway when the judges ask her how she feels. Yes, she's trying to get her mom to shred Jeffrey on the runway, and while I'd usually be angry at such a tactic...shred away, Darlene. Jeffrey interviews that he doesn't care if he gets eliminated for this challenge, because it's not something he could have prepared for. So the challenge doesn't suit him. And the Macy's challenge didn't suit him. Too bad we haven't had a "Make your model look like she fell in a wheat thresher" challenge, because he'd have it in the bag.
Everyone gets dressed and heads to the styling room. Kayne tells the stylists that he wants Pamela to feel like she's having a beauty day and to have fun. Aw. Pam loves what they do to her hair. Judy promises to walk the catwalk like a real model, and that she's going to embarrass Kayne. Nice. As Laura gets ready, she looks over at her mom wearing Angela's outfit, and gives us one of her patented interviews. Angela's work is inconsistent. The main pieces of the garment were way too basic. The styling was too eclectic. She doesn't like a thing about it. Lorraine doesn't look happy.
Commercials. I'm happy with my Sprint service, but they really need to stop with the black print on yellow screen. Are you trying to sell me phone service or attract bees?
Runway. Heidi comes out in an outfit that would instantly get one of the designers kicked off, were they to make it. Blah blah challenge. Michael, Nina, and Michael's mom Joan are the judges. How great would it have been to have Nina's mom here? I bet she'd be awesome. Joan is wearing tinted sunglasses, so I don't see how she'll be able to judge competently, but whatever. They do random camera shots of designers, and Angela does that irritating thing where she smiles widely as soon as she senses the camera on her. Arrrrgh! Heidi tells them that there will be no immunity for winning this challenge, and kicks off the show. Hit it! Up first is Pam in Laura's outfit. It's not nearly as good as what Laura usually turns out. There's a navy blue skirt with large buttons and an extremely high waist. The shirt is white and pretty, with an open collar and wide cuffs, and the whole thing is accented with a long scarf. I can see what Laura was going for, the but waist is far too high, so Pam looks misshapen. Judging by the voiceover, this is the first time that Laura isn't very confident about her garment. Jeffrey seems pleased to watch his mom walk the runway, though.
Next is Judy in Uli's outfit. She looks fantastic. She has tan pants and a loose, flowing top made out of the print fabric. Uli has incorporated the long stripes at the ends of the sleeves and down the middle. It looks fashionable, comfortable, slimming, and just plain awesome. Uli voices over that Judy was "vorking" that outfit. Love her. Next is Heidi in Vincent's outfit. It's the most understated one he's ever done; hence, the best. It's a basic black dress with a black belt and a tan collar. The belt has a gold loop in the front, and the collar is very wide, almost like Flying Nun flaps. From any other designer, this would be disappointing, but it's nice to see Vincent is capable of clothing that looks like...clothing. Next is Pamela in Kayne's outfit. I love her pants, which are khaki capris. The top is a coral tunic, which is overlayed with another coral fabric, the top one being much shinier. Kayne voices-over that he's happy with the outfit, but worried that Pamela didn't smile.
Oh, poor Lorraine. She does her best to make Angela's outfit work. I'm never going to like an outfit that has one of those double layers of anything. Fringe, ruffle, whatever. This is a saggy black dress with a double layer of fringe that Audrey Hepburn would have taken out back and burned. Laura has a very tight smile. Speaking of ill-fitting, here comes Patricia in Robert's outfit. He has made her look as unattractive as possible. It's just a black, shapeless tank dress with a tomato red kimono-cardigan, and some sort of flowing, attached scarf or collar at the top. Robert voices-over that he wanted her to feel comfortable, chic, and glamorous. Well, I can't speak to her comfort, but the other two ain't happening. Up next is Teresa, in Michael's outfit. We never need to invite one of the models back ever again, because Teresa rocks. She struts down the runway more gracefully than Fucking Cara ever did. Michael is thrilled with her. The dress itself is cute. It's a black shirt dress with the black and white paisley print peeking out at the collar and cuffs. There's also a bow of the print fabric front and center on the waist, which doesn't look very good. Gnat says it'd be cuter if the bow was pulled off to the side a bit.
Finally, we have Darlene in Jeffrey's outfit. This is what the giant fight was about? It's a boring, long, navy blue dress with a shirt underneath in periwinkle, and an extremely confusing swath of deep purple fabric on one side of the bustline. But not the other. I don't get it. What is that little tab of fabric accomplishing, either structurally or as fashion? I was hoping for an outfit awesome enough so that I'd be like "Well, he showed her!" or hideous enough to be like "What a deluded freak!" but this is just so...blah.
The designers step onto the runway while the scores are tabulated. Heidi tells them that they'll all be asked some questions this week, but they're going to do it in two groups. Laura, Jeffrey, and Angela may go for now. The models come out. Michael. He talks a little bit about the dress, throwing in the fact that it's reversible, which drives the judges wild. It is nice that it's reversible, and although I liked it more than they did, I do have to agree with the Rungays that, if this dress were actually reversed? It would be ugly. Uli. Michael thinks she looks understated and chic at the same time, and loves that it hangs well. Nina is equally impressed. Kayne. Nina isn't happy that he put coral on top of coral on top of coral. Michael thinks the outfit's a bit unhip, and that showing some skin may have helped. Vincent. Heidi asks Heidi (keep up, now) a question in German, then Heidi reports that Heidi (still with me?) loved the dress. Joan thinks the dress is appropriate, flattering, and looks comfortable. Even Nina throws some compliments to Vincent, which must have been physically painful for her.
Robert. Nina thinks the tank dress was too easy and unimaginative. She and Heidi agree that a print would have helped. Robert says that he was trying to make Patricia comfortable. Patricia does, indeed, try to help Robert out by saying that she loves the colors because they remind her of her favorite childhood dress. I shudder to think of what people would say if I started wearing clothes that were reminiscent of my childhood stuff. I think in particular, the green jumper with [Limecrete] emblazoned across the front in patchwork letters would draw some comments. Heidi appreciates that he tried to make the client happy, but it still needs to work as a design on its own, and this doesn't. Michael agrees that it's far too basic. The designers are dismissed, and the others are brought out.
Angela. Nina thinks the dress is age-inappropriate. Michael and his mom agree that there is nothing Audrey Hepburn about this dress. Michael says that it's more "Stevie Nicks in black." No way! It's not gauzy or flowy enough. Laura. She explains her cruise inspiration. The judges like the tailoring, but find the overall outfit unflattering. Pam says that she'd wear the outfit to dinner. I don't know if that's a compliment or insult. Michael doesn't like the sailor theme. Jeffrey. He says that Darlene works at the Salvation Army. She corrects him that it's the Red Cross. Good start, Jeff! He says that Darlene favors the layered look, so that's what he went for. The judges ask Darlene how she feels in the outfit. She somewhat diplomatically says that she and Jeff are very different, so what she likes was lost in translation. She goes on to less diplomatically say that she feels very matronly, and that if she ever saw this outfit in a department store, she'd walk right by. I think "matronly" is this season's "vulgar". Find a new word, people. Jeffrey says that his main objective was to make Darlene happy, but to put his own stamp on it as well. Then his pants burst into flame. Well, they don't, but they should, as Darlene's face clearly shows. The judges find the outfit "confused". They ask Angela how she thinks her mom looks, and she has no qualms about shredding it. She finds it unattractive and embarrassing. They're dismissed.
Deliberations. Uli rocks, and is great with prints. Michael thinks about his clothes. Vincent made something classic, yet spirited. Angela's outfit was totally wrong. Kayne made Pamela look too old and wide. Robert is still boring, and there was no effort to his clothing. Laura's was unrelaxed. Nina says that it wasn't right for a cruise...AT ALL. I love when Nina emphasizes words. The judges do appreciate Laura's tailoring. Jeffrey used far too much fabric and was "wacky". The judges reach a decision, and the designers are brought back out.
This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: Know what? Everyone around me, from friends to family to coworkers to strangers has been completely charming this week following my birthday. I really don't dislike anyone at the moment. Enjoy this brief respite from the river of bitterness that usually flows through me.
Elimination. Michael is immune, so he's in. Laura is in. And now for the winner of this challenge. "Congratulations, Uli!" Is what the Heidi should have said, and didn't. Yes, Vincent must have signed his soul away along with his 401K, because he is inexplicably declared the winner. Patricia and Heidi hug him backstage. Michael gets in a hug too, telling Vincent he's on the Wall of Fame now. Bleh. Back on stage, Uli is in. Kayne is in. Angela is in.
Gnat: "Bitch."
That leaves Jeffrey and Robert. Jeffrey's outfit was a failure. Neither his client nor the judges liked it. Robert's was boring, as always. He didn't express himself as a designer and he wasn't fashion-forward. Robert. Is. Out. Yeah, that's what I thought might happen. Damn. Backstage, he hugs everyone as he interviews that the experience was helpful for learning his limits. Kayne's Oklahoma accent takes on a life of its own as he bids Robert farewell. Jeffrey must put everything into the most negative terms possible, of course, by saying that the elimination sucks because Robert is a better person than some of the other designers. Well, if we eliminated people based on their worth as humans, you'd be out on week negative fifteen, so shut your piehole. My friend Panny says she could almost swear Tim starts to cry as Robert leaves. Watching it back slowly, I can see what she's talking about. It's possible. Robert concludes that there's been nothing like this experience before and never will be again.
Next week on Project Runway: Velvet bag! Yay! Heidi's ugly bangs tell the designers that they'll be designing for a "jetsetter". Angela and Jeffrey continue the fight from this week, while Kayne eggs them on. Tim tells the designers something about the jetsetter that causes Uli to claim she was shocked in the most unshocked voice known to man. Gnat and I think it's going to be flight attendants. I'm takin' all bets!
Overall Grade: B+
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Talkin' Trash
Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 6
Previously on Project Runway: Modernizing a fashion icon's look. Model swarm. Michael was thrilled to get Pam motherfuckin' Grier, while Bradley floundered with Cher. Jeffrey told Angela she should fix her own mistakes, but unfortunately made his argument so obnoxiously that it was hard to side with him. Laura snapped at him, but I'm sure she'll be much more agreeable tonight. Michael won the challenge, leaving Kayne with an even tighter face than he had before. And poor, sweet Bradley was sent back home. Nine designers remain. Who will be out tonight?
Opening credits. Wow, how grateful am I that Keith doesn't utter a word?
Morning. Michael brushes his almost non-existent hair and moustache with a giant hairbrush. Hehehe. He's proud of himself for winning the previous challenge. In the other men's room, Vincent tells us that judging is very subjective, and can go pretty much any direction. Not to give too much away, but I'm guessing that's a preemptive excuse about this episode on the producers' part. I'm not buying, fuckers. Speaking of not buying, Vincent goes on to say that cashing out his 401K and quitting a job to come on the show was risky, but that he has the talent and construction abilities to make pretty dresses. Sure, what woman wouldn't want to look like an escaped mental patient? Alison shows Uli some anti-stress cream she's bought, and it's already more than half empty. Hehehe. Looks like all the remaining women have been moved into the same room at some point. Welcome to having Angela as a roommate!
Runway. Heidi emerges, looking like she just left her audition for Beetlejuice. She just does not look as good as she did last season. I wonder if Kara Saun is still designing her runway outfits? I doubt it. We're back to the Pointless Model Selection format, which means Nazri and Katie come out. Michael obviously sticks with Nazri, so baby-faced Katie is going back to the sandbox. Bye, Katie! Laura looks pained. Heidi tells the designers that the challenges have been pretty easy so far. Angela instantly disagrees, because it was really hard for her to ride Vincent, Laura, and Michael's coattails. Moron. Heidi insists that compared to last season, the challenges have been easier. Well, the first few challenges in the last season were making a normal dress, making an outfit out of a pre-existing outfit, making a Barbie outfit, making lingerie, and making a party dress. Seems pretty comparable to me. The designers aren't swayed. Alison turns to Jeffrey with a knowing nod and a smile. See? I told you! Heidi tells the designers that the next few challenges are going to be tough. The designers are filled with dread.
Evening. And suddenly...morning! 5AM to be precise. I think I'd strangle Tim if he tried to get me up and designing at that hour. Tim wakes everyone up and tells them they have an hour to get ready for a field trip. Oh, and no open-toed shoes. Are they coming to my lab? People get dressed. As they leave, Alison remarks to Laura that it's a good thing she's wearing her riding outfit, in case the challenge has to do with horses. Oooh, burn! Good one, Alison. Everyone piles into a van, which makes its way into New Jersey. Alison says that she was quietly humming the Sopranos theme song to herself. She is on fire this morning! And indeed, the show does similar camera shots and some knockoff music to simulate the same thing. If only I could introduce Paulie Walnuts to Jeffrey. Laura kicks off her Week of Good Cheer by disdaining the weather and saying that New Jersey looks as awful as it ever did. They pull up to a warehouse loading dock and wait for the door to open. They spend a little too much time trying to build up suspense, here. I mean, it's a loading dock in industrial New Jersey. I don't think there's going to be a field of sunflowers beyond that door. Naturally, it's big piles of garbage. Well, not exactly garbage; it's recyclable materials like plastic, newspaper, etc. Kudos to the Americans that filled this place up. That's a lot of stuff that's not going into a landfill. Robert is not pleased that these are going to be the materials to work with. The designers suit up in yellow Day Glo vests and hats and get to work. Each person gets three of those large, green bins to fill with materials. Thirty minutes to get materials, then some additional time at an art supply store.
Michael says this challenge will force him and the other designers to "think outside of the box". He can start by not using that horrible, trite phrase. Everyone gets started. People grab various bits of paper and Mylar. Laura interviews that the only thing close to fabric were the "For Peanuts Only" bags. Jeffrey loads up on magazines. Kayne spends a long time collecting plastic bottle caps. Vincent says he wants to make art, because it's so contradictory to trash. Because art can never look trashy. Alison finds working with material other than fabric inspiring. Time runs out. Michael lays down a beat-box rhythm, and Laura pumps her arms like she's about to break out rapping. She is, of course, completely lame at it, and Michael begs her to stop. Hehehehe. Back in Manhattan, the designers have fifteen minutes and $25 to spend at the art supply store. Jeffrey gets some acrylic paint. Apparently, this is the largest art store ever, because Tim uses the intercom to tell everyone that time is up, and to meet him at the front door.
Back in the workroom, the designers have ten hours until the deadline. Not the Day One deadline. The deadline. Ouch. Heidi wasn't kidding about the tough challenges. The designers freak out a little bit. Work montage. Alison interviews that there's no room for error when you have a challenge as short as this one. Angela plans to fall back onto her strength in patchwork. Probably a good idea. Before Angela was exposed as a famewhoring nimrod with bad taste, Gnat and I were very impressed with her patchwork stuff. Michael lets the materials he selected settle into their own shape, rather than trying to wrangle them into something else, because they're so stiff. Smart. Vincent interviews that he just "lets things evolve". Darwin comes back from the dead to smack Vincent in the face. Or that's just something I daydreamed. Laura interviews that Vincent isn't mentally stable, and is going to crack any day now. Well, I certainly hope so, because if he doesn't, there would have been no point in keeping his untalented ass on the show for so freaking long.
Seven hours left. Robert and Kayne settle in for a very quick dinner. Robert wants to trash talk someone. He doesn't even care who. Hehehe. They settle on Laura. After ripping on her for a bit, Kayne admits that her dress is cute. Robert says that she's folded the bag's "For Peanuts Only" stamp over so that it reads "For Nuts Only". Hehehe. Robert says that the dress looks like a straitjacket, which is entirely suitable for Laura. Zing! Of course, Robert doesn't dare say something like that to Laura's face, because he knows that she would end him. Jeffrey interviews that Laura's dress bores him to tears. Yes, I imagine it would, seeing as how it's, you know, A DRESS. It's not a shredded wad of fug meant as a commentary on all of those bourgeois people who want to wear attractive clothing. I mean it's not as if Laura's beaten Jeffrey into the ground in every single challenge so far. Oh, wait. Really, I can't put it any better than the guys at Project Rungay. I wish I were an eighth as funny as they are. Anyway, work montage. Alison interviews that she put together some striped pieces of paper, thinking it would be pretty. Which it is, but she discovers that stiff paper isn't so easy to sew into a flexible garment. She says that it's starting to look awful. Rut roh.
Commercials. OK, Orbitz. The fake game show thing? Not a bad idea. Maybe even a little clever. At first. But let me pull you aside for a second. It's played out now. You're like the guy who keeps telling the same joke at parties, and now all you're getting are pity chuckles. Time to go back to the drawing board. Please.
Five hours until deadline. Robert describes the challenge. Yes, thanks. We've been watching. He goes on to say that he himself recycles. Paper. Plastic. Ex-boyfriends. Heh. Kayne fusses about the deadline. He has painted the biggest, brightest, tackiest flower ever onto his dress. Alison tells Laura she had a mini freakout. There's a shot of Alison trying to make her stiff paper skirt work. Eek. No wonder she freaked out. It looks like she's wearing an Art Deco lampshade around her waist. She decides to change her design. She crinkles paper, and says she's going to make it into a voluminous skirt. She wants to be sure she can continue on in the competition, because "designing clothes is my life". Aw, don't worry, Alison. You've got a good track record. I mean, it's not as if they'd kick you off just so they can hang onto a talentless weirdo on the off chance he'll go on a ratings-boosting tirade. Kayne hangs his skirt on the dress form. Um. Wow. Aside from the gigantic, lime green flower, the bottle caps he picked up have been painted green and stuck onto it. Everyone realizes that it looks like ass. Even Kayne. He interviews that it looked like a toad exploded all over it. Laura disdains it twice in interviews, and says that Kayne could be in serious trouble.
Jeffrey's excited to work with newspaper. Well, sure. Fabric is so pedestrian. Not hardcore like him. He interviews that he's got this challenge in the bag. He may be half kidding, but it's probably still a mix of delusion and infinite self-satisfaction. Michael pins his name on his outfit from last week on the Fashion Wall of Fame. He says that he auditioned for Season 2, but didn't make it, and vowed to make it onto the show and win. OK, then. That seemed out of place. Anyway, with two hours left, we are reintroduced to the Designer Going Crazy music. Yes, it's time to check in with Vincent. He sorts through his material. Laura puts it best. "I'm not crazy about Vincent's design. It's just sort of this white, strapless, long sheath dress, and he just glued garbage all over the front of it." She's right. Hey, isn't this, like, the seventh interview from Laura tonight where she's all "This other designer sucks"? Why is she so cranky?
With an hour and a half left, Tim checks in. He loves Uli's dress, which is interwoven paper and Mylar strips. It really is awesome. Tim is also impressed with the way that Jeffrey's newspaper dress is coming along. Vincent's dress is hideous, of course, so Tim takes a couple of moments to pick out some criticism that would be constructive, rather than "Wow, this sucks." He settles on telling Vincent that he doesn't like that the front of the dress is "decorated", but not the back. He says it makes it look like a moving painting, and that's not good. Michael's top gets Tim's seal of approval, but the skirt is too bland. Alison shows Tim her crinkled paper dress. He's concerned, because Alexandra is larger than the other models, so cinching the waist in an attractive way will be difficult. There's an obvious overdub in which Tim "says" that Alison needs to consider the dress matching the specific model, I guess intimating that this would look better on someone else. I'm still not buying, producers. Tim approaches Kayne's dress with horror. He says that he's disappointed, and that it looks like a high school craft project. He builds and builds, and finally reaches the point where he tells Kayne to just throw out the bottom entirely. Robert is concerned about Kayne's progress. Tim tells everyone they've got an hour left. Kayne interviews that he's not even thinking about the win at this point; just getting through to the next round.
Commercials. I don't know about Kara Janx's assertion that botanical gardens are "feminine", but who cares? I love her!
Kayne frets over Tim hating his dress, and tells us he has one hour to throw together a new one. He goes for his stash of Mylar. Jeffrey paints. Vincent throws more tacky shit onto his tacky dress. Kayne puts together another skirt, which is just as awful as the one he threw away. He's stressed. Alison is equally stressed, and is worried about tomorrow's runway show. Time runs out. The designers drag their weary asses into their apartments. Kayne worries some more. He interviews that there's no way he's going to win the challenge unless the judges smoke crack before the runway show. Little does he know that he just may have nailed it on that score. Everyone goes to bed. Michael's clapper doesn't work. Or he's too tired to realize that his lamp's not hooked up to one.
Morning. Laura tries to talk herself out of bed. I do that all the time. The difference being that she actually succeeds. She's extremely confident about not being eliminated. Normally, I'd say she's tempting Fate, but she's totally right. There are too many disastrous dresses for the judges to worry about any little lapses she may have made. Vincent is equally confident. God knows why. They head out for the workroom. Tim enters and says that they'll have two hours to finish up and prep their models. The models come in. Clarissa rips part of Angela's outfit off, saying there's no way. Either it really doesn't fit, or something's poking Clarissa in the naughty bits. Nazri, Camilla, and Danielle the Sevenhead also look extremely uncomfortable. Who would have thought that wearing trash would be so difficult? They actually feel the need to explain to us through a Robert interview why it's difficult to wear dresses made out of paper or cardboard or whatever.
The models get styled. Kayne wants a "crazy, kooky" look for Amanda. Alison and the stylists work out a giant hair bow for Alexandra. Laura rolls her eyes. Guess she didn't sleep off whatever bitchy spell she's going through. Jeffrey's stylist marvels over his newspaper dress. Amanda's makeup looks ridiculous. Once again, let's head over to Laura. She says that Kayne and Alison's styling choices were frighteningly awful. While waiting for the show backstage, Laura asks about the makeup Kayne chose for Amanda. He says he picked it out of stress. She says she "worries about his choices". See, this is where Laura's crossing the line from hilariously snarky to outright mean. He icily responds that he "worries about her character". Camilla, sitting between them, tries to laugh along good-naturedly, but you can tell she's looking for the nearest escape route. Kayne reminds Laura he was in the top three last week, and she agrees that it was a beautiful outfit. Just as when Keith was kicked out, Kayne takes the argument farther than it needed to go and snaps that he's not going to be denigrated on camera. Yeah, what do these people think this is? A reality show? Why can't you all have the honor and good grace to denigrate people behind their backs, like Kayne does? Five minutes until the runway show. Alison interviews that Alexandra doesn't have much of a waist, so the point where the dress is supposed to cinch in is just shapelessly hanging straight down instead. She tells Alexandra to be careful not to rip it. Vincent has Jia walk, and says that his outfit "gets him off". That's fucking narsty. I'd be willing to put Things That Get Vincent Off on the top fifty of my "Facts I Never Needed Or Wanted To Know" list. Easily. Time runs out.
Commercials. You know the best way to sell tequila? Have fictional women discuss what they like shoved up their vaginas.
Runway. Heidi comes out looking much better than she did at the beginning of the show. She explains the whole challenge again, and hopes to see some innovation and creativity in the outfits. Michael and Nina are present to judge, and today's guest judge is "celebrity" "stylist" Rachel Zoe. I'm going to have some real problems with this judging, so let's get the little nitpick out of the way first. Rachel Zoe sucks ass. She was a horrible guest judge on America's Next Top Model, and I wouldn't trust her to dress a salad. Let's start the show. We begin with Lindsay, in Uli's dress. It's super-pretty. The base is muslin (everyone gets that as a base fabric when working with difficult materials like these or that plant challenge last season), and there are strips of metallic Mylar woven in. The dress poofs out at the bottom to form a little bell. So cute. Next is Clarissa, in Angela's dress, which we haven't seen a stitch of since the very beginning. It's...really odd, and hard to describe. There's an undergarment of Mylar, forming a sort of bathing suit. Then, there's an apron or smock made of graphic prints around Clarissa's neck that hangs down and reveals only parts of the Mylar beneath. I don't like it, but I will say that it's creative and innovative, which is what Heidi said they were looking for.
Michael dress, modeled by Nazri. The skirt is a white peanut sack, the top is a fitted corset made of gold Mylar, and there's a plastic tarp around the neck, forming a kind of stole or wrap. The top is really well-made, but other than that, it's unremarkable. Jia, in Vincent's dress. It's fucking ridiculously ugly, as always. It's made of white construction paper, which means Jia can barely move. Then Vincent glued bits of confetti and black plastic on. That's it. He once again voices-over that it "got him off". Oh my God, shut up. I really think I dislike Vincent more than Jeffrey at this point. Jeffrey's obnoxious and arrogant, and his aesthetic... Well, the nicest way I could put it is that his aesthetic is not to my tastes. But at least Jeffrey tries to do something different and interesting each week. He really attempts to make what he considers cool clothing. Vincent throws random shit on random fabric and calls it a day. He's worse than Lupe was, and has already outlasted her. It's moronic.
Next is Danielle the Sevenhead in Robert's dress. It's made entirely of silver Mylar strips, and is very cool. Nothing like working with odd materials to break him out of that "boring" rut. It's a knee-length cocktail dress with a ruffle at the bottom. Were this made out of fabric, it might have been a little plain, but the Mylar makes it look well-made, wearable, and attractive. On the other hand, knock it off with the putting bows on every single outfit, Robert. Brace yourself. Here comes Marilinda in Jeffrey's dress, and... I really, really like it. You would never be able to tell it's made out of magazine pages and newspaper. It's a sleeveless dress with a bell-like swoop bottom, and there's a large "belt". It makes Marilinda appear as if she just sprang out of a comic book, and the look really works for her. Plus, as with Robert's, she has absolutely no issue walking and moving at all. Of course, I could sit here and praise it all day, and still not reach the level of admiration that Jeffrey himself has, because as nice as this outfit is, he's still an intolerable dickhead.
Camilla, in Laura's dress. Once again, it's in the exact same style she always does, which once again means that it's lovely. It's a fairly simple sleeveless dress made out of peanut sack, and there is a waistband of black plastic strips. What's really remarkable is that she's created a rose at the waist made out of the same plastic strips, and it is beautiful. The judges seem to enjoy the "For Nuts Only" joke stamped across Camilla's ass. Here comes Alexandra in Alison's outfit. It doesn't look very good at all. It's made of crinkled, yellow paper that poofs out, which makes the model look messy and oddly-shaped. The hair bow doesn't really do Alexandra any favors, either. Finally, we have Amanda in Kayne's outfit. It's the worst one he's done so far. The top is made of construction paper that he's tinted in two shades of green, and the skirt is a giant flower of silver Mylar. It's really tacky. At least Kayne is not delusional like Vincent, and recognizes that the outfit sucks. He hopes that the silhouette and fit are enough to squeeze him through to the next round.
The designers step onto the runway. The judges tabulate their scores. Step forward when called. Alison. Kayne. Laura. Vincent. Michael. Jeffrey. If she hasn't called your name, you're safe. The three safe designers leave. OK, right away we have a problem here. It's not hard to pick out who the top and bottom three are in these six, right? Michael doesn't belong on either end. His outfit was fine as far as construction goes, but the overall effect was pretty bland. Assuming he's in the top three, Uli should really be in his place right now. The models emerge. The judges start with Michael. He explains that he tried to think of his materials as the fabrics they represent. The judges love it. They love the fit, the design, the innovation. Everything. Listen, I like Michael too, but really. This piece is not that good. Vincent. He explains his materials. Michael Kors points out that she can hardly move, so a minidress would have been smarter. Vincent says that what matters is that the dress "turns him on", so that's three times he's referenced the fact that he's sexually charged by his own subpar work. ELIMINATE HIM, YOU FUCKING FUCKS. He's told that no matter how excited he is by his own design, it has to be functional, which this is not. Heidi gives him a point for innovation. Yes, I suppose it can be a bit innovative to make something so ugly that anyone with a modicum of taste would never consider making it.
Laura. She says that she was trying to create an "elegant joke". The judges love it, and Jeffrey rolls his eyes. Shut up, ass. Michael thinks the outfit is impeccable. Kayne tells the judges he put all his eggs in one basket at the recycling plant, and sort of trapped himself. That still doesn't excuse him in the judges' eyes, and Nina tells him that his outfit looks like a costume. Rachel does appreciate the intricacy, given that he whipped this outfit together so quickly, but Heidi points out the poor styling choices in hair and makeup, which is true. It looks dumb. Michael tells him that he really stepped over the boundary of taste. Kayne closes his eyes, trying to wish this challenge away. Jeffrey describes the flexibility of his outfit. Nina tells him he did a great job. Michael says that it was the only dress that was actually capable of movement as it came down the runway. He goes on to say that it's ugly/beautiful, which is very much Jeffrey's aesthetic. Part of me really hopes that Michael meant that as a subtle burn on Jeffrey. Still, I can't disagree with any of that praise. It really is a great outfit. Alison talks about sculpting her paper. Heidi says Alexandra looks huge and unflattering, and hates the hair bow. Michael is particularly struck that the dress is so poorly fit, given that it was done by a female designer. So it's OK if a male designer makes a horribly fit dress, because he couldn't possibly understand how to work around boobies and coochies? Um... The judges go onto say that they don't see any innovation in the dress. Alison looks crushed. The designers are dismissed.
Deliberations. Laura's was great. The judges practically have orgasms over Michael's outfit, and I still don't get it. Kayne's was horrible, and looked like a Christmas ornament. They do say that he's very good at construction, so it looks like past challenge performances are being considered. Let's keep that in mind for a few minutes. Jeffrey's was draped well, and the belt was genius. Vincent's was stiff and distasteful. Alison's was a nightmare. Heidi says that Alexandra looked like a fat Minnie Mouse. Ouch! The judges make a decision, and the designers are brought back out.
This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: As far as I know, Vincent has never kicked a puppy under a cement mixer. There. That's as nice as I'm going to be towards that waste of organs.
Elimination. Laura is in. And now for this week's winner. Michael. Bullshit. Angela celebrates his win backstage, because how else will she get the cameras on her? Jeffrey is in, and is told he came up "just short". Bullshit. I hate Jeffrey's guts, but he far and away deserved this win. He goes on to be extremely graceless about it in an interview, so I'm not going to waste any time feeling sorry for him. Kayne is in. "But just barely" is badly dubbed in. That leaves Vincent and Alison.
Let's look at this objectively. True, this is the worst outfit Alison's ever turned in. But she's ranged from good to stellar in previous challenges, which Kayne was just saved by, and while the outfit is unflattering, it's not that bad. Vincent has ranged from offensively terrible to passably bad in previous challenges. He has absolutely no business making it this far, and this is the perfect opportunity to finally be rid of him. So what do the judges do? Eliminate Alison. After all, Vincent is so lovably wacky! BULLSHIT. As with the lingerie challenge, this was probably done for drama's sake, rather than based on talent. But there's a big difference here. Santino was both legitimately talented and legitimately interesting. People hated him, but they loved to hate him. Vincent is just flat-out horrible, and boringly incompetent. It is unconscionable that he has outlasted Stacey and Malan and Katie and Keith and Bonnie and Bradley and Alison. He'll probably outlast fucking Laura. Looks like Kayne was right about the judges smoking crack. This is probably the most fucked-up elimination this show has ever had.
Backstage, Laura flips out. She yells at Vincent that Jia couldn't walk in that dress. Vincent attempts a weak comeback by telling Laura to shove cigarettes up her nose. Ooh, zing! It must be razor-sharp repartee like that that's kept Vincent around [I have no idea what kind of spasm my brain went through to think he was talking about cigarettes instead of jewelry. But still. Shove [blank] up your nose? Is he seven? -- Limecrete] Laura's probably just as fed up with Vincent as I am, but the spat still essentially overshadows Alison's good-bye, which is not cool. Kayne tells them basically that, which I appreciate. Of course, he's a drama queen, so he makes it sound like Alison's being sent to the gas chamber instead of being eliminated from a reality show, but his heart's in the right place. Jeffrey has an especially hard time, since Alison was pretty much the only person who can stand him. Alison interviews that she's going to keep on designing, and that we'll be seeing her clothes popping up all over the place. I hope so. She didn't deserve this booting.
Next week on Project Bullshit Eliminations: Creating a look for the "everyday" woman. Gnat guesses Martha Stewart, which would be totally awesome. Angela fucks something up, as always.
Overall Grade (pre-judging): B-
Overall Grade (post-judging): D-
Previously on Project Runway: Modernizing a fashion icon's look. Model swarm. Michael was thrilled to get Pam motherfuckin' Grier, while Bradley floundered with Cher. Jeffrey told Angela she should fix her own mistakes, but unfortunately made his argument so obnoxiously that it was hard to side with him. Laura snapped at him, but I'm sure she'll be much more agreeable tonight. Michael won the challenge, leaving Kayne with an even tighter face than he had before. And poor, sweet Bradley was sent back home. Nine designers remain. Who will be out tonight?
Opening credits. Wow, how grateful am I that Keith doesn't utter a word?
Morning. Michael brushes his almost non-existent hair and moustache with a giant hairbrush. Hehehe. He's proud of himself for winning the previous challenge. In the other men's room, Vincent tells us that judging is very subjective, and can go pretty much any direction. Not to give too much away, but I'm guessing that's a preemptive excuse about this episode on the producers' part. I'm not buying, fuckers. Speaking of not buying, Vincent goes on to say that cashing out his 401K and quitting a job to come on the show was risky, but that he has the talent and construction abilities to make pretty dresses. Sure, what woman wouldn't want to look like an escaped mental patient? Alison shows Uli some anti-stress cream she's bought, and it's already more than half empty. Hehehe. Looks like all the remaining women have been moved into the same room at some point. Welcome to having Angela as a roommate!
Runway. Heidi emerges, looking like she just left her audition for Beetlejuice. She just does not look as good as she did last season. I wonder if Kara Saun is still designing her runway outfits? I doubt it. We're back to the Pointless Model Selection format, which means Nazri and Katie come out. Michael obviously sticks with Nazri, so baby-faced Katie is going back to the sandbox. Bye, Katie! Laura looks pained. Heidi tells the designers that the challenges have been pretty easy so far. Angela instantly disagrees, because it was really hard for her to ride Vincent, Laura, and Michael's coattails. Moron. Heidi insists that compared to last season, the challenges have been easier. Well, the first few challenges in the last season were making a normal dress, making an outfit out of a pre-existing outfit, making a Barbie outfit, making lingerie, and making a party dress. Seems pretty comparable to me. The designers aren't swayed. Alison turns to Jeffrey with a knowing nod and a smile. See? I told you! Heidi tells the designers that the next few challenges are going to be tough. The designers are filled with dread.
Evening. And suddenly...morning! 5AM to be precise. I think I'd strangle Tim if he tried to get me up and designing at that hour. Tim wakes everyone up and tells them they have an hour to get ready for a field trip. Oh, and no open-toed shoes. Are they coming to my lab? People get dressed. As they leave, Alison remarks to Laura that it's a good thing she's wearing her riding outfit, in case the challenge has to do with horses. Oooh, burn! Good one, Alison. Everyone piles into a van, which makes its way into New Jersey. Alison says that she was quietly humming the Sopranos theme song to herself. She is on fire this morning! And indeed, the show does similar camera shots and some knockoff music to simulate the same thing. If only I could introduce Paulie Walnuts to Jeffrey. Laura kicks off her Week of Good Cheer by disdaining the weather and saying that New Jersey looks as awful as it ever did. They pull up to a warehouse loading dock and wait for the door to open. They spend a little too much time trying to build up suspense, here. I mean, it's a loading dock in industrial New Jersey. I don't think there's going to be a field of sunflowers beyond that door. Naturally, it's big piles of garbage. Well, not exactly garbage; it's recyclable materials like plastic, newspaper, etc. Kudos to the Americans that filled this place up. That's a lot of stuff that's not going into a landfill. Robert is not pleased that these are going to be the materials to work with. The designers suit up in yellow Day Glo vests and hats and get to work. Each person gets three of those large, green bins to fill with materials. Thirty minutes to get materials, then some additional time at an art supply store.
Michael says this challenge will force him and the other designers to "think outside of the box". He can start by not using that horrible, trite phrase. Everyone gets started. People grab various bits of paper and Mylar. Laura interviews that the only thing close to fabric were the "For Peanuts Only" bags. Jeffrey loads up on magazines. Kayne spends a long time collecting plastic bottle caps. Vincent says he wants to make art, because it's so contradictory to trash. Because art can never look trashy. Alison finds working with material other than fabric inspiring. Time runs out. Michael lays down a beat-box rhythm, and Laura pumps her arms like she's about to break out rapping. She is, of course, completely lame at it, and Michael begs her to stop. Hehehehe. Back in Manhattan, the designers have fifteen minutes and $25 to spend at the art supply store. Jeffrey gets some acrylic paint. Apparently, this is the largest art store ever, because Tim uses the intercom to tell everyone that time is up, and to meet him at the front door.
Back in the workroom, the designers have ten hours until the deadline. Not the Day One deadline. The deadline. Ouch. Heidi wasn't kidding about the tough challenges. The designers freak out a little bit. Work montage. Alison interviews that there's no room for error when you have a challenge as short as this one. Angela plans to fall back onto her strength in patchwork. Probably a good idea. Before Angela was exposed as a famewhoring nimrod with bad taste, Gnat and I were very impressed with her patchwork stuff. Michael lets the materials he selected settle into their own shape, rather than trying to wrangle them into something else, because they're so stiff. Smart. Vincent interviews that he just "lets things evolve". Darwin comes back from the dead to smack Vincent in the face. Or that's just something I daydreamed. Laura interviews that Vincent isn't mentally stable, and is going to crack any day now. Well, I certainly hope so, because if he doesn't, there would have been no point in keeping his untalented ass on the show for so freaking long.
Seven hours left. Robert and Kayne settle in for a very quick dinner. Robert wants to trash talk someone. He doesn't even care who. Hehehe. They settle on Laura. After ripping on her for a bit, Kayne admits that her dress is cute. Robert says that she's folded the bag's "For Peanuts Only" stamp over so that it reads "For Nuts Only". Hehehe. Robert says that the dress looks like a straitjacket, which is entirely suitable for Laura. Zing! Of course, Robert doesn't dare say something like that to Laura's face, because he knows that she would end him. Jeffrey interviews that Laura's dress bores him to tears. Yes, I imagine it would, seeing as how it's, you know, A DRESS. It's not a shredded wad of fug meant as a commentary on all of those bourgeois people who want to wear attractive clothing. I mean it's not as if Laura's beaten Jeffrey into the ground in every single challenge so far. Oh, wait. Really, I can't put it any better than the guys at Project Rungay. I wish I were an eighth as funny as they are. Anyway, work montage. Alison interviews that she put together some striped pieces of paper, thinking it would be pretty. Which it is, but she discovers that stiff paper isn't so easy to sew into a flexible garment. She says that it's starting to look awful. Rut roh.
Commercials. OK, Orbitz. The fake game show thing? Not a bad idea. Maybe even a little clever. At first. But let me pull you aside for a second. It's played out now. You're like the guy who keeps telling the same joke at parties, and now all you're getting are pity chuckles. Time to go back to the drawing board. Please.
Five hours until deadline. Robert describes the challenge. Yes, thanks. We've been watching. He goes on to say that he himself recycles. Paper. Plastic. Ex-boyfriends. Heh. Kayne fusses about the deadline. He has painted the biggest, brightest, tackiest flower ever onto his dress. Alison tells Laura she had a mini freakout. There's a shot of Alison trying to make her stiff paper skirt work. Eek. No wonder she freaked out. It looks like she's wearing an Art Deco lampshade around her waist. She decides to change her design. She crinkles paper, and says she's going to make it into a voluminous skirt. She wants to be sure she can continue on in the competition, because "designing clothes is my life". Aw, don't worry, Alison. You've got a good track record. I mean, it's not as if they'd kick you off just so they can hang onto a talentless weirdo on the off chance he'll go on a ratings-boosting tirade. Kayne hangs his skirt on the dress form. Um. Wow. Aside from the gigantic, lime green flower, the bottle caps he picked up have been painted green and stuck onto it. Everyone realizes that it looks like ass. Even Kayne. He interviews that it looked like a toad exploded all over it. Laura disdains it twice in interviews, and says that Kayne could be in serious trouble.
Jeffrey's excited to work with newspaper. Well, sure. Fabric is so pedestrian. Not hardcore like him. He interviews that he's got this challenge in the bag. He may be half kidding, but it's probably still a mix of delusion and infinite self-satisfaction. Michael pins his name on his outfit from last week on the Fashion Wall of Fame. He says that he auditioned for Season 2, but didn't make it, and vowed to make it onto the show and win. OK, then. That seemed out of place. Anyway, with two hours left, we are reintroduced to the Designer Going Crazy music. Yes, it's time to check in with Vincent. He sorts through his material. Laura puts it best. "I'm not crazy about Vincent's design. It's just sort of this white, strapless, long sheath dress, and he just glued garbage all over the front of it." She's right. Hey, isn't this, like, the seventh interview from Laura tonight where she's all "This other designer sucks"? Why is she so cranky?
With an hour and a half left, Tim checks in. He loves Uli's dress, which is interwoven paper and Mylar strips. It really is awesome. Tim is also impressed with the way that Jeffrey's newspaper dress is coming along. Vincent's dress is hideous, of course, so Tim takes a couple of moments to pick out some criticism that would be constructive, rather than "Wow, this sucks." He settles on telling Vincent that he doesn't like that the front of the dress is "decorated", but not the back. He says it makes it look like a moving painting, and that's not good. Michael's top gets Tim's seal of approval, but the skirt is too bland. Alison shows Tim her crinkled paper dress. He's concerned, because Alexandra is larger than the other models, so cinching the waist in an attractive way will be difficult. There's an obvious overdub in which Tim "says" that Alison needs to consider the dress matching the specific model, I guess intimating that this would look better on someone else. I'm still not buying, producers. Tim approaches Kayne's dress with horror. He says that he's disappointed, and that it looks like a high school craft project. He builds and builds, and finally reaches the point where he tells Kayne to just throw out the bottom entirely. Robert is concerned about Kayne's progress. Tim tells everyone they've got an hour left. Kayne interviews that he's not even thinking about the win at this point; just getting through to the next round.
Commercials. I don't know about Kara Janx's assertion that botanical gardens are "feminine", but who cares? I love her!
Kayne frets over Tim hating his dress, and tells us he has one hour to throw together a new one. He goes for his stash of Mylar. Jeffrey paints. Vincent throws more tacky shit onto his tacky dress. Kayne puts together another skirt, which is just as awful as the one he threw away. He's stressed. Alison is equally stressed, and is worried about tomorrow's runway show. Time runs out. The designers drag their weary asses into their apartments. Kayne worries some more. He interviews that there's no way he's going to win the challenge unless the judges smoke crack before the runway show. Little does he know that he just may have nailed it on that score. Everyone goes to bed. Michael's clapper doesn't work. Or he's too tired to realize that his lamp's not hooked up to one.
Morning. Laura tries to talk herself out of bed. I do that all the time. The difference being that she actually succeeds. She's extremely confident about not being eliminated. Normally, I'd say she's tempting Fate, but she's totally right. There are too many disastrous dresses for the judges to worry about any little lapses she may have made. Vincent is equally confident. God knows why. They head out for the workroom. Tim enters and says that they'll have two hours to finish up and prep their models. The models come in. Clarissa rips part of Angela's outfit off, saying there's no way. Either it really doesn't fit, or something's poking Clarissa in the naughty bits. Nazri, Camilla, and Danielle the Sevenhead also look extremely uncomfortable. Who would have thought that wearing trash would be so difficult? They actually feel the need to explain to us through a Robert interview why it's difficult to wear dresses made out of paper or cardboard or whatever.
The models get styled. Kayne wants a "crazy, kooky" look for Amanda. Alison and the stylists work out a giant hair bow for Alexandra. Laura rolls her eyes. Guess she didn't sleep off whatever bitchy spell she's going through. Jeffrey's stylist marvels over his newspaper dress. Amanda's makeup looks ridiculous. Once again, let's head over to Laura. She says that Kayne and Alison's styling choices were frighteningly awful. While waiting for the show backstage, Laura asks about the makeup Kayne chose for Amanda. He says he picked it out of stress. She says she "worries about his choices". See, this is where Laura's crossing the line from hilariously snarky to outright mean. He icily responds that he "worries about her character". Camilla, sitting between them, tries to laugh along good-naturedly, but you can tell she's looking for the nearest escape route. Kayne reminds Laura he was in the top three last week, and she agrees that it was a beautiful outfit. Just as when Keith was kicked out, Kayne takes the argument farther than it needed to go and snaps that he's not going to be denigrated on camera. Yeah, what do these people think this is? A reality show? Why can't you all have the honor and good grace to denigrate people behind their backs, like Kayne does? Five minutes until the runway show. Alison interviews that Alexandra doesn't have much of a waist, so the point where the dress is supposed to cinch in is just shapelessly hanging straight down instead. She tells Alexandra to be careful not to rip it. Vincent has Jia walk, and says that his outfit "gets him off". That's fucking narsty. I'd be willing to put Things That Get Vincent Off on the top fifty of my "Facts I Never Needed Or Wanted To Know" list. Easily. Time runs out.
Commercials. You know the best way to sell tequila? Have fictional women discuss what they like shoved up their vaginas.
Runway. Heidi comes out looking much better than she did at the beginning of the show. She explains the whole challenge again, and hopes to see some innovation and creativity in the outfits. Michael and Nina are present to judge, and today's guest judge is "celebrity" "stylist" Rachel Zoe. I'm going to have some real problems with this judging, so let's get the little nitpick out of the way first. Rachel Zoe sucks ass. She was a horrible guest judge on America's Next Top Model, and I wouldn't trust her to dress a salad. Let's start the show. We begin with Lindsay, in Uli's dress. It's super-pretty. The base is muslin (everyone gets that as a base fabric when working with difficult materials like these or that plant challenge last season), and there are strips of metallic Mylar woven in. The dress poofs out at the bottom to form a little bell. So cute. Next is Clarissa, in Angela's dress, which we haven't seen a stitch of since the very beginning. It's...really odd, and hard to describe. There's an undergarment of Mylar, forming a sort of bathing suit. Then, there's an apron or smock made of graphic prints around Clarissa's neck that hangs down and reveals only parts of the Mylar beneath. I don't like it, but I will say that it's creative and innovative, which is what Heidi said they were looking for.
Michael dress, modeled by Nazri. The skirt is a white peanut sack, the top is a fitted corset made of gold Mylar, and there's a plastic tarp around the neck, forming a kind of stole or wrap. The top is really well-made, but other than that, it's unremarkable. Jia, in Vincent's dress. It's fucking ridiculously ugly, as always. It's made of white construction paper, which means Jia can barely move. Then Vincent glued bits of confetti and black plastic on. That's it. He once again voices-over that it "got him off". Oh my God, shut up. I really think I dislike Vincent more than Jeffrey at this point. Jeffrey's obnoxious and arrogant, and his aesthetic... Well, the nicest way I could put it is that his aesthetic is not to my tastes. But at least Jeffrey tries to do something different and interesting each week. He really attempts to make what he considers cool clothing. Vincent throws random shit on random fabric and calls it a day. He's worse than Lupe was, and has already outlasted her. It's moronic.
Next is Danielle the Sevenhead in Robert's dress. It's made entirely of silver Mylar strips, and is very cool. Nothing like working with odd materials to break him out of that "boring" rut. It's a knee-length cocktail dress with a ruffle at the bottom. Were this made out of fabric, it might have been a little plain, but the Mylar makes it look well-made, wearable, and attractive. On the other hand, knock it off with the putting bows on every single outfit, Robert. Brace yourself. Here comes Marilinda in Jeffrey's dress, and... I really, really like it. You would never be able to tell it's made out of magazine pages and newspaper. It's a sleeveless dress with a bell-like swoop bottom, and there's a large "belt". It makes Marilinda appear as if she just sprang out of a comic book, and the look really works for her. Plus, as with Robert's, she has absolutely no issue walking and moving at all. Of course, I could sit here and praise it all day, and still not reach the level of admiration that Jeffrey himself has, because as nice as this outfit is, he's still an intolerable dickhead.
Camilla, in Laura's dress. Once again, it's in the exact same style she always does, which once again means that it's lovely. It's a fairly simple sleeveless dress made out of peanut sack, and there is a waistband of black plastic strips. What's really remarkable is that she's created a rose at the waist made out of the same plastic strips, and it is beautiful. The judges seem to enjoy the "For Nuts Only" joke stamped across Camilla's ass. Here comes Alexandra in Alison's outfit. It doesn't look very good at all. It's made of crinkled, yellow paper that poofs out, which makes the model look messy and oddly-shaped. The hair bow doesn't really do Alexandra any favors, either. Finally, we have Amanda in Kayne's outfit. It's the worst one he's done so far. The top is made of construction paper that he's tinted in two shades of green, and the skirt is a giant flower of silver Mylar. It's really tacky. At least Kayne is not delusional like Vincent, and recognizes that the outfit sucks. He hopes that the silhouette and fit are enough to squeeze him through to the next round.
The designers step onto the runway. The judges tabulate their scores. Step forward when called. Alison. Kayne. Laura. Vincent. Michael. Jeffrey. If she hasn't called your name, you're safe. The three safe designers leave. OK, right away we have a problem here. It's not hard to pick out who the top and bottom three are in these six, right? Michael doesn't belong on either end. His outfit was fine as far as construction goes, but the overall effect was pretty bland. Assuming he's in the top three, Uli should really be in his place right now. The models emerge. The judges start with Michael. He explains that he tried to think of his materials as the fabrics they represent. The judges love it. They love the fit, the design, the innovation. Everything. Listen, I like Michael too, but really. This piece is not that good. Vincent. He explains his materials. Michael Kors points out that she can hardly move, so a minidress would have been smarter. Vincent says that what matters is that the dress "turns him on", so that's three times he's referenced the fact that he's sexually charged by his own subpar work. ELIMINATE HIM, YOU FUCKING FUCKS. He's told that no matter how excited he is by his own design, it has to be functional, which this is not. Heidi gives him a point for innovation. Yes, I suppose it can be a bit innovative to make something so ugly that anyone with a modicum of taste would never consider making it.
Laura. She says that she was trying to create an "elegant joke". The judges love it, and Jeffrey rolls his eyes. Shut up, ass. Michael thinks the outfit is impeccable. Kayne tells the judges he put all his eggs in one basket at the recycling plant, and sort of trapped himself. That still doesn't excuse him in the judges' eyes, and Nina tells him that his outfit looks like a costume. Rachel does appreciate the intricacy, given that he whipped this outfit together so quickly, but Heidi points out the poor styling choices in hair and makeup, which is true. It looks dumb. Michael tells him that he really stepped over the boundary of taste. Kayne closes his eyes, trying to wish this challenge away. Jeffrey describes the flexibility of his outfit. Nina tells him he did a great job. Michael says that it was the only dress that was actually capable of movement as it came down the runway. He goes on to say that it's ugly/beautiful, which is very much Jeffrey's aesthetic. Part of me really hopes that Michael meant that as a subtle burn on Jeffrey. Still, I can't disagree with any of that praise. It really is a great outfit. Alison talks about sculpting her paper. Heidi says Alexandra looks huge and unflattering, and hates the hair bow. Michael is particularly struck that the dress is so poorly fit, given that it was done by a female designer. So it's OK if a male designer makes a horribly fit dress, because he couldn't possibly understand how to work around boobies and coochies? Um... The judges go onto say that they don't see any innovation in the dress. Alison looks crushed. The designers are dismissed.
Deliberations. Laura's was great. The judges practically have orgasms over Michael's outfit, and I still don't get it. Kayne's was horrible, and looked like a Christmas ornament. They do say that he's very good at construction, so it looks like past challenge performances are being considered. Let's keep that in mind for a few minutes. Jeffrey's was draped well, and the belt was genius. Vincent's was stiff and distasteful. Alison's was a nightmare. Heidi says that Alexandra looked like a fat Minnie Mouse. Ouch! The judges make a decision, and the designers are brought back out.
This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: As far as I know, Vincent has never kicked a puppy under a cement mixer. There. That's as nice as I'm going to be towards that waste of organs.
Elimination. Laura is in. And now for this week's winner. Michael. Bullshit. Angela celebrates his win backstage, because how else will she get the cameras on her? Jeffrey is in, and is told he came up "just short". Bullshit. I hate Jeffrey's guts, but he far and away deserved this win. He goes on to be extremely graceless about it in an interview, so I'm not going to waste any time feeling sorry for him. Kayne is in. "But just barely" is badly dubbed in. That leaves Vincent and Alison.
Let's look at this objectively. True, this is the worst outfit Alison's ever turned in. But she's ranged from good to stellar in previous challenges, which Kayne was just saved by, and while the outfit is unflattering, it's not that bad. Vincent has ranged from offensively terrible to passably bad in previous challenges. He has absolutely no business making it this far, and this is the perfect opportunity to finally be rid of him. So what do the judges do? Eliminate Alison. After all, Vincent is so lovably wacky! BULLSHIT. As with the lingerie challenge, this was probably done for drama's sake, rather than based on talent. But there's a big difference here. Santino was both legitimately talented and legitimately interesting. People hated him, but they loved to hate him. Vincent is just flat-out horrible, and boringly incompetent. It is unconscionable that he has outlasted Stacey and Malan and Katie and Keith and Bonnie and Bradley and Alison. He'll probably outlast fucking Laura. Looks like Kayne was right about the judges smoking crack. This is probably the most fucked-up elimination this show has ever had.
Backstage, Laura flips out. She yells at Vincent that Jia couldn't walk in that dress. Vincent attempts a weak comeback by telling Laura to shove cigarettes up her nose. Ooh, zing! It must be razor-sharp repartee like that that's kept Vincent around [I have no idea what kind of spasm my brain went through to think he was talking about cigarettes instead of jewelry. But still. Shove [blank] up your nose? Is he seven? -- Limecrete] Laura's probably just as fed up with Vincent as I am, but the spat still essentially overshadows Alison's good-bye, which is not cool. Kayne tells them basically that, which I appreciate. Of course, he's a drama queen, so he makes it sound like Alison's being sent to the gas chamber instead of being eliminated from a reality show, but his heart's in the right place. Jeffrey has an especially hard time, since Alison was pretty much the only person who can stand him. Alison interviews that she's going to keep on designing, and that we'll be seeing her clothes popping up all over the place. I hope so. She didn't deserve this booting.
Next week on Project Bullshit Eliminations: Creating a look for the "everyday" woman. Gnat guesses Martha Stewart, which would be totally awesome. Angela fucks something up, as always.
Overall Grade (pre-judging): B-
Overall Grade (post-judging): D-
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Icon-UGH-raphy
Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 5
Previously on Project Runway: Keith got Alison and Jeffrey on his team. Keith made them do all the difficult work. Keith got caught cheating. Keith got tossed out on his ass. Aaaahhhhhhh. Now that we've dispensed with him for the rest of eternity (ooh, except perhaps an awesome reunion show), we've got ourselves a show, here. The rest of the designers soldiered on with their three-piece outfits. "Angela" took the win, by which I mean Angela was the figurehead of the team with Michael and Laura, who really took the win. Robert's outfit was dull, but it was Bonnie who became the latest victim of the normal-people witch hunt, the better to stack the deck with assholes and lunatics. Ten designers remain. Who will be out tonight?
Opening credits. Whatever happened to the bit where Uli claims that her inner bitch is going to come out? That was awesome.
Morning. Jeffrey, you'll be surprised to learn, is annoyed that Angela won the previous challenge, even though he admits that he and Macy's aren't exactly a match made in heaven. Oh, well then I'm sure that once he has a challenge that's tailor-made (no pun intended) to his "ugly-ass deconstructed rags" aesthetic, he'll totally win. Michael is also bemoaning the fact he's never won a challenge. Robert has elimination rather than victory on his mind. He says he needs to prove to the judges that he can make clothes that aren't boring. Didn't Robert start out really strong? What happened to him?
Runway. Heidi comes out to tell the designers about their next challenge. She's already holding the velvet bag, so I sense some model change in the wind. Excellent. All of the models emerge. Heidi tells everyone that indeed, they're going to do things differently this week. The models will be picking the designers instead of vice versa. Sweet! Since there are 12 models and 10 designers, the last two buttons left in the bag will be the two eliminated models. Uh, oh. That sounds dangerous. This means that a legitimately awesome model (such as Nazri or Lindsay) could get booted. Exciting! Let's get to it. First up is Alexandra. She interviews that she wanted to work with someone she hadn't worked with before. She chooses Alison. Clarissa picks Angela. Clarissa must have dug into the funny mushrooms before coming out on stage. Angela opens her mouth into a hideous grin. I think I've pegged what I find most annoying about Angela. She's a camera whore. You can tell that her demeanor instantly changes when the camera's pointed her way, and she starts mugging, which is so irritating.
Anyway. Amanda's next, and she chooses Kayne. Nazri takes Michael. Oooh, that'll be a good pair. Lindsay takes Uli. Oooh, that'll be a good pair also. Danielle the Sevenhead doesn't hesitate for a second, but sticks with her buddy Robert. Marilinda chooses Jeffrey. Now that I think about it, Marilinda is really here by the skin of her teeth. She's been the model for two eliminated designers, and that usually spells doom for a model. Marilinda just keeps on surviving. She's a cockroach! Camilla takes Laura. That means all my favorite models have been spared, so many thanks to Lady Luck. Weird-looking Jia sticks with weird-looking, weird-designing Vincent. So Bradley is last picked yet again. Aw. Katie, Javi, and Katia are still up on stage, and I frankly don't care which two get booted. Heidi pulls Katie's name, so she's with Bradley. Bye, Javi and Katia! I don't have to worry that I'm confusing you with Jia and Katie anymore!
Now for the actual challenge. Heidi explains that the designers will have to modernize the look of a famous fashion icon. There are 10 icons pictured in the workroom, but the designers won't get to choose which icon they'll be working with. Nope, the model has to choose one for them. Awesome. The designers look wary. The models look evilly pleased. The models wander off to change, and Alison turns to Jeffrey to give him a knowing nod and a smile, which I swear happens in every single episode. The models, now actually dressed, meet Tim in the workroom to choose icons. They eye the pictures, trying to figure out which one to snag. Tim tells them that when he says "go", they can choose a picture. Tim won't discover for a few seconds that when you yell "Go!" to a group of people, you should really take a big step away from them first. Clarissa interviews that she was ready to fight for the death to get Audrey Hepburn. Her fingers twitch. Heh. Tim gives the word, and the models swarm all over. Pictures are literally flying up into the air. Now Tim gets the hell out of the way. Hehehehe. Danielle the Sevenhead interviews that she knew it was going to be a fight. Katie, who's too bitty to get into it with her elbows, winds up with the leftover picture. Cher. Ouch. Somewhere, Cher sees herself being chosen last and resolves to have a few more plastic surgeries. Tim gleefully announces that he's never done it this way before, but "Models, I'm sending in the designers!" Tim's so great.
The designers come in. Angela whores for the camera some more by jumping up and down excitedly when Clarissa shows her that she got Audrey Hepburn. Nazri got "Pam motherfuckin' Grier" for Michael. Perfect. Danielle the Sevenhead got Jackie O. for Robert. Perfect. Marilinda got Madonna for Jeffrey. Perfect. If there's someone who can appreciate cracked-out clothing, it's certainly Madonna. Amanda got Marilyn Monroe for Kayne. Perfect. Lindsay got Diana Ross for Uli. While I wouldn't call that a perfect match, an outfit that would look good on Diana Ross would look good on Lindsay, so that was probably the smart choice. Tim interrupts to say that the designers have two days and $150 to complete the outfit. They also have half an hour to talk things over with their models before fabric shopping. Camilla has chosen Katherine Hepburn for Laura. Perfect! These models are some smart cookies. Smart cookies!?!? Man, I've been hanging around with my mom way too much this week. Alexandra has chosen Farrah Fawcett for Alison. While I admit the whole Farrah worship thing was before my time, was she really considered a fashion icon? I thought her defining trendsetting had to do with her hairstyle. Whatever. Jia has picked Twiggy for Vincent. Poor Twiggy. And Bradley? "I don't know shit about Cher," he despairs. Does that mean he's straight? Suck. He and Katie try and work out what to do, and he interviews that he should probably start paying more attention to celebrities. Hehehe. Oh, Bradley.
Let's all go to the fabric store. Man, I feel like I know Mood like the back of my hand now. Michael selects a hot pink fabric. He's excited about the challenge. Robert gets some fabric that he calls pale turquoise, but it looks more baby blue on my screen. It's pretty. He continues to worry about making boring clothes. Back at the workroom, the designers have seven hours until the end of the day. Kayne is adorably pumped for his Marilyn Monroe dress. He's already finished part of the outfit, which is black leather, and looks like it's going to be wonderful. Uli frets that she's the only one using crazy colored print fabric for once. Hahaha. Vincent says something about bell-like sleeves or whatever. It's getting to the point where Vincent's voice is like the adults in Peanuts. Three hours later, people are plugging away in the sewing room. Bradley asks Angela what's up with one of the machines, and she says that she re-thread it. Apparently, she did a suck ass job, because nothing's coming out right. She tries to play the "hey, it's just broken" card, but Bradley's not buying. He switches over to Alison's machine, so when she comes in, she's got nowhere to work. People grouse about it, and Angela actually comes in to complain that people are badmouthing her, because it's not like she broke the machine! The evil machine-breaking elf did it!
Jeffrey sees that his pal Alison is without a machine, and is not happy about it. He interviews that Angela and "the rest of these inexperienced assholes" ruined it for the people who know what they're doing. Why is he making that plural? Who's an inexperienced asshole who ruined everything besides Angela? He yells at her that even if she didn't physically break it, if it goes wrong while she's on it, she's the one who needs to be responsible to fix it. He says it has nothing to do with whether or not he likes her (although I suspect it's more personal than he's letting on -- think he'd screech at Alison like this?), but she needs to take responsibility. Angela just yells at him to shut up. The fight then does proceed into the "Well, you're a doodyhead!" territory, and Laura, who thought she had left her children behind, only to find this new pack of brats, leaps into the fray. "If you're so fucking successful, and you know so much, what are you doing here, Jeff?" He's like "Am I even fighting with you? Huh?" He starts imitating Laura by quacking a lot in an interview. He thinks this is funny. It is not.
Still? The first time I saw this episode, I was all like "Oh, here goes Jeffrey again, with his infuriating rampant sense of entitlement." But on seeing this again, I'm dismayed to say that while he's as insufferable a jerk as always, at the core, he's right. I really don't understand how these sewing machine arguments break out time and time again if everyone is assigned their own. Angela was on Bradley's machine. Why? Where is hers? She probably broke it, then moved on to Bradley's. It also broke, or she broke it. So without fixing it, telling anyone it was broken, or asking if it was OK to use someone else's, she just leaps ahead and leaves her mess behind for someone else to find. Then she has the gall to be angry when someone calls her on it? What a goddamned bitch. Laura's argument was basically "Jeffrey's an asshole." Which he is. Plus, throwing a big "Oh, woe is me to be surrounded by such fools" tantrum certainly doesn't raise him in my estimation. But that doesn't make him wrong about Angela.
Commercials. Graceful elephants make me want to drink gin. Or something.
Back in the workroom, Michael is unhappy that everyone is ganging up on Angela for "thrills and giggles". That is very sweet of him, but with respect, that's not why they're ganging up on her, he wasn't even there to see why people are mad at her, and I daresay he wouldn't be rainbows and sunshine if she'd fucked up his sewing machine. On the other hand, he interviews that he's not trying to play "Captain Save-A-Ho", which is possibly the funniest thing ever uttered on this show. Jeffrey points out the domino effect of people having to work on other people's machines now that she's ruined one. Well if she re-thread it incorrectly, why not just fix it yourself? She didn't smash it with a mallet. Michael isn't interested in fighting with anyone, so he backs off. He interviews that there's more tension in the workroom now, but he's trying to stay true to himself. He gives his mom a call. At this point, Gnat and I give each other nervous looks, because we all know what a lot of screentime and a call to Mom can mean on this show. He interviews that his parents have always been big supporters of him being a designer. He signs off by asking his mom to send his love to the rest of the family. Aw.
With fifteen minutes left, Vincent decides that he doesn't like the tan linen fabric he's purchased. I'm glad it only took him six hours and forty-five minutes to figure that out. Robert takes the fabric off his hands to make a jacket for his dress. He says that it will be young and modern. Time runs out. Back at the Atlas, Kayne says that he'll be excited to see Jeffrey and Bradley's dresses. Cause they're Madonna and Cher! Jeez, it's like he's got a checklist of gay stereotypes that he's working his way through. Next to him, I'm practically a lumberjack. Jeffrey says he's looking forward to seeing Laura's. And he grins because ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS? HE SAID HE WANTS TO SEE LAURA'S DRESS, BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE HER, SO IT'S A JOKE. GET IT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! God, he's such a fucking tool.
Morning. Kayne even takes off his sunglasses homosexually. At least he takes them off indoors. He gets about a bazillion points for that. He shows us the sheer, black stretch fabric he's using. OK. Angela blathers something about Audrey Hepburn's style. She's wearing a shirt that reads "B is for BIATCH." Um...ha? Alison says she's modernizing her '70s dress by giving it a high waistband, which is "pretty hawwt reeiat now". I really can't place that accent at all. Bradley's working on a shiny top, and Jeffrey makes another stupid-ass joke, then laughs at his own devastating wit. Can we get five minutes away from your Festival of Hilarity, dude? I mean, you've got me laughing so hard, I need to come up for air. Bradley interviews that he hopes Cher would like the outfit, but he has no trouble making fun of it when Vincent comes over to look. Shortly thereafter, Tim comes in to say that the designers will have fifteen minutes with their models today, so that they can do fittings and whatnot. Usually, the designers don't get to do this until right before the show, so they're happy to hear they can tackle it early this time.
The models come in and get dressed. Michael interviews that when he saw his dress on Nazri, he didn't like it. It was pretty, but that's not what he was going for with this outfit. He decides to try and make some changes to the outfit before the runway show. Meanwhile, Bradley finds that the pants he's made for Katie are far too tight. "Cameltoe!" she exclaims, and I'm surprised this is the first time that word has made an appearance on this show. It's got to happen all the time. As Kayne works on his dress, Amanda talks on and on and on and on about where she went last night and what she ate and who's buying what for her. Kayne looks like he's about to kill her. Or himself. In the sewing room, she continues her neverending stream of chatter. Now Robert and Michael start to get that glazed look in their eyes. After she wanders out of the room, Robert says that he was about to lose his mind. The three of them make twittery noises and crack up. Heh.
Commercials. I'm sorry, but I'm still not willing to treat September 11 as entertainment. I don't care how moving and respectful the film is. I still find it incredibly tacky to be like "Come relive this tragedy! That'll be ten dollars! Don't forget to stock up on Raisinettes!"
As the fittings wrap up, Tim asks everyone to gather. He introduces Nathaniel Hawkins (to us - the designers already know him), the lead stylist who gets the models ready for the show each week. What follows amounts to little more than tedious product placement for hair care products, but he does say that the winner of this week's challenge will have their look captured in an ad for Elle magazine. Everyone's excited. Bradley jokes that he likes the company's hair gel. Let's just skip the rest of this filler segment.
Back in the workroom, there are two hours left. Tim comes back to check on everyone's progress. Robert's up first. To his horror, Tim finds his outfit, in Robert's own words, "incredibly plain". Tim's much happier about Kayne's outfit, encouraging him to include the cascading ruffle Kayne wants to put in. Michael tells Tim he kept the top of his previous dress, but is replacing the skirt with hotpants. Tim responds that he hates hotpants, but can't deny that they're back in style. Bradley's shiny top is a real problem. It's like "armor" or the "Tin Woodsman in the Wizard of Oz". I'm surprised there isn't a shot of Kayne's head whipping around at the mention of what is no doubt his favorite movie. With thirty minutes left, there's a final work montage. Don't even tell me Angela's putting another one of her goddamned rosettes on her dress. Robert works on details that "no one will ever see or appreciate". Michael worries that Nina will instantly hate his hotpants. And....time's up.
Morning. The designers strut around in varying states of undress. I'm afraid none of them are good-looking enough for this to thrill me. Well, Alison and Bradley are, but one is on the wrong team, and one never wanders around with his shirt off. Michael says he needs to get a lot done before the show. Workroom. Models. Two hours to get ready. Standard operating procedure. Models get fitted. Michael goes into a whirlwind to get his pants done. Robert is disappointed in his outfit. Amanda actually babbles to the point where Kayne tells her to shut up, which was pretty damn rude. He pledges to use her again in the future, since she's such a good model, but wants to duct tape her mouth shut. Michael finishes up the pants. Hair and makeup get done. Jeffrey tells the stylist he doesn't want Marilinda to look like a hooker. Because Madonna would certainly never appear in an outfit of questionable taste. Showtime. Robert says that his linen dress is wrinkling like crazy. Go figure. He interviews that he needs a miracle.
Commercials. I'm not sure an entire movie can be built around David Duchovny getting racked in the balls.
Runway. Heidi explains the whole challenge again, saying that the winner of this challenge will not receive immunity. She introduces the judges. Michael Kors is finally back. Nina, of course. And today's guest judge is Diane Von Furstenberg, who was an excellent guest judge last season, so yay. Let's hit it! Up first is Alexandra, in Alison's dress. Eh, I find it pretty unremarkable. It's a white skirt with some ruffle at the bottom, and a chocolate brown sleeveless top. The top is V-necked down to the bellybutton, and the inner seam is laced with white ruffle. See, I told you Farrah Fawcett was useless as design inspiration. Next up in Katie in Bradley's Cher outfit. It's...not pretty. The top is shiny, reflective material, almost like aluminum foil. It's got short sleeves and comes down to the midriff. The bottom is composed of simple white pants (with some extra straps) that are too tight. Next is Clarissa in Angela's Audrey Hepburn dress. It's fairly boring. It's a tight-fitting black textured dress with black ruffle at the bottom. I will say that I really like the way it's fit in the back. It gives Clarissa a very classic, rounded look.
Next is Amanda in Kayne's Marilyn Monroe dress. It's great. I'm not wild about the color combination, but the design is terrific. There's a black, fur boa draped around her shoulders, and the dress is a sleeveless V-neck in see-through black fabric over...brown? White? Nothing? It's impossible to tell through the black. The whole thing is accented with black leather, and the cascading ruffle Kayne talked about earlier. It's a terrific outfit, and Amanda really sells the Marilyn Monroe image. Camilla in Laura's Katherine Hepburn outfit. It is exactly the same style Laura always does. I don't know if that's a complaint or not, because the exact same style Laura always does is beautiful. This is a collared pink top with some flowing straps hanging down, and tight tan pants. Laura voices-over that she likes her outfit, but is concerned because it's not as dramatic an icon as some of the others have. Sigh. Jia in Vincent's Twiggy dress. One shoulder is black. The other is a bright plaid, which comes down to form the rest of the thigh-length dress. There are crescent moon-shaped pockets, a wide belt, and black leggings. The only good thing about it is the choice of that plaid, which is very Twiggyesque. Next is Nazri, in Michael's Pam Grier outfit. It's awesome. It's hot pink, sleeveless, and opens to show some skin in the middle, but is held closed by a belt. Beneath that is a short ruffle, which overlays the hotpants a little.
Next is Danielle the Sevenhead in Robert's Jackie Onassis outfit. Er. First of all, what happened to that lovely light blue fabric he bought? I know he borrowed the tan linen from Vincent, but the top underneath the tan jacket is dark blue. I can't even really see the top, because of the jacket. And about that jacket. It looks disturbingly similar to the messy jacket the judges didn't like last week. It's wide, but pulled together at the waist with a thin cord. I hate it. It makes her look like she's wearing a burlap sack. The tan linen skirt is much sharper, but the tan with the tan is exactly the kind of boring Robert is trying to escape. Next is Lindsay in Uli's Diana Ross dress. Lindsay does a little "I'm a star!" pose behind the screen before she comes out. Heh. Uli's dress is very pretty, as always. It's bright purple and the straps cross at the neck before opening a little at the chest to show some cleavage. The bottom is loose and flowing, and there seems to be a muted animal print in the purple. It's cool. Oh, for the love of fuck. We don't need a subtitle to know who this ill-fitting, shredded mess belongs to. Yes, it's Marilinda in Jeffrey's Madonna dress. It's hideous. The top is red leather that doesn't fit in the chest at all. The bottom is a short, black, silky-looking skirt that seems to be sewn onto the top at random places. There are also chunky black boots. Bleh.
The designers step onto the runway, and the judges tabulate their scores. Step forward when called. Alison. Laura. Uli. Jeffrey. If Heidi has called your name... Forty thousand years of silence. Heidi, really. Since you're leaving six behind, and it's obvious that those six are the highest and lowest scores, just say it. Anyway, these four are safe. Duh. Back to the winners and losers. The models emerge. The judges start with Kayne. They love everything about it. Vincent. They ask about his icon, and he says that it's Twiggy. He goes on to describe her by saying things like "Twiggy was incredible. She was such a simple, fun, playful woman..." Meanwhile, Twiggy's watching this over on the set of America's Next Top Model, thinking "Was? Did I die?" Diane becomes my instant hero by saying "First of all, Twiggy is still alive. So let's talk about it in the present tense." LOVE. The judges dislike the outfit. Michael Kors calls out the ugly pockets. Michael Knight describes his bold color choice as a match for Pam Grier's bold personalities in her kickass movies. Heidi thinks it's a very sexy outfit. Diane loves the proportions. Nina and Kors agree that either the top or bottom could be successfully worn separately. Robert looks down, knowing his chance of being in the top three is slim to none at this point.
Bradley. The judges really dislike the outfit, because Cher wears just about anything, so he had a lot to choose from. Michael points out the tight crotch of the pants. Heidi says it's like an old Halloween costume you buy at the mall. Ouch. Angela talks about her fabric's texture. The judges inexplicably love it. Heidi says she'd like a dress like that in every color. I mean, it's certainly not ugly, but huh? Robert. He talks about how tailored and clean Jackie O. always looked, as there's a lingering shot on that awful cord holding the jacket together. Ugh. Nina doesn't like the color or fabric choice. Michael points out that in every decade, Jackie always looked impeccable, neat, and sharp, and that Robert's outfit is nothing like that. I have to agree. The designers are dismissed, and the models are reminded about the magazine spread waiting for the winner.
Deliberations. Nina is never bored with Kayne. Everyone loves his dress. Angela's dress gets more odd raves. Michael's presentation was flawless. To transition into the bottom three, Heidi asks the other judges "Who do we hate?" Yowch. Nina brings up Vincent first. Well, of course. He's consistently sucked since the very beginning. And yet he's STILL HERE. Bradley's outfit had nothing to do with his icon, and was poorly made. Robert's was boring, and the judges are puzzled that he couldn't design for what seems like the perfect icon for him. The judges reach a decision. The designers are brought back out.
This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: The employees at the Einstein Brothers bagel shop near the lab are stupid, rude, and unhelpful, but I was there the other day, and got pretty much the best apple I've ever had in my life.
Elimination. Angela is in. Next up is the winner. And it will be... Michael. Sweet. Kayne tries to give the "it's an honor just to be nominated" smile, but his lips are so pursed, he looks like he's been sucking a lemon for half an hour. Heidi tells Michael his look was perfect, and tells him he's won the ad in Elle magazine. He does a happy little boogie dance. He leaves the runway and gives Nazri the good news. They hug gleefully. Angela senses the camera isn't on her, and joins in the hug. Fuck off, twit. Michael vows to be ready for the next challenge. Back on the runway, Kayne is obviously in. Vincent is in. Sigh. Robert couldn't have chosen a worse fabric, and the judges were bored. Bradley biffed an easy icon, and his outfit was cheap-looking. Robert... Is... In. Heidi says they believe in his talent, but he has to wake them up. Aw, that means Bradley is out. It's understandable, but still a shame. He interviews that this is serious high fashion, and he made a Tinker Toy. Haha. It's things like that I'm going to miss. He says that given his current level, he did what he did. Er...that you did. Good-bye, Bradley. Feel free to come over and watch the rest of the episodes at my place. The episode wraps up by showing us Nazri's photo shoot, which looks like it took place the same day, given that Michael is still in the same outfit he wore for the runway show. They must have armed guards at the door, because there are cameras everywhere, but Angela's not jumping in front of them.
Next week on Project Runway: The next few challenges are going to get tougher. Folks peer under an opening garage door. Robert wants someone to shut up. Laura hates everyone else's outfits.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Project Runway: Keith got Alison and Jeffrey on his team. Keith made them do all the difficult work. Keith got caught cheating. Keith got tossed out on his ass. Aaaahhhhhhh. Now that we've dispensed with him for the rest of eternity (ooh, except perhaps an awesome reunion show), we've got ourselves a show, here. The rest of the designers soldiered on with their three-piece outfits. "Angela" took the win, by which I mean Angela was the figurehead of the team with Michael and Laura, who really took the win. Robert's outfit was dull, but it was Bonnie who became the latest victim of the normal-people witch hunt, the better to stack the deck with assholes and lunatics. Ten designers remain. Who will be out tonight?
Opening credits. Whatever happened to the bit where Uli claims that her inner bitch is going to come out? That was awesome.
Morning. Jeffrey, you'll be surprised to learn, is annoyed that Angela won the previous challenge, even though he admits that he and Macy's aren't exactly a match made in heaven. Oh, well then I'm sure that once he has a challenge that's tailor-made (no pun intended) to his "ugly-ass deconstructed rags" aesthetic, he'll totally win. Michael is also bemoaning the fact he's never won a challenge. Robert has elimination rather than victory on his mind. He says he needs to prove to the judges that he can make clothes that aren't boring. Didn't Robert start out really strong? What happened to him?
Runway. Heidi comes out to tell the designers about their next challenge. She's already holding the velvet bag, so I sense some model change in the wind. Excellent. All of the models emerge. Heidi tells everyone that indeed, they're going to do things differently this week. The models will be picking the designers instead of vice versa. Sweet! Since there are 12 models and 10 designers, the last two buttons left in the bag will be the two eliminated models. Uh, oh. That sounds dangerous. This means that a legitimately awesome model (such as Nazri or Lindsay) could get booted. Exciting! Let's get to it. First up is Alexandra. She interviews that she wanted to work with someone she hadn't worked with before. She chooses Alison. Clarissa picks Angela. Clarissa must have dug into the funny mushrooms before coming out on stage. Angela opens her mouth into a hideous grin. I think I've pegged what I find most annoying about Angela. She's a camera whore. You can tell that her demeanor instantly changes when the camera's pointed her way, and she starts mugging, which is so irritating.
Anyway. Amanda's next, and she chooses Kayne. Nazri takes Michael. Oooh, that'll be a good pair. Lindsay takes Uli. Oooh, that'll be a good pair also. Danielle the Sevenhead doesn't hesitate for a second, but sticks with her buddy Robert. Marilinda chooses Jeffrey. Now that I think about it, Marilinda is really here by the skin of her teeth. She's been the model for two eliminated designers, and that usually spells doom for a model. Marilinda just keeps on surviving. She's a cockroach! Camilla takes Laura. That means all my favorite models have been spared, so many thanks to Lady Luck. Weird-looking Jia sticks with weird-looking, weird-designing Vincent. So Bradley is last picked yet again. Aw. Katie, Javi, and Katia are still up on stage, and I frankly don't care which two get booted. Heidi pulls Katie's name, so she's with Bradley. Bye, Javi and Katia! I don't have to worry that I'm confusing you with Jia and Katie anymore!
Now for the actual challenge. Heidi explains that the designers will have to modernize the look of a famous fashion icon. There are 10 icons pictured in the workroom, but the designers won't get to choose which icon they'll be working with. Nope, the model has to choose one for them. Awesome. The designers look wary. The models look evilly pleased. The models wander off to change, and Alison turns to Jeffrey to give him a knowing nod and a smile, which I swear happens in every single episode. The models, now actually dressed, meet Tim in the workroom to choose icons. They eye the pictures, trying to figure out which one to snag. Tim tells them that when he says "go", they can choose a picture. Tim won't discover for a few seconds that when you yell "Go!" to a group of people, you should really take a big step away from them first. Clarissa interviews that she was ready to fight for the death to get Audrey Hepburn. Her fingers twitch. Heh. Tim gives the word, and the models swarm all over. Pictures are literally flying up into the air. Now Tim gets the hell out of the way. Hehehehe. Danielle the Sevenhead interviews that she knew it was going to be a fight. Katie, who's too bitty to get into it with her elbows, winds up with the leftover picture. Cher. Ouch. Somewhere, Cher sees herself being chosen last and resolves to have a few more plastic surgeries. Tim gleefully announces that he's never done it this way before, but "Models, I'm sending in the designers!" Tim's so great.
The designers come in. Angela whores for the camera some more by jumping up and down excitedly when Clarissa shows her that she got Audrey Hepburn. Nazri got "Pam motherfuckin' Grier" for Michael. Perfect. Danielle the Sevenhead got Jackie O. for Robert. Perfect. Marilinda got Madonna for Jeffrey. Perfect. If there's someone who can appreciate cracked-out clothing, it's certainly Madonna. Amanda got Marilyn Monroe for Kayne. Perfect. Lindsay got Diana Ross for Uli. While I wouldn't call that a perfect match, an outfit that would look good on Diana Ross would look good on Lindsay, so that was probably the smart choice. Tim interrupts to say that the designers have two days and $150 to complete the outfit. They also have half an hour to talk things over with their models before fabric shopping. Camilla has chosen Katherine Hepburn for Laura. Perfect! These models are some smart cookies. Smart cookies!?!? Man, I've been hanging around with my mom way too much this week. Alexandra has chosen Farrah Fawcett for Alison. While I admit the whole Farrah worship thing was before my time, was she really considered a fashion icon? I thought her defining trendsetting had to do with her hairstyle. Whatever. Jia has picked Twiggy for Vincent. Poor Twiggy. And Bradley? "I don't know shit about Cher," he despairs. Does that mean he's straight? Suck. He and Katie try and work out what to do, and he interviews that he should probably start paying more attention to celebrities. Hehehe. Oh, Bradley.
Let's all go to the fabric store. Man, I feel like I know Mood like the back of my hand now. Michael selects a hot pink fabric. He's excited about the challenge. Robert gets some fabric that he calls pale turquoise, but it looks more baby blue on my screen. It's pretty. He continues to worry about making boring clothes. Back at the workroom, the designers have seven hours until the end of the day. Kayne is adorably pumped for his Marilyn Monroe dress. He's already finished part of the outfit, which is black leather, and looks like it's going to be wonderful. Uli frets that she's the only one using crazy colored print fabric for once. Hahaha. Vincent says something about bell-like sleeves or whatever. It's getting to the point where Vincent's voice is like the adults in Peanuts. Three hours later, people are plugging away in the sewing room. Bradley asks Angela what's up with one of the machines, and she says that she re-thread it. Apparently, she did a suck ass job, because nothing's coming out right. She tries to play the "hey, it's just broken" card, but Bradley's not buying. He switches over to Alison's machine, so when she comes in, she's got nowhere to work. People grouse about it, and Angela actually comes in to complain that people are badmouthing her, because it's not like she broke the machine! The evil machine-breaking elf did it!
Jeffrey sees that his pal Alison is without a machine, and is not happy about it. He interviews that Angela and "the rest of these inexperienced assholes" ruined it for the people who know what they're doing. Why is he making that plural? Who's an inexperienced asshole who ruined everything besides Angela? He yells at her that even if she didn't physically break it, if it goes wrong while she's on it, she's the one who needs to be responsible to fix it. He says it has nothing to do with whether or not he likes her (although I suspect it's more personal than he's letting on -- think he'd screech at Alison like this?), but she needs to take responsibility. Angela just yells at him to shut up. The fight then does proceed into the "Well, you're a doodyhead!" territory, and Laura, who thought she had left her children behind, only to find this new pack of brats, leaps into the fray. "If you're so fucking successful, and you know so much, what are you doing here, Jeff?" He's like "Am I even fighting with you? Huh?" He starts imitating Laura by quacking a lot in an interview. He thinks this is funny. It is not.
Still? The first time I saw this episode, I was all like "Oh, here goes Jeffrey again, with his infuriating rampant sense of entitlement." But on seeing this again, I'm dismayed to say that while he's as insufferable a jerk as always, at the core, he's right. I really don't understand how these sewing machine arguments break out time and time again if everyone is assigned their own. Angela was on Bradley's machine. Why? Where is hers? She probably broke it, then moved on to Bradley's. It also broke, or she broke it. So without fixing it, telling anyone it was broken, or asking if it was OK to use someone else's, she just leaps ahead and leaves her mess behind for someone else to find. Then she has the gall to be angry when someone calls her on it? What a goddamned bitch. Laura's argument was basically "Jeffrey's an asshole." Which he is. Plus, throwing a big "Oh, woe is me to be surrounded by such fools" tantrum certainly doesn't raise him in my estimation. But that doesn't make him wrong about Angela.
Commercials. Graceful elephants make me want to drink gin. Or something.
Back in the workroom, Michael is unhappy that everyone is ganging up on Angela for "thrills and giggles". That is very sweet of him, but with respect, that's not why they're ganging up on her, he wasn't even there to see why people are mad at her, and I daresay he wouldn't be rainbows and sunshine if she'd fucked up his sewing machine. On the other hand, he interviews that he's not trying to play "Captain Save-A-Ho", which is possibly the funniest thing ever uttered on this show. Jeffrey points out the domino effect of people having to work on other people's machines now that she's ruined one. Well if she re-thread it incorrectly, why not just fix it yourself? She didn't smash it with a mallet. Michael isn't interested in fighting with anyone, so he backs off. He interviews that there's more tension in the workroom now, but he's trying to stay true to himself. He gives his mom a call. At this point, Gnat and I give each other nervous looks, because we all know what a lot of screentime and a call to Mom can mean on this show. He interviews that his parents have always been big supporters of him being a designer. He signs off by asking his mom to send his love to the rest of the family. Aw.
With fifteen minutes left, Vincent decides that he doesn't like the tan linen fabric he's purchased. I'm glad it only took him six hours and forty-five minutes to figure that out. Robert takes the fabric off his hands to make a jacket for his dress. He says that it will be young and modern. Time runs out. Back at the Atlas, Kayne says that he'll be excited to see Jeffrey and Bradley's dresses. Cause they're Madonna and Cher! Jeez, it's like he's got a checklist of gay stereotypes that he's working his way through. Next to him, I'm practically a lumberjack. Jeffrey says he's looking forward to seeing Laura's. And he grins because ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS? HE SAID HE WANTS TO SEE LAURA'S DRESS, BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE HER, SO IT'S A JOKE. GET IT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! God, he's such a fucking tool.
Morning. Kayne even takes off his sunglasses homosexually. At least he takes them off indoors. He gets about a bazillion points for that. He shows us the sheer, black stretch fabric he's using. OK. Angela blathers something about Audrey Hepburn's style. She's wearing a shirt that reads "B is for BIATCH." Um...ha? Alison says she's modernizing her '70s dress by giving it a high waistband, which is "pretty hawwt reeiat now". I really can't place that accent at all. Bradley's working on a shiny top, and Jeffrey makes another stupid-ass joke, then laughs at his own devastating wit. Can we get five minutes away from your Festival of Hilarity, dude? I mean, you've got me laughing so hard, I need to come up for air. Bradley interviews that he hopes Cher would like the outfit, but he has no trouble making fun of it when Vincent comes over to look. Shortly thereafter, Tim comes in to say that the designers will have fifteen minutes with their models today, so that they can do fittings and whatnot. Usually, the designers don't get to do this until right before the show, so they're happy to hear they can tackle it early this time.
The models come in and get dressed. Michael interviews that when he saw his dress on Nazri, he didn't like it. It was pretty, but that's not what he was going for with this outfit. He decides to try and make some changes to the outfit before the runway show. Meanwhile, Bradley finds that the pants he's made for Katie are far too tight. "Cameltoe!" she exclaims, and I'm surprised this is the first time that word has made an appearance on this show. It's got to happen all the time. As Kayne works on his dress, Amanda talks on and on and on and on about where she went last night and what she ate and who's buying what for her. Kayne looks like he's about to kill her. Or himself. In the sewing room, she continues her neverending stream of chatter. Now Robert and Michael start to get that glazed look in their eyes. After she wanders out of the room, Robert says that he was about to lose his mind. The three of them make twittery noises and crack up. Heh.
Commercials. I'm sorry, but I'm still not willing to treat September 11 as entertainment. I don't care how moving and respectful the film is. I still find it incredibly tacky to be like "Come relive this tragedy! That'll be ten dollars! Don't forget to stock up on Raisinettes!"
As the fittings wrap up, Tim asks everyone to gather. He introduces Nathaniel Hawkins (to us - the designers already know him), the lead stylist who gets the models ready for the show each week. What follows amounts to little more than tedious product placement for hair care products, but he does say that the winner of this week's challenge will have their look captured in an ad for Elle magazine. Everyone's excited. Bradley jokes that he likes the company's hair gel. Let's just skip the rest of this filler segment.
Back in the workroom, there are two hours left. Tim comes back to check on everyone's progress. Robert's up first. To his horror, Tim finds his outfit, in Robert's own words, "incredibly plain". Tim's much happier about Kayne's outfit, encouraging him to include the cascading ruffle Kayne wants to put in. Michael tells Tim he kept the top of his previous dress, but is replacing the skirt with hotpants. Tim responds that he hates hotpants, but can't deny that they're back in style. Bradley's shiny top is a real problem. It's like "armor" or the "Tin Woodsman in the Wizard of Oz". I'm surprised there isn't a shot of Kayne's head whipping around at the mention of what is no doubt his favorite movie. With thirty minutes left, there's a final work montage. Don't even tell me Angela's putting another one of her goddamned rosettes on her dress. Robert works on details that "no one will ever see or appreciate". Michael worries that Nina will instantly hate his hotpants. And....time's up.
Morning. The designers strut around in varying states of undress. I'm afraid none of them are good-looking enough for this to thrill me. Well, Alison and Bradley are, but one is on the wrong team, and one never wanders around with his shirt off. Michael says he needs to get a lot done before the show. Workroom. Models. Two hours to get ready. Standard operating procedure. Models get fitted. Michael goes into a whirlwind to get his pants done. Robert is disappointed in his outfit. Amanda actually babbles to the point where Kayne tells her to shut up, which was pretty damn rude. He pledges to use her again in the future, since she's such a good model, but wants to duct tape her mouth shut. Michael finishes up the pants. Hair and makeup get done. Jeffrey tells the stylist he doesn't want Marilinda to look like a hooker. Because Madonna would certainly never appear in an outfit of questionable taste. Showtime. Robert says that his linen dress is wrinkling like crazy. Go figure. He interviews that he needs a miracle.
Commercials. I'm not sure an entire movie can be built around David Duchovny getting racked in the balls.
Runway. Heidi explains the whole challenge again, saying that the winner of this challenge will not receive immunity. She introduces the judges. Michael Kors is finally back. Nina, of course. And today's guest judge is Diane Von Furstenberg, who was an excellent guest judge last season, so yay. Let's hit it! Up first is Alexandra, in Alison's dress. Eh, I find it pretty unremarkable. It's a white skirt with some ruffle at the bottom, and a chocolate brown sleeveless top. The top is V-necked down to the bellybutton, and the inner seam is laced with white ruffle. See, I told you Farrah Fawcett was useless as design inspiration. Next up in Katie in Bradley's Cher outfit. It's...not pretty. The top is shiny, reflective material, almost like aluminum foil. It's got short sleeves and comes down to the midriff. The bottom is composed of simple white pants (with some extra straps) that are too tight. Next is Clarissa in Angela's Audrey Hepburn dress. It's fairly boring. It's a tight-fitting black textured dress with black ruffle at the bottom. I will say that I really like the way it's fit in the back. It gives Clarissa a very classic, rounded look.
Next is Amanda in Kayne's Marilyn Monroe dress. It's great. I'm not wild about the color combination, but the design is terrific. There's a black, fur boa draped around her shoulders, and the dress is a sleeveless V-neck in see-through black fabric over...brown? White? Nothing? It's impossible to tell through the black. The whole thing is accented with black leather, and the cascading ruffle Kayne talked about earlier. It's a terrific outfit, and Amanda really sells the Marilyn Monroe image. Camilla in Laura's Katherine Hepburn outfit. It is exactly the same style Laura always does. I don't know if that's a complaint or not, because the exact same style Laura always does is beautiful. This is a collared pink top with some flowing straps hanging down, and tight tan pants. Laura voices-over that she likes her outfit, but is concerned because it's not as dramatic an icon as some of the others have. Sigh. Jia in Vincent's Twiggy dress. One shoulder is black. The other is a bright plaid, which comes down to form the rest of the thigh-length dress. There are crescent moon-shaped pockets, a wide belt, and black leggings. The only good thing about it is the choice of that plaid, which is very Twiggyesque. Next is Nazri, in Michael's Pam Grier outfit. It's awesome. It's hot pink, sleeveless, and opens to show some skin in the middle, but is held closed by a belt. Beneath that is a short ruffle, which overlays the hotpants a little.
Next is Danielle the Sevenhead in Robert's Jackie Onassis outfit. Er. First of all, what happened to that lovely light blue fabric he bought? I know he borrowed the tan linen from Vincent, but the top underneath the tan jacket is dark blue. I can't even really see the top, because of the jacket. And about that jacket. It looks disturbingly similar to the messy jacket the judges didn't like last week. It's wide, but pulled together at the waist with a thin cord. I hate it. It makes her look like she's wearing a burlap sack. The tan linen skirt is much sharper, but the tan with the tan is exactly the kind of boring Robert is trying to escape. Next is Lindsay in Uli's Diana Ross dress. Lindsay does a little "I'm a star!" pose behind the screen before she comes out. Heh. Uli's dress is very pretty, as always. It's bright purple and the straps cross at the neck before opening a little at the chest to show some cleavage. The bottom is loose and flowing, and there seems to be a muted animal print in the purple. It's cool. Oh, for the love of fuck. We don't need a subtitle to know who this ill-fitting, shredded mess belongs to. Yes, it's Marilinda in Jeffrey's Madonna dress. It's hideous. The top is red leather that doesn't fit in the chest at all. The bottom is a short, black, silky-looking skirt that seems to be sewn onto the top at random places. There are also chunky black boots. Bleh.
The designers step onto the runway, and the judges tabulate their scores. Step forward when called. Alison. Laura. Uli. Jeffrey. If Heidi has called your name... Forty thousand years of silence. Heidi, really. Since you're leaving six behind, and it's obvious that those six are the highest and lowest scores, just say it. Anyway, these four are safe. Duh. Back to the winners and losers. The models emerge. The judges start with Kayne. They love everything about it. Vincent. They ask about his icon, and he says that it's Twiggy. He goes on to describe her by saying things like "Twiggy was incredible. She was such a simple, fun, playful woman..." Meanwhile, Twiggy's watching this over on the set of America's Next Top Model, thinking "Was? Did I die?" Diane becomes my instant hero by saying "First of all, Twiggy is still alive. So let's talk about it in the present tense." LOVE. The judges dislike the outfit. Michael Kors calls out the ugly pockets. Michael Knight describes his bold color choice as a match for Pam Grier's bold personalities in her kickass movies. Heidi thinks it's a very sexy outfit. Diane loves the proportions. Nina and Kors agree that either the top or bottom could be successfully worn separately. Robert looks down, knowing his chance of being in the top three is slim to none at this point.
Bradley. The judges really dislike the outfit, because Cher wears just about anything, so he had a lot to choose from. Michael points out the tight crotch of the pants. Heidi says it's like an old Halloween costume you buy at the mall. Ouch. Angela talks about her fabric's texture. The judges inexplicably love it. Heidi says she'd like a dress like that in every color. I mean, it's certainly not ugly, but huh? Robert. He talks about how tailored and clean Jackie O. always looked, as there's a lingering shot on that awful cord holding the jacket together. Ugh. Nina doesn't like the color or fabric choice. Michael points out that in every decade, Jackie always looked impeccable, neat, and sharp, and that Robert's outfit is nothing like that. I have to agree. The designers are dismissed, and the models are reminded about the magazine spread waiting for the winner.
Deliberations. Nina is never bored with Kayne. Everyone loves his dress. Angela's dress gets more odd raves. Michael's presentation was flawless. To transition into the bottom three, Heidi asks the other judges "Who do we hate?" Yowch. Nina brings up Vincent first. Well, of course. He's consistently sucked since the very beginning. And yet he's STILL HERE. Bradley's outfit had nothing to do with his icon, and was poorly made. Robert's was boring, and the judges are puzzled that he couldn't design for what seems like the perfect icon for him. The judges reach a decision. The designers are brought back out.
This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: The employees at the Einstein Brothers bagel shop near the lab are stupid, rude, and unhelpful, but I was there the other day, and got pretty much the best apple I've ever had in my life.
Elimination. Angela is in. Next up is the winner. And it will be... Michael. Sweet. Kayne tries to give the "it's an honor just to be nominated" smile, but his lips are so pursed, he looks like he's been sucking a lemon for half an hour. Heidi tells Michael his look was perfect, and tells him he's won the ad in Elle magazine. He does a happy little boogie dance. He leaves the runway and gives Nazri the good news. They hug gleefully. Angela senses the camera isn't on her, and joins in the hug. Fuck off, twit. Michael vows to be ready for the next challenge. Back on the runway, Kayne is obviously in. Vincent is in. Sigh. Robert couldn't have chosen a worse fabric, and the judges were bored. Bradley biffed an easy icon, and his outfit was cheap-looking. Robert... Is... In. Heidi says they believe in his talent, but he has to wake them up. Aw, that means Bradley is out. It's understandable, but still a shame. He interviews that this is serious high fashion, and he made a Tinker Toy. Haha. It's things like that I'm going to miss. He says that given his current level, he did what he did. Er...that you did. Good-bye, Bradley. Feel free to come over and watch the rest of the episodes at my place. The episode wraps up by showing us Nazri's photo shoot, which looks like it took place the same day, given that Michael is still in the same outfit he wore for the runway show. They must have armed guards at the door, because there are cameras everywhere, but Angela's not jumping in front of them.
Next week on Project Runway: The next few challenges are going to get tougher. Folks peer under an opening garage door. Robert wants someone to shut up. Laura hates everyone else's outfits.
Overall Grade: B
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Reap What You Sew
Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 4
Previously on Project Runway: A bunch of dramatic bitches overran the workroom. And there were some dogs, too! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Angela set out to prove that women are still anxious to look like hookers from 1981. Keith's ego started to become apparent to... Well, everyone except the viewers, who have already known about it for about a month. Bradley alternated between running around like crazy and being sunk in quiet despair. On the runway, Keith pretended that he'd made an outfit for the dog, and was displeased to discover that his charm does not extend to making the judges overlook ignoring half the challenge. Uli won the day, and though it looked at first like our cute hippie was about to be eliminated, Bradley surged into the top three, leaving Katie to take the walk of shame. 12 designers remain. Who will be out tonight?
Opening credits. I love how the contestants were probably told to be funny or charming or challenging in their intro bits, and Bradley just throws up his hands and shrugs, like, "I have no idea what you want from me." He's adorable.
Morning. Uli and Bonnie speculate on whether the women will have to move in together now that Katie's gone. They don't really care, as long as they don't have to hang out with Angela. Ouch. Quick shot over to Angela, and good God. Does the woman own anything BUT those hideous, short, poofy skirts? Jesus. She interviews that she wants to bounce back from the last challenge. And presumably the one before that. Jeffrey interviews that he's upset that he hasn't won a challenge, and that the judges don't understand him. Wah wah. He goes on to say that the judges love Keith, because Keith's main attribute is that he's a master bullshitter. Well, I don't disagree, but I also think Keith's clothes have been much, much better than Jeffrey's in pretty much every challenge, so this just comes off as sour grapes.
Runway. Heidi enters with another one of those annoying, perky "yoo-hoo!" calls. She tells the designers that their next challenge will be designing an outfit for INC (International Concepts), which is a division of Macy's. I've never heard of INC, so I don't know whether to believe Angela when she talks about what a big deal they are. Alison and Jeffrey nod at each other like they already know what they're going to do. Tim will fill them in on the rest of the details, so the only thing left to do is the Pointless Model selection. But wait! They're mixing it up! Thank goodness. The first week, models were assigned. The second week, everyone picked one. The third week, the previous challenge winner got to pick between the winning and losing models (the silly system from last season). And this week, everyone gets to pick again, this time with the knowledge of having seen these women walk in several challenges. A big thumbs up to the producer who decided to fix this.
Uli gets to choose first, being last week's winner. She says that she likes Lindsay (So do I, actually. Something about her eyes.), but that she's going to switch to Nazri. She squeezes Keith's shoulders compassionately as we hear her interview that Keith has had an advantage having Nazri the whole time, so she just took her. Heh, there's a little bit of the snake in Uli. The rest of the designers are picked randomly. Kayne switches from Katia to Amanda. Amanda had got to be thinking she was getting eliminated tonight (being Katie's model), so her wide grin is understandable. Now that Katia is free, Michael jumps from Alexandra to her. Bonnie sticks with Marilinda. Keith's model has been taken, so he takes Camilla away from Angela. Another understandable wide grin. Angela takes Clarissa from Bradley. This time, it's a very understandable non-grin. Laura sticks with Katie. Vincent sticks with Jia. Jeffrey sticks with Javi. Bradley takes Lindsay. Alison tells Toni it was nice working with her, then jumps to Alexandra. That just leaves Toni and Danielle the Sevenhead on the runway, with Robert to pick between them. He unsurprisingly sticks with Danielle the Sevenhead, so Toni is sent packing. Shot of Alison looking guilty. Eh, she made the right choice.
In the workroom, Tim introduces Mehmet Tangoren, one of probably many vice presidents at Macy's. Mehmet tells them that their challenge will be to design a three-piece look for INC. There's some blather about what an INC customer is looking for, but it's really just a weak excuse for some product placement. I'll just say that it's mass-produced clothing, so the designers would do well to reign in their more...artistic impulses. Tim tells them that they'll be working in teams of three. Thud of Doom, although the designers really don't appear to care that much. Angela interviews that this will be a chance for her to redeem herself. I'm not sure if she's talking about her ugly clothing or the fact that she was a shrill, loathsome harpy in the previous team challenge. Everyone will pitch their ideas to Mehmet, who will select four team leaders. They get a dossier with some typical INC clothes, and have half an hour to sketch. Go! We hear from Robert, Keith, and Bonnie about how confident they are in this type of challenge (and from Angela about how she doesn't really sketch as part of her design process). I wonder who the team leaders will turn out to be? Time runs out, and the designers head off to Macy's.
The pitches begin. If the glazed look on Mehmet's face is any indication, Jeffrey's tattoo-o-rama has doomed him from the start. Laura tells Mehmet her ideas sprang from the fact that she likes shopping. She suggests black pants. Alison talks about skinny jeans. Uli wants to make a coat. Keith's idea is a convertible tank top that can be pulled down and used as a dress. I don't get it. Bonnie charms Mehmet with talk of tunics. Michael talks about modified cardigans. Robert likes trenchcoats. Bradley explains his color palette, starting with "nut". Hehehe. Kayne. "I love color. I'm from the South." Er, ok. In that vein, I have brown hair, so I'm going to go make some waffles. OK, I'm back. Vincent thinks gray is the new brown. Has anyone said a sentence that makes complete sense in two minutes? Angela says that her inspiration is the Empire State Building. That's it, and everyone gathers to hear who the teams leaders will be. Why, it's the very four people we heard from before! Uncanny! Robert's sketches were impressive. Bonnie understands the customer she's designing for. Keith's colors are on, and had a good presentation. Angela had good inspiration and color choices. The other designers already have a look of panic on their faces. Michael and Kayne have interviews that basically boil down to "That was weird, because Angela suuuuuuucks." Jeffrey hopes that he won't wind up on her team. Not only for the clothing issue, but because he hates her guts.
Commercials. OK, Bravo. You can plug it endlessly, and you can stick it in weird spots on the schedule so that people stumble upon it accidentally, but you cannot and will not make me watch Work Out.
The four team leaders line up to pick teams. Tim randomly picks names out of the bag to determine the order. Angela gets to pick first. The other designers try to make themselves look as inconspicuous as possible. We hear another Jeffrey interview about how he really hopes he doesn't wind up with her. I mean, funny as it is to slag on Angela, it's not as though he's that much better, so maybe he shouldn't break his arm patting himself on the back just yet. She picks Michael. His reaction? "When Angela picked me as a teammate, I was kind of like, 'Awww....daaaaaaayum.'" Hehe. Robert picks his BFF Kayne. Keith takes Alison. She thinks it's because she's an expert sewer and knows more about construction than him. Bonnie takes Uli. Angela snags Laura, so she really has quite a good team going for her. Laura and Michael are excellent, both in creativity and in construction. Robert takes Vincent. Whaaaa? Keith takes Jeffrey (that's second-to-last, so this is about the seventeenth time Jeffrey has been smug, then immediately been smacked down for it - awesome). Bradley says that being picked last was horrible, like the kid being left out at kickball. Awww. He's welcome to come over. I'll cheer him up. He shuffles off to Bonnie's team. Bonnie interviews that she's worried, because Bradley was kind of a mess in the last challenge. Tim lets the designers know that the winning team's design will actually be put into production and sold at Macy's nationwide, so this is a huge opportunity.
Two days. $100 per team. For three pieces? Ouch. The teams have fifteen minutes to talk before going to buy fabric. Bonnie leads a little cheer. Robert explains his design while Vincent shakes his head rudely in the background. Vincent interviews that he didn't like Robert's design at all, but went along because he's not the team leader. He leaves out the part where Robert has been in the top two and he himself has almost been eliminated twice. Angela describes her inspiration, and Laura immediately begins guiding her into selecting a color palette for fabric shopping. Alison and Jeffrey become a bit suspicious of their illustrious leader when Keith assigns the most ambitious, difficult parts of the outfit to them. Time's up, and we're off to the fabric store. Bonnie can't find the fabric she wants that's within her budget. Michael suggests a fabric to Angela that she eats up with a spoon. I love it. He and Laura are very subtly pushing her away from her own "sense" of "taste". Laura likes the direction the team is taking and the fabric they wound up with. "It was more appropriate for this particular challenge than the full-tilt boogie Angela quilted extravaganza of puff." Hahahaha! Meanwhile, Keith haggles the price on his materials down. It's set up as very suspicious, even including an interview from Jeffrey about how shifty Keith is. But if I remember correctly, Santino did the exact same thing, and nobody seemed to care. It seems to me that this little bit is included solely to make Keith look like a weasel. Keith interviews that he "always breaks the rules just a tiny bit", because he thinks he's right. That...doesn't make any sense. If he were talking about general rules, I could see where he's coming from. For instance, a sign that says that you're not allowed to take food into a theater is presumably up there because they don't want crumbs and trash and whatnot. So if you sneak in a bag of Flipz, but eat them very cautiously and clean up after yourself, no harm done. Not that, you know, I ever do that. But breaking the rules of a contest or game? No.
Workroom. Five hours left. Angela says that she's making the pants, Michael is making the top, and Laura is making the jacket. You'll note the pants have the least element of actual design in them. Laura suggests leaving a seam out of the original design. Angela agrees. I'm not even sure she notices her ideas being gently twisted by her teammates. Bonnie gets on Bradley's case to get going on those pants. She's understandably worried about his time-management issues. For his part, Bradley feels like Bonnie's being too much of a nag, and kiddingly says that it's probably because she doesn't like his beard. He spins off into his own little world, saying that she'd let up if he shaved it. Hehe. Keith asks Alison for some help. She's a little busy working on something else, so he has a tiny little passive-aggressive snit. Alison interviews that Keith's at a disadvantage, because he's never done women's clothing. I guess we're ignoring the past three weeks when he did exactly that. Jeffrey interviews that Keith makes only the most basic of clothing, but gets where he does by being charming. Kayne has a similar interview about how manipulative Keith is, and how Jeffrey and Alison have to do all his work. Time runs out.
Everyone returns to the Atlas and gets ready for bed. Kayne tells Vincent that he saw some patternmaking books in Keith's room. Vincent is pretty much aghast. Kayne gives a quick explanation for all the fashion-ignorant viewers. Thanks! Essentially, patternmaking books are a how-to for various styles of clothing. So if the challenge is to make, say, a halter top, it would be a lot harder to just do it than to flip to a chapter entitled How to Make Halter Tops - Both Edible and Otherwise. Kayne does that tired bit where he says if Keith gets to use those resources, he wants to be able to, too. He's got a valid argument against Keith cheating, but just say "I didn't want Keith to get away with cheating." Leave the "poor me" shit out, Whiny McMartyr. He talks to Robert and Michael about it, too. It seems like he's trying to drum up support for himself before he blows the whistle on Keith so that he's not labeled a tattletale. Again, I'm in complete agreement with him on the unfairness of the book thing. He's just being such a priss about it that I kind of want to smack him.
Commercials. Not that talking about whose boobs are real or fake isn't fun, but having that discussion doesn't really make one a charming sophisticate.
They never get tired of that fog-on-the-Chrysler-Building shot. Time for the shit to hit the fan. Tim approaches the suite door with the books tucked under his arm. He interviews about the show rule strictly prohibiting how-to books. Mere possession of them is enough to get kicked off the show, but it turns out Keith didn't stop at that. At one point during production, he wandered off on his own (also a rule violation) and used the internet (ALSO a rule violation). So Tim calls him out. As schlecht said, it's a little odd that this was done in front of his roommates, rather than in privacy. The only explanations I can think of are that it makes for good reactions shots and interpersonal drama (read: ratings) and that it shows the zero-tolerance policy the production has to the others. I'm sure contestants feel like they can get away with a lot of crap ("They'd never kick me off; they wouldn't have a show without me!"), and this public lashing is to make an example of such an attitude. Those are just my guesses, though. So, Tim lists off the infractions Keith has committed, and just like that...asks him to leave. That night.
Now it's time to say good-bye to the roommates. You know, the people he was trying to cheat. Let's see how he handles it. "I wanted to let you know that I appreciate your feelings about the situation, and I feel that they're valid. I apologize." Pause. Nothing pisses me off more than people who get caught red-handed doing something wrong, then tell you that's it OK that you're upset with them. OF COURSE IT'S OK. I DON'T NEED YOUR APPROVAL TO BE ANGRY. Kayne, not content to leave it at that, tells Keith that he brought it on himself. Thanks, MOM. Robert is a little less...condescending. He says that it's a competition with extreme odds. Keith says that his reputation has been tarnished, he's off the show, and he's going to be a laughing-stock to his friends (intimating that he doesn't need this additional lecture). Ooh, Keith! You left off the part where nobody will ever want to work with you again. He goes on to interview that people under a lot of stress look for a scapegoat. Sure, man. Anything to help you sleep at night. He says he never used the books to gain an advantage (which isn't the point, but take note at how he looks down at his lap when he says that), and that he's sure he would have made it far in the competition were he not leaving. I agree with him, but only because they'd keep him around as the pompous villain before his grand elimination. He says he's disappointed, because he still had some tricks left up his sleeve, which is pretty much the poorest choice of words he could possibly have used. Bye, Keith! Enjoy being a pariah!
Morning. Everyone goes into the workroom, where Tim holds an impromptu meeting. He tells the other designers about Keith's books. There's a shot of Kayne, and I know that I really have no right to be pissy with him for blowing the whistle, but something about the look on his face just makes me want to slug him. Tim goes on to say that Keith has been asked to leave, and it looks like Angela was the only person who hadn't already been told what was happening. Heh, that makes sense. Laura has an interview in which she shakes her head in disgust. "Keith. What an asshole. I'm glad to see him gone." Have I mentioned that I love Laura? More important news. Poor Alison and Jeffrey have to carry on with Keith's design by themselves. Yeesh. Alison looks like she's about to crack. Uli gives her a hug. Aw. Still, Alison excuses herself for a few quiet tears in the hallway before getting back to work.
Six hours left. Bradley adjusts something on the pants while Uli and Bonnie kid that if he messes it up, he's so out of there. "I'm a fish out of water. I'm a squid with no ocean. I'm an eagle with no sky," Bradley says in an interview before cracking up. I really want a T-shirt with "I'm a squid with no ocean" printed on it, and a little cartoon squid in the background. Meanwhile, Kayne thinks their team's outfit is looking a little too flight attendanty. They discuss ways to work around it. Robert interviews that Vincent kept disagreeing with his suggestions, and he responds that Vincent is certainly entitled to his wrong opinion. Hehehe. OK, I give up. I know I got a really bad vibe from Robert at the beginning of the season, but he's grown on me. Vincent continues to interview that he's just letting aspects he doesn't like roll off his back, but he grimaces whenever someone suggests something he disagrees with. Just because you're not voicing your disagreement doesn't mean you're going with the flow, nutjob. Speaking of nutjobs, here's some music that would most aptly be titled "Clown Goes Crazy". Yes, it's Angela, making the very little rosettes hanging off the garment that the judges hated last week. In the sewing room, Laura tells Michael that Angela's in there making her "grandma circle" things, and Michael cracks up. Laura is less amused, figuring that Angela will be dragging them down with her. "We obviously just can't stop her from hanging herself," she says despondently. They go in and basically beg Angela to not put them on. Laura has a genius brainwave and suggests pressing some black rosettes into flat circles, and using them as the buttons. Angela loves it, and agrees. She interviews that she's really enjoying the collaboration (read: she gets to ride her teammates' coattails during the construction phase, and gets to take credit for the design, should they win). Angela says that their team is exactly how a collaboration should work. Uh, huh.
Two hours remain. Tim comes in to check on everyone. He tells Robert's team that the outfit is looking a little "matronly"; always a word of doom on this show. Vincent brags in an interview about how he never liked the outfit. Maybe you could try making an outfit of your own that isn't out and out fugly before you look down on others, you snot. Tim likes the way Angela's team's outfit is coming together. Bonnie's pants have seam issues. The fabric is too wide, so it's drooping a little, making the overall effect somewhat of a sagging diaper. Bradley's in charge of the pants, but Uli interviews that the problem with the pants is more one of design than construction, so it's really Bonnie who should take the blame. She doesn't make a fuss, since she has immunity. Tim is impressed with how far along Alison and Jeffrey are. They're doing fairly well, all things considered. Alison says that they talked through every element of the design before Keith left (that is, got his ass unceremoniously kicked out on the street. Ah....let me enjoy that imagery for a second). Tim leaves, and Alison tells Jeffrey that they're going to win. Jeffrey is hesitant to agree, which surprises me. Work montage, and then time's up. Why does my workday never montage like that? I'd have all sorts of free time. At the Atlas, the designers rehash the Keith thing. Looks like it's Bonnie's turn to wear that odd tiara lookin' thing. Jeffrey hopes he and Alison can pull out a win.
Morning. Two hours to get the models ready and such. The models stream in and get fitted. Kayne interviews that the slit in the back of the skirt went up a little bit too high, verging on skanky. Bonnie worries some more about Bradley's pants. Camilla talks with Alison and Jeffrey about how they finished up on their own. Camilla has got to be upset right now. Even if the outfit wins this week, two models will need to go next week, and being Keith's model will certainly bump her to the front of the line, elimination-wise. Jeffrey and Alison are pleased to see that their outfit practically fits Camilla already. Michael takes over direction of the hair and makeup for Angela's team. Laura is pleased with the outfit, and says that Angela was a good team leader (read: got out of her and Michael's way so that the outfit would be more tasteful). Tim comes to collect everyone, and they're off to the runway.
Commercials. Dynamic networking enables collaboration. Gee, any other irritating corporate buzzwords you'd like to shove down our throats, AT&T?
Runway. Heidi rehashes the challenge, and says that although Keith had to go (ahh.....), there will still be an elimination tonight. She introduces the judges: Vera Wang (jeez - is Michael Kors ever coming back?), Nina, and Mehmet. Let's start the show! First up is Angela's outfit, modeled by Katia. I think. It's cute. There's a short, collared jacket (with the black rosettes used as simple ornamentation) over a pink top, and black pants with wide belt loops. Laura and Michael really deserve some kind of medal for wrangling this outfit out of Angela.
Next is Robert's outfit, modeled by Amanda. I don't like the jacket at all. It's frilly and bunched, and has messy looking bows hanging off of it. Underneath the jacket is a rather severe collared top (with matching cuffs) and the skirt with a slit that is, indeed, far too high for such an outfit. The top and bottom aren't too bad, taken separately, but as a complete outfit, this isn't good. Next is Bonnie's outfit, modeled by Nazri. The coat is boring, and she never takes it off to reveal exactly how the pink shirt and brown pants below work. It's not an ugly outfit by any means, but I just don't see any creativity there. Alison and Jeffrey's outfit. I don't understand what's going on at the waist. There's a white top, and at the bottom of it are strips of fabric that look like they can be pulled up to form a tank top. That's what the original design intent was, but when it's not acting as a tank top, those fabric straps are just...hanging there. It's not cute. The rest of the outfit (a dark gray jacket and black pants) is quite nice.
The designers step onto the runway. Scores are tallied. Will the following teams step forward? Jeffrey and Alison. Angela's team. These two teams have the highest scores, and Heidi is going to keep them on the runway for some questions. Robert's team and Bonnie's team have the lowest scores, but are excused for the time being. The models emerge. Mehmet loves the proportions of the rosettes at the collar and waist. Angela explains her Empire State building inspiration. Michael points out the jacket lining fabric that the judges may have missed before. Everyone loves it. Heidi thinks that Angela's team made an outfit that looks very expensive for their meager budget. Jeffrey says that he and Alison worked together really well, considering how much pressure they were under. Mehmet really likes the pants, and I didn't see the little slit at the bottom of those, with shiny buttons attached, but they're cool. Alison says they incorporated some stretch into the pants so that people can move a little more easily. Heidi tells the designers that once a winner is picked, the winning outfit will be put in a window display at Macy's flagship store. They won't know which outfit it is until they show up there tomorrow morning. Nothing is mentioned about immunity for the winner. They're dismissed.
The loser teams are brought out. The judges have Nazri take the coat off so they can actually, you know, SEE THE OUTFIT. They disapprove of the cowl neck sweater, and hate the fabric she has chosen for the pants. Nina says that she doesn't see anything "hip" about the outfit. And isn't "hip" the first word that springs to your mind when you think of Macy's? Uli says that the style was made with an older customer in mind. Nina says that even if the customer is older, they don't want to look older. Bradley is asked what his role was, and he responds that he made the pants. Nina asks him how he feels about the outfit. Instead of cutting Bonnie's throat, he says that what the team made is very close to the original sketch. He's neither complimenting nor criticizing the outfit (and also puts some responsibility directly on Mehmet's shoulders, since he picked Bonnie as a leader based on that sketch). I love Bradley.
Robert is asked if his team had a similar idea of designing for an older customer. He semi-agrees. Heidi doesn't understand how the three pieces fit together. They have Amanda take the jacket off and turn around. Vera points out the high seam, and Nina asks why none of the designers noticed it (which they did - they just didn't do enough to fix it). Vincent says that Robert was team leader and was passionate about his design. Kayne never says much of anything, because Nina's telling them that the designers' job is to wow the judges, and she doesn't want to see boring clothes. Ouch. They're dismissed. Deliberations. Angela's was trendy and can be mixed and matched. Jeffrey and Alison's outfit was cool and fit well. Plus, they worked well under stressful conditions. Mehmet calls Bonnie's outfit "Triple LY" meaning "Last year's, last year's, last year." Um, witty. The whole outfit was boring. Robert's outfit was out of proportion and looked cheap. The judges reach a decision.
This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: The Women of the Second Floor haven't been hogging the damn elevator nearly so much lately.
Elimination. Uli is immune, so she's naturally in. Kayne is in. Vincent is in. Bradley is in. That just leaves the team leaders. Robert was too conservative in his color choices and proportions. Bonnie's was not fashionable. Bonnie... Is... Out. Robert is dismissed. Bonnie is sad to be leaving, saying she enjoyed the challenges and other designers. She holds it together pretty well until she leaves to go to the workroom, then cries a little bit. She's glad to have had the opportunity. Meh. The fact that I can't really dredge up any feelings about her elimination, good or bad, is probably why she got eliminated in the first place. Think about it. Do you really think Vincent (or Angela, really) is more talented than Stacey, Malan, Katie, or Bonnie? He's not. But he's crazy and wacky and fun to watch, so the people cursed with being perfectly nice and normal (and Malan) are cursed to early elimination, just because they don't scream, yell, have dismissive, snotty interviews or climb all over the furniture. In a way it's a shame, because in an episode that's mostly about how fair this show strives to be...it really isn't. But in another way, it's a reality show. This shit happens, and you should understand that before signing on to one. Bye, Bonnie. Please settle on a hair color. The next day, the two top teams stroll to Macy's to discover who won. Long story short, it's Angela. Jeffrey's pissed. The end.
Next week on Project Runway: Modernizing a look for a fashion icon. The models get into a workroom scuffle. Jeffrey and Angela fight. Robert needs a "miracle from heaven". And Michael Kors finally returns from whatever weird sabbatical he was on.
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Project Runway: A bunch of dramatic bitches overran the workroom. And there were some dogs, too! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Angela set out to prove that women are still anxious to look like hookers from 1981. Keith's ego started to become apparent to... Well, everyone except the viewers, who have already known about it for about a month. Bradley alternated between running around like crazy and being sunk in quiet despair. On the runway, Keith pretended that he'd made an outfit for the dog, and was displeased to discover that his charm does not extend to making the judges overlook ignoring half the challenge. Uli won the day, and though it looked at first like our cute hippie was about to be eliminated, Bradley surged into the top three, leaving Katie to take the walk of shame. 12 designers remain. Who will be out tonight?
Opening credits. I love how the contestants were probably told to be funny or charming or challenging in their intro bits, and Bradley just throws up his hands and shrugs, like, "I have no idea what you want from me." He's adorable.
Morning. Uli and Bonnie speculate on whether the women will have to move in together now that Katie's gone. They don't really care, as long as they don't have to hang out with Angela. Ouch. Quick shot over to Angela, and good God. Does the woman own anything BUT those hideous, short, poofy skirts? Jesus. She interviews that she wants to bounce back from the last challenge. And presumably the one before that. Jeffrey interviews that he's upset that he hasn't won a challenge, and that the judges don't understand him. Wah wah. He goes on to say that the judges love Keith, because Keith's main attribute is that he's a master bullshitter. Well, I don't disagree, but I also think Keith's clothes have been much, much better than Jeffrey's in pretty much every challenge, so this just comes off as sour grapes.
Runway. Heidi enters with another one of those annoying, perky "yoo-hoo!" calls. She tells the designers that their next challenge will be designing an outfit for INC (International Concepts), which is a division of Macy's. I've never heard of INC, so I don't know whether to believe Angela when she talks about what a big deal they are. Alison and Jeffrey nod at each other like they already know what they're going to do. Tim will fill them in on the rest of the details, so the only thing left to do is the Pointless Model selection. But wait! They're mixing it up! Thank goodness. The first week, models were assigned. The second week, everyone picked one. The third week, the previous challenge winner got to pick between the winning and losing models (the silly system from last season). And this week, everyone gets to pick again, this time with the knowledge of having seen these women walk in several challenges. A big thumbs up to the producer who decided to fix this.
Uli gets to choose first, being last week's winner. She says that she likes Lindsay (So do I, actually. Something about her eyes.), but that she's going to switch to Nazri. She squeezes Keith's shoulders compassionately as we hear her interview that Keith has had an advantage having Nazri the whole time, so she just took her. Heh, there's a little bit of the snake in Uli. The rest of the designers are picked randomly. Kayne switches from Katia to Amanda. Amanda had got to be thinking she was getting eliminated tonight (being Katie's model), so her wide grin is understandable. Now that Katia is free, Michael jumps from Alexandra to her. Bonnie sticks with Marilinda. Keith's model has been taken, so he takes Camilla away from Angela. Another understandable wide grin. Angela takes Clarissa from Bradley. This time, it's a very understandable non-grin. Laura sticks with Katie. Vincent sticks with Jia. Jeffrey sticks with Javi. Bradley takes Lindsay. Alison tells Toni it was nice working with her, then jumps to Alexandra. That just leaves Toni and Danielle the Sevenhead on the runway, with Robert to pick between them. He unsurprisingly sticks with Danielle the Sevenhead, so Toni is sent packing. Shot of Alison looking guilty. Eh, she made the right choice.
In the workroom, Tim introduces Mehmet Tangoren, one of probably many vice presidents at Macy's. Mehmet tells them that their challenge will be to design a three-piece look for INC. There's some blather about what an INC customer is looking for, but it's really just a weak excuse for some product placement. I'll just say that it's mass-produced clothing, so the designers would do well to reign in their more...artistic impulses. Tim tells them that they'll be working in teams of three. Thud of Doom, although the designers really don't appear to care that much. Angela interviews that this will be a chance for her to redeem herself. I'm not sure if she's talking about her ugly clothing or the fact that she was a shrill, loathsome harpy in the previous team challenge. Everyone will pitch their ideas to Mehmet, who will select four team leaders. They get a dossier with some typical INC clothes, and have half an hour to sketch. Go! We hear from Robert, Keith, and Bonnie about how confident they are in this type of challenge (and from Angela about how she doesn't really sketch as part of her design process). I wonder who the team leaders will turn out to be? Time runs out, and the designers head off to Macy's.
The pitches begin. If the glazed look on Mehmet's face is any indication, Jeffrey's tattoo-o-rama has doomed him from the start. Laura tells Mehmet her ideas sprang from the fact that she likes shopping. She suggests black pants. Alison talks about skinny jeans. Uli wants to make a coat. Keith's idea is a convertible tank top that can be pulled down and used as a dress. I don't get it. Bonnie charms Mehmet with talk of tunics. Michael talks about modified cardigans. Robert likes trenchcoats. Bradley explains his color palette, starting with "nut". Hehehe. Kayne. "I love color. I'm from the South." Er, ok. In that vein, I have brown hair, so I'm going to go make some waffles. OK, I'm back. Vincent thinks gray is the new brown. Has anyone said a sentence that makes complete sense in two minutes? Angela says that her inspiration is the Empire State Building. That's it, and everyone gathers to hear who the teams leaders will be. Why, it's the very four people we heard from before! Uncanny! Robert's sketches were impressive. Bonnie understands the customer she's designing for. Keith's colors are on, and had a good presentation. Angela had good inspiration and color choices. The other designers already have a look of panic on their faces. Michael and Kayne have interviews that basically boil down to "That was weird, because Angela suuuuuuucks." Jeffrey hopes that he won't wind up on her team. Not only for the clothing issue, but because he hates her guts.
Commercials. OK, Bravo. You can plug it endlessly, and you can stick it in weird spots on the schedule so that people stumble upon it accidentally, but you cannot and will not make me watch Work Out.
The four team leaders line up to pick teams. Tim randomly picks names out of the bag to determine the order. Angela gets to pick first. The other designers try to make themselves look as inconspicuous as possible. We hear another Jeffrey interview about how he really hopes he doesn't wind up with her. I mean, funny as it is to slag on Angela, it's not as though he's that much better, so maybe he shouldn't break his arm patting himself on the back just yet. She picks Michael. His reaction? "When Angela picked me as a teammate, I was kind of like, 'Awww....daaaaaaayum.'" Hehe. Robert picks his BFF Kayne. Keith takes Alison. She thinks it's because she's an expert sewer and knows more about construction than him. Bonnie takes Uli. Angela snags Laura, so she really has quite a good team going for her. Laura and Michael are excellent, both in creativity and in construction. Robert takes Vincent. Whaaaa? Keith takes Jeffrey (that's second-to-last, so this is about the seventeenth time Jeffrey has been smug, then immediately been smacked down for it - awesome). Bradley says that being picked last was horrible, like the kid being left out at kickball. Awww. He's welcome to come over. I'll cheer him up. He shuffles off to Bonnie's team. Bonnie interviews that she's worried, because Bradley was kind of a mess in the last challenge. Tim lets the designers know that the winning team's design will actually be put into production and sold at Macy's nationwide, so this is a huge opportunity.
Two days. $100 per team. For three pieces? Ouch. The teams have fifteen minutes to talk before going to buy fabric. Bonnie leads a little cheer. Robert explains his design while Vincent shakes his head rudely in the background. Vincent interviews that he didn't like Robert's design at all, but went along because he's not the team leader. He leaves out the part where Robert has been in the top two and he himself has almost been eliminated twice. Angela describes her inspiration, and Laura immediately begins guiding her into selecting a color palette for fabric shopping. Alison and Jeffrey become a bit suspicious of their illustrious leader when Keith assigns the most ambitious, difficult parts of the outfit to them. Time's up, and we're off to the fabric store. Bonnie can't find the fabric she wants that's within her budget. Michael suggests a fabric to Angela that she eats up with a spoon. I love it. He and Laura are very subtly pushing her away from her own "sense" of "taste". Laura likes the direction the team is taking and the fabric they wound up with. "It was more appropriate for this particular challenge than the full-tilt boogie Angela quilted extravaganza of puff." Hahahaha! Meanwhile, Keith haggles the price on his materials down. It's set up as very suspicious, even including an interview from Jeffrey about how shifty Keith is. But if I remember correctly, Santino did the exact same thing, and nobody seemed to care. It seems to me that this little bit is included solely to make Keith look like a weasel. Keith interviews that he "always breaks the rules just a tiny bit", because he thinks he's right. That...doesn't make any sense. If he were talking about general rules, I could see where he's coming from. For instance, a sign that says that you're not allowed to take food into a theater is presumably up there because they don't want crumbs and trash and whatnot. So if you sneak in a bag of Flipz, but eat them very cautiously and clean up after yourself, no harm done. Not that, you know, I ever do that. But breaking the rules of a contest or game? No.
Workroom. Five hours left. Angela says that she's making the pants, Michael is making the top, and Laura is making the jacket. You'll note the pants have the least element of actual design in them. Laura suggests leaving a seam out of the original design. Angela agrees. I'm not even sure she notices her ideas being gently twisted by her teammates. Bonnie gets on Bradley's case to get going on those pants. She's understandably worried about his time-management issues. For his part, Bradley feels like Bonnie's being too much of a nag, and kiddingly says that it's probably because she doesn't like his beard. He spins off into his own little world, saying that she'd let up if he shaved it. Hehe. Keith asks Alison for some help. She's a little busy working on something else, so he has a tiny little passive-aggressive snit. Alison interviews that Keith's at a disadvantage, because he's never done women's clothing. I guess we're ignoring the past three weeks when he did exactly that. Jeffrey interviews that Keith makes only the most basic of clothing, but gets where he does by being charming. Kayne has a similar interview about how manipulative Keith is, and how Jeffrey and Alison have to do all his work. Time runs out.
Everyone returns to the Atlas and gets ready for bed. Kayne tells Vincent that he saw some patternmaking books in Keith's room. Vincent is pretty much aghast. Kayne gives a quick explanation for all the fashion-ignorant viewers. Thanks! Essentially, patternmaking books are a how-to for various styles of clothing. So if the challenge is to make, say, a halter top, it would be a lot harder to just do it than to flip to a chapter entitled How to Make Halter Tops - Both Edible and Otherwise. Kayne does that tired bit where he says if Keith gets to use those resources, he wants to be able to, too. He's got a valid argument against Keith cheating, but just say "I didn't want Keith to get away with cheating." Leave the "poor me" shit out, Whiny McMartyr. He talks to Robert and Michael about it, too. It seems like he's trying to drum up support for himself before he blows the whistle on Keith so that he's not labeled a tattletale. Again, I'm in complete agreement with him on the unfairness of the book thing. He's just being such a priss about it that I kind of want to smack him.
Commercials. Not that talking about whose boobs are real or fake isn't fun, but having that discussion doesn't really make one a charming sophisticate.
They never get tired of that fog-on-the-Chrysler-Building shot. Time for the shit to hit the fan. Tim approaches the suite door with the books tucked under his arm. He interviews about the show rule strictly prohibiting how-to books. Mere possession of them is enough to get kicked off the show, but it turns out Keith didn't stop at that. At one point during production, he wandered off on his own (also a rule violation) and used the internet (ALSO a rule violation). So Tim calls him out. As schlecht said, it's a little odd that this was done in front of his roommates, rather than in privacy. The only explanations I can think of are that it makes for good reactions shots and interpersonal drama (read: ratings) and that it shows the zero-tolerance policy the production has to the others. I'm sure contestants feel like they can get away with a lot of crap ("They'd never kick me off; they wouldn't have a show without me!"), and this public lashing is to make an example of such an attitude. Those are just my guesses, though. So, Tim lists off the infractions Keith has committed, and just like that...asks him to leave. That night.
Now it's time to say good-bye to the roommates. You know, the people he was trying to cheat. Let's see how he handles it. "I wanted to let you know that I appreciate your feelings about the situation, and I feel that they're valid. I apologize." Pause. Nothing pisses me off more than people who get caught red-handed doing something wrong, then tell you that's it OK that you're upset with them. OF COURSE IT'S OK. I DON'T NEED YOUR APPROVAL TO BE ANGRY. Kayne, not content to leave it at that, tells Keith that he brought it on himself. Thanks, MOM. Robert is a little less...condescending. He says that it's a competition with extreme odds. Keith says that his reputation has been tarnished, he's off the show, and he's going to be a laughing-stock to his friends (intimating that he doesn't need this additional lecture). Ooh, Keith! You left off the part where nobody will ever want to work with you again. He goes on to interview that people under a lot of stress look for a scapegoat. Sure, man. Anything to help you sleep at night. He says he never used the books to gain an advantage (which isn't the point, but take note at how he looks down at his lap when he says that), and that he's sure he would have made it far in the competition were he not leaving. I agree with him, but only because they'd keep him around as the pompous villain before his grand elimination. He says he's disappointed, because he still had some tricks left up his sleeve, which is pretty much the poorest choice of words he could possibly have used. Bye, Keith! Enjoy being a pariah!
Morning. Everyone goes into the workroom, where Tim holds an impromptu meeting. He tells the other designers about Keith's books. There's a shot of Kayne, and I know that I really have no right to be pissy with him for blowing the whistle, but something about the look on his face just makes me want to slug him. Tim goes on to say that Keith has been asked to leave, and it looks like Angela was the only person who hadn't already been told what was happening. Heh, that makes sense. Laura has an interview in which she shakes her head in disgust. "Keith. What an asshole. I'm glad to see him gone." Have I mentioned that I love Laura? More important news. Poor Alison and Jeffrey have to carry on with Keith's design by themselves. Yeesh. Alison looks like she's about to crack. Uli gives her a hug. Aw. Still, Alison excuses herself for a few quiet tears in the hallway before getting back to work.
Six hours left. Bradley adjusts something on the pants while Uli and Bonnie kid that if he messes it up, he's so out of there. "I'm a fish out of water. I'm a squid with no ocean. I'm an eagle with no sky," Bradley says in an interview before cracking up. I really want a T-shirt with "I'm a squid with no ocean" printed on it, and a little cartoon squid in the background. Meanwhile, Kayne thinks their team's outfit is looking a little too flight attendanty. They discuss ways to work around it. Robert interviews that Vincent kept disagreeing with his suggestions, and he responds that Vincent is certainly entitled to his wrong opinion. Hehehe. OK, I give up. I know I got a really bad vibe from Robert at the beginning of the season, but he's grown on me. Vincent continues to interview that he's just letting aspects he doesn't like roll off his back, but he grimaces whenever someone suggests something he disagrees with. Just because you're not voicing your disagreement doesn't mean you're going with the flow, nutjob. Speaking of nutjobs, here's some music that would most aptly be titled "Clown Goes Crazy". Yes, it's Angela, making the very little rosettes hanging off the garment that the judges hated last week. In the sewing room, Laura tells Michael that Angela's in there making her "grandma circle" things, and Michael cracks up. Laura is less amused, figuring that Angela will be dragging them down with her. "We obviously just can't stop her from hanging herself," she says despondently. They go in and basically beg Angela to not put them on. Laura has a genius brainwave and suggests pressing some black rosettes into flat circles, and using them as the buttons. Angela loves it, and agrees. She interviews that she's really enjoying the collaboration (read: she gets to ride her teammates' coattails during the construction phase, and gets to take credit for the design, should they win). Angela says that their team is exactly how a collaboration should work. Uh, huh.
Two hours remain. Tim comes in to check on everyone. He tells Robert's team that the outfit is looking a little "matronly"; always a word of doom on this show. Vincent brags in an interview about how he never liked the outfit. Maybe you could try making an outfit of your own that isn't out and out fugly before you look down on others, you snot. Tim likes the way Angela's team's outfit is coming together. Bonnie's pants have seam issues. The fabric is too wide, so it's drooping a little, making the overall effect somewhat of a sagging diaper. Bradley's in charge of the pants, but Uli interviews that the problem with the pants is more one of design than construction, so it's really Bonnie who should take the blame. She doesn't make a fuss, since she has immunity. Tim is impressed with how far along Alison and Jeffrey are. They're doing fairly well, all things considered. Alison says that they talked through every element of the design before Keith left (that is, got his ass unceremoniously kicked out on the street. Ah....let me enjoy that imagery for a second). Tim leaves, and Alison tells Jeffrey that they're going to win. Jeffrey is hesitant to agree, which surprises me. Work montage, and then time's up. Why does my workday never montage like that? I'd have all sorts of free time. At the Atlas, the designers rehash the Keith thing. Looks like it's Bonnie's turn to wear that odd tiara lookin' thing. Jeffrey hopes he and Alison can pull out a win.
Morning. Two hours to get the models ready and such. The models stream in and get fitted. Kayne interviews that the slit in the back of the skirt went up a little bit too high, verging on skanky. Bonnie worries some more about Bradley's pants. Camilla talks with Alison and Jeffrey about how they finished up on their own. Camilla has got to be upset right now. Even if the outfit wins this week, two models will need to go next week, and being Keith's model will certainly bump her to the front of the line, elimination-wise. Jeffrey and Alison are pleased to see that their outfit practically fits Camilla already. Michael takes over direction of the hair and makeup for Angela's team. Laura is pleased with the outfit, and says that Angela was a good team leader (read: got out of her and Michael's way so that the outfit would be more tasteful). Tim comes to collect everyone, and they're off to the runway.
Commercials. Dynamic networking enables collaboration. Gee, any other irritating corporate buzzwords you'd like to shove down our throats, AT&T?
Runway. Heidi rehashes the challenge, and says that although Keith had to go (ahh.....), there will still be an elimination tonight. She introduces the judges: Vera Wang (jeez - is Michael Kors ever coming back?), Nina, and Mehmet. Let's start the show! First up is Angela's outfit, modeled by Katia. I think. It's cute. There's a short, collared jacket (with the black rosettes used as simple ornamentation) over a pink top, and black pants with wide belt loops. Laura and Michael really deserve some kind of medal for wrangling this outfit out of Angela.
Next is Robert's outfit, modeled by Amanda. I don't like the jacket at all. It's frilly and bunched, and has messy looking bows hanging off of it. Underneath the jacket is a rather severe collared top (with matching cuffs) and the skirt with a slit that is, indeed, far too high for such an outfit. The top and bottom aren't too bad, taken separately, but as a complete outfit, this isn't good. Next is Bonnie's outfit, modeled by Nazri. The coat is boring, and she never takes it off to reveal exactly how the pink shirt and brown pants below work. It's not an ugly outfit by any means, but I just don't see any creativity there. Alison and Jeffrey's outfit. I don't understand what's going on at the waist. There's a white top, and at the bottom of it are strips of fabric that look like they can be pulled up to form a tank top. That's what the original design intent was, but when it's not acting as a tank top, those fabric straps are just...hanging there. It's not cute. The rest of the outfit (a dark gray jacket and black pants) is quite nice.
The designers step onto the runway. Scores are tallied. Will the following teams step forward? Jeffrey and Alison. Angela's team. These two teams have the highest scores, and Heidi is going to keep them on the runway for some questions. Robert's team and Bonnie's team have the lowest scores, but are excused for the time being. The models emerge. Mehmet loves the proportions of the rosettes at the collar and waist. Angela explains her Empire State building inspiration. Michael points out the jacket lining fabric that the judges may have missed before. Everyone loves it. Heidi thinks that Angela's team made an outfit that looks very expensive for their meager budget. Jeffrey says that he and Alison worked together really well, considering how much pressure they were under. Mehmet really likes the pants, and I didn't see the little slit at the bottom of those, with shiny buttons attached, but they're cool. Alison says they incorporated some stretch into the pants so that people can move a little more easily. Heidi tells the designers that once a winner is picked, the winning outfit will be put in a window display at Macy's flagship store. They won't know which outfit it is until they show up there tomorrow morning. Nothing is mentioned about immunity for the winner. They're dismissed.
The loser teams are brought out. The judges have Nazri take the coat off so they can actually, you know, SEE THE OUTFIT. They disapprove of the cowl neck sweater, and hate the fabric she has chosen for the pants. Nina says that she doesn't see anything "hip" about the outfit. And isn't "hip" the first word that springs to your mind when you think of Macy's? Uli says that the style was made with an older customer in mind. Nina says that even if the customer is older, they don't want to look older. Bradley is asked what his role was, and he responds that he made the pants. Nina asks him how he feels about the outfit. Instead of cutting Bonnie's throat, he says that what the team made is very close to the original sketch. He's neither complimenting nor criticizing the outfit (and also puts some responsibility directly on Mehmet's shoulders, since he picked Bonnie as a leader based on that sketch). I love Bradley.
Robert is asked if his team had a similar idea of designing for an older customer. He semi-agrees. Heidi doesn't understand how the three pieces fit together. They have Amanda take the jacket off and turn around. Vera points out the high seam, and Nina asks why none of the designers noticed it (which they did - they just didn't do enough to fix it). Vincent says that Robert was team leader and was passionate about his design. Kayne never says much of anything, because Nina's telling them that the designers' job is to wow the judges, and she doesn't want to see boring clothes. Ouch. They're dismissed. Deliberations. Angela's was trendy and can be mixed and matched. Jeffrey and Alison's outfit was cool and fit well. Plus, they worked well under stressful conditions. Mehmet calls Bonnie's outfit "Triple LY" meaning "Last year's, last year's, last year." Um, witty. The whole outfit was boring. Robert's outfit was out of proportion and looked cheap. The judges reach a decision.
This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: The Women of the Second Floor haven't been hogging the damn elevator nearly so much lately.
Elimination. Uli is immune, so she's naturally in. Kayne is in. Vincent is in. Bradley is in. That just leaves the team leaders. Robert was too conservative in his color choices and proportions. Bonnie's was not fashionable. Bonnie... Is... Out. Robert is dismissed. Bonnie is sad to be leaving, saying she enjoyed the challenges and other designers. She holds it together pretty well until she leaves to go to the workroom, then cries a little bit. She's glad to have had the opportunity. Meh. The fact that I can't really dredge up any feelings about her elimination, good or bad, is probably why she got eliminated in the first place. Think about it. Do you really think Vincent (or Angela, really) is more talented than Stacey, Malan, Katie, or Bonnie? He's not. But he's crazy and wacky and fun to watch, so the people cursed with being perfectly nice and normal (and Malan) are cursed to early elimination, just because they don't scream, yell, have dismissive, snotty interviews or climb all over the furniture. In a way it's a shame, because in an episode that's mostly about how fair this show strives to be...it really isn't. But in another way, it's a reality show. This shit happens, and you should understand that before signing on to one. Bye, Bonnie. Please settle on a hair color. The next day, the two top teams stroll to Macy's to discover who won. Long story short, it's Angela. Jeffrey's pissed. The end.
Next week on Project Runway: Modernizing a look for a fashion icon. The models get into a workroom scuffle. Jeffrey and Angela fight. Robert needs a "miracle from heaven". And Michael Kors finally returns from whatever weird sabbatical he was on.
Overall Grade: B+
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