Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 10
Previously on Just Desserts: The American Psychiatric Association had to add an appendix to the DSM-IV just to cover the contestants on this show. People melted down more often than their ice cream. Seth went loony, Heatherh went snooty, and Malika went voluntarily. Eric shone as a lone bright spot. When the final elimination challenge loomed, Zac made a cartoonish cake that the judges wanted to fling into a barrel of DIP, and he was swiftly booted. Three chefs remain. Who will be the first winner of Just Desserts?
As with the previous episode, I'm converting the blurb to the full recap nine months late. So, the winner has already been chosen, celebrated, and forgotten, and the next batch of hopefuls waits on the horizon. Which, when I think about it, is entirely fitting.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Hey, remember in the last episode when I said I'd be apoplectic if Morgan insulting Zac's sexuality came out of nowhere and wasn't a relevant response to a direct, unwarranted attack? Well, here we are! Though being relieved Zac was eliminated is entirely understandable, calling him "an annoying little fairy" here is unacceptable, and frankly, I'm surprised Bravo let it pass without a whisper of the shitstorm that would quite rightly occur if he had ever called Erika an uppity nigger. I'm not a fan of Zac and his disco dust either, but he's perfectly entitled to do whatever he'd like with his penis, Morgan. And hey, if openly displaying one's sexual orientation is so annoying to you, stop bragging about your goddamn son every five minutes. You shot sperm into an orifice; you didn't storm the beach at Normandy.
Aside from that little blurb of nasty homophobia, all three of the chefs are anxious about their final challenge. They go to the Kitchen, and are met by Gail, who explains that the last hurdle will be to create a progressive, four-course tasting menu for twelve diners. That's all she says before she dismisses them, so their minds go agoggle at what the inevitable twist is going to be. That night, they meet Johnny at a bar for a drink, and dig into a few fancy desserts. After they've snacked, Johnny brings out the chefs responsible for the various treats: Sherry Yard, Elizabeth Faulkner, and another Name: Claudia Fleming. These three luminaries will be acting as sous chefs for the contestants. They pull names to see who gets matched up. Gidget gets Sherry, and Danielle gets Elizabeth, leaving poor Claudia at Morgan's disposal.
The next day, Gidget is mad at Morgan. Does it even matter why? Is anyone aching to pick a side? Suffice it to say that one annoying person that I'll be glad to see the back of is angry at another annoying person that I'll be glad to see the back of. That settled, the chefs head off for forty-five minutes of shopping with a $400 budget. Gidget makes sure to get in a couple of more digs at Morgan. Danielle is mostly just floating along on a cloud of giddiness that she's even in the finale.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs meet up with their sous chefs, and get started on their seven hours of prep work. Gidget predicts a personality clash between Morgan and Claudia. Danielle puts Elizabeth to work shelling pistachio nuts. Ooh, I wish I had a bag of those right now. All the contestants give us an insight into what their menus are going to be like, but as always, I'll save that for later. Johnny drops by to Ptimewaste. Once he's gone, Morgan begins instructing Claudia on the various chemical methods he'd like to use to create his desserts. She freely admits to the camera that her techniques are a lot more Old School, so she has no freaking idea what calcium chloride is or what to do with it. Sherry cheerfully yells out that there's one hour left, and while she may be a fantastic chef, she's not winning any safety awards for swinging around a lit blowtorch while she talks. Time runs out. That night, Morgan chokes up as he talks about his son some more. Ugh, quit cramming your sexuality down our throats, breeder!
The next day, Gidget gives us some backstory about his father encouraging his dream of becoming a chef, and then passing away shortly thereafter. Aw, that's a shame. When the chefs arrive at the Kitchen, their assumption that they'll be getting further assistance from the celebrity sous chefs is crushed. Gail is lying in wait, along with all of the eliminated contestants. Except Seth, of course, because he's probably busy thrashing against the wall of a padded room somewhere. Malika looks fairly cheerful, all things considered. Gail explains that the Names will be joining the judges as diners, so the eliminated contestants will now be filling in as sous chefs. Fortunately, they don't get to pick their best friends, and must draw names again. Yay! Gidget draws Tim, and is thrilled. Danielle draws Tania, so she'll get a chance to make an actual impression on us now. And Morgan...draws Heatherh. Awkward! The five unchosen chefs will be joining the judges and Names as diners, bringing the total up to seventeen. They're thrilled to hear it. I don't understand why Gail didn't just say there would be seventeen diners at the outset, and it makes me wonder if the challenge changed midstream.
Once Gail and the eliminated contestants leave, the chefs have three hours to get everything done. An interview with Heatherh reveals that her feelings toward Morgan have not warmed since she her departure. She still has zero respect for him, and hopes outright that he does not win. The prospect of sabotage intrigues me. Actually, she appears to be doing her best, not that Morgan appreciates it. Danielle plans a cheese course to temper the sweetness of the overall menu. Gidget and Morgan both attempt little pearls of caviar, and while Gidget's appear to be coming out nicely, Morgan is struggling. Time winds down. The diners get seated. Claudia does not have glowing things to report about working with Morgan to the other diners, calling him a "typically male pastry chef". I'm not entirely sure all that that entails, but it's clear she doesn't mean it as a compliment. Pissing off established Names isn't going to do wonders for Morgan's career. The eliminated chefs toast each other, and the finalists emerge from the Kitchen to present their work.
Gidget's first course is a cucumber and lime sorbet with yogurt caviar pearls. That sounds wonderful, though it's a bit messy looking, and the way he introduces his meal by saying it's a "dance through his palate" makes my gorge rise. Morgan has a passion fruit cannoli, with mango carpaccio, a fluid gel, and tarragon jelly. It's kind of the flip side of Gidget's dish, sounding overcomplicated and strange tasting, but it sure is pretty. Danielle opens with her cheese course. It's goat's milk cheese from Spain, with a little hazelnut cake, roasted grapes, and fig jam. Sounds good. Tasting. Everyone gets good reviews. Morgan's dish is aesthetically appealing, and has strong flavors. Gidget's dish is refined and elegant. Danielle made a savory course that still retains an air of dessert.
Second course. Gidget has a strawberry sorbet with lemongrass/lime/ginger ice cream, and a berry meringue with consomme. Well, it takes something special to get Limecrete's Pick of the Week in the finale meal, but that ice cream/sorbet combination clinches it. Morgan has a blueberry pavlova with lemon cream in a citrus chamomile broth, and chamomile pearls. Danielle serves a "palate cleanser" of lemon parfait, with pomelo and tangerine sorbet, and a moscato granita. Tasting. Gidget has made a successful deconstruction, and once again, has shown admirable restraint. Danielle's doesn't really work visually, but everyone enjoys the flavors. Morgan sold his theme as inspired by light and primary colors, and isn't delivering on that promise. As with Danielle, nobody has anything bad to say about how it tastes.
Third course. Back in the Kitchen, Morgan's souffles are falling in on themselves, and Heatherh has the practical suggestion of serving the ones that came out okay to the judges, not that it'll help much when a Name sitting next to the judges has a collapsing dessert. She rescues as many as she can, and Morgan finally displays some gratitude. I guess that sabotage idea died on the vine. Presentation. Gidget has a muscovato slow-braised pineapple, with a coconut sponge cake. DRINK! It's served with a coconut lime soup with tapioca pearls. Morgan's Manjari (dark chocolate) souffle cake is served with raspberry sorbet and cocoa nib paper. Danielle has an array of ice creams. The first is her version of a baked Alaska, the second is a strawberry sundae, and the third is a homemade root beer float. I'd probably love each and every one of those, but I worry that the idea isn't elevated enough for the judges. Tasting. Gidget's flavor combinations are great, Morgan's souffle is a big disappointment, and Danielle's ice cream trio is a big hit. Elizabeth takes a moment to pat herself on the back. I guess she just can't help herself.
Fourth course. Dannielle baby voices that this is the last thing the judges will be eating in the competition. She is one smiley face away from telling everyone to sign her yearbook, and she hopes you never change! Stay sweet! English class was a blast, you guys! Anyway, Gidget has a hazelnut dacquoise with milk jam, and a salted caramel ice cream. Morgan has a white pepper creme brulee, with a black pepper baumkuchen and a blackberry anise macaroon. Hmm. That all sounds odd, but interesting. Danielle has a chocolate pudding cake with pistachio ice cream. Tasting. Gidget's milk jam candy is a huge hit. Gail says she wants to bathe herself in it, and judging by the Google search terms that bring people to my blog, a good portion of the internet's collective head just exploded. One of the Names is less impressed by the caramel ice cream. Danielle's is good, but lacked some elegance, and could probably have benefitted from a touch more salt. Morgan's baumkuchen is described as a "masterpiece".
The chefs emerge from the Kitchen one last time to accept their applause. The judges adjourn to deliberate. The chefs and their sous chefs pop open some champagne. That's it for the helpers. Um, so... Bye, Tania! It was great catching up with you! It's all over but the waiting, and they sit there dissecting their chances. Morgan is embarrassed about the collapsing souffles, but not so much that he doesn't think he'll beat the others, because their food was "boring". Oof, I know what he means. I'm always going out to restaurants and am all, "ANOTHER strawberry sorbet with lemongrass/lime/ginger ice cream, and a berry meringue with consomme? Give me a break!"
Interstitial. The chefs come up with various ways to reiterate that this is, indeed, the end of the line.
Judges' Table. Gail asks the chefs how they think they did. As with the dessert shop challenge, no matter how good the food Danielle puts out is, she really needs to work on how to interact with people like a functional human adult. She blathers some weirdness, while Gidget and Morgan give strong, if well-worn pageant answers. Now, to the food. Danielle's ice cream trio was a real bright spot. Gail threatens to follow her around and force her to make honey candy for Gail's enjoyment. Heh. Danielle's chocolate pudding cake finale was less impressive. Hubert liked the pistachio ice cream, but Johnny thinks the pulled sugar garnish is too much of an '80s gimmick.
Unsurprisingly, Dannielle is completely smurfy about the date metaphor Gidget came up with for his menu. You guys had better write me! BFF 4-EVA! Gidget's sorbet and ice cream combination was nice, but the waiters poured the consomme directly onto the meringue, turning it into mush. Well, Gidget shouldn't really be penalized too harshly for that. If that's the worst thing they can find to say about his desserts, he's got this wrapped up. After praising his pineapple dish highly, the judges move on to Morgan. Well, I guess that's it, then. Barring him jumping up on the table and spitting in Gail's face, Gidget had better start clearing a spot on his schedule for the winner's showcase.
Morgan's souffles were inconsistent. He explains that one tray turned out great, while the other one didn't cook as much. Dannielle got one of the good ones, and enjoyed it, but it looks like the damage has already been done. That said, Morgan's baumkuchen is unanimously heralded. Johnny is a bit nonplussed to see yet another macaroon from Morgan, but admits that he's really, really good at making them. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Hubert discusses the progression aspect of the challenge, which I actually wanted to bring up. If you're going to judge a chef on how well his or her dishes progress throughout the meal, it doesn't make any sense to be eating two other people's food concurrently. How can you honestly tell if Dish #3 naturally follows from Dish #2 if you're eating two other Dish #2 entries in between? I understand it would have been a bit weird (and too time-consuming) to eat through Gidget's entire menu, then Danielle's entire menu, then Morgan's entire menu, but it would certainly make judging menu progressions a lot less arbitrary. Dannielle is still wetting her pants over Gidget's romantic ideas.
Danielle has really stepped up in the past few challenges, which the judges have noticed. Her cheese course was a very smart idea, and her ice cream trio blew everyone away. Overall, her food was more elevated and sophisticated than it's ever been before. Morgan's food also had flashes of brilliance. His first course was probably the best food of the evening, visually. His pavlova showed a lot of technique, and the souffle that Dannielle got was perfect. He's also won more challenges than anybody else. Back in the Kitchen, Morgan says something about Claudia that's so bleeped out, I can't understand what he's talking about. The judges wrap up their deliberations.
Final decision. Danielle picked the right time to hit her stride. Gidget has a vast array of techniques, and he finally figured out when to pull back. Morgan is a dick. No, seriously. Johnny dresses it up by saying that "Nobody is ever going to push you as hard as you push yourself," which is a lovely euphemism for "Your disturbing level of aggression somehow works when you apply it to food." The first winner of Top Chef: Just Desserts is... Is... Well, Gidget, obviously. Weren't you paying attention a few paragraphs back? He's naturally thrilled, and Morgan and Danielle congratulate him warmly. He interviews that there are no words to describe it, as the judges join the contestants for the post-game hugs, where they are soon joined by the eliminated contestants.
Zac whoops for joy and jumps all over Gidget in a move that's 33% designed to draw attention to himself, 33% because he's happy for his friend, and 33% because it means Morgan didn't win. Speaking of Morgan, he and Danielle are a lot classier in their final interviews than a bunch of previous contestants, saying that they're very happy for Gidget, and that there's nobody they'd rather lose to. We go out on Gidget saying that he's looking forward to what this win will do for his career, and that he thinks his father would be proud to see what he's accomplished. No argument here.
Shall we get into the season postmortem? In a word, blech. It's easy to see why this inaugural season didn't live up to the potential it must have held in development: Casting, casting, casting. Listen, I get that reality television has to have weirdos and assholes in the mix. I understand that the producers believe watching twelve genial people being polite and saying only nice things in interviews would be boring. But there's a tipping point between competition and drama, and never since the suckhole that was Season 2 of Top Chef: Original Recipe has that divide been so unwisely crossed. You want to have an off-putting nutball here and an impassioned fight there? Fine. But it can't take over the narrative, and Just Desserts almost got swallowed in bullshit. Crazy Seth. Arrogant Morgan. Snobby Heatherh. Condescending Gidget. Attention Whore Zac. That's a lot of annoying people to take, and while Eric was lovely, and the rest of the cast was unobjectionable, it didn't even out the constant stream of negativity from those five. Especially Seth. Quirky is one thing. Pathological is another.
If we take the cast out of the picture, the rest of the show's aspects were good, but not enough of a saving grace. I liked most of the challenges, which is always a big deal. Nothing makes me angrier than a poorly-designed challenge, because it's not like the judges are ever going to admit as much, so they pretend the contestants screwed up at a task that nobody was ever going to excel in. Just Desserts never fell into that trap, and for that, I'm grateful.
The judging, on the other hand, was just so-so. I'm more than willing to accept Gail as a host, and she seems to be settling in okay. Johnny, on the other hand, needs some work. He's stiff, not terribly well-spoken, and some of his opinions come off as arbitrary. Maybe it's just a head judge thing, because I still haven't warmed to Ptom like the rest of the Top Chef community has. Maybe he just needs some practice. Hubert, who was so engaging as a judge on Original Recipe and a contestant on Masters is somewhat of a cipher here. Dannielle... I hate to say this, because she seems like a very nice woman. I'm sorry, but she needs to go. A judge has to stand out at something. They can be extremely knowledgeable. They can be extremely experienced and/or well-known to the general public. They can be extremely funny and acerbic. Hell, they can even find success as "the cranky one". Dannielle was none of those things, and frankly came off like they plucked some lady off the street.
I don't want to sound like I hated this season. I didn't. But given that they've got a slew of Top Chef seasons behind them, Just Desserts had no right to be such Amateur Hour television, first season or no. I'm more than willing to watch another season. The judges will probably gel better. The contestants may be less obnoxious. I'm looking forward to seeing what challenges they can pull out of the hat. As a first draft, Just Desserts has promise, but as a finished product, it's back to the drawing board.
Overall Grade: B-
Overall Season Grade: C-
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Love/Hate Relationships
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 9
Previously on Just Desserts: Morgan shattered Gidget's sugar vase. And dreams. Zac won, Gidget struggled, and my hopes were dashed like so many fragile sugar vases as the lovely Eric was eliminated. Four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Two points to get to before we dive in. First, as I said in the short blurb about this episode, a great deal of time is devoted to four whiny people making themselves as unpleasant as possible. That's not super-fun to revisit, so I'm going to gloss over a lot of the "Shut up!" "No, you shut up!" "You're dumb!" "Well, so's your face!" segments. Secondly, I may be a bit behind in converting the blurb to this full recap. Say, about nine months late. Want to know what the summer of 2011 is like? It's hot. Shall we?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Gidget beats himself up for not performing well enough in the last challenge. He wants to become the first gay, San Franciscan chef to win a season in this franchise. It'd be nice if he put some of that energy into being less of a Mean Girl, but one step at a time, I guess. Morgan is sick to death of being trapped with the other chefs. I was all ready to point out that his personality is also far from sparkling, but then tried to envision what it would be like to share a household with Seth, Zac, and Gidget. I guess I'd be grumpy, too.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by a towering pile of Godiva chocolate boxes and this week's guest judge, Francois Payard. He used to be Morgan's boss, which makes Morgan nervous for what is probably a dozen good reasons. Zac tries out a weak pun about Francois being "a tough cookie". Wait... I cannot believe I just gave someone shit about weak puns after the post titles I've come up with. My apologies, Zac. Gail tells the chefs that for today's Quickfire, they'll need to tell their life stories via four chocolates, one of which will need to represent a cherished moment in each chef's history - a "Golden Moment". The winning chef gets one of the chocolates tweaked and reworked by Godiva to be sold nationwide. Huh. I'm not sure "Have your work about a cherished memory redone to suit the general public, and then be given no credit for it" is a stellar prize, but the chefs seem happy, so I won't step on their joy.
Gail starts the two-hour countdown. The chefs scatter, knocking dishes all over the floor. Zac and Gidget explain to us about how truffles and bonbons are usually a time-consuming process, so trying to get them done in two hours is a big challenge. I don't doubt it. Gidget begins emulsifying his ganaches, which I'm totally going to start using as a euphemism for something, though I'm not sure what yet. Morgan works on a bittersweet ganache to symbolize his failed marriage. Won't that make a lovely Valentine's Day gift for your sweetie? Danielle works on a baseball shape/theme to symbolize the bond between her and her father. Aw, that's nice. The "Golden Moment" chocolates rely heavily on relationships, as Morgan's revolves around his son, and Gidget's around his boyfriend. Thumbs up to Gidget on that boyfriend by the way. Nicely done. Zac's combines his parents' favorite flavors, while Danielle breaks with the relationship theme to make a chocolate to symbolize the day she opened her business.
Zac takes a few moments (in smarmerview) to insult Danielle's food, personality, and looks. What a gem. And I'm sorry, but nobody who puts that amount of gel in his hair in a desperate (and futile) attempt to hide that fact that he'll be bald in five years gets to rail on someone for their looks. Morgan crabs about Zac having the piping bags under his station, where they are sitting in full view, and threatens (in smarmerview) to throw all his chocolates in the trash. Can you see why it's taken me nine months to come back to this episode? And we're not even through the Quickfire! With the possible exception of Danielle, all of these chefs are fairly wretched people. Surely, there are more people like Eric, Erika, and Tim out there, yes? Pastry chefs aren't all douchenozzles, are they? Anyway, in the final minutes, Gidget shatters one of his chocolate molds, and unsuccessfully tries to recreate it. When time runs out, he's one chocolate short.
Gail and Francois go down the line. Zac's chocolates are all about friends and family. Yeah, I would bet that numbers at about four. He has a milk chocolate truffle with wild blueberry and peanut butter. Hmm. I like all those flavors, but can't really tell if they'd work together. His best friend is represented by a green tea/lemon truffle. A white chocolate truffle with lemongrass/lime/ginger represents his other best friend. Now that sounds tasty. Francois disagrees, calling the two best friend truffles "flat". I guess that would describe anyone who'd willingly hang out with Zac. His Golden Moment truffle is the aforementioned combination of his parents' favorites: dark chocolate and pretzels.
Danielle's first truffle symbolizes family vacations to Hawaii, incorporating pineapple and coconut. DRINK! A niece's birthday is symbolized by milk chocolate with a roasted banana filling. Yes, please. That'll do nicely for Limecrete's Pick of the Week. The baseball truffle uses caramel corn and peanuts. And the Golden Moment chocolate is a Rocky Road, with almond, marshmallow, and nougat. Morgan's box of chocolates is far and away the most beautiful, visually. His decision to go to culinary school is represented by a passion fruit and milk chocolate bonbon. His marriage is an acai rose-water jelly on top of bittersweet chocolate ganache. His Top Chef experience is represented by a mendiant with a Rocher filling. Oh, if they're symbolic of him on Top Chef, it must be made of condescension with a creamy, arrogance filling. Oh, I guess not. His "Golden Moment" is the birth of his son, represented by a green tea with a white chocolate/butter ganache.
Gidget, as mentioned, only has three chocolates. Presenting less than the required amount isn't "helping [his] ego," which as we all know, is the at the center of everything Gidget says, thinks, or does. His move from Turkey to America is symbolized by a dark chocolate ganache with apricot pates de fruits (essentially a gummy, candied fruit). His Buddhism (Side note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn't realize Buddhists generally walked around acting like the embodiment of every high school cheerleader cliche out there) is represented by coconut milk and chai tea. His "Golden Moment" chocolate to symbolize his boyfriend is an almond praline with caramelized honey ganache.
Results. Naturally, Gidget falls to the bottom for not completing the challenge. Fellow Plastic Zac soon joins him there, as all of his chocolates were overly sweet, and there was no balance. Now, to the top two. Danielle had interesting ideas, and interesting flavors to go with them. Morgan's chocolates were extremely beautiful, even if the green tea one was too sweet for Francois' tastes. Even with that working against him, Morgan wins the challenge. He's curiously blase about his win, which Danielle notes. Maybe he's stewing over the fact that his son-inspired candy was the least successful. Anyhow, Francois selects the mendient chocolate as the one to be sold nationally, opting to sprinkle a little salt on top to finish it.
Elimination Challenge. A sweet old man named Ben shuffles in, and explains to the chefs that he and his wife will soon be celebrating their 61st anniversary. Gail tells them that they'll each be making an anniversary cake for the happy couple, which will be judged on appearance, and of course, flavor. The cake, that is. Not the couple. Ben relays as naughty a meeting story as sixty-three years ago gets, saying that he met his wife at a beach party and went swimming with her. Ooh, saucy! I'll bet he even saw her ankles! Naughty minx. They were married two years later. Aw. The chefs head off for thirty minutes of shopping with a $200 budget. Danielle complains about Morgan's overconfidence, and not without reason.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs have ten hours of prep time, and will have two hours tomorrow to finish up. Zac is nervous, not only because getting a spot in the final three rests on this challenge (understandable), but because this isn't his type of challenge (not understandable). I mean, come on. "I'm going to totally PWN this dessert competition! As long as they don't ask me to make a basic cake!" I still don't understand how someone who made an almost wearable dress out of chocolate gets completely stymied by something almost any of us could do with a week's practice and a decent stand mixer. Gail enters, and tells the chefs they get to spend some time with Ben and his wife to glean some inspiration. And who does Ben's wife turn out to be? Sylvia Weinstock. Ooh, this will add some pressure. Good challenge idea. Sylvia offers some history to help the chefs out, such as the colors of her wedding dress and bouquet, the time she and Ben spent smooching under a piano (heh), and the flavors they prefer. Much like me, she's a lemon baby.
Once Ben and Sylvia leave, the chefs begin their prep in earnest. Morgan crabs about Zac, who earlier crabbed about Danielle, who earlier crabbed about Morgan, who was earlier crabbed about by Gidget. In case you've forgotten, the theme of this episode is deep, loving, respectful relationships. Danielle makes a gray icing to represent Sylvia's gray wedding dress, and hopes to incorporate pink flowers as well. Zac wants to cement two cakes together with passion fruit ice cream. He and Gidget share some Plastic gossip, before Johnny stops by to Ptimewaste. Zac promises to tone down his normal level of campy kitsch for this cake, while Morgan hopes to have learned a lesson from Sylvia's critiques of his wedding cake. Johnny worries that Gidget's cake will be too fussy and complicated, and that Danielle has to rise above her normal fair-to-middling challenge placement to earn a spot in the finale.
Zac completes his bottom layer, and to his credit, realizes that it does not look good. It's an odd shade of blue, and what appears to be an attempt at stripes has gone all wonky and uneven. He sighs that he'll just have to go for broke on the other sections of the cake. A stupid spat breaks out when Morgan hoards the piping bags (well, sort of -- again, they're in full view under his station), and explains that he's just getting Zac back for hoarding them earlier, because he is nine. It's actually Danielle who takes him to task for it, and although she's got at least a dozen valid points to attack him on, she just settles for sneering at him and telling him to shut up. Happy anniversary, Ben and Sylvia!
Time winds down, and the chefs store their cakes for transport. The next day, they're driven out to a mansion's backyard where the party has been set up. As mentioned, they've got two hours to finish their cakes, and Morgan brags that he only needs a quarter of that, settling down for a nice, quiet think about how awesome he is afterwards. Gidget snarks in interview that maybe Morgan should be checking his cake over for areas of improvement, because it looks awfully simple, and for once, I'm with him. It's pretty basic. Zac realizes that he's incapable of making something classy and restrained, and decides to just go full Valley of the Dolls all over his cake. Out comes the disco dust, and he turns what started out as an ugly cake into a SPECTACULARLY ugly cake.
The party begins, and the cakes are presented. Gail leads the judges, hosts, and the couple of the hour down the line. Morgan's cake is a simple, circular, white tiered cake with some piping and a piano on top. The top tier is lemon and raspberry panna cotta, and the bottom is a dark chocolate sponge cake with ganache. Tasting. Everyone has positive things to report. Sylvia enjoyed both tiers, and his presentation is lauded. Danielle's cake is battleship gray accented with pink roses, and is accented with decoration to emulate piano keys. It's finished off with Ben and Sylvia's monogram in gold lettering. The cake itself is chocolate, with sour cherry compote and Greek yogurt ice cream. Spew. The judges disagree. They love the flavor, even if they find the gray icing a bit odd. Zac's cake... What to say about Zac's cake... Well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words, but in this case, I'd say we could squeeze out about double that:
This tower of shit would be out of place at a kid's birthday party, nevermind an anniversary party attended by actual adults. The lady who runs Cakewrecks would look and this and say "That's it. The blog can end now. We have a winner." I mean, listen. I know the challenges are tough, the time constraints are a killer, and by this point in the competition, everyone has gone stark raving mad (except Seth, whose starting point was stark raving mad). But I'm hard pressed to look at that thing and think of how Zac could have fucked it up more. He makes up some twaddle about how the blue icing symbolizes the water, and the black and white circles, a piano. The judges do their best not to double over in hysterical laughter right there at the table.
I suppose I should mention what the cake is made of, though it hardly seems to matter. The top tier is dark chocolate and fresh raspberry, while the bottom tier is lemon sponge cake with raspberry jam. That actually sounds fairly good, though I'm not sure I'd enjoy the passion fruit ice cream cementing the layers together. Tasting. The judges naturally hate the presentation, but find some nice things to say about some of the flavor components, though Francois notes a nasty aftertaste of burnt cocoa powder. By contrast, Gidget's cake appears quite lovely. It's a pleasant shade of pale yellow, with piano keys on the side, and a vibrant pink flower decoration on top. The top layer is almond cake with chocolate mousse. The bottom layer is sponge cake with lemon cream. That all sounds great. Unfortunately, as Gidget cuts into the cake to serve the judges a slice, it kind of disintegrates. Tasting. It turns out that the subtitles have woefully under-described the cake, and Gidget has thrown all sorts of bells and whistles into the mix that compete and fight each other. The judges aren't too pleased with it, finding it a bit of an overcomplicated mess.
The party winds down, and the chefs taste each others' cakes. Gidget compliments Danielle's. Danielle interviews that she feels pretty good about this challenge, and is grateful that they're judged anew each episode, because no matter how close she's come to elimination before, as long as she hasn't made the ugliest cake the judges have ever seen this time around (I'll leave you to intuit the image they flash on the screen at this point), she should be safe. Zac interviews that he knows he didn't put out a good product, but thinks he should get to the finale over Morgan anyway, based on pure gumption and risk-taking. In other words, we're already back to the remarkable attitude I mentioned in the last episode: "I really messed up, but feel that there should be zero consequence." I'm continually gobsmacked by this theory that taking a risk should automatically carry with it the reward for the risk being successful. That's not really what a risk is. Sometimes you achieve something great. And sometimes you make the ugliest cake in history. Life isn't the second-grade science fair, kids. You don't get a blue ribbon just for participating.
Interstitial. Morgan tells us that he's always the last chef to leave the apartment in the morning. Fascinating. Do they really think these little scenes stop people from blowing by with their DVRs? Hell, what do I know? Maybe they do.
Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Morgan makes a tortured analogy about how the Top Chef experience is like climbing a mountain. The chefs share a brief moment of commiseration before going out to face the judges. Zac's arms are already crossed defensively. Gail reminds us that the challenge winner will receive $15,000 and a guaranteed spot in the finale. Not bad for a layer cake. Danielle's cake was imaginative, and had spot-on flavor. The worst thing they can find to say about it was that the gray icing was an odd choice. Gidget wanted to tell a story with his cake, but in adding so much detail, he made it overcomplicated. His flavored buttercream was nice, though, as was his elegant presentation.
Morgan's presentation was classically simple, though Francois thinks the panna cotta needed some acidity, Hubert thinks the chocolate layer was a bit dry, and Johnny says his shell border was uneven. Man, they are just killing him on the details. Zac admits to struggling with this challenge, saying that "Sylvia is a force to be reckoned with." I guess it's her fault that his cake looked like Beach Blanket Bingo exploded all over it. Hubert did like that the cake was moist, but that's about all the praise it gets. Zac, perhaps having realized that "I should be rewarded for taking a risk that didn't work out," isn't enough of an argument, reaches for the only thing he can think of to save himself, and sinks to an even weirder and more off-putting defense.
See if you can follow this one: Zac feels that because he is more emotional and effusive, he deserves a spot in the finale more than Morgan does. You see, because Morgan doesn't fall all over himself weeping and rending his clothing every time he wins a challenge, that must mean he doesn't care about the competition, and thus, should be eliminated. Morgan, his voice shaking with fury, responds with both barrels. He says it's not in his character to jump up and down and flail around singing showtunes like a little girl when he's happy or excited. That statement can certainly be read as an upsettingly homophobic attack, and while I'm trying to get offended on Zac's behalf, I just can't get there. If Morgan had said the same thing out of the blue, I'd be apoplectic, but Zac had that coming. He just impugned Morgan's character in an effort to distract from his own shitty work, and to me, that's a bigger character flaw than shining a spotlight on a bully's biggest insecurity. Sorry to all my homo brethren for that, but being oppressed doesn't give us the right to be raging assholes for no reason.
Gail nods and somewhat hilariously squeaks out "Okay..." before dismissing the chefs. Back in the Kitchen, Zac decides to cover himself in even more glory by sheepishly telling Morgan that attacking his character was "personality, not personal". Dude, if you're going to be such a nasty person, you may as well own it. Stop trying to pretend like your vicious attack was just a show for the judges, and lets-all-go-grab-a-cup-of-coffee-and-laugh-about-it. Morgan says it better than I could in interview: "Yeah, it is personality. And yours sucks. Go buy a new one." Deliberations. Zac's presentation sucked, and the flavor didn't do much to save it. Morgan's cake was a bit too simple and bland, though it was appropriate to the occasion. Danielle's cake was great, though the judges harp on the icing color again. Gidget's cake was lovely on the outside and a convoluted mess on the inside. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Johnny congratulates all four of the chefs, and pretends that they're wonderful people who make him proud to be a pastry chef. Really? They generally strike me as egocentric children who make me want to run away screaming. Francois gets to announce the challenge winner, who turns out to be... Danielle. Despite their earlier carping, Morgan immediately reaches out to give her a hug. Zac and Gidget applaud her. In an eerie callback to Morgan's tirade about jumping up and down like a girl, she...jumps up and down. She's ecstatic with her win and her spot in the finale. After she's dismissed, the judges address the other chefs. Morgan played it safe, Zac put too much of his own personality into his cake (heh), and Gidget needs restraint. We go over to Gail for the chop. Zac. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. Whee!
Final interview. Zac isn't surprised by his elimination, though he makes sure to sneak in a crack about Morgan's rubbery cake. He tells us that he can't wait to see what comes after this in his career. Hey, as long as whatever he does next isn't on my television screen, I wish him all the best. As it is, after that cake and that "professionalism", this elimination is so satisfying, I may need to take up smoking.
Overall Grade: C+
Previously on Just Desserts: Morgan shattered Gidget's sugar vase. And dreams. Zac won, Gidget struggled, and my hopes were dashed like so many fragile sugar vases as the lovely Eric was eliminated. Four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Two points to get to before we dive in. First, as I said in the short blurb about this episode, a great deal of time is devoted to four whiny people making themselves as unpleasant as possible. That's not super-fun to revisit, so I'm going to gloss over a lot of the "Shut up!" "No, you shut up!" "You're dumb!" "Well, so's your face!" segments. Secondly, I may be a bit behind in converting the blurb to this full recap. Say, about nine months late. Want to know what the summer of 2011 is like? It's hot. Shall we?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Gidget beats himself up for not performing well enough in the last challenge. He wants to become the first gay, San Franciscan chef to win a season in this franchise. It'd be nice if he put some of that energy into being less of a Mean Girl, but one step at a time, I guess. Morgan is sick to death of being trapped with the other chefs. I was all ready to point out that his personality is also far from sparkling, but then tried to envision what it would be like to share a household with Seth, Zac, and Gidget. I guess I'd be grumpy, too.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by a towering pile of Godiva chocolate boxes and this week's guest judge, Francois Payard. He used to be Morgan's boss, which makes Morgan nervous for what is probably a dozen good reasons. Zac tries out a weak pun about Francois being "a tough cookie". Wait... I cannot believe I just gave someone shit about weak puns after the post titles I've come up with. My apologies, Zac. Gail tells the chefs that for today's Quickfire, they'll need to tell their life stories via four chocolates, one of which will need to represent a cherished moment in each chef's history - a "Golden Moment". The winning chef gets one of the chocolates tweaked and reworked by Godiva to be sold nationwide. Huh. I'm not sure "Have your work about a cherished memory redone to suit the general public, and then be given no credit for it" is a stellar prize, but the chefs seem happy, so I won't step on their joy.
Gail starts the two-hour countdown. The chefs scatter, knocking dishes all over the floor. Zac and Gidget explain to us about how truffles and bonbons are usually a time-consuming process, so trying to get them done in two hours is a big challenge. I don't doubt it. Gidget begins emulsifying his ganaches, which I'm totally going to start using as a euphemism for something, though I'm not sure what yet. Morgan works on a bittersweet ganache to symbolize his failed marriage. Won't that make a lovely Valentine's Day gift for your sweetie? Danielle works on a baseball shape/theme to symbolize the bond between her and her father. Aw, that's nice. The "Golden Moment" chocolates rely heavily on relationships, as Morgan's revolves around his son, and Gidget's around his boyfriend. Thumbs up to Gidget on that boyfriend by the way. Nicely done. Zac's combines his parents' favorite flavors, while Danielle breaks with the relationship theme to make a chocolate to symbolize the day she opened her business.
Zac takes a few moments (in smarmerview) to insult Danielle's food, personality, and looks. What a gem. And I'm sorry, but nobody who puts that amount of gel in his hair in a desperate (and futile) attempt to hide that fact that he'll be bald in five years gets to rail on someone for their looks. Morgan crabs about Zac having the piping bags under his station, where they are sitting in full view, and threatens (in smarmerview) to throw all his chocolates in the trash. Can you see why it's taken me nine months to come back to this episode? And we're not even through the Quickfire! With the possible exception of Danielle, all of these chefs are fairly wretched people. Surely, there are more people like Eric, Erika, and Tim out there, yes? Pastry chefs aren't all douchenozzles, are they? Anyway, in the final minutes, Gidget shatters one of his chocolate molds, and unsuccessfully tries to recreate it. When time runs out, he's one chocolate short.
Gail and Francois go down the line. Zac's chocolates are all about friends and family. Yeah, I would bet that numbers at about four. He has a milk chocolate truffle with wild blueberry and peanut butter. Hmm. I like all those flavors, but can't really tell if they'd work together. His best friend is represented by a green tea/lemon truffle. A white chocolate truffle with lemongrass/lime/ginger represents his other best friend. Now that sounds tasty. Francois disagrees, calling the two best friend truffles "flat". I guess that would describe anyone who'd willingly hang out with Zac. His Golden Moment truffle is the aforementioned combination of his parents' favorites: dark chocolate and pretzels.
Danielle's first truffle symbolizes family vacations to Hawaii, incorporating pineapple and coconut. DRINK! A niece's birthday is symbolized by milk chocolate with a roasted banana filling. Yes, please. That'll do nicely for Limecrete's Pick of the Week. The baseball truffle uses caramel corn and peanuts. And the Golden Moment chocolate is a Rocky Road, with almond, marshmallow, and nougat. Morgan's box of chocolates is far and away the most beautiful, visually. His decision to go to culinary school is represented by a passion fruit and milk chocolate bonbon. His marriage is an acai rose-water jelly on top of bittersweet chocolate ganache. His Top Chef experience is represented by a mendiant with a Rocher filling. Oh, if they're symbolic of him on Top Chef, it must be made of condescension with a creamy, arrogance filling. Oh, I guess not. His "Golden Moment" is the birth of his son, represented by a green tea with a white chocolate/butter ganache.
Gidget, as mentioned, only has three chocolates. Presenting less than the required amount isn't "helping [his] ego," which as we all know, is the at the center of everything Gidget says, thinks, or does. His move from Turkey to America is symbolized by a dark chocolate ganache with apricot pates de fruits (essentially a gummy, candied fruit). His Buddhism (Side note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn't realize Buddhists generally walked around acting like the embodiment of every high school cheerleader cliche out there) is represented by coconut milk and chai tea. His "Golden Moment" chocolate to symbolize his boyfriend is an almond praline with caramelized honey ganache.
Results. Naturally, Gidget falls to the bottom for not completing the challenge. Fellow Plastic Zac soon joins him there, as all of his chocolates were overly sweet, and there was no balance. Now, to the top two. Danielle had interesting ideas, and interesting flavors to go with them. Morgan's chocolates were extremely beautiful, even if the green tea one was too sweet for Francois' tastes. Even with that working against him, Morgan wins the challenge. He's curiously blase about his win, which Danielle notes. Maybe he's stewing over the fact that his son-inspired candy was the least successful. Anyhow, Francois selects the mendient chocolate as the one to be sold nationally, opting to sprinkle a little salt on top to finish it.
Elimination Challenge. A sweet old man named Ben shuffles in, and explains to the chefs that he and his wife will soon be celebrating their 61st anniversary. Gail tells them that they'll each be making an anniversary cake for the happy couple, which will be judged on appearance, and of course, flavor. The cake, that is. Not the couple. Ben relays as naughty a meeting story as sixty-three years ago gets, saying that he met his wife at a beach party and went swimming with her. Ooh, saucy! I'll bet he even saw her ankles! Naughty minx. They were married two years later. Aw. The chefs head off for thirty minutes of shopping with a $200 budget. Danielle complains about Morgan's overconfidence, and not without reason.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs have ten hours of prep time, and will have two hours tomorrow to finish up. Zac is nervous, not only because getting a spot in the final three rests on this challenge (understandable), but because this isn't his type of challenge (not understandable). I mean, come on. "I'm going to totally PWN this dessert competition! As long as they don't ask me to make a basic cake!" I still don't understand how someone who made an almost wearable dress out of chocolate gets completely stymied by something almost any of us could do with a week's practice and a decent stand mixer. Gail enters, and tells the chefs they get to spend some time with Ben and his wife to glean some inspiration. And who does Ben's wife turn out to be? Sylvia Weinstock. Ooh, this will add some pressure. Good challenge idea. Sylvia offers some history to help the chefs out, such as the colors of her wedding dress and bouquet, the time she and Ben spent smooching under a piano (heh), and the flavors they prefer. Much like me, she's a lemon baby.
Once Ben and Sylvia leave, the chefs begin their prep in earnest. Morgan crabs about Zac, who earlier crabbed about Danielle, who earlier crabbed about Morgan, who was earlier crabbed about by Gidget. In case you've forgotten, the theme of this episode is deep, loving, respectful relationships. Danielle makes a gray icing to represent Sylvia's gray wedding dress, and hopes to incorporate pink flowers as well. Zac wants to cement two cakes together with passion fruit ice cream. He and Gidget share some Plastic gossip, before Johnny stops by to Ptimewaste. Zac promises to tone down his normal level of campy kitsch for this cake, while Morgan hopes to have learned a lesson from Sylvia's critiques of his wedding cake. Johnny worries that Gidget's cake will be too fussy and complicated, and that Danielle has to rise above her normal fair-to-middling challenge placement to earn a spot in the finale.
Zac completes his bottom layer, and to his credit, realizes that it does not look good. It's an odd shade of blue, and what appears to be an attempt at stripes has gone all wonky and uneven. He sighs that he'll just have to go for broke on the other sections of the cake. A stupid spat breaks out when Morgan hoards the piping bags (well, sort of -- again, they're in full view under his station), and explains that he's just getting Zac back for hoarding them earlier, because he is nine. It's actually Danielle who takes him to task for it, and although she's got at least a dozen valid points to attack him on, she just settles for sneering at him and telling him to shut up. Happy anniversary, Ben and Sylvia!
Time winds down, and the chefs store their cakes for transport. The next day, they're driven out to a mansion's backyard where the party has been set up. As mentioned, they've got two hours to finish their cakes, and Morgan brags that he only needs a quarter of that, settling down for a nice, quiet think about how awesome he is afterwards. Gidget snarks in interview that maybe Morgan should be checking his cake over for areas of improvement, because it looks awfully simple, and for once, I'm with him. It's pretty basic. Zac realizes that he's incapable of making something classy and restrained, and decides to just go full Valley of the Dolls all over his cake. Out comes the disco dust, and he turns what started out as an ugly cake into a SPECTACULARLY ugly cake.
The party begins, and the cakes are presented. Gail leads the judges, hosts, and the couple of the hour down the line. Morgan's cake is a simple, circular, white tiered cake with some piping and a piano on top. The top tier is lemon and raspberry panna cotta, and the bottom is a dark chocolate sponge cake with ganache. Tasting. Everyone has positive things to report. Sylvia enjoyed both tiers, and his presentation is lauded. Danielle's cake is battleship gray accented with pink roses, and is accented with decoration to emulate piano keys. It's finished off with Ben and Sylvia's monogram in gold lettering. The cake itself is chocolate, with sour cherry compote and Greek yogurt ice cream. Spew. The judges disagree. They love the flavor, even if they find the gray icing a bit odd. Zac's cake... What to say about Zac's cake... Well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words, but in this case, I'd say we could squeeze out about double that:
This tower of shit would be out of place at a kid's birthday party, nevermind an anniversary party attended by actual adults. The lady who runs Cakewrecks would look and this and say "That's it. The blog can end now. We have a winner." I mean, listen. I know the challenges are tough, the time constraints are a killer, and by this point in the competition, everyone has gone stark raving mad (except Seth, whose starting point was stark raving mad). But I'm hard pressed to look at that thing and think of how Zac could have fucked it up more. He makes up some twaddle about how the blue icing symbolizes the water, and the black and white circles, a piano. The judges do their best not to double over in hysterical laughter right there at the table.
I suppose I should mention what the cake is made of, though it hardly seems to matter. The top tier is dark chocolate and fresh raspberry, while the bottom tier is lemon sponge cake with raspberry jam. That actually sounds fairly good, though I'm not sure I'd enjoy the passion fruit ice cream cementing the layers together. Tasting. The judges naturally hate the presentation, but find some nice things to say about some of the flavor components, though Francois notes a nasty aftertaste of burnt cocoa powder. By contrast, Gidget's cake appears quite lovely. It's a pleasant shade of pale yellow, with piano keys on the side, and a vibrant pink flower decoration on top. The top layer is almond cake with chocolate mousse. The bottom layer is sponge cake with lemon cream. That all sounds great. Unfortunately, as Gidget cuts into the cake to serve the judges a slice, it kind of disintegrates. Tasting. It turns out that the subtitles have woefully under-described the cake, and Gidget has thrown all sorts of bells and whistles into the mix that compete and fight each other. The judges aren't too pleased with it, finding it a bit of an overcomplicated mess.
The party winds down, and the chefs taste each others' cakes. Gidget compliments Danielle's. Danielle interviews that she feels pretty good about this challenge, and is grateful that they're judged anew each episode, because no matter how close she's come to elimination before, as long as she hasn't made the ugliest cake the judges have ever seen this time around (I'll leave you to intuit the image they flash on the screen at this point), she should be safe. Zac interviews that he knows he didn't put out a good product, but thinks he should get to the finale over Morgan anyway, based on pure gumption and risk-taking. In other words, we're already back to the remarkable attitude I mentioned in the last episode: "I really messed up, but feel that there should be zero consequence." I'm continually gobsmacked by this theory that taking a risk should automatically carry with it the reward for the risk being successful. That's not really what a risk is. Sometimes you achieve something great. And sometimes you make the ugliest cake in history. Life isn't the second-grade science fair, kids. You don't get a blue ribbon just for participating.
Interstitial. Morgan tells us that he's always the last chef to leave the apartment in the morning. Fascinating. Do they really think these little scenes stop people from blowing by with their DVRs? Hell, what do I know? Maybe they do.
Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Morgan makes a tortured analogy about how the Top Chef experience is like climbing a mountain. The chefs share a brief moment of commiseration before going out to face the judges. Zac's arms are already crossed defensively. Gail reminds us that the challenge winner will receive $15,000 and a guaranteed spot in the finale. Not bad for a layer cake. Danielle's cake was imaginative, and had spot-on flavor. The worst thing they can find to say about it was that the gray icing was an odd choice. Gidget wanted to tell a story with his cake, but in adding so much detail, he made it overcomplicated. His flavored buttercream was nice, though, as was his elegant presentation.
Morgan's presentation was classically simple, though Francois thinks the panna cotta needed some acidity, Hubert thinks the chocolate layer was a bit dry, and Johnny says his shell border was uneven. Man, they are just killing him on the details. Zac admits to struggling with this challenge, saying that "Sylvia is a force to be reckoned with." I guess it's her fault that his cake looked like Beach Blanket Bingo exploded all over it. Hubert did like that the cake was moist, but that's about all the praise it gets. Zac, perhaps having realized that "I should be rewarded for taking a risk that didn't work out," isn't enough of an argument, reaches for the only thing he can think of to save himself, and sinks to an even weirder and more off-putting defense.
See if you can follow this one: Zac feels that because he is more emotional and effusive, he deserves a spot in the finale more than Morgan does. You see, because Morgan doesn't fall all over himself weeping and rending his clothing every time he wins a challenge, that must mean he doesn't care about the competition, and thus, should be eliminated. Morgan, his voice shaking with fury, responds with both barrels. He says it's not in his character to jump up and down and flail around singing showtunes like a little girl when he's happy or excited. That statement can certainly be read as an upsettingly homophobic attack, and while I'm trying to get offended on Zac's behalf, I just can't get there. If Morgan had said the same thing out of the blue, I'd be apoplectic, but Zac had that coming. He just impugned Morgan's character in an effort to distract from his own shitty work, and to me, that's a bigger character flaw than shining a spotlight on a bully's biggest insecurity. Sorry to all my homo brethren for that, but being oppressed doesn't give us the right to be raging assholes for no reason.
Gail nods and somewhat hilariously squeaks out "Okay..." before dismissing the chefs. Back in the Kitchen, Zac decides to cover himself in even more glory by sheepishly telling Morgan that attacking his character was "personality, not personal". Dude, if you're going to be such a nasty person, you may as well own it. Stop trying to pretend like your vicious attack was just a show for the judges, and lets-all-go-grab-a-cup-of-coffee-and-laugh-about-it. Morgan says it better than I could in interview: "Yeah, it is personality. And yours sucks. Go buy a new one." Deliberations. Zac's presentation sucked, and the flavor didn't do much to save it. Morgan's cake was a bit too simple and bland, though it was appropriate to the occasion. Danielle's cake was great, though the judges harp on the icing color again. Gidget's cake was lovely on the outside and a convoluted mess on the inside. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Johnny congratulates all four of the chefs, and pretends that they're wonderful people who make him proud to be a pastry chef. Really? They generally strike me as egocentric children who make me want to run away screaming. Francois gets to announce the challenge winner, who turns out to be... Danielle. Despite their earlier carping, Morgan immediately reaches out to give her a hug. Zac and Gidget applaud her. In an eerie callback to Morgan's tirade about jumping up and down like a girl, she...jumps up and down. She's ecstatic with her win and her spot in the finale. After she's dismissed, the judges address the other chefs. Morgan played it safe, Zac put too much of his own personality into his cake (heh), and Gidget needs restraint. We go over to Gail for the chop. Zac. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. Whee!
Final interview. Zac isn't surprised by his elimination, though he makes sure to sneak in a crack about Morgan's rubbery cake. He tells us that he can't wait to see what comes after this in his career. Hey, as long as whatever he does next isn't on my television screen, I wish him all the best. As it is, after that cake and that "professionalism", this elimination is so satisfying, I may need to take up smoking.
Overall Grade: C+
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Tea Bagged
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 8
Previously on Just Desserts: The chefs were split into teams. The Plastics were thrilled that they could finally show their might as a cohesive unit, and they got off to a good start when they won the Quickfire. Plastics forever! Or at least until the Elimination Challenge, where they fell apart! They were plagued by decor and presentation problems, but those were nothing in comparison to Heatherh's craptastic dough. And just like that, the Top Chef Plastics lost their Regina George. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Leftover Halloween candy, of course. I would have been satisfied with just that, when suddenly, Panny and Phooey appeared at the door with banana muffins with chocolate chips, right out of the oven. Bliss.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Danielle indulges in a little smug satisfaction that the Plastics were knocked off their high horse. She also takes a moment to stress over the fact that she's the last woman standing. Gidget bemoans the loss of Heatherh, saying that she was an ultra-talented chef, and he can't believe that the Plastics wound up in the bottom three. It always tickles me to see contestants take that tack: "Well our pastry dough sucked beyond measure, but I can't believe we lost!" "Well, my food was terrible in both the Quickfire and Elimination challenges, but I was hoping the judges would overlook that because I have so much potential!" "Well, we started in sixth place, but I'm totally shocked that the people we're racing against managed to get on a decent flight!" Or basically, any version of "I really messed up, but feel that there should be zero consequence." It's incredible. Everyone heads out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and this week's guest judge, Shinmin Li. Shinmin is a cake decorator, and we see some shots of her truly impressive work. Gail explains that in this Quickfire, the chefs will be making edible bouquets of flowers. Eric doesn't have experience with pulling sugar, but hopes that buttercream flowers will be just as artistic. Morgan, on the other hand, is looking forward to pulling more techniques out of his bag of tricks. The chefs will have three hours to get everything done, and the winner will receive $5000. Ready? Go!
Zac immediately grabs the vase made out of mirrors. What a shock. He also stocks up on chocolate. Danielle peels oranges, and interviews that she doesn't really work with sugar flowers, preferring to work with real flowers instead. Ooh, that reminds me that I haven't had candied violets in a while. Those things are awesome. Eric works on making a large cake in the brioche mold, which he'll then decorate with icing flowers. Gidget begins making orchid petals, but wants to go the extra step by eschewing the actual vases in favor of making his own out of pulled sugar. Good idea! Morgan works on chocolate flowers, but makes sure to add in some color with pulled sugar. Gidget works on his vases. For some reason, he's making them on a table shared with other equipment instead of on his own station. He explains to us how fragile and delicate the vases are. Yeah, but if they work out, they'll blow the judges' socks off.
When Gidget goes back to work on the rest of his bouquet, Morgan steps in to use the heat lamp next to the sugar vases. Heatherh's lip isn't the only thing his elbow hates, and he winds up accidentally shattering one of Gidget's vases. Oh, shit! Maybe it's time to keep a closer eye on those gangly appendages, dude. He apologizes to Gidget, who suggests in interview that he wouldn't put it past Morgan to break the vase on purpose. Way to piss away any sympathy I had for you. Just when you were beginning to impress me, too. Gidget takes the other vase back to his station to gently lower over his flowers. The camera crew knows to keep a close eye on this one, the better to see it shatter, which it does. Ouch. Gidget manages to refrain from accusing himself of cheating. To his credit, he wastes little time in self-pity, and runs to get an actual vase from the shelf. Meanwhile, Zac flails. He tells us he has no idea what he's doing. I'm honestly confused how a guy who's supremely confident in his ability to make wearable dresses out of chocolate can't figure out a bouquet. There's a final work montage, and then time is up.
Gidget shit-talks everyone else's work before Shinmin and Gail go down the line. Morgan has made flowers out of chocolate, but as promised, there are pops of color with pulled sugar bows and blossoms. The chocolate color blends perfectly into the vase, making that look edible as well. It's really beautiful. Danielle's presentation includes candied orange peel, sugar cookies, and marshmallow flowers. The best way I can describe it is that it looks like it would be used as stage decoration in a school play. I mean that in both the positive and negative senses. On the one hand, it's colorful and vibrant, and super-cute. But on the flip side, it has no flip side. It's essentially a two-dimensional bouquet. Plus, it's a little Pee-Wee's Playhouse. If eight-year-olds were judging this challenge, she'd win it in a walk. Gidget describes the saga of his shattered vases. He's bounced back to fill a glass vase with tropical roses and leaves made out of tempered cocoa butter.
Zac tries the well-known tactic of calling something "modern" to explain its ugliness. A sculptural mirror vase has chocolate blades placed here and there in flowerish shapes. Chocolate leaves lie in a pile at the bottom. His beloved disco glitter is also blown all over his work. "It is pretty disco-y," Shinmin says. She does not mean it as a compliment. Eric has made a giant cupcake, which is topped with gum paste and buttercream flowers.
Results. The bottom three kicks off with Zac, whose chocolate work is messy. Eric's should have been higher, and his piping work wasn't sharp enough. Eric, usually all too happy to agree with the judges' critiques, takes issue for once. He liked what he did just fine. The last of the bottom three is Danielle, who should have done a piece that can be viewed from any angle. That leaves the other guys in the top. Shinmin manages to chide Morgan for not doing enough, even as she calls his work the most professional presentation of the bunch. Gidget's final presentation is well-balanced, with each petal having individual personality. The winner of the challenge and the wad of money is... Morgan. Gidget makes sure to interview that if Morgan hadn't shattered one of his vases, Gidget himself could have won. Of course, he may also have won if he hadn't shattered the other one himself, but God forbid a Plastic indulge in some self-reflection. Morgan helpfully tallies his cumulative winnings for us, saying he's earned $36,000 to date.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be catering a tea party for Dana Cowin and "some of her friends". That lady certainly enjoys hosting fake parties. Naturally, the party has a theme: Celebri-tea. The chefs will be creating desserts inspired by contemporary celebrity duos. Each chef will make a hundred portions of two little desserts. Zac giggles. Morgan awesomely rolls his eyes. Yeah, this is dumb.
After the challenge is outlined, the chefs head for the store with a $300 budget. Danielle stocks up on strawberries, saying she's going to do something red to symbolize redhead Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter. Zac's chosen celebrity couple is Julie Andrews and Blake Edwards. He has all sorts of ideas to work off of "A Spoonful of Sugar" and the Pink Panther movies. Clever. He intentionally steers clear of any idea that incorporates chocolate, wanting to expand his horizons and distance himself from his woeful Quickfire performance. Morgan, who has zero knowledge and negative interest in celebrities, pages through a tabloid for inspiration. He finds a story about Kim Kardashian being mad that Reggie Bush won't propose, and runs with it. He compares the situation to the wild controversy surrounding sachertortes, and if they're supposed to be made with raspberry or apricot. Yeah, I remember them having a hot debate about that on Meet the Press. Gidget's inspiration is Madonna and Guy Ritchie, whose conflict-ridden relationship will be shown with dueling chocolate desserts. Eric chooses Oprah and Stedman. So, I guess one of the desserts will have a giant beard on it? The worst Frankenbyte I've ever heard suggests Eric will be grabbing all the chocolate he needs from the Kitchen pantry. Seriously, that quote was patched together from about five different sources.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs get going on their three hours of prep. They quickly discover that a trap has been set for them while they were out shopping: All of the chocolate has been removed from the pantry. Johnny walks in, and announces that for this challenge, there will be no chocolate allowed, because chocolate is never the star of tea parties. Well, sure. The last time you were at a non-political tea party meant for adults and composed of desserts inspired by celebrity duos, was there any chocolate offered? WELL, WAS THERE?!?!? I love how Johnny's pretending this twist has anything to do with the real world. It's like when OJ tells models that learning how to strut on tilting platforms suspended over water is an essential job skill.
Once Johnny's gone, the chefs get back to work. Zac's earlier decision to avoid chocolate has suddenly given him an advantage, since he doesn't have to change anything about his original plan. Danielle is also sitting pretty. The others are forced to scramble. Gidget, in particular, has no idea what to do now. One of Eric's desserts was going to be chocolate, and he decides to replace it with a second shortbread, done in a different style than the one he was already planning. Morgan replaces his chocolate cake with a blonde version. Gidget hurries to come up with new ideas to execute, but his heart is definitely not in this challenge. Time winds down.
Later, the chefs arrive at the party site, where they get an additional hour to set up. The kitchen there is extremely hot and cramped. Eric interviews that he hates what his desserts have become since chocolate was taken off the menu, and by this point, all he can do is hope that they're good enough to pass him through to the next round. Danielle hurries to get everything done on time. Guests stream into the dining room and get seated. Dana Cowin pretends to have any sort of hostess/guest relationship with them. I guess tea parties are supposed to be all about imaginary guests anyway, so I can't complain. The judges settle in at their table. Shinmin, Dannielle, and of course Dana are sitting in with Johnny and Gail. They spew some bullshit about how taking chocolate away from the chefs after all the shopping was done has some sort of real world parallel. Guys, just stop. It's an off-kilter reality show challenge. That's all it is. It's fine, but stop pretending it has relevance out here.
Service starts, and Eric trudges out to the dining room with his despised desserts. His Stedman is a square rosemary shortbread with apricot compote. Oh, no! Never serve rosemary to Gail! Oprah is a round pecan shortbread (heh) with caramel. Johnny senses how nervous and upset Eric is, and advises him to take a deep breath. Aw. Tasting. The portions are too big, the presentation is lackluster, and the Oprah shortbread explodes when eaten (double heh). Still, the compote is tasty, and people seem to enjoy the rosemary shortbread.
Back in the kitchen, Morgan is making a nuisance of himself while Zac is trying to concentrate on getting things plated. You will note that although Zac complains about this in interview, he does not waffle on and on about how Morgan is a cheater, or how Morgan is just threatened by Zac's massive talent. Result? My momentary annoyance actually flows towards Morgan for once, and doesn't turn back on the original complainer. See how little it takes to get me on your side? Just focus on the actual transgression, and I'm all yours! Zac takes his desserts out to the dining room. His first dessert is a mascarpone cheesecake with Cap'n Crunch and tarragon sugar. I do try to separate people's personalities from their food, and Zac certainly racks up plenty of Limecrete's Pick of the Week dishes, as this cheesecake does. Yum. His second dessert is a pink pavlova with grapefruit curd and meringue. In an extremely shrewd move, he's shaped them so that the pavlova can be stacked on top of the cheesecake if the diners wish to do so. Genius! Tasting. The judges have nothing negative to say; they love everything he's done.
Danielle is running behind on time. Morgan is still in the way, and not helping her cause. She manages to get the desserts plated, and heads out to the dining room. Her Conan O'Brien dessert is a tall strawberry layer cake with strawberry jam and dried jalapeno. The Andy Richter is oatmeal cookie cake, with orange blossom water buttercream icing. Tasting. The leavening ratio seems to be off, and the jalapeno was very strong. Still, she had good instincts, and provided a nice variety of flavors in two little desserts. Morgan plates without incident, though he still misses that chocolate. His first dessert is a blonde sachertorte - an almond sponge cake with an apricot coulis and citrus buttercream. The second is a bittersweet citrus macaron. Tasting. The macaron gets decidedly mixed reviews. The almond flavor of the sponge cake is outstanding, but it isn't really the finger food it should be, and must be eaten with a spoon.
Gidget is racing to get plated in time. Morgan sees him struggling, and hopes he can rid himself of his strongest competitor. Gidget interviews that for the first time in the competition, he's not confident in the flavor combinations he's put together. Not only that, but he loses his race against the clock, and only a portion of the desserts go out to the dining room, though a full set does make it to the judges. Factor that into your guesswork about if incomplete plates must be sent to the judges, or can be pawned off on other diners. Gidget's first dessert is a citrus Greek yogurt cake, with a baked honey flan. The second is a brown butter sable, with dulce de leche and Calvados gelee. They both look pretty terrible. Tasting. The cake is moist, but bland. The sable has some good flavor, but is overly sweet. The diners find that Gidget's anxiety and his inability to finish on time shines through in the food. Service winds down. Eric notes how much Gidget has struggled, and sees a glimmer of hope for his own chances.
Interstitial. Danielle hogs the bathroom. She also takes a box of cereal in there with her, which is nasty.
Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Eric is explaining that no matter who goes home, all five of them have a lot to be proud of. I just adore him. Gail comes back, and summons Morgan, Zac, and Danielle to the table. To nobody's surprise, they are the top three. Morgan was easily able to work around the no-chocolate twist. Shinmin loved his almond cake. Zac's inspiration was top-notch, and his desserts were refined and elegant. Dannielle says that despite their sophistication, they were neither prissy nor boring.
Tiffany: "That's funny, because you are."
Danielle's desserts had a marvelous sense of fun, and they were both tasty. Johnny condescendingly tells her that she finally showed some commitment to following through on a plan. Thanks, Dad. Can I borrow the Camaro tonight? Shinmin gets to announce the challenge winner, who turns out to be... Well, Zac of course. I don't know why I even put in the Ellipsis of Suspense. Still, it's his first Elimination Challenge win, and he's ecstatic. His only prize is to send the remaining chefs out to Losers' Table.
Once they're in front of the judges, Gail asks what went wrong, as both of them were clearly beaten into depression by this challenge. Eric says that there was so much going on in his brain after the chocolate was taken away, he couldn't focus on anything. Dannielle says that his desserts lacked creativity, which is true, although she's way more concerned with how the shortbreads tied in to Oprah and Stedman than she should be. If Eric had made something completely delicious that had nothing to do with his chosen celebrities, nobody would care. Johnny says that even with all the challenge restrictions, Eric has an arsenal of tasty baking recipes at his command, and should have been able to come up with something better. I wish I could argue with that, but can't. Eric begins to well up with tears, and Gail kindly says that the judges know that he's an amazing baker, but they just couldn't find him in these particular desserts. That was nice. Eric makes no excuses, and freely admits that he really fell down on this challenge.
Gidget had similar problems. None of the judges have ever seen him so flustered. He explains that both of his desserts were originally based on chocolate, and when he attempted to bounce back and plan another set, he couldn't pull it together in time. Half the things he made for the final duo never even made it onto the plates. Dannielle continues to be obnoxiously obsessed with the celebrity tie-in. Lady, he barely got food on the plate. He didn't give two shits about whether or not the goddamn cake represented Madonna at that point, nor should he have. Shinmin has more legitimate complaints. The cake was mushy, and she didn't get any of the sage flavor Gidget infused into it.
Johnny adds that the presentation reminded him of frozen petit fours that cruise ships pull out of a box. There's a White Whine if I ever heard one. He wraps up by telling Gidget that his desserts literally made Johnny angry. Listen, I'll bet Johnny is an amazing pastry chef, and I'll bet he's a blast to hang out with. That said, he's kind of a crap judge. Maybe he can work on it in the off season. Ptom has definitely improved, so Johnny's certainly not beyond hope. Like Eric, Gidget offers no excuse for his poor showing, though he does mention that he fell apart after Heatherh was eliminated. That does not help his case. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Neither of the bottom two were their usual talented selves. Johnny says that this challenge is about more than just flavor. Gidget had a better concept than Eric, whose shortbreads were both disappointing. However, none of Gidget's food lived up to expectations. It's neck and neck, but the judges do manage to make a decision.
Elimination. Eric's desserts were flat and uninspired. Gidget let his emotions take over, to his food's detriment. We go over to Gail for the chop. Eric. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He shakes the judges' hands, and Johnny makes sure to tell him he's a great chef on his way out. Aw. In his final interview, Eric says that he cracked under the pressure, and he's frankly glad to be going when he is. All of the other chefs are devastated to lose such a kind competitor, and they all hug and congratulate him on being so awesome. Eric is happy for the friendship and validation he's gotten through this process, officially marking the first time that I've been more upset about a chef's elimination than the chef himself. Sniff.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Just Desserts: The chefs were split into teams. The Plastics were thrilled that they could finally show their might as a cohesive unit, and they got off to a good start when they won the Quickfire. Plastics forever! Or at least until the Elimination Challenge, where they fell apart! They were plagued by decor and presentation problems, but those were nothing in comparison to Heatherh's craptastic dough. And just like that, the Top Chef Plastics lost their Regina George. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Leftover Halloween candy, of course. I would have been satisfied with just that, when suddenly, Panny and Phooey appeared at the door with banana muffins with chocolate chips, right out of the oven. Bliss.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Danielle indulges in a little smug satisfaction that the Plastics were knocked off their high horse. She also takes a moment to stress over the fact that she's the last woman standing. Gidget bemoans the loss of Heatherh, saying that she was an ultra-talented chef, and he can't believe that the Plastics wound up in the bottom three. It always tickles me to see contestants take that tack: "Well our pastry dough sucked beyond measure, but I can't believe we lost!" "Well, my food was terrible in both the Quickfire and Elimination challenges, but I was hoping the judges would overlook that because I have so much potential!" "Well, we started in sixth place, but I'm totally shocked that the people we're racing against managed to get on a decent flight!" Or basically, any version of "I really messed up, but feel that there should be zero consequence." It's incredible. Everyone heads out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and this week's guest judge, Shinmin Li. Shinmin is a cake decorator, and we see some shots of her truly impressive work. Gail explains that in this Quickfire, the chefs will be making edible bouquets of flowers. Eric doesn't have experience with pulling sugar, but hopes that buttercream flowers will be just as artistic. Morgan, on the other hand, is looking forward to pulling more techniques out of his bag of tricks. The chefs will have three hours to get everything done, and the winner will receive $5000. Ready? Go!
Zac immediately grabs the vase made out of mirrors. What a shock. He also stocks up on chocolate. Danielle peels oranges, and interviews that she doesn't really work with sugar flowers, preferring to work with real flowers instead. Ooh, that reminds me that I haven't had candied violets in a while. Those things are awesome. Eric works on making a large cake in the brioche mold, which he'll then decorate with icing flowers. Gidget begins making orchid petals, but wants to go the extra step by eschewing the actual vases in favor of making his own out of pulled sugar. Good idea! Morgan works on chocolate flowers, but makes sure to add in some color with pulled sugar. Gidget works on his vases. For some reason, he's making them on a table shared with other equipment instead of on his own station. He explains to us how fragile and delicate the vases are. Yeah, but if they work out, they'll blow the judges' socks off.
When Gidget goes back to work on the rest of his bouquet, Morgan steps in to use the heat lamp next to the sugar vases. Heatherh's lip isn't the only thing his elbow hates, and he winds up accidentally shattering one of Gidget's vases. Oh, shit! Maybe it's time to keep a closer eye on those gangly appendages, dude. He apologizes to Gidget, who suggests in interview that he wouldn't put it past Morgan to break the vase on purpose. Way to piss away any sympathy I had for you. Just when you were beginning to impress me, too. Gidget takes the other vase back to his station to gently lower over his flowers. The camera crew knows to keep a close eye on this one, the better to see it shatter, which it does. Ouch. Gidget manages to refrain from accusing himself of cheating. To his credit, he wastes little time in self-pity, and runs to get an actual vase from the shelf. Meanwhile, Zac flails. He tells us he has no idea what he's doing. I'm honestly confused how a guy who's supremely confident in his ability to make wearable dresses out of chocolate can't figure out a bouquet. There's a final work montage, and then time is up.
Gidget shit-talks everyone else's work before Shinmin and Gail go down the line. Morgan has made flowers out of chocolate, but as promised, there are pops of color with pulled sugar bows and blossoms. The chocolate color blends perfectly into the vase, making that look edible as well. It's really beautiful. Danielle's presentation includes candied orange peel, sugar cookies, and marshmallow flowers. The best way I can describe it is that it looks like it would be used as stage decoration in a school play. I mean that in both the positive and negative senses. On the one hand, it's colorful and vibrant, and super-cute. But on the flip side, it has no flip side. It's essentially a two-dimensional bouquet. Plus, it's a little Pee-Wee's Playhouse. If eight-year-olds were judging this challenge, she'd win it in a walk. Gidget describes the saga of his shattered vases. He's bounced back to fill a glass vase with tropical roses and leaves made out of tempered cocoa butter.
Zac tries the well-known tactic of calling something "modern" to explain its ugliness. A sculptural mirror vase has chocolate blades placed here and there in flowerish shapes. Chocolate leaves lie in a pile at the bottom. His beloved disco glitter is also blown all over his work. "It is pretty disco-y," Shinmin says. She does not mean it as a compliment. Eric has made a giant cupcake, which is topped with gum paste and buttercream flowers.
Results. The bottom three kicks off with Zac, whose chocolate work is messy. Eric's should have been higher, and his piping work wasn't sharp enough. Eric, usually all too happy to agree with the judges' critiques, takes issue for once. He liked what he did just fine. The last of the bottom three is Danielle, who should have done a piece that can be viewed from any angle. That leaves the other guys in the top. Shinmin manages to chide Morgan for not doing enough, even as she calls his work the most professional presentation of the bunch. Gidget's final presentation is well-balanced, with each petal having individual personality. The winner of the challenge and the wad of money is... Morgan. Gidget makes sure to interview that if Morgan hadn't shattered one of his vases, Gidget himself could have won. Of course, he may also have won if he hadn't shattered the other one himself, but God forbid a Plastic indulge in some self-reflection. Morgan helpfully tallies his cumulative winnings for us, saying he's earned $36,000 to date.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be catering a tea party for Dana Cowin and "some of her friends". That lady certainly enjoys hosting fake parties. Naturally, the party has a theme: Celebri-tea. The chefs will be creating desserts inspired by contemporary celebrity duos. Each chef will make a hundred portions of two little desserts. Zac giggles. Morgan awesomely rolls his eyes. Yeah, this is dumb.
After the challenge is outlined, the chefs head for the store with a $300 budget. Danielle stocks up on strawberries, saying she's going to do something red to symbolize redhead Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter. Zac's chosen celebrity couple is Julie Andrews and Blake Edwards. He has all sorts of ideas to work off of "A Spoonful of Sugar" and the Pink Panther movies. Clever. He intentionally steers clear of any idea that incorporates chocolate, wanting to expand his horizons and distance himself from his woeful Quickfire performance. Morgan, who has zero knowledge and negative interest in celebrities, pages through a tabloid for inspiration. He finds a story about Kim Kardashian being mad that Reggie Bush won't propose, and runs with it. He compares the situation to the wild controversy surrounding sachertortes, and if they're supposed to be made with raspberry or apricot. Yeah, I remember them having a hot debate about that on Meet the Press. Gidget's inspiration is Madonna and Guy Ritchie, whose conflict-ridden relationship will be shown with dueling chocolate desserts. Eric chooses Oprah and Stedman. So, I guess one of the desserts will have a giant beard on it? The worst Frankenbyte I've ever heard suggests Eric will be grabbing all the chocolate he needs from the Kitchen pantry. Seriously, that quote was patched together from about five different sources.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs get going on their three hours of prep. They quickly discover that a trap has been set for them while they were out shopping: All of the chocolate has been removed from the pantry. Johnny walks in, and announces that for this challenge, there will be no chocolate allowed, because chocolate is never the star of tea parties. Well, sure. The last time you were at a non-political tea party meant for adults and composed of desserts inspired by celebrity duos, was there any chocolate offered? WELL, WAS THERE?!?!? I love how Johnny's pretending this twist has anything to do with the real world. It's like when OJ tells models that learning how to strut on tilting platforms suspended over water is an essential job skill.
Once Johnny's gone, the chefs get back to work. Zac's earlier decision to avoid chocolate has suddenly given him an advantage, since he doesn't have to change anything about his original plan. Danielle is also sitting pretty. The others are forced to scramble. Gidget, in particular, has no idea what to do now. One of Eric's desserts was going to be chocolate, and he decides to replace it with a second shortbread, done in a different style than the one he was already planning. Morgan replaces his chocolate cake with a blonde version. Gidget hurries to come up with new ideas to execute, but his heart is definitely not in this challenge. Time winds down.
Later, the chefs arrive at the party site, where they get an additional hour to set up. The kitchen there is extremely hot and cramped. Eric interviews that he hates what his desserts have become since chocolate was taken off the menu, and by this point, all he can do is hope that they're good enough to pass him through to the next round. Danielle hurries to get everything done on time. Guests stream into the dining room and get seated. Dana Cowin pretends to have any sort of hostess/guest relationship with them. I guess tea parties are supposed to be all about imaginary guests anyway, so I can't complain. The judges settle in at their table. Shinmin, Dannielle, and of course Dana are sitting in with Johnny and Gail. They spew some bullshit about how taking chocolate away from the chefs after all the shopping was done has some sort of real world parallel. Guys, just stop. It's an off-kilter reality show challenge. That's all it is. It's fine, but stop pretending it has relevance out here.
Service starts, and Eric trudges out to the dining room with his despised desserts. His Stedman is a square rosemary shortbread with apricot compote. Oh, no! Never serve rosemary to Gail! Oprah is a round pecan shortbread (heh) with caramel. Johnny senses how nervous and upset Eric is, and advises him to take a deep breath. Aw. Tasting. The portions are too big, the presentation is lackluster, and the Oprah shortbread explodes when eaten (double heh). Still, the compote is tasty, and people seem to enjoy the rosemary shortbread.
Back in the kitchen, Morgan is making a nuisance of himself while Zac is trying to concentrate on getting things plated. You will note that although Zac complains about this in interview, he does not waffle on and on about how Morgan is a cheater, or how Morgan is just threatened by Zac's massive talent. Result? My momentary annoyance actually flows towards Morgan for once, and doesn't turn back on the original complainer. See how little it takes to get me on your side? Just focus on the actual transgression, and I'm all yours! Zac takes his desserts out to the dining room. His first dessert is a mascarpone cheesecake with Cap'n Crunch and tarragon sugar. I do try to separate people's personalities from their food, and Zac certainly racks up plenty of Limecrete's Pick of the Week dishes, as this cheesecake does. Yum. His second dessert is a pink pavlova with grapefruit curd and meringue. In an extremely shrewd move, he's shaped them so that the pavlova can be stacked on top of the cheesecake if the diners wish to do so. Genius! Tasting. The judges have nothing negative to say; they love everything he's done.
Danielle is running behind on time. Morgan is still in the way, and not helping her cause. She manages to get the desserts plated, and heads out to the dining room. Her Conan O'Brien dessert is a tall strawberry layer cake with strawberry jam and dried jalapeno. The Andy Richter is oatmeal cookie cake, with orange blossom water buttercream icing. Tasting. The leavening ratio seems to be off, and the jalapeno was very strong. Still, she had good instincts, and provided a nice variety of flavors in two little desserts. Morgan plates without incident, though he still misses that chocolate. His first dessert is a blonde sachertorte - an almond sponge cake with an apricot coulis and citrus buttercream. The second is a bittersweet citrus macaron. Tasting. The macaron gets decidedly mixed reviews. The almond flavor of the sponge cake is outstanding, but it isn't really the finger food it should be, and must be eaten with a spoon.
Gidget is racing to get plated in time. Morgan sees him struggling, and hopes he can rid himself of his strongest competitor. Gidget interviews that for the first time in the competition, he's not confident in the flavor combinations he's put together. Not only that, but he loses his race against the clock, and only a portion of the desserts go out to the dining room, though a full set does make it to the judges. Factor that into your guesswork about if incomplete plates must be sent to the judges, or can be pawned off on other diners. Gidget's first dessert is a citrus Greek yogurt cake, with a baked honey flan. The second is a brown butter sable, with dulce de leche and Calvados gelee. They both look pretty terrible. Tasting. The cake is moist, but bland. The sable has some good flavor, but is overly sweet. The diners find that Gidget's anxiety and his inability to finish on time shines through in the food. Service winds down. Eric notes how much Gidget has struggled, and sees a glimmer of hope for his own chances.
Interstitial. Danielle hogs the bathroom. She also takes a box of cereal in there with her, which is nasty.
Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Eric is explaining that no matter who goes home, all five of them have a lot to be proud of. I just adore him. Gail comes back, and summons Morgan, Zac, and Danielle to the table. To nobody's surprise, they are the top three. Morgan was easily able to work around the no-chocolate twist. Shinmin loved his almond cake. Zac's inspiration was top-notch, and his desserts were refined and elegant. Dannielle says that despite their sophistication, they were neither prissy nor boring.
Tiffany: "That's funny, because you are."
Danielle's desserts had a marvelous sense of fun, and they were both tasty. Johnny condescendingly tells her that she finally showed some commitment to following through on a plan. Thanks, Dad. Can I borrow the Camaro tonight? Shinmin gets to announce the challenge winner, who turns out to be... Well, Zac of course. I don't know why I even put in the Ellipsis of Suspense. Still, it's his first Elimination Challenge win, and he's ecstatic. His only prize is to send the remaining chefs out to Losers' Table.
Once they're in front of the judges, Gail asks what went wrong, as both of them were clearly beaten into depression by this challenge. Eric says that there was so much going on in his brain after the chocolate was taken away, he couldn't focus on anything. Dannielle says that his desserts lacked creativity, which is true, although she's way more concerned with how the shortbreads tied in to Oprah and Stedman than she should be. If Eric had made something completely delicious that had nothing to do with his chosen celebrities, nobody would care. Johnny says that even with all the challenge restrictions, Eric has an arsenal of tasty baking recipes at his command, and should have been able to come up with something better. I wish I could argue with that, but can't. Eric begins to well up with tears, and Gail kindly says that the judges know that he's an amazing baker, but they just couldn't find him in these particular desserts. That was nice. Eric makes no excuses, and freely admits that he really fell down on this challenge.
Gidget had similar problems. None of the judges have ever seen him so flustered. He explains that both of his desserts were originally based on chocolate, and when he attempted to bounce back and plan another set, he couldn't pull it together in time. Half the things he made for the final duo never even made it onto the plates. Dannielle continues to be obnoxiously obsessed with the celebrity tie-in. Lady, he barely got food on the plate. He didn't give two shits about whether or not the goddamn cake represented Madonna at that point, nor should he have. Shinmin has more legitimate complaints. The cake was mushy, and she didn't get any of the sage flavor Gidget infused into it.
Johnny adds that the presentation reminded him of frozen petit fours that cruise ships pull out of a box. There's a White Whine if I ever heard one. He wraps up by telling Gidget that his desserts literally made Johnny angry. Listen, I'll bet Johnny is an amazing pastry chef, and I'll bet he's a blast to hang out with. That said, he's kind of a crap judge. Maybe he can work on it in the off season. Ptom has definitely improved, so Johnny's certainly not beyond hope. Like Eric, Gidget offers no excuse for his poor showing, though he does mention that he fell apart after Heatherh was eliminated. That does not help his case. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Neither of the bottom two were their usual talented selves. Johnny says that this challenge is about more than just flavor. Gidget had a better concept than Eric, whose shortbreads were both disappointing. However, none of Gidget's food lived up to expectations. It's neck and neck, but the judges do manage to make a decision.
Elimination. Eric's desserts were flat and uninspired. Gidget let his emotions take over, to his food's detriment. We go over to Gail for the chop. Eric. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He shakes the judges' hands, and Johnny makes sure to tell him he's a great chef on his way out. Aw. In his final interview, Eric says that he cracked under the pressure, and he's frankly glad to be going when he is. All of the other chefs are devastated to lose such a kind competitor, and they all hug and congratulate him on being so awesome. Eric is happy for the friendship and validation he's gotten through this process, officially marking the first time that I've been more upset about a chef's elimination than the chef himself. Sniff.
Overall Grade: B-
Monday, November 01, 2010
Melted Plastic
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 7
Previously on Just Desserts: Heatherh managed to turn a completely legitimate gripe about being elbowed in the face into a groundswell of support for the elbower. Gidget's sense of moral superiority served him in good stead when the challenge literally called for the chefs to see things in black and white. He picked up the challenge win, while Erika's odd-tasting ice cream got her the boot. Six chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Every two or three years, I get an undeniable craving for Fig Newtons, and this year's urge dovetailed nicely into a show about desserts. Also, we got to consume the fruits of our labors from this past Saturday's pumpkin-carving party, as our gracious hosts set out bowls of the roasted seeds. Some with cayenne pepper! Yay!
Monday Morning Quarterback session. The Plastics hang out together. Naturally. Heatherh interviews that the last challenge was her first time in the bottom three after several appearances in the top three, so she's not worried. Merely a bump in the road! Gidget smarms that he's had a target on his back from almost the very beginning of the competition. Yes, I'm sure the other chefs were quaking in their aprons when they heard your bake sale item was the least popular offering of the day. Morgan doesn't like the Plastics, but makes sure not to underestimate them when it comes to talent.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and Johnny. Gail informs them that from here on out, the winners of the Quickfires will not receive immunity. As to the challenge itself, it's lifted from its Top Chef ancestor. Luckily, it's the mise en place relay race, which I always enjoy. Of course, this one has a dessert twist on it, but first, the chefs need to be split into teams. The chefs draw their fake cookies, and in an odd twist of fate, the Plastics all wind up on the same team, which leaves Danielle/Morgan/Eric on the other. The Plastics are obviously thrilled about the situation, while Danielle is ready to take them on as a big, annoying bloc.
Tiffany: "Hey, Danielle. Why the long face?"
On to the race. First, someone will have to mold twelve perfect tart shells. Then, someone will pipe eight silver-dollar-sized buttercream roses. Then, someone will separate out six egg whites, and whip them into peaks stiff enough to hold over the chef's head for ten seconds without falling out. Finally, the entire team will roll out strudel dough to cover the entire length of the prep table, then fold the strudel up into it. To make up for the lack of immunity, the members of the winning team will get $3000 each. Not bad! Gail gives the teams one minute to decide who's doing which task. Once that's dispensed with, Johnny blasts his whistle, and the teams spring into action.
Danielle smokes Gidget on the tart shells. What was that about him being a giant threat, again? He asks for a check soon after, but Johnny tells him one of his shells is uneven, and he has to fix it. By the time he finishes, Eric has filled a pastry bag with buttercream, and is just starting on the roses. Heatherh hurries to catch up, and she is no slouch in the rose-making department. Eric may be being a bit too meticulous, or perhaps she just rocks, because she soon overtakes him. So, the teams are tied going into the egg whites. Morgan is confident that he can easily beat Zac, which he does, though he's overly proud of pulling out a four-second lead. It's a dead heat going into the strudel dough, which is pretty delicate work. It's easy to get holes and tears, so the dough must be gently massaged into shape. Morgan leads his team, but his tack appears to be too aggressive, and holes soon open up. The Plastics move a lot more smoothly and carefully, so it's no surprise that they finish first. At this point, the lead is a lot more significant, and it doesn't take much effort for the Plastics to roll up their apple strudel and win the challenge. They celebrate happily.
Elimination Challenge. As Gail begins the description, there's a shot of the truly wretched remains of the sadly symbolic Danielle/Morgan/Eric strudel dough. Since lifting the Quickfire Challenge wholesale from Top Chef: Original Recipe worked out so well, why not do it for the Elimination Challenge as well? Yes, it's the dessert version of Restaurant Wars. Well, it's never been my favorite challenge, but there's room for improvement in the translation between shows. Let's see how it goes. The two dessert shops will need to be well-stocked; each team member is responsible for making three items. Not only that, but the teams are required to include a bread item. Need some motivation? How about $30,000 to split amongst the winning team members? Danielle interviews that all of the remaining chefs have already won some prize money, save her, so she's looking forward to finally getting in on the action.
Tiffany: "You go get it, Oblong."
The teams head into the next room to check out the space. It's a bit sparse, but there are some nice elements, from the glass display case to the chalkboard menu square. The teams settle in for forty-five minutes of menu and decor planning. Theme comes up first. The Plastics want a candy store for adults, while the Non-Plastics aim for the dessert version of comfort food. As planning progresses, Danielle and Morgan begin to get a bit snippy and impatient with each other, but the Non-Plastics have the great good fortune of having Eric the Moderator as their third team member. He works to smooth over the tension while still making sure that decisions are getting made, and prevents what could easily have devolved into a real mess. I love Eric.
When menu planning ends, the teams head to the store for half an hour of shopping with a thousand-dollar budget. The Plastics load up on fun elements, like ribbons and bubbles. Zac describes his idea of putting flower arrangements in candy instead of water, snarking that the Non-Plastics have no style. So creative, that Zac! When I was a cater-waiter, I sure didn't see flowers stuck into vases of candy at approximately forty bazillion weddings! Or to put it another way, I did. Morgan sneaks into the employee area to ask for riper bananas. He's hoping the Plastics' overconfidence will be their downfall. What overconfidence? It's not like Gidget has said anything along the lines of "I have no idea what the Non-Plastics are making, but am sure that our ideas are better anyway". Until two seconds later.
Back in the Kitchen, the teams have five hours to prep. Heatherh provides the extra information that in addition to the bread item, two of the nine desserts must be served a la minute. She refers to the Non-Plastics as Team Loser. Keep riding on that glorious high horse, sweetness. It's not like pride has ever gone before a fall. Gidget interviews that the fastest way to get through the massive prep list is to set up an assembly line approach. Menus are described. As usual, we'll get to the food later. Heatherh doesn't trust the dough-rolling machine (and doesn't feel like waiting for the Non-Plastics to be done with it), and decides she's going to roll out all of the Plastics' dough by hand. Some minor drama erupts when Morgan cannot find a couple of bags of lemon. Gidget swears that the Plastics don't have any of the Non-Plastics' lemons, but Morgan doesn't buy it. The tension is unbearable!!!! What has become of the lemons?!?! Are the teams about to brawl?!?!? We build to... Nothing. I hope you enjoyed the spat that wasn't, because we're never going to hear another word about it. Towards the end of prep time, Morgan is not as far along as he usually is, and his stress shows in a mini-tantrum of whining and cursing. Time runs out, and Eric and Danielle spend the evening trying to calm Morgan down so he doesn't torpedo the entire team's momentum.
The next day, the teams have two additional hours to get things finished. Eric hopes Morgan is in a better mood, and can get all his prep work done. Gidget worries that his menu ideas are over-ambitious. A bowl of whipped cream falls to the floor when he opens the fridge, spattering his shoes. That must have been annoying, though probably not upsetting enough to act like it's hydrochloric acid. Heatherh takes the bowl and tells him to calm down. She's got worries of her own, because the Plastics' display case is looking a little bare in comparison to the Non-Plastics'. Final preparations are hysterically made on both sides. The plates are arranged out in the display areas, and flowery menus are drawn on the chalkboards. Before you know it, diners are streaming in. One lady is Tina Fey's doppelganger. Zac and Gidget handle the front-of-house. Gidget somewhat hilariously gives Heatherh a royal backhanded compliment by saying that she's a fantastic pastry chef, but probably doesn't belong in a room with, you know, other people. Meanwhile, Danielle, who's always such a spitfire in her interviews, has left her personality back at the lofts. She greets the customers with the enthusiasm most of us would exhibit as we're being audited.
The judges enter, and head for the Plastics' side of the room first. Hubert joins Gail and Johnny this week, as does guest judge Nancy Silverton, who's a local pastry chef. The judges settle into a table. Johnny appreciates the playful decoration of the candy flowers, which are quite pretty. While we're on the topic of decor, though, Hubert wonders why there's an industrial rack full of food, while the display case is almost empty. Yeah, that's weird. Gidget approaches to present the dishes. Zac has made a donut filled with wild blueberry jam, served with a lemon verbena milkshake. He's also taken on the bread item, which is a fennel seed and kalamata brioche with white truffle butter, and wraps up with caramel popcorn with bacon fat. The judges heartily enjoy the donut, but are meh about the shake. The brioche gets a big thumbs up, while the popcorn is wildly inconsistent. Some of the kernels are bare, while others are drenched in bacon.
Gidget's desserts are up next. The first is a dark chocolate ganache tart with peanuts and caramel, followed by a margarita sorbet, and finishing with a fraisier with raspberry, strawberry, and a hibiscus gelee. Tasting. The sorbet has wonderful texture, and tastes mellow and delicious. The fraisier, on the other hand, doesn't measure up to its classy description, and the tart is as hard as a hockey puck. There is so much dough, Hubert almost shatters his plate when he tries to cut into it. Meanwhile, Zac has wandered back to the Kitchen, and is getting in Heatherh's way. She's in a foul mood, and since she can't yell at Morgan, she snaps at Zac to shut up when he tries to interject some suggestions about which plates go out next. Once they figure out the plate situation, he tells her never to tell him to shut up again. "Shut up," Heatherh responds without missing a beat. My left and right brain battle over whether that was uncalled for or awesome. I guess I can't see any reason why it can't be both.
Gidget presents Heatherh's desserts to the judges. First is a lemon cream tart, with a white chocolate cream and fresh raspberries. That's followed by a frozen key lime bar with a graham cracker crust and strawberry sauce. The last one is a chocolate pudding cup with some fresh mango garnish. Tasting. Before the judges dig in, they agree that Gidget has a very positive front-of-house presence. Gail likes Heatherh's presentation, until Hubert points out that the frozen key lime bars have her fingerprints all over them. Nancy finds the lime flavor too timid. Ugh. I wouldn't be Limecrete without a love of lime, and weak key lime pie is the worst. The pudding is nice, but Johnny notes that the crust on the lemon tart is the same thick mess that Gidget's tart had. After the judges leave, a bunch of picky eaters come up to place special requests. They do realize that this isn't an actual shop where they're paying customers, yes? To their credit, the Plastics accommodate everyone to the best of their ability.
The Non-Plastics have customer issues too. One guy is even allergic to nuts and processed sugar, which he notes sourly. He must be a blast at parties. Morgan takes on the challenge of making him a quick sorbet with liquid nitrogen, even though the judges are due any minute. Good for him. The judges soon appear in the Non-Plastics' line, and order one of everything. Danielle continues to have the personality of a carp. What the hell happened to her? Gail notes this once the judges are seated. She does appreciate how well-stocked and well-organized the display case is, though. Danielle presents Eric's dishes first, beginning with a classic chocolate chip cookie. That's followed by a vanilla malted layer cake with chocolate buttercream and malted candy. Finally, there's a banana loaf with brown butter and tangerine icing. Tasting. Everything gets mixed reviews. The layer cake is very rich and heavy, but the buttercream has wonderful texture. The cookie is an extremely simple idea, but fits well into the theme of comforting desserts that everyone loves. The banana loaf is a bit underdone, but the flavors work really well.
Danielle returns with her own desserts. The first one is a pistachio shortcake with lemon cream and strawberries. I like everything that's gone into it, but it's not very visually appealing. The second dessert is coffee cream pie with hazelnut brittle. Yay, hazelnut! That one's also kind of weird-looking. However, the third offering looks fantastic. It's a house-made ginger ale float with raspberry and tangerine lime sorbets. That float is really fighting it out with Zac's blueberry donut for Limecrete's Pick of the Week. Tasting. The float gets mostly positive feedback, as does the shortcake. The cream pie doesn't have enough coffee flavor.
Finally, we have Morgan's plates. The bread item is a pretzel stick served with two kinds of mustard. I'm sorry to keep harping on this, but Danielle is still presenting these with zero personality, and it is driving me up the fucking wall. Anyway. The second plate is a lovely chocolate cake with chocolate mousse and a creme brulee center. It's cut to show the layers as concentric squares, and looks awesome. The last plate is lemon fried pie with salted caramel ice cream. Yes, please! That's the third thing I want to make my pick of the week. Decisions, decisions. I think I'm going to have to go with the blueberry donut, simply because I haven't stopped craving one since the episode aired. Tasting. Morgan's ice cream is delicious, and his citrus element worked a lot better than Heatherh's. The pretzel is a tad too buttery, but Gail would love to pair one with a big ol' mug of beer. The layered cake is beautiful, and Morgan has shown the most range and sophistication of all of the chefs today. Service winds down. The guests fill out comment cards and compliment the chefs on their favorite dishes. The judges head out, and the chefs celebrate a job well done with their servers. Both teams hope they pulled out a win. Based on judge feedback, it could really go either way. Suspense!
Interstitial. Morgan and Danielle have a very sibling-like relationship, with all the pros and cons that go along with it.
Judges' Table. Both teams come out to hear the verdict. Gail tells them that there were highs and lows on both sides. The Non-Plastics had a very welcoming atmosphere, but Danielle didn't do a stellar job as hostess. Johnny proclaims that she was "laxadaisical" and too casual. Really, Johnny? Did she refudiate your notion of good service? Supposably, she should have done a better job. Perhaps we should hold off on the ten-cent words until we can handle the nickels. Now, to the food. Eric's banana loaf was pale and had issues with the leavening ratio. He admits that he couldn't remember the exact recipe. Morgan's cake, on the other hand, could easily be featured on any glossy cookbook page. Danielle knows her coffee cream pie didn't have enough coffee, even before the judges call her on it.
On to the Plastics. Zac's donut had perfect consistency, even reminding Hubert of his childhood back in France. The milkshake that was served alongside it may as well have not existed. Nancy tells him his brioche was perfect, and for once, his excitement seems genuine. Heatherh's key lime bar had fingerprints all over it, and the lime flavor was weak. The ganache in Gidget's tart was sensational, but it was ruined by the thick crust. Heatherh jumps in to take responsibility for making the dough. Gail pointlessly reiterates that admission before moving on to ask why the display case was so bare. Zac says that they were slammed with customers right before the judges showed up. Gail asks whose responsibility it was to keep the case stocked. "We all take ownership. We're a team," Heatherh responds.
Kender: "But of course I was in the Kitchen the whole time, so..."
Zac picks up the unity thread, and says that they'll either all rejoice in the prize money, or they'll all sink as a team. Well, that's sweet. Gail understands the sentiment, but says that only one person from the losing team is going home.
Tiffany (as Zac): "Oh, well then she did it."
The decision was a tough one, but as Nancy explains, if these two shops existed across the street from each other, the one that the judges would return to again and again is... The Non-Plastics. Yaaaaaaay! So, that's $10,000 a piece for Danielle, Morgan, and Eric, and the Plastics will lose a Mean Girl. What better result could there be? The Non-Plastics hug and celebrate. Eric is in tears. The Plastics suck a collective lemon, and Zac swipes at Danielle's cooking ability in interview. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Zac's milkshake was bland, and his popcorn was uneven. Heatherh's key lime bar was unpleasant, and her lemon tart included the horrible crust that she made. Gidget's fraisier was lackluster. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. That weird didgeridoo sound effect is back. Johnny tells the Plastics that the decision came down to details, but they fell short on both the atmosphere and the food. Zac and Gidget are both assigned blame for not keeping the display case full, and both of them had individual issues with their desserts. Heatherh's dough is simply unacceptable at this level of the competition. We go over the Gail for the chop. Heatherh. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. In her final interview, the first thing out of her mouth is how she's sure there were some people that should have gone first, but whatever. She makes sure to hug all of her chosen buddies on her way out, as we hear a voiceover of how grateful she is to have worked with said people. She started off as one of my favorites, and I'll bet she's one hell of a pastry chef. If she'd have kept her eyes on her own paper, I'd be cheering for her madly. But no. She had to have her powerful clique, and she had to obsess over her mortal enemy like an obnoxious teenager, and for that reason, I'm not sorry to see her go.
Overall Grade: C+
Previously on Just Desserts: Heatherh managed to turn a completely legitimate gripe about being elbowed in the face into a groundswell of support for the elbower. Gidget's sense of moral superiority served him in good stead when the challenge literally called for the chefs to see things in black and white. He picked up the challenge win, while Erika's odd-tasting ice cream got her the boot. Six chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Every two or three years, I get an undeniable craving for Fig Newtons, and this year's urge dovetailed nicely into a show about desserts. Also, we got to consume the fruits of our labors from this past Saturday's pumpkin-carving party, as our gracious hosts set out bowls of the roasted seeds. Some with cayenne pepper! Yay!
Monday Morning Quarterback session. The Plastics hang out together. Naturally. Heatherh interviews that the last challenge was her first time in the bottom three after several appearances in the top three, so she's not worried. Merely a bump in the road! Gidget smarms that he's had a target on his back from almost the very beginning of the competition. Yes, I'm sure the other chefs were quaking in their aprons when they heard your bake sale item was the least popular offering of the day. Morgan doesn't like the Plastics, but makes sure not to underestimate them when it comes to talent.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and Johnny. Gail informs them that from here on out, the winners of the Quickfires will not receive immunity. As to the challenge itself, it's lifted from its Top Chef ancestor. Luckily, it's the mise en place relay race, which I always enjoy. Of course, this one has a dessert twist on it, but first, the chefs need to be split into teams. The chefs draw their fake cookies, and in an odd twist of fate, the Plastics all wind up on the same team, which leaves Danielle/Morgan/Eric on the other. The Plastics are obviously thrilled about the situation, while Danielle is ready to take them on as a big, annoying bloc.
Tiffany: "Hey, Danielle. Why the long face?"
On to the race. First, someone will have to mold twelve perfect tart shells. Then, someone will pipe eight silver-dollar-sized buttercream roses. Then, someone will separate out six egg whites, and whip them into peaks stiff enough to hold over the chef's head for ten seconds without falling out. Finally, the entire team will roll out strudel dough to cover the entire length of the prep table, then fold the strudel up into it. To make up for the lack of immunity, the members of the winning team will get $3000 each. Not bad! Gail gives the teams one minute to decide who's doing which task. Once that's dispensed with, Johnny blasts his whistle, and the teams spring into action.
Danielle smokes Gidget on the tart shells. What was that about him being a giant threat, again? He asks for a check soon after, but Johnny tells him one of his shells is uneven, and he has to fix it. By the time he finishes, Eric has filled a pastry bag with buttercream, and is just starting on the roses. Heatherh hurries to catch up, and she is no slouch in the rose-making department. Eric may be being a bit too meticulous, or perhaps she just rocks, because she soon overtakes him. So, the teams are tied going into the egg whites. Morgan is confident that he can easily beat Zac, which he does, though he's overly proud of pulling out a four-second lead. It's a dead heat going into the strudel dough, which is pretty delicate work. It's easy to get holes and tears, so the dough must be gently massaged into shape. Morgan leads his team, but his tack appears to be too aggressive, and holes soon open up. The Plastics move a lot more smoothly and carefully, so it's no surprise that they finish first. At this point, the lead is a lot more significant, and it doesn't take much effort for the Plastics to roll up their apple strudel and win the challenge. They celebrate happily.
Elimination Challenge. As Gail begins the description, there's a shot of the truly wretched remains of the sadly symbolic Danielle/Morgan/Eric strudel dough. Since lifting the Quickfire Challenge wholesale from Top Chef: Original Recipe worked out so well, why not do it for the Elimination Challenge as well? Yes, it's the dessert version of Restaurant Wars. Well, it's never been my favorite challenge, but there's room for improvement in the translation between shows. Let's see how it goes. The two dessert shops will need to be well-stocked; each team member is responsible for making three items. Not only that, but the teams are required to include a bread item. Need some motivation? How about $30,000 to split amongst the winning team members? Danielle interviews that all of the remaining chefs have already won some prize money, save her, so she's looking forward to finally getting in on the action.
Tiffany: "You go get it, Oblong."
The teams head into the next room to check out the space. It's a bit sparse, but there are some nice elements, from the glass display case to the chalkboard menu square. The teams settle in for forty-five minutes of menu and decor planning. Theme comes up first. The Plastics want a candy store for adults, while the Non-Plastics aim for the dessert version of comfort food. As planning progresses, Danielle and Morgan begin to get a bit snippy and impatient with each other, but the Non-Plastics have the great good fortune of having Eric the Moderator as their third team member. He works to smooth over the tension while still making sure that decisions are getting made, and prevents what could easily have devolved into a real mess. I love Eric.
When menu planning ends, the teams head to the store for half an hour of shopping with a thousand-dollar budget. The Plastics load up on fun elements, like ribbons and bubbles. Zac describes his idea of putting flower arrangements in candy instead of water, snarking that the Non-Plastics have no style. So creative, that Zac! When I was a cater-waiter, I sure didn't see flowers stuck into vases of candy at approximately forty bazillion weddings! Or to put it another way, I did. Morgan sneaks into the employee area to ask for riper bananas. He's hoping the Plastics' overconfidence will be their downfall. What overconfidence? It's not like Gidget has said anything along the lines of "I have no idea what the Non-Plastics are making, but am sure that our ideas are better anyway". Until two seconds later.
Back in the Kitchen, the teams have five hours to prep. Heatherh provides the extra information that in addition to the bread item, two of the nine desserts must be served a la minute. She refers to the Non-Plastics as Team Loser. Keep riding on that glorious high horse, sweetness. It's not like pride has ever gone before a fall. Gidget interviews that the fastest way to get through the massive prep list is to set up an assembly line approach. Menus are described. As usual, we'll get to the food later. Heatherh doesn't trust the dough-rolling machine (and doesn't feel like waiting for the Non-Plastics to be done with it), and decides she's going to roll out all of the Plastics' dough by hand. Some minor drama erupts when Morgan cannot find a couple of bags of lemon. Gidget swears that the Plastics don't have any of the Non-Plastics' lemons, but Morgan doesn't buy it. The tension is unbearable!!!! What has become of the lemons?!?! Are the teams about to brawl?!?!? We build to... Nothing. I hope you enjoyed the spat that wasn't, because we're never going to hear another word about it. Towards the end of prep time, Morgan is not as far along as he usually is, and his stress shows in a mini-tantrum of whining and cursing. Time runs out, and Eric and Danielle spend the evening trying to calm Morgan down so he doesn't torpedo the entire team's momentum.
The next day, the teams have two additional hours to get things finished. Eric hopes Morgan is in a better mood, and can get all his prep work done. Gidget worries that his menu ideas are over-ambitious. A bowl of whipped cream falls to the floor when he opens the fridge, spattering his shoes. That must have been annoying, though probably not upsetting enough to act like it's hydrochloric acid. Heatherh takes the bowl and tells him to calm down. She's got worries of her own, because the Plastics' display case is looking a little bare in comparison to the Non-Plastics'. Final preparations are hysterically made on both sides. The plates are arranged out in the display areas, and flowery menus are drawn on the chalkboards. Before you know it, diners are streaming in. One lady is Tina Fey's doppelganger. Zac and Gidget handle the front-of-house. Gidget somewhat hilariously gives Heatherh a royal backhanded compliment by saying that she's a fantastic pastry chef, but probably doesn't belong in a room with, you know, other people. Meanwhile, Danielle, who's always such a spitfire in her interviews, has left her personality back at the lofts. She greets the customers with the enthusiasm most of us would exhibit as we're being audited.
The judges enter, and head for the Plastics' side of the room first. Hubert joins Gail and Johnny this week, as does guest judge Nancy Silverton, who's a local pastry chef. The judges settle into a table. Johnny appreciates the playful decoration of the candy flowers, which are quite pretty. While we're on the topic of decor, though, Hubert wonders why there's an industrial rack full of food, while the display case is almost empty. Yeah, that's weird. Gidget approaches to present the dishes. Zac has made a donut filled with wild blueberry jam, served with a lemon verbena milkshake. He's also taken on the bread item, which is a fennel seed and kalamata brioche with white truffle butter, and wraps up with caramel popcorn with bacon fat. The judges heartily enjoy the donut, but are meh about the shake. The brioche gets a big thumbs up, while the popcorn is wildly inconsistent. Some of the kernels are bare, while others are drenched in bacon.
Gidget's desserts are up next. The first is a dark chocolate ganache tart with peanuts and caramel, followed by a margarita sorbet, and finishing with a fraisier with raspberry, strawberry, and a hibiscus gelee. Tasting. The sorbet has wonderful texture, and tastes mellow and delicious. The fraisier, on the other hand, doesn't measure up to its classy description, and the tart is as hard as a hockey puck. There is so much dough, Hubert almost shatters his plate when he tries to cut into it. Meanwhile, Zac has wandered back to the Kitchen, and is getting in Heatherh's way. She's in a foul mood, and since she can't yell at Morgan, she snaps at Zac to shut up when he tries to interject some suggestions about which plates go out next. Once they figure out the plate situation, he tells her never to tell him to shut up again. "Shut up," Heatherh responds without missing a beat. My left and right brain battle over whether that was uncalled for or awesome. I guess I can't see any reason why it can't be both.
Gidget presents Heatherh's desserts to the judges. First is a lemon cream tart, with a white chocolate cream and fresh raspberries. That's followed by a frozen key lime bar with a graham cracker crust and strawberry sauce. The last one is a chocolate pudding cup with some fresh mango garnish. Tasting. Before the judges dig in, they agree that Gidget has a very positive front-of-house presence. Gail likes Heatherh's presentation, until Hubert points out that the frozen key lime bars have her fingerprints all over them. Nancy finds the lime flavor too timid. Ugh. I wouldn't be Limecrete without a love of lime, and weak key lime pie is the worst. The pudding is nice, but Johnny notes that the crust on the lemon tart is the same thick mess that Gidget's tart had. After the judges leave, a bunch of picky eaters come up to place special requests. They do realize that this isn't an actual shop where they're paying customers, yes? To their credit, the Plastics accommodate everyone to the best of their ability.
The Non-Plastics have customer issues too. One guy is even allergic to nuts and processed sugar, which he notes sourly. He must be a blast at parties. Morgan takes on the challenge of making him a quick sorbet with liquid nitrogen, even though the judges are due any minute. Good for him. The judges soon appear in the Non-Plastics' line, and order one of everything. Danielle continues to have the personality of a carp. What the hell happened to her? Gail notes this once the judges are seated. She does appreciate how well-stocked and well-organized the display case is, though. Danielle presents Eric's dishes first, beginning with a classic chocolate chip cookie. That's followed by a vanilla malted layer cake with chocolate buttercream and malted candy. Finally, there's a banana loaf with brown butter and tangerine icing. Tasting. Everything gets mixed reviews. The layer cake is very rich and heavy, but the buttercream has wonderful texture. The cookie is an extremely simple idea, but fits well into the theme of comforting desserts that everyone loves. The banana loaf is a bit underdone, but the flavors work really well.
Danielle returns with her own desserts. The first one is a pistachio shortcake with lemon cream and strawberries. I like everything that's gone into it, but it's not very visually appealing. The second dessert is coffee cream pie with hazelnut brittle. Yay, hazelnut! That one's also kind of weird-looking. However, the third offering looks fantastic. It's a house-made ginger ale float with raspberry and tangerine lime sorbets. That float is really fighting it out with Zac's blueberry donut for Limecrete's Pick of the Week. Tasting. The float gets mostly positive feedback, as does the shortcake. The cream pie doesn't have enough coffee flavor.
Finally, we have Morgan's plates. The bread item is a pretzel stick served with two kinds of mustard. I'm sorry to keep harping on this, but Danielle is still presenting these with zero personality, and it is driving me up the fucking wall. Anyway. The second plate is a lovely chocolate cake with chocolate mousse and a creme brulee center. It's cut to show the layers as concentric squares, and looks awesome. The last plate is lemon fried pie with salted caramel ice cream. Yes, please! That's the third thing I want to make my pick of the week. Decisions, decisions. I think I'm going to have to go with the blueberry donut, simply because I haven't stopped craving one since the episode aired. Tasting. Morgan's ice cream is delicious, and his citrus element worked a lot better than Heatherh's. The pretzel is a tad too buttery, but Gail would love to pair one with a big ol' mug of beer. The layered cake is beautiful, and Morgan has shown the most range and sophistication of all of the chefs today. Service winds down. The guests fill out comment cards and compliment the chefs on their favorite dishes. The judges head out, and the chefs celebrate a job well done with their servers. Both teams hope they pulled out a win. Based on judge feedback, it could really go either way. Suspense!
Interstitial. Morgan and Danielle have a very sibling-like relationship, with all the pros and cons that go along with it.
Judges' Table. Both teams come out to hear the verdict. Gail tells them that there were highs and lows on both sides. The Non-Plastics had a very welcoming atmosphere, but Danielle didn't do a stellar job as hostess. Johnny proclaims that she was "laxadaisical" and too casual. Really, Johnny? Did she refudiate your notion of good service? Supposably, she should have done a better job. Perhaps we should hold off on the ten-cent words until we can handle the nickels. Now, to the food. Eric's banana loaf was pale and had issues with the leavening ratio. He admits that he couldn't remember the exact recipe. Morgan's cake, on the other hand, could easily be featured on any glossy cookbook page. Danielle knows her coffee cream pie didn't have enough coffee, even before the judges call her on it.
On to the Plastics. Zac's donut had perfect consistency, even reminding Hubert of his childhood back in France. The milkshake that was served alongside it may as well have not existed. Nancy tells him his brioche was perfect, and for once, his excitement seems genuine. Heatherh's key lime bar had fingerprints all over it, and the lime flavor was weak. The ganache in Gidget's tart was sensational, but it was ruined by the thick crust. Heatherh jumps in to take responsibility for making the dough. Gail pointlessly reiterates that admission before moving on to ask why the display case was so bare. Zac says that they were slammed with customers right before the judges showed up. Gail asks whose responsibility it was to keep the case stocked. "We all take ownership. We're a team," Heatherh responds.
Kender: "But of course I was in the Kitchen the whole time, so..."
Zac picks up the unity thread, and says that they'll either all rejoice in the prize money, or they'll all sink as a team. Well, that's sweet. Gail understands the sentiment, but says that only one person from the losing team is going home.
Tiffany (as Zac): "Oh, well then she did it."
The decision was a tough one, but as Nancy explains, if these two shops existed across the street from each other, the one that the judges would return to again and again is... The Non-Plastics. Yaaaaaaay! So, that's $10,000 a piece for Danielle, Morgan, and Eric, and the Plastics will lose a Mean Girl. What better result could there be? The Non-Plastics hug and celebrate. Eric is in tears. The Plastics suck a collective lemon, and Zac swipes at Danielle's cooking ability in interview. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Zac's milkshake was bland, and his popcorn was uneven. Heatherh's key lime bar was unpleasant, and her lemon tart included the horrible crust that she made. Gidget's fraisier was lackluster. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. That weird didgeridoo sound effect is back. Johnny tells the Plastics that the decision came down to details, but they fell short on both the atmosphere and the food. Zac and Gidget are both assigned blame for not keeping the display case full, and both of them had individual issues with their desserts. Heatherh's dough is simply unacceptable at this level of the competition. We go over the Gail for the chop. Heatherh. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. In her final interview, the first thing out of her mouth is how she's sure there were some people that should have gone first, but whatever. She makes sure to hug all of her chosen buddies on her way out, as we hear a voiceover of how grateful she is to have worked with said people. She started off as one of my favorites, and I'll bet she's one hell of a pastry chef. If she'd have kept her eyes on her own paper, I'd be cheering for her madly. But no. She had to have her powerful clique, and she had to obsess over her mortal enemy like an obnoxious teenager, and for that reason, I'm not sorry to see her go.
Overall Grade: C+
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