Top Chef - Season 5, Episode 6
Happy Holidays from the cast and crew of Top Chef, all of whom do their best to whip up the Christmas spirit in August. Hanukkah doesn't rate a mention, which Hosea Rosenberg and Leah Cohen don't seem to mind.
The Quickfire is to create a quick holiday meal in one pot. Everyone manages the one-pot rule, though the holiday theme is quickly forgotten by everyone, including Padma and guest judge Martha Stewart. Jeff, Eugene, and Fabio fall to the bottom, but keep their gripes to interview, lest they draw the wrath of the convicted felon. Hosea, Jamie, and Ariane take the top three. Ariane wins yet another challenge, much to Jamie's consternation. She's sick of being second-best, though if she knew what the rest of the episode held, I think she'd be happy to remain there.
The Elimination Challenge involves making hors d'oeuvres for a large charity ball, hosted by guest judge Natasha Richardson. I guess Martha had to check in with her parole officer. The chefs pull knives to see which verse of The Twelve Days of Christmas must inspire their dish. Shopping and cooking ensues, but when the chefs come in the next day to do their final preparations, they discover that an overstuffed fridge has swung open, ruining Hosea and Radhika's food. There are a tense few minutes before a magical cornucopia of replacement food appears and a magical time extension gives Hosea and Radhika a chance to whip up something new. All the other chefs pitch in to help them get things done, which was nice to see.
The judges aren't especially impressed with anyone's food, though they manage to choose Hosea, Radhika, Stefan, and Jeff as the top contenders. Hosea wins the challenge, but he and Radhika make sure to spread the credit around. Also nice to see. Some of these people certainly have the potential to be assy, but look at this crew, and then think back to Season 2. Yeah. Jamie, Melissa, and Eugene fall to the bottom three. After the judges deliberate for a while, Ptom comes back to the Kitchen, rips everyone for making lackluster food, then announces that as a Christmas gift for all the goodwill the chefs have shown, nobody's getting eliminated. That, or eliminating someone after a challenge goes awry would be a breach of contract and would open them up to a lawsuit. Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Italian. Wedding. Soup.
Top Chef - Season 5, Episode 5
Ah, what could be better than being joined with your soulmate in wedded bliss? How about having a bridal shower and having your bosses pick up the tab? That shrewd Gail Simmons parlays her judge status into a free party by agreeing to have the chefs cater her bridal shower.
First, in the Quickfire, the chefs compete tournament style to see who can identify the most sauce ingredients. It's a very cool challenge, and Hosea emerges victorious.
Then, the chefs are split into four teams for the bridal shower challenge, and are tasked with finding inspiration in Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, or Something Blue. That old chestnut is tonight's theme. Well, actually, the theme is how assy Stefan is, as Jamie, Hosea, Jeff, Leah, Stefan's twice-ex-wife, or the editors would be happy to tell you. But the poem is the secondary theme, and it throws more than one contestant for a loop.
Teams Old (Jeff/Stefan/Hosea) and Borrowed (Jamie/Ariane/Radhika) ultimately land in the top two, with Ariane scoring a surprise and seemingly undeserved win, much to Jamie's chagrin. Teams New (Eugene/Daniel/Carla) and Blue (Melissa/Leah/Fabio) sink to the bottom. The former's dish is just a complete mess from top to bottom. Eugene makes conceptual mistakes and gunks up his rice, Daniel screws up Carla's portion of the dish, and Carla refuses to attack her teammates. Ptom considers all three of these things unforgivable, though I'll bet you can spot the one that doesn't belong. In the end, Daniel takes a walk for just not getting it, and tortures us with a never-ending sports metaphor on his way out.
Ah, what could be better than being joined with your soulmate in wedded bliss? How about having a bridal shower and having your bosses pick up the tab? That shrewd Gail Simmons parlays her judge status into a free party by agreeing to have the chefs cater her bridal shower.
First, in the Quickfire, the chefs compete tournament style to see who can identify the most sauce ingredients. It's a very cool challenge, and Hosea emerges victorious.
Then, the chefs are split into four teams for the bridal shower challenge, and are tasked with finding inspiration in Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, or Something Blue. That old chestnut is tonight's theme. Well, actually, the theme is how assy Stefan is, as Jamie, Hosea, Jeff, Leah, Stefan's twice-ex-wife, or the editors would be happy to tell you. But the poem is the secondary theme, and it throws more than one contestant for a loop.
Teams Old (Jeff/Stefan/Hosea) and Borrowed (Jamie/Ariane/Radhika) ultimately land in the top two, with Ariane scoring a surprise and seemingly undeserved win, much to Jamie's chagrin. Teams New (Eugene/Daniel/Carla) and Blue (Melissa/Leah/Fabio) sink to the bottom. The former's dish is just a complete mess from top to bottom. Eugene makes conceptual mistakes and gunks up his rice, Daniel screws up Carla's portion of the dish, and Carla refuses to attack her teammates. Ptom considers all three of these things unforgivable, though I'll bet you can spot the one that doesn't belong. In the end, Daniel takes a walk for just not getting it, and tortures us with a never-ending sports metaphor on his way out.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
TV Dinner
Top Chef - Season 5, Episode 4
Previously on Top Chef: Team Rainbow came out, came together, and were blown apart in the span of about five seconds. The chefs made Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters. Ariane redeemed herself with a wonderful turkey, while Richard's goopy banana s'mores got him sent on his teary way. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Drinking Game Rule #4: Take a drink every time Radhika makes an Indian-style dish.
Monday Morning Quarterback Session. Ariane feels better about herself. Richard has left an emotional letter behind for his roommate Alex, who feels sad and alone now. Alex is getting married in a month, but promises to concentrate on cooking. Ah, the focus is shifting to a cast member who's been roundly ignored up to this episode. Guess what that means, kids? Jamie is bummed to lose her queer peers, but shrugs it off.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Rocco DiSpirito, who Fabio gently derides for being a phony Italian chef. Hehehe. The table is laden with breakfast items, which fills Jamie with dread, as she is not a breakfast person. Doesn't cook it, doesn't eat it. I rarely have time to eat breakfast, but if I did, and if someone else woke up early to cook it, I'd want it every morning. Today's Quickfire is to create a breakfast amuse-bouche. The chefs have half an hour, and Rocco mentions that bacon is always welcome. Well, sure. Ready? Go!
Stefan has a neat tool which cuts a perfect circle off the top of an eggshell. Jeff wants to throw all of his good breakfast ideas into this challenge, even though everyone is theoretically aiming for a single-bite dish. Daniel combines corn flakes and zucchini flowers. Weird. Ariane works on a stuffed French toast that is popular with her kids, while Fabio disdains American breakfasts altogether, opting instead for brioche and cappuccino. Leah wants to make sure her bacon, egg, and cheese flavors all make it onto the fork. Melissa ruins an egg. Time runs out, catching Carla by surprise. Whoops! Rocco and Padma go down the line.
To save time, let's just hit the highlights and lowlights. Stefan's huevos rancheros are overshadowed by the nifty way he's served them in the egg shells. I'd be concerned with the raw egg still clinging to the inside. Daniel has crusted his zucchini flowers with corn flakes, and stuffed them with a hash of potato, bacon, mushroom, and egg. It's still weird, but I'd be curious to try it. Ariane's French toast gets a favorable response, and she's visibly relieved that her success with the turkey wasn't a one-off. Jamie has put together bacon, lettuce, and tomato grilled bread, and topped it off with balsamic syrup.
Leah's a bit peeved that other chefs are getting away with two-bite or bigger dishes, when an amuse-bouche is supposed to just be one. She hopes that adhering to the challenge parameters will help her out. I almost have to rewind to make sure that a chef on this show realizes that ignoring challenge parameters can bite you in the ass. Uncanny! Her bite is bacon, quail egg, fried sage, and cheese on grilled bread. Yum. Fabio's brioche is topped with bruleed banana, and there's a big, honking glass of espresso cream on the side. He says that breakfast shouldn't be too heavy, and Padma points out that his espresso is so rich as to almost be pudding. Jeff has, like, three things lined up in a row, which would've been nice if the challenge had been to create an amuse-amuse-amuse bouche.
Results. The bottom two are Daniel, whose corn flakes overwhelmed the entire bite, and Fabio, whom Rocco wants to punish for having the nerve to be authentically Italian. Fabio grouses in interview that he should have listened to Rocco's hint about bacon, and next time, he'll just plop some bacon and "bullshit eggs" on toast, and he'll probably win. Heh. Fabio's really growing on me. Stefan had a great container. That's seriously why he's in the top three. Leah had a great arrangement of flavors. Jamie's dislike of breakfast doesn't hold her back, and she rounds out the top three. Rocco has a hard time choosing between her and Leah, but ultimately picks Leah, who scoops up her second consecutive Quickfire win. Along with immunity, she also wins a copy of Rocco's new book, which she accepts with a tight-lipped smile. I get the feeling that's getting tossed in a cardboard box in the basement when she gets home. She gives the Standard Speech. Meanwhile, Jamie is pissed, either at herself for coming close to a Quickfire win without getting it for the second time (which is fine), or at Leah for having the audacity to take two in a row (which is shitty). I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that it's super-duper important to have a high public profile as a chef. More people knowing about you means that more people will "seek out your restaurants, buy your books, and try your food". I love how "buy your books" comes before "try your food". This, combined with Rocco giving his book away as a challenge prize, makes this episode sort of sadly hilarious. I don't know whether to laugh or cry over the attitude that being a successful chef is about everything except making good food. As long as you're sufficiently pretty, or assy, or fight with your mother on television, or write books about how kitchens are akin to the TRENCHES OF WAR, or are the Southern equivalent of a black minstrel show, you'll be fine. Don't know rigatoni from radicchio? No problem, as long as you've got a nice rack that jiggles fetchingly as you whisk egg whites!
Anyhow, the Elimination Challenge is to create a dish that can be shown as a two-and-a-half-minute demonstration for a live television presentation. Despite my grouse just now, I think that's a really good idea. For a reality show challenge, that is. Not as a benchmark to determine who's a more talented chef. Adding to the hilarity that is this episode, several chefs immediately become jittery and nervous, because they don't want anything to do with live television. These people... People who cheerfully and willingly signed up to be followed by cameras 24/7 for weeks, taped as they brush their teeth, edited into a story arc that may not be particularly complimentary, have their every move and word eviscerated by sarcastic bloggers (ahem), and so forth... Are quaking in their boots at the thought of explaining food for 150 seconds. Awesome. Rocco explains that the recipe should be simple enough to follow at home. Not only is that more incentive for people to make something, but a more complicated recipe is all too easy to screw up as you demonstrate it. Presentation will figure into the judging, as well as the food. Fabio is not thrilled about having to cook and present something while chattering in perfect English.
The chefs go shopping for half an hour with a budget of $100. Fabio, Eugene, and Hosea all harass the fish guy about chopping and slicing their own fish, and he lets them have at it. Alex says he's the only guy who has enough guts to attempt dessert with a rose-infused creme brulee. Maybe the other chefs aren't spineless; they're just staying away from Alex's ideas this week because they've heard what's coming, too.
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get an hour of cooking prep [I just mistyped that as coking prep, which would have been something to see]. Jeff works on something that sounds complicated, but will work out to be simpler than it appears. That's a good idea. I always like to feel like I've accomplished something when I try a new recipe. Fabio tells us that there is no way Alex can mix, cook, rest, and cool a creme brulee in one hour. Jamie is confident, as she's made her frisee salad with duck egg on live television before. She says her main concern is making sure the egg is cooked within the two-and-a-half minute time limit.
Leah is happy to have immunity for what she considers a very tough challenge. She works on seared duck breast with corn and blueberries, which she allows is an odd combination, but swears it works. I'll buy it; I once ordered calf liver in onion/blueberry sauce on a whim, and it turned out to be quite good. Radhika wants to "bring out [her] personality" with a spicy/sweet shrimp. I'm not sure if this particular preparation is Indian or not. Let's pretend it is. DRINK! Carla says her psyche will be destroyed if she winds up on the bottom. Ariane works on a beefsteak tomato salad with watermelon, feta, and other odd ingredients. Daniel says he's quite comfortable cooking in front of the camera, which somehow leads into an ambition to be in a movie. Time winds down, and the judges enter.
A small demonstration table is set up with a television camera pointed at it. Ptom, Gail, Padma, and Rocco all crowd around the person cooking and ask questions, which I would find a lot more disconcerting than just chatting to myself in front of a camera. Ariane's up first, and cruises through with no problem. Jamie, who has live television experience and has been kicking ass in challenges lately, is just a wee bit overconfident going in. Her ass is soon bitten when the egg doesn't have time to cook all the way. She doesn't know which is worse: Running out of time or plating undercooked food. She decides to plate the egg, but knows she's screwed up. She crosses her arms defensively and gets a sour look on her face. Alex says he's not much of a public speaker, and runs out of time before he's through explaining his creme brulee. Of course, he may have finished on time if Padma hadn't been pestering him with questions, but that's neither here nor there.
Jeff makes a malfouf (stuffed cabbage) roll with shrimp and muhammara (hot pepper) sauce. He does a good job, and his food appears to impress the judges. Fabio makes a good point, though, in that for the casual viewer at home (AKA his mother), "malfouf" and "muhammara" mean nothing, and all she wants to hear about is things like tuna, carrots, and asparagus. Hehehe. Fabio puts his charm to good use, and keeps the chefs entertained as he prepares his tuna salad. Daniel's skirt steak puts out a lot of smoke, but Padma says it's delicious. Stefan has the intelligence to make a completed pot of minestrone to swap in at the end of his demo, but he also has the personality of a mackerel.
Hosea sings the praises of wasabi peas. Eugene can't satisfactorily explain the difference between sashimi and sushi, which sends me off on an internet hunt (sushi is slices of raw fish, vegetables, or egg mixed with special rice; sashimi is simply the raw fish by itself). Melissa makes blackened habanero shrimp that are so spicy, Ptom has to go spit it out. Carla runs out of time. Radhika runs out of time. Leah runs out of time. She shrugs that she doesn't ever think she wants to do live television, and Padma and Ptom smarm simultaneously that she may have to. That's right, if you're a chef, there will be no hiding in the kitchen for you. You think all you have to do is prepare food that people will then purchase and eat? No. If you do not seek out television exposure voluntarily, you will be MARCHED ONTO A SET AT GUNPOINT.
Deliberations, Part I. Jamie's duck egg was raw. Leah had no confidence, but has immunity. Attempting to make creme brulee in an hour was unwise of Alex. Carla had a nervous energy that put Rocco off, and didn't make it through the demo, but her tortilla soup was good. Daniel had a lot of personality, almost to the point of mugging. His food was good, but the preparation was frenetic and messy. Stefan had a smart idea, but is as much fun to be around as mustard gas. Melissa's shrimp was beyond spicy. Jeff had a lot to work with but made it through with confidence and aplomb. Fabio is a dream guest for a talk show. Ariane hit it out of the park. Padma comes back to the fret 'n' sweat room and announces the bottom three, which are Melissa, Alex, and Jamie. The top three are Jeff, Fabio, and Ariane. Judges' Table will be the next day, and everyone is dismissed.
The chefs go home. Jamie cries herself to sleep. Alex crabs that he could have pussied out and made a salad, but wanted to do something more impressive. Ariane takes this as a shot at her, and points out that two-and-a-half minutes is not a lot of time, so she's not about to go out there and start sauteeing duck. Good for her, I say. Making a salad is pussying out when there are tons of other options. When you've got less than a commercial break to prepare something? Go for it. Leah tells Alex that he seems like he doesn't really care if he gets eliminated, because he's looking forward to his impending wedding. He admits that the competition is not the be-all, end-all of his world. Later, out on the patio, Leah tells Melissa that she's got to stand up for herself at Judges' Table, because nobody else is going to do it for her. Melissa tells us that hell yeah, she'll fight for her spot, now that somebody has told her to.
At 2AM, Ptom comes in and rouses Jeff, Ariane, and Fabio. Once they're all sufficiently alert, he tells them that the hosts of the Today show will be trying their dishes on-air and selecting a winner. That perks Fabio and Ariane right up. Jeff, on the other hand, is not super-happy to be serving a spicy, Middle Eastern dish to a bunch of ladies with unsophisticated palates at 6:30 AM. OK, I'll buy the not-wanting-Middle-Eastern-food-at-6:30AM argument, but "unsophisticated palates"? I'll give him Kathie Lee Gifford, because come on. But I have to think that Meredith Viera has eaten at some high-end places, you know? The chefs re-prepare their dishes. Meanwhile, the other chefs are assembled in front of a television at their apartment. The top three wait in the green room as their food goes out to the hostesses. Jeff is bemused by how many people are milling around outside a television studio in Manhattan on a weekday. Now who's unsophisticated? I kind of feel him, though. I went out for brunch in New York on a Friday afternoon, and was like "What's with all the kids? Go to school!"
Ptom explains to the hostesses how they'll be picking the challenge winner. They begin by sampling Ariane's beefsteak tomato salad. Meredith skips the watermelon, but all four make yummy noises. Fabio's food is eaten without much reaction one way or the other. Jeff's is met by confused faces before Kathie Lee makes a big production out of spitting it out. Why is she still on television, by the way? Who still likes her? The chefs back at the apartment make "Oh No She Di'int!" faces. Fabio says it's bad news when someone spits your food out, but again, it's Kathie Lee Gifford. I doubt many of us are anxious to emulate her or her tastes. The hostesses huddle up to choose a winner, and pick Ariane. She jumps up and down in jubilation backstage. Jeff and Fabio give her high-fives. Carla cheers for her back at the apartment. I'm still loving Carla these days. LabRat pointed out that she's that rare person on television who actually appears genuine, and isn't putting on some giant front for the cameras. Meredith comes back to congratulate Ariane (and the other two as well), and Ariane interviews that after this challenge and the Thanksgiving one, she's been pulled out of her Whirlpool of Despair. Good, because watching that was no fun.
Judges' Table. The top three come out to be congratulated one final time. Rocco gets to present Ariane with a special gift as challenge winner, and says that "nothing makes [him] happier than tools". He gives her a kit with about twenty-four kitchen implements in it.
LabRat: "I don't think those are the kind of 'tool' Rocco likes."
Ariane is also told that as winner, she'll be presenting a dish live on the Today show the morning after this episode of Top Chef airs. I'm not a morning person, so with all due respect to Ariane, I skipped it, deeming some extra Z's before having to get up for work far more appealing. She's very happy and excited.
Odd Asian music. Gong. Melissa, Jamie, and Alex come out to face the judges. Melissa likes spicy food, but understands that it may have been too hot for the judges. They don't even believe her statement that she tasted it, as the sheer heat rendered the judges nearly comatose. Gail says that Melissa shouldn't have used habanero, as it's a pepper too hot to be played around with by people at home. I bit into a habanero-stuffed olive once by accident, and oh my God. I like spicy food, but I was ready to dunk my head in a bucket of ice water. Jamie admits she got frazzled by the time limit. Ptom tells her that flipping the egg would have helped cook it faster. Jamie nods and says she's learned from her mistakes. Rocco points out how grim and angry she looked when she didn't do well, and she explains that she was angry at herself, not the judges.
Alex wanted to stand out by doing something different and to push himself. He says that's the whole point of the competition, and Ptom smarms (he's certainly full of that tonight, isn't he?) that the whole point of the competition is to win. Sure, Ptom, because you've never torn into someone for playing things too safe. I must be imagining those twenty episodes. Still, Alex should have known better than to prepare a dish that couldn't be made within the hour time limit, and he says that he didn't know what he was thinking, and set himself up for failure. He kicks himself for trying something so risky when the challenge called for something simple. It seems to me like he's hinting to the judges that he'd be okay with elimination, but I don't know that for sure.
Padma asks if anyone's got anything else to add, and Melissa remembers that she was supposed to stick up for herself, and intimate to the judges that she has more ambition than Alex. Unfortunately, Melissa's too meek to do something that venomous, so she just tells the judges that she really wants to be there. Then she repeats it about four times. The judges even give her an opening, asking if she thinks that means someone else doesn't want to remain in the competition, but she doesn't take the opportunity. Not that I think she should; that'd be supremely douchey. It's just that "I really want to be here. Really. A lot. Really." is not what I'd call standing up for yourself. Alex admits again that he messed the challenge up, and when asked why he should stay, says that he's a lot better than what he's shown so far. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations, Part II. All three of the losing chefs delivered inedible dishes. Jamie's egg was close to being good, but the execution was way off. Plus, her presentation sucked. Melissa was defensive of the amount of spice she put in, but Rocco says that it wasn't acceptable by any standard. Meanwhile, Melissa is talking to Fabio and Hosea, pretending she delivered some sort of Clarence Darrow defense of herself and some stunning indictment of Alex. Um, not. She was so mousy, even Alex isn't sure if she was trying to "throw him under the bus" or not. DRINK! Jamie points out that even if she is, it's too late for her now. He still thinks it's a fucked up thing to do, using the bus metaphor again. DRINK! The judges are saying that there's no way Alex could have made the dish work, given the time limit. They reach a decision.
Hey, remember that exceedingly weird two-second segment where Leah and Hosea flirted, and then it inexplicably went back to commercial? Welcome to the sequel. At least in this one, Carla makes an encouraging naughty face, like, "Get it, girl!" Heh.
Elimination. Melissa's food was just far too hot. Alex couldn't complete the task as given. Jamie presented a raw egg and a poor performance. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the chop. Alex, please pack your knives and go. The foghorn never lies! Naturally, Carla is the first to give him a good-bye hug. I'm telling you, she's awesome. There's no way in hell she'll win the season, as Ptom has no use for nice people, but I'll enjoy her while I can. Alex regrets taking such a big risk, but looks forward to heading home to be with his fiancee. So, he's fairly happy to go, and the other chefs are fairly happy to stay. Everyone wins!
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: Team Rainbow came out, came together, and were blown apart in the span of about five seconds. The chefs made Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters. Ariane redeemed herself with a wonderful turkey, while Richard's goopy banana s'mores got him sent on his teary way. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Drinking Game Rule #4: Take a drink every time Radhika makes an Indian-style dish.
Monday Morning Quarterback Session. Ariane feels better about herself. Richard has left an emotional letter behind for his roommate Alex, who feels sad and alone now. Alex is getting married in a month, but promises to concentrate on cooking. Ah, the focus is shifting to a cast member who's been roundly ignored up to this episode. Guess what that means, kids? Jamie is bummed to lose her queer peers, but shrugs it off.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Rocco DiSpirito, who Fabio gently derides for being a phony Italian chef. Hehehe. The table is laden with breakfast items, which fills Jamie with dread, as she is not a breakfast person. Doesn't cook it, doesn't eat it. I rarely have time to eat breakfast, but if I did, and if someone else woke up early to cook it, I'd want it every morning. Today's Quickfire is to create a breakfast amuse-bouche. The chefs have half an hour, and Rocco mentions that bacon is always welcome. Well, sure. Ready? Go!
Stefan has a neat tool which cuts a perfect circle off the top of an eggshell. Jeff wants to throw all of his good breakfast ideas into this challenge, even though everyone is theoretically aiming for a single-bite dish. Daniel combines corn flakes and zucchini flowers. Weird. Ariane works on a stuffed French toast that is popular with her kids, while Fabio disdains American breakfasts altogether, opting instead for brioche and cappuccino. Leah wants to make sure her bacon, egg, and cheese flavors all make it onto the fork. Melissa ruins an egg. Time runs out, catching Carla by surprise. Whoops! Rocco and Padma go down the line.
To save time, let's just hit the highlights and lowlights. Stefan's huevos rancheros are overshadowed by the nifty way he's served them in the egg shells. I'd be concerned with the raw egg still clinging to the inside. Daniel has crusted his zucchini flowers with corn flakes, and stuffed them with a hash of potato, bacon, mushroom, and egg. It's still weird, but I'd be curious to try it. Ariane's French toast gets a favorable response, and she's visibly relieved that her success with the turkey wasn't a one-off. Jamie has put together bacon, lettuce, and tomato grilled bread, and topped it off with balsamic syrup.
Leah's a bit peeved that other chefs are getting away with two-bite or bigger dishes, when an amuse-bouche is supposed to just be one. She hopes that adhering to the challenge parameters will help her out. I almost have to rewind to make sure that a chef on this show realizes that ignoring challenge parameters can bite you in the ass. Uncanny! Her bite is bacon, quail egg, fried sage, and cheese on grilled bread. Yum. Fabio's brioche is topped with bruleed banana, and there's a big, honking glass of espresso cream on the side. He says that breakfast shouldn't be too heavy, and Padma points out that his espresso is so rich as to almost be pudding. Jeff has, like, three things lined up in a row, which would've been nice if the challenge had been to create an amuse-amuse-amuse bouche.
Results. The bottom two are Daniel, whose corn flakes overwhelmed the entire bite, and Fabio, whom Rocco wants to punish for having the nerve to be authentically Italian. Fabio grouses in interview that he should have listened to Rocco's hint about bacon, and next time, he'll just plop some bacon and "bullshit eggs" on toast, and he'll probably win. Heh. Fabio's really growing on me. Stefan had a great container. That's seriously why he's in the top three. Leah had a great arrangement of flavors. Jamie's dislike of breakfast doesn't hold her back, and she rounds out the top three. Rocco has a hard time choosing between her and Leah, but ultimately picks Leah, who scoops up her second consecutive Quickfire win. Along with immunity, she also wins a copy of Rocco's new book, which she accepts with a tight-lipped smile. I get the feeling that's getting tossed in a cardboard box in the basement when she gets home. She gives the Standard Speech. Meanwhile, Jamie is pissed, either at herself for coming close to a Quickfire win without getting it for the second time (which is fine), or at Leah for having the audacity to take two in a row (which is shitty). I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that it's super-duper important to have a high public profile as a chef. More people knowing about you means that more people will "seek out your restaurants, buy your books, and try your food". I love how "buy your books" comes before "try your food". This, combined with Rocco giving his book away as a challenge prize, makes this episode sort of sadly hilarious. I don't know whether to laugh or cry over the attitude that being a successful chef is about everything except making good food. As long as you're sufficiently pretty, or assy, or fight with your mother on television, or write books about how kitchens are akin to the TRENCHES OF WAR, or are the Southern equivalent of a black minstrel show, you'll be fine. Don't know rigatoni from radicchio? No problem, as long as you've got a nice rack that jiggles fetchingly as you whisk egg whites!
Anyhow, the Elimination Challenge is to create a dish that can be shown as a two-and-a-half-minute demonstration for a live television presentation. Despite my grouse just now, I think that's a really good idea. For a reality show challenge, that is. Not as a benchmark to determine who's a more talented chef. Adding to the hilarity that is this episode, several chefs immediately become jittery and nervous, because they don't want anything to do with live television. These people... People who cheerfully and willingly signed up to be followed by cameras 24/7 for weeks, taped as they brush their teeth, edited into a story arc that may not be particularly complimentary, have their every move and word eviscerated by sarcastic bloggers (ahem), and so forth... Are quaking in their boots at the thought of explaining food for 150 seconds. Awesome. Rocco explains that the recipe should be simple enough to follow at home. Not only is that more incentive for people to make something, but a more complicated recipe is all too easy to screw up as you demonstrate it. Presentation will figure into the judging, as well as the food. Fabio is not thrilled about having to cook and present something while chattering in perfect English.
The chefs go shopping for half an hour with a budget of $100. Fabio, Eugene, and Hosea all harass the fish guy about chopping and slicing their own fish, and he lets them have at it. Alex says he's the only guy who has enough guts to attempt dessert with a rose-infused creme brulee. Maybe the other chefs aren't spineless; they're just staying away from Alex's ideas this week because they've heard what's coming, too.
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get an hour of cooking prep [I just mistyped that as coking prep, which would have been something to see]. Jeff works on something that sounds complicated, but will work out to be simpler than it appears. That's a good idea. I always like to feel like I've accomplished something when I try a new recipe. Fabio tells us that there is no way Alex can mix, cook, rest, and cool a creme brulee in one hour. Jamie is confident, as she's made her frisee salad with duck egg on live television before. She says her main concern is making sure the egg is cooked within the two-and-a-half minute time limit.
Leah is happy to have immunity for what she considers a very tough challenge. She works on seared duck breast with corn and blueberries, which she allows is an odd combination, but swears it works. I'll buy it; I once ordered calf liver in onion/blueberry sauce on a whim, and it turned out to be quite good. Radhika wants to "bring out [her] personality" with a spicy/sweet shrimp. I'm not sure if this particular preparation is Indian or not. Let's pretend it is. DRINK! Carla says her psyche will be destroyed if she winds up on the bottom. Ariane works on a beefsteak tomato salad with watermelon, feta, and other odd ingredients. Daniel says he's quite comfortable cooking in front of the camera, which somehow leads into an ambition to be in a movie. Time winds down, and the judges enter.
A small demonstration table is set up with a television camera pointed at it. Ptom, Gail, Padma, and Rocco all crowd around the person cooking and ask questions, which I would find a lot more disconcerting than just chatting to myself in front of a camera. Ariane's up first, and cruises through with no problem. Jamie, who has live television experience and has been kicking ass in challenges lately, is just a wee bit overconfident going in. Her ass is soon bitten when the egg doesn't have time to cook all the way. She doesn't know which is worse: Running out of time or plating undercooked food. She decides to plate the egg, but knows she's screwed up. She crosses her arms defensively and gets a sour look on her face. Alex says he's not much of a public speaker, and runs out of time before he's through explaining his creme brulee. Of course, he may have finished on time if Padma hadn't been pestering him with questions, but that's neither here nor there.
Jeff makes a malfouf (stuffed cabbage) roll with shrimp and muhammara (hot pepper) sauce. He does a good job, and his food appears to impress the judges. Fabio makes a good point, though, in that for the casual viewer at home (AKA his mother), "malfouf" and "muhammara" mean nothing, and all she wants to hear about is things like tuna, carrots, and asparagus. Hehehe. Fabio puts his charm to good use, and keeps the chefs entertained as he prepares his tuna salad. Daniel's skirt steak puts out a lot of smoke, but Padma says it's delicious. Stefan has the intelligence to make a completed pot of minestrone to swap in at the end of his demo, but he also has the personality of a mackerel.
Hosea sings the praises of wasabi peas. Eugene can't satisfactorily explain the difference between sashimi and sushi, which sends me off on an internet hunt (sushi is slices of raw fish, vegetables, or egg mixed with special rice; sashimi is simply the raw fish by itself). Melissa makes blackened habanero shrimp that are so spicy, Ptom has to go spit it out. Carla runs out of time. Radhika runs out of time. Leah runs out of time. She shrugs that she doesn't ever think she wants to do live television, and Padma and Ptom smarm simultaneously that she may have to. That's right, if you're a chef, there will be no hiding in the kitchen for you. You think all you have to do is prepare food that people will then purchase and eat? No. If you do not seek out television exposure voluntarily, you will be MARCHED ONTO A SET AT GUNPOINT.
Deliberations, Part I. Jamie's duck egg was raw. Leah had no confidence, but has immunity. Attempting to make creme brulee in an hour was unwise of Alex. Carla had a nervous energy that put Rocco off, and didn't make it through the demo, but her tortilla soup was good. Daniel had a lot of personality, almost to the point of mugging. His food was good, but the preparation was frenetic and messy. Stefan had a smart idea, but is as much fun to be around as mustard gas. Melissa's shrimp was beyond spicy. Jeff had a lot to work with but made it through with confidence and aplomb. Fabio is a dream guest for a talk show. Ariane hit it out of the park. Padma comes back to the fret 'n' sweat room and announces the bottom three, which are Melissa, Alex, and Jamie. The top three are Jeff, Fabio, and Ariane. Judges' Table will be the next day, and everyone is dismissed.
The chefs go home. Jamie cries herself to sleep. Alex crabs that he could have pussied out and made a salad, but wanted to do something more impressive. Ariane takes this as a shot at her, and points out that two-and-a-half minutes is not a lot of time, so she's not about to go out there and start sauteeing duck. Good for her, I say. Making a salad is pussying out when there are tons of other options. When you've got less than a commercial break to prepare something? Go for it. Leah tells Alex that he seems like he doesn't really care if he gets eliminated, because he's looking forward to his impending wedding. He admits that the competition is not the be-all, end-all of his world. Later, out on the patio, Leah tells Melissa that she's got to stand up for herself at Judges' Table, because nobody else is going to do it for her. Melissa tells us that hell yeah, she'll fight for her spot, now that somebody has told her to.
At 2AM, Ptom comes in and rouses Jeff, Ariane, and Fabio. Once they're all sufficiently alert, he tells them that the hosts of the Today show will be trying their dishes on-air and selecting a winner. That perks Fabio and Ariane right up. Jeff, on the other hand, is not super-happy to be serving a spicy, Middle Eastern dish to a bunch of ladies with unsophisticated palates at 6:30 AM. OK, I'll buy the not-wanting-Middle-Eastern-food-at-6:30AM argument, but "unsophisticated palates"? I'll give him Kathie Lee Gifford, because come on. But I have to think that Meredith Viera has eaten at some high-end places, you know? The chefs re-prepare their dishes. Meanwhile, the other chefs are assembled in front of a television at their apartment. The top three wait in the green room as their food goes out to the hostesses. Jeff is bemused by how many people are milling around outside a television studio in Manhattan on a weekday. Now who's unsophisticated? I kind of feel him, though. I went out for brunch in New York on a Friday afternoon, and was like "What's with all the kids? Go to school!"
Ptom explains to the hostesses how they'll be picking the challenge winner. They begin by sampling Ariane's beefsteak tomato salad. Meredith skips the watermelon, but all four make yummy noises. Fabio's food is eaten without much reaction one way or the other. Jeff's is met by confused faces before Kathie Lee makes a big production out of spitting it out. Why is she still on television, by the way? Who still likes her? The chefs back at the apartment make "Oh No She Di'int!" faces. Fabio says it's bad news when someone spits your food out, but again, it's Kathie Lee Gifford. I doubt many of us are anxious to emulate her or her tastes. The hostesses huddle up to choose a winner, and pick Ariane. She jumps up and down in jubilation backstage. Jeff and Fabio give her high-fives. Carla cheers for her back at the apartment. I'm still loving Carla these days. LabRat pointed out that she's that rare person on television who actually appears genuine, and isn't putting on some giant front for the cameras. Meredith comes back to congratulate Ariane (and the other two as well), and Ariane interviews that after this challenge and the Thanksgiving one, she's been pulled out of her Whirlpool of Despair. Good, because watching that was no fun.
Judges' Table. The top three come out to be congratulated one final time. Rocco gets to present Ariane with a special gift as challenge winner, and says that "nothing makes [him] happier than tools". He gives her a kit with about twenty-four kitchen implements in it.
LabRat: "I don't think those are the kind of 'tool' Rocco likes."
Ariane is also told that as winner, she'll be presenting a dish live on the Today show the morning after this episode of Top Chef airs. I'm not a morning person, so with all due respect to Ariane, I skipped it, deeming some extra Z's before having to get up for work far more appealing. She's very happy and excited.
Odd Asian music. Gong. Melissa, Jamie, and Alex come out to face the judges. Melissa likes spicy food, but understands that it may have been too hot for the judges. They don't even believe her statement that she tasted it, as the sheer heat rendered the judges nearly comatose. Gail says that Melissa shouldn't have used habanero, as it's a pepper too hot to be played around with by people at home. I bit into a habanero-stuffed olive once by accident, and oh my God. I like spicy food, but I was ready to dunk my head in a bucket of ice water. Jamie admits she got frazzled by the time limit. Ptom tells her that flipping the egg would have helped cook it faster. Jamie nods and says she's learned from her mistakes. Rocco points out how grim and angry she looked when she didn't do well, and she explains that she was angry at herself, not the judges.
Alex wanted to stand out by doing something different and to push himself. He says that's the whole point of the competition, and Ptom smarms (he's certainly full of that tonight, isn't he?) that the whole point of the competition is to win. Sure, Ptom, because you've never torn into someone for playing things too safe. I must be imagining those twenty episodes. Still, Alex should have known better than to prepare a dish that couldn't be made within the hour time limit, and he says that he didn't know what he was thinking, and set himself up for failure. He kicks himself for trying something so risky when the challenge called for something simple. It seems to me like he's hinting to the judges that he'd be okay with elimination, but I don't know that for sure.
Padma asks if anyone's got anything else to add, and Melissa remembers that she was supposed to stick up for herself, and intimate to the judges that she has more ambition than Alex. Unfortunately, Melissa's too meek to do something that venomous, so she just tells the judges that she really wants to be there. Then she repeats it about four times. The judges even give her an opening, asking if she thinks that means someone else doesn't want to remain in the competition, but she doesn't take the opportunity. Not that I think she should; that'd be supremely douchey. It's just that "I really want to be here. Really. A lot. Really." is not what I'd call standing up for yourself. Alex admits again that he messed the challenge up, and when asked why he should stay, says that he's a lot better than what he's shown so far. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations, Part II. All three of the losing chefs delivered inedible dishes. Jamie's egg was close to being good, but the execution was way off. Plus, her presentation sucked. Melissa was defensive of the amount of spice she put in, but Rocco says that it wasn't acceptable by any standard. Meanwhile, Melissa is talking to Fabio and Hosea, pretending she delivered some sort of Clarence Darrow defense of herself and some stunning indictment of Alex. Um, not. She was so mousy, even Alex isn't sure if she was trying to "throw him under the bus" or not. DRINK! Jamie points out that even if she is, it's too late for her now. He still thinks it's a fucked up thing to do, using the bus metaphor again. DRINK! The judges are saying that there's no way Alex could have made the dish work, given the time limit. They reach a decision.
Hey, remember that exceedingly weird two-second segment where Leah and Hosea flirted, and then it inexplicably went back to commercial? Welcome to the sequel. At least in this one, Carla makes an encouraging naughty face, like, "Get it, girl!" Heh.
Elimination. Melissa's food was just far too hot. Alex couldn't complete the task as given. Jamie presented a raw egg and a poor performance. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the chop. Alex, please pack your knives and go. The foghorn never lies! Naturally, Carla is the first to give him a good-bye hug. I'm telling you, she's awesome. There's no way in hell she'll win the season, as Ptom has no use for nice people, but I'll enjoy her while I can. Alex regrets taking such a big risk, but looks forward to heading home to be with his fiancee. So, he's fairly happy to go, and the other chefs are fairly happy to stay. Everyone wins!
Overall Grade: B+
You Look Like Peter Pan
The Amazing Race - Season 13, Episode 11
Previously on The Amazing Race: The only boring season in the history of this show. Thank goodness we can wrap this shit up and hope for a better crop of tasks and contestants next time.
The final three teams make their way from Russia to Portland, Oregon, which appears to be a very pretty city. Lots of trees. Once there, a Detour requires teams to choose between climbing a tree and doing a balance beam walk across a suspended log, or simply running across a lashed series of logs on the water. For some odd reason, everyone opts for the former, including Tina, who reminds Ken (and us) about a gazillion more times how scared of heights she is. Gee, if only there had been an option where climbing a tree wasn't necessary. Say, the other Detour choice? Dan and Andrew get a crappy cab driver on their way there and fall behind. I'd feel bad for them if they had any business being in the final three.
After the Detour, teams take a 2000-foot zip line across a river from a bridge, which Tina suddenly has no issue with. Weirdo. At the bottom waits one of those wonderful mental tasks I love so, as it neatly shuffles dumb people out of contention. Teams must think back to each of the previous legs, and find a picture that corresponds to either some Route Info, the Detour, the Roadblock, or the Pitstop for that particular leg. Ken and Tina get a good jump on the task, but are eventually overtaken by Nick and Starr. After two pointless intervening tasks in which they find a dinosaur statue and a donut shop, teams race for the finish line, where Phil and all the eliminated teams wait. Everyone except Toni and Dallas, who were still stuck without passports in Russia.
Nick and Starr become the first family team to win (except for the Season That Shall Not Be Named, obviously), which is nice to see, as is the fact that it's always nice to see the team that raced the smartest win. Ken and Tina come in second, whereupon Ken re-proposes to Tina. Have your heart warmed if you must. Dan and Andrew, who the cameras stopped paying attention to after the Detour, manage to finally check in, which must mean that they weren't required to do the memory task. Otherwise, the teams would still be waiting at the finish line now.
Nick and Starr are pleased as punch with their win and with each other, proving that it doesn't matter if you're dating or related or gay or intense or laid-back. The real key to winning The Amazing Race is being young and muscly.
Overall Grade: B
Overall Season Grade: The blandest C possible.
Previously on The Amazing Race: The only boring season in the history of this show. Thank goodness we can wrap this shit up and hope for a better crop of tasks and contestants next time.
The final three teams make their way from Russia to Portland, Oregon, which appears to be a very pretty city. Lots of trees. Once there, a Detour requires teams to choose between climbing a tree and doing a balance beam walk across a suspended log, or simply running across a lashed series of logs on the water. For some odd reason, everyone opts for the former, including Tina, who reminds Ken (and us) about a gazillion more times how scared of heights she is. Gee, if only there had been an option where climbing a tree wasn't necessary. Say, the other Detour choice? Dan and Andrew get a crappy cab driver on their way there and fall behind. I'd feel bad for them if they had any business being in the final three.
After the Detour, teams take a 2000-foot zip line across a river from a bridge, which Tina suddenly has no issue with. Weirdo. At the bottom waits one of those wonderful mental tasks I love so, as it neatly shuffles dumb people out of contention. Teams must think back to each of the previous legs, and find a picture that corresponds to either some Route Info, the Detour, the Roadblock, or the Pitstop for that particular leg. Ken and Tina get a good jump on the task, but are eventually overtaken by Nick and Starr. After two pointless intervening tasks in which they find a dinosaur statue and a donut shop, teams race for the finish line, where Phil and all the eliminated teams wait. Everyone except Toni and Dallas, who were still stuck without passports in Russia.
Nick and Starr become the first family team to win (except for the Season That Shall Not Be Named, obviously), which is nice to see, as is the fact that it's always nice to see the team that raced the smartest win. Ken and Tina come in second, whereupon Ken re-proposes to Tina. Have your heart warmed if you must. Dan and Andrew, who the cameras stopped paying attention to after the Detour, manage to finally check in, which must mean that they weren't required to do the memory task. Otherwise, the teams would still be waiting at the finish line now.
Nick and Starr are pleased as punch with their win and with each other, proving that it doesn't matter if you're dating or related or gay or intense or laid-back. The real key to winning The Amazing Race is being young and muscly.
Overall Grade: B
Overall Season Grade: The blandest C possible.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Foo Foo Platter
Top Chef - Season 5, Episode 3
Previously on Top Chef: The contestants cooked lunch for people who aren't telegenic or sassy enough to be successful chefs. Jill made an ostrich egg taste like glue, while Ariane's dessert made Padma seize in disgust. Fabio won the challenge, Jill's incomprehensible rambling at Judges' Table got her chopped, and Ariane was pulled further into her whirlpool of despair. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Drinking Game Rule #3: Take a drink any time a contestant reacts to a judges' criticism by sneering that they just don't get it.
Monday Morning Quarterback Session. Fabio - happy. Ariane - unhappy. Richard - King of Unnecessary Exposition. No big changes there. That dispensed with, the chefs head out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and guest judge Grant Achatz. Padma wishes everyone a happy Thanksgiving. The fact that they always give warm, holiday greetings in what is probably the dead of August never stops being funny. Hosea is heartened to see a guest judge who has successfully battled cancer, as his father has just been diagnosed with it. Let's send a mind-melded batch of Get Well Soon his way. The chefs step forward to draw knives, each of which has a number on it. Those numbers turn out to correspond to page numbers in the Top Chef cookbook, which must not be selling well if they have to plug it like this. The chefs have an hour to put their own, personal spin on the recipe found on their chosen page number. Ready? Go!
Jeff has gotten a recipe of Howie's, though they neglected to include massive flop sweat on the ingredients list. Leah has gotten one of Hung's many tuna tartare dishes, which includes white asparagus. Shortly into the challenge, Padma re-enters, and almost hysterically yells for the chefs to stop what they're doing. Daniel recaps this in interview, which is a good chance to note how wildly his facial hair varies across this episode. It's clean-shaven, but for a soul patch! Now, it's scruffy! Now, it's that negative-space mustache again! Padma tells the chefs that the challenge is changing; now they must take the ingredients they've already started working with, and make a soup out of them. Product-placed broth has been provided. Leah, who was quite confident before this happened, now has to pull a raw tuna soup out of her ass, and do it using white asparagus, which she loathes. Ouch. Carla brings her special brand of kooky to her soup. I must admit that Carla, even with her spirit guides and those wacky interviews with her eyes bugging out of her head, is starting to worm her way into my heart.
Jamie, who knows her soups, doesn't think she'll have any trouble working with a recipe of Miguel's. Well, sure. I mean, it's Miguel. The best picture they could find to put in the cookbook makes him look like he wears a helmet to school. Padma comes in to give the five-minute warning. Chaotic cooking montage, followed by chaotic plating montage. It's a bit improbable to refer to filling bowls of soup as "plating", but I guess "bowling" is out, for obvious reasons. Pity. Padma and Grant go down the line. Stefan has made a scallop/shrimp burger into a Thai green curry with scallop dumplings on the side. Makes sense. Ariane, who had Dale's (that's adorable Dale, not obnoxious Dale) rack of lamb, which you'd think would be pretty easy to turn into some sort of stew. Ariane has combined diced lamb with eggplant, red pepper, and couscous. Grant finds it overcooked, and Ariane shakes her head, like "Well, someone hates my food. What else is new?". That doesn't count for the drinking game, though, so put those glasses down.
Daniel has thrown together a ham and egg soup, which sounds difficult. He's included mushrooms, corn, and cheese. Padma, who sounds stoned out of her gourd, says she's never had ham and egg soup before, but is able to slur that she likes it. Daniel is pleased in interview. Perhaps he's pleased that he's been able to grow a full beard in three seconds. Richard has a black bean and roasted pasilla pepper soup with rice. Grant says it needs acid, which Richard was going to include, but ran out of time. Melissa has made her version of an Italian wedding soup, which looks nothing like Italian wedding soup. But it's her version! She still needs to work on her version of a haircut.
Fabio got a recipe of Michael's, and if they included him in the cookbook, it's no wonder nobody's buying. I can't imagine there were too many people salivating for the chance to emulate the guy who made Cheeto shitbombs. This more successful recipe is a duo of salmon and trout, which Fabio has put into a mushroom and asparagus soup. Grant finds it flat. Carla had Lia's poached shrimp, which she's turned into shrimp, tomato, and coriander soup. Sounds good. Grant backs me up. Leah has made a chilled asparagus soup with tuna. Jamie has naturally turned Miguel's deconstructed falafel into chickpea soup. Padma and Grant love it.
Results. Perhaps in the spirit of the season, there are no challenge losers named. The top three are Jamie's chickpea soup, Leah's ability to work with the hated white asparagus, and Daniel's inventive ham and egg soup. Grant selects Leah as the winner. Her response is rather muted, but she perks up when she's reminded that she's immune from elimination in the next challenge. Speaking of which...
Elimination Challenge. The challenge will be to make Thanksgiving dinner for some very special clients. The chefs will be split into two teams, and as winner of the Quickfire, Leah gets to choose her team. She unsurprisingly selects Jamie, Hosea, Fabio, Stefan, Radhika, and Melissa. Padma plays a video message from the clients, who turn out to be the Foo Fighters. Hey, celebrity guests that I like! I don't think that's happened since Jennifer Coolidge. They claim to be big Top Chef fans, which I have trouble believing for some reason. The chefs will cook for the band and its entourage at their next venue. They've passed along a copy of their "rider" to make sure the chefs have plenty of traps to fall into. Padma outlines some examples of what they'll find, such as the band's love of chocolate-covered frozen bananas. Yeah, I think that was one of the things Squanto introduced to the Pilgrims. There will be eighteen vegetarians in the horde of diners, which Hosea thinks is no problem. He's from Colorado, which is apparently bursting with picky eaters. The winning team gets to attend the show, while the members of the losing one are not only ripe for elimination, but must clean up after the feast. Gordon Ramsay is already halfway to court to file a claim of copyright infringement.
Later, the chefs are driven out to an arena in Rochester, where they're met by a roadie. Fabio asks to see where the kitchen is (subtitled...DRINK!), and the roadie leads them...outside. Not only is it outside, but the only cooking equipment available is one burner and a bunch of microwaves and toasters. The chefs get fifteen minutes to try and think their way through this. Stefan is confident, while Jamie snaps over and over that they only have one burner, so a lot of grandiose ideas, like two gravys (gravies?) are implausible. Meanwhile, Jeff is putting his mad phat organizational skillz to work. Ariane is put in charge of the turkey, and she complains in interview that nobody on her team thinks she can handle it, simply because she's sucked in every challenge so far. She may have left that last clause off. In semi-accordance with the "rider", Richard will be making banana s'mores. Everyone heads out to shop for supplies.
At the store, we're given the team names. Leah's team has been christened Team Sexy Pants, which is dumb, but which will have delightful consequences. The other team is Team Cougar, named in part for Ariane's woman-of-a-certain-age hotness. Perhaps fortunately, she's not really sure what the term is all about. Everyone stocks up. Turkeys are piled into carts. Carla calls out a "Happy Thanksgiving!", no doubt confusing the hell out of all the other patrons who are buying watermelon for the weekend barbeque.
Back at whatever patio the poor chefs have been exiled to, Eugene shows us how with a chafing dish and some charcoal, he's built a little smoker to provide some extra cooking equipment. Genius! We get a peek at the menus, though with the Reliably Shitty Titles Department, it's anyone's guess what will actually show up on the plate. As you might expect, they're full of turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and desserts, though there is a curious lack of green vegetables. Jeff talks about making a pumpkin mousse, and we're forced to pause the show, as his title of chef at the "Dilido Beach Club" looks like something else. Something VERY else.
Tiffany: "He works at the Dildo Beach Club?"
Limecrete: "And all they serve is phallic-shaped food, with maybe some asses for variety."
LabRat: "I dunno. Getting in might be difficult."
Team Cougar harangues Ariane about making sure the turkey's cooking. She gets exasperated, which would be understandable if she hadn't been such an underperforming sad-sack since the word "go". Apparently, cooking outdoors with budget and menu constraints wasn't enough of a curveball, because Nature decides to get in on the act by raining. Panicky production assistants try to protect the food with flimsy patio tents, which works about as well as you'd expect. Fabio complains that there's no way he's going home because it's raining in his tiramisu. I always enjoy sentences that nobody will ever have use for ever again. Daniel gripes about getting the "goddamn" potatoes done, and I'm surprised, because I don't think I've ever heard that uttered on primetime basic cable without the "God" part bleeped. Not that I care that he said it; it's just interesting for cultural footnote purposes. The chefs realize that time is running out, and if the food's not on the tables inside when the clock stops, they can't serve it. A lot of mad dashes ensue. Carla wants to show that the kids that didn't get picked for kickball can win the challenge. Eugene says they got everything finished by the "skin of our ass". Nice. I'll have to steal that phrase.
The judges, Foos, and other diners enter and line up for service. Daniel tells us as much in interview (negative-space mustache) before dishing up his potatoes (stubble with soul patch). Team Cougar also starts off with spoonbread stuffing (with figs/cranberries/walnuts/onion), five-cheese mac and cheese with bacon (mmmm), roasted turkey with mushroom gravy, and maple-smoked pork loin. Jeff's stuffing isn't a big hit, as the Foos aren't into a lot of bells and whistles like the figs in their stuffing. Grant says that sometimes, you just have to execute the classics, as if the chefs wouldn't have been slammed for playing too safe if they had done just that. Alex's mac and cheese is popular, but Daniel's potatoes are undercooked. Both meats do well. Eugene gets points for MacGyvering out on the pork smoker, while Ariane's turkey earns her some much-needed redemption.
On to Team Sexy Pants' dinner. Turkey, vegan cornbread stuffing, sweet potatoes, and roasted corn salad. Fabio charms the pants off Padma. At least she wishes he would. The vegetables are lauded. The vegan stuffing was far better than the other team's, and Dave Grohl gives high praise for the burned marshmallows on the yams, as "you GOTTA burn the marshmallows, man". I have to agree. The turkey, on the other hand, does not compare to Ariane's. Everyone decides to move on to dessert. Richard flames. He also torches his s'mores. Zing! The judges' approach surprises Ariane, who's in the middle of a huge mouthful of food, which Jeff chides her over. Oh, let the woman wolf down a few bites. Fabio presents his roasted pumpkin/honey/cinnamon tiramisu and Hosea's peach and blueberry crisp with cinnamon cream. Ah yes, when I think of autumnal harvest flavors, peach and blueberry immediately spring to mind.
The judges also load up on Team Cougar's desserts. Jeff was expecting them to eat Team Sexy Pants' dessert and then come back, so things that were supposed to be hot had to be served lukewarm. He's disconcerted. Carla serves a peach and cherry cobbler (more autumnal goodness!), Jeff serves his pumpkin mousse tossed with fresh fruit, and Richard serves his banana s'mores with vanilla cream and chocolate ganache. The judges go back to the table to eat, and it is here that Team Sexy Pants' name comes in handy, as that is how all the austere judges must now refer to them. Fabio's tiramisu is popular, and Ptom likes that he merged an American tradition with his knowledge of Italian food. Sexy Pants gets a hearty thumbs up on dessert. Team Cougar gets off to a bad start with Jeff's pumpkin mousse. The Foos make an astute point in that combining things you chew (the fruit) with things you simply swallow (the mousse) can be irritating. It's true. That's why suspending things in Jello is against God and Nature. The s'mores also draw criticism, as the cream on top resembles a big wad of spit.
Deliberations, Part I. It's generally agreed upon that neither team blew the other out of the water. Team Cougar's turkey was much better, while Team Sexy Pants ruled dessert. Team Sexy Pants also had the vegan stuffing, but the Foo drummer says that more of Team Cougar's entrees were better, and that desserts aren't the most important part of the meal. In general, I'd agree. If I go out to eat and have a terrific dinner followed by a disappointing dessert, I'm still satisfied. If, on the other hand, dinner is awful and there's a delectable dessert, I'd be kind of pissed off. Still, dessert carries more weight at Thanksgiving dinner. Ever taken a bite of a truly wretched pumpkin pie? It's not fun. The judges and Foos approach the teams to render their decision.
Team Sexy Pants takes the challenge. They celebrate. Eugene grouses, while Carla offers Team Sexy Pants congratulations. The winning chefs attend the show, while the losing ones despondently clean up and go through a lot of rationalizing and anxiety. Richard hopes that Team Cougar won't resort to throwing each other under the bus. DRINK! Back at the Kitchen, the teams are reunited. Melissa shows she's just as good at being a gracious winner as she is at styling her bangs by breezing in and declaring how awesome the show was. Daniel flicks her off. Classless, yes. Undeserved, no.
The Cougars go in to face Judges' Table. Jeff says he's surprised the team lost. He thought they put out a good meal, given the curveballs the challenge contained. Ptom points out that the other team had the same obstacles. Asked if there was a team leader, Alex says that while they didn't assign one, Jeff emerged as one. Lest you think that means Jeff is being sold out, Alex and Richard go to great lengths to clarify that Jeff's organizational skills were tremendously handy, and if the team lost, it was on execution, which is everyone's responsibility. Nice. Ptom tells Jeff that he looks pretty pissed off, and if he's hoping to spark a tantrum, he'll be disappointed. Jeff simply says that he's upset that they lost, because everyone on the team was great, and he wouldn't trade any of them for anyone on the other team. It'd have been better if he'd stopped there, and not added the Baseball Movie Cliche of "they gotta lotta heart, sir" on the end, but I admire the sentiment.
Ptom says that Team Sexy Pants didn't clobber them by any means, and Gail jumps in to tell Ariane that her turkey was perfect, and much better than the other team's. Ariane grins in relief. She had to be thinking she was going home. Jeff's spoonbread was too dry. Daniel claims responsibility for the potatoes and the vegetarian stuffed mushrooms, about which we haven't heard a peep. Gail mentions that the potatoes were undercooked, and Daniel says that it was a time issue, so he combined the roasted potatoes with the cooked ones. I guess the latter were boiled? Ptom asks why he didn't just leave the undercooked ones out of the dish, and Daniel says that there wouldn't have been enough to serve. That's a reasonable response.
Team Cougar's real problem was dessert. Carla's cobbler was a fine concept, but was off in execution. Jeff's pumpkin mousse was imbalanced. Richard's s'mores weren't s'mores. There was no burnt sugar, and not enough chocolate to be classified as a s'more. I only wish Food Taxonomy had been offered at my university. Richard says that he wanted to offer chocolate-dipped frozen bananas, but obviously the challenge parameters put an end to that. He tried to do what he could to feature the banana over the chocolate. Another reasonable response. Gail says that the foamy cream on top wasn't suited to a catering environment, in that it just fell flat. True enough. The spit comment is brought up. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations, Part II. Grant would like to narrow the losers to the dessert-makers, but Ptom and Gail want to toss in Daniel's sloppily-executed potatoes as well. That leaves a pass for one of the dessert-makers, and happily, Carla claims it. Her cobbler wasn't outstanding, but it wasn't terrible. Jeff has natural leadership abilities, which is good, but the time he spent on organizing the team caused him to fall flat in his cooking, which is bad. The pumpkin mousse was a bad idea, but the spoonbread would have been fine if it hadn't been overcooked. Richard's s'mores didn't taste good, didn't look good, and weren't a good concept to begin with. Ouch. Ptom snipes that the chefs needn't have followed every instruction on the "rider", and before I can fully gear up to gripe that the chefs would have been reamed if they had ignored it, he deflates me by saying there were plenty of other things Richard could have done with bananas. Oh. That's true. The judges reach a decision.
As they sweat 'n' fret, Daniel and Jamie get into a pointless fight about peanut butter on the floor or some such idiocy. Jamie, the concert's over. You can take off that hippy-dippy headband now, okay, Princess Patchouli? Daniel makes a caveman comment about how Jamie must be on the rag or something, which prompts Panny to tell us how she got a memo at her new job about how the ladies of her company generally bake cookies for the guys at Christmas. Wow, her commute must be terrible. It takes a long time to drive to 1955.
Elimination. Eugene's pork was a high point of the entire meal. He's dismissed. Alex is still middle-of-the-road competent. So much so that I forget he exists when he's not on-screen. He's dismissed. Hey, who was that guy? Carla's dessert was the best of the three. She's dismissed. Ariane's turkey was excellent. She's dismissed. That leaves Jeff, Daniel, and Richard in the bottom three. Daniel's potatoes sucked. Jeff bit off more than he could chew. Richard's s'mores were a mess from top to bottom. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the chop. Richard. Please pack your knives and go. Aw. I don't disagree; he didn't make a single dish you wouldn't see at a Dierbergs Saturday Afternoon Cooking Class, but "aw" just the same. He cries in his final interview, and says he busted his ass for three seasons trying to get on the show. Well, look at the bright side, Richard. You made it on. He heads out the door, and Team Rainbow gets whittled down to Member Rainbow. No pressure, Jamie.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: The contestants cooked lunch for people who aren't telegenic or sassy enough to be successful chefs. Jill made an ostrich egg taste like glue, while Ariane's dessert made Padma seize in disgust. Fabio won the challenge, Jill's incomprehensible rambling at Judges' Table got her chopped, and Ariane was pulled further into her whirlpool of despair. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Drinking Game Rule #3: Take a drink any time a contestant reacts to a judges' criticism by sneering that they just don't get it.
Monday Morning Quarterback Session. Fabio - happy. Ariane - unhappy. Richard - King of Unnecessary Exposition. No big changes there. That dispensed with, the chefs head out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and guest judge Grant Achatz. Padma wishes everyone a happy Thanksgiving. The fact that they always give warm, holiday greetings in what is probably the dead of August never stops being funny. Hosea is heartened to see a guest judge who has successfully battled cancer, as his father has just been diagnosed with it. Let's send a mind-melded batch of Get Well Soon his way. The chefs step forward to draw knives, each of which has a number on it. Those numbers turn out to correspond to page numbers in the Top Chef cookbook, which must not be selling well if they have to plug it like this. The chefs have an hour to put their own, personal spin on the recipe found on their chosen page number. Ready? Go!
Jeff has gotten a recipe of Howie's, though they neglected to include massive flop sweat on the ingredients list. Leah has gotten one of Hung's many tuna tartare dishes, which includes white asparagus. Shortly into the challenge, Padma re-enters, and almost hysterically yells for the chefs to stop what they're doing. Daniel recaps this in interview, which is a good chance to note how wildly his facial hair varies across this episode. It's clean-shaven, but for a soul patch! Now, it's scruffy! Now, it's that negative-space mustache again! Padma tells the chefs that the challenge is changing; now they must take the ingredients they've already started working with, and make a soup out of them. Product-placed broth has been provided. Leah, who was quite confident before this happened, now has to pull a raw tuna soup out of her ass, and do it using white asparagus, which she loathes. Ouch. Carla brings her special brand of kooky to her soup. I must admit that Carla, even with her spirit guides and those wacky interviews with her eyes bugging out of her head, is starting to worm her way into my heart.
Jamie, who knows her soups, doesn't think she'll have any trouble working with a recipe of Miguel's. Well, sure. I mean, it's Miguel. The best picture they could find to put in the cookbook makes him look like he wears a helmet to school. Padma comes in to give the five-minute warning. Chaotic cooking montage, followed by chaotic plating montage. It's a bit improbable to refer to filling bowls of soup as "plating", but I guess "bowling" is out, for obvious reasons. Pity. Padma and Grant go down the line. Stefan has made a scallop/shrimp burger into a Thai green curry with scallop dumplings on the side. Makes sense. Ariane, who had Dale's (that's adorable Dale, not obnoxious Dale) rack of lamb, which you'd think would be pretty easy to turn into some sort of stew. Ariane has combined diced lamb with eggplant, red pepper, and couscous. Grant finds it overcooked, and Ariane shakes her head, like "Well, someone hates my food. What else is new?". That doesn't count for the drinking game, though, so put those glasses down.
Daniel has thrown together a ham and egg soup, which sounds difficult. He's included mushrooms, corn, and cheese. Padma, who sounds stoned out of her gourd, says she's never had ham and egg soup before, but is able to slur that she likes it. Daniel is pleased in interview. Perhaps he's pleased that he's been able to grow a full beard in three seconds. Richard has a black bean and roasted pasilla pepper soup with rice. Grant says it needs acid, which Richard was going to include, but ran out of time. Melissa has made her version of an Italian wedding soup, which looks nothing like Italian wedding soup. But it's her version! She still needs to work on her version of a haircut.
Fabio got a recipe of Michael's, and if they included him in the cookbook, it's no wonder nobody's buying. I can't imagine there were too many people salivating for the chance to emulate the guy who made Cheeto shitbombs. This more successful recipe is a duo of salmon and trout, which Fabio has put into a mushroom and asparagus soup. Grant finds it flat. Carla had Lia's poached shrimp, which she's turned into shrimp, tomato, and coriander soup. Sounds good. Grant backs me up. Leah has made a chilled asparagus soup with tuna. Jamie has naturally turned Miguel's deconstructed falafel into chickpea soup. Padma and Grant love it.
Results. Perhaps in the spirit of the season, there are no challenge losers named. The top three are Jamie's chickpea soup, Leah's ability to work with the hated white asparagus, and Daniel's inventive ham and egg soup. Grant selects Leah as the winner. Her response is rather muted, but she perks up when she's reminded that she's immune from elimination in the next challenge. Speaking of which...
Elimination Challenge. The challenge will be to make Thanksgiving dinner for some very special clients. The chefs will be split into two teams, and as winner of the Quickfire, Leah gets to choose her team. She unsurprisingly selects Jamie, Hosea, Fabio, Stefan, Radhika, and Melissa. Padma plays a video message from the clients, who turn out to be the Foo Fighters. Hey, celebrity guests that I like! I don't think that's happened since Jennifer Coolidge. They claim to be big Top Chef fans, which I have trouble believing for some reason. The chefs will cook for the band and its entourage at their next venue. They've passed along a copy of their "rider" to make sure the chefs have plenty of traps to fall into. Padma outlines some examples of what they'll find, such as the band's love of chocolate-covered frozen bananas. Yeah, I think that was one of the things Squanto introduced to the Pilgrims. There will be eighteen vegetarians in the horde of diners, which Hosea thinks is no problem. He's from Colorado, which is apparently bursting with picky eaters. The winning team gets to attend the show, while the members of the losing one are not only ripe for elimination, but must clean up after the feast. Gordon Ramsay is already halfway to court to file a claim of copyright infringement.
Later, the chefs are driven out to an arena in Rochester, where they're met by a roadie. Fabio asks to see where the kitchen is (subtitled...DRINK!), and the roadie leads them...outside. Not only is it outside, but the only cooking equipment available is one burner and a bunch of microwaves and toasters. The chefs get fifteen minutes to try and think their way through this. Stefan is confident, while Jamie snaps over and over that they only have one burner, so a lot of grandiose ideas, like two gravys (gravies?) are implausible. Meanwhile, Jeff is putting his mad phat organizational skillz to work. Ariane is put in charge of the turkey, and she complains in interview that nobody on her team thinks she can handle it, simply because she's sucked in every challenge so far. She may have left that last clause off. In semi-accordance with the "rider", Richard will be making banana s'mores. Everyone heads out to shop for supplies.
At the store, we're given the team names. Leah's team has been christened Team Sexy Pants, which is dumb, but which will have delightful consequences. The other team is Team Cougar, named in part for Ariane's woman-of-a-certain-age hotness. Perhaps fortunately, she's not really sure what the term is all about. Everyone stocks up. Turkeys are piled into carts. Carla calls out a "Happy Thanksgiving!", no doubt confusing the hell out of all the other patrons who are buying watermelon for the weekend barbeque.
Back at whatever patio the poor chefs have been exiled to, Eugene shows us how with a chafing dish and some charcoal, he's built a little smoker to provide some extra cooking equipment. Genius! We get a peek at the menus, though with the Reliably Shitty Titles Department, it's anyone's guess what will actually show up on the plate. As you might expect, they're full of turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and desserts, though there is a curious lack of green vegetables. Jeff talks about making a pumpkin mousse, and we're forced to pause the show, as his title of chef at the "Dilido Beach Club" looks like something else. Something VERY else.
Tiffany: "He works at the Dildo Beach Club?"
Limecrete: "And all they serve is phallic-shaped food, with maybe some asses for variety."
LabRat: "I dunno. Getting in might be difficult."
Team Cougar harangues Ariane about making sure the turkey's cooking. She gets exasperated, which would be understandable if she hadn't been such an underperforming sad-sack since the word "go". Apparently, cooking outdoors with budget and menu constraints wasn't enough of a curveball, because Nature decides to get in on the act by raining. Panicky production assistants try to protect the food with flimsy patio tents, which works about as well as you'd expect. Fabio complains that there's no way he's going home because it's raining in his tiramisu. I always enjoy sentences that nobody will ever have use for ever again. Daniel gripes about getting the "goddamn" potatoes done, and I'm surprised, because I don't think I've ever heard that uttered on primetime basic cable without the "God" part bleeped. Not that I care that he said it; it's just interesting for cultural footnote purposes. The chefs realize that time is running out, and if the food's not on the tables inside when the clock stops, they can't serve it. A lot of mad dashes ensue. Carla wants to show that the kids that didn't get picked for kickball can win the challenge. Eugene says they got everything finished by the "skin of our ass". Nice. I'll have to steal that phrase.
The judges, Foos, and other diners enter and line up for service. Daniel tells us as much in interview (negative-space mustache) before dishing up his potatoes (stubble with soul patch). Team Cougar also starts off with spoonbread stuffing (with figs/cranberries/walnuts/onion), five-cheese mac and cheese with bacon (mmmm), roasted turkey with mushroom gravy, and maple-smoked pork loin. Jeff's stuffing isn't a big hit, as the Foos aren't into a lot of bells and whistles like the figs in their stuffing. Grant says that sometimes, you just have to execute the classics, as if the chefs wouldn't have been slammed for playing too safe if they had done just that. Alex's mac and cheese is popular, but Daniel's potatoes are undercooked. Both meats do well. Eugene gets points for MacGyvering out on the pork smoker, while Ariane's turkey earns her some much-needed redemption.
On to Team Sexy Pants' dinner. Turkey, vegan cornbread stuffing, sweet potatoes, and roasted corn salad. Fabio charms the pants off Padma. At least she wishes he would. The vegetables are lauded. The vegan stuffing was far better than the other team's, and Dave Grohl gives high praise for the burned marshmallows on the yams, as "you GOTTA burn the marshmallows, man". I have to agree. The turkey, on the other hand, does not compare to Ariane's. Everyone decides to move on to dessert. Richard flames. He also torches his s'mores. Zing! The judges' approach surprises Ariane, who's in the middle of a huge mouthful of food, which Jeff chides her over. Oh, let the woman wolf down a few bites. Fabio presents his roasted pumpkin/honey/cinnamon tiramisu and Hosea's peach and blueberry crisp with cinnamon cream. Ah yes, when I think of autumnal harvest flavors, peach and blueberry immediately spring to mind.
The judges also load up on Team Cougar's desserts. Jeff was expecting them to eat Team Sexy Pants' dessert and then come back, so things that were supposed to be hot had to be served lukewarm. He's disconcerted. Carla serves a peach and cherry cobbler (more autumnal goodness!), Jeff serves his pumpkin mousse tossed with fresh fruit, and Richard serves his banana s'mores with vanilla cream and chocolate ganache. The judges go back to the table to eat, and it is here that Team Sexy Pants' name comes in handy, as that is how all the austere judges must now refer to them. Fabio's tiramisu is popular, and Ptom likes that he merged an American tradition with his knowledge of Italian food. Sexy Pants gets a hearty thumbs up on dessert. Team Cougar gets off to a bad start with Jeff's pumpkin mousse. The Foos make an astute point in that combining things you chew (the fruit) with things you simply swallow (the mousse) can be irritating. It's true. That's why suspending things in Jello is against God and Nature. The s'mores also draw criticism, as the cream on top resembles a big wad of spit.
Deliberations, Part I. It's generally agreed upon that neither team blew the other out of the water. Team Cougar's turkey was much better, while Team Sexy Pants ruled dessert. Team Sexy Pants also had the vegan stuffing, but the Foo drummer says that more of Team Cougar's entrees were better, and that desserts aren't the most important part of the meal. In general, I'd agree. If I go out to eat and have a terrific dinner followed by a disappointing dessert, I'm still satisfied. If, on the other hand, dinner is awful and there's a delectable dessert, I'd be kind of pissed off. Still, dessert carries more weight at Thanksgiving dinner. Ever taken a bite of a truly wretched pumpkin pie? It's not fun. The judges and Foos approach the teams to render their decision.
Team Sexy Pants takes the challenge. They celebrate. Eugene grouses, while Carla offers Team Sexy Pants congratulations. The winning chefs attend the show, while the losing ones despondently clean up and go through a lot of rationalizing and anxiety. Richard hopes that Team Cougar won't resort to throwing each other under the bus. DRINK! Back at the Kitchen, the teams are reunited. Melissa shows she's just as good at being a gracious winner as she is at styling her bangs by breezing in and declaring how awesome the show was. Daniel flicks her off. Classless, yes. Undeserved, no.
The Cougars go in to face Judges' Table. Jeff says he's surprised the team lost. He thought they put out a good meal, given the curveballs the challenge contained. Ptom points out that the other team had the same obstacles. Asked if there was a team leader, Alex says that while they didn't assign one, Jeff emerged as one. Lest you think that means Jeff is being sold out, Alex and Richard go to great lengths to clarify that Jeff's organizational skills were tremendously handy, and if the team lost, it was on execution, which is everyone's responsibility. Nice. Ptom tells Jeff that he looks pretty pissed off, and if he's hoping to spark a tantrum, he'll be disappointed. Jeff simply says that he's upset that they lost, because everyone on the team was great, and he wouldn't trade any of them for anyone on the other team. It'd have been better if he'd stopped there, and not added the Baseball Movie Cliche of "they gotta lotta heart, sir" on the end, but I admire the sentiment.
Ptom says that Team Sexy Pants didn't clobber them by any means, and Gail jumps in to tell Ariane that her turkey was perfect, and much better than the other team's. Ariane grins in relief. She had to be thinking she was going home. Jeff's spoonbread was too dry. Daniel claims responsibility for the potatoes and the vegetarian stuffed mushrooms, about which we haven't heard a peep. Gail mentions that the potatoes were undercooked, and Daniel says that it was a time issue, so he combined the roasted potatoes with the cooked ones. I guess the latter were boiled? Ptom asks why he didn't just leave the undercooked ones out of the dish, and Daniel says that there wouldn't have been enough to serve. That's a reasonable response.
Team Cougar's real problem was dessert. Carla's cobbler was a fine concept, but was off in execution. Jeff's pumpkin mousse was imbalanced. Richard's s'mores weren't s'mores. There was no burnt sugar, and not enough chocolate to be classified as a s'more. I only wish Food Taxonomy had been offered at my university. Richard says that he wanted to offer chocolate-dipped frozen bananas, but obviously the challenge parameters put an end to that. He tried to do what he could to feature the banana over the chocolate. Another reasonable response. Gail says that the foamy cream on top wasn't suited to a catering environment, in that it just fell flat. True enough. The spit comment is brought up. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations, Part II. Grant would like to narrow the losers to the dessert-makers, but Ptom and Gail want to toss in Daniel's sloppily-executed potatoes as well. That leaves a pass for one of the dessert-makers, and happily, Carla claims it. Her cobbler wasn't outstanding, but it wasn't terrible. Jeff has natural leadership abilities, which is good, but the time he spent on organizing the team caused him to fall flat in his cooking, which is bad. The pumpkin mousse was a bad idea, but the spoonbread would have been fine if it hadn't been overcooked. Richard's s'mores didn't taste good, didn't look good, and weren't a good concept to begin with. Ouch. Ptom snipes that the chefs needn't have followed every instruction on the "rider", and before I can fully gear up to gripe that the chefs would have been reamed if they had ignored it, he deflates me by saying there were plenty of other things Richard could have done with bananas. Oh. That's true. The judges reach a decision.
As they sweat 'n' fret, Daniel and Jamie get into a pointless fight about peanut butter on the floor or some such idiocy. Jamie, the concert's over. You can take off that hippy-dippy headband now, okay, Princess Patchouli? Daniel makes a caveman comment about how Jamie must be on the rag or something, which prompts Panny to tell us how she got a memo at her new job about how the ladies of her company generally bake cookies for the guys at Christmas. Wow, her commute must be terrible. It takes a long time to drive to 1955.
Elimination. Eugene's pork was a high point of the entire meal. He's dismissed. Alex is still middle-of-the-road competent. So much so that I forget he exists when he's not on-screen. He's dismissed. Hey, who was that guy? Carla's dessert was the best of the three. She's dismissed. Ariane's turkey was excellent. She's dismissed. That leaves Jeff, Daniel, and Richard in the bottom three. Daniel's potatoes sucked. Jeff bit off more than he could chew. Richard's s'mores were a mess from top to bottom. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the chop. Richard. Please pack your knives and go. Aw. I don't disagree; he didn't make a single dish you wouldn't see at a Dierbergs Saturday Afternoon Cooking Class, but "aw" just the same. He cries in his final interview, and says he busted his ass for three seasons trying to get on the show. Well, look at the bright side, Richard. You made it on. He heads out the door, and Team Rainbow gets whittled down to Member Rainbow. No pressure, Jamie.
Overall Grade: B-
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