Less is More

Top Chef - Season 2, Episode 4

Previously on Top Chef: The chefs were asked to create a meal for TGI Friday's. Because if there's one place I expect an expert chef to excel, it's a chain joint you find every five miles. Singing waitstaff optional. Emily was out of her element, while Michael could not have been more at home. They both sucked horribly, and it doesn't take a Venn diagram to explain who should be judged more harshly for that. Betty and Marcel got into a fight. Betty won the challenge, Michael continued being a stupid loser, and Emily got punted. Twelve pepper monkeys remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Los Angeles. At the Cellblock, chefs stir. From their beds, that is. They're not cooking yet. Betty's feeling good for winning two consecutive challenges. Michael lounges in bed as he squeezes a pair of his wife's panties. Just when I think he's hit his most loserly, he pulls out another dumbass maneuver like that. It's sort of impressive in a way. I kind of want to know what his wife's like. After Marcel and Ilan have been given time to sculpt their too-cool-for-school hairdos, the chefs are off.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs file into the Kitchen. Padma introduces the guest judge for the week, Suzanne Goin, who was judged "Best New Chef" at some point in the past, and now owns and runs a restaurant in Los Angeles. She's pretty. Sam knows who she is, and admires her, calling her style "simple". Good. I get fed up with guest judges who praise themselves for being such culinary whiz kids, and only wind up looking like jackholes. Padma tells the chefs that this week's challenges are about attention to detail. The Quickfire this week will be to create an amuse-bouche, which appears to be a pretentious phrase for "appetizer". Padma tells the chefs that they'll go shopping for ingredients, and have access to some basic Kitchen items as well. The standard half an hour to cook applies, as does immunity for the winner. The chefs leave the Kitchen to go shopping, as Marcel interviews that he was thinking about using oysters.

The chefs don't go far, as the place where they'll be shopping is right outside the Kitchen in the hallway. Yep, it's vending machines. Too bad Emily's not here this week to say something about how above this she is. And yeah, burn on these artistes for having to stoop to such lowbrow ingredients, but come on. Can we get some creativity, challenge designers? Even if this weren't almost an exact copy of one of last season's Quickfires, we covered the lowbrow food last week. If they're out of ideas four episodes into the second season, we're in trouble. Each of the chefs is given a roll of quarters (worth $10) to buy two items at each machine. Standard blah like "How am I going to do this? This sucks!" from the chefs.

Cliff interviews that people thought that Michael would totally be the champ on this one. Yeah, that's what we thought about him and the Friday's challenge, and look what happened there. Carlos buys some Squirt, sunflower seeds, carrots, and hard-boiled eggs. Marcel laughs that there are certainly no oysters to be had here. Heh. I don't know that I'd distrust vending machine oysters any more than I would vending machine eggs. Bleh. Michael is the last one to shop, is pissed that he doesn't have as many options as other chefs, and wah wah poor me. He says that he pretty much gave up caring about the Quickfire. Well, sure. He can afford the cushion, since it's not like he's sucked in absolutely every single challenge so far. Oh, wait. WHAT IS HE STILL DOING ON THIS SHOW? He's like Vincent, only less insane, and forty times more boring. Padma sends everyone back into the Kitchen to get started. People wander back. Well most people wander. Betty runs in as if somebody has set her on fire. Hahaha! I had to rewind and watch that a couple of times.

Carlos recaps the Quickfire. Marisa has bought chicken Caesar salad, potato chips, some trail mix, and an apple. She goes on to give us a long-winded sentence that boils down to meaning "I wanted to make something good". There. See how much time we'll save if we cut out all the gasbaggery? Frank interviews that he approaches all of the challenges with the same amount of vigor. Work montage. Marcel says that he tends to favor sweeter flavors for amuse-bouches. Michael...sigh. Michael grinds up some Snickers and corn nuts into balls of paste, then sticks a Cheeto into each one, and calls it a day. Carlos calls it the most phallic thing he's ever seen. Heh. That's certainly nicer than calling it a stupid shitbomb, which is what it is. Ilan smarmerviews that other chefs' portions are too big. Time runs out.

Suzanne goes down the line. Frank has made ham and cheese quiche with pesto, and a mint-infused tea. Suzanne enjoys it, saying the tea made her feel like she's "on the porch". Betty has made fromage frittata (oh, just say fried cheese for fuck's sake), with a basil, pear, and fig sauce. Suzanne wonders where she got the figs. Fig Newtons! Oooh, I love those. Suzanne likes it. Sam has combined potato salad and pickles with fennel powder, and used the mixture as a topping for potato chips. Elia has made a mini-tostada with Doritos, chicken salad, chili corn, and lime. Her accent really sells it, which Suzanne notes. Next is the aforementioned shitbomb from Michael, which Suzanne calls "playful". After eating it, she calls it an "ode to the ingredients", which is wonderfully ambiguous, and saves her from having to call it...well, a shitbomb. Josie has made a "deconstructed" chicken salad and a shortbread cookie puree. I don't know how that would taste, but she sure made it look very pretty.

Cliff has made curried banana pudding with sunflower seeds, and an herb cheese crisp. Marisa doesn't even get a subtitle. Burn! Suzanne likes the mint in her dish. Carlos has fashioned tiny little loaves out of sunflower seeds and carrots (I assume made into a paste by tossing them into the blender), topped with cilantro, sesame, and Squirt. Suzanne calls it "bright and clean". Mia has topped a Twinkie with charred banana and strawberry yogurt, and made a ginger-lime mojito as a drink. Suzanne confirms that this is a dessert, which she says does not adhere to the amuse-bouche parameter. I'll take her word for it. Marcel has paired "cracklings" (which are pork rinds, I guess) with lemon cake, which he's somehow turned into rice pudding. There's some grapefruit soda on the side. He eats a small portion of his own dish along with Suzanne, which makes Betty roll her eyes for some reason. Shut up, Betty. Suzanne feels Marcel's dish has the same problem as Mia's; it's too much like dessert. Ilan has made a deviled egg with corn nuts, deep fried salami, pear nectar, and fig paste. Sounds good. Suzanne murmurs approvingly.

Padma asks for Suzanne's general impressions. She was very impressed, especially with the level of presentation. Bad news first. Mia's was very tasty, but wasn't an amuse-bouche. Suzanne gets a vibe from Michael that he could not care less about the challenge, and she feels like "nobody kidnapped [him] to put him on the show". Oh my God, I love Suzanne. After fifteen seconds of interaction, and one bite of his food, she's completely nailed him. She goes on to be even more awesome, saying that other chefs worked really hard, and she doesn't know if he truly doesn't care, or if he's trying to work some kind of cavalier cool-guy angle. He babbles ineffectually. Call me, Suzanne! On to the good news. Frank's was delicious and inventive. Carlos "thought outside the box". Can we please retire that phrase? Ilan's salami was a nice touch. Ew. I'll try to avoid ever typing that sentence again. The winner of the Quickfire is... Carlos. He's very pleased, and the other chefs applaud him. He's happy to have immunity. He's happy to be the winner. Happy happy happy.

Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be drawing knives again this week to divide into four teams of three. The four teams will be black, white, red, and orange. Everyone draws. Betty gets the Thud of Doom music as she pulls a black knife, because her sworn enemy Marcel is already on the black team. He interviews that she's his arch-nemesis, which was pretty damn funny. Betty interviews that they've "had words" in the past, and she called him some names, which she feels bad about. She's still not happy to have to work with him.

Commercials. I know everyone loves Borat and everything, but I just can't get into movies where people are humiliated for other people's amusement. I find them intensely uncomfortable.

We get shots of all the teams looking fairly sour. The orange team is Carlos, Cliff, and Sam. The white team is Ilan, Elia, and Josie. The red team is Mia, Marisa, and Michael. The black team is Marcel, Frank, and Betty. Padma outlines the challenge. Each team will work together to create an entree, a side dish, and a dessert. The twist is that the complete meal cannot exceed 500 calories. Ouch. Sounds tough. I really don't see how either the Quickfire or the Elimination Challenge has that much to do with "attention to detail", but whatever. Ilan says he's never counted calories before, because cooking should be about "feeling food". Dude, what you do in your private time is none of my business. Padma explains that the meals will be served at Camp Glucose, which is the dumbest name ever. It's a "fitness" (read: fat) camp for kids of all ages. And again, I find myself curious to know what Emily would have to say about all this. Or Tiffani, for that matter.

Shopping. Each team gets half an hour, and $100 budget. The orange team is happy to have Sam, since he's a diabetic, and is used to analyzing the nutritional content of food. They buy some turkey. Sam says that it's a good meat because it's so lean, but it does tend to dry out very easily. Over on the black team, Marcel is suggesting wrapped asparagus, because he still hasn't learned thing one about playing to his audience. Did the bacon/avocado ice cream teach you nothing?!? Betty shoots him down, saying that kids won't like asparagus, and suggests making a pizza instead. Marcel seems amenable to that, and they start discussing what they can put on top. Both he and Betty are already doing a good job of putting aside their differences to concentrate on the challenge. Everyone lines up to pay, and they're done. Back at the Kitchen, each team is met by a nutritionist that will be overseeing their menus to make sure they fall within the 500-calorie parameter. Those nutritionists sure seem like stern ladies. It comes from not eating enough junk food. I'm sure once we get some caramel popcorn into their systems, they'll loosen up. Josie interviews that once the nutritionist approves their menu, she'll sign off on it, and the team will not be allowed to deviate from said menu from then on.

The nutritionist tells the white team that one cup of olive oil is 1909 calories. Ye gods! Josie is stunned. She interviews that a lot of chefs labor under the misconception that they're being really healthy by substituting olive oil for butter. She laughs that she's just going to go ahead and use butter from now on. Over on the red team, Mia is pretty confident for this challenge. She interviews that she's team leader, and that "Mikey" is the wild card. She says that a lot of people don't realize that he went to a fine culinary school. Yes, and a lot of idiotic frat boys went to my college. Mia worries that him being in the bottom of the Quickfire will lead to him being unpredictable in the Elimination Challenge. I'd love to know more of her reasoning behind that, but we never hear any. Does she worry that he'll automatically try to point the finger at her, should the red team lose?

A nutritionist vaguely reminiscent of Missi Pyle tells Marisa that her cupcakes are about 125 calories a piece, and that's without frosting or garnish. Marisa interviews that she'd like to make a chocolate fudge cake, which would usually take up the entire 500 calories on its own. Carlos out anal-retentives his nutritionist, which was awesome. Ilan carefully weighs a cucumber (or zucchini). I know what food he'll be "feeling" later! Betty separates some eggs. Marcel and Frank work out how much cheese their pizza can have, which turns out to be about one ounce per pizza. Ouch. Frank interviews that the nutritionist was skeptical about the pizza, but he knows he can keep the calories down, due to his Italian background. Because...Italians are so well-known for their lowfat food? Make sense, Frank! Betty works on a meringue cookie made from egg whites and sugar. She's keeping the calories down by substituting Splenda for the sugar. It's not working out well, which Marisa notes in an interview is because ingredients with completely different molecular structures are going to react in different ways.

With forty minutes left, Ptom arrives for his Ptimewasting segment. The red team is making BBQ chicken skewers, coleslaw, grilled vegetables, and a fudge cake with strawberries. Apparently, the cake's calories are brought down by being sweetened with beets. The Missi Pyle nutritionist tells Ptom their menu comes out to about 480 calories. Michael interviews that he wants to win the challenge, because he feels like he's got "a little bit to prove". I think he's beyond needing to prove he's a competent chef, and well into the area where he needs to prove he's not a complete waste of perfectly good organs. The black team is making (turkey) sausage and cheese pizza, melon and berry skewers, mixed berry lemonade, and that crispy cookie Betty was working on. The nutritionist tells Ptom they're at 440 calories. Betty whoops it up. The white team is making chicken Parmesan, vegetarian lasagna, and a berry cheesecake pie. They have the most impressive calorie total, topping out at only 398 calories. Toss some butter in, Josie! The orange team is making spiced turkey meatballs, roasted corn on the cob, and a fruit smoothie. Ptom implies that their dessert is much less appealing than the other teams', which is pretty much true. I've never cared for smoothies. The nutritionist reports that their menu is 454 calories. They celebrate, though I don't see what's so great about having a menu that has no real dessert coming in at almost 60 calories higher than one with cheesecake.

The nutritionists sign off on the menus. Everyone seems fairly confident in their chances. Marcel worries about the black team's dessert, because Betty's cookies look like ass. She explains in an interview that she forgot that you need to let this type of cookie sit overnight in an oven to get the right consistency. She's worried. Marcel even more so, because he feels like if the black team loses, Betty won't hesitate to "throw him under the bus", which is not a very farfetched guess on his part. He really wants to make sure that each dish is executed well. By this point, throwing someone under a bus has been bandied about so much on this show that its use is getting a tally mark on the Irritating Cliche list.

Commercials. FedEx has certainly had their hits and misses as far as ads go, but I do love that one with the managers refusing to get rid of the office halfpipe.

Day Two. Elia stretches. Betty asks if she's the only insecure one who's got her bags packed and ready. Josie looks around like "Er...should I reassure her?". Heh. Betty interviews that the competition means a lot to her. Marisa does her makeup. Betty gives good-morning kisses to everyone, including Marcel. He interviews that if the black team loses, he'll be very disappointed in his teammates, saying there's nothing worse than when a teammate lets you down. Nowhere in this hypothetical situation of the black team losing does Marcel himself shoulder any burden of responsibility. Handy. Michael disdains the comments Suzanne made to him in the Quickfire, as if he hadn't literally interviewed "screw the Quickfire". He does realize he's being taped, right?

Kitchen. Mia recaps the challenge for those who feel compelled to start watching the episode when it's half over. Frankly, I think they should be left to flounder in confusion. The chefs get to cooking, so I guess they have extra time to make new batches of everything. Or something. They really could have taken the time used to rehash challenges to give us actual pertinent information. Betty interviews that the first day's batch of cookies failed miserably, so she had to start over. Josie interviews that the white team is prepared to "honor" the menu that the nutritionist signed off on, which is our cue that shenanigans are afoot. Dun dun dun! Cliff says that it was assumed that the chefs are on the honor system now that the nutritionists aren't around. Sam interviews that he saw squeeze bottles of olive oil brought out, and that people were adding a generous squeeze whenever they felt like it. We never see anyone doing this, nor hear whom he saw. You'd think the cameras would catch it.

Carlos notes that Betty's cookies look completely different today, and that the recipe must have changed. Betty confirms this in an interview. She says that she reduced the number of egg whites that went into the bowl, and added two tablespoons of sugar. She clearly did a lot of research yesterday into what contains what amount of calories, and feels that the team is still coming in at under 500 calories, which is entirely believable. The problem is that this is not what the nutritionist signed off on, and Josie told us that once the nutritionist gives the stamp of approval, the recipe cannot be altered. So it appears that Betty has unintentionally cheated. The chefs pack up their food and head out.

Camp Glucose. The chefs are met by the judges, including Suzanne. In half an hour, the kids will arrive. One member of each team will present the menu to the children. After that, the kids will select which meal they want. There will naturally be a winner and a loser. I'm not sure why the music feels the need to punctuate this news with a series of solemn timpani notes. This happens every week, music. Calm down. The chefs set up. Betty compliments Frank's pizza. Ilan compliments Elia's cheesecake. All four teams are feeling good. They have color-coded tablecloths, which I find amusing for some reason. Mia selects Michael to present the red team's menu, apparently because she has suffered a brain aneurysm in the past thirty seconds. The kids arrive and seat themselves at picnic tables. Looks like they have actual menus to look at. And to be honest, I was expecting these children to be huge blobs, and they're not. Elia seems to really enjoy the challenge of making something delicious for someone with a restrictive diet. Elia's worming her way into my heart.

Frank presents the black team's menu. Probably a good choice. The kids seem amazed that they get pizza AND lemonade AND fruit AND cookies. Josie presents the white team's menu. She's a little too enthusiastic, and winds up sounding a bit phony. Carlos does a good job introducing the orange team's menu, even giving a nod to Sam's diabetes and Cliff's "physical fitness background". What would that be, I wonder? Gym teacher? Drill sergeant? ThighMaster salesman? And...Michael. Who says that he "kinda wants to get the wave going". It's a good thing I wore my glasses instead of my contacts today, as my eyes are threatening to roll right out of my head. He calls his menu "killer", and gives a vague description of the items. He caps it by calling the menu "rock and roll" and asks who wants the red team's menu. Wah-wah-wah music plays as the kids ignore him. Five kids eventually raise their hands. The orange team gets seven orders, as does the white team. And that pizza does its job for the black team, getting fifteen orders. Daaaamn. The chefs jog off to fill their orders. Jeez, what happens to all the extra food that doesn't get served?

The kids and judges eat. Most of the food seems to be pretty generally well-received. One of the teen girls wants to go marry "the hot diabetic". I'm always on alert for excessive talk about "Hot Sam", but that was pretty funny. One of the kids really likes the pizza, but thinks there may be too much sauce on it. Oh, I hate it when pizzas are all sauce! The judges consult with the kids. The red team's coleslaw is not well-liked. The orange team's smoothie isn't a hit either. A couple of the kids thought it was too sour, and one boy says that he thinks of smoothies as being thick, so the consistency of the one served (which was like juice) threw him off. After the meal, the chefs play soccer with the kids. Aw, that's cute. Although would you really want to run around on the field after you've just eaten? Marcel kicks a ball that nails Ilan in the face, which Elia calls "heelaireeus". Hehehe.

Commercials. I'm sure you can get a lot of things through eBay. Salmon should not be one of them.

Judges' Table. Padma likes the challenge, saying it's easy to make something taste good if you can use a bunch of fat and sugar. Gail asks Suzanne what she thought. She says some things tasted better than they looked, and others (like the orange team's meatballs) looked good, but were like a rock when they were cut into. Ptom says the red team's food was bland and underseasoned. Gail tries to herd the judges into picking an actual good dish, and Suzanne says that the pizza was the one thing the judges finished. Ptom agrees that pizza was a very smart thing for the black team to do. Suzanne loved the white team's cheesecake. The judges come to a decision. Padma goes back to the Kitchen and calls the black team in. Once they're standing in front of the judges, Padma tells them that they are the winning team. Betty is on a roll.

Suzanne asks who made the decision to make pizza. Frank raises his hand, and I raise my eyebrow. Plus, if you look carefully, Betty also starts to raise her hand, and masterfully turns it into a noserub instead. I went back to the scene in the grocery store, and Betty's the one who initially brought up the pizza. He cooked it, but it was her idea. Sure, Frank may have said something previous to that, and Betty was just agreeing, but it doesn't sound like that. The pizza actually leads Frank to win the challenge, and I can't get too up in arms, because he did work hard, and Betty already has challenge wins under her belt. Still, it feels a little off. He wins a copy of Suzanne's book (yawn), and the opportunity to collaborate on a menu with her at her restaurant (slightly less of a yawn). Betty and Marcel applaud for him. Padma dismisses them, and asks them to send in the orange and red teams. The black team goes back and Betty says "We won" in a tone of voice you'd use to inform somebody that their cat has inoperable cancer. Frank sends the loser teams to the table. Michael and Marisa are spending an awful lot of time at the losers' table. They should get those director chairs with their names on them.

Gong noise. Padma informs the orange and red teams that they are the bottom two. Mia is asked why she thinks the red team is there. She straightforwardly (but not arrogantly) says that she has no idea. She thought the chicken was very moist. They're asked who made the coleslaw, and say that it was a collaboration (which means that it was probably Michael). Gail says that it was really underseasoned and bland. Ptom asks what the thought process was in sending Michael out to "sell" the menu. Good question. In fact, Ptom hasn't annoyed me since the first episode. That's cheering. Marisa says that he wanted to demonstrate that he was active in the competition. What a terrible answer. "He only did it to prove his commitment" would be a bad answer even if Michael wasn't terrible at selling the menu, which he was. WHY IS HE STILL HERE? He says he misses his wife (oh, I guess that excuses his shitty performance) and that he just "drew a blank" in the Quickfire. Mia sticks up for him, saying that she almost resents the fact that the judges feel Michael doesn't care. Impressive, Mia. Suzanne gets a little defensive as she points out that she never said Michael doesn't care; she said he acts like he doesn't care. Which is true. And who cares if he cares? Even if he's the most passionate chef in the competition...he sucks.

Sam steps up as the "team captain" for the orange team. Carlos defends the meatballs' seasoning. Ptom says that the seasoning was fine. It was the texture that was the problem. Cliff admits that turkey was "not the correct choice". Next leading question. Who chose the fruit that went into the smoothie? Sam steps up for that. He admits that the grapes may have made the smoothie overly sour, and that he tried to strain it out a little bit. Suzanne suggests maybe stirring a little yogurt into it, and the orange team points out that they weren't supposed to deviate from the nutritionist-approved menu. And you know what that means! It's time to "throw someone under the bus". Sam tells the judges he saw people walking around with squeeze bottles of olive oil. Suzanne asks him if he means that people cheated. He denies that, but says that people "didn't account" for it, whatever that means. Gail asks him who he saw, and Suzanne adds that a single tablespoon of olive oil has 120 calories. So this is a big deal. Sam says that he saw problems on Day One that were miraculously solved by Day Two. Gail asks what those problems were, and he won't name names, saying he's "not that guy". I see. "We shouldn't have lost because people cheated, but I'm not going to tell you who, because I'm far too noble." That's seriously what he's saying. So he's not a squealer. He's just a passive-aggressive pussy. That's far more attractive.

Mia volunteers to give up the information. She says that Betty's cookies that used Splenda yesterday were "all sugar" today. Interesting. Betty admitted to adding sugar, but openly said that it was two tablespoons. That couldn't be a complete substitution. So Mia's selling someone out without having all of her facts straight. Classy. Also, people seem to be crossing their wires between the olive oil thing and the sugar thing. The chefs are dismissed. Once the loser teams are back in the Kitchen, they don't say a word about what they just did. Classy again. I'm not sure you can stab someone in the back based on weak information, not prepare her for the inevitable fallout of the accusation, then claim the moral high ground.

Back at the table, the judges find it shifty that Sam suddenly started to point the "cheaters!" finger when told he's in the bottom this week. Good point. They still need to take into consideration the possibility that the winning team got their winning flavor by breaking the rules. The judges are completely stymied. It looks like this came out of not explaining the challenge well enough to the chefs. Was it only necessary to stay under 500 calories or is it absolutely essential that the menu not change after the nutritionist approved it?

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The judges are in a pickle. They don't know if anyone cheated, and if so, whether it was intentional or not. They don't know whether to believe accusations from people that know they're in hot water, or if the accusations should have been made the second the "cheating" was observed. Gail says that Sam's unwillingness to name names means that the judges have no proof that anyone did anything wrong (presumably she means the olive oil). Ptom asks Suzanne for her opinion, and she has no idea what to do. She eventually says that she can't really pick a loser, based on their current information. Ptom says that he's got a few more things to say to the chefs. Uh, oh! Dad's taking off the belt! He goes back to the Kitchen. He talks vaguely about accusations, which is silly, because he then goes on to outline those specific claims. What, like Betty's going to think he's talking about someone else's sugar? She's clearly confused as she asks if he feels people cheated on their ingredients.

Sam brings up the fact that he saw unmeasured amounts of olive oil being used. Marcel defensively says that it's not like they know what other teams discussed with their nutritionists, and Sam gets pissy and responds "No one's accusing you, man!". Um, YES YOU ARE. He actually has the gall to say that since Marcel is being defensive, maybe he's got something to tell Ptom now. Nice. So you accuse him (or at least make a general accusation) of cheating, deny that you accused anyone, and then use the fact that they're upset that you accused them of wrongdoing as some sort of evidence that they did, in fact, cheat? Sam would have fit right in at the Salem witch trials. Maybe they should throw Marcel in a pond and see if he floats. That'll let us know if he cheated.

Carlos asks Betty directly if she stuck to her recipe (there are those crossed oil/sugar wires again). She freely admits to adding extra sugar, and explains that she thought it was OK, because the portions were smaller, and they had a 40-calorie padding from the previous day's menu. Ptom says that the chefs were not supposed to deviate from the original menu, and Betty says that she misunderstood that. Ptom believes her, but points out that nobody else seems to have had this issue. Betty starts to cry, and I swear that in the preview for this season, we saw a scene of Betty tearfully asking for a written copy of a challenge's rules. This must be where that scene fits, and yet it's not played here. So, stuck with the possibility that the rules were not sufficiently explained, Ptom says that nobody's getting eliminated, but the chefs will be watched closely from now on. Way to avoid that lawsuit! Of course, this has the side effect of making the entire episode completely pointless.

The chefs come back to the Cellblock. Elia interviews that since Betty admitted everything, it's unlikely that she was cheating. Josie gears up for a rant. She says that she knows the white team played by the rules, so she knows the accusations weren't leveled at her team. Which gives her free reign to blast the chefs (meaning the orange and red teams meaning Sam and Mia) for having the nerve to, you guessed it, "throw each other off the bus", then come back to the Kitchen and "hold my hand". Carlos says that this is not about Josie, it's about the competition. Which...true. Mia has less credibility when she says that if you weren't in the room, you don't know what happened. Mia? I was in the room. You accused Betty of cheating using faulty information, and you implied she did it on purpose. Feel free to chide Josie for making assumptions. You won't snow the audience as easily. Bitch. Marisa actually earns her first point with me by saying that Mia pretending to be all innocent was really hypocritical. Plus, as with Michael, what does Mia think those cameras pointed at her contain? String cheese? It's going to come out. Why lie? The phrase "thrown under the bus" makes a couple more appearances. The tally marks are adding up!

Ilan points out that everyone should be thrilled that nobody got cut. Frank just kicks back with a beer, a look of "can you believe this shit?" plastered on his face. No kidding, Frank. Josie says that if it turned out the black team won based on misunderstanding of the rules, then the white team should have won. Wait, wasn't she just defending the black team a second ago? Maybe Josie's just venting all over the place without really caring who she's yelling at. Besides, it's not like Betty's cookies were the reason the black team won. Betty stalks off. And that's it. Hey, producers? It can't be that difficult to make sure the contestants understand the challenges. Also, you could have made the easy choice and just eliminated Michael. He was worthless in the Quickfire, didn't contribute anything good to the red team's meal, and did a piss poor job of selling the menu. Easy! Man, they fucked this up.

Overall Grade: D+