Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 4
Previously on Top Chef: Aaron woke up not knowing that some salt, some kale, and half an hour were all that stood between him and elimination. The chefs were taken to Commander's Palace and told to replicate some of the dishes there. Michael's condescension meter continued to climb, and Stephanie pulled a biscuit recipe out of her ass. Not literally, thankfully. Justin's beignet pulled down the win, and while Louis' seasoning blend ruined many a plate of fish, Bret's messy presentation and undercooked veal was deemed the greater culinary crime. 15 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Surprisingly, there is no Quickfire this week, meaning that half the episodes so far have been pure Elimination challenges. I wonder why they structured it this way. Padma introduces guest judge Eddie Huang, who describes the arrival and inclusion of Vietnamese cuisine into New Orleans culture. I had no idea, though I'm not surprised. I'm writing this from St. Louis, which like New Orleans, was originally based on French citizenry, but happily weaves pockets of other ethnicities into its food culture. The fifteen chefs are broken into teams of five, and told that they must present a Vietnamese menu, one course of which must include shrimp. The teams shake out to be:
Red: Shirley, Carrie, Justin, Nina, and Patty
Orange: Louis, Nicholas, Michael, Brian, and Carlos
Green: Travis, Bene, Sara, Janine, and Stephanie
I'm sorry, red and orange? James' hi-def TV or no, these aprons quickly become indistinguishable. You had a big color wheel to choose from, producers. What, purple is an issue for some reason? Anyhow, the green team is super-pumped because both Travis and Sara are self-proclaimed experts in Asian cuisine, and Travis has extensively traveled in Vietnam.
Before the challenge starts, though, the chefs are taken on a brief tour of Vietnamese eateries in New Orleans for inspiration. Good thing, because apparently Carlos has never even tasted Vietnamese food. Between this and the people who had never tasted the proteins in Episode 1, methinks the talent pool for this show may be getting stretched a bit thin. The chefs are taken to a bakery, the shrimp docks, and a noodle house. On the bus between destinations, menus are discussed. Travis wants to do a tomato sauce and incorporate Romaine lettuce, assuring the other chefs that while not exactly the standard of the country, he's totally eaten them in Vietnam, so they'll be fine. Sara is unconvinced. During the shopping segment, a harried green team appears to pick up a bunch of lemongrass and then put it back at Sara's behest. They're all running around like headless chickens, and probably wouldn't realize it if all that was in their cart was toothpaste and peanut butter.
Cooking. Shirley works on a BBQ shrimp dish that utilizes plenty of butter. Michael and Patty do prep work for their teams without being in charge of any particular dish. Dangerous. The green team realizes they don't have any lemongrass, and are decidedly unhappy about it. No lemongrass, tomato sauce, and Romaine lettuce. I feel like I'm in Vietnam! Provided Vietnam is located inside the nearest Olive Garden. The orange team is making a black pepper squid with cabbage that sounds fantastic, though this particular preparation doesn't look particularly appetizing. We may not be in a post-racial society, but we're getting closer with statements such as Brian's that he's Korean, but that doesn't mean he is a sudden expert in Vietnamese food, because his real focus is Peruvian cuisine. Hehe. I love little twists like that, like when Carrie fused inspirations from Iowa and Trinidad for her gumbo. Schoolhouse Rock was right! More cooking happens. Aside from Travis' overconfidence, it's not terribly compelling.
Service. The orange team's spring roll is good, but not the sauce it comes with. The fish head soup incorporates so much tomato that it tastes like minestrone. The pho is too watered down. The squid dish is bland. I don't know if these chefs are too hesitant with the seasoning or people in New Orleans just expect more zing, but I don't think I've ever heard the word "bland" thrown out so much in a single season. Over on the red team, Shirley is a little more angsty than Brian about her perceived expertise. Sure, she's Chinese, but as she says, "Can you imagine? I'm an Asian and I got kicked off on the Asian food challenge?" Heh. It doesn't look like she has much to worry about, because the judges love her BBQ shrimp. They also serve a noodle soup with beef belly, a pho that is much preferred to the orange team's, a raw beef salad, and a rather icky-looking custard for dessert. The green team presents pork lettuce wraps with pineapple shrimp sauce, an oxtail and shrimp noodle dish in tomato sauce, and a macaroon. The judges dislike pretty much all of it, especially the overcooked shrimp and gummy rice.
Judging. The orange team's pho was disappointing, but the spring roll was good. The red team nailed the pho and the BBQ shrimp, and the green team was a mess from top to bottom. So the red team goes to winners' circle, with Shirley scoring the individual win for her shrimp. Naturally, the green team is on the bottom, and they are savaged. The shrimp was terrible. The rice was terrible. The sauce was terrible. Nothing about the menu was particularly Vietnamese.
It's looking bad for Travis or Sara, the perceived leaders of the team, but we're hit with another surprising elimination when the overcooked shrimp looms so large that the judges axe Janine. She gives a pretty standard exit interview that I don't remember a word of, either because she never made much of an impression beyond the sandals and Daisy Duke shorts she wore in the first challenge, or because I'm too busy trying to compose a shrimp-on-the-barbie joke in my head that never quite gets there.
Overall Grade: B+
Monday, October 28, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
The Sincerest Form of Flattery
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 3
Previously on Top Chef: The word "gumbo" was said so many times that it lost all meaning. With two hometown chefs competing in New Orleans, Michael decided to distinguish himself by being The Assy, Condescending One. Carrie's gumbo may have looked like something out of The Exorcist, but it was spot-on in terms of flavor, and she sailed into the Elimination Challenge with immunity and a perky smile. The chefs split into teams to serve food out of trucks at muggy, humid building sites, so naturally Jason let his handrolls sit around getting soggy, the better to give him time to charm guests with banter like "So, are you guys...from here?" Carrie's empanada dough scored her yet another win, while no amount of casual hair-flipping could save Jason from the chop. 17 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We get the same can-you-believe-so-and-so-got-eliminated blather we get all the time, and since these are shorter recaps, let's dispense with the Monday Morning Quarterback session for now. Besides...yes. Yes, I can believe that somebody got eliminated. It kind of happens every week. Quickfire Challenge. Since there are still practically enough chefs to field an entire baseball game, Padma speeds things up by announcing that this Quickfire will be the end of the road for one of the contestants. Dana Cowin is here as guest judge, and explains that the chefs' task is to take a food trend that is heavily overused, and make it fresh and exciting again. I like this idea! There are certainly plenty of cliches in the food world, and keeping things lively is incredibly important.
The chefs draw knives for their trends, which turn out to be: Kale, Bacon, Smoked Food, and Putting an Egg on Top of Everything. I rather like the whole egg thing, but I can see how it could get out of control. Dana explains why she's sick of all these things, mentioning that if she never sees a kale salad again, it'll be too soon. The chefs are given a mere thirty minutes to throw their dishes together, and spring into action. Janine can't get to the scallops in time, and has to hurry to get some pork cooked. Stephanie somehow makes pasta from scratch, then soaks it in bacon fat. I still don't have a great read on her as a person, but that is fucking impressive. Bret makes a kale salad, because it's not like anyone explicitly said not to. Except that one time two minutes ago. Michael continues being loud and annoying, and his food follows his lead, billowing smoke all over the place. Nina makes a tiny little Scotch egg, while Shirley makes shirred (baked) eggs on congee, which looks so delicious, I hurt my nose trying to dive through the screen to get it.
Judging. The kale group seemed to get the worst of it, though Patty finally gets some kind words. Good. Not that I don't think these things should be decided on merit, but it was tough to watch her get verbally smacked down in challenge after challenge. Bret is chided for making kale salad. I know these chefs are under an enormous amount of pressure, and the show is heavily edited, but after that whole "We rock because we have leftover food!" last week, and now this... Bret may be a little dumb, you guys. Still, even his mistake doesn't compare to Aaron's inedibly salty kale. Poor, affable Aaron has to pack up and leave on the spot. In happier news, Padma is as big a fan of Shirley's congee as I am, and she wins immunity.
That settled, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. The chefs are taken to Commander's Palace for dinner. Everything looks extremely tasty, and James pipes up that when he ate there, it easily ran $200 for dinner for just a couple of people. Yeeks. Each course is shown in glorious detail. There's a shrimp and tasso dish, some speckled trout with crawfish, a veal chop tchopitoulas, and a strawberry trio for dessert. This is no mere field trip, though. The Elimination Challenge will split the chefs into the tables they happen to be sitting at, and each table will be assigned one of these dishes to recreate. Another good challenge! We've seen so many where the chefs are given a dish and told to "modernize" it or make it healthier or to put some sort of spin on it. In this case, they're being judged on an ability to straight up imitate someone else's dish. It's pretty refreshing.
The shopping and prep segments are as spastic as ever, but there isn't much to comment on. Just some minor drama with Bret getting in the way as people plate, and Shirley missing beets, and Michael upping the ass factor yet again by dumping Nina's okra on the counter when she mistakenly uses the serving dishes with his name on them. It all gets resolved pretty quickly. A table of judges and notable chefs, some of whom created the very dishes the chefs are recreating, get settled in the dining room. They sample the original dish first, then judge the contestants' against it for flavor and presentation.
Shrimp and Tasso: Bene's sauce is the best of the bunch, while Michael's presentation is lovely, but his shrimp are woefully overcooked. So he's messed up shrimp and gumbo, and still manages to preen around as the quintessential New Orleans chef. Go ahead and imagine one of those weeeeee-OOOOOOHHHHHHHH foghorn sounds for me, will you? Thanks, you're a peach. Nina's presentation is off, but her food is delicious. Travis continues his quest to prove that he is a contestant on this show.
Trout: It doesn't seem like the most complicated of the four dishes, but it's pretty lackluster across the board. Louis made the seasoning blend for everyone, and did a poor job, so everyone's fish is bland. Nicolas' is bland + unevenly blackened, Carlos' is bland + burned, and Louis' is bland + did I mention bland? Only Janine is able to escape the judges' disappointment.
Veal: Brian's Brussels sprouts are undercooked, while Shirley's veal is overcooked. Bret was unable (or unwilling) to claim enough grill space in time, so although his sauce is fine, his presentation is awful, and the meat has no sear. Surprisingly, Patty comes away with the best reviews for this course. I continue to be heartened by her... Well, not resurgence, but a handful of validation, anyway.
Dessert: Sara's beignet is greasy, and she didn't put the necessary white chocolate on the plate. Both Carrie and Stephanie do an excellent job on the strawberry cocktail and the biscuit, which Stephanie is surprised to have pulled off, given that she's never really made one before. Still, Justin's beignet puts the judges into the biggest raptures.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs listen to the judges talk about how dessert was the best course. That never happens on this show. Usually, these people would fall apart if they had to make a chocolate chip cookie from a recipe tattooed on their forearms. Judges' Table. Justin, Stephanie, and Nina are called in as the top three. Stephanie is very pleased with the reception her biscuit got, but this challenge is Justin's to lose. He doesn't. Lose, that is. I would like to try these hallowed beignets of his. I've only had New Orleans beignets once, and I found them lackluster. Maybe I just didn't eat the right ones.
Bret, Carlos, and Louis are called in as the bottom three. Louis cops to making the seasoning blend for everyone's fish, and when he goes on to admit that he didn't even taste that blend before the dishes were sent out, the judges' jaws drop like he just announced he routinely throws babies into wheat threshers for funsies. Bret has poor time-management skills, and should have made room on the grill so that his veal wasn't so underdone. Carlos simply had burned fish, but that's bad enough. Burned fish is the worst.
Elimination. As with last week, I'm fairly certain I know who's going. There's no way Louis is overcoming that seasoning mistake, especially after saying he didn't even taste it. But just like last week, they pull the rug out from under me. Bret's veal has gotten him the chop. Get it?!? Veal chop? Oh, never mind. Given everything he's said and done these past couple of weeks, it's no great surprise that he went out early. It's not like I'll miss him, but his final interview is ultra-depressing. He just gives the camera a thousand-yard stare and says that he has no job right now, and no idea what he's going to do. Yikes. Now I'm worried that it's not just his veal that's going to get stuck in the oven.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: The word "gumbo" was said so many times that it lost all meaning. With two hometown chefs competing in New Orleans, Michael decided to distinguish himself by being The Assy, Condescending One. Carrie's gumbo may have looked like something out of The Exorcist, but it was spot-on in terms of flavor, and she sailed into the Elimination Challenge with immunity and a perky smile. The chefs split into teams to serve food out of trucks at muggy, humid building sites, so naturally Jason let his handrolls sit around getting soggy, the better to give him time to charm guests with banter like "So, are you guys...from here?" Carrie's empanada dough scored her yet another win, while no amount of casual hair-flipping could save Jason from the chop. 17 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We get the same can-you-believe-so-and-so-got-eliminated blather we get all the time, and since these are shorter recaps, let's dispense with the Monday Morning Quarterback session for now. Besides...yes. Yes, I can believe that somebody got eliminated. It kind of happens every week. Quickfire Challenge. Since there are still practically enough chefs to field an entire baseball game, Padma speeds things up by announcing that this Quickfire will be the end of the road for one of the contestants. Dana Cowin is here as guest judge, and explains that the chefs' task is to take a food trend that is heavily overused, and make it fresh and exciting again. I like this idea! There are certainly plenty of cliches in the food world, and keeping things lively is incredibly important.
The chefs draw knives for their trends, which turn out to be: Kale, Bacon, Smoked Food, and Putting an Egg on Top of Everything. I rather like the whole egg thing, but I can see how it could get out of control. Dana explains why she's sick of all these things, mentioning that if she never sees a kale salad again, it'll be too soon. The chefs are given a mere thirty minutes to throw their dishes together, and spring into action. Janine can't get to the scallops in time, and has to hurry to get some pork cooked. Stephanie somehow makes pasta from scratch, then soaks it in bacon fat. I still don't have a great read on her as a person, but that is fucking impressive. Bret makes a kale salad, because it's not like anyone explicitly said not to. Except that one time two minutes ago. Michael continues being loud and annoying, and his food follows his lead, billowing smoke all over the place. Nina makes a tiny little Scotch egg, while Shirley makes shirred (baked) eggs on congee, which looks so delicious, I hurt my nose trying to dive through the screen to get it.
Judging. The kale group seemed to get the worst of it, though Patty finally gets some kind words. Good. Not that I don't think these things should be decided on merit, but it was tough to watch her get verbally smacked down in challenge after challenge. Bret is chided for making kale salad. I know these chefs are under an enormous amount of pressure, and the show is heavily edited, but after that whole "We rock because we have leftover food!" last week, and now this... Bret may be a little dumb, you guys. Still, even his mistake doesn't compare to Aaron's inedibly salty kale. Poor, affable Aaron has to pack up and leave on the spot. In happier news, Padma is as big a fan of Shirley's congee as I am, and she wins immunity.
That settled, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. The chefs are taken to Commander's Palace for dinner. Everything looks extremely tasty, and James pipes up that when he ate there, it easily ran $200 for dinner for just a couple of people. Yeeks. Each course is shown in glorious detail. There's a shrimp and tasso dish, some speckled trout with crawfish, a veal chop tchopitoulas, and a strawberry trio for dessert. This is no mere field trip, though. The Elimination Challenge will split the chefs into the tables they happen to be sitting at, and each table will be assigned one of these dishes to recreate. Another good challenge! We've seen so many where the chefs are given a dish and told to "modernize" it or make it healthier or to put some sort of spin on it. In this case, they're being judged on an ability to straight up imitate someone else's dish. It's pretty refreshing.
The shopping and prep segments are as spastic as ever, but there isn't much to comment on. Just some minor drama with Bret getting in the way as people plate, and Shirley missing beets, and Michael upping the ass factor yet again by dumping Nina's okra on the counter when she mistakenly uses the serving dishes with his name on them. It all gets resolved pretty quickly. A table of judges and notable chefs, some of whom created the very dishes the chefs are recreating, get settled in the dining room. They sample the original dish first, then judge the contestants' against it for flavor and presentation.
Shrimp and Tasso: Bene's sauce is the best of the bunch, while Michael's presentation is lovely, but his shrimp are woefully overcooked. So he's messed up shrimp and gumbo, and still manages to preen around as the quintessential New Orleans chef. Go ahead and imagine one of those weeeeee-OOOOOOHHHHHHHH foghorn sounds for me, will you? Thanks, you're a peach. Nina's presentation is off, but her food is delicious. Travis continues his quest to prove that he is a contestant on this show.
Trout: It doesn't seem like the most complicated of the four dishes, but it's pretty lackluster across the board. Louis made the seasoning blend for everyone, and did a poor job, so everyone's fish is bland. Nicolas' is bland + unevenly blackened, Carlos' is bland + burned, and Louis' is bland + did I mention bland? Only Janine is able to escape the judges' disappointment.
Veal: Brian's Brussels sprouts are undercooked, while Shirley's veal is overcooked. Bret was unable (or unwilling) to claim enough grill space in time, so although his sauce is fine, his presentation is awful, and the meat has no sear. Surprisingly, Patty comes away with the best reviews for this course. I continue to be heartened by her... Well, not resurgence, but a handful of validation, anyway.
Dessert: Sara's beignet is greasy, and she didn't put the necessary white chocolate on the plate. Both Carrie and Stephanie do an excellent job on the strawberry cocktail and the biscuit, which Stephanie is surprised to have pulled off, given that she's never really made one before. Still, Justin's beignet puts the judges into the biggest raptures.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs listen to the judges talk about how dessert was the best course. That never happens on this show. Usually, these people would fall apart if they had to make a chocolate chip cookie from a recipe tattooed on their forearms. Judges' Table. Justin, Stephanie, and Nina are called in as the top three. Stephanie is very pleased with the reception her biscuit got, but this challenge is Justin's to lose. He doesn't. Lose, that is. I would like to try these hallowed beignets of his. I've only had New Orleans beignets once, and I found them lackluster. Maybe I just didn't eat the right ones.
Bret, Carlos, and Louis are called in as the bottom three. Louis cops to making the seasoning blend for everyone's fish, and when he goes on to admit that he didn't even taste that blend before the dishes were sent out, the judges' jaws drop like he just announced he routinely throws babies into wheat threshers for funsies. Bret has poor time-management skills, and should have made room on the grill so that his veal wasn't so underdone. Carlos simply had burned fish, but that's bad enough. Burned fish is the worst.
Elimination. As with last week, I'm fairly certain I know who's going. There's no way Louis is overcoming that seasoning mistake, especially after saying he didn't even taste it. But just like last week, they pull the rug out from under me. Bret's veal has gotten him the chop. Get it?!? Veal chop? Oh, never mind. Given everything he's said and done these past couple of weeks, it's no great surprise that he went out early. It's not like I'll miss him, but his final interview is ultra-depressing. He just gives the camera a thousand-yard stare and says that he has no job right now, and no idea what he's going to do. Yikes. Now I'm worried that it's not just his veal that's going to get stuck in the oven.
Overall Grade: B
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Disaster Relief
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: Too many chefs arrived in New Orleans. Like, so many that I just sat here for a good forty seconds trying to remember who got eliminated last week. The newbies put their talents to the test by cooking for service in a muggy swamp, and though you'd think ice water would be refreshing in such a setting, it's not so great when it's used to water down your soup. Bye, Ramon! In happier news, Nina was coronated as the Queen of the Swamp with her meatballs, and wore the crown well. 18 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We may have had a week off, but for the poor, exhausted chefs, it's still the night of the elimination. And too bad, suckas, cause Padma essentially follows the dejected almost-losers back into the Kitchen, simply to tell everyone that their first Quickfire is starting right away. They'll have all night to make a gumbo that represents their heritage, and whoever wins will pull down immunity in the next Elimination Challenge.
The chefs head home, and soon litter the landscape with crockpots. Hometown boy Justin is the only one attempting to make a traditional gumbo; most of the others are trying their luck with something experimental. Carrie melds her Iowa background with her husband's Trinidad roots. Jason goes Polish by tossing in beets. The other hometown boy, Michael, is far cockier than Justin. He's not happy with his initial gumbo, and throws it out. He starts from scratch well behind everyone else, but essentially shrugs it off, because hey, he's from New Orleans. Gumbo is no big deal, right?
The next day, after a brief prep time to finish everything off, the chefs present their gumbos to Padma and guest judge Leah Chase, who is awesome. She's an elderly lady who knows how to dish out advice, praise, criticism, and anecdotes and have you hang on every word. The chefs are obviously anxious to please her, and why not? There are plenty of gumbos that look better than they sound, and vice versa. Shirley has thrown together an Italian/Chinese/Mexican fusion gumbo, which sounds rather off-putting, while Justin's pork rib with egg looks amazing. Leah tells one of the contestants that his gumbo reminds her of her mother, and he thanks her warmly.
Limecrete: "Hey, that's not necessarily a compliment. You don't know her mother."
James (as Leah): "She used to beat me and then pour hot gumbo down my back."
When the gumbo settles, Leah's bottom three are Smug Michael's hastily-thrown-together second attempt, Jason's beet concoction, and Patty's Puerto Richan mofongo gumbo. Oof, Patty. Pull it together, girl. On the flip side, Aaron redeems himself with a tasty prawn head gumbo, Carrie's violently green gumbo overcomes its...vibrance with terrific flavor, and surprisingly, Shirley's every-heritage-but-the-kitchen-sink is a hit as well. Carrie wins the challenge and immunity, which is a nice symbolic win for her marriage as well.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs are split into four teams based on who they're standing near. The four teams will run food trucks at a couple of building sites where Habitat for Humanity workers are still diligently trying to restore the areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina. The teams shake out to be:
Yellow: Carrie, Carlos, Travis, Aaron, and Brian
Red:: Justin, Bene, Janine, Michael, and Nina
Green: Louis, Shirley, Stephanie, and Sara
Blue: Patty, Jason, Nicholas, and Bret
Trucks are selected. Menus are planned. Nothing much of note occurs except that Bene feels like his ideas aren't being heard, and he's not being allowed to contribute anything. I think it's his voice. It comes across like the voices of all the adults in Peanuts. After an uneventful shopping segment, the chefs get to prepping. Carrie admits that she has an obsession with dough. I guess I can think of worse things to gravitate towards. She puts her obsession to good use, rolling out empenada crust with a chilled wine bottle to keep the dough at the proper temperature in the New Orleans heat. Niiiiice. The Blue team is going for a seafood theme, and Jason agrees to act as host and expediter, cause he's so dreeeeeeeamy. Feh. He prepares all his sushi handrolls ahead of time, because if there's one thing that does seafood handrolls a world of good, it's sitting around in sweltering humidity.
The Habitat for Humanity workers sample all the foods, and are soon joined by Tom, Padma, Gail, and guest judge Susan Spicer. I like her name. She sounds like an intrepid girl detective or reporter from the '30s. Once service ends, Bret brags to the rest of the team that of course they blew the challenge out of the water, because unlike those other stupid teams, the Blue team has plenty of food left over. Umm....
Fret 'n sweat. The judges discuss the general success of the challenge, and the Yellow/Green teams are easily deemed the top two. Judges' Table. The Yellow team ultimately takes the team win, with Carrie scoring the individual win. Jeez. So she was top three in the first challenge, then won the subsequent two. I really underestimated her, and from the looks on the other chefs' faces, I'm not the only one. The Blue team is summoned to Judges' Table for some much less cheery news.
The problems are legion. Patty's tuna sliders were so-so, and when she casually admits that the tomato slices she tossed on top were pointless, you can practically see a Patty-shaped puff of smoke where her chances of winning the competition used to be. Not only were Jason's handrolls soggy, but they wouldn't have tasted good, even if prepared properly. Bret's ceviche wasn't cold enough to begin with, and then he ruined it further by adding scorching hot tostones. Nicholas' wasabi peas were a crappy garnish, but it looks like his mistakes are vastly diminished, thanks to the other three. Bret tries to bring up the leftover food as a selling point, and the judges patiently explain to him that having so much extra food is probably a sign that nobody much wanted it, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
So, it's Patty, right? It's got to be. While Carrie has been in the top of all three challenges so far, Patty has been in the bottom of all three. Plus, she never defends herself well at Judges' Table, being either overly emotional or overly dismissive. So, Patty, right? No! I'm gobsmacked when Jason gets the chop. Gobsmacked, but not disappointed. His arrogance was no great fun to watch, and seeing him taken down eighteen pegs is pretty damned satisfying, and just might do him a world of good. Naturally, he disagrees with his ouster, because he's super awesome and has a trendy haircut. Good bye, surfer boy. Maybe spend a little more time in the kitchen, and a little less at the gym.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: Too many chefs arrived in New Orleans. Like, so many that I just sat here for a good forty seconds trying to remember who got eliminated last week. The newbies put their talents to the test by cooking for service in a muggy swamp, and though you'd think ice water would be refreshing in such a setting, it's not so great when it's used to water down your soup. Bye, Ramon! In happier news, Nina was coronated as the Queen of the Swamp with her meatballs, and wore the crown well. 18 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We may have had a week off, but for the poor, exhausted chefs, it's still the night of the elimination. And too bad, suckas, cause Padma essentially follows the dejected almost-losers back into the Kitchen, simply to tell everyone that their first Quickfire is starting right away. They'll have all night to make a gumbo that represents their heritage, and whoever wins will pull down immunity in the next Elimination Challenge.
The chefs head home, and soon litter the landscape with crockpots. Hometown boy Justin is the only one attempting to make a traditional gumbo; most of the others are trying their luck with something experimental. Carrie melds her Iowa background with her husband's Trinidad roots. Jason goes Polish by tossing in beets. The other hometown boy, Michael, is far cockier than Justin. He's not happy with his initial gumbo, and throws it out. He starts from scratch well behind everyone else, but essentially shrugs it off, because hey, he's from New Orleans. Gumbo is no big deal, right?
The next day, after a brief prep time to finish everything off, the chefs present their gumbos to Padma and guest judge Leah Chase, who is awesome. She's an elderly lady who knows how to dish out advice, praise, criticism, and anecdotes and have you hang on every word. The chefs are obviously anxious to please her, and why not? There are plenty of gumbos that look better than they sound, and vice versa. Shirley has thrown together an Italian/Chinese/Mexican fusion gumbo, which sounds rather off-putting, while Justin's pork rib with egg looks amazing. Leah tells one of the contestants that his gumbo reminds her of her mother, and he thanks her warmly.
Limecrete: "Hey, that's not necessarily a compliment. You don't know her mother."
James (as Leah): "She used to beat me and then pour hot gumbo down my back."
When the gumbo settles, Leah's bottom three are Smug Michael's hastily-thrown-together second attempt, Jason's beet concoction, and Patty's Puerto Richan mofongo gumbo. Oof, Patty. Pull it together, girl. On the flip side, Aaron redeems himself with a tasty prawn head gumbo, Carrie's violently green gumbo overcomes its...vibrance with terrific flavor, and surprisingly, Shirley's every-heritage-but-the-kitchen-sink is a hit as well. Carrie wins the challenge and immunity, which is a nice symbolic win for her marriage as well.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs are split into four teams based on who they're standing near. The four teams will run food trucks at a couple of building sites where Habitat for Humanity workers are still diligently trying to restore the areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina. The teams shake out to be:
Yellow: Carrie, Carlos, Travis, Aaron, and Brian
Red:: Justin, Bene, Janine, Michael, and Nina
Green: Louis, Shirley, Stephanie, and Sara
Blue: Patty, Jason, Nicholas, and Bret
Trucks are selected. Menus are planned. Nothing much of note occurs except that Bene feels like his ideas aren't being heard, and he's not being allowed to contribute anything. I think it's his voice. It comes across like the voices of all the adults in Peanuts. After an uneventful shopping segment, the chefs get to prepping. Carrie admits that she has an obsession with dough. I guess I can think of worse things to gravitate towards. She puts her obsession to good use, rolling out empenada crust with a chilled wine bottle to keep the dough at the proper temperature in the New Orleans heat. Niiiiice. The Blue team is going for a seafood theme, and Jason agrees to act as host and expediter, cause he's so dreeeeeeeamy. Feh. He prepares all his sushi handrolls ahead of time, because if there's one thing that does seafood handrolls a world of good, it's sitting around in sweltering humidity.
The Habitat for Humanity workers sample all the foods, and are soon joined by Tom, Padma, Gail, and guest judge Susan Spicer. I like her name. She sounds like an intrepid girl detective or reporter from the '30s. Once service ends, Bret brags to the rest of the team that of course they blew the challenge out of the water, because unlike those other stupid teams, the Blue team has plenty of food left over. Umm....
Fret 'n sweat. The judges discuss the general success of the challenge, and the Yellow/Green teams are easily deemed the top two. Judges' Table. The Yellow team ultimately takes the team win, with Carrie scoring the individual win. Jeez. So she was top three in the first challenge, then won the subsequent two. I really underestimated her, and from the looks on the other chefs' faces, I'm not the only one. The Blue team is summoned to Judges' Table for some much less cheery news.
The problems are legion. Patty's tuna sliders were so-so, and when she casually admits that the tomato slices she tossed on top were pointless, you can practically see a Patty-shaped puff of smoke where her chances of winning the competition used to be. Not only were Jason's handrolls soggy, but they wouldn't have tasted good, even if prepared properly. Bret's ceviche wasn't cold enough to begin with, and then he ruined it further by adding scorching hot tostones. Nicholas' wasabi peas were a crappy garnish, but it looks like his mistakes are vastly diminished, thanks to the other three. Bret tries to bring up the leftover food as a selling point, and the judges patiently explain to him that having so much extra food is probably a sign that nobody much wanted it, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
So, it's Patty, right? It's got to be. While Carrie has been in the top of all three challenges so far, Patty has been in the bottom of all three. Plus, she never defends herself well at Judges' Table, being either overly emotional or overly dismissive. So, Patty, right? No! I'm gobsmacked when Jason gets the chop. Gobsmacked, but not disappointed. His arrogance was no great fun to watch, and seeing him taken down eighteen pegs is pretty damned satisfying, and just might do him a world of good. Naturally, he disagrees with his ouster, because he's super awesome and has a trendy haircut. Good bye, surfer boy. Maybe spend a little more time in the kitchen, and a little less at the gym.
Overall Grade: B
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Swamp People
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 1
It's a real bummer that Top Chef didn't have a ninth or tenth season that I could write about - I guess they just vanished into the ether. Nah, I'm just funning you. I actually did watch Season 9, but sure am glad I didn't have the time to devote any internet ink to it. Texas was a pretty terrible season. Barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge! And what was that bullshit about making contestants do shit like snow-ski or whatever-the-fuck?
It was bad enough that I actually did wind up skipping Season 10. It's kind of a shame, because I've heard Seattle has an amazing food culture, and just by happenstance, I wound up eating at a contestant's restaurant for the first time ever. His name is Sheldon, and I know nothing about him other than he got pretty far in the competition, he has a restaurant in Hawaii (Star Noodle), and that restaurant is delightful. Highly recommended!
Which brings us to Season 11, which I'm approaching with cautious optimism. The prizes are mostly the same, except the jackpot is now $125,000. New Orleans is a good choice for setting - they love their food, and more importantly, they have a diverse population - thus, diverse cuisine. One thing I did NOT miss about Bravo shows is the incredible amount of bloat. And not just by having nineteen contestants, though that is far too many. No, now the game is gummed up by Last Chance Kitchen and Padma's Picks and some incredibly intrusive viewer's vote thing that takes up a third of the screen. "Which protein won't be coming near your dinner table? 35% of the losers who vote in these things said turtle! Tee-hee!" God, shut up. I won't be engaging with any of that. The good news is that Top Chef is still able to snag my interest by focusing on interesting food, and with any luck, interesting people. So let's brave the Louisiana bayou and dive into some good ol' Creole cuisine. It'll make you hungry, I guar-ON-tee! I'm sorry, I'm not proud of that. I promise I'll never do it again.
As I said, there are 19 contestants, and I'm afraid I don't have the three hours necessary to describe all of them. Hell, the show doesn't even bother to focus on more than a handful. So let's just hit the highlights. Sara's main characteristic is a rockabilly, Rosie-the-Riveter kind of style, which suits her nicely. Shirley is a motormouth, and seems pretty awesome. Nina's dad was Prime Minister of St. Lucia. Cool! Carrie is cute as a button and very nervous, which makes me think she's cannon fodder. Janine is Australian and wants to prove that hot blondes can be talented chefs, and aren't just eye candy. She goes on to prove this by wearing sandals and cutoff shorts for the first challenge. Shatter that glass ceiling, ma'am! I can feel my respect for your professionalism skyrocketing! The other designated hottie is Jason, who seems to have focused all of his time on developing a sick set of abs and a rockin' haircut, and forgot to develop a personality beyond the douchebag level. Oh, well. There are only so many hours in the day, right?
There is no Quickfire this week, so we spring straight into the Elimination Challenge. The chefs are randomly tossed beads that have one of three plastic animal figures on them. Those animals represent the proteins the chefs have to base their dishes around: Alligator, frog legs, or turtle. I've had the first two, which weren't bad. I'm reluctant to try turtle, because they're one of those animals that humans tend to bond with emotionally, and it feels kind of disloyal to eat them. Of course, pigs fit that role too, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. Bring on the turtle soup! A lot of the chefs haven't tried any of these meats, either, which I found surprising. If I can eat alligator in the middle of the country, a New York chef should probably be able to get her hands on a plate of it, for cripes sake.
Boring shopping segment. Boring prep segment, except it's fun to see the first-challenge jitters. People cut themselves and fall down, and generally are just spazzing all over the place. Tom (I think I'll drop the Ptom moniker - I've mellowed on him a bit...FOR NOW) drops by to Timewaste - it's all very familiar and comforting. The chefs will be presenting their food at a party by the literal edge of the swamp. Guests will be wearing beads, and will present them to the chef who has their favorite dish. So, the three chefs with the most beads will automatically go to Winners' Circle, while the three with the least number of beads will be up for the chop. I rather like having this kind of challenge right out of the gate, because the base talent level is always so hard to judge after one dish. It's better to have the field narrowed by the Wisdom of Crowds for now.
There's a ridiculous segment where the chefs arrive at the swamp to discover that they have to set up the prep tables and burners themselves. Were we supposed to derive some suspense or drama out of watching people wrestle with extendable table legs? Thankfully, it's short, and the chefs do some final prep work before the guests arrive. You can tell a challenge is good when I wish I were attending the party the food is being served at. Although I could probably do without the swarms of mosquitos and punishing humidity, so never mind. Food is served, guests are charmed, and beads are presented. Back at the fret 'n sweat, a television screen pops up to show the chefs the judges' deliberations in real time, which is interesting. It takes out the contestant suspense about who will be top and bottom, but adds a layer of tension, since their merits and mistakes are being debated for the whole room to hear. Maybe it's just for this challenge, since the winners and losers are essentially already known, but if it lasts, it'll be an interesting development to follow.
Fun fact about the top three: Each of the three animal proteins is represented. Another fun fact about the top three: This may be the first time ever that the top three in the first challenge is composed entirely of women. Progress! And none of them are wearing hot pants! Isn't that nutty, Janine? Sara made a General Tso (or Tao) alligator, which despite being extremely spicy, appealed to both the guests and judges. Nina had curried turtle meatballs, which look so good, I can't even tell you. And Carrie, who I was so convinced would be a hot mess of nerves, proves me wrong and takes the third top spot with chilled frog legs with zucchini. Nina is the big winner, but doesn't get anything but the obligation to call in the bottom three.
I see (or hear, rather) that Odd Asian Music and Gong are still getting work in this tough economy, which is nice. The bottom three are people I haven't mentioned yet. Aaron attempted to make pasta. In the swamp. It didn't go well, shockingly. Patty at first attempted to make a roulade, which fell apart. She then just tears it apart and presents poorly-tenderized fried alligator. Ramon made a dashi, and in an effort to keep it cold, added a bunch of ice. Guess what happened to the flavors when the ice melted? Patty cries a bit in disappointment with herself (I so want to make a joke about crocodile tears, here), but she needn't worry. The judges realize that she and Aaron couldn't quite fix a bad situation, while Ramon doesn't understand how water works. Ramon gets punted to Last Chance Kitchen, and we go out on a season preview featuring a lot of jazz and bizarre facial hair. Here's hoping it's a good one, guys.
Overall Grade: B
It's a real bummer that Top Chef didn't have a ninth or tenth season that I could write about - I guess they just vanished into the ether. Nah, I'm just funning you. I actually did watch Season 9, but sure am glad I didn't have the time to devote any internet ink to it. Texas was a pretty terrible season. Barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge! And what was that bullshit about making contestants do shit like snow-ski or whatever-the-fuck?
It was bad enough that I actually did wind up skipping Season 10. It's kind of a shame, because I've heard Seattle has an amazing food culture, and just by happenstance, I wound up eating at a contestant's restaurant for the first time ever. His name is Sheldon, and I know nothing about him other than he got pretty far in the competition, he has a restaurant in Hawaii (Star Noodle), and that restaurant is delightful. Highly recommended!
Which brings us to Season 11, which I'm approaching with cautious optimism. The prizes are mostly the same, except the jackpot is now $125,000. New Orleans is a good choice for setting - they love their food, and more importantly, they have a diverse population - thus, diverse cuisine. One thing I did NOT miss about Bravo shows is the incredible amount of bloat. And not just by having nineteen contestants, though that is far too many. No, now the game is gummed up by Last Chance Kitchen and Padma's Picks and some incredibly intrusive viewer's vote thing that takes up a third of the screen. "Which protein won't be coming near your dinner table? 35% of the losers who vote in these things said turtle! Tee-hee!" God, shut up. I won't be engaging with any of that. The good news is that Top Chef is still able to snag my interest by focusing on interesting food, and with any luck, interesting people. So let's brave the Louisiana bayou and dive into some good ol' Creole cuisine. It'll make you hungry, I guar-ON-tee! I'm sorry, I'm not proud of that. I promise I'll never do it again.
As I said, there are 19 contestants, and I'm afraid I don't have the three hours necessary to describe all of them. Hell, the show doesn't even bother to focus on more than a handful. So let's just hit the highlights. Sara's main characteristic is a rockabilly, Rosie-the-Riveter kind of style, which suits her nicely. Shirley is a motormouth, and seems pretty awesome. Nina's dad was Prime Minister of St. Lucia. Cool! Carrie is cute as a button and very nervous, which makes me think she's cannon fodder. Janine is Australian and wants to prove that hot blondes can be talented chefs, and aren't just eye candy. She goes on to prove this by wearing sandals and cutoff shorts for the first challenge. Shatter that glass ceiling, ma'am! I can feel my respect for your professionalism skyrocketing! The other designated hottie is Jason, who seems to have focused all of his time on developing a sick set of abs and a rockin' haircut, and forgot to develop a personality beyond the douchebag level. Oh, well. There are only so many hours in the day, right?
There is no Quickfire this week, so we spring straight into the Elimination Challenge. The chefs are randomly tossed beads that have one of three plastic animal figures on them. Those animals represent the proteins the chefs have to base their dishes around: Alligator, frog legs, or turtle. I've had the first two, which weren't bad. I'm reluctant to try turtle, because they're one of those animals that humans tend to bond with emotionally, and it feels kind of disloyal to eat them. Of course, pigs fit that role too, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. Bring on the turtle soup! A lot of the chefs haven't tried any of these meats, either, which I found surprising. If I can eat alligator in the middle of the country, a New York chef should probably be able to get her hands on a plate of it, for cripes sake.
Boring shopping segment. Boring prep segment, except it's fun to see the first-challenge jitters. People cut themselves and fall down, and generally are just spazzing all over the place. Tom (I think I'll drop the Ptom moniker - I've mellowed on him a bit...FOR NOW) drops by to Timewaste - it's all very familiar and comforting. The chefs will be presenting their food at a party by the literal edge of the swamp. Guests will be wearing beads, and will present them to the chef who has their favorite dish. So, the three chefs with the most beads will automatically go to Winners' Circle, while the three with the least number of beads will be up for the chop. I rather like having this kind of challenge right out of the gate, because the base talent level is always so hard to judge after one dish. It's better to have the field narrowed by the Wisdom of Crowds for now.
There's a ridiculous segment where the chefs arrive at the swamp to discover that they have to set up the prep tables and burners themselves. Were we supposed to derive some suspense or drama out of watching people wrestle with extendable table legs? Thankfully, it's short, and the chefs do some final prep work before the guests arrive. You can tell a challenge is good when I wish I were attending the party the food is being served at. Although I could probably do without the swarms of mosquitos and punishing humidity, so never mind. Food is served, guests are charmed, and beads are presented. Back at the fret 'n sweat, a television screen pops up to show the chefs the judges' deliberations in real time, which is interesting. It takes out the contestant suspense about who will be top and bottom, but adds a layer of tension, since their merits and mistakes are being debated for the whole room to hear. Maybe it's just for this challenge, since the winners and losers are essentially already known, but if it lasts, it'll be an interesting development to follow.
Fun fact about the top three: Each of the three animal proteins is represented. Another fun fact about the top three: This may be the first time ever that the top three in the first challenge is composed entirely of women. Progress! And none of them are wearing hot pants! Isn't that nutty, Janine? Sara made a General Tso (or Tao) alligator, which despite being extremely spicy, appealed to both the guests and judges. Nina had curried turtle meatballs, which look so good, I can't even tell you. And Carrie, who I was so convinced would be a hot mess of nerves, proves me wrong and takes the third top spot with chilled frog legs with zucchini. Nina is the big winner, but doesn't get anything but the obligation to call in the bottom three.
I see (or hear, rather) that Odd Asian Music and Gong are still getting work in this tough economy, which is nice. The bottom three are people I haven't mentioned yet. Aaron attempted to make pasta. In the swamp. It didn't go well, shockingly. Patty at first attempted to make a roulade, which fell apart. She then just tears it apart and presents poorly-tenderized fried alligator. Ramon made a dashi, and in an effort to keep it cold, added a bunch of ice. Guess what happened to the flavors when the ice melted? Patty cries a bit in disappointment with herself (I so want to make a joke about crocodile tears, here), but she needn't worry. The judges realize that she and Aaron couldn't quite fix a bad situation, while Ramon doesn't understand how water works. Ramon gets punted to Last Chance Kitchen, and we go out on a season preview featuring a lot of jazz and bizarre facial hair. Here's hoping it's a good one, guys.
Overall Grade: B
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