Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 11
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs started their day with an invigorating cup of coffee, as everyone should. Shirley won the challenge, immunity, money, and a summer free of pit stains. In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs cooked the food that reminds them of home. Nicholas threw his heart, soul, and tears into his gnocchi - literally, in the case of the latter. It paid off, and he won the challenge. On the losing end, what apparently reminds Travis of home (other than homophobia) is undercooked biscuits. Eight chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire. New Orleans has certainly offered the largest range of guest judges, and we continue that streak with Questlove, who joins Padma to explain this week's challenge. But first, a drumline busts in and does a march around the Kitchen. They sound pretty awesome, and Carrie grooves in the background. A drumline means drumsticks, and drumsticks mean...drumstick challenge! Oh, nice. Breasts get all the attention (and not just in human ladies), but I'm often happy to snag the legs out of a mixed chicken bucket. It's not just chicken on offer. The chefs can choose from a variety of poultry, from turkey to duck to squab.
The hitch is that it's first-come, first-serve, so when Padma gives the go-ahead, the chefs rush the table like it's Black Friday. And just like it's that hallowed, idiotic tradition, someone nearly gets trampled. Shirley falls, and when Nicholas goes to help her up, she helps herself to the duck legs he was going to take. Ha! Whoops. Well, at least that's the last of the indignities Nicholas will suffer at the hands of his competitors today, right? Right?!? Thirty minutes later, it's time for a drumstick feast.
Padma and Questlove go down the line. Dishes of note include Carrie's squab, which sounds a little odd (they were marinated in thyme, juniper, and cocoa powder and served with a fig mostarda), but looks good. Carlos has hacked his drumsticks to the bone, and shards of it wind up in the food. Bleh. Nina has jerked guinea hen, and has used Scotch Bonnet peppers. Ouch! Carlos' hack job lands him in the bottom three, alone with poor Nicholas, whose quail is too salty, and Justin, whose chicken drumsticks are too boring. Carrie and Nina are joined in the top three by Brian, who has managed to make a surprisingly good chicken soup in a half hour. But it's Carrie that takes the win and immunity. There's nothing that figs can't do!
Elimination Challenge. It sounds pretty rough. The chefs will be using the cafeteria equipment at Louisiana State University to serve 500 freshmen. And given my appetite when I was a college freshman, that'll be like serving 1000 adults. The winner takes home a new car. It's always strange to see how disparate the prizes are on this show. One week, the winner gets nothing, and the next week, it's a car. Odd. Nobody can plan their dishes in advance for this challenge, since they have no idea what they'll be working with, so we fill time with a tour of the school grounds. Apparently, LSU keeps a live tiger on campus, which sounds like a terrible idea for students and tiger alike.
When the chefs get to the cafeteria kitchen, there's another free-for-all, this time for cooking stations as well as ingredients. Though Shirley calls dibs on the flat-top grill (plancha), Carlos insists he needs it more, so Shirley reluctantly agrees to work with the wood-burning oven. If she were making a pizza, that'd be fine, but she's working on beef fried rice. Yikes. She changes her plan to roast beef and tomatoes with a potato puree. Carrie has no wish to work at the cold station, but takes the bullet because she has immunity. Giant vats of food are made. You could run a hog farm with the amount of grits Nicholas is stirring. As service begins, the chefs are presented with their very own lunch ladies as assistants. These remarkably good-natured women are heartily welcomed, but the meet-and-greet is cut short when a stampede of students flood in.
The kids line up for Brian's shrimp cake with spinach and chipotle aioli, and Shirley's roast beef is extremely popular as well. Nobody even wants to try Carrie's blanched broccoli with yogurt sauce and pita chips. I confess I don't like cold broccoli, either. Stephanie has made a tomato soup and toasted pimento cheese sandwich. She attempts to gussy up the presentation by serving it with the sandwich pre-dunked in the soup. Justin has a cold shrimp salad, with asparagus, cauliflower, and garlic puree. Nicholas' roasted pork with rosemary looks incredibly good, and is served with parmesan grits and bacon/brown sugar gravy. Carlos is working on tilapia, and wants to use Nicholas' oven for final prep. Nicholas needs it for his own dish, and denies permission. Because remember? When the eight chefs divided up the eight stations? And Carlos just had to have the plancha? So when the judges ding Carlos for taking too long at service, Carlos blames Nicholas for "stealing" his oven. He does it with half of a just-kidding twinkle in his eye, but that's still a pretty assy thing to do. Nina overhears this and agrees with me. I mean, not me, specifically. Although that would be amazing. Of course, the judges can't resist tattling to Nicholas about Carlos' accusation, and this does not fill him with happiness. He sits on his anger for the time being, though, as there's work to do. That's why I almost titled this entry "Saint Nicholas", what with it being so close to Christmas and all.
Fret 'n sweat. Nicholas finally has a chance to have it out with Carlos. He's direct and curt about Carlos' backstabbing, but he never gets overly angry or irrational. I like Nicholas; he's remarkably mature for a reality show competitor. Actually, I don't even dislike Carlos, either. I think he did a stupid thing, but I believe he was venting without a sense of what that would snowball into. Still, man. If you're going to snap, snap at one of the other chefs. Not the judges. Padma comes in and summons Brian, Carlos, and Shirley to Judges' Table. These are unsurprisingly the top three of the evening, but there's never any suspense that Carlos will win the challenge. The judges have been vociferously complaining about his lengthy service time since the food first hit the plate, but at least his flavors were spot-on. That brings it down to Brian's shrimp cakes and Shirley's roast beef. Brian's cakes drove the students wild, while Shirley magnificently adapted to her challenging cooking equipment. The fact that she was able to turn out stellar roast beef with a pizza oven pushes her over the top, and she wins the challenge. And a car! She sure knows which challenges to dominate.
Bottom three. It shakes down to Stephanie, Nina, and Justin, though the judges are sure to mention that Carrie is damned lucky she has immunity. Stephanie's grilled cheese included feta and cottage cheese, and it turned out too chunky as a result. Serving it in the soup only exacerbated its problems, though the soup itself was great. Justin's dish was a big ol' plate of blandness. The judges don't understand the garlic puree at all. This is Nina's first appearance in the bottom three, and unlike Justin, she doesn't look for convenient places to deflect criticism when it's thrown her way. Her fried chicken's breading was disappointing, and she didn't have enough corn puree to serve all the diners. I prepare myself for Stephanie's ouster, and am pleasantly surprised when Justin is told to pack his knives and go.
In his final interview, he does that passive-aggressive thing where he accepts his elimination because he was "unwilling to compromise on ingredients". It's like the "I'm sorry if what I said offended you," kind of apology. You heard it from him, first. He's just too noble to succeed in this sordid competition. Ugh. He certainly was a strong contender for a while. I thought he and Nina would be facing off at the end. But it seems Justin is a fierce competitor only when he's assured of his own success. Once he started to struggle, he was all but ready to take his ball and go home. I wouldn't be surprised to see him do well in Last Chance Kitchen, so perhaps this won't be the last we see of him. If it is, though, I think we've made some history here. This may be the first Top Chef season ever where I don't dislike anyone in the top seven. Sure, I have a couple favorites, but as we stand now, I'd be relatively happy to see any of these people win. It's a Christmas miracle!
Overall Grade: B
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Home Cooking
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 10
Previously on Top Chef: Two restaurants went to war. It seemed that the Green team would be the conquering army, but the scrappy Purple team indulged in some sneaky tactical attacks, such as cooking good food and providing capable service. Uncanny! Justin's huffy sneer every time he receives criticism made another unwelcome return, but it seems to be working for him, as Sara's terrible dessert and abysmal service earned her a one-way ticket back to the WWII thrift store. Nine chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire. Guest judge Hubert Keller joins Padma to explain that for this week's challenge, the chefs will be creating dishes centered around coffee. And not just any coffee, but [brand-of-coffee]! Wow, [brand-of-coffee] is awesome! Oh, did you want me to fill in those brackets? Sure thing. As soon as I receive the same $10,000 check that the chef who wins the challenge gets, I'll get right on that. Now, I'm a big coffee enthusiast, but apparently nothing like Nina, who tells us that she drinks 15 espressos a day. As she is not currently hovering around the ceiling like a hummingbird, I do not believe her. Immunity is up for grabs, but the chefs are lot more interested in the money. A couple of interviews make plain that our economy is still a troubled one, because the grand dreams the chefs have for their prize money includes presentable clothes to replace their threadbare duds, and an air conditioner that actually functions.
The chefs spring into action. A lot of their plans go awry, as Brian attempts risotto that turns into a goopy mess, and Carrie runs out of time before her crepes can be cooked. She hurries to make a coffee custard, instead. Shirley crusts some tenderloin with coffee, and makes a coffee brown butter sauce and blanched garlic to go with it. Sounds good. Stephanie combines goat cheese with sweet potato, and serves it on a crepe with a ham/bacon/coffee jam. When it comes to the judging, Hubert singles out these latter three women for praise, while Brian's risotto sinks him to the bottom, along with Nicholas, whose hazelnut coffee caramel emulsion had an unpleasant texture. The winner of immunity and the generous [brand-of-coffee] cash prize is...Shirley! Yay! I have such a soft spot for her. Especially now that she'll have an air conditioner and won't be walking around the house all sweaty and gross.
Elimination Challenge. Another guest judge joins the panel this week. Actor Anthony Mackie has come home to New Orleans, and tells the chefs that for this week's challenge, they'll be going home as well, in a sense. They're tasked with creating a dish inspired by what they want to eat when they're at home. It's an endeavor that has a lot of emotion built in, which is naturally done on purpose, but is also pretty cool to watch. The last time the show did a challenge like this, they couldn't even bring themselves to eliminate anyone, which I found a big relief. Will they be able to go through with it this time? Let's find out! The chefs have a pretty scant three hours' cooking time, and will be presenting their dishes to the judges and guest diner Leah Chase at her New Orleans institution, Dooky Chase. Tradition or no, that is possibly the worst restaurant name I've ever heard - even if it was a name coined in an era before it started sounding like a poop-themed video game.
Shopping/Prep. Justin tells us that he used to eat squirrel, and while my initial reaction is disgust, I have to remind myself of my try-everything-once rule. You know, within reason. I can't turn my nose up at squirrel before joyfully wandering off to eat sweetbreads. Nicholas is making his daughter's favorite gnocchi, and while it's all very cute, it really cements this season's subtitle. "Top Chef - Season 11: Enough With The Goddamn Gnocchi, Already". Shirley shakes the prep table while kneading bread, and loudly hacks up her pork with a cleaver, momentarily getting on everyone else's nerves. Never mind them, girl! You hack to your heart's content. Brian plans to grill some Korean-style steak, while Travis makes biscuits and gravy. Tom raises his eyebrows when he hears the biscuits won't be made with buttermilk. Oh, please. Buttermilk is delicious, but it's not integral to the quality of a biscuit. Especially one smothered in gravy. Stephanie peers deep into my psyche yet again, and comes up with a mussel dish with pickled peppers that I would punch a nun to get at. Upon arrival at Dooky Chase (snicker), Brian discovers there is no charcoal grill, forcing him to pan sear his steaks. Travis keeps opening the oven to gauge the progress of his biscuits. I would never pretend to be a better cook than any contestant ever on this show, but even I know that you shouldn't do that. Yet another reminder that chefs and bakers rarely intersect. Carrie manages to poach a dozen eggs at the same time, which is the most impressive thing I've seen since the Olympics. I tried to do two the other night, and ruined both of them.
The meal goes out in three rounds. In the first round, Brian's marinated steaks go out with Travis' biscuits and Carlos' delightful-looking cochinita pibil with black beans and pico de gallo. The jam Travis serves with his dish is popular, but the inside of his biscuits are underdone to the point of raw. Yikes. Brian's steaks would have been a lot better if he had grilled them. I guess it's a fair criticism, but I can't help but feel for Brian, since he had a reasonable expectation of kitchen equipment that he wasn't able to use. Carlos' dish is praised from top to bottom. Yeah, that looked terrific.
Round 2 includes Nicholas' gnocchi, which looks pretty homey and comforting. He finds himself missing his family, and starts to weep in his interview. Shirley has used her immunity to take a risk, and presents some dao xiao mian she's not entirely sure will be successful. Stephanie has her aforementioned mussel dish, and I'm hungry just typing about it. The judges find Nicholas' gnocchi soft and delightful. Stephanie's dish is also well-received, while Shirley's is met with more confusion than criticism. Round 3 wraps up the meal, with Justin's chicken thigh gravy served over rice, Carrie's creamed asparagus and egg on toast, and Nina's curried chicken. All of those sound good, though I'd have to think Carrie's dish would be viewed as too simple. The judges apparently have no big problem with it, nor with Nina's chicken, though a couple of judges wish she had served it with rice instead of avocado. Justin's recent slide continues, as his chicken has good flavor, but is too dry. Hasn't dryness been the main complaint about every one of his dishes? He should just start slathering everything in sauce, whether it calls for it or not.
Fret 'n sweat. It's pretty tough to tell which way the wind is blowing, as the judges praise Shirley's noodles (but not the overall dish), Nicholas' gnocchi (but not the overall dish), and Travis' gravy (but not the overall dish). They're less reserved about Stephanie and Carlos, whom they all loved. Carlos, Stephanie, and Nicholas are called to Judges' Table as the top three, much to their relief. Nicholas kids that if he got heat for a dish he poured so much emotion into and that he's made a million times, he was going to wreck up the place. Fortunately, no violence is necessary, as he wins his second Elimination Challenge in a row. That dish really did look wonderful. Brian, Justin, and Travis are called in as the bottom three. Brian's steaks may have had more flavor if he had had access to the charcoal grill he wanted, but fact is, he didn't. Travis' undercooked biscuits are a major sticking point. Literally! *rimshot* Justin insists that he's made his dish a bunch of times, just not recently, because he's a restaurant chef and has to cook the actual menu, [assholes]. That [assholes] is not said out loud, but it hangs heavily in the air. Elimination. Oh, yes. Elimination. None of this you-cooked-your-hearts-out-so-everyone-stays this time. Travis. Please pack your knives and go. No huge surprise, there. It'd be impossible to overlook raw dough; there are few things more off-putting to bite into. He cries a bit as he leaves, but seems to be at peace with the decision. No word on whether he's at peace with facing the conservative father he just came out to on national television when he gets home, though.
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: Two restaurants went to war. It seemed that the Green team would be the conquering army, but the scrappy Purple team indulged in some sneaky tactical attacks, such as cooking good food and providing capable service. Uncanny! Justin's huffy sneer every time he receives criticism made another unwelcome return, but it seems to be working for him, as Sara's terrible dessert and abysmal service earned her a one-way ticket back to the WWII thrift store. Nine chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire. Guest judge Hubert Keller joins Padma to explain that for this week's challenge, the chefs will be creating dishes centered around coffee. And not just any coffee, but [brand-of-coffee]! Wow, [brand-of-coffee] is awesome! Oh, did you want me to fill in those brackets? Sure thing. As soon as I receive the same $10,000 check that the chef who wins the challenge gets, I'll get right on that. Now, I'm a big coffee enthusiast, but apparently nothing like Nina, who tells us that she drinks 15 espressos a day. As she is not currently hovering around the ceiling like a hummingbird, I do not believe her. Immunity is up for grabs, but the chefs are lot more interested in the money. A couple of interviews make plain that our economy is still a troubled one, because the grand dreams the chefs have for their prize money includes presentable clothes to replace their threadbare duds, and an air conditioner that actually functions.
The chefs spring into action. A lot of their plans go awry, as Brian attempts risotto that turns into a goopy mess, and Carrie runs out of time before her crepes can be cooked. She hurries to make a coffee custard, instead. Shirley crusts some tenderloin with coffee, and makes a coffee brown butter sauce and blanched garlic to go with it. Sounds good. Stephanie combines goat cheese with sweet potato, and serves it on a crepe with a ham/bacon/coffee jam. When it comes to the judging, Hubert singles out these latter three women for praise, while Brian's risotto sinks him to the bottom, along with Nicholas, whose hazelnut coffee caramel emulsion had an unpleasant texture. The winner of immunity and the generous [brand-of-coffee] cash prize is...Shirley! Yay! I have such a soft spot for her. Especially now that she'll have an air conditioner and won't be walking around the house all sweaty and gross.
Elimination Challenge. Another guest judge joins the panel this week. Actor Anthony Mackie has come home to New Orleans, and tells the chefs that for this week's challenge, they'll be going home as well, in a sense. They're tasked with creating a dish inspired by what they want to eat when they're at home. It's an endeavor that has a lot of emotion built in, which is naturally done on purpose, but is also pretty cool to watch. The last time the show did a challenge like this, they couldn't even bring themselves to eliminate anyone, which I found a big relief. Will they be able to go through with it this time? Let's find out! The chefs have a pretty scant three hours' cooking time, and will be presenting their dishes to the judges and guest diner Leah Chase at her New Orleans institution, Dooky Chase. Tradition or no, that is possibly the worst restaurant name I've ever heard - even if it was a name coined in an era before it started sounding like a poop-themed video game.
Shopping/Prep. Justin tells us that he used to eat squirrel, and while my initial reaction is disgust, I have to remind myself of my try-everything-once rule. You know, within reason. I can't turn my nose up at squirrel before joyfully wandering off to eat sweetbreads. Nicholas is making his daughter's favorite gnocchi, and while it's all very cute, it really cements this season's subtitle. "Top Chef - Season 11: Enough With The Goddamn Gnocchi, Already". Shirley shakes the prep table while kneading bread, and loudly hacks up her pork with a cleaver, momentarily getting on everyone else's nerves. Never mind them, girl! You hack to your heart's content. Brian plans to grill some Korean-style steak, while Travis makes biscuits and gravy. Tom raises his eyebrows when he hears the biscuits won't be made with buttermilk. Oh, please. Buttermilk is delicious, but it's not integral to the quality of a biscuit. Especially one smothered in gravy. Stephanie peers deep into my psyche yet again, and comes up with a mussel dish with pickled peppers that I would punch a nun to get at. Upon arrival at Dooky Chase (snicker), Brian discovers there is no charcoal grill, forcing him to pan sear his steaks. Travis keeps opening the oven to gauge the progress of his biscuits. I would never pretend to be a better cook than any contestant ever on this show, but even I know that you shouldn't do that. Yet another reminder that chefs and bakers rarely intersect. Carrie manages to poach a dozen eggs at the same time, which is the most impressive thing I've seen since the Olympics. I tried to do two the other night, and ruined both of them.
The meal goes out in three rounds. In the first round, Brian's marinated steaks go out with Travis' biscuits and Carlos' delightful-looking cochinita pibil with black beans and pico de gallo. The jam Travis serves with his dish is popular, but the inside of his biscuits are underdone to the point of raw. Yikes. Brian's steaks would have been a lot better if he had grilled them. I guess it's a fair criticism, but I can't help but feel for Brian, since he had a reasonable expectation of kitchen equipment that he wasn't able to use. Carlos' dish is praised from top to bottom. Yeah, that looked terrific.
Round 2 includes Nicholas' gnocchi, which looks pretty homey and comforting. He finds himself missing his family, and starts to weep in his interview. Shirley has used her immunity to take a risk, and presents some dao xiao mian she's not entirely sure will be successful. Stephanie has her aforementioned mussel dish, and I'm hungry just typing about it. The judges find Nicholas' gnocchi soft and delightful. Stephanie's dish is also well-received, while Shirley's is met with more confusion than criticism. Round 3 wraps up the meal, with Justin's chicken thigh gravy served over rice, Carrie's creamed asparagus and egg on toast, and Nina's curried chicken. All of those sound good, though I'd have to think Carrie's dish would be viewed as too simple. The judges apparently have no big problem with it, nor with Nina's chicken, though a couple of judges wish she had served it with rice instead of avocado. Justin's recent slide continues, as his chicken has good flavor, but is too dry. Hasn't dryness been the main complaint about every one of his dishes? He should just start slathering everything in sauce, whether it calls for it or not.
Fret 'n sweat. It's pretty tough to tell which way the wind is blowing, as the judges praise Shirley's noodles (but not the overall dish), Nicholas' gnocchi (but not the overall dish), and Travis' gravy (but not the overall dish). They're less reserved about Stephanie and Carlos, whom they all loved. Carlos, Stephanie, and Nicholas are called to Judges' Table as the top three, much to their relief. Nicholas kids that if he got heat for a dish he poured so much emotion into and that he's made a million times, he was going to wreck up the place. Fortunately, no violence is necessary, as he wins his second Elimination Challenge in a row. That dish really did look wonderful. Brian, Justin, and Travis are called in as the bottom three. Brian's steaks may have had more flavor if he had had access to the charcoal grill he wanted, but fact is, he didn't. Travis' undercooked biscuits are a major sticking point. Literally! *rimshot* Justin insists that he's made his dish a bunch of times, just not recently, because he's a restaurant chef and has to cook the actual menu, [assholes]. That [assholes] is not said out loud, but it hangs heavily in the air. Elimination. Oh, yes. Elimination. None of this you-cooked-your-hearts-out-so-everyone-stays this time. Travis. Please pack your knives and go. No huge surprise, there. It'd be impossible to overlook raw dough; there are few things more off-putting to bite into. He cries a bit as he leaves, but seems to be at peace with the decision. No word on whether he's at peace with facing the conservative father he just came out to on national television when he gets home, though.
Overall Grade: B+
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Rosie the Sniveler
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 9
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs attempted to dislodge the marbles in Dr. John's mouth with some custom hot sauce. Brian was on fire (in the good way), and snagged immunity for the boucherie Elimination Challenge. During that hog prep, Justin's meat was on fire (in the bad way), and his day wasn't helped by Nina telling him that he should suck a different kind of sausage. He groused about going to Losers' table for his tacos, while Carlos' tacos won the day. Stephanie avoided being eaten by a gator, but Louis could not avoid the elimination chop. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
There is no Quickfire tonight, and while there's a perfectly valid reason for that, am I right in thinking that a lot of Quickfires have gone missing this season? We've gone straight to the Elimination Challenge in a full third of the episodes so far. Odd. I wonder what the deal is, there. Anyhow, Padma explains to the chefs that there is no Quickfire, and they easily guess that it's time for...Restaurant Wars! Also known as...The Challenge That Everyone Except Me Breathlessly Awaits! Not that I hate it or anything, but I get way more excited for challenges like the mise en place relay race. Here's a few reasons why I'm bemused by Restaurant Wars' popularity, and also a humbling reminder that my predictive powers are not always firing on all cylinders. The chefs pull knives to determine their teams, and they wind up being:
Green Team: Sara, Nina, Carlos, Shirley, and Justin
Purple Team: Stephanie, Nicholas, Carrie, Travis, and Brian
Oof. Even a casual glance should tell you that based on challenge wins, we're looking at a severe imbalance here. Of the eight elimination challenges so far, members of the Green team have won six of them (Purple has scored three - the math being weird because Travis and Carlos shared a win). Normally, that might suggest a massacre on the scale of Season 4 is about to take place, but this time, I'm not so sure. First of all, the talent level this year seems to be more equitable. Sure, Nina is a force to be reckoned with, but we've seen plenty of good things out of Carrie and Stephanie, too. Also, and how to put this delicately? This season has been remarkably convivial, with everyone except Michael pretty much getting along and respecting each other. The people that have shown flashes of pissiness, however, are all on the Green team. Challenge wins aside, if an ego clash is coming, it's pretty clearly going to be in the Green kitchen. So maybe this will be more of an even match than we'd initially guess. Let's find out!
As usual, the chefs will have one day to put everything together. The teams go into huddles to discuss strategy. It's always interesting to see how people handle the decision over who should take front-of-house duties. Normally, it's taken on reluctantly by someone who doesn't really want to do it (or in Spike's case, taken on in order to avoid responsibility). This season, however, both Sara and Travis volunteer, and both appear to have genuine aspirations of doing a good job. That dispensed with, the Purple team decides they will be doing a seafood-based menu, and that Nicholas will act as head chef. The Green team head chef duties fall to Justin, and the team decides on a "Modern American" menu, which as we all know by now, means "cook whatever the hell you want". Carlos grouses that the team is more interested in talking about decor than in planning a menu, and yeah, that's ridiculous, "Modern American" or not. I'm kind of gobsmacked that these people think matching plates and tablecloths is more important than talking about what they're going to cook. They don't even have it settled by the time they go shopping. That is so dumb.
The restaurant space will be split into two rooms, and for the first time, there aren't even kitchens. They have to set up temporary cooking implements behind a curtain, which is...odd. Lack of a cohesive menu starts to bite the Green team in the ass, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUH. Sara takes her Rosie the Riveter look into a "We Can Do It!" attitude, except her version of it is passive-aggressively suggesting that they all discuss things in a calm, rational manner before running away so nobody can respond. As cooking prep gets started, the cracks widen. Justin snipes at the other Green team members, and Nina snipes right back. The biggest problem the Purple team is facing right now is that Brian bought xanthan gum instead of agar agar, so his corn gel is going to be stiffer than Tracy Turnblad's hair.
Prep ends, and service begins. It immediately becomes apparent that there is, indeed, a blowout in progress. It's just not the one they initially thought it was going to be. Everything is humming along nicely at "Fin", the Purple team's restaurant. Travis is handling his front-of-house duties with aplomb, and their menu is balanced and gets a lot of appreciative compliments. Stephanie's linguini with caviar, oyster cream, and fennel looks incredible in particular, though I'd replace the fennel with something else. I'm getting a little sick of it. Over at the Green team's restaurant (feel free to snicker over them naming it "Found" - the judges and I certainly did), they may as well have literal headless chickens running around. Sara's service is wretched, and the kitchen keeps fucking up tickets so that only half a table's orders are going out. In the funniest bit, Sara dumps food in front of the judges with a tight rictus grin, and walks away without bothering to explain a word about what's being served. The dishes aren't terribly successful, either. Justin's rabbit dish is dry and Sara's nectarine brown-butter cake is described as a greasy cookie. Shirley's olive-oil poached cobia looks good, though, and Nina makes a pork dish that garners her usual praise.
Fret 'n sweat. We've seen both teams in action and have an edited encapsulation to understand how lopsided this challenge turned out to be, but the chefs have no such clarity, so everyone is anxious. When Padma calls the Purple team in to Judges' Table, they have no idea how they did. Their relief at being told they are winning team is so palpable it leaks out of James' TV. Brian's corn gel wasn't great, and Carrie's shrimp dish was a bit greasy, but that's about it for complaints. Travis' service was far and away the best in any Restaurant Wars to date, and Nicholas not only steered his team well, but made a delightful black drum and oxtail dish as well. That's enough to bring him the win, and he's overjoyed to finally have one under his belt. Losers' Table. We don't even need to bother with Nina, Carlos, or Shirley, because it's obvious that they're safe. This decision all comes down to terrible food and terrible management, both in the kitchen and in the dining room.
Justin is once again huffy at any criticism leveled against him, be it fair or unfair. Sara is once again compliant and apologetic on the surface, but with an obvious sneer underneath. Justin had no leadership skills and his rabbit dish was disappointing. Sara's service was appalling, and her cake was terrible. Even if Justin didn't strike me as a more likely overall contender (and thus, a more attractive prospect for the producers to keep), at least a portion of his problems can be blamed on the chaos that Sara's inept dining room management caused. So it's not too much of a surprise when Sara is told to pack her knives and go. She attempts to be stoic and placid, but is not great at masking her feelings about how shitty she thinks this elimination was. Eh. Seemed fair to me.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs attempted to dislodge the marbles in Dr. John's mouth with some custom hot sauce. Brian was on fire (in the good way), and snagged immunity for the boucherie Elimination Challenge. During that hog prep, Justin's meat was on fire (in the bad way), and his day wasn't helped by Nina telling him that he should suck a different kind of sausage. He groused about going to Losers' table for his tacos, while Carlos' tacos won the day. Stephanie avoided being eaten by a gator, but Louis could not avoid the elimination chop. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
There is no Quickfire tonight, and while there's a perfectly valid reason for that, am I right in thinking that a lot of Quickfires have gone missing this season? We've gone straight to the Elimination Challenge in a full third of the episodes so far. Odd. I wonder what the deal is, there. Anyhow, Padma explains to the chefs that there is no Quickfire, and they easily guess that it's time for...Restaurant Wars! Also known as...The Challenge That Everyone Except Me Breathlessly Awaits! Not that I hate it or anything, but I get way more excited for challenges like the mise en place relay race. Here's a few reasons why I'm bemused by Restaurant Wars' popularity, and also a humbling reminder that my predictive powers are not always firing on all cylinders. The chefs pull knives to determine their teams, and they wind up being:
Green Team: Sara, Nina, Carlos, Shirley, and Justin
Purple Team: Stephanie, Nicholas, Carrie, Travis, and Brian
Oof. Even a casual glance should tell you that based on challenge wins, we're looking at a severe imbalance here. Of the eight elimination challenges so far, members of the Green team have won six of them (Purple has scored three - the math being weird because Travis and Carlos shared a win). Normally, that might suggest a massacre on the scale of Season 4 is about to take place, but this time, I'm not so sure. First of all, the talent level this year seems to be more equitable. Sure, Nina is a force to be reckoned with, but we've seen plenty of good things out of Carrie and Stephanie, too. Also, and how to put this delicately? This season has been remarkably convivial, with everyone except Michael pretty much getting along and respecting each other. The people that have shown flashes of pissiness, however, are all on the Green team. Challenge wins aside, if an ego clash is coming, it's pretty clearly going to be in the Green kitchen. So maybe this will be more of an even match than we'd initially guess. Let's find out!
As usual, the chefs will have one day to put everything together. The teams go into huddles to discuss strategy. It's always interesting to see how people handle the decision over who should take front-of-house duties. Normally, it's taken on reluctantly by someone who doesn't really want to do it (or in Spike's case, taken on in order to avoid responsibility). This season, however, both Sara and Travis volunteer, and both appear to have genuine aspirations of doing a good job. That dispensed with, the Purple team decides they will be doing a seafood-based menu, and that Nicholas will act as head chef. The Green team head chef duties fall to Justin, and the team decides on a "Modern American" menu, which as we all know by now, means "cook whatever the hell you want". Carlos grouses that the team is more interested in talking about decor than in planning a menu, and yeah, that's ridiculous, "Modern American" or not. I'm kind of gobsmacked that these people think matching plates and tablecloths is more important than talking about what they're going to cook. They don't even have it settled by the time they go shopping. That is so dumb.
The restaurant space will be split into two rooms, and for the first time, there aren't even kitchens. They have to set up temporary cooking implements behind a curtain, which is...odd. Lack of a cohesive menu starts to bite the Green team in the ass, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUH. Sara takes her Rosie the Riveter look into a "We Can Do It!" attitude, except her version of it is passive-aggressively suggesting that they all discuss things in a calm, rational manner before running away so nobody can respond. As cooking prep gets started, the cracks widen. Justin snipes at the other Green team members, and Nina snipes right back. The biggest problem the Purple team is facing right now is that Brian bought xanthan gum instead of agar agar, so his corn gel is going to be stiffer than Tracy Turnblad's hair.
Prep ends, and service begins. It immediately becomes apparent that there is, indeed, a blowout in progress. It's just not the one they initially thought it was going to be. Everything is humming along nicely at "Fin", the Purple team's restaurant. Travis is handling his front-of-house duties with aplomb, and their menu is balanced and gets a lot of appreciative compliments. Stephanie's linguini with caviar, oyster cream, and fennel looks incredible in particular, though I'd replace the fennel with something else. I'm getting a little sick of it. Over at the Green team's restaurant (feel free to snicker over them naming it "Found" - the judges and I certainly did), they may as well have literal headless chickens running around. Sara's service is wretched, and the kitchen keeps fucking up tickets so that only half a table's orders are going out. In the funniest bit, Sara dumps food in front of the judges with a tight rictus grin, and walks away without bothering to explain a word about what's being served. The dishes aren't terribly successful, either. Justin's rabbit dish is dry and Sara's nectarine brown-butter cake is described as a greasy cookie. Shirley's olive-oil poached cobia looks good, though, and Nina makes a pork dish that garners her usual praise.
Fret 'n sweat. We've seen both teams in action and have an edited encapsulation to understand how lopsided this challenge turned out to be, but the chefs have no such clarity, so everyone is anxious. When Padma calls the Purple team in to Judges' Table, they have no idea how they did. Their relief at being told they are winning team is so palpable it leaks out of James' TV. Brian's corn gel wasn't great, and Carrie's shrimp dish was a bit greasy, but that's about it for complaints. Travis' service was far and away the best in any Restaurant Wars to date, and Nicholas not only steered his team well, but made a delightful black drum and oxtail dish as well. That's enough to bring him the win, and he's overjoyed to finally have one under his belt. Losers' Table. We don't even need to bother with Nina, Carlos, or Shirley, because it's obvious that they're safe. This decision all comes down to terrible food and terrible management, both in the kitchen and in the dining room.
Justin is once again huffy at any criticism leveled against him, be it fair or unfair. Sara is once again compliant and apologetic on the surface, but with an obvious sneer underneath. Justin had no leadership skills and his rabbit dish was disappointing. Sara's service was appalling, and her cake was terrible. Even if Justin didn't strike me as a more likely overall contender (and thus, a more attractive prospect for the producers to keep), at least a portion of his problems can be blamed on the chaos that Sara's inept dining room management caused. So it's not too much of a surprise when Sara is told to pack her knives and go. She attempts to be stoic and placid, but is not great at masking her feelings about how shitty she thinks this elimination was. Eh. Seemed fair to me.
Overall Grade: B-
Monday, November 25, 2013
Going Whole Hog
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 8
Previously on Top Chef: Brian "won" a Quickfire that incorporated the elements of jazz - such as how it often makes no sense whatsoever. For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs broke into teams, made whatever the hell they wanted, and pretended it was potluck food. Nina got into the top three yet again for her gnocchi...
James (with affection): "This bitch and her gnocchi."
...but Stephanie won for fried artichokes which looked so good that I ordered some this past weekend. At a BBQ restaurant. For breakfast. The thread that Patty's been clinging to since the beginning of the season finally snapped, and she was sent home. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire. Another very New Orleansy presence joins shows up to judge. This time, it's gravel-voiced Grammy winner Dr. John, who mumbles around a mouthful of marbles. Padma translates that the challenge will be to make and bottle some hot sauce. Good challenge! I like hot sauce (in moderation), and feel like a lot of people just go for pure heat, when it should really be about something flavorful that incorporates heat. Let's see who falls into the sear-your-taste-buds-off trap.
The chefs get started. Poor Nicholas interviews that he never touches hot sauce, as he is prone to ulcers. Ugh, that sucks. Stephanie and Carrie are similarly inexperienced, but pledge to do their best. Justin makes a sauce with anchovy, and GET IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW. When time runs out, Padma asks for Dr. John's bottom three, which he says are "Dbkdfja, nkfhwlllib afvj fuuryyyslv." Hang on, let's run that through the Padma translator. Carrie's Trinidad-inspired gumbo may have made the cut, but her Trinidad-inspired hot sauce is a dud. Nicholas' was overly-sweet, and Nina's was all heat, no flavor. Yup. Gotta watch out for that.
Now, for the good news. Carlos' habanero sauce with mango and passion fruit hit all the right notes. Justin's pepper sauce with anchovy was odd, but delicious. OF COURSE IT WAS. Sorry, I get heavily invested in anchovy dishes. Brian's green jalapeño sauce incorporated yuzu well. The winner of the challenge and immunity is... "Bjhfs." Sorry, that's Brian. He looks pleased. And stoned. But then, he always looks stoned.
Elimination Challenge. A 300-pound pig is wheeled in, its belly cleaved in two. That reminds me, I'm an episode behind on American Horror Story. The chef (Donald Link - yes, you heard correctly) and butcher (Toby Rodriguez) who bring it in are experts in boucherie, the Cajun tradition of breaking down and using the entire animal in cooking. I mean, there might just be another culture that was on this continent before the Cajuns that was known for using the whole animal. There's an upcoming holiday celebrating them? Starts with an "N"? Ends with "ative Americans"? Still, I get that we're in New Orleans and have to focus on the whole Creole thing.
For the challenge, the chefs must work together to break down the entire hog, and use the entire thing to serve a few hundred people. Everyone must be in charge of at least one dish. Once Padma and the guest judges leave, the chefs fall to squabbling about who gets which part of the pig. Justin and Nicholas handle most of the butchering, with Sara hovering around and nagging them like an annoying backseat driver. Nina and Nicholas both want the head, and compromise by cutting it in half. Justin and Carlos independently decide to make tacos, and while Justin is usually confident in his abilities, he understandably worries that Carlos will spank him on this head-to-head comparison. While the chefs shop for their other ingredients, Donald and Toby's crew cooks up an example boucherie back at the house. It looks so good I can practically smell it.
Prep. The chefs are taken to a place called the Bayou Barn, which is a terrible name. "Bayou Barn" is where overweight women with five teeth buy their muumuus and discount flip-flops. Justin spends time building a fire, and then snarls at anyone else who gets near it. Everyone ignores him, and when he tries to assert his flame ownership, Nina tells him to eat a dick. We had to rewind to make sure that's what she really said; apparently, it's kosher to say that on TV now. Eat a dick, everyone! Meanwhile, Stephanie recoils when she sees an alligator hanging out in the grass a dozen feet away. That...is terrifying. The chefs appear to just keep on cooking, but I dearly hope that someone off camera was in charge of shooing it away. Louis interviews that he was expecting to show up and just be a lone wolf, but that he's actually made some really great friends. Hmmm. He's incorporating popcorn into his dish. Once prep time is complete, the judges and other diners walk around and sample everything. This is one of those challenges I fervently wish I could attend as a taster.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs are delighted when Tom says that this challenge had some of the best food he's ever eaten in the show's entire run. The judges have said that kind of thing before and sounded a bit hollow, but it sounds pretty genuine this time. Whoever goes home will be eliminated for a minor flaw, which is a shame. But first, for the good news. Obviously, Nina is in the top three, because she's Nina. Her pig-head ragout incorporated roasted corn, mustard greens, and spaetzle, and had a nice heat that built over time. Shirley and Carlos join her, and both of them speak emotionally about the inspiration they drew from their families to create their dishes. Shirley's dumplings contained pork scrapings, grilled kidney and were served on a crispy pork fat salad. Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. Carlos' tacos are fried chorizo, served on a pozole verde (a soup made with pork bone). Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. This is why I can believe Tom when he says this is some of the best food ever served on Top Chef. It all looks amazing. The winner of the challenge is... Carlos! I was kind of pulling for Shirley (those dumplings look incredible), but am happy to see him score a win with a recipe that hits so close to home.
Losers' Table. The judges summon Justin, Louis, and Stephanie. Justin is unhappy to be there. He doesn't think there was anything wrong with his pork. The judges assure the chefs that nobody's dish was out-and-out disappointing, but that there were issues of consistency. Some of Justin's servings were dry, which explains an earlier scene of a flare-up of the flames he was so adamant about protecting. I can't tell if Justin is justifiably cheesed about being in the bottom three for a good dish, or if he's one of those tiresome people that can't take any form of criticism. Stephanie braised her pork so much that all the flavor sank into the broth. Louis' popcorn was out-of-place and off-putting, though his grilled pork leg was tasty. Tom throws it over to Padma for the (pork) chop. Louis. Please pack your knives and go. Aw, crud. It's probably fair from a challenge standpoint, but Louis is so... Well, let's just say I'm not going to be buying the Brian calendar anytime soon. Louis takes his loss stoically, and only regrets that he wasn't able to nail a challenge with his personal style of food. Yeah, I'd have liked to see that, too. And maybe what he would have worn for the July photo.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: Brian "won" a Quickfire that incorporated the elements of jazz - such as how it often makes no sense whatsoever. For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs broke into teams, made whatever the hell they wanted, and pretended it was potluck food. Nina got into the top three yet again for her gnocchi...
James (with affection): "This bitch and her gnocchi."
...but Stephanie won for fried artichokes which looked so good that I ordered some this past weekend. At a BBQ restaurant. For breakfast. The thread that Patty's been clinging to since the beginning of the season finally snapped, and she was sent home. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire. Another very New Orleansy presence joins shows up to judge. This time, it's gravel-voiced Grammy winner Dr. John, who mumbles around a mouthful of marbles. Padma translates that the challenge will be to make and bottle some hot sauce. Good challenge! I like hot sauce (in moderation), and feel like a lot of people just go for pure heat, when it should really be about something flavorful that incorporates heat. Let's see who falls into the sear-your-taste-buds-off trap.
The chefs get started. Poor Nicholas interviews that he never touches hot sauce, as he is prone to ulcers. Ugh, that sucks. Stephanie and Carrie are similarly inexperienced, but pledge to do their best. Justin makes a sauce with anchovy, and GET IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW. When time runs out, Padma asks for Dr. John's bottom three, which he says are "Dbkdfja, nkfhwlllib afvj fuuryyyslv." Hang on, let's run that through the Padma translator. Carrie's Trinidad-inspired gumbo may have made the cut, but her Trinidad-inspired hot sauce is a dud. Nicholas' was overly-sweet, and Nina's was all heat, no flavor. Yup. Gotta watch out for that.
Now, for the good news. Carlos' habanero sauce with mango and passion fruit hit all the right notes. Justin's pepper sauce with anchovy was odd, but delicious. OF COURSE IT WAS. Sorry, I get heavily invested in anchovy dishes. Brian's green jalapeño sauce incorporated yuzu well. The winner of the challenge and immunity is... "Bjhfs." Sorry, that's Brian. He looks pleased. And stoned. But then, he always looks stoned.
Elimination Challenge. A 300-pound pig is wheeled in, its belly cleaved in two. That reminds me, I'm an episode behind on American Horror Story. The chef (Donald Link - yes, you heard correctly) and butcher (Toby Rodriguez) who bring it in are experts in boucherie, the Cajun tradition of breaking down and using the entire animal in cooking. I mean, there might just be another culture that was on this continent before the Cajuns that was known for using the whole animal. There's an upcoming holiday celebrating them? Starts with an "N"? Ends with "ative Americans"? Still, I get that we're in New Orleans and have to focus on the whole Creole thing.
For the challenge, the chefs must work together to break down the entire hog, and use the entire thing to serve a few hundred people. Everyone must be in charge of at least one dish. Once Padma and the guest judges leave, the chefs fall to squabbling about who gets which part of the pig. Justin and Nicholas handle most of the butchering, with Sara hovering around and nagging them like an annoying backseat driver. Nina and Nicholas both want the head, and compromise by cutting it in half. Justin and Carlos independently decide to make tacos, and while Justin is usually confident in his abilities, he understandably worries that Carlos will spank him on this head-to-head comparison. While the chefs shop for their other ingredients, Donald and Toby's crew cooks up an example boucherie back at the house. It looks so good I can practically smell it.
Prep. The chefs are taken to a place called the Bayou Barn, which is a terrible name. "Bayou Barn" is where overweight women with five teeth buy their muumuus and discount flip-flops. Justin spends time building a fire, and then snarls at anyone else who gets near it. Everyone ignores him, and when he tries to assert his flame ownership, Nina tells him to eat a dick. We had to rewind to make sure that's what she really said; apparently, it's kosher to say that on TV now. Eat a dick, everyone! Meanwhile, Stephanie recoils when she sees an alligator hanging out in the grass a dozen feet away. That...is terrifying. The chefs appear to just keep on cooking, but I dearly hope that someone off camera was in charge of shooing it away. Louis interviews that he was expecting to show up and just be a lone wolf, but that he's actually made some really great friends. Hmmm. He's incorporating popcorn into his dish. Once prep time is complete, the judges and other diners walk around and sample everything. This is one of those challenges I fervently wish I could attend as a taster.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs are delighted when Tom says that this challenge had some of the best food he's ever eaten in the show's entire run. The judges have said that kind of thing before and sounded a bit hollow, but it sounds pretty genuine this time. Whoever goes home will be eliminated for a minor flaw, which is a shame. But first, for the good news. Obviously, Nina is in the top three, because she's Nina. Her pig-head ragout incorporated roasted corn, mustard greens, and spaetzle, and had a nice heat that built over time. Shirley and Carlos join her, and both of them speak emotionally about the inspiration they drew from their families to create their dishes. Shirley's dumplings contained pork scrapings, grilled kidney and were served on a crispy pork fat salad. Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. Carlos' tacos are fried chorizo, served on a pozole verde (a soup made with pork bone). Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. This is why I can believe Tom when he says this is some of the best food ever served on Top Chef. It all looks amazing. The winner of the challenge is... Carlos! I was kind of pulling for Shirley (those dumplings look incredible), but am happy to see him score a win with a recipe that hits so close to home.
Losers' Table. The judges summon Justin, Louis, and Stephanie. Justin is unhappy to be there. He doesn't think there was anything wrong with his pork. The judges assure the chefs that nobody's dish was out-and-out disappointing, but that there were issues of consistency. Some of Justin's servings were dry, which explains an earlier scene of a flare-up of the flames he was so adamant about protecting. I can't tell if Justin is justifiably cheesed about being in the bottom three for a good dish, or if he's one of those tiresome people that can't take any form of criticism. Stephanie braised her pork so much that all the flavor sank into the broth. Louis' popcorn was out-of-place and off-putting, though his grilled pork leg was tasty. Tom throws it over to Padma for the (pork) chop. Louis. Please pack your knives and go. Aw, crud. It's probably fair from a challenge standpoint, but Louis is so... Well, let's just say I'm not going to be buying the Brian calendar anytime soon. Louis takes his loss stoically, and only regrets that he wasn't able to nail a challenge with his personal style of food. Yeah, I'd have liked to see that, too. And maybe what he would have worn for the July photo.
Overall Grade: B
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Theme Music
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 7
Previously on Top Chef: Though her dad may have been Prime Minister, it's Nina's turn to rule now. Competitors quaked in her presence, as she calmly went about dominating both the Creole tomato Quickfire and the cream cheese Elimination Challenge. Is her winning streak about to come to an end? There's only one way to find out! Oh, and Bene went home. Twelve chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Sickness has come to the Top Chef household. A doctor is called to examine Nicholas, and she diagnoses him with strep throat, cautioning him to stay away from food and other people for at least twenty-four hours. This must be one of those magical TV cases of strep throat that has the potential to clear up overnight. I was unfortunate enough to get the Real Life version, which I can assure you does not go away in one day. Nicholas stays home to rest, and the other chefs head out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. Padma explains that if Nicholas isn't feeling better by the time the Elimination Challenge rolls around, he'll have to forfeit. Fair enough. Today's guest judge is jazz musician Kermit Ruffins, and while he seems like a cool guy, this challenge... Well, let me explain a bit. The chefs will begin cooking at their stations, but when Kermit begins to play, they have to walk around in a circle. When the music stops, the chefs must continue whatever dish is cooking at their new station. This could happen any number of times, but when the final note dies away, the chefs will be judged at whatever station they happened to end up at. Winning chef gets immunity.
Huh? Listen, I don't mind off-kilter challenges. I think it can be fun to watch them forced out of their comfort zones, and even kind of valuable as a teaching tool. Sure, chefs will never have to create a dish out of gas station convenience store food or need to base a dish around a particular color in their real careers, but when I was watching those Quickfires, I at least felt that each chef's individual skill was being tested. There's something to be said for having the chefs continue someone else's preparation in mid-stream, but immunity for the winner? You may as well give it out at random.
So I'm not going to bother getting into the Quickfire's details too much. Some chefs are delighted by what they find when they arrive at new stations, and some are horrified. Justin out-and-out tosses Shirley's couscous in the garbage without a second thought. When Kermit's tune is at its end, Brian is lucky enough to be standing behind the winning dish, a duck and mussels concoction. He has the good grace to thank the other chefs that made his win possible, but he's also understandably jazzed (see what I did there?) to have immunity basically served to him on a platter (and there?)
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be preparing food to bring to a restaurant that Kermit plays at often. Dishes should be potluck style, and the chefs will pick their own teams. This should have been an interesting segment. How do you treat Brian? Avoid him because he has immunity? How do you treat Nicholas? Treat him as if he'll be there and at full strength? There and weak/distracted? Not there at all? How do you treat Nina? Do you grab her to give your team a boost, or avoid her to lower your chances of elimination should the team falter? Zero of these avenues are explored. People just grab whoever happens to be near them or who their best friends are. Boring. The teams shake out to be:
Blue: Shirley, Justin, Sara, and Louis
Gray: Brian, Travis, Nicholas, and Patty
Green: Nina, Carrie, Carlos, and Stephanie
The chefs go shopping, and Nicholas is looped in via phone call so he can have some input. He rallies enough to join the prep in the Kitchen, so no forfeit tonight, thankfully. Let's hope he doesn't infect a restaurant full of jazz enthusiasts. Although maybe they'd like to have froggy voices for a while; it's one way to infuse your music with some soul. Prep goes fairly smoothly. Nicholas does a lot of the grunt work for the gray team. Brian doesn't much care what's going on, and I think he's the first contestant in history to happily acknowledge that having immunity is giving him some breathing room to rest on his laurels for a bit. None of the standard "I'm going to work as hard as I can despite my immunity!" speeches here. It's actually kind of refreshing. Nina makes gnocchi yet again, which I believe is her third time in seven episodes. Time to give it a rest, ma'am. You don't want to turn into Jamie.
Service. The restaurant's patrons and staff are delighted by the dishes. A lot of them do look good, but let me say that any notion of a "potluck" theme has been violently tossed out the window. The judges may have harped on dishes that didn't match the Halloween theme a couple weeks ago, but they don't really give a shit about this one. Annoying. Words mean things! A couple of things on each team's menu do really appeal to me, though. Just because it's not potlucky doesn't mean it's not tasty. Louis' pickled vegetables with crispy sunflower seeds and Justin's shrimp and hominy grits look fantastic. The gray team presents a fried chicken with bee pollen and ponzu that makes me claw at the screen. Over on the green team, Stephanie makes fried baby artichokes with preserved lemon and anchovy aioli. WAAAAAAAAANNNNNNT. Carrie and Carlos make a nectarine trifle that they insist on calling a tiramisu for some reason. No, really. Words mean things.
Fret 'n sweat. Stephanie's artichokes are praised, and it's funny to watch her during these segments, because no matter if the news is good or bad, every time her name is mentioned, she looks like she's about to pass a kidney stone the size of a baseball. Other dishes are not as popular. The screen goes off, and Padma comes into the Kitchen to summon the gray team to Judges' Table. The other chefs are puzzled by this, because it didn't seem like that team was getting winning reactions from the judges. Indeed, the gray team is the losing one this evening. Patty's watermelon salad was bland, and she admits that time ran out before she was able to dress it with the chili she was going to use. Travis' ribs were well-cooked, but the rub was off. That sounded dirtier than I intended. Nicholas' fish was dry. The fried chicken was good, though.
Before a loser is picked, though, we have to crown a winner. That winner will hail from the green team. Stephanie's artichokes were remarkably good, and Nina's gnocchi are also popular. Carrie and Carlos' dessert is much less lauded, so it comes down to the former two. Stephanie scores her first win, and her face finally registers something other than blind panic, which is nice to see. Elimination. Brian has immunity, so it comes down to the other three, and Patty gets the axe for her disappointing salad. Aw. I had developed a big ol' soft spot for Patty these past few weeks, but given her overall performance in the competition, I think it's fair to say she lasted longer than expected. She sheds a few tears on her way out, and yeah, it's a bummer to get cut because you didn't shake a container of chili powder for three seconds.
Overall Grade: C+
Previously on Top Chef: Though her dad may have been Prime Minister, it's Nina's turn to rule now. Competitors quaked in her presence, as she calmly went about dominating both the Creole tomato Quickfire and the cream cheese Elimination Challenge. Is her winning streak about to come to an end? There's only one way to find out! Oh, and Bene went home. Twelve chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Sickness has come to the Top Chef household. A doctor is called to examine Nicholas, and she diagnoses him with strep throat, cautioning him to stay away from food and other people for at least twenty-four hours. This must be one of those magical TV cases of strep throat that has the potential to clear up overnight. I was unfortunate enough to get the Real Life version, which I can assure you does not go away in one day. Nicholas stays home to rest, and the other chefs head out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. Padma explains that if Nicholas isn't feeling better by the time the Elimination Challenge rolls around, he'll have to forfeit. Fair enough. Today's guest judge is jazz musician Kermit Ruffins, and while he seems like a cool guy, this challenge... Well, let me explain a bit. The chefs will begin cooking at their stations, but when Kermit begins to play, they have to walk around in a circle. When the music stops, the chefs must continue whatever dish is cooking at their new station. This could happen any number of times, but when the final note dies away, the chefs will be judged at whatever station they happened to end up at. Winning chef gets immunity.
Huh? Listen, I don't mind off-kilter challenges. I think it can be fun to watch them forced out of their comfort zones, and even kind of valuable as a teaching tool. Sure, chefs will never have to create a dish out of gas station convenience store food or need to base a dish around a particular color in their real careers, but when I was watching those Quickfires, I at least felt that each chef's individual skill was being tested. There's something to be said for having the chefs continue someone else's preparation in mid-stream, but immunity for the winner? You may as well give it out at random.
So I'm not going to bother getting into the Quickfire's details too much. Some chefs are delighted by what they find when they arrive at new stations, and some are horrified. Justin out-and-out tosses Shirley's couscous in the garbage without a second thought. When Kermit's tune is at its end, Brian is lucky enough to be standing behind the winning dish, a duck and mussels concoction. He has the good grace to thank the other chefs that made his win possible, but he's also understandably jazzed (see what I did there?) to have immunity basically served to him on a platter (and there?)
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be preparing food to bring to a restaurant that Kermit plays at often. Dishes should be potluck style, and the chefs will pick their own teams. This should have been an interesting segment. How do you treat Brian? Avoid him because he has immunity? How do you treat Nicholas? Treat him as if he'll be there and at full strength? There and weak/distracted? Not there at all? How do you treat Nina? Do you grab her to give your team a boost, or avoid her to lower your chances of elimination should the team falter? Zero of these avenues are explored. People just grab whoever happens to be near them or who their best friends are. Boring. The teams shake out to be:
Blue: Shirley, Justin, Sara, and Louis
Gray: Brian, Travis, Nicholas, and Patty
Green: Nina, Carrie, Carlos, and Stephanie
The chefs go shopping, and Nicholas is looped in via phone call so he can have some input. He rallies enough to join the prep in the Kitchen, so no forfeit tonight, thankfully. Let's hope he doesn't infect a restaurant full of jazz enthusiasts. Although maybe they'd like to have froggy voices for a while; it's one way to infuse your music with some soul. Prep goes fairly smoothly. Nicholas does a lot of the grunt work for the gray team. Brian doesn't much care what's going on, and I think he's the first contestant in history to happily acknowledge that having immunity is giving him some breathing room to rest on his laurels for a bit. None of the standard "I'm going to work as hard as I can despite my immunity!" speeches here. It's actually kind of refreshing. Nina makes gnocchi yet again, which I believe is her third time in seven episodes. Time to give it a rest, ma'am. You don't want to turn into Jamie.
Service. The restaurant's patrons and staff are delighted by the dishes. A lot of them do look good, but let me say that any notion of a "potluck" theme has been violently tossed out the window. The judges may have harped on dishes that didn't match the Halloween theme a couple weeks ago, but they don't really give a shit about this one. Annoying. Words mean things! A couple of things on each team's menu do really appeal to me, though. Just because it's not potlucky doesn't mean it's not tasty. Louis' pickled vegetables with crispy sunflower seeds and Justin's shrimp and hominy grits look fantastic. The gray team presents a fried chicken with bee pollen and ponzu that makes me claw at the screen. Over on the green team, Stephanie makes fried baby artichokes with preserved lemon and anchovy aioli. WAAAAAAAAANNNNNNT. Carrie and Carlos make a nectarine trifle that they insist on calling a tiramisu for some reason. No, really. Words mean things.
Fret 'n sweat. Stephanie's artichokes are praised, and it's funny to watch her during these segments, because no matter if the news is good or bad, every time her name is mentioned, she looks like she's about to pass a kidney stone the size of a baseball. Other dishes are not as popular. The screen goes off, and Padma comes into the Kitchen to summon the gray team to Judges' Table. The other chefs are puzzled by this, because it didn't seem like that team was getting winning reactions from the judges. Indeed, the gray team is the losing one this evening. Patty's watermelon salad was bland, and she admits that time ran out before she was able to dress it with the chili she was going to use. Travis' ribs were well-cooked, but the rub was off. That sounded dirtier than I intended. Nicholas' fish was dry. The fried chicken was good, though.
Before a loser is picked, though, we have to crown a winner. That winner will hail from the green team. Stephanie's artichokes were remarkably good, and Nina's gnocchi are also popular. Carrie and Carlos' dessert is much less lauded, so it comes down to the former two. Stephanie scores her first win, and her face finally registers something other than blind panic, which is nice to see. Elimination. Brian has immunity, so it comes down to the other three, and Patty gets the axe for her disappointing salad. Aw. I had developed a big ol' soft spot for Patty these past few weeks, but given her overall performance in the competition, I think it's fair to say she lasted longer than expected. She sheds a few tears on her way out, and yeah, it's a bummer to get cut because you didn't shake a container of chili powder for three seconds.
Overall Grade: C+
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Philly of the Valley
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 6
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs unwrapped ingredients and equipment, while the audience unwrapped mini-sized candy. Gail and Padma's moms dropped by to be adorable for a while. The chefs catered a Halloween party and caused the judges to scratch their heads over why a themed vegan menu seemed overly narrow. Yeah, it's a puzzler. Travis and Carlos managed to navigate the tricky challenge and walked away with the win. Nina almost popped when she got stuck on a team with the sexist, condescending Michael, but her mood improved when his lackluster arancini got him booted off the show. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
I've been skipping the Monday Morning Quarterback sessions, but they are fun to watch if you're interested in what the remaining contestants think of whoever just got eliminated. This has been a pretty convivial season so far, so these scenes have mostly been of the "Aw, that's a shame" variety, but hoo boy, not this time. Nina is openly relieved at Michael's ouster, while the rest of the chefs cannot raise a more complimentary sendoff than "So, we just lost our roommate... How about that?"
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are driven out to a farm, so you know Carrie is in a good mood. There they meet guest judge John Besh, and he can never appear without someone making sure to mention how awesome his hair is, so let's get that out of the way now. I don't disagree, by the way; it's totally swoonworthy. Besh explains that for this week's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with highlighting a specific ingredient. I always like the featured-ingredient type of challenge. It tends to lead to some creative choices, but without the final products getting too wacky. Today's star is the Creole tomato. I'd never heard of it before, so I did some cursory internet research. It seems to just be the name for a beefsteak grown in the Creole region, which is a bit of a letdown. I was hoping for something distinctive about it. The challenge time has been cut to twenty minutes, and we get an amusing Patty interview in which she guesses that eventually, the chefs will get about thirty seconds to craft some haute cuisine. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like a sixty-second challenge someday. Mark my words - it's coming.
The timer starts. Brian has the idea to do a kind of toad-in-the-hole, with the tomato standing in for bread. See what I mean about the creative choices? Nina works like mad to make sure her tomato watermelon soup is ice cold, which is difficult to achieve outside in the sun. She tops it with crispy zucchini blossoms, and the whole thing looks delicious. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephanie has zero ideas, Travis throws together a standard salad, tosses some strip loin on top, and calls it a day, while Patty's roasted tomatoes marinated in olive oil and cherry vinegar (with arugula and asparagus) is wilting fast. When time runs out, the latter three are called out as the least favorites. Joining Nina in the top three are Carlos' bright tomato/watermelon salad, and Louis' bold tomato seed bouillon. It's difficult to unseat the queen, though, and Nina wins the challenge and immunity. She's refreshingly realistic about her winning streak, cautioning herself against getting too confident, because it's a short walk to Losers' Table on this show.
Elimination Challenge. It's another highlight-the-ingredient challenge, but not quite as exciting this time. You see, there are bills to be paid around the Top Chef studio. Lots of them! And apparently, no amount of talking about how super-amazing the cars that takes the contestants to the store will cover those bills, so the product placement continues with the Philadelphia Cream Cheese challenge. I don't even understand why they need to advertise that much. I couldn't name another brand of cream cheese if I tried. They've pretty much got the market wrapped up. In any case, the chefs will be cooking for the judges, Besh, and all of Besh's executive chefs. Their dishes must incorporate and highlight the cream cheese, and their courses will be determined by a knife pull. The challenge winner will snag $10,000. Not bad! Oh, but there's one more thing. The cream cheese will be the only dairy product available to use, except for milk/cream. That doesn't sound like too punishing a parameter until you realize that means no butter, which is the life blood of any kitchen.
There is no shopping segment this week. The chefs just grab everything they can from the limited pantry at Besh's restaurant, so it's bedlam for a good thirty seconds or so. Travis hopes to stand out by cutting his vegetables in a certain direction. Oooooookay. Nina stuffs zucchini blossom with eggplant puree. Yum. Justin is combining duck and local mushrooms. Sara, wanting to break out of the middle of the pack, is cooking lamb. Unfortunately, her piping bag is clogged with - you guessed it - cream cheese, which slows her down. That means her meat doesn't have enough time to cook. The middle of the pack is suddenly looking pretty attractive, eh, Sara? Nicholas wants to make beignets, but without yeast, he settles on funnel cake instead. I'm expecting a certificate in the mail any day now, verifying that I am the only person in America that hates funnel cake. Time runs down, and the diners get settled.
Appetizers. Patty and Carlos have the most visually notable dishes. Hers is snapper crudo with cream cheese vinaigrette and shaved purple carrot and chili. His is poached beets and pickled purple carrots with peach, habanero, and cream cheese sauce. The judges like the creativity of Brian's summer squash and zucchini, with poached oyster and emulsified cream cheese, but find the oyster too salty. Sara's lamb is wildly inconsistent. Nina's eggplant is delicious.
Entrees. Fowl is the order of the day, as Bene, Carrie, and Justin all serve chicken (or duck). Bene's is stuffed with caramelized onions and tarragon cream cheese. Carrie has vinegar-braised chicken in cream sauce with chilled cucumber, which sounds good, until the judges complain that the meat is dry and the sauce is goopy. D'oh! Justin's duck breast is served with eggplant vinaigrette, chanterelle mushrooms, and corn puree. Yes, please. Only Travis serves meat (lamb), and like Sara's, the cooking consistency is all over the place. He's not saved by his raggedy cuts of vegetable.
Desserts. Louis serves graham crackers with blackberries and cream cheese mousse. Pretty! It's Shirley's dessert that steals my heart, though. She's got a cream cheese egg custard with macerated blueberries. I'd eat the ever-loving hell out of that. Stephanie has a cream cheese, peach, and cherry mousse and a short dough. The judges notice that her cream has broken, and wonder if she just ran out of time and had to throw something on the plate. Nicholas' funnel cake is a big hit.
At the end of the meal, the judges and executive chefs agree that overall, this was a pretty disappointing challenge. "They didn't seem particularly inspired," one of the judges complains.
James: "Yeah. How dare they not be particularly inspired...by cream cheese."
One of Besh's executive chefs grouses that the contestants should have done better, because "This is how you build your reputation. Cooking for other chefs." Oh, of course! Why even bring the stupid, unwashed public into the equation at all? You know what we should do? Just make restaurants a mutual admiration society where chefs execute their culinary artistic visions for other chefs. Then you'll never need to worry about those other stupid non-chef jerks coming in and trying to exchange money for good food and service. The nerve of those people.
Fret 'n sweat. The judges reiterate how personally let down they were by this challenge. Nina, Justin, and Nicholas did the best at each of their respective courses, and are called in to Judges' Table as the top three. They all had thoughtful, composed dishes, and when it comes to selecting the big money winner, Nina pulls it off yet again. She is dominating this season! She gets applause back in the Kitchen before sending Travis, Sara, and Bene in to face the judges' wrath. It's pretty obvious why the former two were selected; inconsistent cooking is probably the second biggest issue the judges bring up on this show, with underseasoning being the biggest no-no. Bene's vegetables tasted steamed, which... So? It's apparently a pretty bad error, because the king of the tomatoes takes the long walk home. Aw, that's a bummer. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, but I guess we're getting to the point of the season where the chefs need to start busting out the big guns to impress the judges, and Bene never really crept out of his comfort zone.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs unwrapped ingredients and equipment, while the audience unwrapped mini-sized candy. Gail and Padma's moms dropped by to be adorable for a while. The chefs catered a Halloween party and caused the judges to scratch their heads over why a themed vegan menu seemed overly narrow. Yeah, it's a puzzler. Travis and Carlos managed to navigate the tricky challenge and walked away with the win. Nina almost popped when she got stuck on a team with the sexist, condescending Michael, but her mood improved when his lackluster arancini got him booted off the show. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
I've been skipping the Monday Morning Quarterback sessions, but they are fun to watch if you're interested in what the remaining contestants think of whoever just got eliminated. This has been a pretty convivial season so far, so these scenes have mostly been of the "Aw, that's a shame" variety, but hoo boy, not this time. Nina is openly relieved at Michael's ouster, while the rest of the chefs cannot raise a more complimentary sendoff than "So, we just lost our roommate... How about that?"
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are driven out to a farm, so you know Carrie is in a good mood. There they meet guest judge John Besh, and he can never appear without someone making sure to mention how awesome his hair is, so let's get that out of the way now. I don't disagree, by the way; it's totally swoonworthy. Besh explains that for this week's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with highlighting a specific ingredient. I always like the featured-ingredient type of challenge. It tends to lead to some creative choices, but without the final products getting too wacky. Today's star is the Creole tomato. I'd never heard of it before, so I did some cursory internet research. It seems to just be the name for a beefsteak grown in the Creole region, which is a bit of a letdown. I was hoping for something distinctive about it. The challenge time has been cut to twenty minutes, and we get an amusing Patty interview in which she guesses that eventually, the chefs will get about thirty seconds to craft some haute cuisine. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like a sixty-second challenge someday. Mark my words - it's coming.
The timer starts. Brian has the idea to do a kind of toad-in-the-hole, with the tomato standing in for bread. See what I mean about the creative choices? Nina works like mad to make sure her tomato watermelon soup is ice cold, which is difficult to achieve outside in the sun. She tops it with crispy zucchini blossoms, and the whole thing looks delicious. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephanie has zero ideas, Travis throws together a standard salad, tosses some strip loin on top, and calls it a day, while Patty's roasted tomatoes marinated in olive oil and cherry vinegar (with arugula and asparagus) is wilting fast. When time runs out, the latter three are called out as the least favorites. Joining Nina in the top three are Carlos' bright tomato/watermelon salad, and Louis' bold tomato seed bouillon. It's difficult to unseat the queen, though, and Nina wins the challenge and immunity. She's refreshingly realistic about her winning streak, cautioning herself against getting too confident, because it's a short walk to Losers' Table on this show.
Elimination Challenge. It's another highlight-the-ingredient challenge, but not quite as exciting this time. You see, there are bills to be paid around the Top Chef studio. Lots of them! And apparently, no amount of talking about how super-amazing the cars that takes the contestants to the store will cover those bills, so the product placement continues with the Philadelphia Cream Cheese challenge. I don't even understand why they need to advertise that much. I couldn't name another brand of cream cheese if I tried. They've pretty much got the market wrapped up. In any case, the chefs will be cooking for the judges, Besh, and all of Besh's executive chefs. Their dishes must incorporate and highlight the cream cheese, and their courses will be determined by a knife pull. The challenge winner will snag $10,000. Not bad! Oh, but there's one more thing. The cream cheese will be the only dairy product available to use, except for milk/cream. That doesn't sound like too punishing a parameter until you realize that means no butter, which is the life blood of any kitchen.
There is no shopping segment this week. The chefs just grab everything they can from the limited pantry at Besh's restaurant, so it's bedlam for a good thirty seconds or so. Travis hopes to stand out by cutting his vegetables in a certain direction. Oooooookay. Nina stuffs zucchini blossom with eggplant puree. Yum. Justin is combining duck and local mushrooms. Sara, wanting to break out of the middle of the pack, is cooking lamb. Unfortunately, her piping bag is clogged with - you guessed it - cream cheese, which slows her down. That means her meat doesn't have enough time to cook. The middle of the pack is suddenly looking pretty attractive, eh, Sara? Nicholas wants to make beignets, but without yeast, he settles on funnel cake instead. I'm expecting a certificate in the mail any day now, verifying that I am the only person in America that hates funnel cake. Time runs down, and the diners get settled.
Appetizers. Patty and Carlos have the most visually notable dishes. Hers is snapper crudo with cream cheese vinaigrette and shaved purple carrot and chili. His is poached beets and pickled purple carrots with peach, habanero, and cream cheese sauce. The judges like the creativity of Brian's summer squash and zucchini, with poached oyster and emulsified cream cheese, but find the oyster too salty. Sara's lamb is wildly inconsistent. Nina's eggplant is delicious.
Entrees. Fowl is the order of the day, as Bene, Carrie, and Justin all serve chicken (or duck). Bene's is stuffed with caramelized onions and tarragon cream cheese. Carrie has vinegar-braised chicken in cream sauce with chilled cucumber, which sounds good, until the judges complain that the meat is dry and the sauce is goopy. D'oh! Justin's duck breast is served with eggplant vinaigrette, chanterelle mushrooms, and corn puree. Yes, please. Only Travis serves meat (lamb), and like Sara's, the cooking consistency is all over the place. He's not saved by his raggedy cuts of vegetable.
Desserts. Louis serves graham crackers with blackberries and cream cheese mousse. Pretty! It's Shirley's dessert that steals my heart, though. She's got a cream cheese egg custard with macerated blueberries. I'd eat the ever-loving hell out of that. Stephanie has a cream cheese, peach, and cherry mousse and a short dough. The judges notice that her cream has broken, and wonder if she just ran out of time and had to throw something on the plate. Nicholas' funnel cake is a big hit.
At the end of the meal, the judges and executive chefs agree that overall, this was a pretty disappointing challenge. "They didn't seem particularly inspired," one of the judges complains.
James: "Yeah. How dare they not be particularly inspired...by cream cheese."
One of Besh's executive chefs grouses that the contestants should have done better, because "This is how you build your reputation. Cooking for other chefs." Oh, of course! Why even bring the stupid, unwashed public into the equation at all? You know what we should do? Just make restaurants a mutual admiration society where chefs execute their culinary artistic visions for other chefs. Then you'll never need to worry about those other stupid non-chef jerks coming in and trying to exchange money for good food and service. The nerve of those people.
Fret 'n sweat. The judges reiterate how personally let down they were by this challenge. Nina, Justin, and Nicholas did the best at each of their respective courses, and are called in to Judges' Table as the top three. They all had thoughtful, composed dishes, and when it comes to selecting the big money winner, Nina pulls it off yet again. She is dominating this season! She gets applause back in the Kitchen before sending Travis, Sara, and Bene in to face the judges' wrath. It's pretty obvious why the former two were selected; inconsistent cooking is probably the second biggest issue the judges bring up on this show, with underseasoning being the biggest no-no. Bene's vegetables tasted steamed, which... So? It's apparently a pretty bad error, because the king of the tomatoes takes the long walk home. Aw, that's a bummer. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, but I guess we're getting to the point of the season where the chefs need to start busting out the big guns to impress the judges, and Bene never really crept out of his comfort zone.
Overall Grade: B-
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
Bloodless Chew
Previously on Top Chef: Travis and Sara were really confident when it comes to Vietnamese food, so according to the Rules of Reality Competitions, they screwed everything up. One of these days, it will be refreshing to see someone say something like "I've been making dumplings since I was six, and am going to totally dominate this dumpling challenge," and then proceed to do just that. The shrimp dishes decided the day, with Shirley's BBQ shrimp scoring major points, and Janine getting punted for double-cooking hers. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight? Besides the St. Louis Cardinals, goddamn it!
Travis and Sara are bummed after their flogging at Judges' Table, so Travis distracts himself by using the show as his opportunity to come out to his father. That'll be a fun little conversation when the season airs. Over at the Kitchen, Padma and Gail explain this week's Quickfire Challenge. Every ingredient and piece of kitchen equipment has been wrapped in aluminum foil, rendering a lot of it unrecognizable. Then the Quickfire judges are introduced, and it turns out to be Padma and Gail's moms. Aw, cute. The chefs are split into two teams, and the moms have five minutes to pack a couple of carts with food and equipment. Whatever ingredients they pick up, the team must incorporate somehow. Ready? Go!
Carts are packed. When the dust settles, we see what the chefs were able to put together with weird mixtures like strawberries and mustard. One team (Sara, Stephanie, Justin, Michael, Carrie, Louis, and Shirley) makes lamb with cheese sauce, snapper with tomato sauce and rice, and a balsamic sabayon, which Carrie was somehow able to whip together without a whisk. The other team (Brian, Nina, Carlos, Travis, Bene, Patty, and Nick) has poached clams in fish sauce, a fish dish with mustard vinaigrette, and use up the rest of their ingredients by throwing them all into a soup (it incorporates beans, carrots, chili peppers, okra, cherry, strawberry, and coconut. Yeah, that sounds gross.
The moms disagree, I guess, because the latter team wins. Nobody gets immunity, but the chefs get $10,000. To split, that is. Everyone keeps tossing the $10,000 figure around, I guess because it doesn't sound quite as grand to boast that you just won $1,428.56. Still, not bad for half an hour's work. That dispensed with, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. Padma introduces this week's guest judge: Glee star and avowed Top Chef super-fan Lea Michele. She's "hosting" a "Halloween" party, which the chefs will be catering, and... Come on, show. It's fine to air a Halloween-themed episode the day before the actual holiday, but I'm not sure who they're fooling by pretending the challenge was filmed anytime recently or that Lea Michele is hosting the party in any way, shape, or form. Oh, wait. I know who they're fooling - those dweebs who are voting in the insta-polls that irritatingly suck up a third of the screen.
The chefs are given some brief discussion time with Lea, who mentions that she generally sticks to a vegan diet, except when she's indulging in cheese, which she really loves. Plus, the dishes should incorporate an aspect of Halloween. Sigh. It's not that I don't like vegetarian/vegan challenges once in a while, but they don't generally lead to the most inventive dishes. Especially when it's a catering challenge, and the chefs won't have on-site access to a kitchen. Especially especially when they also have to include some visually thematic element. Sometimes, I desperately wish I could be a guest at one of the events these chefs cook for, but this sounds like one I'd happily skip. The chefs are paired off with whoever happens to be standing next to them:
-Carrie/Stephanie
-Nicholas/Patty
-Travis/Carlos
-Nina/Michael
-Justin/Sara
-Shirley/Louis
-Brian/Bene
The chefs shop, and then get to prep cooking. Most of the teams get along with no issue whatsoever. And by "most", I mean six of them. I'll give you one guess as to the pair that's not working out particularly well. A shiny gold star to those who said Nina/Michael. He's as insufferable as ever, and not just because he's reliably condescending and sexist, insisting on calling Nina by diminutive nicknames like "Sweetie" and "Boo-Boo". She's also justifiably worried that he can't pull his weight in terms of his dish, as he's been consistently placing pretty low in the challenges. Not that she does anything about it. I understand why she doesn't want to deal with his truckload of bullshit, but you can't ignore your partner in team challenges, lest they drag you down with them when they fail.
The party kicks into gear. None of the Halloween costumes are particularly inspired, which is a shame. Bravo's got enough to money to dress these people up right. Tom is shocked and dismayed to find that three teams have made arancini, and if he's that het up about it, I'd ask for his extensive list of foods that can be fried and easily served at a catered event, includes cheese, is otherwise vegan, and can be dressed up in Halloween trappings (like an eyeball). Other notable dishes include Justin's "blood" pasta, made with beets despite Lea's general dislike of them, Shirley's "worm" salad made of noodles, and Louis' phyllo spring roll with braised quinoa and onions on a potato puree.
Fret 'n sweat. Before the judges' discussion begins, Nina and Michael finally have it out over their doomed partnership. Michael can add "gobsmackingly clueless" to his list of stellar qualities, as he insists that far from dragging her down, she was the one who needed him to succeed. His hopes are gloriously dashed when the judges' deliberations get beamed in, and they immediately praise her dish and abhor his. That doesn't mean she's out of the woods, of course, as they were supposed to work as a team, but it's nice to watch his bubble get popped so efficiently. Brian and Bene are also in trouble for making "spa food", which beyond sounding silly as an inspiration for a Halloween challenge, worked out to be a couple of boring salads. On the flip side, Nicholas' squash cannoli was delicious and thematically appropriate, and his partner Patty's arancini was the best of the three made today. Also in the top are Travis and Carlos, who have cleverly gone with a Dia de los Muertos theme. Travis' ceviche is light and fresh, while Carlos' fried zucchini in cheese fondue went straight to Lea's heart. In a good way.
It's been a busy couple of episodes for the previously-overlooked Travis. He's invisible! Now he's an expert in Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's terrible at Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's indirectly coming out to his dad! Now he's an expert in Latino cuisine! And now he can add challenge winner to that growing list, as he and Carlos carry the day. Though Brian and Bene get justifiably criticized for their unimaginative dishes, they real question boils down to whether Michael is going to get eliminated solo or if he'll take Nina with him. Sighs of relief are heard all over the country as the condescending Muppet takes the long walk alone. He's blithely self-impressed to the very end, saying that he represented New Orleans well and that everyone has something to add to this world. Well, he's right on that latter point. He added a handy villain to this season. With him gone, who will the anger turn to?
Overall Grade: C+
Travis and Sara are bummed after their flogging at Judges' Table, so Travis distracts himself by using the show as his opportunity to come out to his father. That'll be a fun little conversation when the season airs. Over at the Kitchen, Padma and Gail explain this week's Quickfire Challenge. Every ingredient and piece of kitchen equipment has been wrapped in aluminum foil, rendering a lot of it unrecognizable. Then the Quickfire judges are introduced, and it turns out to be Padma and Gail's moms. Aw, cute. The chefs are split into two teams, and the moms have five minutes to pack a couple of carts with food and equipment. Whatever ingredients they pick up, the team must incorporate somehow. Ready? Go!
Carts are packed. When the dust settles, we see what the chefs were able to put together with weird mixtures like strawberries and mustard. One team (Sara, Stephanie, Justin, Michael, Carrie, Louis, and Shirley) makes lamb with cheese sauce, snapper with tomato sauce and rice, and a balsamic sabayon, which Carrie was somehow able to whip together without a whisk. The other team (Brian, Nina, Carlos, Travis, Bene, Patty, and Nick) has poached clams in fish sauce, a fish dish with mustard vinaigrette, and use up the rest of their ingredients by throwing them all into a soup (it incorporates beans, carrots, chili peppers, okra, cherry, strawberry, and coconut. Yeah, that sounds gross.
The moms disagree, I guess, because the latter team wins. Nobody gets immunity, but the chefs get $10,000. To split, that is. Everyone keeps tossing the $10,000 figure around, I guess because it doesn't sound quite as grand to boast that you just won $1,428.56. Still, not bad for half an hour's work. That dispensed with, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. Padma introduces this week's guest judge: Glee star and avowed Top Chef super-fan Lea Michele. She's "hosting" a "Halloween" party, which the chefs will be catering, and... Come on, show. It's fine to air a Halloween-themed episode the day before the actual holiday, but I'm not sure who they're fooling by pretending the challenge was filmed anytime recently or that Lea Michele is hosting the party in any way, shape, or form. Oh, wait. I know who they're fooling - those dweebs who are voting in the insta-polls that irritatingly suck up a third of the screen.
The chefs are given some brief discussion time with Lea, who mentions that she generally sticks to a vegan diet, except when she's indulging in cheese, which she really loves. Plus, the dishes should incorporate an aspect of Halloween. Sigh. It's not that I don't like vegetarian/vegan challenges once in a while, but they don't generally lead to the most inventive dishes. Especially when it's a catering challenge, and the chefs won't have on-site access to a kitchen. Especially especially when they also have to include some visually thematic element. Sometimes, I desperately wish I could be a guest at one of the events these chefs cook for, but this sounds like one I'd happily skip. The chefs are paired off with whoever happens to be standing next to them:
-Carrie/Stephanie
-Nicholas/Patty
-Travis/Carlos
-Nina/Michael
-Justin/Sara
-Shirley/Louis
-Brian/Bene
The chefs shop, and then get to prep cooking. Most of the teams get along with no issue whatsoever. And by "most", I mean six of them. I'll give you one guess as to the pair that's not working out particularly well. A shiny gold star to those who said Nina/Michael. He's as insufferable as ever, and not just because he's reliably condescending and sexist, insisting on calling Nina by diminutive nicknames like "Sweetie" and "Boo-Boo". She's also justifiably worried that he can't pull his weight in terms of his dish, as he's been consistently placing pretty low in the challenges. Not that she does anything about it. I understand why she doesn't want to deal with his truckload of bullshit, but you can't ignore your partner in team challenges, lest they drag you down with them when they fail.
The party kicks into gear. None of the Halloween costumes are particularly inspired, which is a shame. Bravo's got enough to money to dress these people up right. Tom is shocked and dismayed to find that three teams have made arancini, and if he's that het up about it, I'd ask for his extensive list of foods that can be fried and easily served at a catered event, includes cheese, is otherwise vegan, and can be dressed up in Halloween trappings (like an eyeball). Other notable dishes include Justin's "blood" pasta, made with beets despite Lea's general dislike of them, Shirley's "worm" salad made of noodles, and Louis' phyllo spring roll with braised quinoa and onions on a potato puree.
Fret 'n sweat. Before the judges' discussion begins, Nina and Michael finally have it out over their doomed partnership. Michael can add "gobsmackingly clueless" to his list of stellar qualities, as he insists that far from dragging her down, she was the one who needed him to succeed. His hopes are gloriously dashed when the judges' deliberations get beamed in, and they immediately praise her dish and abhor his. That doesn't mean she's out of the woods, of course, as they were supposed to work as a team, but it's nice to watch his bubble get popped so efficiently. Brian and Bene are also in trouble for making "spa food", which beyond sounding silly as an inspiration for a Halloween challenge, worked out to be a couple of boring salads. On the flip side, Nicholas' squash cannoli was delicious and thematically appropriate, and his partner Patty's arancini was the best of the three made today. Also in the top are Travis and Carlos, who have cleverly gone with a Dia de los Muertos theme. Travis' ceviche is light and fresh, while Carlos' fried zucchini in cheese fondue went straight to Lea's heart. In a good way.
It's been a busy couple of episodes for the previously-overlooked Travis. He's invisible! Now he's an expert in Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's terrible at Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's indirectly coming out to his dad! Now he's an expert in Latino cuisine! And now he can add challenge winner to that growing list, as he and Carlos carry the day. Though Brian and Bene get justifiably criticized for their unimaginative dishes, they real question boils down to whether Michael is going to get eliminated solo or if he'll take Nina with him. Sighs of relief are heard all over the country as the condescending Muppet takes the long walk alone. He's blithely self-impressed to the very end, saying that he represented New Orleans well and that everyone has something to add to this world. Well, he's right on that latter point. He added a handy villain to this season. With him gone, who will the anger turn to?
Overall Grade: C+
Monday, October 28, 2013
Food Morning, Vietnam
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 4
Previously on Top Chef: Aaron woke up not knowing that some salt, some kale, and half an hour were all that stood between him and elimination. The chefs were taken to Commander's Palace and told to replicate some of the dishes there. Michael's condescension meter continued to climb, and Stephanie pulled a biscuit recipe out of her ass. Not literally, thankfully. Justin's beignet pulled down the win, and while Louis' seasoning blend ruined many a plate of fish, Bret's messy presentation and undercooked veal was deemed the greater culinary crime. 15 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Surprisingly, there is no Quickfire this week, meaning that half the episodes so far have been pure Elimination challenges. I wonder why they structured it this way. Padma introduces guest judge Eddie Huang, who describes the arrival and inclusion of Vietnamese cuisine into New Orleans culture. I had no idea, though I'm not surprised. I'm writing this from St. Louis, which like New Orleans, was originally based on French citizenry, but happily weaves pockets of other ethnicities into its food culture. The fifteen chefs are broken into teams of five, and told that they must present a Vietnamese menu, one course of which must include shrimp. The teams shake out to be:
Red: Shirley, Carrie, Justin, Nina, and Patty
Orange: Louis, Nicholas, Michael, Brian, and Carlos
Green: Travis, Bene, Sara, Janine, and Stephanie
I'm sorry, red and orange? James' hi-def TV or no, these aprons quickly become indistinguishable. You had a big color wheel to choose from, producers. What, purple is an issue for some reason? Anyhow, the green team is super-pumped because both Travis and Sara are self-proclaimed experts in Asian cuisine, and Travis has extensively traveled in Vietnam.
Before the challenge starts, though, the chefs are taken on a brief tour of Vietnamese eateries in New Orleans for inspiration. Good thing, because apparently Carlos has never even tasted Vietnamese food. Between this and the people who had never tasted the proteins in Episode 1, methinks the talent pool for this show may be getting stretched a bit thin. The chefs are taken to a bakery, the shrimp docks, and a noodle house. On the bus between destinations, menus are discussed. Travis wants to do a tomato sauce and incorporate Romaine lettuce, assuring the other chefs that while not exactly the standard of the country, he's totally eaten them in Vietnam, so they'll be fine. Sara is unconvinced. During the shopping segment, a harried green team appears to pick up a bunch of lemongrass and then put it back at Sara's behest. They're all running around like headless chickens, and probably wouldn't realize it if all that was in their cart was toothpaste and peanut butter.
Cooking. Shirley works on a BBQ shrimp dish that utilizes plenty of butter. Michael and Patty do prep work for their teams without being in charge of any particular dish. Dangerous. The green team realizes they don't have any lemongrass, and are decidedly unhappy about it. No lemongrass, tomato sauce, and Romaine lettuce. I feel like I'm in Vietnam! Provided Vietnam is located inside the nearest Olive Garden. The orange team is making a black pepper squid with cabbage that sounds fantastic, though this particular preparation doesn't look particularly appetizing. We may not be in a post-racial society, but we're getting closer with statements such as Brian's that he's Korean, but that doesn't mean he is a sudden expert in Vietnamese food, because his real focus is Peruvian cuisine. Hehe. I love little twists like that, like when Carrie fused inspirations from Iowa and Trinidad for her gumbo. Schoolhouse Rock was right! More cooking happens. Aside from Travis' overconfidence, it's not terribly compelling.
Service. The orange team's spring roll is good, but not the sauce it comes with. The fish head soup incorporates so much tomato that it tastes like minestrone. The pho is too watered down. The squid dish is bland. I don't know if these chefs are too hesitant with the seasoning or people in New Orleans just expect more zing, but I don't think I've ever heard the word "bland" thrown out so much in a single season. Over on the red team, Shirley is a little more angsty than Brian about her perceived expertise. Sure, she's Chinese, but as she says, "Can you imagine? I'm an Asian and I got kicked off on the Asian food challenge?" Heh. It doesn't look like she has much to worry about, because the judges love her BBQ shrimp. They also serve a noodle soup with beef belly, a pho that is much preferred to the orange team's, a raw beef salad, and a rather icky-looking custard for dessert. The green team presents pork lettuce wraps with pineapple shrimp sauce, an oxtail and shrimp noodle dish in tomato sauce, and a macaroon. The judges dislike pretty much all of it, especially the overcooked shrimp and gummy rice.
Judging. The orange team's pho was disappointing, but the spring roll was good. The red team nailed the pho and the BBQ shrimp, and the green team was a mess from top to bottom. So the red team goes to winners' circle, with Shirley scoring the individual win for her shrimp. Naturally, the green team is on the bottom, and they are savaged. The shrimp was terrible. The rice was terrible. The sauce was terrible. Nothing about the menu was particularly Vietnamese.
It's looking bad for Travis or Sara, the perceived leaders of the team, but we're hit with another surprising elimination when the overcooked shrimp looms so large that the judges axe Janine. She gives a pretty standard exit interview that I don't remember a word of, either because she never made much of an impression beyond the sandals and Daisy Duke shorts she wore in the first challenge, or because I'm too busy trying to compose a shrimp-on-the-barbie joke in my head that never quite gets there.
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: Aaron woke up not knowing that some salt, some kale, and half an hour were all that stood between him and elimination. The chefs were taken to Commander's Palace and told to replicate some of the dishes there. Michael's condescension meter continued to climb, and Stephanie pulled a biscuit recipe out of her ass. Not literally, thankfully. Justin's beignet pulled down the win, and while Louis' seasoning blend ruined many a plate of fish, Bret's messy presentation and undercooked veal was deemed the greater culinary crime. 15 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Surprisingly, there is no Quickfire this week, meaning that half the episodes so far have been pure Elimination challenges. I wonder why they structured it this way. Padma introduces guest judge Eddie Huang, who describes the arrival and inclusion of Vietnamese cuisine into New Orleans culture. I had no idea, though I'm not surprised. I'm writing this from St. Louis, which like New Orleans, was originally based on French citizenry, but happily weaves pockets of other ethnicities into its food culture. The fifteen chefs are broken into teams of five, and told that they must present a Vietnamese menu, one course of which must include shrimp. The teams shake out to be:
Red: Shirley, Carrie, Justin, Nina, and Patty
Orange: Louis, Nicholas, Michael, Brian, and Carlos
Green: Travis, Bene, Sara, Janine, and Stephanie
I'm sorry, red and orange? James' hi-def TV or no, these aprons quickly become indistinguishable. You had a big color wheel to choose from, producers. What, purple is an issue for some reason? Anyhow, the green team is super-pumped because both Travis and Sara are self-proclaimed experts in Asian cuisine, and Travis has extensively traveled in Vietnam.
Before the challenge starts, though, the chefs are taken on a brief tour of Vietnamese eateries in New Orleans for inspiration. Good thing, because apparently Carlos has never even tasted Vietnamese food. Between this and the people who had never tasted the proteins in Episode 1, methinks the talent pool for this show may be getting stretched a bit thin. The chefs are taken to a bakery, the shrimp docks, and a noodle house. On the bus between destinations, menus are discussed. Travis wants to do a tomato sauce and incorporate Romaine lettuce, assuring the other chefs that while not exactly the standard of the country, he's totally eaten them in Vietnam, so they'll be fine. Sara is unconvinced. During the shopping segment, a harried green team appears to pick up a bunch of lemongrass and then put it back at Sara's behest. They're all running around like headless chickens, and probably wouldn't realize it if all that was in their cart was toothpaste and peanut butter.
Cooking. Shirley works on a BBQ shrimp dish that utilizes plenty of butter. Michael and Patty do prep work for their teams without being in charge of any particular dish. Dangerous. The green team realizes they don't have any lemongrass, and are decidedly unhappy about it. No lemongrass, tomato sauce, and Romaine lettuce. I feel like I'm in Vietnam! Provided Vietnam is located inside the nearest Olive Garden. The orange team is making a black pepper squid with cabbage that sounds fantastic, though this particular preparation doesn't look particularly appetizing. We may not be in a post-racial society, but we're getting closer with statements such as Brian's that he's Korean, but that doesn't mean he is a sudden expert in Vietnamese food, because his real focus is Peruvian cuisine. Hehe. I love little twists like that, like when Carrie fused inspirations from Iowa and Trinidad for her gumbo. Schoolhouse Rock was right! More cooking happens. Aside from Travis' overconfidence, it's not terribly compelling.
Service. The orange team's spring roll is good, but not the sauce it comes with. The fish head soup incorporates so much tomato that it tastes like minestrone. The pho is too watered down. The squid dish is bland. I don't know if these chefs are too hesitant with the seasoning or people in New Orleans just expect more zing, but I don't think I've ever heard the word "bland" thrown out so much in a single season. Over on the red team, Shirley is a little more angsty than Brian about her perceived expertise. Sure, she's Chinese, but as she says, "Can you imagine? I'm an Asian and I got kicked off on the Asian food challenge?" Heh. It doesn't look like she has much to worry about, because the judges love her BBQ shrimp. They also serve a noodle soup with beef belly, a pho that is much preferred to the orange team's, a raw beef salad, and a rather icky-looking custard for dessert. The green team presents pork lettuce wraps with pineapple shrimp sauce, an oxtail and shrimp noodle dish in tomato sauce, and a macaroon. The judges dislike pretty much all of it, especially the overcooked shrimp and gummy rice.
Judging. The orange team's pho was disappointing, but the spring roll was good. The red team nailed the pho and the BBQ shrimp, and the green team was a mess from top to bottom. So the red team goes to winners' circle, with Shirley scoring the individual win for her shrimp. Naturally, the green team is on the bottom, and they are savaged. The shrimp was terrible. The rice was terrible. The sauce was terrible. Nothing about the menu was particularly Vietnamese.
It's looking bad for Travis or Sara, the perceived leaders of the team, but we're hit with another surprising elimination when the overcooked shrimp looms so large that the judges axe Janine. She gives a pretty standard exit interview that I don't remember a word of, either because she never made much of an impression beyond the sandals and Daisy Duke shorts she wore in the first challenge, or because I'm too busy trying to compose a shrimp-on-the-barbie joke in my head that never quite gets there.
Overall Grade: B+
Saturday, October 19, 2013
The Sincerest Form of Flattery
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 3
Previously on Top Chef: The word "gumbo" was said so many times that it lost all meaning. With two hometown chefs competing in New Orleans, Michael decided to distinguish himself by being The Assy, Condescending One. Carrie's gumbo may have looked like something out of The Exorcist, but it was spot-on in terms of flavor, and she sailed into the Elimination Challenge with immunity and a perky smile. The chefs split into teams to serve food out of trucks at muggy, humid building sites, so naturally Jason let his handrolls sit around getting soggy, the better to give him time to charm guests with banter like "So, are you guys...from here?" Carrie's empanada dough scored her yet another win, while no amount of casual hair-flipping could save Jason from the chop. 17 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We get the same can-you-believe-so-and-so-got-eliminated blather we get all the time, and since these are shorter recaps, let's dispense with the Monday Morning Quarterback session for now. Besides...yes. Yes, I can believe that somebody got eliminated. It kind of happens every week. Quickfire Challenge. Since there are still practically enough chefs to field an entire baseball game, Padma speeds things up by announcing that this Quickfire will be the end of the road for one of the contestants. Dana Cowin is here as guest judge, and explains that the chefs' task is to take a food trend that is heavily overused, and make it fresh and exciting again. I like this idea! There are certainly plenty of cliches in the food world, and keeping things lively is incredibly important.
The chefs draw knives for their trends, which turn out to be: Kale, Bacon, Smoked Food, and Putting an Egg on Top of Everything. I rather like the whole egg thing, but I can see how it could get out of control. Dana explains why she's sick of all these things, mentioning that if she never sees a kale salad again, it'll be too soon. The chefs are given a mere thirty minutes to throw their dishes together, and spring into action. Janine can't get to the scallops in time, and has to hurry to get some pork cooked. Stephanie somehow makes pasta from scratch, then soaks it in bacon fat. I still don't have a great read on her as a person, but that is fucking impressive. Bret makes a kale salad, because it's not like anyone explicitly said not to. Except that one time two minutes ago. Michael continues being loud and annoying, and his food follows his lead, billowing smoke all over the place. Nina makes a tiny little Scotch egg, while Shirley makes shirred (baked) eggs on congee, which looks so delicious, I hurt my nose trying to dive through the screen to get it.
Judging. The kale group seemed to get the worst of it, though Patty finally gets some kind words. Good. Not that I don't think these things should be decided on merit, but it was tough to watch her get verbally smacked down in challenge after challenge. Bret is chided for making kale salad. I know these chefs are under an enormous amount of pressure, and the show is heavily edited, but after that whole "We rock because we have leftover food!" last week, and now this... Bret may be a little dumb, you guys. Still, even his mistake doesn't compare to Aaron's inedibly salty kale. Poor, affable Aaron has to pack up and leave on the spot. In happier news, Padma is as big a fan of Shirley's congee as I am, and she wins immunity.
That settled, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. The chefs are taken to Commander's Palace for dinner. Everything looks extremely tasty, and James pipes up that when he ate there, it easily ran $200 for dinner for just a couple of people. Yeeks. Each course is shown in glorious detail. There's a shrimp and tasso dish, some speckled trout with crawfish, a veal chop tchopitoulas, and a strawberry trio for dessert. This is no mere field trip, though. The Elimination Challenge will split the chefs into the tables they happen to be sitting at, and each table will be assigned one of these dishes to recreate. Another good challenge! We've seen so many where the chefs are given a dish and told to "modernize" it or make it healthier or to put some sort of spin on it. In this case, they're being judged on an ability to straight up imitate someone else's dish. It's pretty refreshing.
The shopping and prep segments are as spastic as ever, but there isn't much to comment on. Just some minor drama with Bret getting in the way as people plate, and Shirley missing beets, and Michael upping the ass factor yet again by dumping Nina's okra on the counter when she mistakenly uses the serving dishes with his name on them. It all gets resolved pretty quickly. A table of judges and notable chefs, some of whom created the very dishes the chefs are recreating, get settled in the dining room. They sample the original dish first, then judge the contestants' against it for flavor and presentation.
Shrimp and Tasso: Bene's sauce is the best of the bunch, while Michael's presentation is lovely, but his shrimp are woefully overcooked. So he's messed up shrimp and gumbo, and still manages to preen around as the quintessential New Orleans chef. Go ahead and imagine one of those weeeeee-OOOOOOHHHHHHHH foghorn sounds for me, will you? Thanks, you're a peach. Nina's presentation is off, but her food is delicious. Travis continues his quest to prove that he is a contestant on this show.
Trout: It doesn't seem like the most complicated of the four dishes, but it's pretty lackluster across the board. Louis made the seasoning blend for everyone, and did a poor job, so everyone's fish is bland. Nicolas' is bland + unevenly blackened, Carlos' is bland + burned, and Louis' is bland + did I mention bland? Only Janine is able to escape the judges' disappointment.
Veal: Brian's Brussels sprouts are undercooked, while Shirley's veal is overcooked. Bret was unable (or unwilling) to claim enough grill space in time, so although his sauce is fine, his presentation is awful, and the meat has no sear. Surprisingly, Patty comes away with the best reviews for this course. I continue to be heartened by her... Well, not resurgence, but a handful of validation, anyway.
Dessert: Sara's beignet is greasy, and she didn't put the necessary white chocolate on the plate. Both Carrie and Stephanie do an excellent job on the strawberry cocktail and the biscuit, which Stephanie is surprised to have pulled off, given that she's never really made one before. Still, Justin's beignet puts the judges into the biggest raptures.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs listen to the judges talk about how dessert was the best course. That never happens on this show. Usually, these people would fall apart if they had to make a chocolate chip cookie from a recipe tattooed on their forearms. Judges' Table. Justin, Stephanie, and Nina are called in as the top three. Stephanie is very pleased with the reception her biscuit got, but this challenge is Justin's to lose. He doesn't. Lose, that is. I would like to try these hallowed beignets of his. I've only had New Orleans beignets once, and I found them lackluster. Maybe I just didn't eat the right ones.
Bret, Carlos, and Louis are called in as the bottom three. Louis cops to making the seasoning blend for everyone's fish, and when he goes on to admit that he didn't even taste that blend before the dishes were sent out, the judges' jaws drop like he just announced he routinely throws babies into wheat threshers for funsies. Bret has poor time-management skills, and should have made room on the grill so that his veal wasn't so underdone. Carlos simply had burned fish, but that's bad enough. Burned fish is the worst.
Elimination. As with last week, I'm fairly certain I know who's going. There's no way Louis is overcoming that seasoning mistake, especially after saying he didn't even taste it. But just like last week, they pull the rug out from under me. Bret's veal has gotten him the chop. Get it?!? Veal chop? Oh, never mind. Given everything he's said and done these past couple of weeks, it's no great surprise that he went out early. It's not like I'll miss him, but his final interview is ultra-depressing. He just gives the camera a thousand-yard stare and says that he has no job right now, and no idea what he's going to do. Yikes. Now I'm worried that it's not just his veal that's going to get stuck in the oven.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: The word "gumbo" was said so many times that it lost all meaning. With two hometown chefs competing in New Orleans, Michael decided to distinguish himself by being The Assy, Condescending One. Carrie's gumbo may have looked like something out of The Exorcist, but it was spot-on in terms of flavor, and she sailed into the Elimination Challenge with immunity and a perky smile. The chefs split into teams to serve food out of trucks at muggy, humid building sites, so naturally Jason let his handrolls sit around getting soggy, the better to give him time to charm guests with banter like "So, are you guys...from here?" Carrie's empanada dough scored her yet another win, while no amount of casual hair-flipping could save Jason from the chop. 17 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We get the same can-you-believe-so-and-so-got-eliminated blather we get all the time, and since these are shorter recaps, let's dispense with the Monday Morning Quarterback session for now. Besides...yes. Yes, I can believe that somebody got eliminated. It kind of happens every week. Quickfire Challenge. Since there are still practically enough chefs to field an entire baseball game, Padma speeds things up by announcing that this Quickfire will be the end of the road for one of the contestants. Dana Cowin is here as guest judge, and explains that the chefs' task is to take a food trend that is heavily overused, and make it fresh and exciting again. I like this idea! There are certainly plenty of cliches in the food world, and keeping things lively is incredibly important.
The chefs draw knives for their trends, which turn out to be: Kale, Bacon, Smoked Food, and Putting an Egg on Top of Everything. I rather like the whole egg thing, but I can see how it could get out of control. Dana explains why she's sick of all these things, mentioning that if she never sees a kale salad again, it'll be too soon. The chefs are given a mere thirty minutes to throw their dishes together, and spring into action. Janine can't get to the scallops in time, and has to hurry to get some pork cooked. Stephanie somehow makes pasta from scratch, then soaks it in bacon fat. I still don't have a great read on her as a person, but that is fucking impressive. Bret makes a kale salad, because it's not like anyone explicitly said not to. Except that one time two minutes ago. Michael continues being loud and annoying, and his food follows his lead, billowing smoke all over the place. Nina makes a tiny little Scotch egg, while Shirley makes shirred (baked) eggs on congee, which looks so delicious, I hurt my nose trying to dive through the screen to get it.
Judging. The kale group seemed to get the worst of it, though Patty finally gets some kind words. Good. Not that I don't think these things should be decided on merit, but it was tough to watch her get verbally smacked down in challenge after challenge. Bret is chided for making kale salad. I know these chefs are under an enormous amount of pressure, and the show is heavily edited, but after that whole "We rock because we have leftover food!" last week, and now this... Bret may be a little dumb, you guys. Still, even his mistake doesn't compare to Aaron's inedibly salty kale. Poor, affable Aaron has to pack up and leave on the spot. In happier news, Padma is as big a fan of Shirley's congee as I am, and she wins immunity.
That settled, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. The chefs are taken to Commander's Palace for dinner. Everything looks extremely tasty, and James pipes up that when he ate there, it easily ran $200 for dinner for just a couple of people. Yeeks. Each course is shown in glorious detail. There's a shrimp and tasso dish, some speckled trout with crawfish, a veal chop tchopitoulas, and a strawberry trio for dessert. This is no mere field trip, though. The Elimination Challenge will split the chefs into the tables they happen to be sitting at, and each table will be assigned one of these dishes to recreate. Another good challenge! We've seen so many where the chefs are given a dish and told to "modernize" it or make it healthier or to put some sort of spin on it. In this case, they're being judged on an ability to straight up imitate someone else's dish. It's pretty refreshing.
The shopping and prep segments are as spastic as ever, but there isn't much to comment on. Just some minor drama with Bret getting in the way as people plate, and Shirley missing beets, and Michael upping the ass factor yet again by dumping Nina's okra on the counter when she mistakenly uses the serving dishes with his name on them. It all gets resolved pretty quickly. A table of judges and notable chefs, some of whom created the very dishes the chefs are recreating, get settled in the dining room. They sample the original dish first, then judge the contestants' against it for flavor and presentation.
Shrimp and Tasso: Bene's sauce is the best of the bunch, while Michael's presentation is lovely, but his shrimp are woefully overcooked. So he's messed up shrimp and gumbo, and still manages to preen around as the quintessential New Orleans chef. Go ahead and imagine one of those weeeeee-OOOOOOHHHHHHHH foghorn sounds for me, will you? Thanks, you're a peach. Nina's presentation is off, but her food is delicious. Travis continues his quest to prove that he is a contestant on this show.
Trout: It doesn't seem like the most complicated of the four dishes, but it's pretty lackluster across the board. Louis made the seasoning blend for everyone, and did a poor job, so everyone's fish is bland. Nicolas' is bland + unevenly blackened, Carlos' is bland + burned, and Louis' is bland + did I mention bland? Only Janine is able to escape the judges' disappointment.
Veal: Brian's Brussels sprouts are undercooked, while Shirley's veal is overcooked. Bret was unable (or unwilling) to claim enough grill space in time, so although his sauce is fine, his presentation is awful, and the meat has no sear. Surprisingly, Patty comes away with the best reviews for this course. I continue to be heartened by her... Well, not resurgence, but a handful of validation, anyway.
Dessert: Sara's beignet is greasy, and she didn't put the necessary white chocolate on the plate. Both Carrie and Stephanie do an excellent job on the strawberry cocktail and the biscuit, which Stephanie is surprised to have pulled off, given that she's never really made one before. Still, Justin's beignet puts the judges into the biggest raptures.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs listen to the judges talk about how dessert was the best course. That never happens on this show. Usually, these people would fall apart if they had to make a chocolate chip cookie from a recipe tattooed on their forearms. Judges' Table. Justin, Stephanie, and Nina are called in as the top three. Stephanie is very pleased with the reception her biscuit got, but this challenge is Justin's to lose. He doesn't. Lose, that is. I would like to try these hallowed beignets of his. I've only had New Orleans beignets once, and I found them lackluster. Maybe I just didn't eat the right ones.
Bret, Carlos, and Louis are called in as the bottom three. Louis cops to making the seasoning blend for everyone's fish, and when he goes on to admit that he didn't even taste that blend before the dishes were sent out, the judges' jaws drop like he just announced he routinely throws babies into wheat threshers for funsies. Bret has poor time-management skills, and should have made room on the grill so that his veal wasn't so underdone. Carlos simply had burned fish, but that's bad enough. Burned fish is the worst.
Elimination. As with last week, I'm fairly certain I know who's going. There's no way Louis is overcoming that seasoning mistake, especially after saying he didn't even taste it. But just like last week, they pull the rug out from under me. Bret's veal has gotten him the chop. Get it?!? Veal chop? Oh, never mind. Given everything he's said and done these past couple of weeks, it's no great surprise that he went out early. It's not like I'll miss him, but his final interview is ultra-depressing. He just gives the camera a thousand-yard stare and says that he has no job right now, and no idea what he's going to do. Yikes. Now I'm worried that it's not just his veal that's going to get stuck in the oven.
Overall Grade: B
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Disaster Relief
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: Too many chefs arrived in New Orleans. Like, so many that I just sat here for a good forty seconds trying to remember who got eliminated last week. The newbies put their talents to the test by cooking for service in a muggy swamp, and though you'd think ice water would be refreshing in such a setting, it's not so great when it's used to water down your soup. Bye, Ramon! In happier news, Nina was coronated as the Queen of the Swamp with her meatballs, and wore the crown well. 18 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We may have had a week off, but for the poor, exhausted chefs, it's still the night of the elimination. And too bad, suckas, cause Padma essentially follows the dejected almost-losers back into the Kitchen, simply to tell everyone that their first Quickfire is starting right away. They'll have all night to make a gumbo that represents their heritage, and whoever wins will pull down immunity in the next Elimination Challenge.
The chefs head home, and soon litter the landscape with crockpots. Hometown boy Justin is the only one attempting to make a traditional gumbo; most of the others are trying their luck with something experimental. Carrie melds her Iowa background with her husband's Trinidad roots. Jason goes Polish by tossing in beets. The other hometown boy, Michael, is far cockier than Justin. He's not happy with his initial gumbo, and throws it out. He starts from scratch well behind everyone else, but essentially shrugs it off, because hey, he's from New Orleans. Gumbo is no big deal, right?
The next day, after a brief prep time to finish everything off, the chefs present their gumbos to Padma and guest judge Leah Chase, who is awesome. She's an elderly lady who knows how to dish out advice, praise, criticism, and anecdotes and have you hang on every word. The chefs are obviously anxious to please her, and why not? There are plenty of gumbos that look better than they sound, and vice versa. Shirley has thrown together an Italian/Chinese/Mexican fusion gumbo, which sounds rather off-putting, while Justin's pork rib with egg looks amazing. Leah tells one of the contestants that his gumbo reminds her of her mother, and he thanks her warmly.
Limecrete: "Hey, that's not necessarily a compliment. You don't know her mother."
James (as Leah): "She used to beat me and then pour hot gumbo down my back."
When the gumbo settles, Leah's bottom three are Smug Michael's hastily-thrown-together second attempt, Jason's beet concoction, and Patty's Puerto Richan mofongo gumbo. Oof, Patty. Pull it together, girl. On the flip side, Aaron redeems himself with a tasty prawn head gumbo, Carrie's violently green gumbo overcomes its...vibrance with terrific flavor, and surprisingly, Shirley's every-heritage-but-the-kitchen-sink is a hit as well. Carrie wins the challenge and immunity, which is a nice symbolic win for her marriage as well.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs are split into four teams based on who they're standing near. The four teams will run food trucks at a couple of building sites where Habitat for Humanity workers are still diligently trying to restore the areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina. The teams shake out to be:
Yellow: Carrie, Carlos, Travis, Aaron, and Brian
Red:: Justin, Bene, Janine, Michael, and Nina
Green: Louis, Shirley, Stephanie, and Sara
Blue: Patty, Jason, Nicholas, and Bret
Trucks are selected. Menus are planned. Nothing much of note occurs except that Bene feels like his ideas aren't being heard, and he's not being allowed to contribute anything. I think it's his voice. It comes across like the voices of all the adults in Peanuts. After an uneventful shopping segment, the chefs get to prepping. Carrie admits that she has an obsession with dough. I guess I can think of worse things to gravitate towards. She puts her obsession to good use, rolling out empenada crust with a chilled wine bottle to keep the dough at the proper temperature in the New Orleans heat. Niiiiice. The Blue team is going for a seafood theme, and Jason agrees to act as host and expediter, cause he's so dreeeeeeeamy. Feh. He prepares all his sushi handrolls ahead of time, because if there's one thing that does seafood handrolls a world of good, it's sitting around in sweltering humidity.
The Habitat for Humanity workers sample all the foods, and are soon joined by Tom, Padma, Gail, and guest judge Susan Spicer. I like her name. She sounds like an intrepid girl detective or reporter from the '30s. Once service ends, Bret brags to the rest of the team that of course they blew the challenge out of the water, because unlike those other stupid teams, the Blue team has plenty of food left over. Umm....
Fret 'n sweat. The judges discuss the general success of the challenge, and the Yellow/Green teams are easily deemed the top two. Judges' Table. The Yellow team ultimately takes the team win, with Carrie scoring the individual win. Jeez. So she was top three in the first challenge, then won the subsequent two. I really underestimated her, and from the looks on the other chefs' faces, I'm not the only one. The Blue team is summoned to Judges' Table for some much less cheery news.
The problems are legion. Patty's tuna sliders were so-so, and when she casually admits that the tomato slices she tossed on top were pointless, you can practically see a Patty-shaped puff of smoke where her chances of winning the competition used to be. Not only were Jason's handrolls soggy, but they wouldn't have tasted good, even if prepared properly. Bret's ceviche wasn't cold enough to begin with, and then he ruined it further by adding scorching hot tostones. Nicholas' wasabi peas were a crappy garnish, but it looks like his mistakes are vastly diminished, thanks to the other three. Bret tries to bring up the leftover food as a selling point, and the judges patiently explain to him that having so much extra food is probably a sign that nobody much wanted it, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
So, it's Patty, right? It's got to be. While Carrie has been in the top of all three challenges so far, Patty has been in the bottom of all three. Plus, she never defends herself well at Judges' Table, being either overly emotional or overly dismissive. So, Patty, right? No! I'm gobsmacked when Jason gets the chop. Gobsmacked, but not disappointed. His arrogance was no great fun to watch, and seeing him taken down eighteen pegs is pretty damned satisfying, and just might do him a world of good. Naturally, he disagrees with his ouster, because he's super awesome and has a trendy haircut. Good bye, surfer boy. Maybe spend a little more time in the kitchen, and a little less at the gym.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: Too many chefs arrived in New Orleans. Like, so many that I just sat here for a good forty seconds trying to remember who got eliminated last week. The newbies put their talents to the test by cooking for service in a muggy swamp, and though you'd think ice water would be refreshing in such a setting, it's not so great when it's used to water down your soup. Bye, Ramon! In happier news, Nina was coronated as the Queen of the Swamp with her meatballs, and wore the crown well. 18 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We may have had a week off, but for the poor, exhausted chefs, it's still the night of the elimination. And too bad, suckas, cause Padma essentially follows the dejected almost-losers back into the Kitchen, simply to tell everyone that their first Quickfire is starting right away. They'll have all night to make a gumbo that represents their heritage, and whoever wins will pull down immunity in the next Elimination Challenge.
The chefs head home, and soon litter the landscape with crockpots. Hometown boy Justin is the only one attempting to make a traditional gumbo; most of the others are trying their luck with something experimental. Carrie melds her Iowa background with her husband's Trinidad roots. Jason goes Polish by tossing in beets. The other hometown boy, Michael, is far cockier than Justin. He's not happy with his initial gumbo, and throws it out. He starts from scratch well behind everyone else, but essentially shrugs it off, because hey, he's from New Orleans. Gumbo is no big deal, right?
The next day, after a brief prep time to finish everything off, the chefs present their gumbos to Padma and guest judge Leah Chase, who is awesome. She's an elderly lady who knows how to dish out advice, praise, criticism, and anecdotes and have you hang on every word. The chefs are obviously anxious to please her, and why not? There are plenty of gumbos that look better than they sound, and vice versa. Shirley has thrown together an Italian/Chinese/Mexican fusion gumbo, which sounds rather off-putting, while Justin's pork rib with egg looks amazing. Leah tells one of the contestants that his gumbo reminds her of her mother, and he thanks her warmly.
Limecrete: "Hey, that's not necessarily a compliment. You don't know her mother."
James (as Leah): "She used to beat me and then pour hot gumbo down my back."
When the gumbo settles, Leah's bottom three are Smug Michael's hastily-thrown-together second attempt, Jason's beet concoction, and Patty's Puerto Richan mofongo gumbo. Oof, Patty. Pull it together, girl. On the flip side, Aaron redeems himself with a tasty prawn head gumbo, Carrie's violently green gumbo overcomes its...vibrance with terrific flavor, and surprisingly, Shirley's every-heritage-but-the-kitchen-sink is a hit as well. Carrie wins the challenge and immunity, which is a nice symbolic win for her marriage as well.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs are split into four teams based on who they're standing near. The four teams will run food trucks at a couple of building sites where Habitat for Humanity workers are still diligently trying to restore the areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina. The teams shake out to be:
Yellow: Carrie, Carlos, Travis, Aaron, and Brian
Red:: Justin, Bene, Janine, Michael, and Nina
Green: Louis, Shirley, Stephanie, and Sara
Blue: Patty, Jason, Nicholas, and Bret
Trucks are selected. Menus are planned. Nothing much of note occurs except that Bene feels like his ideas aren't being heard, and he's not being allowed to contribute anything. I think it's his voice. It comes across like the voices of all the adults in Peanuts. After an uneventful shopping segment, the chefs get to prepping. Carrie admits that she has an obsession with dough. I guess I can think of worse things to gravitate towards. She puts her obsession to good use, rolling out empenada crust with a chilled wine bottle to keep the dough at the proper temperature in the New Orleans heat. Niiiiice. The Blue team is going for a seafood theme, and Jason agrees to act as host and expediter, cause he's so dreeeeeeeamy. Feh. He prepares all his sushi handrolls ahead of time, because if there's one thing that does seafood handrolls a world of good, it's sitting around in sweltering humidity.
The Habitat for Humanity workers sample all the foods, and are soon joined by Tom, Padma, Gail, and guest judge Susan Spicer. I like her name. She sounds like an intrepid girl detective or reporter from the '30s. Once service ends, Bret brags to the rest of the team that of course they blew the challenge out of the water, because unlike those other stupid teams, the Blue team has plenty of food left over. Umm....
Fret 'n sweat. The judges discuss the general success of the challenge, and the Yellow/Green teams are easily deemed the top two. Judges' Table. The Yellow team ultimately takes the team win, with Carrie scoring the individual win. Jeez. So she was top three in the first challenge, then won the subsequent two. I really underestimated her, and from the looks on the other chefs' faces, I'm not the only one. The Blue team is summoned to Judges' Table for some much less cheery news.
The problems are legion. Patty's tuna sliders were so-so, and when she casually admits that the tomato slices she tossed on top were pointless, you can practically see a Patty-shaped puff of smoke where her chances of winning the competition used to be. Not only were Jason's handrolls soggy, but they wouldn't have tasted good, even if prepared properly. Bret's ceviche wasn't cold enough to begin with, and then he ruined it further by adding scorching hot tostones. Nicholas' wasabi peas were a crappy garnish, but it looks like his mistakes are vastly diminished, thanks to the other three. Bret tries to bring up the leftover food as a selling point, and the judges patiently explain to him that having so much extra food is probably a sign that nobody much wanted it, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
So, it's Patty, right? It's got to be. While Carrie has been in the top of all three challenges so far, Patty has been in the bottom of all three. Plus, she never defends herself well at Judges' Table, being either overly emotional or overly dismissive. So, Patty, right? No! I'm gobsmacked when Jason gets the chop. Gobsmacked, but not disappointed. His arrogance was no great fun to watch, and seeing him taken down eighteen pegs is pretty damned satisfying, and just might do him a world of good. Naturally, he disagrees with his ouster, because he's super awesome and has a trendy haircut. Good bye, surfer boy. Maybe spend a little more time in the kitchen, and a little less at the gym.
Overall Grade: B
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Swamp People
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 1
It's a real bummer that Top Chef didn't have a ninth or tenth season that I could write about - I guess they just vanished into the ether. Nah, I'm just funning you. I actually did watch Season 9, but sure am glad I didn't have the time to devote any internet ink to it. Texas was a pretty terrible season. Barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge! And what was that bullshit about making contestants do shit like snow-ski or whatever-the-fuck?
It was bad enough that I actually did wind up skipping Season 10. It's kind of a shame, because I've heard Seattle has an amazing food culture, and just by happenstance, I wound up eating at a contestant's restaurant for the first time ever. His name is Sheldon, and I know nothing about him other than he got pretty far in the competition, he has a restaurant in Hawaii (Star Noodle), and that restaurant is delightful. Highly recommended!
Which brings us to Season 11, which I'm approaching with cautious optimism. The prizes are mostly the same, except the jackpot is now $125,000. New Orleans is a good choice for setting - they love their food, and more importantly, they have a diverse population - thus, diverse cuisine. One thing I did NOT miss about Bravo shows is the incredible amount of bloat. And not just by having nineteen contestants, though that is far too many. No, now the game is gummed up by Last Chance Kitchen and Padma's Picks and some incredibly intrusive viewer's vote thing that takes up a third of the screen. "Which protein won't be coming near your dinner table? 35% of the losers who vote in these things said turtle! Tee-hee!" God, shut up. I won't be engaging with any of that. The good news is that Top Chef is still able to snag my interest by focusing on interesting food, and with any luck, interesting people. So let's brave the Louisiana bayou and dive into some good ol' Creole cuisine. It'll make you hungry, I guar-ON-tee! I'm sorry, I'm not proud of that. I promise I'll never do it again.
As I said, there are 19 contestants, and I'm afraid I don't have the three hours necessary to describe all of them. Hell, the show doesn't even bother to focus on more than a handful. So let's just hit the highlights. Sara's main characteristic is a rockabilly, Rosie-the-Riveter kind of style, which suits her nicely. Shirley is a motormouth, and seems pretty awesome. Nina's dad was Prime Minister of St. Lucia. Cool! Carrie is cute as a button and very nervous, which makes me think she's cannon fodder. Janine is Australian and wants to prove that hot blondes can be talented chefs, and aren't just eye candy. She goes on to prove this by wearing sandals and cutoff shorts for the first challenge. Shatter that glass ceiling, ma'am! I can feel my respect for your professionalism skyrocketing! The other designated hottie is Jason, who seems to have focused all of his time on developing a sick set of abs and a rockin' haircut, and forgot to develop a personality beyond the douchebag level. Oh, well. There are only so many hours in the day, right?
There is no Quickfire this week, so we spring straight into the Elimination Challenge. The chefs are randomly tossed beads that have one of three plastic animal figures on them. Those animals represent the proteins the chefs have to base their dishes around: Alligator, frog legs, or turtle. I've had the first two, which weren't bad. I'm reluctant to try turtle, because they're one of those animals that humans tend to bond with emotionally, and it feels kind of disloyal to eat them. Of course, pigs fit that role too, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. Bring on the turtle soup! A lot of the chefs haven't tried any of these meats, either, which I found surprising. If I can eat alligator in the middle of the country, a New York chef should probably be able to get her hands on a plate of it, for cripes sake.
Boring shopping segment. Boring prep segment, except it's fun to see the first-challenge jitters. People cut themselves and fall down, and generally are just spazzing all over the place. Tom (I think I'll drop the Ptom moniker - I've mellowed on him a bit...FOR NOW) drops by to Timewaste - it's all very familiar and comforting. The chefs will be presenting their food at a party by the literal edge of the swamp. Guests will be wearing beads, and will present them to the chef who has their favorite dish. So, the three chefs with the most beads will automatically go to Winners' Circle, while the three with the least number of beads will be up for the chop. I rather like having this kind of challenge right out of the gate, because the base talent level is always so hard to judge after one dish. It's better to have the field narrowed by the Wisdom of Crowds for now.
There's a ridiculous segment where the chefs arrive at the swamp to discover that they have to set up the prep tables and burners themselves. Were we supposed to derive some suspense or drama out of watching people wrestle with extendable table legs? Thankfully, it's short, and the chefs do some final prep work before the guests arrive. You can tell a challenge is good when I wish I were attending the party the food is being served at. Although I could probably do without the swarms of mosquitos and punishing humidity, so never mind. Food is served, guests are charmed, and beads are presented. Back at the fret 'n sweat, a television screen pops up to show the chefs the judges' deliberations in real time, which is interesting. It takes out the contestant suspense about who will be top and bottom, but adds a layer of tension, since their merits and mistakes are being debated for the whole room to hear. Maybe it's just for this challenge, since the winners and losers are essentially already known, but if it lasts, it'll be an interesting development to follow.
Fun fact about the top three: Each of the three animal proteins is represented. Another fun fact about the top three: This may be the first time ever that the top three in the first challenge is composed entirely of women. Progress! And none of them are wearing hot pants! Isn't that nutty, Janine? Sara made a General Tso (or Tao) alligator, which despite being extremely spicy, appealed to both the guests and judges. Nina had curried turtle meatballs, which look so good, I can't even tell you. And Carrie, who I was so convinced would be a hot mess of nerves, proves me wrong and takes the third top spot with chilled frog legs with zucchini. Nina is the big winner, but doesn't get anything but the obligation to call in the bottom three.
I see (or hear, rather) that Odd Asian Music and Gong are still getting work in this tough economy, which is nice. The bottom three are people I haven't mentioned yet. Aaron attempted to make pasta. In the swamp. It didn't go well, shockingly. Patty at first attempted to make a roulade, which fell apart. She then just tears it apart and presents poorly-tenderized fried alligator. Ramon made a dashi, and in an effort to keep it cold, added a bunch of ice. Guess what happened to the flavors when the ice melted? Patty cries a bit in disappointment with herself (I so want to make a joke about crocodile tears, here), but she needn't worry. The judges realize that she and Aaron couldn't quite fix a bad situation, while Ramon doesn't understand how water works. Ramon gets punted to Last Chance Kitchen, and we go out on a season preview featuring a lot of jazz and bizarre facial hair. Here's hoping it's a good one, guys.
Overall Grade: B
It's a real bummer that Top Chef didn't have a ninth or tenth season that I could write about - I guess they just vanished into the ether. Nah, I'm just funning you. I actually did watch Season 9, but sure am glad I didn't have the time to devote any internet ink to it. Texas was a pretty terrible season. Barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge after barbecue challenge! And what was that bullshit about making contestants do shit like snow-ski or whatever-the-fuck?
It was bad enough that I actually did wind up skipping Season 10. It's kind of a shame, because I've heard Seattle has an amazing food culture, and just by happenstance, I wound up eating at a contestant's restaurant for the first time ever. His name is Sheldon, and I know nothing about him other than he got pretty far in the competition, he has a restaurant in Hawaii (Star Noodle), and that restaurant is delightful. Highly recommended!
Which brings us to Season 11, which I'm approaching with cautious optimism. The prizes are mostly the same, except the jackpot is now $125,000. New Orleans is a good choice for setting - they love their food, and more importantly, they have a diverse population - thus, diverse cuisine. One thing I did NOT miss about Bravo shows is the incredible amount of bloat. And not just by having nineteen contestants, though that is far too many. No, now the game is gummed up by Last Chance Kitchen and Padma's Picks and some incredibly intrusive viewer's vote thing that takes up a third of the screen. "Which protein won't be coming near your dinner table? 35% of the losers who vote in these things said turtle! Tee-hee!" God, shut up. I won't be engaging with any of that. The good news is that Top Chef is still able to snag my interest by focusing on interesting food, and with any luck, interesting people. So let's brave the Louisiana bayou and dive into some good ol' Creole cuisine. It'll make you hungry, I guar-ON-tee! I'm sorry, I'm not proud of that. I promise I'll never do it again.
As I said, there are 19 contestants, and I'm afraid I don't have the three hours necessary to describe all of them. Hell, the show doesn't even bother to focus on more than a handful. So let's just hit the highlights. Sara's main characteristic is a rockabilly, Rosie-the-Riveter kind of style, which suits her nicely. Shirley is a motormouth, and seems pretty awesome. Nina's dad was Prime Minister of St. Lucia. Cool! Carrie is cute as a button and very nervous, which makes me think she's cannon fodder. Janine is Australian and wants to prove that hot blondes can be talented chefs, and aren't just eye candy. She goes on to prove this by wearing sandals and cutoff shorts for the first challenge. Shatter that glass ceiling, ma'am! I can feel my respect for your professionalism skyrocketing! The other designated hottie is Jason, who seems to have focused all of his time on developing a sick set of abs and a rockin' haircut, and forgot to develop a personality beyond the douchebag level. Oh, well. There are only so many hours in the day, right?
There is no Quickfire this week, so we spring straight into the Elimination Challenge. The chefs are randomly tossed beads that have one of three plastic animal figures on them. Those animals represent the proteins the chefs have to base their dishes around: Alligator, frog legs, or turtle. I've had the first two, which weren't bad. I'm reluctant to try turtle, because they're one of those animals that humans tend to bond with emotionally, and it feels kind of disloyal to eat them. Of course, pigs fit that role too, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. Bring on the turtle soup! A lot of the chefs haven't tried any of these meats, either, which I found surprising. If I can eat alligator in the middle of the country, a New York chef should probably be able to get her hands on a plate of it, for cripes sake.
Boring shopping segment. Boring prep segment, except it's fun to see the first-challenge jitters. People cut themselves and fall down, and generally are just spazzing all over the place. Tom (I think I'll drop the Ptom moniker - I've mellowed on him a bit...FOR NOW) drops by to Timewaste - it's all very familiar and comforting. The chefs will be presenting their food at a party by the literal edge of the swamp. Guests will be wearing beads, and will present them to the chef who has their favorite dish. So, the three chefs with the most beads will automatically go to Winners' Circle, while the three with the least number of beads will be up for the chop. I rather like having this kind of challenge right out of the gate, because the base talent level is always so hard to judge after one dish. It's better to have the field narrowed by the Wisdom of Crowds for now.
There's a ridiculous segment where the chefs arrive at the swamp to discover that they have to set up the prep tables and burners themselves. Were we supposed to derive some suspense or drama out of watching people wrestle with extendable table legs? Thankfully, it's short, and the chefs do some final prep work before the guests arrive. You can tell a challenge is good when I wish I were attending the party the food is being served at. Although I could probably do without the swarms of mosquitos and punishing humidity, so never mind. Food is served, guests are charmed, and beads are presented. Back at the fret 'n sweat, a television screen pops up to show the chefs the judges' deliberations in real time, which is interesting. It takes out the contestant suspense about who will be top and bottom, but adds a layer of tension, since their merits and mistakes are being debated for the whole room to hear. Maybe it's just for this challenge, since the winners and losers are essentially already known, but if it lasts, it'll be an interesting development to follow.
Fun fact about the top three: Each of the three animal proteins is represented. Another fun fact about the top three: This may be the first time ever that the top three in the first challenge is composed entirely of women. Progress! And none of them are wearing hot pants! Isn't that nutty, Janine? Sara made a General Tso (or Tao) alligator, which despite being extremely spicy, appealed to both the guests and judges. Nina had curried turtle meatballs, which look so good, I can't even tell you. And Carrie, who I was so convinced would be a hot mess of nerves, proves me wrong and takes the third top spot with chilled frog legs with zucchini. Nina is the big winner, but doesn't get anything but the obligation to call in the bottom three.
I see (or hear, rather) that Odd Asian Music and Gong are still getting work in this tough economy, which is nice. The bottom three are people I haven't mentioned yet. Aaron attempted to make pasta. In the swamp. It didn't go well, shockingly. Patty at first attempted to make a roulade, which fell apart. She then just tears it apart and presents poorly-tenderized fried alligator. Ramon made a dashi, and in an effort to keep it cold, added a bunch of ice. Guess what happened to the flavors when the ice melted? Patty cries a bit in disappointment with herself (I so want to make a joke about crocodile tears, here), but she needn't worry. The judges realize that she and Aaron couldn't quite fix a bad situation, while Ramon doesn't understand how water works. Ramon gets punted to Last Chance Kitchen, and we go out on a season preview featuring a lot of jazz and bizarre facial hair. Here's hoping it's a good one, guys.
Overall Grade: B
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