Top Chef - Season 12, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: 15 chefs and 1 person who cooks occasionally and hopes to get noticed by being a douche arrived in Boston to get cookin'. A new twist called the Sudden Death Quickfire punted George before his apron was even tied on properly. The Elimination Challenge put the chefs in charge of their own booths at a food fair. It's not a place you'd expect congee to excel, but Mei's impressive dish won the day, anyway. Michael's off-putting corn/caviar soup got him punted, and he groused off to no doubt find more failings to blame on other people. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback Session. After 11 seasons, you'd think the contestants would know the easiest way to shut down a burgeoning villain is to not pay him/her any attention, but Kariann has apparently not received the memo, and is only too happy to bicker with Aaron. Katsuji goes to wake Joy up, and tells her she's got "20 Mexican Minutes" to get ready. "How long is that in Black Minutes?" she grumbles, desperate for a little more sleep. Hehe. Meanwhile, James shows off his Patrick Swayze tattoo, which... Sure is there. On his skin. Forever.
Quickfire. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and this week's guest judge Todd English. Aaron swoons as if they weren't just cooking alongside him, like, yesterday at the food fair. Also, I guess Top Chef is so impressed by the English name that they're willing to overlook silly things like DWIs and not paying rent.
Anyhow, today's Quickfire is a play on the old Paul Revere saw about "One if by land, Two if by sea". There are two lanterns set up, and if one of them lights up, the chefs must grab an ingredient from the Land table, which includes all sorts of earth-bound components, from meat to herbs to snack foods. If two lamps light up, the chefs will grab an ingredient from the Sea table, which has a bunch of oceanic creatures on it. Once a chef claims an ingredient, it's all his/hers, and all the ingredients must be used to make one composed dish. Sounds pretty challenging. Oh, and the winner will not get immunity, but will get $5000 in prize money. Ready? Go!
One lamp lights up (with a "ding" noise that I'm fairly sure that was added after the fact), and the chefs scramble and tackle each other at the Land table. There's a fair amount of hurry-up-and-wait in preparation for further lamp lightings, since there's only so much prep you can do with your single ingredient. It goes on in this manner until the Land lamp has gone on three times, and the Sea lamps have gone on just once. After Todd and Padma go down the line, Joy and Stacy fall to the bottom, while James and Katsuji rise to the top. I'm consulting my notes to see what they made that inspired these opinions, and have found that I did not write it down. Stellar work, me. Katsuji is happy to have redeemed himself after his disappointing Elimination performance in the first challenge, but that pride will have to be prize enough, as James takes the win. James is quietly pleased. I sense he's not going to get a lot of camera time this season unless he's the clear frontrunner (a la Paul in Season 9).
Elimination Challenge. The heads of the Boston police department and fire department enter (ugh, those BOSTON ACCENTS) and Padma tells the chefs that they'll be cooking for a group of the city's first responders. Pretty noble! The gentlemen describe a bit of what they're looking for (no donuts, please), but it turns out not to matter, because the chefs won't be shopping for ingredients anyway. Good, because that's reliably the most boring segment in every episode. Why do they insist on showing it? Eh, that's a rant for another day. The chefs are amped to cook for the city's heroes, especially hometown girl Stacy (who naturally brings up the Boston marathon bomber), and Adam, who tells the story of his mother, who went briefly missing after the September 11 attacks. He's allowed to spend a couple of minutes detailing the terror and sense of foreboding he went through before finding out that she was okay, and because his story is given some actual time and weight, it's genuinely affecting, and doesn't come off as overblown or pandering. So that's a nice change.
The chefs pull knives to determine teams. Each team will focus on one dish. The number they pull will also determine the order they cook in, and thus the order they get to select their mystery box of ingredients. The teams shake out to be:
Team #1: Mei/Katsuji/Katie
Team #2: Rebecca/Gregory/Adam
Team #3: James/Dougie
Team #4: Melissa/Joy/Ron
Team #5: Aaron/Kariann/Stacy
So that causes some feelings. Mei isn't thrilled to be teamed with two people who were on the bottom of the first Elimination Challenge. Kariann is bummed that she's forced to work with a massive tool. Too bad, suckas. That evening, the teams meet to discuss strategy. Team #5 wonders if they'll be forced to make dessert, and though Kariann has limited experience in pastry, she says it's pointless to try and plan anything without knowing what their ingredients are. That's true across the board, but it does give us time to watch the imminent implosion of Team #5, since they can't go three sentences without Kariann and Aaron getting into a fight. Poor Stacy is caught in the middle, and in interview, mimes shooting herself. I feel you, girl. For viewers, here's a fun game: Re-watch the episode and count how many times Stacy rolls her eyes at the two idiots she's stuck with.
The next day, the teams enter one at a time to start prep. None of the mystery boxes have any overly wacky ingredients (and there aren't any dessert components), so really, the choice is more about preference than about sticking anyone with bad food. Mei and Katsuji get into a brief... Well, not fight. It's just that they both want to make the sauce for their halibut dish. Mei doesn't trust Katsuji after his last Elimination Challenge dish (I guess his high placement in the Quickfire doesn't carry any weight), and he wants to prove he's capable of the task. Mei reluctantly agrees to let him make the sauce, but insists on tasting both his and Katie's components before anything is finalized. I mean, I know she won last week, but I missed the step where she was elected Team Leader of this group. We don't see any interviews of Katsuji or Katie complaining that she's acting like their boss, so maybe it really was decided that she'd take point on this challenge.
Team #5 (well, Aaron and Kariann) are still fighting, and still getting on Stacy's nerves. Meanwhile, Team #4 is suffering from the diametrically opposed problem. They're all trying to be ultra-polite and considerate of each other's feelings, which means that the ideas for the dish are becoming muddled and unfocused. Joy offers to cook the veal, while Ron insists that it should include some vanilla in the flavoring. Sirens go off and a dozen red flags fall from the ceiling. OK, not really, but they should have. Aaron and Kariann take a break from fighting to harangue Stacy about how she's cooking the chicken. She ignores both of them.
Service. Team #1 has made sauteed halibut, with a pea coconut puree and a grilled fennel slaw with pickled cherries and rhubarb. It gets very positive feedback, and to her credit, Mei gives a mea culpa interview in which she gives Katsuji full credit for a delicious sauce. Team #2 is also praised for their filet mignon with parsnip puree, scallops, and vinaigrette. The big shocker for that team is that Rebecca is actually allowed to say a few dozen words on camera. Team #3 believes they had an advantage in only having two people instead of three. I'd be curious to see how they'd have felt about that if their partner had been Aaron, instead. In any case, they've made grilled pork chop with grilled stone fruit salad, mushrooms, and walnuts. The diners like everything. Can it be that this'll be one of those challenges where everything is good, and the loser comes down to a tiny little detail?
Well, no. Because here comes Team #4 with undercooked veal that is flavored with maple and vanilla. Eeeeeeeew. It's also got a citrus/kale slaw on it. I'm gonna go make a quick flow chart called "Should You Add Maple and/or Vanilla to Your Meat/Fish Entree?" It won't take long. All the questions will just point to a big red NO. Joy is in trouble for not cooking the veal long enough, but since it was Ron's idea to include the vanilla, he's in trouble, too. Melissa tries to make herself invisible. Team #4 is also helped along by Team #5, who has prepared pan-roasted chicken breast, with onion/bourbon jam and fresh corn salad. Stacy's chicken is perfectly cooked, but both Aaron's jam and Kariann's corn salad are offensively bad. Who would have thunk it? You know, besides me, you, and everyone else watching.
Judges' Table. Teams #1 and #2 are in the top two spots, and both are given high praise. Katie and Katsuji are relieved to be on this end of the spectrum. It's not quite enough to carry the day, though, as Team #2 takes the top spot. Obviously, Teams #4 and #5 are on the bottom. Joy and Ron are meek when taken to task for their failings, but meekness is not an attitude that Team #5 embraces. Aaron blames Kariann for all their problems. Kariann blames Aaron for all their problems. Stacy stands there and looks like she wants to jump into a volcano. Tom tells both Kariann and Aaron that they should be falling all over themselves to thank Stacy, as her chicken has saved the team (Spoiler: They do not, preferring to fight some more, instead). Unfortunately, that means that lovable, normal Joy will be taking the long walk home. Why yes, I did see this coming a full week ago - you're so considerate to notice! Still, that doesn't mean I can't be sad to lose such a nice contestant. Unlike Michael, she takes full responsibility for her mistakes, and regrets that she couldn't pull it together enough to go farther. Me too, Joy. Be well.
Overall Grade: B-
Showing posts with label E2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label E2. Show all posts
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Disaster Relief
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: Too many chefs arrived in New Orleans. Like, so many that I just sat here for a good forty seconds trying to remember who got eliminated last week. The newbies put their talents to the test by cooking for service in a muggy swamp, and though you'd think ice water would be refreshing in such a setting, it's not so great when it's used to water down your soup. Bye, Ramon! In happier news, Nina was coronated as the Queen of the Swamp with her meatballs, and wore the crown well. 18 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We may have had a week off, but for the poor, exhausted chefs, it's still the night of the elimination. And too bad, suckas, cause Padma essentially follows the dejected almost-losers back into the Kitchen, simply to tell everyone that their first Quickfire is starting right away. They'll have all night to make a gumbo that represents their heritage, and whoever wins will pull down immunity in the next Elimination Challenge.
The chefs head home, and soon litter the landscape with crockpots. Hometown boy Justin is the only one attempting to make a traditional gumbo; most of the others are trying their luck with something experimental. Carrie melds her Iowa background with her husband's Trinidad roots. Jason goes Polish by tossing in beets. The other hometown boy, Michael, is far cockier than Justin. He's not happy with his initial gumbo, and throws it out. He starts from scratch well behind everyone else, but essentially shrugs it off, because hey, he's from New Orleans. Gumbo is no big deal, right?
The next day, after a brief prep time to finish everything off, the chefs present their gumbos to Padma and guest judge Leah Chase, who is awesome. She's an elderly lady who knows how to dish out advice, praise, criticism, and anecdotes and have you hang on every word. The chefs are obviously anxious to please her, and why not? There are plenty of gumbos that look better than they sound, and vice versa. Shirley has thrown together an Italian/Chinese/Mexican fusion gumbo, which sounds rather off-putting, while Justin's pork rib with egg looks amazing. Leah tells one of the contestants that his gumbo reminds her of her mother, and he thanks her warmly.
Limecrete: "Hey, that's not necessarily a compliment. You don't know her mother."
James (as Leah): "She used to beat me and then pour hot gumbo down my back."
When the gumbo settles, Leah's bottom three are Smug Michael's hastily-thrown-together second attempt, Jason's beet concoction, and Patty's Puerto Richan mofongo gumbo. Oof, Patty. Pull it together, girl. On the flip side, Aaron redeems himself with a tasty prawn head gumbo, Carrie's violently green gumbo overcomes its...vibrance with terrific flavor, and surprisingly, Shirley's every-heritage-but-the-kitchen-sink is a hit as well. Carrie wins the challenge and immunity, which is a nice symbolic win for her marriage as well.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs are split into four teams based on who they're standing near. The four teams will run food trucks at a couple of building sites where Habitat for Humanity workers are still diligently trying to restore the areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina. The teams shake out to be:
Yellow: Carrie, Carlos, Travis, Aaron, and Brian
Red:: Justin, Bene, Janine, Michael, and Nina
Green: Louis, Shirley, Stephanie, and Sara
Blue: Patty, Jason, Nicholas, and Bret
Trucks are selected. Menus are planned. Nothing much of note occurs except that Bene feels like his ideas aren't being heard, and he's not being allowed to contribute anything. I think it's his voice. It comes across like the voices of all the adults in Peanuts. After an uneventful shopping segment, the chefs get to prepping. Carrie admits that she has an obsession with dough. I guess I can think of worse things to gravitate towards. She puts her obsession to good use, rolling out empenada crust with a chilled wine bottle to keep the dough at the proper temperature in the New Orleans heat. Niiiiice. The Blue team is going for a seafood theme, and Jason agrees to act as host and expediter, cause he's so dreeeeeeeamy. Feh. He prepares all his sushi handrolls ahead of time, because if there's one thing that does seafood handrolls a world of good, it's sitting around in sweltering humidity.
The Habitat for Humanity workers sample all the foods, and are soon joined by Tom, Padma, Gail, and guest judge Susan Spicer. I like her name. She sounds like an intrepid girl detective or reporter from the '30s. Once service ends, Bret brags to the rest of the team that of course they blew the challenge out of the water, because unlike those other stupid teams, the Blue team has plenty of food left over. Umm....
Fret 'n sweat. The judges discuss the general success of the challenge, and the Yellow/Green teams are easily deemed the top two. Judges' Table. The Yellow team ultimately takes the team win, with Carrie scoring the individual win. Jeez. So she was top three in the first challenge, then won the subsequent two. I really underestimated her, and from the looks on the other chefs' faces, I'm not the only one. The Blue team is summoned to Judges' Table for some much less cheery news.
The problems are legion. Patty's tuna sliders were so-so, and when she casually admits that the tomato slices she tossed on top were pointless, you can practically see a Patty-shaped puff of smoke where her chances of winning the competition used to be. Not only were Jason's handrolls soggy, but they wouldn't have tasted good, even if prepared properly. Bret's ceviche wasn't cold enough to begin with, and then he ruined it further by adding scorching hot tostones. Nicholas' wasabi peas were a crappy garnish, but it looks like his mistakes are vastly diminished, thanks to the other three. Bret tries to bring up the leftover food as a selling point, and the judges patiently explain to him that having so much extra food is probably a sign that nobody much wanted it, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
So, it's Patty, right? It's got to be. While Carrie has been in the top of all three challenges so far, Patty has been in the bottom of all three. Plus, she never defends herself well at Judges' Table, being either overly emotional or overly dismissive. So, Patty, right? No! I'm gobsmacked when Jason gets the chop. Gobsmacked, but not disappointed. His arrogance was no great fun to watch, and seeing him taken down eighteen pegs is pretty damned satisfying, and just might do him a world of good. Naturally, he disagrees with his ouster, because he's super awesome and has a trendy haircut. Good bye, surfer boy. Maybe spend a little more time in the kitchen, and a little less at the gym.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: Too many chefs arrived in New Orleans. Like, so many that I just sat here for a good forty seconds trying to remember who got eliminated last week. The newbies put their talents to the test by cooking for service in a muggy swamp, and though you'd think ice water would be refreshing in such a setting, it's not so great when it's used to water down your soup. Bye, Ramon! In happier news, Nina was coronated as the Queen of the Swamp with her meatballs, and wore the crown well. 18 chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We may have had a week off, but for the poor, exhausted chefs, it's still the night of the elimination. And too bad, suckas, cause Padma essentially follows the dejected almost-losers back into the Kitchen, simply to tell everyone that their first Quickfire is starting right away. They'll have all night to make a gumbo that represents their heritage, and whoever wins will pull down immunity in the next Elimination Challenge.
The chefs head home, and soon litter the landscape with crockpots. Hometown boy Justin is the only one attempting to make a traditional gumbo; most of the others are trying their luck with something experimental. Carrie melds her Iowa background with her husband's Trinidad roots. Jason goes Polish by tossing in beets. The other hometown boy, Michael, is far cockier than Justin. He's not happy with his initial gumbo, and throws it out. He starts from scratch well behind everyone else, but essentially shrugs it off, because hey, he's from New Orleans. Gumbo is no big deal, right?
The next day, after a brief prep time to finish everything off, the chefs present their gumbos to Padma and guest judge Leah Chase, who is awesome. She's an elderly lady who knows how to dish out advice, praise, criticism, and anecdotes and have you hang on every word. The chefs are obviously anxious to please her, and why not? There are plenty of gumbos that look better than they sound, and vice versa. Shirley has thrown together an Italian/Chinese/Mexican fusion gumbo, which sounds rather off-putting, while Justin's pork rib with egg looks amazing. Leah tells one of the contestants that his gumbo reminds her of her mother, and he thanks her warmly.
Limecrete: "Hey, that's not necessarily a compliment. You don't know her mother."
James (as Leah): "She used to beat me and then pour hot gumbo down my back."
When the gumbo settles, Leah's bottom three are Smug Michael's hastily-thrown-together second attempt, Jason's beet concoction, and Patty's Puerto Richan mofongo gumbo. Oof, Patty. Pull it together, girl. On the flip side, Aaron redeems himself with a tasty prawn head gumbo, Carrie's violently green gumbo overcomes its...vibrance with terrific flavor, and surprisingly, Shirley's every-heritage-but-the-kitchen-sink is a hit as well. Carrie wins the challenge and immunity, which is a nice symbolic win for her marriage as well.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs are split into four teams based on who they're standing near. The four teams will run food trucks at a couple of building sites where Habitat for Humanity workers are still diligently trying to restore the areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina. The teams shake out to be:
Yellow: Carrie, Carlos, Travis, Aaron, and Brian
Red:: Justin, Bene, Janine, Michael, and Nina
Green: Louis, Shirley, Stephanie, and Sara
Blue: Patty, Jason, Nicholas, and Bret
Trucks are selected. Menus are planned. Nothing much of note occurs except that Bene feels like his ideas aren't being heard, and he's not being allowed to contribute anything. I think it's his voice. It comes across like the voices of all the adults in Peanuts. After an uneventful shopping segment, the chefs get to prepping. Carrie admits that she has an obsession with dough. I guess I can think of worse things to gravitate towards. She puts her obsession to good use, rolling out empenada crust with a chilled wine bottle to keep the dough at the proper temperature in the New Orleans heat. Niiiiice. The Blue team is going for a seafood theme, and Jason agrees to act as host and expediter, cause he's so dreeeeeeeamy. Feh. He prepares all his sushi handrolls ahead of time, because if there's one thing that does seafood handrolls a world of good, it's sitting around in sweltering humidity.
The Habitat for Humanity workers sample all the foods, and are soon joined by Tom, Padma, Gail, and guest judge Susan Spicer. I like her name. She sounds like an intrepid girl detective or reporter from the '30s. Once service ends, Bret brags to the rest of the team that of course they blew the challenge out of the water, because unlike those other stupid teams, the Blue team has plenty of food left over. Umm....
Fret 'n sweat. The judges discuss the general success of the challenge, and the Yellow/Green teams are easily deemed the top two. Judges' Table. The Yellow team ultimately takes the team win, with Carrie scoring the individual win. Jeez. So she was top three in the first challenge, then won the subsequent two. I really underestimated her, and from the looks on the other chefs' faces, I'm not the only one. The Blue team is summoned to Judges' Table for some much less cheery news.
The problems are legion. Patty's tuna sliders were so-so, and when she casually admits that the tomato slices she tossed on top were pointless, you can practically see a Patty-shaped puff of smoke where her chances of winning the competition used to be. Not only were Jason's handrolls soggy, but they wouldn't have tasted good, even if prepared properly. Bret's ceviche wasn't cold enough to begin with, and then he ruined it further by adding scorching hot tostones. Nicholas' wasabi peas were a crappy garnish, but it looks like his mistakes are vastly diminished, thanks to the other three. Bret tries to bring up the leftover food as a selling point, and the judges patiently explain to him that having so much extra food is probably a sign that nobody much wanted it, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
So, it's Patty, right? It's got to be. While Carrie has been in the top of all three challenges so far, Patty has been in the bottom of all three. Plus, she never defends herself well at Judges' Table, being either overly emotional or overly dismissive. So, Patty, right? No! I'm gobsmacked when Jason gets the chop. Gobsmacked, but not disappointed. His arrogance was no great fun to watch, and seeing him taken down eighteen pegs is pretty damned satisfying, and just might do him a world of good. Naturally, he disagrees with his ouster, because he's super awesome and has a trendy haircut. Good bye, surfer boy. Maybe spend a little more time in the kitchen, and a little less at the gym.
Overall Grade: B
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Bittersweet Symphony
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 2
We begin tonight's episode with Rebecca suddenly incurring a disabling hand injury. I don't know if the viewing party was busy filling our wineglasses, and just wasn't paying enough attention, or if the show really didn't explain how it happened, but it just kind of comes out of nowhere. She's bandaged up, and hopes for the best in the upcoming challenges.
Tonight's Quickfire is a good one. Gimmicks are fine once in a while, but I tend to enjoy challenges that are simply "Take this basic ingredient, and do whatever you like with it". In this case, it's lemons. That makes it doubly exciting, because I happen to love lemon desserts, so the Kitchen is soon filled with concoctions that have me scratching at the screen.
Nelson, Orlando, and Amanda fall to the bottom of guest judge Margaret Braun's list, mostly due to flavor combinations that she doesn't happen to be a fan of. Matthew, Katzie, and Carlos take the top spots, with Matthew winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are split into four teams, which are picked by captains:
Red: Matthew, Chris, Megan, and Melissa
Green: Carlos, Sally, and Rebecca
Black: Orlando, Nelson, and Craig
Blue: Amanda, Katzie, and Vanarin
Melissa is picked last - she's fairly unpopular these days, due to her attack on Lina last week. Honestly, she does seem to be a somewhat unpleasant person, but let's not pretend that anything she said about Lina was untrue. Orlando has issues picking anyone as awesome as he is. Apparently, being in the bottom of two out of three challenges is our benchmark for quality these days.
The teams will be making cakes to serve the 150 orchestra members at the iconic concert hall in LA, and each chef is responsible for his or her own individual tier. Three of the teams hum along quite harmoniously in terms of teamwork, even if not all of their creative ideas are the best. The fourth team contains Orlando, so...
When all is said and done, the Green and Red teams wind up on top, so once again, the team with the extra pair of hands was able to accomplish better things. What a shock! The Red team takes the win, and I hope the victory is achievement enough, because they don't get anything for it. At Losers' Table, the Black team is rightfully blasted for creating three tiers that have absolutely no relation to one another, while the Blue team crammed too many details onto their cake, resulting in a sloppy mess (though not the worst mess we've ever seen).
Despite the fact that this is an opportune time to jettison Craig, who's so clearly out of his depth that he should be wearing floaties, the judges cut Vanarin for his disappointing flavor and amateur decoration work. It's a shame, but becomes less of one when he complains in his final interview about how he "didn't have an opportunity" to show what he can really do. I'm pretty sure you did, chief. You just didn't do it well.
Overall Grade: B
We begin tonight's episode with Rebecca suddenly incurring a disabling hand injury. I don't know if the viewing party was busy filling our wineglasses, and just wasn't paying enough attention, or if the show really didn't explain how it happened, but it just kind of comes out of nowhere. She's bandaged up, and hopes for the best in the upcoming challenges.
Tonight's Quickfire is a good one. Gimmicks are fine once in a while, but I tend to enjoy challenges that are simply "Take this basic ingredient, and do whatever you like with it". In this case, it's lemons. That makes it doubly exciting, because I happen to love lemon desserts, so the Kitchen is soon filled with concoctions that have me scratching at the screen.
Nelson, Orlando, and Amanda fall to the bottom of guest judge Margaret Braun's list, mostly due to flavor combinations that she doesn't happen to be a fan of. Matthew, Katzie, and Carlos take the top spots, with Matthew winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are split into four teams, which are picked by captains:
Red: Matthew, Chris, Megan, and Melissa
Green: Carlos, Sally, and Rebecca
Black: Orlando, Nelson, and Craig
Blue: Amanda, Katzie, and Vanarin
Melissa is picked last - she's fairly unpopular these days, due to her attack on Lina last week. Honestly, she does seem to be a somewhat unpleasant person, but let's not pretend that anything she said about Lina was untrue. Orlando has issues picking anyone as awesome as he is. Apparently, being in the bottom of two out of three challenges is our benchmark for quality these days.
The teams will be making cakes to serve the 150 orchestra members at the iconic concert hall in LA, and each chef is responsible for his or her own individual tier. Three of the teams hum along quite harmoniously in terms of teamwork, even if not all of their creative ideas are the best. The fourth team contains Orlando, so...
When all is said and done, the Green and Red teams wind up on top, so once again, the team with the extra pair of hands was able to accomplish better things. What a shock! The Red team takes the win, and I hope the victory is achievement enough, because they don't get anything for it. At Losers' Table, the Black team is rightfully blasted for creating three tiers that have absolutely no relation to one another, while the Blue team crammed too many details onto their cake, resulting in a sloppy mess (though not the worst mess we've ever seen).
Despite the fact that this is an opportune time to jettison Craig, who's so clearly out of his depth that he should be wearing floaties, the judges cut Vanarin for his disappointing flavor and amateur decoration work. It's a shame, but becomes less of one when he complains in his final interview about how he "didn't have an opportunity" to show what he can really do. I'm pretty sure you did, chief. You just didn't do it well.
Overall Grade: B
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Tiger Beat
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: Look at all the stars! Look at them try to redeem the dish that got them sent home! Look at Angelo take the win! Look at Elia be annoying! Look at her go home in last place! Seventeen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Richard bemoans his disqualification from the win, while Fabio recounts getting into it with Bourdain at Judges' Table. Like I said last week, I hope one of the chefs takes the judges to task every single week. It would be magical!
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and one of the Jonas Brothers. Yeah. I'm in my thirties, and the only significant youngster in my life is a four-year-old male. The only thing the Jonas Brothers mean to me is that they waste valuable real estate in Entertainment Weekly that I flip past in boredom. Them and Twilight. Oh, and I know that one Jonas is super fugly, but it's not this one. A lot of the chefs are as disinterested as I am, though Antonia's daughter is right in the target age group that will spend a few minutes in the year 2030 looking back at having a massive crush on stars like these with regret.
Today's challenge is to create a midnight snack for 150 kids that will be spending the night at the American Museum of Natural History. Well, I don't know about the challenge, but hot damn, would I have loved to do that as a kid. This Jonas (Joe, it turns out) will be a surprise guest at the event, and gets to select the winning snack. He explains that there won't be utensils or plates, so the snacks will have to be appropriate to be carted around in paper bags. He kids that the chefs have thirty seconds to throw everything together, and for a split second, they believe him. Heh. They actually have forty-five minutes. Ready? Go!
The chefs spring into prep. Dalel worries about how picky kids can be, and just plans on getting them hopped up on sweets. Speaking of sweets, Dalet has the bin of sugar set out on his station, which causes other chefs angst for whatever reason. It's not like he's hoarding it. And speaking of children, Tiffani recalls the challenge in which I hated her the most, and thankfully, admits what a huge asshole she was. It seems she's working as hard on improving her attitude about cooking for kids as she is on improving the food. This is a Tiffani I can get behind. A whirl of final prep -- replete with cursing streaks -- brings us to the end of the challenge.
Joe and Padma go down the line. Antonia has made a white chocolate/cherry muffin with allspice and cinnamon. Richard has microwave-baked white bread, with spiced apples, whipped honey, and crunchy chocolate. I don't really see how it can be eaten without utensils, but it sounds tasty. Spike has made potato and carrot chips, with mascarpone and marshmallow dip on the side. Tre's got a cracker with cranberry and cherry jam, and some apple smoked bacon. I love how the editors keep giving us interceding shots of the other chefs looking tense. A realer sense of what goes on during the judging slips in, as we see Jenc grinning and shooting the shit with other chefs in the background as they wait their turns.
Casey has made a chocolate and bacon lasagna, with a sprinkling of candy on top, and some apple juice on the side. Dalel admits up front that his snack is a blatant attempt to get the kids jacked up on sugar. He's made Sweet Tart nuggets with "caveman boulders" (chocolate, graham crackers, Whoppers), and chocolate sauce. He says his snack will lead to a ten-year-old rave. Ha! Antonia cracks up, while Dalet breaks out some dance moves. Jamie has made mini cheddar biscuits, with cinnamon apple sauce on the side. Tiffany has made coconut rice pudding, with grapefruit sauce on the side. DRINK! Dalet has a corn cake with dried cherries and whipped maple topping.
Fabio has dipped apples, some in white chocolate/caramel/blueberry, and some in dark chocolate, marshmallow, and candied ginger. Yes, please! Tiffani's got a Rice Krispie treat snowball, with malted milk and graham crackers. Angelo's made fried dough, with white pepper, Old Bay spice, and cheddar crumbles. I am enormously curious to try that. Stephen has got a snickerdoodle sandwich, with white chocolate, coconut ganache, apricot, and mint. DRINK! Jenc has bacon ginger taffy, with honey grilled peaches. Sounds good. Jenc laughs that if the kids don't like it, they can always whip the taffy at each other, a la snotballs. Heh. Mike has chocolate coconut corn bars, with a coconut horchata chaser. No "DRINK!" here, because this is not something that sounds tasty, but has been ruined by coconut. This sounds disgusting from top to bottom.
Results. First in the bottom three is Tiffany, whose snack was messy. Mike's chocolate flavor wasn't strong enough. Stephen's cookie was fine, but the flavors in the middle (especially the mint) wasn't strong enough. Hmm... Tiffany, Mike, and Stephen. Why, it's all the people who used coconut! Joe Jonas' stock is suddenly rising! Now, for the good news. There are two favorites instead of the usual three. Spike and Tiffani both made impressive snacks. In fact, no winner is announced right now. Padma tells the chefs that the kids will decide which snack reigns supreme. In order to get enough portions put together, Spike and Tiffani will lead teams composed of all the other chefs.
Tiffani's team is: Tiffani, Tiffany, Jamie, Antonia, Casey, Jenc, Dalel, and Tre. Spike's team winds up being: Dalet, Angelo, Marcel, Carla, Richard, Stephen, and Mike. Fabio is the last one standing, and gets to choose which team he'll join. He picks Spike's, interviewing that he doesn't care a whit that he didn't get chosen. He doesn't sell it. Dalel is pleased with the way the teams have shaken out, saying his team is like the Spice Girls and their bodyguard, and the other team is the so-called "cool guys" and "their babysitter, Carla". Hahaha! I'd forgotten how hilarious Dalel is. Prep proceeds without incident.
After all the food is separated into red and blue bags, the chefs head off to the museum. Once they're set up, a wave of children invades. They grab a bag of each snack and start chowing down. The chefs do their best to talk up their respective dishes. As promised, the kids get high on sugar, and start to have ballistic fits all over the floor. They're so jacked up, Joe Jonas' arrival doesn't cause a big uptick in enthusiasm. He leads a voice vote to see which snack wins the Quickfire, and Tiffani's easily bags it. So, she has immunity and an advantage in the upcoming Elimination Challenge. The tide of children sweeps out, but before the chefs can escape back home to get a good night's sleep, Ptom enters, and tells them that said Elimination Challenge begins this very instant.
The challenge will be to make breakfast for the kids and their parents, to be served at 7:30 AM. It's 1:30 AM right now. Ouch. The chefs will stay in the same teams, and will be creating meals in the spirit of two of the dinosaurs whose bones are looming over them right now: Brontosaurus and Tyrannosaurus Rex. The T-Rex team will be cooking with meat and meat byproducts only, while the Brontosaurus team will only have access to fruits, vegetables, and grains. Tiffani gets to choose which dino her team will represent, and she goes for T-Rex. The chefs can grab a little sleep (very little -- only forty-five minutes) in the Hall of North American Mammals before getting started on food prep. Of course, before they can even do that, they have to plan their menus.
Both teams break down into mini-teams to tackle the individual dishes they'd like to make, although they have no idea what ingredients they'll be working with. That dispensed with, the chefs turn in for their nap, although some eschew sleep altogether to have fun with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to traipse around a famous museum in their pajamas. That would certainly be tempting. It's unlikely they'll ever find themselves in such a From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler situation again.
At 4:00 AM, the awakened chefs are turned loose on the museum kitchen. Tiffani discovers that the carnivore she has chosen to represent is just that. Carnivore, not omnivore. So, her team has no access to the lemons or limes they want to use for acid, nor flour, nor herbs. Curiously, there's no sausage for them to use, either, which you'd think would be a pretty standard component of a meat-based challenge. Prep begins. Three seconds in, Jamie slices her thumb open. The show's medic tells her she needs stitches, so she heads off to the hospital. In real life, a teammate felled by injury would be cause for concern. These, however, are chefs. And not only chefs, but reality show chefs. Your thumb had better be hanging by a tiny strand of shredded skin, swinging back and forth on your mangled ligament before you go looking for sympathy. Once Jamie's gone, the others rush to interview about how much more badass they are, and how they wouldn't let a stupid thing like gushing blood stop them from getting through the prep.
Tim: "That's nothing. I cooked through the entire duration of my circumcision".
Nobody gives Jamie a second thought once she walks out the door. Casey works on a salmon that Tre will create a sauce for. Fabio makes gnocchi. Jenc works on a pork dish that Casey interviews tastes like "wet bacon". Spew. Antonia and Tiffany have oven issues. Time winds down, and the chefs head outside to get their stations set up. Marcel snipes in interview about Angelo cutting the plums for their dish. He tries to sell this as some evil plan Angelo is weaving to discredit Marcel's food, and perhaps, in some alternate universe, we could buy that... If this weren't a shared dish amongst Angelo, Marcel, and Richard. It's kind of hard to take another guy down when it's your own food up for discussion. Jamie returns with two stitches in her thumb. The other chefs commence Round 2 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain".
Time runs out, and once again, the chefs are inundated with children. Antonia frets about T-Rex, because the kids don't seem interested in the frittatas she and Tiffany made. Carla frets about Brontosaurus, because the kids seem naturally more drawn to a team that's offering bacon. The judges arrive. Joining Padma, Gail, and Ptom will be the KatieBot. Oh, I guess someone finally remembered to plug her in and recharge her battery. The judges stop by Brontosaurus first. Dalet and Mike have corn grits with salsa verde. Marcel/Richard/Angelo have a banana parfait with a bunch of other seasonal fruits and tandoori maple sauce. Carla and Spike have a fruit and vegetable gazpacho. Fabio and Stephen made potato gnocchi with leeks, mushrooms, and spinach. A lot of these don't really sound breakfasty, but I get that they were kind of painted into a corner, here. Tasting. Fabio's gnocchi gets good reviews, as does the parfait. The others strike the diners as kind of so-so, though nobody has any real out-and-out complaints.
T-Rex. Antonia and Tiffany have a trio of frittatas (bacon/cheddar, ham/cheese, and chevre). Casey's salmon is topped with Tre's sauce of shrimp and apple smoked bacon. Jenc has braised bacon and topped it with hard boiled egg. Jamie stands around like a bump on a pickle. Tiffani has tenderloin with cheesy eggs that is paired with Dalel's paprika and creme fraiche Hollandaise. Tasting. Jenc's bacon is a big disappointment. Casey's salmon is well-cooked, but Tre sauce is exceptionally salty. Tre realizes that the constantly reducing sauce is causing this issue, but shrugs it off, saying he'd rather it be too salty than bland. The frittatas are unevenly cooked. Dalel and Tiffani's steak and eggs is the only dish to get universally positive feedback.
Interstitial. Fabio charms the crowd.
Fret 'n sweat. Tiffani makes the incredibly apt point to the other chefs that to her, being given a blind choice between two menu restrictions isn't much of an "advantage" for winning the Quickfire. It's true. While Ptom did tell everyone about the types of foods they'd have access to, nobody knew what ingredients they'd be working with, so Tiffani had no real leg up on anybody else. It's not the worst thing to befall someone who supposedly had an "advantage", but it merits mention. Padma comes back to the Kitchen, and summons Team Brontosaurus to the table. Once they've left, Team T-Rex starts to gripe. Assuming that Team Brontosaurus is the winning group, Dalel wonders how that can be, because he thinks their dish concepts were so bizarre for kids and their parents. Jenc responds that while they're here, everyone has to cook strictly for the judges, and leave the supposed "target audience" completely out of the equation. Dalel thinks that's selfish, and Jenc shrugs and wonders aloud if Dalel would rather win or please a crowd of people that he'll never see again. It'd be interesting to hear an answer (and in fact, a full discussion on the matter), but we immediately teleport over to...
Judges' Table. Team Brontosaurus is informed that they are, indeed, the winning team. Both the gnocchi dish and the banana parfait are roundly complimented before KatieBot is given the honor of announcing the individual winner. Well, not so individual after all: OUR. FAVORITE. DISH. TODAY. REALLY. HAD. SUCH. NICE. FLAVORS. AND. THE. WINNING. DISH. IS... THE. BANANA. PARFAIT. So, Marcel, Angelo, and Richard all share the win, which means two in a row for Angelo amongst some very stiff competition. Impressive. Marcel blahs something about how if there were an individual winner, it would have been him. Yes, you're the rapscallion of the season. We get it now. Padma dismisses the chefs, and asks to see team T-Rex.
The winners get tepid applause before team T-Rex goes out to face the music. Not the Odd Asian Music, though. He and Gong apparently have the night off. Tiffani starts right in on the judges, explaining straightforwardly and without malice how her "advantage" was anything but. Ding, ding, ding! Continued backtalk to the judges is like an extra little Hanukkah present, just for me. All Ptom can find to say is that he explained to them beforehand that their ingredients would be limited. Right, but both team's ingredients were limited, so Tiffani's point that choosing between two disadvantages is not really an advantage is still valid. Would you consider it an advantage if I told you that tomorrow, you'll either be stoned to death by pickles or suffocated in a vat of mayonnaise, but I'll give you the option of choosing which you'd prefer?
Now, to the food. It's the same problems we heard about earlier. Uneven frittatas. Spicy salmon sauce. Jenc shifts back and forth on her feet, and glares at the judges with a hugely pissed off expression. Padma notes this, and asks why. And Hanukkah continues, as Jenc unloads. She says she doesn't think the T-Rex team deserves to be in the bottom. Gail tries the old trap of asking if Jenc tasted the other team's food, but this ain't Jenc's first rodeo. She said she tasted every single bite of Team Brontosaurus' dishes, and when asked if she still didn't like it, makes a condescending clicking noise of agreement. Tiffani brings up that the Brontosaurus dishes didn't really strike her as breakfast, and KatieBot says that it bespoke a creativity that T-Rex was lacking. Sorry: THAT. T-REX. WAS. LACKING.
Ptom asks why the food wasn't plated individually, and I've got to say, if the judges feel that's a problem worthy of bringing up at Judges' Table for us all to hear about, I'm totally behind Jenc and her righteous fury. "You guys are the judges. You guys are smart enough. Why don't you say 'Hey, can I get a different plate for this?" she spits back. SWEEEEEEEEEEET. In a normal season, I wouldn't find this kind of attitude charming, preferring people to take responsibility for their mistakes. But after seven seasons of gentle deference, it is massively entertaining to see the judges taken down a peg or two. Ptom has no idea what to do with himself, haughtily stating that if the judges should be smart enough to request separate plates, so should a member of the team. Well, that wasn't her point at all, but we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Jamie's absence from the challenge is discussed, so Antonia pops up for Round 3 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain". Jenc's pork dish is criticized, and she continues fighting with the judges, saying that there's no way her bacon and eggs were underseasoned. Given what Casey and the diners said about it earlier, I'd say she's most likely wrong about that. The chefs are dismissed. Christ, I feel like I should smoke a cigarette after that performance. Once the chefs are back in the Kitchen, Fabio asks how it went. "I think I yelled at the judges more than they yelled at us," Jenc says, and without missing a beat, Jamie adds "Yeah, it was pretty good!" Hahaha!
Deliberations. Ptom does his best to convince us that the judges will only consider food, and don't mind Jenc's backtalk at all. I...do not agree. Sure, if she said something like "Well, I think the pork was seasoned perfectly, so we're going to have to disagree on that," that'd be one thing, but she basically called him a moron, and well... As Bravo says, watch what happens. Tiffani and Dale had the best dish of this group. Everyone else is up for the chop, even Jamie and her lack of participation. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Once Tiffani and Dale are dismissed, reiterations of the same complaints we've already heard are leveled at the rest of team T-Rex, although Casey seems pretty blameless in this situation. So, who's next off the island of misfit chefs? Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Needless to say, she does not agree with this decision. She spends her final interview explaining that there was nothing wrong with her dish, and exits the Kitchen in a hail of screaming and cursing. What caused the axe to fall? Food or 'tude? In any event, Jenc, you made this an episode to remember, and for that, you are truly an All-Star.
Overall Grade: A
Previously on Top Chef: Look at all the stars! Look at them try to redeem the dish that got them sent home! Look at Angelo take the win! Look at Elia be annoying! Look at her go home in last place! Seventeen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Richard bemoans his disqualification from the win, while Fabio recounts getting into it with Bourdain at Judges' Table. Like I said last week, I hope one of the chefs takes the judges to task every single week. It would be magical!
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and one of the Jonas Brothers. Yeah. I'm in my thirties, and the only significant youngster in my life is a four-year-old male. The only thing the Jonas Brothers mean to me is that they waste valuable real estate in Entertainment Weekly that I flip past in boredom. Them and Twilight. Oh, and I know that one Jonas is super fugly, but it's not this one. A lot of the chefs are as disinterested as I am, though Antonia's daughter is right in the target age group that will spend a few minutes in the year 2030 looking back at having a massive crush on stars like these with regret.
Today's challenge is to create a midnight snack for 150 kids that will be spending the night at the American Museum of Natural History. Well, I don't know about the challenge, but hot damn, would I have loved to do that as a kid. This Jonas (Joe, it turns out) will be a surprise guest at the event, and gets to select the winning snack. He explains that there won't be utensils or plates, so the snacks will have to be appropriate to be carted around in paper bags. He kids that the chefs have thirty seconds to throw everything together, and for a split second, they believe him. Heh. They actually have forty-five minutes. Ready? Go!
The chefs spring into prep. Dalel worries about how picky kids can be, and just plans on getting them hopped up on sweets. Speaking of sweets, Dalet has the bin of sugar set out on his station, which causes other chefs angst for whatever reason. It's not like he's hoarding it. And speaking of children, Tiffani recalls the challenge in which I hated her the most, and thankfully, admits what a huge asshole she was. It seems she's working as hard on improving her attitude about cooking for kids as she is on improving the food. This is a Tiffani I can get behind. A whirl of final prep -- replete with cursing streaks -- brings us to the end of the challenge.
Joe and Padma go down the line. Antonia has made a white chocolate/cherry muffin with allspice and cinnamon. Richard has microwave-baked white bread, with spiced apples, whipped honey, and crunchy chocolate. I don't really see how it can be eaten without utensils, but it sounds tasty. Spike has made potato and carrot chips, with mascarpone and marshmallow dip on the side. Tre's got a cracker with cranberry and cherry jam, and some apple smoked bacon. I love how the editors keep giving us interceding shots of the other chefs looking tense. A realer sense of what goes on during the judging slips in, as we see Jenc grinning and shooting the shit with other chefs in the background as they wait their turns.
Casey has made a chocolate and bacon lasagna, with a sprinkling of candy on top, and some apple juice on the side. Dalel admits up front that his snack is a blatant attempt to get the kids jacked up on sugar. He's made Sweet Tart nuggets with "caveman boulders" (chocolate, graham crackers, Whoppers), and chocolate sauce. He says his snack will lead to a ten-year-old rave. Ha! Antonia cracks up, while Dalet breaks out some dance moves. Jamie has made mini cheddar biscuits, with cinnamon apple sauce on the side. Tiffany has made coconut rice pudding, with grapefruit sauce on the side. DRINK! Dalet has a corn cake with dried cherries and whipped maple topping.
Fabio has dipped apples, some in white chocolate/caramel/blueberry, and some in dark chocolate, marshmallow, and candied ginger. Yes, please! Tiffani's got a Rice Krispie treat snowball, with malted milk and graham crackers. Angelo's made fried dough, with white pepper, Old Bay spice, and cheddar crumbles. I am enormously curious to try that. Stephen has got a snickerdoodle sandwich, with white chocolate, coconut ganache, apricot, and mint. DRINK! Jenc has bacon ginger taffy, with honey grilled peaches. Sounds good. Jenc laughs that if the kids don't like it, they can always whip the taffy at each other, a la snotballs. Heh. Mike has chocolate coconut corn bars, with a coconut horchata chaser. No "DRINK!" here, because this is not something that sounds tasty, but has been ruined by coconut. This sounds disgusting from top to bottom.
Results. First in the bottom three is Tiffany, whose snack was messy. Mike's chocolate flavor wasn't strong enough. Stephen's cookie was fine, but the flavors in the middle (especially the mint) wasn't strong enough. Hmm... Tiffany, Mike, and Stephen. Why, it's all the people who used coconut! Joe Jonas' stock is suddenly rising! Now, for the good news. There are two favorites instead of the usual three. Spike and Tiffani both made impressive snacks. In fact, no winner is announced right now. Padma tells the chefs that the kids will decide which snack reigns supreme. In order to get enough portions put together, Spike and Tiffani will lead teams composed of all the other chefs.
Tiffani's team is: Tiffani, Tiffany, Jamie, Antonia, Casey, Jenc, Dalel, and Tre. Spike's team winds up being: Dalet, Angelo, Marcel, Carla, Richard, Stephen, and Mike. Fabio is the last one standing, and gets to choose which team he'll join. He picks Spike's, interviewing that he doesn't care a whit that he didn't get chosen. He doesn't sell it. Dalel is pleased with the way the teams have shaken out, saying his team is like the Spice Girls and their bodyguard, and the other team is the so-called "cool guys" and "their babysitter, Carla". Hahaha! I'd forgotten how hilarious Dalel is. Prep proceeds without incident.
After all the food is separated into red and blue bags, the chefs head off to the museum. Once they're set up, a wave of children invades. They grab a bag of each snack and start chowing down. The chefs do their best to talk up their respective dishes. As promised, the kids get high on sugar, and start to have ballistic fits all over the floor. They're so jacked up, Joe Jonas' arrival doesn't cause a big uptick in enthusiasm. He leads a voice vote to see which snack wins the Quickfire, and Tiffani's easily bags it. So, she has immunity and an advantage in the upcoming Elimination Challenge. The tide of children sweeps out, but before the chefs can escape back home to get a good night's sleep, Ptom enters, and tells them that said Elimination Challenge begins this very instant.
The challenge will be to make breakfast for the kids and their parents, to be served at 7:30 AM. It's 1:30 AM right now. Ouch. The chefs will stay in the same teams, and will be creating meals in the spirit of two of the dinosaurs whose bones are looming over them right now: Brontosaurus and Tyrannosaurus Rex. The T-Rex team will be cooking with meat and meat byproducts only, while the Brontosaurus team will only have access to fruits, vegetables, and grains. Tiffani gets to choose which dino her team will represent, and she goes for T-Rex. The chefs can grab a little sleep (very little -- only forty-five minutes) in the Hall of North American Mammals before getting started on food prep. Of course, before they can even do that, they have to plan their menus.
Both teams break down into mini-teams to tackle the individual dishes they'd like to make, although they have no idea what ingredients they'll be working with. That dispensed with, the chefs turn in for their nap, although some eschew sleep altogether to have fun with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to traipse around a famous museum in their pajamas. That would certainly be tempting. It's unlikely they'll ever find themselves in such a From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler situation again.
At 4:00 AM, the awakened chefs are turned loose on the museum kitchen. Tiffani discovers that the carnivore she has chosen to represent is just that. Carnivore, not omnivore. So, her team has no access to the lemons or limes they want to use for acid, nor flour, nor herbs. Curiously, there's no sausage for them to use, either, which you'd think would be a pretty standard component of a meat-based challenge. Prep begins. Three seconds in, Jamie slices her thumb open. The show's medic tells her she needs stitches, so she heads off to the hospital. In real life, a teammate felled by injury would be cause for concern. These, however, are chefs. And not only chefs, but reality show chefs. Your thumb had better be hanging by a tiny strand of shredded skin, swinging back and forth on your mangled ligament before you go looking for sympathy. Once Jamie's gone, the others rush to interview about how much more badass they are, and how they wouldn't let a stupid thing like gushing blood stop them from getting through the prep.
Tim: "That's nothing. I cooked through the entire duration of my circumcision".
Nobody gives Jamie a second thought once she walks out the door. Casey works on a salmon that Tre will create a sauce for. Fabio makes gnocchi. Jenc works on a pork dish that Casey interviews tastes like "wet bacon". Spew. Antonia and Tiffany have oven issues. Time winds down, and the chefs head outside to get their stations set up. Marcel snipes in interview about Angelo cutting the plums for their dish. He tries to sell this as some evil plan Angelo is weaving to discredit Marcel's food, and perhaps, in some alternate universe, we could buy that... If this weren't a shared dish amongst Angelo, Marcel, and Richard. It's kind of hard to take another guy down when it's your own food up for discussion. Jamie returns with two stitches in her thumb. The other chefs commence Round 2 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain".
Time runs out, and once again, the chefs are inundated with children. Antonia frets about T-Rex, because the kids don't seem interested in the frittatas she and Tiffany made. Carla frets about Brontosaurus, because the kids seem naturally more drawn to a team that's offering bacon. The judges arrive. Joining Padma, Gail, and Ptom will be the KatieBot. Oh, I guess someone finally remembered to plug her in and recharge her battery. The judges stop by Brontosaurus first. Dalet and Mike have corn grits with salsa verde. Marcel/Richard/Angelo have a banana parfait with a bunch of other seasonal fruits and tandoori maple sauce. Carla and Spike have a fruit and vegetable gazpacho. Fabio and Stephen made potato gnocchi with leeks, mushrooms, and spinach. A lot of these don't really sound breakfasty, but I get that they were kind of painted into a corner, here. Tasting. Fabio's gnocchi gets good reviews, as does the parfait. The others strike the diners as kind of so-so, though nobody has any real out-and-out complaints.
T-Rex. Antonia and Tiffany have a trio of frittatas (bacon/cheddar, ham/cheese, and chevre). Casey's salmon is topped with Tre's sauce of shrimp and apple smoked bacon. Jenc has braised bacon and topped it with hard boiled egg. Jamie stands around like a bump on a pickle. Tiffani has tenderloin with cheesy eggs that is paired with Dalel's paprika and creme fraiche Hollandaise. Tasting. Jenc's bacon is a big disappointment. Casey's salmon is well-cooked, but Tre sauce is exceptionally salty. Tre realizes that the constantly reducing sauce is causing this issue, but shrugs it off, saying he'd rather it be too salty than bland. The frittatas are unevenly cooked. Dalel and Tiffani's steak and eggs is the only dish to get universally positive feedback.
Interstitial. Fabio charms the crowd.
Fret 'n sweat. Tiffani makes the incredibly apt point to the other chefs that to her, being given a blind choice between two menu restrictions isn't much of an "advantage" for winning the Quickfire. It's true. While Ptom did tell everyone about the types of foods they'd have access to, nobody knew what ingredients they'd be working with, so Tiffani had no real leg up on anybody else. It's not the worst thing to befall someone who supposedly had an "advantage", but it merits mention. Padma comes back to the Kitchen, and summons Team Brontosaurus to the table. Once they've left, Team T-Rex starts to gripe. Assuming that Team Brontosaurus is the winning group, Dalel wonders how that can be, because he thinks their dish concepts were so bizarre for kids and their parents. Jenc responds that while they're here, everyone has to cook strictly for the judges, and leave the supposed "target audience" completely out of the equation. Dalel thinks that's selfish, and Jenc shrugs and wonders aloud if Dalel would rather win or please a crowd of people that he'll never see again. It'd be interesting to hear an answer (and in fact, a full discussion on the matter), but we immediately teleport over to...
Judges' Table. Team Brontosaurus is informed that they are, indeed, the winning team. Both the gnocchi dish and the banana parfait are roundly complimented before KatieBot is given the honor of announcing the individual winner. Well, not so individual after all: OUR. FAVORITE. DISH. TODAY. REALLY. HAD. SUCH. NICE. FLAVORS. AND. THE. WINNING. DISH. IS... THE. BANANA. PARFAIT. So, Marcel, Angelo, and Richard all share the win, which means two in a row for Angelo amongst some very stiff competition. Impressive. Marcel blahs something about how if there were an individual winner, it would have been him. Yes, you're the rapscallion of the season. We get it now. Padma dismisses the chefs, and asks to see team T-Rex.
The winners get tepid applause before team T-Rex goes out to face the music. Not the Odd Asian Music, though. He and Gong apparently have the night off. Tiffani starts right in on the judges, explaining straightforwardly and without malice how her "advantage" was anything but. Ding, ding, ding! Continued backtalk to the judges is like an extra little Hanukkah present, just for me. All Ptom can find to say is that he explained to them beforehand that their ingredients would be limited. Right, but both team's ingredients were limited, so Tiffani's point that choosing between two disadvantages is not really an advantage is still valid. Would you consider it an advantage if I told you that tomorrow, you'll either be stoned to death by pickles or suffocated in a vat of mayonnaise, but I'll give you the option of choosing which you'd prefer?
Now, to the food. It's the same problems we heard about earlier. Uneven frittatas. Spicy salmon sauce. Jenc shifts back and forth on her feet, and glares at the judges with a hugely pissed off expression. Padma notes this, and asks why. And Hanukkah continues, as Jenc unloads. She says she doesn't think the T-Rex team deserves to be in the bottom. Gail tries the old trap of asking if Jenc tasted the other team's food, but this ain't Jenc's first rodeo. She said she tasted every single bite of Team Brontosaurus' dishes, and when asked if she still didn't like it, makes a condescending clicking noise of agreement. Tiffani brings up that the Brontosaurus dishes didn't really strike her as breakfast, and KatieBot says that it bespoke a creativity that T-Rex was lacking. Sorry: THAT. T-REX. WAS. LACKING.
Ptom asks why the food wasn't plated individually, and I've got to say, if the judges feel that's a problem worthy of bringing up at Judges' Table for us all to hear about, I'm totally behind Jenc and her righteous fury. "You guys are the judges. You guys are smart enough. Why don't you say 'Hey, can I get a different plate for this?" she spits back. SWEEEEEEEEEEET. In a normal season, I wouldn't find this kind of attitude charming, preferring people to take responsibility for their mistakes. But after seven seasons of gentle deference, it is massively entertaining to see the judges taken down a peg or two. Ptom has no idea what to do with himself, haughtily stating that if the judges should be smart enough to request separate plates, so should a member of the team. Well, that wasn't her point at all, but we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Jamie's absence from the challenge is discussed, so Antonia pops up for Round 3 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain". Jenc's pork dish is criticized, and she continues fighting with the judges, saying that there's no way her bacon and eggs were underseasoned. Given what Casey and the diners said about it earlier, I'd say she's most likely wrong about that. The chefs are dismissed. Christ, I feel like I should smoke a cigarette after that performance. Once the chefs are back in the Kitchen, Fabio asks how it went. "I think I yelled at the judges more than they yelled at us," Jenc says, and without missing a beat, Jamie adds "Yeah, it was pretty good!" Hahaha!
Deliberations. Ptom does his best to convince us that the judges will only consider food, and don't mind Jenc's backtalk at all. I...do not agree. Sure, if she said something like "Well, I think the pork was seasoned perfectly, so we're going to have to disagree on that," that'd be one thing, but she basically called him a moron, and well... As Bravo says, watch what happens. Tiffani and Dale had the best dish of this group. Everyone else is up for the chop, even Jamie and her lack of participation. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Once Tiffani and Dale are dismissed, reiterations of the same complaints we've already heard are leveled at the rest of team T-Rex, although Casey seems pretty blameless in this situation. So, who's next off the island of misfit chefs? Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Needless to say, she does not agree with this decision. She spends her final interview explaining that there was nothing wrong with her dish, and exits the Kitchen in a hail of screaming and cursing. What caused the axe to fall? Food or 'tude? In any event, Jenc, you made this an episode to remember, and for that, you are truly an All-Star.
Overall Grade: A
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sweet and Sour Mix
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 2
Previously on Just Desserts: Twelve pastry chefs arrived in a busy American city that's too full of secrets and intrigue to identify. A cupcake Quickfire threw Malika for a loop, while the Elimination Challenge featured more chocolate than a Showtime at the Apollo marathon. Grating personalities wasted no time in shredding nerves back at the loft. Heatherh took the first challenge, while Tania's gritty mousse made her Candyland's first murder victim. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. In a gimmick I'm not sure I'll have the time or money to pull off, I'm hoping that our viewing party will be able to snack on a different dessert each week. The gummi bears I brought this week weren't half as impressive as the homemade chocolate chip cookies last week, but Panny saved the day with her mini pecan pies in phyllo dough that I'd step over my own mother to get at.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Morgan explains that he and Seth formed an instant bond, owing mostly to the fact that they both like chicks. Well, I certainly can't think of anything more substantial to base a friendship on. That's why guys generally fill out their side of the wedding party with dudes they bumped into at Hooters. Down in the kitchen, Tim takes on a mother hen role, getting the cranky awakening chefs settled with coffee. Seth calls his mother, who apparently lives in a sitcom, as her number starts with 555. She's had a rough time of it lately, owing to medical problems, but tells Seth she's getting better all the time. Of course she is! Sitcom characters can't be gravely ill. Seth begins to tear up in interview, already wandering up to the line between admirably devoted to her well-being and creepy overinvestment. Normally, I wouldn't be so blase about how he responds to his mother's condition, but... I've seen the rest of the episode.
Quickfire Challenge. The Kitchen is filled with a delightful array of penny candy, which brings back fond memories. I think my generation is pretty much the last set of kids to really buy candy-by-the-piece. No such thing as a butterscotch here and a piece of taffy there anymore. Not to mention packs of candy cigarettes, which I can't believe even existed, but which I loved. Oops, sorry. Candy is one of those things that easily makes me lose focus. Back to the show. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and this week's guest judge, Elizabeth Faulkner. She usually seems to know what she's talking about, but I'm not her biggest fan. That's because Elizabeth Faulkner's biggest fan is Elizabeth Faulkner. Still, I get less annoyed with her each time she shows up, so how's that for progress? Heatherc still has that giant, distracting bandage on her forehead.
Today's Quickfire is deceptively simple: Make a dessert featuring penny candy. This can be challenging, because the chefs have to create a dish that surrounds something that already has a strong, distinct flavor. They can use as many or as few candies as they want, and have got an hour to put their desserts together. Winner gets immunity. Ready? Go! Heatherh snaps up a piece of candy to try, and quickly discovers she doesn't like it, spitting it into the trashcan. Yeah, not all penny candy is great. Do they still even make those disgusting, pseudo-peanut butter taffies wrapped in black and orange wax paper that cheapass homeowners gave out on Halloween? Those were the worst. And circus peanuts! Ewwwwwww! Erika finds it as hard to focus on the challenge as I apparently do, because all she wants to do is dive into the candy and start eating. Heh. Malika watches the clock intently. Seth wants to use Atomic Fireballs, because his mom loves them, but can no longer eat them. They're a LabRat favorite as well, despite the fact that he almost choked to death on one.
Zac loves the challenge (and pastry prep in general), because he gets to take revenge on his vegan mother for never letting him eat sweets. Hehe. Danielle crafts a fun little gross-out project out of gummi worms and faux dirt. Gail and Elizabeth enter to give the five-minute warning. Seth runs for liquid nitrogen to chill his sorbet, but there isn't enough to get the job done. When time runs out, Seth melts down faster than his sorbet. He flings a cloth down, cusses, and begins to hyperventilate and cry, all because he couldn't get a Quickfire dessert to the level where he could dedicate it to his mom. Keep in mind this is all going on in front of the judges. Seth... Hmm... I mean, I like to make fun of "crazy" personalities on reality shows, but the fun kind of drains out if the person may actually be crazy. He's dancing close to the edge.
The judges do their best to ignore him while they go down the line. Yigit has infused red licorice into "strawberries and cream", which is accented with citrus and bits of licorice. Heatherh has made vanilla panna cotta with a passion fruit gelee, using passion fruit candy as a sweetener. Tim has an orange and pistachio parfait, with mascarpone, cream, and a ton of orange-flavored candy. Morgan has made a very pretty plate of chick-o-stick sable, with a malted milk ganache, and a banana lollipop that he's repulled. Well, I hate coconut and malted milk balls, but his presentation is so lovely that I'd be tempted to try it. Malika's got a lemon drop and strawberry parfait, with yuzu cream and strawberry gelee. There are some strawberry pop rocks on top, which is a good idea. Heatherc has a browned butter almond financier, with strawberries and balsamic vinegar. She takes the line that it's "candy flavors", but didn't use any actual candy. What a dink.
Zac's plate is the opposite of Morgan's: Mostly good components, but the presentation is sloppy and unappealing. He's got a chocolate and sour cream Ho-Ho, with a red hot/cream cheese filling. He then ruins this delightful combination by topping the whole thing with black licorice and black licorice flavors like star anise. The slop comes from a hot tamale whipped cream smeared all over the plate. Eric's made a malted chocolate pudding with a bit of butterscotch candy, and a malt ball cookie. Erika has a base of strawberry pop rocks, with a lemon drop cookie and sour lemon gelee. Sounds good. Danielle's "worms in dirt" is a chocolate mousse with lemon gummi worms and malt balls and cocoa nibs. She also has the nifty idea of pairing the dessert with a glass of lemon soda with a red licorice straw. Seth begins to break down anew as the judges approach his station. He tearfully tells them about his problems with time, but says that the flavors should still work. Gail kindly tells him that flavors are what's most important, anyway. He's got a whopper chiffon cake, with a red hot/coconut jam, and the melted passion fruit/vanilla sorbet.
After the tasting, he completely dissolves in a puddle of tears on the ground, moaning over and over that he can't do this, and that the "red hots are for my mommy". No, really. I know I'm given to hyperbole, but this is seriously the most uncomfortable breakdown I've ever seen on this show. Delusional chefs that act up and freak out is an integral part of this program, but I almost think that Seth should not have been allowed to compete. The competitors do need some degree of self-control. His hysterical crying jag is to the point that Elizabeth has to come back and comfort him, pulling him in for a hug. Morgan tries to pull his buddy together, laughably telling him that he's a "badass chef".
LabRat (as Elizabeth): "I'm more of a man than you are. Lesbian up, dude."
The other chefs take the same tack as the viewing party, which is that yes, this is a massively difficult, stressful, emotional experience, but you can't respond to every setback like a coal miner's widow who's just been told the bad news. Especially a setback as minor as this. You served a disappointing sorbet, not a cake full of glass shards. Results. The bottom three are Heatherc, for NOT USING ANY CANDY, Eric's one-dimensional dessert, and of course, Seth, for not finishing. Elizabeth tells him again that she's been in his shoes, but you have to put mistakes behind you and step up to the challenge. He agrees. The top three are Heatherh, for highlighting citrus flavor, Danielle's playful theme, and Zac's delicious cake and licorice sauce. Zac is an ungracious victor, though he has the sense to razz his competitors for their desserts in interview. The ultimate winner of the challenge and immunity is... Danielle. She gives the Standard Speech.
LabRat (as Elizabeth): "As the winner, Danielle gets my phone number."
Elimination Challenge. The chefs head to Mark Peel's new restaurant, where we get exciting news. No, it's nothing about the challenge. It's that we finally learn, care of Malika, that we are indeed in Los Angeles. Next week, let's send the chefs somewhere else so we can start the puzzle anew. It'll be like a twisted version of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Mark Peel welcomes everyone before Gail arrives. The chefs applaud Gail's entrance like they didn't just see her ten minutes ago. She explains that the Elimination Challenge will be to create a dessert inspired by a cocktail. Get that, Heatherc? Need it repeated a few times? The challenge is made more complicated when the chefs learn that their ingredients must be selected from behind Mark's bar. When something is taken, that's it. It's gone. The chefs pull coasters instead of the traditional knives to determine the order in which they'll "shop" for two minutes. They'll have to make enough plates for twenty-five diners, plus the judges. Instead of going number by number, I'll just tell you that Eric pulls the all-important #1.
"Shopping". Eric grabs all the pineapple slices. Erika stocks up on margarita components. Malika worries that all the citrus will be gone by the time she gets her turn. We run through a series of chefs hurriedly selecting their ingredients. Zac acts up for attention. Actually, you should probably just assume that whenever Zac is mentioned, he's acting up for attention. Seth is towards the end of the line. He's got his heart set on grapefruit juice, but can't find any. He wonders aloud how he's supposed to make a Greyhound without it. Morgan duhs that he may have to rethink his plan. Yeah, you'd almost think that limited access to ingredients was part of the challenge! Weird! The other chefs encourage him, chanting "Go, Seth, go!" and suggesting that he work out a new version of the drink. No matter. When time runs out, Seth has not obtained the things on his overly-strict ingredient list, and has thus suffered another minor setback. How do you suppose he reacts?
I believe I heard "He has a complete meltdown in front of the judges, almost inappropriate in the worst of times, but especially in a case where his fury is entirely disproportional to the severity of the situation," from the back of the room. Wow, you're wordy. You're also correct. He screams at the other chefs for being "haters", which beyond being silly, is untrue. They were actively trying to help him, even if their motivation was to not get stabbed in their sleep by the loon they're forced to live with. Seth then moves on to a familiar reality show trope, screaming that he's not in this for fun or glory, but that the prize money will save his life. I have the same unsympathetic response for him that I've had for everyone else who's tried this line: If you're that desperate, the solution is not to wander away from your job for a month to go on television for a miniscule fraction of a chance to win a pot of money that gets a hefty chunk chopped off for taxes. I'm fairly sure that "Make a ill-fated grab for game show prizes" doesn't show up on many financial advisors' plans.
That's all beside the point, though, because the real story is Seth's increasingly alarming mood swings. Yigit tells him to stop yelling at everyone, and when Seth snidely responds that it's not for Yigit to tell him what's okay, Seth's BFF Morgan tells him he's being an asshole. Seth finally shuts up, and shrugs in interview that it's all stress. Yeah, no. Nice try, though. Heatherh reiterates in interview that working with limited ingredients is the entire point of the challenge, and having such a tantrum over it is embarrassing. Gail and Mark Peel, who have had to stand there watching all this, try to get the show back on the rails, sending the chefs back to the Kitchen to get to work.
Once there, the chefs get going on their three hours of prep time. They have access to pantry ingredients as well as what they got from behind the bar. Eric works on pineapple upside-down cake based on a bourbon/pineapple cocktail. Based on the limited time we've spent with these chefs, Heatherh and Eric are really stepping up to be my favorites, though for different reasons. I like Heatherh's competent, no-nonsense, no-drama approach, while Eric seems fun and laid-back. Plus, he's cute. Seth's plan for the day is to not spew crazy all over the Kitchen. I like how he has to make that a concrete plan, rather than just not doing it. Today, I think I'll studiously avoid spitting in strangers' faces. Tim tells us (as he did back at the bar) that his dessert is based on a drink called the Plantation. It involves basil and rum. Heatherh advises him to increase the amount of basil if he's going to put it into a cold custard. He doesn't have enough basil leaves to do that, so he throws the entire plant into the blender, seeds and all. Malika worries that her dessert lacks the acidity it needs.
Johnny stops by to Ptimewaste. In most cases, he just checks in with the chefs to see what they're making and how it's going. Notably, in Seth's case, he asks how he's holding up and tells him to take a deep breath. That's not really a great substitute for doing a thorough psych evaluation before letting someone onto the show, but I guess their options are limited at this point. Once Johnny's gone, Seth can't let his excessive energy vent by going nutso on the other contestants, so it gets channeled into being completely spastic. He runs around the Kitchen at a full sprint, yelling nonstop about the blast chiller door and where's his cake and watch the open flame and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The other chefs are just exhausted by him, as anyone forced to live and work with a guy who is mentally incapable of calming the hell down would be.
As time winds down, Heatherh helps Yigit get his stuff wrapped up. Back at the loft, her get-shit-done-with-a-minimum-of-fuss attitude also comes in handy in dealing with the household's resident kook. She tells Seth that she thinks he owes the rest of them an apology, which Seth is very amenable to giving. He's almost too facile in owning up to his poor behavior, which doesn't provide much relief to everyone else, because him shifting gears that quickly is part of the problem in the first place. He tells Heatherh that he'll make it up to the rest of them, and she says she doesn't want him to make anything up, just to spend the remainder of his time treating his fellow chefs like decent people. God, I like her. That would seem like it settles matters for the time being, but Yigit can't resist getting in another dig at Seth, telling him that everyone has personal life issues, and letting them bleed violently into the competition is not helpful. Seth apologizes again. Well, I guess that's it, then. Seth will never lose control again!
After the commercial break, it's back to Mark's bar, where the chefs have an hour to finish up and get everything plated. The space is very cramped, so the chefs will be plating and presenting three at a time. Seth tells Yigit that "my gelee is going to be harder than yours," sending the viewing party into a gale of very immature giggles. Eric is nervous, having never done a plated service before. This is where you can tell I have an unfair bias in his favor, because normally, I'd sneer at the contestant sarcastically that it's a good thing they didn't sign up for a contest in which plating desserts is a given, but in this case, I simply sigh like a schoolgirl. Oh, Eric. I'll enjoy you while I can. Erika realizes she's a few desserts short, so she decides to cut her spheres in half, not only to increase the portions, but so the diners can see the layers inside. It's a genius idea, because it winds up looking even better than her original concept:
Time runs out, and Danielle is so busy dancing to the timer beeps that she doesn't realize she's the one that's supposed to turn it off. Hahahaha! The first set of plates goes out. Gail introduces the judging table, which in addition to her and Johnny, includes Elizabeth Faulkner, Hubert Keller, Mark Peel, and his wife/business partner. Erika kicks off the presentation with her margarita bombe, which includes a lime cookie, tequila mousse, and a Grand Marnier creme brulee. Like Eric's chili-spiced brownie in the first episode, I declare this one Limecrete's Pick of the Week. It looks wonderful. Erika warns the judges that she has incorporated salt, as any good margarita would. Danielle has made a lime and lemon curd tart, topped with toasted coconut and resting on a bed of rum sabayon and candied kumquats. It's always sad to see a promising dessert ruined by coconut. Eric's bourbon pineapple cocktail inspiration has naturally been translated into a pineapple bourbon upside-down cake that looks quite tasty.
Tasting. Erika's margarita bombe was a great idea, and the salt jazzes up what might have been an overly subtle dessert. Danielle's is disappointing. Besides some execution issues, Johnny can't identify any sort of cocktail inspiration. Hubert likes it more than the other judges, but agrees it lacks oomph. Eric's cake had the simplest presentation, but the biggest depth of flavor. The textures were all nice, and there's a pleasant aftertaste of bourbon.
Back in the kitchen, a still-remorseful Seth wants to help the others, and starts by grabbing Yigit's ice cream out of the freezer for him. Morgan is using the scoop, and Yigit barely gets everything onto the plates in time. He worries that his rush has let to a lackluster presentation that will sink him to the bottom three. He's the first in his group to present. He's got a campari and blood orange agar agar, with a citrus vanilla panna cotta, and basil ice cream. Morgan has turned a Jack and Coke inspiration into a cola spiced whiskey cake, with some coke fluid gel and a whiskey gelee. Heatherc has made a gingerbread cake with a rum caramel sauce, and topped with candied ginger. Tasting. Yigit's plate is nicely colorful, but his ice cream is beginning to melt, leading Johnny to surmise that Yigit had a timing issue back in the kitchen.
Tim: "He practically ran out of time plating. How much longer could he have delayed?"
Hmm. Good point. Between this and "Tania had plenty of time to make another mousse", I'm starting to think Johnny isn't as much of an expert as we've been led to believe. The judges enjoyed Morgan's plate, but wish there was one more component. Heatherc made some good gingerbread, but that's about all that can be said for her plate.
Seth is in full-on spaz mode back in the kitchen, and figures that he won't finish on time. Zac, although he's not a big Seth booster, admits that he can't watch someone flail like that, and helps Seth plate. Thanks to him, Seth finishes with a little time to spare, so he zooms over to Malika to offer his assistance. Malika: "I'm good." Malika's tone: "Get the fuck away from my food, nutbar." He then sets his sights on Heatherh, who tells him he can help by going over to the timer to keep an eye on the countdown. Heh. Clever little minx. Time runs out.
The next set of chefs goes out to meet the judges. Seth's plate is based on a blueberry gimlet. He didn't have enough blueberries to incorporate into the cake, and has decided that dyeing the cake blue is the next best thing. Well, sure. That's why instead of keeping a fire extinguisher around, I just tacked up a picture of one. It's just as good, really. Seth's cake also has lemon juice, lime juice, gin, and juniper soda. Malika has made a blood orange/blackberry mojito cake soaked with white rum, with a white chocolate mousse infused with cream. Privately, she's concerned about her flavor balance, but has no choice but to hope for the best. Heatherh's inspiration is a White Russian, and she has made a custard with coffee, Kahlua, white chocolate, and vodka. Tasting. Malika's dessert is one of the weakest so far. The flavors she meant to highlight were overshadowed, and Hubert finds it far too sweet. She did well with the cocktail half of the challenge, just not the dessert half. Heatherh's plate is overcomplicated. As to Seth's plate, Elizabeth tells the other judges that blue food is a faux pas in the pastry world. Is that true? Because it sounds a little urban legendy. Aside from the color, Johnny didn't get a hint of either of the two gins Seth included.
As the next set of chefs gets ready, a crash resounds throughout the kitchen. A tray of Zac's chocolate squares has fallen to the floor. The only person nearby is Seth, who insists that he didn't do anything to it. I'm going to refrain from assuming Seth knocked it over in some flailing spaz attack, because we didn't see it on camera, and God knows there's plenty else to hold Seth accountable for this week. Still, it may be a good idea to not let the hyperemotional basket case near your food from now on. Or your toolbox. Or your medicine cabinet. Seth wants to appear contrite and helpful by cleaning up the mess, but all he accomplishes is being even more in the way while Zac is trying to plate. Your homework for tonight will be to read "Helping" from Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends and write an essay about how it relates to this scene. Zac still has plenty of tuile to top each of his plates, but leaves one off, only realizing it after time has elapsed. You'd think he'd be extra sure to make sure that one goes to some random diner instead of the judges' table. You'd think. Naturally, Zac takes this whole situation to mean he should never help anyone out, and nice guys finish last, and so on and so forth. Way to completely miss the point while simultaneously pissing away any sympathy I had for you, Zac. It's tough to do that in two sentences. Oh, and good job serving the tuile-less plate to Gail. That wasn't dumb at all.
Presentation. Zac sags even further in my estimation by explaining that his inspiration was a Jager Bomb. Of course, that's not entirely his fault. It's the Misses', a Saint Louis girl band who had me dress up as Cupid and introduce them for their Valentine's Day show. It was a Jagermeister-sponsored event, and folks just love to buy shots for dudes dressed up as Roman love fairies. Needless to say, I haven't been able to touch a drop of the stuff since. Anyway, back to Zac. He's made a Benedictine bombe, which is a dark chocolate malt cake, with a Benedictine cremeux (basically a mousse). The cakes are topped with the chocolate squares that escaped the crash, lime ice cream/sorbet/gelato/something-or-other and a tarragon tuile except for the one Zac didn't put on and somehow blamed on Seth. Tim describes his cocktail inspiration for the third time. I'll assume you're up to speed. His dessert is a basil pudding with orange, kumquat, and lime granita. Tasting. Zac had a great concept, but not a great dessert. Johnny rails against Tim for doing two desserts served in a bowl in two challenges. I get where he's going with that, but two instances does not a pattern make. Elizabeth has a more concrete criticism, which is that Tim's textures are awful, rather like finding scrambled eggs in your soup. Spew. Mark agrees that it's messy, but enjoys the flavors.
Interstitial. Seth tries to drum up activity partners during the long fret 'n sweat. Nobody's interested.
Judges' Table. Gail enters the Kitchen, and asks to see Erika, Yigit, and Eric. Once they're gone, Seth says he's happy for Eric, condescendingly saying that Eric needs a hit now or he'll just fall apart and never pull it together. Nobody who's ever said "The red hots were for my mommy" gets to comment on other people pulling it together. Heatherc, who more and more is looking like she's a few hotels short of a Monopoly game, decides to poke the big bag of crazy by insisting that the three chefs who just left may not even be the winners. Seth explodes yet again, saying that the other chefs are taking advantage of his emotional vulnerability, and telling them all to suck it. I don't think "Stop spewing wads of insanity all over me" can be construed as taking advantage of someone, but since parsing Seth's outbursts would fulfill a full-semester course towards a psychology degree, we just don't have the time to go into it that deeply. In the meantime, Heatherc, here's a helpful little to-do list for you:
1) Cut your bangs. I know your forehead is raging with some sort of fungal outbreak right now, but walking around with that hair curtain isn't much better.
2) Listen to the challenge parameters. They're kind of important.
3) Stop picking fights with insane people. Their arguments don't rely on reason, and you're only setting yourself up to come home and find your beloved pet bubbling away on the stove.
4) As a matter of fact, just shut up entirely. You're annoying.
Thanks. So, after we're treated to Seth's third rant of the hour, we go out to Judges' Table, where Gail informs Erika, Yigit, and Eric that they're the top three. Erika's margarita bombe was aesthetically pleasing, as well as delicious. Eric's pineapple upside-down cake had great consistency, and the pineapple was well-caramelized. Elizabeth warns that he'll have to step up his plating skills, though. Yigit impressed the judges with his colorful plate and creamy panna cotta. Elizabeth gets to announce the challenge winner, who turns out to be... Erika. Yay! Erika is reserved, but pleased, and looks genuinely anxious when Gail asks the top three to send out the losing chefs.
Erika's win is applauded back in the Kitchen before Yigit tells the chefs that the judges want to see Malika, Tim, and Seth. Once they're lined up, Gail asks Tim if his final result was the way he pictured it. He says that it was, and that his intent was simply to mirror a cocktail he enjoys. Johnny describes the horrible texture issues Tim had, and says that while Tim knows his flavors inside and out, he has real trouble putting them together.
Seth admits that he made a poor dessert, and won't pretend otherwise. He begins to get agitated again, but backs off in time. Hubert says that his cake wasn't so much a blueberry cake as a blueberry-colored cake, but that he's being too hard on himself. Johnny jumps on board by telling Seth that he's a smart guy, just spread himself too thin. Such a hard worker! Have you ever heard this many compliments for someone at Losers' Table? I guess I can understand their thinking: Keep him calm. Back away slowly. Don't make eye contact. Elizabeth comes as close as a judge has ever gotten to asking "Are you sure you're sane enough to continue in this contest?" Seth maintains his placid mask, but admits that he can't promise to not scale a clocktower and begin blasting away the next time he, I don't know, runs out of butter or something.
Tiffany (as Gail): "Seth, please pack your knives and go. Actually, no. Don't pack them. Please gently hand over your knives, then go."
Malika's cake was far too sweet and off balance. Johnny asks her why she has such time issues, and she says that she was trying to correct mistakes, when she should have just started from scratch with a new idea. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Seth tried to do too much, and will probably start a hostage crisis any minute now. Tim has great flavor combinations, but his pudding was a curdled soup. Malika's mojito cake was too sweet and lacked important elements. She's having a hard time adapting to the challenges. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. The chefs aren't wearing Kevlar, so I guess I know one person that's safe. Tim's textures were awful. Malika's balance was awful. Seth is an awesome, wonderful person, but maybe this dish was just an eensy-beensy bit off. Gail delivers the bad news. Tim. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. Note that I am not suggesting that they kept Seth around so he could continue to be cuckoo and make good television. I don't know if that's because I've been doing that too much lately, Tim's dessert really did look quite icky, or because the judges seem to know as well as anybody that Seth is not the cute kind of zany, and still didn't eliminate him. All of the above, probably.
In his final interview, Tim is surprised to have been eliminated, and can't think of anything he'd change about the dessert. The chefs waiting in the Kitchen are heartbroken to hear of his ouster, and I'll bet it's not too much of a stretch to assume that 50% of that heartbreak has nothing to do with Tim. Although he's shocked by the judges' decision, he accepts it graciously, and says that it's been an exciting experience that he doesn't regret at all. I imagine it would be somewhat of a relief to go back to a place where you don't have to sleep with a gun under your pillow.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Just Desserts: Twelve pastry chefs arrived in a busy American city that's too full of secrets and intrigue to identify. A cupcake Quickfire threw Malika for a loop, while the Elimination Challenge featured more chocolate than a Showtime at the Apollo marathon. Grating personalities wasted no time in shredding nerves back at the loft. Heatherh took the first challenge, while Tania's gritty mousse made her Candyland's first murder victim. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. In a gimmick I'm not sure I'll have the time or money to pull off, I'm hoping that our viewing party will be able to snack on a different dessert each week. The gummi bears I brought this week weren't half as impressive as the homemade chocolate chip cookies last week, but Panny saved the day with her mini pecan pies in phyllo dough that I'd step over my own mother to get at.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Morgan explains that he and Seth formed an instant bond, owing mostly to the fact that they both like chicks. Well, I certainly can't think of anything more substantial to base a friendship on. That's why guys generally fill out their side of the wedding party with dudes they bumped into at Hooters. Down in the kitchen, Tim takes on a mother hen role, getting the cranky awakening chefs settled with coffee. Seth calls his mother, who apparently lives in a sitcom, as her number starts with 555. She's had a rough time of it lately, owing to medical problems, but tells Seth she's getting better all the time. Of course she is! Sitcom characters can't be gravely ill. Seth begins to tear up in interview, already wandering up to the line between admirably devoted to her well-being and creepy overinvestment. Normally, I wouldn't be so blase about how he responds to his mother's condition, but... I've seen the rest of the episode.
Quickfire Challenge. The Kitchen is filled with a delightful array of penny candy, which brings back fond memories. I think my generation is pretty much the last set of kids to really buy candy-by-the-piece. No such thing as a butterscotch here and a piece of taffy there anymore. Not to mention packs of candy cigarettes, which I can't believe even existed, but which I loved. Oops, sorry. Candy is one of those things that easily makes me lose focus. Back to the show. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and this week's guest judge, Elizabeth Faulkner. She usually seems to know what she's talking about, but I'm not her biggest fan. That's because Elizabeth Faulkner's biggest fan is Elizabeth Faulkner. Still, I get less annoyed with her each time she shows up, so how's that for progress? Heatherc still has that giant, distracting bandage on her forehead.
Today's Quickfire is deceptively simple: Make a dessert featuring penny candy. This can be challenging, because the chefs have to create a dish that surrounds something that already has a strong, distinct flavor. They can use as many or as few candies as they want, and have got an hour to put their desserts together. Winner gets immunity. Ready? Go! Heatherh snaps up a piece of candy to try, and quickly discovers she doesn't like it, spitting it into the trashcan. Yeah, not all penny candy is great. Do they still even make those disgusting, pseudo-peanut butter taffies wrapped in black and orange wax paper that cheapass homeowners gave out on Halloween? Those were the worst. And circus peanuts! Ewwwwwww! Erika finds it as hard to focus on the challenge as I apparently do, because all she wants to do is dive into the candy and start eating. Heh. Malika watches the clock intently. Seth wants to use Atomic Fireballs, because his mom loves them, but can no longer eat them. They're a LabRat favorite as well, despite the fact that he almost choked to death on one.
Zac loves the challenge (and pastry prep in general), because he gets to take revenge on his vegan mother for never letting him eat sweets. Hehe. Danielle crafts a fun little gross-out project out of gummi worms and faux dirt. Gail and Elizabeth enter to give the five-minute warning. Seth runs for liquid nitrogen to chill his sorbet, but there isn't enough to get the job done. When time runs out, Seth melts down faster than his sorbet. He flings a cloth down, cusses, and begins to hyperventilate and cry, all because he couldn't get a Quickfire dessert to the level where he could dedicate it to his mom. Keep in mind this is all going on in front of the judges. Seth... Hmm... I mean, I like to make fun of "crazy" personalities on reality shows, but the fun kind of drains out if the person may actually be crazy. He's dancing close to the edge.
The judges do their best to ignore him while they go down the line. Yigit has infused red licorice into "strawberries and cream", which is accented with citrus and bits of licorice. Heatherh has made vanilla panna cotta with a passion fruit gelee, using passion fruit candy as a sweetener. Tim has an orange and pistachio parfait, with mascarpone, cream, and a ton of orange-flavored candy. Morgan has made a very pretty plate of chick-o-stick sable, with a malted milk ganache, and a banana lollipop that he's repulled. Well, I hate coconut and malted milk balls, but his presentation is so lovely that I'd be tempted to try it. Malika's got a lemon drop and strawberry parfait, with yuzu cream and strawberry gelee. There are some strawberry pop rocks on top, which is a good idea. Heatherc has a browned butter almond financier, with strawberries and balsamic vinegar. She takes the line that it's "candy flavors", but didn't use any actual candy. What a dink.
Zac's plate is the opposite of Morgan's: Mostly good components, but the presentation is sloppy and unappealing. He's got a chocolate and sour cream Ho-Ho, with a red hot/cream cheese filling. He then ruins this delightful combination by topping the whole thing with black licorice and black licorice flavors like star anise. The slop comes from a hot tamale whipped cream smeared all over the plate. Eric's made a malted chocolate pudding with a bit of butterscotch candy, and a malt ball cookie. Erika has a base of strawberry pop rocks, with a lemon drop cookie and sour lemon gelee. Sounds good. Danielle's "worms in dirt" is a chocolate mousse with lemon gummi worms and malt balls and cocoa nibs. She also has the nifty idea of pairing the dessert with a glass of lemon soda with a red licorice straw. Seth begins to break down anew as the judges approach his station. He tearfully tells them about his problems with time, but says that the flavors should still work. Gail kindly tells him that flavors are what's most important, anyway. He's got a whopper chiffon cake, with a red hot/coconut jam, and the melted passion fruit/vanilla sorbet.
After the tasting, he completely dissolves in a puddle of tears on the ground, moaning over and over that he can't do this, and that the "red hots are for my mommy". No, really. I know I'm given to hyperbole, but this is seriously the most uncomfortable breakdown I've ever seen on this show. Delusional chefs that act up and freak out is an integral part of this program, but I almost think that Seth should not have been allowed to compete. The competitors do need some degree of self-control. His hysterical crying jag is to the point that Elizabeth has to come back and comfort him, pulling him in for a hug. Morgan tries to pull his buddy together, laughably telling him that he's a "badass chef".
LabRat (as Elizabeth): "I'm more of a man than you are. Lesbian up, dude."
The other chefs take the same tack as the viewing party, which is that yes, this is a massively difficult, stressful, emotional experience, but you can't respond to every setback like a coal miner's widow who's just been told the bad news. Especially a setback as minor as this. You served a disappointing sorbet, not a cake full of glass shards. Results. The bottom three are Heatherc, for NOT USING ANY CANDY, Eric's one-dimensional dessert, and of course, Seth, for not finishing. Elizabeth tells him again that she's been in his shoes, but you have to put mistakes behind you and step up to the challenge. He agrees. The top three are Heatherh, for highlighting citrus flavor, Danielle's playful theme, and Zac's delicious cake and licorice sauce. Zac is an ungracious victor, though he has the sense to razz his competitors for their desserts in interview. The ultimate winner of the challenge and immunity is... Danielle. She gives the Standard Speech.
LabRat (as Elizabeth): "As the winner, Danielle gets my phone number."
Elimination Challenge. The chefs head to Mark Peel's new restaurant, where we get exciting news. No, it's nothing about the challenge. It's that we finally learn, care of Malika, that we are indeed in Los Angeles. Next week, let's send the chefs somewhere else so we can start the puzzle anew. It'll be like a twisted version of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Mark Peel welcomes everyone before Gail arrives. The chefs applaud Gail's entrance like they didn't just see her ten minutes ago. She explains that the Elimination Challenge will be to create a dessert inspired by a cocktail. Get that, Heatherc? Need it repeated a few times? The challenge is made more complicated when the chefs learn that their ingredients must be selected from behind Mark's bar. When something is taken, that's it. It's gone. The chefs pull coasters instead of the traditional knives to determine the order in which they'll "shop" for two minutes. They'll have to make enough plates for twenty-five diners, plus the judges. Instead of going number by number, I'll just tell you that Eric pulls the all-important #1.
"Shopping". Eric grabs all the pineapple slices. Erika stocks up on margarita components. Malika worries that all the citrus will be gone by the time she gets her turn. We run through a series of chefs hurriedly selecting their ingredients. Zac acts up for attention. Actually, you should probably just assume that whenever Zac is mentioned, he's acting up for attention. Seth is towards the end of the line. He's got his heart set on grapefruit juice, but can't find any. He wonders aloud how he's supposed to make a Greyhound without it. Morgan duhs that he may have to rethink his plan. Yeah, you'd almost think that limited access to ingredients was part of the challenge! Weird! The other chefs encourage him, chanting "Go, Seth, go!" and suggesting that he work out a new version of the drink. No matter. When time runs out, Seth has not obtained the things on his overly-strict ingredient list, and has thus suffered another minor setback. How do you suppose he reacts?
I believe I heard "He has a complete meltdown in front of the judges, almost inappropriate in the worst of times, but especially in a case where his fury is entirely disproportional to the severity of the situation," from the back of the room. Wow, you're wordy. You're also correct. He screams at the other chefs for being "haters", which beyond being silly, is untrue. They were actively trying to help him, even if their motivation was to not get stabbed in their sleep by the loon they're forced to live with. Seth then moves on to a familiar reality show trope, screaming that he's not in this for fun or glory, but that the prize money will save his life. I have the same unsympathetic response for him that I've had for everyone else who's tried this line: If you're that desperate, the solution is not to wander away from your job for a month to go on television for a miniscule fraction of a chance to win a pot of money that gets a hefty chunk chopped off for taxes. I'm fairly sure that "Make a ill-fated grab for game show prizes" doesn't show up on many financial advisors' plans.
That's all beside the point, though, because the real story is Seth's increasingly alarming mood swings. Yigit tells him to stop yelling at everyone, and when Seth snidely responds that it's not for Yigit to tell him what's okay, Seth's BFF Morgan tells him he's being an asshole. Seth finally shuts up, and shrugs in interview that it's all stress. Yeah, no. Nice try, though. Heatherh reiterates in interview that working with limited ingredients is the entire point of the challenge, and having such a tantrum over it is embarrassing. Gail and Mark Peel, who have had to stand there watching all this, try to get the show back on the rails, sending the chefs back to the Kitchen to get to work.
Once there, the chefs get going on their three hours of prep time. They have access to pantry ingredients as well as what they got from behind the bar. Eric works on pineapple upside-down cake based on a bourbon/pineapple cocktail. Based on the limited time we've spent with these chefs, Heatherh and Eric are really stepping up to be my favorites, though for different reasons. I like Heatherh's competent, no-nonsense, no-drama approach, while Eric seems fun and laid-back. Plus, he's cute. Seth's plan for the day is to not spew crazy all over the Kitchen. I like how he has to make that a concrete plan, rather than just not doing it. Today, I think I'll studiously avoid spitting in strangers' faces. Tim tells us (as he did back at the bar) that his dessert is based on a drink called the Plantation. It involves basil and rum. Heatherh advises him to increase the amount of basil if he's going to put it into a cold custard. He doesn't have enough basil leaves to do that, so he throws the entire plant into the blender, seeds and all. Malika worries that her dessert lacks the acidity it needs.
Johnny stops by to Ptimewaste. In most cases, he just checks in with the chefs to see what they're making and how it's going. Notably, in Seth's case, he asks how he's holding up and tells him to take a deep breath. That's not really a great substitute for doing a thorough psych evaluation before letting someone onto the show, but I guess their options are limited at this point. Once Johnny's gone, Seth can't let his excessive energy vent by going nutso on the other contestants, so it gets channeled into being completely spastic. He runs around the Kitchen at a full sprint, yelling nonstop about the blast chiller door and where's his cake and watch the open flame and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The other chefs are just exhausted by him, as anyone forced to live and work with a guy who is mentally incapable of calming the hell down would be.
As time winds down, Heatherh helps Yigit get his stuff wrapped up. Back at the loft, her get-shit-done-with-a-minimum-of-fuss attitude also comes in handy in dealing with the household's resident kook. She tells Seth that she thinks he owes the rest of them an apology, which Seth is very amenable to giving. He's almost too facile in owning up to his poor behavior, which doesn't provide much relief to everyone else, because him shifting gears that quickly is part of the problem in the first place. He tells Heatherh that he'll make it up to the rest of them, and she says she doesn't want him to make anything up, just to spend the remainder of his time treating his fellow chefs like decent people. God, I like her. That would seem like it settles matters for the time being, but Yigit can't resist getting in another dig at Seth, telling him that everyone has personal life issues, and letting them bleed violently into the competition is not helpful. Seth apologizes again. Well, I guess that's it, then. Seth will never lose control again!
After the commercial break, it's back to Mark's bar, where the chefs have an hour to finish up and get everything plated. The space is very cramped, so the chefs will be plating and presenting three at a time. Seth tells Yigit that "my gelee is going to be harder than yours," sending the viewing party into a gale of very immature giggles. Eric is nervous, having never done a plated service before. This is where you can tell I have an unfair bias in his favor, because normally, I'd sneer at the contestant sarcastically that it's a good thing they didn't sign up for a contest in which plating desserts is a given, but in this case, I simply sigh like a schoolgirl. Oh, Eric. I'll enjoy you while I can. Erika realizes she's a few desserts short, so she decides to cut her spheres in half, not only to increase the portions, but so the diners can see the layers inside. It's a genius idea, because it winds up looking even better than her original concept:
Time runs out, and Danielle is so busy dancing to the timer beeps that she doesn't realize she's the one that's supposed to turn it off. Hahahaha! The first set of plates goes out. Gail introduces the judging table, which in addition to her and Johnny, includes Elizabeth Faulkner, Hubert Keller, Mark Peel, and his wife/business partner. Erika kicks off the presentation with her margarita bombe, which includes a lime cookie, tequila mousse, and a Grand Marnier creme brulee. Like Eric's chili-spiced brownie in the first episode, I declare this one Limecrete's Pick of the Week. It looks wonderful. Erika warns the judges that she has incorporated salt, as any good margarita would. Danielle has made a lime and lemon curd tart, topped with toasted coconut and resting on a bed of rum sabayon and candied kumquats. It's always sad to see a promising dessert ruined by coconut. Eric's bourbon pineapple cocktail inspiration has naturally been translated into a pineapple bourbon upside-down cake that looks quite tasty.
Tasting. Erika's margarita bombe was a great idea, and the salt jazzes up what might have been an overly subtle dessert. Danielle's is disappointing. Besides some execution issues, Johnny can't identify any sort of cocktail inspiration. Hubert likes it more than the other judges, but agrees it lacks oomph. Eric's cake had the simplest presentation, but the biggest depth of flavor. The textures were all nice, and there's a pleasant aftertaste of bourbon.
Back in the kitchen, a still-remorseful Seth wants to help the others, and starts by grabbing Yigit's ice cream out of the freezer for him. Morgan is using the scoop, and Yigit barely gets everything onto the plates in time. He worries that his rush has let to a lackluster presentation that will sink him to the bottom three. He's the first in his group to present. He's got a campari and blood orange agar agar, with a citrus vanilla panna cotta, and basil ice cream. Morgan has turned a Jack and Coke inspiration into a cola spiced whiskey cake, with some coke fluid gel and a whiskey gelee. Heatherc has made a gingerbread cake with a rum caramel sauce, and topped with candied ginger. Tasting. Yigit's plate is nicely colorful, but his ice cream is beginning to melt, leading Johnny to surmise that Yigit had a timing issue back in the kitchen.
Tim: "He practically ran out of time plating. How much longer could he have delayed?"
Hmm. Good point. Between this and "Tania had plenty of time to make another mousse", I'm starting to think Johnny isn't as much of an expert as we've been led to believe. The judges enjoyed Morgan's plate, but wish there was one more component. Heatherc made some good gingerbread, but that's about all that can be said for her plate.
Seth is in full-on spaz mode back in the kitchen, and figures that he won't finish on time. Zac, although he's not a big Seth booster, admits that he can't watch someone flail like that, and helps Seth plate. Thanks to him, Seth finishes with a little time to spare, so he zooms over to Malika to offer his assistance. Malika: "I'm good." Malika's tone: "Get the fuck away from my food, nutbar." He then sets his sights on Heatherh, who tells him he can help by going over to the timer to keep an eye on the countdown. Heh. Clever little minx. Time runs out.
The next set of chefs goes out to meet the judges. Seth's plate is based on a blueberry gimlet. He didn't have enough blueberries to incorporate into the cake, and has decided that dyeing the cake blue is the next best thing. Well, sure. That's why instead of keeping a fire extinguisher around, I just tacked up a picture of one. It's just as good, really. Seth's cake also has lemon juice, lime juice, gin, and juniper soda. Malika has made a blood orange/blackberry mojito cake soaked with white rum, with a white chocolate mousse infused with cream. Privately, she's concerned about her flavor balance, but has no choice but to hope for the best. Heatherh's inspiration is a White Russian, and she has made a custard with coffee, Kahlua, white chocolate, and vodka. Tasting. Malika's dessert is one of the weakest so far. The flavors she meant to highlight were overshadowed, and Hubert finds it far too sweet. She did well with the cocktail half of the challenge, just not the dessert half. Heatherh's plate is overcomplicated. As to Seth's plate, Elizabeth tells the other judges that blue food is a faux pas in the pastry world. Is that true? Because it sounds a little urban legendy. Aside from the color, Johnny didn't get a hint of either of the two gins Seth included.
As the next set of chefs gets ready, a crash resounds throughout the kitchen. A tray of Zac's chocolate squares has fallen to the floor. The only person nearby is Seth, who insists that he didn't do anything to it. I'm going to refrain from assuming Seth knocked it over in some flailing spaz attack, because we didn't see it on camera, and God knows there's plenty else to hold Seth accountable for this week. Still, it may be a good idea to not let the hyperemotional basket case near your food from now on. Or your toolbox. Or your medicine cabinet. Seth wants to appear contrite and helpful by cleaning up the mess, but all he accomplishes is being even more in the way while Zac is trying to plate. Your homework for tonight will be to read "Helping" from Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends and write an essay about how it relates to this scene. Zac still has plenty of tuile to top each of his plates, but leaves one off, only realizing it after time has elapsed. You'd think he'd be extra sure to make sure that one goes to some random diner instead of the judges' table. You'd think. Naturally, Zac takes this whole situation to mean he should never help anyone out, and nice guys finish last, and so on and so forth. Way to completely miss the point while simultaneously pissing away any sympathy I had for you, Zac. It's tough to do that in two sentences. Oh, and good job serving the tuile-less plate to Gail. That wasn't dumb at all.
Presentation. Zac sags even further in my estimation by explaining that his inspiration was a Jager Bomb. Of course, that's not entirely his fault. It's the Misses', a Saint Louis girl band who had me dress up as Cupid and introduce them for their Valentine's Day show. It was a Jagermeister-sponsored event, and folks just love to buy shots for dudes dressed up as Roman love fairies. Needless to say, I haven't been able to touch a drop of the stuff since. Anyway, back to Zac. He's made a Benedictine bombe, which is a dark chocolate malt cake, with a Benedictine cremeux (basically a mousse). The cakes are topped with the chocolate squares that escaped the crash, lime ice cream/sorbet/gelato/something-or-other and a tarragon tuile except for the one Zac didn't put on and somehow blamed on Seth. Tim describes his cocktail inspiration for the third time. I'll assume you're up to speed. His dessert is a basil pudding with orange, kumquat, and lime granita. Tasting. Zac had a great concept, but not a great dessert. Johnny rails against Tim for doing two desserts served in a bowl in two challenges. I get where he's going with that, but two instances does not a pattern make. Elizabeth has a more concrete criticism, which is that Tim's textures are awful, rather like finding scrambled eggs in your soup. Spew. Mark agrees that it's messy, but enjoys the flavors.
Interstitial. Seth tries to drum up activity partners during the long fret 'n sweat. Nobody's interested.
Judges' Table. Gail enters the Kitchen, and asks to see Erika, Yigit, and Eric. Once they're gone, Seth says he's happy for Eric, condescendingly saying that Eric needs a hit now or he'll just fall apart and never pull it together. Nobody who's ever said "The red hots were for my mommy" gets to comment on other people pulling it together. Heatherc, who more and more is looking like she's a few hotels short of a Monopoly game, decides to poke the big bag of crazy by insisting that the three chefs who just left may not even be the winners. Seth explodes yet again, saying that the other chefs are taking advantage of his emotional vulnerability, and telling them all to suck it. I don't think "Stop spewing wads of insanity all over me" can be construed as taking advantage of someone, but since parsing Seth's outbursts would fulfill a full-semester course towards a psychology degree, we just don't have the time to go into it that deeply. In the meantime, Heatherc, here's a helpful little to-do list for you:
1) Cut your bangs. I know your forehead is raging with some sort of fungal outbreak right now, but walking around with that hair curtain isn't much better.
2) Listen to the challenge parameters. They're kind of important.
3) Stop picking fights with insane people. Their arguments don't rely on reason, and you're only setting yourself up to come home and find your beloved pet bubbling away on the stove.
4) As a matter of fact, just shut up entirely. You're annoying.
Thanks. So, after we're treated to Seth's third rant of the hour, we go out to Judges' Table, where Gail informs Erika, Yigit, and Eric that they're the top three. Erika's margarita bombe was aesthetically pleasing, as well as delicious. Eric's pineapple upside-down cake had great consistency, and the pineapple was well-caramelized. Elizabeth warns that he'll have to step up his plating skills, though. Yigit impressed the judges with his colorful plate and creamy panna cotta. Elizabeth gets to announce the challenge winner, who turns out to be... Erika. Yay! Erika is reserved, but pleased, and looks genuinely anxious when Gail asks the top three to send out the losing chefs.
Erika's win is applauded back in the Kitchen before Yigit tells the chefs that the judges want to see Malika, Tim, and Seth. Once they're lined up, Gail asks Tim if his final result was the way he pictured it. He says that it was, and that his intent was simply to mirror a cocktail he enjoys. Johnny describes the horrible texture issues Tim had, and says that while Tim knows his flavors inside and out, he has real trouble putting them together.
Seth admits that he made a poor dessert, and won't pretend otherwise. He begins to get agitated again, but backs off in time. Hubert says that his cake wasn't so much a blueberry cake as a blueberry-colored cake, but that he's being too hard on himself. Johnny jumps on board by telling Seth that he's a smart guy, just spread himself too thin. Such a hard worker! Have you ever heard this many compliments for someone at Losers' Table? I guess I can understand their thinking: Keep him calm. Back away slowly. Don't make eye contact. Elizabeth comes as close as a judge has ever gotten to asking "Are you sure you're sane enough to continue in this contest?" Seth maintains his placid mask, but admits that he can't promise to not scale a clocktower and begin blasting away the next time he, I don't know, runs out of butter or something.
Tiffany (as Gail): "Seth, please pack your knives and go. Actually, no. Don't pack them. Please gently hand over your knives, then go."
Malika's cake was far too sweet and off balance. Johnny asks her why she has such time issues, and she says that she was trying to correct mistakes, when she should have just started from scratch with a new idea. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Seth tried to do too much, and will probably start a hostage crisis any minute now. Tim has great flavor combinations, but his pudding was a curdled soup. Malika's mojito cake was too sweet and lacked important elements. She's having a hard time adapting to the challenges. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. The chefs aren't wearing Kevlar, so I guess I know one person that's safe. Tim's textures were awful. Malika's balance was awful. Seth is an awesome, wonderful person, but maybe this dish was just an eensy-beensy bit off. Gail delivers the bad news. Tim. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. Note that I am not suggesting that they kept Seth around so he could continue to be cuckoo and make good television. I don't know if that's because I've been doing that too much lately, Tim's dessert really did look quite icky, or because the judges seem to know as well as anybody that Seth is not the cute kind of zany, and still didn't eliminate him. All of the above, probably.
In his final interview, Tim is surprised to have been eliminated, and can't think of anything he'd change about the dessert. The chefs waiting in the Kitchen are heartbroken to hear of his ouster, and I'll bet it's not too much of a stretch to assume that 50% of that heartbreak has nothing to do with Tim. Although he's shocked by the judges' decision, he accepts it graciously, and says that it's been an exciting experience that he doesn't regret at all. I imagine it would be somewhat of a relief to go back to a place where you don't have to sleep with a gun under your pillow.
Overall Grade: B
Monday, June 28, 2010
Happy Meals
Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: Seventeen chefs invaded the nation's capital, intent on making their views on foreign policy and financial reform known. What's that? Oh. Sorry, I was misinformed. Seventeen chefs invaded the nation's capital so they could win the title of Top Chef. Tiffany wanted to score for the sisters. Angelo racked up $20,000 in the Quickfire and won the Elimination Challenge on top of it, but was acutely aware that Kenny will always be nipping at his heels. The judges were completely turned off by the unappetizing mess that John presented. And that was just his hair. His food failed, too, and he became the first chef punted home. Sixteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. A bunch of local restaurants are presenting three courses for $25 right now, and it seemed a good opportunity to try someplace new. I didn't realize that I ordered gulf shrimp as the appetizer until after I finished it. Here's hoping I didn't just suck down a mouthful of crude. The wine was good, though. Speaking of which... Rule #2: Take a drink whenever someone says "It is what it is," or "At the end of the day..." Really, you could apply this rule to daily life as well, but you'd be too plastered to hold down a job.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Nobody really cares about John's elimination much. Ed feels a little bad for him, but wants to win, so "it is what it is". DRINK! Andrea robustly approves of Jacqueline throwing a mass of butter into a pan of whatever she's cooking, and interviews that she's ready to take Angelo down.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and this week's guest judge, Sam Kass, who is an assistant chef at the White House. Nice! Plus, he's kind of dreamy. Padma tells everyone that a well-run government is bipartisan. Once the laughter subsides, she explains the rules of this week's Quickfire. The chefs will be paired up to make a sandwich together in half an hour, with the winning team getting immunity. Tamesha is suspicious, because no sandwich should take thirty minutes to make, unless you're Dagwood Bumstead. The chefs pull knives to determine their teammates:
-Kenny/Ed
-Angelo/Tracey
-Arnold/Kelly
-Amanda/Tamesha
-Lynne/Tiffany
-Stephen/Jacqueline
-Tim/Alex
-Kevin/Andrea
Once everyone is paired up, Padma tells them there will be a twist, which nobody is surprised by in the least. They probably didn't expect this development, though. The chefs will be yoked together by a double-wide apron, and each of them will only be able to use one arm. Tim wonders what kind of ganja the challenge designers are passing around. Padma starts the clock, and the chefs raid the apron box.
Tiffany: "They're all thinking about how happy they are that they don't have to be tethered to that guy with the dreadlocks."
Kenny and Ed are happy to discover that they can both use their dominant hands. Tracey couldn't be more pleased to ride Angelo's coattails. Amanda offers to roshambo Tamesha for the right-side position. Hahahaha! Looks like she loses that particular challenge, though happily, nobody got punched in the baby makers. Alex is petrified that Tim is about to chop off his fingers. Stephen and Jacqueline pound their chicken. Ew, not like that, you filthy bugger. Everyone gets into a groove, and makes good progress on their sandwiches. Time runs out, and Padma and Sam go down the line.
Angelo and Tracey's sandwich has flounder that has been steeped in fish sauce, with pickled red onions, some herbs, and a Sriracha mayonnaise. Sounds good. Andrea and Kevin have a Philly-style Cuban sandwich, with roasted pork, whole grain mustard, pickle, and Gruyere cheese. WANT. "I like that pickle in there," Sam approves.
Viewing Party: "That's what she said."
Amanda and Tamesha have a grilled sandwich with prosciutto, Swiss cheese, Dijon mustard, and a pepper salsa. Tim and Alex have both had classic French training, so they've done a variation on a croque-madame, with ground lamb, Mornay sauce, and egg. There's a piece of bread on the plate, which is the only way I can fathom this being even slightly related to a "sandwich":
Stephen and Jacqueline have a chicken sandwich with saba vinegar onions, California avocado, and some rosemary stalks acting as toothpicks to hold everything together. Kenny and Ed have made a Korean chili-rubbed ahi tuna, with a cucumber and mango slaw, on a slice of multi-grain bread. Again, let's take a look in wonderment at how this can be called a "sandwich":
Kelly and Arnold have a curry-rubbed grilled chicken with honey and sambal, topped with cucumber, mint, dill, and cilantro. Lynne and Tiffany have made a flatbread saltimbocca, with goat cheese, artichokes, peppers, and white asparagus. Sam complains that it's too difficult to pick up. Yes, this...
...is a real chore, while Kenny and Ed's fairly leaps into one's mouth. Not that I'm ever going to accuse anyone of bending over backwards to reward or excuse Kenny based on the fact that he'll make for good television this season. Perish the thought.
Results. The bottom chefs are Stephen/Jacqueline, who were both in the bottom of last week's Elimination Challenge as well. The other chefs must sense blood in the water. Sam didn't like their lack of creativity, because they just used white bread. That's it? No problem with the flavors, but they're at the bottom of the entire heap because they used a non-exotic bread? Joining them in the bottom are Lynne and Tiffany, because a sandwich should never be something SANDWICHED between two slices of bread; they should all be open-faced platters of stuff, like Kenny's! Sheesh. It's a good thing Sam is cute, because he's not very good at this whole judge thing. Speaking of which, Kenny/Ed and Angelo/Tracey are the two top sandwiches, because the producers asked for them to be. I'm sorry, because they were really good. The ultimate winner of the challenge and immunity is... Angelo and Tracey. Wow, three in a row for Angelo! This is shaping up to be quite a seazzzz.....
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be taking on an important issue. Sam explains that the chefs will be making a school lunch in order to bring light to the childhood obesity epidemic sweeping the nation. Well, "sweeping" is too fast. Lazily dragging itself across the nation. Public schools have a very restrictive budget, and the chefs will have it no easier. They'll get $2.60 per student, and will have to feed fifty students. Not only that, but the meal can't be standard school fare, meaning fat, fat, starch, and sugar. The chefs will have to incorporate fruits and vegetables into a main dish, a couple of sides, and dessert. Oh, and it has to be good. Unless you're Kenny. Sorry, am I getting ahead of myself? The already-partnered chefs will coalesce into four teams of four, and have two and half hours to prep before heading to the school, where they're allowed another hour to get everything ready. Everyone is responsible for creating at least one dish; no Jenc-style supervising allowed.
As winners of the Quickfire, Angelo and Tracey get to choose the other two chefs they'll work with. They're no fools, and quickly team up with Kenny and Ed. Not only do they acquire someone they know to be a good competitor, but if something goes south, Kenny has a much better chance of being eliminated. Kenny, himself recognizes this, saying that being on a losing team would increase his chances of going home from 25% to 50%. Unless of course, he were protected by forces outside of the challenge rules. But that would never happen. Everyone else forms teams, which turn out to be:
Angelo/Tracey/Ed/Kenny
Lynne/Tiffany/Kelly/Arnold
Andrea/Kevin/Alex/Tim
Amanda/Tamesha/Jacqueline/Stephen
Menu planning begins. The Andrea/Kevin/Alex/Tim team seems fairly confident, since three of them have kids, and know what they like. Tracey wants to take known kid favorites, like chicken nuggets, and healthy them up. They seem to be on the right track, right up until three seconds later when they declare celery with peanut butter in it to be a healthy vegetable. I honestly don't even know how they deluded themselves into that one. Speaking of ridiculously bad ideas, Amanda is trying to sell sherry-braised chicken thighs to her team. Because sherry is so 1) cheap and 2) appropriate for middle schoolers. She then slams Tamesha's gnocchi idea, because it would look weird. Tamesha is displeased. Jacqueline agrees to take on dessert, saying she'll make a chocolate banana pudding. Amanda, knowing how people who make desserts tend to wind up on this show, is thrilled to pass the buck. Jacqueline tearfully recalls having to take on the majority of childcare for her sister after her parents' divorce. That seemed a little tangential and wedged into the episode, but I certainly admire her for that sacrifice.
Tim wants to work with mac and cheese, while Kevin volunteers to make a melon dessert. Kelly is telling her team that "kids fucking love tacos". No argument here, plus it gives me something eminently quotable to spout for the next week. Kelly is really on a brainstorming roll, and Tiffany isn't so happy about it, interviewing that Kelly is trying to take control of the entire team. From what we've heard, all Kelly was talking about was her own contribution, so I really don't see some kind of Napoleonic takeover here.
Shopping. Amanda hilariously roams the aisles, calling out for someone to help her find the alcohol. When the teams approach the cashiers, they discover to their horror that they're heavily overbudget. Many ingredients have to be abandoned, though Amanda clings to her cooking sherry, so Jacqueline is forced to give up her chocolate. Andrea shrugs that this situation must occur in every school every day, so it's not an unreasonable challenge. I agree; I like the restrictions on this one.
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their prep time. Kelly's team still doesn't like that she's taking all the credit for her pork tacos, and I still don't really understand the animosity. Yes, she's being excessively me-me-me about it, but they were her idea, she's cooking them, and she's the only one getting judged on them. Andrea/Tim/Kevin/Alex are working together much more harmoniously. Kenny worries about the nutritional content of his team's menu. A little late to be grousing about it now. Where was this during the planning session? Amanda braises her chicken in the precious sherry. Jacqueline discovers that the bananas she's purchased are starchy, and decides that the best way to break down that starch is by adding a sackful of sugar. Amanda ignores Tamesha's suggestion that she use tomato paste in her chicken dish, and Tamesha interviews that she's also unhappy with Amanda's use of alcohol, hoping it doesn't land the team in the bottom four. Again, this is a concern that should have been raised in the planning session, and not now that it's far too late to do anything about it. Arnold is still pissed that Kelly is taking too much credit for her own dish. Time runs out.
That night, Kelly and Tracey sit outside and talk about how important it is that we teach kids healthy eating habits. They discuss this as they drink wine and smoke. Just sayin'. Tracey realizes that she's really going to have to nip her family's fast food habit in the bud. Read Fast Food Nation, Tracey. That's what pushed me over the edge. Meanwhile, the rest of Kelly's team is working up the courage to confront her over her pseudo-takeover. When she comes in from her smoke break, Arnold tells her that the menu was the entire team's idea, and that they all made contributions, so she should stop prefacing every description of the pork tacos with "I" statements. I still haven't seen any evidence that the tacos weren't completely her idea and her work, but that's not to say there isn't any. Kelly points out in interview that everyone has to stand in front of the judges and defend a single dish, but seems to get that she needs to make peace in the meantime. We get to more of the motive behind the spat when Arnold jabbers that he helped prep other things after his quick salsa was done, and is worried that the judges won't think he's done enough. Ah, the mask falls off. He probably wouldn't care at all about Kelly's tacos if he'd had a more work-intensive course.
The next day, the chefs head for the middle school for their last hour of prep time. There's not much space for sixteen chefs to run around preparing sixteen courses at the same time. Go figure. Angelo finds that the valve on his foam gun is broken, so he can't apply his peanut butter mousse to the celery. He goes to ask Kevin for use of his. Kevin brings up this request to his team. "No," Andrea says, and immediately turns to finish her work. I cannot do justice to the awesomeness of that "No". It was so free of venom, yet completely dismissive. It was a this-isn't-worth-even-a-moment-of-my-time response, and I kind of love Andrea for it. Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste, telling us that he's very sympathetic to schools' plight to serve affordable, nutritious meals. Which is why a side of French fries at his restaurant is twelve dollars.
Kelly's team is still passive-aggressively trying to position themselves, with Kelly making sure to tell Ptom that she's responsible for the pork tacos, and Arnold making sure to tell him that he's been a big overall helper. Ptom moves on to Kenny's team, reminding Kenny that should the team lose, Kenny's got a 50% chance of going home. You will be forgiven for noting that this is the second time that Kenny's precise mathematical odds of being eliminated have been mentioned aloud, and for putting a little bookmark in this moment. Stephen joins the ranks of the I Have An Idea Now That It's Too Late Club by disdaining Amanda's sherry, and wondering if they should change the name of the dish to mask its use of alcohol. Angelo is very proud of himself for lightening up his peanut butter mousse by putting milk in it and for using a piping bag instead of a foam gun. Wow, what a genius. Time runs out.
Students flood in for lunch. The judges soon follow, and walk up to the first team's table. "Chocolate milk, please!" Gail says in a trilling, innocent voice. She really is the best judge. I've said it all along. The first team is Andrea/Alex/Kevin/Tim, who have made cole slaw (with yogurt subbing for most of the mayonnaise), skinless barbecued chicken (with apple cider sweetening the sauce instead of sugar), a skim-milk, whole-wheat-crust, low-fat-cheese mac and cheese, and a melon dessert with whipped yogurt. Looks great. The judges have nothing but positive things to say about the meal, though the mac and cheese isn't as big a hit as the other courses.
Angelo/Kenny/Tracey/Ed have a chicken burger with rice. One of the sides is the peanut butter mousse in a tuile cracker with a tiny bit of celery on top. This is what they're calling their vegetable course?! Their other side is a sweet potato puree with cinnamon, and there's an apple bread pudding with cinnamon yogurt for dessert. The judges settle in to eat, Padma yanking the wrapping off of the regulation school spork. Ed's sweet potato puree is way too peppery. Kenny and Tracey's dishes are meh, while Angelo's would be fine if it weren't serving as the vegetable. Overall, the flavors were acceptable, but the menu as a whole was terrible.
The judges go up to Kelly/Lynne/Tiffany/Arnold next, and since credit is so important to this group, let's make sure we attribute the dishes correctly. Lynne made a black bean cake with crispy sweet potatoes. Kelly's got the braised pork carnitas tacos on an oatmeal tortilla with pickled onions and cilantro. Arnold made a roasted corn salad with tomatoes, cilantro lime vinaigrette, and some chili oil. Tiffany took on dessert, making sugar-free caramelized sweet potatoes and a light chocolate sherbet. The judges really like the entire meal, though Lynne's cake might be a little too spicy.
Finally, we have Amanda/Tamesha/Stephen/Jacqueline. Amanda happily presents her chicken thigh braised in sherry jus. Stephen has thrown together an extremely unimpressive rice with a few mixed vegetables stirred in. He mistakenly tells the judges that it has 165 grams of fat in it, before correcting himself to 165 calories. Heh. Tamesha has put together a bean and tomato salad with pickled red onions and an apple cider vinaigrette. Jacqueline's banana pudding was made with skim milk and has strawberries in it. The judges dig in. Gail is immediately surprised that a middle school lunch menu has sherry in it. Tamesha's salad is good, but Jacqueline's pudding is too starchy and too sweet. Both the judges and kids are as unimpressed with Stephen's rice as I am.
Lunch winds down. All the chefs seem secure in their own dishes. Kelly's still got a death grip on her taco idea, and I'm still mostly on her side. Padma talks to the kids about eating healthier. One of the girls is aghast to learn that she just ate pickled red onions. Padma doles out hugs to the star-struck girls and hormonally-infused guys. Back at Judges' Table, the chefs settle in for the fret 'n sweat. It doesn't take long for Kevin to doze off, and the others fall silent as he gently snores. He jerks awake, and everyone has a good laugh. Padma comes in, and asks to see Angelo/Kenny/Ed/Tracey and Amanda/Tamesha/Jacqueline/Stephen. The teams left behind are concerned, because everybody knows that the winning chefs are always called first. But, finally! Show history is made seven seasons in, as the losing chefs are the ones in front of the judges first tonight. Stephen's expectant smile is wiped away. Amanda is slack-jawed in horror.
Stephen wanted to put more vegetables in his rice, but had to sacrifice creativity to come in on budget. Similarly, Jacqueline had to pump two pounds of sugar into her pudding to break up the starch of the bananas, because the team couldn't afford the ingredients she wanted. The judges point out that having to work within a strict budget was the point of the challenge, and the team did not meet that challenge well. If there's money for sherry, there should be money for vegetables. Amanda is finally starting to understand that she had a less than stellar concept for her dish. Ed's sweet potato was way too spicy. Sam says that avoiding starch and sugar is a big part of trying to overhaul the health of school lunches, and the Kenny/Angelo/Tracey/Ed team really fell down on this aspect. Kenny tries to explain away the lack of vegetables by pointing out the roasted tomato on their burger, and Sam responds that tomato is a fruit. Rather than reigniting that old chestnut of a debate, I'll say that even if tomato were a vegetable, slapping one on a burger does not a vegetable course make.
We veer into more interesting territory when Ptom asks Angelo if he'd have slapped together a bit of celery as a vegetable course if he didn't have immunity. "I can't answer that right now," Angelo says. I really don't know what he means by that, whether it's something along the lines of "Yes, but I'm not going to confess," or "No, but I'm not going to sell my teammates out." It could go either way. Ptom attempts to clarify by saying that he's not suggesting Angelo sabotaged the team on purpose, but Angelo wriggles out of that line of conversation, saying that he would have happily done more of a vegetable had someone suggested it. Um, how about when the judges suggested it - or rather directly told you to include it? Not enough of a push? Kenny says he did think of adding more nutritious food, but was overruled.
Stephen, who has no business being part of this conversation, jumps in to twist the screw, saying that Kenny letting the vegetable issue slide is inexcusable. I don't know if I'm more pissed that Stephen is being such a dick or impressed that someone who strikes me as rather gutless had the balls to do that. Kenny turns it around by saying that at least his team's dessert didn't have a sack of sugar dumped into it, implying that nutrition might not be the hill on which Stephen wants to plant his flag. Amanda leaps into the fray, deflecting the sugar point by saying that no matter how light Kenny's dessert was, the vegetable course was pumped full of processed sugar in the form of peanut butter. A fair point, so the ball is lobbed over to the other team, where Ed slams it back by asking why sherry needs to be served to middle schoolers. Amanda says that it's not like she was serving it in glasses for the kids to sip. Still. I mean, I know sherry-braised chicken isn't going to have the children stumbling back to class drunk, but what a weird ingredient to insist on including. Gail picks up on that, asking why Amanda found it so important to use. Amanda says that she personally enjoys it. Gail: "I like it, too. There's a lot of things I like. I love vodka; I'm not cooking with it." Hahahaha! Best judge. You heard it here, first. The chefs are dismissed.
Well, that team war was not the classiest thing I've ever seen, but I've got to say, everyone made pretty good points. The judges deliberate. Angelo/Tracey/Kenny/Ed had the worst menu of the day. It completely lacked the nutrition called for by the challenge, and Kenny had the opportunity to fix that, but didn't. Ed's dish would be fine for a restaurant, but not for a middle school. The judges wonder if Angelo threw the challenge. I don't believe he did. Sure, he picked Kenny on purpose to give him a better shot of getting eliminated (except...well, you'll see), but I don't see him purposely making crappy food on the off chance that would happen. That is to say, he took out the insurance policy, but didn't burn down the house. Back in the Kitchen, Angelo is whispering to Tracey that he doesn't like Kenny. Ooh, what a shock. And speaking of middle school, how nice to see that immature backstabbing leaking back into the show, because Season 2 was so great.
The other team earned their way to Losers' Table with Amanda's chicken and Jacqueline's dessert. Even setting aside the sherry issue, Amanda's chicken was wholly unappealing. Ptom shocks the viewing party by saying that her dish struck the children the same as if she'd plopped a big turd on the table. Tiffany insists he's saying "tarragon", but I don't think so. Wow, I've never heard Ptom react to a dish with such vulgarity. I'm not offended or anything, just surprised, because he's never said something designed to be so gross about any dish, ever. Jacqueline's pudding had an unconscionable amount of sugar in it. Back in the Kitchen, Jacqueline tries to comfort herself by saying that at least her team had fruits and vegetables. Yes, but you lack something very important. You can't be set up against Angelo in a television-friendly clash of the titans. Not that that has anything to do with a cooking competition, right? Right?
The judges deliberate about the winning teams. Kelly's tacos were far healthier than regular tacos, and were fantastic to boot. The rest of the team's dishes were similarly impressive. The Andrea/Kevin/Tim/Alex team has a lot going for it, as well. The chicken was good, and cut out a lot of the unhealthy elements it usually has. The same goes for the cole slaw. The judges decide on a winner, and Padma goes back to summon Lynne, Tiffany, Kelly, and Arnold to the table. They're told they had the best lunch, and each chef describes what he or she made. Every one of them is roundly complimented before Padma asks Sam to announce the individual winner, who turns out to be... Kelly. Well, I'm all for it, though I doubt the rest of her team would agree with me. She admits in interview that her team was helpful, but is happy with her win nonetheless. She gets applause back in the Kitchen before passing along the message that judges want to see Kenny, Ed, Amanda, and Jacqueline again.
Hold it! Take another look at that list. Since statistics have featured so heavily in this episode, why don't we analyze it a bit more deeply than the producers would like us to? These four aren't one losing team; they're the two worst (or at least elimination-eligible) performers from two teams. So essentially, the team structure meant nothing. Hell, why not pull in weak performers from winning teams while you're at it? We've heard -- not once, but twice -- that if Kenny's team came up short, he'd have a 50% chance of being eliminated. And here he is, one of four chefs up for elimination. Why, his chance of being eliminated has just been halved! What possible reason could there be for that? Could it be that the tension between Kenny and Angelo, the two undeniable top dogs of the competition, must be preserved at any cost? Could it be that Ed didn't commit enough of a culinary sin to be eliminated, so a sacrificial lamb had to be scraped up from another team so that Kenny could be spared? Nah. That would never take place in this, a cooking competition, where food is all that matters. This is why I can never take very seriously those occasional comments I get about how I can't pass judgment on these contestants whose food I've never tasted. Once again, and do please try to remember this time...
One part cooking competition. Nine parts television.
So, let's get this charade over with. Kenny should have been more assertive in suggesting nutritious components. Ed had the same problem. Amanda's chicken was simply unappealing. Jacqueline's pudding was grainy and loaded with sugar. Jacqueline, since you are the designated scapegoat, please pack your knives and go. Two episodes. Two dessert eliminations. I wouldn't blame the chefs if they refused to ever touch that course again. In her final interview, Jacqueline says she wishes she had fought harder for more than 10% of the budget. She appreciates the challenge that sent her home, though, because it reminds her of what she should strive for. In the end, she takes her loss gracefully, saying that one has to live with the choices he or she makes. Don't worry yourself, Jacqueline. No matter how disappointing your dessert, it seems clear that your biggest mistake was not being Kenny.
Overall Grade: C-
Previously on Top Chef: Seventeen chefs invaded the nation's capital, intent on making their views on foreign policy and financial reform known. What's that? Oh. Sorry, I was misinformed. Seventeen chefs invaded the nation's capital so they could win the title of Top Chef. Tiffany wanted to score for the sisters. Angelo racked up $20,000 in the Quickfire and won the Elimination Challenge on top of it, but was acutely aware that Kenny will always be nipping at his heels. The judges were completely turned off by the unappetizing mess that John presented. And that was just his hair. His food failed, too, and he became the first chef punted home. Sixteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. A bunch of local restaurants are presenting three courses for $25 right now, and it seemed a good opportunity to try someplace new. I didn't realize that I ordered gulf shrimp as the appetizer until after I finished it. Here's hoping I didn't just suck down a mouthful of crude. The wine was good, though. Speaking of which... Rule #2: Take a drink whenever someone says "It is what it is," or "At the end of the day..." Really, you could apply this rule to daily life as well, but you'd be too plastered to hold down a job.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Nobody really cares about John's elimination much. Ed feels a little bad for him, but wants to win, so "it is what it is". DRINK! Andrea robustly approves of Jacqueline throwing a mass of butter into a pan of whatever she's cooking, and interviews that she's ready to take Angelo down.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and this week's guest judge, Sam Kass, who is an assistant chef at the White House. Nice! Plus, he's kind of dreamy. Padma tells everyone that a well-run government is bipartisan. Once the laughter subsides, she explains the rules of this week's Quickfire. The chefs will be paired up to make a sandwich together in half an hour, with the winning team getting immunity. Tamesha is suspicious, because no sandwich should take thirty minutes to make, unless you're Dagwood Bumstead. The chefs pull knives to determine their teammates:
-Kenny/Ed
-Angelo/Tracey
-Arnold/Kelly
-Amanda/Tamesha
-Lynne/Tiffany
-Stephen/Jacqueline
-Tim/Alex
-Kevin/Andrea
Once everyone is paired up, Padma tells them there will be a twist, which nobody is surprised by in the least. They probably didn't expect this development, though. The chefs will be yoked together by a double-wide apron, and each of them will only be able to use one arm. Tim wonders what kind of ganja the challenge designers are passing around. Padma starts the clock, and the chefs raid the apron box.
Tiffany: "They're all thinking about how happy they are that they don't have to be tethered to that guy with the dreadlocks."
Kenny and Ed are happy to discover that they can both use their dominant hands. Tracey couldn't be more pleased to ride Angelo's coattails. Amanda offers to roshambo Tamesha for the right-side position. Hahahaha! Looks like she loses that particular challenge, though happily, nobody got punched in the baby makers. Alex is petrified that Tim is about to chop off his fingers. Stephen and Jacqueline pound their chicken. Ew, not like that, you filthy bugger. Everyone gets into a groove, and makes good progress on their sandwiches. Time runs out, and Padma and Sam go down the line.
Angelo and Tracey's sandwich has flounder that has been steeped in fish sauce, with pickled red onions, some herbs, and a Sriracha mayonnaise. Sounds good. Andrea and Kevin have a Philly-style Cuban sandwich, with roasted pork, whole grain mustard, pickle, and Gruyere cheese. WANT. "I like that pickle in there," Sam approves.
Viewing Party: "That's what she said."
Amanda and Tamesha have a grilled sandwich with prosciutto, Swiss cheese, Dijon mustard, and a pepper salsa. Tim and Alex have both had classic French training, so they've done a variation on a croque-madame, with ground lamb, Mornay sauce, and egg. There's a piece of bread on the plate, which is the only way I can fathom this being even slightly related to a "sandwich":
Stephen and Jacqueline have a chicken sandwich with saba vinegar onions, California avocado, and some rosemary stalks acting as toothpicks to hold everything together. Kenny and Ed have made a Korean chili-rubbed ahi tuna, with a cucumber and mango slaw, on a slice of multi-grain bread. Again, let's take a look in wonderment at how this can be called a "sandwich":
Kelly and Arnold have a curry-rubbed grilled chicken with honey and sambal, topped with cucumber, mint, dill, and cilantro. Lynne and Tiffany have made a flatbread saltimbocca, with goat cheese, artichokes, peppers, and white asparagus. Sam complains that it's too difficult to pick up. Yes, this...
...is a real chore, while Kenny and Ed's fairly leaps into one's mouth. Not that I'm ever going to accuse anyone of bending over backwards to reward or excuse Kenny based on the fact that he'll make for good television this season. Perish the thought.
Results. The bottom chefs are Stephen/Jacqueline, who were both in the bottom of last week's Elimination Challenge as well. The other chefs must sense blood in the water. Sam didn't like their lack of creativity, because they just used white bread. That's it? No problem with the flavors, but they're at the bottom of the entire heap because they used a non-exotic bread? Joining them in the bottom are Lynne and Tiffany, because a sandwich should never be something SANDWICHED between two slices of bread; they should all be open-faced platters of stuff, like Kenny's! Sheesh. It's a good thing Sam is cute, because he's not very good at this whole judge thing. Speaking of which, Kenny/Ed and Angelo/Tracey are the two top sandwiches, because the producers asked for them to be. I'm sorry, because they were really good. The ultimate winner of the challenge and immunity is... Angelo and Tracey. Wow, three in a row for Angelo! This is shaping up to be quite a seazzzz.....
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be taking on an important issue. Sam explains that the chefs will be making a school lunch in order to bring light to the childhood obesity epidemic sweeping the nation. Well, "sweeping" is too fast. Lazily dragging itself across the nation. Public schools have a very restrictive budget, and the chefs will have it no easier. They'll get $2.60 per student, and will have to feed fifty students. Not only that, but the meal can't be standard school fare, meaning fat, fat, starch, and sugar. The chefs will have to incorporate fruits and vegetables into a main dish, a couple of sides, and dessert. Oh, and it has to be good. Unless you're Kenny. Sorry, am I getting ahead of myself? The already-partnered chefs will coalesce into four teams of four, and have two and half hours to prep before heading to the school, where they're allowed another hour to get everything ready. Everyone is responsible for creating at least one dish; no Jenc-style supervising allowed.
As winners of the Quickfire, Angelo and Tracey get to choose the other two chefs they'll work with. They're no fools, and quickly team up with Kenny and Ed. Not only do they acquire someone they know to be a good competitor, but if something goes south, Kenny has a much better chance of being eliminated. Kenny, himself recognizes this, saying that being on a losing team would increase his chances of going home from 25% to 50%. Unless of course, he were protected by forces outside of the challenge rules. But that would never happen. Everyone else forms teams, which turn out to be:
Angelo/Tracey/Ed/Kenny
Lynne/Tiffany/Kelly/Arnold
Andrea/Kevin/Alex/Tim
Amanda/Tamesha/Jacqueline/Stephen
Menu planning begins. The Andrea/Kevin/Alex/Tim team seems fairly confident, since three of them have kids, and know what they like. Tracey wants to take known kid favorites, like chicken nuggets, and healthy them up. They seem to be on the right track, right up until three seconds later when they declare celery with peanut butter in it to be a healthy vegetable. I honestly don't even know how they deluded themselves into that one. Speaking of ridiculously bad ideas, Amanda is trying to sell sherry-braised chicken thighs to her team. Because sherry is so 1) cheap and 2) appropriate for middle schoolers. She then slams Tamesha's gnocchi idea, because it would look weird. Tamesha is displeased. Jacqueline agrees to take on dessert, saying she'll make a chocolate banana pudding. Amanda, knowing how people who make desserts tend to wind up on this show, is thrilled to pass the buck. Jacqueline tearfully recalls having to take on the majority of childcare for her sister after her parents' divorce. That seemed a little tangential and wedged into the episode, but I certainly admire her for that sacrifice.
Tim wants to work with mac and cheese, while Kevin volunteers to make a melon dessert. Kelly is telling her team that "kids fucking love tacos". No argument here, plus it gives me something eminently quotable to spout for the next week. Kelly is really on a brainstorming roll, and Tiffany isn't so happy about it, interviewing that Kelly is trying to take control of the entire team. From what we've heard, all Kelly was talking about was her own contribution, so I really don't see some kind of Napoleonic takeover here.
Shopping. Amanda hilariously roams the aisles, calling out for someone to help her find the alcohol. When the teams approach the cashiers, they discover to their horror that they're heavily overbudget. Many ingredients have to be abandoned, though Amanda clings to her cooking sherry, so Jacqueline is forced to give up her chocolate. Andrea shrugs that this situation must occur in every school every day, so it's not an unreasonable challenge. I agree; I like the restrictions on this one.
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their prep time. Kelly's team still doesn't like that she's taking all the credit for her pork tacos, and I still don't really understand the animosity. Yes, she's being excessively me-me-me about it, but they were her idea, she's cooking them, and she's the only one getting judged on them. Andrea/Tim/Kevin/Alex are working together much more harmoniously. Kenny worries about the nutritional content of his team's menu. A little late to be grousing about it now. Where was this during the planning session? Amanda braises her chicken in the precious sherry. Jacqueline discovers that the bananas she's purchased are starchy, and decides that the best way to break down that starch is by adding a sackful of sugar. Amanda ignores Tamesha's suggestion that she use tomato paste in her chicken dish, and Tamesha interviews that she's also unhappy with Amanda's use of alcohol, hoping it doesn't land the team in the bottom four. Again, this is a concern that should have been raised in the planning session, and not now that it's far too late to do anything about it. Arnold is still pissed that Kelly is taking too much credit for her own dish. Time runs out.
That night, Kelly and Tracey sit outside and talk about how important it is that we teach kids healthy eating habits. They discuss this as they drink wine and smoke. Just sayin'. Tracey realizes that she's really going to have to nip her family's fast food habit in the bud. Read Fast Food Nation, Tracey. That's what pushed me over the edge. Meanwhile, the rest of Kelly's team is working up the courage to confront her over her pseudo-takeover. When she comes in from her smoke break, Arnold tells her that the menu was the entire team's idea, and that they all made contributions, so she should stop prefacing every description of the pork tacos with "I" statements. I still haven't seen any evidence that the tacos weren't completely her idea and her work, but that's not to say there isn't any. Kelly points out in interview that everyone has to stand in front of the judges and defend a single dish, but seems to get that she needs to make peace in the meantime. We get to more of the motive behind the spat when Arnold jabbers that he helped prep other things after his quick salsa was done, and is worried that the judges won't think he's done enough. Ah, the mask falls off. He probably wouldn't care at all about Kelly's tacos if he'd had a more work-intensive course.
The next day, the chefs head for the middle school for their last hour of prep time. There's not much space for sixteen chefs to run around preparing sixteen courses at the same time. Go figure. Angelo finds that the valve on his foam gun is broken, so he can't apply his peanut butter mousse to the celery. He goes to ask Kevin for use of his. Kevin brings up this request to his team. "No," Andrea says, and immediately turns to finish her work. I cannot do justice to the awesomeness of that "No". It was so free of venom, yet completely dismissive. It was a this-isn't-worth-even-a-moment-of-my-time response, and I kind of love Andrea for it. Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste, telling us that he's very sympathetic to schools' plight to serve affordable, nutritious meals. Which is why a side of French fries at his restaurant is twelve dollars.
Kelly's team is still passive-aggressively trying to position themselves, with Kelly making sure to tell Ptom that she's responsible for the pork tacos, and Arnold making sure to tell him that he's been a big overall helper. Ptom moves on to Kenny's team, reminding Kenny that should the team lose, Kenny's got a 50% chance of going home. You will be forgiven for noting that this is the second time that Kenny's precise mathematical odds of being eliminated have been mentioned aloud, and for putting a little bookmark in this moment. Stephen joins the ranks of the I Have An Idea Now That It's Too Late Club by disdaining Amanda's sherry, and wondering if they should change the name of the dish to mask its use of alcohol. Angelo is very proud of himself for lightening up his peanut butter mousse by putting milk in it and for using a piping bag instead of a foam gun. Wow, what a genius. Time runs out.
Students flood in for lunch. The judges soon follow, and walk up to the first team's table. "Chocolate milk, please!" Gail says in a trilling, innocent voice. She really is the best judge. I've said it all along. The first team is Andrea/Alex/Kevin/Tim, who have made cole slaw (with yogurt subbing for most of the mayonnaise), skinless barbecued chicken (with apple cider sweetening the sauce instead of sugar), a skim-milk, whole-wheat-crust, low-fat-cheese mac and cheese, and a melon dessert with whipped yogurt. Looks great. The judges have nothing but positive things to say about the meal, though the mac and cheese isn't as big a hit as the other courses.
Angelo/Kenny/Tracey/Ed have a chicken burger with rice. One of the sides is the peanut butter mousse in a tuile cracker with a tiny bit of celery on top. This is what they're calling their vegetable course?! Their other side is a sweet potato puree with cinnamon, and there's an apple bread pudding with cinnamon yogurt for dessert. The judges settle in to eat, Padma yanking the wrapping off of the regulation school spork. Ed's sweet potato puree is way too peppery. Kenny and Tracey's dishes are meh, while Angelo's would be fine if it weren't serving as the vegetable. Overall, the flavors were acceptable, but the menu as a whole was terrible.
The judges go up to Kelly/Lynne/Tiffany/Arnold next, and since credit is so important to this group, let's make sure we attribute the dishes correctly. Lynne made a black bean cake with crispy sweet potatoes. Kelly's got the braised pork carnitas tacos on an oatmeal tortilla with pickled onions and cilantro. Arnold made a roasted corn salad with tomatoes, cilantro lime vinaigrette, and some chili oil. Tiffany took on dessert, making sugar-free caramelized sweet potatoes and a light chocolate sherbet. The judges really like the entire meal, though Lynne's cake might be a little too spicy.
Finally, we have Amanda/Tamesha/Stephen/Jacqueline. Amanda happily presents her chicken thigh braised in sherry jus. Stephen has thrown together an extremely unimpressive rice with a few mixed vegetables stirred in. He mistakenly tells the judges that it has 165 grams of fat in it, before correcting himself to 165 calories. Heh. Tamesha has put together a bean and tomato salad with pickled red onions and an apple cider vinaigrette. Jacqueline's banana pudding was made with skim milk and has strawberries in it. The judges dig in. Gail is immediately surprised that a middle school lunch menu has sherry in it. Tamesha's salad is good, but Jacqueline's pudding is too starchy and too sweet. Both the judges and kids are as unimpressed with Stephen's rice as I am.
Lunch winds down. All the chefs seem secure in their own dishes. Kelly's still got a death grip on her taco idea, and I'm still mostly on her side. Padma talks to the kids about eating healthier. One of the girls is aghast to learn that she just ate pickled red onions. Padma doles out hugs to the star-struck girls and hormonally-infused guys. Back at Judges' Table, the chefs settle in for the fret 'n sweat. It doesn't take long for Kevin to doze off, and the others fall silent as he gently snores. He jerks awake, and everyone has a good laugh. Padma comes in, and asks to see Angelo/Kenny/Ed/Tracey and Amanda/Tamesha/Jacqueline/Stephen. The teams left behind are concerned, because everybody knows that the winning chefs are always called first. But, finally! Show history is made seven seasons in, as the losing chefs are the ones in front of the judges first tonight. Stephen's expectant smile is wiped away. Amanda is slack-jawed in horror.
Stephen wanted to put more vegetables in his rice, but had to sacrifice creativity to come in on budget. Similarly, Jacqueline had to pump two pounds of sugar into her pudding to break up the starch of the bananas, because the team couldn't afford the ingredients she wanted. The judges point out that having to work within a strict budget was the point of the challenge, and the team did not meet that challenge well. If there's money for sherry, there should be money for vegetables. Amanda is finally starting to understand that she had a less than stellar concept for her dish. Ed's sweet potato was way too spicy. Sam says that avoiding starch and sugar is a big part of trying to overhaul the health of school lunches, and the Kenny/Angelo/Tracey/Ed team really fell down on this aspect. Kenny tries to explain away the lack of vegetables by pointing out the roasted tomato on their burger, and Sam responds that tomato is a fruit. Rather than reigniting that old chestnut of a debate, I'll say that even if tomato were a vegetable, slapping one on a burger does not a vegetable course make.
We veer into more interesting territory when Ptom asks Angelo if he'd have slapped together a bit of celery as a vegetable course if he didn't have immunity. "I can't answer that right now," Angelo says. I really don't know what he means by that, whether it's something along the lines of "Yes, but I'm not going to confess," or "No, but I'm not going to sell my teammates out." It could go either way. Ptom attempts to clarify by saying that he's not suggesting Angelo sabotaged the team on purpose, but Angelo wriggles out of that line of conversation, saying that he would have happily done more of a vegetable had someone suggested it. Um, how about when the judges suggested it - or rather directly told you to include it? Not enough of a push? Kenny says he did think of adding more nutritious food, but was overruled.
Stephen, who has no business being part of this conversation, jumps in to twist the screw, saying that Kenny letting the vegetable issue slide is inexcusable. I don't know if I'm more pissed that Stephen is being such a dick or impressed that someone who strikes me as rather gutless had the balls to do that. Kenny turns it around by saying that at least his team's dessert didn't have a sack of sugar dumped into it, implying that nutrition might not be the hill on which Stephen wants to plant his flag. Amanda leaps into the fray, deflecting the sugar point by saying that no matter how light Kenny's dessert was, the vegetable course was pumped full of processed sugar in the form of peanut butter. A fair point, so the ball is lobbed over to the other team, where Ed slams it back by asking why sherry needs to be served to middle schoolers. Amanda says that it's not like she was serving it in glasses for the kids to sip. Still. I mean, I know sherry-braised chicken isn't going to have the children stumbling back to class drunk, but what a weird ingredient to insist on including. Gail picks up on that, asking why Amanda found it so important to use. Amanda says that she personally enjoys it. Gail: "I like it, too. There's a lot of things I like. I love vodka; I'm not cooking with it." Hahahaha! Best judge. You heard it here, first. The chefs are dismissed.
Well, that team war was not the classiest thing I've ever seen, but I've got to say, everyone made pretty good points. The judges deliberate. Angelo/Tracey/Kenny/Ed had the worst menu of the day. It completely lacked the nutrition called for by the challenge, and Kenny had the opportunity to fix that, but didn't. Ed's dish would be fine for a restaurant, but not for a middle school. The judges wonder if Angelo threw the challenge. I don't believe he did. Sure, he picked Kenny on purpose to give him a better shot of getting eliminated (except...well, you'll see), but I don't see him purposely making crappy food on the off chance that would happen. That is to say, he took out the insurance policy, but didn't burn down the house. Back in the Kitchen, Angelo is whispering to Tracey that he doesn't like Kenny. Ooh, what a shock. And speaking of middle school, how nice to see that immature backstabbing leaking back into the show, because Season 2 was so great.
The other team earned their way to Losers' Table with Amanda's chicken and Jacqueline's dessert. Even setting aside the sherry issue, Amanda's chicken was wholly unappealing. Ptom shocks the viewing party by saying that her dish struck the children the same as if she'd plopped a big turd on the table. Tiffany insists he's saying "tarragon", but I don't think so. Wow, I've never heard Ptom react to a dish with such vulgarity. I'm not offended or anything, just surprised, because he's never said something designed to be so gross about any dish, ever. Jacqueline's pudding had an unconscionable amount of sugar in it. Back in the Kitchen, Jacqueline tries to comfort herself by saying that at least her team had fruits and vegetables. Yes, but you lack something very important. You can't be set up against Angelo in a television-friendly clash of the titans. Not that that has anything to do with a cooking competition, right? Right?
The judges deliberate about the winning teams. Kelly's tacos were far healthier than regular tacos, and were fantastic to boot. The rest of the team's dishes were similarly impressive. The Andrea/Kevin/Tim/Alex team has a lot going for it, as well. The chicken was good, and cut out a lot of the unhealthy elements it usually has. The same goes for the cole slaw. The judges decide on a winner, and Padma goes back to summon Lynne, Tiffany, Kelly, and Arnold to the table. They're told they had the best lunch, and each chef describes what he or she made. Every one of them is roundly complimented before Padma asks Sam to announce the individual winner, who turns out to be... Kelly. Well, I'm all for it, though I doubt the rest of her team would agree with me. She admits in interview that her team was helpful, but is happy with her win nonetheless. She gets applause back in the Kitchen before passing along the message that judges want to see Kenny, Ed, Amanda, and Jacqueline again.
Hold it! Take another look at that list. Since statistics have featured so heavily in this episode, why don't we analyze it a bit more deeply than the producers would like us to? These four aren't one losing team; they're the two worst (or at least elimination-eligible) performers from two teams. So essentially, the team structure meant nothing. Hell, why not pull in weak performers from winning teams while you're at it? We've heard -- not once, but twice -- that if Kenny's team came up short, he'd have a 50% chance of being eliminated. And here he is, one of four chefs up for elimination. Why, his chance of being eliminated has just been halved! What possible reason could there be for that? Could it be that the tension between Kenny and Angelo, the two undeniable top dogs of the competition, must be preserved at any cost? Could it be that Ed didn't commit enough of a culinary sin to be eliminated, so a sacrificial lamb had to be scraped up from another team so that Kenny could be spared? Nah. That would never take place in this, a cooking competition, where food is all that matters. This is why I can never take very seriously those occasional comments I get about how I can't pass judgment on these contestants whose food I've never tasted. Once again, and do please try to remember this time...
One part cooking competition. Nine parts television.
So, let's get this charade over with. Kenny should have been more assertive in suggesting nutritious components. Ed had the same problem. Amanda's chicken was simply unappealing. Jacqueline's pudding was grainy and loaded with sugar. Jacqueline, since you are the designated scapegoat, please pack your knives and go. Two episodes. Two dessert eliminations. I wouldn't blame the chefs if they refused to ever touch that course again. In her final interview, Jacqueline says she wishes she had fought harder for more than 10% of the budget. She appreciates the challenge that sent her home, though, because it reminds her of what she should strive for. In the end, she takes her loss gracefully, saying that one has to live with the choices he or she makes. Don't worry yourself, Jacqueline. No matter how disappointing your dessert, it seems clear that your biggest mistake was not being Kenny.
Overall Grade: C-
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Proposition Ate
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: The cast of Miami Ink showed up to compete in a reality cooking show. Padma told the seventeen new competitors that Lady Luck would be keeping a close eye on this season, so if ever there's a time not to tempt Fate, it's now. Jenc established herself as a force to be reckoned with in the Quickfire, while her namesake Jenz threw some chile relleno grenades into the group of judges. Kevin scored the first Elimination Challenge win, while Jenz' grenades blew up in her face, sending her back home. Sixteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. I like to cook something for the Top Chef viewing party, if I have time. Last week, I made candied pecans from a recipe that LabRat's mother gave me. This week, I brought dried blueberries to snack on. Let me tell you, it's tough to make those. First, I had to leave them out in the sun, and... OK, fine. I bought them at Trader Joe's. Then Tim had to go and show up my meager store-bought contribution with piping hot spinach artichoke dip. Bastard.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Everyone fusses with their hair. Jesse was happy to be in the top of the Quickfire standings last week, but wants to correct the mistakes that sunk her to the bottom of the Elimination Challenge. Eve wonders whether to cook for the judges or to just cook her own style of food. I don't think any of the previous winners ever abandoned their own styles; they just found a way to marry that style with the week's particular challenges. Oh, and they didn't suck. Michael and Bryan are still blown away that they're both there, competing against each other. Consider the theme understood, show. Brothers. Competitors. We've got it.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs stream into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma, Todd English (who will be this week's guest judge), and a craps table. Jenc gets all moist at the sight of Todd, both for physical and professional reasons. Padma explains that in this Quickfire, the chefs will roll a pair of oversized dice down the craps table. Whatever number they roll will be the number of ingredients they'll be allowed to work with. That makes it sound like they can use fewer than their rolled number if they'd like, but that won't turn out to be the case. Work on your speeches, Padma. It's not like you have much else to do. Salt, pepper, and oil are freebies, but every other ingredient must be counted. Fair enough. As with last week, the challenge's winner will get a $15,000 cash prize. Let's get to it!
Kevin doesn't like to work with tons of flavors. Lady Luck bites her thumb at him, and he rolls a ten. Mattin rolls a four. Michael rolls an eight. Hector is happy with his five. Ron pulls an eight. Jesse gets nine. Eve gets eight. Bryan is up there with Kevin with a ten. Jenc gets a nine. Laurine tosses the lowest roll, with a three. That's all the rolls we see. Isn't it odd that seven -- the most statistically likely number -- didn't get thrown once? Too bad they're not really playing craps right now; they'd be making out like bandits.
The thirty-minute countdown begins. Chefs scatter to their stations. Eve wants to make a salad that includes grilled asparagus and blue cheese. A salad is a smart idea if you want to get eight ingredients on the plate. Michael pours about a gallon of oil into a blender. He's working on gazpacho with a twist, using the liquid nitrogen to rapidly chill it. Bryan wants to hold to a more classic style, which he tells us in a deadpan voice he will not be deviating from. I have to say, Bryan is unquestionably the most attractive chef in contention this year (to me, anyway), but that robotic voice can be a tad off-putting. He works on preparing sous-vide cod. In order to keep things simple, Kevin wants to make as few components as possible with his ten ingredients. Smart idea. I like the way he thinks. Jenc is making smoked salmon with a mild jalapeno emulsion. She also uses about a gallon of oil. Jesse tells us in hindsight that she should have used a stainless steel pan to sear her scallops. She didn't, though, so they're colorless and dull. She thinks about using butter to brown them up, but that would put her over the ingredient limit. Too bad she's not competing in Season 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Time winds down, and everyone plates their food.
Padma and Todd start their way down the line. With her scant ingredients, Laurine has made an asparagus and leek soup with lemon. Jenc presents her smoked salmon and jalapeno emulsion. It's also got lemon, garlic, shallot, and parsley thrown in. I'm not really enjoying the combination of smoked salmon and jalapeno in my mind, but would have to give it a try before passing any judgement. Mattin has made a carrot soup with ginger, and has cleverly made a little "4" out of carrots to rest on top. Eve's grilled asparagus salad includes raisins, pine nuts, and blue cheese. Michael's nitrogen gazpacho also has compressed cucumbers (whatever that means) and some toast. Kevin has prepared asparagus and celery salad with fennel cream and a boiled egg. Isn't it weird how multiple chefs always seem to work with the same ingredient, seemingly by accident? Last week, it was halibut. Tonight, it's asparagus. Ashley has made grilled lamb with apricot mostarda. The lamb is rare to the point of being almost raw. Bryan has poached black cod, and serves it with carrot, ginger puree, and some daikon radish sprout. Jesse's colorless scallops are served with chimichurri and toasted garlic. There are also some smashed garbanzo beans, which are nice, but seem unnecessary. Maybe she could have replaced them with the much-needed butter.
That's all the dishes we see, and Padma asks Todd for the bad news first. Jesse's scallops needed a better sear, and the rest of her plate was all mushy textures. Eve's blue cheese was overpowering and her presentation sucked. Bryan's flavors were fairly good, but his yuzu was overpowering. He's welcome to bring his overpowering yuzu over here. Hotcha! Now, for the good news. Michael used a clever technique with the gazpacho. Jenc's flavors were bold, yet delicate. Kevin cooked the egg perfectly (I actually prefer a runnier yolk with boiled eggs, but I get what he was going for), and successfully married a lot of flavors. I know it's not really feasible to establish patterns by the second episode, but you'd be forgiven for looking at Kevin, Jenc, Eve, and Jesse with increased attention now. The winner of the Quickfire, the attendant immunity, and the tremendous cash prize is... Michael. Great. I so look forward to the thousand and one interviews about sibling rivalry this will spawn.
Commercials. Head online to learn how to make the winning Quickfire recipe. Sure, let me just pull out my tank of liquid nitrogen. I keep it in the cabinet next to the fridge.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be experiencing another Vegas tradition. Bloated entertainers past their heyday? Nope. It's the bachelor and bachelorette party. Kevin looks back fondly at his own debauched fiesta. Ashley is decidedly less thrilled about it. As a lesbian, she's not happy to be participating in an event that she's not able to enjoy herself. More on this later. Padma continues that the chefs will be split into two teams: Men versus women. The men will cater the bride's party, while the women will handle the groom. Or his food, anyway. Now it's Jenc's turn to be offended, because she doesn't believe men and women cook differently, so a "battle of the sexes" is ridiculous. It's a fair point, although nobody said that the challenge winner will lend any evidence to which sex cooks better. It's just a handy way to split the chefs into two teams. I don't disagree with Jenc, but it's a little premature to be pissed off about it.
The bride and groom enter. They pass around their three favorite shots, which they want all the food to be paired with. Lame. Padma gives the teams ten minutes to meet with their "clients" and plan the meal. Eli lets us in on another challenge parameter, which is that each shot must have at least two dishes associated with it. The bride outlines a couple of guests' dietary restrictions, and says she loves spicy food. The groom likes lean meats, shellfish, and has a big sweet tooth. Robin, unlike Jenc, is excited for an all-female team, and GIRL POWER, and blah blah blah. Shopping. The teams have half an hour and an $800 budget. The men pick out some flowers, and assign Ash to take care of them.
Ash: "It's true. Gay guys grow flowers better than straight guys."
LabRat: "No, gay guys DE-flower better than straight guys."
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs spring into their two hours of prep time. Jesse worries that if the women lose, she's the obvious choice to go home. Normally, I'd agree, but there is one person who's done worse. I'll give you a hint. She lived in the Garden of Eden, and also couldn't cook worth a damn. Tiresome sibling rivalry interview. Cooking montage. Jenc (I assume) lowers some octopus into a pan. Eve works on a shrimp ceviche. Ashley skins a watermelon to make a carpaccio. She thinks winning the challenge will give the women a much-needed confidence boost. It's the second episode. They couldn't possibly be that beaten down, could they? Oh, wait.
Hector works on a vegetarian dish. He's making tofu ceviche, which sounds a little strange and not very appetizing. Of course, that's what I first thought about the tofu with black bean sauce at Blue Koi in Kansas City, and now it's my second-favorite thing there. Tiresome sibling rivalry interview. Bryan is making a sweet-and-sour macaroon, which involves guacamole. I don't know whether to be intrigued or disgusted by that. A minor spat surfaces on the women's team. Ashley thinks they have time to make an additional dish, but Jenc would prefer keeping things simple and making sure they execute all of the existing dishes perfectly. Ashley remembers that the groom wanted something sweet, so she's going to forge ahead and make a bay leaf panna cotta, though she's emphatically "not a pastry chef". DRINK! Everyone packs up their food, and gets ready to go. The guys struggle to get done in time, but pull it together in the last few moments.
Back at the house, Ashley has time to fume some more about the challenge. Let's get her good point across first. There are at least three gay chefs participating, none of whom are legally allowed to marry their partners, and they're essentially being forced to celebrate that situation. I totally get that, and agree up to a point. I mean, hey... LabRat and I aren't allowed to walk down the aisle, either. Preeti speaks for me a bit when she says she gets where Ashley is coming from, but modern society hasn't kept her apart from her longtime partner, and this just happens to be the world we're living in right now. Exactly. By all means, let's work to effect some change, but in the meantime, you can't get righteously offended at every instance of participation in heterosexual marriage. That would just be downright exhausting. Besides, this is a televised bachelor/bachelorette party, and there isn't even going to be a stripper! It's almost as far from traditional marriage as a gay couple.
Commercials. I love Bradley Cooper, but that movie looks wretched.
The chefs arrive at a resort swimming pool, and each team sets up their food on one side. They have an hour to set everything up. The intense sun beats down on them, and more importantly, their food. Preeti rests her food on some shiso leaves for a bit of garnish. Eve shops her shrimp around, and the consensus is she needs more salt. She frets that her vinaigrette is "naaaaaaaaht" getting into the shrimp at all. Then she almost accidentally stabs Jenc in the face. Over on the men's side, Mike is typically overconfident (as much as anyone can be "typically" anything by the second episode). Laurine feels the men's food is too "contrived" and that the women will be serving heartier fare. Yeah, but she's serving a bunch of "Woo, bachelor party in VEGAS! WITH SHOTS!" dudes, who will no doubt enjoy a bunch of meaty appetizers. The ladies will probably enjoy the more frou-frou stuff the guys are putting together. Lucky me, I'd like both.
The guests arrive. Wow, nothing would be more fun at my bachelor party than being watched by my soon-to-be wife the whole time. The men and women split to their respective sides of the pool. Ashley has gotten some sleep, and has wisely decided to take a step back, and just do the best she can for the happy couple. If it makes her feel any better, I don't have much hope for a couple that bases their relationship on a mutual love of tequila. The guests begin eating, and the judges enter soon after. We begin going down the line of food, and I'm just going to ignore the pointless shot pairings.
Robin has made a duck mole with cocoa nibs and some apricot. It looks good, as does Laurine's Moroccan lamb chop with a pomegranate pine nut relish. Eve's shrimp and avocado ceviche is served with a smoky tomato and chili salsa and some popcorn. Speaking of ceviche (or as she's still calling it, se-VEECH), Jenc has made one of octopus in a light citrus vinaigrette with some herbs on top. I bet I'd like that. The judges eat through this first grouping. Eve's shrimp is described as "nasty". She didn't cook them properly, and the seasoning is all off, much like last week. Jenc's could use a bit more salt, but is good, overall. Robin's mole is very nice, while Laurine's lamb chop gets approving nods.
Next! Ashley has made watermelon carpaccio with some ricotta salata and aged balsamic. It looks very refreshing. She also presents her bay leaf and vanilla panna cotta with cranberry powder and some honey. Preeti lays out her coriander and sesame-crusted tuna with spicy eggplant, and a wonton crisp on top of the shiso leaf. That looks awesome. Jesse has made a lettuce cup with Thai chicken thigh, shiitake mushrooms, shiso, and ginger beer. The judges eat. Jesse's dish is too muddled with competing flavors, and her food doesn't match the shot at all. Preeti's looks wilted, and Todd finds it overcured. Ashley's watermelon was great, but her panna cotta sucked. DRINK!
Next! Michael has thrown together an apple sorbet with a goat cheese cookie. That's no small feat in and of itself with such hot weather. Kevin has made a chilled almond soup with king crab, cucumber, and white grape. Yum. The judges love his soup, though Ptom wishes it were a bit colder. Even as that gets high marks, Michael's goat cheese cookie gets even higher ones.
Next! Mike has served Arctic char with a smoky caper sauce, and some Cara Cara orange. Bryan's sweet-and-sour macaroon is filled with guacamole, corn nuts, and corn puree. I still don't know about that. Coconut is never mentioned, so is that in there, like a traditional macaroon? I pride myself on eating some strange things, but this one has me confused. Ron has made lobster cocktail with a habanero tomato sauce. Hector's tofu is in a lemon-lime, tequila ceviche, and is served alongside a guajillo-achiote tortilla. Look it up. The judges love what Hector did with the tofu, while Ron's lobster has no flavor. Mike's Arctic char is flabby, flat, and doesn't work with the shot. Bryan's guacamole mightily impresses everyone.
Next! Eli has Thai tuna tartare, served with puffed wild rice, and ruined by the addition of coconut milk. Mattin has a bouillabaisse with an aioli crouton, and a Basque croquette that seems to just be a ball of fried cheese. Ash has made an Asian chicken wing with pickled pearl onions on top. The judges like the ginger in Eli's tuna. Mattin's croquette was good, but the rest of the dish is imbalanced. Ash's chicken makes Todd very happy.
After service, some of the guys rip their chef coats off and jump into the pool. Laurine cracks me up when she dryly wonders who people would rather see jump into a pool: Girls or fat boys. Ash does not participate, finding it juvenile. Juvenile, maybe. Unprofessional, certainly. Well, I don't see any guests in the shots of the pool-jumping. Maybe they've all left, in which case it's fine. The women toast each other. The men share a cheer.
Commercials. I don't think people with pinstriped Oxford shirts are rushing off to McDonald's for their lunch hour.
Interstitial. Mike outlines his nicknames for various other chefs. Preeti doesn't rate one, because she's not only one of those inferior women, but an inferior woman who will never sleep with him.
Judges' Table. Padma enters the Kitchen, and summons Bryan, Hector, Eli, and Michael to the dining room. This obviously means that the men's team has won, and that these four are the top of that group. Eli's tuna tartare excited Gail in a way that no other has in the past fifteen years. Wow. Michael's sorbet was a great concept and delicious to boot. Tofu is hard to work with, and Hector did an admirable job. Bryan's macaroon had terrific texture, and Todd found it whimsical and fun. "Thank you," Bryan says with zero emotion.
Tiffany (as Bryan): "I'm whimsical. Like Sylvia Plath."
Todd gets to announce the winner, and says that it was between the two brothers. Bryan scores the ultimate win, which he appears as jazzed up about as a semiannual dentist appointment. He does allow that it's nice to redeem himself after being in the bottom of the Quickfire. Ptom reiterates that all four of them did phenomenal work, but I'm afraid their only prize is Padma asking them to send out the losing women. I write down two of the names before the guys take a single step towards the Kitchen. Eve and Ashley are obviously going out there, and are joined by Preeti and Jesse. Hmm, I may have to rethink what I said before about the second episode being too early to find patterns. As the women enter the dining room, I note the absence of our old friends Gong and Odd Asian Music. Have they lost their jobs in this tough economy?
The judges start with Jesse. Her dish was watery and muddled. She begins leaking tears as Gail tries to soften the blow by saying each individual ingredient was fine, but that there wasn't a clean flavor in the mixture. Eve wanted to provide some spice for the groom. Gail says she couldn't taste anything but the salsa. Ptom asks her about her underseasoned shrimp, and Eve says that she tried to spice it up, but as with pasta, if you underseason it at the beginning, you can't do much about it. The look that Ptom gives in response is priceless. I'm not sure I can do it justice, but the closest translation I can give is: "Why did we let you on this show? You are utterly incompetent."
Preeti felt her dish was crowd-pleasing, but Ptom felt it was overcured. He also scolds her for not exchanging the old shiso leaf for a fresh one as the judges came over. Ah, but she did. The sun was so hot that they almost instantly wilted. I think Ptom hates Preeti. His disgust with Eve is understandable, but I'm not sure why he's felt the need to condescend to Preeti like a disappointed dad (in look if not in words) in both episodes. Gail suggests doing away with the shiso leaf altogether. Todd didn't like her eggplant. Ashley's watermelon was great, but that panna cotta sunk her. DRINK! The chefs are dismissed. They head back to the Kitchen, where Jesse immediately snags a gigantic bottle of wine. Heh.
Deliberations. I could repeat the same criticisms that the judges made a few moments ago, but only need to bring up one. That look of utter incomprehension Ptom gave to Eve. The second that crossed his face (and given the fact that she also screwed up shrimp last week), this episode was decided. Elimination. Why drag it out? Eve. Please pack your knives and go. In her final interview, she talks about remaining true to herself and that the judges just didn't get her unusual combinations of flavors. DRINK! I guess "unusual combinations" is code for "sucky". None of the other chefs seems too torn up or surprised about the elimination of a clearly inferior competitor, and LabRat happily celebrates not having to deal with a Michigander for the rest of the season.
Next week on Top Chef: Limecrete continues his tradition of not watching this show's previews, because they give away who winds up at Judges' Table.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: The cast of Miami Ink showed up to compete in a reality cooking show. Padma told the seventeen new competitors that Lady Luck would be keeping a close eye on this season, so if ever there's a time not to tempt Fate, it's now. Jenc established herself as a force to be reckoned with in the Quickfire, while her namesake Jenz threw some chile relleno grenades into the group of judges. Kevin scored the first Elimination Challenge win, while Jenz' grenades blew up in her face, sending her back home. Sixteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. I like to cook something for the Top Chef viewing party, if I have time. Last week, I made candied pecans from a recipe that LabRat's mother gave me. This week, I brought dried blueberries to snack on. Let me tell you, it's tough to make those. First, I had to leave them out in the sun, and... OK, fine. I bought them at Trader Joe's. Then Tim had to go and show up my meager store-bought contribution with piping hot spinach artichoke dip. Bastard.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Everyone fusses with their hair. Jesse was happy to be in the top of the Quickfire standings last week, but wants to correct the mistakes that sunk her to the bottom of the Elimination Challenge. Eve wonders whether to cook for the judges or to just cook her own style of food. I don't think any of the previous winners ever abandoned their own styles; they just found a way to marry that style with the week's particular challenges. Oh, and they didn't suck. Michael and Bryan are still blown away that they're both there, competing against each other. Consider the theme understood, show. Brothers. Competitors. We've got it.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs stream into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma, Todd English (who will be this week's guest judge), and a craps table. Jenc gets all moist at the sight of Todd, both for physical and professional reasons. Padma explains that in this Quickfire, the chefs will roll a pair of oversized dice down the craps table. Whatever number they roll will be the number of ingredients they'll be allowed to work with. That makes it sound like they can use fewer than their rolled number if they'd like, but that won't turn out to be the case. Work on your speeches, Padma. It's not like you have much else to do. Salt, pepper, and oil are freebies, but every other ingredient must be counted. Fair enough. As with last week, the challenge's winner will get a $15,000 cash prize. Let's get to it!
Kevin doesn't like to work with tons of flavors. Lady Luck bites her thumb at him, and he rolls a ten. Mattin rolls a four. Michael rolls an eight. Hector is happy with his five. Ron pulls an eight. Jesse gets nine. Eve gets eight. Bryan is up there with Kevin with a ten. Jenc gets a nine. Laurine tosses the lowest roll, with a three. That's all the rolls we see. Isn't it odd that seven -- the most statistically likely number -- didn't get thrown once? Too bad they're not really playing craps right now; they'd be making out like bandits.
The thirty-minute countdown begins. Chefs scatter to their stations. Eve wants to make a salad that includes grilled asparagus and blue cheese. A salad is a smart idea if you want to get eight ingredients on the plate. Michael pours about a gallon of oil into a blender. He's working on gazpacho with a twist, using the liquid nitrogen to rapidly chill it. Bryan wants to hold to a more classic style, which he tells us in a deadpan voice he will not be deviating from. I have to say, Bryan is unquestionably the most attractive chef in contention this year (to me, anyway), but that robotic voice can be a tad off-putting. He works on preparing sous-vide cod. In order to keep things simple, Kevin wants to make as few components as possible with his ten ingredients. Smart idea. I like the way he thinks. Jenc is making smoked salmon with a mild jalapeno emulsion. She also uses about a gallon of oil. Jesse tells us in hindsight that she should have used a stainless steel pan to sear her scallops. She didn't, though, so they're colorless and dull. She thinks about using butter to brown them up, but that would put her over the ingredient limit. Too bad she's not competing in Season 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Time winds down, and everyone plates their food.
Padma and Todd start their way down the line. With her scant ingredients, Laurine has made an asparagus and leek soup with lemon. Jenc presents her smoked salmon and jalapeno emulsion. It's also got lemon, garlic, shallot, and parsley thrown in. I'm not really enjoying the combination of smoked salmon and jalapeno in my mind, but would have to give it a try before passing any judgement. Mattin has made a carrot soup with ginger, and has cleverly made a little "4" out of carrots to rest on top. Eve's grilled asparagus salad includes raisins, pine nuts, and blue cheese. Michael's nitrogen gazpacho also has compressed cucumbers (whatever that means) and some toast. Kevin has prepared asparagus and celery salad with fennel cream and a boiled egg. Isn't it weird how multiple chefs always seem to work with the same ingredient, seemingly by accident? Last week, it was halibut. Tonight, it's asparagus. Ashley has made grilled lamb with apricot mostarda. The lamb is rare to the point of being almost raw. Bryan has poached black cod, and serves it with carrot, ginger puree, and some daikon radish sprout. Jesse's colorless scallops are served with chimichurri and toasted garlic. There are also some smashed garbanzo beans, which are nice, but seem unnecessary. Maybe she could have replaced them with the much-needed butter.
That's all the dishes we see, and Padma asks Todd for the bad news first. Jesse's scallops needed a better sear, and the rest of her plate was all mushy textures. Eve's blue cheese was overpowering and her presentation sucked. Bryan's flavors were fairly good, but his yuzu was overpowering. He's welcome to bring his overpowering yuzu over here. Hotcha! Now, for the good news. Michael used a clever technique with the gazpacho. Jenc's flavors were bold, yet delicate. Kevin cooked the egg perfectly (I actually prefer a runnier yolk with boiled eggs, but I get what he was going for), and successfully married a lot of flavors. I know it's not really feasible to establish patterns by the second episode, but you'd be forgiven for looking at Kevin, Jenc, Eve, and Jesse with increased attention now. The winner of the Quickfire, the attendant immunity, and the tremendous cash prize is... Michael. Great. I so look forward to the thousand and one interviews about sibling rivalry this will spawn.
Commercials. Head online to learn how to make the winning Quickfire recipe. Sure, let me just pull out my tank of liquid nitrogen. I keep it in the cabinet next to the fridge.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be experiencing another Vegas tradition. Bloated entertainers past their heyday? Nope. It's the bachelor and bachelorette party. Kevin looks back fondly at his own debauched fiesta. Ashley is decidedly less thrilled about it. As a lesbian, she's not happy to be participating in an event that she's not able to enjoy herself. More on this later. Padma continues that the chefs will be split into two teams: Men versus women. The men will cater the bride's party, while the women will handle the groom. Or his food, anyway. Now it's Jenc's turn to be offended, because she doesn't believe men and women cook differently, so a "battle of the sexes" is ridiculous. It's a fair point, although nobody said that the challenge winner will lend any evidence to which sex cooks better. It's just a handy way to split the chefs into two teams. I don't disagree with Jenc, but it's a little premature to be pissed off about it.
The bride and groom enter. They pass around their three favorite shots, which they want all the food to be paired with. Lame. Padma gives the teams ten minutes to meet with their "clients" and plan the meal. Eli lets us in on another challenge parameter, which is that each shot must have at least two dishes associated with it. The bride outlines a couple of guests' dietary restrictions, and says she loves spicy food. The groom likes lean meats, shellfish, and has a big sweet tooth. Robin, unlike Jenc, is excited for an all-female team, and GIRL POWER, and blah blah blah. Shopping. The teams have half an hour and an $800 budget. The men pick out some flowers, and assign Ash to take care of them.
Ash: "It's true. Gay guys grow flowers better than straight guys."
LabRat: "No, gay guys DE-flower better than straight guys."
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs spring into their two hours of prep time. Jesse worries that if the women lose, she's the obvious choice to go home. Normally, I'd agree, but there is one person who's done worse. I'll give you a hint. She lived in the Garden of Eden, and also couldn't cook worth a damn. Tiresome sibling rivalry interview. Cooking montage. Jenc (I assume) lowers some octopus into a pan. Eve works on a shrimp ceviche. Ashley skins a watermelon to make a carpaccio. She thinks winning the challenge will give the women a much-needed confidence boost. It's the second episode. They couldn't possibly be that beaten down, could they? Oh, wait.
Hector works on a vegetarian dish. He's making tofu ceviche, which sounds a little strange and not very appetizing. Of course, that's what I first thought about the tofu with black bean sauce at Blue Koi in Kansas City, and now it's my second-favorite thing there. Tiresome sibling rivalry interview. Bryan is making a sweet-and-sour macaroon, which involves guacamole. I don't know whether to be intrigued or disgusted by that. A minor spat surfaces on the women's team. Ashley thinks they have time to make an additional dish, but Jenc would prefer keeping things simple and making sure they execute all of the existing dishes perfectly. Ashley remembers that the groom wanted something sweet, so she's going to forge ahead and make a bay leaf panna cotta, though she's emphatically "not a pastry chef". DRINK! Everyone packs up their food, and gets ready to go. The guys struggle to get done in time, but pull it together in the last few moments.
Back at the house, Ashley has time to fume some more about the challenge. Let's get her good point across first. There are at least three gay chefs participating, none of whom are legally allowed to marry their partners, and they're essentially being forced to celebrate that situation. I totally get that, and agree up to a point. I mean, hey... LabRat and I aren't allowed to walk down the aisle, either. Preeti speaks for me a bit when she says she gets where Ashley is coming from, but modern society hasn't kept her apart from her longtime partner, and this just happens to be the world we're living in right now. Exactly. By all means, let's work to effect some change, but in the meantime, you can't get righteously offended at every instance of participation in heterosexual marriage. That would just be downright exhausting. Besides, this is a televised bachelor/bachelorette party, and there isn't even going to be a stripper! It's almost as far from traditional marriage as a gay couple.
Commercials. I love Bradley Cooper, but that movie looks wretched.
The chefs arrive at a resort swimming pool, and each team sets up their food on one side. They have an hour to set everything up. The intense sun beats down on them, and more importantly, their food. Preeti rests her food on some shiso leaves for a bit of garnish. Eve shops her shrimp around, and the consensus is she needs more salt. She frets that her vinaigrette is "naaaaaaaaht" getting into the shrimp at all. Then she almost accidentally stabs Jenc in the face. Over on the men's side, Mike is typically overconfident (as much as anyone can be "typically" anything by the second episode). Laurine feels the men's food is too "contrived" and that the women will be serving heartier fare. Yeah, but she's serving a bunch of "Woo, bachelor party in VEGAS! WITH SHOTS!" dudes, who will no doubt enjoy a bunch of meaty appetizers. The ladies will probably enjoy the more frou-frou stuff the guys are putting together. Lucky me, I'd like both.
The guests arrive. Wow, nothing would be more fun at my bachelor party than being watched by my soon-to-be wife the whole time. The men and women split to their respective sides of the pool. Ashley has gotten some sleep, and has wisely decided to take a step back, and just do the best she can for the happy couple. If it makes her feel any better, I don't have much hope for a couple that bases their relationship on a mutual love of tequila. The guests begin eating, and the judges enter soon after. We begin going down the line of food, and I'm just going to ignore the pointless shot pairings.
Robin has made a duck mole with cocoa nibs and some apricot. It looks good, as does Laurine's Moroccan lamb chop with a pomegranate pine nut relish. Eve's shrimp and avocado ceviche is served with a smoky tomato and chili salsa and some popcorn. Speaking of ceviche (or as she's still calling it, se-VEECH), Jenc has made one of octopus in a light citrus vinaigrette with some herbs on top. I bet I'd like that. The judges eat through this first grouping. Eve's shrimp is described as "nasty". She didn't cook them properly, and the seasoning is all off, much like last week. Jenc's could use a bit more salt, but is good, overall. Robin's mole is very nice, while Laurine's lamb chop gets approving nods.
Next! Ashley has made watermelon carpaccio with some ricotta salata and aged balsamic. It looks very refreshing. She also presents her bay leaf and vanilla panna cotta with cranberry powder and some honey. Preeti lays out her coriander and sesame-crusted tuna with spicy eggplant, and a wonton crisp on top of the shiso leaf. That looks awesome. Jesse has made a lettuce cup with Thai chicken thigh, shiitake mushrooms, shiso, and ginger beer. The judges eat. Jesse's dish is too muddled with competing flavors, and her food doesn't match the shot at all. Preeti's looks wilted, and Todd finds it overcured. Ashley's watermelon was great, but her panna cotta sucked. DRINK!
Next! Michael has thrown together an apple sorbet with a goat cheese cookie. That's no small feat in and of itself with such hot weather. Kevin has made a chilled almond soup with king crab, cucumber, and white grape. Yum. The judges love his soup, though Ptom wishes it were a bit colder. Even as that gets high marks, Michael's goat cheese cookie gets even higher ones.
Next! Mike has served Arctic char with a smoky caper sauce, and some Cara Cara orange. Bryan's sweet-and-sour macaroon is filled with guacamole, corn nuts, and corn puree. I still don't know about that. Coconut is never mentioned, so is that in there, like a traditional macaroon? I pride myself on eating some strange things, but this one has me confused. Ron has made lobster cocktail with a habanero tomato sauce. Hector's tofu is in a lemon-lime, tequila ceviche, and is served alongside a guajillo-achiote tortilla. Look it up. The judges love what Hector did with the tofu, while Ron's lobster has no flavor. Mike's Arctic char is flabby, flat, and doesn't work with the shot. Bryan's guacamole mightily impresses everyone.
Next! Eli has Thai tuna tartare, served with puffed wild rice, and ruined by the addition of coconut milk. Mattin has a bouillabaisse with an aioli crouton, and a Basque croquette that seems to just be a ball of fried cheese. Ash has made an Asian chicken wing with pickled pearl onions on top. The judges like the ginger in Eli's tuna. Mattin's croquette was good, but the rest of the dish is imbalanced. Ash's chicken makes Todd very happy.
After service, some of the guys rip their chef coats off and jump into the pool. Laurine cracks me up when she dryly wonders who people would rather see jump into a pool: Girls or fat boys. Ash does not participate, finding it juvenile. Juvenile, maybe. Unprofessional, certainly. Well, I don't see any guests in the shots of the pool-jumping. Maybe they've all left, in which case it's fine. The women toast each other. The men share a cheer.
Commercials. I don't think people with pinstriped Oxford shirts are rushing off to McDonald's for their lunch hour.
Interstitial. Mike outlines his nicknames for various other chefs. Preeti doesn't rate one, because she's not only one of those inferior women, but an inferior woman who will never sleep with him.
Judges' Table. Padma enters the Kitchen, and summons Bryan, Hector, Eli, and Michael to the dining room. This obviously means that the men's team has won, and that these four are the top of that group. Eli's tuna tartare excited Gail in a way that no other has in the past fifteen years. Wow. Michael's sorbet was a great concept and delicious to boot. Tofu is hard to work with, and Hector did an admirable job. Bryan's macaroon had terrific texture, and Todd found it whimsical and fun. "Thank you," Bryan says with zero emotion.
Tiffany (as Bryan): "I'm whimsical. Like Sylvia Plath."
Todd gets to announce the winner, and says that it was between the two brothers. Bryan scores the ultimate win, which he appears as jazzed up about as a semiannual dentist appointment. He does allow that it's nice to redeem himself after being in the bottom of the Quickfire. Ptom reiterates that all four of them did phenomenal work, but I'm afraid their only prize is Padma asking them to send out the losing women. I write down two of the names before the guys take a single step towards the Kitchen. Eve and Ashley are obviously going out there, and are joined by Preeti and Jesse. Hmm, I may have to rethink what I said before about the second episode being too early to find patterns. As the women enter the dining room, I note the absence of our old friends Gong and Odd Asian Music. Have they lost their jobs in this tough economy?
The judges start with Jesse. Her dish was watery and muddled. She begins leaking tears as Gail tries to soften the blow by saying each individual ingredient was fine, but that there wasn't a clean flavor in the mixture. Eve wanted to provide some spice for the groom. Gail says she couldn't taste anything but the salsa. Ptom asks her about her underseasoned shrimp, and Eve says that she tried to spice it up, but as with pasta, if you underseason it at the beginning, you can't do much about it. The look that Ptom gives in response is priceless. I'm not sure I can do it justice, but the closest translation I can give is: "Why did we let you on this show? You are utterly incompetent."
Preeti felt her dish was crowd-pleasing, but Ptom felt it was overcured. He also scolds her for not exchanging the old shiso leaf for a fresh one as the judges came over. Ah, but she did. The sun was so hot that they almost instantly wilted. I think Ptom hates Preeti. His disgust with Eve is understandable, but I'm not sure why he's felt the need to condescend to Preeti like a disappointed dad (in look if not in words) in both episodes. Gail suggests doing away with the shiso leaf altogether. Todd didn't like her eggplant. Ashley's watermelon was great, but that panna cotta sunk her. DRINK! The chefs are dismissed. They head back to the Kitchen, where Jesse immediately snags a gigantic bottle of wine. Heh.
Deliberations. I could repeat the same criticisms that the judges made a few moments ago, but only need to bring up one. That look of utter incomprehension Ptom gave to Eve. The second that crossed his face (and given the fact that she also screwed up shrimp last week), this episode was decided. Elimination. Why drag it out? Eve. Please pack your knives and go. In her final interview, she talks about remaining true to herself and that the judges just didn't get her unusual combinations of flavors. DRINK! I guess "unusual combinations" is code for "sucky". None of the other chefs seems too torn up or surprised about the elimination of a clearly inferior competitor, and LabRat happily celebrates not having to deal with a Michigander for the rest of the season.
Next week on Top Chef: Limecrete continues his tradition of not watching this show's previews, because they give away who winds up at Judges' Table.
Overall Grade: B-
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