Making Concessions

Top Chef - Season 12, Episode 3

Previously on Top Chef: Aaron decided he didn't have time to develop The Villain Role organically, and decided to just transparently grab for as much camera time as possible. Lanterns went on and off. Jaaaaaaames haaaaaaaad.....the time of his liiiiiiiife, and was led to a Quickfire win by his patron saint, Patrick Swayze. The chefs served the city's first responders, and came thisclose to actually needing them in a professional sense, as Aaron and Kariann lunged at each other's throats without bothering to put much thought into, you know, cooking. Stacy managed to save them both from elimination, goddamn it, so Joy's undercooked veal sent her packing. Double goddamn it. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Monday Morning Quarterback Session. Everyone in the household hates Aaron, except James, who feels some kind of ridiculous kinship with him. Aaron explains in interview that he knows he's a lot to take, but it's not his fault, cause he comes from a broken home. Oh, awesome! I had no idea that being a child of divorce gave me free rein to be a raging asshole! This opens up so many avenues for me, you guys. He goes on to say that Top Chef is helping him work through those issues, because this is a televised therapy session, and not a competition where people cook. Apparently. Also, let's ask Seth how competing in Top Chef fared in addressing his mental health issues. Assuming we can get a permit to visit him in his rubber room.

Quickfire Challenge. I guess Boston's current food culture is not enough of an attraction, so it's looking more and more like this season will be Quirky Challenges Regarding America's Past. In this one, Padma and guest judge Ming Tsai are on hand to administer a Sudden Death Quickfire revolving around tea. BOSTON TEA PARTY, GET IT?!? It actually isn't a bad ingredient to base a challenge on, since people don't really work much with tea. The chefs will each grab a mystery blend and have to incorporate it into their dish. Winner gets immunity, and loser faces elimination. Ready? Go!

Some of these tea blends sound deeply unappetizing. I guess I have classical tastes when it comes to tea, because strawberry white tea? Gunpowder spearmint tea? No thanks. Rebecca is finally allowed to speak on-screen, as she tells us that she's somewhat of a double threat, because she has actual pastry experience, unlike a lot of other savory chefs. She makes a neutral cake in order to soak up as much of the tea flavor as possible. It seems she's not as big a threat as she thinks, because after time runs out, she lands in the bottom three, along with James (bad sauce) and Aaron (overcooked fish). The top three include Melissa's duck plate, Ron's mole sauce, and Gregory, who mixed that strawberry tea with tuna. That sounds disgusting, but if the judges say it's good, I'll trust them on this one. Gregory wins the challenge and immunity. Aaron is declared the worst, and must face off against another chef to stay in the competition. Oh, please... Send him packing, someone.

Hmm... Who shall he pick to compete against? Another dude? The strong-willed woman he declared he could cook under the table last week? Nah. Dudebro needs to pick on a meek lady, because he's a giant cliche, so of course he selects Katie. The follow-up challenge is to cook something with only a pot of boiling water as the heating element. Aaron hammers some shrimp into a sheet to make a kind of free-form spring roll. I hate to throw credit his way, but that sounds like a great idea. Katie attempts to impress by hand-making pasta, but her lack of sauce does her in. Aaron wins the head-to-head, and gets to stay. Katie! Get your shit together!

Elimination Challenge. Padma announces that the chefs will be serving the meal at Fenway Park, and the chefs react as if they've been told they'll be hanging out in the Oval Office with Barry O. I'll accept the backflips from Stacy, but the rest of you people... It's a stadium. A stadium. There are a lot them lying around. Plus, fuck the Red Sox. The chefs will pick from a selection of ballpark snacks, and must create an elevated, "fine dining" dish based on it. Popcorn is a popular choice, as are peanuts and pretzels. Katsuji is the only one to pick funnel cake, and nobody picks cotton candy, because everyone is playing it safe, and this season is boring so far.

Prep. Katie dedicates her dish to her late father. Kariann insists she can braise her short ribs in three hours, because the laws of time and physics bend to her will. Ron is sad that being a chef takes him away from his family so much. A vulture swoops in and begins circling his head. Gregory used to do drugs, and has thrown himself completely into his career into order to help overcome his addictions. That's nothing, Gregory. My mom... And my dad... ARE NO LONGER MARRIED TO EACH OTHER. Beat that! Towards the end of prep, Katie realizes that her crème brulee is just not going to set, no matter how she tries to save it. Tying it directly to the memory of her father was perhaps not the best idea, as she is now an emotional wreck. Service. The chefs present in sets of three. Boston sportswriter Dan Shaughnessy, Hall of Fame pitcher Dennis Eckersley, and Hall of Fame pitcher Dennis Eckersley's "hair" are all on-hand to help judge.

I'm not going to go over everyone's dishes, but there are some highlights and lowlights. There are also some boring-lights, as everyone kind of aimed for the same thing. There are a mess of corn soups, scallops, and Thai peanut toppings, all of which can be tasty, but none of which are particularly impressive, conceptually. Katie immediately begins crying upon presenting her crème brulee, which she has turned into popcorn mousse, on blue cornmeal salted cornbread. Hey, sounds good to me. It sounds good to the judges, too. They like it very much, and chide her for shooting herself in the foot before anyone has tasted her food. Ron presents a giant mass of a fish croquette in a popcorn soup. I can't comment on its flavor, but visually, it's the furthest thing from "fine dining" we'll see tonight. A lot of chefs have severely undercooked meats (Keriann's magical ribs included), and who knows if that's related to the stadium cooking equipment or not; it's never addressed.

Judges' Table. Despite her emotional swings, Katie lands in the top three, along with Gregory (for his roasted duck with peanut sauce) and Melissa (for her corn and ramp soup with fried calamari). It's time for the increasingly less-rare double win, as Gregory sweeps the week. Meanwhile, Keriann's undercooked ribs and Ron's off-putting fish croquette have sunk them to the bottom, where they're joined by Katsuji, who once again has made a dish where he's thrown everything except potato peelings and paint chips in. The fish croquette is the worst culinary sin, and Ron is sent packing. He's a perfectly nice person, but I don't remember a word of his good-bye. Meanwhile, back in the Kitchen, Aaron has had enough of fighting with Kariann, and picks a fight with Katsuji for a change. I look around for a single molecule of caring, and can't find one.

Overall Grade: C