On Thin Ice

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 7

Previously on Project Runway: The designers were split into teams of two, and told to create a dress for Banana Republic, with the caveat that the losing pair's members would both be out. Zulema bullied Kara into being useful, while Santino bullied Nick into being a puss. Danzzz and Andrae went home with the challenge, while Diana and Marla just went home. Sniff. Eight designers remain. Who will be out tonight?

Opening credits. Chloe tosses her hair and tells us we'll see her at fashion week. She's kind of intimidating for such a tiny woman.

Speaking of Chloe, here she is, moving in with Zulema and Kara. She's not thrilled about the idea, to put it mildly. Man, I don't blame her. Meanwhile, back in the men's room, Santino is congratulating Andrae and Danzzz on their win. Wouldn't he have done that the evening before? Odd. These little morning-after interviews with the challenge winners are fairly pointless, so let's just skip ahead to the runway. Heidi greets the designers, and asks if they're ready to hear about their next challenge. They are, but she tells them they won't find out anything until the next morning, when they'll receive a package with the challenge's details. It's kind of mean to make them get up, get dressed, and come to the runway just to hear that. Jeez, slip them a note or something. Oh, I guess they had to come to the runway to participate in the Pointless Model Selection. So OF COURSE Danzzz sticks with Rebecca, and OF COURSE Andrae sticks with Danyelle, so we will be bidding farewell to Lesley (Aw, I liked her) and Cara (Yes! Ding dong, the witch is dead!). Heidi tells the designers to get a good night's sleep. Seriously, isn't it, like, nine in the morning right now? There's a night shot of the designers returning to the Atlas, so I guess it took them twelve hours to walk the few blocks back. There is a bunch of meaningless speculation on what the challenge will be, culminating in Kara's interview in which she says "I didn't know what the challenge was, because we didn't know what to expect." Um...thanks, show.

Morning. I presume something will actually happen today. Something besides the weird harp music that brings us back to the Atlas. More weird Sesame Streetesque music boops merrily in the background as a "mailman" drops the packages off at the designers' rooms. But this is no ordinary mailman! It's Robert from Season 1, who you'll remember also helped out on one of the contestant judging panels, while telling us all about how interested Playgirl is in doing a photo shoot with him. Methinks Robert doesn't have a whole lot on his plate these days. First he stops by the men's room, where he gets a warm welcome. Santino is dressed in nothing but towels. Bleh. Robert then drops by the women's room, and finally, Emmett's room. Emmett has no idea who he is. Hehehehe. I always feel a surge of evil joy when people who expect to get recognized get shot down like that.

The designers open their packages and are equal parts excited and mortified to find frilly little figure skating costumes inside. They're expected to put them on and meet Tim Gunn downstairs. Aw, what I would give to see Diana and Marla in these little outfits. The guys in the men's room try to cram themselves into their outfits, while having fun guessing how Emmett is going to fit into his. The answer? Not well. Heh. Poor Emmett enters the lobby with his customary Great Gatsby hat and a hot pink shirt through which his stomach and nipples poke out. Nick interviews that seeing Emmett was like "International Male gone g-g-g-g-gay." I think I speak for all gay men when I say: "gone"? The other outfits are nearly as hysterical. Santino has a big, furry hat and looks like he should break into full-on arms-crossed leg-kickin' Russian dance any moment now. Andrae and Nick have similar cuts of frilly fabric, Andrae's in mint green and Nick's in lavender. Kara has a blue, velour skirt, Chloe is in a tiny skirt with splashes of different shades of pink, and Zulema has a white skirt, which she's accented with tons of golden, glittery eyeshadow. Danzzz's outfit fits his name. Black shirt. Black pants. A couple stripes of gold across the chest. It's like the show is trying to force him into being as boring as he can. Hey, maybe that means he'll win. Even though everyone looks fairly ridiculous, they all laugh at Emmett, and with good reason.

The designers pile into a van and take off. There's a weird shot of a mannequin torso standing out in the middle of the street. Is it following them? Creepy. The van pulls up to an ice skating rink. Nick only now figures out that they'll be designing ice skating costumes. Wow, catch up, Nick. The designers enter the rink, and Nick goes gaga. He interviews that there she was out on the rink: "THE Sasha Cohen". Of course, the reason that they have Nick tell us this is because he's the only one of the designers (and I'm guessing, the audience) who recognizes her. Sasha Who-en? Apparently, she's some big celebrity in the figure skating world. I always thought Olympic medals determined that, but I guess any cute girl in a tight dress can consider herself Peggy Fleming these days. God, I sound like an old man. Hey, you kids! Get off my lawn! Sasha tells them their next challenge is to create a figure skating outfit specifically for her. Nick is going completely batshit with excitement, and his enthusiasm is really kind of cute. Sasha also tells them that the dress cannot just be attractive, it has to be functional as well, which means the fabric has to stretch, be an appropriate weight, etc. This challenge sounds tough.

But before they get into all that work, the designers get to have a little fun. Everyone straps on their skates and gets out onto the ice. Zulema interviews that she's nervous, because she's only been skating once in her life. Oh, dear. In that interview, in that outfit, Zulema is totally adorable. I never thought I'd see the day. Actually, everyone is adorable in this segment. Even Santino, who's talking about what a bonding experience this is, rather than being a jackhole. Emmett interviews that Tim and Kara were having the most trouble on the ice. Understandable. One has dignity and one's from South Africa. I have to say, I'm not a big fan of ice skating (call me if you ever go roller skating, though!), but that looked like tons of fun. Commercials.

OK, enough frivolity. Back in the workroom, the designers have the standard thirty minutes to sketch, and will have a $150 budget and two days to finish. Everyone pores over their designs studiously, which is funny, since they're all still in their little skating outfits. Andrae wants Sasha to look menacing. Andrae? That's not gonna happen. After the thirty minutes is up, Tim comes to collect them. They have to go to the fabric store in their outfits, too. Awesome. Zulema's idea is sort an ice princess/swan type outfit, which would probably be my first thought, too, if I were designing for this challenge. Zulema and I are thinking alike! Someone hit me upside the head! Emmett's going for a midnight sky effect. The designers also stop by a store that specializes in trims. Santino must be in hog heaven. Zulema's nervous again, since she's never used sequins, glitter, or beading in any of her outfits. As with most people, a splash of humility makes Zulema much more palatable. Tim hurries everyone along, and they head back to the workroom. Everyone shows each other the stretch fabrics they got. Emmett asks around for some advice, never having worked with stretch fabrics, since he comes from a menswear background. Maybe he should check out that International Male catalog. There's plenty stretching over there.

Danzzz interviews that Emmett's a bit out of his league. While it's true that Emmett doesn't have as strong a background in women's clothing as Danzzz does, he's been designing clothing probably since Danzzz was using a sippy-cup, so Danzzz can just shut his snotty trap. I guess I should be happy that he's talking at all. More snottery hits. Santino thinks Kara asks too many questions. Chloe sees the red, feathery basis of Santino's dress and incredulously asks what the hell is going on with it. Nick, still being Santino's little toady, tells her to knock it off. Nick certainly didn't mind making fun of other people's dresses when it was Marla up for discussion, so he's free to shut his trap as well. Zulema also interviews that Santino's dress has way too much going on with it. I think of all the things that can go wrong with a figure skating outfit, having too much elaborate stuff hanging off of it would be the worst.

With two hours left in Day One, everyone is sewing madly. There is a lot of extremely uninteresting talk about overlock machines, and how they're helpful in sewing stretch fabrics. Um, yay for overlock machines. The machine breaks down while Zulema is working on it, though it doesn't seem to be because of anything she did. Andrae makes a series of his stupid drama faces. He decides he's going to work on the overlock machine while everyone else is working on their outfits. Zulema applauds him for this. Nobody else seems to care, since they can still sew things using other methods, if need be. Andrae re-enters the workroom, and tells everyone that he's threaded both overlock machines, and that if they mess up, whoever's working on them will have to make do. People still don't care. Time runs out on Day One, and Andrae rolls his eyes to the heavens, because he didn't have enough time to work on his outfit. Yeah, you're such a martyr, Andrae. Joan of Arc's got nothing on you.

Commercials. It's now Day Two, and Andrae is still going on about the goddamn overlock machines. There's more pointless talk about how competitive it's getting and how the best designer should win and blah, blah, blah. Everyone heads to the workroom, and gets busy. Tim drops by soon after. He tells them that maintenance looked at the overlock machines, and did what they could, but it wasn't very much. So all of Andrae's world-weary sighs mean nothing, because they're just crap machines. Tim then checks on everyone's progress. He's not happy with Emmett's midnight blue color. I usually love that color, but I agree it's not working well here. He seems content with Zulema and Andrae's work, but tells Kara that she may want to show a little innovation in her design. I don't know. There are so many restrictions to this challenge, in terms of fabric and weight and such, that I think trying to incorporate some zany idea would harm more than it helped. Danzzz doesn't like Kara's design either, saying it looks like a JC Penney outfit. Man, he's bitchy this episode. I hope those wins aren't going to his head. Tim tells Santino that his design's a little over-the-top as always, but his main concern is that Santino should think of a way to respond to the judges' criticisms that is less "Fuck you!". There's a flashback to Santino yelling at Nina about his hideous lingerie line. He refuses to consider changing his design, because he's going for a "dramatic statement". I don't see how he couldn't make a dramatic statement without totally ignoring the challenge's parameters, but whatever.

Everyone gets back to work, and gets a little slap-happy in the process. Santino sings a little song about Tim Gunn. Kara does a little jig. Heh. Andrae finishes something with the overlock machine, and Kara gets onto it. Ten seconds later, the needle breaks. Oh, good, we get to talk about the overlock machine some more. Zulema interviews about how difficult it is to sew stretch fabric without the overlock. I've just noticed that the only two people overly worried about those machines are Andrae and Zulema. I think they're entirely too dependent on them. I mean, sure, calculators make balancing my checkbook easier, but I still know how to add and subtract, you know? Andrae seems bent on blaming Kara for the breakdown, even though Tim told them the machines weren't completely fixable. Why is Andrae still on this show? His clothes aren't pretty. We've already got a villain or two. Fucking get rid of him! Anyway, everyone starts hand sewing their garments. People are starting to second guess their designs, and some with good reason. Santino laughs about what the judges will throw at him this week. He even does a hilarious impression of Michael saying "She looks like a baboon's ass exploded on her backside!!!!". Hahaha! Yeah, Michael is overly fond of trying to appear scathingly witty through dumb analogies. Back at the Atlas, Santino seems a little more seriously worried about his chances.

Morning. The designers have to put on their silly outfits again. Sweet. In the men's room, Santino talks about how every time the judges get on his case, he feels like he's backed into a corner and has to fight his way out. Well, maybe if he listened to their criticisms instead of just registering them as criticism, he could learn something. Hey, they didn't show the part they showed in the commercial preview. That was the best part! Well, I'll put it here anyway. Santino talks about how if he needs to eat people to get out of jeopardy, he will. He leans over and screams into Andrae's terrified face "I WAAAAAAAANT YOUR SOOOOOOOOUL!!!!!!!". Heh, Santino is cracking me up this episode. I'll bet Andrae's soul tastes terrible. At the workroom, everyone wraps up their designs. The models enter, and the designers get them fitted. Chloe's a bit worried, because Grace is quite the Amazon, and figure skaters are supposed to be bitty. Heather isn't thrilled with Santino's design. She waited until this week to get upset? The German leiderhosen bra didn't bother her? Weird girl. Even she thinks this outfit has too much going on, but he asks her to sell it as if she loves it. Fair enough. Commercials.

Runway. Heidi seems surprised that everyone's dressed up in their skating outfits, so I guess it was the designers' idea, not the producers'. Cute. However, Zulema has lost her cuteness by once again putting on those goddamn oversized-Jackie O-wannabe sunglasses. Man, I hate those things. Tonight's judges will be Michael Kors, Anne Slowey, the fashion news director for "Elle" filling in for Nina, and Sasha Cohen. Sasha will wear the winning design in an upcoming exhibition. Not a terribly exciting prize, but every step's a good one, I guess. Let's start the show. First is Rebecca in Danzzz's skirt. I like it. It's cranberry colored, with sequins around the neckline and one down one side, and shimmering fabric for the rest, making a triangle at the bottom. It's neat. Rachael is next in Zulema's outfit, and there's one mystery solved. I don't like Rachael, not because she's Zulema's model, but because she sucks. She looks really grim as she marches down the runway in a, I have to say it, spectacular outfit. There is white fabric with circular holes containing sequins over the boobs, and it opens out to form a hole at the stomach before closing again in an almost tennis skirt-looking bottom. The open parts of the outfit are covered with flesh-colored fabric. The only mistake is the dark makeup that Rachael's wearing. What the hell is that about? Eden is next in Kara's dress. I can see what Tim was talking about when he called it basic, but it's still pretty nice. There is a black (or really dark blue) top with patterns of sequins on it, one sleeve, and a fringe skirt. There's even a cute little sequined headband that makes Eden look like a jazz-era flapper. Next is Shannon in Emmett's outfit. Again, not very exciting, but serviceable. It's midnight blue, with sparkles running throughout it. The chest is covered by sheer fabric, which has a pattern of shiny streaks that kind of make it look like cracked glass. The back has that same effect.

Ugh. Danyelle in Andrae's dress. It is the essence of fug. It's another black dress, with one of the legs cut up to the thigh. There's a swath of feather boa at one shoulder, little bits of tassel sticking out everywhere, and the whole thing is topped by a Hamburglar mask. She looks ridiculous. Picture Sasha Cohen in this outfit and try to stop yourself from laughing. Or retching. Heather is up in Santino's dress. She's not selling it. I can understand not liking this one, but it's not really her job to like or dislike it. There's an X of feathers across her chest, and a shredded, red skirt. The back is a mess, with bits of trim hanging out at all angles. Santino was aiming for "phoenix rising from the flames" and landed more near "demented turkey". Tarah is next, and this is the first boring skirt I've seen from Nick. It's silver, with a regular pattern of sequins, and the skirt is cut away on one side to reveal a beige fabric underneath. It may have looked better if the beige and silver weren't such similar colors, but there's just not enough contrast to make it look interesting. Ooh, the back is nice, though. Lastly is Grace, in Chloe's skirt. It's odd. It's turquoise (a little lighter than the blue Chloe tends to favor), and is cut so that strips of fabric overlay each other, and flutter a bit as Grace moves. I don't know that I love it, but it's unique. I do agree with Chloe that it's reminiscent of a Christmas tree.

The judges tally their scores, and the designers step onto the runway. Please step forward when called. Nick. Danzzz. Andrae. These designers are safe. Whaaaaaat??? Are the judges and I looking at the same skirts? This is really the first disagreement I've had with the judges since the beginning of the season. There is no way that Andrae's dress should be safe. Feh. The remaining five have the highest and lowest scores. Double feh. The models emerge. The judges start with Chloe. They like that she tried something different, but what confuses me is that they go on and on about what a bold color choice she made, and how it's not often seen on the ice. Guys? It's blue. The judges feel Kara's fringe skirt is so-so, but doesn't really fit Sasha's style. Michael also calls it Vegas, as if to imply it's tacky. Because we all look to figure skaters for the latest styles. Shut up, Michael. Anne jumps down Emmett's throat, saying there's too much "tootie" being exposed. I have no idea what that means. Too much skin? Too much ass? Too much fabric? I don't know. She calls it vulgar, which it is not. It's no shorter than anyone else's skirt. Someone's a little too impressed with her temporary judge status, here. I miss Nina. The other judges don't really pick up on that criticism, but they do think that's it too safe in its shape, which I can understand. The judges love Zulema's skirt. The front of Santino's skirt isn't too bad, but the judges detest all that elaboration in the back. Michael steals my turkey joke. The designers are sent off.

Deliberations. Zulema and Chloe's skirts are both favorites. Kara's didn't wow them at all. I still don't understand how they can give Kara so much criticism, while Andrae's piece of crap was considered fine. Emmett's design was unimaginative. Anne again calls it vulgar and dowdy, which Michael jokes is hard to do simultaneously. I can see where they'd think it's boring, but I am not understanding this "vulgar" charge at all. Bite me, Anne. Santino's outfit could never work as a skating dress. Heidi is completely fed up with him. Anne makes an excellent point when she says Santino seems to be all expression, with no editing. That's a good way to put it. I retract my "bite me". The judges bring the designers back out.

This week's fun trivia tidbit to avoid tiresome, repetitive show dialogue: In 1995, figure skating was an incredibly popular televised event. In 2005, television ratings for figure skating were so low, their numbers have been described as being achieved through "the family pet accidentally sitting on the remote control".

Elimination time. Kara is in. The winner of the challenge is Zulema. She deserves it. She'd deserve it more if she took those glasses off. She interviews that she doesn't want to get too sidetracked by her win. Probably a good idea. Chloe is in. That leaves Santino and Emmett. Santino went over the top again, and Heidi is tired of him not listening to the judges. Emmett's design was stale. And again, good television wins out over good design. Santino is declared in, which means Emmett is eliminated. He stands there forlornly, with his gut bulging out in his tight, hot pink shirt. As he leaves, he jokes to the judges about how that shirt got him eliminated. Aw. Backstage, a single tear streams cinematically down Nick's face. Emmett is classy to the end, talking about how following a dream can make you happy. I'm sorry to see him go.

Next week on Project Runway: Zulema finally makes the model choice interesting. The other designers don't seem to appreciate this, but I do. Santino gets caught making fun of Tim. Guest judge Jay McCarroll of Season 1 cuts the designers down to size. And, I can only assume, the overlock machines get star billing over Heidi.

Overall Grade: B-