Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 7
Previously on Top Chef: Though her dad may have been Prime Minister, it's Nina's turn to rule now. Competitors quaked in her presence, as she calmly went about dominating both the Creole tomato Quickfire and the cream cheese Elimination Challenge. Is her winning streak about to come to an end? There's only one way to find out! Oh, and Bene went home. Twelve chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Sickness has come to the Top Chef household. A doctor is called to examine Nicholas, and she diagnoses him with strep throat, cautioning him to stay away from food and other people for at least twenty-four hours. This must be one of those magical TV cases of strep throat that has the potential to clear up overnight. I was unfortunate enough to get the Real Life version, which I can assure you does not go away in one day. Nicholas stays home to rest, and the other chefs head out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. Padma explains that if Nicholas isn't feeling better by the time the Elimination Challenge rolls around, he'll have to forfeit. Fair enough. Today's guest judge is jazz musician Kermit Ruffins, and while he seems like a cool guy, this challenge... Well, let me explain a bit. The chefs will begin cooking at their stations, but when Kermit begins to play, they have to walk around in a circle. When the music stops, the chefs must continue whatever dish is cooking at their new station. This could happen any number of times, but when the final note dies away, the chefs will be judged at whatever station they happened to end up at. Winning chef gets immunity.
Huh? Listen, I don't mind off-kilter challenges. I think it can be fun to watch them forced out of their comfort zones, and even kind of valuable as a teaching tool. Sure, chefs will never have to create a dish out of gas station convenience store food or need to base a dish around a particular color in their real careers, but when I was watching those Quickfires, I at least felt that each chef's individual skill was being tested. There's something to be said for having the chefs continue someone else's preparation in mid-stream, but immunity for the winner? You may as well give it out at random.
So I'm not going to bother getting into the Quickfire's details too much. Some chefs are delighted by what they find when they arrive at new stations, and some are horrified. Justin out-and-out tosses Shirley's couscous in the garbage without a second thought. When Kermit's tune is at its end, Brian is lucky enough to be standing behind the winning dish, a duck and mussels concoction. He has the good grace to thank the other chefs that made his win possible, but he's also understandably jazzed (see what I did there?) to have immunity basically served to him on a platter (and there?)
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be preparing food to bring to a restaurant that Kermit plays at often. Dishes should be potluck style, and the chefs will pick their own teams. This should have been an interesting segment. How do you treat Brian? Avoid him because he has immunity? How do you treat Nicholas? Treat him as if he'll be there and at full strength? There and weak/distracted? Not there at all? How do you treat Nina? Do you grab her to give your team a boost, or avoid her to lower your chances of elimination should the team falter? Zero of these avenues are explored. People just grab whoever happens to be near them or who their best friends are. Boring. The teams shake out to be:
Blue: Shirley, Justin, Sara, and Louis
Gray: Brian, Travis, Nicholas, and Patty
Green: Nina, Carrie, Carlos, and Stephanie
The chefs go shopping, and Nicholas is looped in via phone call so he can have some input. He rallies enough to join the prep in the Kitchen, so no forfeit tonight, thankfully. Let's hope he doesn't infect a restaurant full of jazz enthusiasts. Although maybe they'd like to have froggy voices for a while; it's one way to infuse your music with some soul. Prep goes fairly smoothly. Nicholas does a lot of the grunt work for the gray team. Brian doesn't much care what's going on, and I think he's the first contestant in history to happily acknowledge that having immunity is giving him some breathing room to rest on his laurels for a bit. None of the standard "I'm going to work as hard as I can despite my immunity!" speeches here. It's actually kind of refreshing. Nina makes gnocchi yet again, which I believe is her third time in seven episodes. Time to give it a rest, ma'am. You don't want to turn into Jamie.
Service. The restaurant's patrons and staff are delighted by the dishes. A lot of them do look good, but let me say that any notion of a "potluck" theme has been violently tossed out the window. The judges may have harped on dishes that didn't match the Halloween theme a couple weeks ago, but they don't really give a shit about this one. Annoying. Words mean things! A couple of things on each team's menu do really appeal to me, though. Just because it's not potlucky doesn't mean it's not tasty. Louis' pickled vegetables with crispy sunflower seeds and Justin's shrimp and hominy grits look fantastic. The gray team presents a fried chicken with bee pollen and ponzu that makes me claw at the screen. Over on the green team, Stephanie makes fried baby artichokes with preserved lemon and anchovy aioli. WAAAAAAAAANNNNNNT. Carrie and Carlos make a nectarine trifle that they insist on calling a tiramisu for some reason. No, really. Words mean things.
Fret 'n sweat. Stephanie's artichokes are praised, and it's funny to watch her during these segments, because no matter if the news is good or bad, every time her name is mentioned, she looks like she's about to pass a kidney stone the size of a baseball. Other dishes are not as popular. The screen goes off, and Padma comes into the Kitchen to summon the gray team to Judges' Table. The other chefs are puzzled by this, because it didn't seem like that team was getting winning reactions from the judges. Indeed, the gray team is the losing one this evening. Patty's watermelon salad was bland, and she admits that time ran out before she was able to dress it with the chili she was going to use. Travis' ribs were well-cooked, but the rub was off. That sounded dirtier than I intended. Nicholas' fish was dry. The fried chicken was good, though.
Before a loser is picked, though, we have to crown a winner. That winner will hail from the green team. Stephanie's artichokes were remarkably good, and Nina's gnocchi are also popular. Carrie and Carlos' dessert is much less lauded, so it comes down to the former two. Stephanie scores her first win, and her face finally registers something other than blind panic, which is nice to see. Elimination. Brian has immunity, so it comes down to the other three, and Patty gets the axe for her disappointing salad. Aw. I had developed a big ol' soft spot for Patty these past few weeks, but given her overall performance in the competition, I think it's fair to say she lasted longer than expected. She sheds a few tears on her way out, and yeah, it's a bummer to get cut because you didn't shake a container of chili powder for three seconds.
Overall Grade: C+
Showing posts with label E7. Show all posts
Showing posts with label E7. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
D'oh Nuts
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 7
Another evening, another strange opening scene in which the -- Rivalry? Dislike? Sexual tension? -- between Sally and Katzie is superficially explored. Honestly, it's baffling. The not-at-all-unexpected friendship between Chris and Matt is also mentioned, making me think one of them is not long for this competition.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making an exciting doughnut (to serve with coffee) for Gail and guest judge Mark Israel. The winner won't get immunity, but will score a quick ten-thousand dollars. It's not all sprinkles and sugar, though, because the loser of the Quickfire will be eliminated. Pretty harsh for someone in the final seven. Sally, who's always good for a reaction shot, bugs her eyes out upon hearing this news.
When time runs out, Carlos and Sally take the top spots, with Carlos winning the challenge and the prize. Yay, now one of his kids can go to college for a third of a semester! Megan, Matt, and Orlando comprise the bottom three, and Orlando thinks that with elimination hanging in the balance, now would be a peachy time to whine and nitpick about his placement. However, since this is a television show and not real life, copping an attitude is actually a positive, and poor, normal Megan is shown the door. Not to say that her elimination isn't fair; her doughnut did look fairly gross.
The Elimination Challenge is yet another team challenge, in which chocolate re-establishes its reign as King of Dessertland. Each team must make a showpiece, and each team member is responsible for an individual dessert, as well. The teams shake out to be:
Orlando/Carlos/Sally
Chris/Matt/Katzie
Orlando and Chris immediately go head-to-head on the showpieces, although neither can see what the other is doing, as partitions have been put up to keep everyone's eyes on their own papers. Orlando passes along a recipe to his team, and trusts Carlos and Sally to execute his individual dessert for him. That sounds like it has the potential for major disaster, but everything turns out for the best. In the end, both showpieces turn out quite lovely, and some of the individual desserts look great as well. Any dessert that incorporates bananas put its maker in the running for my new best friend.
The Orlando/Carlos/Sally team takes the win, which pleases Orlando no end, since he once lost to Chris in another competition. Chris, Matt, and Katzie head to Losers' Table, and despite all the ominous "He's my friend" talk at the beginning of the episode, it is Katzie who gets her walking papers. Wow. Not a good episode for the ladies. Sally, perhaps cognizant of that fact, gives Katzie a hug on her way out, so their conflict will remain a mystery for the ages.
Overall Grade: C
Another evening, another strange opening scene in which the -- Rivalry? Dislike? Sexual tension? -- between Sally and Katzie is superficially explored. Honestly, it's baffling. The not-at-all-unexpected friendship between Chris and Matt is also mentioned, making me think one of them is not long for this competition.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making an exciting doughnut (to serve with coffee) for Gail and guest judge Mark Israel. The winner won't get immunity, but will score a quick ten-thousand dollars. It's not all sprinkles and sugar, though, because the loser of the Quickfire will be eliminated. Pretty harsh for someone in the final seven. Sally, who's always good for a reaction shot, bugs her eyes out upon hearing this news.
When time runs out, Carlos and Sally take the top spots, with Carlos winning the challenge and the prize. Yay, now one of his kids can go to college for a third of a semester! Megan, Matt, and Orlando comprise the bottom three, and Orlando thinks that with elimination hanging in the balance, now would be a peachy time to whine and nitpick about his placement. However, since this is a television show and not real life, copping an attitude is actually a positive, and poor, normal Megan is shown the door. Not to say that her elimination isn't fair; her doughnut did look fairly gross.
The Elimination Challenge is yet another team challenge, in which chocolate re-establishes its reign as King of Dessertland. Each team must make a showpiece, and each team member is responsible for an individual dessert, as well. The teams shake out to be:
Orlando/Carlos/Sally
Chris/Matt/Katzie
Orlando and Chris immediately go head-to-head on the showpieces, although neither can see what the other is doing, as partitions have been put up to keep everyone's eyes on their own papers. Orlando passes along a recipe to his team, and trusts Carlos and Sally to execute his individual dessert for him. That sounds like it has the potential for major disaster, but everything turns out for the best. In the end, both showpieces turn out quite lovely, and some of the individual desserts look great as well. Any dessert that incorporates bananas put its maker in the running for my new best friend.
The Orlando/Carlos/Sally team takes the win, which pleases Orlando no end, since he once lost to Chris in another competition. Chris, Matt, and Katzie head to Losers' Table, and despite all the ominous "He's my friend" talk at the beginning of the episode, it is Katzie who gets her walking papers. Wow. Not a good episode for the ladies. Sally, perhaps cognizant of that fact, gives Katzie a hug on her way out, so their conflict will remain a mystery for the ages.
Overall Grade: C
Monday, November 01, 2010
Melted Plastic
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 7
Previously on Just Desserts: Heatherh managed to turn a completely legitimate gripe about being elbowed in the face into a groundswell of support for the elbower. Gidget's sense of moral superiority served him in good stead when the challenge literally called for the chefs to see things in black and white. He picked up the challenge win, while Erika's odd-tasting ice cream got her the boot. Six chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Every two or three years, I get an undeniable craving for Fig Newtons, and this year's urge dovetailed nicely into a show about desserts. Also, we got to consume the fruits of our labors from this past Saturday's pumpkin-carving party, as our gracious hosts set out bowls of the roasted seeds. Some with cayenne pepper! Yay!
Monday Morning Quarterback session. The Plastics hang out together. Naturally. Heatherh interviews that the last challenge was her first time in the bottom three after several appearances in the top three, so she's not worried. Merely a bump in the road! Gidget smarms that he's had a target on his back from almost the very beginning of the competition. Yes, I'm sure the other chefs were quaking in their aprons when they heard your bake sale item was the least popular offering of the day. Morgan doesn't like the Plastics, but makes sure not to underestimate them when it comes to talent.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and Johnny. Gail informs them that from here on out, the winners of the Quickfires will not receive immunity. As to the challenge itself, it's lifted from its Top Chef ancestor. Luckily, it's the mise en place relay race, which I always enjoy. Of course, this one has a dessert twist on it, but first, the chefs need to be split into teams. The chefs draw their fake cookies, and in an odd twist of fate, the Plastics all wind up on the same team, which leaves Danielle/Morgan/Eric on the other. The Plastics are obviously thrilled about the situation, while Danielle is ready to take them on as a big, annoying bloc.
Tiffany: "Hey, Danielle. Why the long face?"
On to the race. First, someone will have to mold twelve perfect tart shells. Then, someone will pipe eight silver-dollar-sized buttercream roses. Then, someone will separate out six egg whites, and whip them into peaks stiff enough to hold over the chef's head for ten seconds without falling out. Finally, the entire team will roll out strudel dough to cover the entire length of the prep table, then fold the strudel up into it. To make up for the lack of immunity, the members of the winning team will get $3000 each. Not bad! Gail gives the teams one minute to decide who's doing which task. Once that's dispensed with, Johnny blasts his whistle, and the teams spring into action.
Danielle smokes Gidget on the tart shells. What was that about him being a giant threat, again? He asks for a check soon after, but Johnny tells him one of his shells is uneven, and he has to fix it. By the time he finishes, Eric has filled a pastry bag with buttercream, and is just starting on the roses. Heatherh hurries to catch up, and she is no slouch in the rose-making department. Eric may be being a bit too meticulous, or perhaps she just rocks, because she soon overtakes him. So, the teams are tied going into the egg whites. Morgan is confident that he can easily beat Zac, which he does, though he's overly proud of pulling out a four-second lead. It's a dead heat going into the strudel dough, which is pretty delicate work. It's easy to get holes and tears, so the dough must be gently massaged into shape. Morgan leads his team, but his tack appears to be too aggressive, and holes soon open up. The Plastics move a lot more smoothly and carefully, so it's no surprise that they finish first. At this point, the lead is a lot more significant, and it doesn't take much effort for the Plastics to roll up their apple strudel and win the challenge. They celebrate happily.
Elimination Challenge. As Gail begins the description, there's a shot of the truly wretched remains of the sadly symbolic Danielle/Morgan/Eric strudel dough. Since lifting the Quickfire Challenge wholesale from Top Chef: Original Recipe worked out so well, why not do it for the Elimination Challenge as well? Yes, it's the dessert version of Restaurant Wars. Well, it's never been my favorite challenge, but there's room for improvement in the translation between shows. Let's see how it goes. The two dessert shops will need to be well-stocked; each team member is responsible for making three items. Not only that, but the teams are required to include a bread item. Need some motivation? How about $30,000 to split amongst the winning team members? Danielle interviews that all of the remaining chefs have already won some prize money, save her, so she's looking forward to finally getting in on the action.
Tiffany: "You go get it, Oblong."
The teams head into the next room to check out the space. It's a bit sparse, but there are some nice elements, from the glass display case to the chalkboard menu square. The teams settle in for forty-five minutes of menu and decor planning. Theme comes up first. The Plastics want a candy store for adults, while the Non-Plastics aim for the dessert version of comfort food. As planning progresses, Danielle and Morgan begin to get a bit snippy and impatient with each other, but the Non-Plastics have the great good fortune of having Eric the Moderator as their third team member. He works to smooth over the tension while still making sure that decisions are getting made, and prevents what could easily have devolved into a real mess. I love Eric.
When menu planning ends, the teams head to the store for half an hour of shopping with a thousand-dollar budget. The Plastics load up on fun elements, like ribbons and bubbles. Zac describes his idea of putting flower arrangements in candy instead of water, snarking that the Non-Plastics have no style. So creative, that Zac! When I was a cater-waiter, I sure didn't see flowers stuck into vases of candy at approximately forty bazillion weddings! Or to put it another way, I did. Morgan sneaks into the employee area to ask for riper bananas. He's hoping the Plastics' overconfidence will be their downfall. What overconfidence? It's not like Gidget has said anything along the lines of "I have no idea what the Non-Plastics are making, but am sure that our ideas are better anyway". Until two seconds later.
Back in the Kitchen, the teams have five hours to prep. Heatherh provides the extra information that in addition to the bread item, two of the nine desserts must be served a la minute. She refers to the Non-Plastics as Team Loser. Keep riding on that glorious high horse, sweetness. It's not like pride has ever gone before a fall. Gidget interviews that the fastest way to get through the massive prep list is to set up an assembly line approach. Menus are described. As usual, we'll get to the food later. Heatherh doesn't trust the dough-rolling machine (and doesn't feel like waiting for the Non-Plastics to be done with it), and decides she's going to roll out all of the Plastics' dough by hand. Some minor drama erupts when Morgan cannot find a couple of bags of lemon. Gidget swears that the Plastics don't have any of the Non-Plastics' lemons, but Morgan doesn't buy it. The tension is unbearable!!!! What has become of the lemons?!?! Are the teams about to brawl?!?!? We build to... Nothing. I hope you enjoyed the spat that wasn't, because we're never going to hear another word about it. Towards the end of prep time, Morgan is not as far along as he usually is, and his stress shows in a mini-tantrum of whining and cursing. Time runs out, and Eric and Danielle spend the evening trying to calm Morgan down so he doesn't torpedo the entire team's momentum.
The next day, the teams have two additional hours to get things finished. Eric hopes Morgan is in a better mood, and can get all his prep work done. Gidget worries that his menu ideas are over-ambitious. A bowl of whipped cream falls to the floor when he opens the fridge, spattering his shoes. That must have been annoying, though probably not upsetting enough to act like it's hydrochloric acid. Heatherh takes the bowl and tells him to calm down. She's got worries of her own, because the Plastics' display case is looking a little bare in comparison to the Non-Plastics'. Final preparations are hysterically made on both sides. The plates are arranged out in the display areas, and flowery menus are drawn on the chalkboards. Before you know it, diners are streaming in. One lady is Tina Fey's doppelganger. Zac and Gidget handle the front-of-house. Gidget somewhat hilariously gives Heatherh a royal backhanded compliment by saying that she's a fantastic pastry chef, but probably doesn't belong in a room with, you know, other people. Meanwhile, Danielle, who's always such a spitfire in her interviews, has left her personality back at the lofts. She greets the customers with the enthusiasm most of us would exhibit as we're being audited.
The judges enter, and head for the Plastics' side of the room first. Hubert joins Gail and Johnny this week, as does guest judge Nancy Silverton, who's a local pastry chef. The judges settle into a table. Johnny appreciates the playful decoration of the candy flowers, which are quite pretty. While we're on the topic of decor, though, Hubert wonders why there's an industrial rack full of food, while the display case is almost empty. Yeah, that's weird. Gidget approaches to present the dishes. Zac has made a donut filled with wild blueberry jam, served with a lemon verbena milkshake. He's also taken on the bread item, which is a fennel seed and kalamata brioche with white truffle butter, and wraps up with caramel popcorn with bacon fat. The judges heartily enjoy the donut, but are meh about the shake. The brioche gets a big thumbs up, while the popcorn is wildly inconsistent. Some of the kernels are bare, while others are drenched in bacon.
Gidget's desserts are up next. The first is a dark chocolate ganache tart with peanuts and caramel, followed by a margarita sorbet, and finishing with a fraisier with raspberry, strawberry, and a hibiscus gelee. Tasting. The sorbet has wonderful texture, and tastes mellow and delicious. The fraisier, on the other hand, doesn't measure up to its classy description, and the tart is as hard as a hockey puck. There is so much dough, Hubert almost shatters his plate when he tries to cut into it. Meanwhile, Zac has wandered back to the Kitchen, and is getting in Heatherh's way. She's in a foul mood, and since she can't yell at Morgan, she snaps at Zac to shut up when he tries to interject some suggestions about which plates go out next. Once they figure out the plate situation, he tells her never to tell him to shut up again. "Shut up," Heatherh responds without missing a beat. My left and right brain battle over whether that was uncalled for or awesome. I guess I can't see any reason why it can't be both.
Gidget presents Heatherh's desserts to the judges. First is a lemon cream tart, with a white chocolate cream and fresh raspberries. That's followed by a frozen key lime bar with a graham cracker crust and strawberry sauce. The last one is a chocolate pudding cup with some fresh mango garnish. Tasting. Before the judges dig in, they agree that Gidget has a very positive front-of-house presence. Gail likes Heatherh's presentation, until Hubert points out that the frozen key lime bars have her fingerprints all over them. Nancy finds the lime flavor too timid. Ugh. I wouldn't be Limecrete without a love of lime, and weak key lime pie is the worst. The pudding is nice, but Johnny notes that the crust on the lemon tart is the same thick mess that Gidget's tart had. After the judges leave, a bunch of picky eaters come up to place special requests. They do realize that this isn't an actual shop where they're paying customers, yes? To their credit, the Plastics accommodate everyone to the best of their ability.
The Non-Plastics have customer issues too. One guy is even allergic to nuts and processed sugar, which he notes sourly. He must be a blast at parties. Morgan takes on the challenge of making him a quick sorbet with liquid nitrogen, even though the judges are due any minute. Good for him. The judges soon appear in the Non-Plastics' line, and order one of everything. Danielle continues to have the personality of a carp. What the hell happened to her? Gail notes this once the judges are seated. She does appreciate how well-stocked and well-organized the display case is, though. Danielle presents Eric's dishes first, beginning with a classic chocolate chip cookie. That's followed by a vanilla malted layer cake with chocolate buttercream and malted candy. Finally, there's a banana loaf with brown butter and tangerine icing. Tasting. Everything gets mixed reviews. The layer cake is very rich and heavy, but the buttercream has wonderful texture. The cookie is an extremely simple idea, but fits well into the theme of comforting desserts that everyone loves. The banana loaf is a bit underdone, but the flavors work really well.
Danielle returns with her own desserts. The first one is a pistachio shortcake with lemon cream and strawberries. I like everything that's gone into it, but it's not very visually appealing. The second dessert is coffee cream pie with hazelnut brittle. Yay, hazelnut! That one's also kind of weird-looking. However, the third offering looks fantastic. It's a house-made ginger ale float with raspberry and tangerine lime sorbets. That float is really fighting it out with Zac's blueberry donut for Limecrete's Pick of the Week. Tasting. The float gets mostly positive feedback, as does the shortcake. The cream pie doesn't have enough coffee flavor.
Finally, we have Morgan's plates. The bread item is a pretzel stick served with two kinds of mustard. I'm sorry to keep harping on this, but Danielle is still presenting these with zero personality, and it is driving me up the fucking wall. Anyway. The second plate is a lovely chocolate cake with chocolate mousse and a creme brulee center. It's cut to show the layers as concentric squares, and looks awesome. The last plate is lemon fried pie with salted caramel ice cream. Yes, please! That's the third thing I want to make my pick of the week. Decisions, decisions. I think I'm going to have to go with the blueberry donut, simply because I haven't stopped craving one since the episode aired. Tasting. Morgan's ice cream is delicious, and his citrus element worked a lot better than Heatherh's. The pretzel is a tad too buttery, but Gail would love to pair one with a big ol' mug of beer. The layered cake is beautiful, and Morgan has shown the most range and sophistication of all of the chefs today. Service winds down. The guests fill out comment cards and compliment the chefs on their favorite dishes. The judges head out, and the chefs celebrate a job well done with their servers. Both teams hope they pulled out a win. Based on judge feedback, it could really go either way. Suspense!
Interstitial. Morgan and Danielle have a very sibling-like relationship, with all the pros and cons that go along with it.
Judges' Table. Both teams come out to hear the verdict. Gail tells them that there were highs and lows on both sides. The Non-Plastics had a very welcoming atmosphere, but Danielle didn't do a stellar job as hostess. Johnny proclaims that she was "laxadaisical" and too casual. Really, Johnny? Did she refudiate your notion of good service? Supposably, she should have done a better job. Perhaps we should hold off on the ten-cent words until we can handle the nickels. Now, to the food. Eric's banana loaf was pale and had issues with the leavening ratio. He admits that he couldn't remember the exact recipe. Morgan's cake, on the other hand, could easily be featured on any glossy cookbook page. Danielle knows her coffee cream pie didn't have enough coffee, even before the judges call her on it.
On to the Plastics. Zac's donut had perfect consistency, even reminding Hubert of his childhood back in France. The milkshake that was served alongside it may as well have not existed. Nancy tells him his brioche was perfect, and for once, his excitement seems genuine. Heatherh's key lime bar had fingerprints all over it, and the lime flavor was weak. The ganache in Gidget's tart was sensational, but it was ruined by the thick crust. Heatherh jumps in to take responsibility for making the dough. Gail pointlessly reiterates that admission before moving on to ask why the display case was so bare. Zac says that they were slammed with customers right before the judges showed up. Gail asks whose responsibility it was to keep the case stocked. "We all take ownership. We're a team," Heatherh responds.
Kender: "But of course I was in the Kitchen the whole time, so..."
Zac picks up the unity thread, and says that they'll either all rejoice in the prize money, or they'll all sink as a team. Well, that's sweet. Gail understands the sentiment, but says that only one person from the losing team is going home.
Tiffany (as Zac): "Oh, well then she did it."
The decision was a tough one, but as Nancy explains, if these two shops existed across the street from each other, the one that the judges would return to again and again is... The Non-Plastics. Yaaaaaaay! So, that's $10,000 a piece for Danielle, Morgan, and Eric, and the Plastics will lose a Mean Girl. What better result could there be? The Non-Plastics hug and celebrate. Eric is in tears. The Plastics suck a collective lemon, and Zac swipes at Danielle's cooking ability in interview. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Zac's milkshake was bland, and his popcorn was uneven. Heatherh's key lime bar was unpleasant, and her lemon tart included the horrible crust that she made. Gidget's fraisier was lackluster. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. That weird didgeridoo sound effect is back. Johnny tells the Plastics that the decision came down to details, but they fell short on both the atmosphere and the food. Zac and Gidget are both assigned blame for not keeping the display case full, and both of them had individual issues with their desserts. Heatherh's dough is simply unacceptable at this level of the competition. We go over the Gail for the chop. Heatherh. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. In her final interview, the first thing out of her mouth is how she's sure there were some people that should have gone first, but whatever. She makes sure to hug all of her chosen buddies on her way out, as we hear a voiceover of how grateful she is to have worked with said people. She started off as one of my favorites, and I'll bet she's one hell of a pastry chef. If she'd have kept her eyes on her own paper, I'd be cheering for her madly. But no. She had to have her powerful clique, and she had to obsess over her mortal enemy like an obnoxious teenager, and for that reason, I'm not sorry to see her go.
Overall Grade: C+
Previously on Just Desserts: Heatherh managed to turn a completely legitimate gripe about being elbowed in the face into a groundswell of support for the elbower. Gidget's sense of moral superiority served him in good stead when the challenge literally called for the chefs to see things in black and white. He picked up the challenge win, while Erika's odd-tasting ice cream got her the boot. Six chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Every two or three years, I get an undeniable craving for Fig Newtons, and this year's urge dovetailed nicely into a show about desserts. Also, we got to consume the fruits of our labors from this past Saturday's pumpkin-carving party, as our gracious hosts set out bowls of the roasted seeds. Some with cayenne pepper! Yay!
Monday Morning Quarterback session. The Plastics hang out together. Naturally. Heatherh interviews that the last challenge was her first time in the bottom three after several appearances in the top three, so she's not worried. Merely a bump in the road! Gidget smarms that he's had a target on his back from almost the very beginning of the competition. Yes, I'm sure the other chefs were quaking in their aprons when they heard your bake sale item was the least popular offering of the day. Morgan doesn't like the Plastics, but makes sure not to underestimate them when it comes to talent.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and Johnny. Gail informs them that from here on out, the winners of the Quickfires will not receive immunity. As to the challenge itself, it's lifted from its Top Chef ancestor. Luckily, it's the mise en place relay race, which I always enjoy. Of course, this one has a dessert twist on it, but first, the chefs need to be split into teams. The chefs draw their fake cookies, and in an odd twist of fate, the Plastics all wind up on the same team, which leaves Danielle/Morgan/Eric on the other. The Plastics are obviously thrilled about the situation, while Danielle is ready to take them on as a big, annoying bloc.
Tiffany: "Hey, Danielle. Why the long face?"
On to the race. First, someone will have to mold twelve perfect tart shells. Then, someone will pipe eight silver-dollar-sized buttercream roses. Then, someone will separate out six egg whites, and whip them into peaks stiff enough to hold over the chef's head for ten seconds without falling out. Finally, the entire team will roll out strudel dough to cover the entire length of the prep table, then fold the strudel up into it. To make up for the lack of immunity, the members of the winning team will get $3000 each. Not bad! Gail gives the teams one minute to decide who's doing which task. Once that's dispensed with, Johnny blasts his whistle, and the teams spring into action.
Danielle smokes Gidget on the tart shells. What was that about him being a giant threat, again? He asks for a check soon after, but Johnny tells him one of his shells is uneven, and he has to fix it. By the time he finishes, Eric has filled a pastry bag with buttercream, and is just starting on the roses. Heatherh hurries to catch up, and she is no slouch in the rose-making department. Eric may be being a bit too meticulous, or perhaps she just rocks, because she soon overtakes him. So, the teams are tied going into the egg whites. Morgan is confident that he can easily beat Zac, which he does, though he's overly proud of pulling out a four-second lead. It's a dead heat going into the strudel dough, which is pretty delicate work. It's easy to get holes and tears, so the dough must be gently massaged into shape. Morgan leads his team, but his tack appears to be too aggressive, and holes soon open up. The Plastics move a lot more smoothly and carefully, so it's no surprise that they finish first. At this point, the lead is a lot more significant, and it doesn't take much effort for the Plastics to roll up their apple strudel and win the challenge. They celebrate happily.
Elimination Challenge. As Gail begins the description, there's a shot of the truly wretched remains of the sadly symbolic Danielle/Morgan/Eric strudel dough. Since lifting the Quickfire Challenge wholesale from Top Chef: Original Recipe worked out so well, why not do it for the Elimination Challenge as well? Yes, it's the dessert version of Restaurant Wars. Well, it's never been my favorite challenge, but there's room for improvement in the translation between shows. Let's see how it goes. The two dessert shops will need to be well-stocked; each team member is responsible for making three items. Not only that, but the teams are required to include a bread item. Need some motivation? How about $30,000 to split amongst the winning team members? Danielle interviews that all of the remaining chefs have already won some prize money, save her, so she's looking forward to finally getting in on the action.
Tiffany: "You go get it, Oblong."
The teams head into the next room to check out the space. It's a bit sparse, but there are some nice elements, from the glass display case to the chalkboard menu square. The teams settle in for forty-five minutes of menu and decor planning. Theme comes up first. The Plastics want a candy store for adults, while the Non-Plastics aim for the dessert version of comfort food. As planning progresses, Danielle and Morgan begin to get a bit snippy and impatient with each other, but the Non-Plastics have the great good fortune of having Eric the Moderator as their third team member. He works to smooth over the tension while still making sure that decisions are getting made, and prevents what could easily have devolved into a real mess. I love Eric.
When menu planning ends, the teams head to the store for half an hour of shopping with a thousand-dollar budget. The Plastics load up on fun elements, like ribbons and bubbles. Zac describes his idea of putting flower arrangements in candy instead of water, snarking that the Non-Plastics have no style. So creative, that Zac! When I was a cater-waiter, I sure didn't see flowers stuck into vases of candy at approximately forty bazillion weddings! Or to put it another way, I did. Morgan sneaks into the employee area to ask for riper bananas. He's hoping the Plastics' overconfidence will be their downfall. What overconfidence? It's not like Gidget has said anything along the lines of "I have no idea what the Non-Plastics are making, but am sure that our ideas are better anyway". Until two seconds later.
Back in the Kitchen, the teams have five hours to prep. Heatherh provides the extra information that in addition to the bread item, two of the nine desserts must be served a la minute. She refers to the Non-Plastics as Team Loser. Keep riding on that glorious high horse, sweetness. It's not like pride has ever gone before a fall. Gidget interviews that the fastest way to get through the massive prep list is to set up an assembly line approach. Menus are described. As usual, we'll get to the food later. Heatherh doesn't trust the dough-rolling machine (and doesn't feel like waiting for the Non-Plastics to be done with it), and decides she's going to roll out all of the Plastics' dough by hand. Some minor drama erupts when Morgan cannot find a couple of bags of lemon. Gidget swears that the Plastics don't have any of the Non-Plastics' lemons, but Morgan doesn't buy it. The tension is unbearable!!!! What has become of the lemons?!?! Are the teams about to brawl?!?!? We build to... Nothing. I hope you enjoyed the spat that wasn't, because we're never going to hear another word about it. Towards the end of prep time, Morgan is not as far along as he usually is, and his stress shows in a mini-tantrum of whining and cursing. Time runs out, and Eric and Danielle spend the evening trying to calm Morgan down so he doesn't torpedo the entire team's momentum.
The next day, the teams have two additional hours to get things finished. Eric hopes Morgan is in a better mood, and can get all his prep work done. Gidget worries that his menu ideas are over-ambitious. A bowl of whipped cream falls to the floor when he opens the fridge, spattering his shoes. That must have been annoying, though probably not upsetting enough to act like it's hydrochloric acid. Heatherh takes the bowl and tells him to calm down. She's got worries of her own, because the Plastics' display case is looking a little bare in comparison to the Non-Plastics'. Final preparations are hysterically made on both sides. The plates are arranged out in the display areas, and flowery menus are drawn on the chalkboards. Before you know it, diners are streaming in. One lady is Tina Fey's doppelganger. Zac and Gidget handle the front-of-house. Gidget somewhat hilariously gives Heatherh a royal backhanded compliment by saying that she's a fantastic pastry chef, but probably doesn't belong in a room with, you know, other people. Meanwhile, Danielle, who's always such a spitfire in her interviews, has left her personality back at the lofts. She greets the customers with the enthusiasm most of us would exhibit as we're being audited.
The judges enter, and head for the Plastics' side of the room first. Hubert joins Gail and Johnny this week, as does guest judge Nancy Silverton, who's a local pastry chef. The judges settle into a table. Johnny appreciates the playful decoration of the candy flowers, which are quite pretty. While we're on the topic of decor, though, Hubert wonders why there's an industrial rack full of food, while the display case is almost empty. Yeah, that's weird. Gidget approaches to present the dishes. Zac has made a donut filled with wild blueberry jam, served with a lemon verbena milkshake. He's also taken on the bread item, which is a fennel seed and kalamata brioche with white truffle butter, and wraps up with caramel popcorn with bacon fat. The judges heartily enjoy the donut, but are meh about the shake. The brioche gets a big thumbs up, while the popcorn is wildly inconsistent. Some of the kernels are bare, while others are drenched in bacon.
Gidget's desserts are up next. The first is a dark chocolate ganache tart with peanuts and caramel, followed by a margarita sorbet, and finishing with a fraisier with raspberry, strawberry, and a hibiscus gelee. Tasting. The sorbet has wonderful texture, and tastes mellow and delicious. The fraisier, on the other hand, doesn't measure up to its classy description, and the tart is as hard as a hockey puck. There is so much dough, Hubert almost shatters his plate when he tries to cut into it. Meanwhile, Zac has wandered back to the Kitchen, and is getting in Heatherh's way. She's in a foul mood, and since she can't yell at Morgan, she snaps at Zac to shut up when he tries to interject some suggestions about which plates go out next. Once they figure out the plate situation, he tells her never to tell him to shut up again. "Shut up," Heatherh responds without missing a beat. My left and right brain battle over whether that was uncalled for or awesome. I guess I can't see any reason why it can't be both.
Gidget presents Heatherh's desserts to the judges. First is a lemon cream tart, with a white chocolate cream and fresh raspberries. That's followed by a frozen key lime bar with a graham cracker crust and strawberry sauce. The last one is a chocolate pudding cup with some fresh mango garnish. Tasting. Before the judges dig in, they agree that Gidget has a very positive front-of-house presence. Gail likes Heatherh's presentation, until Hubert points out that the frozen key lime bars have her fingerprints all over them. Nancy finds the lime flavor too timid. Ugh. I wouldn't be Limecrete without a love of lime, and weak key lime pie is the worst. The pudding is nice, but Johnny notes that the crust on the lemon tart is the same thick mess that Gidget's tart had. After the judges leave, a bunch of picky eaters come up to place special requests. They do realize that this isn't an actual shop where they're paying customers, yes? To their credit, the Plastics accommodate everyone to the best of their ability.
The Non-Plastics have customer issues too. One guy is even allergic to nuts and processed sugar, which he notes sourly. He must be a blast at parties. Morgan takes on the challenge of making him a quick sorbet with liquid nitrogen, even though the judges are due any minute. Good for him. The judges soon appear in the Non-Plastics' line, and order one of everything. Danielle continues to have the personality of a carp. What the hell happened to her? Gail notes this once the judges are seated. She does appreciate how well-stocked and well-organized the display case is, though. Danielle presents Eric's dishes first, beginning with a classic chocolate chip cookie. That's followed by a vanilla malted layer cake with chocolate buttercream and malted candy. Finally, there's a banana loaf with brown butter and tangerine icing. Tasting. Everything gets mixed reviews. The layer cake is very rich and heavy, but the buttercream has wonderful texture. The cookie is an extremely simple idea, but fits well into the theme of comforting desserts that everyone loves. The banana loaf is a bit underdone, but the flavors work really well.
Danielle returns with her own desserts. The first one is a pistachio shortcake with lemon cream and strawberries. I like everything that's gone into it, but it's not very visually appealing. The second dessert is coffee cream pie with hazelnut brittle. Yay, hazelnut! That one's also kind of weird-looking. However, the third offering looks fantastic. It's a house-made ginger ale float with raspberry and tangerine lime sorbets. That float is really fighting it out with Zac's blueberry donut for Limecrete's Pick of the Week. Tasting. The float gets mostly positive feedback, as does the shortcake. The cream pie doesn't have enough coffee flavor.
Finally, we have Morgan's plates. The bread item is a pretzel stick served with two kinds of mustard. I'm sorry to keep harping on this, but Danielle is still presenting these with zero personality, and it is driving me up the fucking wall. Anyway. The second plate is a lovely chocolate cake with chocolate mousse and a creme brulee center. It's cut to show the layers as concentric squares, and looks awesome. The last plate is lemon fried pie with salted caramel ice cream. Yes, please! That's the third thing I want to make my pick of the week. Decisions, decisions. I think I'm going to have to go with the blueberry donut, simply because I haven't stopped craving one since the episode aired. Tasting. Morgan's ice cream is delicious, and his citrus element worked a lot better than Heatherh's. The pretzel is a tad too buttery, but Gail would love to pair one with a big ol' mug of beer. The layered cake is beautiful, and Morgan has shown the most range and sophistication of all of the chefs today. Service winds down. The guests fill out comment cards and compliment the chefs on their favorite dishes. The judges head out, and the chefs celebrate a job well done with their servers. Both teams hope they pulled out a win. Based on judge feedback, it could really go either way. Suspense!
Interstitial. Morgan and Danielle have a very sibling-like relationship, with all the pros and cons that go along with it.
Judges' Table. Both teams come out to hear the verdict. Gail tells them that there were highs and lows on both sides. The Non-Plastics had a very welcoming atmosphere, but Danielle didn't do a stellar job as hostess. Johnny proclaims that she was "laxadaisical" and too casual. Really, Johnny? Did she refudiate your notion of good service? Supposably, she should have done a better job. Perhaps we should hold off on the ten-cent words until we can handle the nickels. Now, to the food. Eric's banana loaf was pale and had issues with the leavening ratio. He admits that he couldn't remember the exact recipe. Morgan's cake, on the other hand, could easily be featured on any glossy cookbook page. Danielle knows her coffee cream pie didn't have enough coffee, even before the judges call her on it.
On to the Plastics. Zac's donut had perfect consistency, even reminding Hubert of his childhood back in France. The milkshake that was served alongside it may as well have not existed. Nancy tells him his brioche was perfect, and for once, his excitement seems genuine. Heatherh's key lime bar had fingerprints all over it, and the lime flavor was weak. The ganache in Gidget's tart was sensational, but it was ruined by the thick crust. Heatherh jumps in to take responsibility for making the dough. Gail pointlessly reiterates that admission before moving on to ask why the display case was so bare. Zac says that they were slammed with customers right before the judges showed up. Gail asks whose responsibility it was to keep the case stocked. "We all take ownership. We're a team," Heatherh responds.
Kender: "But of course I was in the Kitchen the whole time, so..."
Zac picks up the unity thread, and says that they'll either all rejoice in the prize money, or they'll all sink as a team. Well, that's sweet. Gail understands the sentiment, but says that only one person from the losing team is going home.
Tiffany (as Zac): "Oh, well then she did it."
The decision was a tough one, but as Nancy explains, if these two shops existed across the street from each other, the one that the judges would return to again and again is... The Non-Plastics. Yaaaaaaay! So, that's $10,000 a piece for Danielle, Morgan, and Eric, and the Plastics will lose a Mean Girl. What better result could there be? The Non-Plastics hug and celebrate. Eric is in tears. The Plastics suck a collective lemon, and Zac swipes at Danielle's cooking ability in interview. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Zac's milkshake was bland, and his popcorn was uneven. Heatherh's key lime bar was unpleasant, and her lemon tart included the horrible crust that she made. Gidget's fraisier was lackluster. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. That weird didgeridoo sound effect is back. Johnny tells the Plastics that the decision came down to details, but they fell short on both the atmosphere and the food. Zac and Gidget are both assigned blame for not keeping the display case full, and both of them had individual issues with their desserts. Heatherh's dough is simply unacceptable at this level of the competition. We go over the Gail for the chop. Heatherh. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. In her final interview, the first thing out of her mouth is how she's sure there were some people that should have gone first, but whatever. She makes sure to hug all of her chosen buddies on her way out, as we hear a voiceover of how grateful she is to have worked with said people. She started off as one of my favorites, and I'll bet she's one hell of a pastry chef. If she'd have kept her eyes on her own paper, I'd be cheering for her madly. But no. She had to have her powerful clique, and she had to obsess over her mortal enemy like an obnoxious teenager, and for that reason, I'm not sorry to see her go.
Overall Grade: C+
Sunday, August 01, 2010
The Princess and the Pea Puree
Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 7
Previously on Top Chef: Peer review. Angelo "helped" Tamesha and Stephen. Kenny was convinced that everyone is out to get him, because it's inconceivable that his food wasn't up to par. Kevin scored the win, while Tamesha found her way to Losers' Table, in spite of (or maybe even due to) Angelo's assistance. Kenny's Shield of Invincibility activated again, and Tamesha was sent on her way. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Homemade gazpacho that had a real kick to it. I was in a hurry, and just sliced up some bell peppers for dip, but at least they're LabRat's homegrown ones, so I got some style points. Panny made mini banana/blueberry pies that I certainly did not eat three of. Kender and the Aussies were also there to try and make a dent in the spread. Or at least drink. Especially for Rule #7: Take a drink whenever someone's dish is centered around scallops.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Kelly tells Stephen that her roommates keep getting eliminated, and it's just down to her and Andrea. Vultures suddenly appear and begin to circle. Kenny doesn't allow the thought that his food put him into the bottom of the last challenge to enter his head for even a moment. Nope, it's just cause the other chefs are threatened and jealous. The fact that there have been six elimination challenges, and Kenny has been in the bottom for three of them doesn't seem to affect his ego. How nice. Angelo is mildly upset about Tamesha's elimination. Tiffany vows not to let him give her any ideas, lest she reap the same reward.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Congressman Aaron Schock, who would be yummy if he didn't have all of those idiotic social policy positions. He opens by telling the chefs that the first day after winning an election is spent on ethics.
Tiffany: "Ah, a representative from Illinois talking about ethics. That makes total sense."
He gives the chefs (and us) a very interesting little summary of the ethics problem of feeding politicians. Lobbyists can't be arranging vast gourmet dinners to help influence votes, so a workaround solution had to be found. That solution is... Toothpicks! The Quickfire Challenge will be to create a delicious, bite-sized mini-dish that can be speared on the end of a toothpick. Neat. I like this idea. This is also a high-stakes challenge. The winner will not only receive immunity, but twenty-thousand dollars to go along with it. Yipes.
Padma starts the clock, and the chefs spring into their thirty minutes of prep time. Everyone rushes the fridges at the same time. Angelo says it's like the Running of the Bulls, and that everyone's on attack, fighting for their protein of choice.
Limecrete: "So...nothing at all like the Running of the Bulls."
Kelly works on a seared bay scallop. DRINK! Stephen is convinced that he's in line for the money and immunity. I can't decide if it's kind of sad that Stephen is able to keep up such self-confidence after winning precisely zero challenges (and being in the bottom of most of them), or if it's kind of heartening. He works on a meat and scallop surf 'n turf on a potato cake and Bearnaise sauce. DRINK! Alex brags about his experience with canapes, and works on a pan-seared scallop. DRINK! Jeez, there isn't going to be any wine left by the Elimination Challenge. Tiffany has a clear picture of what she wants to do, and starts on a pork roulade, while Amanda is typically frenetic, but settles on a lamb kabob. Andrea stacks up some fried chicken and waffles. Ooh, I like the way she thinks. Angelo is going to roll shrimp up into some pineapple. He attacks something on the cutting board, and dices it to bits in an instant. He's not my favorite contestant ever, but that was super-impressive. Ed has problems translating regular food into something he can get onto a toothpick. Time winds down.
Padma and Aaron go down the line. Kevin's got a grilled pork kabob in a sherry vinegar sauce. I'm not sure if it should count as on-a-toothpick if you've got a cup of sauce underneath it. A minor quibble, but I'm a sucker for challenge parameters. Andrea has buttermilk-fried chicken on a pecan-cheddar waffle, and a black pepper maple gravy. I can't picture how that gravy would taste. Ed did a duo of tuna. One is a crunchy confit, one is grilled with avocado and sweet-and-sour watermelon. Tiffany has made a crispy pork roulade with prosciutto, dates, and a red pepper coulis. It looks just as good as all of the other stuff Tiffany has made. I wish she'd get more attention and credit, because her food appeals to me more than anyone else's this season. Amanda has a lamb kabob with fried tomato and a salsa verde. Kenny has a tandoori-spiced salmon kabob with shrimp and a mango mojito relish. Angelo's pineapple plan hasn't worked out, so he serves a mixture of shrimp and cashew in a cucumber cup. Stephen sauces his food as he explains it. I'm not sure why he wasn't required to sauce before time ran out. That said, his scallop and beef on potato cake looks very good. Alex's scallop includes bacon, strawberries, and basil essence. That doesn't sound like a great combination. Kelly's scallop has salted watermelon and a watermelon vinaigrette.
Results. The bottom three are Alex (for a confusing, off-putting mixture of flavors), Ed (for just plain tasting bad), and Kelly (for a lack of flavor). Kelly is not a fan of being in the bottom. She vows to bring bigger and bolder flavors to the Elimination Challenge. Now, for the good news. Kevin's food stayed with Aaron, even as he tasted everyone else's. Angelo gets a "wow" for his fiery shrimp on a cool cucumber. Stephen's little bite was hearty and satisfying. The winner of immunity and the big, fat check is... Angelo. He gives the Standard Speech. Kevin is bitterly jealous.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be taking part in the old tradition of a power lunch. This theme won't have much to do with what's made and served, so really the challenge is just to make lunch at an area restaurant for twenty-four people. The only other wrinkle is that the chefs will be working with one of five specific proteins that they'll draw knives for. No worries, though, because the proteins are fairly standard:
Swordfish - Andrea and Tiffany
Porterhouse - Amanda and Kelly
Lobster - Angelo and Ed
Lamb chops - Kevin and Kenny
Salmon - Alex and Stephen
Padma explains that although there are two chefs per protein, this is not a head-to-head challenge. The dishes will have to stand up to all of the other ones. The chefs head off to shop with three-hundred dollars. That's kind of a lot, considering they don't have to buy their protein. I'd be heading for the good stuff. Stephen is as self-confident as ever. Andrea isn't generally a fan of swordfish, and says she'll be doing something different with it. She heads for the cashier, and her total doesn't even hit the $200 mark. Back at the Kitchen, the chefs have two hours to prep. Ed and Angelo realize that everyone else's proteins are pretty much set, but that they have to kill and break down theirs right there in the Kitchen. Tiffany chops olives as Angelo wrestles with his mutant lobsters. Alex is suffering from a surfeit of options. There are infinite ways to prepare salmon, and he can't decide what to do. Amanda has no experience with porterhouse steaks, and solves the problem by hacking the bones off, turning them into a bunch of strip steaks and fillets. Kelly doesn't approve.
Kevin's got some experience serving power brokers, and feels like he knows what they're looking for. Is this like he "knows" how to make baby food because he's got a baby? Angelo and Ed hurry to keep up with everyone. Andrea knows swordfish is usually served with some sort of tropical salsa, and you'd think she could make a good one, being from Miami and all. She doesn't want to go that direction, though, and says she'll be making a vanilla bean/mustard sauce. That is a very odd combination of flavors, and like her maple/black pepper gravy, I can't picture how it would taste. Time winds down, and Ed worries that he's had to spend too much time cracking out lobster meat.
That night, Alex tells the others that he's still not sure what he's going to do with his salmon. He mentions peas, and Andrea and Kenny tell him that Ed bought peas of his own for a puree. Alex rubs his chin. In another room, Ed tells Tiffany that he's got a pea puree [1]. Tiffany asks if it's cold, and Ed says that it'll be warm. Warm pea goo underneath lobster? Ick. Actually, cold pea goo wouldn't be any better. I'm not a big pea fan. Ed and Tiffany's friendship has not escaped notice, and Andrea tut-tuts that Tiffany's fiancee would be none too pleased if he knew about it. Tiffany hears this psychically, and assures us all that she's happy with the man she's got at home.
As we go into the commercials, the teaser treats us to three more utterances of "pea puree", so: [2], [3], and [4]. When we return, the chefs arrive at the Palm restaurant, where there are caricatures of people who have eaten there and politicians drawn on the wall. I get the whole Sardi's thing, but I don't see a wall full of goofy drawings as the hallmark of a great restaurant. I guess I'm in the minority on that one. The guy in charge of the restaurant comes back to give the chefs some contrived reality show blather. They've got a "fully-booked lunch". Except we've already been told they're serving twenty-four people. Ptom will be back in the kitchen during prep to keep an eye on things. Why? Um... Because... Shut up. That's why. The winning chef will get his or her dish put onto the menu, and their face drawn onto the wall. Stephen is still supremely self-confident and optimistic. I've decided it's heartening.
Everyone gets started. Amanda is still spazzing all over the place, and it's really starting to stick in Kelly's craw. Kelly tersely asks her to move her coolers so that people can walk around the kitchen, and to cook near her station. In essence, to get out of the fucking way. In addition to that, Amanda has neglected to bring any salt or pepper, and asks to borrow some of Kelly's. Wait, why doesn't this restaurant have any salt or pepper? I guess the challenge involved bringing everything you'd need, but if that's the case, I wish they'd told us that. Kelly declines to give Amanda any of her seasonings, and shuts down Alex as well. Amanda sneers in interview that Kelly is oversalting all of her food, anyway. Alex decides to make a pea puree [5]. He says it's risky, because the entire dish revolves around that pea puree [6]. Ptom drops by in that awful purple chef's coat of his. As promised, he's going to stay in the kitchen for the entire challenge. He nags them about keeping their stations clean. Everyone ignores him. Andrea asks Kelly if she has any extra butter, and before we hear if Kelly would relax her rules to give some to her pal, Amanda jumps in and offers some of hers.
Kenny wants his lamb to be more successful than it was last week. Angelo slices his finger, and hides it from Ptom as he walks by. Ptom is such a hall monitor this week. Ed goes back to the cooler, and cannot find his pea puree [7]. He asks about the pea puree again[8], as we see Alex working with his. Is it the same one? Let's not find out! Ed starts asking if anyone else has seen his pea puree [9]. Nobody has, and Ed wonders if someone has taken his pea puree [10]. He asks Stephen directly if he's got the pea puree [11]. Stephen says that no, he hasn't got the pea puree [12]. Ed then asks Alex if he's seen the pea puree [13]. Alex denies it, curiously not mentioning that he's got one of his own. Odd. Tiffany also notes this, saying that Alex is the only other person with a pea puree [14], and that he certainly didn't make it yesterday. Ed says he'll be pissed if Alex stole that pea puree [15]. And since there are cameras taping, if not everyone's every single move, then at least their entire cooking prep, and since there are receipts for everything bought at the store, it should be no trouble to figure out if Alex got grabby. Well, forget it. I'll tell you now that the paper trail and Ptom's supervision and the fact that there are a gazillion cameras everywhere means nothing. Nobody knows if Alex took Ed's puree or made his own. Wow, that's not annoying at all, show.
Tiffany kindly pulls Ed back from the brink, telling him he has to focus and make something else. She offers him some broccolini. Better watch it, Ed! That stuff can be dangerous. Ed is pissed off, but is able to contain himself enough to work on an alternative. Diners filter in. Kevin obsesses over Kenny. A soundbite of Ptom saying that he'll be tasting the chefs' dishes is crudely dubbed into the episode. What was the point of that? Of course he'll be tasting them; he's the head judge. And even if he hadn't said so, we can see him doing it. I don't know what is up with the editing this season, but it is wretched.
Padma introduces the diners/judges. Along with Padma, Gail, and Ptom back in the kitchen, there's Senator Mark Warner, Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, John Podesta, Top Chef Masters contestant Art Smith (who's lost a bunch of weight), and Bruce Bozzi (who manages/owns/whatevers the Palm). NBC correspondents Kelly O'Donnell, Luke Russert, and Savannah Guthrie are also judging.
The protein pairs are served together. First up are Kelly and Amanda. Kelly makes sure to tell everyone that her porterhouse steak is on the bone, and is served with a roasted shallot demi-glace and a potato/arugula/endive salad. Amanda serves a duo of New York strip steak and filet mignon in red wine, with French-style potatoes and arugula. Everyone really enjoys Amanda's steaks, but Kelly's portions are too big and too salty. You should know now that as each dish is discussed, the horrendous editing continues with a shot of Ptom putting a bite into his mouth. Every dish. Seriously. Ten shots of Ptom putting food in his mouth. For no reason. Sigh.
Andrea and Tiffany. Tiffany has swordfish with an olive and raisin tapenade on top, served with broccolini and bacon. Andrea's swordfish is pan-seared with Israeli couscous risotto, asparagus, and that odd vanilla bean/mustard butter sauce. Everyone except Padma thinks Andrea's sauce is far too sweet, while Tiffany's dish was zesty and distinctive, if a touch too well-done. Back in the kitchen, Tiffany resigns herself to being on the bottom, saying that she knows she overcooked the fish. Stephen and Alex. Stephen's salmon is served on a warm spinach/arugula salad, with a Worcestershire vinaigrette. Alex has applewood-smoked salmon with black Forbidden Rice and the much-discussed English pea puree [16]. Art loves the sweetness of the pea. Alex also has a good portion size, so nobody would leave lunch feeling heavy and gross. Stephen's salmon is messy and heavy.
Ed and Angelo. Ed struggles to finish on time, but makes it. Angelo's lobster is butter-poached, and served with lobster froth and a jicama/Asian pear/arugula salad. Was there a sale on arugula today? It's everywhere! Ed has a butter-poached lobster ballotine, with smoky eggplant caviar and English pea/asparagus fricassee. Angelo's lobster has texture issues, and nobody cares for the foam. Ed's lobster was flavorful, and the eggplant also worked really well, though the peas were unnecessary. Kevin and Kenny. Kenny's has a double chop of lamb, one with the bone, and one without. They're peppered, and served with fig/pistachio bread pudding, fig jam, broccolini, and a vanilla/morel demi-glace. Kevin has broiled a double-cut lamb chop, and serves it with olive and goat cheese rissole, a tomato concasse, and some mache on top. Kenny's lamb is good, but nobody likes the other things on his plate. Kevin's plate was strong flavor after strong flavor, and had no balance. Gail's portion is overcooked. Of course, "overcooked" on this show means a perfectly acceptable medium, but I suppose they have to stick to their standards.
Lunch winds down. Ptom reports that the prep was a little sloppy. Art spews his usual bullshit about how food is love. There is one person that I'll accept the food-as-love argument from, and her name is Carla. Meanwhile, Ed is complaining to Tiffany about his missing pea puree [17]. The gossip spreads quickly. Kevin tells us that Alex had pea puree [18] and if he stole Ed's pea puree [19], it's a grimy thing to do. I'd say it's a you-get-kicked-off-the-show thing to do.
Interstitial. Stephen gives a "seminar" on how to handle being at Losers' Table, and cracks everyone up.
Fret 'n sweat. Everyone gossips about the pea puree [20]. Alex interviews that some people think he took the pea puree [21], but that it was just a coincidence that they both had that component. He didn't even know that Ed was making a pea puree [22]. There's a damning black and white flashback to Andrea and Kenny telling Alex (the night after the two-hour Kitchen prep) that Ed bought peas and pureed them. That's not to say Alex didn't just make a puree of his own, but that still doesn't explain what happened to Ed's, and especially why the production can't figure out what happened. I can't begin to guess the truth, but if I were to indulge my inner conspiracy nut, I could come up with some wild theories:
1) Alex made his own puree, and Ed simply forgot his. This seems odd, as there would surely be some footage of Alex doing this, and the grocery store receipt would confirm the pea purchase.
2) Alex made a pea puree, but forgot it, and took Ed's by accident. That has the same problems as above, though.
3) Alex out-and-out stole the puree, but the producers can't prove it, and so shrouded the whole thing in mystery to avoid having to take any action.
4) Alex out-and-out stole the puree, the producers know it and can prove it, and are choosing not to do anything about it, because it would besmirch the show and wreck up the schedule to have to kick someone out without planning to.
5) A wizard did it.
Pick your favorite. Padma comes in, and summons Alex, Tiffany, and Ed to the table. When they come out to Judges' Table, Padma tells them they had the three best dishes of the night, rendering the entire pea incident almost moot. Almost. Tiffany begins leaking tears, admitting that she thought she'd be on the bottom. Luckily, the juices released a lot of flavor, wiping out any dryness the fish may have had. Ed's lobster was a challenge, but he overcame that challenge nicely. Art tells Alex that his fish was cooked perfectly, and he loved the pea puree [23]. Eesh, what a twist of the knife. The viewing party wonders why Ed doesn't mention something, but I think it would have looked like extremely sour grapes to stand at the Winners' Table and complain. Maybe Ed would have said something if he was on the bottom, but since he knows he's safe, it's wiser to keep his mouth shut. So he just stands there and looks pissed off, as does Tiffany. Art gets to announce the winner, which turns out be Alex. Well, since I have no idea if he's innocent or guilty, I'll just give that a "hmm".
Back in the Kitchen, Alex's win is greeted with steely eyes. Kenny interviews that the judges were impressed with the silky, delicious pea puree [24], and that there was no way Alex had the time to make a proper English pea puree [25]. All that aside, Alex informs the waiting chefs that the judges want to see Kelly, Andrea, and Kevin. I'm just now noticing that Odd Asian Music and Gong don't greet the losing chefs anymore. Did they get laid off? Kevin's tomato concasse was nothing but heat. Ptom found the chops overcooked, and though Kevin says he prefers lamb to be more medium than rare, Art questions the care put into the dish. OHMYGODSHUTUP. Why do they keep inviting this guy to be on the show? He's such a goddamn hack.
Andrea admits that she doesn't cook swordfish often, and Art tells her that it showed. The couscous was goopy and overcooked. The vanilla sauce was also way too sweet. Andrea does her best to explain herself without it sounding like an excuse, saying that she's tried that blend of vanilla and mustard before to great success. Gail makes the first shitty argument I've ever heard her put forth when she says that if they wanted to taste Andrea's usual fare, they'd just come to her restaurant. So... These people are supposed to invent new techniques out of whole cloth, just because they're coming on the show? That's moronic. Kelly's dish was way too salty, but to her credit, she knows it before the judges tell her. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, an awful Frankenbyte makes Amanda sound smugly triumphant about Kelly's food being too salty after she refused to share. Amanda probably does feel that way, but that quote was so obviously patched together from different sources, I'm not going to give her crap for it.
Deliberations. Andrea's fish was under the heat lamp for up to eight minutes. Art says that not liking a food or not working with it often doesn't give you an excuse to execute it poorly. I agree, up to a point. Kevin's flavors were disparate, and his cooking technique was bound to fail, though Art says he could "feel that his intentions were good." SHUT UP. Thanks a lot for unleashing the Miss Cleo of the food world on us, Oprah. Between him and Doctor Phil, I'm starting to question your sanity. Kelly put way too much salt in everything, which is a simple thing to avoid. Art questions her palate. Hey, a legitimate critique about food, and not some crap about how Kelly didn't pour enough of her soul into her steaks! Baby steps! The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Gosh, it's actually sort of suspenseful when Angelo and Kenny aren't around to get a free pass. I honestly don't know who's going. Ptom gives us one those terrible wordplay phrases he's so bad at, and yet we cannot escape: It should have been a "power lunch", but made the judges want to take a "power nap". HAHAHAHAHAHA! GET IT?!?! Kevin's lamb was not cooked well. Kelly. Salt. Andrea's dish was unfocused, and her vanilla ruined the sauce. He throws it over to Padma. Andrea. Please pack your knives and go. Aw, nuts.
She hugs Kelly, and in her final interview, tells us that she never really got a chance to show herself. Oh, Andrea. I like you, but I'd say fourteen challenges is more than enough opportunity to show yourself. She says that the problems she had were more mental than anything else. That, I'll buy. This seems like such a self-esteem-grinding, degrading experience. She respects the judges, but doesn't need their validation. Padma gives her kind of a bitchy "that'll be all, thank you". Well, that was uncalled for. After telling the chefs in the Kitchen to "hug it out, bitches" (heh), Andrea reminds us that this is a game, and she just didn't play it well today. She closes by saying "at the end of the day" (DRINK!), she'll just have to accept it and move on. That's a healthy attitude. All I have to say to that is... Pea puree [26].
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: Peer review. Angelo "helped" Tamesha and Stephen. Kenny was convinced that everyone is out to get him, because it's inconceivable that his food wasn't up to par. Kevin scored the win, while Tamesha found her way to Losers' Table, in spite of (or maybe even due to) Angelo's assistance. Kenny's Shield of Invincibility activated again, and Tamesha was sent on her way. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Homemade gazpacho that had a real kick to it. I was in a hurry, and just sliced up some bell peppers for dip, but at least they're LabRat's homegrown ones, so I got some style points. Panny made mini banana/blueberry pies that I certainly did not eat three of. Kender and the Aussies were also there to try and make a dent in the spread. Or at least drink. Especially for Rule #7: Take a drink whenever someone's dish is centered around scallops.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Kelly tells Stephen that her roommates keep getting eliminated, and it's just down to her and Andrea. Vultures suddenly appear and begin to circle. Kenny doesn't allow the thought that his food put him into the bottom of the last challenge to enter his head for even a moment. Nope, it's just cause the other chefs are threatened and jealous. The fact that there have been six elimination challenges, and Kenny has been in the bottom for three of them doesn't seem to affect his ego. How nice. Angelo is mildly upset about Tamesha's elimination. Tiffany vows not to let him give her any ideas, lest she reap the same reward.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Congressman Aaron Schock, who would be yummy if he didn't have all of those idiotic social policy positions. He opens by telling the chefs that the first day after winning an election is spent on ethics.
Tiffany: "Ah, a representative from Illinois talking about ethics. That makes total sense."
He gives the chefs (and us) a very interesting little summary of the ethics problem of feeding politicians. Lobbyists can't be arranging vast gourmet dinners to help influence votes, so a workaround solution had to be found. That solution is... Toothpicks! The Quickfire Challenge will be to create a delicious, bite-sized mini-dish that can be speared on the end of a toothpick. Neat. I like this idea. This is also a high-stakes challenge. The winner will not only receive immunity, but twenty-thousand dollars to go along with it. Yipes.
Padma starts the clock, and the chefs spring into their thirty minutes of prep time. Everyone rushes the fridges at the same time. Angelo says it's like the Running of the Bulls, and that everyone's on attack, fighting for their protein of choice.
Limecrete: "So...nothing at all like the Running of the Bulls."
Kelly works on a seared bay scallop. DRINK! Stephen is convinced that he's in line for the money and immunity. I can't decide if it's kind of sad that Stephen is able to keep up such self-confidence after winning precisely zero challenges (and being in the bottom of most of them), or if it's kind of heartening. He works on a meat and scallop surf 'n turf on a potato cake and Bearnaise sauce. DRINK! Alex brags about his experience with canapes, and works on a pan-seared scallop. DRINK! Jeez, there isn't going to be any wine left by the Elimination Challenge. Tiffany has a clear picture of what she wants to do, and starts on a pork roulade, while Amanda is typically frenetic, but settles on a lamb kabob. Andrea stacks up some fried chicken and waffles. Ooh, I like the way she thinks. Angelo is going to roll shrimp up into some pineapple. He attacks something on the cutting board, and dices it to bits in an instant. He's not my favorite contestant ever, but that was super-impressive. Ed has problems translating regular food into something he can get onto a toothpick. Time winds down.
Padma and Aaron go down the line. Kevin's got a grilled pork kabob in a sherry vinegar sauce. I'm not sure if it should count as on-a-toothpick if you've got a cup of sauce underneath it. A minor quibble, but I'm a sucker for challenge parameters. Andrea has buttermilk-fried chicken on a pecan-cheddar waffle, and a black pepper maple gravy. I can't picture how that gravy would taste. Ed did a duo of tuna. One is a crunchy confit, one is grilled with avocado and sweet-and-sour watermelon. Tiffany has made a crispy pork roulade with prosciutto, dates, and a red pepper coulis. It looks just as good as all of the other stuff Tiffany has made. I wish she'd get more attention and credit, because her food appeals to me more than anyone else's this season. Amanda has a lamb kabob with fried tomato and a salsa verde. Kenny has a tandoori-spiced salmon kabob with shrimp and a mango mojito relish. Angelo's pineapple plan hasn't worked out, so he serves a mixture of shrimp and cashew in a cucumber cup. Stephen sauces his food as he explains it. I'm not sure why he wasn't required to sauce before time ran out. That said, his scallop and beef on potato cake looks very good. Alex's scallop includes bacon, strawberries, and basil essence. That doesn't sound like a great combination. Kelly's scallop has salted watermelon and a watermelon vinaigrette.
Results. The bottom three are Alex (for a confusing, off-putting mixture of flavors), Ed (for just plain tasting bad), and Kelly (for a lack of flavor). Kelly is not a fan of being in the bottom. She vows to bring bigger and bolder flavors to the Elimination Challenge. Now, for the good news. Kevin's food stayed with Aaron, even as he tasted everyone else's. Angelo gets a "wow" for his fiery shrimp on a cool cucumber. Stephen's little bite was hearty and satisfying. The winner of immunity and the big, fat check is... Angelo. He gives the Standard Speech. Kevin is bitterly jealous.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be taking part in the old tradition of a power lunch. This theme won't have much to do with what's made and served, so really the challenge is just to make lunch at an area restaurant for twenty-four people. The only other wrinkle is that the chefs will be working with one of five specific proteins that they'll draw knives for. No worries, though, because the proteins are fairly standard:
Swordfish - Andrea and Tiffany
Porterhouse - Amanda and Kelly
Lobster - Angelo and Ed
Lamb chops - Kevin and Kenny
Salmon - Alex and Stephen
Padma explains that although there are two chefs per protein, this is not a head-to-head challenge. The dishes will have to stand up to all of the other ones. The chefs head off to shop with three-hundred dollars. That's kind of a lot, considering they don't have to buy their protein. I'd be heading for the good stuff. Stephen is as self-confident as ever. Andrea isn't generally a fan of swordfish, and says she'll be doing something different with it. She heads for the cashier, and her total doesn't even hit the $200 mark. Back at the Kitchen, the chefs have two hours to prep. Ed and Angelo realize that everyone else's proteins are pretty much set, but that they have to kill and break down theirs right there in the Kitchen. Tiffany chops olives as Angelo wrestles with his mutant lobsters. Alex is suffering from a surfeit of options. There are infinite ways to prepare salmon, and he can't decide what to do. Amanda has no experience with porterhouse steaks, and solves the problem by hacking the bones off, turning them into a bunch of strip steaks and fillets. Kelly doesn't approve.
Kevin's got some experience serving power brokers, and feels like he knows what they're looking for. Is this like he "knows" how to make baby food because he's got a baby? Angelo and Ed hurry to keep up with everyone. Andrea knows swordfish is usually served with some sort of tropical salsa, and you'd think she could make a good one, being from Miami and all. She doesn't want to go that direction, though, and says she'll be making a vanilla bean/mustard sauce. That is a very odd combination of flavors, and like her maple/black pepper gravy, I can't picture how it would taste. Time winds down, and Ed worries that he's had to spend too much time cracking out lobster meat.
That night, Alex tells the others that he's still not sure what he's going to do with his salmon. He mentions peas, and Andrea and Kenny tell him that Ed bought peas of his own for a puree. Alex rubs his chin. In another room, Ed tells Tiffany that he's got a pea puree [1]. Tiffany asks if it's cold, and Ed says that it'll be warm. Warm pea goo underneath lobster? Ick. Actually, cold pea goo wouldn't be any better. I'm not a big pea fan. Ed and Tiffany's friendship has not escaped notice, and Andrea tut-tuts that Tiffany's fiancee would be none too pleased if he knew about it. Tiffany hears this psychically, and assures us all that she's happy with the man she's got at home.
As we go into the commercials, the teaser treats us to three more utterances of "pea puree", so: [2], [3], and [4]. When we return, the chefs arrive at the Palm restaurant, where there are caricatures of people who have eaten there and politicians drawn on the wall. I get the whole Sardi's thing, but I don't see a wall full of goofy drawings as the hallmark of a great restaurant. I guess I'm in the minority on that one. The guy in charge of the restaurant comes back to give the chefs some contrived reality show blather. They've got a "fully-booked lunch". Except we've already been told they're serving twenty-four people. Ptom will be back in the kitchen during prep to keep an eye on things. Why? Um... Because... Shut up. That's why. The winning chef will get his or her dish put onto the menu, and their face drawn onto the wall. Stephen is still supremely self-confident and optimistic. I've decided it's heartening.
Everyone gets started. Amanda is still spazzing all over the place, and it's really starting to stick in Kelly's craw. Kelly tersely asks her to move her coolers so that people can walk around the kitchen, and to cook near her station. In essence, to get out of the fucking way. In addition to that, Amanda has neglected to bring any salt or pepper, and asks to borrow some of Kelly's. Wait, why doesn't this restaurant have any salt or pepper? I guess the challenge involved bringing everything you'd need, but if that's the case, I wish they'd told us that. Kelly declines to give Amanda any of her seasonings, and shuts down Alex as well. Amanda sneers in interview that Kelly is oversalting all of her food, anyway. Alex decides to make a pea puree [5]. He says it's risky, because the entire dish revolves around that pea puree [6]. Ptom drops by in that awful purple chef's coat of his. As promised, he's going to stay in the kitchen for the entire challenge. He nags them about keeping their stations clean. Everyone ignores him. Andrea asks Kelly if she has any extra butter, and before we hear if Kelly would relax her rules to give some to her pal, Amanda jumps in and offers some of hers.
Kenny wants his lamb to be more successful than it was last week. Angelo slices his finger, and hides it from Ptom as he walks by. Ptom is such a hall monitor this week. Ed goes back to the cooler, and cannot find his pea puree [7]. He asks about the pea puree again[8], as we see Alex working with his. Is it the same one? Let's not find out! Ed starts asking if anyone else has seen his pea puree [9]. Nobody has, and Ed wonders if someone has taken his pea puree [10]. He asks Stephen directly if he's got the pea puree [11]. Stephen says that no, he hasn't got the pea puree [12]. Ed then asks Alex if he's seen the pea puree [13]. Alex denies it, curiously not mentioning that he's got one of his own. Odd. Tiffany also notes this, saying that Alex is the only other person with a pea puree [14], and that he certainly didn't make it yesterday. Ed says he'll be pissed if Alex stole that pea puree [15]. And since there are cameras taping, if not everyone's every single move, then at least their entire cooking prep, and since there are receipts for everything bought at the store, it should be no trouble to figure out if Alex got grabby. Well, forget it. I'll tell you now that the paper trail and Ptom's supervision and the fact that there are a gazillion cameras everywhere means nothing. Nobody knows if Alex took Ed's puree or made his own. Wow, that's not annoying at all, show.
Tiffany kindly pulls Ed back from the brink, telling him he has to focus and make something else. She offers him some broccolini. Better watch it, Ed! That stuff can be dangerous. Ed is pissed off, but is able to contain himself enough to work on an alternative. Diners filter in. Kevin obsesses over Kenny. A soundbite of Ptom saying that he'll be tasting the chefs' dishes is crudely dubbed into the episode. What was the point of that? Of course he'll be tasting them; he's the head judge. And even if he hadn't said so, we can see him doing it. I don't know what is up with the editing this season, but it is wretched.
Padma introduces the diners/judges. Along with Padma, Gail, and Ptom back in the kitchen, there's Senator Mark Warner, Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, John Podesta, Top Chef Masters contestant Art Smith (who's lost a bunch of weight), and Bruce Bozzi (who manages/owns/whatevers the Palm). NBC correspondents Kelly O'Donnell, Luke Russert, and Savannah Guthrie are also judging.
The protein pairs are served together. First up are Kelly and Amanda. Kelly makes sure to tell everyone that her porterhouse steak is on the bone, and is served with a roasted shallot demi-glace and a potato/arugula/endive salad. Amanda serves a duo of New York strip steak and filet mignon in red wine, with French-style potatoes and arugula. Everyone really enjoys Amanda's steaks, but Kelly's portions are too big and too salty. You should know now that as each dish is discussed, the horrendous editing continues with a shot of Ptom putting a bite into his mouth. Every dish. Seriously. Ten shots of Ptom putting food in his mouth. For no reason. Sigh.
Andrea and Tiffany. Tiffany has swordfish with an olive and raisin tapenade on top, served with broccolini and bacon. Andrea's swordfish is pan-seared with Israeli couscous risotto, asparagus, and that odd vanilla bean/mustard butter sauce. Everyone except Padma thinks Andrea's sauce is far too sweet, while Tiffany's dish was zesty and distinctive, if a touch too well-done. Back in the kitchen, Tiffany resigns herself to being on the bottom, saying that she knows she overcooked the fish. Stephen and Alex. Stephen's salmon is served on a warm spinach/arugula salad, with a Worcestershire vinaigrette. Alex has applewood-smoked salmon with black Forbidden Rice and the much-discussed English pea puree [16]. Art loves the sweetness of the pea. Alex also has a good portion size, so nobody would leave lunch feeling heavy and gross. Stephen's salmon is messy and heavy.
Ed and Angelo. Ed struggles to finish on time, but makes it. Angelo's lobster is butter-poached, and served with lobster froth and a jicama/Asian pear/arugula salad. Was there a sale on arugula today? It's everywhere! Ed has a butter-poached lobster ballotine, with smoky eggplant caviar and English pea/asparagus fricassee. Angelo's lobster has texture issues, and nobody cares for the foam. Ed's lobster was flavorful, and the eggplant also worked really well, though the peas were unnecessary. Kevin and Kenny. Kenny's has a double chop of lamb, one with the bone, and one without. They're peppered, and served with fig/pistachio bread pudding, fig jam, broccolini, and a vanilla/morel demi-glace. Kevin has broiled a double-cut lamb chop, and serves it with olive and goat cheese rissole, a tomato concasse, and some mache on top. Kenny's lamb is good, but nobody likes the other things on his plate. Kevin's plate was strong flavor after strong flavor, and had no balance. Gail's portion is overcooked. Of course, "overcooked" on this show means a perfectly acceptable medium, but I suppose they have to stick to their standards.
Lunch winds down. Ptom reports that the prep was a little sloppy. Art spews his usual bullshit about how food is love. There is one person that I'll accept the food-as-love argument from, and her name is Carla. Meanwhile, Ed is complaining to Tiffany about his missing pea puree [17]. The gossip spreads quickly. Kevin tells us that Alex had pea puree [18] and if he stole Ed's pea puree [19], it's a grimy thing to do. I'd say it's a you-get-kicked-off-the-show thing to do.
Interstitial. Stephen gives a "seminar" on how to handle being at Losers' Table, and cracks everyone up.
Fret 'n sweat. Everyone gossips about the pea puree [20]. Alex interviews that some people think he took the pea puree [21], but that it was just a coincidence that they both had that component. He didn't even know that Ed was making a pea puree [22]. There's a damning black and white flashback to Andrea and Kenny telling Alex (the night after the two-hour Kitchen prep) that Ed bought peas and pureed them. That's not to say Alex didn't just make a puree of his own, but that still doesn't explain what happened to Ed's, and especially why the production can't figure out what happened. I can't begin to guess the truth, but if I were to indulge my inner conspiracy nut, I could come up with some wild theories:
1) Alex made his own puree, and Ed simply forgot his. This seems odd, as there would surely be some footage of Alex doing this, and the grocery store receipt would confirm the pea purchase.
2) Alex made a pea puree, but forgot it, and took Ed's by accident. That has the same problems as above, though.
3) Alex out-and-out stole the puree, but the producers can't prove it, and so shrouded the whole thing in mystery to avoid having to take any action.
4) Alex out-and-out stole the puree, the producers know it and can prove it, and are choosing not to do anything about it, because it would besmirch the show and wreck up the schedule to have to kick someone out without planning to.
5) A wizard did it.
Pick your favorite. Padma comes in, and summons Alex, Tiffany, and Ed to the table. When they come out to Judges' Table, Padma tells them they had the three best dishes of the night, rendering the entire pea incident almost moot. Almost. Tiffany begins leaking tears, admitting that she thought she'd be on the bottom. Luckily, the juices released a lot of flavor, wiping out any dryness the fish may have had. Ed's lobster was a challenge, but he overcame that challenge nicely. Art tells Alex that his fish was cooked perfectly, and he loved the pea puree [23]. Eesh, what a twist of the knife. The viewing party wonders why Ed doesn't mention something, but I think it would have looked like extremely sour grapes to stand at the Winners' Table and complain. Maybe Ed would have said something if he was on the bottom, but since he knows he's safe, it's wiser to keep his mouth shut. So he just stands there and looks pissed off, as does Tiffany. Art gets to announce the winner, which turns out be Alex. Well, since I have no idea if he's innocent or guilty, I'll just give that a "hmm".
Back in the Kitchen, Alex's win is greeted with steely eyes. Kenny interviews that the judges were impressed with the silky, delicious pea puree [24], and that there was no way Alex had the time to make a proper English pea puree [25]. All that aside, Alex informs the waiting chefs that the judges want to see Kelly, Andrea, and Kevin. I'm just now noticing that Odd Asian Music and Gong don't greet the losing chefs anymore. Did they get laid off? Kevin's tomato concasse was nothing but heat. Ptom found the chops overcooked, and though Kevin says he prefers lamb to be more medium than rare, Art questions the care put into the dish. OHMYGODSHUTUP. Why do they keep inviting this guy to be on the show? He's such a goddamn hack.
Andrea admits that she doesn't cook swordfish often, and Art tells her that it showed. The couscous was goopy and overcooked. The vanilla sauce was also way too sweet. Andrea does her best to explain herself without it sounding like an excuse, saying that she's tried that blend of vanilla and mustard before to great success. Gail makes the first shitty argument I've ever heard her put forth when she says that if they wanted to taste Andrea's usual fare, they'd just come to her restaurant. So... These people are supposed to invent new techniques out of whole cloth, just because they're coming on the show? That's moronic. Kelly's dish was way too salty, but to her credit, she knows it before the judges tell her. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, an awful Frankenbyte makes Amanda sound smugly triumphant about Kelly's food being too salty after she refused to share. Amanda probably does feel that way, but that quote was so obviously patched together from different sources, I'm not going to give her crap for it.
Deliberations. Andrea's fish was under the heat lamp for up to eight minutes. Art says that not liking a food or not working with it often doesn't give you an excuse to execute it poorly. I agree, up to a point. Kevin's flavors were disparate, and his cooking technique was bound to fail, though Art says he could "feel that his intentions were good." SHUT UP. Thanks a lot for unleashing the Miss Cleo of the food world on us, Oprah. Between him and Doctor Phil, I'm starting to question your sanity. Kelly put way too much salt in everything, which is a simple thing to avoid. Art questions her palate. Hey, a legitimate critique about food, and not some crap about how Kelly didn't pour enough of her soul into her steaks! Baby steps! The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Gosh, it's actually sort of suspenseful when Angelo and Kenny aren't around to get a free pass. I honestly don't know who's going. Ptom gives us one those terrible wordplay phrases he's so bad at, and yet we cannot escape: It should have been a "power lunch", but made the judges want to take a "power nap". HAHAHAHAHAHA! GET IT?!?! Kevin's lamb was not cooked well. Kelly. Salt. Andrea's dish was unfocused, and her vanilla ruined the sauce. He throws it over to Padma. Andrea. Please pack your knives and go. Aw, nuts.
She hugs Kelly, and in her final interview, tells us that she never really got a chance to show herself. Oh, Andrea. I like you, but I'd say fourteen challenges is more than enough opportunity to show yourself. She says that the problems she had were more mental than anything else. That, I'll buy. This seems like such a self-esteem-grinding, degrading experience. She respects the judges, but doesn't need their validation. Padma gives her kind of a bitchy "that'll be all, thank you". Well, that was uncalled for. After telling the chefs in the Kitchen to "hug it out, bitches" (heh), Andrea reminds us that this is a game, and she just didn't play it well today. She closes by saying "at the end of the day" (DRINK!), she'll just have to accept it and move on. That's a healthy attitude. All I have to say to that is... Pea puree [26].
Overall Grade: B-
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Ashes, Ashleys, They All Fall Down
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 7
Previously on Top Chef: Every woe in the world, from swine flu to the My Lai massacre, was Robin's fault. Kevin once again floated to the top, while Ron fell out of the bottom. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Sickness is still sweeping through our viewing party, so it was a small gathering. Good thing, because LabRat had taken some of my butter without telling me, so I didn't have enough to make chocolate chip cookies, and had to substitute margarine. The results were less than stellar.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Ash has picked up Jesse's insecurity about not attending culinary school. Not that I think schooling is the end-all, be-all approach to every career, but based on what I've seen from Ash over the past six episodes, he's right to worry. Michael prioritizes food over everything. He mentions his two children, but I'm not sure if the take-away message is that he focuses on his career over them or not. That was weirdly presented. In other news, Jenc is a bit ill.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs arrive in the Kitchen, to be met by Padma and guest judge Tyler Florence. Padma plugs a website that is a repository of recipes for at-home cooks. I don't use the one they mention, so I'll plug allrecipes.com instead, because it's great. The Quickfire will be to pull a slot machine for three words that will give the chefs a mood, a taste/texture, and a style of cuisine to work in. I'll give Laurine's example, so you can get a sense of what things are coming up on the machine. "Romantic", "tart", and "Latin American".
LabRat: "Everything Laurine isn't."
Other terms that pop up include spicy, Asian, umami, Middle Eastern, and blue (the mood, not the color). Padma sends them off with thirty minutes to get their dishes ready. People cook. Absolutely nothing interesting is cooked, done, or said, except for Eli's laughably trite assertion that he doesn't care what people think about him, and that he's looking out for "number one". What does Kevin have to do with anything? Oh, he's referring to himself. Funny, you'd think the number one chef would win a challenge here and there. I suppose I should be impressed that he managed to get all that out without resorting to the actual phrase.
Time runs out. Padma and Tyler go down the line. Mike has no experience with Asian cuisine, but has managed to put out a raw mushroom salad with shiso and ginger. Laurine has made a crusted goat cheese salad with orange jalapeno vinaigrette, and has accented it with hibiscus flowers. Ash has thrown everything but the Kitchen sink into a pasta puttanesca. Michael is trying to branch out by making dessert. He's made a yuzu curd with whipped Greek yogurt and a seaweed cracker. Eli has put together a mushroom ceviche with marbled avocado. Tyler doesn't offer any initial feedback. Kevin, like Mike, has no Asian cooking background, but has made char-grilled pork with a Vietnamese herb salad. Bryan has seared scallops with some bok choy and beads of tempura. Robin tried to go Middle Eastern with a root vegetable hash with cumin and curry oil. Padma snipes that curry isn't really a Middle Eastern type of ingredient. Robin admits that maybe she blurred the cultural lines too much. Ashley has made feta pudding with some sumac-dusted halibut. Finally. Every plate of food I've seen so far has been incredibly dull and boring, save this one. I'd like to try that dish. Jenc has Maine diver sea scallops with pistachios and salmon roe on top.
Results. First in the bottom three is Robin, whose curry with salt doesn't evoke Middle Eastern flavors. Eli killed his mushroom flavor with citrus. He's welcome to start backing up that bluster of his any time now. Christ, Mike may be a pain, but at least he generally puts out good food. Jenc's "adventurous" use of salmon roe on top of scallops isn't new at all, according to Tyler. Now, to the good news. Mike's plate was light, fresh, and clean. Kevin overcame his unfamiliarity with Asian food. Michael's flavor profile was spot-on. The ultimate winner is Kevin, whose dominance shows no signs of slowing. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so Kevin gets to decide between immunity and $15,000. Kevin reasonably assumes that the judges love pretty much everything he makes, so he opts for the cash. Padma wraps up by telling the chefs before the Elimination Challenge is discussed, they can go back to the Resort for a home-cooked meal.
Commercials. "Pretzels are made to be shared." Could someone tell LabRat that?
Mike, who has apparently never seen a single episode of a single reality show before he came here, has taken Padma at her word, and is looking forward to a little down time. The chefs come home to discover their place stocked with dishes and ingredients, so they catch the snap about who's going to prepare that home-cooked meal Padma mentioned. Speak of the devil, Padma comes up the walk, wearing an extremely ill-advised green pantsuit. She brings everyone outside, where she explains this week's Elimination Challenge. Tyler is back, along with a few more guest judges: Nancy Silverton, Govind Armstrong, Takashi Yagihashi, and Tom Douglas, all of who are restaurateurs. The challenge is to cook a meal, family-style, right there in their own kitchen. Each of the restaurateurs carries a bag of ingredients, and each of the chefs will draw knives to see which bag they'll get. There are five bags and ten chefs, so they'll be working in pairs, which work out to be:
Laurine/Bryan
Kevin/Jenc
Michael/Ash
Eli/Ashley
Mike/Robin
These are some hilariously mismatched pairs. Obviously, Mike and Robin are the pinnacle of dysfunction, but there's something incongruous about Michael/Ash and Laurine/Bryan, too. Really, the only one that makes perfect sense is Kevin/Jenc; it'll be interesting to see if the two golden children can retain their luster when they're thrown together.
Padma gives everyone two and a half hours to cook. The first order of business is to claim some space in the cramped kitchen. Mike bitches and moans in interview about working with Robin. Michael and Ash can't get any kitchen space, so they'll be working in the dining room with woks. They get started on a fennel ravioli. Kevin and Jenc are out on the balcony. Their bag contains mostly Asian condiments, so they can go in any number of directions. Ashley wants to make more gnocchi, since she's had success with that before. Mike and Robin's ingredients are very Asian, and while she has more experience in that area of cuisine, he's sure as hell not about to hand over any control to her. Let a weak, old, woman dictate the menu? Nevah! Jenc is feeling better after her illness and poor Quickfire performance. She throws herself with renewed zeal into a tomato chutney with chicken stock.
Meanwhile, Ash happily allows himself to be railroaded by Michael at every turn. In a team-building sense, it's very positive, but in a show-us-your-skills sense, there is absolutely nothing of Ash in the food. Which, given the track records of these guys so far, isn't a horrible idea. In a similar vein, Mike takes the dominant role on his team, which Robin is fine with, as long as she gets some input. Mike mostly ignores her. Is it me tonight? Am I just in a mood? Or is this really as tiresome an episode as it seems?
Commercials. So I guess Chevy Chase is officially back now.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste in as unwise an outfit as Padma had on. I know we're in Vegas, but that doesn't give everyone carte blanche to don such tacky clothes. Eli and Ashley tell him they're putting prawns on their gnocchi, and he just stares at them. Eli wonders what kind of feedback that is, and Ptom replies that it's not feedback at all. EXACTLY. I don't call it ptimewasting for nothing. Robin and Mike give no inkling of the bubbling well of resentment building up in their team. Michael and Ash (well, Michael) explains the deconstructed carbonara they're putting together. Once he's done with his walkthrough, Ptom comes outside and tells us that the chefs that are able to make things that are the least detriment to their dishes will have an advantage. Wow, really? Thanks for that stunning insight! Let me write that down under "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it," and "I want to do something quick [for the Quickfire]." I learn so much from this show.
Ash, who has nothing to do and no ideas to contribute, wanders downstairs to set the table for dinner. You know, I started this season really liking him (and that Into the Woods reference was a gem), but as we progress, I'm finding him more and more out of his league. For all the talk about how useless Robin is (some passive-aggressively coming from Ash himself), at least she's trying. Speaking of not trying, Eli pusses out on cooking the prawns, so even though Ashley was in charge of making all the gnocchi, she gets to cook the protein as well. Bad news strikes Michael and Ash, because with all the appliances running at the same time, they trip the circuits powering their woks. The fish isn't done cooking, and one sure way to ruin fish is by cooking it, cooling it, then cooking it again. Unfortunately, they don't really have any choice. The judges get seated for dinner. Mike pissily disapproves of the way Robin is cooking the tuna. Ashley tells Eli to season the gnocchi, and when he brings them out, she finds them way too salty. Time winds down, and everyone plates their food.
The judges sip wine. The chefs bring out all the food. Eli and Ashley have grilled prawns with a red beet/creme fraiche sauce, the aforementioned gnocchi, and kale. Mike describes his and Robin's food, but says "I" everywhere he should be saying "we". No surprises there. They've made marinated mushroom and a pickled Asian pear roll with seared tuna and scallops. Bryan and Laurine, who have been utterly ignored this entire episode, have made pan-roasted halibut with a sherry-chorizo vinaigrette, a yellow corn cake, and an avocado mousse. Kevin and Jenc have lightly barbecued kobe beef. Kevin's done the meat, and Jenc has made the tomato/cardamom/ginger broth it rests in. Michael has made a pancetta-wrapped halibut with egg yolk ravioli. Ash has tossed together some asparagus and fennel for a salad. Wow, complicated. Not one of the dishes presented is one that I actively want to try. The chefs are dismissed, and the diners dig in.
Michael and Ash's food is alternately undercooked (pancetta) and overcooked (halibut). Laurine and Bryan's halibut is much more successful. Ashley and Eli's gnocchi are too salty, and the prawns are undercooked. Kevin and Jenc's food is balanced and tasty. Mike and Robin did a good job, as well. The chefs begin their fret 'n sweat early. Bryan comes over to check in on Michael, who's not happy with what he put out tonight.
Interstitial. Robin talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks.
Fret 'n Sweat 2: Electric Boogaloo. Michael is especially worried. Padma comes back to the Kitchen, and summons Laurine, Bryan, Kevin, and Jenc to Judges' Table. Predictably, these are the winning teams. The judges ascertain that Kevin was responsible for the kobe beef, while Jenc made the sauce. They really liked everything about the dish. It's weird that Laurine and Bryan made it into the top, as the editors studiously avoided showing us any of the process that got them there. Laurine explains that she made the corn cake, while Bryan cooked the fish. Ptom likes how they picked and chose from the ingredient bag, while Tyler enjoyed the chorizo-sherry vinaigrette. Tyler gets to announce the challenge's winner, and Jenc's sauce carries the day. She wins a gift card to Macy's which she generously plans to share with Kevin. Back in the Kitchen, Bryan tells the remaining chefs that the judges want to see Michael, Ash, Eli, and Ashley. Once they're gone, Kevin asks Bryan about what led Michael and Ash's dish astray. He's just thinking out loud, but Bryan spits that he's tired of dissecting other people's plates, and that Kevin has no way to judge a dish that he didn't even taste. Yikes. I mean, kudos for trying to back up your sibling, but still.
Limecrete: "I can see him just snapping one day, and going completely crazy."
Tiffany: "One day?!? It's going to happen before the end of the season."
Both the Odd Asian Music and the Gong are so bored with this episode, they've fallen asleep, and neither one shows up to do its job when the losing chefs enter the judging room. Michael explains that the overcooked fish happened because of a power outage. Tyler snips that they can't accept that as a viable excuse, because he's always doing expensive meals for people in weird places, and would have to come up with something if such an event occurred. Okay, but... Tyler would have a gaggle of helpers, and he'd be allowed to rush out and buy additional ingredients or equipment, so it's not really comparable. That, and Michael was offering the power outage as a reason, not an excuse. There's a difference. Ptom offers a more reasonable criticism in that he thinks a different type of fish would have worked better in their dish.
Curiously, Ash volunteers -- without any questions from the judges -- that he had absolutely no input into their food. It's not even in a blame-Michael-for-having-bad-ideas way. It's a I-couldn't-have-done-any-better way. Strange. He compares Michael to Picasso (which, let's not go nuts), and says it was an honor to play second fiddle to him. Ptom says it sounds like Ash is asserting that he's only fit to go so far in the competition. Normally, I hate it when Ptom says stuff like that, because I feel like he should focus on food, not attitude. That said, I'm with him on this one. Ash back-pedals a bit, and says he can execute food just as well as any other competitor. Eli and Ashley's prawn was undercooked. Ashley cops to that, saying that she was fearful of overcooking them. The gnocchi was over-salted, and probably shouldn't have even been served. That would have made for a sad little plate of food. No matter how good their concept was, Ptom says it didn't work out in execution. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Michael thanks Ash for being so nice in his defense of the team.
Deliberations. Ash is lazy. Michael's ideas didn't work out, and the fish was overcooked. Toby parrots Tyler's line about a power outage not being an excuse out in the real world, but back in the Kitchen, Michael brings up my previous point: In the real world, he'd have more resources to fix it. Ptom suspects Eli is the culprit for the salty gnocchi, but Ashley is to blame for part of it, plus all of the undercooked prawn. Nothing is ever made of the fact that Eli played a back-burner role, similar to Ash's.
Elimination. The judges look stern. Toby wears ugly sunglasses, like he thinks he's Bono. Ashley messed up the prawn, and made the gnocchi. Michael's concept was fine, but his execution was off. Not a word is said to Eli or Ash before Ptom gives it over to Padma for the chop. Ashley. Please pack your knives and go. She thanks the judges for the opportunity. In her final interview, she has the very healthy attitude that there's no way to make a mistake at this point in the competition and not reasonably expect to go home. It doesn't define who you are as a chef, but it's more than fair to lose this particular contest. She tears up as she gets her good-bye hugs, as does Jenc. Ashley has learned a lot from the experience, and is looking forward to what comes next. Well, I wish her luck. I also wish that this season would pick up, because that? Was tedious.
Overall Grade: C
Previously on Top Chef: Every woe in the world, from swine flu to the My Lai massacre, was Robin's fault. Kevin once again floated to the top, while Ron fell out of the bottom. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Sickness is still sweeping through our viewing party, so it was a small gathering. Good thing, because LabRat had taken some of my butter without telling me, so I didn't have enough to make chocolate chip cookies, and had to substitute margarine. The results were less than stellar.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Ash has picked up Jesse's insecurity about not attending culinary school. Not that I think schooling is the end-all, be-all approach to every career, but based on what I've seen from Ash over the past six episodes, he's right to worry. Michael prioritizes food over everything. He mentions his two children, but I'm not sure if the take-away message is that he focuses on his career over them or not. That was weirdly presented. In other news, Jenc is a bit ill.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs arrive in the Kitchen, to be met by Padma and guest judge Tyler Florence. Padma plugs a website that is a repository of recipes for at-home cooks. I don't use the one they mention, so I'll plug allrecipes.com instead, because it's great. The Quickfire will be to pull a slot machine for three words that will give the chefs a mood, a taste/texture, and a style of cuisine to work in. I'll give Laurine's example, so you can get a sense of what things are coming up on the machine. "Romantic", "tart", and "Latin American".
LabRat: "Everything Laurine isn't."
Other terms that pop up include spicy, Asian, umami, Middle Eastern, and blue (the mood, not the color). Padma sends them off with thirty minutes to get their dishes ready. People cook. Absolutely nothing interesting is cooked, done, or said, except for Eli's laughably trite assertion that he doesn't care what people think about him, and that he's looking out for "number one". What does Kevin have to do with anything? Oh, he's referring to himself. Funny, you'd think the number one chef would win a challenge here and there. I suppose I should be impressed that he managed to get all that out without resorting to the actual phrase.
Time runs out. Padma and Tyler go down the line. Mike has no experience with Asian cuisine, but has managed to put out a raw mushroom salad with shiso and ginger. Laurine has made a crusted goat cheese salad with orange jalapeno vinaigrette, and has accented it with hibiscus flowers. Ash has thrown everything but the Kitchen sink into a pasta puttanesca. Michael is trying to branch out by making dessert. He's made a yuzu curd with whipped Greek yogurt and a seaweed cracker. Eli has put together a mushroom ceviche with marbled avocado. Tyler doesn't offer any initial feedback. Kevin, like Mike, has no Asian cooking background, but has made char-grilled pork with a Vietnamese herb salad. Bryan has seared scallops with some bok choy and beads of tempura. Robin tried to go Middle Eastern with a root vegetable hash with cumin and curry oil. Padma snipes that curry isn't really a Middle Eastern type of ingredient. Robin admits that maybe she blurred the cultural lines too much. Ashley has made feta pudding with some sumac-dusted halibut. Finally. Every plate of food I've seen so far has been incredibly dull and boring, save this one. I'd like to try that dish. Jenc has Maine diver sea scallops with pistachios and salmon roe on top.
Results. First in the bottom three is Robin, whose curry with salt doesn't evoke Middle Eastern flavors. Eli killed his mushroom flavor with citrus. He's welcome to start backing up that bluster of his any time now. Christ, Mike may be a pain, but at least he generally puts out good food. Jenc's "adventurous" use of salmon roe on top of scallops isn't new at all, according to Tyler. Now, to the good news. Mike's plate was light, fresh, and clean. Kevin overcame his unfamiliarity with Asian food. Michael's flavor profile was spot-on. The ultimate winner is Kevin, whose dominance shows no signs of slowing. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so Kevin gets to decide between immunity and $15,000. Kevin reasonably assumes that the judges love pretty much everything he makes, so he opts for the cash. Padma wraps up by telling the chefs before the Elimination Challenge is discussed, they can go back to the Resort for a home-cooked meal.
Commercials. "Pretzels are made to be shared." Could someone tell LabRat that?
Mike, who has apparently never seen a single episode of a single reality show before he came here, has taken Padma at her word, and is looking forward to a little down time. The chefs come home to discover their place stocked with dishes and ingredients, so they catch the snap about who's going to prepare that home-cooked meal Padma mentioned. Speak of the devil, Padma comes up the walk, wearing an extremely ill-advised green pantsuit. She brings everyone outside, where she explains this week's Elimination Challenge. Tyler is back, along with a few more guest judges: Nancy Silverton, Govind Armstrong, Takashi Yagihashi, and Tom Douglas, all of who are restaurateurs. The challenge is to cook a meal, family-style, right there in their own kitchen. Each of the restaurateurs carries a bag of ingredients, and each of the chefs will draw knives to see which bag they'll get. There are five bags and ten chefs, so they'll be working in pairs, which work out to be:
Laurine/Bryan
Kevin/Jenc
Michael/Ash
Eli/Ashley
Mike/Robin
These are some hilariously mismatched pairs. Obviously, Mike and Robin are the pinnacle of dysfunction, but there's something incongruous about Michael/Ash and Laurine/Bryan, too. Really, the only one that makes perfect sense is Kevin/Jenc; it'll be interesting to see if the two golden children can retain their luster when they're thrown together.
Padma gives everyone two and a half hours to cook. The first order of business is to claim some space in the cramped kitchen. Mike bitches and moans in interview about working with Robin. Michael and Ash can't get any kitchen space, so they'll be working in the dining room with woks. They get started on a fennel ravioli. Kevin and Jenc are out on the balcony. Their bag contains mostly Asian condiments, so they can go in any number of directions. Ashley wants to make more gnocchi, since she's had success with that before. Mike and Robin's ingredients are very Asian, and while she has more experience in that area of cuisine, he's sure as hell not about to hand over any control to her. Let a weak, old, woman dictate the menu? Nevah! Jenc is feeling better after her illness and poor Quickfire performance. She throws herself with renewed zeal into a tomato chutney with chicken stock.
Meanwhile, Ash happily allows himself to be railroaded by Michael at every turn. In a team-building sense, it's very positive, but in a show-us-your-skills sense, there is absolutely nothing of Ash in the food. Which, given the track records of these guys so far, isn't a horrible idea. In a similar vein, Mike takes the dominant role on his team, which Robin is fine with, as long as she gets some input. Mike mostly ignores her. Is it me tonight? Am I just in a mood? Or is this really as tiresome an episode as it seems?
Commercials. So I guess Chevy Chase is officially back now.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste in as unwise an outfit as Padma had on. I know we're in Vegas, but that doesn't give everyone carte blanche to don such tacky clothes. Eli and Ashley tell him they're putting prawns on their gnocchi, and he just stares at them. Eli wonders what kind of feedback that is, and Ptom replies that it's not feedback at all. EXACTLY. I don't call it ptimewasting for nothing. Robin and Mike give no inkling of the bubbling well of resentment building up in their team. Michael and Ash (well, Michael) explains the deconstructed carbonara they're putting together. Once he's done with his walkthrough, Ptom comes outside and tells us that the chefs that are able to make things that are the least detriment to their dishes will have an advantage. Wow, really? Thanks for that stunning insight! Let me write that down under "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it," and "I want to do something quick [for the Quickfire]." I learn so much from this show.
Ash, who has nothing to do and no ideas to contribute, wanders downstairs to set the table for dinner. You know, I started this season really liking him (and that Into the Woods reference was a gem), but as we progress, I'm finding him more and more out of his league. For all the talk about how useless Robin is (some passive-aggressively coming from Ash himself), at least she's trying. Speaking of not trying, Eli pusses out on cooking the prawns, so even though Ashley was in charge of making all the gnocchi, she gets to cook the protein as well. Bad news strikes Michael and Ash, because with all the appliances running at the same time, they trip the circuits powering their woks. The fish isn't done cooking, and one sure way to ruin fish is by cooking it, cooling it, then cooking it again. Unfortunately, they don't really have any choice. The judges get seated for dinner. Mike pissily disapproves of the way Robin is cooking the tuna. Ashley tells Eli to season the gnocchi, and when he brings them out, she finds them way too salty. Time winds down, and everyone plates their food.
The judges sip wine. The chefs bring out all the food. Eli and Ashley have grilled prawns with a red beet/creme fraiche sauce, the aforementioned gnocchi, and kale. Mike describes his and Robin's food, but says "I" everywhere he should be saying "we". No surprises there. They've made marinated mushroom and a pickled Asian pear roll with seared tuna and scallops. Bryan and Laurine, who have been utterly ignored this entire episode, have made pan-roasted halibut with a sherry-chorizo vinaigrette, a yellow corn cake, and an avocado mousse. Kevin and Jenc have lightly barbecued kobe beef. Kevin's done the meat, and Jenc has made the tomato/cardamom/ginger broth it rests in. Michael has made a pancetta-wrapped halibut with egg yolk ravioli. Ash has tossed together some asparagus and fennel for a salad. Wow, complicated. Not one of the dishes presented is one that I actively want to try. The chefs are dismissed, and the diners dig in.
Michael and Ash's food is alternately undercooked (pancetta) and overcooked (halibut). Laurine and Bryan's halibut is much more successful. Ashley and Eli's gnocchi are too salty, and the prawns are undercooked. Kevin and Jenc's food is balanced and tasty. Mike and Robin did a good job, as well. The chefs begin their fret 'n sweat early. Bryan comes over to check in on Michael, who's not happy with what he put out tonight.
Interstitial. Robin talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks.
Fret 'n Sweat 2: Electric Boogaloo. Michael is especially worried. Padma comes back to the Kitchen, and summons Laurine, Bryan, Kevin, and Jenc to Judges' Table. Predictably, these are the winning teams. The judges ascertain that Kevin was responsible for the kobe beef, while Jenc made the sauce. They really liked everything about the dish. It's weird that Laurine and Bryan made it into the top, as the editors studiously avoided showing us any of the process that got them there. Laurine explains that she made the corn cake, while Bryan cooked the fish. Ptom likes how they picked and chose from the ingredient bag, while Tyler enjoyed the chorizo-sherry vinaigrette. Tyler gets to announce the challenge's winner, and Jenc's sauce carries the day. She wins a gift card to Macy's which she generously plans to share with Kevin. Back in the Kitchen, Bryan tells the remaining chefs that the judges want to see Michael, Ash, Eli, and Ashley. Once they're gone, Kevin asks Bryan about what led Michael and Ash's dish astray. He's just thinking out loud, but Bryan spits that he's tired of dissecting other people's plates, and that Kevin has no way to judge a dish that he didn't even taste. Yikes. I mean, kudos for trying to back up your sibling, but still.
Limecrete: "I can see him just snapping one day, and going completely crazy."
Tiffany: "One day?!? It's going to happen before the end of the season."
Both the Odd Asian Music and the Gong are so bored with this episode, they've fallen asleep, and neither one shows up to do its job when the losing chefs enter the judging room. Michael explains that the overcooked fish happened because of a power outage. Tyler snips that they can't accept that as a viable excuse, because he's always doing expensive meals for people in weird places, and would have to come up with something if such an event occurred. Okay, but... Tyler would have a gaggle of helpers, and he'd be allowed to rush out and buy additional ingredients or equipment, so it's not really comparable. That, and Michael was offering the power outage as a reason, not an excuse. There's a difference. Ptom offers a more reasonable criticism in that he thinks a different type of fish would have worked better in their dish.
Curiously, Ash volunteers -- without any questions from the judges -- that he had absolutely no input into their food. It's not even in a blame-Michael-for-having-bad-ideas way. It's a I-couldn't-have-done-any-better way. Strange. He compares Michael to Picasso (which, let's not go nuts), and says it was an honor to play second fiddle to him. Ptom says it sounds like Ash is asserting that he's only fit to go so far in the competition. Normally, I hate it when Ptom says stuff like that, because I feel like he should focus on food, not attitude. That said, I'm with him on this one. Ash back-pedals a bit, and says he can execute food just as well as any other competitor. Eli and Ashley's prawn was undercooked. Ashley cops to that, saying that she was fearful of overcooking them. The gnocchi was over-salted, and probably shouldn't have even been served. That would have made for a sad little plate of food. No matter how good their concept was, Ptom says it didn't work out in execution. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Michael thanks Ash for being so nice in his defense of the team.
Deliberations. Ash is lazy. Michael's ideas didn't work out, and the fish was overcooked. Toby parrots Tyler's line about a power outage not being an excuse out in the real world, but back in the Kitchen, Michael brings up my previous point: In the real world, he'd have more resources to fix it. Ptom suspects Eli is the culprit for the salty gnocchi, but Ashley is to blame for part of it, plus all of the undercooked prawn. Nothing is ever made of the fact that Eli played a back-burner role, similar to Ash's.
Elimination. The judges look stern. Toby wears ugly sunglasses, like he thinks he's Bono. Ashley messed up the prawn, and made the gnocchi. Michael's concept was fine, but his execution was off. Not a word is said to Eli or Ash before Ptom gives it over to Padma for the chop. Ashley. Please pack your knives and go. She thanks the judges for the opportunity. In her final interview, she has the very healthy attitude that there's no way to make a mistake at this point in the competition and not reasonably expect to go home. It doesn't define who you are as a chef, but it's more than fair to lose this particular contest. She tears up as she gets her good-bye hugs, as does Jenc. Ashley has learned a lot from the experience, and is looking forward to what comes next. Well, I wish her luck. I also wish that this season would pick up, because that? Was tedious.
Overall Grade: C
Sunday, November 09, 2008
My Nose is On Fire
The Amazing Race - Season 13, Episode 7
What a shame. Just when I make the final decision to give up on long recaps for this season, as it's too much of a time drain, and there's nobody to really root for except Toni and Dallas, they throw a really good episode our way.
The teams stay in India, the better to watch the crushing tides of humanity wear on their sanity. First, they're off to the Roadblock, which is shaping up to be the best task each week. In this case, the chosen team member has to go to a ladder, climb up it, and comb through a bunch of fake clues in order to find a real one. Sound simple? That may be because I failed to mention that the team member is doing all this while being pelted with colored powder and jets of dye. Starr and Dallas make it through all right, but the natives get restless after that, and all further Roadblockers (and in many cases, their waiting partners) get absolutely annihilated. Kelly and Christy, perky and confident after coming in second last week, quickly drop several places when Kelly can't withstand the barrage of paint.
From the Roadblock, it's off to a bird hospital, where teams hunt through the cages for the Detour clue. This is also where Ken and Tina meet their Speed Bump, which requires them to go serve holy water to any pedestrian who wants it. The Detour is a fairly complex choice, asking teams to choose between spotting small numbered tags on a web of power lines, or grinding up a bunch of chili powder, which assaults all the senses except possibly hearing. That's too bad for Sarah, as she'd probably welcome deafness to escape from Terence's constant nagging. All the other teams go for the power lines. Nick/Starr/Toni/Dallas decide to work together, with the result that they speed through it, and come to the mat as teams one and two, respectively. Terence and Sarah recover from their chili pain to come in third. As I always like to see, the power line task handily shuffles the dumbest teams to the back of the pack. The Fratties and Kelly/Christy have real issues with the whole "power line" part of the clue, and just write down every number they come across, which befuddles them in a hurry.
They're so bad at it that Ken and Tina spring back from the Speed Bump and pass both of them. Though not my favorite people on the planet, Ken and Tina are no dummies, and actually get out of their taxi for a few minutes in order to clear traffic by hand. Impressive. They deserve to stay in the race, and do, getting to the mat in fourth place, green hair and all. That leaves it as a race between the Fratties and Kelly/Christy. Though the Fratties ask the ladies if they'd like to work together, they're snootily dismissed. Fine, then. The Fratties work out the numbers and pass Kelly and Christy, dooming the latter to elimination. It's about damn time. I haven't been so happy to see such damn prisses get their comeuppance since... Well, since last Tuesday.
Overall Grade: B+
What a shame. Just when I make the final decision to give up on long recaps for this season, as it's too much of a time drain, and there's nobody to really root for except Toni and Dallas, they throw a really good episode our way.
The teams stay in India, the better to watch the crushing tides of humanity wear on their sanity. First, they're off to the Roadblock, which is shaping up to be the best task each week. In this case, the chosen team member has to go to a ladder, climb up it, and comb through a bunch of fake clues in order to find a real one. Sound simple? That may be because I failed to mention that the team member is doing all this while being pelted with colored powder and jets of dye. Starr and Dallas make it through all right, but the natives get restless after that, and all further Roadblockers (and in many cases, their waiting partners) get absolutely annihilated. Kelly and Christy, perky and confident after coming in second last week, quickly drop several places when Kelly can't withstand the barrage of paint.
From the Roadblock, it's off to a bird hospital, where teams hunt through the cages for the Detour clue. This is also where Ken and Tina meet their Speed Bump, which requires them to go serve holy water to any pedestrian who wants it. The Detour is a fairly complex choice, asking teams to choose between spotting small numbered tags on a web of power lines, or grinding up a bunch of chili powder, which assaults all the senses except possibly hearing. That's too bad for Sarah, as she'd probably welcome deafness to escape from Terence's constant nagging. All the other teams go for the power lines. Nick/Starr/Toni/Dallas decide to work together, with the result that they speed through it, and come to the mat as teams one and two, respectively. Terence and Sarah recover from their chili pain to come in third. As I always like to see, the power line task handily shuffles the dumbest teams to the back of the pack. The Fratties and Kelly/Christy have real issues with the whole "power line" part of the clue, and just write down every number they come across, which befuddles them in a hurry.
They're so bad at it that Ken and Tina spring back from the Speed Bump and pass both of them. Though not my favorite people on the planet, Ken and Tina are no dummies, and actually get out of their taxi for a few minutes in order to clear traffic by hand. Impressive. They deserve to stay in the race, and do, getting to the mat in fourth place, green hair and all. That leaves it as a race between the Fratties and Kelly/Christy. Though the Fratties ask the ladies if they'd like to work together, they're snootily dismissed. Fine, then. The Fratties work out the numbers and pass Kelly and Christy, dooming the latter to elimination. It's about damn time. I haven't been so happy to see such damn prisses get their comeuppance since... Well, since last Tuesday.
Overall Grade: B+
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Green With Envy
America's Next Top Model - Season 11, Episode 7
Previously on America's Next Top Model: A recap show not interesting enough to recap. Before that? The entire season. Now, seven girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We begin tonight's episode with a sensitive exploration into cultural differences. That is to say, Marjorie and Elina pawn all their personality quirks off on being raised in European households, and the other girls are all, "Um...but you've lived in America for your entire formative lives". Except nobody's that articulate, and mostly it's a bunch of snotty bullshit flying back and forth. Joslyn, proving her awesomeness once again, interviews that she's not really interested in all that crap, as she's noticed that there's this modeling competition, and it may pay off to focus on that instead.
The episode is chock full of annoying guest stars of seasons past, and I'm not sure whether I find that extra obnoxious, or am relieved that we can dispense with the likes of the swirl twins, the look-at-me-look-at-me guy, and the magazine editor who apparently lives in the ANTM production offices in one fell swoop. Actually, the weekly challenge is rather cool. The girls put on green bodysuits that will make them invisible against a green-screen, so that an audience can focus entirely on how the clothing is presented. Nobody's that good or that bad, and Elina is randomly judged the winner. Her prize is a Christmas-themed photo shoot that's about as Christmasy as corn on the cob. Unless women have started wearing sleeveless mini-dresses in the dead of December, and I just missed it.
Another minor fight breaks out back at the house, because Elina's an atheist and doesn't "deserve" to win a holiday-themed prize. You know, I was relieved when Clark was eliminated, as it paved the way for a bitchless season, but I've got to say, if there isn't going to be a bitch, then there's really no point in airing the fights. Especially fights this stupid.
The week's photo challenge is really the seasonal CoverGirl commercial, which Whitney introduces. She looks good. The girls have a teleprompter this time, because even Tyra and Company are sick of people forgetting their lines. Joslyn, who has been feeling more and more ill, upchucks into a trashcan, but it's mostly liquid. Yes, I was eating dinner as I watched this episode. Thanks for nothing, producers. Elina, Analeigh, and Sheena all do a good job with the commercial. Joslyn and McKey are so-so, while Samantha and Marjorie are terrible. At panel, the girls walk in wooden shoes for no reason other than to foreshadow the upcoming trip to Amsterdam. The judges must have been smoking some of Amsterdam's most famous export, as they decide that Elina's perfectly fine performance was too tight and controlled, while Joslyn's not-great-but-not-terrible performance sucked rocks.
Analeigh is deservedly called first. She may be the most boring contestant to date, but she gave a very natural read of the commercial lines. She's followed by Sheena, Samantha, Marjorie, and McKey, leaving Elina and Joslyn in the bottom two. Tyra pulls the bitchiest move she has in a while, purposely raising Joslyn's hopes of surviving to next week, only to snatch it away and eliminate her instead. Boo! As she fades out, Back to the Future style, we're left with the whitest set of finalists ever. Sheena must be feeling pretty lonely right about now.
Next week on America's Next Top Model: Amsterdam. The girls window-pose in the whore district.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on America's Next Top Model: A recap show not interesting enough to recap. Before that? The entire season. Now, seven girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We begin tonight's episode with a sensitive exploration into cultural differences. That is to say, Marjorie and Elina pawn all their personality quirks off on being raised in European households, and the other girls are all, "Um...but you've lived in America for your entire formative lives". Except nobody's that articulate, and mostly it's a bunch of snotty bullshit flying back and forth. Joslyn, proving her awesomeness once again, interviews that she's not really interested in all that crap, as she's noticed that there's this modeling competition, and it may pay off to focus on that instead.
The episode is chock full of annoying guest stars of seasons past, and I'm not sure whether I find that extra obnoxious, or am relieved that we can dispense with the likes of the swirl twins, the look-at-me-look-at-me guy, and the magazine editor who apparently lives in the ANTM production offices in one fell swoop. Actually, the weekly challenge is rather cool. The girls put on green bodysuits that will make them invisible against a green-screen, so that an audience can focus entirely on how the clothing is presented. Nobody's that good or that bad, and Elina is randomly judged the winner. Her prize is a Christmas-themed photo shoot that's about as Christmasy as corn on the cob. Unless women have started wearing sleeveless mini-dresses in the dead of December, and I just missed it.
Another minor fight breaks out back at the house, because Elina's an atheist and doesn't "deserve" to win a holiday-themed prize. You know, I was relieved when Clark was eliminated, as it paved the way for a bitchless season, but I've got to say, if there isn't going to be a bitch, then there's really no point in airing the fights. Especially fights this stupid.
The week's photo challenge is really the seasonal CoverGirl commercial, which Whitney introduces. She looks good. The girls have a teleprompter this time, because even Tyra and Company are sick of people forgetting their lines. Joslyn, who has been feeling more and more ill, upchucks into a trashcan, but it's mostly liquid. Yes, I was eating dinner as I watched this episode. Thanks for nothing, producers. Elina, Analeigh, and Sheena all do a good job with the commercial. Joslyn and McKey are so-so, while Samantha and Marjorie are terrible. At panel, the girls walk in wooden shoes for no reason other than to foreshadow the upcoming trip to Amsterdam. The judges must have been smoking some of Amsterdam's most famous export, as they decide that Elina's perfectly fine performance was too tight and controlled, while Joslyn's not-great-but-not-terrible performance sucked rocks.
Analeigh is deservedly called first. She may be the most boring contestant to date, but she gave a very natural read of the commercial lines. She's followed by Sheena, Samantha, Marjorie, and McKey, leaving Elina and Joslyn in the bottom two. Tyra pulls the bitchiest move she has in a while, purposely raising Joslyn's hopes of surviving to next week, only to snatch it away and eliminate her instead. Boo! As she fades out, Back to the Future style, we're left with the whitest set of finalists ever. Sheena must be feeling pretty lonely right about now.
Next week on America's Next Top Model: Amsterdam. The girls window-pose in the whore district.
Overall Grade: B
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Car Bomb
Project Runway - Season 5, Episode 7
I love my Saturn, but I wasn't excited to see yet another extended product placement challenge. In tonight's episode, the designers are tasked with making a garment out of car parts. Though they briefly flirt with carburetor bras and such, most of them eventually settle on more workable materials like seatbelts and floormats. Keith spends the entire episode whining that the judges had the gall to criticize his crappy dress last week, and struggles to tone down his messy -- dare I say, Jeffreyesque -- aesthetic to impress them.
A lot of the designers rise to the innovation needed for this challenge a lot better than they did in the supermarket one. Korto makes a beautiful weaving pattern. Jerell's looks futuristic and stylish. Leanne makes a mini-dress from seat covers and a faux feathered neckline. Very cool. Blayne works on a dress made almost entirely out of seatbelts, which has a lot of potential. Especially for him.
Panny: "It's Saturn-licious!"
On the runway, Jerell, Terri, and Korto are the biggest hits with the viewing party, and indeed, Jerell and Korto join Leanne in the top three. Leanne scores her first win, which makes Korto look just as sour as she did when she took second-place last week. On the flip side, Blayne keeps up his track record by taking his good idea and ruining it with poor fit and odd proportions. He winds up in the bottom three with Keith, whose "cleaner" aesthetic is aimless and boring, and Stella, whose top doesn't match the skirt. Stella's really kind of grown on me, and while it would be delightful to punt Blayne and his bad tan and worse taste back home, I'm fine with the actual elimination. Keith shoots himself in the foot by telling the judges that they're asses for giving his garments such harsh criticism. Has he ever seen an episode of this show before? The judges flick him home like a ball of lint, so maybe we're finally free of nasty fringe for the rest of the season.
Overall Grade: B
I love my Saturn, but I wasn't excited to see yet another extended product placement challenge. In tonight's episode, the designers are tasked with making a garment out of car parts. Though they briefly flirt with carburetor bras and such, most of them eventually settle on more workable materials like seatbelts and floormats. Keith spends the entire episode whining that the judges had the gall to criticize his crappy dress last week, and struggles to tone down his messy -- dare I say, Jeffreyesque -- aesthetic to impress them.
A lot of the designers rise to the innovation needed for this challenge a lot better than they did in the supermarket one. Korto makes a beautiful weaving pattern. Jerell's looks futuristic and stylish. Leanne makes a mini-dress from seat covers and a faux feathered neckline. Very cool. Blayne works on a dress made almost entirely out of seatbelts, which has a lot of potential. Especially for him.
Panny: "It's Saturn-licious!"
On the runway, Jerell, Terri, and Korto are the biggest hits with the viewing party, and indeed, Jerell and Korto join Leanne in the top three. Leanne scores her first win, which makes Korto look just as sour as she did when she took second-place last week. On the flip side, Blayne keeps up his track record by taking his good idea and ruining it with poor fit and odd proportions. He winds up in the bottom three with Keith, whose "cleaner" aesthetic is aimless and boring, and Stella, whose top doesn't match the skirt. Stella's really kind of grown on me, and while it would be delightful to punt Blayne and his bad tan and worse taste back home, I'm fine with the actual elimination. Keith shoots himself in the foot by telling the judges that they're asses for giving his garments such harsh criticism. Has he ever seen an episode of this show before? The judges flick him home like a ball of lint, so maybe we're finally free of nasty fringe for the rest of the season.
Overall Grade: B
Monday, April 28, 2008
Improv
Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 7
Previously on Top Chef: JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. She got off to a good start by winning the Quickfire Challenge. Mark was a mess from beginning to end. The Elimination Challenge was to cook for sports fans, and when Ryan decided the best way to do that was to ignore everything about what sports fans generally like, he was punted. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. The usual assortment of cheese, meat, veggies, and alcohol. I've really fallen down on the whole make-something-for-Top-Chef-night goal.
A breezy morning greets the chefs. Antonia interviews that they've reached the point in the competition where there is absolutely no room for error. She looks a lot different when her hair's down. Oh, and in case you haven't heard... JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. That dispensed with, the chefs head to the Kitchen for the Quickfire Challenge. The Kitchen is filled with rows and rows of delectable desserts. Those are some fine-lookin' cakes. Nikki heartily approves of eating a lot of dessert. Padma introduces the guest judge, who is rather more photogenic than usual. You can tell Padma agrees, by the way she purrs "I'm delighted to introduce out guest judge for this round..."
Tiffany: "...who I've just fucked."
Heh. His name is Johnny Iuzzini, and he's an award-winning pastry chef. Padma pimps the Top Chef cookbook, and although cookbooks are my heroin, I have no interest in that one. I don't know which contestants are featured, but there's no way people like Ilan or Frank are ever getting anywhere near my kitchen. Padma points out that dessert has been the downfall of many a contestant. That's tough luck, because today's Quickfire is to make one. The winning chef gets a recipe in the cookbook. None of them seem to care. Padma starts the ninety-minute countdown, and everyone scatters. Antonia admits that she has no idea what she's doing. Dale had the foresight to bring one dessert recipe, and he's busting it out now. Lisa isn't happy to be stuck with dessert, and explains why the chefs have so many problems with it.
Baking is very technical. There's no throw-a-bit-of-this, now-that, maybe-some-garlic-would-make-this-better kind of experimentation. Everything has to be measured and combined to a specific degree, and there's no fixing it if you mess up. Yay, rules! Seriously, sometimes I watch my friends cook, and Gnat drives me crazy, what with the "Oh, I'll just toss a handful of basil in if the mood strikes, then toss it on the stove until it looks right". I like lists. I like detailed directions. Maybe that's why I turned out some awesome cookies in half an hour last night, while these professional chefs stand around, scratching their heads over baking powder.
Anyway, enough about my anal-retentive recipe love. Richard is improvising, and notes that his bananas look like sea scallops, so he decides to do a little tongue-in-cheek play on them. That's a fine idea, save the patting himself on the back for his own wit. Spike has memorized a recipe for chocolate molten cake, but decides that he'll ignore it in favor of making a souffle. Yes, a souffle, which appears to be as popular with chefs as holy water is with vampires. I guess I can understand wanting to do your risk-taking in the Quickfire. Time runs out. Padma and Johnny go down the line. Spike presents his pineapple/rum/raisin souffle, with toasted coconut. Johnny gives him points for making something difficult. Richard has made banana "scallops" with a banana "guacamole" and chocolate ice cream. Sounds good. I heart bananas. Padma calls the guacamole "strange and delicious". Jennifer has made a very presentable chocolate cake, with chocolate-dipped banana bites on the side. Andrew has a banana/chocolate ravioli with some coffee pudding. Nikki's cake is very pretty. It's made with buttermilk, and has a berry sauce drizzled on top. Padma notes how well-presented it is.
The predictably-awful Titles Department has identified Stephanie as Jennifer, lest you thought Jennifer made two desserts in her quest to WIN THE COMPETITION FOR ZOI. Stephanie has made a chocolate cake with salted basil ganache on top. Dale has made a more cultural dessert called a "halo-halo", which appears to be a mixture of shaved ice, avocado, mango, kiwi, and crushed nuts. I'd be curious to try it. Lisa has yogurt with fruit puree, which is held together by a wall of fried wantons and a ceiling of strawberries. This would be like a shack in a bad neighborhood in Strawberry Shortcake's village. Mark has made a gorgeous assortment of pavlovas, made with a bit of wattleseed. Antonia says that she "attempted" to make a lemon curd brulee, with lemon cake on the side. Hey, if it had worked out, it sounds like it would have been among the tastiest.
Results. First to be called out as one of the worst is Antonia, whose dessert just "didn't come together". Spike gets an A for effort and risk, but it takes more than effort and risk to make a good souffle. Mark's pavlovas were good on their own, but aren't what Johnny would classify as a dessert. That statement makes zero sense. Clam up and go back to being pretty, Johnny. First in the top three is Dale, whose flavors all worked well together. Lisa has overcome her dessert phobia, as her dessert had great balance, and the strawberries were really fresh. OK, but Lisa didn't grow them, Johnny. This guy's weird. Richard had the most original concept. So original that Richard is selected as the winner. Along with his immunity, his recipe will be in the Top Chef cookbook, though I don't know that it's this particular recipe. He's pleased to have it, and especially pleased to prove he's not a one-trick pony.
Padma tells the chefs they'll find out about the Elimination Challenge later, but for now, they'll all be able to relax and attend a show at Second City, the improv comedy troupe that has launched some very impressive careers. Later that evening, the chefs get ready for their night on the town. Stephanie says it'll be nice to just hang out as friends for once. Mark gives the camera a nice shot of his tighty...well, not whities. Tighty-blueys, more like. He makes fun of Richard wearing pink, dryly interviewing that it goes well with his skin tone. Heh. The chefs head to the show, and enjoy some comedy. Relevance strikes when one of the comedians asks for the audience to yell out some colors. After they collect some ideas, they ask for emotions. After emotions, the comic asks for the audience to shout out ingredients. The chefs know what they're about to get hit with, and to their credit, nobody seems shocked. They suspected the comedy show was going to figure into their next challenge, and good for them for learning from the past (and having a modicum of common sense).
A comedian confirms their suspicions, and announces to the audience that the chefs will be cooking a meal for members of the troupe. The meal will be split into five courses, namely:
Yellow Love Vanilla
Depressed Purple Bacon
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage
Green Perplexed Tofu
Orange Turned-On Asparagus
The chefs applaud gamely, though Lisa interviews that they're totally fucked. Back at the house, they decide to draw numbers for who gets which course. Since there are ten chefs and five courses, everyone will be working in pairs. Nikki says the pairs were decided by looking around and thinking "Who have I worked with, who haven't I worked with..."
LabRat: "Who haven't I slept with yet?"
Spike picks the first course, and doesn't want to get anywhere near Richard and his immunity. He winds up with Andrew, who he says he's never worked with before. Never or four episodes ago. Whichever. Anyhow, the teams wind up being:
Yellow Love Vanilla: Spike and Andrew
Depressed Purple Bacon: Nikki and Mark
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage: Lisa and Antonia
Green Perplexed Tofu: Richard and Dale
Orange Turned-On Asparagus: Stephanie and Jennifer
Everyone splits up and starts to discuss ideas. Stephanie reiterates that there's no room left for error. Guess everyone will just have to be perfect, then.
Commercials. There's no way I'm buying that barbecue sauce if a line dance breaks out every time I use it.
Lisa recaps the challenge. The chefs head to Whole Foods with $150 for their half hour of shopping time. Nikki says they'll be glazing Panchetta with honey and ginger. I don't know, honey sounds a little happy for "depressed" bacon. Jennifer and Stephanie buy an enormous hunk of goat cheese and some oranges to pair with their asparagus. Jennifer says it'll be like having a menage a trois, which she's looking forward to. Insert eyebrow wiggle. Dale, who is a lot more on the ball this week with his food metaphors, says that curry can be a good representation of perplexity. Richard buys some beef fat to marinate the tofu in, which he says is a very Seinfeldian thing to do. He does a quick impression, and you can hear a member of the crew giggling in the background. Hehe. Meanwhile, Lisa and Antonia have gotten to thinking that Polish sausage is dumb, and despite the fact that it's the only food item they've clearly been told to use, they don't buy any. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! They buy some sea bass, chorizo, and tequila. Antonia tries to pass this off as another form of "improv". Yeah, nice try. Spike and Andrew buy anything that they can afford, and that catches their fancy.
Back at the Kitchen, a long dining table has been set up, and already has all the place settings ready. The chefs get started on their three hours of prep time. Spike, still stinging from the soup incident, has decided to make a vanilla butternut squash soup for this challenge. It's just as good an idea now as it was then. Antonia, equally stung, says that if Spike wins for the soup she vetoed, she'll vomit in her mouth. That'd make for a fun ending. Dale and Richard work on a green curry and grilled tofu. I like where they're going with this. Dale runs back to the equipment room to get a pot, and discovers that all of the electrical equipment has been removed. Improv! He runs back to the Kitchen to inform everyone else. It's not good news for Andrew and Spike, who are trying to make a smooth soup. To their credit, they don't spend an iota of time whining, and immediately begin thinking their way around it. Andrew starts hand-grinding squash through a ricer. Dale builds on a pre-made curry with his own ingredients. Spike strains ingredients through a bag.
Mark and Nikki work on their roasted pork loin. Jennifer and Stephanie are on the same page as far as their asparagus, but Stephanie interviews that she's not as sure about the big, honkin' piece of grilled bread Jennifer wants to serve with it. Jennifer interviews that they really wanted to "encapture" the idea of turned-on asparagus. Hey, if imaginary words get you there, go for it. They plate in such a way as to make the asparagus look very phallic. Lisa and Antonia are piling sea bass and chorizo on top of purple potato. Antonia notes that it's not looking elegant or refined at all. It's true. She doesn't really care, saying that as long as it tastes good, they'll be fine. With about an hour and twenty minutes left, Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. It's actually not a waste of time for once, as Ptom throws another improv curve at them. Pack up your shit, chefs. They've got twenty minutes to throw everything into containers, then they'll have an hour to cook back at their house, where the actual dinner is being served. Nobody is completely thrown, though Stephanie notes that there are only about six burners in their kitchen. Everyone packs up and rolls out.
Commercials. Okay, this Kitchen Of Tomorrow-esque commercial is a little silly, but I still find myself intrigued by the futuristic controls and the semi-instant boiling water.
Back at the house, the chefs get restarted. Richard tells us about this in interview, which I only bring up to point out that I think his faux-hawk is deflating. Aw. Chefs wrestle over oven and burner space. Nikki tells us that there's no room for error. Hey, if you had to guess, what would you say the contestants think about how much room for error there is now? I'm at a total loss. Spike takes way to long to explain that he's finishing up the soup, and making sure it's seasoned properly. The diners arrive at the house. Aside from the judges and Johnny, some members of Second City are present as well. Time runs out.
Andrew and Spike's soup is served first. All of the diners enjoy it. I'd give them bonus points for being able to make a smooth soup without a lot of equipment to strain it. Thumbs up all around. Stephanie and Jennifer are up next. Jennifer explains that they've cut a wedge of bread to look phallic (which it doesn't -- I know she's not around a lot of penis, but come on), and propped the asparagus on it to stick out lewdly. Stephanie worries about the crouton, saying it's not the right texture. She has a lot of bread issues. They play up the horny angle as they serve it, emphasizing the "menage a trois" of orange, goat cheese, and asparagus, and throwing their heads back to insert it into their gaping mouths. Once they're done fellating their vegetables, they head back into the kitchen, and the diners dig in. They're fairly unimpressed. As Stephanie predicted, the bread isn't a big hit, and the plethora of flavors winds up muddling the plate.
Dale fries some eggplant at the last minute, before he and Richard take out their green, perplexed tofu. Spike finds the big block of tofu dominating each of the plates very odd. It's essentially a bowl with green curry at the bottom, then a layer of fried eggplant, then the beef fat-marinated tofu, and the whole thing is augmented with some greens. It looks good. The diners all love it. Ptom says "This is very good," which if you know him, is some of the highest praise imaginable. Ted likes the way they responded to the word perplexed, as it's difficult to derive food inspiration out of. Antonia and Lisa go next with their magenta, drunk, Polish sausage. Or whatever random shit they threw together to approximate those things. Seriously, it's not magenta, it's not Polish sausage, and the only thing "drunk" about it is the tequila sauce. Spike is disdainful of the whole dish, and while he hasn't been my favorite person of late, I'm with him.
When Antonia and Lisa serve, they toast each other with a shot of tequila, but don't serve any to the diners. Big mistake. The diners are pissy, which probably even further colors their judgment against a dish that's not a good idea to begin with. Nobody likes anything about it. One of the comedians makes a weak crack about Polish sausage while gesturing to Ted, the gay man. Great joke, dude. Could you send it back to 1982 when you get the chance? Mark and Nikki prepare their purple, depressed bacon. Mark describes the bacon as depressed, because it has to share plate space with Brussels sprouts. Heh. The rest of the plate is pork loin, sweet potatoes, grape sauce, and some au jus. It looks delicious, though I detest Brussels sprouts. The diners enjoy it. Ted likes the glaze on the pork. One of the comedians finds it very much like comfort food, which works into the depressed angle nicely. The chefs clean up, and discuss elimination. Stephanie refuses to even speculate, which is wise. Jennifer smilingly tells the camera that she's packing her knives right now, and that it's a bad omen.
Commercials. More Shear Genius? Tabatha was the only non-boring thing about last season, so they've got their work cut out for them. No pun intended.
Judges' Table. Padma comes back into the Kitchen, and summons Dale/Richard and Spike/Andrew to the table. They're told they are the top two teams. Manly hand slaps and hugs are exchanged. Spike and Andrew's soup had a lot of great flavors, and just the right amount of salt. In a season in which seasoning has not been great, this one shined. The soup also had the "love" that was part of their inspiration, being simple and homey. Richard and Dale brought a lot to their dish. Both Richard's tofu and Dale's curry are a big hit. Johnny says that while both teams did a great job, there can be only one winning team, and that team is Richard and Dale. I guess Antonia's gorge is safe. Both Dale and Richard receive $2500 worth of kitchenware. Nice. I don't know about them, but my kitchen could certainly use that boost. Padma asks them to send out this week's losers. The waiting chefs seem even more tense than usual, and Dale wastes no time in telling them that the judges want to see Antonia/Lisa and Stephanie/Jennifer.
Odd Asian music. Gong. The losing teams walk in, and while I make no judgments about these ladies' cooking skills from a reality show (not to mention the fact that I can't taste any of their food), this episode sure isn't doing their Respect For Women Chefs cause much good. Padma informs them that they're the least favorite dishes of the evening. Antonia and Lisa swear up and down that they both came up with the idea to ditch Polish sausage at the same time. Lisa describes her life experience with Polish sausage, and how much she's disliked its preparation. So why not do something different with it? You know...improv? Johnny points out that with the words "Polish sausage" and "drunk", it should have been an natural step to cook the sausage in beer. Seriously, they had the easiest inspiration, and did nothing with it. Lisa openly says that it's tough to accept that they're on the chopping block for a semantic technicality, and Ptom points out that semantic technicalities are all the judges have to go on right now, because the food was fairly good across the board.
Stephanie describes how they came up with the concept of their dish. Ptom's big problem with the food is that the goat cheese took center stage, rather than the orange or the asparagus, which was supposed to be the focus. Johnny says the plate's overall composition was a trainwreck. Jennifer looks surprised at this. There's some discussion of how everything was supposed to look phallic, but Johnny still thinks the bread was a mistake, as it was soggy on one side and tough to cut into. The entire dish lacked finesse. After ascertaining who executed what, the chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Lisa and Antonia complain about how they got in trouble, just because they completely ignored everything they were supposed to do. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Johnny is saying that they took the "improv" aspect too literally, and just changed the entire challenge because they didn't like one of the aspects. Fair point. Lisa says that if they had followed the judges' instructions and just cooked some sausage in beer, they'd have been raked over the coals for making bar food.
LabRat: "I think she's kind of a bitch, but I agree with her on that one."
Ptom says that although Lisa and Antonia didn't stick to the challenge, he still enjoyed their food more than he enjoyed Stephanie and Jennifer's. Their asparagus was overwhelmed by cheese. The judges try to decide which is the worse offense. After dithering a bit, they come to a decision.
Commercials. A health food expert says she's going to get people up off their rumps by giving them granola. I'd say she's doing the exact opposite.
Elimination. Both teams went off the rails when it came to improvisation. Antonia and Lisa ignored what they were expressly told to prepare. Jennifer and Stephanie's goat cheese took over their food. Ptom hates to get rid of someone on a technicality, but as he said before, that's what they have to do. They choose to eliminate someone from the team that had the weaker food, which they feel is Jennifer and Stephanie. This surprises me, as it seemed like they were building up to an Antonia elimination tonight, and I've been semi-depressed about it for forty minutes. Stephanie's had an excellent track record, so it's not surprising that when it comes down to her and Jennifer... Jennifer, please pack your knives and go. Wait, who's going to TOTALLY WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI now? She says she thought it was a great dish, but thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she can take the critique without necessarily agreeing with it. Fair enough. She hugs the other chefs good-bye, and talks about her frustration with what she sees as an undeserved elimination. The other chefs are surprised that she went, but Richard sighs that there's just no room for error now. What? No room for error? Why didn't you tell us that before?
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. She got off to a good start by winning the Quickfire Challenge. Mark was a mess from beginning to end. The Elimination Challenge was to cook for sports fans, and when Ryan decided the best way to do that was to ignore everything about what sports fans generally like, he was punted. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. The usual assortment of cheese, meat, veggies, and alcohol. I've really fallen down on the whole make-something-for-Top-Chef-night goal.
A breezy morning greets the chefs. Antonia interviews that they've reached the point in the competition where there is absolutely no room for error. She looks a lot different when her hair's down. Oh, and in case you haven't heard... JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. That dispensed with, the chefs head to the Kitchen for the Quickfire Challenge. The Kitchen is filled with rows and rows of delectable desserts. Those are some fine-lookin' cakes. Nikki heartily approves of eating a lot of dessert. Padma introduces the guest judge, who is rather more photogenic than usual. You can tell Padma agrees, by the way she purrs "I'm delighted to introduce out guest judge for this round..."
Tiffany: "...who I've just fucked."
Heh. His name is Johnny Iuzzini, and he's an award-winning pastry chef. Padma pimps the Top Chef cookbook, and although cookbooks are my heroin, I have no interest in that one. I don't know which contestants are featured, but there's no way people like Ilan or Frank are ever getting anywhere near my kitchen. Padma points out that dessert has been the downfall of many a contestant. That's tough luck, because today's Quickfire is to make one. The winning chef gets a recipe in the cookbook. None of them seem to care. Padma starts the ninety-minute countdown, and everyone scatters. Antonia admits that she has no idea what she's doing. Dale had the foresight to bring one dessert recipe, and he's busting it out now. Lisa isn't happy to be stuck with dessert, and explains why the chefs have so many problems with it.
Baking is very technical. There's no throw-a-bit-of-this, now-that, maybe-some-garlic-would-make-this-better kind of experimentation. Everything has to be measured and combined to a specific degree, and there's no fixing it if you mess up. Yay, rules! Seriously, sometimes I watch my friends cook, and Gnat drives me crazy, what with the "Oh, I'll just toss a handful of basil in if the mood strikes, then toss it on the stove until it looks right". I like lists. I like detailed directions. Maybe that's why I turned out some awesome cookies in half an hour last night, while these professional chefs stand around, scratching their heads over baking powder.
Anyway, enough about my anal-retentive recipe love. Richard is improvising, and notes that his bananas look like sea scallops, so he decides to do a little tongue-in-cheek play on them. That's a fine idea, save the patting himself on the back for his own wit. Spike has memorized a recipe for chocolate molten cake, but decides that he'll ignore it in favor of making a souffle. Yes, a souffle, which appears to be as popular with chefs as holy water is with vampires. I guess I can understand wanting to do your risk-taking in the Quickfire. Time runs out. Padma and Johnny go down the line. Spike presents his pineapple/rum/raisin souffle, with toasted coconut. Johnny gives him points for making something difficult. Richard has made banana "scallops" with a banana "guacamole" and chocolate ice cream. Sounds good. I heart bananas. Padma calls the guacamole "strange and delicious". Jennifer has made a very presentable chocolate cake, with chocolate-dipped banana bites on the side. Andrew has a banana/chocolate ravioli with some coffee pudding. Nikki's cake is very pretty. It's made with buttermilk, and has a berry sauce drizzled on top. Padma notes how well-presented it is.
The predictably-awful Titles Department has identified Stephanie as Jennifer, lest you thought Jennifer made two desserts in her quest to WIN THE COMPETITION FOR ZOI. Stephanie has made a chocolate cake with salted basil ganache on top. Dale has made a more cultural dessert called a "halo-halo", which appears to be a mixture of shaved ice, avocado, mango, kiwi, and crushed nuts. I'd be curious to try it. Lisa has yogurt with fruit puree, which is held together by a wall of fried wantons and a ceiling of strawberries. This would be like a shack in a bad neighborhood in Strawberry Shortcake's village. Mark has made a gorgeous assortment of pavlovas, made with a bit of wattleseed. Antonia says that she "attempted" to make a lemon curd brulee, with lemon cake on the side. Hey, if it had worked out, it sounds like it would have been among the tastiest.
Results. First to be called out as one of the worst is Antonia, whose dessert just "didn't come together". Spike gets an A for effort and risk, but it takes more than effort and risk to make a good souffle. Mark's pavlovas were good on their own, but aren't what Johnny would classify as a dessert. That statement makes zero sense. Clam up and go back to being pretty, Johnny. First in the top three is Dale, whose flavors all worked well together. Lisa has overcome her dessert phobia, as her dessert had great balance, and the strawberries were really fresh. OK, but Lisa didn't grow them, Johnny. This guy's weird. Richard had the most original concept. So original that Richard is selected as the winner. Along with his immunity, his recipe will be in the Top Chef cookbook, though I don't know that it's this particular recipe. He's pleased to have it, and especially pleased to prove he's not a one-trick pony.
Padma tells the chefs they'll find out about the Elimination Challenge later, but for now, they'll all be able to relax and attend a show at Second City, the improv comedy troupe that has launched some very impressive careers. Later that evening, the chefs get ready for their night on the town. Stephanie says it'll be nice to just hang out as friends for once. Mark gives the camera a nice shot of his tighty...well, not whities. Tighty-blueys, more like. He makes fun of Richard wearing pink, dryly interviewing that it goes well with his skin tone. Heh. The chefs head to the show, and enjoy some comedy. Relevance strikes when one of the comedians asks for the audience to yell out some colors. After they collect some ideas, they ask for emotions. After emotions, the comic asks for the audience to shout out ingredients. The chefs know what they're about to get hit with, and to their credit, nobody seems shocked. They suspected the comedy show was going to figure into their next challenge, and good for them for learning from the past (and having a modicum of common sense).
A comedian confirms their suspicions, and announces to the audience that the chefs will be cooking a meal for members of the troupe. The meal will be split into five courses, namely:
Yellow Love Vanilla
Depressed Purple Bacon
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage
Green Perplexed Tofu
Orange Turned-On Asparagus
The chefs applaud gamely, though Lisa interviews that they're totally fucked. Back at the house, they decide to draw numbers for who gets which course. Since there are ten chefs and five courses, everyone will be working in pairs. Nikki says the pairs were decided by looking around and thinking "Who have I worked with, who haven't I worked with..."
LabRat: "Who haven't I slept with yet?"
Spike picks the first course, and doesn't want to get anywhere near Richard and his immunity. He winds up with Andrew, who he says he's never worked with before. Never or four episodes ago. Whichever. Anyhow, the teams wind up being:
Yellow Love Vanilla: Spike and Andrew
Depressed Purple Bacon: Nikki and Mark
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage: Lisa and Antonia
Green Perplexed Tofu: Richard and Dale
Orange Turned-On Asparagus: Stephanie and Jennifer
Everyone splits up and starts to discuss ideas. Stephanie reiterates that there's no room left for error. Guess everyone will just have to be perfect, then.
Commercials. There's no way I'm buying that barbecue sauce if a line dance breaks out every time I use it.
Lisa recaps the challenge. The chefs head to Whole Foods with $150 for their half hour of shopping time. Nikki says they'll be glazing Panchetta with honey and ginger. I don't know, honey sounds a little happy for "depressed" bacon. Jennifer and Stephanie buy an enormous hunk of goat cheese and some oranges to pair with their asparagus. Jennifer says it'll be like having a menage a trois, which she's looking forward to. Insert eyebrow wiggle. Dale, who is a lot more on the ball this week with his food metaphors, says that curry can be a good representation of perplexity. Richard buys some beef fat to marinate the tofu in, which he says is a very Seinfeldian thing to do. He does a quick impression, and you can hear a member of the crew giggling in the background. Hehe. Meanwhile, Lisa and Antonia have gotten to thinking that Polish sausage is dumb, and despite the fact that it's the only food item they've clearly been told to use, they don't buy any. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! They buy some sea bass, chorizo, and tequila. Antonia tries to pass this off as another form of "improv". Yeah, nice try. Spike and Andrew buy anything that they can afford, and that catches their fancy.
Back at the Kitchen, a long dining table has been set up, and already has all the place settings ready. The chefs get started on their three hours of prep time. Spike, still stinging from the soup incident, has decided to make a vanilla butternut squash soup for this challenge. It's just as good an idea now as it was then. Antonia, equally stung, says that if Spike wins for the soup she vetoed, she'll vomit in her mouth. That'd make for a fun ending. Dale and Richard work on a green curry and grilled tofu. I like where they're going with this. Dale runs back to the equipment room to get a pot, and discovers that all of the electrical equipment has been removed. Improv! He runs back to the Kitchen to inform everyone else. It's not good news for Andrew and Spike, who are trying to make a smooth soup. To their credit, they don't spend an iota of time whining, and immediately begin thinking their way around it. Andrew starts hand-grinding squash through a ricer. Dale builds on a pre-made curry with his own ingredients. Spike strains ingredients through a bag.
Mark and Nikki work on their roasted pork loin. Jennifer and Stephanie are on the same page as far as their asparagus, but Stephanie interviews that she's not as sure about the big, honkin' piece of grilled bread Jennifer wants to serve with it. Jennifer interviews that they really wanted to "encapture" the idea of turned-on asparagus. Hey, if imaginary words get you there, go for it. They plate in such a way as to make the asparagus look very phallic. Lisa and Antonia are piling sea bass and chorizo on top of purple potato. Antonia notes that it's not looking elegant or refined at all. It's true. She doesn't really care, saying that as long as it tastes good, they'll be fine. With about an hour and twenty minutes left, Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. It's actually not a waste of time for once, as Ptom throws another improv curve at them. Pack up your shit, chefs. They've got twenty minutes to throw everything into containers, then they'll have an hour to cook back at their house, where the actual dinner is being served. Nobody is completely thrown, though Stephanie notes that there are only about six burners in their kitchen. Everyone packs up and rolls out.
Commercials. Okay, this Kitchen Of Tomorrow-esque commercial is a little silly, but I still find myself intrigued by the futuristic controls and the semi-instant boiling water.
Back at the house, the chefs get restarted. Richard tells us about this in interview, which I only bring up to point out that I think his faux-hawk is deflating. Aw. Chefs wrestle over oven and burner space. Nikki tells us that there's no room for error. Hey, if you had to guess, what would you say the contestants think about how much room for error there is now? I'm at a total loss. Spike takes way to long to explain that he's finishing up the soup, and making sure it's seasoned properly. The diners arrive at the house. Aside from the judges and Johnny, some members of Second City are present as well. Time runs out.
Andrew and Spike's soup is served first. All of the diners enjoy it. I'd give them bonus points for being able to make a smooth soup without a lot of equipment to strain it. Thumbs up all around. Stephanie and Jennifer are up next. Jennifer explains that they've cut a wedge of bread to look phallic (which it doesn't -- I know she's not around a lot of penis, but come on), and propped the asparagus on it to stick out lewdly. Stephanie worries about the crouton, saying it's not the right texture. She has a lot of bread issues. They play up the horny angle as they serve it, emphasizing the "menage a trois" of orange, goat cheese, and asparagus, and throwing their heads back to insert it into their gaping mouths. Once they're done fellating their vegetables, they head back into the kitchen, and the diners dig in. They're fairly unimpressed. As Stephanie predicted, the bread isn't a big hit, and the plethora of flavors winds up muddling the plate.
Dale fries some eggplant at the last minute, before he and Richard take out their green, perplexed tofu. Spike finds the big block of tofu dominating each of the plates very odd. It's essentially a bowl with green curry at the bottom, then a layer of fried eggplant, then the beef fat-marinated tofu, and the whole thing is augmented with some greens. It looks good. The diners all love it. Ptom says "This is very good," which if you know him, is some of the highest praise imaginable. Ted likes the way they responded to the word perplexed, as it's difficult to derive food inspiration out of. Antonia and Lisa go next with their magenta, drunk, Polish sausage. Or whatever random shit they threw together to approximate those things. Seriously, it's not magenta, it's not Polish sausage, and the only thing "drunk" about it is the tequila sauce. Spike is disdainful of the whole dish, and while he hasn't been my favorite person of late, I'm with him.
When Antonia and Lisa serve, they toast each other with a shot of tequila, but don't serve any to the diners. Big mistake. The diners are pissy, which probably even further colors their judgment against a dish that's not a good idea to begin with. Nobody likes anything about it. One of the comedians makes a weak crack about Polish sausage while gesturing to Ted, the gay man. Great joke, dude. Could you send it back to 1982 when you get the chance? Mark and Nikki prepare their purple, depressed bacon. Mark describes the bacon as depressed, because it has to share plate space with Brussels sprouts. Heh. The rest of the plate is pork loin, sweet potatoes, grape sauce, and some au jus. It looks delicious, though I detest Brussels sprouts. The diners enjoy it. Ted likes the glaze on the pork. One of the comedians finds it very much like comfort food, which works into the depressed angle nicely. The chefs clean up, and discuss elimination. Stephanie refuses to even speculate, which is wise. Jennifer smilingly tells the camera that she's packing her knives right now, and that it's a bad omen.
Commercials. More Shear Genius? Tabatha was the only non-boring thing about last season, so they've got their work cut out for them. No pun intended.
Judges' Table. Padma comes back into the Kitchen, and summons Dale/Richard and Spike/Andrew to the table. They're told they are the top two teams. Manly hand slaps and hugs are exchanged. Spike and Andrew's soup had a lot of great flavors, and just the right amount of salt. In a season in which seasoning has not been great, this one shined. The soup also had the "love" that was part of their inspiration, being simple and homey. Richard and Dale brought a lot to their dish. Both Richard's tofu and Dale's curry are a big hit. Johnny says that while both teams did a great job, there can be only one winning team, and that team is Richard and Dale. I guess Antonia's gorge is safe. Both Dale and Richard receive $2500 worth of kitchenware. Nice. I don't know about them, but my kitchen could certainly use that boost. Padma asks them to send out this week's losers. The waiting chefs seem even more tense than usual, and Dale wastes no time in telling them that the judges want to see Antonia/Lisa and Stephanie/Jennifer.
Odd Asian music. Gong. The losing teams walk in, and while I make no judgments about these ladies' cooking skills from a reality show (not to mention the fact that I can't taste any of their food), this episode sure isn't doing their Respect For Women Chefs cause much good. Padma informs them that they're the least favorite dishes of the evening. Antonia and Lisa swear up and down that they both came up with the idea to ditch Polish sausage at the same time. Lisa describes her life experience with Polish sausage, and how much she's disliked its preparation. So why not do something different with it? You know...improv? Johnny points out that with the words "Polish sausage" and "drunk", it should have been an natural step to cook the sausage in beer. Seriously, they had the easiest inspiration, and did nothing with it. Lisa openly says that it's tough to accept that they're on the chopping block for a semantic technicality, and Ptom points out that semantic technicalities are all the judges have to go on right now, because the food was fairly good across the board.
Stephanie describes how they came up with the concept of their dish. Ptom's big problem with the food is that the goat cheese took center stage, rather than the orange or the asparagus, which was supposed to be the focus. Johnny says the plate's overall composition was a trainwreck. Jennifer looks surprised at this. There's some discussion of how everything was supposed to look phallic, but Johnny still thinks the bread was a mistake, as it was soggy on one side and tough to cut into. The entire dish lacked finesse. After ascertaining who executed what, the chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Lisa and Antonia complain about how they got in trouble, just because they completely ignored everything they were supposed to do. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Johnny is saying that they took the "improv" aspect too literally, and just changed the entire challenge because they didn't like one of the aspects. Fair point. Lisa says that if they had followed the judges' instructions and just cooked some sausage in beer, they'd have been raked over the coals for making bar food.
LabRat: "I think she's kind of a bitch, but I agree with her on that one."
Ptom says that although Lisa and Antonia didn't stick to the challenge, he still enjoyed their food more than he enjoyed Stephanie and Jennifer's. Their asparagus was overwhelmed by cheese. The judges try to decide which is the worse offense. After dithering a bit, they come to a decision.
Commercials. A health food expert says she's going to get people up off their rumps by giving them granola. I'd say she's doing the exact opposite.
Elimination. Both teams went off the rails when it came to improvisation. Antonia and Lisa ignored what they were expressly told to prepare. Jennifer and Stephanie's goat cheese took over their food. Ptom hates to get rid of someone on a technicality, but as he said before, that's what they have to do. They choose to eliminate someone from the team that had the weaker food, which they feel is Jennifer and Stephanie. This surprises me, as it seemed like they were building up to an Antonia elimination tonight, and I've been semi-depressed about it for forty minutes. Stephanie's had an excellent track record, so it's not surprising that when it comes down to her and Jennifer... Jennifer, please pack your knives and go. Wait, who's going to TOTALLY WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI now? She says she thought it was a great dish, but thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she can take the critique without necessarily agreeing with it. Fair enough. She hugs the other chefs good-bye, and talks about her frustration with what she sees as an undeserved elimination. The other chefs are surprised that she went, but Richard sighs that there's just no room for error now. What? No room for error? Why didn't you tell us that before?
Overall Grade: B+
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)