Social Scene

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 5

Previously on Project Runway: The designers were split into teams and told to create a line of lingerie. Santino spent all his time berating his team, while Daniel spent all his time being berated by his team. Santino fought with the judges. Nina became my hero. Daniel threw himself on the figurative sword for his team. After consulting the Reality Show Manual which states you must keep your villain until at least the final four, Daniel was sent home. Sniff. Eleven designers remain. Who will be "out" tonight?

Opening credits. Kara says that everyone there is crazy. And she knows from crazy.

Dawn breaks. Over at the Atlas, designers stir. Chloe is still crying over Daniel's ejection. Huh, maybe I misjudged her last week. Of course, if she liked Daniel so much, it doesn't quite explain the level of venom she threw at him. She interviews that she thought Daniel would be safe and that Santino would go home. Chloe has apparently never seen a reality show before. Over in the men's room, Santino says that the judges can keep attacking him, but he'll never apologize. Yep, there's the mark of a quality human being. Oh, and speaking of rooms, since Daniel and Raymundo are gone now, does that mean Emmett has a room to himself? Cause that'd be sweet.

Everyone gathers at the runway, and Heidi comes out to greet them. Why does Zulema wear those goddamn oversized sunglasses all the time? And indoors! Does she think she's the black Jackie O.? Man, I would love to find one aspect of Zulema that isn't completely obnoxious. Heidi tells the designers that their next challenge is to create a party dress for a hot, young socialite. It actually sounds like Heidi says "potty dress", which certainly would have led to some interesting designs. I envision they would have a lot of velcro. Before they go off to design, we need to bid farewell to a model. I've said it before, but I really don't enjoy the system of model-choosing they have this season. Yeah, it's initially a bit funny and intriguing to see a designer get stuck with a model they don't necessarily want (or vice versa), but they haven't considered that the audience is stuck with them, too. So naturally, Danzzz sticks with Rebecca, and so Claudia will be on her way, which sucks. Claudia was awesome.

Tim greets everyone in the workroom, and gathers them to explain more details of the challenge. He tells them again that the dress will be designed for a socialite. "These people are very, very important..." he begins to say, and I'm all ready to jump in with a huge rant about how socialites are just about the most unimportant sacks of wasted oxygen ever to walk the planet. "...to your careers," he finishes. Oh. I have no argument against that. Tim asks Danzzz to join him and reveal who the socialite is. Danzzz opens the folder containing the socialite's biography, grins, and says "Oh, my God!" Hey, I'll bet it's someone really interesting and exciting! It's Nicky Hilton. Oh. So it's Nicky Hilton. No, Nicky Hilton. Yeah. The other one. The only thing I know about Nicky Hilton is that she's not Paris, but I prepare myself for an hour of skankitude, anyway. Santino is pleased with this turn of events. Danzzz reads a fake letter from Nicky, which tells them that "she" is throwing a party at which they will showcase their designs. Well, I admit it'll be fascinating to see the designers try to sell their work through flattery, rather than having to defend them against criticism.

Tim hands out folders with pictures of Nicky wearing dresses to all the designers. They will have 30 minutes to design, $150 to shop for supplies, will work until midnight tonight, and have a short amount of time tomorrow to finish up. Standard operating procedure. Start sketching, bitches! I wish I could say more about the sketching, because it's a cool process to watch people come up with ideas, but there's not much to describe. Chloe wants to combine sexy and sophisticated. Marla is nervous, because she doesn't really have any experience with party dresses. Kara blathers something about making the client happy. Where were you with that tidbit when Raymundo got the axe, Kara? Sorry. Kara's bugging me this week for some reason. Time's up! Off to the fabric store. Nick orders something in Spanish. Zulema decides to make her dress black and white. Always a classic combination. That'll be hard to screw up. Danzzz is nervous. Santino's predictably confident, saying he's been designing for rich girls all his life. Hmm, I'm starting to see where Santino's complete lack of social grace comes from. Seriously, he hung out with rich girls during the formative years? No wonder he's a snot.

Back in the workroom, everyone gets started. Andrae interviews that he wanted to design something that "would let her own self shine through, and didn't draw attention to the fact that she was wearing a dress." Ah, here's the Andrae we all know, saying so much and yet so little. "Let her own self shine through"? You know, I could use some extra money. I'm going to offer my services to Andrae as an interpreter. He'll say something, and I'll strip the sentence down to its actual meaning for whomever he's talking to. I'll toss the first one in free: "I wanted to design a subtle dress." See all the time we'll save? He adds that the dress will be made of jersey, so it will travel well. OK, then. Nick is designing a dress that "harks back to the days of the Hollywood screen goddesses". That's a really good idea. Still, having just reread my book about the legendary feud between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford for the millionth time, it depresses me to think that women who do nothing but inherit money are our present-day celebrities. Sigh.

Zulema thinks she'll set herself apart with her color scheme. I'll remind you that it's black and white. Not really setting the fashion world aflame, there, Zulema. Meanwhile, Danzzz has discovered that the "black" fabric he bought to offset his (very pretty) dark pink geometric print is actually chocolate brown. Whoops. He interviews that his plan B is to scrounge up any leftover black fabric others may have. It looks like the only people using appropriate fabric are Marla and Kara. They both give non-committal responses to his request. Fair enough. I feel bad for him, but it's his fault and his problem. Sure, it'd be nice if they find extra fabric to give him, but they're certainly under no obligation to help out their direct competition.

Suddenly...drama! Zulema asks if anyone has removed a dress form (basically, the torso on which you drape your design) from her area. Ah. When I saw the preview for this episode and she said "form", I assumed she meant a slip of paper. This is very different. Also, I said "asks", but really she demands, because she's a bitch. It's not, "hey, has anyone seen the dress form that was here?", but "whoever took a form needs to return it. RIGHT! NOW!" Also, also, who can hide a dress form? Just look around, stupid! What, you think Diana has a mannequin shoved in her back pocket or something? Also, also, also, remember when Zulema smarmily bragged that she doesn't believe in fairness? Now would be a fantastic time to throw that back into her face. Throw it, Marla! She doesn't, of course. Damn. It looks like Zulema does believe in fairness; it just has to benefit her directly. Got it. Hey, Danzzz's form is gone, too. So is Marla's! Who needs four dress forms? Is there a wormhole in the workroom or something? It looks like Kara may be the culprit, but it's not really confirmed. Several designers begin to bicker, while Santino looks on in horrified wonder. For once in my life, I totally feel Santino on this. We go out into the commercial break with Andrae yelling "Where the hell is my chiffon!?!" in the queeniest voice ever, because nobody's paying attention to him.

When we return, the fight's still in progress. Kara totally is the thief, which she tries to play off be being her normal, flaky self. I don't understand why the show didn't make a bigger deal of this. Kara can clearly hear that people are missing forms, doesn't confess, gets busted, and...nothing. No explanation, no interviews with other people about how Kara sucks...nothing. What a gyp. Instead, we hear Marla interview about how the competition is fierce, not just with other people, but with oneself. Marla seems depressed this week. She's a basket case in all of her interviews. Lupe interviews that her dress is Japanese-inspired, and indeed, her sketches are actually very nice. Santino says something Santinish not worth going into. Nick interviews, and not for the first or last time, that Santino will be gone if he doesn't stop pissing off the judges. I want to nod my head in grave agreement, but Nick was a pretty disgusting sycophant when Santino was his team leader. He even jumped on the "let's cut Emmett" bandwagon, so I don't really appreciate this little bit of revisionist history.

With three hours until the day is over, Tim drops by. He is completely confused by Diana's design. So am I. I don't understand it at all. I guess we'll just have to see the finished product, which is basically what he tells her. After stopping by Zulema, he heads over to Lupe. This dress looks nothing like her sketches, and is about as Japanese as a hot dog. Tim doesn't like the fabric flower embellishments she's putting on. Frankly, I think the flowers are fine; it's the dress beneath them that sucks. Lupe interviews that Tim didn't like it, but she has to follow her personal style. That's kind of understandable, but it's very unwise to ignore Tim's criticism. The man knows fashion and knows the judges. Put it this way. The last person to disregard Tim's critiques was Raymundo. Yeah. Marla's got issues as well. Tim tells her that her dress looks almost exactly like the dress in one of the photographs in Nicky's dossier. He's right. They are nearly identical. Oh, Marla. Plus, it's ugly. We get another depressive Marla interview about how she doesn't trust her own creative voice. Sigh. Someone needs to give Marla a hug and a banana split, stat.

With one hour left, Danzzz is still waiting to see if he can get black fabric. Oh, no. He should have given up on that long ago. There's one hour left! Kara tells him she doesn't have any left over to give him, which I doubt. Again, she's really not under any obligation to help him out, though I could have done without the faux-sympathetic baby voice she uses to turn him down. Midnight hits, and Danzzz is forced to leave his dress unfinished. In the morning, Nick is confident, Danzzz says he'll need to rethink his whole dress (which he should have done about twelve hours ago), and Andrae is wearing some ill-advised running shorts. My eyes!

In the workroom, Chloe snarks to Diana that her dress looks like Stevie Nicks. "What's Stevie Nick?" Diana asks. Hehehehe. Diana's such a geek. Danzzz has closed his dress up around the space that would have been occupied by the black fabric. I don't know how that would work, what with fitting issues, but I bow to Danzzz's superior fashion knowledge on this one. Tim comes in to check on everyone. Chloe's dress is lovely, though she's using the exact same two colors she used when she won the Clothes Off Your Back challenge, which I find disappointing for some reason. Lupe's dress has somehow gotten worse overnight. It's shapeless and black, with two random strips of olive green frill around the waist, and blue fabric flowers on the side. The whole thing clashes. It's worse than Raymundo's Barbie dress, because at least that looked like a real outfit. This looks like she took a black sack, pinned some shit to it, and called it a day. She tells Tim that she thought it looked like crap the previous night, and Tim replies "I'm not going to debate that." Hahahaha! I love Tim. Realizing that the S.S. Lupe is a sinking ship, he tells her he'll leave her to work. Diana's dress also is...not good. Now, I love me some Diana, but this is not a pretty dress, and Tim notes that the sewing needs work. It's got a black top with strips of fabric going in different directions, and a gauzy, flowing bottom that starts at about the waist. It's icky. Pull it together, Diana! Tim is impressed with how Santino and Nick are coming along.

Sigh. Time to check in with Marla again. I'm almost to the point where I'm depressed for her. She tries to defend the dress as her own creation, but Tim won't hear it. He holds up the picture of Nicky in her black dress, and yeah. We're talking almost identical here. Emmett uses his first words of the episode to offer "advice" to Marla, boiling down to the fact that she's a giant copycat. Thanks, Emmett. Go back to not talking. Marla becomes terse for the first time, telling Tim that it's not as if she can start from scratch and make a new dress, since the party is in a few hours. He agrees, but tells her that she'd better find a way to improve or alter the dress to meet these concerns. He's right, Marla. Do something. Anything. The designers make their final touches, and the models stream into the workroom. They get dressed and made up, and the designers follow suit. Yeah, you won't be wearing those running shorts to the party, Andrae. Santino is wearing five-inch stiletto pumps. What'ere, Jane Eyre.

After the commercials, it's party time. The designers and their models come in to a bar, and Heidi and Nicky come out to greet them. You'll note that although the models and designers are dressed up (for a party) and that the challenge was to design a dress for Nicky (for a party), here Nicky stands (at a party) in a light purple sweater with oversized buttons, a white t-shirt, and jeans. She looks like she's about to stop by Target to pick up some shampoo before dropping the kids at piano lessons. I mean, she doesn't look bad, but this is the wealthy sophisticate everyone's trying to impress? Heidi tells everyone to make themselves memorable, then kicks things off by suggesting they pop some bottles. No alcohol for you, preggo! The party gets started. Apart from the people already mentioned, there appear to be some guests that are simply there to fill up space.

Danzzz approaches Nicky first. Rebecca looks good, though I'll save descriptions for the runway show. Nicky says that she likes it, but doesn't sound too excited. She likes Nick's more, and he seems to do a pretty straightforward job of explaining his work. Andrae hits Nicky with the "it'll travel well; you can throw it into a suitcase" argument. It's a good idea for the general public, but do you really think that this heiress has ever been within fifty feet of an ironing board? Kara somehow manages to insult Nicky's boobs within ten seconds of conversation. That's impressive, in a moronic sort of way. Diana touts the flowing bottom of her skirt. Emmett's boring. Zulema's boring. Nicky loves Chloe's dress. I love how Grace towers over Chloe. It's just funny how Chloe can barely see over Grace's boobs. Hee. Lupe has tried to spice up her dress by adding a sleeve of red that is not attached to anything. It doesn't work. Feh. Nicky can't even stop her eyes from roaming around the room, she's so desperate to get out of this conversation. She's so bored that she actually points out that Marla's design looks like a dress she already owns. That sounds like an anti-Marla slam (and is), but the fact that it was brought up when they were supposed to be discussing Lupe's dress doesn't do Lupe any favors. Marla does get asked about the similarity of her dress, and when she doesn't come up with a very satisfactory response, Nicky ditches for the bar. Uh, oh. Santino approaches, and slobbers all over Nicky. Not sexually or anything, he's just fawning in general, which she immediately takes to. A young, rich girl who enjoys effusive flattery? Get out! Santino correctly interviews that his confidence paid off in this challenge.

Meanwhile, Diana's had a few drinks, and starts getting down and dirty on the dance floor. Even Santino, who openly hates Diana, is dancing with her. Other designers interview about how she comes off as a nerd, but can rule the party once she dresses up and has some liquid courage. Well, duh. I think people who are studious and intelligent in everyday life, and yet still manage to work a social gathering are effortlessly cooler than those people desperate for your admiration that try and treat every day as Mardi Gras. Anyway, the designers decide to have a little walk-off of their own. Santino's not bad, doing a little "Holla!" motion with his hand cupped to his ear. The models go crazy. Kara sucks. She looks like she's doing the doggy paddle all the way across the room. Zulema does the Angry Woman Stomp. As if she could do anything else. Marla basically runs across the room so people will stop looking at her. Danzzz does a hilarious slow unbuttoning of his shirt as he struts. Heh. Flash us the goods, Danzzz! Andrae bobs his head like the deluded idiot he is. Diana just alternates thrusting shoulders. She looks smashed. I'll bet Drunk Diana is tons of fun. Lupe does the worm. Neat! Nick instantly puts all of the models on this show, America's Next Top Model, and Earth to shame. Chloe's boring. Santino crawls. Emmett tips his hat. I haven't given up thinking that Emmett is pretty good-looking. It's just that he seems so robotic. The models cheer for everyone.

The next day, everyone has two hours to get ready for the runway show. Marla uses the time to try and further distinguish her dress from the one in the picture. Quick shots of getting ready, including Heather's boobs, Rachael's back, and Grace's huge nose. As I've said before, I like her nose in that it makes her look distinctive rather than blandly pretty. Still. HONNNNNNNNNK. Marla tells the hairdresser that she likes the style that Diana's model is getting, and wants him to do a variation on that. This was really not the week to say that, Marla. Lupe is nervous, because she realizes her dress looks like crap on toast. Actually, strike that. Why should toast suffer through association with Lupe? Toast has always been a friend to me.

Show time. Time-wasting description of the challenge. Tonight's judges will be Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and of course, Nicky Hilton. I must say that my opinion of Nicky has changed a great deal over the course of this episode. I doubt I'd ever want to have lunch with her or anything, but she seems reasonably level-headed for a person in her financial and familial situation. I don't see her internet sex tape on the horizon. Let's hit it. Heather's up first in Santino's dress. It's beautiful. It's a periwinkle kind of blue, and has multiple layers at the bottom, with a braided top. You can tell Grace is next, just by the silhouette. HONNNNNNNNNNK. Chloe's dress is nice, too, It's shiny blue fabric (satin, maybe), with a black beltline, and braided straps over the shoulders. I'm surprised that two designers thought to do braiding the same week. Watch, we'll probably get an interview next week from Santino about how Chloe stole his design or something. Danyelle in Andrae's dress is next. Now, we all know I am not an Andrae fan, and I have yet to like any of his dresses. Still. This one's good. Really good. The dress is black and tapers to a narrower cut at the belly, which Danyelle pulls off perfectly. She's really gorgeous. Anyway, the fabric also has shiny spangles sewn in, but not so it's over-the-top. It just glitters as she glides down the runway. I'm not a fan of whatever's going on at her shoulders, but this is the first garment I've seen that would suggest Andrae belongs in this competition.

Up next is Shannon in Emmett's dress. It appears to be black fabric with a regular pattern holes cut into it, which is then covered by an additional layer of see-through black fabric, so that your eye is always catching different holes. It's like the dress opens and closes to reveal little bits of skin as she moves, and that's a really neat effect. I think it would have been better with some color, but still a nice dress. Has Zulema ever made a pretty dress? No, really. I'm asking. I'm jumping over to the BRAVO website real quick. OK, I'm back. The answer is no. The dress from the first episode, when she had a week to work on it, is fairly serviceable, but there has not been a truly attractive piece yet. Now that Santino's the villain, and she's running out of people that make extremely ugly creations, her time is limited. Thank God. This dress is black leather for the shoulder straps and over the boobs, and white fabric for the rest. There you go. There's literally nothing more to say about it. Lesley comes down the runway in Diana's dress, and I still don't like it. Yeah, the flowing fabric at the bottom is pretty, but the rest is just kind of blah. As with Emmett's, this dress may have looked better if it had some color.

Tarah appears in Nick's dress, and it is gorgeous. It's light blue, skin tight, and has an asymmetrical cut which causes the swath of fabric at the hemline to flow out to one side. It's also low cut in the back, which causes some fabric to bunch naturally in a very pretty pattern. I love it. Aaaah!!! Why did we have to follow Nick's with Lupe's? The contrast is even starker. There is absolutely nothing appealing about this dress, especially when it's draped on Ugly Eliza. Kara has thankfully abandoned her plans to make a sheer hot pink tutu, so Eden looks pretty good in a dress that's cut short, but still has flowing fabric around the hips. Again, I'd have loved to see what this dress would look like if it weren't black. Fucking Cara does her usual graceless walk down the runway in Marla's not-very-improved dress. Granted, it does look less like the dress she was imitating, but it's still not pretty. It's a black bodice that has holes cut at the hips and a unremarkable black skirt. Danzzz has really pulled it together - literally. Rebecca looks awesome in his pink print dress, and the little amount of black fabric he was able to scrounge up has been used at the breastline and as the shoulder straps.

The scores are tallied. Will the designers please step onto the runway? If Heidi calls your name, step forward. Chloe. Diana. Nick. Lupe. Marla. Santino. If Heidi has not called your name, congratulations. You don't suck. The six remaining designers have the highest and lowest scores, and it's not too hard to pick out which dresses fit with which scores. The models return to stand by their designers. Santino chose the color to set off Nicky's eyes. Good idea. The judges love it, and Nicky states outright that Santino has the "attitude" to succeed. Nick's gets raves as well, though Nicky simply says that it's very pretty, rather than lauding Nick's behavior. Lupe stumbles over her explanation of the dress, because she knows there's no way to come off looking good. The judges say the dress is too fussy and busy, and that the tabloids would have a field day with it. I have the feeling tabloids won't really notice what Nicky is doing as long as Paris is still flashing her cooter at anyone who will give her a nickel and the time of day. Ah, Chloe's dress is silk charmeuse, not satin. Nicky loves it. Nicky tells Diana that her dress would make it look like she has a big butt. Marla is taken to task for the lookalike nature of her dress, and Heidi pretends this is first she's heard of it, saying she had no idea that Nicky had ever worn something similar. Heidi, please don't insult the audience's intelligence. I'm sure Heidi saw the dossiers before they were handed out, and I would guess that Heidi has known about Marla's issue as soon as Tim noted it. The designers are sent off.

Deliberations. Nick's dress was wonderful. Santino's dress was equally wonderful, but Nicky plainly likes him more than she likes Nick, dresses aside. Chloe's was "cute", and Michael likes it a lot. Diana gets off fairly lightly, with Nicky saying the dress just wasn't for her. Lupe's dress was too complicated, and she didn't describe it well. The fact that it's fugly isn't mentioned. I wonder what they'd make of a pretty dress that was complicated and not explained well. Marla isn't passionate about fashion, or whatever. Nicky doesn't like her at all. Michael points out that were Nicky to wear Marla's dress, it may draw some unwanted comparison to her other dress, but that Lupe's dress would draw out and out sniggers. Heidi is furious about Marla's copycat issue. Yeah, it's not a good development. Maybe she just wasn't confident enough in this particular style to wing it. I don't know. The designers are called back out.

Commercials. When we return, Chloe is declared "in". Diana is in. The winner of the challenge is Santino. Eh. I liked Nick's dress more, but the choice is fair enough. In a show of how insecure Santino really is, he interviews that he didn't win the Barbie competition, but won the Nicky Hilton one, and his victory is somehow better, because Nicky may buy dresses, but Barbie won't. Um. Did Santino miss the part where Nick's Barbie dress was actually sold to the public, and he got his name and picture printed on the box? Or the part where Nicky chose one dress for one person, while the Barbie dress will be sold to thousands? Or the part that while Barbie herself may not buy dresses, the people who dress her certainly do? Or the part where he's an immature, deluded freak? What a fucktard. Back on the runway, Nick is "in", so we're down to Marla and Lupe. I fully expect Marla to be cut, which is disappointing. There is a bright side to this, though. Marla and Lupe have the two ugliest models (and in Marla's case, the most annoying one as well). No matter who gets cut, we're almost guaranteed to lose either Fucking Cara or Ugly Eliza next week. That's cheering. The judges tell Lupe that her dress is hideous and Marla that she needs to be more creative and self-sufficient in her design. Marla...is...IN! Yay!

Lupe hugs Marla backstage, then indulges in my least favorite defense. "I understand my personal style, and I also understand that not everybody knows how to grasp it." It's the "My work's not bad...you just don't GET IT!" bullshit that we often hear from directors when they make bad movies, authors when they write crappy books, and artists when they create subpar pieces. A little tip for you, Lupe, as you head out the door. Your personal style? Sucks.

Next week on Project Runway: The designers will be split into teams of two. Marla and Diana fall prey to indecisiveness, and Santino hates Diana's voice. Because his is so lilting and melodic. Tim announces a field trip, and Andrae wails "Oh, no!" as if Tim just told him he's contracted syphilis. Zulema fights with Kara. I think Zulema would fight with a sea urchin.

Overall Grade: B+