Reunion

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 12

Previously on Project Runway: John told the judges he spent eight hours on a dress he had a week to design, and was eliminated. Heidi S. got eliminated and reveled in her pseudo-Southern pseudo-ignorance. Kirsten refused to give up a scarf, so the judges gave her a boot to go with it. Raymundo decided the best way to get ahead in the competition was to completely ignore the challenge, the mentor's sage advice, and any connection with good taste. Daniel committed the grave sin of not being Santino. Lupe created a saggy, black sausage-casing in the mistaken belief that since she was designing for one of the Hilton girls, nobody would notice that she sucks. Marla and Diana aren't hip-happenin' youngsters or brash, egotistical blowhards, so they were shown the door. Take that, normal people! Emmett committed the grave sin of not being Santino. Didn't he learn a lesson from Daniel? Zulema's smokescreen of attitude couldn't veil her lack of talent forever. Andrae's putting-green dress failed to live up to the blaze of botanic glory of the other designers. Nick designed a lovely suit - for a woman who works at the DMV. Kara's evening gown wasn't the belle of the ball. Three designers remain. Who will be out tonight? Well, nobody. Because tonight, all sixteen designers will gather for the first time to discuss the show. Let the battle of the egos begin!

The designers enter a bar in the order they were eliminated over clips of the judges tearing them apart on the runway. A newly slim John tells Heidi S. that the one good thing about being eliminated first is early access to the booze. Heh. Kirsten enters and shows off her rounded belly. Aw, she's seven months pregnant, and looks great. Raymundo has discovered the one haircut that's uglier than the one he had on the show. It's half-mullet, half-mohawk, and entirely fug. Daniel Franco's jacket is so loud, I have to turn the volume down on the TV. Lupe enters with an idiotic grin already plastered on her face, and the others suggest she concentrate on getting drunk. We'll all regret that advice later. Someone calls Diana and Marla "the twins". Hehe. There are flashback shots to Diana getting her groove on in "Social Scene". Work it! As Emmett gets out of his cab, he appears to be wishing he were anywhere else on Earth. Zulema tromps in with her head down, almost visibly thinking: "Bring it on, bitches." Andrae and Nick are warmly welcomed. Nick compliments John on his new look. There's a split screen of old, hefty-John next to thinner, slightly-hot John. It's not just the weight loss that suits him. He seems to have given up on his penchant for ugly-ass clothing. Good. Kara comes in and shows off her engagement ring. Aw! Everyone clinks glasses. Kirsten has a wineglass filled with pink liquid. That better not be alcoholic, preggo!

Opening credits. I like how in the shot of all the designers standing together wearing black outfits, Zulema has incorporated red shoes in a desperate attempt to stand out.

Heidi and Tim welcome everyone there. Tim tells them that they have a lot of clips to show and some questions sent in by people on the BRAVO website. Hey, I didn't know about that. I have a few choice questions for them. Ah, well. Too late now. Heidi asks how their lives have changed since the show. Heidi S. says that someone has asked her to be the head designer for a firm. Really? Based on one dress that got her kicked off the show? OK, then. She also starts to talk about a charity fashion show, and Lupe interrupts with a slow clap. I've got my tape paused for this, and you can see Lupe's eyes already glazed over. She's wasted. Heidi compliments John on his transformation. Tim tells us Nick's design in "Social Scene" got noticed by Brenda Strong, and she wore a version of it to the SAG awards. There's a picture of it, and she looks very lovely, indeed. That's so cool. It would have been cooler if it weren't the woman who does those incredibly irritating voiceovers on Desperate Housewives, but it's still awesome news. Heidi asks if they watched with their families, but although I suspect she meant the question to be addressed to everyone, it appears that she's still talking to Nick, so that's who answers. He says he watched it through his fingers with his nieces and nephews, who shouldn't have been up that late. Heh. Heidi says that it was extremely difficult to get a Barbie with Nick's winning design from "All Dolled Up", remarking that they "went like bagels". Hahahaha! Tim explains that the saying is actually "sold like hotcakes", and everyone laughs good-naturedly. Really, it's not a bad idea that we update that saying to "bagels". It'd make more sense. Good call, Heidi!

Heidi asks everyone who they think should've been the final three. Raymundo chooses Nick. Kara looks pissed for some reason. Apparently, that's it for that question, and Tim asks Kara how she felt to be the last one eliminated (Answer? Disappointed.), and if she feels her elimination was justified. If she had said "yes", she'd look like a wimp (or falsely modest), and if she had said "no", she'd look like a snot. She does the exactly right thing, and laughs that she can scarcely remember it. There's a shot of Raymundo laughing. Why are they showing him so much? It's hurting my retinas. Heidi says that they're going to bring out the final three. First is Danzzz. He strikes a walk-like-an-Egyptian pose behind the screen. Heh. Wild applause. Next is Chloe. Her silhouette pulls her skirt up and moons us. Nice. Wild applause. Finally, Santino. He grabs his hat and makes some sort of weird gang sign or whatever. Notably tepid applause.

Tim doesn't waste any time, but immediately asks Chloe how she felt when the other designers basically piled onto her at the end of "What's Your Line". They show the clip. I'd forgotten how shocking it was, given how much people hated Santino at that point. Back at the reunion, Chloe says that yeah, it sucked, and that she wanted to kick Santino's ass for months. She says it very matter-of-factly, and appears to be largely over it. Santino admits that he made a very cutting remark, as opposed to the softer jabs of Kara and Danzzz. Daniel, completely failing to pick up on Chloe's lack of anger, jumps in to yell at Santino for being such a creep. Santino's response is that all of that was pure shit-talking; the kind of thing you'd yell before a basketball game. "You suck!" "Your mama!" Things like that. That's actually a fairly good answer, with a few problems, which we'll get to in a second. Santino dredges up the tiresome line that's been peddled by villains since reality television was conceived: "I didn't come here to make friends," by which they think they mean "I'm playing to win, and other people have the misconception that this experience is some sort of box social," but what actually means "I'm a dickhead, and am unsuccessfully trying to hide that character flaw behind a mask of competitiveness." He says that he wasn't trying to be evil or anything, just shake people up. Chloe, again in that wonderfully unemotional way, says that whether he meant it as offensive or not, it turned out to be hurtful, and he needs to realize that. I love Chloe.

Heidi introduces a series of clips of Santino being Santinish. He says that Kara's having trouble in her head. That Zulema's dress was awful. That Daniel has some mental defect. Emmett gets an "Oh, my God." Danzzz is full of shit. Diana's voice is annoying. Emmett should eat his ass. Nick is going to be upset that Santino will be showing at Fashion Week, while Nick won't. Santino claims to have "defecated on Chloe's fabric." Huh? Then the hilarious I WAAAAAANT YOUR SOOOOOOOOUL!!! bit that was never shown during the actual episode. They close with a clip of him saying that he's an overall compassionate and nice person. Heh. The other designers laugh, but not entirely happily. Santino says that he watched the show, and almost didn't recognize that asshole he appeared to be. Heidi asks the other designers what they think. Lupe shrieks "I love Santino!!" Everyone looks uncomfortable, and ignores her. Kara very astutely says that some of the things he said were genuinely hurtful, especially the crack about Diana's voice. Diana agrees that it may have been different if he didn't like her designs or her sewing technique.

That's the thing. I have no doubt that some of Santino's bitchiness is a result of editing. I have no doubt that some of Santino's bitchiness is well-founded (Zulema's dress probably was awful, and I have no problem believing Daniel's not quite right in the head). I have no doubt that he's far less of an asshole than the show would have us believe. But making fun of Diana's voice in an interview that she won't see until the show is complete isn't "trash talk". It isn't "competitive spirit". It is just plain mean, and he needs to admit to that. After all, we've seen tons of clips where Danzzz didn't like Kara's dress or Chloe didn't like Zulema's dress or whatever, but we don't take them to task for being hateful, because it's always about the clothes. Even when it's not, it was about a specific behavior. "Lupe is critiquing everyone's dress, and it's annoying." So while Santino is not the devil incarnate, he can be a real tool, and he either needs to apologize for it or own it. He does neither, because he's a wimp.

Nick says that he'd always had a tough time with Santino, but respected his "creative vision" or whatever. He doesn't deny that some of the things Santino said stung, and Andrae agrees that the whole "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" mantra is bullshit. Daniel looks at Santino with a glare of crazy hate. Santino says he doesn't regret saying anything he did, but he does regret how he made other people feel. Basically, it's the "I'm sorry you're so sensitive that you had to take offense when I called you an annoying, fat idiot" non-apology. I'm afraid that's the best you're going to get, everybody. Commercials.

Heidi asks what it was like standing in the spotlight defending one's design. Chloe says that it's the hardest part for her. Once she's done, she wants to be like "There. Look at my work. I don't want to talk about it. Like it or hate it; I'm done." The preview for the reunion made it look like the "I don't want to talk about it" comment had to do with something about the show. Boo! I love Project Runway, but the preview people suck. Half the stuff they show doesn't turn up in the episode, and there's always some chunk of misleading crap like this. Tim says that the Season 2 designers were a lot more vociferous on the runway than the Season 1 people. Raymundo says it's because there's so much they want to tell the judges, but only a short time to say it in. Why is Raymundo talking? He never talked back to the judges, and he got booted in episode three. He really has nothing valuable to contribute. We have literally not heard a word from Danzzz at this point, but we've gotten speeches and reaction shots from this (I'm sorry, but it's true) ugly, ugly man who barely has a reason to be invited. Shut up, Raymundo.

Heidi introduces a montage of designers mouthing off. Kara awesomely disagrees with Jay's critique of her "Inspiration" dress. He actually yells "Hey!" at her for defending her dress, and in that little moment, I actively wanted to shove a hot poker into his eyeballs. Fucking asshole. OK, in a painful moment for me, I have to give Andrae major props. The judges start to yell at him for not putting Danyelle in a blond wig for "All Dolled Up", and he tells them that they should be talking about the dress. Michael accuses him of prolonging the conversation about the wig, and Andrae simply says, "You asked, so I told you. Tell me about the dress." Awesome, awesome, awesome. He of course has to ruin it by being just as petulant when the judges actually do discuss the dress, but it was a nice moment, just the same. Zulema unsuccessfully attempts to defend the hideous mess she made in "Clothes Off Your Back". Santino shrieks at Nina for not liking his ugly crap in "Team Lingerie".

Now, this is interesting. In the middle of Santino and Nina's argument, Daniel jumps in, calling Santino gimmicky, theatrical, and ridiculous. He says that his own designs are much more marketable. Wow. That was so not his place. How does he have the gall to show up at the reunion all tongue-clucky and finger-wagging about Santino's rudeness? He's starting to look crazier by the minute. Kirsten says that it felt like being in court, and that talking back to a judge isn't in her nature. Yeah, I'd feel like that too. Emmett says that to take a risk means putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and that means defending yourself when necessary. Hope you enjoyed that snippet of Emmett, since you'll pretty much never see him again. Heidi says that it was necessary to fight with Santino a lot because he never seemed to listen to the judges' criticisms. Santino replies that he was listening, but didn't necessarily agree. Fair enough. Danzzz says that the designs should be fairly self-explanatory, but Santino felt the need to exhaustively describe his motivation behind every single aspect. Chloe agrees. Santino says that being combative and intimidating did figure into his strategy. Apparently, Nina gave an interview later, saying that she thought that Santino was going to leap off the runway and strangle her, which sounds funny, but really is pretty disturbing, all things told. Santino says that reading that made him feel bad. Note another non-apology. Tim asks Daniel about his interruption during that argumentative runway. He non-answers that he didn't like Santino's "voice against professional people - it was unprofessional". Um, thanks. Tim says that he has a question from the BRAVO website addressed to Lupe. Lupe: "Bejrlselkselrj!!!!" Santino says he wants some of whatever she's drinking. I'm thinking it's paint thinner. The question is if Lupe thinks her elimination was fair, given Marla's copycat issue. OK, ready?

"Honestly? I can only give him a personal critique. Nobody would ever know (unless they personally respond to me), would know what my personal response is. And that is of me. And personally, I believe you can't, like, push the boundaries. And, like, Johnny Cash, and Walk the Line?"

Wuuuuuh? Heidi interrupts to ask her what the fuck she's talking about. Tim asks again. Did she feel her elimination was fair - yes or no?

"Understand that Marla has...an aesthetic that I cannot duplicate. But Marla has an aesthetic that she cannot duplicate. And Aryon [the guy who sent in the question -- Limecrete], on national television, if you can get this, you fucking rock, because you believe in what is true. Period."

Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh? Tim says that that was the biggest bunch of bullshit he's heard in weeks. Seriously, can we get Daniel to translate from crazy to human? That was totally hilarious, if you don't stop to think about what a pathetic person Lupe is. Then it's just kind of sad. Actually, no. It's still hilarious. What a freak. They make sure we don't hear from her again for the rest of the episode. All the designers have a good laugh at her expense, and then Tim moves us on, thankfully. Unfortunately, what he moves us onto is Andrae's tearful meltdown in "Clothes Off Your Back". Heidi asks him if they were real tears (letting the unspoken phrase "seeing as how ridiculous they were" hang in the air). He airily responds that they were. She says that he could have been faking, given that he's from LA. Nick and Santino get up in fake anger at her dissing their hometown. Please, you're both from Missouri. Heidi puts up her dukes, and looks adorable. We cut to the clip. Apparently, Andrae's hysterical tirade went on for almost ten minutes. Poor Diane Von Fostenburg, having to sit through all that nonsense. Back at the reunion, Andrae somewhat prissily says that it's so hard to go through this. Oh, it's such a shame that someone forced him at gunpoint to be on this show. Poor guy. He says that it was hard to watch, and we cut to a shot of Chloe...crying? Why is she crying? Is she moved by his overflow of emotion? God, I hope not. I choose to believe she's wiping away tears of laughter at his drama queeniness.

Oh good, MORE Andrae. I'm sure all the attention being flung his way is the best present anyone at the reunion could give him. Kara does a hilarious impersonation of him that cracks Chloe up. Shots of Andrae's eyes bugging out all over the place. Shots of him flinging himself out of doors, of flouncing off the runway like a giant girl, and of putting on fake accents. These shots make me cringe with dislike. I'm sorry, he's just not my type of guy. Tim asks another question from the website: "Who said 'Where the hell is my chiffon?'" [in "Social Scene" --Limecrete] Um, hello! It was queeny, it was loud, and it was said to draw attention away from other designers. Who do you think? Andrae says that he doesn't remember saying it. Yes, I'm sure it must be hard to keep track of one's overdramatic statements when they compose 90% of one's speech. Commercials.

Heidi talks about how wonderful Tim is. I heartily agree. We get a montage of Tim being firm with the designers, interspersed with Santino's dead-on impressions of him. Heidi asks the designers what they think of Tim. Nick says he had immediate respect for him, and took his advice to heart. I'd say he did the exact opposite of that in "Makeover", and got eliminated for it. Daniel says that Tim has a point of view, but is still selfless. Tim says that he has sincere affection for all of the designers. I'm sure he's lying about Lupe, but we'll let her go on thinking he likes her. No point being senselessly cruel. Marla says it was a great opportunity for feedback, and that Tim has an eagle eye. Andrae says that it was helpful to have someone to point out what the designer's blind spot is, as far as a certain design. I'm over-transcribing, but I like people complimenting Tim, because he's so awesome. Heidi wants to address Santino's impersonations of Tim, but Tim asks if he can do one of Heidi. "I don't know if I've ever done Heidi," Santino says. "I know you didn't," she says. Hah! Santino gives her snaps up for that one, and we shift into a hilarious montage of Timpressions. Santino's glad Tim had a sense of humor about it.

Heidi then talks about how outspoken everyone is, especially one very explosive person. No, not Zulema. Zulema's alter-ego, Shitenge. The fuck? Shitenge is the one who wouldn't allow Marla any closet space. Shitenge doesn't believe in fairness. Shitenge wants her dress form back. In fact, Shitenge is practically every moment we ever saw of Zulema, ever. Here's my question. Isn't an "alter" ego supposed to be an alternative of something? It's not like Zulema is all rainbows and sunshine, and she desperately needed an outlet to be brash and obnoxious. Seems to me like Zulema and Shitenge are the exact same person. And that person? Is an asshole. Back at the reunion, Zulema says she doesn't think she's that intense. The other designers are all "Whatever". That montage was really a transition to get into the big issue; the model switch. Clip of Zulema (or is it Shitenge?) requesting a walk-off among Danyelle, Tarah, and Shannon, and taking Tarah. I'm thrilled that they tossed in the clip of Danzzz saying "It's a motherfuckin' walk-off!", because that was hilarious.

Heidi brings Tarah and Rachael out to join the designers. She asks Nick how he felt. He says he was shocked, and felt like someone had punched his stomach, because his models serve as his muses. Zulema snorts that she was within her rights to switch models. At this point, they're both completely right. Switching models is an option built into the show, but Nick doesn't have to be thrilled with it. Tarah says she was upset because she had heard horror stories from Rachael. Rachael confirms that being Zulema's model was no picnic, as the designs were often unfinished, and she had to be sewn (or worse, glued) into the dresses. Ouch. They also ask about her ass hanging out in "Clothes Off Your Back", and she says she didn't realize it until she saw it on TV. Zulema now goes off the deep end, insisting that Rachael never gave any indication of being unhappy (as if that would have made a difference). Rachael says that if Zulema was going to create such a hubbub and such stress for Nick, she should at least have come out with a "bangin'" outfit. Zing! Zulema is still frothing at the mouth, saying that she tried to help Rachael with her walk; that she switched models so that Rachael could "evolve" with another designer. That is complete crap. Rachael rolls her eyes, as she should. Dude. Just say it. You switched models because Rachael sucked. She did. Even fair-minded Tim called her an "elongated marshmallow". Just have the guts to be like "I thought you were a shitty model, so I switched. The fact that my dress got me eliminated is beside the point, because it has nothing to do with the fact that you walk like a moose." I'd have respected that a lot more. Commercials.

Heidi introduces a montage of interviews. Andrae, in his typical over-important tone, says that all evil can be traced to selfishness, and that's what Emmett is. Santino says Emmett's not talented enough to "roll with the big dogs". Emmett says that Santino believes that this is "The Santino Show". Got news for you, Emmett. It sort of is. Marla says she likes working with young people, which of course is the cue for the ragging on Marla. We get it in spades, from Chloe to Santino to Nick. Lupe gets slashed by Nick and Zulema. Zulema gets slashed by Chloe, Nick, and Andrae. Chloe says that Daniel speaks in a "language of fantasy" and Raymundo says that Daniel claims to have a girlfriend, then makes the "yeah, right" face at the camera. Heidi S. is all "look how adorably Southern and witless I am!" as she "stumbles" over Raymundo's name, and has a really unattractive slack jaw. I'm glad she got cut first. Heidi asks if there are any regrets over what they said. Raymundo admits that Daniel is straight. Really, nobody with Daniel's haircut should be allowed to take offense over someone thinking they're gay. Not that the queers I know would be caught dead with that haircut. Andrae apologizes for his comment.

Tim asks if their views about each other have changed from watching the show. Marla says that watching the show has been pretty painful. She starts beating herself up, and says that although she designs clothes that certain people like, she was probably out of her league on the show. And while that's true, when she said that, I felt a stab of pity in my heart. Danzzz feels the same, commending Marla on what she's accomplished. Of course, he was one of the people tearing her apart on the show, so you may want to take this gung-ho Marla speech with a grain of salt. Andrae says something about melting-pot America and getting along. I don't know. He's just talking to hear himself talk.

And now, the musical montage. We open with the rousing "Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion", followed by the stirring "What Happened To Andrae?". Next, the tragic "Kara, the Overlock Downer" and the blues-inspired "No One's Gonna Sew No Mo'". And of course, the show-stopping "Daniel Franco, Where Did You Go?". Hahahaha! That was better than Oklahoma!. Bravos all around.

Another website question for Heidi. Why did Santino beat Daniel in "Team Lingerie"? This was a shifty question. There's been a lot of talk about that elimination. I said that Daniel was cut so that Santino could remain to be the villain. Entertainment Weekly proposed the same thing a couple of weeks later. I suspect that they're including this question in the reunion as a way of ass-covering. Heidi says that it was a difficult elimination, but that Daniel's collection was too safe; that Santino had a stronger point of view. You can see what patent bullshit that is, right? Basically, she's saying that she'd rather have something ugly and dramatic than normal, which is a clear lie. Nice try, producers. We all know you rigged that elimination. It's not a big deal, because Santino has been much more entertaining than Daniel would have been. I'm not furious that you intervened. Just stop insulting our intelligence. Tim says that they appreciated Daniel coming back for Season 2, and jokingly says that maybe they'll see him for Season 3. He says that they just might, and then says "I love you, Heidi" in a very creepy voice. We're talking full-on, down-the-well, Heidi puts the lotion on her skin, or else she gets the hose again kind of voice. Uncomfortable silence. Commercials.

When we return, the three finalists have been sent off, and Heidi asks who is going to win, which is semi-answered in another montage. There's some confusion about if the question is really who they want to win, or who they think is actually going to win. Marla thinks Danzzz is the most consistently good designer. Raymundo and Emmett say Chloe. Daniel and Kirsten go for Danzzz. John picks Chloe. Nick thinks Santino might be a dark horse for the win. Back at the reunion, Kara says that it's a very close call. Zulema says she doesn't really have an opinion, and Daniel again mentions Danzzz, as does Marla. Raymundo goes on and on about Santino making something unexpected, and blah blah blah. There he goes, talking again. I'm sorry to harp on it, but he worked with these people for a microsecond. WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS!?!? Nick says that part of him wants Santino to blow everyone away. Tim's surprised by his answer, given what went down between the two of them. Nick says that he's over all that; that there's bigger things to worry about. Good on you, Nick.

Next week on Project Runway: The first part of a two-part finale. Tim visits the designers at home, working on their Fashion Week collections. Santino's, like, poor or something. Chloe's mom is cute. Danzzz designs bags, you bitches! Santino insists that he likes to see other people succeed. Michael Kors takes everyone shopping. Tim threatens to bitchslap someone. Something about Danzzz's collection bothers Tim, which offends Danzzz. Uh, oh. There's a final surprise that makes Chloe cry.

Overall Grade: B+