Crushed Dreams

Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 13

Previously on Top Chef: Kevin won another Elimination Challenge. The chefs went through a fake Bocuse d'Or that had real consequences for Eli. Now, four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening credits. With the season coming to a close, the viewing party goes snack crazy. For the first half of the finale, we had turkey tetrazzini, cheese fondue, olive salsa, sausage dip, Fruity Pebble treats, and a multitude of wines. Perhaps not the most well-balanced meal, but a very enjoyable one.

Monday Morning Quarterback session. We get a brief look back at the final four throughout the season, and a few of their opinions on each other. Kevin is complimentary. Jenc is flustered. Michael is snotty. Bryan is. The finalists roll into a Napa Valley train station under a picturesque rainbow. They chat to each other about what they've been up to since they've finally gotten some time off from each other, and they chat to us about how they're totally going to win. A train pulls up to the station, and a very pregnant Padma steps out, along with this week's guest judge, Michael Chiarello. Michael (the contestant) admires him, ostensibly because he's such an awesome chef, but probably more because he saw the episode where Chiarello got into a snit with Douchebag Dale. Michael loves snits.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs will be cooking with and featuring the most natural ingredient you can find in these parts: Grapes! The chefs will have half an hour to get their food ready, and they will then serve to Padma and Chiarello on the train. Oh, and by the way... They'll be cooking in the cramped train kitchen. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so the winner will get a nice little prize in their Christmas stocking. It turns out to be a Prius. Nice! The chefs are all jazzed. Padma starts the clock, and the chefs hustle onto the train and stock up on ingredients, including several varieties of grape. Everyone gets cooking, and bumps up against each other in the narrow kitchen space. A hideous Frankenbyte makes Bryan sound angry about Michael beating him to the small prep space, but it's so obviously cobbled together from different quotes, Bryan may as well have been talking about standing in line at the DMV. Kevin works on dessert, and questions his choice of grape. Jenc is pleased with hers. Michael wants to use as many parts of the grape as he can. Bryan muses over the fact that he's never won a Quickfire. Hey, Stephanie was terrible at Quickfires, and she did all right for herself. Time runs out, and the chefs present their dishes.

Kevin has made honey and cheese mousse with glazed grapes, sea salt, and thyme. It's very pretty. Michael has stuffed a grape leaf with couscous filling, and serves it with a spice blend, vinegar reduction, and a kebab of grapes and scallops. Bryan has roasted hen with Brussels sprouts and bacon. The grapes have been reduced into a sauce and the grape flesh was added back in at the end. Jenc has made chicken liver with steamed clams, and serves it with a sauce of grapes, grape tendrils, and wild mushrooms. Results. Kevin's was tasty, but light on grape. Michael, on the other hand, used his grapes very wisely. Bryan's smoky bacon matched the grape well. Jenc's was impressive enough to steal for Chiarello's own restaurant. The winner of the challenge and the snazzy ride is... Michael. He's pleased, but still focused on the challenge ahead.

Elimination Challenge. The chefs approach a winery, where they're told there is going to be a Crush party celebrating the grape harvest's end, which is capped with grape stomping. Sounds like a fun party activity. I'd love to jump up and down on some grapes. The party will have 150 guests, and the chefs will be responsible for making two dishes. The focus will be on local ingredients, so the chefs won't have access to ingredients that aren't raised or grown nearby. One of the dishes has to be vegetarian, and one has to feature a local protein. They'll shop at a Farmer's Market, and will have five hours to cook and prep.

Shopping. The chefs get forty-five minutes and $600. The market looks great, and reminds me that I really have to get down to Soulard before it gets intolerably cold. Jenc, knowing full well that she tends to fall apart when she's unfocused and has got too many ideas flying around her head, has too many ideas flying around her head. She finally settles on duck for her protein. Michael wants to feature the freshness of local eggs. Kevin knows Michael disdains his simple style, but has no plans to complicate his dishes, believing that he can beat Michael with that simplicity.

Cooking montage. Michael has an intensely long prep list, and jumps into a whirlpool of activity from the first moment. Jenc describes the environment as competitive, but not meanly so. I wish she'd go around to every reality show and explain the difference between "I hope I beat you, but good luck," and "I'm an unrepentant dickweed, which I will attempt to pawn off on a 'competitive' nature". Bryan debones short ribs to make for a faster braise. Michael tells us that there's definitely a sibling rivalry going on between him and Bryan. Whoa! No way! I never picked up on that in the nineteen-thousand other interviews about sibling rivalry sprinkled generously across the season! Ptom stops by to talk with everyone. They describe what they'll be preparing, which we'll hear about later anyway, so is this a complete waste of time? It is! Jenc discovers that the coals in the stove aren't hot enough to cook her duck, so she's switching to confit in duck fat. Kevin worries about the tenderness of his brisket. Michael frets over his eggs. "It's either going to be OK, or it's not," he says. Oh, good. I was hoping I could pile more evidence in the "Top Chef 6 - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" file before the end of the season. Time winds down.

After the commercials, the chefs are setting up their stations at the Crush party. Before they know it, the scene is flooded with guests. The judges stride in soon after. Holy hell, what crime against fashion is Padma perpetrating this time? She's got on a black, knee-length dress, high red boots, and what looks like a black shrug, suggesting a cape billowing out the back.

Panny: "Who the hell is dressing her?"
Limecrete: "Carmen Sandiego, apparently."

Michael cajoles some guests into helping him set out bowls so he can work on serving the food. Kevin describes his protein to some interested people. The judges approach Bryan's station, and happily, Gail is available this week, so we don't have to put up with Toby. Bryan's vegetarian dish is goat cheese ravioli over a squash puree with mushrooms and fennel. His protein is fig-glazed short rib with celeriac puree, wax beans, and arugula. The judges all love the ravioli, but feel the sauce beneath it needs seasoning. The short rib is also slightly underseasoned. Michael is still trying to garner help from the party guests. His vegetarian dish is a vegetable pistou with heirloom tomato coulis, a poached egg, squash flowers, and fennel. His protein dish is a turnip soup with foie gras terrine, a poached pear, and glazed turnip. The judges like the egg, but find that it overpowers the vegetables. Padma's egg is underdone. Judging from that expanding uterus, I'd say the egg is plenty done. Ba-zing! Everyone likes the foie gras, but finds it a bit over-sauced.

Kevin's vegetarian dish is roasted beets and carrots in a honey vinaigrette, resting on a carrot top puree, and topped with local cheese. His meat dish is braised brisket with pumpkin polenta, and marinated root vegetables. He gives props to the locals who dedicate their lives to making wine, and compliments those who master this craft, only "craft" kind of sounds like "crap", which makes this speech a hell of a lot funnier. The judges are over the moon for Kevin's veggie dish, but the brisket is stringy and tough. The polenta underneath it is good, though. Odd for the barbecue king of Atlanta to wow with plants and fall down on the beef. Jenc's vegetarian option is chevre mousse with honey mushrooms, braised radishes, and basil. Granted, I'm not a fan of mushrooms, so I may not get a vote here, but honey AND mushrooms? Ew. Her meat plate is braised duck legs and duck breast confit, with squash puree and a foie gras vinaigrette. She's even come up with a couple of wine pairings for her food, which was smart. The judges find the veggie dish salty, but with impressive undertones. The duck is hearty and flavorful. Various guests talk about how much they enjoyed the dishes.

Michael sings his favorite tune about how happy he is with his food, and that other people -- nod, nod, Kevin -- are playing things too safe. I guess the lesson didn't sink in after all. Kevin points out that all of the final four have had major success over the course of the season, not just a challenge here and there. Someone talented is heading home.

Interstitial. The chefs drink. The viewing party drinks.

Judges' Table. Padma summons everyone to the dining room. Odd Asian Music and Gong make their brief appearance, then head off to get drunk somewhere. The judges open by heartily congratulating all four chefs on the talent and professionalism they've displayed this season. I actually believe them. I know that every season of every show is supposed to be the MOST! TALENTED! CAST! EVER! but that rarely turns out to be the case. In this instance, though, it really seems like the level of talent this year has been superb, and I have no problem believing all four of these people consistently cook amazing food. Now, to the technicalities. Kevin's vegetarian dish was stellar. Ptom says that despite its simplicity, the restraint Kevin showed goes a long way. Michael sucks a lemon. Kevin is slightly taken to task for his tough brisket, but not very much. Bryan's ravioli was perfect, but the sauce needed seasoning, as did his meat dish. Also, the figs didn't shine through as much as they could have. Michael loses some points for the cut of his vegetables, as well as the underdone egg that Padma got. The meat dish was tasty. Chiarello says he was surprised at how the elements came together in his mouth.

Viewing party: "That's what she said."

Gail found the soup a bit bitter, which was fine as long as it had the meat and pear to counteract it. The problem was that there was far more soup than the other components. Jenc's goat cheese dish was "interesting". The basil was nice, but the rest was salty. Ptom points out that during his Ptimewaste, she said she was going to grill it, and wonders why that didn't happen. Jenc describes how the coals got too cold, and when asked if she would have preferred to grill it if she could have, she assents. That makes her look bad (essentially conveying "I wish I could have done a completely different preparation,") but it's a little unfair, because of course she would prefer to stick to her original plan, as would everyone. The chefs are dismissed.

Deliberations. Chiarello points out that nobody's food was bad, so they have to delve into the nuances of who made the biggest mistake. Jenc's goat cheese was good, but had too much salt. The best part of her duck dish was the foie gras vinaigrette, and there wasn't much of it. Michael took big risks, and it mostly paid off. The egg was too sloppy, though. Bryan's ravioli was fantastic, but he had seasoning problems across the board. Kevin knows how to turn two ingredients into a full, satisfying dish. His brisket had texture issues, and despite his sneaky use of the word "toothsome" to admit it was tough without out-and-out calling it so, the judges weren't impressed. The chefs think the judges have a tough choice, because unlike previous episodes (and seasons), there isn't an obvious pile of shite on the table to eliminate. Strange that you can't say "shit" on TV, but "shite" (and "merde") are just peachy. I'm going to start cursing in foreign languages all the time, you matherchoth. The judges make a decision.

Elimination. First, the winner. It's someone who made the most of the Farmer's Market, and was the closest to perfect. It's Bryan. He interviews that he's very excited, and laughs that goofy, endearing laugh of his. He's dismissed. Of the remaining three, all were missing something. Kevin's beef dish was stringy. Michael's egg was disappointing. Jenc was a little scattered and unfocused. AGAIN. Ptom reiterates what a tough decision it was, but they did make one. Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Padma's eyes shift off camera for a moment as she says it, though I don't know if it's because she's a bit upset to deliver this news, or if something's distracting her. I figured Jenc would be the one cut, if only because of the concentration issues she's had in a few episodes. Jenc is happy for the experience, saying that it's pushed her to become a better chef, and to expand her creativity. She hugs the guys good-bye, and says that it's tough to know that you can do better than what you put out, but just not have the time to do it. Yeah, that must suck. As I said in the short version, Jenc may be leaving in fourth place in this season, but if you could transplant her to the other ones (such as Hosea's or Ilan's), she'd almost undoubtedly win. I'm not worried about her; her future looks pretty damn secure.

Next week on Top Chef: A winner! More fondue and booze for me!

Overall Grade: B+