Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 13
Previously on Top Chef: The contestants were told to étouffée off with a swarm of crawfish. A few poor creatures lost their lives for no purpose, as some of the chefs couldn't quite grasp the concept. Stephanie literally couldn't grasp it, for fear of anaphylactic shock. Shirley grasped everything just fine, pulling down immunity with another challenge win. In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs were tasked with highlighting seafood. Nicholas gave Carlos a shot at personality redemption, which Carlos proceeded to flush almost instantly. Stephanie's fried oysters carried the day, while Carrie got fried. Six chefs remain. Who will eliminated tonight?
Quickfire. As the chefs head to the Kitchen, we learn that Carlos probably won't be invited to many of Nicholas' birthday parties from here on out. After the oven incident and the knife incident, Nicholas is pretty much at the end of his rope. Anyhow, for today's Quickfire, the chefs are met by Padma and guest judge Jacques Pepin. The chefs are appropriately awed by him, and even more so when he effortlessly demonstrates how to make one of his signature dishes: Dover sole with artichoke and tomato. Once he's done, he informs the chefs that they how have thirty-five minutes to recreate the dish as best they can. Ready? Go!
Some chefs are in a better position than others. Nicholas and Shirley have classical French training, and are a lot stronger out of the gate than Carlos, who is self-taught. Still, being able to execute someone else's vision and the ability to recreate the same dish over and over are important skills for a chef to have, so I always like to see this type of challenge. Thirty-five minutes is not long, though, and when time is up, a lot of the chefs' plates are lacking. Nina managed to get her fish cooked, but wasn't able to fully compose the plate. Brian couldn't even get sauce on the plate, and the whole thing looks like a giant mess. Carlos and Stephanie got more tasks accomplished, but fall victim to complaints like watery sauce and undercooked fish. Nicholas and Shirley duke it out for the win, which goes to... Nicholas, who takes his first Quickfire. Surprisingly, the chefs are still receiving immunity for Quickfire wins. Normally, it's a distant memory by now.
Elimination Challenge. So, New Orleans has belonged to quite a few people over the years. Before it became the shining jewel of America, the Crescent City was ruled by both France and Spain, and what better way to honor that rich history than with a reality show challenge? Sorry, I'm a bit punchy tonight. Anyhow, tonight's Elimination Challenge will split the six chefs into two competing teams. One team will present a French meal, and one a Spanish meal. Each meal will be five courses, and must incorporate almonds, chicken, mussels, olives, and chocolate. The chefs won't be on their own, though. Each team gets an accomplished mentor; Dominique Crenn for the French team, and Julian Serrano for the Spanish team. The chefs draw knives to determine which team they'll be on:
France: Shirley, Stephanie, and Nicholas
Spain: Nina, Brian, and Carlos
The mentors get to spend all day with the chefs before service begins, and unlike past mentor challenges, Crenn and Serrano get massive input into the menus being prepared. On the French side, this means Nicholas happily implementing all of Crenn's intricate technique suggestions and delegating tasks to the others, while on the Spanish side, Serrano is more interested in keeping things simple. That simplicity doesn't mean he's easy-going, though. He micromanages every slice and dash of seasoning, while Crenn prefers to kick back with a glass of wine. There's something telling about nationality in that, I'm sure. Stephanie becomes increasingly nervous, because all of this classical French cooking is completely out of her comfort zone, and she has to rely on Nicholas and Crenn to direct her dish.
The next day, the chefs prep their final dishes for the judges. Shirley is making ice cream with liquid nitrogen, which she's never worked with before. She hopes to not set a Top Chef precedent by becoming the first contestant to lose a chunk of her ear. Hehe. Nina has some last-minute cold feet about the simplicity of her dish, though she's confident in its flavors. The French team is working on a delicate "nest" of corn silk that is meant to dissolve on the tongue, or something. It's becoming readily apparent that this battle is going to come down to traditional vs. modern cuisine. Let's see what the judges are in the mood for. Crenn and Serrano join the judges, of course, as does Jacques Pepin and executive chef John Folse. Tough room. Dinner time!
The French team presents:
-Snapper ceviche with dehydrated olives and olive oil ice cream (Shirley)
-Pickled mussels with crustacean jus and toasted ciabatta (Stephanie)
-Chicken liver mousse on a bullion of roasted chicken (Stephanie/Shirley)
-Cornish game hen in a chocolate sauce, the aforementioned corn silk nest, and eggs made with duck fat (Nicholas)
-Almond flan with shaved plum dark chocolate, served with licorice (Nicholas)
The mussels look absolutely incredible, and I'm always up for a good chicken liver dish. The flan sounds good, too, though I'm not a huge licorice fan.
The Spanish team presents:
-Russian potato salad with shrimp, carrots, potatoes and olives (Nina)
-White garlic soup with almonds, crab, and cherry (Nina)
-Mussels in Romesco with crispy leeks (Carlos)
-Chicken and saffron rice (Brian/Carlos)
-Chocolate flan with raspberries (Brian)
They weren't kidding about the traditional style of these dishes. Nina's potato salad looks straight out of a 1952 issue of Good Housekeeping. That said, everything seems pretty tasty.
Naturally, the mentors each pull for the team they assisted. It actually gets a bit testy at one point. The judges have other issues as well, in that both their favorite and least favorite dishes were presented by the same team. They really loved the consommé in the chicken liver dish, but hated the chocolate game hen. Tom compares the corn silk nest to a wad of hair you'd pull out of the tub drain. And...he kind of has a point. There is no fret 'n sweat in front of the screen this week, I guess because it would instantly give away too much information to the chefs.
Judges' Table. The Spanish team is called in first. After a moment of tension, it's announced that they are the winning team. When it comes to deciding the individual winner, there's no difficulty whatsoever. While Carlos and Brian both bought assets to the menu, it's Nina's dishes that really carried the day, and she wins her umpteenth challenge. All she gets is the duty to call in the French team for judgement. This is where it really gets interesting. Shirley and Stephanie's dishes were both good. Great, even. Shirley's ice cream wasn't a homerun, but her ceviche and consommé were outstanding. Not all of Stephanie's components worked, but her mussels were fantastic.
It's Nicholas that has brought the team down. His chocolate game hen was the worst dish of the day, and his flan wasn't much better. But as we all know, he has immunity from the Quickfire win, so what now? Well, there are a couple of options, and the judges lay out the big one bluntly. Nicholas is free to resign so his teammates aren't punished for his mistakes. The judges won't and can't make him, of course, but they make it plain that it's what they want. Still, this isn't so much a cooking competition as a game. A game has twists and rules, and one of those rules involves immunity. Isn't the whole point of it to shield you from just this situation? Nicholas certainly thinks so, telling the judges that he thinks he's cooked well enough to have earned that immunity, and won't be giving it up.
People in some quarters are very angry about this. To them, Nicholas is a sneak and a coward for doing this. They believe he should have nobly fallen on his sword to protect Stephanie and Shirley from elimination. I'd admire him for taking that course, but I can't be angry at him for not. If this were some other sort of situation, sure. But in Top Chef, the chef who made the biggest mistake not going home has happened multiple times. Being good at solving hangman-style puzzles won't help you if you keep landing on "BANKRUPT" on Wheel of Fortune. Knowing the answers doesn't help if you can't ring in first on Jeopardy!. If the dice aren't on your side, you'll lose your shirt in Monopoly. And on Top Chef, if you're on a losing team with a chef that has immunity, you'll get the chop, no matter how talented you are. It's just the nature of the game, and if there's a problem, then it's up to the judges and producers to address the rules, not Nicholas. As far as I'm concerned, he's perfectly entitled to stay, though I'll be disappointed when one of his teammates, both of whom I like very much, gets eliminated.
In this case, that elimination falls on Stephanie. Bummer. There are always certain dishes that make me want to the climb through the TV screen and grab them, and while there are other contestants I may enjoy more and other contestants that may have more raw talent, Stephanie had the highest percentage of those drool-worthy dishes. She's very proud of the work and growth she achieved while on the show, and hopes to come roaring back in Last Chance Kitchen. Really, if you're going to be eliminated, I suppose the best way to go out is with a dish the judges liked. No mistakes to regret; no second-guessing what you should have done differently. It's just the way the cookie crumbles, and in this case, those crumbs made a big mess.
Overall Grade: B-
Showing posts with label E13. Show all posts
Showing posts with label E13. Show all posts
Monday, January 20, 2014
Friday, September 10, 2010
Bite My Cockle
Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 13
Previously on Top Chef: Cheeeeeeefs! Iiiiiiiiin! Spaaaaaaaace! Meals fit for the final frontier were prepared. Tiffany's mussels froze. Angelo won a shitload of prizes, while poor Tiffany was brought back down to Earth. Boo! Four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. All the usual victuals, plus some wonderful salami. I don't know what it is about meat in stick and/or tubular form that elevates the viewing party spread to the next level, but there it is. Drinking Game Rule #13: Take a drink whenever Angelo says "heart".
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Well, there actually isn't one for once, because the chefs spend the beginning part of the episode getting themselves acclimated to Singapore after a short break at home. They reconnect in a local market, and after they spend a few minutes catching up, they're approached by Ptom and a man named Seetoh, who's identified as the "King of Singapore street food". Is there an earldom I could get in on? The chefs get up and accompany Seetoh on an exploration of the many booths and stalls that the food market has to offer. It's a scene that's fun to watch, and dear God, does it make me hungry, but there isn't much to report. Kevin says that no matter what the competition throws at him, he's going to enjoy the experience.
LabRat: "So let's go find some hookers."
At the end of the tour, the chefs spot Padma, and know it signifies a challenge ahead. Hilariously, they all cringe when they see her, as if she's the obnoxious aunt you can't escape from at Thanksgiving. Indeed, the chefs have arrived at the Quickfire Challenge, in which they must prepare street food of their own, using a wok. A ton of local ingredients have been provided. Padma is just bursting to announce the final twist: For the first time this late in the competition, the winner of the Quickfire will receive immunity in the Elimination Challenge. That... Is fucking stupid. Why is this advantage offered? To what end? I know they like throwing the chefs for a loop, but this really has no benefit for the audience. Naturally, the chefs are happier about it than I am. Padma gives the chefs half an hour to get their dishes ready, and starts the clock.
Angelo is very comfortable with preparing Asian food, and assumes an air of confidence bordering on the edge of arrogance. I've always marveled at people who say they know all about "Asian" food, as if they were masters of the entire continent and the gazillion cuisines cooked there. Everyone soon hits the first roadblock when they discover that the ingredients are marked in Cantonese. People have to choose their ingredients based on taste, which should lead to some interesting combinations. Ed obsesses over Angelo's experience, while Angelo obsesses over the vast abundance of ingredients. With five minutes left on the clock, he changes his mind and switches his main focus from crab to frogs' legs. After a mad dash to plate, time runs out.
Angelo is nervous, saying that his heart almost popped out of his shirt. DRINK! Padma and Seetoh go down the line. Angelo presents his chili frog legs, with pineapple, tomato paste, and a rambutan salad. Kelly has made a Chinese noodle dish with lobster, cockle, bean sprouts, and Chinese broccoli. Kevin has done a seafood stew with lobster, calamari, and cuttlefish, and finished it off with some mushrooms, ginger, and crispy shallots. That sounds good. Padma asks him if he's ever used a wok before, and when he admits that he hasn't, she jumps down his throat for not practicing with one during the break. He says that he spent his time studying ingredients, rather than trying to learn a new piece of equipment. And for all I've said against Kevin, and for all that I think that any professional chef should know how to use a wok, I'm with him on this one. None of the chefs can prepare for every eventuality, so he concentrated on playing to his strengths. It's a perfectly valid strategy. Ed has stir fried some noodles with black pepper sauce, steamed lobster, and gai lan (Singaporean asparagus). Eh. That sounds like something you'd get in an American restaurant dedicated to Pan-Asian food. It doesn't sound bad, just not very authentic.
Results. Seetoh has nothing but nice things to say about all four of the dishes. Angelo put a lot of nicely robust ingredients together. Kelly captured the essence of the ocean. Kevin made a complex, sophisticated cuttlefish dish. Ed infused his noodles with a ton of flavors. The winner of the challenge and its attendant immunity is... Ed. Ed is immediately all smiles. Angelo is pissed, which Ed is all too delighted by. Padma tells the chefs that immunity will play a huge role in the Elimination Challenge. Well, duh. That's why it shouldn't be offered this late. Padma keeps the crappy ideas coming by explaining that for this week's Elimination Challenge, the chefs will again be working as one team. Um... They do realize that this is part of the finale, yes? The producers are aware that this isn't episode four, where team challenges and immunity make sense? We're getting to the point where the judges have to discern very specific details of individual talent, and you're not going to find that in a chef with guaranteed safety or a dish that is affected by having to work around competitors' wishes and input. Horrifically bad planning this week. Angelo is understandably disappointed.
Let's get down to the details of this nonsense. The chefs will work as a team to cater a party hosted by Dana Cowin, who wants to see a multicultural menu. I can see why it's important to be in Singapore for a bunch of American chefs to cook for American judges at a party thrown by an American. The chefs will have to cook each dish to order, so no dumping a giant serving platter on the table and calling it a day. The chefs are dismissed back to their hotel, where they settle in to plan their menu. Kevin wants to work with cockles. Angelo waffles over chicken livers, while Kelly volunteers to make a red curry with fish and prawns. Ed is drawn to pork belly. Kelly wonders aloud if they need to make more than four dishes. "I personally don't think so," Ed says. Kevin agrees that if they weren't doing things to order, it'd be a different situation, but with the time limit, it makes more sense for each chef to focus on one thing. Kelly twists her mouth, wanting to agree, but visibly worried that it won't be impressive enough. Ed reiterates twice more that it really only makes sense for each chef to do one dish, and that's eventually what they agree to do. After that's settled, everyone just sits around tensely. Angelo interviews that everybody's hearts are on the line. DRINK!
The next day, the chefs put the finishing touches on their plans. They're still not wild about having to collaborate. Ed jokes about using the hotel jelly to make his dish, and Angelo tersely tells him he wishes that Ed would take this a little more seriously. Normally, I'd tell Angelo to lighten up, as Ed was clearly just teasing, but since Ed has that dumbass immunity, I'm with Angelo. Of course, Angelo then turns around and jokes that Ed should just serve a plateful of cilantro and bean paste, so what do I know? Ed obsesses over Angelo's experience with Asian food some more. Sigh. I was really excited for these Singapore episodes, but I've found little to like so far about anything but the tour of the street market. Speaking of which, the chefs head there to pick up additional ingredients, and must rely on the opinions of the vendors as to what the best product is. Ed discovers some fritter batter that catches his eye, and he decides on the spur of the moment that he's now going to do two dishes instead of one. Not that he shares this information with his "team". Angelo says he's happy that Ed has immunity, because it's a double-edged sword.
Tiffany: "You only think that because you don't have it."
Back at whatever kitchen they've been assigned to, the chefs get started on their one hour of prep work. Angelo whips himself into a hysterical froth. Ed needles him annoyingly, grinning in interview that he's working on getting Angelo eliminated. So far, all he's accomplished is a large need to shut the fuck up. Kevin implores his cockles to wake up. Kelly seems happy with how her prawn curry is coming along. Into this scene walks Ptom, and this is usually where I'd tell you that he spends a fair chunk of the episode Ptimewasting. But not tonight! Lest you think I'm warming up to tell you that Ptom's presence during the prep actually accomplishes something positive for once, it's actually the polar opposite. He's miffed that the chefs are only serving four dishes, and essentially orders them to double it. Got that? He's directly affecting the food prepared and the focus put into each dish, which he will then turn around and judge the quality of. What a douche.
Ed sucks up, and tells Ptom that he was planning to make two dishes all along. Oh, maybe you could find a couple of ingredients up Ptom's ass, since you seem content to root around in there. At this point, nothing about this episode has had anything to do with selecting a talented chef; it's all been reality show bullshit. So I don't see why I should spend an inordinate amount of time covering it. Let's just hit the highlights. The non-immune chefs are not pleased with Ed, but don't have time to make a big deal of it, as they need to get going on their second dishes. Kelly cuts herself, and leaks blood all over the floor. Time runs out.
Interstitial. The chefs go prawn fishing, which looks like all kinds of fun, though that's probably because they edited out all the boring parts of fishing, which is about nine-tenths.
The next day, the chefs head for the beach club where the party is taking place. After an additional ninety minutes of prep, it's go time. Angelo tells us that the chefs are cooking their hearts out. DRINK! Ed needles him some more. The Singaporean waitstaff enters, and Ed brings them up to speed on the menu. The judges get seated at their table. In addition to Padma, Gail, and Ptom, we have Seetoh and Dana Cowin. I'm blinded by the multiculturalism. Kevin's cockles won't open. They finally start to cooperate as the first orders come trickling in. There are issues with the waitstaff that mostly boil down to the language barrier, but the chefs are able to roll with the punches. The first set of dishes go out for the judges, who are wearing earpieces for some reason. Kelly has made a chilled cucumber yogurt soup with bitter melon. Everyone likes the bright zing it has. Kevin's clam chowder has "flavors of Southeast Asia", whatever that means. This is the dish with the aforementioned cockles, and the judges heartily enjoy it. Angelo's sweet-and-spicy shrimp broth has ginger and prawn dumplings. The judges love this one too, calling it complicated, yet comforting.
The next batch of dishes goes out. Angelo has a lamb tartare with a rambutan ceviche and curry oil. It's another hit. Dana doesn't usually enjoy tartares, but likes this one. Ed has sweet-and-sour pork, with crispy rice and potato cakes, finished with some gai lan. Also a hit. Ed douches at Angelo some more. I get the sense that we're supposed to find this mischievous and delightful, but honestly, he's just getting on my nerves.
Next batch. Kevin has done a 63-degree farm egg with pearl tapioca and some radish. It's his version of a congee, which was the only thing that brought me solace the last time I had the flu. It's another hit, and the riskiest thing Kevin has made in a while. Kelly has seared prawns in a spicy red coconut curry, and some crispy prawn heads on top. A guava salad is served on the side. More positive response, though Ptom is more measured about it this time. Ed has banana fritters with red chili paste. I'd be curious to try those. The judges are over the moon for them. Service winds down. Dana stands up and thanks the diners for coming to the party.
Phooey (as the guests): "Shut up, you crusty old white lady!"
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs are pretty pleased with how they operated as a team. Padma comes in and summons everyone to Judges' Table. Once they're lined up, Ptom tells them that they've put forth the best food of the season for this challenge. We get into the individual dishes, and it's mostly all good news. Angelo's tuna tartare was smooth, and his prawn soup was intense and bold. The only problem was that the soup was too thick and a bit too salty, almost as if it were a sauce instead of a soup. Gail tells him the flavors were so intense that it was kind of like a smack in the face.
Panny: "Luckily, she's into that."
Kelly's cucumber soup was terrific, but her fish had some texture issues. The curry was good, but could have used a bit more heat. Her guava/apple salad was nice and refreshing. Ed's pork was delicious, as were his fritters. His rice cakes could have used some deep frying, but otherwise, he's golden. Kevin's clam chowder was refined, but could have used some heat. Sensing a theme? His congee, on the other hand, was terrific. Seetoh says it could have used a bit of texture, but it's a minor quibble. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Ed did a great job, despite his immunity. Ptom says that Kelly's shrimp dish was good, but didn't stand out. Here's where I would pause and ask him how he thinks her shrimp dish would taste if she had been allowed to focus on just doing that, instead of having to throw that soup together as well. Would she have done the same things? Would she have made it more complex, since she'd have had more time to think about it? Would her preparation have been cleaner if she hadn't been in such a panic and cut her hand? In other words, would Kelly's shrimp have been as disappointing if you, the HEAD JUDGE, hadn't had a direct influence on its preparation? Kelly's soup had some problems with its fish, but it was better than Angelo's salty broth. His tartare, on the other hand, was perfection. Kevin's chowder was elegant, and his congee was outstanding. Ptom thinks it would have been better with some herbaceous elements. Hang on, I have to go add "Herbaceous Elements" to the Awesome Band Name list.
Elimination. First, the winner. The theme of the season stays strong, as Ed sweeps another episode. LabRat is delighted. Limecrete is less so, though I admit that his fritters looked great. Now, to the bad news. Kelly. Please pack your knives and go. Crap, crap, crap. She gives the other chefs hugs, as Angelo begins to weep. In her final interview, she admits that the competition was a lot tougher than she thought it was going to be, which makes her thankful for what she has back home. She shakes the judges' hands, and tells them that she's a better chef because of this experience. Aw, that was sweet. She wishes she could have won, but seems as at peace with her elimination as one can be.
The final three are jazzed to make it to the finals. Who will win?!?! Will it be Lackluster Winner #1, Lackluster Winner #2, or Lackluster Winner #3?!?! The suspense is killzzzzzzzzzzzzz........... As the episode closes, Padma comes in and asks to see everyone at Judges' Table again. "Even me?" Ed says. Yes, even you, Ed. Being teacher's pet only gets you so far.
Overall Grade: C-
Previously on Top Chef: Cheeeeeeefs! Iiiiiiiiin! Spaaaaaaaace! Meals fit for the final frontier were prepared. Tiffany's mussels froze. Angelo won a shitload of prizes, while poor Tiffany was brought back down to Earth. Boo! Four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. All the usual victuals, plus some wonderful salami. I don't know what it is about meat in stick and/or tubular form that elevates the viewing party spread to the next level, but there it is. Drinking Game Rule #13: Take a drink whenever Angelo says "heart".
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Well, there actually isn't one for once, because the chefs spend the beginning part of the episode getting themselves acclimated to Singapore after a short break at home. They reconnect in a local market, and after they spend a few minutes catching up, they're approached by Ptom and a man named Seetoh, who's identified as the "King of Singapore street food". Is there an earldom I could get in on? The chefs get up and accompany Seetoh on an exploration of the many booths and stalls that the food market has to offer. It's a scene that's fun to watch, and dear God, does it make me hungry, but there isn't much to report. Kevin says that no matter what the competition throws at him, he's going to enjoy the experience.
LabRat: "So let's go find some hookers."
At the end of the tour, the chefs spot Padma, and know it signifies a challenge ahead. Hilariously, they all cringe when they see her, as if she's the obnoxious aunt you can't escape from at Thanksgiving. Indeed, the chefs have arrived at the Quickfire Challenge, in which they must prepare street food of their own, using a wok. A ton of local ingredients have been provided. Padma is just bursting to announce the final twist: For the first time this late in the competition, the winner of the Quickfire will receive immunity in the Elimination Challenge. That... Is fucking stupid. Why is this advantage offered? To what end? I know they like throwing the chefs for a loop, but this really has no benefit for the audience. Naturally, the chefs are happier about it than I am. Padma gives the chefs half an hour to get their dishes ready, and starts the clock.
Angelo is very comfortable with preparing Asian food, and assumes an air of confidence bordering on the edge of arrogance. I've always marveled at people who say they know all about "Asian" food, as if they were masters of the entire continent and the gazillion cuisines cooked there. Everyone soon hits the first roadblock when they discover that the ingredients are marked in Cantonese. People have to choose their ingredients based on taste, which should lead to some interesting combinations. Ed obsesses over Angelo's experience, while Angelo obsesses over the vast abundance of ingredients. With five minutes left on the clock, he changes his mind and switches his main focus from crab to frogs' legs. After a mad dash to plate, time runs out.
Angelo is nervous, saying that his heart almost popped out of his shirt. DRINK! Padma and Seetoh go down the line. Angelo presents his chili frog legs, with pineapple, tomato paste, and a rambutan salad. Kelly has made a Chinese noodle dish with lobster, cockle, bean sprouts, and Chinese broccoli. Kevin has done a seafood stew with lobster, calamari, and cuttlefish, and finished it off with some mushrooms, ginger, and crispy shallots. That sounds good. Padma asks him if he's ever used a wok before, and when he admits that he hasn't, she jumps down his throat for not practicing with one during the break. He says that he spent his time studying ingredients, rather than trying to learn a new piece of equipment. And for all I've said against Kevin, and for all that I think that any professional chef should know how to use a wok, I'm with him on this one. None of the chefs can prepare for every eventuality, so he concentrated on playing to his strengths. It's a perfectly valid strategy. Ed has stir fried some noodles with black pepper sauce, steamed lobster, and gai lan (Singaporean asparagus). Eh. That sounds like something you'd get in an American restaurant dedicated to Pan-Asian food. It doesn't sound bad, just not very authentic.
Results. Seetoh has nothing but nice things to say about all four of the dishes. Angelo put a lot of nicely robust ingredients together. Kelly captured the essence of the ocean. Kevin made a complex, sophisticated cuttlefish dish. Ed infused his noodles with a ton of flavors. The winner of the challenge and its attendant immunity is... Ed. Ed is immediately all smiles. Angelo is pissed, which Ed is all too delighted by. Padma tells the chefs that immunity will play a huge role in the Elimination Challenge. Well, duh. That's why it shouldn't be offered this late. Padma keeps the crappy ideas coming by explaining that for this week's Elimination Challenge, the chefs will again be working as one team. Um... They do realize that this is part of the finale, yes? The producers are aware that this isn't episode four, where team challenges and immunity make sense? We're getting to the point where the judges have to discern very specific details of individual talent, and you're not going to find that in a chef with guaranteed safety or a dish that is affected by having to work around competitors' wishes and input. Horrifically bad planning this week. Angelo is understandably disappointed.
Let's get down to the details of this nonsense. The chefs will work as a team to cater a party hosted by Dana Cowin, who wants to see a multicultural menu. I can see why it's important to be in Singapore for a bunch of American chefs to cook for American judges at a party thrown by an American. The chefs will have to cook each dish to order, so no dumping a giant serving platter on the table and calling it a day. The chefs are dismissed back to their hotel, where they settle in to plan their menu. Kevin wants to work with cockles. Angelo waffles over chicken livers, while Kelly volunteers to make a red curry with fish and prawns. Ed is drawn to pork belly. Kelly wonders aloud if they need to make more than four dishes. "I personally don't think so," Ed says. Kevin agrees that if they weren't doing things to order, it'd be a different situation, but with the time limit, it makes more sense for each chef to focus on one thing. Kelly twists her mouth, wanting to agree, but visibly worried that it won't be impressive enough. Ed reiterates twice more that it really only makes sense for each chef to do one dish, and that's eventually what they agree to do. After that's settled, everyone just sits around tensely. Angelo interviews that everybody's hearts are on the line. DRINK!
The next day, the chefs put the finishing touches on their plans. They're still not wild about having to collaborate. Ed jokes about using the hotel jelly to make his dish, and Angelo tersely tells him he wishes that Ed would take this a little more seriously. Normally, I'd tell Angelo to lighten up, as Ed was clearly just teasing, but since Ed has that dumbass immunity, I'm with Angelo. Of course, Angelo then turns around and jokes that Ed should just serve a plateful of cilantro and bean paste, so what do I know? Ed obsesses over Angelo's experience with Asian food some more. Sigh. I was really excited for these Singapore episodes, but I've found little to like so far about anything but the tour of the street market. Speaking of which, the chefs head there to pick up additional ingredients, and must rely on the opinions of the vendors as to what the best product is. Ed discovers some fritter batter that catches his eye, and he decides on the spur of the moment that he's now going to do two dishes instead of one. Not that he shares this information with his "team". Angelo says he's happy that Ed has immunity, because it's a double-edged sword.
Tiffany: "You only think that because you don't have it."
Back at whatever kitchen they've been assigned to, the chefs get started on their one hour of prep work. Angelo whips himself into a hysterical froth. Ed needles him annoyingly, grinning in interview that he's working on getting Angelo eliminated. So far, all he's accomplished is a large need to shut the fuck up. Kevin implores his cockles to wake up. Kelly seems happy with how her prawn curry is coming along. Into this scene walks Ptom, and this is usually where I'd tell you that he spends a fair chunk of the episode Ptimewasting. But not tonight! Lest you think I'm warming up to tell you that Ptom's presence during the prep actually accomplishes something positive for once, it's actually the polar opposite. He's miffed that the chefs are only serving four dishes, and essentially orders them to double it. Got that? He's directly affecting the food prepared and the focus put into each dish, which he will then turn around and judge the quality of. What a douche.
Ed sucks up, and tells Ptom that he was planning to make two dishes all along. Oh, maybe you could find a couple of ingredients up Ptom's ass, since you seem content to root around in there. At this point, nothing about this episode has had anything to do with selecting a talented chef; it's all been reality show bullshit. So I don't see why I should spend an inordinate amount of time covering it. Let's just hit the highlights. The non-immune chefs are not pleased with Ed, but don't have time to make a big deal of it, as they need to get going on their second dishes. Kelly cuts herself, and leaks blood all over the floor. Time runs out.
Interstitial. The chefs go prawn fishing, which looks like all kinds of fun, though that's probably because they edited out all the boring parts of fishing, which is about nine-tenths.
The next day, the chefs head for the beach club where the party is taking place. After an additional ninety minutes of prep, it's go time. Angelo tells us that the chefs are cooking their hearts out. DRINK! Ed needles him some more. The Singaporean waitstaff enters, and Ed brings them up to speed on the menu. The judges get seated at their table. In addition to Padma, Gail, and Ptom, we have Seetoh and Dana Cowin. I'm blinded by the multiculturalism. Kevin's cockles won't open. They finally start to cooperate as the first orders come trickling in. There are issues with the waitstaff that mostly boil down to the language barrier, but the chefs are able to roll with the punches. The first set of dishes go out for the judges, who are wearing earpieces for some reason. Kelly has made a chilled cucumber yogurt soup with bitter melon. Everyone likes the bright zing it has. Kevin's clam chowder has "flavors of Southeast Asia", whatever that means. This is the dish with the aforementioned cockles, and the judges heartily enjoy it. Angelo's sweet-and-spicy shrimp broth has ginger and prawn dumplings. The judges love this one too, calling it complicated, yet comforting.
The next batch of dishes goes out. Angelo has a lamb tartare with a rambutan ceviche and curry oil. It's another hit. Dana doesn't usually enjoy tartares, but likes this one. Ed has sweet-and-sour pork, with crispy rice and potato cakes, finished with some gai lan. Also a hit. Ed douches at Angelo some more. I get the sense that we're supposed to find this mischievous and delightful, but honestly, he's just getting on my nerves.
Next batch. Kevin has done a 63-degree farm egg with pearl tapioca and some radish. It's his version of a congee, which was the only thing that brought me solace the last time I had the flu. It's another hit, and the riskiest thing Kevin has made in a while. Kelly has seared prawns in a spicy red coconut curry, and some crispy prawn heads on top. A guava salad is served on the side. More positive response, though Ptom is more measured about it this time. Ed has banana fritters with red chili paste. I'd be curious to try those. The judges are over the moon for them. Service winds down. Dana stands up and thanks the diners for coming to the party.
Phooey (as the guests): "Shut up, you crusty old white lady!"
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs are pretty pleased with how they operated as a team. Padma comes in and summons everyone to Judges' Table. Once they're lined up, Ptom tells them that they've put forth the best food of the season for this challenge. We get into the individual dishes, and it's mostly all good news. Angelo's tuna tartare was smooth, and his prawn soup was intense and bold. The only problem was that the soup was too thick and a bit too salty, almost as if it were a sauce instead of a soup. Gail tells him the flavors were so intense that it was kind of like a smack in the face.
Panny: "Luckily, she's into that."
Kelly's cucumber soup was terrific, but her fish had some texture issues. The curry was good, but could have used a bit more heat. Her guava/apple salad was nice and refreshing. Ed's pork was delicious, as were his fritters. His rice cakes could have used some deep frying, but otherwise, he's golden. Kevin's clam chowder was refined, but could have used some heat. Sensing a theme? His congee, on the other hand, was terrific. Seetoh says it could have used a bit of texture, but it's a minor quibble. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Ed did a great job, despite his immunity. Ptom says that Kelly's shrimp dish was good, but didn't stand out. Here's where I would pause and ask him how he thinks her shrimp dish would taste if she had been allowed to focus on just doing that, instead of having to throw that soup together as well. Would she have done the same things? Would she have made it more complex, since she'd have had more time to think about it? Would her preparation have been cleaner if she hadn't been in such a panic and cut her hand? In other words, would Kelly's shrimp have been as disappointing if you, the HEAD JUDGE, hadn't had a direct influence on its preparation? Kelly's soup had some problems with its fish, but it was better than Angelo's salty broth. His tartare, on the other hand, was perfection. Kevin's chowder was elegant, and his congee was outstanding. Ptom thinks it would have been better with some herbaceous elements. Hang on, I have to go add "Herbaceous Elements" to the Awesome Band Name list.
Elimination. First, the winner. The theme of the season stays strong, as Ed sweeps another episode. LabRat is delighted. Limecrete is less so, though I admit that his fritters looked great. Now, to the bad news. Kelly. Please pack your knives and go. Crap, crap, crap. She gives the other chefs hugs, as Angelo begins to weep. In her final interview, she admits that the competition was a lot tougher than she thought it was going to be, which makes her thankful for what she has back home. She shakes the judges' hands, and tells them that she's a better chef because of this experience. Aw, that was sweet. She wishes she could have won, but seems as at peace with her elimination as one can be.
The final three are jazzed to make it to the finals. Who will win?!?! Will it be Lackluster Winner #1, Lackluster Winner #2, or Lackluster Winner #3?!?! The suspense is killzzzzzzzzzzzzz........... As the episode closes, Padma comes in and asks to see everyone at Judges' Table again. "Even me?" Ed says. Yes, even you, Ed. Being teacher's pet only gets you so far.
Overall Grade: C-
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Crushed Dreams
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 13
Previously on Top Chef: Kevin won another Elimination Challenge. The chefs went through a fake Bocuse d'Or that had real consequences for Eli. Now, four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. With the season coming to a close, the viewing party goes snack crazy. For the first half of the finale, we had turkey tetrazzini, cheese fondue, olive salsa, sausage dip, Fruity Pebble treats, and a multitude of wines. Perhaps not the most well-balanced meal, but a very enjoyable one.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. We get a brief look back at the final four throughout the season, and a few of their opinions on each other. Kevin is complimentary. Jenc is flustered. Michael is snotty. Bryan is. The finalists roll into a Napa Valley train station under a picturesque rainbow. They chat to each other about what they've been up to since they've finally gotten some time off from each other, and they chat to us about how they're totally going to win. A train pulls up to the station, and a very pregnant Padma steps out, along with this week's guest judge, Michael Chiarello. Michael (the contestant) admires him, ostensibly because he's such an awesome chef, but probably more because he saw the episode where Chiarello got into a snit with Douchebag Dale. Michael loves snits.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs will be cooking with and featuring the most natural ingredient you can find in these parts: Grapes! The chefs will have half an hour to get their food ready, and they will then serve to Padma and Chiarello on the train. Oh, and by the way... They'll be cooking in the cramped train kitchen. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so the winner will get a nice little prize in their Christmas stocking. It turns out to be a Prius. Nice! The chefs are all jazzed. Padma starts the clock, and the chefs hustle onto the train and stock up on ingredients, including several varieties of grape. Everyone gets cooking, and bumps up against each other in the narrow kitchen space. A hideous Frankenbyte makes Bryan sound angry about Michael beating him to the small prep space, but it's so obviously cobbled together from different quotes, Bryan may as well have been talking about standing in line at the DMV. Kevin works on dessert, and questions his choice of grape. Jenc is pleased with hers. Michael wants to use as many parts of the grape as he can. Bryan muses over the fact that he's never won a Quickfire. Hey, Stephanie was terrible at Quickfires, and she did all right for herself. Time runs out, and the chefs present their dishes.
Kevin has made honey and cheese mousse with glazed grapes, sea salt, and thyme. It's very pretty. Michael has stuffed a grape leaf with couscous filling, and serves it with a spice blend, vinegar reduction, and a kebab of grapes and scallops. Bryan has roasted hen with Brussels sprouts and bacon. The grapes have been reduced into a sauce and the grape flesh was added back in at the end. Jenc has made chicken liver with steamed clams, and serves it with a sauce of grapes, grape tendrils, and wild mushrooms. Results. Kevin's was tasty, but light on grape. Michael, on the other hand, used his grapes very wisely. Bryan's smoky bacon matched the grape well. Jenc's was impressive enough to steal for Chiarello's own restaurant. The winner of the challenge and the snazzy ride is... Michael. He's pleased, but still focused on the challenge ahead.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs approach a winery, where they're told there is going to be a Crush party celebrating the grape harvest's end, which is capped with grape stomping. Sounds like a fun party activity. I'd love to jump up and down on some grapes. The party will have 150 guests, and the chefs will be responsible for making two dishes. The focus will be on local ingredients, so the chefs won't have access to ingredients that aren't raised or grown nearby. One of the dishes has to be vegetarian, and one has to feature a local protein. They'll shop at a Farmer's Market, and will have five hours to cook and prep.
Shopping. The chefs get forty-five minutes and $600. The market looks great, and reminds me that I really have to get down to Soulard before it gets intolerably cold. Jenc, knowing full well that she tends to fall apart when she's unfocused and has got too many ideas flying around her head, has too many ideas flying around her head. She finally settles on duck for her protein. Michael wants to feature the freshness of local eggs. Kevin knows Michael disdains his simple style, but has no plans to complicate his dishes, believing that he can beat Michael with that simplicity.
Cooking montage. Michael has an intensely long prep list, and jumps into a whirlpool of activity from the first moment. Jenc describes the environment as competitive, but not meanly so. I wish she'd go around to every reality show and explain the difference between "I hope I beat you, but good luck," and "I'm an unrepentant dickweed, which I will attempt to pawn off on a 'competitive' nature". Bryan debones short ribs to make for a faster braise. Michael tells us that there's definitely a sibling rivalry going on between him and Bryan. Whoa! No way! I never picked up on that in the nineteen-thousand other interviews about sibling rivalry sprinkled generously across the season! Ptom stops by to talk with everyone. They describe what they'll be preparing, which we'll hear about later anyway, so is this a complete waste of time? It is! Jenc discovers that the coals in the stove aren't hot enough to cook her duck, so she's switching to confit in duck fat. Kevin worries about the tenderness of his brisket. Michael frets over his eggs. "It's either going to be OK, or it's not," he says. Oh, good. I was hoping I could pile more evidence in the "Top Chef 6 - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" file before the end of the season. Time winds down.
After the commercials, the chefs are setting up their stations at the Crush party. Before they know it, the scene is flooded with guests. The judges stride in soon after. Holy hell, what crime against fashion is Padma perpetrating this time? She's got on a black, knee-length dress, high red boots, and what looks like a black shrug, suggesting a cape billowing out the back.
Panny: "Who the hell is dressing her?"
Limecrete: "Carmen Sandiego, apparently."
Michael cajoles some guests into helping him set out bowls so he can work on serving the food. Kevin describes his protein to some interested people. The judges approach Bryan's station, and happily, Gail is available this week, so we don't have to put up with Toby. Bryan's vegetarian dish is goat cheese ravioli over a squash puree with mushrooms and fennel. His protein is fig-glazed short rib with celeriac puree, wax beans, and arugula. The judges all love the ravioli, but feel the sauce beneath it needs seasoning. The short rib is also slightly underseasoned. Michael is still trying to garner help from the party guests. His vegetarian dish is a vegetable pistou with heirloom tomato coulis, a poached egg, squash flowers, and fennel. His protein dish is a turnip soup with foie gras terrine, a poached pear, and glazed turnip. The judges like the egg, but find that it overpowers the vegetables. Padma's egg is underdone. Judging from that expanding uterus, I'd say the egg is plenty done. Ba-zing! Everyone likes the foie gras, but finds it a bit over-sauced.
Kevin's vegetarian dish is roasted beets and carrots in a honey vinaigrette, resting on a carrot top puree, and topped with local cheese. His meat dish is braised brisket with pumpkin polenta, and marinated root vegetables. He gives props to the locals who dedicate their lives to making wine, and compliments those who master this craft, only "craft" kind of sounds like "crap", which makes this speech a hell of a lot funnier. The judges are over the moon for Kevin's veggie dish, but the brisket is stringy and tough. The polenta underneath it is good, though. Odd for the barbecue king of Atlanta to wow with plants and fall down on the beef. Jenc's vegetarian option is chevre mousse with honey mushrooms, braised radishes, and basil. Granted, I'm not a fan of mushrooms, so I may not get a vote here, but honey AND mushrooms? Ew. Her meat plate is braised duck legs and duck breast confit, with squash puree and a foie gras vinaigrette. She's even come up with a couple of wine pairings for her food, which was smart. The judges find the veggie dish salty, but with impressive undertones. The duck is hearty and flavorful. Various guests talk about how much they enjoyed the dishes.
Michael sings his favorite tune about how happy he is with his food, and that other people -- nod, nod, Kevin -- are playing things too safe. I guess the lesson didn't sink in after all. Kevin points out that all of the final four have had major success over the course of the season, not just a challenge here and there. Someone talented is heading home.
Interstitial. The chefs drink. The viewing party drinks.
Judges' Table. Padma summons everyone to the dining room. Odd Asian Music and Gong make their brief appearance, then head off to get drunk somewhere. The judges open by heartily congratulating all four chefs on the talent and professionalism they've displayed this season. I actually believe them. I know that every season of every show is supposed to be the MOST! TALENTED! CAST! EVER! but that rarely turns out to be the case. In this instance, though, it really seems like the level of talent this year has been superb, and I have no problem believing all four of these people consistently cook amazing food. Now, to the technicalities. Kevin's vegetarian dish was stellar. Ptom says that despite its simplicity, the restraint Kevin showed goes a long way. Michael sucks a lemon. Kevin is slightly taken to task for his tough brisket, but not very much. Bryan's ravioli was perfect, but the sauce needed seasoning, as did his meat dish. Also, the figs didn't shine through as much as they could have. Michael loses some points for the cut of his vegetables, as well as the underdone egg that Padma got. The meat dish was tasty. Chiarello says he was surprised at how the elements came together in his mouth.
Viewing party: "That's what she said."
Gail found the soup a bit bitter, which was fine as long as it had the meat and pear to counteract it. The problem was that there was far more soup than the other components. Jenc's goat cheese dish was "interesting". The basil was nice, but the rest was salty. Ptom points out that during his Ptimewaste, she said she was going to grill it, and wonders why that didn't happen. Jenc describes how the coals got too cold, and when asked if she would have preferred to grill it if she could have, she assents. That makes her look bad (essentially conveying "I wish I could have done a completely different preparation,") but it's a little unfair, because of course she would prefer to stick to her original plan, as would everyone. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Chiarello points out that nobody's food was bad, so they have to delve into the nuances of who made the biggest mistake. Jenc's goat cheese was good, but had too much salt. The best part of her duck dish was the foie gras vinaigrette, and there wasn't much of it. Michael took big risks, and it mostly paid off. The egg was too sloppy, though. Bryan's ravioli was fantastic, but he had seasoning problems across the board. Kevin knows how to turn two ingredients into a full, satisfying dish. His brisket had texture issues, and despite his sneaky use of the word "toothsome" to admit it was tough without out-and-out calling it so, the judges weren't impressed. The chefs think the judges have a tough choice, because unlike previous episodes (and seasons), there isn't an obvious pile of shite on the table to eliminate. Strange that you can't say "shit" on TV, but "shite" (and "merde") are just peachy. I'm going to start cursing in foreign languages all the time, you matherchoth. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. First, the winner. It's someone who made the most of the Farmer's Market, and was the closest to perfect. It's Bryan. He interviews that he's very excited, and laughs that goofy, endearing laugh of his. He's dismissed. Of the remaining three, all were missing something. Kevin's beef dish was stringy. Michael's egg was disappointing. Jenc was a little scattered and unfocused. AGAIN. Ptom reiterates what a tough decision it was, but they did make one. Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Padma's eyes shift off camera for a moment as she says it, though I don't know if it's because she's a bit upset to deliver this news, or if something's distracting her. I figured Jenc would be the one cut, if only because of the concentration issues she's had in a few episodes. Jenc is happy for the experience, saying that it's pushed her to become a better chef, and to expand her creativity. She hugs the guys good-bye, and says that it's tough to know that you can do better than what you put out, but just not have the time to do it. Yeah, that must suck. As I said in the short version, Jenc may be leaving in fourth place in this season, but if you could transplant her to the other ones (such as Hosea's or Ilan's), she'd almost undoubtedly win. I'm not worried about her; her future looks pretty damn secure.
Next week on Top Chef: A winner! More fondue and booze for me!
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: Kevin won another Elimination Challenge. The chefs went through a fake Bocuse d'Or that had real consequences for Eli. Now, four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. With the season coming to a close, the viewing party goes snack crazy. For the first half of the finale, we had turkey tetrazzini, cheese fondue, olive salsa, sausage dip, Fruity Pebble treats, and a multitude of wines. Perhaps not the most well-balanced meal, but a very enjoyable one.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. We get a brief look back at the final four throughout the season, and a few of their opinions on each other. Kevin is complimentary. Jenc is flustered. Michael is snotty. Bryan is. The finalists roll into a Napa Valley train station under a picturesque rainbow. They chat to each other about what they've been up to since they've finally gotten some time off from each other, and they chat to us about how they're totally going to win. A train pulls up to the station, and a very pregnant Padma steps out, along with this week's guest judge, Michael Chiarello. Michael (the contestant) admires him, ostensibly because he's such an awesome chef, but probably more because he saw the episode where Chiarello got into a snit with Douchebag Dale. Michael loves snits.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs will be cooking with and featuring the most natural ingredient you can find in these parts: Grapes! The chefs will have half an hour to get their food ready, and they will then serve to Padma and Chiarello on the train. Oh, and by the way... They'll be cooking in the cramped train kitchen. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so the winner will get a nice little prize in their Christmas stocking. It turns out to be a Prius. Nice! The chefs are all jazzed. Padma starts the clock, and the chefs hustle onto the train and stock up on ingredients, including several varieties of grape. Everyone gets cooking, and bumps up against each other in the narrow kitchen space. A hideous Frankenbyte makes Bryan sound angry about Michael beating him to the small prep space, but it's so obviously cobbled together from different quotes, Bryan may as well have been talking about standing in line at the DMV. Kevin works on dessert, and questions his choice of grape. Jenc is pleased with hers. Michael wants to use as many parts of the grape as he can. Bryan muses over the fact that he's never won a Quickfire. Hey, Stephanie was terrible at Quickfires, and she did all right for herself. Time runs out, and the chefs present their dishes.
Kevin has made honey and cheese mousse with glazed grapes, sea salt, and thyme. It's very pretty. Michael has stuffed a grape leaf with couscous filling, and serves it with a spice blend, vinegar reduction, and a kebab of grapes and scallops. Bryan has roasted hen with Brussels sprouts and bacon. The grapes have been reduced into a sauce and the grape flesh was added back in at the end. Jenc has made chicken liver with steamed clams, and serves it with a sauce of grapes, grape tendrils, and wild mushrooms. Results. Kevin's was tasty, but light on grape. Michael, on the other hand, used his grapes very wisely. Bryan's smoky bacon matched the grape well. Jenc's was impressive enough to steal for Chiarello's own restaurant. The winner of the challenge and the snazzy ride is... Michael. He's pleased, but still focused on the challenge ahead.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs approach a winery, where they're told there is going to be a Crush party celebrating the grape harvest's end, which is capped with grape stomping. Sounds like a fun party activity. I'd love to jump up and down on some grapes. The party will have 150 guests, and the chefs will be responsible for making two dishes. The focus will be on local ingredients, so the chefs won't have access to ingredients that aren't raised or grown nearby. One of the dishes has to be vegetarian, and one has to feature a local protein. They'll shop at a Farmer's Market, and will have five hours to cook and prep.
Shopping. The chefs get forty-five minutes and $600. The market looks great, and reminds me that I really have to get down to Soulard before it gets intolerably cold. Jenc, knowing full well that she tends to fall apart when she's unfocused and has got too many ideas flying around her head, has too many ideas flying around her head. She finally settles on duck for her protein. Michael wants to feature the freshness of local eggs. Kevin knows Michael disdains his simple style, but has no plans to complicate his dishes, believing that he can beat Michael with that simplicity.
Cooking montage. Michael has an intensely long prep list, and jumps into a whirlpool of activity from the first moment. Jenc describes the environment as competitive, but not meanly so. I wish she'd go around to every reality show and explain the difference between "I hope I beat you, but good luck," and "I'm an unrepentant dickweed, which I will attempt to pawn off on a 'competitive' nature". Bryan debones short ribs to make for a faster braise. Michael tells us that there's definitely a sibling rivalry going on between him and Bryan. Whoa! No way! I never picked up on that in the nineteen-thousand other interviews about sibling rivalry sprinkled generously across the season! Ptom stops by to talk with everyone. They describe what they'll be preparing, which we'll hear about later anyway, so is this a complete waste of time? It is! Jenc discovers that the coals in the stove aren't hot enough to cook her duck, so she's switching to confit in duck fat. Kevin worries about the tenderness of his brisket. Michael frets over his eggs. "It's either going to be OK, or it's not," he says. Oh, good. I was hoping I could pile more evidence in the "Top Chef 6 - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" file before the end of the season. Time winds down.
After the commercials, the chefs are setting up their stations at the Crush party. Before they know it, the scene is flooded with guests. The judges stride in soon after. Holy hell, what crime against fashion is Padma perpetrating this time? She's got on a black, knee-length dress, high red boots, and what looks like a black shrug, suggesting a cape billowing out the back.
Panny: "Who the hell is dressing her?"
Limecrete: "Carmen Sandiego, apparently."
Michael cajoles some guests into helping him set out bowls so he can work on serving the food. Kevin describes his protein to some interested people. The judges approach Bryan's station, and happily, Gail is available this week, so we don't have to put up with Toby. Bryan's vegetarian dish is goat cheese ravioli over a squash puree with mushrooms and fennel. His protein is fig-glazed short rib with celeriac puree, wax beans, and arugula. The judges all love the ravioli, but feel the sauce beneath it needs seasoning. The short rib is also slightly underseasoned. Michael is still trying to garner help from the party guests. His vegetarian dish is a vegetable pistou with heirloom tomato coulis, a poached egg, squash flowers, and fennel. His protein dish is a turnip soup with foie gras terrine, a poached pear, and glazed turnip. The judges like the egg, but find that it overpowers the vegetables. Padma's egg is underdone. Judging from that expanding uterus, I'd say the egg is plenty done. Ba-zing! Everyone likes the foie gras, but finds it a bit over-sauced.
Kevin's vegetarian dish is roasted beets and carrots in a honey vinaigrette, resting on a carrot top puree, and topped with local cheese. His meat dish is braised brisket with pumpkin polenta, and marinated root vegetables. He gives props to the locals who dedicate their lives to making wine, and compliments those who master this craft, only "craft" kind of sounds like "crap", which makes this speech a hell of a lot funnier. The judges are over the moon for Kevin's veggie dish, but the brisket is stringy and tough. The polenta underneath it is good, though. Odd for the barbecue king of Atlanta to wow with plants and fall down on the beef. Jenc's vegetarian option is chevre mousse with honey mushrooms, braised radishes, and basil. Granted, I'm not a fan of mushrooms, so I may not get a vote here, but honey AND mushrooms? Ew. Her meat plate is braised duck legs and duck breast confit, with squash puree and a foie gras vinaigrette. She's even come up with a couple of wine pairings for her food, which was smart. The judges find the veggie dish salty, but with impressive undertones. The duck is hearty and flavorful. Various guests talk about how much they enjoyed the dishes.
Michael sings his favorite tune about how happy he is with his food, and that other people -- nod, nod, Kevin -- are playing things too safe. I guess the lesson didn't sink in after all. Kevin points out that all of the final four have had major success over the course of the season, not just a challenge here and there. Someone talented is heading home.
Interstitial. The chefs drink. The viewing party drinks.
Judges' Table. Padma summons everyone to the dining room. Odd Asian Music and Gong make their brief appearance, then head off to get drunk somewhere. The judges open by heartily congratulating all four chefs on the talent and professionalism they've displayed this season. I actually believe them. I know that every season of every show is supposed to be the MOST! TALENTED! CAST! EVER! but that rarely turns out to be the case. In this instance, though, it really seems like the level of talent this year has been superb, and I have no problem believing all four of these people consistently cook amazing food. Now, to the technicalities. Kevin's vegetarian dish was stellar. Ptom says that despite its simplicity, the restraint Kevin showed goes a long way. Michael sucks a lemon. Kevin is slightly taken to task for his tough brisket, but not very much. Bryan's ravioli was perfect, but the sauce needed seasoning, as did his meat dish. Also, the figs didn't shine through as much as they could have. Michael loses some points for the cut of his vegetables, as well as the underdone egg that Padma got. The meat dish was tasty. Chiarello says he was surprised at how the elements came together in his mouth.
Viewing party: "That's what she said."
Gail found the soup a bit bitter, which was fine as long as it had the meat and pear to counteract it. The problem was that there was far more soup than the other components. Jenc's goat cheese dish was "interesting". The basil was nice, but the rest was salty. Ptom points out that during his Ptimewaste, she said she was going to grill it, and wonders why that didn't happen. Jenc describes how the coals got too cold, and when asked if she would have preferred to grill it if she could have, she assents. That makes her look bad (essentially conveying "I wish I could have done a completely different preparation,") but it's a little unfair, because of course she would prefer to stick to her original plan, as would everyone. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Chiarello points out that nobody's food was bad, so they have to delve into the nuances of who made the biggest mistake. Jenc's goat cheese was good, but had too much salt. The best part of her duck dish was the foie gras vinaigrette, and there wasn't much of it. Michael took big risks, and it mostly paid off. The egg was too sloppy, though. Bryan's ravioli was fantastic, but he had seasoning problems across the board. Kevin knows how to turn two ingredients into a full, satisfying dish. His brisket had texture issues, and despite his sneaky use of the word "toothsome" to admit it was tough without out-and-out calling it so, the judges weren't impressed. The chefs think the judges have a tough choice, because unlike previous episodes (and seasons), there isn't an obvious pile of shite on the table to eliminate. Strange that you can't say "shit" on TV, but "shite" (and "merde") are just peachy. I'm going to start cursing in foreign languages all the time, you matherchoth. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. First, the winner. It's someone who made the most of the Farmer's Market, and was the closest to perfect. It's Bryan. He interviews that he's very excited, and laughs that goofy, endearing laugh of his. He's dismissed. Of the remaining three, all were missing something. Kevin's beef dish was stringy. Michael's egg was disappointing. Jenc was a little scattered and unfocused. AGAIN. Ptom reiterates what a tough decision it was, but they did make one. Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Padma's eyes shift off camera for a moment as she says it, though I don't know if it's because she's a bit upset to deliver this news, or if something's distracting her. I figured Jenc would be the one cut, if only because of the concentration issues she's had in a few episodes. Jenc is happy for the experience, saying that it's pushed her to become a better chef, and to expand her creativity. She hugs the guys good-bye, and says that it's tough to know that you can do better than what you put out, but just not have the time to do it. Yeah, that must suck. As I said in the short version, Jenc may be leaving in fourth place in this season, but if you could transplant her to the other ones (such as Hosea's or Ilan's), she'd almost undoubtedly win. I'm not worried about her; her future looks pretty damn secure.
Next week on Top Chef: A winner! More fondue and booze for me!
Overall Grade: B+
Thursday, October 09, 2008
There Goes the Bride
Project Runway - Season 5, Episode 13
Before the designers are sent home to complete their lines for Fashion Week, Heidi springs another challenge on them. One of the looks must be a wedding dress that represents the designer's vision and their line in general. That dispensed with, the designers disperse to various parts of the country, and Tim goes to check in on them some weeks later.
Korto has a sweet workspace in Little Rock, and rocks out on some African drums to show the cultural inspiration that goes into her work. She also introduces her family, including an adorable daughter, to Tim. From there, it's on to Portland, Oregon, where Leanne makes him ride a bicycle. It's just as amusing as you're picturing it to be, and amazing that he's able to keep such perfect posture as he rides. After meeting Jerell's brood in Los Angeles, Tim wraps up the visits in New York, where Kenley shows off some promising work and an awesome old picture of her grandma. I'm not sure how telling it is that she's the only designer to not present friends or family to Tim.
The designers reconvene, and though Kenley is still not the most popular kid on the block, the other designers begrudgingly welcome her. As in seasons past, yet another challenge is foisted upon the designers before the runway show: They must make a companion bridesmaid dress to go with the wedding dress. Kenley, who was showing promise in not being as whiny as in weeks past, pisses it away by complaining that other designers are copying her because they're editing their bridesmaid dresses to be shorter. Shut the fuck up, lady.
At the runway show, Leanne is deservedly praised for a terrific wedding/bridesmaid dress combination. Kenley's is declared a bit derivative, but is good enough to get her passed to the finals. That leaves Jerell and Korto, both of whom did a pretty crappy job on the final challenge. Though Korto's is uglier, she has a lot more design potential than Jerell, so nobody at the viewing party minds when he's eliminated. So it's an all-female final three, and for the first time, I'm pretty sure all three lines will be tasteful. No exploding turkeys on the runway, for once! How refreshing.
Overall Grade: B-
Before the designers are sent home to complete their lines for Fashion Week, Heidi springs another challenge on them. One of the looks must be a wedding dress that represents the designer's vision and their line in general. That dispensed with, the designers disperse to various parts of the country, and Tim goes to check in on them some weeks later.
Korto has a sweet workspace in Little Rock, and rocks out on some African drums to show the cultural inspiration that goes into her work. She also introduces her family, including an adorable daughter, to Tim. From there, it's on to Portland, Oregon, where Leanne makes him ride a bicycle. It's just as amusing as you're picturing it to be, and amazing that he's able to keep such perfect posture as he rides. After meeting Jerell's brood in Los Angeles, Tim wraps up the visits in New York, where Kenley shows off some promising work and an awesome old picture of her grandma. I'm not sure how telling it is that she's the only designer to not present friends or family to Tim.
The designers reconvene, and though Kenley is still not the most popular kid on the block, the other designers begrudgingly welcome her. As in seasons past, yet another challenge is foisted upon the designers before the runway show: They must make a companion bridesmaid dress to go with the wedding dress. Kenley, who was showing promise in not being as whiny as in weeks past, pisses it away by complaining that other designers are copying her because they're editing their bridesmaid dresses to be shorter. Shut the fuck up, lady.
At the runway show, Leanne is deservedly praised for a terrific wedding/bridesmaid dress combination. Kenley's is declared a bit derivative, but is good enough to get her passed to the finals. That leaves Jerell and Korto, both of whom did a pretty crappy job on the final challenge. Though Korto's is uglier, she has a lot more design potential than Jerell, so nobody at the viewing party minds when he's eliminated. So it's an all-female final three, and for the first time, I'm pretty sure all three lines will be tasteful. No exploding turkeys on the runway, for once! How refreshing.
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Puerto Rico
Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 13
Boo! From the moment this episode started, I had a sinking feeling that something bad was coming, and that instinct was unfortunately proven right.
The final four meet in Puerto Rico. Lisa's gotten most of her hair chopped off, and the resulting effect is less than successful. The chefs dive right into the Quickfire, which involves making two preparations of fried plantains. Antonia and Richard are the bottom two, which leaves Lisa and Stephanie in the top. Stephanie breaks with tradition by actually winning for once, so that's nice.
After a pointless segment in which the chefs just kind of hang out for the afternoon, Padma explains that for the Elimination Challenge, each chef must break down an entire pig, and make two dishes from different parts of it. To help the chefs out, the last four eliminated contestants are brought back as sous chefs, and Stephanie's Quickfire advantage is to assign who gets whom. She is not Spike, so she actually tries to pair people that will work well together, if possible. She takes Dale, and puts Nikki with Antonia, Spike with Richard, and Andrew with Lisa. All of the pairings work out as harmoniously as can be expected, though Andrew is still not happy with Lisa for selling him out to the judges.
Dale accidentally leaves some of Stephanie's pork sitting out all night, and when it's discovered, she's a lot calmer and nicer about it than she could have been, so good on her for that. She recovers well, and throws together a pig skin salad that is quite popular with the judges. She and Richard take the top two spots, with Richard winning the challenge and a car to go with it. Schmancy! Lisa and Antonia sink to the bottom, and Lisa's odd ability to jinx the person she goes to losers' table with continues unabated, as Antonia is sent home. Sniff. Stephanie and Richard don't have a moment to get over the shock before Lisa jumps down their throats for not being thrilled for her, which is of course two seconds before she turns around and whines to us that this isn't a popularity contest. Sure it isn't, sweetie. You sailed into the final three with that awesome cooking prowess; not because you're a total trainwreck.
Boo! From the moment this episode started, I had a sinking feeling that something bad was coming, and that instinct was unfortunately proven right.
The final four meet in Puerto Rico. Lisa's gotten most of her hair chopped off, and the resulting effect is less than successful. The chefs dive right into the Quickfire, which involves making two preparations of fried plantains. Antonia and Richard are the bottom two, which leaves Lisa and Stephanie in the top. Stephanie breaks with tradition by actually winning for once, so that's nice.
After a pointless segment in which the chefs just kind of hang out for the afternoon, Padma explains that for the Elimination Challenge, each chef must break down an entire pig, and make two dishes from different parts of it. To help the chefs out, the last four eliminated contestants are brought back as sous chefs, and Stephanie's Quickfire advantage is to assign who gets whom. She is not Spike, so she actually tries to pair people that will work well together, if possible. She takes Dale, and puts Nikki with Antonia, Spike with Richard, and Andrew with Lisa. All of the pairings work out as harmoniously as can be expected, though Andrew is still not happy with Lisa for selling him out to the judges.
Dale accidentally leaves some of Stephanie's pork sitting out all night, and when it's discovered, she's a lot calmer and nicer about it than she could have been, so good on her for that. She recovers well, and throws together a pig skin salad that is quite popular with the judges. She and Richard take the top two spots, with Richard winning the challenge and a car to go with it. Schmancy! Lisa and Antonia sink to the bottom, and Lisa's odd ability to jinx the person she goes to losers' table with continues unabated, as Antonia is sent home. Sniff. Stephanie and Richard don't have a moment to get over the shock before Lisa jumps down their throats for not being thrilled for her, which is of course two seconds before she turns around and whines to us that this isn't a popularity contest. Sure it isn't, sweetie. You sailed into the final three with that awesome cooking prowess; not because you're a total trainwreck.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Manhattan Project
Top Chef - Season 3, Episode 13
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs were ecstatic to head for New York, but were stopped in their tracks by Newark and a tough airline challenge. Once Anthony Bourdain and Ptom discovered their mutual disdain for CJ's side dish, they fed off of each other, snowballing a bowl of broccolini into the worst dish ever served. Their disgust was insurmountable, leading to CJ's elimination. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Wine. Lots of it.
Weird, performance-arty music welcomes us to New York City. The chefs are excited to have made it this far. Dale says that he's a big, gay chef that's going to outcook your ass. Sounds like the premise for a wacko Christian horror film. The chefs stop by a vendor cart to pick up some street grub, and though I was convinced that this would have some implications in the upcoming challenges, it doesn't. Casey is bemused, but pleased that she's been doing so well in the past couple of rounds. Brian describes walking around the city, but all I can focus on is the hat that's about to swallow his head.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs have now changed into their work outfits, and carry their knife cases into Le Cirque. This is the restaurant's third location, which Dale says is unheard of. Really? That seems odd to me, but I live in one of those sprawling cities where everything is really spread out. I'll have to ask one of my New York friends about that. The restaurant is really pretty, and the chefs meander into the dining room, where they are met by Padma and a dapper old fellow named Sirio Maccioni, who owns the restaurant. He's described as a legend, and while I don't know anything about that, he certainly does seem to be one of the "old guard", when owning and operating a restaurant was about more than trying to secure a show on Food Network or having a line of spices sold in every neighborhood supermarket. The chefs are invited to sit, and are presented with a dish to eat. It's a piece of white sea-bass wrapped in a thin layer of potato, and served on a bed of leeks and mushrooms. Casey interviews that Sirio told them the history of this particular dish, and how it's not even on the menu; it's only presented to special guests. Everyone savors it, which is a good thing, because their Quickfire Challenge is to recreate it. They'll work one at a time in Le Cirque's kitchen, and they'll only have twenty-five minutes to get everything ready.
The chefs head back, where as Brian puts it, the restaurant's chefs look at them like "Who the fuck are you?" I have to agree. They don't look happy. One of them points out where the contestants will be working, and asks if they have any questions. Hung asks what number they use on their slicers, and the Le Cirque chef cocks an eyebrow and says that they hand slice the potatoes. Burn! Dale asks about blanching the leeks, and Saram ascertains that the potatoes are not steamed before peeling. That out of the way, all the chefs save Hung are dismissed. He gets started, saying that he's not intimidated by the challenge at all, because one of the easiest things to do is duplicate something that's already been presented to you. Once he's done patting himself on the back, he does give us some helpful information, in that one of the toughest things to do is make sure the potato is sliced perfectly. If it's too thick, it won't brown. If it's too thin, it'll burn. He easily finishes on time, and presents his dish to Sirio and Padma. Sirio approves, calling it "close to the original". "BRAAAK! Very close to the original!" Padma parrots.
Hung goes back to where the other chefs await and congratulates himself on a job well done. He must be a blast at dinner parties. Dale asks him about some of his preparation methods, and Hung mildly responds that he can't tell him about any of that. Saram gives him a dirty look. Oh, please. Dale interviews that they're all after the prize but that "there's a difference", and that Hung is a "different type of chef". The reason that that sentence doesn't seem to make any sense is because it doesn't. Hung can be a total ass, but again, he's not obligated to do your work for you. We see Dale, Brian, and Casey cooking in rapid succession. Casey mentions something about how there are very few female chefs in the industry, so she has to work extra hard for the respect she feels she's entitled to as an executive chef. Dale's nervous, and can't figure out how to use the potato slicer. Maybe he should ask Hung for help, then get all mad when Hung assumes that Dale should be competent enough to work it out on his own.
Dale presents his food, and Silvio says that there are no seasonings on it. "BRAAAK! No seasonings!" says Padma. Somebody give her a cracker. Surely it can't be a coincidence that this was aired on International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Brian's tastes good, but the presentation is off. His potato looks burnt, and doesn't wrap all the way around the fish, as it should. Casey gets high marks. Sirio calls it "better than any". Casey quietly plays off her success in front of the other chefs, but Dale is quick to point out that Casey's recent triumphs are killing Hung. He says that Hung is the better chef technically, but Casey's the one to beat, because she has "heart", so her food tastes better than the heartless Hung's. Ouch!
Saram, like Hung, gets a cooking segment all to herself. Unfortunately, it's not because she's doing well. She has problems from the get-go. She can't find things in the strange kitchen. She feels like she's inconveniencing the restaurant chefs, who are trying to get work done all around her (I feel her on that one; I'd be so worried that I was in the way). She can't keep a grip on her potato. The worst thing, however, is that her fish doesn't have enough time to cook properly, so when time runs out, it's still almost raw. She doesn't pull a Howie, and decides to go ahead and present it. Sirio and Padma predictably hate it. I'm not even sure they eat it. Saram talks about her cooking issues with the other chefs, and Hung smarmerviews that this challenge is "demoralizing" his competitors, because any chef should be able to make this dish.
Sirio and Padma come back to give the results. Sirio congratulates everyone, saying that this is not an easy dish to prepare. Padma asks for the least successful entry, and Sirio points at Saram with a "you", which was obviously going to happen, and more than fair, although I think a basic tenet of respect is learning someone's name. Now, for Sirio's two favorites. Hung is one of them, although Sirio doesn't know his name, either. The other favorite was Casey, and boy, does Sirio ever know her name. He doesn't want to pick a favorite between the two, but he must, so let's see how he manages. "As a man, I would like to say Casey because she is attractive, but I had to say from the beginning...Hung." Everyone laughs delightedly, as if that wasn't an incredibly insulting thing to say. Ah, so that's why we had that snippet of Casey saying how hard it is to get respect as a female chef. In this case, it's not the biggest deal ever, because this is probably a generational thing. Still, sexism is alive and well, lest anybody forget Ted Allen getting snooty with Saran for having the gall to dislike cooking in a low-cut top. Ass. Hung's happy, and naturally unsurprised at his win. Saram wonders why she got so nervous and flustered in this challenge, because that doesn't usually happen to her.
That evening, we get some of that tiresome reality show bluster. At least it's all in one big, easy-to-ignore chunk. Dale snipes that it's easy to sit at home on the couch and think what they're going through is easy, but that it's not. Oh, I don't doubt that these challenges (not to mention the living conditions) are extremely difficult. But here's the scoop: that's the whole point. It's supposed to be hard, ya dink. That's why they're called "challenges" and not "simples". Luckily, there's a really easy way to avoid the hardship. Don't sign up to be on a reality show. Novel, I know. Hung describes being an immigrant, and that he's doing this show for all of the rest of them. The immigrants of America look at each other, like, "THIS is supposed to be our representative? No thanks." The chefs head to bed.
Commercials. If there's one thing women like to do in their bridal dresses, it's take a long stroll on the beach.
The next day, the chefs walk into the French Culinary Institute, where Padma reminds them that this is the last challenge between them and the finale. No pressure! Elimination Challenge. Padma talks about the roster of impressive talent that runs the institute, the members of which have devised today's challenge. The chefs will be working with specific ingredients. Dale happily assumes that it'll be fancy items like foie gras and truffles. Not so. Padma whips a plate cover off to reveal: a chicken, an onion, and a potato. Hung is smug some more, and the word "classic" is said for about the hundredth time this episode. We decide that from this point on, every time someone says "classic", we have to take a drink. Padma tells them to make a "sublime" meal based on these ingredients. Hung's prize for winning the Quickfire is an extra half hour to cook. Not bad. He's also going to serve first, although I'm not sure if that's expected to be part of his prize or not.
A squirrel eats a nut. The chefs walk down the street to an outdoor market. They have $200 and an hour to shop. Brian talks about making shepherd's pie, and is thrilled to find some pheasant meat. Shepherd's pie is great, but I don't know that it would impress a panel of judges versed in French cuisine. That's more of a having-two-friends-over-for-dinner meal. Saram talks about her career goals. If she wins Top Chef, she's going to go to Jamaica and use the money to put into a farm, so that she can open a cheese dairy. Well, it's nice to hear something besides "I'm going to open a restaurant in New York/Las Vegas." Dale and Casey shop together, and Dale interviews about how close they've gotten over the course of the competition. He said the same thing about Saran right before she got eliminated, so shut up, Dale! Casey interviews that she'd like to do a coq au vin as a nod to her grandmother, who used to make it, and who inspired Casey to go into cooking. Everyone finishes up.
Back at the FCI, Hung begins on his extra half hour of cooking time. He shows off for his competitors. Brian admits in interview that Hung has amazing technical skills, but this challenge is more about flavor, which is not his strong suit. Hung says he's going to use "classic French techniques". Drink! He's going to make sous-vide chicken breast, a crisp chicken skin, pommes dauphin, and a salad. He describes the sous-vide method, and says that all chefs should know about it if they've been classically trained. Drink! The extra half hour runs out, and now everyone's got two hours to prep their food. Chaos ensues. Casey admits that she's not classically trained (drink!), but that there's a lot more to being a chef than learning those techniques. She lives and breathes the culinary world, so she thinks she's got a good handle on things. Saram says that when it comes to creating dishes, she tries to "think outside the box". Tally mark! Haven't had one of those in a while. She adds that she tries to do things that are classic, but then give them an added twist. Drink!
Brain tries to use a mixer that refuses to cooperate. Hung says that Brian's meal looks very "homestyle cooking". Brian says that he has a "bright light extreme heavy peasant expensive gourmet meal". Oh, one of those. He's making a peasant's pie (Did I just see the title department use an apostrophe correctly? It's not just the wine?) with chicken, pheasant sausage, potato, and a ramp puree. He combines the potato and ramps, forming a violently green goo. Saram's going a Jamaican route by marinating her chicken in goat yogurt and mustard. She's also making a potato/couscous risotto and a confit of onions. Dale has decided to wow the judges by making a duet, which is a time-honored strategy on this show. He'll be using the same sauce two different ways, in order to show how versatile he can be.
All this time, I'd been aware that I've been enjoying this episode more than the ones in the past few weeks, but couldn't put my finger on why. The reason becomes quite clear, as Ptom makes his first appearance of the episode more than halfway in. Ah, that explains it. Man, did I ever not miss him. Come on, Top Chef! You had the good sense to dump KatieBot! Go the extra mile, and get a head judge with a modicum of respectability. He Ptimewastes his way through the kitchen. It's as pointless as ever, except Casey manages to slip in the word "classic" again. Drink! The only thing of note Ptom says is that coq au vin is usually made with an older rooster, but if Casey can pull it off with a chicken, great. A line of distinguished diners marches in to hilariously imposing music. They're chefs, not Imperial officers. Ptom introduces the diners, who are the deans and masters who run the FCI. Let's get acquainted! Dorothy Hamilton is wearing a pin on her lapel that suggests (despite some contrary evidence) that she's taken the potion. Andre Soltner will represent the deans later at Judges' Table. Alain Sailhac...is there, too. Nils Noren is the only guest diner under fifty. Jacques Torres is the dean of pastry chefs, and has teeth to match. Casare Casella is the dean of Italian studies. They look tough to impress. The chefs are fairly petrified.
Commercials. Oh, I love Tina Fey. Not enough to sign up for a credit card, but still.
When we return, Hung recaps the challenge. The judges and diners toast each other with glasses of wine. As time winds down, Hung asks Casey if she can help him plate. She's not morally opposed to it or anything, but she doesn't have time to abandon her own food, which Hung seems to understand. Time runs out. Hung brings his food out to the dining room, assisted by some random guy. He presents his sous-vide chicken, which has a thin piece of crisp chicken skin on top that looks so good, I'm about ready to put my hand through the television screen to get at it. He's also made the pommes dauphin and a fairly generic salad. The diners dig in. I've already forgotten which diners match up with which names, so I'll just say that Hung's chicken gets excellent reviews. One of the deans didn't enjoy the pommes dauphin, saying they should have been lighter. Dorothy enjoyed everything. Hung spies on them from the kitchen, and feels very confident about this challenge. I know, big surprise. At least he has some reason to be this time around.
Hung helps Saram plate. She interviews that she's not classically trained in French cuisine (drink!), so cooking for this panel is nerve-wracking. Her food is taken out, and she presents her Jamaican fricassee chicken with the potato and couscous risotto and the confit of onions. There is something resting on the top of each of her dishes that is sort of like a piece of waffle cone. I don't know what it really is, but it looks neat. One of the diners says that confits should be very like marmalade, implying that Saram's is not. The dean from Sweden decrees that Saram's dish wasn't Jamaican enough, using the fact that he's been to Jamaica several times as a credential. Oh, I guess that trumps Saram LIVING there. Sorry, no. I don't care how many times someone visits a place; they can't tell a native how things are done there. Gail is finally back (yay!), and isn't thrilled to find that her chicken is very undercooked. She flips a piece over, and it is, indeed, very pink. Dorothy says that Saram had a very ambitious concept, but the execution shows that she needs a couple more years of experience.
Dale plates. He interviews that his dish is very risky, and that while he usually has no problem sacrificing presentation over flavor, he's going to try and go the extra mile on this one. He takes his food out, and presents his duet. One is chicken confit on top of a truffle/onion/potato puree, and the other is supposed to be the same thing, but with the rosemary sauce instead of the truffle. Unfortunately for Dale, he has forgotten the rosemary sauce, so the second half of the dish is just chicken on top of onion and potato. Naturally, the diners have serious issues with that, and one of them finds the chicken cold, which LabRat was somehow able to predict would happen. I have no idea how he did that. Dale frets anxiously when he realizes his mistake. Brian plates up. He interviews that he's gotten into trouble in past challenges for overcomplicating dishes, so he's trying to keep this one relatively simple. But, Brian... That would require that the judges actually have a list of criteria, and don't just pull arbitrary things out of their asses week after week. "You tried to do too many things!" "You didn't do enough!" "You didn't take enough responsibility on your team!" "You taking responsibility means everything is your fault!" "You weren't creative enough!" "You shouldn't have tried to do something outside of your comfort zone!" No wonder the chefs have no idea what to do.
Brian's food is very, very green. Dale calls it a "big, green turd". Brian takes it out, and presents his peasant's pie. Ptom wants to know what's making it so green, and Brian explains that it is the ramps in the puree. I was all set for the diners to rip his food to shreds, but am pleasantly surprised when everyone seems to really enjoy it. They say it's rich, flavorful, smoky, and the first dish to have the correct seasonings and be at the proper temperature. One minor issue is that they can't really taste the chicken. I guess the pheasant sausage is masking it. Casey plates up. She's nervous, and really wants to make it to the finale. Someone drops a bowl, which luckily doesn't seem to have any food in it. She presents her coq au vin, which is a lightly braised chicken thigh (prepared in some red wine and cipollini), and is served with whipped potatoes, sauteed ramps, and some asparagus. Dorothy enjoys the presentation, and calls it "scrumptious". Another diner says it's flavorful without being pretentious. Yet another likes the potatoes.
Ptom jumps in to say that she should have called it a "braised chicken", and not a "coq au vin", because she did it in two hours and used chicken instead of rooster. Um, does anybody else remember "If Casey can pull off coq au vin with a chicken, great"? You know, about five minutes ago? Isn't that what she just did? God, Ptom sucks. The diners discuss the overall meal. Just as in the Quickfire, they seem to agree that Hung's was the most refined, but that if they were to judge on pure flavor, Casey's would triumph. Just as in the Quickfire, Dale and Saram were the least favorites. And just as in the Quickfire, Brian was solid, but unremarkable. Back in the kitchen, the chefs grab a much-needed glass of wine.
Casey interviews that her biggest competition in this challenge is Hung, but that she may have an edge, because this is the second or third time Hung has used the sous-vide method. Really? I don't remember the others. Eh, three times isn't that big a deal anyway. Get back to me when he uses a foam in everything. Dale doesn't regret trying to do something special, but realizes that the judges may take issue with his meal. Yup. Chefs have been axed before the finale for much smaller mistakes. Padma enters the kitchen, and this is the first time the audience can truly appreciate the coochtastic dress she's wearing. She'd better not bend down to pick up a nickel, or she's risking pregnancy. She dismisses the chefs until Judges' Table.
Commercials. Get a car that performs at "Autobahn" speeds, even though you'll be spending 75% of your driving time trapped on a crowded highway at rush hour.
Judges' Table. I see they're still working the bright orange lighting. I'm not a fan. Dale is complaining to the other chefs that no dish he's ever cooked has ever been great the first time he's made it. Again, perfectly reasonable in real life; not necessarily applicable on a reality show. You'd think Dale would have this down by now. Out at panel, Ptom is saying everyone did a fairly good job, considering. Gail says that some of the dishes showed a "depth of technique". Hung's skills are clearly excellent, though the guest judge (Andre) still takes issue with the potatoes. Dale tried too hard, and didn't provide a good contrast between the two components of his duet. Saram's dish was pretty, but her chicken was raw, which is inexcusable. Brian's dish had strong, bold flavors. Padma thinks the pheasant upstaged the chicken. Casey's tasted good, required a lot of skill to make, and was presented wonderfully. Andre says that he wouldn't have chosen to call the dish a coq au vin, but that it came out very well.
Odd Asian music. Gong. All five chefs come out to face the panel. Padma calls this the most important decision they've had to make. Ptom asks Hung why his dish should win. Hung responds that his dish was simple, yet flavorful, and that his techniques were elegant and on-point. Andre gives lavish praise to the chicken, but says that he was surprised by the technique for the pommes dauphin. Hung cannot stop his eyebrow from arching at that. He quickly tries to cover with an "I don't quite understand" furrowed brow. Hung says that perhaps his potatoes weren't fluffy enough because he had to plate them early, and that he had to plate them by himself. Oh, no no no no no no. Hung, you've had me in your corner through all this "Hung's a poor excuse for a chef because he didn't pitch in with my food or reveal his cooking techniques to me" blather, but that cuts two ways. These are your competitors. Not your sous chefs, and not your friends. If you're going to make a big honking deal out of being so independent, then you get to plate by your damn self. Accept it.
Casey is asked why she called her dish a coq au vin. Casey explains that her French grandmother didn't really have the option of wandering out to grab an old rooster, so her version of a coq au vin used chicken. That sounds reasonable to me. Americans put new twists on old foods without changing the name all the time. Think the General Tso chicken at the buffet down the street is prepared the same way in Beijing? Andre liked the dish, overall, and says that it was very classic. Drink! He adds that two hours is not much time to do a coq au vin. Oh, for fuck's sake. Give it a rest. Casey says she was trying to do something bold by making something so traditional.
Tiffany: "Does 'traditional' count as a 'classic'?"
Limecrete: "Sure. Drink!"
The judges move on to Saram. She says she wanted to make something she likes to eat, and mentions the Jamaican style. Ptom asks her if she thinks she used enough of the Jamaican spices, and Saram admits that she didn't want them to be "overpowering". Padma says that one of the diners found the chicken rubbery, but the real problem was that Gail's portion was almost raw. Saram gets a "what the fuck you talkin' about, bitch?" look on her face. She says she sliced the chicken herself, and checked every piece. Presumably, she didn't see any problems with it. When the judges emphasize that it really was undercooked, and this isn't some colossal joke they're trying to pull, Saram heartily apologizes. Padma asks Brian about his sausage masking the chicken, and he says he did worry a bit about that. Ptom says that the dish was good, but wonders if Brian found it refined enough for this challenge. See? "Brian, your food is too complicated!" "Brian, your food isn't refined enough!" There's no reliability in the judging. If they want to get you, they'll get you. I think that poor Brian has been on the business end of most of the Catch-22s this season, although Dale has gotten his share, too. Brian words his answer well, saying that the challenge was to make fabulous food, which is about flavor, not about "putting dots on a dish", and he achieved that. Well said.
Dale explains how his duet was supposed to go, and what went wrong. Ptom says that neglecting to put the sauce on the dish was an issue on "many different levels". He adds that when doing a duet, the two components have to relate to each other, or else they're competing with each other. Dale bluntly says "the duet was a stupid idea". I don't know. I wonder how it would have turned out if he'd remembered the sauce. Ptom reiterates that the judges have got a tough choice to make. Padma dismisses the chefs. Once they're in the back room, Saram grouses and curses that her chicken was not raw. I've got to say, based on the shot they showed us earlier... Yeah, it was. Dale and Hung agree that the judges can nitpick any dish they feel like tearing into. Hey, can they hear me? Hi, guys!
Deliberations. Gail's favorite was Casey's. It tasted good, and was focused and complete. Andre chooses Hung's as the best. Ptom agrees that there's a strong case for Hung to win the challenge. Padma says that Brian's was her favorite, and while Gail agrees that it was "bold, flavorful, and fun", it wasn't her top choice. Saram's food suffered from a lack of execution. Her concept was good, but she couldn't follow through on it. Dale's problem was more one of concept, and he probably should have focused on making one good thing instead of showboating. That's not what they say, but I think that's the gist. Dale is still whining that given some time, the dish he made will be a winner. REALITY SHOW. I'm sure that once he gives it some fine-tuning, it'll be great. But this show isn't about nurturing people through correcting their conceptual mistakes. Ask Sandee. Ptom asks Andre which is worse: conceptualizing a poor dish or executing a poor dish. I'd choose execution. Concepts can always be tweaked. Poor execution shows a lack of skill. The judges reach a decision.
The chefs wish each other luck, then re-emerge. More odd Asian music. Another gong. Ptom tells them that it must have been a lot of pressure to cook for a panel who have more than 200 years of collective culinary experience. Geez, no kidding. Casey, Brian, and Hung were the favorites, and Andre gets to announce who the winner is. He chooses Hung, and I find I'm much more accepting of that choice now than I was on first viewing. I think it's bullshit that Casey got hosed for what was essentially a split semantic hair, but Hung's certainly seemed to showcase some good techniques. Hung is quite happy, even though he doesn't seem to win anything besides a spot in the finale. Casey and Brian are naturally advancing as well, and are dismissed. Casey looks peeved that she didn't win, but thanks the judges. The top three hug the bottom two before leaving. Brian's ready to cook up a storm in the finale. Casey can't believe she "made it through all the bullshit." Hah! Awesome. The top three congratulate each other more animatedly once they're in the back. The judges prepare to chop the next losing chef.
Commercials. The AARP begs for bi-partisan cooperation on healthcare. Like rich, old people aren't half the reason we're slogging through eight years of hell right now.
Elimination. Padma tells Dale and Saram that "one of you are going to the finale [sic], and one of you are going home [sic]." Could one of you attend English class? Ptom once again says that this is a tough decision, although as in episodes past, I think they've long since made up their minds. Ptom asks them what drives them as chefs. Dale says that cooking is love, and that you can tell when a chef has had his/her heart broken or who got laid last night. I shudder to think what ingredients would go into that dish. He finishes up by saying he's always the first one to notice his own faults, and he doesn't want to pass those faults along to the judges. Saram says that everything about food drives her (the beauty, the flavors, the textures), and that food encompasses her whole life. Dale nods with understanding. Ptom says this is the first he's heard of this. "I'm reserved," Saram says simply. "I get the job done, and I try to do it as best as I can." I'll say. Ptom tells Dale that he failed conceptually, but was technically proficient. Saram was the exact opposite. The judges liked her concept, but she failed in execution. He gives it over to Padma for the bad news. "Dale. You are going on to the finale. Saram. Please pack your knives and go." Yeah, I figured.
Saram thanks the judges and gives Dale a hug. In her final interview, she's very practical about the whole thing, saying that they had to eliminate somebody, and that she didn't "cross [her] T's and dot [her] I's". The chefs back in the other room give her good-bye hugs. Saram cries a bit as she interviews that making it to the top five was awesome, and that she's had a good ride, but she'll miss the friends she's made. Brian offers her a plastic glass of champagne. Aw. Saram wraps up by saying that the competition doesn't define her as a chef, so she'll just take the friendships and the experience and go make cheese somewhere in the world. Rock on, Dairy Queen.
The final four have their traditional "bring it on" interviews. Strangely, nobody's whining about how someone else is a jerk. Nobody's forming little cabals to try and backstab a competitor in front of the judges. Nobody's threatening violence. It's almost as if this is a show in which people compete, and not an exercise in who can be the biggest douchebag. Weird! Casey points out that all four of them have placed in both the top and bottom of challenges. Despite the Nice Guys/Girls Finish Fourth rule, I've got to say: I'm rooting for her. Get it, girl!
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs were ecstatic to head for New York, but were stopped in their tracks by Newark and a tough airline challenge. Once Anthony Bourdain and Ptom discovered their mutual disdain for CJ's side dish, they fed off of each other, snowballing a bowl of broccolini into the worst dish ever served. Their disgust was insurmountable, leading to CJ's elimination. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Wine. Lots of it.
Weird, performance-arty music welcomes us to New York City. The chefs are excited to have made it this far. Dale says that he's a big, gay chef that's going to outcook your ass. Sounds like the premise for a wacko Christian horror film. The chefs stop by a vendor cart to pick up some street grub, and though I was convinced that this would have some implications in the upcoming challenges, it doesn't. Casey is bemused, but pleased that she's been doing so well in the past couple of rounds. Brian describes walking around the city, but all I can focus on is the hat that's about to swallow his head.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs have now changed into their work outfits, and carry their knife cases into Le Cirque. This is the restaurant's third location, which Dale says is unheard of. Really? That seems odd to me, but I live in one of those sprawling cities where everything is really spread out. I'll have to ask one of my New York friends about that. The restaurant is really pretty, and the chefs meander into the dining room, where they are met by Padma and a dapper old fellow named Sirio Maccioni, who owns the restaurant. He's described as a legend, and while I don't know anything about that, he certainly does seem to be one of the "old guard", when owning and operating a restaurant was about more than trying to secure a show on Food Network or having a line of spices sold in every neighborhood supermarket. The chefs are invited to sit, and are presented with a dish to eat. It's a piece of white sea-bass wrapped in a thin layer of potato, and served on a bed of leeks and mushrooms. Casey interviews that Sirio told them the history of this particular dish, and how it's not even on the menu; it's only presented to special guests. Everyone savors it, which is a good thing, because their Quickfire Challenge is to recreate it. They'll work one at a time in Le Cirque's kitchen, and they'll only have twenty-five minutes to get everything ready.
The chefs head back, where as Brian puts it, the restaurant's chefs look at them like "Who the fuck are you?" I have to agree. They don't look happy. One of them points out where the contestants will be working, and asks if they have any questions. Hung asks what number they use on their slicers, and the Le Cirque chef cocks an eyebrow and says that they hand slice the potatoes. Burn! Dale asks about blanching the leeks, and Saram ascertains that the potatoes are not steamed before peeling. That out of the way, all the chefs save Hung are dismissed. He gets started, saying that he's not intimidated by the challenge at all, because one of the easiest things to do is duplicate something that's already been presented to you. Once he's done patting himself on the back, he does give us some helpful information, in that one of the toughest things to do is make sure the potato is sliced perfectly. If it's too thick, it won't brown. If it's too thin, it'll burn. He easily finishes on time, and presents his dish to Sirio and Padma. Sirio approves, calling it "close to the original". "BRAAAK! Very close to the original!" Padma parrots.
Hung goes back to where the other chefs await and congratulates himself on a job well done. He must be a blast at dinner parties. Dale asks him about some of his preparation methods, and Hung mildly responds that he can't tell him about any of that. Saram gives him a dirty look. Oh, please. Dale interviews that they're all after the prize but that "there's a difference", and that Hung is a "different type of chef". The reason that that sentence doesn't seem to make any sense is because it doesn't. Hung can be a total ass, but again, he's not obligated to do your work for you. We see Dale, Brian, and Casey cooking in rapid succession. Casey mentions something about how there are very few female chefs in the industry, so she has to work extra hard for the respect she feels she's entitled to as an executive chef. Dale's nervous, and can't figure out how to use the potato slicer. Maybe he should ask Hung for help, then get all mad when Hung assumes that Dale should be competent enough to work it out on his own.
Dale presents his food, and Silvio says that there are no seasonings on it. "BRAAAK! No seasonings!" says Padma. Somebody give her a cracker. Surely it can't be a coincidence that this was aired on International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Brian's tastes good, but the presentation is off. His potato looks burnt, and doesn't wrap all the way around the fish, as it should. Casey gets high marks. Sirio calls it "better than any". Casey quietly plays off her success in front of the other chefs, but Dale is quick to point out that Casey's recent triumphs are killing Hung. He says that Hung is the better chef technically, but Casey's the one to beat, because she has "heart", so her food tastes better than the heartless Hung's. Ouch!
Saram, like Hung, gets a cooking segment all to herself. Unfortunately, it's not because she's doing well. She has problems from the get-go. She can't find things in the strange kitchen. She feels like she's inconveniencing the restaurant chefs, who are trying to get work done all around her (I feel her on that one; I'd be so worried that I was in the way). She can't keep a grip on her potato. The worst thing, however, is that her fish doesn't have enough time to cook properly, so when time runs out, it's still almost raw. She doesn't pull a Howie, and decides to go ahead and present it. Sirio and Padma predictably hate it. I'm not even sure they eat it. Saram talks about her cooking issues with the other chefs, and Hung smarmerviews that this challenge is "demoralizing" his competitors, because any chef should be able to make this dish.
Sirio and Padma come back to give the results. Sirio congratulates everyone, saying that this is not an easy dish to prepare. Padma asks for the least successful entry, and Sirio points at Saram with a "you", which was obviously going to happen, and more than fair, although I think a basic tenet of respect is learning someone's name. Now, for Sirio's two favorites. Hung is one of them, although Sirio doesn't know his name, either. The other favorite was Casey, and boy, does Sirio ever know her name. He doesn't want to pick a favorite between the two, but he must, so let's see how he manages. "As a man, I would like to say Casey because she is attractive, but I had to say from the beginning...Hung." Everyone laughs delightedly, as if that wasn't an incredibly insulting thing to say. Ah, so that's why we had that snippet of Casey saying how hard it is to get respect as a female chef. In this case, it's not the biggest deal ever, because this is probably a generational thing. Still, sexism is alive and well, lest anybody forget Ted Allen getting snooty with Saran for having the gall to dislike cooking in a low-cut top. Ass. Hung's happy, and naturally unsurprised at his win. Saram wonders why she got so nervous and flustered in this challenge, because that doesn't usually happen to her.
That evening, we get some of that tiresome reality show bluster. At least it's all in one big, easy-to-ignore chunk. Dale snipes that it's easy to sit at home on the couch and think what they're going through is easy, but that it's not. Oh, I don't doubt that these challenges (not to mention the living conditions) are extremely difficult. But here's the scoop: that's the whole point. It's supposed to be hard, ya dink. That's why they're called "challenges" and not "simples". Luckily, there's a really easy way to avoid the hardship. Don't sign up to be on a reality show. Novel, I know. Hung describes being an immigrant, and that he's doing this show for all of the rest of them. The immigrants of America look at each other, like, "THIS is supposed to be our representative? No thanks." The chefs head to bed.
Commercials. If there's one thing women like to do in their bridal dresses, it's take a long stroll on the beach.
The next day, the chefs walk into the French Culinary Institute, where Padma reminds them that this is the last challenge between them and the finale. No pressure! Elimination Challenge. Padma talks about the roster of impressive talent that runs the institute, the members of which have devised today's challenge. The chefs will be working with specific ingredients. Dale happily assumes that it'll be fancy items like foie gras and truffles. Not so. Padma whips a plate cover off to reveal: a chicken, an onion, and a potato. Hung is smug some more, and the word "classic" is said for about the hundredth time this episode. We decide that from this point on, every time someone says "classic", we have to take a drink. Padma tells them to make a "sublime" meal based on these ingredients. Hung's prize for winning the Quickfire is an extra half hour to cook. Not bad. He's also going to serve first, although I'm not sure if that's expected to be part of his prize or not.
A squirrel eats a nut. The chefs walk down the street to an outdoor market. They have $200 and an hour to shop. Brian talks about making shepherd's pie, and is thrilled to find some pheasant meat. Shepherd's pie is great, but I don't know that it would impress a panel of judges versed in French cuisine. That's more of a having-two-friends-over-for-dinner meal. Saram talks about her career goals. If she wins Top Chef, she's going to go to Jamaica and use the money to put into a farm, so that she can open a cheese dairy. Well, it's nice to hear something besides "I'm going to open a restaurant in New York/Las Vegas." Dale and Casey shop together, and Dale interviews about how close they've gotten over the course of the competition. He said the same thing about Saran right before she got eliminated, so shut up, Dale! Casey interviews that she'd like to do a coq au vin as a nod to her grandmother, who used to make it, and who inspired Casey to go into cooking. Everyone finishes up.
Back at the FCI, Hung begins on his extra half hour of cooking time. He shows off for his competitors. Brian admits in interview that Hung has amazing technical skills, but this challenge is more about flavor, which is not his strong suit. Hung says he's going to use "classic French techniques". Drink! He's going to make sous-vide chicken breast, a crisp chicken skin, pommes dauphin, and a salad. He describes the sous-vide method, and says that all chefs should know about it if they've been classically trained. Drink! The extra half hour runs out, and now everyone's got two hours to prep their food. Chaos ensues. Casey admits that she's not classically trained (drink!), but that there's a lot more to being a chef than learning those techniques. She lives and breathes the culinary world, so she thinks she's got a good handle on things. Saram says that when it comes to creating dishes, she tries to "think outside the box". Tally mark! Haven't had one of those in a while. She adds that she tries to do things that are classic, but then give them an added twist. Drink!
Brain tries to use a mixer that refuses to cooperate. Hung says that Brian's meal looks very "homestyle cooking". Brian says that he has a "bright light extreme heavy peasant expensive gourmet meal". Oh, one of those. He's making a peasant's pie (Did I just see the title department use an apostrophe correctly? It's not just the wine?) with chicken, pheasant sausage, potato, and a ramp puree. He combines the potato and ramps, forming a violently green goo. Saram's going a Jamaican route by marinating her chicken in goat yogurt and mustard. She's also making a potato/couscous risotto and a confit of onions. Dale has decided to wow the judges by making a duet, which is a time-honored strategy on this show. He'll be using the same sauce two different ways, in order to show how versatile he can be.
All this time, I'd been aware that I've been enjoying this episode more than the ones in the past few weeks, but couldn't put my finger on why. The reason becomes quite clear, as Ptom makes his first appearance of the episode more than halfway in. Ah, that explains it. Man, did I ever not miss him. Come on, Top Chef! You had the good sense to dump KatieBot! Go the extra mile, and get a head judge with a modicum of respectability. He Ptimewastes his way through the kitchen. It's as pointless as ever, except Casey manages to slip in the word "classic" again. Drink! The only thing of note Ptom says is that coq au vin is usually made with an older rooster, but if Casey can pull it off with a chicken, great. A line of distinguished diners marches in to hilariously imposing music. They're chefs, not Imperial officers. Ptom introduces the diners, who are the deans and masters who run the FCI. Let's get acquainted! Dorothy Hamilton is wearing a pin on her lapel that suggests (despite some contrary evidence) that she's taken the potion. Andre Soltner will represent the deans later at Judges' Table. Alain Sailhac...is there, too. Nils Noren is the only guest diner under fifty. Jacques Torres is the dean of pastry chefs, and has teeth to match. Casare Casella is the dean of Italian studies. They look tough to impress. The chefs are fairly petrified.
Commercials. Oh, I love Tina Fey. Not enough to sign up for a credit card, but still.
When we return, Hung recaps the challenge. The judges and diners toast each other with glasses of wine. As time winds down, Hung asks Casey if she can help him plate. She's not morally opposed to it or anything, but she doesn't have time to abandon her own food, which Hung seems to understand. Time runs out. Hung brings his food out to the dining room, assisted by some random guy. He presents his sous-vide chicken, which has a thin piece of crisp chicken skin on top that looks so good, I'm about ready to put my hand through the television screen to get at it. He's also made the pommes dauphin and a fairly generic salad. The diners dig in. I've already forgotten which diners match up with which names, so I'll just say that Hung's chicken gets excellent reviews. One of the deans didn't enjoy the pommes dauphin, saying they should have been lighter. Dorothy enjoyed everything. Hung spies on them from the kitchen, and feels very confident about this challenge. I know, big surprise. At least he has some reason to be this time around.
Hung helps Saram plate. She interviews that she's not classically trained in French cuisine (drink!), so cooking for this panel is nerve-wracking. Her food is taken out, and she presents her Jamaican fricassee chicken with the potato and couscous risotto and the confit of onions. There is something resting on the top of each of her dishes that is sort of like a piece of waffle cone. I don't know what it really is, but it looks neat. One of the diners says that confits should be very like marmalade, implying that Saram's is not. The dean from Sweden decrees that Saram's dish wasn't Jamaican enough, using the fact that he's been to Jamaica several times as a credential. Oh, I guess that trumps Saram LIVING there. Sorry, no. I don't care how many times someone visits a place; they can't tell a native how things are done there. Gail is finally back (yay!), and isn't thrilled to find that her chicken is very undercooked. She flips a piece over, and it is, indeed, very pink. Dorothy says that Saram had a very ambitious concept, but the execution shows that she needs a couple more years of experience.
Dale plates. He interviews that his dish is very risky, and that while he usually has no problem sacrificing presentation over flavor, he's going to try and go the extra mile on this one. He takes his food out, and presents his duet. One is chicken confit on top of a truffle/onion/potato puree, and the other is supposed to be the same thing, but with the rosemary sauce instead of the truffle. Unfortunately for Dale, he has forgotten the rosemary sauce, so the second half of the dish is just chicken on top of onion and potato. Naturally, the diners have serious issues with that, and one of them finds the chicken cold, which LabRat was somehow able to predict would happen. I have no idea how he did that. Dale frets anxiously when he realizes his mistake. Brian plates up. He interviews that he's gotten into trouble in past challenges for overcomplicating dishes, so he's trying to keep this one relatively simple. But, Brian... That would require that the judges actually have a list of criteria, and don't just pull arbitrary things out of their asses week after week. "You tried to do too many things!" "You didn't do enough!" "You didn't take enough responsibility on your team!" "You taking responsibility means everything is your fault!" "You weren't creative enough!" "You shouldn't have tried to do something outside of your comfort zone!" No wonder the chefs have no idea what to do.
Brian's food is very, very green. Dale calls it a "big, green turd". Brian takes it out, and presents his peasant's pie. Ptom wants to know what's making it so green, and Brian explains that it is the ramps in the puree. I was all set for the diners to rip his food to shreds, but am pleasantly surprised when everyone seems to really enjoy it. They say it's rich, flavorful, smoky, and the first dish to have the correct seasonings and be at the proper temperature. One minor issue is that they can't really taste the chicken. I guess the pheasant sausage is masking it. Casey plates up. She's nervous, and really wants to make it to the finale. Someone drops a bowl, which luckily doesn't seem to have any food in it. She presents her coq au vin, which is a lightly braised chicken thigh (prepared in some red wine and cipollini), and is served with whipped potatoes, sauteed ramps, and some asparagus. Dorothy enjoys the presentation, and calls it "scrumptious". Another diner says it's flavorful without being pretentious. Yet another likes the potatoes.
Ptom jumps in to say that she should have called it a "braised chicken", and not a "coq au vin", because she did it in two hours and used chicken instead of rooster. Um, does anybody else remember "If Casey can pull off coq au vin with a chicken, great"? You know, about five minutes ago? Isn't that what she just did? God, Ptom sucks. The diners discuss the overall meal. Just as in the Quickfire, they seem to agree that Hung's was the most refined, but that if they were to judge on pure flavor, Casey's would triumph. Just as in the Quickfire, Dale and Saram were the least favorites. And just as in the Quickfire, Brian was solid, but unremarkable. Back in the kitchen, the chefs grab a much-needed glass of wine.
Casey interviews that her biggest competition in this challenge is Hung, but that she may have an edge, because this is the second or third time Hung has used the sous-vide method. Really? I don't remember the others. Eh, three times isn't that big a deal anyway. Get back to me when he uses a foam in everything. Dale doesn't regret trying to do something special, but realizes that the judges may take issue with his meal. Yup. Chefs have been axed before the finale for much smaller mistakes. Padma enters the kitchen, and this is the first time the audience can truly appreciate the coochtastic dress she's wearing. She'd better not bend down to pick up a nickel, or she's risking pregnancy. She dismisses the chefs until Judges' Table.
Commercials. Get a car that performs at "Autobahn" speeds, even though you'll be spending 75% of your driving time trapped on a crowded highway at rush hour.
Judges' Table. I see they're still working the bright orange lighting. I'm not a fan. Dale is complaining to the other chefs that no dish he's ever cooked has ever been great the first time he's made it. Again, perfectly reasonable in real life; not necessarily applicable on a reality show. You'd think Dale would have this down by now. Out at panel, Ptom is saying everyone did a fairly good job, considering. Gail says that some of the dishes showed a "depth of technique". Hung's skills are clearly excellent, though the guest judge (Andre) still takes issue with the potatoes. Dale tried too hard, and didn't provide a good contrast between the two components of his duet. Saram's dish was pretty, but her chicken was raw, which is inexcusable. Brian's dish had strong, bold flavors. Padma thinks the pheasant upstaged the chicken. Casey's tasted good, required a lot of skill to make, and was presented wonderfully. Andre says that he wouldn't have chosen to call the dish a coq au vin, but that it came out very well.
Odd Asian music. Gong. All five chefs come out to face the panel. Padma calls this the most important decision they've had to make. Ptom asks Hung why his dish should win. Hung responds that his dish was simple, yet flavorful, and that his techniques were elegant and on-point. Andre gives lavish praise to the chicken, but says that he was surprised by the technique for the pommes dauphin. Hung cannot stop his eyebrow from arching at that. He quickly tries to cover with an "I don't quite understand" furrowed brow. Hung says that perhaps his potatoes weren't fluffy enough because he had to plate them early, and that he had to plate them by himself. Oh, no no no no no no. Hung, you've had me in your corner through all this "Hung's a poor excuse for a chef because he didn't pitch in with my food or reveal his cooking techniques to me" blather, but that cuts two ways. These are your competitors. Not your sous chefs, and not your friends. If you're going to make a big honking deal out of being so independent, then you get to plate by your damn self. Accept it.
Casey is asked why she called her dish a coq au vin. Casey explains that her French grandmother didn't really have the option of wandering out to grab an old rooster, so her version of a coq au vin used chicken. That sounds reasonable to me. Americans put new twists on old foods without changing the name all the time. Think the General Tso chicken at the buffet down the street is prepared the same way in Beijing? Andre liked the dish, overall, and says that it was very classic. Drink! He adds that two hours is not much time to do a coq au vin. Oh, for fuck's sake. Give it a rest. Casey says she was trying to do something bold by making something so traditional.
Tiffany: "Does 'traditional' count as a 'classic'?"
Limecrete: "Sure. Drink!"
The judges move on to Saram. She says she wanted to make something she likes to eat, and mentions the Jamaican style. Ptom asks her if she thinks she used enough of the Jamaican spices, and Saram admits that she didn't want them to be "overpowering". Padma says that one of the diners found the chicken rubbery, but the real problem was that Gail's portion was almost raw. Saram gets a "what the fuck you talkin' about, bitch?" look on her face. She says she sliced the chicken herself, and checked every piece. Presumably, she didn't see any problems with it. When the judges emphasize that it really was undercooked, and this isn't some colossal joke they're trying to pull, Saram heartily apologizes. Padma asks Brian about his sausage masking the chicken, and he says he did worry a bit about that. Ptom says that the dish was good, but wonders if Brian found it refined enough for this challenge. See? "Brian, your food is too complicated!" "Brian, your food isn't refined enough!" There's no reliability in the judging. If they want to get you, they'll get you. I think that poor Brian has been on the business end of most of the Catch-22s this season, although Dale has gotten his share, too. Brian words his answer well, saying that the challenge was to make fabulous food, which is about flavor, not about "putting dots on a dish", and he achieved that. Well said.
Dale explains how his duet was supposed to go, and what went wrong. Ptom says that neglecting to put the sauce on the dish was an issue on "many different levels". He adds that when doing a duet, the two components have to relate to each other, or else they're competing with each other. Dale bluntly says "the duet was a stupid idea". I don't know. I wonder how it would have turned out if he'd remembered the sauce. Ptom reiterates that the judges have got a tough choice to make. Padma dismisses the chefs. Once they're in the back room, Saram grouses and curses that her chicken was not raw. I've got to say, based on the shot they showed us earlier... Yeah, it was. Dale and Hung agree that the judges can nitpick any dish they feel like tearing into. Hey, can they hear me? Hi, guys!
Deliberations. Gail's favorite was Casey's. It tasted good, and was focused and complete. Andre chooses Hung's as the best. Ptom agrees that there's a strong case for Hung to win the challenge. Padma says that Brian's was her favorite, and while Gail agrees that it was "bold, flavorful, and fun", it wasn't her top choice. Saram's food suffered from a lack of execution. Her concept was good, but she couldn't follow through on it. Dale's problem was more one of concept, and he probably should have focused on making one good thing instead of showboating. That's not what they say, but I think that's the gist. Dale is still whining that given some time, the dish he made will be a winner. REALITY SHOW. I'm sure that once he gives it some fine-tuning, it'll be great. But this show isn't about nurturing people through correcting their conceptual mistakes. Ask Sandee. Ptom asks Andre which is worse: conceptualizing a poor dish or executing a poor dish. I'd choose execution. Concepts can always be tweaked. Poor execution shows a lack of skill. The judges reach a decision.
The chefs wish each other luck, then re-emerge. More odd Asian music. Another gong. Ptom tells them that it must have been a lot of pressure to cook for a panel who have more than 200 years of collective culinary experience. Geez, no kidding. Casey, Brian, and Hung were the favorites, and Andre gets to announce who the winner is. He chooses Hung, and I find I'm much more accepting of that choice now than I was on first viewing. I think it's bullshit that Casey got hosed for what was essentially a split semantic hair, but Hung's certainly seemed to showcase some good techniques. Hung is quite happy, even though he doesn't seem to win anything besides a spot in the finale. Casey and Brian are naturally advancing as well, and are dismissed. Casey looks peeved that she didn't win, but thanks the judges. The top three hug the bottom two before leaving. Brian's ready to cook up a storm in the finale. Casey can't believe she "made it through all the bullshit." Hah! Awesome. The top three congratulate each other more animatedly once they're in the back. The judges prepare to chop the next losing chef.
Commercials. The AARP begs for bi-partisan cooperation on healthcare. Like rich, old people aren't half the reason we're slogging through eight years of hell right now.
Elimination. Padma tells Dale and Saram that "one of you are going to the finale [sic], and one of you are going home [sic]." Could one of you attend English class? Ptom once again says that this is a tough decision, although as in episodes past, I think they've long since made up their minds. Ptom asks them what drives them as chefs. Dale says that cooking is love, and that you can tell when a chef has had his/her heart broken or who got laid last night. I shudder to think what ingredients would go into that dish. He finishes up by saying he's always the first one to notice his own faults, and he doesn't want to pass those faults along to the judges. Saram says that everything about food drives her (the beauty, the flavors, the textures), and that food encompasses her whole life. Dale nods with understanding. Ptom says this is the first he's heard of this. "I'm reserved," Saram says simply. "I get the job done, and I try to do it as best as I can." I'll say. Ptom tells Dale that he failed conceptually, but was technically proficient. Saram was the exact opposite. The judges liked her concept, but she failed in execution. He gives it over to Padma for the bad news. "Dale. You are going on to the finale. Saram. Please pack your knives and go." Yeah, I figured.
Saram thanks the judges and gives Dale a hug. In her final interview, she's very practical about the whole thing, saying that they had to eliminate somebody, and that she didn't "cross [her] T's and dot [her] I's". The chefs back in the other room give her good-bye hugs. Saram cries a bit as she interviews that making it to the top five was awesome, and that she's had a good ride, but she'll miss the friends she's made. Brian offers her a plastic glass of champagne. Aw. Saram wraps up by saying that the competition doesn't define her as a chef, so she'll just take the friendships and the experience and go make cheese somewhere in the world. Rock on, Dairy Queen.
The final four have their traditional "bring it on" interviews. Strangely, nobody's whining about how someone else is a jerk. Nobody's forming little cabals to try and backstab a competitor in front of the judges. Nobody's threatening violence. It's almost as if this is a show in which people compete, and not an exercise in who can be the biggest douchebag. Weird! Casey points out that all four of them have placed in both the top and bottom of challenges. Despite the Nice Guys/Girls Finish Fourth rule, I've got to say: I'm rooting for her. Get it, girl!
Overall Grade: B
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Finale - Part 2
Top Chef - Season 2, Episode 13
Ilan the raging dickhead wins, which is a fitting end to an extremely shitty season. That's the extent of the detail I'm going to go into about this episode, because I care too much about my blood pressure to relive it.
Rather than talking about the finale, I'm going to quote myself from way back when:
Wow. I never would have imagined when I originally wrote this that the Reality Show Gods were listening, and pretty much fixed everything I asked them to. KatieBot has been banished, and Padma was an articulate and engaging replacement. Ptom reined in his attitude, only being a total jerkoff in one episode. Lo and behold, the judging has been fixed.
But the Reality Show Gods are a mischievous bunch. They righted what I thought was wrong...and ruined everything that I thought was right. The casting? Awful. Anyone with a shred of likability was a distant memory by the halfway point. The villains? All the conceit of Jeffrey, the pomposity of Tiffani, and the arrogance of Stephen, with none of the fun. The challenges? Crappy retreads of first-season challenges, or worse, retreads of earlier challenges in this season. The winner? A fucking scumwad. Compared to Ilan, Jeffrey's my favorite person ever. This show started out so promising, and has quickly slid into joyless, unwatchable muck. Good riddance, Season 2.
Overall Grade: D-
Overall Season Grade: D-
Ilan the raging dickhead wins, which is a fitting end to an extremely shitty season. That's the extent of the detail I'm going to go into about this episode, because I care too much about my blood pressure to relive it.
Rather than talking about the finale, I'm going to quote myself from way back when:
So, Top Chef. Inaugural seasons are hard to call, because you never know if the show is going to get better over time (Project Runway) or worse (America's Next Top Model). If I give the season a C, will I think more kindly of it if the next one sucks rocks? This show certainly has plenty to improve upon. I know asking for a new hostess and new judges is like crying for the moon, but I have to try. The judging was far and away the worst thing about the show. Ptom is an egotistical asshole, KatieBot has the charisma of a Saltine, and Gail is...well, I don't have much of a problem with Gail. I'd probably like her more if she were grouped with different people. That's a big stumbling block as far as enjoying the show overall. Disliking the judges is not the same thing as disliking a particular challenge. At least a sucky challenge is dispensed with in one episode. Also, the consistent bringing in the top three, then the bottom three -- combined with showing who winds up at the table in the episode previews -- killed a lot of suspense. Really, the entire judging aspect of the show needs to be overhauled.
Still, there was plenty to love about Top Chef, and they got a lot right for their first try at this. The casting was far better than I thought it was going to be when I first heard about these particular contestants. Ken was a bad idea, but at least it was a mistake that was quickly rectified. Tiffani and Stephen were engaging villains. Lee Anne, Andrea, Cynthia, and Lisa had me in their cheering sections, and Harold was a likable and deserving winner. Most of the guest judges were articulate and fair. Most of the challenges were creative and well-planned. That's nothing to sneeze at.
There's just that fucking Ptom.
Overall Season Grade: B-
Wow. I never would have imagined when I originally wrote this that the Reality Show Gods were listening, and pretty much fixed everything I asked them to. KatieBot has been banished, and Padma was an articulate and engaging replacement. Ptom reined in his attitude, only being a total jerkoff in one episode. Lo and behold, the judging has been fixed.
But the Reality Show Gods are a mischievous bunch. They righted what I thought was wrong...and ruined everything that I thought was right. The casting? Awful. Anyone with a shred of likability was a distant memory by the halfway point. The villains? All the conceit of Jeffrey, the pomposity of Tiffani, and the arrogance of Stephen, with none of the fun. The challenges? Crappy retreads of first-season challenges, or worse, retreads of earlier challenges in this season. The winner? A fucking scumwad. Compared to Ilan, Jeffrey's my favorite person ever. This show started out so promising, and has quickly slid into joyless, unwatchable muck. Good riddance, Season 2.
Overall Grade: D-
Overall Season Grade: D-
Monday, December 11, 2006
Say Your Deepest Prayers Ever
The Amazing Race - Season 10, Episode 13
The final three teams head for Paris. Too bad RoKi's too stressed with race worry to properly enjoy the "rich" countries Kimberly's been pining for. She takes the final Roadblock (skydiving), which makes Rob jealous, so we get to enjoy one more pointless RoKi fight before the season ends. Whee! The Detour is a boring task where teams make shitty fashion designs, and just made me miss Nina Garcia. The three teams change order often and catch up often, until their final flight back to New York City, which Lyn and Karlyn cannot board. Guess that "higher power" doesn't want you to get the money, ladies.
So it comes down to two alpha teams, and keeping in mind RoKi's history of breaking down, getting lost, following others, and so on, it's only fitting that James and Tyler win. Thus endeth the part of this paragraph where I don't start whining that white, straight, muscly pretty-boys winning the race is so trite by this point as to make it almost offensive.
The final three teams head for Paris. Too bad RoKi's too stressed with race worry to properly enjoy the "rich" countries Kimberly's been pining for. She takes the final Roadblock (skydiving), which makes Rob jealous, so we get to enjoy one more pointless RoKi fight before the season ends. Whee! The Detour is a boring task where teams make shitty fashion designs, and just made me miss Nina Garcia. The three teams change order often and catch up often, until their final flight back to New York City, which Lyn and Karlyn cannot board. Guess that "higher power" doesn't want you to get the money, ladies.
So it comes down to two alpha teams, and keeping in mind RoKi's history of breaking down, getting lost, following others, and so on, it's only fitting that James and Tyler win. Thus endeth the part of this paragraph where I don't start whining that white, straight, muscly pretty-boys winning the race is so trite by this point as to make it almost offensive.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Finale - Part 1
Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 13
Previously on Project Runway: Any chance that I'd ever feel bad for the way Vincent and Keith were edited flew out the window, landed on the street, got hit by a milk truck, fell off a cliff into a bed of razor blades, and rolled into a pond of salted lemon juice. On the upside, Bradley's still hot. We're still down to our final four. And still nobody's getting eliminated tonight. I've liked this season a great deal, but let's wrap this shit up, folks.
Opening credits. Qualify "they", Malan, and I'll actually agree that you're better.
Runway. Heidi comes out holding the velvet bag. Yay, velvet bag! She congratulates the final four, and drops the big challenge on them. Twelve looks. Two months. $8000 budget. They'll use the models they had in the last challenge. I can't believe Clarissa's still in the running, while Amanda and Lindsay are out. Boo! Heidi brings Tim out onto the runway. He tells them to give it their all. Heidi tells them not to play it safe. Shot of Laura. Hehe. Heidi goes on to send the designers back to the Atlas to pack and go home. So...what was the velvet bag for? Weird.
Atlas. Laura's suitcase is freakishly organized. I mean, I'm anal-retentive when I pack, too, but even my suitcases don't look that neat. She doesn't find the idea of producing a full line of clothing too scary; after all, she's produced a "whole line of kids". Heh. She's excited for the career opportunities showing a full line will open up. Everyone leaves the Atlas, and Laura starts walking home. Pregnant, carrying two bags, and wearing high heels. Unless you live two blocks away, spring for a cab, lady. The remaining three say good-bye to each other. Uli interviews that winning the last challenge has made her more confident. Michael promises his line will be hot. Jeffrey's dream of seeing a full collection walk down the runway is being fulfilled.
A month later, Tim begins to make the rounds. First, we head to Atlanta, where Michael is working on his collection. Tim pulls up in a cherry red Saturn convertible. Oh, Tim. I see you in a much more dignified color. Jeez, you're not going through a midlife crisis. OR ARE YOU? Michael opens the door and welcomes him. He sounds surprised, given the fact that this is shot from within his house. Granted, I don't know Michael, but I feel confident in guessing that he doesn't live with a camera crew. He interviews that seeing Tim is like seeing an old friend, then interjects with the fact that he's a "braceface" now. Heh. Yeah, we saw. He gives us a nice, wide, metallic smile. He shows Tim his little workspace, and Tim asks how he's progressing. He seems pretty behind. His line is called "Street Safari", and there are sketches taped to the wall of what his clothing will look like. As far as completed pieces, there's a long, white dress with crisscrossed laces on the chest. I like it. Another dress is a crazy print. Did Uli sneak in and do this one? I'm not wild about that one. Tim says that the collection doesn't look very cohesive right now, and Michael will need to focus on that. Michael's a bit anxious. He's got one month left, and has only completed three pieces.
Shop talk out of the way, Michael invites Tim over to his cousin's house for dinner. Once there, Tim meets Michael's father, Michael. And Pamela is there, of course. She's as cute as ever. His aunt is bustling around in the kitchen, but we don't hear her name, because it's time to delve into the designers' past. Unlike last season, this year doesn't feel like a race to see who can get the most sympathy for the crappy things life has thrown at these people. Good. There are baby pictures of Michael in which his dad is working the huge afro. Awesome. He talks about being an army brat over more pictures of him in various awkward phases, wrapping up with one that I presume is from his modeling days. He says that his parents have always been very supportive of his goals. His father tells Tim they thought he was going to be a beautician, but his aspirations changed on them. He's never tried to convince Michael to follow a different path, and that's particularly impressive for an Army father. The family circles up to pray before dinner. Michael wills himself to think positively about winning the season.
Flash over to New York City. There's another fake shot of Laura admitting Tim to her building via the intercom buzzer. I guess the camera crew just teleported in. Really, show. Stop with that. Laura is pleased to see Tim. She interviews that she'll be having her fifth son in a row. I can't even imagine trying to look after six kids, let alone five boys. Yikes. Her apartment is gorgeous, of course. She leads Tim over to a photo album, so that we can transition into shots of her as a kid, and also one with her first child. She looks so young in that shot. She says that her mother taught sewing, so she learned construction skills at a young age. She takes Tim in to see the progress she's made on the collection, which is considerable. She has started on everything, but hasn't finished anything, simply because she wanted to be able to discuss each piece with Tim. I like the way she thinks. She has stuck to an evening-wear theme, but hopes to take her usual silhouettes to a new level. Tim likes her work, but warns her that she'll need to "youth things up", because her pieces tend to skew old, and these are no exception. Tim has a particular problem with a rather frilly, green dress. Laura explains that this is where she was trying to take a risk, but Tim doesn't think it's pretty in the least. I don't know, I kind of like it. They talk about how much work she's got yet to do, and Tim kids that she should turn her children into a mini-sweatshop. Heh.
Speaking of her children, the boys stream in. One of them is already crying and whining. My reproductive organs draw back in disgust. Where's her daughter? Oh, well. One of the boys offers Tim something that turns out to be a hunk of turtle poop. Tim laughs and basically runs away from him. Laura interviews that this was probably her youngest son's way of welcoming Tim to the family. Hehehe. Everyone realizes that where there's turtle poop, there's probably a turtle, and that he's missing. They start to search for him, and eventually figure he'll turn up somewhere. Laura's husband comes in. He's nothing like what I pictured her husband would look like. He looks like an English Lit professor. Tim is exhausted after spending half an hour with the kids. Aw, poor Tim. One of the boys finds Frank, the turtle. Having all these children meant that Laura has never really had the funds to start and sustain a business, and she hopes the winning the season will help get her rolling in the right direction. Tim takes his leave. The turtle eats Cheerios.
Commercials. Make sure you take good care of your retirement money. How else will you host barn dances?
Miami, Florida. OK, the cherry red Saturn makes a little more sense here. Tim pulls up to Uli's apartment building. That bitch... OK, let me get a hold of myself, here. All right. Uli has an expansive ocean view from her balcony. I'm turning green. She interviews that she takes her inspiration from Miami living. That's fine, as long as the wardrobe from The Golden Girls doesn't filter into her aesthetic. She shows off some of the safari-themed dresses she's made so far. Tim likes them, but tells her that she's not going to surprise the judges with this line; that it's too predictable. She seems OK with that. She seems OK with everything. Tim suggests going for a walk.
They stroll along the beach. It's gorgeous. I miss the ocean so much. Uli talks about life back in Germany, and how she used to watch Miami Vice. Heh. She actually grew up in East Germany, so it was a fairly restrictive life. She learned to make clothes early, but grew up without much color, so that's why she's so attracted to the more vibrant patterns these days. Her baby pictures are adorable. She's happy to have made it to America, where you can start as nobody and achieve your dreams in a very short time. You want to tug at my patriotic heartstrings, show? Get back to me when my beloved countrymen aren't actively stripping away my civil rights. Uli's excited for Fashion Week.
Los Angeles, California. There are only two weeks left. Jeffrey welcomes him in, and interviews that he was glad to see Tim, but nervous as well, because he doesn't think he ever really convinced Tim of what his point of view is. Fair enough. We meet Melanie, who's got a dark mohawk above a head of blond hair, and little Harrison, who's a cutie. Jeffrey says that Melanie got pregnant five months after they started going out. Hmmm...I'm not sure that's something I'd share with the country. He talks about the 20-hour days he's worked, which is somehow our transition into his backstory. It's certainly not as cheery as Michael or Laura's. As we know, he used to be an abused, alcoholic, suicidal junkie. A roommate who had been unexpectedly fired came home and saved him from hanging himself. Guess that tempers the whole "got fired" thing, huh? Jeffrey cleaned himself up after his suicide attempt, and has been clean for five years now. Tim asks how things have been going, and he says that it's been crazy since the show started to air. Yeah, I can imagine that trying to strike a balance between designing clothes and dodging rocks thrown at your head can be tiring. He really wants to win, and thus provide Harrison with a future. It's an admirable ambition, which is why I'm so frustrated that he chose to be the asshole of the season. I can't see any way that he can win now, so he's essentially shot himself in the foot.
Tim and Jeffrey leave to go to the workspace. It's a gigantic warehouse. The clothes are wrapped in plastic and neatly hanging on a rack. Jeffrey interviews that his initial inspiration was Japanese ghost and demon stories. That's cool, though it doesn't quite explain the red and white polka dot number I see back there. He shows Tim a striped dress in green and white with some very neat zipper seams that Tim loves. Some of the other pieces are equally good, which Tim finds delightfully unexpected. Jeffrey likes that Tim is wowed, but says that he doesn't see it as foreshadowing to how the judges will feel about the collection.
New York City. Two weeks later. Five days until the runway show. Michael arrives first. He's quite excited, and loves his collection, calling it "nasty". Hmm. He checks into a suite much nicer than the one at the Atlas. He says he hasn't slept in two days. Next to arrive is Laura, who says that she feels very good about her collection. She really wants to win, if for no other reason than that means that Jeffrey loses. Meow! Yep, you can tell the show has started to air at this point. Those backstabbing interviews are no longer so private. She sneaks into the bedroom and shakes Michael awake for a hug. In the evening, Uli pulls up. She can't wait to see how the other designers' collections look. Or something. I'm too busy concentrating on the fact that I don't think her suitcase is going to fit in that revolving door. She enters the suite and hugs Michael and Laura, admiring the latter's pregnant belly. Jeffrey lands, and interviews that he's finished everything he wanted to get done. He's expecting some sort of eleventh hour surprise, which is good thinking on his part, given last season. He still expects to win. If only he could hear the music that greets him as he enters the suite. This is not "Here Comes The Winner" music. This is "Here Comes The Moustache-Twirling Villain, Ready To Tie Poor Nell To The Railroad Tracks" music. Uli asks him how his life has been, and if people have been throwing eggs at him. He pretends that everything has been peachy. I've read about his reactions to the vile things people have written about him on the internet. I'm not going to pretend I've been a ray of sunshine about him, but I have no wish to "hold him underwater until he stops struggling". And that's one of the more mild things I found. Michael and Uli get up to greet him, while Laura...doesn't. I have to say she's being fairly graceless right now. You said plenty about him too, lady. Jeffrey tells everyone about how much work has gone into his collection, and everyone heads to bed. Extremely fake-looking shot of moonrise over the skyline.
Commercials. Saw III. Limecrete passes. III.
Much more realistic sunrise. Four days until the runway show. Everyone hauls their collections out of the hotel. Laura is excited to get back to the workroom with Michael and Uli and "even the tension that Jeff tries to cause." Man, she is being brutal. Everyone walks into their spacious new workspace and begins setting up their collections. Michael says that everyone was pretending not to be checking out everyone else's work. I don't even see why they put up the pretense. Laura asks how much Jeffrey has done, because it looks like a lot. It's eight dresses, a bathing suit, and three separates. He thinks the plastic bags add volume. Tim enters and gathers the designers. He pumps them up for Fashion Week, and cautions them to think about their entire presentation. He dismisses them so he can make the rounds to each individual designer.
Jeffrey's collection is done. No, DONE. No buttons to sew. No hems to clean up. Everything is finished. Laura's face gives us a window into the shitstorm that's about to fall. Tim seems to love Jeffrey's work. Uli does not fare as well. Tim tells her he'd like to see her clothes on actual people, because he's worried about proportion. He says he kind of misses her wacky print dresses. Aw, me too. She may have been predictable, but she could really work that style. Laura's detailing work is phenomenal, of course. She's gotten rid of the green dress Tim didn't care for during his visit. Tim is really pleased with her overall work. Michael's first dress gets an "Oy". That's not a good sign. Tim asks to see the rest of it, and Michael brings out a...holy hell, what is that? It's a white shirt with the front pockets make entirely out of silver sequins. I'm slack-jawed that Michael is capable of producing something so hideous. Even his less successful garments during the season at least had a basis in something pretty. This is just...icky. Oh, God, it also has big ol' brass buttons. Feh. Tim tells him he can either intentionally go over-the-top with things like this, or he'll have to start taking elements away. Michael's flustered. Tim collects everyone's receipts, so the producers will know what the $8000 was spent on. Jeffrey fusses a little over his before handing them over. It's meant to look very suspicious. Work montage. Except for Jeffrey, of course. Michael interviews that he'd rather go over-the-top than have no point of view. He says he's going to "rework" the details of his garments. Uli looks forward to the model casting.
And hey, here we are! Girls walk for the designers. Laura excitedly chooses a girl with actual hips. Heh. They've been seeing too many toothpicks, I gather. Looks like Katie is there, but she doesn't get the fanfare that Amanda does. A bunch of other no-names are chosen. The next segment is a mind-numbingly boring hair consultation with one of the stylists. I'll spare you. Although it is worth noting that Jeffrey has brought several blond wigs. It looks like he wants all the girls to look the same, so that it's the clothing that people are focused on. Mattel would be proud. Night falls. Morning. Three days until the runway show. Everyone heads to the workspace to meet some models for preliminary fittings. Hey, I think one of Michael's is Alexandra. Laura interviews that Jeffrey's work doesn't need a lot of alterations, because of the way they're constructed. She goes on to say that the alterations are one thing, but she's having trouble buying the fact that he was able to finish every button, hook, and seam before arriving in New York.
Commercials. I want to know what that song in the Intel commercial is. That's got a nice beat to it.
Oh, Jesus. The boring hair segment wasn't bad enough. Now it's time for an even more boring makeup segment with my un-favorite snooze, Collier Strong. Skipping! Seven hours until the end of the day. Everyone works on the details of their collection, except for Jeffrey, who's just kind of sitting there. Laura interviews that she's been stewing over this for two days, and that she doesn't believe that Jeffrey sewed the collection himself. Jeffrey wanders out of the room, and while he's gone, Laura voices her suspicions to Michael and Uli. Michael immediately agrees there's something fishy about it, especially given that Jeffrey has said he's also been working on other projects in addition to his Fashion Week line. Laura interviews that she has no problem believing that Jeffrey designed the entire line, but that you don't "pull craftsmanship like that out of your ass." So it's not just that he was able to finish all that in a short amount of time; she actually feels he's not capable of the work that was produced. The three of them go to pick over Jeffrey's clothing. Uli seems to find some imperfections (that would exonerate Jeffrey, I assume), but Laura points out some stellar stitching on leather jeans. They agree to bring it up with Jeffrey when he gets back.
But it's not Jeffrey who enters the room next, but Tim. Who knows how this would have gone if Jeffrey had never left? It's an interesting thought. Tim checks in with Uli first. She says that the day went pretty well, though she's still missing some models to fit. It's during this that Jeffrey comes back with some food. So now Laura cannot confront Jeffrey without Tim being present. She asks to speak with Tim, and he suggests moving out onto the terrace for some privacy. She hesitates. It looks like she's torn between making this a clandestine accusation and openly involving the entire room. She ultimately agrees to go outside. After a weak transition from talking about the terrace, Laura presents her suspicions to Tim. She details the things that Jeffrey has supposedly accomplished in a collection seemingly beyond his capabilities in a very short time span. She says that it's nothing she can prove, admitting it's just a gut feeling she has, and that she wanted to go on-record rather than ignoring it. Tim tells her that something like this can be difficult, if not impossible to prove, but he will take it to the producers, and they will investigate. Tim leaves. Laura interviews that she knows people will think she's a bitch for bringing this up (and she was right -- you should see some of the shit I've been reading on the internet about her), but that she stands by her belief that there's no way Jeffrey could have accomplished what he has on his own.
Commercials. The new Top Chef contestants are briefly introduced. Michael and I? Oh, yeah, we're going to have some problems.
When we return, Uli says that Laura has an announcement. Laura doesn't really want to phrase it like that, but doesn't miss a beat before telling Jeffrey about her conversation with Tim. Every single other time that Jeffrey has been confronted about anything on this show, he immediately goes on the offensive. This time he stares silently at Laura, then gives a tight "No, absolutely not". And that, more than anything else I've seen, makes me think Laura is right. I'm really not in a position to know if Jeffrey cheated or not, so I'm hesitant to hand down some sort of proclamation of his guilt or innocence. For all I know, he's worked his ass off for the past two months to get this collection done. But we have been watching Jeffrey for several weeks now. We've gotten a feel for his personality. And my gut reaction is that if he had really done all the work himself, he'd be screaming in Laura's face right about now. He just waveringly tells her that he's come on the show to show what he can do. Michael shoulders some of the blame for her accusations, saying that he agreed with her once she brought it up. Uli starts to say something, but I can't hear it over Jeffrey's protestations. Laura calmly says that she had a feeling she needed to express, and now he knows what it is. Jeffrey just sits there, but soon flees to the terrace. It's just so out-of-character. If he's innocent, he's still being awfully shady. Laura says to the others that she's not going to apologize for bringing the subject up. Jeffrey interviews that Laura just feels that if anyone does better than she did, they must be cheating. "Who fucking cares what you think?" he rhetorically asks. I'll answer him anyway. The producers.
Morning. In bed, Laura says basically what I just did, that Jeffrey's reaction was odd. She expected him to say (as she puts on a faux-Jeffrey voice) "What the hell, bitch? I made this stuff myself. Shut up!" In even odder news, Laura apparently wears her earrings to bed. She hopes there won't be horrible tension in the workroom. They enter the workroom and set up. Jeffrey interviews that he started his business making hundreds of one-of-a-kind pieces for celebrities. His point is that he's genuinely able to make good clothes quickly, when it's all his own time to do it on. I'm not sure what makes his self-imposed time limits any more special than the show-imposed ones. He's not saying a word to anyone else, when you'll remember he couldn't wait to rehash the entire mom challenge with Angela. I'm just saying. Tim enters to talk to Jeffrey. He starts by saying that Jeffrey will be assumed innocent until they find reason otherwise, and gives him the opportunity to confess if he is, indeed, guilty. Jeffrey denies it. I know it must seem that I'm looking for ways to nail Jeffrey to the wall, but I must point out that he's not able to meet Tim's eyes as he says this. Tim generally inspects the collection, and says that they'll be studying Jeffrey's receipts to look for irregularities. "I fucking made the entire collection," Jeffrey interviews. "But I'm scared to death that I'm not going to be showing at Bryant Park." Um...why? It's not like Laura has the time or power to cobble together some vast conspiracy against him. If he made the collection, then they won't find anything wrong, and he'll be fine. It's only if he actually cheated that he has cause to worry. Yeah, I can feel my scales tipping.
Next week on Project Runway: Fallout from the accusation. Tim says something that makes Jeffrey cry, though whether in sadness or relief, I don't know. Clothes will be shown. A winner will be picked.
Overall Grade: C-
Previously on Project Runway: Any chance that I'd ever feel bad for the way Vincent and Keith were edited flew out the window, landed on the street, got hit by a milk truck, fell off a cliff into a bed of razor blades, and rolled into a pond of salted lemon juice. On the upside, Bradley's still hot. We're still down to our final four. And still nobody's getting eliminated tonight. I've liked this season a great deal, but let's wrap this shit up, folks.
Opening credits. Qualify "they", Malan, and I'll actually agree that you're better.
Runway. Heidi comes out holding the velvet bag. Yay, velvet bag! She congratulates the final four, and drops the big challenge on them. Twelve looks. Two months. $8000 budget. They'll use the models they had in the last challenge. I can't believe Clarissa's still in the running, while Amanda and Lindsay are out. Boo! Heidi brings Tim out onto the runway. He tells them to give it their all. Heidi tells them not to play it safe. Shot of Laura. Hehe. Heidi goes on to send the designers back to the Atlas to pack and go home. So...what was the velvet bag for? Weird.
Atlas. Laura's suitcase is freakishly organized. I mean, I'm anal-retentive when I pack, too, but even my suitcases don't look that neat. She doesn't find the idea of producing a full line of clothing too scary; after all, she's produced a "whole line of kids". Heh. She's excited for the career opportunities showing a full line will open up. Everyone leaves the Atlas, and Laura starts walking home. Pregnant, carrying two bags, and wearing high heels. Unless you live two blocks away, spring for a cab, lady. The remaining three say good-bye to each other. Uli interviews that winning the last challenge has made her more confident. Michael promises his line will be hot. Jeffrey's dream of seeing a full collection walk down the runway is being fulfilled.
A month later, Tim begins to make the rounds. First, we head to Atlanta, where Michael is working on his collection. Tim pulls up in a cherry red Saturn convertible. Oh, Tim. I see you in a much more dignified color. Jeez, you're not going through a midlife crisis. OR ARE YOU? Michael opens the door and welcomes him. He sounds surprised, given the fact that this is shot from within his house. Granted, I don't know Michael, but I feel confident in guessing that he doesn't live with a camera crew. He interviews that seeing Tim is like seeing an old friend, then interjects with the fact that he's a "braceface" now. Heh. Yeah, we saw. He gives us a nice, wide, metallic smile. He shows Tim his little workspace, and Tim asks how he's progressing. He seems pretty behind. His line is called "Street Safari", and there are sketches taped to the wall of what his clothing will look like. As far as completed pieces, there's a long, white dress with crisscrossed laces on the chest. I like it. Another dress is a crazy print. Did Uli sneak in and do this one? I'm not wild about that one. Tim says that the collection doesn't look very cohesive right now, and Michael will need to focus on that. Michael's a bit anxious. He's got one month left, and has only completed three pieces.
Shop talk out of the way, Michael invites Tim over to his cousin's house for dinner. Once there, Tim meets Michael's father, Michael. And Pamela is there, of course. She's as cute as ever. His aunt is bustling around in the kitchen, but we don't hear her name, because it's time to delve into the designers' past. Unlike last season, this year doesn't feel like a race to see who can get the most sympathy for the crappy things life has thrown at these people. Good. There are baby pictures of Michael in which his dad is working the huge afro. Awesome. He talks about being an army brat over more pictures of him in various awkward phases, wrapping up with one that I presume is from his modeling days. He says that his parents have always been very supportive of his goals. His father tells Tim they thought he was going to be a beautician, but his aspirations changed on them. He's never tried to convince Michael to follow a different path, and that's particularly impressive for an Army father. The family circles up to pray before dinner. Michael wills himself to think positively about winning the season.
Flash over to New York City. There's another fake shot of Laura admitting Tim to her building via the intercom buzzer. I guess the camera crew just teleported in. Really, show. Stop with that. Laura is pleased to see Tim. She interviews that she'll be having her fifth son in a row. I can't even imagine trying to look after six kids, let alone five boys. Yikes. Her apartment is gorgeous, of course. She leads Tim over to a photo album, so that we can transition into shots of her as a kid, and also one with her first child. She looks so young in that shot. She says that her mother taught sewing, so she learned construction skills at a young age. She takes Tim in to see the progress she's made on the collection, which is considerable. She has started on everything, but hasn't finished anything, simply because she wanted to be able to discuss each piece with Tim. I like the way she thinks. She has stuck to an evening-wear theme, but hopes to take her usual silhouettes to a new level. Tim likes her work, but warns her that she'll need to "youth things up", because her pieces tend to skew old, and these are no exception. Tim has a particular problem with a rather frilly, green dress. Laura explains that this is where she was trying to take a risk, but Tim doesn't think it's pretty in the least. I don't know, I kind of like it. They talk about how much work she's got yet to do, and Tim kids that she should turn her children into a mini-sweatshop. Heh.
Speaking of her children, the boys stream in. One of them is already crying and whining. My reproductive organs draw back in disgust. Where's her daughter? Oh, well. One of the boys offers Tim something that turns out to be a hunk of turtle poop. Tim laughs and basically runs away from him. Laura interviews that this was probably her youngest son's way of welcoming Tim to the family. Hehehe. Everyone realizes that where there's turtle poop, there's probably a turtle, and that he's missing. They start to search for him, and eventually figure he'll turn up somewhere. Laura's husband comes in. He's nothing like what I pictured her husband would look like. He looks like an English Lit professor. Tim is exhausted after spending half an hour with the kids. Aw, poor Tim. One of the boys finds Frank, the turtle. Having all these children meant that Laura has never really had the funds to start and sustain a business, and she hopes the winning the season will help get her rolling in the right direction. Tim takes his leave. The turtle eats Cheerios.
Commercials. Make sure you take good care of your retirement money. How else will you host barn dances?
Miami, Florida. OK, the cherry red Saturn makes a little more sense here. Tim pulls up to Uli's apartment building. That bitch... OK, let me get a hold of myself, here. All right. Uli has an expansive ocean view from her balcony. I'm turning green. She interviews that she takes her inspiration from Miami living. That's fine, as long as the wardrobe from The Golden Girls doesn't filter into her aesthetic. She shows off some of the safari-themed dresses she's made so far. Tim likes them, but tells her that she's not going to surprise the judges with this line; that it's too predictable. She seems OK with that. She seems OK with everything. Tim suggests going for a walk.
They stroll along the beach. It's gorgeous. I miss the ocean so much. Uli talks about life back in Germany, and how she used to watch Miami Vice. Heh. She actually grew up in East Germany, so it was a fairly restrictive life. She learned to make clothes early, but grew up without much color, so that's why she's so attracted to the more vibrant patterns these days. Her baby pictures are adorable. She's happy to have made it to America, where you can start as nobody and achieve your dreams in a very short time. You want to tug at my patriotic heartstrings, show? Get back to me when my beloved countrymen aren't actively stripping away my civil rights. Uli's excited for Fashion Week.
Los Angeles, California. There are only two weeks left. Jeffrey welcomes him in, and interviews that he was glad to see Tim, but nervous as well, because he doesn't think he ever really convinced Tim of what his point of view is. Fair enough. We meet Melanie, who's got a dark mohawk above a head of blond hair, and little Harrison, who's a cutie. Jeffrey says that Melanie got pregnant five months after they started going out. Hmmm...I'm not sure that's something I'd share with the country. He talks about the 20-hour days he's worked, which is somehow our transition into his backstory. It's certainly not as cheery as Michael or Laura's. As we know, he used to be an abused, alcoholic, suicidal junkie. A roommate who had been unexpectedly fired came home and saved him from hanging himself. Guess that tempers the whole "got fired" thing, huh? Jeffrey cleaned himself up after his suicide attempt, and has been clean for five years now. Tim asks how things have been going, and he says that it's been crazy since the show started to air. Yeah, I can imagine that trying to strike a balance between designing clothes and dodging rocks thrown at your head can be tiring. He really wants to win, and thus provide Harrison with a future. It's an admirable ambition, which is why I'm so frustrated that he chose to be the asshole of the season. I can't see any way that he can win now, so he's essentially shot himself in the foot.
Tim and Jeffrey leave to go to the workspace. It's a gigantic warehouse. The clothes are wrapped in plastic and neatly hanging on a rack. Jeffrey interviews that his initial inspiration was Japanese ghost and demon stories. That's cool, though it doesn't quite explain the red and white polka dot number I see back there. He shows Tim a striped dress in green and white with some very neat zipper seams that Tim loves. Some of the other pieces are equally good, which Tim finds delightfully unexpected. Jeffrey likes that Tim is wowed, but says that he doesn't see it as foreshadowing to how the judges will feel about the collection.
New York City. Two weeks later. Five days until the runway show. Michael arrives first. He's quite excited, and loves his collection, calling it "nasty". Hmm. He checks into a suite much nicer than the one at the Atlas. He says he hasn't slept in two days. Next to arrive is Laura, who says that she feels very good about her collection. She really wants to win, if for no other reason than that means that Jeffrey loses. Meow! Yep, you can tell the show has started to air at this point. Those backstabbing interviews are no longer so private. She sneaks into the bedroom and shakes Michael awake for a hug. In the evening, Uli pulls up. She can't wait to see how the other designers' collections look. Or something. I'm too busy concentrating on the fact that I don't think her suitcase is going to fit in that revolving door. She enters the suite and hugs Michael and Laura, admiring the latter's pregnant belly. Jeffrey lands, and interviews that he's finished everything he wanted to get done. He's expecting some sort of eleventh hour surprise, which is good thinking on his part, given last season. He still expects to win. If only he could hear the music that greets him as he enters the suite. This is not "Here Comes The Winner" music. This is "Here Comes The Moustache-Twirling Villain, Ready To Tie Poor Nell To The Railroad Tracks" music. Uli asks him how his life has been, and if people have been throwing eggs at him. He pretends that everything has been peachy. I've read about his reactions to the vile things people have written about him on the internet. I'm not going to pretend I've been a ray of sunshine about him, but I have no wish to "hold him underwater until he stops struggling". And that's one of the more mild things I found. Michael and Uli get up to greet him, while Laura...doesn't. I have to say she's being fairly graceless right now. You said plenty about him too, lady. Jeffrey tells everyone about how much work has gone into his collection, and everyone heads to bed. Extremely fake-looking shot of moonrise over the skyline.
Commercials. Saw III. Limecrete passes. III.
Much more realistic sunrise. Four days until the runway show. Everyone hauls their collections out of the hotel. Laura is excited to get back to the workroom with Michael and Uli and "even the tension that Jeff tries to cause." Man, she is being brutal. Everyone walks into their spacious new workspace and begins setting up their collections. Michael says that everyone was pretending not to be checking out everyone else's work. I don't even see why they put up the pretense. Laura asks how much Jeffrey has done, because it looks like a lot. It's eight dresses, a bathing suit, and three separates. He thinks the plastic bags add volume. Tim enters and gathers the designers. He pumps them up for Fashion Week, and cautions them to think about their entire presentation. He dismisses them so he can make the rounds to each individual designer.
Jeffrey's collection is done. No, DONE. No buttons to sew. No hems to clean up. Everything is finished. Laura's face gives us a window into the shitstorm that's about to fall. Tim seems to love Jeffrey's work. Uli does not fare as well. Tim tells her he'd like to see her clothes on actual people, because he's worried about proportion. He says he kind of misses her wacky print dresses. Aw, me too. She may have been predictable, but she could really work that style. Laura's detailing work is phenomenal, of course. She's gotten rid of the green dress Tim didn't care for during his visit. Tim is really pleased with her overall work. Michael's first dress gets an "Oy". That's not a good sign. Tim asks to see the rest of it, and Michael brings out a...holy hell, what is that? It's a white shirt with the front pockets make entirely out of silver sequins. I'm slack-jawed that Michael is capable of producing something so hideous. Even his less successful garments during the season at least had a basis in something pretty. This is just...icky. Oh, God, it also has big ol' brass buttons. Feh. Tim tells him he can either intentionally go over-the-top with things like this, or he'll have to start taking elements away. Michael's flustered. Tim collects everyone's receipts, so the producers will know what the $8000 was spent on. Jeffrey fusses a little over his before handing them over. It's meant to look very suspicious. Work montage. Except for Jeffrey, of course. Michael interviews that he'd rather go over-the-top than have no point of view. He says he's going to "rework" the details of his garments. Uli looks forward to the model casting.
And hey, here we are! Girls walk for the designers. Laura excitedly chooses a girl with actual hips. Heh. They've been seeing too many toothpicks, I gather. Looks like Katie is there, but she doesn't get the fanfare that Amanda does. A bunch of other no-names are chosen. The next segment is a mind-numbingly boring hair consultation with one of the stylists. I'll spare you. Although it is worth noting that Jeffrey has brought several blond wigs. It looks like he wants all the girls to look the same, so that it's the clothing that people are focused on. Mattel would be proud. Night falls. Morning. Three days until the runway show. Everyone heads to the workspace to meet some models for preliminary fittings. Hey, I think one of Michael's is Alexandra. Laura interviews that Jeffrey's work doesn't need a lot of alterations, because of the way they're constructed. She goes on to say that the alterations are one thing, but she's having trouble buying the fact that he was able to finish every button, hook, and seam before arriving in New York.
Commercials. I want to know what that song in the Intel commercial is. That's got a nice beat to it.
Oh, Jesus. The boring hair segment wasn't bad enough. Now it's time for an even more boring makeup segment with my un-favorite snooze, Collier Strong. Skipping! Seven hours until the end of the day. Everyone works on the details of their collection, except for Jeffrey, who's just kind of sitting there. Laura interviews that she's been stewing over this for two days, and that she doesn't believe that Jeffrey sewed the collection himself. Jeffrey wanders out of the room, and while he's gone, Laura voices her suspicions to Michael and Uli. Michael immediately agrees there's something fishy about it, especially given that Jeffrey has said he's also been working on other projects in addition to his Fashion Week line. Laura interviews that she has no problem believing that Jeffrey designed the entire line, but that you don't "pull craftsmanship like that out of your ass." So it's not just that he was able to finish all that in a short amount of time; she actually feels he's not capable of the work that was produced. The three of them go to pick over Jeffrey's clothing. Uli seems to find some imperfections (that would exonerate Jeffrey, I assume), but Laura points out some stellar stitching on leather jeans. They agree to bring it up with Jeffrey when he gets back.
But it's not Jeffrey who enters the room next, but Tim. Who knows how this would have gone if Jeffrey had never left? It's an interesting thought. Tim checks in with Uli first. She says that the day went pretty well, though she's still missing some models to fit. It's during this that Jeffrey comes back with some food. So now Laura cannot confront Jeffrey without Tim being present. She asks to speak with Tim, and he suggests moving out onto the terrace for some privacy. She hesitates. It looks like she's torn between making this a clandestine accusation and openly involving the entire room. She ultimately agrees to go outside. After a weak transition from talking about the terrace, Laura presents her suspicions to Tim. She details the things that Jeffrey has supposedly accomplished in a collection seemingly beyond his capabilities in a very short time span. She says that it's nothing she can prove, admitting it's just a gut feeling she has, and that she wanted to go on-record rather than ignoring it. Tim tells her that something like this can be difficult, if not impossible to prove, but he will take it to the producers, and they will investigate. Tim leaves. Laura interviews that she knows people will think she's a bitch for bringing this up (and she was right -- you should see some of the shit I've been reading on the internet about her), but that she stands by her belief that there's no way Jeffrey could have accomplished what he has on his own.
Commercials. The new Top Chef contestants are briefly introduced. Michael and I? Oh, yeah, we're going to have some problems.
When we return, Uli says that Laura has an announcement. Laura doesn't really want to phrase it like that, but doesn't miss a beat before telling Jeffrey about her conversation with Tim. Every single other time that Jeffrey has been confronted about anything on this show, he immediately goes on the offensive. This time he stares silently at Laura, then gives a tight "No, absolutely not". And that, more than anything else I've seen, makes me think Laura is right. I'm really not in a position to know if Jeffrey cheated or not, so I'm hesitant to hand down some sort of proclamation of his guilt or innocence. For all I know, he's worked his ass off for the past two months to get this collection done. But we have been watching Jeffrey for several weeks now. We've gotten a feel for his personality. And my gut reaction is that if he had really done all the work himself, he'd be screaming in Laura's face right about now. He just waveringly tells her that he's come on the show to show what he can do. Michael shoulders some of the blame for her accusations, saying that he agreed with her once she brought it up. Uli starts to say something, but I can't hear it over Jeffrey's protestations. Laura calmly says that she had a feeling she needed to express, and now he knows what it is. Jeffrey just sits there, but soon flees to the terrace. It's just so out-of-character. If he's innocent, he's still being awfully shady. Laura says to the others that she's not going to apologize for bringing the subject up. Jeffrey interviews that Laura just feels that if anyone does better than she did, they must be cheating. "Who fucking cares what you think?" he rhetorically asks. I'll answer him anyway. The producers.
Morning. In bed, Laura says basically what I just did, that Jeffrey's reaction was odd. She expected him to say (as she puts on a faux-Jeffrey voice) "What the hell, bitch? I made this stuff myself. Shut up!" In even odder news, Laura apparently wears her earrings to bed. She hopes there won't be horrible tension in the workroom. They enter the workroom and set up. Jeffrey interviews that he started his business making hundreds of one-of-a-kind pieces for celebrities. His point is that he's genuinely able to make good clothes quickly, when it's all his own time to do it on. I'm not sure what makes his self-imposed time limits any more special than the show-imposed ones. He's not saying a word to anyone else, when you'll remember he couldn't wait to rehash the entire mom challenge with Angela. I'm just saying. Tim enters to talk to Jeffrey. He starts by saying that Jeffrey will be assumed innocent until they find reason otherwise, and gives him the opportunity to confess if he is, indeed, guilty. Jeffrey denies it. I know it must seem that I'm looking for ways to nail Jeffrey to the wall, but I must point out that he's not able to meet Tim's eyes as he says this. Tim generally inspects the collection, and says that they'll be studying Jeffrey's receipts to look for irregularities. "I fucking made the entire collection," Jeffrey interviews. "But I'm scared to death that I'm not going to be showing at Bryant Park." Um...why? It's not like Laura has the time or power to cobble together some vast conspiracy against him. If he made the collection, then they won't find anything wrong, and he'll be fine. It's only if he actually cheated that he has cause to worry. Yeah, I can feel my scales tipping.
Next week on Project Runway: Fallout from the accusation. Tim says something that makes Jeffrey cry, though whether in sadness or relief, I don't know. Clothes will be shown. A winner will be picked.
Overall Grade: C-
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