Bloodless Chew

Previously on Top Chef: Travis and Sara were really confident when it comes to Vietnamese food, so according to the Rules of Reality Competitions, they screwed everything up. One of these days, it will be refreshing to see someone say something like "I've been making dumplings since I was six, and am going to totally dominate this dumpling challenge," and then proceed to do just that. The shrimp dishes decided the day, with Shirley's BBQ shrimp scoring major points, and Janine getting punted for double-cooking hers. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight? Besides the St. Louis Cardinals, goddamn it!

Travis and Sara are bummed after their flogging at Judges' Table, so Travis distracts himself by using the show as his opportunity to come out to his father. That'll be a fun little conversation when the season airs. Over at the Kitchen, Padma and Gail explain this week's Quickfire Challenge. Every ingredient and piece of kitchen equipment has been wrapped in aluminum foil, rendering a lot of it unrecognizable. Then the Quickfire judges are introduced, and it turns out to be Padma and Gail's moms. Aw, cute. The chefs are split into two teams, and the moms have five minutes to pack a couple of carts with food and equipment. Whatever ingredients they pick up, the team must incorporate somehow. Ready? Go!

Carts are packed. When the dust settles, we see what the chefs were able to put together with weird mixtures like strawberries and mustard. One team (Sara, Stephanie, Justin, Michael, Carrie, Louis, and Shirley) makes lamb with cheese sauce, snapper with tomato sauce and rice, and a balsamic sabayon, which Carrie was somehow able to whip together without a whisk. The other team (Brian, Nina, Carlos, Travis, Bene, Patty, and Nick) has poached clams in fish sauce, a fish dish with mustard vinaigrette, and use up the rest of their ingredients by throwing them all into a soup (it incorporates beans, carrots, chili peppers, okra, cherry, strawberry, and coconut. Yeah, that sounds gross.

The moms disagree, I guess, because the latter team wins. Nobody gets immunity, but the chefs get $10,000. To split, that is. Everyone keeps tossing the $10,000 figure around, I guess because it doesn't sound quite as grand to boast that you just won $1,428.56. Still, not bad for half an hour's work. That dispensed with, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. Padma introduces this week's guest judge: Glee star and avowed Top Chef super-fan Lea Michele. She's "hosting" a "Halloween" party, which the chefs will be catering, and... Come on, show. It's fine to air a Halloween-themed episode the day before the actual holiday, but I'm not sure who they're fooling by pretending the challenge was filmed anytime recently or that Lea Michele is hosting the party in any way, shape, or form. Oh, wait. I know who they're fooling - those dweebs who are voting in the insta-polls that irritatingly suck up a third of the screen.

The chefs are given some brief discussion time with Lea, who mentions that she generally sticks to a vegan diet, except when she's indulging in cheese, which she really loves. Plus, the dishes should incorporate an aspect of Halloween. Sigh. It's not that I don't like vegetarian/vegan challenges once in a while, but they don't generally lead to the most inventive dishes. Especially when it's a catering challenge, and the chefs won't have on-site access to a kitchen. Especially especially when they also have to include some visually thematic element. Sometimes, I desperately wish I could be a guest at one of the events these chefs cook for, but this sounds like one I'd happily skip. The chefs are paired off with whoever happens to be standing next to them:

-Carrie/Stephanie
-Nicholas/Patty
-Travis/Carlos
-Nina/Michael
-Justin/Sara
-Shirley/Louis
-Brian/Bene

The chefs shop, and then get to prep cooking. Most of the teams get along with no issue whatsoever. And by "most", I mean six of them. I'll give you one guess as to the pair that's not working out particularly well. A shiny gold star to those who said Nina/Michael. He's as insufferable as ever, and not just because he's reliably condescending and sexist, insisting on calling Nina by diminutive nicknames like "Sweetie" and "Boo-Boo". She's also justifiably worried that he can't pull his weight in terms of his dish, as he's been consistently placing pretty low in the challenges. Not that she does anything about it. I understand why she doesn't want to deal with his truckload of bullshit, but you can't ignore your partner in team challenges, lest they drag you down with them when they fail.

The party kicks into gear. None of the Halloween costumes are particularly inspired, which is a shame. Bravo's got enough to money to dress these people up right. Tom is shocked and dismayed to find that three teams have made arancini, and if he's that het up about it, I'd ask for his extensive list of foods that can be fried and easily served at a catered event, includes cheese, is otherwise vegan, and can be dressed up in Halloween trappings (like an eyeball). Other notable dishes include Justin's "blood" pasta, made with beets despite Lea's general dislike of them, Shirley's "worm" salad made of noodles, and Louis' phyllo spring roll with braised quinoa and onions on a potato puree.

Fret 'n sweat. Before the judges' discussion begins, Nina and Michael finally have it out over their doomed partnership. Michael can add "gobsmackingly clueless" to his list of stellar qualities, as he insists that far from dragging her down, she was the one who needed him to succeed. His hopes are gloriously dashed when the judges' deliberations get beamed in, and they immediately praise her dish and abhor his. That doesn't mean she's out of the woods, of course, as they were supposed to work as a team, but it's nice to watch his bubble get popped so efficiently. Brian and Bene are also in trouble for making "spa food", which beyond sounding silly as an inspiration for a Halloween challenge, worked out to be a couple of boring salads. On the flip side, Nicholas' squash cannoli was delicious and thematically appropriate, and his partner Patty's arancini was the best of the three made today. Also in the top are Travis and Carlos, who have cleverly gone with a Dia de los Muertos theme. Travis' ceviche is light and fresh, while Carlos' fried zucchini in cheese fondue went straight to Lea's heart. In a good way.

It's been a busy couple of episodes for the previously-overlooked Travis. He's invisible! Now he's an expert in Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's terrible at Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's indirectly coming out to his dad! Now he's an expert in Latino cuisine! And now he can add challenge winner to that growing list, as he and Carlos carry the day. Though Brian and Bene get justifiably criticized for their unimaginative dishes, they real question boils down to whether Michael is going to get eliminated solo or if he'll take Nina with him. Sighs of relief are heard all over the country as the condescending Muppet takes the long walk alone. He's blithely self-impressed to the very end, saying that he represented New Orleans well and that everyone has something to add to this world. Well, he's right on that latter point. He added a handy villain to this season. With him gone, who will the anger turn to?

Overall Grade: C+