Going Whole Hog

Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 8

Previously on Top Chef: Brian "won" a Quickfire that incorporated the elements of jazz - such as how it often makes no sense whatsoever. For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs broke into teams, made whatever the hell they wanted, and pretended it was potluck food. Nina got into the top three yet again for her gnocchi...

James (with affection): "This bitch and her gnocchi."

...but Stephanie won for fried artichokes which looked so good that I ordered some this past weekend. At a BBQ restaurant. For breakfast. The thread that Patty's been clinging to since the beginning of the season finally snapped, and she was sent home. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Quickfire. Another very New Orleansy presence joins shows up to judge. This time, it's gravel-voiced Grammy winner Dr. John, who mumbles around a mouthful of marbles. Padma translates that the challenge will be to make and bottle some hot sauce. Good challenge! I like hot sauce (in moderation), and feel like a lot of people just go for pure heat, when it should really be about something flavorful that incorporates heat. Let's see who falls into the sear-your-taste-buds-off trap.

The chefs get started. Poor Nicholas interviews that he never touches hot sauce, as he is prone to ulcers. Ugh, that sucks. Stephanie and Carrie are similarly inexperienced, but pledge to do their best. Justin makes a sauce with anchovy, and GET IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW. When time runs out, Padma asks for Dr. John's bottom three, which he says are "Dbkdfja, nkfhwlllib afvj fuuryyyslv." Hang on, let's run that through the Padma translator. Carrie's Trinidad-inspired gumbo may have made the cut, but her Trinidad-inspired hot sauce is a dud. Nicholas' was overly-sweet, and Nina's was all heat, no flavor. Yup. Gotta watch out for that.

Now, for the good news. Carlos' habanero sauce with mango and passion fruit hit all the right notes. Justin's pepper sauce with anchovy was odd, but delicious. OF COURSE IT WAS. Sorry, I get heavily invested in anchovy dishes. Brian's green jalapeño sauce incorporated yuzu well. The winner of the challenge and immunity is... "Bjhfs." Sorry, that's Brian. He looks pleased. And stoned. But then, he always looks stoned.

Elimination Challenge. A 300-pound pig is wheeled in, its belly cleaved in two. That reminds me, I'm an episode behind on American Horror Story. The chef (Donald Link - yes, you heard correctly) and butcher (Toby Rodriguez) who bring it in are experts in boucherie, the Cajun tradition of breaking down and using the entire animal in cooking. I mean, there might just be another culture that was on this continent before the Cajuns that was known for using the whole animal. There's an upcoming holiday celebrating them? Starts with an "N"? Ends with "ative Americans"? Still, I get that we're in New Orleans and have to focus on the whole Creole thing.

For the challenge, the chefs must work together to break down the entire hog, and use the entire thing to serve a few hundred people. Everyone must be in charge of at least one dish. Once Padma and the guest judges leave, the chefs fall to squabbling about who gets which part of the pig. Justin and Nicholas handle most of the butchering, with Sara hovering around and nagging them like an annoying backseat driver. Nina and Nicholas both want the head, and compromise by cutting it in half. Justin and Carlos independently decide to make tacos, and while Justin is usually confident in his abilities, he understandably worries that Carlos will spank him on this head-to-head comparison. While the chefs shop for their other ingredients, Donald and Toby's crew cooks up an example boucherie back at the house. It looks so good I can practically smell it.

Prep. The chefs are taken to a place called the Bayou Barn, which is a terrible name. "Bayou Barn" is where overweight women with five teeth buy their muumuus and discount flip-flops. Justin spends time building a fire, and then snarls at anyone else who gets near it. Everyone ignores him, and when he tries to assert his flame ownership, Nina tells him to eat a dick. We had to rewind to make sure that's what she really said; apparently, it's kosher to say that on TV now. Eat a dick, everyone! Meanwhile, Stephanie recoils when she sees an alligator hanging out in the grass a dozen feet away. That...is terrifying. The chefs appear to just keep on cooking, but I dearly hope that someone off camera was in charge of shooing it away. Louis interviews that he was expecting to show up and just be a lone wolf, but that he's actually made some really great friends. Hmmm. He's incorporating popcorn into his dish. Once prep time is complete, the judges and other diners walk around and sample everything. This is one of those challenges I fervently wish I could attend as a taster.

Fret 'n sweat. The chefs are delighted when Tom says that this challenge had some of the best food he's ever eaten in the show's entire run. The judges have said that kind of thing before and sounded a bit hollow, but it sounds pretty genuine this time. Whoever goes home will be eliminated for a minor flaw, which is a shame. But first, for the good news. Obviously, Nina is in the top three, because she's Nina. Her pig-head ragout incorporated roasted corn, mustard greens, and spaetzle, and had a nice heat that built over time. Shirley and Carlos join her, and both of them speak emotionally about the inspiration they drew from their families to create their dishes. Shirley's dumplings contained pork scrapings, grilled kidney and were served on a crispy pork fat salad. Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. Carlos' tacos are fried chorizo, served on a pozole verde (a soup made with pork bone). Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. This is why I can believe Tom when he says this is some of the best food ever served on Top Chef. It all looks amazing. The winner of the challenge is... Carlos! I was kind of pulling for Shirley (those dumplings look incredible), but am happy to see him score a win with a recipe that hits so close to home.

Losers' Table. The judges summon Justin, Louis, and Stephanie. Justin is unhappy to be there. He doesn't think there was anything wrong with his pork. The judges assure the chefs that nobody's dish was out-and-out disappointing, but that there were issues of consistency. Some of Justin's servings were dry, which explains an earlier scene of a flare-up of the flames he was so adamant about protecting. I can't tell if Justin is justifiably cheesed about being in the bottom three for a good dish, or if he's one of those tiresome people that can't take any form of criticism. Stephanie braised her pork so much that all the flavor sank into the broth. Louis' popcorn was out-of-place and off-putting, though his grilled pork leg was tasty. Tom throws it over to Padma for the (pork) chop. Louis. Please pack your knives and go. Aw, crud. It's probably fair from a challenge standpoint, but Louis is so... Well, let's just say I'm not going to be buying the Brian calendar anytime soon. Louis takes his loss stoically, and only regrets that he wasn't able to nail a challenge with his personal style of food. Yeah, I'd have liked to see that, too. And maybe what he would have worn for the July photo.

Overall Grade: B