The Importance of Being Kenny

Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 4

Previously on Top Chef: Ed didn't think much of Alex. Actually, Ed didn't think much of anything that isn't Ed. Kevin's dish was not popular with the judges. Arnold got to whine, then win.

LabRat: "I'll bet he's in the bottom this week."
Tiffany: "I'll bet he's a bottom every week."

Tracey's burger managed to offend an entire country, and she was sent packing. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening menu. The viewing party gardens contributed more in the form of dips and salsas. LabRat and I had a bunch of overripe bananas that I was able to turn into a tasty loaf of banana bread after much research and experimentation. And, the viewing party got a welcome addition this week in the form of Virginia, all the way in from Melbourne. She and LabRat hoovered up most of the wine, but for the bit that's left over... Rule #4: Take a drink whenever someone blithely tempts Fate.

Monday Morning Quarterback session. Arnold is pleased as punch with his win, and is forced to reconsider his longstanding enmity with grills. Andrea is bummed that her pal Tracey got eliminated, but tries to focus on the challenges ahead. Like many before her, she's tired of riding the middle ground, and wants to win for a change. Of course, we've seen plenty of chefs complain about being in the middle of the pack, only to get eliminated ten minutes later, so I'd be curious to hear about their opinions on being in the safe-but-unremarkable group now. Tim is ready to claw his way out of the bottom.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Ptom. Padma is wearing a tank top that appears to have been made by placing an armadillo on a plain top, and then running it over with a literal tank. Baby toys are strewn on the counters. Kelly interviews that since there's no guest judge, she's not sure what to expect. Gee, thanks for that incredibly important news. Padma explains that the Quickfire is of a personal sort this week. Both she and Ptom have young children at home, so the challenge will be to make an adult dish to tempt the judges, and a pureed version of the same dish as baby food. Clever! A jangled Lynne tells us that she's had no experience feeding babies, and is nervous as hell. Given that the chefs might not give their all when it comes to a jar of mush, Padma informs them that this is a high stakes challenge. Both she and Ptom will pick a winner, and though nobody will get immunity, both winners will score $10,000. That perks everyone right up. Arnold says he'd put the money towards helping HIV-infected orphans. God, he's so selfish. Alex doesn't quite have the same global perspective, joking that he'd spend it on hookers and blow. Now there was an interesting juxtaposition of interview quotes. The chefs are given 45 minutes, and the countdown begins.

Prep time has barely begun before Alex makes another sex joke. Methinks someone is a little hard up right now. No pun intended. Kevin has a personal connection to the challenge, as he's already got a kid, not to mention a pregnant wife at home. Adorable pictures of both are shown. He figures he's got the win sewn up. I'm not really seeing the connection between impregnating women and being able to make good baby food, but whatever makes him happy, I guess. Tamesha wants to make a fairly plain dish, so as not to overwhelm the hypothetical baby. She's going about it in a much more thoughtful way than others, who are throwing all sorts of pepper and other spices into their food.

Kelly wants to prove that one doesn't have to have kids to win the challenge. Kenny talks about how his first wife passed away in a car accident, so he was the sole caregiver for his infant daughter. Aw, that's a shame. The accident, that is. Not the parenting. Stephen disapproves of Kenny's apple chunks, saying that it's a good way to choke a baby. Because it's not like Kenny's going to PUREE anything for the PUREE challenge. It's a good thing Stephen is on this show, and not, say, Jeopardy! Lynne joins Andrea in the I-Hate-The-Middle-Of-The-Pack Club, but admits that she's totally winging it right now. Angelo wants to do something challenging and layered. Time winds down. Food is plated. Tiny jars are filled. Time runs out. Kevin is not even close to being done. But he's got a kid, plus one on the way! How could this have happened?!? Padma and Ptom go down the line.

Kenny's dish has grilled, curried chicken breast, a mango salad with shaved carrots, and a confit of butternut squash and maitake mushrooms. I'm not too sure I'd want my baby ingesting curry. That's literally a recipe for disaster. Tim has sauteed lamb, with a mushroom ragout that includes shallots and ginger. Kevin has attempted to make pan-seared duck with baby carrots. The plating isn't the only thing that didn't get done. The duck is severely undercooked, bleeding all over the plate. Kelly has roasted pork loin with grilled peaches and ginger. The lemon juice that she's squeezed into the dish was probably a poor choice, as Padma spits a lemon seed out into her baby spoon. Oof. When Kelly mentioned not having kids before, I assumed it was because she just hadn't had any, not because she's choked them all to death. Lynne has chicken breast with some sweet potato, and a compote of fruit and bell peppers. She tells the judges that she's never tasted baby food before, because all of her kids have four legs. Aaaah, they're hideous genetic mutants!

Angelo has poached tuna in olive oil, and serves it with fenugreek broth, tomatoes, soy sauce, and honey. As promised, he's layered the ingredients in his baby food jar. Alex has seared duck with spinach, basil, dill couscous, and black trumpet mushroom. Tamesha has grilled salmon, with a vegetable chowder in lobster stock, some Thai basil, and licorice oil. It looks like the salmon was not included in the puree, which makes sense. Ptom asks her how she made the oil, and she says she took licorice powder and let it steep in grape seed oil. Impressive.

Results. Ptom's bottom two are Timothy (overcooked lamb) and Alex (watery, overly dill-flavored puree). Padma goes for a more practical bottom two in Kevin (undercooked meat) and Kelly (bland meat - but really the lemon seed). In better news, Ptom really liked Lynne's flavors and how she translated it into baby food. She's gobsmacked. Ptom also enjoyed Tamesha's chunky-style baby food and the licorice oil. Padma has consulted with the producers, and selects Angelo and Kenny as her top picks. Okay, that's not fair; I'm sure they tasted great. Sorry. I'll try to withhold my cranky conspiracy theories until they're actually warranted. Say, in half an hour or so? Padma says that she enjoyed Angelo's use of fenugreek, and the elegant presentation of his baby food. Kenny's use of bulgur wheat was flavorful, but not too spicy. Of these top four, Ptom selects Tamesha as his big winner, and Padma picks Kenny for hers. Kenny basks, while Tamesha gives us the hilarious "Holy shitballs!" quote we've been promised since the first episode.

Elimination Challenge. During the graphic, a guest judge has appeared out of thin air. Her name is Beth Scott, she works for the Hilton chain, and hot pink is not her color. Padma explains that the hotel is on the lookout for menu items that are sophisticated, healthy, and easily made and replicated by hotel chefs. The challenge will be to create a breakfast, lunch, and dinner dish that fits those restrictions. The winning dish will actually go onto the menu, much good it does the chefs. The hitch comes in the way the challenge is structured. The chefs will choose partners, and after the first two courses, the best two teams will be excused both from cooking further courses, and from elimination. The remaining three teams will cook dinner, and at the end, both members of a single team are getting eliminated. Also clever! I really like the challenges this week. There is one little wrinkle, but since I didn't notice it until Judges' Table, let's save it for later. When Padma gives the go-ahead, the chefs hurry to secure themselves good partners. Not everyone is thrilled with the person they end up with. Take a look at this list and see if you can guess who winds up grumpy:

Tim/Tiffany
Ed/Alex
Kenny/Kevin
Arnold/Lynne
Amanda/Stephen
Angelo/Tamesha
Andrea/Kelly

If you guessed Ed and Amanda, go to the head of the class! Amanda thinks nobody else wants to partner with her because they underestimate her as a chef. It doesn't seem to occur to her that nobody wants to partner with her because she's a pain in the ass. In other news, WhiteTim and WhiteTiffany are delighted that BlackTim and BlackTiffany have partnered up, and the entire viewing party decides that we really need to be rooting for them. BlackTiffany is not as thrilled as we are, given that BlackTim's been sinking to the bottom of challenges quite a bit lately. She steps up as the team leader, vowing that if she goes home, it'll be for her own mistake, not someone else's. The chefs head off to Whole Foods to shop with a $200 budget. As an instructor, Lynne is generally the boss in real life, and she says she'll do her best not to be overbearing in a team challenge. Arnold has had success with Lynne in the past, and is looking forward to creating a full-blown winning streak. Kenny is cocky. Ed is smarmy. So, you know... No news, there.

Back at the Kitchen, the chefs meet the large panel of judges that will be eating their dishes. In addition to Ptom, Padma, Eric, Beth, and some random lady named Nora, we have some faces from the past. There's Bryan, which makes total sense, given that the judges loved his food and he got second place. There's Mike, whose personality nobody enjoyed, but who was able to successfully incorporate several types of cuisine into several types of challenges. And, there's Spike, who spent the entire show thinking up ways to trip up his competitors, to the point that he ignored his food, which sent him to Losers' Table more than any other contestant. Can you spot who doesn't belong? The chefs get started on their breakfast dishes, which they've got thirty minutes to cook. Tim puts his trust in Tiffany, who's assured him that their breakfast will be terrific. Tiffany hopes she won't go down in flames, especially since she'd be dragging him with her.

WhiteTiffany: "See? Just like us."

Early interstitial this week! Angelo flirts with Tamesha. Tamesha totally blows him off. Heh.

Ed and Alex have an overly complicated breakfast. Gee, I wonder who's to blame for that? When time runs out, their plates are missing the Hollandaise sauce (and in one case, the potato pancake). Alex is super-pissed. The dish was supposed to be a potato cake with prosciutto, an egg, a lemon pancake, and a Bellini cocktail. What we've got is plates with assorted pancakes and an undercooked egg on top. Well, let's look at the bright side. Maybe this will give Ed some pause before he smarms about how awful someone else is. Angelo and Tamesha serve an egg with chopped bacon in a Cheddar broth, and a large slice of toast on the side. Mike and Bryan note a problem with the egg's doneness that chefs got nailed on last season. Arnold and Lynne have a Spanish tortilla with chorizo and bacon, fried potatoes, and an olive-pear salad. So, fried eggs with fried potatoes and two kinds of pork. I hope Hilton will serve a triple bypass with that breakfast. The judges like the flavor, but Ptom finds the texture odd.

Kenny and Kevin serve a soft-poached egg on an herb brioche with prosciutto, heirloom tomato, manchego cheese, and a Spanish olive tapenade. It's an extremely busy dish. Mike and Spike find it too soft, while Ptom agrees with me that there's just too much going on. Amanda and Stephen have a poached egg on pancetta, a potato rosti, and a grape ragout with shallots and Hollandaise sauce. Well, I'm not the president of either the Amanda or the Stephen Fan Club, but that looks good. The judges like the bacon flavor that spreads throughout, but Padma nitpicks a couple of the details. Andrea and Kelly have a bacon/cheddar/whole wheat waffle with a poached egg and chili salsa, and a mango/lime/mint yogurt smoothie on the side. The judges find the egg bland, the waffle dense, and the drink too sweet. Tim and Tiffany serve a crab cake Benedict (Louisiana-style), with asparagus and a bacon potato hash in Hollandaise. Man, does it look good. The judges love the crab cake, to the point that they consider the hash wholly unnecessary. Results. Padma informs the chefs that Amanda/Stephen and Tim/Tiffany had the judges' favorite breakfasts, and are safe from elimination. Hugs are exchanged.

The rest of the chefs have 45 minutes to get lunch ready. The countdown begins. Kelly is peeved, because with every course that she's asked to cook, she's getting closer to elimination. Well, yeah. That is, in effect, the challenge. What the hell is up with Kelly as the voice of unnecessary exposition tonight? Is she in a Greek chorus in her spare time? Kenny is still cocky. Angelo is pissy. Lynne takes lead on this course, and Arnold worries that it may be too quirky for standard hotel fare. Alex pushes scallops for lunch, saying that he cooks the shit out of them every time. One would hope. Time runs out.

Ed and Alex serve their pan-roasted scallops with a ricotta gnudi (which is very fun to say), and a broccoli rabe. The judges like it very much overall, though Bryan has some suggestions on how to improve the texture. Angelo and Tamesha have a beef carpaccio, with a jicama/Asian pear salad topped with a mint/cilantro/kimchi vinaigrette. No hotel visitor would ever order this for lunch. It's barely an appetizer, and if you were traveling on business, would you be anxious to ingest a bunch of kimchi, then rush off to meet clients or give a presentation? The judges give it so-so reviews. Ptom thinks that if you rolled the whole thing up in a spring roll wrapper, it would work better. Lynne and Arnold's take on tuna salad is tuna cannelloni with Forbidden rice salad and tomato vinaigrette, with a Parmesan cracker. The judges like the flavor, but say that the dish would be difficult for hotel chefs to execute well. Kenny and Kevin have turned hummus into a pasta dish. There's a chickpea pappardelle pasta with grilled chicken, snap peas, lemon zest, and a tahini sauce. Mike likes the flavor profile, but everyone else thinks the chicken is lost in all the other components. Andrea and Kelly have crispy-skin red snapper and panzanella salad with a mustard vinaigrette. Ptom is shocked and angry with their claim that they didn't have the time or budget to cook a bag of beans.

Results. The two teams with the best lunches are Angelo/Tamesha and Alex/Ed. Really? Angelo and Tamesha? That seems weird. Arnold and Lynne's lunch seemed to fit the challenge parameters so much better. Angelo hopes Kenny will get eliminated. Yeah, don't hold your breath, chief.

Virginia: "He's a nasty piece of work. He's a nasty pasty."

So, on to dinner! The chefs get one hour to put their dishes together. Andrea tells Kelly that their dish has to be "thick, but not too thick; we're going to mount it with butter." Whoa, sparky! Save it until you get back to the apartment! Kenny is STILL cocky. I guess he can afford to be, since it's not like he's going anywhere. Sorry, sorry! I swear, no more cranky conspiracy theories. Well, until Judges' Table, anyway. Arnold whines that Lynne is whiny. Now there's some self-awareness. Of course, there is no tape of Lynne actually being whiny, so I'm forced to work off experience here, which is that Arnold is full of it. Andrea is a bit anxious, because her team and Kenny/Kevin are both making short ribs.

More oven drama. I swear, this is like the sewing machines on Project Runway. Kenny and Kevin have turned down an oven that Lynne was preheating for focaccia. So, Lynne pulls their food out and doesn't tell them. Oh, wait. No she doesn't, because that would be cheating. She gets as peeved as Lynne ever gets. That is to say, she mutters a little bit. Yeah, you'll forgive me if I don't buy Arnold's story that she's rampaging around the Kitchen throwing tantrums. He and Lynne bicker a bit over when to put the pasta in the pot. Her concern is that fresh pasta will overcook very quickly. His concern is that if they don't get it in, they won't be able to put the entire dish together until it's too late. Both valid points. Kenny and Kevin hysterically taste their sauce every forty seconds to make sure it's okay. Arnold whines some more. It sure is attractive. Time runs out.

Kenny and Kevin serve their braised beef short rib with squash, a potato/carrot confit, and horseradish tempura. Beth asks how this relates to hotel guests, and Kevin says that comfortable, familiar things like beef, carrots, and potatoes are what he'd want when he's traveling. Not a bad answer. Still, the judges have some complaints. They liked the dish for the most part, but felt that there wasn't enough horseradish flavor, nor enough sauce. Andrea and Kelly also serve a braised beef short rib, this one with chevre polenta, roasted mushrooms, pearl onions, and a citrus gremolata with crispy shallots on top. The judges really like the rib, and though Mike finds the polenta a bit stiff, nobody else seems to have a problem with it. Lynne and Arnold have pineapple red curry mussels, with squid ink pasta and focaccia bread on the side. The judges find the pasta undercooked, but the sauce flavorful. Padma thanks all the guest judges, and the chefs go straight into their fret 'n sweat. It's funny how they always try to talk themselves up to the others, probably rehearsing for the moment that they may have to defend themselves and their food. Padma comes in, and summons the dinner teams to the dining room.

Judges' Table. For some reason, Nora is seated as guest judge instead of Beth. It doesn't make much sense, but since we're about to get into the truly senseless, it hardly registers. She gets to announce the challenge winner, which turns out to be... Andrea and Kelly. They both win destination vacations; Andrea's going to Spain, while Kelly's going to Italy. Nice prize! But it's here that I notice that challenge wrinkle I alluded to earlier. Andrea and Kelly got out-and-out beat by four other teams, but here they are, taking home a fairly significant prize. Why do they win, and not, say, Tim and Tiffany? I've read people opining that maybe the short rib was better than all of the breakfast and lunch dishes that beat Andrea and Kelly at the time, but if that's the case, what's the incentive for trying to cook a good breakfast or lunch? Were the chefs supposed to pick what was more important to them: Winning or immunity? That seems an odd way to find the best of the bunch. In any case, they're the winners, and since I have such a big soft spot for Andrea, it's fine with me.

Now that we're down to the two losing teams, and one of them includes Kenny, there's hardly any point to even going over any critiques in great detail. I suppose I should hit the highlights (or the lowlights, rather), just for the sake of completion. Lynne guesses that their pasta was undercooked, which is weird, since she was all up in arms about it being overcooked. I can't tell if this is her way of trying to blame Arnold, but I'll bet you can guess how Arnold views it. He argues that the pasta was fine. There's some further blah about presentation. Kenny and Kevin's short rib didn't have the glaze that Andrea and Kelly's did, and the horseradish flavor didn't come through. They make a half-hearted attempt to defend their techniques. Interestingly, when asked why their dishes should keep them in the competition, Kevin stresses comfort and familiarity, while Arnold stresses creativity and panache. Padma dismisses the chefs.

Fake deliberations. Ptom says that this challenge is the only thing affecting their decision tonight. Sure. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain! Ptom appreciates that Lynne and Arnold took a risk, but Padma argues that mussels and squid ink pasta is a hard sell on a hotel menu. Let's ask Beth! Oh, we can't, because we've got this other woman on the judging panel for no reason. If the pasta had been cooked more, it would have soaked up more of the admittedly wonderful sauce. Kevin and Kenny should have had more of a glaze, and their horseradish was a problem.

Real deliberations (unseen). Padma: "Well, Kenny screwed the pooch again, but we can't eliminate him, because then we won't have that awesome final showdown between him and Angelo." Ptom: "So, is everyone good with cutting Lynne and Arnold?" Eric: "Yep." Nora: "Can I get my check now?"

Back in the Kitchen, Kenny is unbelievably STILL COCKY. One wonders how many courses he has to lose before he buys a clue. Kevin and Amanda get into a dustup over whether a chef should dictate to the guests how a dish is supposed to be eaten. It's an interesting debate, and I wish more time had been devoted to that question, rather than the completely fabricated Alpha Dog Rivalry that the show has invented out of whole cloth.

Elimination. The buildup is unnecessary. As ordained, Lynne and Arnold, please pack your knives and go. Then find Jacqueline and help her construct her little voodoo doll of Kenny to stick pins into. Final interviews. Arnold says he stayed true to what he does. I can't argue with that, and wish that he'd left a more favorable impression on me than "The Whiny One". Lynne is sad, because she wanted to prove to herself that she's still the "old beast" that she used to be. Arnold makes sure to get in a final whine about being thrown under the bus. DRINK! Lynne is bummed, but is ready to get back to real life cooking. Oh, I'm sorry. Arnold has just enough time to get in yet one more whine about how other people's decisions about his food is "on them". It sure is. Now go.

Overall Grade: C