Clothes Off Your Back

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 2

Previously on Project Runway: Sixteen wannabe fashion designers came to New York, and two mysteriously vanished into the ether. Fourteen remain. Who will be "out" tonight?

Why is Saturn the company that's giving away the hundred-thousand-dollar contract? Now, I own a Saturn that I love dearly, and the people who work there couldn't be nicer, but what the hell do their cars have to do with the fashion industry? Whatever. At least it's not an annoying company.

Heidi tells the designers that they're going to be attending a party so that they can meet and mingle, and that Tim Gunn will explain their next challenge there. They all seem delighted. First, everyone needs to pick a model. There are still sixteen, so we need to cut two of these fine ladies. The model paired with the eventual winner of the show will get a fashion spread in Elle, so it's kind of a competition for them too, though the only thing they have to do in this competition is not trip over their own feet or be a flaky twit. Heidi reiterates that two models will be out. Grace makes a fake little pouty lip at this news. I think Grace may be my favorite model, personality wise. She seems cool. That, or I just haven't seen any personality out of the other girls. Santino won the first challenge, so he gets first pick. He gets Heather. The others go in a random order. Chloe - Grace. Emmett - Shannon. Andrae - Danyelle. Guadalupe - Eliza (the ugliest model, in my opinion). Kara - Eden. Zulema - Rachael. Marla - Cara. Nick - Tarah (I'm shocked it took someone this long to pick Tarah. She's gorgeous). Daniel jumps models to Claudia from Rebecca. Rebecca doesn't look happy. Diana - Lesley Ann. Kirsten - Melissa. Danzzz - Rebecca. She's extremely relieved. Three models, one designer. Raymundo gets to crush two young ladies' dreams. He chooses Maria, so Alyssa and Allison are cut, not that they're ever addressed by name. I had to figure out who they were from the BRAVO website. That's pretty cold, Heidi. P.S. - Take off that fugly hat, Raymundo. There's another surprise in that the model that each designer picked will be his or her model for the entire show. That's a departure from last season where you could pick from the entire pool of models every week. Zulema is visibly shocked at this news. Nick is thrilled, for obvious reasons.

After the commercial break, the designers begin moving in to their suites at the Atlas. Nick, Andrae, Danzzz, and Santino will be roommates. They're pleased with each other, though Santino interviews that he's confident he can outlast them all. For some stark contrast, we see why sometimes, men are just better to hang out with. Guadalupe, Kara, Zulema, and Marla are roommates, and when Kara jumps on a bed, Guadalupe instantly becomes snotty and insists that they draw names for them. There are two beds in two rooms. It's not like any one is better than any other one. Jeez. Oh, let's throw some more pissy attitude on the fire. Zulema has a ton of shoes, and won't give any space up to Marla, saying "I don't believe in fairness." Let's write that down. Zulema doesn't believe in fairness. I believe that saying will be very handy in the future.

Emmett, Daniel, and Raymundo will be roommates, and Emmett snags the room with the single bed. He says it's because the other two didn't want to mess with him because he's 6'6", but they don't really seem to care which bed they take, so don't break your hand patting yourself on the back, there, Emmett. Raymundo makes a dumb comparison between Marilyn Monroe and Rasputin. I don't like Raymundo, and I'm not sure why. He's dumb, but he doesn't seem any dumber than, say, Kara, who I have no problem with. He has an ugly haircut worn only for attention's sake, but so does Daniel. Something about him just bugs. Kirsten, Chloe, and Diana are roommates, and don't have a stupid fight over hangers or beds, so I should amend my anti-women statement to an anti-Zulema/Guadalupe statement. Diana asks the others if an old prom dress would be too much for this party. Normally, I'd say no, but that dress is narsty. She interviews that her design inspirations come from science and technology, rather than fashion magazines. She's such a geek. I love her. She switches to a red dress that's way better than that beige monstrosity. Kirsten grabs a scarf to take with her to the party "in remembrance of [her] mother." That seems silly, but I play cards every couple of weeks, and always take along the deck that belonged to my grandmother, so I can understand attaching sentimentality to weird objects. Everyone leaves for the party.

The party looks pretty fun. The models are there, as well as Tim Gunn. Chloe mentions to some of the others that Diana needs a makeover. I'm all ready to take up in Diana's defense, but she's wearing the ugly beige jacket of her prom outfit over the red dress, so maybe Chloe has a point. Tim gathers the designers, and tells them this next challenge is a test of how far they'll go for fashion. They will create their next outfit solely from the clothes they are currently wearing. A terrific groan goes up from the designers. Heh. This is awesome.

Back at the Atlas, Nick bemoans having to give up a vintage leather jacket. Yeah, that'd be an ouch for me, if I wore leather jackets. Which I don't. Because they make me look like a poser. Andrae imitates Tim Gunn describing the challenge, but mimics him using a British or Australian accent. Huh? Shut up, Andrae. He goes on to say that the clothes he's giving up are symbolic because he got them at about the time his shop opened or closed or something. Yeah, I know I'll attach significance to whatever I'm wearing the next time I, like, get a home loan or something. Shut up some more, Andrae. Kirsten is upset, and doesn't know if she's willing to give up the scarf for a chance to win the challenge. I'm ambivalent about this. I understand her hesitance, but still. I don't even know what her mother or grandmother were like, but if they had any sense, they wouldn't mind that Kirsten gave up one scarf for a shot to get further in a hundred-thousand-dollar competition.

Commercial break. When we return, Chloe agonizes a bit over not wearing much to the party, but shrugs it off, saying that designers have to be innovative. Well, actually she says "inn-o-VAY-tiv". Um. I guess her creativity extends into her pronunciation. Tim gathers the designers in the workroom. He explains the challenge again, stressing that the outfits should be completely different, and that they have until midnight. Everyone gets started. Santino sings a little song to his jacket as he cuts it up. To his credit, he's not upset about it, saying he's willing to give it up for a chance to do something creative for the challenge. See, Santino's egotistical, but he's not full of hot air. He really is very talented. Emmett stands and conceptualizes for two hours. I know he wants to be sure of his design before he starts, but two hours? They only have a nine-hour day! I think I'll go into work tomorrow and just stare off into space for two hours. I'm sure my boss won't mind if I just tell her I'm "conceptualizing". Zulema seems pleased with what she's done so far, saying she never cuts unless she's certain that's what she wants to do. Wow, Zulema seems to specialize in statements that can be thrown back in her face later. Let's jot that one down next to "I don't believe in fairness."

Kirsten decides she's not going to give up the scarf. Again, I can see where she's coming from, but I think it was the wrong choice. Andrae babbles something about what her design's intent is, spewing some claptrap about how bad design is a design with no intention. Actually, he has a point. It just sounds like bullshit because it's coming from Andrae. I'd probably pop an eyebrow if he told me the world isn't flat. Meanwhile, Kara is getting frustrated because she can't thread her sewing machine. She asks around for some help, but everyone's busy with their own work, which Kara seems to accept. Zulema interviews that Kara gets flustered very easily. It's true, but then let's ask ourselves, who would we rather share our company with? A woman who gets flustered in stressful situations with a time crunch, or a woman who has apparently devoted her life to being as big of a bitch as she can? Yeah. Santino snarkily asks Guadalupe if she'll finish his dress for him (Is that a dig at Kara? I guess so), and Guadalupe shoots back that she will, but he shouldn't expect to win. Heh.

With five hours until the deadline, Tim comes back in to check on everyone. Chloe is turning her jacket and dress into a mini-dress. It looks good so far. Tim tells Kirsten to stop worrying about embellishments, because she needs to be concentrating on the shape of the actual dress. See, the scarf is the least of her worries. She's not working well on this challenge at all. Andrae is turning his denim outfit into a traditional Chinese dress, which sounds like a good idea. With three hours until the deadline, Guadalupe starts roaming from designer to designer, critiquing their dresses. Nick notes this in an interview, calling it "nervy". And how. What does she expect from this? "Oh, Guadalupe, your insights are great! Let me scrap this mess, and craft a new outfit in three hours!" Man, Guadalupe's getting on my nerves. Not as much as Andrae, though. She can take comfort in that.

Two hours until deadline. Kirsten checks in with Daniel, because she works next to him, and as she puts it, she can "feel his stress". Yeah, he's wigging out. He's got a ridiculous amount of work to do still. He's trying to do too much with too little time. In a way, it's admirable, but he needs to reassess his priorities. Time's up. Emmett interviews that 80% of the designers weren't finished on time, and that it shocked him. He sounds annoyingly schoolmarmish as he says this, but he has a point. Tim herds everyone out of the room. Daniel freaks out some more.

The next morning, various people interview about how they're nervous for the show. Anything you need to know about Andrae can be learned by the shot of him flinging himself out of the hotel like he's one of the fairies in A Midsummer Night's Dream. I hate drama queens. At the workroom, Tim tells them they have two hours to finish the dress, get the model fitted, and get the model's hair and makeup done. He admonishes them in a way that's extremely firm, but not cruel. I like Tim so much. Everyone works frantically for a few minutes. The models stream in. Raymundo's model isn't there. Turns out she's dropped out of the competition, and no explanation is given. Interesting. Tim tells him that Allison, one of the eliminated models, will be taking her place. I'd hate to be in Raymundo's position right now, since he was the one who essentially eliminated Allison. She may not be too thrilled with him. I think she's prettier than Maria, though, so he may have dodged a bullet.

Zulema interviews that her dress turned out "a little short for [her] tastes" over a shot of poor Rachael's ass literally hanging out of the bottom. Seriously, we're seeing full-on cheek here. Zulema then goes on to lie in an interview about how she sees women wearing dresses like that all the time. Unless she works in a brothel, I'm going to call bullshit on that one. Does she think she's fooling us? Good thing Zulema "never cuts until she's certain," right? Snerk. Kirsten tries to pep herself up by calling her outfit "rock and roll". Claudia tells Daniel she's proud of him for turning out such a great dress. She's a sweetie. Andrae's dress is still on the mannequin, with fifteen minutes left, which Tim understates as "alarming". Andrae tries to give him some attitude, which Tim shuts down instantly. Hah! Andrae actually has to ask Emmett to help him finish sewing the model into the dress with mere moments left. Emmett lectures him about time (also shutting down an attitude flareup), but does wind up helping. Boo! He should have left him hanging. Literally.

Tim announces time is up. Andrae interviews that this garment has a lot of symbolism for his life. What, that he can't prioritize, wastes time, and treats everything as four times a bigger deal than it actually is? Oh, he means that it symbolizes his shop, which unless he made everything in the store out of his own clothes...not. Man, I just cannot cut him a break. He annoys me so much. We enter the commercial break with the preview of an upcoming scene of him crying. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Heidi comes onto the runway and explains the challenge. The judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and the "legendary" Diane Von Furstenburg. I know nothing about fashion, but I know that name, so she must be very famous, indeed. There will be a winner and one designer will be out. Oh, is that how this show works? I'm so glad she outlined that again. I was so confused. Let's start the show!

Heather comes out in Santino's dress. It looks good. It's got a leather skirt with the other fabric composing the top and sleeves, and a hair ribbon. OK, I don't like Guadalupe, and I don't like Eliza, but this dress is pretty. I like the colors and patterns she's sculpted out of her pre-existing outfit. Still, she used her top for the new dress' top and the skirt for the new dress' skirt. Not much innovation there. Shannon is wearing Emmett's dress. I like it better on second viewing, but I don't see two hours of concept here. The dress is extremely simple, but the layer covering it is cool. It's a denim...shawl? Jacket? Whatever starts at the neck and comes down to the top of the boobs, but has sleeves. Oh, Shannon has taken the jacket thing off, and the dress is a bit more complex than I gave it credit for. It's got a blue strip sewn in and a (regrettable) bow at the back. Speaking of giving credit, here comes Allison with Raymundo's dress. It looks way better than I thought it would. She looks kind of like a '50s pinup girl, but with a kicky vest. It's neat. Claudia is wearing Daniel's dress, which is beautiful, if simple. Simple in that it's black-on-black. It certainly doesn't look simple to make. You can see the work Daniel poured into this one.

Danyelle comes down the runway in Andrae's unremarkable dress, and we get to hear more about how it's symbolic and personal and SHUT UP. Here comes Rebecca in Danzzz's dress. The top is beige and boring. The bottom is light grey and boring. The entire thing is completely forgotten the second she walks off the stage. Why was this guy cast again? Cara is wearing Marla's dress. I'm not wild about the style, but it's inventive, which is what the challenge called for. The top is a denim tank top with a fringe around the bustline, and a cranberry miniskirt. Not a cute outfit, but definitely a cute idea. Grace is wearing Chloe's dress. It's beautiful. She did a phenomenal job for not having much fabric. It's a short, blue dress, but she's sewn in deep, black pockets. The black material of the pockets continues around the back of the dress. It's terrific. More goodness as Tarah comes down the runway in Nick's outfit. There's a white tank top (with folds) that comes to a point at her waist, a black leather skirt, and the whole thing is accentuated with chains and a foxtail. Very cool. Eden, wearing Kara's dress, looks cool too. As Kara says, she made an Oliver Twist hipster look, with a newsboy cap and poofy pants. Melissa, wearing Kirsten's dress, looks meh. It's not bad, but it shows little to no imagination. The t-shirt has been made into a sleeveless top, and the gold jacket has become a skirt. That's about it.

Lesley Ann is wearing Diana's dress, and it is so wonderful. She has taken two fairly ugly dresses, and made quite a vision. The red dress comes down to just below the hip, where the beige dress takes over, and there's a cute little hat, like something stewardesses used to wear in the '60s.

Ah, here's the hideous mess by Zulema. Rachael is barely covered in the orange dress, and her ass is still hanging out. Zulema has tried to divert attention by putting overly large sunglasses on Rachael's face. It doesn't work. Why didn't Zulema use the jeans she was wearing in addition to the orange cardigan? It just doesn't make any sense. I should stop trying to figure Zulema out. I have the feeling I wouldn't like what I'd discover. Rethinking that snotty interview about how Kara gets flustered, Zulema? Seems like you could stand to get a little more concerned about the dresses, yourself. The judges tabulate their scores, and Heidi asks the designers to step onto the runway. If she calls your name, step forward. Guadalupe. Emmett. Raymundo. Marla. Nick. Kara. Diana. Danzzz. These people are safe, which means the remaining folks have the highest and lowest scores. I know I'm biased, but Diana totally deserves to be among the highest. Boo! The models join the remaining designers.

The judges admire Santino's devotion to the challenge, since he shredded his favorite jacket to create the skirt. Chloe explains that she loves clean lines. Hey, me too. That's probably why I like her stuff so much. The judges love it. They also like Daniel's work. That's about the first time they've complimented him. He's giddy. Claudia rubs his shoulder. Awwwwww. Nina asks Zulema why she only used the cardigan. Zulema dances around the question, never really answering it. She whines that Rachael has a lot of booty, which is 1) not the point, since the judges have already established that she had more fabric to work with, and 2) patently and demonstrably false. Shut up, Zulema. Nina tells her not to make excuses, which makes me love Nina a little bit. Zulema protests that she's not making excuses (which she is), she just did the best that she could with what she had. Well, your best fucking bites. The judges ask Kirsten about the scarf. We all know about the scarf. Scarf, scarf, scarf. Enough about the scarf.

Andrae. Oh, Andrae. Heidi asks him a simple question about his motivation for the outfit, and he bursts into ridiculous baby sobs. Santino is fighting the giggles. Me too, Santino. Except replace "giggles" with "urge to crawl through the TV and punch Andrae in the gut". What Andrae says isn't important. It's all dressed up bullshit. I'll spare posterity from reliving his delusions. Nina wins me over some more by saying he'd be better served by pouring all this emotion into the dress instead of teary runway confessionals. Well said, Nina. Also, get this boy a shrink, stat. Santino is pretty much openly laughing at this point. Michael says that he fears Andrae can't give a simple explanation for anything. Michael and I agree on something. Mark your calendars. The designers leave the runway. Deliberations. Andrae's display impressed nobody, nor does his dress. Kirsten's was tacky. Zulema's was awful. Daniel rocked. Chloe rocked even harder. Santino's was "quite nice". The designers return. Heidi explains the show's concept yet again. I'm going to have to think of something shorter to replace "Heidi tells the designers that one of them will be the winner, and one of them will be out," because she says it every thirty seconds.

We're back from commercials. Zulema is in. She thanks the judges profusely and promises no more short dresses. Let's hope not. Actually, I hope she does, so she gets tossed out on her annoying ass. Daniel is in, and earns a "nice job". The winner of the challenge is...well, Chloe obviously. Santino looks like he's been slapped. Chloe jumps up and down excitedly. What does Chloe win? Nothing! Zulema and Daniel congratulate her backstage. Santino is in. Why does Heidi pause after every name? Will she ever declare the person out before the bottom two? I doubt it. He goes backstage and declares that they just didn't want to give him two in a row. Ass. He may be half-joking, but he doesn't even congratulate Chloe, so...ass. We're left with Kirsten and Andrae. Oh, please let it be Andrae cut. Kirsten has bad taste. Ouch. Andrae needs to focus on dresses, not whiny performances. Andrae is still in. Boo! Even after being explicitly told by the judges to keep the drama to a minimum, Andrae whines about how he really likes Kirsten. Get off the runway! He does, and backstage, announces with a sigh and an artful wipe of his tear-stained face that it's Kirsten who's cut, making it sound like she's just been executed in the gas chamber.

Kirsten comes backstage and says good-bye to everyone. She's glad she didn't use the scarf. If you say so, Kirsten. Neither she nor I seem too torn up about her departure. Instead of an episode preview, we get the entire season's preview that doesn't bode well for me ever coming around to like Zulema or Andrae. Shame.

Overall Grade: B-