Sunday, August 16, 2009

Psycho Killer - Qu'est-ce que C'est?

Harper's Island - Season 1, Episode 13

Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!

We start off with a flashback to sixteen years ago, when Harper's Island was always sun-dappled. Young Abby and Young Henry have a friendly spar over a soccer ball. Henry's "parents" come to pick him up, along with Young JD. The Dunns are heading back to the mainland to get the boys ready for school. Valerie Harper enters, and the two women exchange meaningful looks. Young Henry and Young Abby run out of the house and down to the water. They're both sad that Young Henry has to leave, and Young Abby leans forward and whispers something in his ear. He ruefully hands over the soccer ball, and tells Young Abby he'll see her next summer.

The present. Ain't no sun-dappling now. Henry and Wakefield stand over Trish's body. Henry has a slight tinge of regret, but strengthens his resolve when Wakefield tells him Trish served her purpose and that nothing else matters. Wakefield reports on Danny's death and Shea and Madison's escape. That's all the conversation they have time for, as they hear Abby hysterically calling for Henry. Henry tells Wakefield that they only have a couple of hours before the Coast Guard shows up, so they'd better get cracking on killing everyone else.

MEANWHILE, Shea and Madison make it to the boathouse, where they tell Blond Tool what happened at the police station. After he has a completely understandable freakout, he collects himself enough to contact the Coast Guard again to let them know that they really need to hurry if they'd like to find more than a stack of corpses. They're still fighting bad weather, so the rescue chopper can't take off. How about some boats, Coast Guard? Speaking of which, Blond Tool spots some mini-crafts lashed to the ceiling. MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy stumble across Trish's body. Henry and Wakefield spy on them from the woods, and Wakefield tells Henry that it's time to kill Abby.

MEANWHILE, Blond Tool sends Shea and Madison off in a speedboat towards the mainland, nobly choosing to remain behind to help the others. It's the last episode, so I'm afraid no amount of nobility can shake the nickname now; it's too ingrained. Elsewhere, Jimmy convinces Abby that it may be in their best interest to head back towards the boathouse. Blond Tool reports to the Coast Guard about picking up Shea and Madison's boat. Henry enters in time to hear about Shea and Madison's escape and that the Coast Guard should arrive within the hour. Henry inspects a gun before handing it over to Blond Tool. Then the two of them leave to round up whoever they can before meeting the Coast Guard at the marina.

MEANWHILE, Wakefield drags Trish through the woods. Henry and Blond Tool wander their way through the woods as well, and since they're alone, Henry's got an opportunity to make another checkmark on the Kill Everyone On the Island To-Do List. First, he's got to spout a lot of claptrap about how Wakefield's kid has a lot to be pissed about, because oh-my-God, he was adopted by an upper middle class family. Can you think of any greater hell? Blond Tool, to his credit, doesn't accept "being adopted" as a legitimate motive for serial murder.

MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy continue their trend of showing up places moments after everyone has left. Jimmy notices the missing speedboat. He grabs a couple of flares and hears from the radio operator at the Coast Guard that Henry and Blond Tool have headed for the marina. That doesn't explain the missing boat, but Abby and Jimmy don't really have time to think about that right now.

MEANWHILE, Henry is tired of wearing his good-guy mask, so he admits to Blond Tool that he killed Trish and JD, saying that Abby almost caught him doing the latter. All that blood makes more sense now. Just as the truth sinks into Blond Tool, Henry lists his other murders: The reverend, Richard, and Katherine. Wait, wasn't he having sex on top of his wedding cake when the reverend was murdered? And wasn't he playing grave robber with Abby and the sheriff when Richard was killed? See, this is why every good murder mystery needs how-I-did-it flashbacks. Katherine makes more sense, anyway -- Henry did have those shears. He also reveals that the money Uncle Marty brought was to invest in Malcolm's brewery. That doesn't really explain the gun Uncle Marty also brought, but whatever. Blond Tool has heard enough to pull the trigger, but of course Henry was the one who gave him the gun, which isn't loaded anymore. Henry distracts Blond Tool with Wakefield's presence, which gives Henry the chance to stab him to death. So long, Blond Tool! I hope there are a bunch of slutty girls in heaven!

Abby and Jimmy find Henry in the woods. He lies about looking for Trish, saying that he hasn't seen anyone else. Abby is too upset about having to inform Henry of Trish's death to have caught the lie. It gets even more convoluted when they return to the scene of Trish's body, which is no longer there, thanks to Wakefield. Henry runs off in faux-hysteria, leading Abby and Jimmy to the church. An unattended radio at the boathouse informs the air that the rescue chopper will be there in twenty minutes. Jimmy tells Abby that he'd never leave her alone, the way Henry left Trish. Leaving aside all the Henry-is-the-killer facts, it's easy to say that now. From what I've seen, Abby and Jimmy were separated plenty. Anyhow, they all enter the church to find Trish's body on the altar. Abby barely has time to express sympathy before Wakefield shows up and attacks. Jimmy fights him off. Abby hears the chopper and Jimmy yells for her to go and signal it with the flares. Wakefield calls to Henry that she's getting away, which of course sells Henry out, not that it matters now.

Jimmy grabs the other flare, lights it, and shoves it into Wakefield, which doesn't do any more harm than the bullets to the face did. It does at least give Jimmy time to run away. Oh, and the church is on fire now. Henry takes a shot at Jimmy, but we don't see if it hits or not. Henry runs out to catch Abby, and tells her that Wakefield got Jimmy. He also asks where they're supposed to meet the Coast Guard, which keys Abby in to Henry's lie. The Coast Guard told her that they had sent Henry and Blond Tool to the marina, but Henry said he hadn't seen anyone when they found him in the woods. As she processes this, Wakefield strolls up behind her and Henry unfolds his knife. He lunges forward, pushes Abby aside, and plunges the knife into his father's chest. Wakefield has run out of his seemingly endless supply of lives, and though he takes about an hour to drop, he finally does. Abby finally puts everything together, but not fast enough, and Henry grabs her and throws her to the ground, knocking her out.

MEANWHILE, on the mainland, Shea and Madison are conferring with the authorities. Madison makes sure to get in one last creepy brat plug before being escorted out so an agent can tell Shea that everyone she knew on the island died there in the big church fire. They know that because of some trace blood samples left behind. You know, because fire completely wipes out the entire body. Twits. The agent tells Shea that other than a handful of locals (which I guess includes the psychic and the annoying coroner), she and Madison are the sole survivors.

MEANWHILE, back on the island, the FBI packs up and leaves. Abby awakes to find herself in an eerily well-appointed bedroom, with fresh clothes laid out on a nearby table. She comes downstairs to find a jittery Henry, who promises to explain everything. He tells her he chose her over Wakefield. She, weirdly, doesn't explode with gratitude, but throws a glass at him and runs to another room, where she shuts herself in. He calls through the door that he can wait for her to calm down, as they've got all the time in the world, the way they hoped they would when they were kids. We flash back to Young Abby and Young Henry again, and hear what Young Abby whispered in his ear. She wishes the two of them could stay on Harper's Island together forever, just the two of them. And since Henry is kookypants, I guess he took that to mean slaughter everyone else.

After he's left her alone, Abby busts a picture frame and grabs a shard of glass to use as a weapon. She comes downstairs to yell at Henry, telling him he can't pin what he's done on her, and that's he sick and needs help. Good Lord, is she still pushing the Save the Psycho agenda? Cause that didn't work out too well when she spared Wakefield. She asks about Trish, and Henry says the wedding was the only way he could think of to get Abby back to the island. OK, but then why throw a big production of a destination wedding instead of just writing Abby and saying that he was having a small, private wedding back on the island? It certainly would have been less work for him and Wakefield. I guess that'd make for a short series, though. Abby points out that she and Henry are half-siblings, but that doesn't stand in the way of his crazy love. We finally get a how-I-did-it flashback of sorts, but unfortunately, it's more of a how-I-became-crazy flashback.

Henry met Wakefield the day of the original killing spree, when Valerie Harper was killed. They had some moronic instant connection, and then we skip forward in time, because they can't explain how Wakefield survived when everyone else thought he was dead, or why Henry just wrote off the entire experience until Wakefield found him later. It was at this second meeting that Wakefield revealed to Henry that he was his father. That knowledge, along with some latent batch of crazy, turned Henry into what he is today. Wakefield took Henry on the serial murder field trip on the mainland that the sheriff was tracking. He tells Abby that unlike Wakefield, he won't destroy the one he loves. I suppose that's a small step forward. If he and Abby ever have kids, maybe they could take another step forward and not kill all of their friends.

Abby's heard enough, and grabs what I think is a telescope. She bashes out the glass in the patio door, and sprints for the nearby utility shed. Why she heads there instead of trying to get as far from the house as possible is beyond me. Oh, because she's got Jimmy-radar up her ass, and finds him alive, bound, and gagged in the shed. Henry pops in and grabs her, dragging her back to the house. He tells her he wasn't supposed to find Jimmy, and that as far as the world's concerned, all of them died in the church fire. Abby asks why Jimmy is still alive, and Henry intimates that because Shea and Madison made it off the island, everyone knows that someone was helping Wakefield. Jimmy is alive to be set up as the patsy. I don't get to say "patsy" nearly enough. Abby tries to run again, but Henry is ready for her now. He grabs her and locks her in a room, then sets off to make Jimmy sign a false confession. Abby tries to pick the lock, without much success.

Later, Henry comes in and tells her Jimmy won't sign the confession unless he gets to say good-bye to Abby. He leads her to the shed. Jimmy is still bound and gagged. Hey, why is he gagged? It's not like there's anyone around to hear him. Henry tells her to say good-bye. She approaches Jimmy, and apologizes for leaving all those years ago. She pulls the gag off and kisses him, which Henry doesn't stand for. He walks up and pulls her off, then slaps the shit out of her when she says she loves Jimmy. He's immediately upset about that, and now that Jimmy's ungagged, he's able to distract Henry long enough for Abby to pick up a sharp implement and plunge it into Henry's foot. I'll be generous, and assume that she was aiming for his heart and just missed by a country mile, rather than yell at her AGAIN for failing to take out a psycho killer when she had the chance. She runs out the door. Henry, after pausing to grab another sharp implement, is in hot pursuit.

MEANWHILE, Jimmy takes the pick that Abby slipped him when they kissed, and sets to work on freeing himself. Henry yells to Abby that anyone else on the island is miles away. Wait, so those surviving locals are still around? They didn't go to the mainland with the FBI? They're just waiting around, presumably waiting for the grocery store to reopen or whatever? Jeez. Henry eventually traps Abby at the top of a steep slope, and swears he'd never hurt her, hurling the implement over the cliff. Abby screams that she doesn't want to be with Henry, just in time for Jimmy to show up and tackle him. Both of them fall off the slope down to the rocky shore beneath. Abby rushes down to tend to Jimmy. She sees on his face that something's coming up behind her, and for once, she has the presence of mind to grab that sharp implement that Henry abandoned, swings around, and runs Henry completely through. He manages to tell her he loves her before dropping dead. We exit on a pre-ferry video in which the dearly departed wish Henry and Trish much love and luck in their marriage. Except for Non-Entity Beth, of course. Jimmy and Abby have been rescued by the Coast Guard, and return to the mainland to live in peace and love each other and have severe psychological trauma for the rest of their lives. Congrats, you two!

Overall Grade: C
Overall Season Grade: B+

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