Freezer Burn

Top Chef - Season 3, Episode 7

Previously on Top Chef: I assume we're all ignoring last week, right? The show certainly does, which I have absolutely no problem with. OK, it never existed. Whee! So, "last week", the time crunch threw some chefs for a loop, and Casey almost got bisected by Hung, the Omnispaz. Speaking of Hung, he was sure that his arrrrrrrrroz con pollo would blow the stars of a telenovela away, but it turns out it just blew. Howie's braised pork was much more popular, and the guest judge announced that he was the "weiner". He handed over his prize to Fresno Joey, Hung couldn't perceive a world in which everyone doesn't fall all over themselves to compliment his food, and Lia joined Camille in the Land of People Too Normal To Succeed On Reality Television. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening menu. Our waistlines have been expanding this summer, so Timiffany tried to head them off at the pass by preparing fat-free potato skins. Fat-free cheese, fat-free sour cream, etc. Then I went and ruined everything by bringing the ingredients for S'mores. Mwahahahaha! In addition to Timiffany, LabRat, and I, we were also joined by Aussie Nat and her "mum" Virginia, who's over from Down Under for a while.

Virginia: "So this is a real episode, then?"
Limecrete: "Yes. Someone's definitely going home tonight."
Virginia: *satisfied nod*

Miami. Wait, what's this? There appears to be some sort of water falling from the sky! My wish fulfilled! As the chefs wake, they hash out Lia's elimination. Brian thought she was going to be one of the last people standing. Since we're contractually obligated to hear EVERY SINGLE WEEK about how once someone gets eliminated, the remaining chefs get more competitive, CJ steps in and gets that out of the way. He's bummed about Lia's elimination, saying he felt closest to her. Dale stammers out something about how everyone left is versatile, so they should be able to handle whatever challenge is thrown at them. Eh, I doubt it. It was nice of him to say, though. All this niceness drives Macon Joey out onto the patio. He interviews that you have to do whatever's necessary to stay, so if that means throwing someone "over the bus" (A [sic] AND a tally mark! Rare double whammy!), or "over the balcony", then that is going to start happening. Portentous rain.

The day forces itself to become more sun-dappled for the Quickfire. Can't have rain when we're supposed to be in good moods. The chefs walk into the Kitchen, and are met by Padma and this week's guest judge, Rocco DiSpirito. I know his name, of course, but never had any interest in his show, so this is my first real exposure to him. Brian refers to him as a "chef celebrity", which makes me suspect that he's more interested in image than in food, which I'm not a fan of. We'll see how it goes. He tells the chefs that they have to stay curious about food, because it is ever-changing. The more the chefs learn about food and cooking techniques, the better they'll be able to respond to various challenges. So for today's Quickfire, the chefs won't actually have to cook anything at all. Instead, they'll be taking part in a "Culinary Bee". Answer correctly, and you're still in. Answer incorrectly, and you're out. Last chef standing gets immunity. This is a very cool idea. Howie's excited for this challenge, saying that he's a "thinker" and an "academic". I must say these are two labels I would not hasten to attach to Howie after watching him in the previous ten challenges. CJ predicts Hung will do well, as does Hung's smug face. CJ does warn us that the one thing that can hold Hung back is the "Assholarian Factor". Well, that settles it. I have to go make a giant poster with "I [HEART] CJ" on it. That simply cannot be topped.

Let's get started, kids. Everyone gets five seconds to answer each question, and every question will be to identify something based either on sight or taste. We begin by giving Howie an easy one: tasting tomato paste. He's correct, and Padma dings the bell on the counter. Not to be too much of a stickler, but the bell is for wrong answers, Padma! Hey, you watch Spellbound forty times, and you'll be pedantic about it, too. San Francisco Joey goes up and incorrectly identifies casava root (yuca) as lotus root. He pawns off his answer on Padma's hotness and Rocco's assholishness, even though both of them are just kind of standing around, not being particularly hot or assholish. Saram chokes something down and sputters that it's peanut butter. No, sesame! No, tahini! It is tahini, but Padma says that they have to take her first answer, so she's out. OK, I understand the sesame thing, but how could tahini be taken for peanut butter? It'd be like "Um, I think that's strawberry jelly. No, wait! It's pickle juice!"

Brian correctly identifies quail eggs. Saran takes a swig of what she calls cherry vinegar, but what is actually raspberry vinegar. She chokes her eliminated way back to the table. Dale incorrectly identifies taro as water chestnuts. Go have some dim sum, Dale. You'll get acquainted with taro in a hurry. It's really freaking good. CJ misidentifies daikon radish sprouts as peppercress. I have no clue what either of those things are. CJ makes a "Eh, what are ya gonna do?" face, and heads back to the table. Hung correctly identifies oatmeal. Tre misidentifies mirin as "simple syrup" (according to the subtitles, anyway -- I couldn't understand him). Casey gags on hers, and almost runs out of time before spitting out "fish paste". In more ways than one. She's correct. Let's get it on for Round 2. Howie correctly identifies tapioca pearls. Brian has no trouble with kidney beans, and once again sends a little dagger through my heart by saying it was down to "Howie, Casey, Hung, and myself [sic]". Does Brian have a birthday coming up? He mirrors CJ's earlier interview, saying he's a little worried about Hung, since he's the young chef, and has a "nice little ego" going on. Hehe.

Hung struts up to the table. Padma puts the ingredient down on the table, and tells him that he's to taste it. Hung examines it, and identifies it as annato seed. Padma asks if he doesn't want to taste it. He pops a little in his mouth, a look of "I suppose I'll humor you, though it's completely unnecessary" on his face. "Celery seed." Whoopsie! Is someone not as perfect as he thinks? Hahaha! That was completely awesome. This is literally the third challenge in a row that Hung has thought he had in the bag before failing miserably. How many more is it going to take before that gargantuan ego deflates a bit? By this point, he's got so much egg on his face, he's making breakfast. CJ interviews that Hung came off as a total douche, and I doodle "Mr. Limecrete Jacobson" across my notebook.

Limecrete: "I can tell I'm going to have to look up how to spell comeuppance for the entry about this episode."

Casey gets an easy one, and obviously has no problems identifying bowtie pasta. Howie sniffs in an interview about how easy that was. Round 3. Howie starts off by correctly identifying a cheese slicer, which is about forty times easier than anything shown so far, including the bowtie pasta. Brian gets lime leaves correct. Casey gets Chinese Five-Spice correct. Round 4. Howie misidentifies hearts of palm as bamboo shoots. Brian gets miso correct. Casey gets chayote correct. Round 5. Brian misidentifies eggplant as heirloom tomato. It sure doesn't look like eggplant to me. Apparently, it's a Japanese variety. So, if Casey can get the next one right, she wins. She tastes her ingredient and starts out with "What is..." Hah! Someone watches Jeopardy. She almost runs out of time again, but gets her answer right with roasted red bell peppers. Casey scores the win and immunity for the second time. Hooray! Casey has been weirdly growing on me these past couple of episodes. I'm not sure why.

Elimination Challenge. Padma and Rocco talk about how big the frozen dinner market is in the United States. Rocco product-places a frozen Mediterranean pasta dinner as an awkward segue into the challenge. The chefs will draw knives to be randomly paired for teams. And...draw! Casey/Dale. Brian/Saran. CJ/Tre. Howie/Saram. And you know who that leaves. Yes, a burst of sweet karma explodes in the Kitchen, as Hung and Waco Joey are thrown together. CJ is thrilled that he pulled Tre, knowing that any team involving Howie, Hung, or Cincinnati Joey is unlikely to be a bucket of sunshine and rainbows. Saram is worried, interviewing that Howie tends to be bulldogish and hard-headed. Yes, those two labels seem far more apt than "thinker" and "academic". The teams must now come up with their own Italian-style Mediterranean frozen pasta meal. They must make fifteen individual portions, and the food must be able to be reheated in ten minutes. Everyone gets two hours of prep time tonight, and an hour to pack up their meals tomorrow. Brian and Saran make confused faces, like, "It takes an hour to pack?". When the meals are ready, the chefs will head for Fresh Market to serve them to shoppers. And hey, each member of the winning team gets two tickets to Italy. It's an actual prize for once! I guess product placement isn't all bad. The chefs are pumped. Xenia Joey would love to send his mother and sister to Italy. Padma dismisses the chefs.

Everyone pops open their bags of frozen pasta. CJ and Tre quickly pick up on the fact that the ingredients are all frozen separately, as does Hung. He's happy that Canton Joey is his partner, because he has an Italian background, while Hung himself "understands the science" behind the frozen meals. Heh, I like how the "science" is "put stuff in the freezer one by one". So technical! Casey and Dale easily agree upon making meatballs for their dish, while Saran frets that she and Brian have very different styles of cooking. Saran likes to keep things simple, while Brian... Yeah, he likes to go a little nuts. Saram and Howie are at odds from the word "go". Howie interviews that she's kind of a whiner, and somehow avoids being struck by lightning. It seems his main problem with her is that he cooks more simple food than she does, so he gets the feeling that she looks down on him. I have no idea if that's true or not.

Commercials. Tim Gunn is finally coming back to my television screen. Yay!

Unnecessary recap of the challenge, courtesy of Dale this week. He may be taking over the Greek Chorus position from Casey. The chefs head off to the market for half an hour of shopping with a hundred-dollar budget. Lots of people buy chicken. Howie goes for the shrimp instead, saying that if you offer someone a piece of chicken and a piece of shrimp, they'll always go for the shrimp. I guess I can get behind that argument. Chicken is good, but you can get it anywhere. Not that shrimp is so lah-dee-dah, but it's certainly not an everyday kind of food. Dale and Casey go ahead with their meatball idea. CJ and Tre continue to get along swimmingly, buying some truffles for their dish. Howie needles Saram about pretty much everything in their basket. Saram interviews that she doesn't like confrontation, so she essentially shrugs and lets him have his way. Howie interviews that he doesn't mind going home for his own screwup, but he'll be damned if he's sent home for someone else's inability to work in a team. I guess "inability to work in a team" translates to "won't meekly accept everything I say". Man, I liked Howie in those early episodes, but it's quickly slipping away. Lots of pasta is bought. Everyone checks out.

Back at the Kitchen, everyone springs into their two hours of prep time. Howie and Saram manage to be civil to each other for four seconds. Hung tenderizes some chicken with the palm of his hand. CJ and Tre continue their happy partnership, almost having a kind of telepathy about who's going to take care of what. Casey describes the difficulty of making tasty food that's been frozen and thawed. She knows the meatballs she and Dale are making will freeze well, and they decide to make an equally freezable pesto to go along with it. Hung brags for the second time that he "understands the science" behind making frozen pasta. Hey, I have two science degrees, and they never once tried to teach me the intricacies of frozen pasta. I guess it was just too complicated for my feeble brain to comprehend. Annapolis Joey sets to work on his sauce, and pretty much tunes Hung out. Brian gossips to Tre about how slow Saran works. We get a first-hand look as Saran leisurely cores and slices some red peppers. Even the music is all "Doo-do-doo! We've got all the time in the world!". Brian sighs that he could have gotten everything done faster on his own.

Virginia: "She just can't cut the mustard."

The facade of civility between Howie and Saram begins to crumble, as they bicker about what to do with a pile of raw fennel. As always, Howie drips sweat into his food. It's as nasty as ever. Saram interviews that Howie is really hard to read. No, he's not. He wants to do everything his own way, and woe to those who question him. There. Easy. Howie actually comes close to saying that because Saram hasn't won any challenges, she doesn't have the right to an opinion. No, really. Yup, I'm thinking the bloom is off this rose. Fuck him. Ptom stops by to Ptimewaste. Saram seems to bullshit her way through just fine. Ptom's obviously not crazy about the fact that Casey and Dale are using tinned artichokes instead of fresh ones. Dale says they're just using them as a needed time-saver, which has certainly served him well in the past. Saran and Brian are fine. Hung makes sure that he relays to Ptom how utterly he understands the complicated process of freezing ingredients separately. CJ and Tre may as well have a beam of light shine on them from the heavens and a chorus of angels singing a Hallelujah every time they're on-screen.

As much shit as I'm giving Hung about constantly referencing the fact that he knows he's supposed to freeze ingredients separately, I do have to admit to some sympathy for him here, because no matter how many times he explains this concept to El Paso Joey, he's just not getting through. Georgetown Joey just piles all of the ingredients together, either not understanding what Hung is talking about, or more likely, is completely ignoring him. Hung gives up and lets him package everything incorrectly, which is surprising. Time winds down. Saran starts packing food up. Casey tastes one of the meatballs and practically has an orgasm. Guess they're good. CJ, Tre, and the chorus of angels that is following them around all enjoy how the chicken turned out. Tre reaffirms the old stereotype of black folks knowing their way around chicken. He also notices that despite the fact that everyone saw that ingredients were supposed to be frozen separately, most teams are throwing all of them together. He and CJ are much quicker to catch the snap, and they remember to pop everything into the freezer separately. I never want to type the word "separately" again. Howie gripes some more about Saram. I've stopped listening. Casey and Dale wrap up early and help Brian and Saran package their food. Time runs out.

Chef's Manor. Dale has slipped into his black tank top that makes him look like he's trying out for A Chorus Line. Hung complains to CJ and Tre about not being able to make his point to Wheeling Joey about how to freeze the ingredients. CJ, who's just as confused as I am, asks Hung point blank why he didn't just insist on doing it the right way. Seriously. It's not as if Hung's ever afraid to come off as condescending or supercilious. Why pick now to spare someone's feelings? I mean I know that there are perfectly polite ways to press a point, but I'm assuming Hung's no good at those. He never gives CJ an answer, so I guess he was just too much of a wuss to make Altoona Joey do things properly.

Speaking of whom, Tulsa Joey thinks Rocco will expect more out of him in this challenge, because of his Italian background. Which, like assuming that a guest judge will favor Howie because they're both from Florida, is really doubtful. Pueblo Joey knows everyone is on edge. Howie? Still whining about Saram. Dale and Saran completely blow him off. Saram lounges in the hot tub with a cigarette. I fail to register anything she says or who's with her, because she's topless, and I'm filled with anticipation over whether or not her boobs are going to pop up above the surface of the water. Unfortunately, they never do. Robbed! Howie. Whining. I'll let you know if his record stops skipping.

Commercials. Left-side parallel parking gives me the shakes.

Morning. Once in the Kitchen, everyone has an hour to separate their food into the fifteen portions and package it. But as you know, everyone except CJ and Tre had a massive brain fart and froze everything together, so they're done in about five minutes. CJ and Tre leisurely break up their individually-frozen ingredients and put them into bags. Hung knows he's in trouble. I don't know if the other teams have figured it out or not. Time runs out, and the chefs head for Fresh Market. Each team gets one burner and two saute pans. They still have ten minutes to reheat their food, but we're let in on a new twist, in that the fifteen portions will be "sold" to customers, who are presumably picking their favorite of the bunch. Teams decide who's going to cook and who's going to schmooze and pack for the customers. Saram is being overtly (even excessively) friendly to Howie, but he just grunts monosyllabic responses. The judges come in, and Padma starts the ten-minute countdown.

Cooking begins. CJ and Tre are completely at ease. CJ explains that they really only need six minutes to cook. The laws of physics have failed to rearrange themselves overnight, so Hung discovers that each of their portions has frozen into a solid block. Once everything's heated, the teams taste their food to make sure it's OK. Casey and Dale are still having no trouble getting along, and as Dale puts it, they are ready to "sell these bitches". Heh. Hung and Sacramento Joey find that the pasta has absorbed the moisture from the sauce overnight, so now the pasta becomes mushy as it heats. Science! The chefs start putting bits of their food into plastic cups for customers to try. People eat, and generally seem to enjoy most of the food. A baby sits in its stroller, looking frustrated. Rocco stops by to try Casey and Dale's food. The meatballs are made of turkey and pork, and they've made a pesto sauce, and put everything on orecchiette pasta with some vegetables. It looks good. He asks them if they tasted it, and how they think they did. They rate themselves at about a nine. A customer who enjoyed them comes back to "buy" a portion.

Gail stops by Brian and Saran's table. They've made chicken rigatoni with Greek olives, peppers, sundried tomatoes, and rosemary. I never got into sundried tomatoes like the rest of the country did, but it looks good overall. Saran explains that there's a flavor packet that goes with it that includes Parmesan, pine nuts, and parsley. That's a good idea. It heats just as quickly as CJ and Tre's, and Gail tells them it's very tasty. Brian thinks they've got a good shot at winning. Padma goes to the Howie/Saram table. They've made Mediterranean shrimp pasta (looks like tri-colored fusilli) with fennel and sundried tomato vinaigrette. That's it? That's what all this team's agita has been about? Padma notices everything clumping together in the pan, which Howie plays off as them wanting the pasta to absorb the sauce's liquid so it would steam in the pan.

Ptom goes to the Hung/Independence Joey table. They've made tri-colored fusilli with chicken, and a garlic and sundried tomato sauce. Jeez, what's up with the sundried tomatoes? Ptom realizes that everything was frozen together, and asks Hung what's up, because they discussed the individual-freeze method the previous day. Hung tries to come up with a way to say "It's all his fault" without actually saying those words. St. Paul Joey picks up on it, though, and interviews that Hung was trying to lay the blame on him, saying that if Hung really wanted to get a point across, he should have been more aggressive about it. This is such a weird situation. Hung is essentially right in that the fault for freezing everything together lies entirely on Dover Joey's shoulders, and the idea that he should have somehow beaten Texarkana Joey into submission is bullshit. And yet... New Orleans Joey kind of has a point. He's essentially admitting that he's dense, and needs things spelled out for him, and there's no question that Hung should have been more assertive. Still, Hung pretty much did spell things out, and I have limited patience with the "you should have stopped me from [blank]" argument. Down that road lies shit like "My son was drunk, high, on the phone, speeding, and not wearing a seatbelt when he got into that fatal car crash, but it's everyone else's fault!"

Anyway, Rocco heads for Tre and CJ's table. They're serving chicken with black truffle and Parmesan linguini. It also has kale and a tomato confit. Someone finally asks what I've been wondering about for forever, as Rocco inquires into how they could afford black truffle on such a meager budget. CJ says they just used truffle butter, which goes a long way. I guess they soak regular mushrooms in it or something? Well, there's one mystery cleared up. They proudly show off their individually-frozen ingredients, and Rocco seems impressed. CJ bemoans the fact that he hasn't won a challenge yet, and notes that this is definitely the one to win. What, he'd rather get a free trip abroad than go out drinking with Anthony Bourdain? Who could have predicted that?

Happy people eating montage. A rather scholarly looking gentleman announces to Brian and Saran that they had his favorite. CJ and Tre take a while to "sell" their first box, which I guess is the producers' way of attempting to inject a little suspense into an episode that could not have a more obvious outcome. A pretty lady with an accent cheerfully opts for Dale and Casey's food. Howie and Saram still have an awful lot of empty boxes. They agree that they should have frozen the stock separately. Ya think? One lady seems to like the fact that Hung and Montgomery Joey's pasta is really soft. A lady who looks like she's used Homer Simpson's makeup gun gets a box from CJ and Tre. Dale and Casey easily pass out all of their food. Howie and Saram have given out three. Howie knows which teams are in trouble. My newt knows which teams are in trouble.

Commercials. Oh, The Nanny Diaries. Here's one of those rare times that I hope the movie completely rewrites the book.

Judges' Table. The chefs wait in the Kitchen. Saram thinks their food tasted fine, but knows that she's going to be on the judges' shitlist. She again duhs that they should have frozen things separately. Well, there's nothing you can do about it now, so let it go. Howie stews silently. For now. Out in the dining room, Padma is saying that she enjoyed this challenge. Rocco says that professional chefs are coming to terms with the fact that "home replacement" is an important food category. Padma mixes up her scripts, saying that this challenge was all about timing. Um...no, it wasn't. Ptom bemusedly wonders why most everyone (and specifically Hung) seemed to understand that ingredients should have been frozen separately, and then didn't do it. Rocco easily pegs the two teams that had the most problems. Ptom says that Hung and Juneau Joey's food was overcooked. Gail agrees, adding that even if it hadn't been, the food itself was pretty bland and unmemorable. Howie and Saram's was flavorless, and they chose the wrong pasta. Gail mentions something about their saffron as well. Stop picking on saffron! Saffron rules the spice rack!

Now, to the good news. Casey and Dale's meatballs were very tasty. Ptom didn't care for the use of tinned artichokes, though he at least describes his issue in terms of flavor (too much citric acid) rather than laziness or some other such crap. Rocco had a problem with them too, because the meatball he got was still a little frozen inside. Ew, I hate when that happens. CJ and Tre's flavors were extremely successful. Ptom thinks their flavors weren't very Mediterranean. Rocco disagrees, and asks what wasn't Mediterranean about it. Ptom and Padma bring up the truffle, but Rocco isn't buying. Brian and Saran's was "good". The top two teams are easily decided upon, and Padma comes back to the Kitchen to summon Casey/Dale and Tre/CJ to the table. Nobody claps for them, as they have in previous episodes. Hmm. Once in the dining room, they're given the good news and asked if they thought the challenge was difficult. CJ didn't think it was particularly hard, and Tre very intelligently points out that they noted that they had an hour to pack their food, which was a clear hint about freezing things separately. The truffle butter is brought up, and Tre says he wanted flavors that were both Italian and Mediterranean.

LabRat: "Italy IS in the Mediterranean."

CJ adds that they didn't know for sure that their food would cook so quickly, but that they assumed it would. Good thing that turned out to be true. On to Casey and Dale. Dale says that every aspect of their food was worked out as a team. Casey had the initial idea for the meatball, and Dale had been thinking along the same lines. Rocco brings up his issue with his meatball being undercooked, and Ptom mentions his problem with the tinned artichoke. Dale and Casey just nod. They're asked why they chose to do a pesto sauce, and Dale describes how pesto freezes extremely well and keeps forever. Rocco tells them it was one of the most balanced and beautiful pestos he's ever seen, and he liked their choice of pasta as well.

All four of the chefs are asked what going to Italy would mean to them. Tre wants to "further his education", since he plans to open an Italian restaurant someday. That's a wise answer, regardless of whether or not it's true. CJ "has a relationship" with Italy and uses the non-word "synergize". I angrily slash through the "Mr. Limecrete Jacobson" on my notebook. Casey thinks Italy is "amazing" and it would be "amazing" to go there, especially on someone else's dime. True as that is, it's not what judges want to hear. Dale thinks just being in Italy would help him "feel the heartbeat" of its cuisine. Rocco gets to announce the winner. They have the nerve to insert a dramatic pause, as if there weren't neon arrows pointing to CJ and Tre. Indeed, they are the winners, and are naturally thrilled. All four chefs hug. Tre finally allows himself to smile. Heh. Padma asks them to send the loser teams out to the table. Who could it possibly be?

Commercials. I'm all for having better drivers, but pardon my skepticism that a "Parent-Teen Driving Contract" will do much good.

The top teams come back to the Kitchen, where CJ does a merry jig. Haha! The other chefs applaud. Saram asks for the bad news. CJ tells them the judges want to see Honolulu Joey/Hung and Howie/Saram. I'm floored. CJ wishes them luck. Our old friends Odd Asian Music and the gong announce the losers' entrance. Padma asks Hung and Ottumwa Joey what went wrong. Hung describes the mushy pasta, and readily admits that it turned out as such because they froze everything together. Gail asks why that happened, and Hung says that he wanted to freeze things separately, but Provo Joey went ahead with mixing the ingredients. He's actually not nasty about it at all, which I appreciated. Springfield Joey says that he didn't hear Hung's instructions, and Ptom gleefully sows discord, as he is wont to do. He tells Olympia Joey that Hung's putting all the blame on him, which Hung denies. He is and he isn't. He thinks Santa Fe Joey packaged the food incorrectly, but I think he's willing to buy Ann Arbor Joey's excuse that he just didn't hear or understand him. Padma asks why Hung didn't insist on doing things the correct way. Hung says there's only so many times he can bring something up, and Trenton Joey falls back on that weak "he should have made me" excuse. There's some quick bickering about pasta choice before the judges turn to Howie and Saram.

Howie describes choosing the pasta they did because it had a lot of ridges to pick up sauce. He thinks they went wrong in the same way the other teams did; by not freezing their ingredients separately, everything would up in big blocks of ice. Saram essentially agrees. They're asked why they didn't follow the "model", so to speak, and Howie says that it wasn't clear what system they were supposed to follow. Rocco calls bullshit on that. Ptom takes Saram to task for "taking a backseat". Oh, fun. Ptom's about to go into another one of his Dogma of Cooking lectures. Why even have any food at all?

Saram shrilly snaps that she disagrees, and rather hysterically outlines things she told Howie to include, like tomato paste. Howie, of course, is unable to differentiate between Saram saying she contributed work (refuting the judges) and Saram saying she contributed work (attacking Howie). Everything is viewed through the lens of his ego. I'll bet people around him hear "What do you mean by that!?!?!" a lot. So he goes on the attack, pissing and moaning about how Saram was his last choice to be on a team with, and wah wah wah poor me. Saram does the smart thing and says that she's not going to get into a yelling match, and points out to the judges that if there's a problem with the team dynamic, they can pretty obviously see where it's originating from, as Howie can be "bulldogish". Ptom tries to say something about how being stubborn can be worth it, but Saram points out that working with him is like running up against a brick wall.

Tiffany: "A really sweaty brick wall."

Padma dismisses the chefs. Deliberations. Ptom thinks both teams had problems with communication, and asks which of the teams had the worse food. Rocco thinks both of them were "depressingly bad". Gail reiterates that Hung and Enid Joey's food was really forgettable. They show a shot of their food, and that chunky sauce clinging to the pasta really does look rather gross. Ptom thinks they had some good flavors, and Padma brings up the fact that they weren't able to "sell" any, despite the fact that it was free. Gail can't understand why Hung wasn't able to deliver on the food, if he knew so much about how to make it work. Rocco seems to accept Richmond Joey's knock-me-down-and-scream-in-my-ear excuse. Howie and Saram's food was dry. Rocco didn't like the flavor combination, and prefers Howie's outright aggression to Saram's passive-aggressive behavior. Ptom still thinks Saram didn't contribute much to what turned out to be a sucky dish. A gold star to those who can see the gaping hole in that argument. It is at this point I'm willing to bet money that Saram's getting the axe tonight.

Back in the Kitchen, Saram is futilely trying to explain to Howie that she was trying to argue for herself, not against him, apologizing if that's how she came off. It's a worthy effort, but that kind of thing only works on people who realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, so Howie just continues pissing and moaning and whining and cursing. Saram just frankly tells him that his problem is in the way he speaks to other people, and he certainly can't come up with a response to that one. You can almost see his brain trying to process "other people?". Meanwhile, Gail is saying that Howie's nerves and temper are starting to affect the way he cooks. The chefs in the Kitchen are all starting to gang up on Howie for expecting Saram to read his mind and his moods. Howie snaps that he has "no problems speaking his mind", and CJ inserts a brilliant "You don't?". Hahahaha! Howie whines that he doesn't need CJ "analyzing" him, and CJ clarifies that he was just being sarcastic, like, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH. Howie is upset that everyone's being so mean, and like I said in the short entry for this episode, it is truly hilarious that the people who are the first to whine about how others treat them are the ones who have spent the most time yipping about how this is a competition, and they're not here to make friends. The judges reach a decision.

Commercials. Top Chef is nominated for an Emmy. Wait, for last season? Wow, if they think that shit was quality, I'd hate to see what they thought was bad.

Elimination. Ptom thinks the challenge's concept was pretty basic, and that both teams made dishes that just weren't up to par. Hung should have been more of a leader. Providence Joey didn't pay enough attention, and didn't work well within his team. Howie didn't focus on his flavors or on making a great dish. Saram didn't convince Ptom that she gave her all. My eyes roll out of my head. I pop them back in just in time to witness the decision. I'm ready to see Saram take the fall, when all of a sudden, Padma completely pulls the rug out from under me. "[Nome] Joey. Please pack your knives and go." Whaaaat? Really? What a strange decision. He's certainly never been my favorite, but I'd have expected any of the other three to go home before him, based on this challenge. He thanks the judges for the opportunity, and Ptom tells him he's a great guy who just had a bad day. He hugs Hung as he voices-over that he wasn't going to go out screaming like a lunatic. Who are you, and what have you done with Laramie Joey? He interviews that he wants to go out like a professional, and his face is beet red and leaking tears. He hugs everyone good-bye, and breaks down into wracking sobs. He'll miss everyone, and is given a hearty round of applause. No, really. Where's the guy who whined about watermelon and vowed to throw people off the balcony? He breaks down one final time, as he says he's proud of what he's done here, and is going to go back home with his head held high. Where that home is, I have no idea.

Overall Grade: B