Tea Bagged

Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 8

Previously on Just Desserts: The chefs were split into teams. The Plastics were thrilled that they could finally show their might as a cohesive unit, and they got off to a good start when they won the Quickfire. Plastics forever! Or at least until the Elimination Challenge, where they fell apart! They were plagued by decor and presentation problems, but those were nothing in comparison to Heatherh's craptastic dough. And just like that, the Top Chef Plastics lost their Regina George. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening menu. Leftover Halloween candy, of course. I would have been satisfied with just that, when suddenly, Panny and Phooey appeared at the door with banana muffins with chocolate chips, right out of the oven. Bliss.

Monday Morning Quarterback session. Danielle indulges in a little smug satisfaction that the Plastics were knocked off their high horse. She also takes a moment to stress over the fact that she's the last woman standing. Gidget bemoans the loss of Heatherh, saying that she was an ultra-talented chef, and he can't believe that the Plastics wound up in the bottom three. It always tickles me to see contestants take that tack: "Well our pastry dough sucked beyond measure, but I can't believe we lost!" "Well, my food was terrible in both the Quickfire and Elimination challenges, but I was hoping the judges would overlook that because I have so much potential!" "Well, we started in sixth place, but I'm totally shocked that the people we're racing against managed to get on a decent flight!" Or basically, any version of "I really messed up, but feel that there should be zero consequence." It's incredible. Everyone heads out for the day.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and this week's guest judge, Shinmin Li. Shinmin is a cake decorator, and we see some shots of her truly impressive work. Gail explains that in this Quickfire, the chefs will be making edible bouquets of flowers. Eric doesn't have experience with pulling sugar, but hopes that buttercream flowers will be just as artistic. Morgan, on the other hand, is looking forward to pulling more techniques out of his bag of tricks. The chefs will have three hours to get everything done, and the winner will receive $5000. Ready? Go!

Zac immediately grabs the vase made out of mirrors. What a shock. He also stocks up on chocolate. Danielle peels oranges, and interviews that she doesn't really work with sugar flowers, preferring to work with real flowers instead. Ooh, that reminds me that I haven't had candied violets in a while. Those things are awesome. Eric works on making a large cake in the brioche mold, which he'll then decorate with icing flowers. Gidget begins making orchid petals, but wants to go the extra step by eschewing the actual vases in favor of making his own out of pulled sugar. Good idea! Morgan works on chocolate flowers, but makes sure to add in some color with pulled sugar. Gidget works on his vases. For some reason, he's making them on a table shared with other equipment instead of on his own station. He explains to us how fragile and delicate the vases are. Yeah, but if they work out, they'll blow the judges' socks off.

When Gidget goes back to work on the rest of his bouquet, Morgan steps in to use the heat lamp next to the sugar vases. Heatherh's lip isn't the only thing his elbow hates, and he winds up accidentally shattering one of Gidget's vases. Oh, shit! Maybe it's time to keep a closer eye on those gangly appendages, dude. He apologizes to Gidget, who suggests in interview that he wouldn't put it past Morgan to break the vase on purpose. Way to piss away any sympathy I had for you. Just when you were beginning to impress me, too. Gidget takes the other vase back to his station to gently lower over his flowers. The camera crew knows to keep a close eye on this one, the better to see it shatter, which it does. Ouch. Gidget manages to refrain from accusing himself of cheating. To his credit, he wastes little time in self-pity, and runs to get an actual vase from the shelf. Meanwhile, Zac flails. He tells us he has no idea what he's doing. I'm honestly confused how a guy who's supremely confident in his ability to make wearable dresses out of chocolate can't figure out a bouquet. There's a final work montage, and then time is up.

Gidget shit-talks everyone else's work before Shinmin and Gail go down the line. Morgan has made flowers out of chocolate, but as promised, there are pops of color with pulled sugar bows and blossoms. The chocolate color blends perfectly into the vase, making that look edible as well. It's really beautiful. Danielle's presentation includes candied orange peel, sugar cookies, and marshmallow flowers. The best way I can describe it is that it looks like it would be used as stage decoration in a school play. I mean that in both the positive and negative senses. On the one hand, it's colorful and vibrant, and super-cute. But on the flip side, it has no flip side. It's essentially a two-dimensional bouquet. Plus, it's a little Pee-Wee's Playhouse. If eight-year-olds were judging this challenge, she'd win it in a walk. Gidget describes the saga of his shattered vases. He's bounced back to fill a glass vase with tropical roses and leaves made out of tempered cocoa butter.

Zac tries the well-known tactic of calling something "modern" to explain its ugliness. A sculptural mirror vase has chocolate blades placed here and there in flowerish shapes. Chocolate leaves lie in a pile at the bottom. His beloved disco glitter is also blown all over his work. "It is pretty disco-y," Shinmin says. She does not mean it as a compliment. Eric has made a giant cupcake, which is topped with gum paste and buttercream flowers.

Results. The bottom three kicks off with Zac, whose chocolate work is messy. Eric's should have been higher, and his piping work wasn't sharp enough. Eric, usually all too happy to agree with the judges' critiques, takes issue for once. He liked what he did just fine. The last of the bottom three is Danielle, who should have done a piece that can be viewed from any angle. That leaves the other guys in the top. Shinmin manages to chide Morgan for not doing enough, even as she calls his work the most professional presentation of the bunch. Gidget's final presentation is well-balanced, with each petal having individual personality. The winner of the challenge and the wad of money is... Morgan. Gidget makes sure to interview that if Morgan hadn't shattered one of his vases, Gidget himself could have won. Of course, he may also have won if he hadn't shattered the other one himself, but God forbid a Plastic indulge in some self-reflection. Morgan helpfully tallies his cumulative winnings for us, saying he's earned $36,000 to date.

Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be catering a tea party for Dana Cowin and "some of her friends". That lady certainly enjoys hosting fake parties. Naturally, the party has a theme: Celebri-tea. The chefs will be creating desserts inspired by contemporary celebrity duos. Each chef will make a hundred portions of two little desserts. Zac giggles. Morgan awesomely rolls his eyes. Yeah, this is dumb.

After the challenge is outlined, the chefs head for the store with a $300 budget. Danielle stocks up on strawberries, saying she's going to do something red to symbolize redhead Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter. Zac's chosen celebrity couple is Julie Andrews and Blake Edwards. He has all sorts of ideas to work off of "A Spoonful of Sugar" and the Pink Panther movies. Clever. He intentionally steers clear of any idea that incorporates chocolate, wanting to expand his horizons and distance himself from his woeful Quickfire performance. Morgan, who has zero knowledge and negative interest in celebrities, pages through a tabloid for inspiration. He finds a story about Kim Kardashian being mad that Reggie Bush won't propose, and runs with it. He compares the situation to the wild controversy surrounding sachertortes, and if they're supposed to be made with raspberry or apricot. Yeah, I remember them having a hot debate about that on Meet the Press. Gidget's inspiration is Madonna and Guy Ritchie, whose conflict-ridden relationship will be shown with dueling chocolate desserts. Eric chooses Oprah and Stedman. So, I guess one of the desserts will have a giant beard on it? The worst Frankenbyte I've ever heard suggests Eric will be grabbing all the chocolate he needs from the Kitchen pantry. Seriously, that quote was patched together from about five different sources.

Back in the Kitchen, the chefs get going on their three hours of prep. They quickly discover that a trap has been set for them while they were out shopping: All of the chocolate has been removed from the pantry. Johnny walks in, and announces that for this challenge, there will be no chocolate allowed, because chocolate is never the star of tea parties. Well, sure. The last time you were at a non-political tea party meant for adults and composed of desserts inspired by celebrity duos, was there any chocolate offered? WELL, WAS THERE?!?!? I love how Johnny's pretending this twist has anything to do with the real world. It's like when OJ tells models that learning how to strut on tilting platforms suspended over water is an essential job skill.

Once Johnny's gone, the chefs get back to work. Zac's earlier decision to avoid chocolate has suddenly given him an advantage, since he doesn't have to change anything about his original plan. Danielle is also sitting pretty. The others are forced to scramble. Gidget, in particular, has no idea what to do now. One of Eric's desserts was going to be chocolate, and he decides to replace it with a second shortbread, done in a different style than the one he was already planning. Morgan replaces his chocolate cake with a blonde version. Gidget hurries to come up with new ideas to execute, but his heart is definitely not in this challenge. Time winds down.

Later, the chefs arrive at the party site, where they get an additional hour to set up. The kitchen there is extremely hot and cramped. Eric interviews that he hates what his desserts have become since chocolate was taken off the menu, and by this point, all he can do is hope that they're good enough to pass him through to the next round. Danielle hurries to get everything done on time. Guests stream into the dining room and get seated. Dana Cowin pretends to have any sort of hostess/guest relationship with them. I guess tea parties are supposed to be all about imaginary guests anyway, so I can't complain. The judges settle in at their table. Shinmin, Dannielle, and of course Dana are sitting in with Johnny and Gail. They spew some bullshit about how taking chocolate away from the chefs after all the shopping was done has some sort of real world parallel. Guys, just stop. It's an off-kilter reality show challenge. That's all it is. It's fine, but stop pretending it has relevance out here.

Service starts, and Eric trudges out to the dining room with his despised desserts. His Stedman is a square rosemary shortbread with apricot compote. Oh, no! Never serve rosemary to Gail! Oprah is a round pecan shortbread (heh) with caramel. Johnny senses how nervous and upset Eric is, and advises him to take a deep breath. Aw. Tasting. The portions are too big, the presentation is lackluster, and the Oprah shortbread explodes when eaten (double heh). Still, the compote is tasty, and people seem to enjoy the rosemary shortbread.

Back in the kitchen, Morgan is making a nuisance of himself while Zac is trying to concentrate on getting things plated. You will note that although Zac complains about this in interview, he does not waffle on and on about how Morgan is a cheater, or how Morgan is just threatened by Zac's massive talent. Result? My momentary annoyance actually flows towards Morgan for once, and doesn't turn back on the original complainer. See how little it takes to get me on your side? Just focus on the actual transgression, and I'm all yours! Zac takes his desserts out to the dining room. His first dessert is a mascarpone cheesecake with Cap'n Crunch and tarragon sugar. I do try to separate people's personalities from their food, and Zac certainly racks up plenty of Limecrete's Pick of the Week dishes, as this cheesecake does. Yum. His second dessert is a pink pavlova with grapefruit curd and meringue. In an extremely shrewd move, he's shaped them so that the pavlova can be stacked on top of the cheesecake if the diners wish to do so. Genius! Tasting. The judges have nothing negative to say; they love everything he's done.

Danielle is running behind on time. Morgan is still in the way, and not helping her cause. She manages to get the desserts plated, and heads out to the dining room. Her Conan O'Brien dessert is a tall strawberry layer cake with strawberry jam and dried jalapeno. The Andy Richter is oatmeal cookie cake, with orange blossom water buttercream icing. Tasting. The leavening ratio seems to be off, and the jalapeno was very strong. Still, she had good instincts, and provided a nice variety of flavors in two little desserts. Morgan plates without incident, though he still misses that chocolate. His first dessert is a blonde sachertorte - an almond sponge cake with an apricot coulis and citrus buttercream. The second is a bittersweet citrus macaron. Tasting. The macaron gets decidedly mixed reviews. The almond flavor of the sponge cake is outstanding, but it isn't really the finger food it should be, and must be eaten with a spoon.

Gidget is racing to get plated in time. Morgan sees him struggling, and hopes he can rid himself of his strongest competitor. Gidget interviews that for the first time in the competition, he's not confident in the flavor combinations he's put together. Not only that, but he loses his race against the clock, and only a portion of the desserts go out to the dining room, though a full set does make it to the judges. Factor that into your guesswork about if incomplete plates must be sent to the judges, or can be pawned off on other diners. Gidget's first dessert is a citrus Greek yogurt cake, with a baked honey flan. The second is a brown butter sable, with dulce de leche and Calvados gelee. They both look pretty terrible. Tasting. The cake is moist, but bland. The sable has some good flavor, but is overly sweet. The diners find that Gidget's anxiety and his inability to finish on time shines through in the food. Service winds down. Eric notes how much Gidget has struggled, and sees a glimmer of hope for his own chances.

Interstitial. Danielle hogs the bathroom. She also takes a box of cereal in there with her, which is nasty.

Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Eric is explaining that no matter who goes home, all five of them have a lot to be proud of. I just adore him. Gail comes back, and summons Morgan, Zac, and Danielle to the table. To nobody's surprise, they are the top three. Morgan was easily able to work around the no-chocolate twist. Shinmin loved his almond cake. Zac's inspiration was top-notch, and his desserts were refined and elegant. Dannielle says that despite their sophistication, they were neither prissy nor boring.

Tiffany: "That's funny, because you are."

Danielle's desserts had a marvelous sense of fun, and they were both tasty. Johnny condescendingly tells her that she finally showed some commitment to following through on a plan. Thanks, Dad. Can I borrow the Camaro tonight? Shinmin gets to announce the challenge winner, who turns out to be... Well, Zac of course. I don't know why I even put in the Ellipsis of Suspense. Still, it's his first Elimination Challenge win, and he's ecstatic. His only prize is to send the remaining chefs out to Losers' Table.

Once they're in front of the judges, Gail asks what went wrong, as both of them were clearly beaten into depression by this challenge. Eric says that there was so much going on in his brain after the chocolate was taken away, he couldn't focus on anything. Dannielle says that his desserts lacked creativity, which is true, although she's way more concerned with how the shortbreads tied in to Oprah and Stedman than she should be. If Eric had made something completely delicious that had nothing to do with his chosen celebrities, nobody would care. Johnny says that even with all the challenge restrictions, Eric has an arsenal of tasty baking recipes at his command, and should have been able to come up with something better. I wish I could argue with that, but can't. Eric begins to well up with tears, and Gail kindly says that the judges know that he's an amazing baker, but they just couldn't find him in these particular desserts. That was nice. Eric makes no excuses, and freely admits that he really fell down on this challenge.

Gidget had similar problems. None of the judges have ever seen him so flustered. He explains that both of his desserts were originally based on chocolate, and when he attempted to bounce back and plan another set, he couldn't pull it together in time. Half the things he made for the final duo never even made it onto the plates. Dannielle continues to be obnoxiously obsessed with the celebrity tie-in. Lady, he barely got food on the plate. He didn't give two shits about whether or not the goddamn cake represented Madonna at that point, nor should he have. Shinmin has more legitimate complaints. The cake was mushy, and she didn't get any of the sage flavor Gidget infused into it.

Johnny adds that the presentation reminded him of frozen petit fours that cruise ships pull out of a box. There's a White Whine if I ever heard one. He wraps up by telling Gidget that his desserts literally made Johnny angry. Listen, I'll bet Johnny is an amazing pastry chef, and I'll bet he's a blast to hang out with. That said, he's kind of a crap judge. Maybe he can work on it in the off season. Ptom has definitely improved, so Johnny's certainly not beyond hope. Like Eric, Gidget offers no excuse for his poor showing, though he does mention that he fell apart after Heatherh was eliminated. That does not help his case. The chefs are dismissed.

Deliberations. Neither of the bottom two were their usual talented selves. Johnny says that this challenge is about more than just flavor. Gidget had a better concept than Eric, whose shortbreads were both disappointing. However, none of Gidget's food lived up to expectations. It's neck and neck, but the judges do manage to make a decision.

Elimination. Eric's desserts were flat and uninspired. Gidget let his emotions take over, to his food's detriment. We go over to Gail for the chop. Eric. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He shakes the judges' hands, and Johnny makes sure to tell him he's a great chef on his way out. Aw. In his final interview, Eric says that he cracked under the pressure, and he's frankly glad to be going when he is. All of the other chefs are devastated to lose such a kind competitor, and they all hug and congratulate him on being so awesome. Eric is happy for the friendship and validation he's gotten through this process, officially marking the first time that I've been more upset about a chef's elimination than the chef himself. Sniff.

Overall Grade: B-