The Girl Who Is Special

America's Next Top Model - Season 4, Episode 11

Previously on South Africa's Next Top Model: Keenyah got dangerously close to adding "the Hut" onto the end of her name. Christina, the Icy Queena was eliminated and cried huge tears out of her gigantic eyes. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Cape Town. The girls discuss how difficult it was to hear criticism from the others at the last judging. Keenyah in particular is getting all up in Naima's grill. If anyone should be upset in this scenario, it's Naima (whom Keenyah chose as having the least model potential) rather than Keenyah (whom nobody chose as having the least potential, and in fact was chosen by Brittany and Kahlen as having the most potential). Why is she getting all emotional about this? Whatever. We'll call this moment Brash, Irrational, Thoughtless, Crazy Harridan (BITCH) moment #1 for Keenyah. As Keenyah babbles on, Brittany tries to interject something. Keenyah screams at her, asking to finish her sentence (BITCH #2). The cracks in the Keenyah Brittany Friendship Club start to widen as Brittany tells Keenyah she's being totally rude. In an interview, Kahlen talks about what a raging narcissist Keenyah is. Wow, we're off to a sunny start.

Tyra Mail. It says something about "taking the right steps", and Keenyah thinks that it's a completely obvious reference to a runway challenge. Does she ever get tired of being wrong? Kahlen is picking at a chocolate muffin as they discuss the challenge, and Keenyah trails off in the middle of her sentence to stare at it, then ask Kahlen for a bite. Kahlen interviews about how the judges constantly criticize Keenyah for gaining weight, but she keeps on eating. In a completely awesome moment, Kahlen says "I really don't see that much progress......at all." Heh. It was that beat before "at all" that made it so hilarious. The next morning, as the girls get ready to leave for the challenge, Keenyah asks Brittany if it's all right that she borrowed some clothing. Brittany says that it's fine. Then, and I'm still not sure where this came from, Keenyah wheedles, "Because I'm special, right? Say it." Brittany looks at her as if she had waffles growing out of her nose, and says "Because you're special." Keenyah is pleased. Seriously, the hell?

The girls meet two gentlemen named Bebe and Mandela, who run an urban clothing shop. They seem like nice guys, but they talk about infusing South African heritage into their clothes for way too long. Get to the damn challenge! Bebe and Mandela drive the girls to the community center. To get there, they pass by a sort of shantytown. The housing is awful, and the people there live in abject poverty. OK, I feel as bad as the next guy about these sorts of conditions. Obviously, it's no way for a person to live. However, this is such blatant manipulation on the part of the show that I feel more angry than saddened. Why didn't the girls just go to the community center from the hotel? Because then they wouldn't have been exposed to poor people, and we wouldn't have gotten the "drama" of their reactions. Sigh.

When they get to the community center, they meet the woman who runs the place, Jackie. Jackie tells them that they will be learning about South African rhythm and dance, and that their challenge will be to perform the dance they've learned for an audience. Brittany interviews about what a completely terrible dancer she is. Point to Brittany for self-awareness on that one. Keenyah brags about simple the challenge will be for her because she's black (BITCH #3). Yes, Keenyah. And I'd be super-great at ballet because my ancestors are from Russia. Does she even listen to herself? Not as confident is Kahlen, who knows just how white bread she is, and doesn't want to humiliate herself in front of a crowd. Yeah, this would be a tough challenge. Dancing badly for a crowd is one thing. Making a mess of the crowd's heritage through dance is another. Miss Jay shows up to help judge the challenge, and the crowd starts filtering in. Oof. That's a big audience. Kahlen freaks out as we go into commercial.

We're back. The show helpfully reminds us what's going on by giving a taupe-filtered flashback. Um, the audience saw this 2 minutes ago. I know Americans have short attention spans, but give us a little credit. The dancing begins. Brittany sucks. The crowd shifts uncomfortably in their seats as she writhes around. Kahlen is up, and though she's definitely not great, she's doing a lot better than she thought she would. Keenyah brags about being black again, some more. We get it, Keenyah! You and Harriet Tubman are best friends! God. She acquits herself pretty well at the dancing. Naima likes dancing because she feels it's a way to communicate without words. She's very lithe and graceful. We cut to a shot of Miss Jay in the audience, and jeepers, he's got the perfect set of legs. For a woman. After the challenge, he gauges audience reaction to determine the winner. Audience, schmaudience. You don't need these people to know that Naima blew everyone else out of the water. Indeed, she is the winner, and her prize will be an extra 30 frames at the photo shoot. Jay asks her to pick a girl who will get an extra 20 frames. Instead of choosing her friend Kahlen, she chooses Keenyah. She interviews that Kahlen always takes wonderful pictures, and that in the interest of competition, she'd rather that fat, ugly Keenyah gets some extra shots because she won't be much of an opponent for Naima. Well, not in those words, but that's the gist. Smart idea. Kahlen is shocked. Keenyah is asked to pick a girl to receive 10 extra frames, and she chooses Brittany because Keenyah is about 1/8 as intelligent as Naima. She chose Brittany because they're friends without even stopping to think that giving more photos to the girl who consistently looks fantastic is a bad idea. Kahlen will be receiving no extra frames. She cries in an interview, wondering if this is an attack on her. I hope Naima explained later.

The girls then go to Robbene Island, which used to be a political prison, and meet a guide named Modise. Hee. There's a sign on the front of the prison that reads "We Serve With Pride". With all due respect to the people who suffered within its walls, that is really funny. Modise explains what Nelson Mandela did for South Africa and describes the time he spent in prison. Keenyah, steeped in her cultural roots, asks if Nelson Mandela is still alive or not. Oy. Brittany interviews how Keenyah keeps lording her ancestry over the other girls (yes, even Naima. I'll get to that in a bit), and she doesn't even know if Mandela is alive. She thinks Keenyah is a phony. I never thought I'd say it, but Brittany is totally right. Smart girl. Modise asks who wants to open Mandela's cell. Naima reaches her hand out for the key. It's worth noting that Keenyah is hanging out in the background, saying and doing nothing. However, she interviews that she wanted to be the one to open the cell because...sing it if you know it...she's black(BITCH #4). She talks about how she doesn't consider Naima to be black, or she's more black than Naima, or something along those lines. I'm too blind with rage to really listen.

OK, here we go. 1) Naima can identify as black if she wants to. Both of her parents are of mixed race, but she considers herself black, and it's her business to do so. 2) Race isn't a contest. You don't "win" the "blackness" award by having darker skin. 3) Being black doesn't necessarily make African culture and politics mean more to you. Keenyah spends her time thinking about lip gloss, not apartheid. 4) Plus, it's pretty demonstrable that Keenyah couldn't give a rat's ass about Africa, given that she doesn't know if one of its most important and influential leaders is still alive or not. 5) Way to make a solemn moment about freedom and persecution all about how left out you feel. That's not petty at all. 6) And she didn't even ask to open the cell. Naima did. I think Keenyah believes that naturally, they'd hand the key over to her without a second thought.

In other words, Keenyah is a stupid racist, and also...BITCH #5-10. Brittany interviews about how upset Keenyah was, but thinks it's mostly for show and to get attention. Wow, Brittany is really insightful tonight. I'm starting to feel bad for calling her stupid these past few weeks. What an ugly scene. And not even close to being about modeling. Let's leave the civics lesson to other shows, Tyra.

The next day, it's time for the photo shoot. Orange Jay explains that they'll be doing a shoot for body wash, and they'll be made up like 1940s aristocrats on safari. That's a neat idea. He explains that they'll not just be posing, but dancing for the camera as well. Not only that, but they'll be flanked by three shirtless guys, Lee-Roy, Bertini, and Mark. I have total dibs on Mark. As the girls get ready, the guys invite them to hang out later that night. They're thrilled. Bertini seems particularly taken with Keenyah. There's more talk about Keenyah's weight issue. They even go as far as to show Keenyah at week #1 and Keenyah today. There's a definite difference, though it doesn't look like she's gained that much to me. Brittany says that Keenyah "hasn't been paying attention to a lot of the things she's been putting in her mouth." The same could be said about you, Brittany.

The photo shoot begins. Although Jay said there'd be dancing involved, it's mostly just wiggling around in place. Q is there again, and I should apologize for saying last week that she sucks at her job, because every one of the girls looks completely gorgeous this week. Naima's first. Her elbow is back, and her leg is thrust forward, and she looks amazing. She uses her extra 30 frames to go a little wild with the poses, which is exactly the right thing to do. Keenyah. She can't quite get into the "dancing" which makes her look bad, and her pose is kind of limp and uninteresting. Her face, hair, and outfit look really great, though. I think she owes this shot to the crew. As she's posing, Bertini is moaning and grinding on her very inappropriately. Keenyah becomes uncomfortable and can't concentrate. She actually calls a halt to the shoot, but can't just say what the problem is directly. Jay kind of blows her off, which seems cold, but I really don't think he knew what was going on. When the shots start again, Bertini keeps slithering all over Keenyah, and this time Jay notices. He gently tells Bertini to back off, and he gets a point for that. Keenyah proceeds to drain any sympathy I had for her by saying that if her shot comes out poorly, she'll know it wasn't because of her, but Bertini. She's more pleased about having someone to blame for a bad shot than she is with a good shot (BITCH #11). Brittany. She can't really get into the "dancing", so she has a bit more trouble than usual. Still, she's an excellent poser, and the photo comes out marvelous.

Kahlen. She's nervous about dancing with boys surrounding her, and she is far too old to be pulling this junior high crap. She winds up looking great, but really needs to model with more self-confidence. You made it on a show called America's Next Top Model, Kahlen. You're not a dog. That night the girls go out to meet the guys. Keenyah seems genuinely surprised that Bertini is there. Did Keenyah eat a lot of paint chips as a child or something? Instead of ignoring him like a civilized person would do, Keenyah launches into this big attack in front of everyone in the restaurant, but smiles through the whole thing so that she can later claim that she wasn't really serious (BITCH #12). Not only that, but when it comes time to pay the bill, Keenyah doesn't want to throw in (BITCH #13). I'm running out of ways to insult her. She is just the pits. Brittany and Keenyah fight over the bill, and Stealth Funny Kahlen pops up again to mutter "little awkward".

On the car ride back to the hotel, the fight really breaks out. Brittany calls Keenyah out on, well, pretty much everything. Keenyah tries to keep it light, but Brittany brings up the awful way that Keenyah has treated Naima, the tantrum over the cell-opening, the not knowing if Mandela is alive or not, and how selfish she's being in general. Naima interviews that she was thanking God that she got the opportunity to open the cell, because obviously these other girls don't hold it in as high esteem. Back in the car, Keenyah and Brittany are still screeching at each other. Back at the hotel, the fight continues. They're still fighting about the same things, and Keenyah is shrieking in Naima's face (BITCH #14), because she can't even look at Brittany. Good for Brittany for taking Keenyah to task on this shit. Kahlen is crying out on the balcony, because it upsets her when people fight. I don't like it either, Kahlen, but since the fight has nothing to do with you, I don't get the tears. She's too emotional. Keenyah interviews that this is a new side of Brittany she's never seen before. The side that doesn't let you get away with acting like a complete cunt? Yeah, I said it. Keenyah finds some Tyra Mail and reads it out to herself, because nobody wants to be in the same room with her.

Judging. Janice is made up much like the girls were earlier, and looks awesome. Nigel always looks awesome. Nole is ugly and stupid, as always. Tyra is Tyra. The guest judges this week are Bebe and Mandela. Ummm....why? The only thing they did was drive the girls from their crap clothing shop to the dancing challenge. Ugh, whatever. I've had it with this episode. Heh, it would have been sweet if Bertini was one of the judges. The final challenge is kind of a Red Light/Green Light game in which the girls have to dance and then pose when Tyra yells stop. They dance. Keenyah steps out in front of the others, mostly I think just to have some room to maneuver. Kahlen sucks. After they do a few poses, the judges join them in dancing. Nigel needs to call me. Time for the actual judging. They tell the girls that they will be showing the worst shot in addition to the best. Brittany's up first. The judges didn't like her dancing, but love the photo. Her bad photo isn't good, but I don't think it's too horrible either. Keenyah. Everyone loved her dancing, and loved the fact that she stepped out in front. I really don't think that was an attitude thing, judges. She just didn't want to be banging elbows with everyone else. Her photo isn't terrific, and she of course blames it all on Bertini (BITCH #15). The judges don't cut her a lot of slack on this, and on first viewing I felt bad for Keenyah. She shouldn't have to shoulder the blame for someone else's inappropriate behavior. On the other hand, Bertini did back off after Jay told him to, so she really has no excuse for not getting a good photo. Plus, I hate her. Kahlen can't dance her way out of a wet paper bag. The judges don't like her photo as much as I do. Come on, judges! She looks awesome! Naima. The judges tell her she's a good dancer, but too shy. They think her photo is fabulous, and even her bad shot is good.

The judges deliberate. Kahlen wasn't great this week, but is very versatile. They think all the personality has been drained out of Brittany, which is really unfair since they are the ones that told her to tone it down in the first place. Shut up, judges. Naima has personality problems too. Sigh. The worst thing they can come up with to say about Keenyah is that she's pudgy, because they haven't yet seen the footage of the rest of the episode. They bring the girls back in. Keenyah is safe, and I projectile vomit. Kahlen is safe. Would Brittany and Naima please step forward. Brittany, you did exactly what the judges asked you to do and are being punished for it. Naima, you don't yell and scream for the cameras, and are being punished for it. Blah, blah, blah. Naima's safe, and Brittany is cut. Fucking bullshit. She cries and hugs the other girls, whispering "I love you" to Naima. She can't believe it's ending. Me either, Brittany. She says she'll miss Keenyah. Er...all right. She's proud of herself for getting so far, and you know what? Me too. Back to the Future fadeout.

Next week on America's Next Top Model: The girls do a commercial for Cover Girl, and have their final competition in a Cape Town fashion show. One of them will be crowned the winner, and if it's Keenyah, someone's getting shredded. What a crap episode.

Overall Grade: D+