Window Shopping

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 6

Previously on Project Runway: Blasteriffic! The designers had to create a "potty" dress for Nicky Hilton. Zulema blasted her competitors. Marla made a copycat dress to the consternation of Tim, the judges, and those of us at home who think Marla's kind of cool, dang blast it. Santino blasted his way into a win, Diana got blasted in the "drunk" sense, and Lupe got blasted in the "out of the competition and into obscurity" sense. Ten designers remain. Who will be blasted tonight?

Opening credits. Raymundo thinks "drama has to happen." This from a guy who limped through three episodes and was sent off like a scolded puppy.

Time-lapse morning comes to New York. I wish my mornings would time-lapse like that. It would make my commute easier. Unlike Daniel's elimination, nobody seems to miss Lupe at all. Yeah, I'm guessing she won't be taking home the Miss Congeniality crown at the reunion. Zulema interviews something typically brash, but I'm distracted by the 28 after her name. Is she really 28? Hey, I'm 28, and the woman looks like she could be my mother. Except, you know, black. Meanwhile, Santino is bragging about his win in the previous challenge and getting on his roommates' nerves. Danzzz nails it when he says it doesn't matter how many challenges you win, because you have to be on your toes at all times. It's true. I don't think I've ever seen a show where winning a challenge means so little. There's no immunity from further eliminations and often no prize, so there's no way to coast. Not that Santino understands this.

Everyone heads out the door to meet Heidi at the runway. She tells them that their next challenge will be to design a garment for Banana Republic. Andrae makes one of his usual drama queen faces. Shut up, Andrae's face. Shut up, Zulema's oversized sunglasses. The winning design will be sold in limited quantities. But first, it's time for the utterly pointless model selection. Blah, blah, blah. Santino sticks with Heather, and Ugly Eliza is sent packing. Ironically, this little sequence as she's cut is the first time I see Ugly Eliza as Not-So-Ugly Eliza. Huh. Maybe she's only ugly in Lupe's dresses. And on the BRAVO website. Heidi tells everyone she'll see them at Banana Republic, and heads off.

More magic time-lapse! We're at Banana Republic, and the designers are introduced to Deborah Lloyd, the company's head of design. I'm sorry, but the head of design for any company has no excuse for those awful highlights. Pick a color and stick to it, skunky. Skunky tells them that their challenge is to create an outfit that can convert from a daytime look to an evening one. The daytime look should be work-appropriate, while the evening one should be sexier. Good idea! Skunky also tells them that while they're free to have their own creative visions, they should keep in mind a typical Banana Republic customer as they design. In other words, no exploding cupcake lederhosen bras, please. The designers pick up a bunch of fabrics on-site rather than shopping for them, and then it's back to Parsons.

In the workroom, Tim announces that they will have until midnight to finish their designs. Also, the designers will be working in teams of two. Nobody looks happy to hear that revelation. They have sixty seconds to choose a partner. Go! Danzzz and Andrae pair up quickly, as do Diana and Marla. Santino interviews that Nick seemed to be casting around for a different partner, but that he essentially shut down that idea, and indeed, Nick does eventually wander over to Santino like the good little lamb he is. Nick interviews that he kind of wanted to be paired with Chloe, and implies that Emmett swooped in and stole her, which is clearly not what happened, since Nick never explicitly asked Chloe to be his partner. You know, Nick seems like a really cool guy. He does. And his designs are consistently among my favorite. But this subservience to Santino is really working my last nerve. If you don't want to be his partner, don't be his partner. If you do, go for it. But don't meekly accept his proclamations, then whine about them in interviews. In other words...Nick, stop being Heather McNamara. This, of course, leaves Kara and Zulema to be partners. Ouch for both of them. Now, the designers have to decide whose idea they're going to use, and whose model will be wearing the outfit.

Diana and Marla have decided to go with Diana's ideas, though Marla interviews that she didn't exactly believe in them. Marla, before you go tearing down other people's ideas, it might be nice if you had one of your own. Andrae interviews that he and Danzzz are almost thinking like one person. Translation: Danzzz had all the ideas and Andrae went along with them. Chloe and Emmett seem to be the most functional, pair-wise. They get along, but they both put forth ideas and discuss why they should or shouldn't proceed with them. Santino completely steamrolls Nick's ideas. You reap what you sow, Nick. Zulema, having previously interviewed that her style and Banana Republic's style are pretty much polar opposites, allows Kara to do most of the design work. Sounds good. Tim interrupts, and tells the designers that the losing team's members will both be eliminated, so everyone will sink or swim together. Guess you can't gang up on anyone this time, Kara and Chloe.

Commercials. When we return, the designers take a moment to get over the initial shock that two people will be cut, then get to work. They soon realize that several teams are using the same color fabric, which Zulema hates. I kind of feel her on that one, because you don't want your dress to look boring. Of course, if the alternative is something that's different only because it's fugly, that won't help you either. She and Kara argue a little bit over whether to go ahead with their original idea. Diana and Marla are having issues, too. It looks like they're falling prey to Whatever You Want Is Fine Syndrome, which often strikes me when I'm trying to decide what restaurant to go to with a friend. You both want to make sure the other person is happy, and you wind up taking twenty minutes to choose a place that neither one of you is thrilled with. It's a serious affliction, but at least it's born out of politeness, Santino. Speaking of whom, here he is in a typically classless interview, talking about how Diana is grasping at straws, and how he can't stand her voice. Yes, when I start producing Books On Tape, I'll be sure to give Santino a call, since his voice is so much more pleasing. Except not. Shut up, ass. Still, Nick and Santino seem to be working better together than it originally seemed. Nick, in the second best line of the episode: "The fact that you won't see five-hundred trims on it, you know I've tamed the beast." Hahahaha!!! Awesome.

Zulema orders Kara around in an unforgiveably bossy tone, given that they're supposed to be equals in this challenge. Tim drops in with two hours to go. He thinks Andrae and Danzzz's jacket is overly cutesy-poo, but they tell him that's kind of what they're going for, I guess because it'll make the transition to the nighttime outfit that much more dramatic. Tim accepts that. Chloe and Emmett have made a reversible jacket, which Tim loves. Yeah, I'll bet that was difficult to make in such a short time period. Tim doesn't like Diana's idea about unbuttoning a pencil skirt and rebuttoning it in the back. Marla interviews that she's relieved that Tim told them to change their design. So, she'll tell the audience about the elements she doesn't approve of, but not her partner? Marla, you're losing me. Tim doesn't like Zulema and Kara's dress, either. The word "yikes" figures prominently. He tells them that this dress could lead to elimination, and that they're the last two he'd ever expect to be out. Really? Over Diana and Marla, neither of whom Tim has ever really liked? Odd.

Kara and Zulema are frustrated and upset. So much so that Kara starts to cry, and can't really stop. Zulema orders her to stop crying, which always works so well. Hilariously, Zulema interviews that she's a calm person under pressure. Hehehe. So I guess that "WHOEVER TOOK A FORM NEEDS TO RETURN IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" was all in our minds. She says that she essentially took over the team and scrapped their previous ideas in favor of a new dress. Now, I hate Zulema, but this was the exactly right thing for her to do in this case. When Kara was a functioning team member, Zulema's bossiness was bitchy and unprofessional. Now that Kara is a hysterical mess, the team needs a decisive leader, and if there's one thing Zulema can be, it's decisive. She grabs a circular pattern print, and starts putting together an extremely simple dress and gives Kara step-by-step instructions on what to get done. Again, I doubt I'd invite Zulema to my wedding, but that was a good call on her part. Diana and Marla have changed a little of their design as well, but it's nothing as drastic. Zulema continues to give Kara instructions as she walks out of the room. When Zulema's gone, Danzzz comes over and plants a kiss on the side of Kara's head. Awwwww. That was so sweet.

Commercials. When we return, it's the next morning, and Kara's still upset. Marla thinks Kara is pissed at her, but Kara's just thinking about the dress. Meanwhile, in the men's room, Santino annoys Andrae by singing a little ditty that consists of the words "Lighten up, it's just fashion!" over and over again, and ends it by goosing Andrae in the butt. See, I knew Santino still had some charm left in him. That was awesome; it's nice to see someone get under Andrae's skin instead of Andrae getting under mine. At the workroom, Tim tells the designers they have one hour to finish up and get the models ready. Kara and Zulema are just trying to get the absolutely necessary things done, rather than trying to pull a bunch of fancy crap out of their butts at the eleventh hour. Good idea. The models get made up. The show didn't go into the selection of each team's model, but I feel it's worth taking a look. Andrae and Danzzz have chosen Rebecca. Ding! I like Danyelle, but this outfit is totally white-bread, and Rebecca has a better shot of pulling it off. Kara and Zulema have chosen Eden. Ding! I don't know if I don't like Rachael because she's always wearing Zulema's fugly stuff, but I definitely prefer Eden. Diana and Marla have chosen Lesley. Ding! I'd have chosen a jar of mustard over Cara, but that's not to say I don't like Lesley; she's very pretty. Santino and Nick have chosen Tarah. Ding! I don't know how Nick persuaded Santino to go with Nick's model, but it was the right choice. I think Tarah is possibly the most talented model in the competition, facing a challenge only from...Grace, who Emmett and Chloe have chosen. Ding! Good choices, all.

Tim enters with another announcement. Tim has a lot of dramatic announcements today. He tells them they (and their models) are going on a field trip. Andrae wails "Oh, no!" for no good reason, and Danzzz has a completely pointless interview wherein he says that a field trip could mean anything. Well, duh. Since it could mean anything, why have an interview to that effect? Really, they could have cut to an interview with Danzzz where he says "So, we decided to keep breathing, because we thought that'd be a good step in the continuation of our lives," and it would have imparted the same amount of information. More interviews. Nick doesn't know where they're going. Marla doesn't know where they're going. Enough filler, show! Get to the bloody point! They wind up back at Banana Republic. How completely shocking! They're introduced to Alessandra Brunialti, head of women's design. Good God, who are they hiring over at Banana Republic? This woman has at least settled on a respectable hair color, but cannot read her lines for shit. She. Sounds like a. Robot who cannot. Figure out how the? Sentences should. Go. Seriously, you guys. I handled my lines better when I was the North Wind in the first grade play. She somehow manages to convey the information that there's a second part to the challenge: the designers will have to create a display window to showcase the dress, and the public will vote on the winning design. Boo! What's the point of having judges trained in the design and execution of clothing if Joe Asshole gets to decide the designers' fate? Think of some of the people you see on the street. Hell, think of some of the people you work with. Would you trust them to pick a winning outfit for you? I wouldn't trust some of them to order a pizza competently.

The models, of course, will be part of the windows, and the designers have $200 and thirty minutes to shop for supplies, then sixty minutes to put the window together. Everyone does fairly well with the supply-shopping, except Diana and Marla. Diana makes some suggestions which Marla shoots down. You'll notice that Marla still isn't offering any ideas of her own, just naysaying Diana's. I've just about had it with Marla. I sort of understand not liking Diana's ideas, because they certainly aren't stellar ones in this challenge. Still. Put up or shut up, Marla. Back at Banana Republic, everyone works like mad on their windows. Kara is invigorated by this new aspect of the challenge, and throws herself into the display. Aw. It's nice to see her back on her feet. Some of the windows are really coming together, though I'll hold descriptions for the actual challenge. Gawkers gather on the street. Nick and Santino don't like how their window looks. Nick is painting the name of the store on some paper, and has gotten as far as Banana Rep. Tim, offering advice in the best line of the episode: "P...U. That's what it is." Hahahahahahaha!! Oh, marry me, Tim. Time runs out.

Window #1 is Andrae and Daniel. They're happy with their window, and indeed, it is very simple and clever. There are two clocks painted on the wall, one representing 9AM, and one representing 9PM. Rebecca walks back and forth between the clocks, modeling the corresponding look under each one. She rocks at it. Window #2 is Zulema and Kara. Another good job. There are mod circles (that echo the circles of the dress) pasted above a cityscape. They have added a white vest that can be put on or taken off as the element of change, and Eden has a wonderful, playful attitude as she models. Window #3 is Marla and Diana. Their window does not look good. I gather it's supposed to be like an office gone mad as a way of combining daytime work and nighttime frivolity, but it doesn't look that way. It looks rushed and lazy. The dress is pretty, but rather severe, so that's how Lesley acts. Window #4 is Chloe and Emmett. There are two sketches of Grace on the wall (which Emmett did, and show a great deal of talent) in her two phases and Grace looks very chic next to both of them. Window #5 is Nick and Santino. It sucks. My high school's homecoming Spirit Day decorations were cooler than this. There are two sheets of brown paper taped up, two black rectangles painted on it (representing artwork), and "Banana Republic Art Gallery" painted in blue across that. That's it. I don't see more than twenty minutes of work put into this. Santino continues to not understand why people don't like his crappy work. Zulema continues to wear ugly sunglasses. Tim tells them time is up, and grabs the boxes with the ballots inside. They probably shouldn't have shown that, because it looks like there's about thirty ballots in there. They're not even half full. Whoo! Representative!

Commercials. When we're back, it's runway time. The usual blather that explains the entire challenge we just spent forty minutes watching. The judges will be Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, along with guest judge Skunky. Hit it, bitches! Andrae and Danzzz. Rebecca looks good. The jacket has a little fringe of white, and there's a black dress underneath. It's simple, but pretty, though I do have a criticism that I'll bring up in a minute. At the end of the runway, Rebecca lets her hair down in an awesome sweeping movement that looks great. Next is Eden in Zulema and Kara's dress. They really pulled it together with not much time. There is a white vest that ties in the front (in a rather stupid bow), which can be taken off to show the circular-patterned dress underneath. If this had taken two days, I would be unimpressed, but this was done in two hours. Lesley appears in Diana's dress. I refuse to give Marla credit for a single stitch. As I said before, it's pretty, but severe. There is a striped neck kerchief, a black blazer that unbuttons to show a draped light gray shimmering fabric underneath, and a black skirt that unbuttons to form a slit for the evening look. It's not the prettiest dress I've seen for this challenge, but is by far the most technically proficient one. Next is Grace in Chloe and Emmett's dress. The top is a similar fabric to the gray one we just saw on Lesley, but I don't like the bow at the chest on this one. However, you don't really focus on that, but on the reversible jacket, which is awesome. It looks like a fairly tight fit, but Grace pulls off the change admirably. The skirt is long and black, and has two white lines running down the side. Beautiful. And finally, Tarah, in Nick and Santino's dress. If this dress had been made by another team, I would be more impressed. However, for Santino and Nick, who are often frontrunners for the win, this is disappointing. It's like a navy blue smock that ties in the front with wide sleeves, and a navy blue skirt. Nick voices over that it's "out there" and I agree. The smock comes off to reveal a white...halter top, I think, that bunches a little at the boobs.

The judges tally their scores, and the designers step onto the runway. Heidi tells them that all of them will stay for the Q & A, and acts like it's the biggest surprise since the end of The Usual Suspects. So, instead of questioning five designers, they're questioning five teams. Oooh, what a revelation! Pick my damn jaw up off the ground, Heidi! The models emerge. Skunky and Nina think Danzzz and Andrae's dress is wonderful. Now, here's the criticism I have. Yes, the dress is pretty. But as far as the challenge to create something work-appropriate for the daytime look, this doesn't make the cut. If a woman wore something like that to the office, people would wonder why she's dressed for a party. So, in the truest sense, I feel like they didn't really do what the challenge asked of them, though the judges disagree with me. Zulema and Kara are told their outfit looks rushed, and Zulema actually manages to give a fairly diplomatic answer, about how since she and Kara have differing styles, it led to a time crunch. It pains me, but good on you, Zulema. The judges aren't thrilled with the vest/jacket (which is understandable), but like the dress. Diana and Marla are told their dress doesn't look modern enough. Again, true, but if you look at the five outfits, and were to pick which one makes the most successful transition from something day-appropriate to something night-appropriate, this is the clear winner. If the judges want to score based on modernity and the dress' hip-factor, that's fine, but then that's what should be explained as the challenge. This telling the designer to concentrate on A, and then giving them trouble for not designing for B is complete bullshit. Michael says that Lesley looks like a stewardess. Hey! Write your own material, Michael!

Chloe and Emmett get raves. In fact the only criticism they get is that the dress looks overly expensive for Banana Republic, which Chloe deflects quite nicely by saying the outfit looks expensive, but isn't, which is actually a selling point. Clever girl. Santino says his inspiration is a woman who's an art director or works at a fashion magazine. Yes, those are about the only two occupations where this dress would be appropriate for daytime wear. I guess the 99.99999999% of the population who aren't avant-garde artistes can just suck it. Now, let's play conversational three-card monte. Watch the lady! Watch the lady! Santino says that this outfit would be good for that sort of artistic woman customer. Michael responds that those types of women are his customers, and that they wouldn't buy this outfit. Santino answers this criticism by saying that Michael's average customer is older than the average Banana Republic customer. There! Did you see it? Do you see how Santino tries to argue something, and when called on it, responds to something completely different? Michael was talking about artistic women's tastes, not the average age of the Banana Republic consumer! It'd be like if you said "Spinach is bad for you." I respond with "Huh? What are you talking about? Spinach is packed with Vitamin A, which is extremely good for you," and you come back with "Who cares how much Vitamin A it has! It tastes icky!" People like Santino are impossible to argue with, because they refuse to stick to the very point you're arguing about. And besides, spinach rocks, so shut up. Santino manages to take it even further by saying that tons of people who are familiar with Banana Republic aren't familiar with Michael Kors' designs. Well, how completely and utterly irrelevant. Thank you, Santino. Skunky kind of awesomely shoots him down by saying it's not right for their customers. I'd like to see Santino tell her she doesn't know what Banana Republic patrons want. The judges ask how Santino and Nick worked together. Nick tries to explain, but he is so utterly terrified of Santino that he stutters and stammers through the whole thing, ultimately making no sense. I think he was trying to simultaneously defend the dress, accept partial responsibility for the judges not liking it, and slide some blame off onto Santino for having the ideas that led to the dress' unpopularity. He fails. Santino looks ultra-pissed. Grow a pair, Nick.

The designers are sent off so that the judges can deliberate. The deliberations follow the same lines as the questions, which is a little boring. Why have the designers defend their work if you're never going to accept their explanations? Oh, because then you wouldn't have Santino throwing big ol' tantrums. Got it. Heidi reveals to the judges (but not to us) who got the most and least votes. So the public, who were not told what the challenge was about, but only to pick the window they found most attractive, get to decide who's getting booted? So not only are the designers getting criticized for not achieving B when they were told to achieve A, but the whole outcome is being decided by people who are judging on C. This is an utterly ridiculous way to judge the challenge. Rrrrghhh!! What'ere, Jane Eyre.

This week's fun trivia tidbit to avoid tiresome, repetitive show dialogue: The name "Santino" literally means "saintly or holy". I guess his parents majored in irony.

OK, magnificently stupid decision time. Andrae and Daniel have won the challenge. They leave the runway. Emmett and Chloe are in. Kara and Zulema are in. That leaves Nick/Santino and Diana/Marla. Sigh. May as well get up and get a beer now. I mean, come on. Nick and Santino, who combined, have won 50% of the challenges vs. Diana and Marla who...haven't. Yes, it's my beloved fashion nerd who will be sent home. Sniff. Oh, and Marla, too. Diana is a good egg in her exit interview, talking about how she has learned a lot in the competition that it would have taken her years to learn in the industry. Marla would like to challenge herself more in her design. Well, it's nice to see exit interviews sans the bitchy, delusional comments about how the judges and the public just don't understand their work. Still, I think it's worth one. Judges? How about judging on the actual fucking challenge next time? Thanks.

Next week on Project Runway: The designers will get a package with all the details of their next challenge inside. Apparently it has something to do with figure skating. Yawn. Plus, Santino wears a big furry hat. Guh?

Overall Grade: C