Top Chef - Season 12, Episode 6
Previously on Top Chef: Head-to-head challenges allowed the chefs to work out some petty rivalries, and revealed that given the way they plan their strategies, you could probably beat them at chess pretty easily. Adam got caught in a Judge-22 for not assisting his weaker teammates, but that was quickly forgotten when the pimple on the face of this season was finally popped, and Aaron got booted to go abuse people off-camera. Nine chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback Session. Everyone is thrilled that Aaron is out. Melissa talks about her girlfriend back home, and I'm immediately convinced she's getting the axe tonight. P.S. - I'd hate that haircut on most people, but Melissa really makes it work somehow. While the chefs are still rolling out of bed and getting ready for the day, Season 1's Tiffani sneaks in to surprise them. It turns out today, there's a pre-Quickfire challenge that'll test the chefs' athleticism. Oh, hooray. If there's one thing this show should attempt to hearken back to, it's that ridiculous triathlon from the terrible Texas season.
Actually, this one isn't too bad. Tiffani takes the chefs to a very pretty cranberry bog, and tells them that they'll have to wade out to the berries, fill some buckets, and bring them back to fill a crate. The first four chefs to fill their crates will earn an advantage in the Quickfire. Here's a spoiler for you: Katsuji is not one of those four, but let's count our blessings; he didn't succumb to the heart attack he was clearly about to have if forced to do much more physical activity. The top finishers wind up being Katie, Adam, Gregory, and Dougie. OK, let's get back to the Kitchen!
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs will be making a cranberry dish, obviously. This is fortuitous! I've been looking for interesting new ways to incorporate those into some recipes. The four top finishers' advantage is that they'll have access to more high-end, extensive ingredients than the other chefs, who must work with the basics. Immunity goes to the winner. Ready? Go! When the dust settles, Adam's cranberry-gathering skillz have not done him much good, as he lands in the bottom three for burning his food. He's joined by Stacy, who has underseasoned her dish, and Katsuji, who appears to be addicted to serving improperly-cooked meat. For the good news, Doug is in the top three for his cranberry-glazed pork tenderloin. Mei is also praised for her cranberry-sauced sweet and sour pork. Yes, please! Even that can't take the top spot, which goes to Katie for her wonderfully-inventive cranberry borscht. I'd be curious to taste that.
Elimination Challenge. In the same vein as the cranberry Quickfire, it's another Thanksgiving-related challenge. I will never get tired of watching these people pretend that holiday meals are happening in real time, and that they're not cooking and eating a Thanksgiving feast in, say, August. I'm on record as saying this season is one of the most boring to date, but I do have to say, this Elimination Challenge ranks among my favorite holiday challenges that the franchise has ever done. The chefs will be going to a local historical site (the Plimoth Plantation) and cooking one, big dinner, using only ingredients that the original settlers/Native Americans would have had access to. The diners will be descendents of both the original colonists and the Native tribes. In addition, all the cooking equipment will be of the time period, as well. That sounds very difficult, but I'm genuinely looking forward to seeing the dishes, which I can't say about any other episode so far.
Stacy video-chats with her boyfriend, throwing a wrench into my confidence that Melissa is in trouble. Side-note: I know the editors use this type of footage to provide background info on the chefs and/or to provide foreshadowing of the episode, but is anyone in the audience actually interested in them? That is to say, does anyone give a good goddamn about how Melissa's girlfriend, Stacy's boyfriend, or Kariann's kids are passing the time while the competition is going on? I'm not mad or anything. It's just a weird reality show convention.
Food prep. As expected, working with fire pits and cauldrons and iron spike spits proves to be more challenging than the parameters that many other challenges impose. Ingredients include things like wild greens, meats like goose and rabbit, and shellfish. Somewhere along the way, my family has picked up the habit of having oysters at Thanksgiving. I had no idea we were being so traditional! Despite all the hurdles the chefs must clear in this challenge, every single dish they make looks incredible. The judges and the diners are all blown away, and I actively wish I could be at that table. After the meal is over, the judges agree that this week's elimination will come down to minute details, since nobody out-and-out screwed up.
Judges' Table. Even among a table full of great dishes, some managed to rise above the others. Doug's slow- and spit-roasted rabbit, Katsuji's butternut squash with poached lobster, and Mei's cabbage roasted with duck fat and trout vinaigrette all get top marks. We're starting to get a good idea of these chefs' strengths and weaknesses, but I just can't get a read on Katsuji. Some days, he appears to be a creative, culinary wizard. Some days, he appears to not be able to scramble an egg. It's odd. It gets even odder when he wins the challenge, which surprises me. Not that his dish looked bad. It just seemed fairly simple compared to the other two. Now, for the bad news. As foreshadowed by those photos and phone calls, both Melissa and Stacy tumble, Melissa for an overly simplistic vegetable dish and Stacy for too much earthy grit in her clam dish. They're joined by first-time loser Gregory, who had issues with cooking his goose. No, I won't make a wordplay joke about that. You're welcome.
I have half an idea that since this is such a warm challenge about tradition and gratitude, nobody will be eliminated. They've done it before. Plus, all the food was good. If they were going to do a non-elimination episode, now would be the time. But as a lot of turkeys have come to know, Thanksgiving requires sacrifice. Stacy, please pack your knives and go. She has a refreshing exit interview, in which she is neither sad nor bitter nor regretful. Honestly, she seems relieved to be finished. She's happy with her placement, saying that she thinks she did her hometown proud. I like her, so I won't give her shit about Boston being happy with ninth place. So, happy Thanksgiving, all! I'm grateful for many things, but if we're keeping it to show-related issues, I'm thankful that this season has finally given us an episode worth watching.
Overall Grade: B+
Showing posts with label E6. Show all posts
Showing posts with label E6. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 02, 2014
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Philly of the Valley
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 6
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs unwrapped ingredients and equipment, while the audience unwrapped mini-sized candy. Gail and Padma's moms dropped by to be adorable for a while. The chefs catered a Halloween party and caused the judges to scratch their heads over why a themed vegan menu seemed overly narrow. Yeah, it's a puzzler. Travis and Carlos managed to navigate the tricky challenge and walked away with the win. Nina almost popped when she got stuck on a team with the sexist, condescending Michael, but her mood improved when his lackluster arancini got him booted off the show. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
I've been skipping the Monday Morning Quarterback sessions, but they are fun to watch if you're interested in what the remaining contestants think of whoever just got eliminated. This has been a pretty convivial season so far, so these scenes have mostly been of the "Aw, that's a shame" variety, but hoo boy, not this time. Nina is openly relieved at Michael's ouster, while the rest of the chefs cannot raise a more complimentary sendoff than "So, we just lost our roommate... How about that?"
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are driven out to a farm, so you know Carrie is in a good mood. There they meet guest judge John Besh, and he can never appear without someone making sure to mention how awesome his hair is, so let's get that out of the way now. I don't disagree, by the way; it's totally swoonworthy. Besh explains that for this week's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with highlighting a specific ingredient. I always like the featured-ingredient type of challenge. It tends to lead to some creative choices, but without the final products getting too wacky. Today's star is the Creole tomato. I'd never heard of it before, so I did some cursory internet research. It seems to just be the name for a beefsteak grown in the Creole region, which is a bit of a letdown. I was hoping for something distinctive about it. The challenge time has been cut to twenty minutes, and we get an amusing Patty interview in which she guesses that eventually, the chefs will get about thirty seconds to craft some haute cuisine. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like a sixty-second challenge someday. Mark my words - it's coming.
The timer starts. Brian has the idea to do a kind of toad-in-the-hole, with the tomato standing in for bread. See what I mean about the creative choices? Nina works like mad to make sure her tomato watermelon soup is ice cold, which is difficult to achieve outside in the sun. She tops it with crispy zucchini blossoms, and the whole thing looks delicious. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephanie has zero ideas, Travis throws together a standard salad, tosses some strip loin on top, and calls it a day, while Patty's roasted tomatoes marinated in olive oil and cherry vinegar (with arugula and asparagus) is wilting fast. When time runs out, the latter three are called out as the least favorites. Joining Nina in the top three are Carlos' bright tomato/watermelon salad, and Louis' bold tomato seed bouillon. It's difficult to unseat the queen, though, and Nina wins the challenge and immunity. She's refreshingly realistic about her winning streak, cautioning herself against getting too confident, because it's a short walk to Losers' Table on this show.
Elimination Challenge. It's another highlight-the-ingredient challenge, but not quite as exciting this time. You see, there are bills to be paid around the Top Chef studio. Lots of them! And apparently, no amount of talking about how super-amazing the cars that takes the contestants to the store will cover those bills, so the product placement continues with the Philadelphia Cream Cheese challenge. I don't even understand why they need to advertise that much. I couldn't name another brand of cream cheese if I tried. They've pretty much got the market wrapped up. In any case, the chefs will be cooking for the judges, Besh, and all of Besh's executive chefs. Their dishes must incorporate and highlight the cream cheese, and their courses will be determined by a knife pull. The challenge winner will snag $10,000. Not bad! Oh, but there's one more thing. The cream cheese will be the only dairy product available to use, except for milk/cream. That doesn't sound like too punishing a parameter until you realize that means no butter, which is the life blood of any kitchen.
There is no shopping segment this week. The chefs just grab everything they can from the limited pantry at Besh's restaurant, so it's bedlam for a good thirty seconds or so. Travis hopes to stand out by cutting his vegetables in a certain direction. Oooooookay. Nina stuffs zucchini blossom with eggplant puree. Yum. Justin is combining duck and local mushrooms. Sara, wanting to break out of the middle of the pack, is cooking lamb. Unfortunately, her piping bag is clogged with - you guessed it - cream cheese, which slows her down. That means her meat doesn't have enough time to cook. The middle of the pack is suddenly looking pretty attractive, eh, Sara? Nicholas wants to make beignets, but without yeast, he settles on funnel cake instead. I'm expecting a certificate in the mail any day now, verifying that I am the only person in America that hates funnel cake. Time runs down, and the diners get settled.
Appetizers. Patty and Carlos have the most visually notable dishes. Hers is snapper crudo with cream cheese vinaigrette and shaved purple carrot and chili. His is poached beets and pickled purple carrots with peach, habanero, and cream cheese sauce. The judges like the creativity of Brian's summer squash and zucchini, with poached oyster and emulsified cream cheese, but find the oyster too salty. Sara's lamb is wildly inconsistent. Nina's eggplant is delicious.
Entrees. Fowl is the order of the day, as Bene, Carrie, and Justin all serve chicken (or duck). Bene's is stuffed with caramelized onions and tarragon cream cheese. Carrie has vinegar-braised chicken in cream sauce with chilled cucumber, which sounds good, until the judges complain that the meat is dry and the sauce is goopy. D'oh! Justin's duck breast is served with eggplant vinaigrette, chanterelle mushrooms, and corn puree. Yes, please. Only Travis serves meat (lamb), and like Sara's, the cooking consistency is all over the place. He's not saved by his raggedy cuts of vegetable.
Desserts. Louis serves graham crackers with blackberries and cream cheese mousse. Pretty! It's Shirley's dessert that steals my heart, though. She's got a cream cheese egg custard with macerated blueberries. I'd eat the ever-loving hell out of that. Stephanie has a cream cheese, peach, and cherry mousse and a short dough. The judges notice that her cream has broken, and wonder if she just ran out of time and had to throw something on the plate. Nicholas' funnel cake is a big hit.
At the end of the meal, the judges and executive chefs agree that overall, this was a pretty disappointing challenge. "They didn't seem particularly inspired," one of the judges complains.
James: "Yeah. How dare they not be particularly inspired...by cream cheese."
One of Besh's executive chefs grouses that the contestants should have done better, because "This is how you build your reputation. Cooking for other chefs." Oh, of course! Why even bring the stupid, unwashed public into the equation at all? You know what we should do? Just make restaurants a mutual admiration society where chefs execute their culinary artistic visions for other chefs. Then you'll never need to worry about those other stupid non-chef jerks coming in and trying to exchange money for good food and service. The nerve of those people.
Fret 'n sweat. The judges reiterate how personally let down they were by this challenge. Nina, Justin, and Nicholas did the best at each of their respective courses, and are called in to Judges' Table as the top three. They all had thoughtful, composed dishes, and when it comes to selecting the big money winner, Nina pulls it off yet again. She is dominating this season! She gets applause back in the Kitchen before sending Travis, Sara, and Bene in to face the judges' wrath. It's pretty obvious why the former two were selected; inconsistent cooking is probably the second biggest issue the judges bring up on this show, with underseasoning being the biggest no-no. Bene's vegetables tasted steamed, which... So? It's apparently a pretty bad error, because the king of the tomatoes takes the long walk home. Aw, that's a bummer. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, but I guess we're getting to the point of the season where the chefs need to start busting out the big guns to impress the judges, and Bene never really crept out of his comfort zone.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs unwrapped ingredients and equipment, while the audience unwrapped mini-sized candy. Gail and Padma's moms dropped by to be adorable for a while. The chefs catered a Halloween party and caused the judges to scratch their heads over why a themed vegan menu seemed overly narrow. Yeah, it's a puzzler. Travis and Carlos managed to navigate the tricky challenge and walked away with the win. Nina almost popped when she got stuck on a team with the sexist, condescending Michael, but her mood improved when his lackluster arancini got him booted off the show. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
I've been skipping the Monday Morning Quarterback sessions, but they are fun to watch if you're interested in what the remaining contestants think of whoever just got eliminated. This has been a pretty convivial season so far, so these scenes have mostly been of the "Aw, that's a shame" variety, but hoo boy, not this time. Nina is openly relieved at Michael's ouster, while the rest of the chefs cannot raise a more complimentary sendoff than "So, we just lost our roommate... How about that?"
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are driven out to a farm, so you know Carrie is in a good mood. There they meet guest judge John Besh, and he can never appear without someone making sure to mention how awesome his hair is, so let's get that out of the way now. I don't disagree, by the way; it's totally swoonworthy. Besh explains that for this week's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with highlighting a specific ingredient. I always like the featured-ingredient type of challenge. It tends to lead to some creative choices, but without the final products getting too wacky. Today's star is the Creole tomato. I'd never heard of it before, so I did some cursory internet research. It seems to just be the name for a beefsteak grown in the Creole region, which is a bit of a letdown. I was hoping for something distinctive about it. The challenge time has been cut to twenty minutes, and we get an amusing Patty interview in which she guesses that eventually, the chefs will get about thirty seconds to craft some haute cuisine. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like a sixty-second challenge someday. Mark my words - it's coming.
The timer starts. Brian has the idea to do a kind of toad-in-the-hole, with the tomato standing in for bread. See what I mean about the creative choices? Nina works like mad to make sure her tomato watermelon soup is ice cold, which is difficult to achieve outside in the sun. She tops it with crispy zucchini blossoms, and the whole thing looks delicious. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephanie has zero ideas, Travis throws together a standard salad, tosses some strip loin on top, and calls it a day, while Patty's roasted tomatoes marinated in olive oil and cherry vinegar (with arugula and asparagus) is wilting fast. When time runs out, the latter three are called out as the least favorites. Joining Nina in the top three are Carlos' bright tomato/watermelon salad, and Louis' bold tomato seed bouillon. It's difficult to unseat the queen, though, and Nina wins the challenge and immunity. She's refreshingly realistic about her winning streak, cautioning herself against getting too confident, because it's a short walk to Losers' Table on this show.
Elimination Challenge. It's another highlight-the-ingredient challenge, but not quite as exciting this time. You see, there are bills to be paid around the Top Chef studio. Lots of them! And apparently, no amount of talking about how super-amazing the cars that takes the contestants to the store will cover those bills, so the product placement continues with the Philadelphia Cream Cheese challenge. I don't even understand why they need to advertise that much. I couldn't name another brand of cream cheese if I tried. They've pretty much got the market wrapped up. In any case, the chefs will be cooking for the judges, Besh, and all of Besh's executive chefs. Their dishes must incorporate and highlight the cream cheese, and their courses will be determined by a knife pull. The challenge winner will snag $10,000. Not bad! Oh, but there's one more thing. The cream cheese will be the only dairy product available to use, except for milk/cream. That doesn't sound like too punishing a parameter until you realize that means no butter, which is the life blood of any kitchen.
There is no shopping segment this week. The chefs just grab everything they can from the limited pantry at Besh's restaurant, so it's bedlam for a good thirty seconds or so. Travis hopes to stand out by cutting his vegetables in a certain direction. Oooooookay. Nina stuffs zucchini blossom with eggplant puree. Yum. Justin is combining duck and local mushrooms. Sara, wanting to break out of the middle of the pack, is cooking lamb. Unfortunately, her piping bag is clogged with - you guessed it - cream cheese, which slows her down. That means her meat doesn't have enough time to cook. The middle of the pack is suddenly looking pretty attractive, eh, Sara? Nicholas wants to make beignets, but without yeast, he settles on funnel cake instead. I'm expecting a certificate in the mail any day now, verifying that I am the only person in America that hates funnel cake. Time runs down, and the diners get settled.
Appetizers. Patty and Carlos have the most visually notable dishes. Hers is snapper crudo with cream cheese vinaigrette and shaved purple carrot and chili. His is poached beets and pickled purple carrots with peach, habanero, and cream cheese sauce. The judges like the creativity of Brian's summer squash and zucchini, with poached oyster and emulsified cream cheese, but find the oyster too salty. Sara's lamb is wildly inconsistent. Nina's eggplant is delicious.
Entrees. Fowl is the order of the day, as Bene, Carrie, and Justin all serve chicken (or duck). Bene's is stuffed with caramelized onions and tarragon cream cheese. Carrie has vinegar-braised chicken in cream sauce with chilled cucumber, which sounds good, until the judges complain that the meat is dry and the sauce is goopy. D'oh! Justin's duck breast is served with eggplant vinaigrette, chanterelle mushrooms, and corn puree. Yes, please. Only Travis serves meat (lamb), and like Sara's, the cooking consistency is all over the place. He's not saved by his raggedy cuts of vegetable.
Desserts. Louis serves graham crackers with blackberries and cream cheese mousse. Pretty! It's Shirley's dessert that steals my heart, though. She's got a cream cheese egg custard with macerated blueberries. I'd eat the ever-loving hell out of that. Stephanie has a cream cheese, peach, and cherry mousse and a short dough. The judges notice that her cream has broken, and wonder if she just ran out of time and had to throw something on the plate. Nicholas' funnel cake is a big hit.
At the end of the meal, the judges and executive chefs agree that overall, this was a pretty disappointing challenge. "They didn't seem particularly inspired," one of the judges complains.
James: "Yeah. How dare they not be particularly inspired...by cream cheese."
One of Besh's executive chefs grouses that the contestants should have done better, because "This is how you build your reputation. Cooking for other chefs." Oh, of course! Why even bring the stupid, unwashed public into the equation at all? You know what we should do? Just make restaurants a mutual admiration society where chefs execute their culinary artistic visions for other chefs. Then you'll never need to worry about those other stupid non-chef jerks coming in and trying to exchange money for good food and service. The nerve of those people.
Fret 'n sweat. The judges reiterate how personally let down they were by this challenge. Nina, Justin, and Nicholas did the best at each of their respective courses, and are called in to Judges' Table as the top three. They all had thoughtful, composed dishes, and when it comes to selecting the big money winner, Nina pulls it off yet again. She is dominating this season! She gets applause back in the Kitchen before sending Travis, Sara, and Bene in to face the judges' wrath. It's pretty obvious why the former two were selected; inconsistent cooking is probably the second biggest issue the judges bring up on this show, with underseasoning being the biggest no-no. Bene's vegetables tasted steamed, which... So? It's apparently a pretty bad error, because the king of the tomatoes takes the long walk home. Aw, that's a bummer. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, but I guess we're getting to the point of the season where the chefs need to start busting out the big guns to impress the judges, and Bene never really crept out of his comfort zone.
Overall Grade: B-
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Mark of the Beast
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 6
I've mentioned already that I'm enjoying the relatively low levels of drama this season, and I stand by that opinion. That said, does anyone have any idea why Sally hates Katzie so much? Did Katzie do a really offensive Asian stereotype voice off-camera? Did she steal Sally's toothpaste? Seriously, every episode seems to feature a segment about how Katzie really grinds Sally's gears, and we have zero indication of why that might be. Odd.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs yank out a root vegetable buried in some dirt, and must make a dessert featuring that item for Gail and guest judge Jordan Kahn. Naturally, some items are more difficult than others. Chris, ever the overachiever, makes sure to serve his root veggie garnish at just the right time to make it taste the best. Unfortunately, that time is after the buzzer, and he's disqualified. Rebecca and Carlos sink to the bottom two, while Matthew and Sally rise to the top. Sally, who's really getting the hang of this whole Quickfire thing, scores her second consecutive win, along with immunity and $5,000. Not bad for an hour's work.
Finally, we get an Elimination Challenge that doesn't split the chefs into teams. Unfortunately, now that the chefs can shine on their own, they're given one of those wacky-ass challenges in which it's well-nigh impossible to determine the good chefs from the bad, because the challenge restrictions are so off-kilter that it basically boils down to luck. Aging Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz assumes the mantle of guest judge, and presents the chefs with an array of weird ingredients mentioned in Beastie Boys' songs. Each chef has to choose two of the off-putting foods to incorporate into their dessert, and in an additional twist, are assigned a third by one of their fellow chefs.
The foods are presented at an art show, where thankfully, the guests are fully prepared and in the mood for weird cuisine. Marcel is in attendance for whatever reason, but I see no reason to give him any more attention. All of the desserts sound pretty nasty, what with the pesto, falafel, matzo meal, and other non-dessert ingredients. Sally is the exception, managing to make a toffee and chicken skin dessert that I actively want to try. She scores a position in the Winners' Circle, along with Chris and Matt, who wins for incorporating mashed potatoes and gravy into his dessert. Down at the bottom, Katzie, Megan, and Rebecca are scolded for their disappointing dishes, with Rebecca taking the long walk home. Honestly, if I woke up and found myself on this show knowing that I couldn't win, this is the challenge I would want to get eliminated on. To reiterate my original point, not knowing how to make hummus into a pastry is no reason to beat yourself up, so Rebecca can make a graceful exit with a minimum of pain and regret. Except that whole broken bone thing.
Overall Grade: B-
I've mentioned already that I'm enjoying the relatively low levels of drama this season, and I stand by that opinion. That said, does anyone have any idea why Sally hates Katzie so much? Did Katzie do a really offensive Asian stereotype voice off-camera? Did she steal Sally's toothpaste? Seriously, every episode seems to feature a segment about how Katzie really grinds Sally's gears, and we have zero indication of why that might be. Odd.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs yank out a root vegetable buried in some dirt, and must make a dessert featuring that item for Gail and guest judge Jordan Kahn. Naturally, some items are more difficult than others. Chris, ever the overachiever, makes sure to serve his root veggie garnish at just the right time to make it taste the best. Unfortunately, that time is after the buzzer, and he's disqualified. Rebecca and Carlos sink to the bottom two, while Matthew and Sally rise to the top. Sally, who's really getting the hang of this whole Quickfire thing, scores her second consecutive win, along with immunity and $5,000. Not bad for an hour's work.
Finally, we get an Elimination Challenge that doesn't split the chefs into teams. Unfortunately, now that the chefs can shine on their own, they're given one of those wacky-ass challenges in which it's well-nigh impossible to determine the good chefs from the bad, because the challenge restrictions are so off-kilter that it basically boils down to luck. Aging Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz assumes the mantle of guest judge, and presents the chefs with an array of weird ingredients mentioned in Beastie Boys' songs. Each chef has to choose two of the off-putting foods to incorporate into their dessert, and in an additional twist, are assigned a third by one of their fellow chefs.
The foods are presented at an art show, where thankfully, the guests are fully prepared and in the mood for weird cuisine. Marcel is in attendance for whatever reason, but I see no reason to give him any more attention. All of the desserts sound pretty nasty, what with the pesto, falafel, matzo meal, and other non-dessert ingredients. Sally is the exception, managing to make a toffee and chicken skin dessert that I actively want to try. She scores a position in the Winners' Circle, along with Chris and Matt, who wins for incorporating mashed potatoes and gravy into his dessert. Down at the bottom, Katzie, Megan, and Rebecca are scolded for their disappointing dishes, with Rebecca taking the long walk home. Honestly, if I woke up and found myself on this show knowing that I couldn't win, this is the challenge I would want to get eliminated on. To reiterate my original point, not knowing how to make hummus into a pastry is no reason to beat yourself up, so Rebecca can make a graceful exit with a minimum of pain and regret. Except that whole broken bone thing.
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
So Long, Chum
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 6
Note to readers: This is a short summary of the episode that will be replaced by a more complete recap before the next episode airs. Stay tuned!
As other bloggers have noted (even recently), there are two types of reality show villain. There's the kind that knows playing the bad boy (or girl) will garner more attention, and thus more mini-fame. The more obvious he or she is at trying to get on other people's nerves, the more pathetic it looks. Ladies and gentlemen...Marcel.
The other type of villain has no idea how they're coming off to their competitors and to the general public. They honestly believe that they're just dandy people, and are oblivious to how obnoxious they can be. Ladies and gentlemen...Jamie.
But more on that in the full recap. Tonight's episode dispenses with the Quickfire entirely, and sends the chefs out to catch fish. The twelve remaining contestants are split into four teams of three, and must use the fish they catch to prepare a beach feast.
Richard, Marcel, and Fabio decide to focus all of their energy into one dish, the better to make it great, and the better to spread blame around should something go wrong.
Antonia, Jamie, and Tiffani decide to each focus on their own dish, the better to make them great, and the better to be able to ignore the problems of the others.
Mike/Angelo/Tiffany and Dale/Carla/Tre split the difference, and try to put together diverse menus while still lending a hand to one another, so it's nice to see that those two teams wind up on top. Carla scores the individual win, and gets to put another trip on the travel itinerary. Her husband must be jazzed to see how this season is playing out.
Richard/Marcel/Fabio and Antonia/Jamie/Tiffani fall to the bottom. Antonia had a great dish, and is only there because of her teammates. She gets criticized for not helping out the other ladies enough, and to my disappointment, does not give the judges the backtalk they so desperately deserve in such a situation. On the plus side, she gets to stick around while both of her teammates get punted. Tiffani completes her redemption from Season 1, while Jamie wrecks any goodwill she built up in Season 5. You probably should have planned that out a little better, Princess Scallop.
Note to readers: This is a short summary of the episode that will be replaced by a more complete recap before the next episode airs. Stay tuned!
As other bloggers have noted (even recently), there are two types of reality show villain. There's the kind that knows playing the bad boy (or girl) will garner more attention, and thus more mini-fame. The more obvious he or she is at trying to get on other people's nerves, the more pathetic it looks. Ladies and gentlemen...Marcel.
The other type of villain has no idea how they're coming off to their competitors and to the general public. They honestly believe that they're just dandy people, and are oblivious to how obnoxious they can be. Ladies and gentlemen...Jamie.
But more on that in the full recap. Tonight's episode dispenses with the Quickfire entirely, and sends the chefs out to catch fish. The twelve remaining contestants are split into four teams of three, and must use the fish they catch to prepare a beach feast.
Richard, Marcel, and Fabio decide to focus all of their energy into one dish, the better to make it great, and the better to spread blame around should something go wrong.
Antonia, Jamie, and Tiffani decide to each focus on their own dish, the better to make them great, and the better to be able to ignore the problems of the others.
Mike/Angelo/Tiffany and Dale/Carla/Tre split the difference, and try to put together diverse menus while still lending a hand to one another, so it's nice to see that those two teams wind up on top. Carla scores the individual win, and gets to put another trip on the travel itinerary. Her husband must be jazzed to see how this season is playing out.
Richard/Marcel/Fabio and Antonia/Jamie/Tiffani fall to the bottom. Antonia had a great dish, and is only there because of her teammates. She gets criticized for not helping out the other ladies enough, and to my disappointment, does not give the judges the backtalk they so desperately deserve in such a situation. On the plus side, she gets to stick around while both of her teammates get punted. Tiffani completes her redemption from Season 1, while Jamie wrecks any goodwill she built up in Season 5. You probably should have planned that out a little better, Princess Scallop.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Black and White and Red All Over
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 1, Episode 6
Previously on Just Desserts: Zac, Gidget, and Heatherh coalesced into an annoying, Mean Girls clique. The chefs made edible fashion, which delighted some and devastated others. Heatherh continued to pitch a one-sided battle against her sworn enemy Morgan. Her cause wasn't helped when he picked up the challenge win and the prize money that came with it, but it sure was nice to see the Plastics suck their collective lemon. Meanwhile, Heatherc made a sad, vegetative garment which got her sent on her merry way. Again. Seven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. In the weeks leading up to Halloween, I've been auditioning new candy. Thumbs up to Butterfinger Crisp. Thumbs down to the Wonka Exceptionals Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar. The only "exceptional" thing about it was the price.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Danielle is frustrated and confused by her situation. She tends to like her own dishes, but often winds up in the bottom three, so she doesn't know how to progress. Yeah, that would be sucky. The Plastics amuse themselves at the expense of the others. Heatherh wants Morgan to be eliminated because he doesn't "play fair". Read: Heatherh wants Morgan to be eliminated because she doesn't like him. Note that those two things have little to no relation to one another.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and this week's guest judge, Michael Laiskonis, who will spend the entire episode looking like he desperately needs to go to the bathroom:
The counter is stacked high with ingredients, but not ones you'd normally see in a pastry kitchen. It's all things like chicken, bacon, and vegetables. Gail and Michael tell the chefs that more and more pastry chefs are using savory ingredients to push their desserts further, and for today's challenge, the contestants will be doing the same. They have one hour to create a dessert that strikes a good balance between sweet and savory flavors. In order to make it even more challenging, the only cooking equipment the chefs are allowed to use is a single pot, though they're free to wash it as many times as they wish. Winner gets immunity. Ready? Go!
The chefs make a mad dash for the ingredients, with everyone grabbing at the pile at once. In the melee, Morgan bumps Heatherh in the lips. I must report that even though we see the grabbing, we never see the bumping, so you'll have to take Heatherh's word for it; I have no reason to disbelieve her. Assuming that it did happen, it was clearly unintentional, and fortunately, she's not hurt. So of course, she immediately milks it for all its worth, whining to the other Plastics about how horrible and abusive Morgan is. Honestly, if she hadn't been spending the last few episodes trying to pin everything but the world's financial collapse on Morgan, I'd have a lot more sympathy for her. As it is, I frankly don't give a shit. Funny how that works.
Zac runs daintily back and forth. Gidget, who has swiped the entire supply of bacon, hides it under his station so that only he and the other Plastics can use it. Erika sees this, and interviews that she's tired of the Plastics' bullshit. Sweet, gentle Erika. See, Heatherh? Not to beat a dead horse, but it's a point worth pressing that if you're going to gleefully form a cabal of bullies, you don't get to go crying for support when bad things happen to you. Gidget describes his family background. I don't care enough about him to transcribe any of it. Morgan hopes to make a successful sorbet with liquid nitrogen, even though he's never used it before. Time winds down, and Gail and Michael go down the line.
Zac has made a steamed beet cake, with sweet goat cheese cream, and a lemon thyme gremolata. Eric wants to evoke a sweet and savory breakfast, and has made couscous with milk, and an apricot and fig compote with prosciutto. That doesn't sound either breakfast-like or dessert-like to me. He admits to the judges that he never works with savory ingredients. Danielle has tossed avocado with honey and candied tomatoes, with a basil anglaise and caramelized corn. Morgan's got a sweet potato risotto, with a golden beet sorbet and fried ginger-infused carrots. Shot of Heatherh holding a compress to her lip as if she'd been smashed in the face with a golf club. Bid for sympathy...DENIED. Gidget has made a chocolate cremeux with bacon fat, and some caramelized foie gras garnished with sea salt. It's extremely unattractive, but I have to admit, that flavor combination intrigues me mightily. Heatherh has a sour cream corn custard, with a roasted beet and berry compote, and some mascarpone cream. That sounds like it would be good if you took the beet out.
Results. The bottom three starts off with Danielle, whose dessert wasn't sweet enough, thanks to almost raw corn. Eric's dessert was the least dessert-like, and his prosciutto was an afterthought. Heatherh layered her dessert in such a way as to obliterate the bacon flavor, and her beets were undercooked. Now, to the top three. Morgan took a big risk with liquid nitrogen that paid off. Zac's cake was warm and moist, and had rich beet flavor. Gidget's plate was a bold combination of ingredients that worked in his favor. The winner of the Quickfire and immunity is... Zac. "Finally!" he says, following up with comparisons to bridesmaids and Susan Lucci in a way he thinks is charming. It is not. In a new little wrinkle, Gail offers him some cash in exchange for his immunity. That's a clever idea. They haggle for a bit until he agrees to trade in the immunity for five thousand dollars. I wonder how high Gail would have gone. Zac immediately has buyer's remorse, but can't do anything but steel himself for the upcoming challenge.
Elimination Challenge. Gail explains that the Los Angeles Times is throwing a party to celebrate their 128th year. I guess they'd better party while the getting's good. Tick tock, print media. The chefs will be providing desserts for the party, the theme of which is "Black & White". They'll have to serve two-hundred plates, and the desserts themselves must be solely black and white. This announcement causes more stir than "Make clothes out of food" ever did. Weird. The pastry chefs explain that they're used to working with color, but there's any amount of dark chocolate and white creams that would fit the bill, so I'm not understanding the panic. The chefs have a $500 budget, thirty minutes to shop, four hours of Kitchen prep, and one hour of final prep at the event. Shopping. The chefs trudge around as if the challenge called for desserts made out of human fetuses.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their four hours of prep. A lot of the footage is description of the desserts they're making, which we'll get to later. Zac says that he'll be deep-frying whoopie pies to order, which will be exciting for the party-goers. Yeah, I could get into that as a guest. As a side note, what's with the plethora of whoopie pies? Someone seems to make them -- or at least want to make them -- every week. Are they that alluring? Eric realizes he doesn't have enough egg yolk in his batter. He has to add more, so he's slow in getting out of the industrial mixer, which leaves Erika in the lurch. He feels terrible about the situation, but there isn't much to be done about it.
Johnny drops by to Ptimewaste. Erika's blackberries are more purple than black, but she figures the final product will be dark enough to pass muster. Eric hopes to impress the judges with more sophisticated plating than he's used to doing. Heatherh is incorporating cranberries and pomegranate juice, both of which are blood red. Johnny points this out, and Heatherh assumes that the final product will be dark enough to overcome the hit from not following instructions. This truly is a season of ignoring inconvenient challenge parameters and blindly hoping things will magically turn out all right. You'd think the chefs would learn their history. Morgan wants his dessert to have some architecture, specifically the blocks and columns suggested by a newspaper. Erika worries about her blackberries' color, but takes solace in the fact that her ice cream will be amazing, interviewing that she's known for awesome ice cream back home. Time runs out.
After a little clip of the Plastics annoying the hell out of their roommates, it's time to set up at the party. As promised, everything in the room is black and white. The chefs jog in, and start their hour of prep. Heatherh marvels at the decor and decides that now is the time to start worrying about the color of her dessert. Sigh. Zac hurries to get his frying oil hot and his pies ready for immersion. Morgan discovers that the syrup he's poured on his cake has not soaked in, and chunks of it are now falling off. He tries to salvage it by soaking it with some backup syrup he's brought along. Gidget's dessert has a lot of components, and he rushes to assemble everything, accidentally overcooking his compote because his attention is split in twenty different directions. In short, everyone is working down to the wire to finish on time.
Heatherh cannot find a sheet pan of white chocolate Rice Krispie treats. She concludes that Morgan stole or sabotaged them, because... Because... Because he's Morgan, and Morgan is responsible for all the evil in the world, including apartheid. She whines in interview about how talented people can play fair, and still come out on top. Oh, shut the fuck up, lady. The rest of the viewing party tends to see Morgan as kind of a tool, and they wonder why I keep defending him. I pointed out that even if someone isn't the most gracious gentleman on the planet, the fastest way to get me in his corner is for a group of obnoxious bullies to gang up on him. If Heatherh weren't being so douchey about Morgan, chances are I'd dislike him as much as she does. But until she can come up with better reasoning than "I've concluded that he cheats, based on the fact that I don't like him," I'll be over here waving the Morgan banner proudly.
Time runs out, and the guests stream in. The room is a sea of black and white outfits. Erika scoops her ice cream to order, and explains that her blackberries have been soaking in vodka overnight. Ooh, nice. The judges come in. Dannielle is back on the panel this week, along with Gail, Johnny, and Michael. They head for Gidget's table first. He's made a chocolate cake with white chocolate mousse, a berry compote, and an almond milk ice cream. The cake is stacked with layers of other goodies, like dark chocolate squares and tea ganache. Erika has lemon-poppyseed ice cream, with a white chocolate pave (mounted cookies in rich condensed and heavy cream sauce), and blackberry creme brulee. The blackberry layer has come out a lot more purple than black. She explains to the judges that she didn't want to lose the berry flavor in service of the challenge parameters. Well, I'm sure it'll work out okay, just like it did for Zac's souffle, Seth's wedding cake, and Heatherc's penny candy dish. All of those may have sunk their creators to the bottom, but this time, it'll totally score the win. Tasting. Gidget's compote is a bit thick and gummy, but his overall plate is very creative, and he sure packed a lot of flavor into it. Erika's ice cream tastes of soapy glue. Yikes.
Zac has deep-fried whoopie pies, with a passion fruit cream and some Asian pear. He loudly sings its praises to the guests and judges. Morgan snarks in interview about how annoying Zac's attention-seeking Julie Andrews act is. As one of Zac's sisters under the skin, I feel like I should defend him, but truth is, hanging out with drama queens is genuinely exhausting. Not everything in life needs to be a Sex and the City episode. All that said, the judges like the tropical components he's infused into his plate, though the overall flavor is intensely sweet. Morgan's blocks-and-columns idea has worked out nicely, giving his plates a very Art Deco effect. He's made a chocolate date cake, with banana anise cream, and a coffee Kahlua jelly. And there we have Limecrete's Pick of the Week. Really, anything with bananas gets a headstart on winning that honor. Heatherh has a dark chocolate gingerbread torte, with a frozen creme anglaise, and blackberry compote with candied ginger. Ooh, we're getting into gingerbread season, aren't we? Yay!
Tasting. Morgan's plating is lovely, and he did a good job balancing the sweetness with other flavors, though Gail finds his cake dry. I guess that syrup never soaked in properly. Heatherh, even more so than Erika, has ignored the black and white parameters of the challenge. There is red fruit and juice all over the plate. Everyone does enjoy the gingerbread, as well they should. Eric has done a play on Mississippi Mud Cake by topping it with Earl Grey whipped cream and hot fudge sauce. It looks fucking delicious. Gail compliments him on how far his plating skills have progressed, and he enthusiastically thanks her, and interviews about how thrilling he found the praise. Once the judges dig into his dessert, they agree that his pastry skills are really starting to blossom. Danielle has made three little desserts, shaped into the numerals 128. The "1" is a lemongrass ginger truffle with a little coconut in it. DRINK! The "2" is a baked meringue, with white peppercorns and cocoa nibs, and the "8" is a cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookie. Zac interviews that Danielle's dessert is more of a petit four plate than a composed dish. The judges agree. Service winds down.
Interstitial. The Plastics amuse themselves, and nobody else.
Fret 'n sweat. Gidget tries to start some shit by passive-aggressively wondering if anyone else had things go missing, other than Heatherh's Rice Krispie treats. Nobody did, and Gidget calls the situation shocking. Morgan doesn't rise to the bait, but just nods his head in mock sympathy, which is hilarious. Gail enters, and asks to see Heatherh, Erika, and Danielle at Judges' Table. The ladies head out with smiles on their faces. They don't stay happy for long, because the judges have thankfully mixed things up a bit, and called the bottom three out first this week. All three of the chefs have different facial responses, from consternation to horror to fury. Heatherh liked the dessert she put forth, and Dannielle points out that she had the least black and white dessert. I truly wonder when this batch of people will stumble across the fact that if the challenge is to make a great brownie, and they go on to make the best lobster bisque ever known to man, they've still failed the challenge. Michael liked Heatherh's gingerbread, but wonders if she just stuck to her guns because she didn't feel like adapting to the actual challenge. Thank you!
Tim (as the judges): "You've fallen to the bottom because you didn't have any Rice Krispie treats."
Erika admits that her blackberry creme brulee wasn't as dark as she would have liked it, but enjoyed her ice cream. Unfortunately, the ice cream is the main reason she's wound up on the bottom. Johnny tells her he didn't get any lemon flavor out of it, and Dannielle reports that it actually had a soapy flavor. I know Dawn is sponsoring the season, but I hope we haven't reached the point that the chefs are tossing it into their dishes. Erika's flavor issues don't end with the ice cream. Gail says she didn't get any blackberry flavor out of the creme brulee layer of her cake. Danielle is at a loss, because she liked the desserts she made, and felt like she stuck to the theme well. Dannielle tells her that the meringue was kind of flavorless, and Michael says that the three desserts didn't meld well with each other, making it more of a sampler plate than a composed dish. Johnny tells her she should have thought about the best way to offer the individual desserts, and then instructed the guests how best to enjoy it. This after he explicitly told Seth that his role is not to educate the public. Make up your mind. Don't morph into Ptom. The bottom three are dismissed, and Gail asks them to send out all four of the guys. That's new.
Tiffany (coming back into the room): "So they switched it?"
Limecrete: "Yeah, the four guys are all on top."
Tiffany: "Um, these guys are not all tops."
The guys are back in the Kitchen feeling sorry for themselves, and the women reveal nothing when they come back, only telling the others that the judges want to see all of them. Once they're gone, Erika addresses the camera (not in interview, but right there in the Kitchen), and denies that any of her food ever tasted like soap, so Dannielle can eat it. Daaaaamn. Heatherh grouses that she doesn't want the men to dominate the competition. I write a quick note to her that reads "Have you noticed that the more you obsess over other people, the worse your food gets?" and pop it into a time machine to send back to a point when it would have done any good. Out at Judges' Table, the guys are extremely relieved to be the top four. Zac's plate was creative, and embraced the theme well. His ice cream was fantastic. Morgan's plate was delicious and well-constructed. Eric layered his textures well, and presented his best dessert to date. Gidget packed a ton of flavors into his little plate. Michael gets to announce the winner, which is... Gidget. He's happy to win, and promises we'll see him in the final three. Don't you threaten me.
Deliberations. Danielle didn't think about her final product enough, and her desserts were rather flavorless. Danielle is shouting back in the Kitchen that she has no idea how to cook for a palate other than her own, and doesn't know how to make the judges happy. My guess is that she can't, and we'll be saying good-bye soon. Erika included blackberry in multiple components, but it never came through, and her ice cream sucked rocks. Erika tells the other chefs that she's made ice cream for her entire career, and has never had this problem. I wonder if it has something to do with the machine she made it in. We'll never know. Heatherh relied too heavily on her technical skill, and ignored the challenge at hand. Michael senses that she's stubborn, and gets fixated on what she wants to do, discarding any instruction she finds inconvenient. Gail says her gingerbread was good, but not particularly inventive. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Danielle is in the bottom three all the time. That's seriously all Johnny can find to say to her. Heatherh has good skill, but sabotaged herself. I half expect a thought bubble to pop out of her head that describes her plan to blame this all on Morgan somehow. Erika's star component tasted bad. Gail winds up to deliver the bad news. Erika. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. She thanks the judges and heads back to the Kitchen. In her final interview, she tells us that she put everything she had into these desserts. Her heart, her soul, passion, love, and soap. Okay, she didn't mention that last one. She's proud of what she's done, and I have to say, based on the sight and descriptions of her plates over the course of the competition, she didn't get a lot of the credit she deserved. She'll miss the other chefs, and has realized that she's a lot stronger than she realized. Aw. It's a shame to see someone so nice and grounded go. It's time to weed out some jerkholes.
Overall Grade: C+
Previously on Just Desserts: Zac, Gidget, and Heatherh coalesced into an annoying, Mean Girls clique. The chefs made edible fashion, which delighted some and devastated others. Heatherh continued to pitch a one-sided battle against her sworn enemy Morgan. Her cause wasn't helped when he picked up the challenge win and the prize money that came with it, but it sure was nice to see the Plastics suck their collective lemon. Meanwhile, Heatherc made a sad, vegetative garment which got her sent on her merry way. Again. Seven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. In the weeks leading up to Halloween, I've been auditioning new candy. Thumbs up to Butterfinger Crisp. Thumbs down to the Wonka Exceptionals Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar. The only "exceptional" thing about it was the price.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Danielle is frustrated and confused by her situation. She tends to like her own dishes, but often winds up in the bottom three, so she doesn't know how to progress. Yeah, that would be sucky. The Plastics amuse themselves at the expense of the others. Heatherh wants Morgan to be eliminated because he doesn't "play fair". Read: Heatherh wants Morgan to be eliminated because she doesn't like him. Note that those two things have little to no relation to one another.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Gail and this week's guest judge, Michael Laiskonis, who will spend the entire episode looking like he desperately needs to go to the bathroom:
The counter is stacked high with ingredients, but not ones you'd normally see in a pastry kitchen. It's all things like chicken, bacon, and vegetables. Gail and Michael tell the chefs that more and more pastry chefs are using savory ingredients to push their desserts further, and for today's challenge, the contestants will be doing the same. They have one hour to create a dessert that strikes a good balance between sweet and savory flavors. In order to make it even more challenging, the only cooking equipment the chefs are allowed to use is a single pot, though they're free to wash it as many times as they wish. Winner gets immunity. Ready? Go!
The chefs make a mad dash for the ingredients, with everyone grabbing at the pile at once. In the melee, Morgan bumps Heatherh in the lips. I must report that even though we see the grabbing, we never see the bumping, so you'll have to take Heatherh's word for it; I have no reason to disbelieve her. Assuming that it did happen, it was clearly unintentional, and fortunately, she's not hurt. So of course, she immediately milks it for all its worth, whining to the other Plastics about how horrible and abusive Morgan is. Honestly, if she hadn't been spending the last few episodes trying to pin everything but the world's financial collapse on Morgan, I'd have a lot more sympathy for her. As it is, I frankly don't give a shit. Funny how that works.
Zac runs daintily back and forth. Gidget, who has swiped the entire supply of bacon, hides it under his station so that only he and the other Plastics can use it. Erika sees this, and interviews that she's tired of the Plastics' bullshit. Sweet, gentle Erika. See, Heatherh? Not to beat a dead horse, but it's a point worth pressing that if you're going to gleefully form a cabal of bullies, you don't get to go crying for support when bad things happen to you. Gidget describes his family background. I don't care enough about him to transcribe any of it. Morgan hopes to make a successful sorbet with liquid nitrogen, even though he's never used it before. Time winds down, and Gail and Michael go down the line.
Zac has made a steamed beet cake, with sweet goat cheese cream, and a lemon thyme gremolata. Eric wants to evoke a sweet and savory breakfast, and has made couscous with milk, and an apricot and fig compote with prosciutto. That doesn't sound either breakfast-like or dessert-like to me. He admits to the judges that he never works with savory ingredients. Danielle has tossed avocado with honey and candied tomatoes, with a basil anglaise and caramelized corn. Morgan's got a sweet potato risotto, with a golden beet sorbet and fried ginger-infused carrots. Shot of Heatherh holding a compress to her lip as if she'd been smashed in the face with a golf club. Bid for sympathy...DENIED. Gidget has made a chocolate cremeux with bacon fat, and some caramelized foie gras garnished with sea salt. It's extremely unattractive, but I have to admit, that flavor combination intrigues me mightily. Heatherh has a sour cream corn custard, with a roasted beet and berry compote, and some mascarpone cream. That sounds like it would be good if you took the beet out.
Results. The bottom three starts off with Danielle, whose dessert wasn't sweet enough, thanks to almost raw corn. Eric's dessert was the least dessert-like, and his prosciutto was an afterthought. Heatherh layered her dessert in such a way as to obliterate the bacon flavor, and her beets were undercooked. Now, to the top three. Morgan took a big risk with liquid nitrogen that paid off. Zac's cake was warm and moist, and had rich beet flavor. Gidget's plate was a bold combination of ingredients that worked in his favor. The winner of the Quickfire and immunity is... Zac. "Finally!" he says, following up with comparisons to bridesmaids and Susan Lucci in a way he thinks is charming. It is not. In a new little wrinkle, Gail offers him some cash in exchange for his immunity. That's a clever idea. They haggle for a bit until he agrees to trade in the immunity for five thousand dollars. I wonder how high Gail would have gone. Zac immediately has buyer's remorse, but can't do anything but steel himself for the upcoming challenge.
Elimination Challenge. Gail explains that the Los Angeles Times is throwing a party to celebrate their 128th year. I guess they'd better party while the getting's good. Tick tock, print media. The chefs will be providing desserts for the party, the theme of which is "Black & White". They'll have to serve two-hundred plates, and the desserts themselves must be solely black and white. This announcement causes more stir than "Make clothes out of food" ever did. Weird. The pastry chefs explain that they're used to working with color, but there's any amount of dark chocolate and white creams that would fit the bill, so I'm not understanding the panic. The chefs have a $500 budget, thirty minutes to shop, four hours of Kitchen prep, and one hour of final prep at the event. Shopping. The chefs trudge around as if the challenge called for desserts made out of human fetuses.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their four hours of prep. A lot of the footage is description of the desserts they're making, which we'll get to later. Zac says that he'll be deep-frying whoopie pies to order, which will be exciting for the party-goers. Yeah, I could get into that as a guest. As a side note, what's with the plethora of whoopie pies? Someone seems to make them -- or at least want to make them -- every week. Are they that alluring? Eric realizes he doesn't have enough egg yolk in his batter. He has to add more, so he's slow in getting out of the industrial mixer, which leaves Erika in the lurch. He feels terrible about the situation, but there isn't much to be done about it.
Johnny drops by to Ptimewaste. Erika's blackberries are more purple than black, but she figures the final product will be dark enough to pass muster. Eric hopes to impress the judges with more sophisticated plating than he's used to doing. Heatherh is incorporating cranberries and pomegranate juice, both of which are blood red. Johnny points this out, and Heatherh assumes that the final product will be dark enough to overcome the hit from not following instructions. This truly is a season of ignoring inconvenient challenge parameters and blindly hoping things will magically turn out all right. You'd think the chefs would learn their history. Morgan wants his dessert to have some architecture, specifically the blocks and columns suggested by a newspaper. Erika worries about her blackberries' color, but takes solace in the fact that her ice cream will be amazing, interviewing that she's known for awesome ice cream back home. Time runs out.
After a little clip of the Plastics annoying the hell out of their roommates, it's time to set up at the party. As promised, everything in the room is black and white. The chefs jog in, and start their hour of prep. Heatherh marvels at the decor and decides that now is the time to start worrying about the color of her dessert. Sigh. Zac hurries to get his frying oil hot and his pies ready for immersion. Morgan discovers that the syrup he's poured on his cake has not soaked in, and chunks of it are now falling off. He tries to salvage it by soaking it with some backup syrup he's brought along. Gidget's dessert has a lot of components, and he rushes to assemble everything, accidentally overcooking his compote because his attention is split in twenty different directions. In short, everyone is working down to the wire to finish on time.
Heatherh cannot find a sheet pan of white chocolate Rice Krispie treats. She concludes that Morgan stole or sabotaged them, because... Because... Because he's Morgan, and Morgan is responsible for all the evil in the world, including apartheid. She whines in interview about how talented people can play fair, and still come out on top. Oh, shut the fuck up, lady. The rest of the viewing party tends to see Morgan as kind of a tool, and they wonder why I keep defending him. I pointed out that even if someone isn't the most gracious gentleman on the planet, the fastest way to get me in his corner is for a group of obnoxious bullies to gang up on him. If Heatherh weren't being so douchey about Morgan, chances are I'd dislike him as much as she does. But until she can come up with better reasoning than "I've concluded that he cheats, based on the fact that I don't like him," I'll be over here waving the Morgan banner proudly.
Time runs out, and the guests stream in. The room is a sea of black and white outfits. Erika scoops her ice cream to order, and explains that her blackberries have been soaking in vodka overnight. Ooh, nice. The judges come in. Dannielle is back on the panel this week, along with Gail, Johnny, and Michael. They head for Gidget's table first. He's made a chocolate cake with white chocolate mousse, a berry compote, and an almond milk ice cream. The cake is stacked with layers of other goodies, like dark chocolate squares and tea ganache. Erika has lemon-poppyseed ice cream, with a white chocolate pave (mounted cookies in rich condensed and heavy cream sauce), and blackberry creme brulee. The blackberry layer has come out a lot more purple than black. She explains to the judges that she didn't want to lose the berry flavor in service of the challenge parameters. Well, I'm sure it'll work out okay, just like it did for Zac's souffle, Seth's wedding cake, and Heatherc's penny candy dish. All of those may have sunk their creators to the bottom, but this time, it'll totally score the win. Tasting. Gidget's compote is a bit thick and gummy, but his overall plate is very creative, and he sure packed a lot of flavor into it. Erika's ice cream tastes of soapy glue. Yikes.
Zac has deep-fried whoopie pies, with a passion fruit cream and some Asian pear. He loudly sings its praises to the guests and judges. Morgan snarks in interview about how annoying Zac's attention-seeking Julie Andrews act is. As one of Zac's sisters under the skin, I feel like I should defend him, but truth is, hanging out with drama queens is genuinely exhausting. Not everything in life needs to be a Sex and the City episode. All that said, the judges like the tropical components he's infused into his plate, though the overall flavor is intensely sweet. Morgan's blocks-and-columns idea has worked out nicely, giving his plates a very Art Deco effect. He's made a chocolate date cake, with banana anise cream, and a coffee Kahlua jelly. And there we have Limecrete's Pick of the Week. Really, anything with bananas gets a headstart on winning that honor. Heatherh has a dark chocolate gingerbread torte, with a frozen creme anglaise, and blackberry compote with candied ginger. Ooh, we're getting into gingerbread season, aren't we? Yay!
Tasting. Morgan's plating is lovely, and he did a good job balancing the sweetness with other flavors, though Gail finds his cake dry. I guess that syrup never soaked in properly. Heatherh, even more so than Erika, has ignored the black and white parameters of the challenge. There is red fruit and juice all over the plate. Everyone does enjoy the gingerbread, as well they should. Eric has done a play on Mississippi Mud Cake by topping it with Earl Grey whipped cream and hot fudge sauce. It looks fucking delicious. Gail compliments him on how far his plating skills have progressed, and he enthusiastically thanks her, and interviews about how thrilling he found the praise. Once the judges dig into his dessert, they agree that his pastry skills are really starting to blossom. Danielle has made three little desserts, shaped into the numerals 128. The "1" is a lemongrass ginger truffle with a little coconut in it. DRINK! The "2" is a baked meringue, with white peppercorns and cocoa nibs, and the "8" is a cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookie. Zac interviews that Danielle's dessert is more of a petit four plate than a composed dish. The judges agree. Service winds down.
Interstitial. The Plastics amuse themselves, and nobody else.
Fret 'n sweat. Gidget tries to start some shit by passive-aggressively wondering if anyone else had things go missing, other than Heatherh's Rice Krispie treats. Nobody did, and Gidget calls the situation shocking. Morgan doesn't rise to the bait, but just nods his head in mock sympathy, which is hilarious. Gail enters, and asks to see Heatherh, Erika, and Danielle at Judges' Table. The ladies head out with smiles on their faces. They don't stay happy for long, because the judges have thankfully mixed things up a bit, and called the bottom three out first this week. All three of the chefs have different facial responses, from consternation to horror to fury. Heatherh liked the dessert she put forth, and Dannielle points out that she had the least black and white dessert. I truly wonder when this batch of people will stumble across the fact that if the challenge is to make a great brownie, and they go on to make the best lobster bisque ever known to man, they've still failed the challenge. Michael liked Heatherh's gingerbread, but wonders if she just stuck to her guns because she didn't feel like adapting to the actual challenge. Thank you!
Tim (as the judges): "You've fallen to the bottom because you didn't have any Rice Krispie treats."
Erika admits that her blackberry creme brulee wasn't as dark as she would have liked it, but enjoyed her ice cream. Unfortunately, the ice cream is the main reason she's wound up on the bottom. Johnny tells her he didn't get any lemon flavor out of it, and Dannielle reports that it actually had a soapy flavor. I know Dawn is sponsoring the season, but I hope we haven't reached the point that the chefs are tossing it into their dishes. Erika's flavor issues don't end with the ice cream. Gail says she didn't get any blackberry flavor out of the creme brulee layer of her cake. Danielle is at a loss, because she liked the desserts she made, and felt like she stuck to the theme well. Dannielle tells her that the meringue was kind of flavorless, and Michael says that the three desserts didn't meld well with each other, making it more of a sampler plate than a composed dish. Johnny tells her she should have thought about the best way to offer the individual desserts, and then instructed the guests how best to enjoy it. This after he explicitly told Seth that his role is not to educate the public. Make up your mind. Don't morph into Ptom. The bottom three are dismissed, and Gail asks them to send out all four of the guys. That's new.
Tiffany (coming back into the room): "So they switched it?"
Limecrete: "Yeah, the four guys are all on top."
Tiffany: "Um, these guys are not all tops."
The guys are back in the Kitchen feeling sorry for themselves, and the women reveal nothing when they come back, only telling the others that the judges want to see all of them. Once they're gone, Erika addresses the camera (not in interview, but right there in the Kitchen), and denies that any of her food ever tasted like soap, so Dannielle can eat it. Daaaaamn. Heatherh grouses that she doesn't want the men to dominate the competition. I write a quick note to her that reads "Have you noticed that the more you obsess over other people, the worse your food gets?" and pop it into a time machine to send back to a point when it would have done any good. Out at Judges' Table, the guys are extremely relieved to be the top four. Zac's plate was creative, and embraced the theme well. His ice cream was fantastic. Morgan's plate was delicious and well-constructed. Eric layered his textures well, and presented his best dessert to date. Gidget packed a ton of flavors into his little plate. Michael gets to announce the winner, which is... Gidget. He's happy to win, and promises we'll see him in the final three. Don't you threaten me.
Deliberations. Danielle didn't think about her final product enough, and her desserts were rather flavorless. Danielle is shouting back in the Kitchen that she has no idea how to cook for a palate other than her own, and doesn't know how to make the judges happy. My guess is that she can't, and we'll be saying good-bye soon. Erika included blackberry in multiple components, but it never came through, and her ice cream sucked rocks. Erika tells the other chefs that she's made ice cream for her entire career, and has never had this problem. I wonder if it has something to do with the machine she made it in. We'll never know. Heatherh relied too heavily on her technical skill, and ignored the challenge at hand. Michael senses that she's stubborn, and gets fixated on what she wants to do, discarding any instruction she finds inconvenient. Gail says her gingerbread was good, but not particularly inventive. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Danielle is in the bottom three all the time. That's seriously all Johnny can find to say to her. Heatherh has good skill, but sabotaged herself. I half expect a thought bubble to pop out of her head that describes her plan to blame this all on Morgan somehow. Erika's star component tasted bad. Gail winds up to deliver the bad news. Erika. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. She thanks the judges and heads back to the Kitchen. In her final interview, she tells us that she put everything she had into these desserts. Her heart, her soul, passion, love, and soap. Okay, she didn't mention that last one. She's proud of what she's done, and I have to say, based on the sight and descriptions of her plates over the course of the competition, she didn't get a lot of the credit she deserved. She'll miss the other chefs, and has realized that she's a lot stronger than she realized. Aw. It's a shame to see someone so nice and grounded go. It's time to weed out some jerkholes.
Overall Grade: C+
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Spies Like Us
Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 6
Note to readers: The following is a short summary of the episode that will (probably) be converted to a full, blow-by-blow recap later. As often happens, Life has intruded, and the first thing to get sacrificed when free time is short is the blog. Stay tuned!
I don't know if it's the recent Russian-agents-living-among-us-and-trying-to-garner-secrets-by-being-suburbanites story that feeds the undercurrent of shifty goings-on in this episode, or if everyone really is being this sneaky.
Agent Alpha comes in the form of guest judge Michelle Bernstein, who has a rocky past relationship with Andrea. Does she consider this old rivalry when she punts Andrea to the bottom of the Quickfire, or is Andrea's food genuinely bad? Said Quickfire is to work with an exotic protein, and to switch proteins midway through the challenge. Along with Andrea, Alex and Stephen sink to the bottom. Kelly, Tamesha, and Amanda rise to the top, with Kelly winning the challenge and its attendant immunity. I'm a little confused as to how she won with an emu egg omelet, as an egg is pretty much an egg, no matter which fowl has shot it out its butt.
The Elimination Challenge splits the chefs into two groups (not teams), and tasks them with making a cold dish. Their food will be served to the opposing group, who will nominate a top and bottom chef to be presented for the win and elimination. Angelo may or may not be acting as Agent Beta when he advises fellow groupmates Tamesha and Stephen on their dishes. The other chefs certainly think so. Alex takes on Agent Gamma status when he intentionally refrains from telling Amanda her chicken is full of cartilage, while Ed happily refers to his Agent Delta past in stealing Angelo's girlfriend.
The Tamesha/Tiffany/Stephen/Angelo/Andrea group may form a little cabal in nominating Kenny for the loss, while admitting that Kevin's dish was the best. The Kevin/Kenny/Kelly/Amanda/Alex group puts Tiffany up for the win, and Tamesha's disconcerting scallop up for the loss. At this point, since Kenny and FillInTheBlank are up for elimination, there's hardly any point in watching the rest of the episode. To make a long story short, Kevin scores the individual win, and since Kenny could do anything short of defecating on the plate and still be safe, Tamesha takes the hit. Yawn. For an episode so full of intrigue, this sure fits nicely into the most boring season to date.
Note to readers: The following is a short summary of the episode that will (probably) be converted to a full, blow-by-blow recap later. As often happens, Life has intruded, and the first thing to get sacrificed when free time is short is the blog. Stay tuned!
I don't know if it's the recent Russian-agents-living-among-us-and-trying-to-garner-secrets-by-being-suburbanites story that feeds the undercurrent of shifty goings-on in this episode, or if everyone really is being this sneaky.
Agent Alpha comes in the form of guest judge Michelle Bernstein, who has a rocky past relationship with Andrea. Does she consider this old rivalry when she punts Andrea to the bottom of the Quickfire, or is Andrea's food genuinely bad? Said Quickfire is to work with an exotic protein, and to switch proteins midway through the challenge. Along with Andrea, Alex and Stephen sink to the bottom. Kelly, Tamesha, and Amanda rise to the top, with Kelly winning the challenge and its attendant immunity. I'm a little confused as to how she won with an emu egg omelet, as an egg is pretty much an egg, no matter which fowl has shot it out its butt.
The Elimination Challenge splits the chefs into two groups (not teams), and tasks them with making a cold dish. Their food will be served to the opposing group, who will nominate a top and bottom chef to be presented for the win and elimination. Angelo may or may not be acting as Agent Beta when he advises fellow groupmates Tamesha and Stephen on their dishes. The other chefs certainly think so. Alex takes on Agent Gamma status when he intentionally refrains from telling Amanda her chicken is full of cartilage, while Ed happily refers to his Agent Delta past in stealing Angelo's girlfriend.
The Tamesha/Tiffany/Stephen/Angelo/Andrea group may form a little cabal in nominating Kenny for the loss, while admitting that Kevin's dish was the best. The Kevin/Kenny/Kelly/Amanda/Alex group puts Tiffany up for the win, and Tamesha's disconcerting scallop up for the loss. At this point, since Kenny and FillInTheBlank are up for elimination, there's hardly any point in watching the rest of the episode. To make a long story short, Kevin scores the individual win, and since Kenny could do anything short of defecating on the plate and still be safe, Tamesha takes the hit. Yawn. For an episode so full of intrigue, this sure fits nicely into the most boring season to date.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Brokedown Shallots
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 6
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs went camping, to the dismay of many of them. Ron hacked a coconut. Bryan picked up steam, winning yet another Elimination Challenge. Ptom spit Mattin's food out, and the competition spit Mattin out. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. When in doubt, blueberry muffins are always a crowd-pleaser. Don't tell anyone at the viewing party how easy they are, or they won't be impressed with me anymore. Speaking of the viewing party, I have to admit that Tiffany is responsible for the entry title this week. I wish I could take credit, because it made me LOL, as the kids say.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Apparently, Mattin has left behind a crate of his trademark red neckerchiefs, and the rest of the chefs decide to wear them as a tribute to their eliminated friend. He was a popular guy, and nobody was happy to see him go, especially when Robin was ripe for elimination. The general consensus (voiced by Mike and Jenc here) is that she's not nearly a good a chef as Mattin is, and they can't understand why she's still hanging around, while more accomplished chefs have been chopped. Well, why don't I just go ahead and quote myself? "Um, because this is a competition in which your performance in particular challenges determines if you advance or not, regardless of overall skill? Is this a surprise to anyone?" Robin is well aware of her outsider status, but shrugs that her style is intentionally simple, so that's what she's going to stick to.
Quickfire Challenge. Padma laughs at the infusion of red neckerchiefs before introducing this round's guest judge, Michelle Bernstein. Kevin interviews that Michelle has eaten at his place before, and that she enjoys clean, simple flavors. Padma says that for this Quickfire, the chefs will be making a duo of food. One of the dishes will represent that angel that sits on one shoulder, while the other will represent the devil. Not a bad challenge idea! The chefs have one hour, and immunity for the winner is back in play. I wonder why they didn't offer it last week. It seems almost random. Ready? Go!
Chefs scatter. Ash admits he's taking a big risk in attempting a duo of custards. Eli works on a heavy and light scallop duo. There's a horrible Frankenbyte in which they try to make him sound like he's bragging. Seriously, that quote came from about three different speeches, and was the most amateur sound editing I've heard in a while. Maybe that's why you guys don't win Emmys, Toby. Robin interviews that when she was diagnosed with cancer, she had to give up a lot of sugar, so her angel/demon inspiration is wanting sweetness, while at the same time realizing that she shouldn't indulge. Bryan thinks he's been overcomplicating Quickfires, so he's attempting to simplify. One of Ash's custards doesn't set. Time runs out, and Michelle and Padma begin to go down the line.
Michael has made a duo of smoked salmon, one of which is more modern, and one more traditional. Tasty, but has nothing to do with angels and devils. Next! For Kevin's angel, he's made a light halibut with veggies, and for the devil, a deviled egg puree with a big, fat piece of bacon. Nice! Ron has made Chilean sea bass with corn hash, and Chilean sea bass with yucca. I defy you to tell me which one is supposed to be angelic, and which one devilish. Ashley has made a light scallop crudo and a viciously salty scallop puttanesca. Eli has also made a scallop duo. One is scallops with a brown butter risotto, and the other has a radish top pesto.
Bryan is the only one to embrace a color theme over the obvious healthy vs. fattening duel, and has made a white dessert (frozen coconut, lychee, and vanilla), and a black one (dark chocolate mousse). Jenc has another scallop duo, one a crudo with olive oil, one with butter. Boring! Next! Ash only finished his devil component, a spicy asparagus custard with pink peppercorn shortbread. Well, I like where his idea was going, anyway. Robin explains that her cancer made her obsess over raw food and healthy eating, so her angelic contribution is an arugula, apple, and fennel salad. Her devilish, sweet-tooth side is a cardamom apple ginger crisp. Laurine has made a chicken and vegetable consomme and a chicken saltimbocca. Boring! Next! Mike has gone to the Greek well again, and has made cucumber yogurt soup, and lamb kabobs. Those both sound great. Michelle finds the lamb dish a bit too salty, but still. I wish he'd stop impressing me with his dishes, because it'd be a lot less complicated to just straight out dislike him.
Results. First in the bottom three is obviously Ash, because you kind of have to finish your food once in a while. Plus, his food was too hot (I'm not sure if she means temperature or spice) and runny. Bryan had a good concept, but poor execution. Laurine had no creative ideas. What, and the three scallop duos, all of which were a play on "This one's healthy, and this one's not!" blew you away? Up in the top three, Michael had perfect execution. Eli's brown butter sauce was great, as was the radish pesto. Robin's salad was a pleasure, and had terrific contrast with the apple crisp. It's time to announce the winner, and for that Michelle wants to pick the person that not only had good food, but most embraced the angel vs. devil theme, and that person is... Robin. She's thrilled. In interview, Eli whines that of course Robin won the Quickfire, because after announcing that she's had cancer, how could she not have?
Oof. That's going to require a sidebar. Let's start with me admitting the obvious things. I don't have to live with these people, and thus don't have to put up with their annoying quirks. I haven't tasted any of their food. From what we've seen so far this season, I have zero problems believing that Robin isn't nearly as sophisticated a chef as some of the others. She appears to make things that I could whip together without much difficulty. And you know what, there is such a thing as using the Cancer card to cultivate sympathy. With all of that said, Eli is offensively wrong here, and it really says something unattractive about his character that he would not only leap to that insulting conclusion, but would think it's a good idea to share with the rest of us (I guess assuming that we'd all agree with him).
Like it or not, this show is set up in such a way as to reward the person that does the best at an off-kilter challenge, and to eliminate the person that does the worst. It doesn't matter if one of you makes scrambled eggs, while the other makes duck a l'orange with citrus foam. If the eggs are good and the duck is bad, the duck chef gets cut. Maybe that isn't the way to find the most talented chef -- in fact, I'm fairly sure it isn't -- but it is the way this particular competition is structured, and after five seasons, you'd think the contestants would realize it. Also, Robin's life experience with cancer legitimately inspired her angel vs. demon dish. It was certainly a hell of a lot more authentic an idea than "Um, this scallop has greens on it, and this one has butter". Her disease has affected the way she cooks and eats, and to me, that's no different than Ashley's poverty, Ron's story of leaving Haiti (for which you'll remember he was lauded, not derided), or Hector trying to give his food a Latin twist.
Here's what really happened here. Robin's unpopular, because she talks too much, and can be loud and annoying, and her food is too simple for her fellow chefs, who equate "complex" with "good". And frankly, there's probably a nasty dose of hating her because she's older mixed in there as well. Eli's embarrassed to be beaten by such a person, and is desperately looking for any excuse that isn't "Her food was better than mine." So he lands on sympathy-baiting, as if Michelle would award the win to food she didn't like, just because she feels sorry for the old lady with lymphoma. "If you like my food, it's because it's good. If you like Robin's food, it's because you pity her." Yeah. It's pretty much the epitome of sore-loserness, with emphasis on the loser.
Anyhow, with that ugliness behind us, we move on to the Elimination Challenge. Padma brings in some more guest judges for the week. It's Penn and Teller. I enjoy them (and the first season of Bullshit! is inching its way to the top of my queue), but I'm going to skip the bit where they do magic for the chefs. Let's get to the challenge. The chefs will draw knives out of the knife block, each of which has a classic dish written on it. The challenge will be to deconstruct that dish. Jenc gets meat lasagna. Michael gets Caesar salad. Ash - shepherd's pie. Robin - New England clam chowder. Eli - sweet and sour pork. Laurine - fish 'n chips. Kevin - chicken mole negro. Bryan - Reuben. Mike - eggs florentine. Ashley - pot roast. Ron - paella. He feels good about it, but I think that his and Jenc's are probably the most difficult of the bunch.
Padma tells the chefs that they'll be serving Michelle, Penn & Teller, and the regular judges, with Toby Young filling in for Gail. Feh. I don't mind mean judges, but the meanness has to be the means to an end, not the end itself. From what I remember of Toby, he tried waaaaaaaaaay too hard to look for insulting things to say. You'll note that when any of the chefs mention Toby, they talk about his attitude, not his experience or knowledge of cuisine. If they were looking for a difficult-to-impress British judge, I wish they'd have gone for Jay Rayner, who did an excellent job on Top Chef Masters.
Commercials. When did Robert Loggia get so... crusty?
Shopping. Bryan explains what a deconstructed dish means. Then he promptly ignores that definition and buys tuna for his reuben. Ron is still confident in his ability to pare down a paella. Jenc doesn't have much (if any) experience with deconstruction, so she just buys everything that goes into a meat lasagna, and will figure out the technique later. Back in the Kitchen, no time is lost before getting started on the two hours of prep time. Mike admits that he doesn't really know what eggs florentine is. Eh? He's spent the past five episodes talking about how advanced a chef he is, and he doesn't know that eggs florentine is just eggs benedict with spinach instead of ham? Jeez. Michael, who has a lot of deconstruction experience, seems to know exactly what to do. He's off to a good start, making his own bread, creating a spherical dressing, and starting on an egg emulsion. Kevin realizes that he's going to face tough competition from Michael and Bryan on this challenge, but wants to prove that he can make a better mole negro than he did last week. The judges didn't have any issues with his sauce in that challenge, but I guess he thinks if he's not in the winners' circle, there's always room for improvement.
Jenc struggles. Her classical training has not prepared her for this kind of a challenge. She actually begins to lose it a bit, crying over her pans as she frantically searches for ideas. Ron is convinced he's got this challenge in the bag, although Eli notes that Ron isn't so much deconstructing a paella as he is just making an alteration or two. Ashley says that she didn't eat a lot of pot roast growing up, what with the poverty, but she loves the flavor. What she doesn't love is the texture, so that's her target for this challenge. Meanwhile, the piece of shit pressure cooker that Eli has brought from home explodes, sending wads of pork everywhere. Bryan is the only one hit, and he's far too zen to make a big deal out of it.
Robin casually works on her deconstructed clam chowder, secure in her immunity. She happily chatters away to herself, driving the chefs around her crazy. Laurine, in particular, is in no mood. The chips she's making for her fish 'n chips aren't getting crispy enough, so she's standing over the fryer, babysitting them. Robin asks her to pull a pan out of the oven and that, combined with her immunity and the annoying babbling, has Laurine ready to toss Robin in the fryer with her chips. Of course, Laurine could have said "Sorry, but I have to watch my own food right now," instead of caving and then seething about it, but whatever. Ptom drops by for what I'm just now realizing is his first Ptimewaste of the season. It also serves as a reminder as to how much I didn't miss it. Hilariously, Jenc keeps fleeing from one side of the Kitchen to the other to avoid talking to him. He eventually corners her, and she attempts to come up with a reasonable explanation of what she's doing. Her beet red face gives her away. Time winds down.
That night, Kevin and Eli try to talk Ron through how he might approach deconstruction, but he's just not getting it. Laurine bitches and moans to the others about how annoying Robin is. She's got a lot better reason to be frustrated than Eli, but after the rest of this episode, I just can't get behind any more Robin-bashing.
Interstitial. A shocking number of the chefs have no idea what eggs florentine is, and anyone I just spotted admitting that no longer gets to crow about how advanced and sophisticated a chef they are. I've taken down names.
The next day, Jenc interviews about how nervous she is. She appears to be the first contestant to realize that no matter how many times you're in the winners' circle, you're judged anew on each dish, so anyone could go. Thank you! I'm glad at least one of them gets it. The chefs are driven to the restaurant where they'll be serving, and have one hour to finish up their food. The judges get seated out in the dining room. Mike and Michael will be serving first. Michael is cool as a cucumber, while Mike curses his sloppy presentation. He's happy with the flavors, though. They go out to present. Michael's Caesar salad looks amazing. The encapsulated dressing (I think it's encapsulated in Parmesan, but I'm not sure) can be cracked like an egg, which is extremely clever. That's not even including the homemade brioche and warm Parmesan jelly. I know I beat up on him for his smarmy attitude last week, but there's a lot to be said for such an impressive plate. Mike's eggs florentine is braised kale with an egg emulsion and some crispy phyllo. He wasn't kidding about the crappy presentation. Toby nails it as being a reinvention, rather than a deconstruction. Everyone really likes the Caesar salad, though.
Next up are Laurine and Bryan. Laurine chips are too soggy, and she's working to get them crispier. She throws them in the oven, and they burn, so now she's down to about a dozen usable chips. Isn't it odd how the chefs who have spent this episode slamming Robin for doing overly simplistic food can't manage the simplest parts of their dishes? Uncanny! She and Bryan go out to present. Bryan giggles over the fact that he's serving Penn, who's a fairly large guy, this tiny plate of food. His "Reuben" includes tuna, warm mayonnaise, shallots, fried capers, the essence of Thousand Island flavors, gruyere cheese, and rye bread. Hey, remember three seconds ago, when Mike was taken to task for having a "reinvention" rather than a "deconstruction"? I'm here to tell you, if your "Reuben" doesn't have corned beef or even a hint of sauerkraut, it's not a Reuben in any sense of the word. Laurine has oil-poached halibut, some zucchini relish, a bit of tomato confit, and what's left of her parsley chips. Neither her fish nor chips go over well. The fish is dry and overcooked, and Teller has to chew his chip like cud to get it down. The foodie judges are in love with Bryan's "Reuben", and I'm grateful to Penn for taking more of a sensible, Everyman position by saying that while it tasted good, it wasn't a Reuben.
Ash and Jenc are up next. The main potato component to Ash's dish (a parsnip puree) hasn't worked out, and has a gummy texture. "Here's what I wanted to do, and here's why it didn't work," is fast becoming Ash's main character arc. He replaces the parsnip with a pea puree. Jenc is still very shaky about her food, and fears elimination. She likes the flavors, but is disappointed in it, overall. Ash's deconstructed shepherd's pie is pan-seared lamb chops with leeks, glazed carrots, a pea puree, and some Madeira jus. Jenc's lasagna has homemade pasta, flat iron steak, a mascarpone bechamel, Parmesan crisp, and tomato sauce. I am forced to point out that like a lot of past contestants, she mispronounces mascarpone. It's gotten to the point where we should probably just change the word to marscapone, since that's what everyone's instinct is. Of course, this is the same woman who says se-VEECH, so maybe we shouldn't be in such a hurry to amend the dictionary. Lingual issues aside, Jenc has once again knocked the challenge out of the park. Nobody has a bad thing to say about her lasagna. Ash, on the other hand, gets plenty. Some of his meat is undercooked. Some of his meat is overcooked. His dish completely lacked a potato element, which is necessary in shepherd's pie.
Up next are Ron and Eli. Ron can't get his rice as crispy as he wants it. That's the least of his problems. His paella has seafood, lemon, herb oil, chayote, and peas. Eli's sweet and sour pork is pork rillettes with a broccoli puree, raw broccoli salad, and a sweet and sour sauce. The judges dig in. Ron's is a mess from top to bottom. His rice is overcooked, yet not crispy, and his concept doesn't represent any sort of deconstruction. Eli's food tastes good, though Toby says that it's visually unappealing, which I agree with. He compares them to bull testicles, which Padma proudly brags about having sampled.
Penn: "I'll bet."
LabRat: "He's going after her, now that she's single."
I'm just happy the bull testicles aren't showing up on her dress this time. Next to serve are Ashley and Kevin. Neither of them are entirely happy with their presentations. That seems to be a theme for the evening. Ashley's pot roast is seared strip loin with potato puree, some crispy shallots, celery salad, and a carrot foam. Kevin's chicken mole negro has a gazillion components, so I'll just report what the subtitles see fit to include, which is a chicken thigh croquette, Mexican coffee fig jam, and a pumpkin/sunflower seed romesco. Both of them are given heavy praise. They both delivered wonderful plates of food, in the judges' estimation.
Robin is last to serve, which is weird. Who wraps up a dinner with soup? She gives the Standard Speech. Instead of soup, she's made a fennel flan with potato-crusted clams, and some crushed bacon. Well, I'll say she had good ideas as far as deconstruction goes. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out flavor- or texture-wise. Padma thanks Penn and Teller, and adjourns the table.
Commercials. I love Ricky Gervais, but it's almost impossible to build a big movie around him.
Fret 'n sweat. It lives up to its name, as Ash frets about his plate, and Jenc sweats over the fact that her dish didn't live up to her standards. Padma comes back, and summons Ashley, Michael, Kevin, and Jenc to Judges' Table. I guess it's time for Jenc to lower her standards! She lets out a sigh of relief when it's revealed that she, along with the others, of course, are in the winners' circle. Michael did a perfect job of deconstruction. Ashley's pot roast was new and exciting. Hey, where's the Eli interview in which he says that the only reason she's in the winners' circle is because the judges feel sorry for her growing up poor? I must have missed it. Every one of Kevin's little ingredients was necessary, and worked well. Jenc's simplicity worked in her favor, and Ptom was impressed she was able to overcome the nerves she had during his Ptimewaste. I'll throw in my traditional whine here that no matter how nervous or scatterbrained or pissy or hysterical a chef is during the preparation, it shouldn't figure into the final judging on their food, and although it's irrelevant in this particular case, it's one of the main problems I have with this show's structure.
Michelle gets to announce the winner, and it is... Kevin. He wins a set of non-stick cookware, and appears to be happy about it, although I have to think that he's probably set for pans back at home. I'll take them off his hands, if he wants. He vows to trust his instincts, as it always seems to serve him well. Padma asks him to send back the losers. Back in the Kitchen, Ash passive-aggressively attacks Robin for making simple food. OH MY FUCKING GOD, ENOUGH WITH THIS. And Ash? Perhaps you could save the sanctimonious speeches until after you're actually able to finish some food on time. Just a thought. The winners come back, and Kevin shows off his new acquisition. Michael tells them the judges want to see Laurine, Ron, and Ash. Curiously, the Odd Asian Music is back with us after being absent for so long. I guess his friend the Gong missed him.
Ash's shepherd's pie was lacking the potato aspect it needed. Ash spins his usual excuses about how his food didn't come together how he'd hoped. Ptom's bigger problem is with the inconsistency of the cooking on the lamb chops. Ash pageants that he's got a lot to offer and can give the other chefs a run for their money. Laurine admits that the challenge was difficult for her, because deconstructing is not something she normally does. She gets a point for knowing what was wrong with her food before the judges tell her, which they always like to see. Ptom says that the dish was "tentative", and Laurine freely says that it's not the type of food she typically does. Even if Ron didn't have the hardest dish to deconstruct, which he did, he still had no idea what he was doing. His rice and seafood was all overcooked. Padma says that in addition to having bad food, his bad food wasn't a real manipulation of regular paella. Michelle agrees that if he was going to blow the challenge parameters, he could at least make something taste good. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Toby gives paella a British pronunciation (pah-EL-uh), and makes fun of Americans for giving it its proper Spanish "ya" sound. He says that we don't say MEH-hee-koh or barth-eh-LOH-na. Michelle pisses that she has a Latin background (not really the point) and thus does give the words, including Barcelona, their accented pronunciations. Toby apologizes.
Limecrete: "Damn, is dinner over? Cause he just got served."
Tiffany: "She thinks he's an ath-hole."
All that aside, Ron screwed up both the concept and the execution of his food. Ash served bad tomatoes, couldn't cook his meat consistently, and should have had potatoes. Toby says that Ash's dish is the one he'd least like to eat again. They do grudgingly give him a point for realizing what was wrong with his food. Laurine's fish was dry, and she was uncomfortable with the challenge, which translated into her food. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. None of the bottom three did a good job of deconstructing their dish. Ron didn't depart from the original, and just flat-out served bad food. Laurine didn't offer enough chips. Ash's food didn't resemble shepherd's pie. We go over to Padma for the chop. Ron. Please pack your knives and go. Yeah, it was time. He seems like a wonderful guy, but was completely at sea with this challenge. No pun intended. In his final interview, he talks about the accomplishments he's achieved since he got to America. This experience has been fun for him, but he's looking forward to all the stuff that awaits. He gets his good-bye hugs, and walks out the door, leaving behind the whitest season we've ever seen.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs went camping, to the dismay of many of them. Ron hacked a coconut. Bryan picked up steam, winning yet another Elimination Challenge. Ptom spit Mattin's food out, and the competition spit Mattin out. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. When in doubt, blueberry muffins are always a crowd-pleaser. Don't tell anyone at the viewing party how easy they are, or they won't be impressed with me anymore. Speaking of the viewing party, I have to admit that Tiffany is responsible for the entry title this week. I wish I could take credit, because it made me LOL, as the kids say.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Apparently, Mattin has left behind a crate of his trademark red neckerchiefs, and the rest of the chefs decide to wear them as a tribute to their eliminated friend. He was a popular guy, and nobody was happy to see him go, especially when Robin was ripe for elimination. The general consensus (voiced by Mike and Jenc here) is that she's not nearly a good a chef as Mattin is, and they can't understand why she's still hanging around, while more accomplished chefs have been chopped. Well, why don't I just go ahead and quote myself? "Um, because this is a competition in which your performance in particular challenges determines if you advance or not, regardless of overall skill? Is this a surprise to anyone?" Robin is well aware of her outsider status, but shrugs that her style is intentionally simple, so that's what she's going to stick to.
Quickfire Challenge. Padma laughs at the infusion of red neckerchiefs before introducing this round's guest judge, Michelle Bernstein. Kevin interviews that Michelle has eaten at his place before, and that she enjoys clean, simple flavors. Padma says that for this Quickfire, the chefs will be making a duo of food. One of the dishes will represent that angel that sits on one shoulder, while the other will represent the devil. Not a bad challenge idea! The chefs have one hour, and immunity for the winner is back in play. I wonder why they didn't offer it last week. It seems almost random. Ready? Go!
Chefs scatter. Ash admits he's taking a big risk in attempting a duo of custards. Eli works on a heavy and light scallop duo. There's a horrible Frankenbyte in which they try to make him sound like he's bragging. Seriously, that quote came from about three different speeches, and was the most amateur sound editing I've heard in a while. Maybe that's why you guys don't win Emmys, Toby. Robin interviews that when she was diagnosed with cancer, she had to give up a lot of sugar, so her angel/demon inspiration is wanting sweetness, while at the same time realizing that she shouldn't indulge. Bryan thinks he's been overcomplicating Quickfires, so he's attempting to simplify. One of Ash's custards doesn't set. Time runs out, and Michelle and Padma begin to go down the line.
Michael has made a duo of smoked salmon, one of which is more modern, and one more traditional. Tasty, but has nothing to do with angels and devils. Next! For Kevin's angel, he's made a light halibut with veggies, and for the devil, a deviled egg puree with a big, fat piece of bacon. Nice! Ron has made Chilean sea bass with corn hash, and Chilean sea bass with yucca. I defy you to tell me which one is supposed to be angelic, and which one devilish. Ashley has made a light scallop crudo and a viciously salty scallop puttanesca. Eli has also made a scallop duo. One is scallops with a brown butter risotto, and the other has a radish top pesto.
Bryan is the only one to embrace a color theme over the obvious healthy vs. fattening duel, and has made a white dessert (frozen coconut, lychee, and vanilla), and a black one (dark chocolate mousse). Jenc has another scallop duo, one a crudo with olive oil, one with butter. Boring! Next! Ash only finished his devil component, a spicy asparagus custard with pink peppercorn shortbread. Well, I like where his idea was going, anyway. Robin explains that her cancer made her obsess over raw food and healthy eating, so her angelic contribution is an arugula, apple, and fennel salad. Her devilish, sweet-tooth side is a cardamom apple ginger crisp. Laurine has made a chicken and vegetable consomme and a chicken saltimbocca. Boring! Next! Mike has gone to the Greek well again, and has made cucumber yogurt soup, and lamb kabobs. Those both sound great. Michelle finds the lamb dish a bit too salty, but still. I wish he'd stop impressing me with his dishes, because it'd be a lot less complicated to just straight out dislike him.
Results. First in the bottom three is obviously Ash, because you kind of have to finish your food once in a while. Plus, his food was too hot (I'm not sure if she means temperature or spice) and runny. Bryan had a good concept, but poor execution. Laurine had no creative ideas. What, and the three scallop duos, all of which were a play on "This one's healthy, and this one's not!" blew you away? Up in the top three, Michael had perfect execution. Eli's brown butter sauce was great, as was the radish pesto. Robin's salad was a pleasure, and had terrific contrast with the apple crisp. It's time to announce the winner, and for that Michelle wants to pick the person that not only had good food, but most embraced the angel vs. devil theme, and that person is... Robin. She's thrilled. In interview, Eli whines that of course Robin won the Quickfire, because after announcing that she's had cancer, how could she not have?
Oof. That's going to require a sidebar. Let's start with me admitting the obvious things. I don't have to live with these people, and thus don't have to put up with their annoying quirks. I haven't tasted any of their food. From what we've seen so far this season, I have zero problems believing that Robin isn't nearly as sophisticated a chef as some of the others. She appears to make things that I could whip together without much difficulty. And you know what, there is such a thing as using the Cancer card to cultivate sympathy. With all of that said, Eli is offensively wrong here, and it really says something unattractive about his character that he would not only leap to that insulting conclusion, but would think it's a good idea to share with the rest of us (I guess assuming that we'd all agree with him).
Like it or not, this show is set up in such a way as to reward the person that does the best at an off-kilter challenge, and to eliminate the person that does the worst. It doesn't matter if one of you makes scrambled eggs, while the other makes duck a l'orange with citrus foam. If the eggs are good and the duck is bad, the duck chef gets cut. Maybe that isn't the way to find the most talented chef -- in fact, I'm fairly sure it isn't -- but it is the way this particular competition is structured, and after five seasons, you'd think the contestants would realize it. Also, Robin's life experience with cancer legitimately inspired her angel vs. demon dish. It was certainly a hell of a lot more authentic an idea than "Um, this scallop has greens on it, and this one has butter". Her disease has affected the way she cooks and eats, and to me, that's no different than Ashley's poverty, Ron's story of leaving Haiti (for which you'll remember he was lauded, not derided), or Hector trying to give his food a Latin twist.
Here's what really happened here. Robin's unpopular, because she talks too much, and can be loud and annoying, and her food is too simple for her fellow chefs, who equate "complex" with "good". And frankly, there's probably a nasty dose of hating her because she's older mixed in there as well. Eli's embarrassed to be beaten by such a person, and is desperately looking for any excuse that isn't "Her food was better than mine." So he lands on sympathy-baiting, as if Michelle would award the win to food she didn't like, just because she feels sorry for the old lady with lymphoma. "If you like my food, it's because it's good. If you like Robin's food, it's because you pity her." Yeah. It's pretty much the epitome of sore-loserness, with emphasis on the loser.
Anyhow, with that ugliness behind us, we move on to the Elimination Challenge. Padma brings in some more guest judges for the week. It's Penn and Teller. I enjoy them (and the first season of Bullshit! is inching its way to the top of my queue), but I'm going to skip the bit where they do magic for the chefs. Let's get to the challenge. The chefs will draw knives out of the knife block, each of which has a classic dish written on it. The challenge will be to deconstruct that dish. Jenc gets meat lasagna. Michael gets Caesar salad. Ash - shepherd's pie. Robin - New England clam chowder. Eli - sweet and sour pork. Laurine - fish 'n chips. Kevin - chicken mole negro. Bryan - Reuben. Mike - eggs florentine. Ashley - pot roast. Ron - paella. He feels good about it, but I think that his and Jenc's are probably the most difficult of the bunch.
Padma tells the chefs that they'll be serving Michelle, Penn & Teller, and the regular judges, with Toby Young filling in for Gail. Feh. I don't mind mean judges, but the meanness has to be the means to an end, not the end itself. From what I remember of Toby, he tried waaaaaaaaaay too hard to look for insulting things to say. You'll note that when any of the chefs mention Toby, they talk about his attitude, not his experience or knowledge of cuisine. If they were looking for a difficult-to-impress British judge, I wish they'd have gone for Jay Rayner, who did an excellent job on Top Chef Masters.
Commercials. When did Robert Loggia get so... crusty?
Shopping. Bryan explains what a deconstructed dish means. Then he promptly ignores that definition and buys tuna for his reuben. Ron is still confident in his ability to pare down a paella. Jenc doesn't have much (if any) experience with deconstruction, so she just buys everything that goes into a meat lasagna, and will figure out the technique later. Back in the Kitchen, no time is lost before getting started on the two hours of prep time. Mike admits that he doesn't really know what eggs florentine is. Eh? He's spent the past five episodes talking about how advanced a chef he is, and he doesn't know that eggs florentine is just eggs benedict with spinach instead of ham? Jeez. Michael, who has a lot of deconstruction experience, seems to know exactly what to do. He's off to a good start, making his own bread, creating a spherical dressing, and starting on an egg emulsion. Kevin realizes that he's going to face tough competition from Michael and Bryan on this challenge, but wants to prove that he can make a better mole negro than he did last week. The judges didn't have any issues with his sauce in that challenge, but I guess he thinks if he's not in the winners' circle, there's always room for improvement.
Jenc struggles. Her classical training has not prepared her for this kind of a challenge. She actually begins to lose it a bit, crying over her pans as she frantically searches for ideas. Ron is convinced he's got this challenge in the bag, although Eli notes that Ron isn't so much deconstructing a paella as he is just making an alteration or two. Ashley says that she didn't eat a lot of pot roast growing up, what with the poverty, but she loves the flavor. What she doesn't love is the texture, so that's her target for this challenge. Meanwhile, the piece of shit pressure cooker that Eli has brought from home explodes, sending wads of pork everywhere. Bryan is the only one hit, and he's far too zen to make a big deal out of it.
Robin casually works on her deconstructed clam chowder, secure in her immunity. She happily chatters away to herself, driving the chefs around her crazy. Laurine, in particular, is in no mood. The chips she's making for her fish 'n chips aren't getting crispy enough, so she's standing over the fryer, babysitting them. Robin asks her to pull a pan out of the oven and that, combined with her immunity and the annoying babbling, has Laurine ready to toss Robin in the fryer with her chips. Of course, Laurine could have said "Sorry, but I have to watch my own food right now," instead of caving and then seething about it, but whatever. Ptom drops by for what I'm just now realizing is his first Ptimewaste of the season. It also serves as a reminder as to how much I didn't miss it. Hilariously, Jenc keeps fleeing from one side of the Kitchen to the other to avoid talking to him. He eventually corners her, and she attempts to come up with a reasonable explanation of what she's doing. Her beet red face gives her away. Time winds down.
That night, Kevin and Eli try to talk Ron through how he might approach deconstruction, but he's just not getting it. Laurine bitches and moans to the others about how annoying Robin is. She's got a lot better reason to be frustrated than Eli, but after the rest of this episode, I just can't get behind any more Robin-bashing.
Interstitial. A shocking number of the chefs have no idea what eggs florentine is, and anyone I just spotted admitting that no longer gets to crow about how advanced and sophisticated a chef they are. I've taken down names.
The next day, Jenc interviews about how nervous she is. She appears to be the first contestant to realize that no matter how many times you're in the winners' circle, you're judged anew on each dish, so anyone could go. Thank you! I'm glad at least one of them gets it. The chefs are driven to the restaurant where they'll be serving, and have one hour to finish up their food. The judges get seated out in the dining room. Mike and Michael will be serving first. Michael is cool as a cucumber, while Mike curses his sloppy presentation. He's happy with the flavors, though. They go out to present. Michael's Caesar salad looks amazing. The encapsulated dressing (I think it's encapsulated in Parmesan, but I'm not sure) can be cracked like an egg, which is extremely clever. That's not even including the homemade brioche and warm Parmesan jelly. I know I beat up on him for his smarmy attitude last week, but there's a lot to be said for such an impressive plate. Mike's eggs florentine is braised kale with an egg emulsion and some crispy phyllo. He wasn't kidding about the crappy presentation. Toby nails it as being a reinvention, rather than a deconstruction. Everyone really likes the Caesar salad, though.
Next up are Laurine and Bryan. Laurine chips are too soggy, and she's working to get them crispier. She throws them in the oven, and they burn, so now she's down to about a dozen usable chips. Isn't it odd how the chefs who have spent this episode slamming Robin for doing overly simplistic food can't manage the simplest parts of their dishes? Uncanny! She and Bryan go out to present. Bryan giggles over the fact that he's serving Penn, who's a fairly large guy, this tiny plate of food. His "Reuben" includes tuna, warm mayonnaise, shallots, fried capers, the essence of Thousand Island flavors, gruyere cheese, and rye bread. Hey, remember three seconds ago, when Mike was taken to task for having a "reinvention" rather than a "deconstruction"? I'm here to tell you, if your "Reuben" doesn't have corned beef or even a hint of sauerkraut, it's not a Reuben in any sense of the word. Laurine has oil-poached halibut, some zucchini relish, a bit of tomato confit, and what's left of her parsley chips. Neither her fish nor chips go over well. The fish is dry and overcooked, and Teller has to chew his chip like cud to get it down. The foodie judges are in love with Bryan's "Reuben", and I'm grateful to Penn for taking more of a sensible, Everyman position by saying that while it tasted good, it wasn't a Reuben.
Ash and Jenc are up next. The main potato component to Ash's dish (a parsnip puree) hasn't worked out, and has a gummy texture. "Here's what I wanted to do, and here's why it didn't work," is fast becoming Ash's main character arc. He replaces the parsnip with a pea puree. Jenc is still very shaky about her food, and fears elimination. She likes the flavors, but is disappointed in it, overall. Ash's deconstructed shepherd's pie is pan-seared lamb chops with leeks, glazed carrots, a pea puree, and some Madeira jus. Jenc's lasagna has homemade pasta, flat iron steak, a mascarpone bechamel, Parmesan crisp, and tomato sauce. I am forced to point out that like a lot of past contestants, she mispronounces mascarpone. It's gotten to the point where we should probably just change the word to marscapone, since that's what everyone's instinct is. Of course, this is the same woman who says se-VEECH, so maybe we shouldn't be in such a hurry to amend the dictionary. Lingual issues aside, Jenc has once again knocked the challenge out of the park. Nobody has a bad thing to say about her lasagna. Ash, on the other hand, gets plenty. Some of his meat is undercooked. Some of his meat is overcooked. His dish completely lacked a potato element, which is necessary in shepherd's pie.
Up next are Ron and Eli. Ron can't get his rice as crispy as he wants it. That's the least of his problems. His paella has seafood, lemon, herb oil, chayote, and peas. Eli's sweet and sour pork is pork rillettes with a broccoli puree, raw broccoli salad, and a sweet and sour sauce. The judges dig in. Ron's is a mess from top to bottom. His rice is overcooked, yet not crispy, and his concept doesn't represent any sort of deconstruction. Eli's food tastes good, though Toby says that it's visually unappealing, which I agree with. He compares them to bull testicles, which Padma proudly brags about having sampled.
Penn: "I'll bet."
LabRat: "He's going after her, now that she's single."
I'm just happy the bull testicles aren't showing up on her dress this time. Next to serve are Ashley and Kevin. Neither of them are entirely happy with their presentations. That seems to be a theme for the evening. Ashley's pot roast is seared strip loin with potato puree, some crispy shallots, celery salad, and a carrot foam. Kevin's chicken mole negro has a gazillion components, so I'll just report what the subtitles see fit to include, which is a chicken thigh croquette, Mexican coffee fig jam, and a pumpkin/sunflower seed romesco. Both of them are given heavy praise. They both delivered wonderful plates of food, in the judges' estimation.
Robin is last to serve, which is weird. Who wraps up a dinner with soup? She gives the Standard Speech. Instead of soup, she's made a fennel flan with potato-crusted clams, and some crushed bacon. Well, I'll say she had good ideas as far as deconstruction goes. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out flavor- or texture-wise. Padma thanks Penn and Teller, and adjourns the table.
Commercials. I love Ricky Gervais, but it's almost impossible to build a big movie around him.
Fret 'n sweat. It lives up to its name, as Ash frets about his plate, and Jenc sweats over the fact that her dish didn't live up to her standards. Padma comes back, and summons Ashley, Michael, Kevin, and Jenc to Judges' Table. I guess it's time for Jenc to lower her standards! She lets out a sigh of relief when it's revealed that she, along with the others, of course, are in the winners' circle. Michael did a perfect job of deconstruction. Ashley's pot roast was new and exciting. Hey, where's the Eli interview in which he says that the only reason she's in the winners' circle is because the judges feel sorry for her growing up poor? I must have missed it. Every one of Kevin's little ingredients was necessary, and worked well. Jenc's simplicity worked in her favor, and Ptom was impressed she was able to overcome the nerves she had during his Ptimewaste. I'll throw in my traditional whine here that no matter how nervous or scatterbrained or pissy or hysterical a chef is during the preparation, it shouldn't figure into the final judging on their food, and although it's irrelevant in this particular case, it's one of the main problems I have with this show's structure.
Michelle gets to announce the winner, and it is... Kevin. He wins a set of non-stick cookware, and appears to be happy about it, although I have to think that he's probably set for pans back at home. I'll take them off his hands, if he wants. He vows to trust his instincts, as it always seems to serve him well. Padma asks him to send back the losers. Back in the Kitchen, Ash passive-aggressively attacks Robin for making simple food. OH MY FUCKING GOD, ENOUGH WITH THIS. And Ash? Perhaps you could save the sanctimonious speeches until after you're actually able to finish some food on time. Just a thought. The winners come back, and Kevin shows off his new acquisition. Michael tells them the judges want to see Laurine, Ron, and Ash. Curiously, the Odd Asian Music is back with us after being absent for so long. I guess his friend the Gong missed him.
Ash's shepherd's pie was lacking the potato aspect it needed. Ash spins his usual excuses about how his food didn't come together how he'd hoped. Ptom's bigger problem is with the inconsistency of the cooking on the lamb chops. Ash pageants that he's got a lot to offer and can give the other chefs a run for their money. Laurine admits that the challenge was difficult for her, because deconstructing is not something she normally does. She gets a point for knowing what was wrong with her food before the judges tell her, which they always like to see. Ptom says that the dish was "tentative", and Laurine freely says that it's not the type of food she typically does. Even if Ron didn't have the hardest dish to deconstruct, which he did, he still had no idea what he was doing. His rice and seafood was all overcooked. Padma says that in addition to having bad food, his bad food wasn't a real manipulation of regular paella. Michelle agrees that if he was going to blow the challenge parameters, he could at least make something taste good. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Toby gives paella a British pronunciation (pah-EL-uh), and makes fun of Americans for giving it its proper Spanish "ya" sound. He says that we don't say MEH-hee-koh or barth-eh-LOH-na. Michelle pisses that she has a Latin background (not really the point) and thus does give the words, including Barcelona, their accented pronunciations. Toby apologizes.
Limecrete: "Damn, is dinner over? Cause he just got served."
Tiffany: "She thinks he's an ath-hole."
All that aside, Ron screwed up both the concept and the execution of his food. Ash served bad tomatoes, couldn't cook his meat consistently, and should have had potatoes. Toby says that Ash's dish is the one he'd least like to eat again. They do grudgingly give him a point for realizing what was wrong with his food. Laurine's fish was dry, and she was uncomfortable with the challenge, which translated into her food. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. None of the bottom three did a good job of deconstructing their dish. Ron didn't depart from the original, and just flat-out served bad food. Laurine didn't offer enough chips. Ash's food didn't resemble shepherd's pie. We go over to Padma for the chop. Ron. Please pack your knives and go. Yeah, it was time. He seems like a wonderful guy, but was completely at sea with this challenge. No pun intended. In his final interview, he talks about the accomplishments he's achieved since he got to America. This experience has been fun for him, but he's looking forward to all the stuff that awaits. He gets his good-bye hugs, and walks out the door, leaving behind the whitest season we've ever seen.
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Eleven Chefs A Suckin'
Top Chef - Season 5, Episode 6
Happy Holidays from the cast and crew of Top Chef, all of whom do their best to whip up the Christmas spirit in August. Hanukkah doesn't rate a mention, which Hosea Rosenberg and Leah Cohen don't seem to mind.
The Quickfire is to create a quick holiday meal in one pot. Everyone manages the one-pot rule, though the holiday theme is quickly forgotten by everyone, including Padma and guest judge Martha Stewart. Jeff, Eugene, and Fabio fall to the bottom, but keep their gripes to interview, lest they draw the wrath of the convicted felon. Hosea, Jamie, and Ariane take the top three. Ariane wins yet another challenge, much to Jamie's consternation. She's sick of being second-best, though if she knew what the rest of the episode held, I think she'd be happy to remain there.
The Elimination Challenge involves making hors d'oeuvres for a large charity ball, hosted by guest judge Natasha Richardson. I guess Martha had to check in with her parole officer. The chefs pull knives to see which verse of The Twelve Days of Christmas must inspire their dish. Shopping and cooking ensues, but when the chefs come in the next day to do their final preparations, they discover that an overstuffed fridge has swung open, ruining Hosea and Radhika's food. There are a tense few minutes before a magical cornucopia of replacement food appears and a magical time extension gives Hosea and Radhika a chance to whip up something new. All the other chefs pitch in to help them get things done, which was nice to see.
The judges aren't especially impressed with anyone's food, though they manage to choose Hosea, Radhika, Stefan, and Jeff as the top contenders. Hosea wins the challenge, but he and Radhika make sure to spread the credit around. Also nice to see. Some of these people certainly have the potential to be assy, but look at this crew, and then think back to Season 2. Yeah. Jamie, Melissa, and Eugene fall to the bottom three. After the judges deliberate for a while, Ptom comes back to the Kitchen, rips everyone for making lackluster food, then announces that as a Christmas gift for all the goodwill the chefs have shown, nobody's getting eliminated. That, or eliminating someone after a challenge goes awry would be a breach of contract and would open them up to a lawsuit. Happy Holidays!
Happy Holidays from the cast and crew of Top Chef, all of whom do their best to whip up the Christmas spirit in August. Hanukkah doesn't rate a mention, which Hosea Rosenberg and Leah Cohen don't seem to mind.
The Quickfire is to create a quick holiday meal in one pot. Everyone manages the one-pot rule, though the holiday theme is quickly forgotten by everyone, including Padma and guest judge Martha Stewart. Jeff, Eugene, and Fabio fall to the bottom, but keep their gripes to interview, lest they draw the wrath of the convicted felon. Hosea, Jamie, and Ariane take the top three. Ariane wins yet another challenge, much to Jamie's consternation. She's sick of being second-best, though if she knew what the rest of the episode held, I think she'd be happy to remain there.
The Elimination Challenge involves making hors d'oeuvres for a large charity ball, hosted by guest judge Natasha Richardson. I guess Martha had to check in with her parole officer. The chefs pull knives to see which verse of The Twelve Days of Christmas must inspire their dish. Shopping and cooking ensues, but when the chefs come in the next day to do their final preparations, they discover that an overstuffed fridge has swung open, ruining Hosea and Radhika's food. There are a tense few minutes before a magical cornucopia of replacement food appears and a magical time extension gives Hosea and Radhika a chance to whip up something new. All the other chefs pitch in to help them get things done, which was nice to see.
The judges aren't especially impressed with anyone's food, though they manage to choose Hosea, Radhika, Stefan, and Jeff as the top contenders. Hosea wins the challenge, but he and Radhika make sure to spread the credit around. Also nice to see. Some of these people certainly have the potential to be assy, but look at this crew, and then think back to Season 2. Yeah. Jamie, Melissa, and Eugene fall to the bottom three. After the judges deliberate for a while, Ptom comes back to the Kitchen, rips everyone for making lackluster food, then announces that as a Christmas gift for all the goodwill the chefs have shown, nobody's getting eliminated. That, or eliminating someone after a challenge goes awry would be a breach of contract and would open them up to a lawsuit. Happy Holidays!
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Please Hold Me While I Singe My Skull
The Amazing Race - Season 13, Episode 6
Tonight, it's off to India, which has been the mental downfall of many a team. Not these guys, though, because as part of a season with overly easy tasks, this episode has...overly easy tasks. Not overly easy compared to other legs; there's actually some work involved this week. They're just easy compared with India legs in other seasons. Oh, and the random Spanish is still being thrown around, because if there's one thing people abroad understand more than broken English, it's broken Spanish.
Everyone gets on the same flight to Delhi, then heads for the Roadblock, which involves painting a car. Andrew finishes first, and the Fratties roar into the next part of the leg, convinced that their barely-scraping-by placements are all behind them. Now comes the Frattie domination! In news surprising to people born since last Thursday, the wonderful, healthy relationship between Ken and Tina starts showing some cracks when they're not in first place anymore. Terence incessantly nags Sarah as she slips into last place, which does wonders for one's concentration.
After finding a random clue-wrangler, it's time for the Detour, which involves either tracking down exact change in rupees, then finding a groom in a crowded reception, or ironing clothing. Most teams opt for the laundry, as it sounds exponentially simpler. Unfortunately for the Fratties, they find that their inability to press clothes in America has not magically melted away in India, and they quickly find their way back to the back of the pack, where they live. Nick and Starr retain their lead, followed by Kelly/Christy, Toni/Dallas, and Terence/Sarah (who surge during their quest for Indian change). That leaves the Fratties, who suck at tasks and whine a lot, and Ken/Tina, who get lost and whine a lot. Ken and Tina limp in to the mat in last place, but luckily for them, tonight is the first of the non-elimination legs. They'll have to contend with the Speed Bump next week, but they're still in the race. They both cry for some reason.
Overall Grade: C
Tonight, it's off to India, which has been the mental downfall of many a team. Not these guys, though, because as part of a season with overly easy tasks, this episode has...overly easy tasks. Not overly easy compared to other legs; there's actually some work involved this week. They're just easy compared with India legs in other seasons. Oh, and the random Spanish is still being thrown around, because if there's one thing people abroad understand more than broken English, it's broken Spanish.
Everyone gets on the same flight to Delhi, then heads for the Roadblock, which involves painting a car. Andrew finishes first, and the Fratties roar into the next part of the leg, convinced that their barely-scraping-by placements are all behind them. Now comes the Frattie domination! In news surprising to people born since last Thursday, the wonderful, healthy relationship between Ken and Tina starts showing some cracks when they're not in first place anymore. Terence incessantly nags Sarah as she slips into last place, which does wonders for one's concentration.
After finding a random clue-wrangler, it's time for the Detour, which involves either tracking down exact change in rupees, then finding a groom in a crowded reception, or ironing clothing. Most teams opt for the laundry, as it sounds exponentially simpler. Unfortunately for the Fratties, they find that their inability to press clothes in America has not magically melted away in India, and they quickly find their way back to the back of the pack, where they live. Nick and Starr retain their lead, followed by Kelly/Christy, Toni/Dallas, and Terence/Sarah (who surge during their quest for Indian change). That leaves the Fratties, who suck at tasks and whine a lot, and Ken/Tina, who get lost and whine a lot. Ken and Tina limp in to the mat in last place, but luckily for them, tonight is the first of the non-elimination legs. They'll have to contend with the Speed Bump next week, but they're still in the race. They both cry for some reason.
Overall Grade: C
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Carpet Bombing
America's Next Top Model - Season 11, Episode 6
Previously on America's Next Top Model: Marjorie was a ball of nerves. Samantha made waves at the photo shoot. Clark, who I thought was going to coast to the end despite an obvious lack of beauty or personality, got the business end of a very welcome elimination. LabRat (entering the apartment just as Tyra recaps Clark's booting): "Yay!" Eight girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Now that Brittany and her condescending lectures are gone, Elina and Samantha feel free to sit at the kitchen table and bitch about their controlling mothers. In the other room, Analeigh is starting to realize that she's the most boring contestant to date. Except for Mollie Sue, maybe. Tyra meets the girls at a challenge where they're told to pick a signature pose on the spot. Marjorie works her awkwardness into a Hunchback of Notre Dame series of poses, which Tyra loves. Or is it that she loves that Marjorie kisses her ass midway through? It's a mystery for the ages. Analeigh's "rebel ice skater" poses don't garner much praise, and joining her in the ranks of the boring is Lauren Brie, who is cursed with the pretty-but-bland mark that has taken down so many contestants. Marjorie wins the challenge, and takes Analeigh along to pick out some diamonds.
The photo shoot is done at a majestic theater, and has the girls portray various red carpet disasters. Marjorie blows the judges away with her shot of trying to pee around a designer gown. No, really. Samantha (can't read cue cards due to bright light) has a terrible photo, as does Lauren Brie, who can't figure out how to follow the photographer's instruction that she trip over herself and fall naturally, but gracefully. Go figure. Sheena loses her pupils as she glares at a model stepping on her gown, and Elina can't cry convincingly, even though she's actually crying. There are plenty of good shots, too. Analeigh entrances the judges with her shot of a snotty reporter, even though looking snotty is the easiest pose in the world. Joslyn (another woman shows up in the same gown) has a lovely semi-profile shot, and McKey looks beautifully awkward as a nominee who unexpectedly loses. Still, neither of them can overcome the judges' rapture over Marjorie's pee shot, and she gets the coveted called-first prize. Sheena and Lauren Brie drop to the bottom two, and Lauren Brie's inability to rise above being pretty gets her axed.
Yes, Analeigh is still in the competition, and Lauren Brie is not. It's a good thing I stopped taking this show seriously several cycles ago.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on America's Next Top Model: Marjorie was a ball of nerves. Samantha made waves at the photo shoot. Clark, who I thought was going to coast to the end despite an obvious lack of beauty or personality, got the business end of a very welcome elimination. LabRat (entering the apartment just as Tyra recaps Clark's booting): "Yay!" Eight girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Now that Brittany and her condescending lectures are gone, Elina and Samantha feel free to sit at the kitchen table and bitch about their controlling mothers. In the other room, Analeigh is starting to realize that she's the most boring contestant to date. Except for Mollie Sue, maybe. Tyra meets the girls at a challenge where they're told to pick a signature pose on the spot. Marjorie works her awkwardness into a Hunchback of Notre Dame series of poses, which Tyra loves. Or is it that she loves that Marjorie kisses her ass midway through? It's a mystery for the ages. Analeigh's "rebel ice skater" poses don't garner much praise, and joining her in the ranks of the boring is Lauren Brie, who is cursed with the pretty-but-bland mark that has taken down so many contestants. Marjorie wins the challenge, and takes Analeigh along to pick out some diamonds.
The photo shoot is done at a majestic theater, and has the girls portray various red carpet disasters. Marjorie blows the judges away with her shot of trying to pee around a designer gown. No, really. Samantha (can't read cue cards due to bright light) has a terrible photo, as does Lauren Brie, who can't figure out how to follow the photographer's instruction that she trip over herself and fall naturally, but gracefully. Go figure. Sheena loses her pupils as she glares at a model stepping on her gown, and Elina can't cry convincingly, even though she's actually crying. There are plenty of good shots, too. Analeigh entrances the judges with her shot of a snotty reporter, even though looking snotty is the easiest pose in the world. Joslyn (another woman shows up in the same gown) has a lovely semi-profile shot, and McKey looks beautifully awkward as a nominee who unexpectedly loses. Still, neither of them can overcome the judges' rapture over Marjorie's pee shot, and she gets the coveted called-first prize. Sheena and Lauren Brie drop to the bottom two, and Lauren Brie's inability to rise above being pretty gets her axed.
Yes, Analeigh is still in the competition, and Lauren Brie is not. It's a good thing I stopped taking this show seriously several cycles ago.
Overall Grade: B-
Saturday, August 23, 2008
What a Drag
Project Runway - Season 5, Episode 6
The Amazing Race has gone through a few lackluster seasons, and still managed to pull itself together. Thus, I'm not prepared to write Project Runway off, but DAMN. When was the last interesting episode? The one where Laura accused Jeffrey of cheating? It sure has been a while.
Even tonight, when the delightful challenge is to design a costumey, over-the-top outfit for a drag queen, this group of duds manages to make it dull. The one time the designers are given permission to go completely wild, and are guaranteed not to be told to tone it down, and 80% of them put me to sleep. Yawn. The designers are told to make a drag queen outfit that fits their particular queen's persona. Suede decides to do exactly the opposite. He asks his queen's opinion, then proceeds to not only ignore it, but to take active offense to it. Suede, honey... I've seen your queen decimate one of the most powerful men in gay porn on stage, then send him back to his seat like a puppy. She could take a third-person-spewing reality show wannabe in her sleep.
When they come out onto the runway, most of these dresses don't even rate a mention. I will say that Terri doesn't particularly deserve to be in the top three, which she is, and Jerell doesn't particularly deserve to be in the bottom three, which he is. Still, it turns out not to matter, as both the winner and loser are well-chosen. Joe... You know, the straight one? Yeah, apparently, he was the only guy to actually listen to that whole "make an outfit to fit your client's persona" direction, and creates a Barbie-pink sailor suit that his queen sells the shit out of on the runway. He takes the much-deserved win, along with immunity for next week. Meanwhile, Keith and Daniel join Jerell in the bottom three, and Daniel, who has been circling the drain since Day One, is finally cut loose for making yet another boring cocktail dress. It's about time. He's a "designer" in the way that someone who can only make scrambled eggs is a "chef".
Overall Grade: C+
The Amazing Race has gone through a few lackluster seasons, and still managed to pull itself together. Thus, I'm not prepared to write Project Runway off, but DAMN. When was the last interesting episode? The one where Laura accused Jeffrey of cheating? It sure has been a while.
Even tonight, when the delightful challenge is to design a costumey, over-the-top outfit for a drag queen, this group of duds manages to make it dull. The one time the designers are given permission to go completely wild, and are guaranteed not to be told to tone it down, and 80% of them put me to sleep. Yawn. The designers are told to make a drag queen outfit that fits their particular queen's persona. Suede decides to do exactly the opposite. He asks his queen's opinion, then proceeds to not only ignore it, but to take active offense to it. Suede, honey... I've seen your queen decimate one of the most powerful men in gay porn on stage, then send him back to his seat like a puppy. She could take a third-person-spewing reality show wannabe in her sleep.
When they come out onto the runway, most of these dresses don't even rate a mention. I will say that Terri doesn't particularly deserve to be in the top three, which she is, and Jerell doesn't particularly deserve to be in the bottom three, which he is. Still, it turns out not to matter, as both the winner and loser are well-chosen. Joe... You know, the straight one? Yeah, apparently, he was the only guy to actually listen to that whole "make an outfit to fit your client's persona" direction, and creates a Barbie-pink sailor suit that his queen sells the shit out of on the runway. He takes the much-deserved win, along with immunity for next week. Meanwhile, Keith and Daniel join Jerell in the bottom three, and Daniel, who has been circling the drain since Day One, is finally cut loose for making yet another boring cocktail dress. It's about time. He's a "designer" in the way that someone who can only make scrambled eggs is a "chef".
Overall Grade: C+
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Tailgating
Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 6
Previously on Top Chef: Lisa saved Dale from serving an idiotic course, which he didn't appreciate. Zoi underseasoned her mushrooms. Spike wore the dumbest hat in creation. Well, second-dumbest. Everyone hated the Earth team's food, and Zoi was sent packing. This sparked a bunch of fights in the Kitchen, and Dale indicated that he's picked up the mistaken impression that he can be intimidating. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Sliced veggies a-plenty, sliced sausage, and wine. Oh, and Timiffany picked up a gross of Tic-Tacs from some promotion or other, so we were all tasked with getting rid of some. Shame that there weren't any orange ones left.
Naturally, tonight's opening segment has to be some Monday morning quarterbacking about the last challenge. Spike opens by pissing away any sympathy I had for him last week by interviewing that people thought he should have gone home. Because his food sucked? Because they think he's incapable of working well in a team? Because they're upset gentle flower Zoi went, and he was the only other option? No, it's because he's such an awesome chef, they're all threatened by him. I guess he's hoping we won't notice that in five episodes, he's been in the bottom of either the Quickfire or the Elimination Challenge in four of them. Woo, what talent! Jennifer is still upset over Zoi's elimination, and she interviews in a cracking voice that now she wants to win for both of them. OK, Zoi's not dead, is she? Ryan hopes the fighting people will be off their game, giving him an advantage. Dale offers an insincere apology to Lisa for yelling at her. It's one of those "Sorry if you got offended when I pointed out that you're a bitch" kind of non-apologies, and Lisa sees right through it. She agrees to a truce, but still emphatically hates Dale's guts.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs come into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma and a long row of pitchers, all filled with beer. Mmmmm. OK, "mmmmm" to me because I'm typing this after a grueling game of softball. I doubt I'd be as happy to see pitchers of beer first thing in the morning. Padma, who judging by her outfit is on her way to audition for Fame later, introduces the Quickfire guest judge, Koren Grieveson. She's the head chef at a local restaurant. Padma tells the chefs that this round is all about simple pleasures. The Quickfire Challenge will be to taste three of the beers, pick one, then make a dish to pair with it. Chefs draw knives to determine the order in which they'll choose beer. Most of them seem fairly unsure about what to do. Lisa's psyched, as she enjoys cooking with beer and says she knows what goes with it. Jennifer gets Land Shark, and is happy, comparing her faux-hawk to a shark fin. Once everyone gets their beer, Padma starts the thirty-minute countdown.
There's a run on the refrigerator. Richard interviews that his strategy is to listen carefully to whatever the challenge's buzzword is. That sounds so obvious, but it's surprising how often chefs will be all "The challenge is to make something you can eat with your hands, but I felt strongly that I should whip together some gazpacho". Antonia interviews that it can be difficult to make simple dishes, as the line between "simple" and "dumbed down" can be a hard one to identify. Dale has an idea to combine pretzels, cheese, and pork, which is smart. His surprise that throwing pretzels into a food processor creates pretzel dust is not. Jennifer is totally fired-up, because she's doing this for Zoi. Just in case you've forgotten during the past two minutes. Time runs out.
Padma and Koren go down the line. Let's not worry about who got what beer; it really doesn't matter. Richard has made a grilled tuna sandwich with pickled vegetables. Sounds good to me. Andrew has rainbow trout with greens and peaches, and put it onto a raspberry gastrique. Koren says it needs more acid. Dale has made pan-roasted pork tenderloin with a miso caramel sauce and topped it with pretzel dust. He knows this isn't his best work, interviewing that he's hoping not to be called out in the bottom three. Antonia has made miso-glazed cod with some cabbage. Nikki's not a big beer drinker, but assumed that fried food was the way to go. She's made some fried, citrus-marinated shrimp and put them on a lettuce bed. There's an Asian coleslaw on the side that looks rather dry. Stephanie has steamed mussels and put a cilantro vinaigrette on them. There's also a side of grilled bread. I loves me some mussels. Good ones are tough to get in the Midwest.
Mark has made a juniper-spiced rack of lamb with honey beer sauce. Koren can't taste the beer, but likes the overall flavor. Ryan has deglazed his beer to put onto lamb. Spike has put together a charcuterie plate with a bowl of clams. Oh, it's like a Farmer's Platter. And I can get a better-looking one two blocks from here. Koren isn't blown away, which of course is because she "doesn't get it". It must be nice to be able to rationalize away your flaws so easily. Lisa says she wanted to keep things simple, so she made a bacon cheeseburger and potato chips. Wonderful things, both, though I think she took the "simple" instruction too far. Jennifer got an island vibe from her beer, so she opted for French Caribbean style, making shrimp and scallop beignets with fennel, avocado, and pepper purees. They look good. Padma is impressed that the beignets haven't gotten greasy or heavy, even after sitting while the other competitors were judged. Jennifer is tired of placing in the middle, and hopes she can finally win something.
Results. Bottom three first. One is Nikki, whose shrimp were too breaded and underseasoned. Geez, with the underseasoning this season. Spike's two components didn't relate to one another. Dale's wasn't moist enough. Lisa is vindictively pleased. Now, to the top three. Richard's sandwich flavors were bold and great. Stephanie's mussels were good, and paired with the beer well. Finally, Jennifer's beignets had great acidity and flavor. Padma asks who Koren has chosen as the winner, and she selects Jennifer, who pulls down immunity. Spike interviews that it must feel nice for her, after Zoi got eliminated. Jennifer agrees that this is a completely turnaround from her depression and frustration yesterday.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be cooking for a tailgating party for the upcoming Bears game. The chefs applaud, hoping that this challenge will be more laid-back. Dale is a native and a sports fan, so he's jazzed. Mark snaps that he didn't come here to watch football, he came to cook. Does he think he's attending the game? Padma explains that the sports fans will be filling out opinion cards, and it is those cards that will determine the top and bottom three chefs. From there, the judges will pick a winner and a loser. There will be two hours of prep work before heading for the game. Jennifer gives the Standard Speech, augmenting it by saying that she's doing this for Zoi.
Panny: "Jesus, we GET IT already."
Commercials. I'm a bit curious to see what that Bud Light with Lime tastes like. It may be the grossest swill ever, but every time I see this ad, I get the urge.
Spike recaps the challenge. I guess the thirty minutes of shopping time starts the minute the cars shift to park, as the chefs run at top speed into the store. They immediately attack the meat counter. Spike requests a load of chicken wings, smarmerviewing that he beat out the other chefs. Dale, indeed, is bummed that he missed out on the wings, and changes his idea to ribs. Richard gives the seasonal grump we must always endure about how he cooks refined food, so this challenge doesn't reflect his style at all. He settles on a pate melt, going for a pun that my dad would heartily enjoy. I just realized that Richard kind of looks like a guy I used to date. Freaky. Nikki wants to make sausage and pepper hero sandwiches, which is a great idea. Wearing her sunglasses inside? Not as great an idea. It's an inexplicable peeve of mine. Nikki also buys some shrimp, in case the sports fans don't eat sausage. Fat chance. Mark, almost comatose in his interview, says that he can't make shrimp-on-the-barbie because everyone else got to the shrimp first. He opts for chicken skewers and chowder instead. Ryan tosses pears into a bag. He dismissively interviews that he's not a big sports fan, rhetorically asking if he looks like one. Um, yes. Yes, he does.
Beebers: "He totally looks like one of those fratty sports guys."
Just as I wonder what Ryan does with all of his time if he's not into sports or movies, he answers me by telling us that he's a metrosexual who likes to spend money on clothes, and go out dancing. He must be a stunning conversationalist. He's going to stick to his California style cuisine. Man, this season needs a subtitle: Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us!
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their two hours of prep time. Antonia is excited, because they'll get to be cooking outdoors and barbecuing. Sure, when else will they ever get a chance to do that? Andrew doesn't have any tailgating experience, but works on honey mustard shrimp with bacon and apple chutney, so his educated guess is pretty spot-on. Stephanie is making pork tenderloin and a salad with potato (as opposed to potato salad) with rosemary vinaigrette. Rut roh. She's lucky the sports fans are choosing the top three, because we all know how Gail feels about rosemary. Spike frantically sauces his chicken wings, and is far too impressed with himself for doing so. He's increasingly starting to get on my nerves. Jennifer interviews that her dad is a huge football fan, so she was always surrounded by it as she grew up. She's working on a Greek dish as a tribute to Zoi. AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Enough about Zoi, for fuck's sake! She was deservedly eliminated from a reality cooking show, not executed by the PLO. Anyway, it's tzatziki, souvlaki, and such.
Some of Ryan's ingredients have been flung up onto his face. He appears not to notice. He's going to make bread salad, marinates some chicken thighs, wants to make poached pears for dessert, and works on a chili-spiked cocoa as well. So, a four-course meal, little of which can be eaten by hand, for a tailgating party. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Richard inwardly rolls his eyes at this, interviewing that he's keeping it simple. Lisa works on a thick skirt steak, knowing that they're chewy and will take forever on the grill. She makes them as thin as possible by pounding on them with a rolling pin, which she calls "beating [her] meat". Huh. When I refer to meat-beating, rolling pins are almost never involved. Mark turns a blender on, but the lid's not on tight, and liquid flies everywhere. He seems unusually flustered this week.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. We learn that Jennifer still has immunity. Antonia is working on a Jamaican jerk chicken sandwich to appeal to fatass men who drink a lot of beer, Dale is still a sports fan, and Ryan is making poached pears because they're light, simple, and clean.
Tiffany: "Yes, that's just what sports fans worry most about as they pig out before a game: their health."
Ptom wanders out. Thanks once again for that invaluable contribution, Ptom. Ryan worries about time management, and the refrigerators are rapidly packed with food. The editors work hard to make us seize in dramatic suspense over the full refrigerators, but can't quite get there. Time runs out, and the chefs leave for the day. Back at the house, wine is broken out immediately, and people kick back. Having a non-team Elimination Challenge makes everyone more at ease. Spike and Mark relax in the bubble bath with their wine. They still have their shorts on, and sit three feet apart, but the pseudo-porny music would like you to think that this is super-nasty. And once again, Spike is mightily impressed with himself for doing something soooooooo naughty. Please, I've seen episodes of Sesame Street that were more homoerotic than this.
Commercials. Wow, so the only peep I hear from Jeffrey since his win (and the *shiver* Bratz movie) is a cheesy commercial about a third-rate award show? While Laura can't keep clothes on the shelves? Ah, it feels good to be right.
Tailgating party. A drumline comes through, led by a bear mascot. The chefs hurry to their grills with their coolers, while Bears fans wait impatiently. The chefs have another hour to put their food together, and get a choice between a modern gas grill and a charcoal one. Mark is the only one to choose charcoal. Everyone hurriedly works on their food and tends to their cooking meats. The judges stride up in matching Bears jerseys. Padma and Ptom are there, of course, along with Gail and guest judge Paul Kahan, who owns the restaurant that Koren works at. I guess she's not important enough to tackle this challenge. The crowd begins to stream in. Stephanie enjoys cooking for the masses, rather than just four nitpicky people. She serves her pork tenderloin, with bacon/tomato/pear salad and the rosemary vinaigrette. The judges and the fans all seem to enjoy it. A jolly man happily tells us that everything's better with bacon. I agree, jolly man.
Dale spots Gale Sayers, Richard Dent, and William "The Refrigerator" Perry (all Bears alumni), and is thrilled to be serving ribs to them. He tells them what an honor it is. Refrigerator just wants his ribs. Heh. When it's safe, the judges approach. Dale's ribs are marinated in tandoori, and is served with potato salad with raisins and mango. Again, they are enjoyed by judge and fan alike. Spike tries to charm the crowd, but loses them when he asks when the last time the Bears won a Super Bowl was. Poor Chicago sports fans. They must be constantly disappointed. Spike's wings are "fire spiced", whatever that means, and are served with jicama/pineapple slaw with lime dressing. Enjoyed by all! Some guy is wearing a purple jersey. I guess the Bears are playing the Vikings today. Antonia's jerk chicken sandwich has grilled banana and pineapple on the side. Yum. The judges like it, though they think the banana and pineapple should have gone on the sandwich itself. The fans aren't as picky, and love it.
Ryan has so many components, he's overwhelmed, and has to recruit fans from the crowd to help him serve. He schmoozes the fans well, which Stephanie tartly notes. Ryan hands the judges his bread salad. And marinated chicken. And poached pears. And brandy cocoa. He interviews that he thinks he's got a winner, because it's not typical tailgating food. I'll say. Although one fan really likes it, the others are predictably not floored by complicated food they practically need a full place setting to eat. Andrew wears a football helmet. He should probably do that every day. He makes fun of Gail's voice, which was actually pretty funny. He's serving glazed shrimp, and a potato parsnip puree with apple chutney. The plate is messy and unappetizing.
Kender: "That looks disgusting. And I like everything in it."
He spazzes some more as he serves, and Gail calls him a "trip" (read: psycho). His food is received fairly well, though not with the enthusiasm that some earlier chefs got. Nikki serves her sausage and pepper hero sandwiches with a choice of hot sauce or homemade cocktail sauce. She has issues with portion size. Lisa serves skirt steak with salsa verde and a corn cake that makes me want to leap through the screen to get at. Jennifer serves her Greek platter, which includes harissa-marinated chicken and a quinoa tabouli. Oh, Harissa? That explains it all. I'm sorry, I had to go there! I understand that I must be punished, so I'll give myself one of these. Richard gives the judges his pate melt, which is made of pork and a little veal. He's also put a spicy mayonnaise and some pickled cucumber on it. Sounds good.
Mark continues to be a total mess as he serves his chowder to the judges. He's klutzy, disheveled, and disorganized, which doesn't seem typical of him at all. Something seems so off about him this week. He's made chicken and scallion skewers with a soy and onion glaze, and some New Zealand corn chowder. How does one go about skewering a scallion? Once the judges take their food and go, they discuss how much of a disaster Mark is today. The couple that didn't like Ryan's food doesn't like his either. Nikki burns through all her sausages and peppers before the judges get any. Whoops! She's embarrassed, and nervous about what the reaction will be now. I'm pretty forgiving of careless mistakes, and this one's no exception, especially since the fans are the ones deciding the top three. If they like it, it almost doesn't matter that the judges didn't get the full experience. Paul asks if she made the sausage, which she didn't. What did she do with her three hours? The judges discuss her various problems, but not before Gail is viciously attacked by a bug. Hehe.
Jennifer runs out of food. Richard Dent says that he liked Richard's burger the most, Gale liked Dale's ribs, and Refrigerator chooses both Lisa's steak and Dale's ribs as the best. Another random fan praises Stephanie's pork. Once the challenge is over, the chefs unwind by playing a little touch football. Mark and Nikki worry about their chances. Nikki hopes the fans' scorecards will carry her into the middle of the pack, because if not, she's in trouble.
Commercials. These phone-in poll questions get stupider every week.
The chefs come back to the Kitchen for their fret 'n' sweat. Padma comes in, and summons Antonia, Dale, and Stephanie to Judges' Table. Once they're in, Padma tells them that they've been voted the top three of the challenge. I'm surprised Antonia's here, as she's been almost ignored this episode. Ptom tells Stephanie that she's been at the winners' table a lot, which she is gratified by. If Ptom had one complaint, it's that the pork could have been seasoned a bit better. Gail was suspicious of the rosemary vinaigrette (see?), but it won her over. Antonia would have done better to include the grilled banana and pineapple in the actual sandwich, but all the flavors were good. Dale's ribs were extremely tasty. Paul gets to announce the winner, which is Dale, due to his complexity and depth of flavor. He wins a Bears jersey with "TOP CHEF" printed on the back and a new gas grill. Well, it's not a trip to Italy, but it's not bad at all. Padma asks him to send out the bottom three.
Dale's win is applauded back in the Kitchen. He tells Mark, Nikki, and Ryan that they're needed at the losers' table. Odd Asian music. Gong. Once out there, Ryan plants his hands on his hips, already pissed off. Padma tells them that they scored lowest with the crowd. Nikki talks about her portioning problem, but that doesn't explain why the fans didn't like her sandwiches. She's at a loss to explain that one. Ptom asks why she didn't make her own sausage, and she says it was a time issue, which I still doubt. Gail says that it just seemed like not a lot of care was put into the food, which is a good way of phrasing it. Paul wonders what the shrimp were doing there, and Nikki says she wanted to have something else to serve. Gail says that it led to a disconnection, and Paul says she could have served the sausage and shrimp together, which would have been an interesting spin.
Ryan is asked why he served a dessert, especially a dessert that doesn't have much to do with tailgating. He says he wanted to have a whole dining experience at his table. The judges don't take issue with that, but do have a problem with the dessert he chose, saying that there were other desserts that would have been more appropriate to the challenge. He shrugs that he served the food in the way he'd want to be served. Great idea, self-avowed sports hater. Gail says the bread salad was kind of dry, and Ryan non-sequiturs into a speech about how he connected with the crowd. He also talks about "California flair", and Ptom cuts through all of this by emphasizing what the challenge was about. Simple food, served to the masses, at a sporting event. Ryan ignored almost all of that, which he says is a fair point. Mark admits the chicken skewers were not up to par, but was happy with the chowder. Ptom says the chowder's flavor was fine, but that it was very coarse. Eeeew. Really, Mark's main problem was his sloppy presentation. Oh, and the fact that he tasted soup off a spoon, then plunged it right back into the soup. Egad. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Nikki is convinced she's getting chopped. Antonia sternly asks her if she fought for herself. Awkward silence.
Deliberations. Nikki should have made her own sausage, which is not difficult or time-consuming. Ryan didn't want to have anything to do with tailgating for the tailgating party, and his food wasn't good enough to compensate for that. Nikki and Stephanie gossip about how long-winded Ryan is, while Ryan is busy putting that skill to use. He lets out a stream of profanity, angry that completely blowing off both the week's theme and the challenge parameters has sunk him. Ptom reiterates that Mark's food was poor, his table was unsanitary, and he was just a general disaster. The judges reach a decision.
Commercials. Watch this other show, because someone goes on vacation...WITHOUT HER GIRLFRIEND! Dun dun duuuuuuuun!
Elimination. Nikki can't please a Chicago crowd with substandard sausage. Ryan's food was inappropriate, and even if it had been served in a fancy restaurant, it wasn't very good. Ouch! Mark needs to clean up his act. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the elimination, and although the Reality Show Magic 8 Ball reads "All signs point to Nikki," the judges actually manage to surprise us for once. Ryan. Please pack your knives and go. He thanks the judges for the opportunity, though he makes it clear that he doesn't think he deserves to be eliminated. Back in the Kitchen, he makes a speech about how cooking is humbling. The other chefs, particularly Lisa, look bored out of their gourds, but they give him hugs and good-bye applause. He's proud to have come so far with such talented chefs, and closes by saying that he cooks with his heart.
Tiffany: "How do you stir?"
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: Lisa saved Dale from serving an idiotic course, which he didn't appreciate. Zoi underseasoned her mushrooms. Spike wore the dumbest hat in creation. Well, second-dumbest. Everyone hated the Earth team's food, and Zoi was sent packing. This sparked a bunch of fights in the Kitchen, and Dale indicated that he's picked up the mistaken impression that he can be intimidating. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Sliced veggies a-plenty, sliced sausage, and wine. Oh, and Timiffany picked up a gross of Tic-Tacs from some promotion or other, so we were all tasked with getting rid of some. Shame that there weren't any orange ones left.
Naturally, tonight's opening segment has to be some Monday morning quarterbacking about the last challenge. Spike opens by pissing away any sympathy I had for him last week by interviewing that people thought he should have gone home. Because his food sucked? Because they think he's incapable of working well in a team? Because they're upset gentle flower Zoi went, and he was the only other option? No, it's because he's such an awesome chef, they're all threatened by him. I guess he's hoping we won't notice that in five episodes, he's been in the bottom of either the Quickfire or the Elimination Challenge in four of them. Woo, what talent! Jennifer is still upset over Zoi's elimination, and she interviews in a cracking voice that now she wants to win for both of them. OK, Zoi's not dead, is she? Ryan hopes the fighting people will be off their game, giving him an advantage. Dale offers an insincere apology to Lisa for yelling at her. It's one of those "Sorry if you got offended when I pointed out that you're a bitch" kind of non-apologies, and Lisa sees right through it. She agrees to a truce, but still emphatically hates Dale's guts.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs come into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma and a long row of pitchers, all filled with beer. Mmmmm. OK, "mmmmm" to me because I'm typing this after a grueling game of softball. I doubt I'd be as happy to see pitchers of beer first thing in the morning. Padma, who judging by her outfit is on her way to audition for Fame later, introduces the Quickfire guest judge, Koren Grieveson. She's the head chef at a local restaurant. Padma tells the chefs that this round is all about simple pleasures. The Quickfire Challenge will be to taste three of the beers, pick one, then make a dish to pair with it. Chefs draw knives to determine the order in which they'll choose beer. Most of them seem fairly unsure about what to do. Lisa's psyched, as she enjoys cooking with beer and says she knows what goes with it. Jennifer gets Land Shark, and is happy, comparing her faux-hawk to a shark fin. Once everyone gets their beer, Padma starts the thirty-minute countdown.
There's a run on the refrigerator. Richard interviews that his strategy is to listen carefully to whatever the challenge's buzzword is. That sounds so obvious, but it's surprising how often chefs will be all "The challenge is to make something you can eat with your hands, but I felt strongly that I should whip together some gazpacho". Antonia interviews that it can be difficult to make simple dishes, as the line between "simple" and "dumbed down" can be a hard one to identify. Dale has an idea to combine pretzels, cheese, and pork, which is smart. His surprise that throwing pretzels into a food processor creates pretzel dust is not. Jennifer is totally fired-up, because she's doing this for Zoi. Just in case you've forgotten during the past two minutes. Time runs out.
Padma and Koren go down the line. Let's not worry about who got what beer; it really doesn't matter. Richard has made a grilled tuna sandwich with pickled vegetables. Sounds good to me. Andrew has rainbow trout with greens and peaches, and put it onto a raspberry gastrique. Koren says it needs more acid. Dale has made pan-roasted pork tenderloin with a miso caramel sauce and topped it with pretzel dust. He knows this isn't his best work, interviewing that he's hoping not to be called out in the bottom three. Antonia has made miso-glazed cod with some cabbage. Nikki's not a big beer drinker, but assumed that fried food was the way to go. She's made some fried, citrus-marinated shrimp and put them on a lettuce bed. There's an Asian coleslaw on the side that looks rather dry. Stephanie has steamed mussels and put a cilantro vinaigrette on them. There's also a side of grilled bread. I loves me some mussels. Good ones are tough to get in the Midwest.
Mark has made a juniper-spiced rack of lamb with honey beer sauce. Koren can't taste the beer, but likes the overall flavor. Ryan has deglazed his beer to put onto lamb. Spike has put together a charcuterie plate with a bowl of clams. Oh, it's like a Farmer's Platter. And I can get a better-looking one two blocks from here. Koren isn't blown away, which of course is because she "doesn't get it". It must be nice to be able to rationalize away your flaws so easily. Lisa says she wanted to keep things simple, so she made a bacon cheeseburger and potato chips. Wonderful things, both, though I think she took the "simple" instruction too far. Jennifer got an island vibe from her beer, so she opted for French Caribbean style, making shrimp and scallop beignets with fennel, avocado, and pepper purees. They look good. Padma is impressed that the beignets haven't gotten greasy or heavy, even after sitting while the other competitors were judged. Jennifer is tired of placing in the middle, and hopes she can finally win something.
Results. Bottom three first. One is Nikki, whose shrimp were too breaded and underseasoned. Geez, with the underseasoning this season. Spike's two components didn't relate to one another. Dale's wasn't moist enough. Lisa is vindictively pleased. Now, to the top three. Richard's sandwich flavors were bold and great. Stephanie's mussels were good, and paired with the beer well. Finally, Jennifer's beignets had great acidity and flavor. Padma asks who Koren has chosen as the winner, and she selects Jennifer, who pulls down immunity. Spike interviews that it must feel nice for her, after Zoi got eliminated. Jennifer agrees that this is a completely turnaround from her depression and frustration yesterday.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be cooking for a tailgating party for the upcoming Bears game. The chefs applaud, hoping that this challenge will be more laid-back. Dale is a native and a sports fan, so he's jazzed. Mark snaps that he didn't come here to watch football, he came to cook. Does he think he's attending the game? Padma explains that the sports fans will be filling out opinion cards, and it is those cards that will determine the top and bottom three chefs. From there, the judges will pick a winner and a loser. There will be two hours of prep work before heading for the game. Jennifer gives the Standard Speech, augmenting it by saying that she's doing this for Zoi.
Panny: "Jesus, we GET IT already."
Commercials. I'm a bit curious to see what that Bud Light with Lime tastes like. It may be the grossest swill ever, but every time I see this ad, I get the urge.
Spike recaps the challenge. I guess the thirty minutes of shopping time starts the minute the cars shift to park, as the chefs run at top speed into the store. They immediately attack the meat counter. Spike requests a load of chicken wings, smarmerviewing that he beat out the other chefs. Dale, indeed, is bummed that he missed out on the wings, and changes his idea to ribs. Richard gives the seasonal grump we must always endure about how he cooks refined food, so this challenge doesn't reflect his style at all. He settles on a pate melt, going for a pun that my dad would heartily enjoy. I just realized that Richard kind of looks like a guy I used to date. Freaky. Nikki wants to make sausage and pepper hero sandwiches, which is a great idea. Wearing her sunglasses inside? Not as great an idea. It's an inexplicable peeve of mine. Nikki also buys some shrimp, in case the sports fans don't eat sausage. Fat chance. Mark, almost comatose in his interview, says that he can't make shrimp-on-the-barbie because everyone else got to the shrimp first. He opts for chicken skewers and chowder instead. Ryan tosses pears into a bag. He dismissively interviews that he's not a big sports fan, rhetorically asking if he looks like one. Um, yes. Yes, he does.
Beebers: "He totally looks like one of those fratty sports guys."
Just as I wonder what Ryan does with all of his time if he's not into sports or movies, he answers me by telling us that he's a metrosexual who likes to spend money on clothes, and go out dancing. He must be a stunning conversationalist. He's going to stick to his California style cuisine. Man, this season needs a subtitle: Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us!
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their two hours of prep time. Antonia is excited, because they'll get to be cooking outdoors and barbecuing. Sure, when else will they ever get a chance to do that? Andrew doesn't have any tailgating experience, but works on honey mustard shrimp with bacon and apple chutney, so his educated guess is pretty spot-on. Stephanie is making pork tenderloin and a salad with potato (as opposed to potato salad) with rosemary vinaigrette. Rut roh. She's lucky the sports fans are choosing the top three, because we all know how Gail feels about rosemary. Spike frantically sauces his chicken wings, and is far too impressed with himself for doing so. He's increasingly starting to get on my nerves. Jennifer interviews that her dad is a huge football fan, so she was always surrounded by it as she grew up. She's working on a Greek dish as a tribute to Zoi. AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Enough about Zoi, for fuck's sake! She was deservedly eliminated from a reality cooking show, not executed by the PLO. Anyway, it's tzatziki, souvlaki, and such.
Some of Ryan's ingredients have been flung up onto his face. He appears not to notice. He's going to make bread salad, marinates some chicken thighs, wants to make poached pears for dessert, and works on a chili-spiked cocoa as well. So, a four-course meal, little of which can be eaten by hand, for a tailgating party. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Richard inwardly rolls his eyes at this, interviewing that he's keeping it simple. Lisa works on a thick skirt steak, knowing that they're chewy and will take forever on the grill. She makes them as thin as possible by pounding on them with a rolling pin, which she calls "beating [her] meat". Huh. When I refer to meat-beating, rolling pins are almost never involved. Mark turns a blender on, but the lid's not on tight, and liquid flies everywhere. He seems unusually flustered this week.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. We learn that Jennifer still has immunity. Antonia is working on a Jamaican jerk chicken sandwich to appeal to fatass men who drink a lot of beer, Dale is still a sports fan, and Ryan is making poached pears because they're light, simple, and clean.
Tiffany: "Yes, that's just what sports fans worry most about as they pig out before a game: their health."
Ptom wanders out. Thanks once again for that invaluable contribution, Ptom. Ryan worries about time management, and the refrigerators are rapidly packed with food. The editors work hard to make us seize in dramatic suspense over the full refrigerators, but can't quite get there. Time runs out, and the chefs leave for the day. Back at the house, wine is broken out immediately, and people kick back. Having a non-team Elimination Challenge makes everyone more at ease. Spike and Mark relax in the bubble bath with their wine. They still have their shorts on, and sit three feet apart, but the pseudo-porny music would like you to think that this is super-nasty. And once again, Spike is mightily impressed with himself for doing something soooooooo naughty. Please, I've seen episodes of Sesame Street that were more homoerotic than this.
Commercials. Wow, so the only peep I hear from Jeffrey since his win (and the *shiver* Bratz movie) is a cheesy commercial about a third-rate award show? While Laura can't keep clothes on the shelves? Ah, it feels good to be right.
Tailgating party. A drumline comes through, led by a bear mascot. The chefs hurry to their grills with their coolers, while Bears fans wait impatiently. The chefs have another hour to put their food together, and get a choice between a modern gas grill and a charcoal one. Mark is the only one to choose charcoal. Everyone hurriedly works on their food and tends to their cooking meats. The judges stride up in matching Bears jerseys. Padma and Ptom are there, of course, along with Gail and guest judge Paul Kahan, who owns the restaurant that Koren works at. I guess she's not important enough to tackle this challenge. The crowd begins to stream in. Stephanie enjoys cooking for the masses, rather than just four nitpicky people. She serves her pork tenderloin, with bacon/tomato/pear salad and the rosemary vinaigrette. The judges and the fans all seem to enjoy it. A jolly man happily tells us that everything's better with bacon. I agree, jolly man.
Dale spots Gale Sayers, Richard Dent, and William "The Refrigerator" Perry (all Bears alumni), and is thrilled to be serving ribs to them. He tells them what an honor it is. Refrigerator just wants his ribs. Heh. When it's safe, the judges approach. Dale's ribs are marinated in tandoori, and is served with potato salad with raisins and mango. Again, they are enjoyed by judge and fan alike. Spike tries to charm the crowd, but loses them when he asks when the last time the Bears won a Super Bowl was. Poor Chicago sports fans. They must be constantly disappointed. Spike's wings are "fire spiced", whatever that means, and are served with jicama/pineapple slaw with lime dressing. Enjoyed by all! Some guy is wearing a purple jersey. I guess the Bears are playing the Vikings today. Antonia's jerk chicken sandwich has grilled banana and pineapple on the side. Yum. The judges like it, though they think the banana and pineapple should have gone on the sandwich itself. The fans aren't as picky, and love it.
Ryan has so many components, he's overwhelmed, and has to recruit fans from the crowd to help him serve. He schmoozes the fans well, which Stephanie tartly notes. Ryan hands the judges his bread salad. And marinated chicken. And poached pears. And brandy cocoa. He interviews that he thinks he's got a winner, because it's not typical tailgating food. I'll say. Although one fan really likes it, the others are predictably not floored by complicated food they practically need a full place setting to eat. Andrew wears a football helmet. He should probably do that every day. He makes fun of Gail's voice, which was actually pretty funny. He's serving glazed shrimp, and a potato parsnip puree with apple chutney. The plate is messy and unappetizing.
Kender: "That looks disgusting. And I like everything in it."
He spazzes some more as he serves, and Gail calls him a "trip" (read: psycho). His food is received fairly well, though not with the enthusiasm that some earlier chefs got. Nikki serves her sausage and pepper hero sandwiches with a choice of hot sauce or homemade cocktail sauce. She has issues with portion size. Lisa serves skirt steak with salsa verde and a corn cake that makes me want to leap through the screen to get at. Jennifer serves her Greek platter, which includes harissa-marinated chicken and a quinoa tabouli. Oh, Harissa? That explains it all. I'm sorry, I had to go there! I understand that I must be punished, so I'll give myself one of these. Richard gives the judges his pate melt, which is made of pork and a little veal. He's also put a spicy mayonnaise and some pickled cucumber on it. Sounds good.
Mark continues to be a total mess as he serves his chowder to the judges. He's klutzy, disheveled, and disorganized, which doesn't seem typical of him at all. Something seems so off about him this week. He's made chicken and scallion skewers with a soy and onion glaze, and some New Zealand corn chowder. How does one go about skewering a scallion? Once the judges take their food and go, they discuss how much of a disaster Mark is today. The couple that didn't like Ryan's food doesn't like his either. Nikki burns through all her sausages and peppers before the judges get any. Whoops! She's embarrassed, and nervous about what the reaction will be now. I'm pretty forgiving of careless mistakes, and this one's no exception, especially since the fans are the ones deciding the top three. If they like it, it almost doesn't matter that the judges didn't get the full experience. Paul asks if she made the sausage, which she didn't. What did she do with her three hours? The judges discuss her various problems, but not before Gail is viciously attacked by a bug. Hehe.
Jennifer runs out of food. Richard Dent says that he liked Richard's burger the most, Gale liked Dale's ribs, and Refrigerator chooses both Lisa's steak and Dale's ribs as the best. Another random fan praises Stephanie's pork. Once the challenge is over, the chefs unwind by playing a little touch football. Mark and Nikki worry about their chances. Nikki hopes the fans' scorecards will carry her into the middle of the pack, because if not, she's in trouble.
Commercials. These phone-in poll questions get stupider every week.
The chefs come back to the Kitchen for their fret 'n' sweat. Padma comes in, and summons Antonia, Dale, and Stephanie to Judges' Table. Once they're in, Padma tells them that they've been voted the top three of the challenge. I'm surprised Antonia's here, as she's been almost ignored this episode. Ptom tells Stephanie that she's been at the winners' table a lot, which she is gratified by. If Ptom had one complaint, it's that the pork could have been seasoned a bit better. Gail was suspicious of the rosemary vinaigrette (see?), but it won her over. Antonia would have done better to include the grilled banana and pineapple in the actual sandwich, but all the flavors were good. Dale's ribs were extremely tasty. Paul gets to announce the winner, which is Dale, due to his complexity and depth of flavor. He wins a Bears jersey with "TOP CHEF" printed on the back and a new gas grill. Well, it's not a trip to Italy, but it's not bad at all. Padma asks him to send out the bottom three.
Dale's win is applauded back in the Kitchen. He tells Mark, Nikki, and Ryan that they're needed at the losers' table. Odd Asian music. Gong. Once out there, Ryan plants his hands on his hips, already pissed off. Padma tells them that they scored lowest with the crowd. Nikki talks about her portioning problem, but that doesn't explain why the fans didn't like her sandwiches. She's at a loss to explain that one. Ptom asks why she didn't make her own sausage, and she says it was a time issue, which I still doubt. Gail says that it just seemed like not a lot of care was put into the food, which is a good way of phrasing it. Paul wonders what the shrimp were doing there, and Nikki says she wanted to have something else to serve. Gail says that it led to a disconnection, and Paul says she could have served the sausage and shrimp together, which would have been an interesting spin.
Ryan is asked why he served a dessert, especially a dessert that doesn't have much to do with tailgating. He says he wanted to have a whole dining experience at his table. The judges don't take issue with that, but do have a problem with the dessert he chose, saying that there were other desserts that would have been more appropriate to the challenge. He shrugs that he served the food in the way he'd want to be served. Great idea, self-avowed sports hater. Gail says the bread salad was kind of dry, and Ryan non-sequiturs into a speech about how he connected with the crowd. He also talks about "California flair", and Ptom cuts through all of this by emphasizing what the challenge was about. Simple food, served to the masses, at a sporting event. Ryan ignored almost all of that, which he says is a fair point. Mark admits the chicken skewers were not up to par, but was happy with the chowder. Ptom says the chowder's flavor was fine, but that it was very coarse. Eeeew. Really, Mark's main problem was his sloppy presentation. Oh, and the fact that he tasted soup off a spoon, then plunged it right back into the soup. Egad. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Nikki is convinced she's getting chopped. Antonia sternly asks her if she fought for herself. Awkward silence.
Deliberations. Nikki should have made her own sausage, which is not difficult or time-consuming. Ryan didn't want to have anything to do with tailgating for the tailgating party, and his food wasn't good enough to compensate for that. Nikki and Stephanie gossip about how long-winded Ryan is, while Ryan is busy putting that skill to use. He lets out a stream of profanity, angry that completely blowing off both the week's theme and the challenge parameters has sunk him. Ptom reiterates that Mark's food was poor, his table was unsanitary, and he was just a general disaster. The judges reach a decision.
Commercials. Watch this other show, because someone goes on vacation...WITHOUT HER GIRLFRIEND! Dun dun duuuuuuuun!
Elimination. Nikki can't please a Chicago crowd with substandard sausage. Ryan's food was inappropriate, and even if it had been served in a fancy restaurant, it wasn't very good. Ouch! Mark needs to clean up his act. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the elimination, and although the Reality Show Magic 8 Ball reads "All signs point to Nikki," the judges actually manage to surprise us for once. Ryan. Please pack your knives and go. He thanks the judges for the opportunity, though he makes it clear that he doesn't think he deserves to be eliminated. Back in the Kitchen, he makes a speech about how cooking is humbling. The other chefs, particularly Lisa, look bored out of their gourds, but they give him hugs and good-bye applause. He's proud to have come so far with such talented chefs, and closes by saying that he cooks with his heart.
Tiffany: "How do you stir?"
Overall Grade: B
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