Reunion

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 12

Previously on Project Runway: John told the judges he spent eight hours on a dress he had a week to design, and was eliminated. Heidi S. got eliminated and reveled in her pseudo-Southern pseudo-ignorance. Kirsten refused to give up a scarf, so the judges gave her a boot to go with it. Raymundo decided the best way to get ahead in the competition was to completely ignore the challenge, the mentor's sage advice, and any connection with good taste. Daniel committed the grave sin of not being Santino. Lupe created a saggy, black sausage-casing in the mistaken belief that since she was designing for one of the Hilton girls, nobody would notice that she sucks. Marla and Diana aren't hip-happenin' youngsters or brash, egotistical blowhards, so they were shown the door. Take that, normal people! Emmett committed the grave sin of not being Santino. Didn't he learn a lesson from Daniel? Zulema's smokescreen of attitude couldn't veil her lack of talent forever. Andrae's putting-green dress failed to live up to the blaze of botanic glory of the other designers. Nick designed a lovely suit - for a woman who works at the DMV. Kara's evening gown wasn't the belle of the ball. Three designers remain. Who will be out tonight? Well, nobody. Because tonight, all sixteen designers will gather for the first time to discuss the show. Let the battle of the egos begin!

The designers enter a bar in the order they were eliminated over clips of the judges tearing them apart on the runway. A newly slim John tells Heidi S. that the one good thing about being eliminated first is early access to the booze. Heh. Kirsten enters and shows off her rounded belly. Aw, she's seven months pregnant, and looks great. Raymundo has discovered the one haircut that's uglier than the one he had on the show. It's half-mullet, half-mohawk, and entirely fug. Daniel Franco's jacket is so loud, I have to turn the volume down on the TV. Lupe enters with an idiotic grin already plastered on her face, and the others suggest she concentrate on getting drunk. We'll all regret that advice later. Someone calls Diana and Marla "the twins". Hehe. There are flashback shots to Diana getting her groove on in "Social Scene". Work it! As Emmett gets out of his cab, he appears to be wishing he were anywhere else on Earth. Zulema tromps in with her head down, almost visibly thinking: "Bring it on, bitches." Andrae and Nick are warmly welcomed. Nick compliments John on his new look. There's a split screen of old, hefty-John next to thinner, slightly-hot John. It's not just the weight loss that suits him. He seems to have given up on his penchant for ugly-ass clothing. Good. Kara comes in and shows off her engagement ring. Aw! Everyone clinks glasses. Kirsten has a wineglass filled with pink liquid. That better not be alcoholic, preggo!

Opening credits. I like how in the shot of all the designers standing together wearing black outfits, Zulema has incorporated red shoes in a desperate attempt to stand out.

Heidi and Tim welcome everyone there. Tim tells them that they have a lot of clips to show and some questions sent in by people on the BRAVO website. Hey, I didn't know about that. I have a few choice questions for them. Ah, well. Too late now. Heidi asks how their lives have changed since the show. Heidi S. says that someone has asked her to be the head designer for a firm. Really? Based on one dress that got her kicked off the show? OK, then. She also starts to talk about a charity fashion show, and Lupe interrupts with a slow clap. I've got my tape paused for this, and you can see Lupe's eyes already glazed over. She's wasted. Heidi compliments John on his transformation. Tim tells us Nick's design in "Social Scene" got noticed by Brenda Strong, and she wore a version of it to the SAG awards. There's a picture of it, and she looks very lovely, indeed. That's so cool. It would have been cooler if it weren't the woman who does those incredibly irritating voiceovers on Desperate Housewives, but it's still awesome news. Heidi asks if they watched with their families, but although I suspect she meant the question to be addressed to everyone, it appears that she's still talking to Nick, so that's who answers. He says he watched it through his fingers with his nieces and nephews, who shouldn't have been up that late. Heh. Heidi says that it was extremely difficult to get a Barbie with Nick's winning design from "All Dolled Up", remarking that they "went like bagels". Hahahaha! Tim explains that the saying is actually "sold like hotcakes", and everyone laughs good-naturedly. Really, it's not a bad idea that we update that saying to "bagels". It'd make more sense. Good call, Heidi!

Heidi asks everyone who they think should've been the final three. Raymundo chooses Nick. Kara looks pissed for some reason. Apparently, that's it for that question, and Tim asks Kara how she felt to be the last one eliminated (Answer? Disappointed.), and if she feels her elimination was justified. If she had said "yes", she'd look like a wimp (or falsely modest), and if she had said "no", she'd look like a snot. She does the exactly right thing, and laughs that she can scarcely remember it. There's a shot of Raymundo laughing. Why are they showing him so much? It's hurting my retinas. Heidi says that they're going to bring out the final three. First is Danzzz. He strikes a walk-like-an-Egyptian pose behind the screen. Heh. Wild applause. Next is Chloe. Her silhouette pulls her skirt up and moons us. Nice. Wild applause. Finally, Santino. He grabs his hat and makes some sort of weird gang sign or whatever. Notably tepid applause.

Tim doesn't waste any time, but immediately asks Chloe how she felt when the other designers basically piled onto her at the end of "What's Your Line". They show the clip. I'd forgotten how shocking it was, given how much people hated Santino at that point. Back at the reunion, Chloe says that yeah, it sucked, and that she wanted to kick Santino's ass for months. She says it very matter-of-factly, and appears to be largely over it. Santino admits that he made a very cutting remark, as opposed to the softer jabs of Kara and Danzzz. Daniel, completely failing to pick up on Chloe's lack of anger, jumps in to yell at Santino for being such a creep. Santino's response is that all of that was pure shit-talking; the kind of thing you'd yell before a basketball game. "You suck!" "Your mama!" Things like that. That's actually a fairly good answer, with a few problems, which we'll get to in a second. Santino dredges up the tiresome line that's been peddled by villains since reality television was conceived: "I didn't come here to make friends," by which they think they mean "I'm playing to win, and other people have the misconception that this experience is some sort of box social," but what actually means "I'm a dickhead, and am unsuccessfully trying to hide that character flaw behind a mask of competitiveness." He says that he wasn't trying to be evil or anything, just shake people up. Chloe, again in that wonderfully unemotional way, says that whether he meant it as offensive or not, it turned out to be hurtful, and he needs to realize that. I love Chloe.

Heidi introduces a series of clips of Santino being Santinish. He says that Kara's having trouble in her head. That Zulema's dress was awful. That Daniel has some mental defect. Emmett gets an "Oh, my God." Danzzz is full of shit. Diana's voice is annoying. Emmett should eat his ass. Nick is going to be upset that Santino will be showing at Fashion Week, while Nick won't. Santino claims to have "defecated on Chloe's fabric." Huh? Then the hilarious I WAAAAAANT YOUR SOOOOOOOOUL!!! bit that was never shown during the actual episode. They close with a clip of him saying that he's an overall compassionate and nice person. Heh. The other designers laugh, but not entirely happily. Santino says that he watched the show, and almost didn't recognize that asshole he appeared to be. Heidi asks the other designers what they think. Lupe shrieks "I love Santino!!" Everyone looks uncomfortable, and ignores her. Kara very astutely says that some of the things he said were genuinely hurtful, especially the crack about Diana's voice. Diana agrees that it may have been different if he didn't like her designs or her sewing technique.

That's the thing. I have no doubt that some of Santino's bitchiness is a result of editing. I have no doubt that some of Santino's bitchiness is well-founded (Zulema's dress probably was awful, and I have no problem believing Daniel's not quite right in the head). I have no doubt that he's far less of an asshole than the show would have us believe. But making fun of Diana's voice in an interview that she won't see until the show is complete isn't "trash talk". It isn't "competitive spirit". It is just plain mean, and he needs to admit to that. After all, we've seen tons of clips where Danzzz didn't like Kara's dress or Chloe didn't like Zulema's dress or whatever, but we don't take them to task for being hateful, because it's always about the clothes. Even when it's not, it was about a specific behavior. "Lupe is critiquing everyone's dress, and it's annoying." So while Santino is not the devil incarnate, he can be a real tool, and he either needs to apologize for it or own it. He does neither, because he's a wimp.

Nick says that he'd always had a tough time with Santino, but respected his "creative vision" or whatever. He doesn't deny that some of the things Santino said stung, and Andrae agrees that the whole "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" mantra is bullshit. Daniel looks at Santino with a glare of crazy hate. Santino says he doesn't regret saying anything he did, but he does regret how he made other people feel. Basically, it's the "I'm sorry you're so sensitive that you had to take offense when I called you an annoying, fat idiot" non-apology. I'm afraid that's the best you're going to get, everybody. Commercials.

Heidi asks what it was like standing in the spotlight defending one's design. Chloe says that it's the hardest part for her. Once she's done, she wants to be like "There. Look at my work. I don't want to talk about it. Like it or hate it; I'm done." The preview for the reunion made it look like the "I don't want to talk about it" comment had to do with something about the show. Boo! I love Project Runway, but the preview people suck. Half the stuff they show doesn't turn up in the episode, and there's always some chunk of misleading crap like this. Tim says that the Season 2 designers were a lot more vociferous on the runway than the Season 1 people. Raymundo says it's because there's so much they want to tell the judges, but only a short time to say it in. Why is Raymundo talking? He never talked back to the judges, and he got booted in episode three. He really has nothing valuable to contribute. We have literally not heard a word from Danzzz at this point, but we've gotten speeches and reaction shots from this (I'm sorry, but it's true) ugly, ugly man who barely has a reason to be invited. Shut up, Raymundo.

Heidi introduces a montage of designers mouthing off. Kara awesomely disagrees with Jay's critique of her "Inspiration" dress. He actually yells "Hey!" at her for defending her dress, and in that little moment, I actively wanted to shove a hot poker into his eyeballs. Fucking asshole. OK, in a painful moment for me, I have to give Andrae major props. The judges start to yell at him for not putting Danyelle in a blond wig for "All Dolled Up", and he tells them that they should be talking about the dress. Michael accuses him of prolonging the conversation about the wig, and Andrae simply says, "You asked, so I told you. Tell me about the dress." Awesome, awesome, awesome. He of course has to ruin it by being just as petulant when the judges actually do discuss the dress, but it was a nice moment, just the same. Zulema unsuccessfully attempts to defend the hideous mess she made in "Clothes Off Your Back". Santino shrieks at Nina for not liking his ugly crap in "Team Lingerie".

Now, this is interesting. In the middle of Santino and Nina's argument, Daniel jumps in, calling Santino gimmicky, theatrical, and ridiculous. He says that his own designs are much more marketable. Wow. That was so not his place. How does he have the gall to show up at the reunion all tongue-clucky and finger-wagging about Santino's rudeness? He's starting to look crazier by the minute. Kirsten says that it felt like being in court, and that talking back to a judge isn't in her nature. Yeah, I'd feel like that too. Emmett says that to take a risk means putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and that means defending yourself when necessary. Hope you enjoyed that snippet of Emmett, since you'll pretty much never see him again. Heidi says that it was necessary to fight with Santino a lot because he never seemed to listen to the judges' criticisms. Santino replies that he was listening, but didn't necessarily agree. Fair enough. Danzzz says that the designs should be fairly self-explanatory, but Santino felt the need to exhaustively describe his motivation behind every single aspect. Chloe agrees. Santino says that being combative and intimidating did figure into his strategy. Apparently, Nina gave an interview later, saying that she thought that Santino was going to leap off the runway and strangle her, which sounds funny, but really is pretty disturbing, all things told. Santino says that reading that made him feel bad. Note another non-apology. Tim asks Daniel about his interruption during that argumentative runway. He non-answers that he didn't like Santino's "voice against professional people - it was unprofessional". Um, thanks. Tim says that he has a question from the BRAVO website addressed to Lupe. Lupe: "Bejrlselkselrj!!!!" Santino says he wants some of whatever she's drinking. I'm thinking it's paint thinner. The question is if Lupe thinks her elimination was fair, given Marla's copycat issue. OK, ready?

"Honestly? I can only give him a personal critique. Nobody would ever know (unless they personally respond to me), would know what my personal response is. And that is of me. And personally, I believe you can't, like, push the boundaries. And, like, Johnny Cash, and Walk the Line?"

Wuuuuuh? Heidi interrupts to ask her what the fuck she's talking about. Tim asks again. Did she feel her elimination was fair - yes or no?

"Understand that Marla has...an aesthetic that I cannot duplicate. But Marla has an aesthetic that she cannot duplicate. And Aryon [the guy who sent in the question -- Limecrete], on national television, if you can get this, you fucking rock, because you believe in what is true. Period."

Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh? Tim says that that was the biggest bunch of bullshit he's heard in weeks. Seriously, can we get Daniel to translate from crazy to human? That was totally hilarious, if you don't stop to think about what a pathetic person Lupe is. Then it's just kind of sad. Actually, no. It's still hilarious. What a freak. They make sure we don't hear from her again for the rest of the episode. All the designers have a good laugh at her expense, and then Tim moves us on, thankfully. Unfortunately, what he moves us onto is Andrae's tearful meltdown in "Clothes Off Your Back". Heidi asks him if they were real tears (letting the unspoken phrase "seeing as how ridiculous they were" hang in the air). He airily responds that they were. She says that he could have been faking, given that he's from LA. Nick and Santino get up in fake anger at her dissing their hometown. Please, you're both from Missouri. Heidi puts up her dukes, and looks adorable. We cut to the clip. Apparently, Andrae's hysterical tirade went on for almost ten minutes. Poor Diane Von Fostenburg, having to sit through all that nonsense. Back at the reunion, Andrae somewhat prissily says that it's so hard to go through this. Oh, it's such a shame that someone forced him at gunpoint to be on this show. Poor guy. He says that it was hard to watch, and we cut to a shot of Chloe...crying? Why is she crying? Is she moved by his overflow of emotion? God, I hope not. I choose to believe she's wiping away tears of laughter at his drama queeniness.

Oh good, MORE Andrae. I'm sure all the attention being flung his way is the best present anyone at the reunion could give him. Kara does a hilarious impersonation of him that cracks Chloe up. Shots of Andrae's eyes bugging out all over the place. Shots of him flinging himself out of doors, of flouncing off the runway like a giant girl, and of putting on fake accents. These shots make me cringe with dislike. I'm sorry, he's just not my type of guy. Tim asks another question from the website: "Who said 'Where the hell is my chiffon?'" [in "Social Scene" --Limecrete] Um, hello! It was queeny, it was loud, and it was said to draw attention away from other designers. Who do you think? Andrae says that he doesn't remember saying it. Yes, I'm sure it must be hard to keep track of one's overdramatic statements when they compose 90% of one's speech. Commercials.

Heidi talks about how wonderful Tim is. I heartily agree. We get a montage of Tim being firm with the designers, interspersed with Santino's dead-on impressions of him. Heidi asks the designers what they think of Tim. Nick says he had immediate respect for him, and took his advice to heart. I'd say he did the exact opposite of that in "Makeover", and got eliminated for it. Daniel says that Tim has a point of view, but is still selfless. Tim says that he has sincere affection for all of the designers. I'm sure he's lying about Lupe, but we'll let her go on thinking he likes her. No point being senselessly cruel. Marla says it was a great opportunity for feedback, and that Tim has an eagle eye. Andrae says that it was helpful to have someone to point out what the designer's blind spot is, as far as a certain design. I'm over-transcribing, but I like people complimenting Tim, because he's so awesome. Heidi wants to address Santino's impersonations of Tim, but Tim asks if he can do one of Heidi. "I don't know if I've ever done Heidi," Santino says. "I know you didn't," she says. Hah! Santino gives her snaps up for that one, and we shift into a hilarious montage of Timpressions. Santino's glad Tim had a sense of humor about it.

Heidi then talks about how outspoken everyone is, especially one very explosive person. No, not Zulema. Zulema's alter-ego, Shitenge. The fuck? Shitenge is the one who wouldn't allow Marla any closet space. Shitenge doesn't believe in fairness. Shitenge wants her dress form back. In fact, Shitenge is practically every moment we ever saw of Zulema, ever. Here's my question. Isn't an "alter" ego supposed to be an alternative of something? It's not like Zulema is all rainbows and sunshine, and she desperately needed an outlet to be brash and obnoxious. Seems to me like Zulema and Shitenge are the exact same person. And that person? Is an asshole. Back at the reunion, Zulema says she doesn't think she's that intense. The other designers are all "Whatever". That montage was really a transition to get into the big issue; the model switch. Clip of Zulema (or is it Shitenge?) requesting a walk-off among Danyelle, Tarah, and Shannon, and taking Tarah. I'm thrilled that they tossed in the clip of Danzzz saying "It's a motherfuckin' walk-off!", because that was hilarious.

Heidi brings Tarah and Rachael out to join the designers. She asks Nick how he felt. He says he was shocked, and felt like someone had punched his stomach, because his models serve as his muses. Zulema snorts that she was within her rights to switch models. At this point, they're both completely right. Switching models is an option built into the show, but Nick doesn't have to be thrilled with it. Tarah says she was upset because she had heard horror stories from Rachael. Rachael confirms that being Zulema's model was no picnic, as the designs were often unfinished, and she had to be sewn (or worse, glued) into the dresses. Ouch. They also ask about her ass hanging out in "Clothes Off Your Back", and she says she didn't realize it until she saw it on TV. Zulema now goes off the deep end, insisting that Rachael never gave any indication of being unhappy (as if that would have made a difference). Rachael says that if Zulema was going to create such a hubbub and such stress for Nick, she should at least have come out with a "bangin'" outfit. Zing! Zulema is still frothing at the mouth, saying that she tried to help Rachael with her walk; that she switched models so that Rachael could "evolve" with another designer. That is complete crap. Rachael rolls her eyes, as she should. Dude. Just say it. You switched models because Rachael sucked. She did. Even fair-minded Tim called her an "elongated marshmallow". Just have the guts to be like "I thought you were a shitty model, so I switched. The fact that my dress got me eliminated is beside the point, because it has nothing to do with the fact that you walk like a moose." I'd have respected that a lot more. Commercials.

Heidi introduces a montage of interviews. Andrae, in his typical over-important tone, says that all evil can be traced to selfishness, and that's what Emmett is. Santino says Emmett's not talented enough to "roll with the big dogs". Emmett says that Santino believes that this is "The Santino Show". Got news for you, Emmett. It sort of is. Marla says she likes working with young people, which of course is the cue for the ragging on Marla. We get it in spades, from Chloe to Santino to Nick. Lupe gets slashed by Nick and Zulema. Zulema gets slashed by Chloe, Nick, and Andrae. Chloe says that Daniel speaks in a "language of fantasy" and Raymundo says that Daniel claims to have a girlfriend, then makes the "yeah, right" face at the camera. Heidi S. is all "look how adorably Southern and witless I am!" as she "stumbles" over Raymundo's name, and has a really unattractive slack jaw. I'm glad she got cut first. Heidi asks if there are any regrets over what they said. Raymundo admits that Daniel is straight. Really, nobody with Daniel's haircut should be allowed to take offense over someone thinking they're gay. Not that the queers I know would be caught dead with that haircut. Andrae apologizes for his comment.

Tim asks if their views about each other have changed from watching the show. Marla says that watching the show has been pretty painful. She starts beating herself up, and says that although she designs clothes that certain people like, she was probably out of her league on the show. And while that's true, when she said that, I felt a stab of pity in my heart. Danzzz feels the same, commending Marla on what she's accomplished. Of course, he was one of the people tearing her apart on the show, so you may want to take this gung-ho Marla speech with a grain of salt. Andrae says something about melting-pot America and getting along. I don't know. He's just talking to hear himself talk.

And now, the musical montage. We open with the rousing "Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion", followed by the stirring "What Happened To Andrae?". Next, the tragic "Kara, the Overlock Downer" and the blues-inspired "No One's Gonna Sew No Mo'". And of course, the show-stopping "Daniel Franco, Where Did You Go?". Hahahaha! That was better than Oklahoma!. Bravos all around.

Another website question for Heidi. Why did Santino beat Daniel in "Team Lingerie"? This was a shifty question. There's been a lot of talk about that elimination. I said that Daniel was cut so that Santino could remain to be the villain. Entertainment Weekly proposed the same thing a couple of weeks later. I suspect that they're including this question in the reunion as a way of ass-covering. Heidi says that it was a difficult elimination, but that Daniel's collection was too safe; that Santino had a stronger point of view. You can see what patent bullshit that is, right? Basically, she's saying that she'd rather have something ugly and dramatic than normal, which is a clear lie. Nice try, producers. We all know you rigged that elimination. It's not a big deal, because Santino has been much more entertaining than Daniel would have been. I'm not furious that you intervened. Just stop insulting our intelligence. Tim says that they appreciated Daniel coming back for Season 2, and jokingly says that maybe they'll see him for Season 3. He says that they just might, and then says "I love you, Heidi" in a very creepy voice. We're talking full-on, down-the-well, Heidi puts the lotion on her skin, or else she gets the hose again kind of voice. Uncomfortable silence. Commercials.

When we return, the three finalists have been sent off, and Heidi asks who is going to win, which is semi-answered in another montage. There's some confusion about if the question is really who they want to win, or who they think is actually going to win. Marla thinks Danzzz is the most consistently good designer. Raymundo and Emmett say Chloe. Daniel and Kirsten go for Danzzz. John picks Chloe. Nick thinks Santino might be a dark horse for the win. Back at the reunion, Kara says that it's a very close call. Zulema says she doesn't really have an opinion, and Daniel again mentions Danzzz, as does Marla. Raymundo goes on and on about Santino making something unexpected, and blah blah blah. There he goes, talking again. I'm sorry to harp on it, but he worked with these people for a microsecond. WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS!?!? Nick says that part of him wants Santino to blow everyone away. Tim's surprised by his answer, given what went down between the two of them. Nick says that he's over all that; that there's bigger things to worry about. Good on you, Nick.

Next week on Project Runway: The first part of a two-part finale. Tim visits the designers at home, working on their Fashion Week collections. Santino's, like, poor or something. Chloe's mom is cute. Danzzz designs bags, you bitches! Santino insists that he likes to see other people succeed. Michael Kors takes everyone shopping. Tim threatens to bitchslap someone. Something about Danzzz's collection bothers Tim, which offends Danzzz. Uh, oh. There's a final surprise that makes Chloe cry.

Overall Grade: B+

What's Your Line

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 11

Previously on Project Runway: The designers were told to make each other over. Tension flared between Nick and Santino, and both of them were kind of assy about it, which made picking a side pretty difficult. On the runway, Santino tried to cajole Kara into defending a jumpsuit that was literally falling off, and while she didn't, she really felt bad about leaving Santino hanging. Chloe's suit for Nick took home the win, while Nick's suit for (apparently) Margaret Thatcher got him punted. Four designers remain. Who will be out tonight?

Opening credits. Tim Gunn is implacable. Peddle your booty shakin' elsewhere, nameless girl.

Atlas. Once again, we first leap to Chloe for an after-ejection commentary, which seems to happen every week. I'm not complaining; it just seems kind of weird, because of all the designers, Chloe is literally the only one with no connection to Nick's ouster. Anyhow, she disagrees with the decision, saying Santino got lucky again. Kara is equally disdainful, saying something about how Santino would kill his young to get to the final three. I'd be interested to see what Santino's young would act like. Seriously, add a child's normally overblown sense of entitlement to having Santino as a father. *shiver* Things aren't any jollier over in the men's room. The normally neutral Danzzz is furious that Santino's posturing got Nick ejected (which may be sort of true, but let's not forget that Nick's suit was awfully sucky), and Santino is moping on the bed, apparently shaving his crotch. Hey, I just report what I see, people. He interviews that everybody has contempt for him, but he's here to win, and blah blah blah. Can we get another record in the Santino jukebox, please?

Runway. Heidi enters to explain the next challenge, which will determine the three finalists who will go to Fashion Week. The designers are told to create an evening gown, and said gown should represent the collection that the designer would show if chosen as a finalist. Before we get to that, though, it's time once more for the Pointless Model Selection. No tears and emotional good-byes this time. Chloe naturally sticks with Grace, and Friendless, Gumby-Legged Rachael finally makes her exit. Nobody cares. Heidi sends the designers off, and Tim meets them in the workroom. He tells them they're going on a field trip to meet Fern Mallis, the woman in charge of Fashion Week. Hey, good idea. Everyone's pleased to hear it. They head over to her office. Santino asks her if people are more likely to remember clothes they love or clothes they hate. Fern says that the people looking at the collections are trained to concentrate on the good stuff. Danzzz asks for examples of mistakes that beginners make. Fern replies that it's very important to be nice. Danzzz gives Santino a look so pointed, you could kill a vampire with it. Fern goes on to say that you'll never win people over being the nasty, vicious type. Santino has his typical "You can't be nice all the time! I'm here to win!" answer for this. Oh my God. WE GET IT!

Santino has a very strange dichotomy. At times, he seems like the only competitor who realizes that there are two sets of contests going: the runway contest and the Make-A-Splash-On-TV contest. He knows how to balance both; how to design clothing that'll get people talking, and how to play to the cameras and be a brat so that people will love to hate him. That practically guarantees that they'll keep him around longer. I won't deny that that's shrewd. But at other times, he appears to be an insecure, deluded jerkoff, without a speck of self-awareness. He'll whine that he doesn't want to be nice; he wants to win. Why one necessarily follows the other is never explained. He'll brag in interviews about being hated, then whine to the other designers about how nobody likes him. Sometimes it's amusing and sometimes it's tiresome, but he's a tough guy to understand, and his schtick is starting to wear pretty thin, especially in this episode.

Fern sends them on their way, and back at the workroom, Tim gives them an hour to sketch. Chloe's idea is 1940s Hollywood glamour. Always a nice idea for an evening gown. Danzzz mentions a high slit and flowing fabric, and talks about his reputation for being body-conscious. Of course, that must lead directly to a shot of Santino, who ranks "comfort of my model" slightly below "plight of endangered boll weevils" on his priority list. His theme is very glitzy and artistic, as always. Kara is not used to making evening wear, so she isn't certain what she wants to do. They have $300 and two days, including an hour to shop. Danzzz gets some very pretty dark blue fabric. Santino grabs gold chiffon with gold paillettes hanging all over it. Chloe describes the type of jersey she wants for a clerk. Kara is still wandering around aimlessly. In the workroom, Chloe and Danzzz throw some advice her way about what she could do, shape-wise, but she's still very anxious. I don't quite understand. Haven't most of the designs this season been pretty similar to "evening wear"? Maybe nothing's been a ballgown proper, but how is making a ballgown that different from making other dresses? It's like saying you know how to make scrambled eggs, but not omelets. Kara tells Santino that she likes the fabric he picked up, and he interviews that he's basically ignoring her, because it's about "executing [his] creative vision" now. Oh, so he's not just being a dick. Gotcha. The three designers who are still talking to each other chat about how nervewracking it is to be so close to the final three, but know that someone's getting cut. Yeah, it'd be rough to be the last one cut. Santino says something jerky, the others tell him he's rude - blah, blah blah. This is one joyless episode.

People work. Santino wants to win. They leave for the day. It's as exciting as it sounds. A full, yellow moon brings us back to the Atlas. There's a note on the chalkboard from Nick wishing Danzzz luck. Santino complains that Nick got really fickle (read: "wouldn't let me push him around anymore") toward the end and had made some comment about Santino's jumpsuit and its poor quality. Danzzz tells him, basically "well, duh - it was falling off". Santino tries to fight with Danzzz about how wonderful his clothing is, but Danzzz's not buying. You can actually pinpoint the moment that Santino loses the argument when he starts spewing "whatevers" (count: 4) instead of making any viable points, because he knows he doesn't have any. He stalks off to bed. Commercials.

We return on a shot of a statue's hands in a pose that makes it appear that it's praying to God. Maybe he's praying that the rest of this episode won't suck as hard. He's going to be disappointed. Oh, good. Here's another interview from Santino about how Danzzz is full of shit and just jealous. And again, I'm sure he's totally right. Danzzz is probably cringing with envy over the fact that Santino has won half as many challenges as he has. See what I mean about the dichotomy? Surely Santino isn't this blinded by his own wonderfulness. How can he be? Danzzz hopes the judges will finally recognize what a one-trick pony Santino is. Good luck with that, Danzzz. Everyone heads to the workroom. Tim enters, and you can tell how much tension there is in the room, just by watching the change in Tim's demeanor when he comes in. He can feel it. Kara is still atwitter, and not in the calm way she was in "Flower Power". Someone has written "I [heart] red" in giant bubble letters on the chalkboard. Ummmmm. OK. Danzzz seems to know exactly what he's doing, but confounds me in an interview by saying that not just twenty-year-olds can have sophistication; so can fifty-year-olds. Er...thanks, Danzzz. I'm sure those over-the-hill women appreciate your approval. I know when I look for a lady of sophistication, I always turn to the ones who haven't hit the drinking age yet. Tim is confused by the seam on Chloe's dress. From the glimpses we see of it now, he's got a point, but we'll come to that at the judging. Santino's silhouette looks good, but he has a lot of work to do on the attachments.

Tim gathers them for an announcement. He says that they'll continue to design with their original ideas, but that supermodel Iman will figure into the challenge now. Everyone's thrilled. Iman will be the guest judge and will wear the winning gown at some upcoming red carpet event. The designers are really pumped; especially Santino, who feels that the color and style of his gown would fit Iman very well. Danzzz, already anxious about the elimination, is now even more nervous. He really wants to get to Fashion Week, because it'd be such a great jumpstart for his career. Chloe says that she's still questioning if she wants it. She's already lived the life of a New York fashion designer, and interviews that it's a rough one. Danzzz and Santino jump down her throat. Everyone gets back to work, and Tim drops by again with a little more than three hours to go. He says that he's taking them on a field trip. Nobody's glad to hear that, because they've got so much work still to do. He takes them to a club called Suede. Supposedly, it's about 9:00 PM, but the sun is still setting. And who meets them at Suede? Heidi! And their models! And Michael Kors! And three of the final four from Season 1: Austin, Kara Saun, and winner (and bitchy guest judge) Jay McCarroll! Heh, I like how Nina couldn't be bothered to come. Oh, and that the designers are still in their casual work clothes, and look really unprepared for a party.

The party does look pretty fun, and it's nice to take a step back from all the crap that's been flung at us so far. Kara Saun warns Danzzz to keep his eye on the ball, so to speak, because the last challenge is the one where all the fatigue catches up with you, and you're more prone to screwups. Jay tells Santino about how the Season 1 crew bombed their last challenge, and when Santino responds that he thinks he's got a pretty good shot at advancing, Jay tells him he hopes Santino gets canned. I'd love to give him an "ooh, you go girl!" or something for that, but he's obviously so pleased with himself that it's kind of sickening. Austin flames around awesomely. Kara Saun talks about the exposure the designers are getting with Chloe, Kara, and Eden, who's towering over them all. Heh. Michael talks about how exciting it is to be a judge and toasts the hard work the designers have done. Aw, I like Nice Michael. Cheers! Commercials.

When we return, the designers go back to the workroom, and Tim gives them some extra time to finish their dresses. Kara worries about her dress puckering. Santino thinks he'll go through just because his dress is so different from everyone else's. Not a bad argument. Danzzz thinks Santino's is too over-the-top, and Chloe brags that she knows a lot about gowns. Just like how Andrae bragged about how comfortable he was with the plant design, and Nick bragged about how good he was with menswear. You'd better watch yourself, Chloe. Time runs out, and the designers go back to the Atlas. Kara and Chloe mumble about how weird Santino's dress is, while Santino blasts Danzzz for "playing it safe". Danzzz (very diplomatically, under the circumstances) says that he just does what he can do. Santino tells him he likes the dress Danzzz made, and Danzzz makes an awesome face that's equal parts "Oh...THANKS, your Majesty" and "Did Santino just pay someone else a compliment?". Morning. Kara interviews that Chloe isn't very excited about this challenge, and questions how much she wants to go to Fashion Week. Jeez, maybe she's just nervous. No need to dissect her psyche, Kara.

At the workroom, Santino refuses to spend four seconds helping Kara move a dress form, because that will somehow lead to his loss in the challenge. Dick. Kara calls him a dick. Hey, she's reading my mind! Cool. Tim comes in, and there's that wary "how's everyone doing?" again, because you can slice the air with a knife by this point. Tim tells Chloe he's disappointed in her dress, because it outlines and hugs the butt too much. Chloe says that's what she was going for, so Tim tells her to be prepared to defend a dress that makes it look like the model has a big, fat ass. I love Tim. Kara is still ambivalent about parts of her design, which makes Tim sigh "Oh, Kara" in a very disappointed Dad sort of voice. That voice makes me cringe. That voice makes anyone with parents cringe, because it forces recollections of past embarrassments upon you. Anyway, he recommends finding a way to use a sash. In fact, he admonishes everyone but Santino for being kind of boring, but then blasts Santino's for looking too costumey. The models come in, and start getting made up and fitted. Danzzz very wisely tells the makeup artist not to go too wild, because the look has to be relatable to Iman. Santino councils Heather on moving her hips so that the fabric flows well. Chloe interviews AGAIN about how much she wants to advance to Fashion Week. Tim comes in to get everyone. Heather's hair is still in rollers. Commercials.

Heidi welcomes everyone to the runway. I didn't mention it before, but she's gotten a haircut that I don't like as much as her longer hair. Boo! The judges will be Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and of course, Iman. Let's start the show. First up is Eden, in Kara's dress. It's pretty, but boring. It's a simple long, sleeveless, black dress. It's low cut, and I see Kara has found a way to use the sash by putting it around the waist so that it flows out in the back. The outfit may have looked better if it had some color to it. Next is Heather in Santino's dress. It's certainly different. It's gold fabric with panels of gold paillettes sewn on in a swooping pattern on the skirt, and a matching swoop of paiettes at the bustline. I know it has nothing to do with the outfit, but Heather's hair looks really, really good. As to the outfit itself, I agree with Tim that it's overly dramatic, but it's at least eye-catching. I kind of like it. Grace, in Chloe's dress. I'm dumsquizzled. Chloe has made a pretty good, if not downright wonderful outfit in every single challenge so far. This? Sucks. The fabric appears to be pale silver, which is all wrong for Grace. The seam clearly outlines the stomach and butt, making them both look big. Skinny Grace looks almost pregnant in this thing. There's a regrettable bow in the front, and while I like the open back Chloe designed, this dress is not pretty. Finally, Rebecca, in Danzzz's dress. It's nice. This is kind of what Kara's dress would have looked like, with some color. Except this one has a slit cut up on one leg to reveal some skin, which looks very nice. The back is a crisscross. Again, pretty, but unremarkable. Wow, Kara Saun and Jay weren't kidding when they warned about the Final Challenge crash.

The designers step onto the runway as the judges tally their scores. The models emerge. We'll start with Kara. Iman tells her it needs a steaming. Ew, yeah. It is kind of wrinkly. The judges also feel that the dress is too narrow, and that the hemline is uneven. They praise the dress that Kara herself is wearing (and designed) over the one she's designed for the challenge. In other words: uh, oh. She doesn't defend it very well, and Nina tells her that this was her opportunity to impress the judges with a sample of what her collection would be. Kara nods. She knows she's blown it. Danzzz. Iman thinks it's a nice dress, but not very special. Nina goes on the offense again, calling it too safe, to the point of being boring. I can't disagree. Santino. They ask what his inspiration is. He comes up with some blather that's not worth repeating. And here comes Nina again. She says it's certainly creative, but once again, Santino's crossed the line from creative to joke. It's not elegant enough. Iman semi-agrees, but you can tell she's pretty intrigued by him. Wow, Michael hasn't said a word yet. Oh, here he is. He captures my heart by saying "Listen, I understand the bad boy thing. I GOT IT." My hero. He goes on to completely peg Santino as thinking he's very above the judges. Chloe. Michael points out some sewing problems, and says it's not as wearable as the other things she's made.

Heidi asks Chloe who among the designers doesn't deserve to go to Fashion Week. Yikes. Here's where I'd panic if I were on this show. They're forcing them to be mean, which I'd be extremely uncomfortable with. Shut up. I know, I'm mean here, but trust me - I'm very polite in my face-to-face interactions. In real life, you'd have no idea if I didn't like you. In any case, I fully expect a Santino pile-on here. Indeed, Chloe does choose Santino for his construction problems. Santino chooses her right back for not being creative. Danzzz. He chooses Chloe. WHAAAAAAAT? I'm shocked. His reasoning is actually pretty sound; that she's already got an established business, and the other three need the catalyst of Fashion Week more than she does. Still, I'm blown away that he'd sell her out to the judges. Kara jumps on the bandwagon as well, also picking Chloe. Man, that's harsh. Heidi asks Chloe how she feels about this, and if she really wants to go to Fashion Week. It's about here that my heart seized, because people on America's Next Top Model get cut all the time for "not wanting it enough", as if the judges could reliably assess that. Chloe responds that she wouldn't have gone through all of these challenges if she didn't want it, and really, judges? DUH. The designers are sent off, and Chloe interviews about how betrayed she feels. No kidding. The judges go into their deliberations. They're underwhelmed by everyone's dresses. Heidi jumps on the butt problem in Chloe's dress. Santino's was interesting, but over-the-top. Kara's was unmemorable. Danzzz's was pretty, but too simple. Iman is completely charming and articulate through the whole thing. She's nifty. Heidi calls the designers back out.

This week's fun trivia tidbit to avoid tiresome, repetitive show dialogue: As I said a while back, I'm certainly willing to give Top Chef a shot. However, I should point out to BRAVO that this episode of Project Runway, which features the most assholish behavior so far, is also getting the lowest grade so far. Upon meeting the Top Chef contestants during this past commercial break, you've made me extremely skeptical. Twelve assholes. Wait, that's not fair. It's actually a weenie, a dumb slut, a hippie, eight assholes, and one extremely spazzy asshole. Now, instead of me starting with high hopes and giving you the benefit of the doubt, you're going to have to win me over. Hope you're up to the task.

Elimination time. Santino is in. The winner of the challenge is Danzzz. Wow, he must be even more jealous of Santino now. That leaves a final two of Chloe and Kara, and it's genuinely suspenseful. I've been suspecting that Kara was on the chopping block for a long time now, but all this talk about if Chloe really wants to be there, combined with her lackluster dress made me wonder if they were setting us up for her elimination. Kara failed the challenge in regards to showcasing her abilities. Chloe doesn't have enough passion. Heidi calls Kara's name, which is usually followed by a "you're in", leaving the eliminated one alone. But she shiftily pulls the rug out from under me. "Kara...I'm sorry, you're out." Chloe is still in the running. Kara tells the judges it's been incredible, and thanks them for the experience. She hugs everyone backstage, including Tim, who tells them that they're all winners. That's sweet. She interviews that she played it a little too safe, but plans to pursue her business wholeheartedly. She blows us a kiss as the lights go out. Aw. Right back atcha, Janx.

There's a little post-script to the episode as we see Iman wearing Danzzz's dress at some Elle event. She looks gorgeous. Danzzz's hair looks weird.

Next week on Project Runway: The reunion special. Santino didn't come on the show to make friends, which is officially the most tired statement a reality show contestant can make, bar none. Chloe doesn't want to discuss something. Raymundo is invited to be on the show, for some reason. Kara thinks something's hurtful. Chloe cries. Lupe is still extremely obnoxious. Nick and Zulema fight about the whole model thing. Tim thinks the designers are full of shit. Santino and Heidi have a faux boxing match. Andrae is still scrounging for attention.

Overall Grade: C-

Makeover

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 10

Previously on Project Runway: People made awesome plant dresses. The designers were told the challenge winner would get immunity. Nick was incredulous that Danzzz actually came out when he felt the time was right instead of by some Nick-approved calendar. The judges all stupidly criticized the designers for not using more flowers, because they are, after all, totally free. Danzzz stole the challenge from under Kara's nose, but at least one correct decision was made, and Andrae was cut loose. Five designers remain. Who will be out tonight?

Opening credits. Santino: Let's get it on! Limecrete: No, thanks.

Morning at the Atlas. The ladies are a bit down in the mouth that Andrae was cut. Meanwhile, Santino literally talks to himself to establish that he misses Andrae, too. Still, he presses on, reminding himself (and us) that he's won two challenges, so he's in good shape. He neglects to point out that he's also been in the bottom two three times. Not the best average there, Santino. Nick is worried that he was in the bottom two last week, so he wants to "step it up a notch" this week. I hate that Emeril has ruined that phrase for us. Fucking hack. Oh, I should probably mention I'm in kind of a bitchy mood. But I'm sure that will have no effect on how I perceive these people tonight, right? Danzzz interviews that having immunity gives him a nice feeling. I'm sure. A tiny little part of me wishes Santino had won last week, just so we could see what abomination he'd send down the runway if he had immunity.

The designers head to the runway. Heidi comes out to introduce the next challenge. She says that they'll be designing a look for a very demanding client: each other. Yes, it's a head-to-toe makeover for a fellow designer. Jaws drop. Kara does the Home Alone thing with her hands. Heidi will draw random names to see who will be designing for whom. I sort of wonder what would happen if Heidi drew the designer's own name, but it doesn't happen, so I have no idea. Santino will design for Kara. Kara - Santino. Nick - Danzzz. Chloe - Nick. And that leaves Danzzz to design for Chloe. But before we get to the challenge, we have to get through the Heartbreaking Model Selection. Rebecca and Danyelle come out. Danyelle's already crying. Aw. *sniff* I really like Danyelle. Danzzz very kindly says that although he's sticking with Rebecca, he hopes Danyelle goes on to better things. Aw, Rebecca's crying too. There's a short interview with Danyelle backstage after she gets hugs from the other models, saying that it's an emotional goodbye. Fortunately, I've read that since this has aired, Danyelle has been signed to a modeling agency, and you can also see her strutting her stuff on Kara's website. Sweet.

Sigh. Anyhow, on with the challenge. In the Parson's workroom, Tim gives them the details. Naturally, the models won't be used for this challenge; the designers themselves will be the models. Huh, that'll make the model selection next week even more pointless. Nick's excited about modeling. The designers will have two days and $200 to finish the outfit, and Tim leaves them with an hour to discuss ideas. Nick tells Chloe he'd love to be suited up, but in an Italian Eurotrash look. Well, the suit part sounds good, anyway. Santino tells Kara it'd be a good idea to make him look preppy and clean-cut. That'd certainly be an accomplishment. Kara's just excited that there's finally an excuse to get Santino to shave and cut his hair. Hehe. Danzzz tells Chloe he envisions her as a fun-loving party girl. She seems fine with that. Nick doesn't say much, but does say that he wants to put Danzzz in a suit that accentuates his skinniness. Santino wants to make a jumpsuit for Kara that shows off her body and gets her away from the Earth-Mother-Granola-Hippie-Goddess thing she's got going on. Tim collects everyone to go shopping. Chloe, Nick, and Danzzz all find the fabrics they want pretty quickly. Santino complains that he had to waste time picking out fabrics for Kara's outfit instead of concentrating on his own. Kara can, indeed, get flummoxed easily (witness the fuss she made over her damn Barbie's hat in "All Dolled Up"), but I'm sensing some bullshit here. Santino is a huge control freak. Do you really think he'd just sit back and let Kara choose everything herself? No way. Nick says basically the same thing, noting how Santino rolled over him in "Window Shopping". Everyone finishes up and heads back to the workroom.

Nick interviews about the fabric he bought, calling it gray. Granted, my television is far from state-of-the-art, but it looks light purple from where I'm sitting. In any case, it's a very girly color. Santino agrees with me. Nick goes on to interview that he wants to make a lot of pieces for the outfit, but he's got a secret weapon in that he's got experience doing menswear (which involves extensive tailoring). Good job, Nick. Tempting Fate like that sure worked out well for Andrae. It doesn't remain a "secret" weapon for long, as he lectures Chloe on how tight fitting the vest she's making should be. She seems skeptical, but goes along with him, because she's never designed menswear before. She interviews about how anxious she's getting. Commercials. When we return, Nick's already in the sewing room, finishing up the pants for the suit. The pants fit Danzzz well, and the other designers tell Nick how impressed they are with his speed. He responds by interviewing smarmily about how they need to catch up. What a fucking douchebag. I'm a little mad at myself that Nick was once my favorite contestant. He snowed me. But, hey, I just liked his Barbie dress an awful lot. I didn't know at the time that he'd turn out to be such a passive-aggressive, whiny, judgmental little bitch.

Evening. The designers while away the time with a game of "Would You Rather?", starting off with "Would you rather make love or have sex?" Boring! I always preferred starting off with "Would you rather be stoned to death by pickles or suffocated in a vat of mayonnaise?" At least that gets you thinking. Santino interrupts an answer of Nick's. Nick interviews about Santino is driving him nuts, and throws a pissy little snit about it in the workroom. Yeah, interrupting people is rude (I'm ashamed that this is one of my bad habits - when I've got something to say, I have a hard time repressing it, like I'm afraid I'm going to forget it), but it's not like someone asked Nick a direct question and Santino cut in. They're playing a game in which you ask multiple people a question at the same time, and they shout out their responses, so maybe Nick shouldn't be playing Miss Emily Post just yet. Santino sees he's getting under Nick's skin and revels in it. He starts saying whatever Nick's saying a half-second after Nick says it. Hehehe. I should totally hate Santino for being so childish, but he's cracking me up. He interviews that he's from Missouri (St. Charles, apparently - about half an hour from me), and non-sequiturs into the fact that he'll never give up on his dreams. OK, then. I'm from Missouri, but I'll never give up on my goal to pack my remaining Nutter Butters for lunch tomorrow.

Tim checks in with three hours to go. Chloe seems to be making good progress, but stammers when Tim asks her if she's prepared for the time limits. That last minute plant dress seems to have shaken her confidence a bit. Kara's got all her patterns done, but hopes she'll have some time to experiment. Tim likes Santino's color palate, but is a bit worried over the amount of work still to go. After that, Tim takes off, so we never see what he says to Nick or Danzzz. The designers get back to work. Kara fits Santino for his pants. "Are these space pants?" he asks her. "What do you mean 'space pants'?", she replies. "Because my ass is out of this world!" Heh. Lame, and yet I'm giggling. He does give Kara some grief for being behind, and she impersonates him crabbily in an interview. She looks exhausted, but there's still an hour left in Day One, so she gets back to work. Chloe fits Nick for his pants, and when he remarks on one of the improvements she's made, Santino calls out "You can't polish a turd!" Ew. That, I'm not giggling over. Nick interviews that Santino is an ass. Can't deny it. He also calls Santino immature, which you'll want to pack away for later. Danzzz also interviews that Santino is a good designer, but very arrogant and obnoxious. That night at the Atlas, Danzzz tries to defuse the situation by saying that tension between them can lead to no good. Santino responds that he's there to be one of the final three designers. Nick poorly tries to say this: Why are being in the final three and not being an asshole mutually exclusive in Santino's eyes? What about ragging on the other designers qualifies one as a winner? In a meta-sense, Santino is right, because I don't think he'd have gotten half this far if he wasn't a jerk. The producers love to keep him around to create drama. But I don't think that's what he's saying. He's just trying to play off hurting Nick's feelings on his overdeveloped competitive drive, which is bullshit.

Morning. Tim has an announcement. He brings in Collier Strong, a makeup artist who will be consulting on this challenge. The designers treat him like he's the freaking King of Siam or something. Collier tells Santino that once he gets rid of his scraggly beard, he'll look much better, just like Brad Pitt's nasty beard. Santino jokes in an interview about how he'll outshine Brad Pitt once his makeover's done. Heh. I do confess I've never seen what the big deal about Brad Pitt is. I don't think he's sexy at all. Collier would like to thin Kara's eyebrows a bit. Nick tells Collier that he suggests a bronzer or tanner for Danzzz. Collier responds that he thinks it'd be better if they kept Danzzz pale. "Exactly!" Nick says, as if he'd agreed with Collier all along. Nick is grating my last nerve like parmesan. Collier tells Danzzz he'd like to define Chloe's eyes and lashes a lot, and Chloe that Nick should shave off part, but not all of his beard. Back in the workroom, Danzzz fits Chloe with a leather vest that she finds a bit too tight. Santino tries to talk to Nick, and Nick ignores him. Because the silent treatment isn't at all "immature". Nick complains to Kara in the sewing room, and she says Nick needs to take Santino with a huge pinch of salt, and realize that he exaggerates a lot. Kara's a lot smarter than I think she gets credit for. Nick continues to ignore Santino, even after Santino asks for a truce, which is about as much of an apology as the original comment called for. Santino shrugs it off, interviewing that Nick's outfit for Danzzz makes him look like a girl and is sewn bad [sic]. That's a bit "I didn't want to come to your birthday party anyway!" for my tastes, but he's right on both counts. Commercials.

With four hours until the end of Day Two, Tim stops by again. Kara tells him she's nervous that she's not changing much about Santino's style. Tim advises her not to worry about it, because she shouldn't turn Santino into something he's not. Heavens, no. We wouldn't want a makeover to involve change, would we? Tim then turns to Santino and mentions that there's two and half hours left, so unless Tim chatted with Kara for an hour and a half, that "four hours" caption was a giant lie. He tells Santino to only include what is necessary on the outfit, and not to go wild, as he is wont to do. Chloe's suit for Nick is coming along nicely, though Nick jokes that he looks like a flight attendant for British Airways. Do they wear pinstriped suits? Whatever. Danzzz seems unsure of his outfit. Tim admonishes Nick for creating an outfit that's too feminine, especially because the pants have no pockets. Nick appears to agree, and says he's working on a way to "masculinize" it. He interviews that since his outfit is so close to completion, the only thing he can really do is ask Danzzz to "butch it up". Sigh. The designers continue working, both on their own outfits and wearing the ones designed for them. Danzzz gloats a bit about his immunity, though not in a jerky way. Santino complains again about having to put too much energy into suggesting things for Kara to design for him. It's still as shady an argument as it was in the fabric store. In fact, Santino falls behind on his own outfit because he's so busy haranguing Kara about hers. There's an extremely cool time-lapse shot of fog rolling in and obscuring the Chrysler Building. It has nothing to do with the show, but it's such a beautiful shot, they had to throw it in there. No complaints here.

The morning is bright, however, which the editors make sure to emphasize with twittering bird noises. Heh. The sound guys must be a little bored this week. At the Atlas, Danzzz and Nick socialize while Santino sulks in his bed. He interviews that the other two guys have made him into the enemy, which is "half competitive spirit - half, just...jealousy". I see. They don't dislike him because of any character flaws; they're just jealous. Especially Danzzz, who has won more challenges, and has never been in the bottom two. I'm sure we all totally buy that. On the roof, Chloe and Kara discuss their chances. Chloe thinks they'll both be safe, but Kara says "Baby, we're down to five people. Safe is, like, not even a word anymore." See what I mean about the smart?

In the workroom, Tim tells them they have two hours, not only to finish their outfits, but to get suited up for the runway show. We cut to Collier doing the designers' makeup, and he kind of creepily tells Nick that he's pretty. I half expect the Deliverance banjos to kick in at any second. Nick interviews that the lost time is nervewracking, because his outfit's not done. The seams on the jacket keep rippling, so he keeps taking it back to the steamer. His efforts to keep the fabric from puckering appear to be a losing battle. Santino enters with shorter hair and a Fu Manchu mustache, accentuated by a soul patch. Eh. I still don't think he's good-looking, but he does look better. Kara freaks out when she sees him. Nick finishes tying a scarf on Danzzz and declares that the outfit doesn't look feminine at all. Keep telling yourself that, Nick. Chloe complains in an interview that Danzzz's dress doesn't fit well at all, but kept it to herself, because she's just playing model for it. That's exactly the right attitude to have. Somewhere along the line, I think midway through "Inspiration", I realized that I'm totally rooting for Chloe to win the whole shebang. Kara has similar problems, interviewing that the jumpsuit is glued to every part of her body. Ouch. Santino is still fiddling with the sleeves as they're getting ready to go onto the runway. Kara is furious. Nick gleefully interviews that Santino's outfit was unfinished "yet again". When has Santino's outfit been unfinished before? True, they've not always been attractive, but has there been one that was incomplete? Danzzz interviews that Santino was bullying Kara into basically moving as little as possible on the runway so the whole thing doesn't come flying off. There's also an interview with Santino saying he wanted Kara to at least pretend that she loves the jumpsuit, but in the interview, Santino still has his long hair and scraggly beard, so this quote is not referring to the event that we're supposed to think it is. Really, show. Do a better job of fooling me, please. Commercials.

When we return, Heidi addresses the judges instead of the designers, who are still backstage, though there are chairs set for them for no discernible reason. Present as usual are Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, and tonight's guest judge is Freddie Leiba, a fashion stylist. Let's start the show. First up is Santino in Kara's outfit. It looks really good. He has plaid pink Madras pants (I know, it sounds awful, but it suits him), and the shirt is three layers of different colors. The collar of the shirt has a matching plaid pattern, as does the hat he's wearing. Kara did a fantastic job of making Santino look different, but not oddly so.

In fact, I'd like to have a brief sidebar called: In Defense of Kara. Everyone I've talked to both online and off about this show has their own favorite designers (Go, Chloe! I miss you, Diana!), as they should. Santino naturally creates the most discussion, because people disagree about the balance between his level of talent and his attitude. However, the second most argued designer is Kara. A lot of people, including first-time visitor Dan Vera (welcome!), feel that she's coasted her way through this entire competition; that she's "dead wood". And I have to disagree. True, she can be flaky. She can be flighty. She can be indecisive. And Lord knows I'm not defending all of the outfits she's made (she fell apart in "Window Shopping", and I wasn't thrilled with her overly simple dress in "Inspiration"). But Kara belongs here. She's shown talent in different areas, creating sleeves and hats while other designers went for the easy shapes. She's shown creativity and technical skill. Seriously, how she missed the win in "Flower Power" is beyond me, and the urban Oliver Twist thing she made in "Clothes Off Your Back" was super-cool. Finally, and this may be slanting my opinion somewhat, she seems like a really cool person. So. Thumbs up on the Kara. I know she doesn't have a prayer of winning this season, but I really think she doesn't get the kudos she deserves, so I salute her.

Anyway. Speaking of Kara, she comes down the runway in Santino's jumpsuit. He voices-over that it's going to come apart at any second, and he hopes that's not noticeable to other people. Kara's long hair does seem to help hide the sleeve problem. She barely walks, though, because she knows any large movement will make her outfit split in two. Construction problems aside, I don't know how I feel about the jumpsuit. It does show off Kara's shape very well, and it's more simplistic than Santino's usual designs, which is progress, I guess. Still, I can't say that I love it. Next is Danzzz in Nick's design. Feh. "Not feminine"? Cripes, Danzzz looks like he just walked out of a Lane Bryant catalog. His blown-out hair doesn't help. The suit is gray (still looks purple here), and has no buttons or pockets. There's a foofy scarf which Danzzz attempts to whip off dramatically. As he walks back towards the screen, you can see the fabric dimpling all over the place. Ick. Chloe is next in Danzzz's dress. It's weird. It appears to be a basic, cleavage-baring red dress, but with a brown leather bustier that zips in the front. That's basically all there is to it. Finally, Nick in Chloe's outfit. It's phenomenal. You're telling me Chloe has never done menswear before? The tailoring is flawless. The pinstripes line up perfectly. Nick has a pink shirt under the pinstriped vest, and Chloe has made it match by putting a satin pink back on the vest itself. Sometimes, when I see outfits that the designers have made, I'll think to myself "Well, it could use some work, but after all, they only had $100 and two days." This looks like actual clothing someone has gone out and bought. It's amazing.

The judges tally their scores and the designers come out onto the runway. Everyone loves what Kara has done for Santino. They say she's made him look more casual, but without losing his Santinish kind of style. She tells them she appreciates it. The judges move on to Danzzz. They hate his dress. They start by telling him the hemline's a mess, which it is. I didn't notice that during the show, but they do a closeup on it now, and it's pretty damn raggedy. They also say that he took the normal "cute" Chloe and turned her into an '80s power bitch. I'm not seeing that. On to Chloe. They like the suit she's made, though they don't seem to be as wild about it as I am. Nick. Freddie points out the rippling fabric. Michael (with grudging respect, it seems to me) tells Nick that making a full men's suit was incredibly ambitious of him, but the fabric is womanly. Heidi takes issue with the fact that the jacket can't close, because there are no buttons. They also note the absence of pockets, and compare it to a jacket someone would have worn on The Golden Girls. Hehe. Yeah, the wardrobe department on that show should have been shot out of a cannon. Santino. Nina questions the practicality of a jumpsuit, and Heidi thinks she looks self-conscious. Santino starts weaving some fabrication about how excited she was to be wearing it before, and gives her some trouble for not selling it. I'll agree that she looks more miserable than she could be right now, but it's ultimately his fault for not fitting it correctly. Nina points this out, saying that this is certainly not the first time that Santino has designed something with more of an eye towards dramatic statement than the woman wearing the clothing. Nina asks Kara point blank how she feels in the jumpsuit. Kara is speechless. It looks like she's torn between lying to help out Santino, and not wanting to get called out for lying, since it's kind of obvious she's uncomfortable. She's in a rough spot. Nina's eagle eye also spots the sleeve starting to come undone, and Santino lies some more about it getting ripped in some backstage excitement. Freddie inserts a comment about how he likes the jumpsuit, and the designers are sent off.

Deliberations. Danzzz. Heidi really hates what he made. I'm still not understanding her level of disgust. I can see not liking it, but is it that bad? Chloe gets universal praise. Kara is the other favorite, not only for the style, but for the fact that she was able to make so many different pieces, like the hat. Nick's suit was ugly and poorly made. Santino. Freddie apologetically defends the jumpsuit again. It was creative, but poorly stitched and didn't show any thought for the model's comfort. Backstage, Kara is crying on Nick's shoulder about how bad she feels for not saying anything. I think she means that she's sorry she didn't defend the jumpsuit, but is too upset to apologize to Santino directly or something. I don't know, that's my interpretation. Chloe and Danzzz take the opportunity to rip on the jumpsuit some more, wondering what took so long in such a simple garment. Again, they may be doing that to make Kara feel better or maybe they're just being bitchy. It's pretty vague. Heidi calls the designers back out.

This week's fun trivia tidbit to avoid tiresome, repetitive show dialogue: As of episode 10, Kara has not won a challenge. As of episode 10 in Season 1, Jay McCarroll had not won a challenge. And he won the entire season. I'm just saying.

Elimination time. Danzzz is in, but is extremely lucky to have immunity this week. Heidi hints strongly that he may have been cut otherwise. Seriously, what is so horrible about that dress? And now the winner of the challenge. There's a badly dubbed bit of Heidi talking about what a great job both Chloe and Kara did. The winner is...Chloe! Good. Kara is in too. Also good. That leaves Santino and Nick. Santino (more badly dubbed Heidi) had an interesting idea with the jumpsuit, but it was unfinished. Nick (yes, more bad dubbing) fell short in every aspect of his design. And in a completely unsurprising decision, Santino is declared "in", and Nick is eliminated. He thanks the judges, and starts to cry. In his final interview, he's disappointed but hopes that he's given his parents something to be proud of. And while my opinion of him has gone steadily downhill, I think he has. See ya, Nick. You'll always have the triumph of that Barbie dress.

Next week on Project Runway: The evening gown competition. Danzzz confronts Santino about the bullshit he spewed on the runway this week. The designers meet up with several of the Season 1 designers, where Jay's bitchiness does battle with Santino's bitchiness. A "big celebrity" comes into play. That'll probably mean Mary Hart or some shit.

Overall Grade: C+

Flower Power

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 9

Previously on Project Runway: Zulema asked for a model walk-off and yoinked Tarah, which delighted Danzzz, shocked Andrae, and pushed Nick into the gutter and kicked him. The designers took photographs to provide some inspiration for their next dress. Nick had no inspiration, because he was too busy sulking about the model loss. Tim admonished all the designers about their recent work. Nick didn't listen, because he was too busy sulking about the model loss. Nick couldn't get involved in the creation of his garment, and considered quitting, because he was so busy sulking about the model loss. Santino did a hilarious Tim Gunn impersonation. On the runway, Zulema got yelled at, Danzzz won his third challenge, and Kara narrowly avoided elimination. Zulema's fugly sunglasses went home, taking Zulema with them. Whew! Those were the longest previouslies ever! Six designers remain. Who will be "out" tonight?

Opening credits. Who's that lady? Oh, it's Kirsten, whose sole claim to reality show fame is "that boring girl who didn't want to give up a scarf". I hardly remember her. Sad.

Morning at the Atlas. Andrae has a freshly shaven head. Nick talks to his roommates, saying that there's a new rule in effect: "Do not go out like Zulema". What does that mean? Don't make a crappy dress? Don't steal someone's model, because karma will get you? I have no idea. Nick goes on to interview that Zulema took his model (Really? How come he never said anything about it?), and that he's fairly relieved that she's gone. Chloe, brutally frank as always, interviews that she's not surprised at Zulema's ouster, since she never really pictured Zulema as being in the final three, and that her garment was the worst. If I ever need an honest opinion on something, and am afraid that my friends would sugar-coat their reaction, I'm going to ask Chloe. She'll be all like "Yep, that outfit looks like crap. You need to fix this, this, and this." Kara's just mostly bewildered that she's been able to make it this far. I know a few non-Kara fans who would agree.

Runway. Heidi comes out to introduce the next challenge. Andrae's hair has miraculously grown back. Hmmm, I wonder what the real chain of events is for this show, because it's clearly not the order that they show it to us. The designers will be making an outfit for a garden party. But of course, we first need to get through the Back To Pointless Model Selection. Zulema did more damage than she thought, because since she switched Tarah and Rachael last week, it's now Tarah up for elimination instead of Rachael. And OF COURSE Danzzz sticks with Rebecca, as he should, so the arguably prettiest model will be on her way. Bye, Tarah! It totally sucks that you're going out like this. The designers agree with me. Nick gets emotional again, and Santino calls out "I love you!" as she leaves. Aw. Stupid Zulema.

Another creepy mannequin torso finds its way outside into traffic. Are they all trying to escape? Is that why nobody could find their dress form in "Social Scene"? The men decide to go hang out up on the roof. Nick interviews that although they're all friends, there's a definite competitive vibe among them. Chloe, meanwhile, is a bit shocked that there are only two women left, and hopes that at least one female (read: her) will be in the final three. The designers go to sleep. "The next day", Tim stops by at 6AM. Everyone's already up and dressed. Yikes. I wouldn't be able to spell my name at 6AM, let alone concentrate on a competition. Andrae's hair is now magically re-shaven. Tim tells the guys that they're going on a field trip, then drops by the women's room to say the same thing. Everyone heads out. More pointless interviews in which the designers basically all say they don't know where they're going. I know they've got to fill some time as more and more people are eliminated, but they need to reel that shit in.

Tim stops at a place called The Plant House, Inc. and fully describes the challenge. The designers will need to create a dress using plants and flowers. Yaaaaaaaay! That sounds so cool! Two of my great loves are science (including plants) and art (including pretty gardens and such), so this is right up my alley. Chloe is not as happy to hear about this challenge, because it's obviously going to be very difficult. What she should really be unhappy about is what her hair's doing in this shot. Someone apparently snuck up to her, and teased her mall bangs up to 1991 proportions when she wasn't looking. Ew. Why doesn't she just go for the crimper while she's at it? Tim tells everyone there are three stores from which they can get supplies, and they'll have one hour and $100. Nick interviews that he's dreading this challenge, but kept on a smiley front for Tim. He demonstrates his hilarious fake grin, and if this were America's Next Top Model, someone would have inserted a "ding!" sound effect there. He sarcastically goes on to say "I had to stay long enough for the damn...make a dress out of flowers task." He rolls his eyes. That was awesome.

Shopping ensues. Kara's a bit flummoxed, and doesn't even know where to start. Nick looks for bendable plants. Santino will be working with mesh. Chloe picks leaves, because she knows they're not as delicate as other plants. Good idea. Andrae brags that he used to work in florist shop, so he knows exactly what he's doing (let's call that Andrae tempts Fate, #1). Um, so what? I used to work at a donut shop, but that doesn't mean I can create a dress out of the damn things. Andrae finishes shopping in half an hour, and stands out on the sidewalk, smarmily grinning about how he'll just have to wait for everyone else to finish (#2). Kara is still just buying materials she hopes will lend themselves well to construction. Santino wheels and deals. Danzzz spends almost every cent he has. Just as time runs out, Chloe finishes up. Everyone loads up carts of greenery, and they head back to the workroom.

The designers get started. Danzzz interviews about winning three challenges, and how he'll just keep staying the course as far as his design ideas, since the judges seem to like it. I like how he's able to sound proud of his wins without sounding conceited or egotistical. Chloe jokingly tells him that it's a bit sickening that he's good at everything he does, and he plays it off by saying he was abysmal at basketball. Hee. Everyone's so likable in this episode! Tim gathers everyone for an announcement. It's a big one. Whoever wins this challenge will have immunity for the next challenge. Everyone's agape. Andrae interviews that it'd be nice to win, since that'll get him automatically to the final four, which is his goal. That doesn't make much sense to me. Everyone else's goal is to make it to the final three, because that's when you get to really show your stuff at Fashion Week. Making it to the final four, while impressive, is still being eliminated through regular show challenges, essentially making it the same as being eliminated first. I don't get Andrae at all. The designers have until midnight. Now, things really get started. It looks like they can cover their dress forms with fabric, as long as all of that fabric is going to be covered by plant material. Of course, that means the fabric will still lend some structural integrity to the final dress, and that would have influenced my shopping choices, so it seems a bit unfair. We'll touch on it again at the judging. Danzzz starts making a woven pattern of leaves, and it's already beautiful. Kara recognizes that this challenge is a do-or-die one for her. Santino would like to win this challenge, because it'd give him the opportunity to do something really offensive for the next one. Hehehehe. Commercials.

When we return, we get to hear about the ideas everyone has come up with. Chloe is going to do a summer dress with overlapping leaves in such a way that from afar, you wouldn't even be able to tell it's made of plant material. Kara is braiding raffia, but not really sure what she's going to use it for. "I've got a pile of green," she says. "The main thing I want to do with it is smoke it, to tell you the truth." Hahahaha! Chloe cracks up. Santino's design is typically Santinish; very whimsical and arty. Danzzz has ferns for the bottom, and some absolutely beautiful purple-blue flowers that he'll use on the bustline. Andrae is using Spanish moss, baby's breath (ugh, I hate baby's breath - even the name is so cutesy-poo, it makes me want to hurl), and dried lavender. He goes outside to start gluing moss down to the fabric. Nick's explanation isn't very helpful. He just basically says he's going to make a skirt, then put plants on it. Thanks, Nick. Tim checks in a bit later. A couple of Chloe's leaves fall off the fabric, and Tim tells her that can't happen on the runway. She seems to be very behind schedule. Kara is still just creating as she goes. She's wound the braided raffia around the breasts of the mannequin so that it forms a kind of bra, but it goes up to form the neckline as well. That sounds icky, but it's really very cute. Tim is worried that she doesn't have more planned out, but she just shrugs it off, and says that the dress is happening "organically". I really don't think she meant that as the horrible pun it is, or I'd start to believe that she's been possessed by my father. Danzzz seems to know exactly where he's going, but worries about the time limit. Nick does not have a lot of material to work with. Santino doesn't seem to have done much of anything so far.

Tim realizes Andrae's not around, and goes outside to check on him. The second he's gone, Santino starts doing his Timpersonation again. They even intercut scenes of Tim talking to Andrae with Santino so that they both say "Carry on" one right after the other. Hah! Later, the designers are still working frantically. Chloe realizes that gluing the tiny leaves one by one is going to take forever. Suddenly, a gay theme hits from out of the blue. Chloe asks when Danzzz came out to his parents, and he says that it was a year ago. Nick, in an incredulous tone: "You JUST came out a year ago to your parents?". He seems to feel it's unacceptable that Danzzz waited so long in this time of love and tolerance that we're living in. Um. Danzzz kindly (too kindly for my tastes, actually - I would have made Nick very clear on how not-his-business my coming-out timeline was) explains that he grew up in the Bible Belt, and his circumstances are a little, you know, DIFFERENT. He interviews that it was tough to be labeled a fag, and how he's found support now. That's all very nice, and I'm genuinely happy for him, but this section of the show just came out of nowhere and went nowhere, so was essentially filler. Danzzz deserves better than that. Chloe jokes that her biggest fear is to date a guy that turns out to be gay. Heh, I guess she'll think she drove him to it or something. Danzzz asks Santino to do another Timpersonation. Santino creates a little story of Andrae and Tim having a lovers' quarrel at Red Lobster, and it's insane and hilarious. Andrae has an interview in which he asks if there's anyone else in the world like Santino, and if there is, please don't call him. Hahaha! I'm sorry, I know I'm "hah"-ing and "hee"-ing all over the place, but this episode is consistently cracking me up.

Evening. Tim checks in again. Kara still doesn't have a bottom worked out. Yikes. Nick has a fan of leaves that looks pretty cool, but there is a lot of fabric showing at the bottom that he'll have to deal with. Danzzz still seems to be proceeding with great efficiency, and Chloe is still way behind. Andrae has made a huge mess on the floor, and his dress just looks like a bed of moss right now. Tim approaches Santino, and totally calls him on the impressions, saying he wants to hear more. Santino looks like he wants to crawl in a hole and die. This is so awesome. I don't know who told Tim, or if he just overheard something, but the cat's out of the bag. The other designers freak out. Santino does a little of the Red Lobster riff. Tim laughs. Oh my God, I love this episode. They don't even talk about Santino's dress. Nick runs out of material, so the dress will have to be cut fairly short. Andrae talks about how he's close to finished, but wishes he had more time so that he could elaborate more. Chloe starts to panic in earnest about finishing on time. Santino has treated his leaves with shellac, which makes them really shiny, and Danzzz pretends to pass out from the fumes. Kara works like a madwoman. Time runs out, and Chloe bemoans her poor time-management in this challenge.

Commercials. I'm willing to give Top Chef a shot, since Bravo seems to do well with its reality shows. That guy yelling "Who's goin' doooooooown!!!!!!!!" needs to be beaten with a sack of doorknobs, though. We're back, and it's the next day. Everyone's very nervous. Except Andrae, of course, who tells Nick that it won't be any of the four gentlemen going home (#3). Everyone discusses Chloe's leaf issue, but decides that really, it could be anyone. Andrae: "I'm not going home, though. It's not me." He smiles. Jesus, that's such blatant Fate-tempting, I'm calling it #4-6. Everyone heads to the workroom and immediately dives into work. Tim comes in soon after, and says that the models will be arriving in a minute, but that the designers should just send the models to hair and makeup by themselves, so that they can keep working on the dresses. They've got about two hours. Chloe asks Grace to come back after hair and makeup to help her if she's not done. Kara's typically unhelpful in her hair and makeup descriptions, telling Eden to ask for "fresh Park Avenue, not stuffy Park Avenue". Chloe has Grace get a skullcap made of the same leaves that are on the dress. That is a terrific idea. Chloe is still rushing to finish, and Kara temporarily abandons her own dress (which has come together very quickly) to come help her. Aw, that's so sweet. She interviews that it's out of female solidarity, but I'll bet that Kara would have helped Danzzz in the same way. After helping for a while, Kara mentions that she hopes the judges don't yell at her for being unfinished, so Chloe cuts her loose so that she can work on her own dress, and thanks her for the help. The models get fitted. They're all uncomfortable. Nick interviews that everyone's dress looked great, so it'll be a hard challenge to call. Chloe literally glues the last leaf on as Tim enters to bring them to the runway.



Commercials, then showtime. The judges will be Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and design team Mark Badgley and James Mischka. Heidi is wearing a hideous maternity dress, which I only mention because all of the others have been lovely. She looks like she just rolled around in a tablecloth, then came straight to the runway. Danzzz is wearing one of his purple flowers at his lapel. Nice. Let's start the show. Normally, I just post the picture of whatever I found prettiest or ugliest on the runway, but since so many of these are great, I'll post them all. Rebecca is first in Danzzz's dress. It's very nice. The skirt is a mass of ferns with a small trail of the purple flowers. Those flowers also make up the entire bustline. In between, the waistline is made of the woven leaves Danzzz made, and it looks absolutely fantastic. There's also one of the flowers placed at dead center on her back. The only real problem I see are the shoulder straps, which are what's holding everything up, but aren't making use of plant material. That seems...well, not like cheating, but a little unfair. Next is Rachael, in Nick's dress. It's interesting. There are large, wraparound leaves for the bodice and shoulders, some dried lavender at the bustline, and the bottom is filled in with baby's breath. Also, it looks like the shoulders and bustline are connected with the last of the material Nick had, which are stems of some type. The whole thing is capped by a crown of yellow thistle. I don't know that I like this dress as much as some of the others, but it is very creative and technically proficient. Next is Grace in Chloe's dress, and while her rushing is reflected in its simplicity, it still looks lovely. The entire thing is overlayed with the small holly leaves, including the skullcap. Chloe has added a belt made of raffia (I think), and a bright purple flower. This looks the most dress-like of all of tonight's designs. If I saw this dress from across the room, I wouldn't know on first sight that it was made of leaves, because it actually looks like clothing. Very nice. Next is Heather in Santino's dress. The bodice is made of treated ficus leaves, as is the sole shoulder strap. At the hips, the other, more colorful leaves form a small layer, and the skirt is made from floral mesh. I don't know if that technically counts as plant material, but since the judges don't have a problem with it, I guess I don't either. The mesh does work well, giving it a very airy, springtime look. As with Nick's, I'm not wild about the overall product, but it's very well done nonetheless. Danyelle in Andrae's dress. Hmm. It's not ugly or anything. It's actually very cute. But, it's too plain to stack up to the other dresses I've seen so far. The entire thing is a bed of Spanish moss, which Andrae has accentuated with a hair accessory, a neckline, and a hemline of baby's breath. Below the hemline is a small skirt of raffia, which is what makes the waistline as well. He's sewn a zipper into the back, which is nice, I guess, but really breaks up the line of the dress, and makes it look a little tacky. Finally, we have Eden in Kara's dress. Kara has sort of been coasting in this competition so far, and seemed to have no ideas until very late in this challenge. So for her to produce this was a pretty fucking monumental achievement. It's gorgeous. In the front, the braided raffia forms a line around the breasts, continues up around the neck, and winds around the back. The open areas of the raffia are filled in with purple flowers. The rest of the bodice is a light green mesh of Spanish moss, with the skirt being a darker green bed of Spanish moss. The contrast of colors helps define the parts of the outfit in a really attractive way, and the skirt poofs out a bit at the bottom to make it show more movement than a lot of the other designs. The back is equally awesome. The bodice is composed of horizontal lines of dried, brown raffia, which is accented by a waistline of purple flowers. This dress is not only beautiful, but shows a lot of different ideas incorporated into the different areas of the outfit. Considering Kara pretty much pulled this dress right out of her ass, I feel this is the clear winner of this challenge. The judges tabulate their scores, and the designers step onto the runway. The models emerge. Heidi opens by saying she's surprised that people went with so much greenery rather than rose petals. I'm holding my tongue. Mark and James ask Nick why he didn't use more color. Still...holding...tongue. Nick explains that he was looking for bendable plants that would hold up. Still not getting it, Nina jumps onto the why-didn't-you-use-more-flowers bandwagon.

OK, that's it. These judges could not need to shut up more. 1) Flowers are fragile. I would invite Heidi, Mark, James, and Nina to try to construct anything entirely out of flowers and not destroy them in the process. 2) Flowers die. Quickly. If the designers put together an outfit made of flowers, or even just featuring flowers, they would have wilted overnight, and looked terrible. Danzzz told us earlier that his time crunch came from attaching the flowers at the last minute, because that's when you HAVE to put them on. 3) Flowers are expensive. New York is expensive. So flowers in New York are... You got it! Expensive. Nick spent almost every cent he had, and still didn't have enough material. If the designers had concentrated on colorful flowers, they wouldn't have been able to afford to create an entire garment. 4) Were the designers told that there would be an underlay of fabric? If so, fine. If not, they were under the impression that the plants they purchased would have to hold everything up, which flowers cannot do. In short, yes, flowers are wonderful, but they would have been ineffectual for this challenge, and it's really scary that only Michael seems to get that. Anyway, moving on.

Nick makes the mistake of telling the judges that he's trying to stray from his "Paris Hilton goes to a resort" aesthetic. The judges wrinkle their noses, because designing for Paris Hilton in the first place is kind of gross, given that she's just a giant, walking vagina. Also, this is still a very Nick-like design. If his intent is to stray from what he usually does, he failed. I think he would have been better off sticking with the bendable plants argument. The judges tell him it still looks pretty unsophisticated. I will say that his would be the most inappropriate for a garden party, which is what the designers were originally told to design for. Chloe is told that hers looks the most clothlike, and the most wearable. I'd agree with that. Mark tells Kara hers is the best-fit dress up there. He loves everything about it. Michael agrees, saying the texture differences are nice, and that Kara was very creative in her design process. Andrae's dress doesn't fit Danyelle well, and is too stiff. Plus, it's simple to the point of being boring. Michael says she looks like a doormat. Andrae rolls his eyes a little bit and smiles at Danyelle (#7). Danzzz's is adorable, and he used a lot of color. The judges ooh and ahh over the fact that he used flowers, and although I love the ones he picked out, the judges are waaaaaay too impressed with that. What really blows them away is the basket-weave on the waistline, which is quite amazing. Santino. Mark doesn't like the waxy look of the leaves, and again harps on the you-should-have-used-flowers point. SHUT UP. Santino explains that he treated the leaves to preserve the color, which is a good point, but Nina responds that by doing that, he's made them look very plastic, which is also a good point. Heidi likes that the leaves are shiny, which Michael jokes is because she's German. Heh. She shoots back that maybe his plants need dusting. The designers are sent off.

Deliberations. Finally, a judge (James) seems to realize why more flowers weren't used. Apparently, one of the Season 1 dresses was made of corn husks which shriveled on the runway. Heidi likes Kara, Chloe, and Danzzz's dresses. Everyone agrees about Danzzz's dress, and how wonderful it is. Chloe's looked the most like fabric, and she really thinks about women's bodies. Kara used texture in a smart way. Nick didn't explain his dress well, and Michael thinks his dress was a bit vulgar. These judges need a smack with a dictionary. Emmett's figure skating skirt was not vulgar. Nick's plant dress is not vulgar. True, I think it's a bit risque for a garden party, but it's not like anything was hanging out. Andrae's was boring and stiff. Santino cares more about creating wearable art than with the woman wearing the dress. That's a fair point. They recognize that he's creative and talented, but he needs to think about the client more. The designers are called back out. Commercials.

This week's fun trivia tidbit to avoid tiresome, repetitive show dialogue: Ten chysanthemums in the first New York florist shop I Googled cost twenty dollars. So, 1/5 of the designers' budget would cover an area about the size of the models' boobs.

We're back. Santino is in. Kara is in. She hugs Santino and has an interview in which she thanks the judges for recognizing the detail that went into the dress. And now the winner of the challenge. Danzzz. Nina AGAIN tells him how nice it is that he used flowers. Of course, Kara used flowers, too, but they were not as lush, so I guess they didn't "count". I do like Danzzz's dress a great deal. But he did not deserve this win. My cynical side thinks there may be a shiftier reason for Danzzz's victory, in that I suspect that the producers would like to cut Kara next week, and wouldn't be able to do so if she won immunity. He interviews that he's happy about the win, but sad to see someone else go. Chloe is in. That leaves Nick and Andrae. Andrae's dress was poorly fit, and not innovative enough. Nick's taste level wasn't there. Fate looks down, lines up her shot, and fires. Nick is in. He hugs Andrae and starts to cry. Andrae tears up while laughing and says "Oh, shut up. Only one person's allowed to cry on the runway." Heh. He thanks the judges and flounces off. Backstage, everyone hugs him as he gets ready to go. I have to quote his exit interview verbatim.

"When I was in the competition, I felt like I was this angel, and that I kind of just floated above the street. And now, I just feel like I'm walking in the crowd like everybody else, and that's kind of tough." Um. Yeah, that pretty much sums up Andrae in a nutshell.

Next week on Project Runway: A head-to-toe makeover for a fellow designer. Crap, I wish Diana were here for that! Santino and Nick get into a fight, and Nick starts in with the silent treatment, because he's seven. Chloe is anxious about her ability to design menswear. Santino is mad at Kara for being indecisive. Kara cries about something or other.

Overall Grade: A