Mamma Mia

Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 7

Previously on Project Runway: A bunch of garbage, both in the clothes and in the judging. Kayne constructed clothing well in the past, but had an off week, partly due to the fact that he had to throw a new dress together at the last minute. Well, that's understandable, so he was spared. Alison constructed clothing well in the past, but had an off week, partly due to the fact that she had to throw a new dress together at the last minute. What? That's inexcusable! She must go! Michael scored an undeserved win, while Vincent didn't score a deserved loss. But no doubt the judges will finally cut him this week, right? RIGHT? Eight designers remain. Who will be out tonight?

Opening credits. No, you've got to be kidding me, Vincent.

Morning comes to the Atlas. Designers get ready. Kayne respikes his hair. Jeffrey is upset because Alison was his best friend amongst the designers. Yep. And now they'll be nobody to give him a knowing nod and smile every time Heidi introduces a challenge. He goes on to say that Angela should have been in the bottom three last week. But her dress was messy and weird-looking! You'd think Jeffrey would love something like that. Meanwhile, Michael basks in his double win. He interviews that he's been grinning so much, he gave himself a headache. That's it for the morning-after interviews. No interview from Kayne about how he's going to bounce back and do something faaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous this week? Missed opportunity.

Everyone heads to the runway, and Heidi comes out. She's holding the velvet bag, which means there's some childish name-picking coming up. I love it. Heidi tells the designers that their next challenge will be to design for the "everyday" woman. There's more to the challenge, but first, let's bring out the models. A woman's silhouette strikes a pose behind the white screen, and either Amanda's been hitting the Mallomars really hard this week, or these aren't our usual models. Michael interviews that everyone immediately realized that something was afoot. A stream of women come out, complete with a Queen For A Day harp trill. Heh. Angela squeals like a pig. Michael just giggles. Angela interviews that at first, she thought they just pulled people off the street, but then she saw her mom. Robert is amazed that the show flew his sister from England to be humiliated on a reality show. Laura starts crying. Her mom has the same flaming red hair, and I'm not quite sure either of them came by the color through genetics. Jeffrey's mom is totally normal-looking. Michael's mom has a bright print on. Also present are Kayne's mom, Vincent's sister, and Uli's mom. Never thought I'd see the day where two blond, German Heidis were running around on stage. How will I ever tell them apart?

Heidi (Klum, that is) tells the designers that their relatives will be the models for this challenge, and they each have to pick one, but cannot pick their own relation. The designers are crushed. Hehehe. I like that evil little twist. Michael won the last challenge, so he gets to pick first. He chooses Robert's sister. I suspect it's because Teresa has the best figure of all the women on stage, so she'll be the easiest to dress. The rest of the designers will be chosen at random. Laura chooses Jeffrey's mom Pam "to torture Jeff". Hehe. Vincent picks Heidi (or as he says, "Yooli's mom"). Angela chooses Laura's mom, Lorraine. All the skinny women are chosen now. Kayne chooses Michael's mom, Pamela. Uli picks Kayne's mom, Judy. Robert chooses Vincent's sister, Patricia. That leaves Jeffrey and Darlene, Angela's mom. Hahahahahaha! He interviews that he wound up with the mother of the woman he despises because "God got drunk today". No, I think God just hates Jeffrey. All glory to God. Heidi sends the designers to the workroom, but takes the moms/sisters with her, so that she can...send them to the workroom. Er. OK, then.

The designers and their relations finally have a chance to talk to each other. Uli interviews that she hasn't seen her mom in a few years. Aw. Michael shows off his challenge-winning outfits to his mom. Tim comes in and tells everyone that they've been invited to a special event hosted by this week's guest judge. They're off! They wind up at Tavern on the Green. I thought New Yorkers avoided this place like the plague now that it's become all touristy. Eh, what do I know? Michael Kors is there and welcomes everyone. We need no introduction to the woman standing next to him, because they look identical. Yes, it's Joan Kors, Michael's mother. They're even wearing matching clothing, which is freaking hilarious. Michael (Knight) interviews that he could tell that Michael (Kors) was a total mama's boy. Heh. Kors goes on to explain that his mother is a real inspiration as to what he thinks about when he designs. And with that, he pops some champagne, and everyone settles in for some drinks. It looks like the moms were encouraged to bring family photos, and Kayne's mom was only too glad to agree. Kayne was a tubby little boy with a bowl haircut. Hahaha, that's awesome. Robert looks at the photos and cracks up. Michael's mom has also brought a picture of Michael when he was a kid. Oh, dear. I think I had that exact same striped shirt he's wearing. Jeffrey's mom has opted for high-school pics. You can tell from the dyed hair that his identity crisis goes waaaay back. His mom is proud that he's gone from being an alcoholic to a successful designer. No disrespect to the people who manage to pull themselves out of addiction, but I think I'd rather he be drunk if being sober is what's responsible for him being such a dick. Laura shows Michael Kors childhood pictures of herself, but we never get to see them. Boo! Michael talks about he and Laura being only children, and confides to his mom that Laura's got five kids. "I'm...workin' on six," Laura responds, and her mother's face goes slack with shock. Whoops! Laura interviews that she just found out herself, and that letting the news of her pregnancy slip was Grade A stupid. Now everyone knows except her husband. Double whoops! Everyone heads back to the workroom.

Vincent interviews something typically nonsensical. Tim tells everyone that they should design a day-to-day outfit for the model, but it should be fashion-forward, and reflect who they are as a designer. They have thirty minutes to talk about ideas with their "client", and have only one day to complete the outfit. Everyone's surprised, even though this is exactly what happened last week. Robert tries to tactfully interview that dressing fat women is hard. He and Patricia discuss kimonos. Angela... Oh, Christ. She's wearing another fucking bubble skirt! This is, like, the seventeenth one we've seen! And everyone's already told her that they're really ugly! She interviews that Lorraine wants a casually elegant look, like Audrey Hepburn. Angela's excited about this, since she did so well with Audrey Hepburn's look in the icon challenge. Lorraine interviews that she'd like Laura to win, but won't do anything to hinder Angela. Well, sure. It would take a real asshole to push one of these women into intentionally bad-mouthing them, so that'll never happen. Kayne interviews that he was attracted to Pamela's bright shirt and rhinestones. I'm not surprised Kayne is attracted by shiny things. Coming from a...ah...hefty past himself, he's anxious to make something that a larger woman will find fashionable.

Vincent says that Uli's mom has a "European air" around her, whatever that means. He has some trouble communicating, because he doesn't speak any German. Like he communicates any better in English. Laura and Pam discuss doing a sort of cruise-themed outfit. Ah, the pleasures of the idle rich. Darlene interviews that she's very traditional and Jeffrey clearly...isn't. She tells him she would like a long dress, because of her size. So she's aiming for something modest, and tells him she likes deep colors like dark green and dark purple. Jeffrey interviews that he's never done a design like this. Darlene goes on to tell him that she'd love a striking jacket, but he tells her he'd rather not do a jacket, because there isn't enough time to do it well. That's completely understandable, although he disagrees in a way that sounds ruder than it should have. They don't really reach any agreement by the time Tim comes in to tell them that it's time to go fabric shopping. Darlene tells Jeffrey that she's about to cry, because she feels like she's limiting him so much. Wait, the woman who raised Angela is overly emotional? Stop the presses!

Commercials. In honor of tonight's challenge, let's make this commercial observation mom-themed. L'OREAL has got another pointless skin cream out. If you'd ever like a free show, walk up to my mother and say "Hey, Limecrete's Mom. What do you think of Andie MacDowell?". Then stand back.

Mood. Kayne recaps the challenge for us, just in case we had been struck blind and deaf up until this point, and are desperately trying to understand what's going on. Robert interviews that Patricia likes red and black, and he's upset because he thinks they're boring colors. Um. They are? There are a million things you can do with red and black, and there are about a million shades of red. He settles on a shade I'd call "Hooker's Delight". Uli plays to her strengths by selecting another very pretty print fabric, which she says is slimming. Jeffrey tugs a roll of black fabric off the shelf. He interviews that he couldn't find any usable dark green fabric, so he went with periwinkle instead. He says it will accent the dark purple and navy blue well. I can buy that. People wrap up their shopping and leave.

Back in the workroom, Laura dismissively interviews that some of the designers are completely stumped, because they don't know how to work around larger women's proportions. You'll note that her own model is fairly slim, and I'm struck with an overwhelming desire to see what she would have come up with for one of the bigger models. Robert is petrified, because he has no idea what he's doing. I like that this challenge is ruffling their feathers. Brace yourself. Vincent is about to say something relevant and incisive. "People felt uncomfortable with this challenge, because they like to dress beautiful, lean models that have perfect 25-inch waists. You have to be able to compensate and deliver to real women, because these are the people that wear your clothes." I couldn't have put it any better. A few more statements like that, and Vincent might become semi-tolerable. But enough of my gushing. Michael says that he's creating a shirt-dress, and came up with the idea to make it reversible. Sounds good.

Ten hours until the deadline. Hot sewing action. Time slips away. Kayne likes the pants he's made. Tim comes in to tell everyone that the models are coming in to see what progress they've made. He sends them in. Kisses abound. Kayne whips out his coral fabric for Pamela. Judy likes Uli's print. Uli interviews that she's incorporating vertical stripes to elongate the body. I! Love! Uli! Vincent says that Heidi is very comfortable with him "in spirit". You can pretty much assume I tack on "whatever that means" to 90% of Vincent's statements. Lorraine politely, but firmly tells Angela that she's incorporating too much color for her tastes. Tim tells Angela she's lucky to have a client with a point of view. We're about to see how lucky. Gnat makes me rewind to see just how much color Angela was planning on incorporating. I see black, dark blue (or purple), light purple, bright orange, and lime green. Wowsers. Lorraine interviews that she feels like she may have intimidated Angela a little bit, not realizing that Angela does her best work when people impose limits on her crazy ideas.

While Jeffrey's off doing something, Tim comes over to talk to Darlene. Tim asks her if she's happy with what Jeffrey's doing, and she says that she's concerned that the colors are matronly, and she's trying to avoid that. Now, I'm going to be indulging in some rabid defense of Darlene in a minute, so let's get this out of the way first. Gnat hates her guts because she's being passive-aggressive about the outfit, which I can't argue with. Also, she specifically told Jeffrey to choose these colors, except the periwinkle, which is in no way more "matronly" than any of the ones she selected. Tim asks her if she's told Jeffrey she's disappointed in the color, and she says that he doesn't know. Yeah, she's trying to make Tim do her dirty work for her. At this point, Jeffrey returns. He asks what they were talking about and Tim says that Darlene is "a little ambivalent about the color". Jeffrey calmly tells Tim about the colors Darlene chose, and how the dark green didn't work with the dark purple, so that's why he chose the periwinkle. He thinks Darlene is "setting him up". You can tell that he's about to crack. And crack he does.

He tells Darlene that he hopes that she likes the dress he makes for her, but if she doesn't, there's not a thing he can do about it. Wow, was that ever the wrong way to start. If he had just been like "I'm sorry you don't care for the periwinkle, but I'm confident that once I'm finished, you'll look terrific," she probably would have meekly agreed. Instead, since he's basically telling her that her opinion just plain sucks, she passive-aggressives some more about why is he treating her this way? She does go on to have a point when she says that she was asked her opinion and gave it. She would have said the exact same thing had Jeffrey been standing there the whole time, and she's not going to pretend to be excited about an outfit she feels doesn't work for her. Woo! Knowing that he has no argument against this, he retreats to saying that there are aspects of her beauty (or whatever) that he wants to bring out that maybe she doesn't see in herself. It's a fair point, but he's openly sneering as he says it, so it again comes across as "Shut up! You'll like what I tell you to like!" She again zings him by saying that just because she has different taste in clothing, it doesn't mean she's insecure.

Jeffrey runs away to the sewing room. In his most self-delusional moment, he interviews that he "just let her know he didn't appreciate it," and that he didn't want to talk to her anymore, because he's got work to do (read: "Waaah! She doesn't like my stuff, and rather than consider for even a half-second that she might have the sliver of a point, I'll just write her off completely like I do everyone else who doesn't appreciate my ROCKIN' HARDCORE aesthetic! Poor me!"). Then he calls her a crazy bitch. Classy. Tim asked her how she liked the colors. She said she wasn't wild about them. That's all that happened. He makes it sound like Darlene was running around the workroom, waving a flag with I HATE JEFFREY'S DRESS written across it. And rather than taking the four seconds it would have taken to placate her, he jumps down her throat. Seriously, his tantrum would be out of line even with a regular "guest" model, but these are your coworkers' moms. Even if she was being a total bitch about it, which she wasn't, just smile and nod, then interview about how dumb she is. What does it cost you to be polite to someone you find distasteful for twenty fucking minutes? What a douchebag. In the breakroom, Darlene cries to Angela. Angela tells her not to let Jeffrey get to her, because he's always like this. What I find surprising is that knowing what we know about Angela, I'd expect her to be cramming a sewing machine down Jeffrey's throat right about now. How is she staying so calm?

Vincent tells Jeffrey that Darlene is crying. Then Jeffrey says the thing that gets my blood boiling more than almost anything else, so prepare yourself for some capital letters. "I was just being honest with her," he whines. Oh, well then that must make everything OK. Treating people with decency and respect is stupid. If you're honest, nobody's allowed to be angry with you or dislike you, because after all, you're just telling the truth. SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING COCKSHIT ASS-PIMPLE. "Sweetie, how do you like my new outfit?" "It makes you look fat and like you're imitating teenagers. Hey, why are you getting mad? I'm just being honest." "I just got out of the hospital. How do I look?" "Like you should check back in immediately. Hey, I'm just being honest." Honesty does not excuse you from being courteous. But nice try. Vincent interviews that we're now starting to see "Jeff's real colors". I'd love to believe he's being clever, but I don't. Plus, I'll have you know that some of us have seen Jeff's real colors since the casting special. Now, let's have a peek into why Jeffrey's such an asshole. Pam comes to talk to Darlene. It's almost like working off a checklist entitled "Steps to Enable Your Child's Awful Personality".

Step 1: It's not that your child is a jerk, he's just different from all those boring, normal people! "Jeffrey can get very emotional." Yes. And part of being an adult is knowing when it's appropriate to keep your temper in check.

Step 2: Your child cannot possibly be expected to conform to society's rules. He's far too special. "He's just under a lot of stress." Know who else is under a lot of stress? EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.

Step 3: Your child is struggling against intolerance. People need to accept him for what he is! "This means a lot to him. Let's just move forward. For your sake. For Jeff's sake. Everything will be better tomorrow."

Ten points to you if you can pinpoint a very important word that is absent in both poor, belabored Jeffrey's speech and poor, sainted Pam's. Why doesn't the world love her honest child? Also, don't you love that "For your sake"? Like Darlene has so much to gain from a Jeffrey win. It almost sounds like a threat. "Eat shit and kiss my son's ass, and nobody gets hurt." Pam comes back into the workroom, hugs Jeffrey, and tells him that everything's going to be OK. If I yelled at somebody's mom and made her cry, and my mom was there? She'd come into the workroom and beat my ass into the ground with a dress form. Now that would get some high ratings. Jeffrey tries one final tack for sympathy by telling us he used to be a suicidal junkie. Oh, how wonderful that he was spared and can now spread his love and wisdom to the rest of us.

Commercials. There isn't one person involved with this new Nike commercial, from its inception to its production to its casting that I don't want to hit in the nose with a candlestick.

Two hours until deadline. Angela tells Jeffrey she has no idea what happened between him and her mother, and I'm still really surprised that she's not making a bigger deal out of it. "[Darlene] was going out of her way to make me look bad and embarrass me," Jeffrey whines, which is demonstrably false. But it's too late. He's already cast the morality play in his head with himself as the poor victim, which he probably does about fifty times a day. To Angela's credit, she knows he's full of shit, but doesn't really follow up on it. Meanwhile, Kayne is harried because he has three pieces to finish. Michael likes how his outfit's coming along, and Uli kids that he's going to win three challenges in a row. He says he'll faint if that happens. One quick work montage later, and it's midnight. Jeffrey says that he's happier with his piece than he thought he would be, snottily saying that he didn't cut a hole in a piece of fabric and call it a poncho. There's a shot of Robert's outfit, and yeeks. I take back that "snottily" comment, because he's entirely correct. Robert tries to convince himself that his muumuu (or whatever he's trying to pass it off as) looks fairly good and that Patricia will like it.

Back at the Atlas, Uli heads straight for the wine. Hehehe. Laura says she's going to bed, and Uli ribs her about being pregnant. Laura interviews that having six kids won't be that different from having five. She'll just throw the new one "on the pile". She says that she's tired of hearing about being pregnant, grins, and goes to bed. The next morning, Michael interviews that he's excited to see all these moms and sisters play model, doing a little impression of them vogueing down the runway. Heh. At the workroom, Tim tells everyone that they have an hour and half to get the models ready. The ladies stream in. Jeffrey directs Darlene to a privacy screen to stand behind while she changes. Angela goes in to help her, and tells her mom to be completely honest on the runway when the judges ask her how she feels. Yes, she's trying to get her mom to shred Jeffrey on the runway, and while I'd usually be angry at such a tactic...shred away, Darlene. Jeffrey interviews that he doesn't care if he gets eliminated for this challenge, because it's not something he could have prepared for. So the challenge doesn't suit him. And the Macy's challenge didn't suit him. Too bad we haven't had a "Make your model look like she fell in a wheat thresher" challenge, because he'd have it in the bag.

Everyone gets dressed and heads to the styling room. Kayne tells the stylists that he wants Pamela to feel like she's having a beauty day and to have fun. Aw. Pam loves what they do to her hair. Judy promises to walk the catwalk like a real model, and that she's going to embarrass Kayne. Nice. As Laura gets ready, she looks over at her mom wearing Angela's outfit, and gives us one of her patented interviews. Angela's work is inconsistent. The main pieces of the garment were way too basic. The styling was too eclectic. She doesn't like a thing about it. Lorraine doesn't look happy.

Commercials. I'm happy with my Sprint service, but they really need to stop with the black print on yellow screen. Are you trying to sell me phone service or attract bees?

Runway. Heidi comes out in an outfit that would instantly get one of the designers kicked off, were they to make it. Blah blah challenge. Michael, Nina, and Michael's mom Joan are the judges. How great would it have been to have Nina's mom here? I bet she'd be awesome. Joan is wearing tinted sunglasses, so I don't see how she'll be able to judge competently, but whatever. They do random camera shots of designers, and Angela does that irritating thing where she smiles widely as soon as she senses the camera on her. Arrrrgh! Heidi tells them that there will be no immunity for winning this challenge, and kicks off the show. Hit it! Up first is Pam in Laura's outfit. It's not nearly as good as what Laura usually turns out. There's a navy blue skirt with large buttons and an extremely high waist. The shirt is white and pretty, with an open collar and wide cuffs, and the whole thing is accented with a long scarf. I can see what Laura was going for, the but waist is far too high, so Pam looks misshapen. Judging by the voiceover, this is the first time that Laura isn't very confident about her garment. Jeffrey seems pleased to watch his mom walk the runway, though.

Next is Judy in Uli's outfit. She looks fantastic. She has tan pants and a loose, flowing top made out of the print fabric. Uli has incorporated the long stripes at the ends of the sleeves and down the middle. It looks fashionable, comfortable, slimming, and just plain awesome. Uli voices over that Judy was "vorking" that outfit. Love her. Next is Heidi in Vincent's outfit. It's the most understated one he's ever done; hence, the best. It's a basic black dress with a black belt and a tan collar. The belt has a gold loop in the front, and the collar is very wide, almost like Flying Nun flaps. From any other designer, this would be disappointing, but it's nice to see Vincent is capable of clothing that looks like...clothing. Next is Pamela in Kayne's outfit. I love her pants, which are khaki capris. The top is a coral tunic, which is overlayed with another coral fabric, the top one being much shinier. Kayne voices-over that he's happy with the outfit, but worried that Pamela didn't smile.

Oh, poor Lorraine. She does her best to make Angela's outfit work. I'm never going to like an outfit that has one of those double layers of anything. Fringe, ruffle, whatever. This is a saggy black dress with a double layer of fringe that Audrey Hepburn would have taken out back and burned. Laura has a very tight smile. Speaking of ill-fitting, here comes Patricia in Robert's outfit. He has made her look as unattractive as possible. It's just a black, shapeless tank dress with a tomato red kimono-cardigan, and some sort of flowing, attached scarf or collar at the top. Robert voices-over that he wanted her to feel comfortable, chic, and glamorous. Well, I can't speak to her comfort, but the other two ain't happening. Up next is Teresa, in Michael's outfit. We never need to invite one of the models back ever again, because Teresa rocks. She struts down the runway more gracefully than Fucking Cara ever did. Michael is thrilled with her. The dress itself is cute. It's a black shirt dress with the black and white paisley print peeking out at the collar and cuffs. There's also a bow of the print fabric front and center on the waist, which doesn't look very good. Gnat says it'd be cuter if the bow was pulled off to the side a bit.

Finally, we have Darlene in Jeffrey's outfit. This is what the giant fight was about? It's a boring, long, navy blue dress with a shirt underneath in periwinkle, and an extremely confusing swath of deep purple fabric on one side of the bustline. But not the other. I don't get it. What is that little tab of fabric accomplishing, either structurally or as fashion? I was hoping for an outfit awesome enough so that I'd be like "Well, he showed her!" or hideous enough to be like "What a deluded freak!" but this is just so...blah.

The designers step onto the runway while the scores are tabulated. Heidi tells them that they'll all be asked some questions this week, but they're going to do it in two groups. Laura, Jeffrey, and Angela may go for now. The models come out. Michael. He talks a little bit about the dress, throwing in the fact that it's reversible, which drives the judges wild. It is nice that it's reversible, and although I liked it more than they did, I do have to agree with the Rungays that, if this dress were actually reversed? It would be ugly. Uli. Michael thinks she looks understated and chic at the same time, and loves that it hangs well. Nina is equally impressed. Kayne. Nina isn't happy that he put coral on top of coral on top of coral. Michael thinks the outfit's a bit unhip, and that showing some skin may have helped. Vincent. Heidi asks Heidi (keep up, now) a question in German, then Heidi reports that Heidi (still with me?) loved the dress. Joan thinks the dress is appropriate, flattering, and looks comfortable. Even Nina throws some compliments to Vincent, which must have been physically painful for her.

Robert. Nina thinks the tank dress was too easy and unimaginative. She and Heidi agree that a print would have helped. Robert says that he was trying to make Patricia comfortable. Patricia does, indeed, try to help Robert out by saying that she loves the colors because they remind her of her favorite childhood dress. I shudder to think of what people would say if I started wearing clothes that were reminiscent of my childhood stuff. I think in particular, the green jumper with [Limecrete] emblazoned across the front in patchwork letters would draw some comments. Heidi appreciates that he tried to make the client happy, but it still needs to work as a design on its own, and this doesn't. Michael agrees that it's far too basic. The designers are dismissed, and the others are brought out.

Angela. Nina thinks the dress is age-inappropriate. Michael and his mom agree that there is nothing Audrey Hepburn about this dress. Michael says that it's more "Stevie Nicks in black." No way! It's not gauzy or flowy enough. Laura. She explains her cruise inspiration. The judges like the tailoring, but find the overall outfit unflattering. Pam says that she'd wear the outfit to dinner. I don't know if that's a compliment or insult. Michael doesn't like the sailor theme. Jeffrey. He says that Darlene works at the Salvation Army. She corrects him that it's the Red Cross. Good start, Jeff! He says that Darlene favors the layered look, so that's what he went for. The judges ask Darlene how she feels in the outfit. She somewhat diplomatically says that she and Jeff are very different, so what she likes was lost in translation. She goes on to less diplomatically say that she feels very matronly, and that if she ever saw this outfit in a department store, she'd walk right by. I think "matronly" is this season's "vulgar". Find a new word, people. Jeffrey says that his main objective was to make Darlene happy, but to put his own stamp on it as well. Then his pants burst into flame. Well, they don't, but they should, as Darlene's face clearly shows. The judges find the outfit "confused". They ask Angela how she thinks her mom looks, and she has no qualms about shredding it. She finds it unattractive and embarrassing. They're dismissed.

Deliberations. Uli rocks, and is great with prints. Michael thinks about his clothes. Vincent made something classic, yet spirited. Angela's outfit was totally wrong. Kayne made Pamela look too old and wide. Robert is still boring, and there was no effort to his clothing. Laura's was unrelaxed. Nina says that it wasn't right for a cruise...AT ALL. I love when Nina emphasizes words. The judges do appreciate Laura's tailoring. Jeffrey used far too much fabric and was "wacky". The judges reach a decision, and the designers are brought back out.

This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: Know what? Everyone around me, from friends to family to coworkers to strangers has been completely charming this week following my birthday. I really don't dislike anyone at the moment. Enjoy this brief respite from the river of bitterness that usually flows through me.

Elimination. Michael is immune, so he's in. Laura is in. And now for the winner of this challenge. "Congratulations, Uli!" Is what the Heidi should have said, and didn't. Yes, Vincent must have signed his soul away along with his 401K, because he is inexplicably declared the winner. Patricia and Heidi hug him backstage. Michael gets in a hug too, telling Vincent he's on the Wall of Fame now. Bleh. Back on stage, Uli is in. Kayne is in. Angela is in.

Gnat: "Bitch."

That leaves Jeffrey and Robert. Jeffrey's outfit was a failure. Neither his client nor the judges liked it. Robert's was boring, as always. He didn't express himself as a designer and he wasn't fashion-forward. Robert. Is. Out. Yeah, that's what I thought might happen. Damn. Backstage, he hugs everyone as he interviews that the experience was helpful for learning his limits. Kayne's Oklahoma accent takes on a life of its own as he bids Robert farewell. Jeffrey must put everything into the most negative terms possible, of course, by saying that the elimination sucks because Robert is a better person than some of the other designers. Well, if we eliminated people based on their worth as humans, you'd be out on week negative fifteen, so shut your piehole. My friend Panny says she could almost swear Tim starts to cry as Robert leaves. Watching it back slowly, I can see what she's talking about. It's possible. Robert concludes that there's been nothing like this experience before and never will be again.

Next week on Project Runway: Velvet bag! Yay! Heidi's ugly bangs tell the designers that they'll be designing for a "jetsetter". Angela and Jeffrey continue the fight from this week, while Kayne eggs them on. Tim tells the designers something about the jetsetter that causes Uli to claim she was shocked in the most unshocked voice known to man. Gnat and I think it's going to be flight attendants. I'm takin' all bets!

Overall Grade: B+