Road to the Runway

Project Runway - Season 3 Casting Special

Previously on Project Runway: Attitude. Parties. Temper tantrums. Backstabbing. Unlikely friendships. Comeuppance. Boobies. Oh, and a bunch of clothing got designed. Chloe pulled out a surprise win, which was a delightful end to a fairly delightful season. Can lightning strike again? We'll find out over the next several weeks, as we go through the entire rigmarole again. But first, we've got to pick a fresh batch of psychos to love and hate. Let's get to it!

Tim tells us that he was simultaneously thrilled and terrified to jump right into casting. Open calls were held in Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, and New York, so I guess the Pacific Northwest can just suck it. Applicants were asked to bring in a portfolio, three garments, and to fill out a twenty-page application. Twenty pages! I think I could sum up my entire life in four. Some people were sent home instantly (shot of a girl who looks like the female version of Marilyn Manson), while some were moved on to the "next level", and asked to make a bio video. Forty-five semi-finalists were chosen, fifteen of which were selected by Tim, Heidi, Nina, and Michael to appear on the show. Nice little summation, there. Now for the gory details.

Casting started in Los Angeles. Tim tells us that his brain was bleeding in anticipation of spending two days sitting next to guest judge Santino Rice. Hahaha! Oh, I've missed Tim. Let's catch up with Santino. Really, the only thing you need to know is that he struts down the street wearing a shirt with his own picture on it. Yeah, that's pretty much Santino in a nutshell. He tells us that his life has changed since the show, and that he's meeting all kinds of actors and musicians that want to be his clients. I guess we'll know who when we see someone show up at the Oscars looking like they got caught in an emu explosion. Tim tells the other judges he was concerned that Santino would make the audition process all about himself rather than concentrating on seeking new contestants, but was pleasantly surprised by how competent he was. Shots of Santino giving out some articulate critiques. Tim also says that the applicant pool is made up of much more experienced designers this year, since the show seems to be such a great launching pad for careers. I love that about this show. America's Next Top Model has NOTHING to do with actually finding a good model, I doubt that the Top Chef will be the Top Anything, and you'll never convince me that American Idol is anything more than a glorified karaoke contest. It's refreshing to see a reality show that actually has some after-game potential.

The first potential we meet is Robert Best, who's wearing a T-shirt that's far too tight for him. It's nice that you want to show off your chest, Robert, but it's showing off your gut, too. Not that I have anything against guts - I just don't think they should be accentuated, necessarily. Tim remembers Robert from when he was a student at Parson's. He's been working at Mattel for 10 years, designing Barbie clothes. We really only see one of his garments, which is very pretty. Santino asks who he thought should have won the Barbie challenge in Season 2, and Robert obligingly sucks up to him. He's moved ahead, and we see a snippet of his bio video, which seems well-produced. Really, I can't come up with any reasoned objections to him, which is why I don't understand why he irritates the piss out of me. I watched these first two episodes with Gnat, and she asked what I didn't like about him, and all I could say is that I sense a seismic bitch attack lurking under the surface, just as I did with Hayden in Season 6 of The Amazing Race. We'll see if I'm proven right. Like I was with her. Fucking Hayden.

Next, a string of losers. Someone (I really can't tell if they're male or female) wears a tight, hideous, black wedding dress. Oy. There's an equally hideous multi-colored motorcycle outfit. The next person we see with promise is Uli Herzner, from Munich. So of course Heidi likes her instantly. Heh. She hangs up her three garments, but I'm immediately drawn to the dress she's actually wearing. It's really pretty. Tim, Santino, and the two random other judges love her stuff, as do I. She's moved on. The next person they see is...sigh. Jeffrey Sebelia. He makes clothes for "rock stars and actors who want to look like rock stars". In other words, he feels free to make a mass of ugly shit that can then be classified as "edgy". He comes in with his hood pulled up over his head, cause he's just keepin' it real, y'all! I hate him already. Just so I'm not impossibly over-biased, some of the photos in his portfolio are genuinely lovely. He's moved on. I sigh again. Next is Stacey Estrella. Tim pronounces the L's in her last name, so while she may be our Token Hispanic, she's still American. No need to deport her, George Bush! Fucker. Is it November 2008 yet? Sorry, where was I? Stacey would like to be on the show so that she can make a name for herself in fashion. She's already got an MBA from Harvard. Also, she's pretty. The clothes she has made for the audition are not. The judges like her portfolio, though, so she's moved on. Nina transitions us to the next scene by saying that Stacey reminds her of Wendy, from Season 1.

Ah, Wendy. I haven't seen Season 1 yet, but I'm familiar with Wendy. Wendy was the Santino of Season 1. We flash back to her audition, her acceptance into the show, and her metamorphosis into a rancid, hateful bitch. We catch up with her now, but it looks like we didn't get to her before a plastic surgeon did. I mean, she looks good, but yowsa. Leave some Botox for the rest of us. She tells us that she's "fielding orders night and day". We watch her take pictures of a model in a poorly-lit room. I'm sure those will come out nicely. And that's it. Bye, Wendy!

There are a few more Los Angeles auditions. Bonnie Dominguez is getting back into fashion after ten years. She, like so many women on television these days, has those impossibly ugly highlights that I just don't understand. Pick a color, damn it! I don't care if you get highlights, but they should blend in! This rash of women having dark hair with random streaks of blonde running through it is SO FUCKING UGLY. I don't see anything special about her or her garments, but she's moved on. What'ere. Next is Vincent Libretti, who once had a career in fashion, but dropped out due to stress. In his bio video, he shows off his sewing room, which has a chalkboard taking up one wall. It's nice, but it's impossible to concentrate on anything but Vincent's Weezer glasses and nervous verbal tics. Santino isn't impressed with his portfolio. Fashion hasn't been kind to Vincent, but he's willing to give it another shot, even cashing out his 401K to design the new line. Nina and Michael like him. He's in!

More losers. There's a woman whose breasts are actively trying to escape from her body. A guy whose design inspiration is insects. A woman in, like, a red pleather bat outfit. A guy in a kilt. A guy in a cowboy hat and pants so tight I can just about make out every vein on his dick. Some boring guy that's so boring, I can't even describe him.

The next potential with promise is Bradley Baumkirchner. Hippie alert! I'm not generally a fan of Hippie fashion, but I like him. He makes little sound effects in his bio video that crack me up. His portfolio sketches are just as amusing. I have no comment on or even any recollection of his clothing, which is probably a bad sign, but I'm still happy that he's moved on. Tim says that his bio video sealed the deal, which is our transition into catching up with Austin from Season 1. Apparently, he didn't wow the judges at the audition, but made up for it with a wonderful video. We see some of his dresses from the show. Now he's designing wedding gowns that are super-pretty. A guest judge who tore him apart on the show is now his boss. Hee. He's glad he didn't take Nina or Michael's advice to break out of whatever design rut he had during his season.

Commercials. I'm sorry, Banana Republic. You're out. *kiss kiss* Auf Wiedersehen.

Tim tells us that 18 semi-finalists were chosen in LA, and since we only met seven, I guess all of the people we saw are going to be in the show. That's kind of dull. Anyhow, the next audition city is Chicago. Establishing shots. Hey, I think I see Blood Ray! Nick from Season 2 will be joining Tim and the No Names as the guest judge here. Hang on a sec, I've got to add "Tim and the No Names" to my Awesome Band Names list. OK, I'm back. Nick schmoozes with the potentials outside. He advises them to stand out. He tells us that after the show, NBC sent him to Torino to do fashion commentary on figure skating. Hehehe. Now, he's back to teaching. I bet he'd be a fun teacher. He's also designing a new line, and seems to be settled very nicely into the fashion world. Good for him.

Let's kick off Chicago with some losers! The first woman who comes in has a voluminous white coat with paint splatters of different colors all over it. It's awful. Some woman has a simple white dress with ugly black trim pasted on randomly. A drag queen is excused, and looks like s/he's about to leap over the table and bludgeon Tim to death with a shovel.

Now, the semi-finalists. First is Kayne Gillaspie. He's already found a measure of success in the fashion industry by burrowing into one of its specialty niches: pageant and prom dresses. His store is very, very pink. He does a Mommie Dearest in his bio video, beating the cameraman with a wire hanger. Heh. Tim likes Kayne, but hates the pageanty stuff he's brought in. Next is Steve Rosengard. He bores the judges to tears, but his taffeta is apparently arousing enough to have him moved on. Yeah, I don't get it. All we see of his bio video is the places in his apartment that he's had sex. Still not getting his appeal. Tim tells us that five semi-finalists were chosen in Chicago.

Next, it's off to Miami. Disturbing establishing shot of overtanned women wearing butt floss thongs. Chloe joins Tim as the guest judge here. We watch Chloe's win (yay!), then see her store in Houston, which is doing very well. She says that after the show, people assumed she'd be moving to New York, but that she's staying put. Her family and boyfriend are in Texas, plus she gets to be a big fish in a small pond. That sounds wise. She says that her world has changed, and now she can charge more for her clothing. Hahahaha!

The first person we meet in Miami is Michael Knight. While I abhor stereotyping and pigeon-holing in general, I'm ecstatic to see a straight, black, male designer. He tells the judges that he did his own version of dresses for three of last season's challenges. We see two of them (the muslin challenge and the Nicky Hilton challenge), and they are beautiful. Tim isn't impressed, though, saying that they want to know Michael individually, not through the lens of the show. Fair enough. His dresses are very classic and have clean lines, so you know they get raves from Chloe. He's moved on essentially on her recommendation, and good for her. Next is Jonathan Haggerty. He has designed an all black collection, which is apparently difficult. I don't see why, but I know nothing about fashion, so I'll take his word for it.

String of losers. Several people who have made patchwork designs out of ties and scarves and stuff are dismissed as "student work". The next potential we meet is Katherine Gerdes. She has one of those chin piercings I can't stand. I know it makes me sound seventy years old and like I should be yelling at kids to get off my lawn, but I just find them unattractive and distracting. We see a bit of her bio video. She looks exactly like her mom, which is endearing for some odd reason. She teaches snowboarding and outs herself as a dork. I can see her worming her way onto my good side. Her clothes are kind of ugly, and none of the judges like her except for Tim. And what he says, goes. I do really like her portfolio sketches.

Choppy transition to the Catch Up With A Previous Designer segment. This time it's Kara Saun, who took second place in Season 1. All of her clothes are gorgeous, and that's not an exaggeration. Literally every single piece they show is stunning. She says she's glad she didn't win, because the people that called her afterwards for work said that a winner would be too busy or whatever. Hmm. She also designed a lot of the maternity dresses Heidi wore during the second season, which were pretty enough for me to specifically notice them, even as I was supposed to be concentrating on the designers' work. Well done, Kara Saun.

Commercials. If you buy a Mercedes, you'll meet the love of your life.

New York. We're up to 33 semi-finalists. Danzzz joins Tim as the guest judge. He talks about what he's been doing since the show. To be honest with you, I can't hear a word without putting it through the filter of a recent interview I read with Tim Gunn, who talks about what a diva Danzzz has become, and how he wants to be a famous designer without paying his dues by working under someone else. Ouch. The first potential we meet is Jillian Lewis. She seems nice, which is why I'm reluctant to make fun of her ugly, Dynasty-era hairdo. Her clothes are cute. Next is Keith Michael, who's pretty cute himself. As he walks in, one of the No Names asks him if he only brought menswear, which he did. The only women's clothing he presents is in photos, and these are pieces that he collaborated on with someone else. The No Name gives him a very hard time for this, as she should. Tim overrides everyone again and moves him on. I wonder if Tim ever gets drunk with power. He doesn't seem like the type.

Next, is....oooh. Laura Bennett. I'll save you some time right now and tell you that I love everything about Laura. She's been in the room two seconds, and I'm already prepared to swear she farts sunshine. She's a mother of five, an architect, a fiery redhead, and an articulate speaker. Her clothes are all ballgown-type dresses, with the one she's wearing showing off her non-existent cleavage. See? She doesn't even have big boobs, and I still like her! She must be special. We see more of her clothing in the bio video, and it's all wonderful.

String of losers. Some people walk into the room and aren't even allowed to hang up their clothes, but are dismissed immediately. Bet they're glad they filled out that twenty-page application, huh? People show up without portfolios. Without garments. Without basic knowledge of construction. These are the most loserly of the losers, because at least the people with ugly crap attempted to do something different.

The next potential is Alison. Michael thinks she's cute (which she is), and Tim thinks she's nice (which she seems to be), and she basically gets moved on for these criteria alone. OK, then. There's another choppy transition into catching up with Jay, who won Season 1. The judges weren't impressed with him at the audition stage, but he won Tim over, made some astounding dresses during the show, and took the whole shebang. Of the little I've seen of Jay in his cameos during Season 2 and interviews and such, I gather that he's a very talented designer, who will never achieve great success because he is a dickhead. Sorry. All the talent in the world won't help you if nobody can stand your self-entitled ass. He says he hasn't come out with any new clothing since winning because he's trying to figure out the business aspect of clothing design. That's a fair point, which makes me mad, because I want to yell at him some more. Damn.

Commercials. Yes, vacuuming can be so, so difficult. IF YOU'RE A MORON.

New York. 40 semi-finalists. First up for the last day of auditions is Angela Keslar. She lives in Ohio, and brags that she's designed dresses that are mistaken for ones designed by Yves St. Laurent. She tells the judges that she makes clothes and accessories like other women make babies, which cracks me up. Her portfolio features a patchwork jacket that Gnat rhapsodizes over. Next is Daniel Feld. He's failed at fashion before, due to lack of publicity. If I didn't like his work, here's where I'd insert the nasty barb about publicity not being the problem, but it's really pretty, so I'm left high and dry.

Oh, Christ. Malan Breton. Even his name is pretentious. Tim tells us that he's auditioned every season. In Season 1, he was rejected. In Season 2, he was accepted, but he then rejected the show. Huh? Now he's crawling back again. He's got greasy, slicked hair with an annoying spit curl in the front. He's really pale, almost to the point where he looks like a vampire. Gnat points out that he's not capable of talking normally, but out of the side of his mouth. I hadn't noticed that, and now I can't look at anything else. The judges realize that he's an arrogant, supercilious prick, so of course he's moved on. Sigh.

Final deliberations. Tim tells us that at this point, it's really about the clothes, not the individual. He says that he can be fond of someone (shot of Bonnie), or have a distaste for them (shot of Malan), but that he's looking at people's work. I love Tim. I think he's the most honest, forthcoming person on television. But that's bullshit. People with ugly clothes got in on personality, (both good and bad) as they always do, because that's how reality television works. I'd love to see a show without a villain, but I realize that most people wouldn't, so I don't begrudge them for stacking the deck with a couple of assholes. But please don't stand there and insult my intelligence by pretending that this isn't the case. More random deliberations. Tim tells us that the show is not Fashion Camp, and that the contestants will need to hit the ground running.

Commercials. I'm not saying that Philadelphia Jammin' Swirls doesn't sound good. It does. But I'm not going to buy a product called "Jammin' Swirls", because I'm not twelve.

So, here they are. The fifteen contestants for this season's Project Runway. Alison. Meh. Malan. Boo! Vincent. No chance in hell. Bradley. Yay! Jeffrey. Ugh. Keith. OK. Laura. YAAAAAAAAAY! Michael. Sweet! Uli. Excellent. Kayne. Eh. Bonnie. Blah. Angela. Good. Stacey. Whatever. Katharine. Aw. Robert. I'm telling you - seismic bitch attack. Nina's pleased with the range of the people they've chosen. Heidi's excited for the season. We wrap up with some advice from past contestants. Santino says to back away from the show now, like it's not the sole reason he's not homeless. Jay says you need to know who you are as a person and as a designer. Austin says to dress up (huh?) and to compliment Heidi (heh). Chloe advises against getting stressed and to always listen to Tim Gunn's criticisms. Austin says to be nice to judges, which is of course our transition into Santino desperately clinging to his fifteenth minute of fame. Kara Saun and Nick say to be respectful and deferential to the judges. Jay warns against being arrogant, which is another perfect opportunity to transition to Santino. Jay thinks that trying to play the other contestants is a waste of time; that playing the production is what got him the win. Hahahaha! It's funny cause it's true.

Next on Project Runway: The fifteen finalists are welcomed on a sunny rooftop, and Malan somehow avoids bursting into flame. There's a "shocking" first challenge. Malan thinks other people are "inappropriate". Jeffrey doesn't. Stacey can't work some machine or other. Vincent is crazy.

Well, that was kind of boring. You know how your favorite restaurant loses its charm when it becomes really popular? How it gets greedy and changes a bunch of stuff to try to appeal to the masses instead of being individualistically charming, which is why you liked it in the first place? I fear that that's going to happen with the surging popularity of this show. Still, I'm willing to be proven wrong. Bring it on.

Overall Grade: C