This Is Forever, Now

The Amazing Race - Season 12, Episode 7

Previously on The Amazing Race: Six teams ditched Lithuania for the sparkling shores of Dubrovnik, Croatia. Azaria and Hendekea were so jittery, they didn't notice they had purchased the wrong kind of tickets until it was too late. Ron and Christina bonded their way into first place, while the Bickersons' relationship continued to disintegrate. Though Nicolas and Donald plodded along, Azaria and Hendekea's flight woes were too great to overcome, and the siblings were eliminated. Five teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?

Opening credits. That's not much ornamentation for a church where gay people preside.

Dubrovnik, Croatia. The giant stone cross watches over all. After Phil's Opening Blather, Ron and Christina are off the mat at 2:19 AM. Rrrrrrrip! The clue tells them to travel to Ancona, Italy. Teams are required to take a bus to Split, Croatia, then a ferry across the Adriatic Sea to Ancona. It'd be fun to live in a place called Split. The pun possibilities are endless. Ronald and Christina grab a taxi. She interviews that it's imperative that their relationship remain cohesive if they want to maintain their high finish placements. Although this team has been one of the better ones at learning phrases in the local tongues so far, they're both pretty hopeless at Italian. Christina can't place "Prego" beyond a jar of marinara sauce. The Pinkies leave the mat at 2:55 AM. Wow, so the Bickersons lost a lot of time during that whole cab fiasco last week. Vyxsin counts the fat wad of cash everyone gets for the leg, and both of them are very excited about Italy. She interviews that they've been doing well lately, and they will never let each other be less than their very best. Then maybe she can do something about his eyebrows. Goth is one thing. Drag night at the ManHole is another.

The Bickersons leave at 3:45 AM. Ouch. Nathan talks about their difficulties in the last leg. There's a black and white flashback for the forgetful people who can't think back as far as the "Previously on..." segment three minutes ago. Jennifer explains that once the two of them get riled up, they can't stop, and it's a difficult problem to fix. She doesn't know where their relationship is going to go from here. At any rate, it's nice to hear her say something rational, instead of "He just doesn't knooooow how to treeeeeeat meeeeee!". Ronald and Christina reach the bus station, where random, well-groomed cats are wandering around, and learn that the first bus to Split doesn't leave until 5 AM. Ronald and Christina learn it, that is. Not the cats. The cats probably already knew. The Pinkies catch up, and Ronald and Christina voice-over that every time they see Kynt and Vyxsin, it's like being at a Kabuki theater. Hehe. The Bickersons catch up, and the three teams smile over the fact that there's no way anyone else is going to make the first bus. And indeed, they don't.

TK and Rachel leave the mat at 5:37 AM. They're still a little weirded out by not having seen any other teams for a long time. I realize that I'm starting to get really sick of Rachel's tights. The two of them head for the bus station, and grab the 6 AM bus to Split, hoping to catch up with the others later. Nicolas and Donald are last off the mat at 7:06 AM. They know they're not in the best position, and have some stiff competition, so they're hoping for an equalizing point in the near future. They're in luck, as the next scene brings us to Split, where all five teams meet up on the same ferry. On the way across, the Pinkies talk about how this is the point where they really need to get serious about the race. And what could provide more focus than checking up on one's eyeliner? Nothing, that's what.

At 9:40 PM, the teams arrive in Ancona. Damn, that was a long trip. The teams bolt from the ferry, and all of them run right past the bank of clues, except for TK and Rachel. Nice focus, Pinkies! Rachel tries to grab a clue surreptitiously, but Nicolas spots her. Soon, all the teams catch the snap. Rrrrrrrip! The next clue directs the teams to drive themselves to the town of Empoli, in the heart of Tuscany. Once there, they'll head for a specific airfield, where the next clue awaits. The teams have also been given Blackberries to take along, and I'll just tell you right now that the sole reason these have been provided is so the teams can get a short message from home at some point during the drive. I'm sure they're nice to receive, but they're boring as hell to watch, so just know that everyone will get their message, everyone will be happy about it, and TK stands for Thomas Kyle. Everyone gets going, and they discover that their cars are stick shift. I steel myself for the scene where the next team gets eliminated because they couldn't be bothered to prepare themselves for this obvious eventuality before the race. Refreshingly, the only person to have an issue with stick is Kynt, so Vyxsin volunteers to drive.

Empoli is near Florence, and doesn't seem to be on a lot of maps, so most teams pull over for directions. The Bickersons find a shrewd local at a gas station, who points out the fastest way to get there isn't the main roads that go up through Bologna, but a shortcut through Forli. The Bickersons are pleased to have an edge. Ronald and Christina chart the way through Bologna on their map. The Pinkies/Nicolas/Donald get the Bologna tip from locals. TK and Rachel are told to go through Rome. After getting directions, the teams head back to their cars, and the cameraman gets a shot of the clue that Rachel has left behind on the table. Uh, oh. TK and Nicolas discuss highways, but Rachel would rather rely on their own information than follow other teams. She looks good in glasses. Why I am so conscious of Rachel's fashion choices this week? Weird. The Bickersons spot the highway to Forli. As TK and Rachel approach the highway to Rome, they realize that they can't find their clue, and have no idea where to go without it. They pull over and start fruitlessly rooting through the car. This is where any other team in the history of the race would be hysterical, but TK and Rachel are so mellow, they just kind of mutter about it. After a while, they decide to go back to where they got directions, hoping the clue will still be there, and already mentally preparing themselves for elimination.

Commercials. What a waste of a perfectly good piano.

TK and Rachel are frustrated. I can tell because she raises her hand to her head. Calm down, lady! You're freaking out! Everyone drives. TK and Rachel get back to the cafe or wherever they were when they got directions, and a lady springs out of her seat, and opens her purse to get the clue they left behind. They're ecstatic, and Rachel gives her a big hug, revealing a tramp stamp. TK laughs that he's too mellow for this, and Rachel says the clue is like gold. They finally get going to Empoli, hoping that their route is faster than everyone else's. The Bickersons are making good time, but the teams going through Bologna (Ronald/Christina/Pinkies/Nicolas/Donald) hit heavy traffic. It turns out the road to Florence is completely shut down, and won't reopen until 6 AM. Ronald and Christina pull out their map to plan a way around, while Nicolas and Donald decide to pull over and sleep until the road opens. The Bickersons arrive at Empoli, and are shocked that they are the first team there. The airfield doesn't open until 7 AM, but there are number tags on the gate. Jennifer yanks the tag #1. Ronald/Christina and the Pinkies unhappily search for a way to Empoli. It's taking so long, that guess who the next ones there are? Yes, it's TK and Rachel! They jump in joy when they pull tag #2, and celebrate with the Bickersons.

The road to Florence opens, so Nicolas and Donald can get moving again. Ronald congratulates Christina on doing such a good job with some really tough navigation. Vyxsin, on the other hand, has no idea where she's going. She starts to panic, which she calls in interview a "sinking, icky feeling". Icky? What'ere. 7 AM arrives, so the gate is opened for the Bickersons/TK/Rachel. They run for the cluebox. Roadblock! Fast Forward! Phil explains that in this Roadblock, the chosen team member will go up in an Ultralight (a small plane, not unlike a motorized hang-glider). Once up in the air, the Roadblocker will direct the pilot around the countryside, searching for the name of their next destination (Vinci) spelled out on the ground. Once they've found it, they come back down, and exchange the correct word for the next clue. Each flight has a thirty-minute time limit, and if the Roadblocker cannot find "Vinci" within that half hour, they must land and wait for the Ultralight to refuel before trying again.

Nathan and TK take on the Roadblock, but Jennifer wants to talk about taking the Fast Forward. Phil tells us there's only one on the entire race. As you know, whichever team completes the Fast Forward first skips all the remaining tasks, and goes right to the pitstop. In this Fast Forward, the team must find Fabio studios to take part in a "local, seafaring tradition". What the teams don't know is that this tradition is getting a tattoo. And not one of those henna ones that wear off in a few months. The real deal. The tattoo will be "ff" in a very Shakespearean sort of font. Jennifer wants to head for it, but Nathan doesn't think they need it, because they're in first place right now. I've often said it's silly not to take the Fast Forward when you know you'll never get another chance to do so, but admit I've had to rethink my position as the Fast Forward tasks have gotten more and more extreme. In any event, both lead teams stick with the Roadblock. As Nathan and TK take off, Jennifer complains to Rachel that they should have gone for the Fast Forward. I hope she thanked Nathan later when she heard what she avoided.

The guys zip around like mosquitoes, enjoying the scenic vistas of Italy. The girls realize that other teams are arriving. It's Christina/Ronald and Nicolas/Donald. It's pretty amazing that the "let's find another way around" and the "let's wait until the highway opens" strategies shook out to the exact same amount of time. Ronald and Christina read the clue, and Christina wants to stay and take the Roadblock. She and Ronald start looking around for the number tags. Nicolas and Donald are a bit worried over how vague the Fast Forward clue is, but decide to go for it. Jennifer is pissed, because she and Nathan have yet to win a leg. I can see where she's coming from, but would point out that she still has a shot to win the entire race, while people who did win legs, like Azaria/Hendekea and Jason/Lorena, are now sitting in Eliminationville. Nicolas and Donald know they're taking a risk, and try to prepare themselves for whatever horror awaits them at the Fast Forward. Meanwhile, Ronald and Christina can't find the numbers. She waffles about taking the Fast Forward, and he snaps at her for being indecisive. Even though Ronald has more of a point in being peeved this time than in previous legs, it's the first time Rachel has heard his carping, and she mutters that she has "no forgiveness or respect for the way that Ron talks to his daughter".

The Pinkies are still lost, and Vyxsin is in full-on freakout mode. Ronald and Christina finally spot the tags, and Christina pulls #3. Up in the air, Nathan spots the "Vinci", and signals his pilot to land. He and Jennifer exchange a happy hug when his answer is accepted, and they get the next clue. Rrrrrrrip! Teams must now drive themselves to the town of Vinci, and find Leonardo da Vinci's birthplace. As they get going, Nathan explains to Jennifer that he didn't want to take the Fast Forward because they just woke up. I guess he didn't want to risk getting lost on the way there or something. Jennifer crabs that they would have gotten first place, and he responds that some Fast Forwards don't work out. Aw, thanks for the lovely memory. TK runs out of time without spotting the location name, and has to come back for refueling. Christina takes off, and Ronald is glad she took this one, as he might have "peed in his pants" on this task. Heh. TK goes back up. Nicolas and Donald find the studio, and discover what they have to do. They're stymied, because a tattoo is forever, but if they leave, they could very well be eliminated. Don rubs his arm. Nicolas' slack jaw becomes more pronounced than ever.

Commercials. Come buy stuff at Toys 'R Us! Now with 50% more Chinese lead paint!

Nicolas and Donald ultimately agree to get the tattoo. Guess they're not Jewish. Although that brings up an interesting point. Would it be entirely fair to plan a task that certain contestants are forbidden from taking part in? I wondered the same thing when Ari in Season 6 pledged to keep kosher throughout the race, but was spared the moral dilemma when he was such a crappy racer, he was the first one out. I guess it's not unfair to push people's limits like this, because Nicolas and Donald always have the option of backing out and going back to the Roadblock. They settle into their chairs, and the artists start buzzing away. The Bickersons pull over for directions to Vinci. Christina directs her pilot to fly along the river, and spots the "Vinci". TK still hasn't found it. Donald wishes he'd have gotten the Fast Forward where they just ask you to shave all your hair off, and gives us the titular quote. Nicolas says the tattoo is a good investment.

In what is becoming a theme with the Bickersons, they park their car, figure out that the place they want is quite a distance away, and decide to run it, rather than just getting back in the car and driving there. Weirdos. Christina lands, and gets her clue. TK keeps on searching. The Pinkies keep on driving. Nicolas and Donald are done at the tattoo parlor, and are directed to drive to the pitstop, the Boboli Gardens in Florence. The Bickersons reach the next cluebox. Rrrrrrrip! Detour! Invention or Tradition. In Invention, teams walk a short distance to a replica of a centuries-old crane designed by Leonardo da Vinci. Using materials nearby, they must build another replica, and use the crane to lift a large stone. When the stone is high enough, they can slide a mirror underneath to see where this leg's pitstop is. In Tradition, teams go a distance to a group of men in tights. They will perform a traditional flag routine dating back to the Renaissance that the teams must then learn and perform. When the team gets it right, the "lead flagman" will give them a flag with the pitstop's name stitched into it. The Bickersons head for Tradition. Ronald and Christina are almost to Vinci.

TK has to land and refuel again, during which the Pinkies arrive. They mention the Fast Forward, but decide to stick around, and assign the Roadblock to Vyxsin. Rachel whisperingly begs TK to find the damn name. Nicolas and Donald pull up to the pitstop, where they are heralded by a little bugle tune. The greeter welcomes them to Florence. Man, the teams have been everywhere in this episode. Ancona, Bologna, Forli, Empoli, Vinci, Florence, Rome. That's quite a tour of Italy. For winning the leg, Nicolas and Donald get a five-night trip to Cancun. I'd prefer a less Americanized part of Mexico, but hey, not bad. Especially the private tour of Chichen Itza. Donald interviews that he's completely wrapped up in the race now, and that their odds of winning keep improving. The Bickersons reach Tradition, and go about learning the flag-twirling moves. Nathan says that despite being 5'2", Jennifer's really competitive. Er...what? Is competitive spirit tied to height now? That's like being impressed with someone's organizational skills, even though they're 6'3". Anyway, Jennifer naturally picks up the moves a lot faster than Nathan does.

Ronald and Christina arrive in Vinci. TK and Vyxsin fly around, then come in for a landing. TK still hasn't found the "Vinci", but Vyxsin has, so TK and Rachel are back to last place again. They fret. The Bickersons perform the flag routine, but they're not sufficiently synchronized, so they get a drumroll, and a "NO!". Hehe. Ronald and Christina reach the Detour, and head for Tradition, saying that Invention would probably be too complicated. Jennifer leads Nathan through another try at the flag routine. Drumroll. "SI!" They get their clue, and run off in better spirits than they've been in throughout the entire race. Ronald and Christina reach the flags, and begin to learn the routine. TK finally spots "Vinci" and gets the next clue. The Pinkies drive. The Bickersons arrive at the mat as team number two. They hug. Ronald and Christina fail their first attempt at the flag routine. The Pinkies get directions to Vinci. Ronald and Christina do a better job with the flags, and get a hearty "SI!". They thank the clue-wrangler profusely. They run out to triumphant trumpet music, Ronald hilariously running backwards with his arms above his head in a victory gesture. When they get back to the car, Ronald begins driving before Christina is fully in. She's a lot nicer about it than I would have been.

The Pinkies reach the Detour clue, and choose Invention. TK and Rachel are hot on their heels. When the Pinkies see what building the crane entails, they ditch for Tradition. While they're driving for the flags, TK and Rachel reach the clue. Rachel wants to do Tradition, but TK suggests doing Invention, simply because it's closer. She agrees, and they head for the crane. The Pinkies have somehow gotten lost in between the cluebox and the flags. I have no idea how. Vyxsin is now entirely in that state of mind where you can't do anything right, like the Bickersons were last week. Kynt yells at her to stop the car so he can drive, because she's not capable. He's about as masterful as a chihuahua, though, so she refuses. He threatens to jump out of the car. TK and Rachel arrive at the crane and stare at the pieces thoughtfully. I guess the suicide threat worked, so Vyxsin and Kynt switch places. I'd call that an unhealthy aspect of their dating relationship if they had one. Kynt derides Vyxsin's temper tantrum, and she snaps that the leg has had a definite trend of nothing going right, and will continue to do so.

Commercials. LabRat is convinced that CoverGirl has morphed Drew Barrymore beyond all recognition.

Vyxsin's prophecy comes true, because Kynt has managed to kill the gear shift (or she did it when they parked). They switch places again, but she doesn't have any more luck with it. Vyxsin is even more hysterical now, and sings a rousing chorus of Poor Us, We're Out of It. TK and Rachel, despite having just as many problems this leg as the Pinkies, don't waste any time with recriminations or panic attacks, and just methodically work through their crane assembly. The Pinkies give up on their car, and decide to run for the Detour. Phil reminds us that they'll get a replacement car, but no time credit. Ronald and Christina reach the mat as team three. TK and Rachel finish building the crane, and are in really good moods, considering the day they've had. They slide the mirror box under the raised stone, see the lettering, and leave to go to the pitstop. They spot the Pinkies as they drive off, and are shocked that they've once again clawed their way out of last place. The Pinkies find Tradition.

Now that they've got nothing to do but get to the pitstop without any more problems, TK and Rachel have a problem. Their car blows a tire. As they pull over to change it, Rachel says she can't believe the incredibly bad day they're having. And yet they still keep calm heads. The Pinkies finish Tradition, and dash off. TK gears up for a turbo tire change. The Pinkies head for the pitstop, certain they're last, but smart enough to know that they shouldn't give up. TK zooms through his tire change. So now it's a race to the mat. A team approaches the pitstop. Who will it be? Team number four is... TK and Rachel, who have saved themselves through sheer composure. They're shocked, but incredibly relieved. Later, the Pinkies trudge up to the mat. Phil tells them they're the last team to arrive. We've been promised no non-elimination legs this season, but that was a big, fat lie, because the Pinkies are spared in the first of two. Which means that Nicolas and Donald permanently altered their bodies, and didn't even get to outlast another team because of it. That's kind of assy. The Pinkies give each other a half-hearted hug.

LabRat: "Yeah, make sure you don't kiss or anything."

The punishment for non-eliminated teams in the past has ranged from nothing, to having their money taken away, to having their money and possessions taken away, to incurring a thirty-minute penalty in the next leg if they don't come in first place. This time around, the punishment is something called a Speed Bump, in which the Pinkies will have to complete an extra task in the next leg that no other team will have to do. That's not a bad idea at all. The Pinkies interview that they've had a horrible day, and are worried about the "three-headed serpent" of the Speed Bump that will spring out of nowhere and halt them in their tracks. They pledge to do their best.

Next week on The Amazing Race: The Pinkies try and get shifty. Ronald reverts back to treating Christina like crap.

Overall Grade: B