He Can't Swim, But He Can Eat Cow Lips!

The Amazing Race - Season 10, Episode 8

Previously on The Amazing Race: Six teams gladly left the deserts of Kuwait behind for the beautiful, yet unfamiliar shores of Mauritius. Dustin and Kandice smashed up their car, but didn't make a series of dumbass plays like a bunch of other teams, giving them the edge to come in first place. The Underdogs stuck together...and came in the last three places. Heartwarming! David and Mary brought up the rear, and were AGAIN spared elimination. Six teams still remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening credits. Nice little orgasmic eye roll Tom gives there. That must be some damn fine ice cream.

Cheerful tropical music brings us back to Mauritius, and we get a series of beautiful establishing shots. After Phil's Opening Blather, we join KanDustin, leaving the mat first at 3:00 AM. Their clue tells them to fly to Anablahblahblah, Madagascar, about 700 miles away. Some subtitles would be helpful, show. I'll go look it up. Here we go. Fly to Antananarivo. Once there, they must find the Black Angel, a statue that the teams do not know has recently been painted white. Evil. I like it. KanDustin checks their clue to see if it says anything about sticking with their old cars, which it doesn't. So they yoink one that doesn't have a smashed fender. They talk about how the other teams won't like them for it, but they don't need an alliance, and blah blah we heard this last week. Tyler and James leave the mat at 3:05 AM. I don't see how they made up that much time on KanDustin at last week's Detour, but whatever. Tyler interviews that James is "passive" (read: incompetent), so he has to step up and take the "dominant" role (read: "if I don't do everything, we'll wind up in Helena, Montana instead of Madagascar"). James points out the route to the airport on the map, saying it couldn't be easier. He interviews that he wants to pull his weight on his team, even as Tyler finds that the route James has pointed out to the airport isn't so much to the airport at all. Snerk.

They wait by the cars for RoKi, who are leaving the mat at 3:09 AM. Rob heads for the smashed car, but Kimberly wants to take a different one. I really don't know why the show (and the contestants) are making such a big deal out of this. It's a smashed fender. Nobody let the air out of the tires. There isn't sugar in the gas tank. It's already been proven to run fine. Jeez. RoKi interviews that they're trying to work on communicating without fighting all the time. They think they're getting better at it. Eh, I wouldn't say that after last week, but I will give them credit for not holding grudges. They get over their fights really quickly. Tyler consults with Rob about the way to the airport, which turns out to be pretty much the complete opposite of what James has said. Tyler hops in his car and rather mildly tells James to "fine tune" his navigation skills. I'm thinking he needs a complete overhaul. They interview that they didn't really want to make an alliance, but were forced into it by the Underdogs. Er...why? The Underdogs seem to be pretty effectively shooting themselves in the feet lately. Why pick now to be threatened by them?

Erwin and Godwin leave the mat at 4:04 AM, and let us know that the teams only have $10 for this leg. They hang around to wait for the rest of the Underdogs. Lyn and Karlyn leave the mat at 4:05 AM. They're not happy to see that KanDustin has yoinked their car, saying they hope it's "jacked up". Yeah, it's wrong to take someone else's car. Not that that stops Lyn and Karlyn from doing so. I don't really dislike Lyn and Karlyn, but their sense of morality (specifically Karlyn's) is really the only thing that's "jacked up" around here. David and Mary are allowed to ask locals for help, but KanDustin is not. Karlyn shoving KanDustin away from a local is acceptable, but KanDustin trying to skip Karlyn in a line is pure evil. If Karlyn parents the way she races, her kid's going to be a total Monique when she grows up.

David and Mary leave the mat last at 4:08 AM. They are marked for elimination again, which means if they don't come in first place, they incur a thirty-minute penalty. Erwin interviews that he and Godwin are trying to strike a balance between sticking with the Underdogs, and not being eliminated. It's sweet, but pretty impractical by this point. He and Godwin are the ones to wind up with KanDustin's smashed car, not that this will be a detriment in any way, shape, or form. The Underdogs convoy to the airport. Mary interviews about their possible penalty, saying that they're not giving up. That's some impressive short-term memory loss. I like David and Mary in general, and am thrilled that they got cast. That said, it's their time to go. And to be honest, after the bullshit quitting move they pulled last week, I won't be satisfied with anyone but them being eliminated this week. On the way to the airport, Lyn and Karlyn split off, thinking they have a better way to go. More blah about "we like them, but it's a race", and I think you can consider that theme sufficiently understood, show.

Very exciting music. Something thrilling must be about to happen. KanDustin pulls up to the airport. Hmm. Not what I'd consider thrilling. Karlyn crabs some more about KanDustin taking their car, even as she rides in the one she's taken. Tyler/James/RoKi arrive at the airport, and there's even more talk about the "stolen" car. Gah! It runs fine! It doesn't matter! All of you shut up! Since Tyler, James, and RoKi are all sticking together now, and because combined, the four of them use up more hair gel and Crest Whitestrips than the entire population of New England, they can be the Plastic Alliance. KanDustin finds a direct flight to Madagascar at 11:00 AM. They book it. The Plastics get the same tickets. As do the Underdogs. So again, everyone's on the same flight, but they managed to get tickets without devolving into a pissy bitchfest this week. Yay! Somehow, catching up at the airport convinces David and Mary how strong their alliance is. Um, I think the flight schedule kind of did that, guys. Not the Underdogs. David crabs at Mary about sitting in a window seat. She crabs back. Yawn.

Antananarivo, Madagascar. Let's hope I never have to send mail there. An envelope only has so much room. Locals dance around and carry buckets of water on their heads. Less traditional is the very functional airport at which the teams are arriving. Seriously, that thing looks nicer than our airport. Everyone hops into cabs and asks their drivers to head for the Black Angel. Karlyn refers to herself as the Black Angel and laughs, which I would have found funny and charming if I weren't kind of pissed at her right now. The Underdogs all get out ahead, and KanDustin interviews that they know they need to be on the ball today. In their cab, Kimberly asks Rob to confirm that breathing in all this exhaust is unhealthy. She wonders how the people in Madagascar put up with it. He tells her they die a lot younger than Americans, also partly because they don't get enough protein. I didn't notice it on first viewing, but that's a total foreshadowing burn on RoKi. Hahahaha. Awesome, editors.

David and Mary approach the lake where the Black Angel stands. They see the statue, but since it's not black, shoot right on by. As do the rest of the Underdogs. So I guess the taxi drivers don't know, either? You'd think the news of a local landmark being painted a different color (especially if color is part of its name) would be pretty widespread. Tyler and James pass KanDustin. The Underdogs are heading the wrong way by this point. KanDustin and the Plastics spot the angel, and though they can see it's white, figure that it must be the place. Yeah, I don't know how many statues of angels in lakes one city is really going to have, so smart thinking on their parts. Everyone pays their drivers and runs for the cluebox, which appears to be a Yield from a distance. Boo! I hate the Yield. But wait! It's not a Yield, after all. It's a new twist called an Intersection. The Intersection forces teams to pair up to complete tasks as a group until further notice. Oh, that rocks. That's much, much better than the Yield. The Plastics are the first two teams to the box, and they naturally join forces, which leaves KanDustin stranded. They'll have to wait for the Underdogs, and pair up with one of them. Hehehehe.

The cluebox also contains the last Fast Forward, which will allow the joined teams to skip all the remaining tasks of the leg. The Plastics figure that since they're ahead, they may as well take it. I don't know how they know they're ahead, but whatever. In this Fast Forward, the two teams make their way two and half miles to a market, and find a marked stall. Once there, each of the four people will have to eat a plate of cow lips. Once they're all done, they can go to the pitstop. The Plastics take off, leaving a dejected KanDustin behind.

Commercials. You know you're in Commercial Land when people trapped at a snowed-in airport are delighted to gather around some tacky crap that plays irritating Christmas music instead of smashing it to bits like any sane person would.

KanDustin deservedly worries that having to partner with an Underdog team could lead to their elimination. The Underdogs finally find their way to the lake and the angel. Although David/Mary and Lyn/Karlyn are first to the cluebox, KanDustin doesn't even attempt to pair up with either of them, knowing it would likely be a waste of time to ask. What's odd here is that Mary opens the Fast Forward clue, and seems interested in taking it. It's never explained if she's allowed to or not, but she'd better not be. David and Mary have used their Fast Forward. Joining with another team had better not be implied consent to do another one. KanDustin doesn't even wait for the approaching Erwin and Godwin to read their clue before exclaiming that they have to work together on the upcoming Detour. Long Sleep or Short Letter. In Long Sleep, teams go 2.2 miles to a market, where several foam mattresses are stacked. After pulling covers onto eight of them, they have to carry them one mile to a specific address. After delivering the eight mattresses, they'll get the next clue from the homeowner, who's about the cutest lady in the world. In Short Letter, teams have to go 3.5 miles to a paper-making station, and use traditional methods to produce and decorate 28 sheets of paper. Yowsa. So it's farther away and more intricate? Sounds like a no-brainer.

Mary is still dithering over the Fast Forward, while KanDustin and Erwin/Godwin race off to do Long Sleep. Either Kandice or Dustin is like "You guys are Asian, so you should be able to make paper! Hahahaha!" Erwin and Godwin are just like "Um..ha. Shut up". Rob interviews that "James, Tyler, Kimberly, and myself want to play the Fast Forward". I! Kimberly and I! Gah! In their van, Mary continues whining about the Fast Forward, and now I really want to know what the rule is. Oh, well. Instead, Lyn very intelligently explains to Mary that they don't want to head for the Fast Forward, only to find it taken and have to come back and do the Detour. Their only choice is to do the easier of the two Detour options, which is obviously Long Sleep. Mary accepts this. Meanwhile, KanDustin and Erwin and Godwin are agreeing that teaming up is pretty much win/win for these two teams. Yeah, I don't really see Lyn/Karlyn or David/Mary tearing up the pavement on either of these two Detours.

The Plastics arrive at the Fast Forward. As they run by the meat carts, Kimberly gets a knowing, unhappy look on her face. Aw. They reach the marked stall and find out that each of the four members has to eat a plate of cow lips. Heh, the plates that have the cow lip piles also have a pretty flower pattern on them. The Plastics begin eating, and any hope that cow lips just seem kinda gross goes right out the window. They really are that gross. They still have bits of hair and teeth embedded. Eeeeewwwwww. Kimberly's already gagging. Meanwhile, KanDustin is surmising that Erwin and Godwin are the leaders of the Underdogs, which they deny. KanDustin isn't fooled. The Bottom Feeders (Mary/David/Lyn/Karlyn) are all snottily congratulating themselves on not having to work with KanDustin. Yeah, working with the girls who consistently get a high placement would have sucked. Better to hang out with your slow-ass friends. Everyone arrives at the Detour, and starts to grab mattresses. The Plastics chew. Slowly. There's some talk of ditching to go back to the Detour, but Rob and James correctly figure that it's too late for that now. They're locked into the cow lips. Heh.

Back at the Detour, people are pulling hideous mattress covers onto their mattresses. Erwin and Godwin are glad that working with KanDustin is so efficient, but feel a little bad about competing against the other Underdogs. I almost wondered if Erwin and Godwin were going to intentionally sink themselves on this task, hoping to allow the others to get ahead of them, then try to outrun KanDustin to the mat later. It would have been dumb, but I wouldn't put a wacky scheme like that past the Chos. The Plastics have slowed down even more, to the point that they have to take little breaks between pieces of meat. David and Mary gripe at each other as they pull on mattress covers. KanDustCho is done, and gets the address for the mattress delivery. Erwin and Godwin send KanDustin out to get help, because they're so pretty and blonde and such. I'd put that on par with KanDustin's Asian crack, except the Chos have seen KanDustin work the crowd before. And it's not as if KanDustin is anxious to shed their "pretty girl" stereotype either. Anyway, Dustin flags someone down who's willing to help. The Bottom Feeders are still pulling their covers on when KanDustCho leaves, but manage to get going eventually. I believe that both groups have stupidly decided to leave their bags behind, I guess just hoping they aren't stolen while they're gone.

KanDustCho wends their way through the narrow streets with their mattresses, each team carrying four. The Bottom Feeders take a different approach, and use the straps of their fanny packs to bind all eight mattresses into one giant pile. The Plastics continue choking down their cow lips. James is the only one who's any good at it, and FINALLY! He can do something! Too bad "eat gross stuff" isn't a life skill that's liable to pay off very often. KanDustin has dropped two of their mattresses, but notice it pretty quickly. Well, I should hope so. It's not like dropping a penny. As they stop to pick them up, the guy who was leading them to the correct address is sprinting up ahead. I have no idea why he's not waiting. The Bottom Feeders have issues of their own, because did I mention the narrow streets? Not very conducive to carrying a gigantic pile of mattresses. There's a lot of "bro" going on with the Plastics. It doesn't speed them up. The Bottom Feeders can't lift their mattress pile over some cars! The Plastics can't choke down their cow lips! KanDustCho can't find their guide! Problems abound.

Commercials. L'Oreal has created a lipstick shade just for Eva Longoria. Peachy. Why tell the rest of us about it?

The Bottom Feeders' mattress pile falls apart. KanDustCho has lost their guide, but one of the girls somehow remembers the address, and is able to figure out which way to go from that. This is why I like KanDustin, despite their tendency to be overly smug. The Plastics eat cow lips. KanDustin's mattresses get stuck up on some wall, and they come up with the idea to temporarily abandon them, confirm the address, then come back and get them. That sounds awfully convoluted, but it could work to their advantage, I guess. And now, my favorite part of the episode begins, because the Plastics are starting to talk about how they don't really need to hurry at the cow lips, because the other teams have to get through a Detour and a Roadblock. No rush at all. Take your time, Plastics! KanDustCho finds the correct address, and runs back to get their mattresses. The Bottom Feeders drag their gigantic pile along. Mary has a lot of fun interacting with the local kids, telling one of them to push her back as "help". Aw. David isn't interested in kicking back with the locals. He wants to get going on these mattresses. KanDustCho delivers theirs, and the adorable homeowner hands over the next clue.

The clue tells them the partnership formed by the Intersection is now dissolved. Everyone has to travel four miles, and get to the... Ready? Tohotohobato Ambondrona Analakely. Good God, Madagascar. That's an impressive name for a staircase. KanDustCho (or more appropriately now, KanDustin and Erwin/Godwin) go back for their bags. The Bottom Feeders have walked too far with their mattresses and have to turn around. They're not called the Bottom Feeders for nothing. Cow lip eating. Rob tries to encourage Kimberly, and she (very mildly) tells him not to bother her with that right now. Instead of pulling a Peter and continuing to harangue her, he backs off. Yay! He interviews that they're learning when to push, and when to let the other person "experience" what they're going through. Right now, Kimberly's experiencing vomit. KanDustin makes it back to their bags first, and manage to get the first available taxi, because they were running instead of Erwin and Godwin, who are just strolling along. More blah from both teams that we've heard before (KanDustin: "We both benefited from that grouping" -- Erwin/Godwin: "Wah, we had to work against the Bottom Feeders"). Speaking of whom, they struggle along with their now separated mattresses.

Cow lip eating. The guys talk about it being a bonding experience, and Kimberly throws up again. There's something poetic in that. KanDustin worries about having fewer teams behind them, thanks to the double Fast Forward. Erwin and Godwin's cab breaks down, because it doesn't have enough gas in it. Some guys start pushing it towards a gas station. I'd wonder why the cab driver would take a fare with such an obviously low gas supply, but I've seen the rest of this episode. KanDustin reaches the staircase (don't make me type its name again!), and rips the clue. Roadblock! Phil explains that this staircase (and others like it) connect the upper and lower districts of the city. On the staircase are several vendors, some of whom sell rubber stamps. The Roadblocker will have to search among these vendors to find the four who carry specific stamps: a boat, a plane, a train, and a car. Once all four of the vendors have stamped the clue, the Roadblocker will make their way alone to the pitstop, the beautiful Cathedral Andohalo, where their partner will be waiting for them.

Dustin takes it on. Meanwhile, the Plastics continue bragging that once they're done, they can go right to the pitstop. Mwahahahaha! Erwin and Godwin get gas. The Bottom Feeders finally reach their address, which is different from the one KanDustCho went to. They get the clue that directs them to the staircase, and go back for their bags. Erwin and Godwin reach the staircase, but have trouble spotting the clue box. Dustin searches among the stamps. This is really freaking exciting. At the pitstop, Kandice arrives to wait. There are musicians and dancers in front of the cathedral. Phil dances along with the greeter a bit. Hehehe. Kandice decides to pass the time by dancing as well. I really love this episode. Dustin finds her car stamp. James finishes his cow lips. Go, Dustin, go! She passes Erwin and Godwin on the stairs, who ask her if she's got the clue. She says something indistinct, but they spot the clue in her hand, and know they've walked too far. They turn around. Dustin finds her boat stamp. Go, Dustin, go! Erwin and Godwin spot the clue box, and Godwin takes the Roadblock. The Bottom Feeders search for their bags. It'd serve them right if they'd been stolen.

Rob finishes his cow lips. Go, Dustin, go! The Bottom Feeders find their bags and get going. Dustin finds her airplane stamp. Godwin finds the airplane as well. Erwin arrives at the pitstop. He and Kandice banter a bit, but agree that they hope the Fast Forward sucked. They're in luck. Cow lip eating. No hurry at all. Dustin finds her final stamp. Yes! She rips her final clue. I have no idea where she got it from. A stamp vendor? A cameraman? And here we are at the part that ensured this episode gets an A. Tyler: "No team is going to finish a Detour and a Roadblock ahead of us." Rob: "We're going to be so far ahead of them." James: "Right now, they're probably plowing some field or something. Just sweating and hating life." Cut to Dustin heading for the pitstop, smiling and talking about how much she liked this challenge. Awesome. Go, Dustin, go! More Plastic bragging.

The Bottom Feeders are still heading for the staircase. Cow lip eating. Godwin finds his car stamp, and the boat one not long after that. Kimberly says she needs to take a breather. Rob's like "Sure, no problem!". No hurry at all. "We're going to have a good lead!" "We're golden! We're so golden!". Man, I love it. Kimberly barfs again.

Commercials. So if I eat Brooklyn-style pizza, will I be as annoying as the people in this ad? Because I kind of want to avoid that.

Replay of the almost appalling levels of Fate-tempting going on at the Plastics. Tyler finishes his cow lips. Oh, no! Go, Dustin, go! Shots of all the teams making various progress. Kimberly finishes her cow lips. The Plastics get their pitstop clue. Noooooo! Go, Dustin, go! The Plastics get into taxis. Rob gets a kiss from Kimberly, which, ew. She's just thrown up, like, four times. Tyler smarms that the other teams couldn't possibly be ahead, unless they "ran a miracle". Dustin's in her cab. Godwin gets his final stamp. Guess what? Dustin's cab needs gas. Nooooooo! She asks the driver to just get a little bit. David and Mary reach the staircase, and Mary takes the Roadblock. Lyn and Karlyn aren't far behind, and Lyn takes it. The Plastics ride. Dustin gets going again. Go, Dustin, go! And...Godwin's cab needs gas. Seriously, what's the scheme here? Do they get to keep the meter running while they gas up? Do cab drivers in Madagascar have to pay for fuel out-of-pocket, so they keep their levels low? I don't get it.

RoKi gets out of their cab, and finds someone willing to lead them to the cathedral. Auuuuugh! Go, Dustin, go! She rides. Tyler and James ride. RoKi runs. Someone approaches the pitstop. Who will it be? It... Is... Dustin! Yes! She and Kandice gleefully run towards the mat, and Erwin is frustrated. Did he really expect Godwin to overtake Dustin on the stamp-finding task? Welcome, KanDustin. You are team number one. Yay! They jump and celebrate, then win a trip to Hawaii. Whee! They hug Phil, who tells them that they've beaten the Fast Forward teams. They're thrilled, though that doesn't excuse the horrible stamp-related pun Kandice makes in their final interview.

Mary finds the airplane stamp. Tyler and James hit the mat as team number two, so these teams must be really close together. They seem subdued, but pleased. I was hoping their jaws would drop and they'd ask how someone beat them. Maybe they think it was RoKi. Mary's not going to change who she is to win a million dollars, and blah blah friends. RoKi checks in as team number three. Kimberly's like "I ate cow lips for three?". Mary finds her train stamp. Godwin arrives at the pitstop and he throws himself on his stomach in front of Phil, who recoils in disgust. "Am I safe?" Godwin asks. Insert slow clap here. They're team number four. Lyn finds her car stamp. David waits around at the pitstop. Mary finds her car stamp. Karlyn arrives at the pitstop, and says that they did the best they could to keep the Underdogs together, but accept that someone could be eliminated. Mary finds her final stamp, and heads for the pitstop. She cries on her way to the pitstop, because having interacted with the kids of Madagascar all day has made her miss her own.

Lyn searches. Mary rides. Lyn finds the boat stamp. Mary arrives at the cathedral, and she and David step onto the mat. They're marked for elimination, and have to stand aside for their thirty-minute penalty. Mary knows that either she or Lyn/Karlyn are getting eliminated, which depresses her. Lyn finds her airplane stamp. Then her train, which means she's done. David and Mary wait at the pitstop, and they don't show us a countdown clock, because I suspect that Lyn isn't too far behind. And...Lyn's cab has to stop for gas. Daaaaamn. That sucks. David and Mary have already given up (again), and David tells Mary that he's proud of her. Lyn crabs about the gas, but gets going again pretty quickly. Mary says that she and David tried their best, and that's all that matters. Not to harp on a sore subject, but NO YOU DIDN'T. Exciting music. Lyn arrives at the pitstop, and she and Karlyn check in as team number five. They wait on the mat as David and Mary are called in and eliminated, with twenty minutes still remaining on their penalty.

They talk about how proud of each other they are, and how their lives are changed forever, and I certainly don't doubt it. Lyn cries as she says that they've formed a lasting friendship with David and Mary, and hates to see them go. Aw. Karlyn looks relatively unmoved, which makes sense. They have a group hug. Mary says that seeing the world has made her appreciate where she's from, but also appreciate that she can take her kids out to experience the world. It's a whole "new book" for them now. Not just a new chapter in the old one. Beautiful. Terrific episode.

Next week on The Amazing Race: Lyn and Karlyn get a video message from home, and they burst into tears. People get stuck in the mud.

Overall Grade: A+