The Amazing Race - Season 12, Episode 8
Previously on The Amazing Race: Five teams set out from Dubrovnik, Croatia, and swarmed all over the scenic vistas of Tuscany. TK and Rachel made up the time they lost from having to go back for their clue...then promptly lost it all again at the Roadblock. Nicolas and Donald apprehensively headed for the Fast Forward, then reluctantly got the tattoos that vaulted them to first place. The Pinkies got lost a lot, freaked out, fought, and came in last place, but were spared by the appearance of the first of two unexpected non-elimination legs. Though now stuck with an extra task to perform, they live to pink another day. Five teams still remain. Who will be eliminated next?
Opening credits. The IBs haughtily strut down Rodeo Drive. No fenceposts to count there!
Florence, Italy. We get to see a little more of the beautiful Boboli Gardens than we did last week. The twelve-hour rest period flies by, and Nicolas and Donald are all smiles as they leave the mat at 10:12 PM. Rrrrrrrip! The clue tells them to fly to Mumbai, India (that's Bombay for you old-timers), where they will make their way by auto-rickshaw to a newspaper stand. After buying a copy of the Times of India, they will search through the paper to find their next clue. Nicolas and Donald head out, Nicolas interviewing about the challenges of traveling with a seventy-year-old. They manage to track down an open shop with internet access, and start researching flights to India. They find one that arrives in Mumbai at 10:35 PM, call Air France to reserve their tickets, and check into a hotel to get some much-needed sleep. The Bickersons leave the mat at 11:55 PM. They're embarrassed and disgusted by letting their emotions take over, as they usually are when they're calm enough to see it. They pledge once again not to get all unstoppably crazy and horrible. Sure, why wouldn't they be able to keep cool heads, just because they've been unable to do so anytime they're not in the lead? Well, I suppose eighth time is a charm.
Ronald and Christina are off at 1:06 AM, so the Bickersons really tore through the back half of the leg last week. Ronald talks about the Italian Renaissance, and once again about his own Renaissance (bad puns are drilled into every father, by law). He wants to be a new man that will make his daughter proud. And as with the Bickersons -- Heard it before. Not buying. They go to the same hotel as Nicolas and Donald, make the same phone call, and reserve the same tickets. TK and Rachel leave the mat at 2:11 AM. TK says they've been racing to stay out of last place lately, and Rachel says that they'll be sticking to their Keep Mellow strategy, even if it does feel like there's something "hovering over" them. The Pinkies leave last, at 3:23 AM. So that blown tire of TK's essentially meant nothing. It was still exciting. Vyxsin interviews that she feels like she's waking up from a bad dream, because it's so unlike her and Kynt to fight like they did last week. Black and white flashback for the people with brain injuries in the audience. Kynt describes the upcoming Speed Bump, in which he and Vyxsin will have to do a task nobody else does.
The Bickersons arrive at the airport, which is still closed. The entire airport. Ronald/Christina, TK/Rachel, and the Pinkies soon join them there. At 4:30 AM, the airport opens, and Nathan immediately starts snapping at Jennifer. Glad to see the promise to keep your tempers under control lasted almost five entire hours. Once in the airport, everyone gets to wait again, because the ticket counter doesn't open until 5:30 AM. A well-rested Nicolas and Donald head for the airport, while Ronald and Christina split to get their reserved tickets. Vyxsin suggests waiting at the Lufthansa counter instead of the line they're currently at the back of. This somehow spurs discussions of "screwing people over" and "trust". They're asking about separate airline tickets, not selling nuclear secrets to North Korea. The Lufthansa agent offers the Pinkies tickets that get them into Mumbai at 1:00 AM, so they decide to go back to Air France. Nicolas and Donald arrive, and line up with Ronald and Christina. Jennifer wonders why she and Nathan don't ever try and get advance tickets. Good question. The ticket window opens, and the Bickersons get the flight that puts them into Mumbai at 10:35 PM. That fills the flight, so TK and Rachel are out of luck, and go to scramble for tickets like the Pinkies.
The Air France flight takes off. The agent helping the Pinkies sees a flight that connects through Amsterdam, and gets them into Mumbai at 10:50 PM. That's the best they can do right now, and they take it. TK and Rachel's agent doesn't see it, and talks them into taking the one that gets in at 1:00 AM. The Pinkies go into their "performance art", in which they pretend to look upset and frazzled, so that TK and Rachel don't suspect that they got a jump on the later flight. It's probably unnecessary, but it works. Both teams board their flights, and Europe gets a workout, as the teams head for their connections in Paris, Amsterdam, and Frankfurt. The lead flight is delayed in Paris.
LabRat: "See, if you want to get anywhere on time, always connect through Germany."
Because of the delay in Paris, the Pinkies get to Mumbai first, and grab an auto-rickshaw to the newspaper stand. The camera lens is wet, giving them a very Elizabeth-Taylor-in-the-White-Diamonds-ad glow. The flight from Paris arrives at 11:05 PM. The Pinkies reach the newspaper stall, where people are sleeping on the street outside. Curiously, we don't hear any of the "Now we realize how good we've got it!" speeches, like we did in Africa. The newspaper stall doesn't open until 6 AM, which means that all the teams will catch up. Which they do. Everyone settles in to hang out with the homeless people and the stray dogs until the stall opens. When it does, everyone buys a paper and starts frantically scanning the pages for the clue. Nicolas voices-over that he intentionally stood near other racers, so that he'd have a general idea of where to look if the others found the clue. A small dog pesters the Bickersons. Vyxsin is the first to spot the clue. It tells the teams to travel by auto-rickshaw to the Chauhan tailor shop, where the owner will hand over the next clue.
The Pinkies grab an auto-rickshaw. There's a black box between the driver and the back seat that reads "DON'T TOUCH ME". Heh. I wonder what that thing is. They get going. Ronald and Christina find the clue. Since the Bickersons' sole reaction to another team gaining ground is "immediately become flustered", they go ahead and do that. The fact that the little dog is still hanging around and jumping on them doesn't help, although there's no need for Jennifer to shriek like she just got stabbed with a rusty nail. TK spots the clue, which tips Nicolas off to the correct section to search. He spots it next, which means that yet another concentration task has pushed the Bickersons to the back of the pack. They bicker.
Commercials. If you go out and buy every one of your favorite things, I do hope that list includes "foreclosure notice".
The Bickersons rifle through their paper in frustration. The other teams are out in their auto-rickshaws, and some of the drivers don't really know where they're going. First to the tailor are Nicolas and Donald. They spot the Speed Bump awaiting the Pinkies, with the team picture plastered on it. I fully admit I'm not an attention-seeking, "alternative" kind of person, but I'd be really embarrassed to have the populace of India swarming around a picture of me with kitten ears, blown-out hair, and plucked eyebrows. Nicolas and Donald receive their next clue. Rrrrrrrip! Detour! Paste 'Em or Thread 'Em. In Paste 'Em, teams make their way to a specific underpass, and paste up a six-panel Bollywood movie poster that looks very much like the Indian version of Gone With the Wind. The poster parts are unwieldy, and have to be aligned exactly right for the team to receive the next clue. In Thread 'Em, teams make their way to a stall in a flower market, and create a traditional wedding garland by stringing 108 flowers together in a specific pattern. They then drop the completed garland off with a bridegroom, who will hand over the next clue. That's the one I'd opt for.
Nicolas and Donald disagree with me, and head for Paste 'Em. Donald says that he has printing experience, and is used to handling those kinds of poster sections. Ronald and Christina arrive, and choose the same thing. The Bickersons are still searching through the paper. Jennifer wishes they would have just cheated, and looked over someone's shoulder. This from the woman who prissily lectured another team on why it's unfair that they came in first. The Pinkies still haven't found the tailor shop, so TK and Rachel are the next ones there. Rachel is confident in her garland-threading abilities (having worked with flowers for four years), so they choose Thread 'Em. The Pinkies finally arrive at the shop, and spot their Speed Bump. They must now make their way to a yoga studio, and be led through series of complex poses. When they've done them all, they may go back to the tailor shop, and get the next clue. They take off, actually looking forward to doing some yoga, saying it will help remove some of the stress of the race. The Bickersons finally spot the ad, and head for the tailor shop.
Nicolas and Donald's driver is lost, so Ronald and Christina are first to the poster wall. Meanwhile, TK and Rachel arrive at the flower stall. TK agrees to count out the flowers, if Rachel will string them. Ronald starts slathering glue on a section of the movie poster. As he hangs the second one, he snaps at Christina for skimping on the paste. Because she's had so much experience with poster hanging, she should know better? Anyway, the glue isn't the real issue. Both Ronald and Christina are too short to adequately hang the high sections of the poster. Christina finds a wooden box for Ronald to stand on, but it's not strong enough, and collapses under his weight. This, too, is somehow Christina's fault. The Pinkies arrive at the yoga studio, while the Bickersons get their Detour clue and choose Thread 'Em. The Pinkies start contorting. Kynt unsuccessfully tries to convince us that he's interested in Vyxsin's bendy body. Nicolas and Donald arrive at the Paste 'Em underpass, and after taking a look at what Ronald and Christina are doing, jump right in. TK and Rachel thread methodically, catching a mistake before the pattern is done incorrectly. The Pinkies keep on posing. In more ways than one. Jennifer frets about being in last place.
The Pinkies finish up, and receive a clue that sends them back to the tailor shop. Ronald is looking around for something to stand on, and we learn that there was no need to start the poster so high, so the fact that he can't arrange the upper sections of the poster is completely his fault. Not that this stops him from blaming everything but global warming on Christina. Nicolas and Donald work far more steadily. TK and Rachel wonder why they haven't seen any other teams for a while. The Pinkies reach the Detour clue, and choose Thread 'Em. Their cab to the flower market has a black ceiling, which they delightedly refer to as being "cozy" like a "coffin". The driver grins, because even he knows how phony these two are. I still like them; they seem like nice people. It's just weird to keep seeing their "Dating Goths" title, when they don't exhibit any behavior that would support either word. The Bickersons arrive at the flower stalls.
Christina has taken over the pasting process, and is finally starting to lose patience with Ronald, who's pausing his stream of criticism and nagging only when he needs to draw breath. Nicolas and Donald, on the other hand, have no such issues, and are already done with their poster. The clue-wrangler approves, and hands over the next clue. Rrrrrrrip! Teams must now make their way to Kabutar Khana, a traffic island swarming with birds. Oh, and "Caution: U-Turn ahead". Yes, it's the last U-Turn of the race, and if a team wishes to brave the cloud of birds to get to the box, they may send someone behind them back to complete the other Detour option. Nicolas and Donald take off in first place. Ronald and Christina get all antsy when they see them go, so they ask the clue-wrangler if they're finished, too. Nope. The section of poster that includes an eye that Christina was previously trying to fix is still wonky. They crabbily go back to work. Speaking of crabby, the Bickersons are doing a fairly shitty job of threading the garland, and decide to pass the time by indulging in moronic gender stereotypes. Nathan wonders why she can't thread a giant flower, given her lady bits, and she attacks right back about his lack of manly rowing prowess. Would it help you guys to know that neither sex is clamoring for either of you to be its representative?
TK and Rachel, on the other hand, easily finish their garland, and hilariously make sure they've got everything before they head off to find the bridegroom. Yeah, don't leave another clue behind, please. The nearby group of people dancing wildly in costume tips off the bridegroom's location, and he happily hands over the clue that sends TK and Rachel to Bird Island. The Pinkies arrive at Thread 'Em, and see the Bickersons still working on their garland. Vyxsin interviews that she was shocked to see them, assuming that all the teams had already blown through the Detour. She also notes that the Bickersons were "struggling and upset". Put a little bookmark in this moment. And indeed, the Bickersons are still squabbling. Ronald and Christina are also struggling. Christina is fixing the eye, and says that they'll have to redo the whole right section. Ronald is furious at this development, because the clue-wrangler led him to believe that the rest of the sections were okay. That never really seemed to happen, but even if it did, the posters have to align in relation to each other. If you fix an incorrect section, you change its alignment to all the other sections. This is not advanced science, Ronny. He bitches at the clue-wrangler until Christina points out that pissing off a judge is probably not in their best interest.
Commercials. We were actually just at one of these fancy restaurants that's lovely, except it serves you two bites at a time. "It's like elf food." Hehehe.
For the billionth time, once Ronald shuts up, stands back, and lets Christina handle the task, it gets done a lot more quickly. The clue-wrangler approves the work, and of course Ronald is all joy and pride in his daughter now. Until the next frustrating task comes along, I suppose. They leave for Bird Island, worried that they may be a U-Turn target. Er... I doubt it. Nicolas and Donald are a bit lost, so TK and Rachel are first to the U-Turn, which they don't use. TK still doesn't understand how the U-Turn works, saying they didn't use it because if you're in the front of the pack, using the U-Turn only fosters enmity. No, the reason you didn't use it is because you're in the front of the pack. You don't need it. And if you use the U-Turn wisely, your target will never have a chance to be your enemy.
At any rate, they ignore the U-Turn, and grab their next clue. Rrrrrrrip! Teams must now travel by taxi to the Bharatgas Colaba Gas Service, which deals in propane tanks. No Hank Hill impressions are done. After they leave, Nicolas and Donald beat Ronald and Christina to the U-Turn by seconds. Neither team uses it, though Christina says that if they had beat Nicolas and Donald to the box, she would have used it on them. Now there's an example of stupid U-Turn use. She knows the Pinkies are behind. So if she sends Nicolas and Donald back, she has no idea what place they'll be in relation to the Pinkies (not knowing the Bickersons are also struggling right now). For all she knows, she's decreasing a two-hour lead on the Pinkies into a half-hour lead on the Pinkies. Big whoop. If she was hell-bent on holding a team up, she should have U-Turned the Pinkies, which in combination with their Speed Bump, would almost certainly seal their doom. Anyway, both teams leave for the gas service. The Bickersons and the Pinkies are still threading.
TK and Rachel hit some traffic, so Nicolas and Donald are first to the gas service. Rrrrrrrip! Roadblock! Phil explains that this Roadblock will educate the teams on how hard it is to navigate the "mean streets of Mumbai". Are there roving gangs? The chosen team member must load up a bicycle cart with six propane tanks, then deliver the tanks to two addresses (three tanks at each). After the tanks are delivered, they'll pick up receipts from the homeowners, which must then be turned in (along with the original order forms) to the clue-wrangler at the gas service. The clue reads "Who's got a strong back and good navigational skills?" so naturally, Nicolas takes it on. Nobody wants to force their grandfather to haul gas tanks all over the city. They interview that carrying stuff is definitely Nick's role in this team, and Donald says his job is to do little stuff, and "look good as I'm doing it". Heh. Ronald and Christina arrive, and Ronald takes the task, as does TK behind him. Tanks are loaded. Directions are asked for.
The Bickersons finish their garland, and start asking people at the flower stall for the next clue. I guess that newspaper wasn't the only thing they didn't read carefully. The Pinkies near the end of their garland as the Bickersons figure out where to drop off theirs. No, you don't hand it to the elephant. Unless he's the one getting married. Still, an elephant. In the middle of the city street. How cool is that? The Pinkies finish, Kynt affecting that odd accent again. The Bickersons finally decipher the meaning of "bridegroom". I know, it's a tough one. They rip their clue and take off, with the Pinkies right behind them. Nicolas attempts to make his first delivery, but the lady who answers the door looks confused and terrified. This isn't the right place, which makes her bewilderment at an American, a propane tank, and a camera crew all the more understandable. The lagging teams fret about the U-Turn. Ronald asks for help, and a nearby man agrees to direct him, hopping on the tanks to let Ronald carry him. Nice.
Nicolas and TK's first delivery building is the same. There's no elevator, so Nicolas begins hauling his first tank up to the fifth floor. TK only has to go to the third floor, but he hauls two tanks at a time. Supa-stud! Nicolas calls him a "macho man" on his way back down the stairs. They both finish up, and take their receipts. Ronald's helper has actually led him back to the gas service. I guess he saw the tanks and assumed that's where Ronald wanted to go. Or maybe, as Ronald supposes, he just wanted a ride. Hehehe. And now, the most frustrating and heartbreaking scene ever. The Bickersons get caught in a bit of traffic, so the Pinkies beat them to the U-Turn box. Vyxsin says they're not sure if anyone's behind them, but the Bickersons are certainly an option. Kynt prepares to do the deed.
Commercials. Suck it, commercials.
Kynt winds up to use the U-Turn, and... U-Turns Nicolas and Donald, who are miles ahead of him. I've been trying to understand the thinking behind this decision. So, the Pinkies knew everyone was tied as of the newspaper stand. That newspaper task wasn't terribly taxing, so although they were first out of there, I don't think they could have assumed it would take everyone else much longer, so everyone should still be theoretically neck-and-neck as of the Speed Bump, although we, the audience know that by that point, Nicolas and Donald had already passed the Pinkies. The Pinkies arrive, go off to do their Speed Bump, come back, then head for the Detour, where they see they're a little behind the Bickersons. Nobody else ever shows up. I know they have no way of knowing where everyone else is, or that they passed the Bickersons on the way to the U-Turn, but wouldn't taking the risk on U-Turning the Bickersons be a safer bet than using it on a team whose current placement Kynt has absolutely no idea of? What does he think Nicolas and Donald did during his Speed Bump? Sat around? He may think that everyone else is still plugging away at the other Detour, but if you know you've been held up by a task, wouldn't it be a more natural conclusion that the team you've just seen is struggling, rather than thinking that you and the Bickersons are blowing everyone else away, and that you've mysteriously managed to jump past an entire knot of teams? Or maybe I'm just thinking along these lines because if the Pinkies had made the right choice here, we would have almost certainly been rid of the Bickersons, and that hurts.
So, the Pinkies completely waste the U-Turn, then head for the gas service. Kynt says that there was a better chance Nicolas and Donald were behind than the Bickersons. I still think that's unlikely, but hey, I wasn't there. The Bickersons are confused, but pleased to see what's happened, and head for the gas service in last place. Jennifer begins to freak out a bit about how the Pinkies even beat them to the U-Turn box, but Nathan calms her down by pointing out that they didn't get U-Turned, so it doesn't matter. TK and Nicolas finish their second deliveries. Nicolas is extremely winded. Ronald bikes. The Pinkies and the Bickersons fret. The Bickersons make up from their earlier fights. Oh, good. All that relationship angst, gone forever! TK comes back to the gas service and turns in his slips, so the clue-wrangler hands over the final clue. Rrrrrrrip! Teams must now travel fourteen miles by taxi to the Bandra Fort, a sixteenth-century fortress on the coast of the Arabian Sea. TK and Rachel hop in a cab. Nicolas returns, and gets the pitstop clue. Ronald makes a delivery. Nicolas is looking really weak. Those physically-demanding deliveries took a toll on him, and he thinks he may pass out. Ronald finishes his deliveries, comes back, and gets the pitstop clue.
The Pinkies arrive at the Roadblock, where Kynt takes it. He starts loading up tanks. The Bickersons arrive, and Jennifer takes the Roadblock. This is where the light begins to dawn on Vyxsin, and she realizes that they've no doubt U-Turned the wrong team. Jennifer loads up, as Kynt leaves for his first delivery. Nicolas looks terrible, and asks the cab driver to pull over so he can get out and puke up a bit. TK and Rachel arrive at the fort, and run up to the mat as team number one. Those two are all over the map. They win a trip to St. Maarten. Man, TK and Rachel get all the good pitstop prizes. No stupid catamarans for them. They're thrilled, not only to have won the leg, but to make it another step closer to winning the whole race, which would be "freakin' awesome". Kynt rides himself right into a wall. I hope those tanks aren't too volatile. A passer-by points out where his brake is. Heh. Kynt takes the opportunity to ask for directions. Jennifer makes her first delivery, and having learned nothing from not reading the Detour clue carefully, hasn't read the Roadblock one either, leaving her receipt behind.
Nicolas and Donald check in as team number two. They bump fists. Kynt arrives at his building, which happens to be where Jennifer's next delivery is, too. Kynt hops in the elevator, which is too small for Jennifer to share. Kynt heads up, and leaves the elevator door partially open, so it doesn't return to the ground floor. Naturally, this causes Jennifer to squawk, and while I'm sure it's a sucky situation for her... You're battling over last place. You can't really expect the other team to help you out. Jennifer's got the most twisted sense of race morality I think I've ever seen on this show. She darts up to the second floor and closes it herself, yelling at Kynt the whole time. Kynt doesn't give a fuck, and is asking the homeowner for the receipt. Unfortunately, he also didn't read that Roadblock clue too carefully, and leaves the original order form behind when he takes his receipt. Jennifer makes her second delivery, and as she heads out, the homeowner, damn her to Hades, reminds Jennifer to take the receipt. Jennifer realizes she forgot the other one, and goes to get it.
Ronald and Christina check in as team three. They're relieved. Jennifer gets her second receipt. Kynt says he's neck-and-neck with Jennifer, which isn't really true. She's a full delivery ahead, and we know he doesn't have all his forms. Jennifer comes back to the gas service, and the two of them head for the pitstop. They could have still been pasting up posters, you damned Pinkies. The Bickersons are told that the fort isn't too far away, and they can run it. I have no idea what the nearby citizens are talking about, because fourteen miles is not going to be run in five minutes. Kynt returns, and discovers that he needed to hang on to the original order forms. "Oh, honey," Vyxsin says, knowing that their fate is pretty much inescapable now. The Bickersons run around and freak out. They certainly enjoy their patterns. Kynt collects his forms and returns. Both teams finally get taxis, Jennifer giving us the titular quote. Well, I'm not sure the Pinkies are really responsible for the fact that you two are functionally illiterate, but thanks for playing. The Bickersons appear to have to direction problems. The Pinkies zoom along. Jennifer whines and whines and whines and whines and whines and whines and whines and whines. A team approaches the pitstop. Who will it be?!?!
Well, it's the Bickersons, unsurprisingly. They suspect they know who's behind them, but Nathan has the grace to kid that the Pinkies seem to have beaten them everywhere today, so he wouldn't be surprised if they checked in ten minutes ago. Heh. The Pinkies approach the mat, and thanks to Kynt's one-two punch of U-Turn misuse and Roadblock mistakes, they are last. No more safeties. The Pinkies are eliminated. Phil says he's sad to see them go, and that they'd definitely win the award for Most Fashionable Couple ever on the race. I don't think pancake makeup = fashionable, but that was nice of him, and they're pleased to hear it. Vyxsin interviews that they've come to appreciate what's unique and beautiful about so many of the world's cultures, and that as long as Kynt's in her life, the adventure will never end. Aw, they're sweet. I'm sure I'll eventually forgive them for screwing up our chance to be rid of the Bickersons.
Next week on The Amazing Race: Donald slows his team down. TK and Rachel vanish.
Overall Grade: B-
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