Horrorscope

Project Runway - Season 5, Episode 9

You know what, Project Runway? It's incredibly rude of you to hog all the really good drugs and not offer any to your audience. You must be hoarding some really primo shit to explain this week's decisions, which are far more mystifying than any claptrap your garden variety astrologer could dream up.

In order to inject some interest into this humdrum season, the eliminated designers are brought back to be paired up with the current designers. The challenge is to select the astrological sign of one of the team's members, then construct an avant-garde garment inspired by that sign. Most of the teams get along fine. The notable exception is Terri, who would rather rely on herself to do everything, and Keith, who needs to be gently taken aside and have it explained that he's not still in the running to win. Avant-garde is a tricky concept, especially when it must be matched to a specific inspiration, and a lot of the teams fall flat in one way or the other.

Korto and Kelli's garment isn't particulary avant-garde, but nicely evokes Aquarius. Kenley and Wesley's is nicely avant-garde, but doesn't have a thing to do with Aquarius. It doesn't even matter to Blayne what the challenge, the inspiration, or the helper (Stella) is, because he makes what he always makes: Vibrantly-colored fug. Jerell and Jennifer's somehow manages to be bland and tacky at the same time. Leanne and Emily's is terrific. It manages to pull off avant-garde and evoke a clear image of Scorpio. Well done. Another good one is Joe and Daniel's, which is like the flip-side of Jerell's -- interesting and lovely. Suede and Jerry's is dull. Terri tries to pull out Keith's Leo with some faux fur.

The designs are taken to a party, where the winner will be chosen by more ghosts of Project Runway past, including Jay, Christian, Kara Janx, Danzzz, and... Carmen? Carmen?!? Sure, why not? When scouting out high fashion, it's important to get the opinion of the chick who sent strips of unfinished fabric down the runway and got eliminated second. When Terri's fur doesn't get high marks, she reworks the design before the runway show, eschewing all ideas and offers of help from Keith, who whines a lot. After the show, the drugs really kick in, as Jerell is declared the winner. What the holy fuck? Leanne, Korto, and Joe's designs are all better than his. And not just sort of better. FAR better. Two designers are to be eliminated tonight, and the judges kick it off with a gimme by giving Blayne his long overdue booting. Loserlicious! Kenley is in danger solely because she mouthed off to Heidi, but is declared safe. That brings it to Terri and Suede, and even though we know that Terri has more design potential in her toenails than that sack of tiresome affectations has in his whole body, her inability to work with Keith gets her punted. If I gave two shits about the outcome of this season, I'd be furious. Instead, I'm just curious who the judges' dealer is. Somebody get his number.

Overall Grade: C