We Aren't The World

Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 8

Previously on Top Chef: Pea puree! Pea puree? Pea puree. PEA PUREE?!?! Pea puree. Pea. Puree. Pea puree????? Pea puree!!!!! Pea puree. Andrea got eliminated. Nine chefs remain. Who will be pea puree tonight?

Opening menu. With LabRat in Georgia and the viewing party called on account of baseball, this was the first episode I've had to watch solo in a while. Witness the cinematic single tear streaming down my cheek. In honor of being single for the night, I tore into some bachelor chow. When you dine solo, there's no such thing as embarrassment. So, I baked a box of those Pepperidge Farm pastry shells and stuffed them with tuna fish mixed with capers and a bunch of random spices. Don't judge it till you've wolfed it down. While you're at it, wolf down Drinking Game Rule #8: Take a drink when somebody whines about having to make a dessert.

Monday Morning Quarterback session. Pea puree. Pea puree? Pea puree! To his credit, Ed is more perplexed about the whole situation than angry. Kelly, having performed horribly last week, has had the dickens sufficiently scared out of her, and is ready to redeem herself. Tiffany is getting a little nervous to be constantly in the middle, and really wants to win some challenges.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are welcomed in the Kitchen by Padma and guest judge Marcus Samuelsson, who won this past season of Top Chef Masters. Padma tells everyone that Washington, D.C. is a diverse city (natch), and the cuisine served reflects that. I'll bet you can guess the theme for the week. Padma goes on to report that Ethiopian food especially dominates the local food scene. Really? I mean, I love eating wildly different ethnic foods, but I don't know anyone who would put Ethiopian at the top of their list. Not that it's bad; just not the go-to choice. In any event, today's Quickfire will be to make an Ethiopian-inspired dish. The berbere spice blend, and the injera bread have been provided. When I went to a local Ethiopian place, I rather liked the sour notes of the injera, but nobody else I ate with agreed. When Marcus says it's a sourdough, he means it's a SOURdough.

The chefs have a longer time limit than usual, and get ninety minutes to throw everything together. Ready? Go! Amanda goes straight for the goat leg, while Alex grabs some beef tongue. As he reaches for a pressure cooker, Kelly runs up behind him and tries to snag it. She's not quick enough, though, so Alex goes back to his table triumphant, leaving Kelly to sneer in interview about how "aggressive" Alex is. Kevin agrees, crabbing that Alex's style of cooking is to throw a bunch of darts at a wall and hope it works, which it never does. He thinks Alex is the weakest chef left. Listen, if he stole the pea puree, I'm all for treating him like a pariah. In fact, if he stole the pea puree, I'm all for kicking him off the show. That said, it's not aggressive to get to a piece of equipment first and not let someone else yoink it. In fact, if anyone was being aggressive in this situation, it was Kelly. And as far as Alex being the weakest link, perhaps Kevin would like to review who's been at Losers' Table three times, and who's been there...never.

Angelo has worked at a kitchen that served Ethiopian cuisine, so he's in good shape. Kenny and Ed also have some experience in this arena. Kenny is confident that he can win. What a shock. The rest of the chefs are just winging it. Kelly has never even eaten Ethiopian food, let alone cooked it. Thus begins the curious disconnect this cast has with global cuisine. I don't want to suggest that they should be familiar with every culture's food. People have to specialize. But I do find it a little odd that someone who's made a career out of food hasn't carved out time to go to an Ethiopian restaurant once. It's not like there's a dearth of them. If she had said this about food from Rwanda or Madagascar, I'd understand. Ethiopia? Strange. She asks Ed if nuts are appropriate to add to the dish, and he guesses that they are. Tiffany hopes that making a hearty stew with the provided spices will work out all right. Time runs out.

Padma and Marcus go down the line. Kevin has braised chicken with chickpeas and yogurt, and a bit of cucumber and mint served on injera. Stephen has lamb and a meatball stew with yogurt sauce. Alex made beef and lamb tongue stew with cabbage and potatoes. That doesn't sound terribly Ethiopian, but who knows what you can do with enough spice. Alex admits he doesn't eat a lot of spicy food, and Padma gets a little dig in at his expense, saying that his dish isn't spicy at all. Kelly roasted some leg of lamb, and serves it with cauliflower, yogurt, and mint puree. Amanda's stewed goat leg is served on grilled injera. Sounds good. Kenny goes for another duo. He's got meat loaf and rib eye with curry and a spice blend. Angelo has a berbere-spiced doro wat with egg, mango, yogurt and mint on steamed injera. Marcus enjoys it very much. Ed has stewed lamb with beef tripe, and serves it with cauliflower, chickpeas, and braised greens. Tiffany has a beef goulash with poached egg, currants, ginger, garlic, peppers, and yogurt. Her food sounds great, as always, though I worry that goulash isn't inspired enough by Ethiopia.

Results. First in the bottom three is Kevin, whose flavors weren't bold enough. Stephen's cabbage was good, but the lamb meatballs were off. Alex's stew was dry. Now, to the top three. Amanda's goat and spices were fantastic. Angelo's food was authentic and beautiful. Marcus puts my worries to rest by assuring Tiffany that goulash and Ethiopian food actually have a lot of similarities, and that she had wonderfully hearty flavors. The winner of the challenge and the immunity is... Tiffany. Yay! I know there's no way the Cult of Kenny will let her win the season, so I've got to enjoy her while I can. Ed is thrilled as well, because she beat Angelo, with all of his experience and technique.

Elimination Challenge. Padma and Marcus roll in a map of the world, with nine countries marked off with flags. As with the Quickfire, the chefs will be making a dish inspired by the country that they get. Kenny is confident. Another shock! Everyone will need to make a hundred portions to serve at a center that houses international dignitaries. Padma warns the chefs that they will only have sternos to heat their food. Well, at least she told them about it before they showed up at the event. That should be some comfort. The chefs will draw knives to determine the order in which they pick their countries. Angelo hopes that he won't get stuck with Brazil. Tiffany picks the coveted #1 out of the knife block, and cheers in interview that it's her "freakin' lucky day!" Heh. She strides up to the map and snags Mexico, which makes sense. The assignments shake out to be:

Tiffany - Mexico
Kelly - Italy
Amanda - France
Kenny - Thailand
Alex - Spain
Angelo - Japan
Kevin - India
Ed - China
Stephen - Brazil

Stephen expresses his usual optimism, but his voice is tinged with anxiety. I had no idea Brazil was such an obstacle to chefs. It's like panna cotta. Shopping. The chefs have thirty minutes and $200 to get supplies. Kenny is outraged -- OUTRAGED!! -- that he didn't win the Quickfire. He tells us about the various difficulties he's endured over the years, and though he's got my sympathy for each and every one of them, I'm not going to celebrate his gargantuan ego. An ego that will only be encouraged when he sails into the finals on the whims of the producers. Stephen knows nothing about Brazil, and can only come up with Brazilian steakhouses as a reference point, so he buys a bunch of steak. Meanwhile, Kevin admits that he knows nothing about Indian cuisine. Oh, come on! If he's never cooked it before, that's fine, but to have no idea how to even begin getting ingredients for one of the most well-known cuisines in the world? These people are kind of sad. Or maybe Kevin has that short-term memory condition from Memento, as he asks an employee where to find the spices. Really? Not sure where those are after seven challenges?

Back at the Kitchen, the chefs start on their two hours of prep time. Kelly works on a cold dish to get around the issue of not having equipment at the venue. Ed has had Chinese girlfriends, and thus knows all about Chinese food. Oh, is that how that works? Awesome! I can't wait to impress LabRat with my newly-acquired powers of southern cooking. I don't even have to study! Stephen marinates some flank steak. Kenny wonders how Stephen is going to keep steak, rice, and beans hot with only chafing dishes to work with. Coming from Texas, Tiffany has no worries about making Mexican food. She puts together some tamales. Angelo works on tuna sashimi and makes some candied wasabi as well. I'm not a big wasabi fan, and candying it does not make it sound more appealing. Amanda is making beef bourguignon with potatoes and horseradish mousse. She grins that something simple and done poorly so often can really shine when done well. Alex braises some veal, and will be making potato tortas as well. I've made those. They're good, but flipping them is a bitch. Speaking of flipping, Alex trips over a mat on the floor and falls to the ground, almost smashing his face into one of the stoves. Yeeks. Kevin hopes he can make a serviceable spice blend.

Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. Alex tells him that he wanted to get veal cheeks, but couldn't, and settled on veal shank. Tiffany tells him that generally, tamales don't have enough meat, which really gets on her nerves. I completely agree. They're so good, but two bites in and you're done. Tiffany aims to fix this problem. Ptom wonders if Padma is going to be extra hard on Kevin's Indian food, given her background. Kevin thinks it's likely. Kenny is confident. No way! He's working on pork spare ribs and Thai green curry. As time winds down, chefs begin full-on sprinting around the room to get things done. Alex asks if anyone has room in their hotboxes.

Amanda: "There's actually no room in my hotbox."
Limecrete: "That's what she said!"
Empty apartment: [silence]
Limecrete: "This really works better with the viewing party."

Ed makes sure to carefully label everything with his food in it. Hehe. I don't blame him. Time runs out. That night, Kevin talks to his family on the phone. He tells us that he needs to work on his temper, which can be short. He hasn't really blown his top inappropriately that I can remember, despite the little flashback they show where he denies putting pepper in something. Kelly receives a care package from her husband. She's thrilled to discover booze in it.

The next morning, the chefs head for the Meridian House for the event. Kelly recaps the challenge for those who may have missed the three other times it's been covered. The chefs get half an hour to get ready for guests. Amanda discovers that the beef that came out dry yesterday has not magically become juicy overnight. She cuts it into smaller pieces, hoping that her sauce can improve it. Alex chows down on his food. I thought this would lead to a scene in which he didn't have enough for the guests, but that never comes, so buen provecho, I guess. Stephen wants to keep his steak moist and his rice dry. He does not encourage said dryness by adding a bunch of stock to it, which makes it gummy. Tiffany has a lot of things to chop for her salsa, and falls behind. She manages to pull it together by the time guests begin arriving. A guest asks Kevin if he's well-versed in Indian cuisine, and he admits that it's his first time. His game plan is to tell everyone that he's made "stewed chicken with the flavors of India" rather than "curried chicken". That way, nobody can nail him for missing the mark. Clever.

The judges enter. Along with Ptom, Padma, Gail, and Marcus, Jose Andres has come by to judge. Eric Rip-who? They stop by Ed's table first. His Chinese tea-smoked duck breast is served with pot stickers in Szechuan jus. Alex has Spanish ham torta, olive and tomato salad, and braised veal cheeks. All this global cuisine is making my spellcheck go batshit. Ed interviews that he doesn't envy Alex having to make Spanish food for a well-known Spanish chef. Hey, didn't Alex tell Ptom that he couldn't get veal cheeks, and had to use veal shank? Why is his dish identified as cheek? Weird. Stephen's coffee-marinated flank steak is served with chimichurri sauce and Brazil nuts, on top of black beans and rice. Kelly has a beef carpaccio with a spring vegetable salad and a bit of Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese. It looks good, if a bit sparse. Kevin nervously presents his food to Padma. He's got stewed chicken with a leek and parsnip puree, some fried lentils, and a mixture of cucumber and mango. Naturally, there's some curry as well.

Tasting #1. Kelly's dish is simple, well planned, and delicious. The Italian ambassador says that her carpaccio represents Italy better than he does. Heh. Jose Andres doesn't feel Ed's dish represented China very well, but the Chinese ambassador disagrees. I think I'll trust the latter on this one. Also, what's all this talk about the countries being "represented"? I thought they just had to serve as an inspiration. There's a big difference. Kevin's food smells great, and Padma enjoys his crispy lentils. Stephen's use of coffee was a nice touch, but that's about the only good thing. Ptom grouses that when the entire dish is just meat, beans, and rice, the rice had better be cooked properly. Marcus says that Brazil could be evoked with all sorts of flavors, be they South American, African, or Portuguese, and that Stephen had none of these. The Swedish ambassador thinks it would be good if he bought it at a street cart. Ouch. Alex's food is sloppy and bland.

Amanda is worried that her beef bourguignon isn't representing France well. Angelo presents his sashimi of tuna ribbons in chili oil marinade with a soy infusion, and the candied wasabi. Tiffany has chicken tamales with queso fresco and a tomatillo sauce with pico de gallo. Kenny has tamarind-braised pork with a cold rice noodle salad and the Thai green curry.

Tasting #2. Amanda's beef is weak. The pieces are too small, and the guests notice its dryness. Angelo's tuna looks fresh and clean, but the rest of his components mask the taste of the fish. The Austrian ambassador likes it, though. Tiffany's food is pure Mexico, and tastes great. Ptom appreciates that he can actually taste the corn husk. The Bahamanian ambassador thinks they're amazing. Kenny's curry gets good reviews. Gail likes that it doesn't have too much coconut. A guest likes the heat level of his food. Amanda tells Angelo that she knows she screwed up her beef, and figures that she's going to get eliminated unless someone else messed up even more. Kelly assures Stephen that he won't go home for his steak, but allows that she didn't taste his rice and beans. Padma thanks Marcus for his help in judging, and sends him on his merry way.

Interstitial. Angelo wraps the toilet up in plastic wrap, so when Stephen goes in, he pisses all over the place. Everyone has a good chuckle.

Judges' Table. In their fret 'n sweat, Alex tries to come up with reasons the judges wouldn't like his food. He thinks his flavors were okay. Kelly conjectures that maybe his dish wasn't very Spanish. Padma enters, and asks to see Kelly, Kevin, and Tiffany. When they come into the dining room, they're happy to learn that they are the top three. Tiffany gives the Standard Speech. She had a good time with the challenge, and it showed in her food. It was delicious and made perfect sense for the challenge. Tiffany thanks the judges and giggles with glee. Kevin's inexperience with Indian food worked to his advantage, as his food strikes the judges as very creative. Jose adds that his food was layered nicely. Kelly took a simple dish, and made it very elegant. Jose gets to announce the winner, which turns out to be... Tiffany, who has pulled off the rare double win. And to that, I say... Double yay! She wins ten-thousand dollars, and another ten grand is given to Jose's charity of choice in her name. She's thrilled to have her wedding paid for in one fell swoop, and Jose is thrilled with the donation. Thrill all around! Padma asks the top three to send out the less fortunate.

Tiffany's win is applauded back in the Kitchen. After the clapping subsides, she shares the news that the judges would like to see Alex, Stephen, and Ed. I'm surprised Amanda isn't getting called out after all that buildup. When they come into the dining room, Padma starts with Stephen. His idea was fine, but the rice was mealy and overcooked. Gail questions the chimichurri sauce's connection to Brazil. Ptom cuts to the heart of the matter, and says that if everything had been prepared well, his concept wouldn't have mattered as much. As it is, he fell down on execution. Padma wonders how Alex went from winning to tumbling to the bottom. She acts like it's the first time that's happened. It's happened this very season multiple times:

Episodes 1 & 2 - Angelo wins, then slacks off due to immunity and goes to Losers' Table.
Episodes 3 & 4 - Arnold wins, then gets eliminated.
Episodes 5 & 6 - Kenny wins, then gets saved by the Cult of Kenny.
Episodes 6 & 7 - Kevin wins, then sinks to the bottom.

It's been a wildly inconsistent season. I guess Tiffany had better watch her back next week. Anyway, Alex. Jose calls his food a "little nightmare". Yikes. Alex says that he's upset with himself, and couldn't edit himself. He says that during the Ptimewaste, Ptom told him that his dish didn't need to be Spanish, but just inspired by Spain. Ptom takes that as an insult, rather than the explanation it is. It figures. Just as I think to myself that Ptom hasn't gotten on my nerves in a really long time, and I should think about retiring my insulting nickname for him, he has to be obnoxious. Alex slips him a pacifier, and assures him that he wasn't blaming Ptom for his dish's problems. There were definite problems, though. The meat was dry, the sauce was watery, and Spain was nowhere to be found on the plate. Ed's sauce was good, but his food promised sweet and sour flavors, which were nowhere in the dish. He also didn't render the fat off the duck, which it desperately needed. He doesn't come up with much of a defense, and just grimly agrees with the judges. He appears to be keeping a tight lid on some anger. The chefs are dismissed.

Deliberations. Jose admits that it was a tough challenge. Stephen's garlic was too pungent, and his rice was terrible. Ed's food didn't live up to his description, the duck fat wasn't rendered, and there wasn't enough smoky flavor. Alex's techniques, ingredients, and presentation were all subpar. Ptom says that his ingredients were fine, but didn't work with them well. Any good chef should be able to work with beef cheeks. Except they weren't beef cheeks, they were veal cheeks. Except they weren't veal cheeks, it was veal shank. Feel free to start correctly identifying the FOOD on this FOOD show anytime. Is Mrs. Johnson's afternoon kindergarten class editing this season? The judges reach a decision.

Elimination. The losing chefs all showed poor technique. Stephen's sauce was overpowering, and his rice was awful. Alex's was sloppy and in no way Spanish. Ed's duck was disappointing. Padma gives the bad news. Stephen. Please pack your knives and go. He thanks the judges for allowing him to be "part of the process". Huh. He gets good-bye hugs, and interviews that it's tough to be eliminated for execution problems. He really enjoyed his time on the show, and is honored to have been chosen to participate, but says that nobody realizes how difficult and intense this experience is. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that plenty of us do.

Overall Grade: B-