The Princess and the Pea Puree

Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 7

Previously on Top Chef: Peer review. Angelo "helped" Tamesha and Stephen. Kenny was convinced that everyone is out to get him, because it's inconceivable that his food wasn't up to par. Kevin scored the win, while Tamesha found her way to Losers' Table, in spite of (or maybe even due to) Angelo's assistance. Kenny's Shield of Invincibility activated again, and Tamesha was sent on her way. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening menu. Homemade gazpacho that had a real kick to it. I was in a hurry, and just sliced up some bell peppers for dip, but at least they're LabRat's homegrown ones, so I got some style points. Panny made mini banana/blueberry pies that I certainly did not eat three of. Kender and the Aussies were also there to try and make a dent in the spread. Or at least drink. Especially for Rule #7: Take a drink whenever someone's dish is centered around scallops.

Monday Morning Quarterback session. Kelly tells Stephen that her roommates keep getting eliminated, and it's just down to her and Andrea. Vultures suddenly appear and begin to circle. Kenny doesn't allow the thought that his food put him into the bottom of the last challenge to enter his head for even a moment. Nope, it's just cause the other chefs are threatened and jealous. The fact that there have been six elimination challenges, and Kenny has been in the bottom for three of them doesn't seem to affect his ego. How nice. Angelo is mildly upset about Tamesha's elimination. Tiffany vows not to let him give her any ideas, lest she reap the same reward.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Congressman Aaron Schock, who would be yummy if he didn't have all of those idiotic social policy positions. He opens by telling the chefs that the first day after winning an election is spent on ethics.

Tiffany: "Ah, a representative from Illinois talking about ethics. That makes total sense."

He gives the chefs (and us) a very interesting little summary of the ethics problem of feeding politicians. Lobbyists can't be arranging vast gourmet dinners to help influence votes, so a workaround solution had to be found. That solution is... Toothpicks! The Quickfire Challenge will be to create a delicious, bite-sized mini-dish that can be speared on the end of a toothpick. Neat. I like this idea. This is also a high-stakes challenge. The winner will not only receive immunity, but twenty-thousand dollars to go along with it. Yipes.

Padma starts the clock, and the chefs spring into their thirty minutes of prep time. Everyone rushes the fridges at the same time. Angelo says it's like the Running of the Bulls, and that everyone's on attack, fighting for their protein of choice.

Limecrete: "So...nothing at all like the Running of the Bulls."

Kelly works on a seared bay scallop. DRINK! Stephen is convinced that he's in line for the money and immunity. I can't decide if it's kind of sad that Stephen is able to keep up such self-confidence after winning precisely zero challenges (and being in the bottom of most of them), or if it's kind of heartening. He works on a meat and scallop surf 'n turf on a potato cake and Bearnaise sauce. DRINK! Alex brags about his experience with canapes, and works on a pan-seared scallop. DRINK! Jeez, there isn't going to be any wine left by the Elimination Challenge. Tiffany has a clear picture of what she wants to do, and starts on a pork roulade, while Amanda is typically frenetic, but settles on a lamb kabob. Andrea stacks up some fried chicken and waffles. Ooh, I like the way she thinks. Angelo is going to roll shrimp up into some pineapple. He attacks something on the cutting board, and dices it to bits in an instant. He's not my favorite contestant ever, but that was super-impressive. Ed has problems translating regular food into something he can get onto a toothpick. Time winds down.

Padma and Aaron go down the line. Kevin's got a grilled pork kabob in a sherry vinegar sauce. I'm not sure if it should count as on-a-toothpick if you've got a cup of sauce underneath it. A minor quibble, but I'm a sucker for challenge parameters. Andrea has buttermilk-fried chicken on a pecan-cheddar waffle, and a black pepper maple gravy. I can't picture how that gravy would taste. Ed did a duo of tuna. One is a crunchy confit, one is grilled with avocado and sweet-and-sour watermelon. Tiffany has made a crispy pork roulade with prosciutto, dates, and a red pepper coulis. It looks just as good as all of the other stuff Tiffany has made. I wish she'd get more attention and credit, because her food appeals to me more than anyone else's this season. Amanda has a lamb kabob with fried tomato and a salsa verde. Kenny has a tandoori-spiced salmon kabob with shrimp and a mango mojito relish. Angelo's pineapple plan hasn't worked out, so he serves a mixture of shrimp and cashew in a cucumber cup. Stephen sauces his food as he explains it. I'm not sure why he wasn't required to sauce before time ran out. That said, his scallop and beef on potato cake looks very good. Alex's scallop includes bacon, strawberries, and basil essence. That doesn't sound like a great combination. Kelly's scallop has salted watermelon and a watermelon vinaigrette.

Results. The bottom three are Alex (for a confusing, off-putting mixture of flavors), Ed (for just plain tasting bad), and Kelly (for a lack of flavor). Kelly is not a fan of being in the bottom. She vows to bring bigger and bolder flavors to the Elimination Challenge. Now, for the good news. Kevin's food stayed with Aaron, even as he tasted everyone else's. Angelo gets a "wow" for his fiery shrimp on a cool cucumber. Stephen's little bite was hearty and satisfying. The winner of immunity and the big, fat check is... Angelo. He gives the Standard Speech. Kevin is bitterly jealous.

Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be taking part in the old tradition of a power lunch. This theme won't have much to do with what's made and served, so really the challenge is just to make lunch at an area restaurant for twenty-four people. The only other wrinkle is that the chefs will be working with one of five specific proteins that they'll draw knives for. No worries, though, because the proteins are fairly standard:

Swordfish - Andrea and Tiffany
Porterhouse - Amanda and Kelly
Lobster - Angelo and Ed
Lamb chops - Kevin and Kenny
Salmon - Alex and Stephen

Padma explains that although there are two chefs per protein, this is not a head-to-head challenge. The dishes will have to stand up to all of the other ones. The chefs head off to shop with three-hundred dollars. That's kind of a lot, considering they don't have to buy their protein. I'd be heading for the good stuff. Stephen is as self-confident as ever. Andrea isn't generally a fan of swordfish, and says she'll be doing something different with it. She heads for the cashier, and her total doesn't even hit the $200 mark. Back at the Kitchen, the chefs have two hours to prep. Ed and Angelo realize that everyone else's proteins are pretty much set, but that they have to kill and break down theirs right there in the Kitchen. Tiffany chops olives as Angelo wrestles with his mutant lobsters. Alex is suffering from a surfeit of options. There are infinite ways to prepare salmon, and he can't decide what to do. Amanda has no experience with porterhouse steaks, and solves the problem by hacking the bones off, turning them into a bunch of strip steaks and fillets. Kelly doesn't approve.

Kevin's got some experience serving power brokers, and feels like he knows what they're looking for. Is this like he "knows" how to make baby food because he's got a baby? Angelo and Ed hurry to keep up with everyone. Andrea knows swordfish is usually served with some sort of tropical salsa, and you'd think she could make a good one, being from Miami and all. She doesn't want to go that direction, though, and says she'll be making a vanilla bean/mustard sauce. That is a very odd combination of flavors, and like her maple/black pepper gravy, I can't picture how it would taste. Time winds down, and Ed worries that he's had to spend too much time cracking out lobster meat.

That night, Alex tells the others that he's still not sure what he's going to do with his salmon. He mentions peas, and Andrea and Kenny tell him that Ed bought peas of his own for a puree. Alex rubs his chin. In another room, Ed tells Tiffany that he's got a pea puree [1]. Tiffany asks if it's cold, and Ed says that it'll be warm. Warm pea goo underneath lobster? Ick. Actually, cold pea goo wouldn't be any better. I'm not a big pea fan. Ed and Tiffany's friendship has not escaped notice, and Andrea tut-tuts that Tiffany's fiancee would be none too pleased if he knew about it. Tiffany hears this psychically, and assures us all that she's happy with the man she's got at home.

As we go into the commercials, the teaser treats us to three more utterances of "pea puree", so: [2], [3], and [4]. When we return, the chefs arrive at the Palm restaurant, where there are caricatures of people who have eaten there and politicians drawn on the wall. I get the whole Sardi's thing, but I don't see a wall full of goofy drawings as the hallmark of a great restaurant. I guess I'm in the minority on that one. The guy in charge of the restaurant comes back to give the chefs some contrived reality show blather. They've got a "fully-booked lunch". Except we've already been told they're serving twenty-four people. Ptom will be back in the kitchen during prep to keep an eye on things. Why? Um... Because... Shut up. That's why. The winning chef will get his or her dish put onto the menu, and their face drawn onto the wall. Stephen is still supremely self-confident and optimistic. I've decided it's heartening.

Everyone gets started. Amanda is still spazzing all over the place, and it's really starting to stick in Kelly's craw. Kelly tersely asks her to move her coolers so that people can walk around the kitchen, and to cook near her station. In essence, to get out of the fucking way. In addition to that, Amanda has neglected to bring any salt or pepper, and asks to borrow some of Kelly's. Wait, why doesn't this restaurant have any salt or pepper? I guess the challenge involved bringing everything you'd need, but if that's the case, I wish they'd told us that. Kelly declines to give Amanda any of her seasonings, and shuts down Alex as well. Amanda sneers in interview that Kelly is oversalting all of her food, anyway. Alex decides to make a pea puree [5]. He says it's risky, because the entire dish revolves around that pea puree [6]. Ptom drops by in that awful purple chef's coat of his. As promised, he's going to stay in the kitchen for the entire challenge. He nags them about keeping their stations clean. Everyone ignores him. Andrea asks Kelly if she has any extra butter, and before we hear if Kelly would relax her rules to give some to her pal, Amanda jumps in and offers some of hers.

Kenny wants his lamb to be more successful than it was last week. Angelo slices his finger, and hides it from Ptom as he walks by. Ptom is such a hall monitor this week. Ed goes back to the cooler, and cannot find his pea puree [7]. He asks about the pea puree again[8], as we see Alex working with his. Is it the same one? Let's not find out! Ed starts asking if anyone else has seen his pea puree [9]. Nobody has, and Ed wonders if someone has taken his pea puree [10]. He asks Stephen directly if he's got the pea puree [11]. Stephen says that no, he hasn't got the pea puree [12]. Ed then asks Alex if he's seen the pea puree [13]. Alex denies it, curiously not mentioning that he's got one of his own. Odd. Tiffany also notes this, saying that Alex is the only other person with a pea puree [14], and that he certainly didn't make it yesterday. Ed says he'll be pissed if Alex stole that pea puree [15]. And since there are cameras taping, if not everyone's every single move, then at least their entire cooking prep, and since there are receipts for everything bought at the store, it should be no trouble to figure out if Alex got grabby. Well, forget it. I'll tell you now that the paper trail and Ptom's supervision and the fact that there are a gazillion cameras everywhere means nothing. Nobody knows if Alex took Ed's puree or made his own. Wow, that's not annoying at all, show.

Tiffany kindly pulls Ed back from the brink, telling him he has to focus and make something else. She offers him some broccolini. Better watch it, Ed! That stuff can be dangerous. Ed is pissed off, but is able to contain himself enough to work on an alternative. Diners filter in. Kevin obsesses over Kenny. A soundbite of Ptom saying that he'll be tasting the chefs' dishes is crudely dubbed into the episode. What was the point of that? Of course he'll be tasting them; he's the head judge. And even if he hadn't said so, we can see him doing it. I don't know what is up with the editing this season, but it is wretched.

Padma introduces the diners/judges. Along with Padma, Gail, and Ptom back in the kitchen, there's Senator Mark Warner, Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, John Podesta, Top Chef Masters contestant Art Smith (who's lost a bunch of weight), and Bruce Bozzi (who manages/owns/whatevers the Palm). NBC correspondents Kelly O'Donnell, Luke Russert, and Savannah Guthrie are also judging.

The protein pairs are served together. First up are Kelly and Amanda. Kelly makes sure to tell everyone that her porterhouse steak is on the bone, and is served with a roasted shallot demi-glace and a potato/arugula/endive salad. Amanda serves a duo of New York strip steak and filet mignon in red wine, with French-style potatoes and arugula. Everyone really enjoys Amanda's steaks, but Kelly's portions are too big and too salty. You should know now that as each dish is discussed, the horrendous editing continues with a shot of Ptom putting a bite into his mouth. Every dish. Seriously. Ten shots of Ptom putting food in his mouth. For no reason. Sigh.

Andrea and Tiffany. Tiffany has swordfish with an olive and raisin tapenade on top, served with broccolini and bacon. Andrea's swordfish is pan-seared with Israeli couscous risotto, asparagus, and that odd vanilla bean/mustard butter sauce. Everyone except Padma thinks Andrea's sauce is far too sweet, while Tiffany's dish was zesty and distinctive, if a touch too well-done. Back in the kitchen, Tiffany resigns herself to being on the bottom, saying that she knows she overcooked the fish. Stephen and Alex. Stephen's salmon is served on a warm spinach/arugula salad, with a Worcestershire vinaigrette. Alex has applewood-smoked salmon with black Forbidden Rice and the much-discussed English pea puree [16]. Art loves the sweetness of the pea. Alex also has a good portion size, so nobody would leave lunch feeling heavy and gross. Stephen's salmon is messy and heavy.

Ed and Angelo. Ed struggles to finish on time, but makes it. Angelo's lobster is butter-poached, and served with lobster froth and a jicama/Asian pear/arugula salad. Was there a sale on arugula today? It's everywhere! Ed has a butter-poached lobster ballotine, with smoky eggplant caviar and English pea/asparagus fricassee. Angelo's lobster has texture issues, and nobody cares for the foam. Ed's lobster was flavorful, and the eggplant also worked really well, though the peas were unnecessary. Kevin and Kenny. Kenny's has a double chop of lamb, one with the bone, and one without. They're peppered, and served with fig/pistachio bread pudding, fig jam, broccolini, and a vanilla/morel demi-glace. Kevin has broiled a double-cut lamb chop, and serves it with olive and goat cheese rissole, a tomato concasse, and some mache on top. Kenny's lamb is good, but nobody likes the other things on his plate. Kevin's plate was strong flavor after strong flavor, and had no balance. Gail's portion is overcooked. Of course, "overcooked" on this show means a perfectly acceptable medium, but I suppose they have to stick to their standards.

Lunch winds down. Ptom reports that the prep was a little sloppy. Art spews his usual bullshit about how food is love. There is one person that I'll accept the food-as-love argument from, and her name is Carla. Meanwhile, Ed is complaining to Tiffany about his missing pea puree [17]. The gossip spreads quickly. Kevin tells us that Alex had pea puree [18] and if he stole Ed's pea puree [19], it's a grimy thing to do. I'd say it's a you-get-kicked-off-the-show thing to do.

Interstitial. Stephen gives a "seminar" on how to handle being at Losers' Table, and cracks everyone up.

Fret 'n sweat. Everyone gossips about the pea puree [20]. Alex interviews that some people think he took the pea puree [21], but that it was just a coincidence that they both had that component. He didn't even know that Ed was making a pea puree [22]. There's a damning black and white flashback to Andrea and Kenny telling Alex (the night after the two-hour Kitchen prep) that Ed bought peas and pureed them. That's not to say Alex didn't just make a puree of his own, but that still doesn't explain what happened to Ed's, and especially why the production can't figure out what happened. I can't begin to guess the truth, but if I were to indulge my inner conspiracy nut, I could come up with some wild theories:

1) Alex made his own puree, and Ed simply forgot his. This seems odd, as there would surely be some footage of Alex doing this, and the grocery store receipt would confirm the pea purchase.

2) Alex made a pea puree, but forgot it, and took Ed's by accident. That has the same problems as above, though.

3) Alex out-and-out stole the puree, but the producers can't prove it, and so shrouded the whole thing in mystery to avoid having to take any action.

4) Alex out-and-out stole the puree, the producers know it and can prove it, and are choosing not to do anything about it, because it would besmirch the show and wreck up the schedule to have to kick someone out without planning to.

5) A wizard did it.

Pick your favorite. Padma comes in, and summons Alex, Tiffany, and Ed to the table. When they come out to Judges' Table, Padma tells them they had the three best dishes of the night, rendering the entire pea incident almost moot. Almost. Tiffany begins leaking tears, admitting that she thought she'd be on the bottom. Luckily, the juices released a lot of flavor, wiping out any dryness the fish may have had. Ed's lobster was a challenge, but he overcame that challenge nicely. Art tells Alex that his fish was cooked perfectly, and he loved the pea puree [23]. Eesh, what a twist of the knife. The viewing party wonders why Ed doesn't mention something, but I think it would have looked like extremely sour grapes to stand at the Winners' Table and complain. Maybe Ed would have said something if he was on the bottom, but since he knows he's safe, it's wiser to keep his mouth shut. So he just stands there and looks pissed off, as does Tiffany. Art gets to announce the winner, which turns out be Alex. Well, since I have no idea if he's innocent or guilty, I'll just give that a "hmm".

Back in the Kitchen, Alex's win is greeted with steely eyes. Kenny interviews that the judges were impressed with the silky, delicious pea puree [24], and that there was no way Alex had the time to make a proper English pea puree [25]. All that aside, Alex informs the waiting chefs that the judges want to see Kelly, Andrea, and Kevin. I'm just now noticing that Odd Asian Music and Gong don't greet the losing chefs anymore. Did they get laid off? Kevin's tomato concasse was nothing but heat. Ptom found the chops overcooked, and though Kevin says he prefers lamb to be more medium than rare, Art questions the care put into the dish. OHMYGODSHUTUP. Why do they keep inviting this guy to be on the show? He's such a goddamn hack.

Andrea admits that she doesn't cook swordfish often, and Art tells her that it showed. The couscous was goopy and overcooked. The vanilla sauce was also way too sweet. Andrea does her best to explain herself without it sounding like an excuse, saying that she's tried that blend of vanilla and mustard before to great success. Gail makes the first shitty argument I've ever heard her put forth when she says that if they wanted to taste Andrea's usual fare, they'd just come to her restaurant. So... These people are supposed to invent new techniques out of whole cloth, just because they're coming on the show? That's moronic. Kelly's dish was way too salty, but to her credit, she knows it before the judges tell her. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, an awful Frankenbyte makes Amanda sound smugly triumphant about Kelly's food being too salty after she refused to share. Amanda probably does feel that way, but that quote was so obviously patched together from different sources, I'm not going to give her crap for it.

Deliberations. Andrea's fish was under the heat lamp for up to eight minutes. Art says that not liking a food or not working with it often doesn't give you an excuse to execute it poorly. I agree, up to a point. Kevin's flavors were disparate, and his cooking technique was bound to fail, though Art says he could "feel that his intentions were good." SHUT UP. Thanks a lot for unleashing the Miss Cleo of the food world on us, Oprah. Between him and Doctor Phil, I'm starting to question your sanity. Kelly put way too much salt in everything, which is a simple thing to avoid. Art questions her palate. Hey, a legitimate critique about food, and not some crap about how Kelly didn't pour enough of her soul into her steaks! Baby steps! The judges reach a decision.

Elimination. Gosh, it's actually sort of suspenseful when Angelo and Kenny aren't around to get a free pass. I honestly don't know who's going. Ptom gives us one those terrible wordplay phrases he's so bad at, and yet we cannot escape: It should have been a "power lunch", but made the judges want to take a "power nap". HAHAHAHAHAHA! GET IT?!?! Kevin's lamb was not cooked well. Kelly. Salt. Andrea's dish was unfocused, and her vanilla ruined the sauce. He throws it over to Padma. Andrea. Please pack your knives and go. Aw, nuts.

She hugs Kelly, and in her final interview, tells us that she never really got a chance to show herself. Oh, Andrea. I like you, but I'd say fourteen challenges is more than enough opportunity to show yourself. She says that the problems she had were more mental than anything else. That, I'll buy. This seems like such a self-esteem-grinding, degrading experience. She respects the judges, but doesn't need their validation. Padma gives her kind of a bitchy "that'll be all, thank you". Well, that was uncalled for. After telling the chefs in the Kitchen to "hug it out, bitches" (heh), Andrea reminds us that this is a game, and she just didn't play it well today. She closes by saying "at the end of the day" (DRINK!), she'll just have to accept it and move on. That's a healthy attitude. All I have to say to that is... Pea puree [26].

Overall Grade: B-