Finale - Part 2

Top Chef - Season 1, Episode 12

Previously on Top Chef: The final three chefs met in Las Vegas. The previously-on segment would like you to know that Dave doesn't like Tiffani. You know, in case you missed it in any of the other eleven episodes. The Quickfire turned out to be not so quick, as it was stretched into a full hour Elimination Challenge. The chefs were asked to rapidly prepare three types of room service orders. Harold didn't like the challenge, as it's not his style of cooking. You know, in case you missed that in any of the other eleven episodes. Tiffani's food wasn't up to par. Luckily for the producers, Dave screwed up by failing to prepare one of his dishes, so they were able to give him a guilt-free booting without having to resort to behind-the-scenes machinations, or needing to try and wriggle out of admitting those machinations later. Now, two chefs remain. Who will win Top Chef tonight? Will it be Harold? Or Harold? Sorry, I'd love to be in more suspense, but I have trouble believing someone who's been getting the bitch edit for three months is going to walk away with the title.

Las Vegas, Nevada. Traditional final two pissing contest. I can only tolerate so many "I'm going to win. Hyaaah!" speeches, and I've reached my threshold for this season. There's no pretense of a Quickfire challenge this week. We go straight to the big shebang. The chefs meet KatieBot and Ptom in Ptom's restaurant, which I will now avoid like the bubonic plague on future trips to Vegas, seeing as how much of a dickhead he is. Probably not what the show was aiming for. Ptom tells them this will be the challenge they've been waiting for. No kids. No microwaves. No gimmicks. Harold's eyes light up. The challenge is fairly simple, all things considered. Prepare a five-course meal for eight diners. The diners will be more influential people from the world of food, but since we can't just have those bores, guest judge Lorraine Bracco will also be included in the mix. Also, since nobody can show up just because they happen to like food or anything, there must be some bullshit book/movie/product to plug. In this case, it's Lorraine's line of wines, which will be served with the meal. The chefs draw knives to determine which MGM Grand restaurant they'll be cooking in, which doesn't seem to make an appreciable difference, but whatever. Harold draws Nob Hill, while Tiffani will remain in Ptom's restaurant.

KatieBot says that the chefs will obviously need some assistance with this challenge, so they've arranged for some helpers. Blind banana slugs living in Madagascar could guess who these helpers are going to be, and indeed it is Dave, Stephen, Lee Anne, and Miguel. Ptom points out that a top chef must be able to inspire other people to want to work for them. Kind of makes you think the woman who's done nothing but ruthlessly ostracize her fellow competitors may be at a disadvantage, huh? The four eliminated chefs are asked who they'd rather work for in this challenge. Dave selects Harold. Duh. Lee Anne chooses Harold. Duh. Stephen, sensing which way the wind is blowing, chooses Tiffani. Working off of absolutely no evidence except my own hunch, I think he did that out of a mixture of kindness and a smug feeling that choosing an unpopular boss would get him some more screen time, like "Oooh, the viewers must be wondering why I did that! Mwahahaha!" Miguel chooses Harold. Tiffani bites her lip. So Stephen will be on Tiffani's team, but Harold will have to select two of the three people who chose him. He snags Lee Anne with no hesitation whatsoever. Woo! He doesn't want to hurt Miguel or Dave's feelings, so he suggests drawing knives for the other position. You know, I give Harold a lot of grief for whining about challenges and such, but a genuinely kind person is really rare on reality shows, and usually when they do show up, they're female. I couldn't be happier that he's breaking the streak. Harold rocks. Whoever pulls Knife #1 will be on Harold's team. Dave and Miguel pull at the same time, and the latter gets the lucky blade. So poor Dave will be shuffled off to work for the woman he despises. Bad for him, good for us. Apparently, this split divides the chefs into kind of an east coast vs. west coast smackdown. Though I should really be pouting over the lack of Midwesterners, I can use the old born-in-Baltimore excuse to throw in with Harold/Lee Anne/Miguel.

The chefs have the afternoon to prep and order any supplies they want. Tomorrow, they'll serve. Oh, and somebody's going to win gobs of money and stuff. Tiffani tells Dave and Stephen she's really happy to have them both, which was nice of her. I think that comment of Ptom's about "inspiring" people to work for you has made her justifiably terrified. Dave interviews that he's "dealing with" his situation, but he's rendered speechless, because he can't really say "I wish I could shoot myself in the head right now." Harold's team is in a much better mood. They settle in at their restaurant to taste the wines and plan a menu. Yes, "they". He welcomes suggestions on menu ideas from Lee Anne and Miguel, which they both appreciate. Harold asks Miguel to do a version of his beef duo that blew everyone away way back when. They toast each other.

Over at Tiffani's restaurant, she tells Stephen and Dave that she's been thinking about duality in her life lately. Yeah, if I saw all my worst moments strung together on TV, I'd be thinking about it too. She goes on to say that she's going to take each course, and split it into two smaller (but still related, ingredient-wise) courses, so instead of five dishes, they'll be making ten. Stephen and Dave look horrified, but I have to say that it's a really good idea. Stephen interviews that the menu was very Stephenesque, by which he means audacious and inventive. I'd put the meaning of Stephenesque closer to "overcomplicated and pretentious". Tiffani says she'd like to start by preparing artichokes two separate ways. Stephen puts in that artichokes are very difficult to pair with wine, and that since Tiffani's got a more preconceived notion of her menu than Harold, all of the wine pairings are going to be more difficult. OK, then. In an extremely endearing moment, Tiffani weakly says "Dessert. Help." Aw, see? A splash of humility makes everyone look good. Dave volunteers a dessert recipe he was going to use for himself. Tiffani asks how he'd feel about being completely responsible for dessert, and he agrees to it. Dave interviews that he's going to work hard, despite not wanting to be on this team. Tiffani asks for general impressions of the menu, and both the guys seem fine with it.

Now both teams have four hours of prep time in the kitchen. They begin to collect ingredients. Both teams appear collected and confident. Ptom strides in. Boo! But at least it gives us a chance to hear the menus. Tiffani. First course - scallops two ways. Aw, I love scallops, but I'm allergic to them. Good thing I'm not one of the diners, as it's probably not an auspicious sign when one of your judges starts projectile vomiting. Second course - artichokes two ways. Third course - fish two ways. Fourth course - veal two ways. Fifth course - Dave's duo of desserts. I'm in no mood for cutesy alliteration. I'm never in the mood for cutesy alliteration. Ptom interviews that Tiffani's menu is ambitious, which could work for her or against her. Harold's first course is diver scallops with shaved fennel and ramp salad. Stop talking about scallops! Second course - olive oil poached bass. Third course - quail with herb spaetzle. I don't know that I've ever had quail. I think I'd like it. Fourth course - beef two ways, which Miguel is already working on. Ptom remembers how much he liked it before. Fifth course - trio of cheeses and a fig tart. Ptom interviews that Harold is playing it safer than Tiffani, which could work for him or against him. So either chef could win. Thanks once again for that marvelous insight, Ptom. Time runs out. Harold's feeling good. Tiffani's feeling good. Dave says once again that he's going to help Tiffani to the best of his ability, despite their strained relationship. We get it now, Dave. Thanks.

Commercials. America is asked to vote on who should be the winner. I predict a Harold landslide, somewhere around 70/30.

Elimination day. Harold slips white sneakers on over black socks. Any chance of him being gay just flew out the window. Shame. His team is cooking first. More blah about wanting to win. Lee Anne wants to help Harold as much as she can. Harold interviews that he appreciates the enthusiasm that she and Miguel have. Nothing but a lovefest on this team. One hour until the first course is served. Lee Anne addresses Harold as "Chef", which everyone has been using since episode 1 as a term of respect. There's something I learned from this show. Harold asks them to call him Harold, and interviews that he sees them as peers, not him as their superior. Lovefest! Tiffani's totally going to win, don't you think? Harold admits that he's not so great at schmoozing in the dining room, so he writes out his menu beforehand, and gives it to the servers. Good idea. Miguel interviews that he's "getting eerie" because things are going too smoothly. Don't jinx yourself, dude. He drops a pot or something, but it doesn't look like any food is lost. Harold asks him to use white pepper on something, and has to point out which mill it's in no less than three times. Miguel is a few chips short of a nacho platter, I fear. There's a shot of the table laid out beautifully, with Harold's hurriedly-written menu on each plate. He should have had Lee Anne do the menus. We know she's artistic.

The diners seat themselves, and Harold comes out to introduce the meal. Let's zoom through the judges. Gail, Ptom, and KatieBot, as always. Lorraine Bracco, of course. Also, there's Dana Cowin (from Food & Wine magazine), Hubert Keller (who apparently has way too much free time on his hands), Michael Mina (owner of the restaurant they're in), and Drew Nieporent (owner of the Blahblahblah Restaurant Group). I neither know nor care what a "restaurant group" entails. Harold compliments Lorraine's wines, which seems to delight her. He scuttles back into the kitchen, even more nervous now that he knows who's eating his food. He sneaks behind a table and whips out a hidden stash of airplane liquor. Hahahahaha!!! After a few swigs of liquid courage, he plates the first course. The servers serve. Looks like some blood oranges are included on the plate. I've never had them, but they sound fascinating. Michael likes the presentation, while Lorraine approves of the wine pairing. Get used to Lorraine being too focused on the wine. While I understand she has a special stake in that aspect of the challenge, it'd be nice for her to concentrate on, you know, THE FOOD. In the kitchen, Harold sends one of the waitresses out to eavesdrop on the judges' conversation. Heh. She gets out there just in time to hear Gail say the salad may have been dressed a bit too early, because it's a bit wilted. She reports back to Harold, who's very concerned at the news. Well, as concerned as Harold gets, anyway. Which means he furrows his brow a bit.

The second course goes out. This is the olive oil poached bass. KatieBot tells the other judges that the piece she got is mostly the bloodline. Ew. Michael feels the fish is underseasoned. Lorraine doesn't care for the wine served with the fish. HOW ABOUT THE FISH ITSELF? I swear, between this and her stupid "I lost a year to depression" commercial, I'm starting to think that Lorraine Bracco should just be Dr. Melfi all the time. In an odd criticism, Hubert feels the fish was presented upside-down. Huh? I guess Harold hears about these objections, because Miguel is trying to comfort him by saying that of course the judges are going to be the most nitpicky on this challenge. True enough. Still. Upside-down? Third course. Some cherries and foie gras have been added to the quail dish. Drew tells the judges he doesn't like the current trend of chefs undercooking quail. Hubert finds the quail a bit overcooked, so I guess Harold and Drew are on the same wavelength. Dana really likes the "classic" combinations of the quail's flavors. Miguel does some more "what are ya gonna do?" patter in the kitchen. Harold downs another gulp from the mini liquor bottle. Out in the dining room, Ptom has enjoyed the wine pairings, and Michael has liked the progression of courses.

The fourth course (the beef duo) goes out. It's braised short ribs and Kobe beef. The judges can't find a single bad thing to say about it. The eavesdropping waitress comes back into the kitchen and says as much. "Thank fucking God," Harold awesomes. Finally, the cheese trio/fig tart dessert goes out. Again, the judges have zero problems. Sweet. Harold enters from the kitchen, and tells the judges he's got his bulletproof vest on. Fire away. Hubert tells him about the "overcooked" quail, but that he loved the beef. Lorraine says she liked the wine pairing with the dessert. Dana enjoyed the progression, but wasn't overly pleased with the bass. Drew asks him if he cooks to please the guest or himself. This is a clear pageant question, and as such, should be absolutely no problem to answer. Harold knows exactly what Drew is looking for, and says that he tries to cover both bases. Drew is pleased. KatieBot thanks Harold for the meal, and says that they'll see him at the judges' table.

Commercials. I'm sure we all believe that Sarah Jessica Parker gets her hair color out of a store-bought box.

Tiffani's meal. Stephen and Dave are supposed to have come help her set up, but they're nowhere to be seen. A now-ever-mindful-of-how-she's-coming-off Tiffani says that if being late inspires them to work their asses off, then she doesn't mind. Tiffani, they can't hear you right now. You have every right to shred them in your interviews. For once, you have just cause to be bitchy. The guys finally show up, and Dave interviews that he and Stephen hit the town last night (several shots of Dave and Stephen drinking), and are still feeling it. There's something wonderfully incongruous about Dave and Stephen socializing that delights me no end. Even hungover, Dave wants to tear into one of the dinner wines. One hour until dinner. Tiffani interviews that she's happy to have the guys' assistance in whatever capacity. Whipped Tiffani is no fun. You've already doomed yourself, lady. Might as well allow yourself some final bitchitude. She says she had to tell Stephen everything three times. Hey, at least he has an excuse. What's Miguel's? She suggests plating the first course.

The diners seat themselves. Tiffani enters from the kitchen, and recognizes all the judges. She explains the duality inspiration of her meal, then retreats to get ready. The judges discuss the whole duality thing. Lorraine asks if she has to put her Dr. Melfi suit on. Please do. Ah, here's the Tiffani we all know and "love". Speaking of duality, I want to say at the outset that a lot of the things they show here to make Tiffani look bitchy are that odd combination of perfectly reasonable request and improper communication. She seems to excel at that. Stephen says something unintelligible, and Tiffani snaps that she doesn't want to talk at all until the first course is ready to go. See? Of course concentrating on the meal to make sure it goes out correctly is understandable. The lecturing tone? Not as much. The first course (scallops two ways) is served. The first preparation is seared diver scallop on squid ink. Interesting. The other preparation is scallop crudo with citrus (grapefruit, lemon, and kumquat). Tiffani explains all this to the judges before they dig in. When she leaves, they begin to eat. Hubert says the citrus kills the scallop flavor a bit. The squid ink emulsion goes over much better. Hmm, squid ink. This episode is making me anxious to try a bunch of new things. Ptom says that the unavoidable comparison between each of the two dishes may hurt Tiffani. Lorraine says she liked both preparations.

Back in the kitchen, Dave warns Stephen that they'd better not be caught socializing when Tiffani gets back. Yeah, that's not the attitude you want your workers to have towards you, bosses of the world. She comes back and tosses some salt on the artichokes, which Dave has already seasoned. Whoops! Stephen dismissively smarmerviews that she didn't even taste the dish before salting it. It seems like an honest mistake to me, but whatever. Dave goes to assist Tiffani in whatever she needs, and she tells him to take his glass of wine off the food line. There it is again! Request to keep an easily spillable liquid away from the food - great! Treating Dave like a six-year-old when he's actively trying to help - shitty! He interviews that drinking is the only way he can make it through assisting Tiffani, and thanks Lorraine via the camera for the wine she's provided. Heh. Tiffani returns to the dining room as the second course is served. Lorraine has gotten artichoke risotto with porketta. The other preparation is crispy artichoke with a dipping sauce, made with lemon/parsley/garlic. Dana brings up the same "artichokes are impossible to pair with wine" argument that Stephen originally outlined. Wow. The other judges disagree, saying that they didn't feel the artichokes hurt the wine pairing at all. What they do take issue with is that the risotto preparation completely outshined the other one.

As the team prepares the third course, Dave interviews that Tiffani didn't really want his help with several things, preferring to do everything herself. As a result of this, he thinks dishes and food sat for too long. The third course (fish two ways) is served. The first preparation is steamed branzino with ratatouille. The second is crispy branzino with black olive pappardelle. Want to know what all this food argot means? The internet is your friend. Tiffani goes into her reasoning behind using light sauces for all of her fish dishes, while the judges roll their eyes rudely. When she begins to retreat but comes back for literally four seconds to explain the wine pairings, Ptom throws his hands up as if to say "How can we possibly make you shut up?" The moment she's gone, the judges tell each other that Tiffani talks too much, and that the food is getting cold while they sit there waiting for her to explain it all. Interesting. Harold's menus were done because he wasn't confident in his showmanship, as far as explaining his food. But it looks like it was a shrewder move than even he knew. None of this exonerates the judges from openly bristling at Tiffani's explanations. They're doing everything short of tapping their wrists with their fingers, and it's fucking rude. Yes, I know I just said that. I'll say it again. She's serving you food. For a competition, yes, but she's still trying to make you happy. Complain about her long-winded explanations all you want when she's in the kitchen. To do so to her face makes me really, really hope none of these people are responsible for rearing children. Anyway, they hate the fish.

The fourth course (veal two ways) is plated. The servers bring it out, but before Tiffani joins them, KatieBot suggests (again, in an insufferably snotty tone) that they eat through her talking. Like that's some great punishment. The first preparation is saltimbocca (an Italian style of veal, apparently) with primitivo glace. The second preparation is veal with minted peas and spinach crema. Wow, minted peas? Ew. Once she's gone, the judges criticize her wine pairings. KatieBot points out that she has a sommalier on her team, so there's even less excuse. As to the veal, the judges give both preparations a solid "meh". Dessert is plated. Dave appreciates being left alone to do his thing with this course. Stephen gives props to Dave in an interview, saying how nice it was of him to give up his dessert recipe for Tiffani's benefit, and that he's not sure what she would have done if not for Dave. The first dessert preparation is bread pudding with a rum cocktail. The second is vanilla panna cotta with an amaretto cocktail. The judges love, love, love both of them. The chefs toast themselves in the kitchen, and Tiffani thanks the guys for all of their help. Dave cries, because he's so happy he got to cook in the finale. Dave cries at everything. I'll bet Dave cries when he's able to separate eggs efficiently.

Tiffani goes back out for the firing squad. Lorraine tells her she's got "a lot of balls". Drew lobs the pageant question at her. She answers that she cooks the way she wants to eat; that cooking to please other people causes one to fall short. That was an admirably honest answer. It was also the wrong one. She's not reading the room well, not that she ever has. Dana likes that Tiffani took risks, though she wasn't wild about the wine pairings. Dana is editor-in-chief of a magazine? I've never read Food & Wine. Is it as dull as she is? Hubert liked the dessert.

Commercials. The reviews are in, Hollywood. You can't really fool us into thinking The Da Vinci Code is a good movie now.

Judges' table. Gail, Ptom, KatieBot, and Lorraine enter. More of the "Tiffani took more risks" blather that we've been hearing for half an hour. Her artichoke risotto was wonderful, as was the dessert. Harold's beef duo was also a favorite. Ptom "wonders" who made Tiffani's dessert. Sure, he "wonders". He has no idea that Dave was responsible for them, thus giving the judges a ready-made excuse to choose Harold as the winner. Nope, that's not going through his mind at all. Really, show. We're not idiots.

The four assistants are brought in to provide some insight. Stephen is asked about his role, and he says that he assisted with the wine pairings. He also says that as much as he likes to rag on Tiffani, he really has to give her credit for the way each course was split. Lee Anne puts in that she really respected Tiffani for that as well. Gail agrees. Miguel and Lee Anne compliment Harold, saying that he understood how important their support was. Dave is asked about having to work for the chef that he hadn't requested. He says AGAIN that he puts forth his best effort no matter who he's working for. Asked about her attitude in the kitchen, Dave and Stephen revel in talking about how snappish and ungrateful Tiffani was. Hmmm....snappish, I'll grant them. Ungrateful, no. Stephen says that he and Dave should have been able to get away with anything, which I wholly disagreed with until Dave makes the point that the four assistants are helping to put cash in someone else's pocket. As such, they should be treated with more dignity and respect, and I have to say, I can't really argue with that. Ptom asks what role Dave played in the meal, but he's certainly not trying to draw Dave out into taking credit for the dessert. No way. Dave falls neatly into the trap, and admits that he did the dessert start to finish. The judges compliment him on it. Each of the four is asked who they think should win. Lee Anne picks Harold. Miguel picks Harold. Dave picks Harold. Stephen picks Harold. Ouch! They're dismissed.

Harold and Tiffani are brought in. Harold's menu was very conservative. He's asked why, and he duhs that he didn't want to shoot himself in the foot by taking a lot of risks. He apologizes if the judges didn't find the meal extravagant enough. Burn! Way to make them sound snobby, Harold. That was nice. Tiffani is taken to task for talking while the food was getting cold. She says she made the (not unreasonable) assumption that the judges would eat through all that. Harold is asked what he'd change. He chooses the bad piece of bass that KatieBot got. Lorraine is unhappy with Tiffani's wine pairings. Asked to choose a favorite of her ten dishes, Tiffani chooses the panna cotta dessert. Game suicide. You can see the happiness wash over Ptom's smug face as Tiffani takes pseudo-credit for a dish that Dave created. Ptom tells her that Dave said he brought that recipe in, and Tiffani says that they discussed it at length, so she apparently had some input. I'm not sure I believe that, but since Dave was on Tiffani's team, I see no reason that his dessert shouldn't count in her favor. Tiffani goes on to say that she really enjoyed having Dave and Stephen on her team, and Ptom lets her in on the fact that they chose Harold as being more deserving of the win. I'll admit I felt really, really bad for Tiffani in this moment. The moment before I remembered how she made it her mission to be as unpleasant and aggressive as possible towards her fellow competitors from Day One. She doesn't know how to respond, simply calling it "heartbreaking", which I'm sure it is.

Tiffani is asked why she should be the winner. She says that she consistently takes risks, which is sometimes to her detriment, but wonderful when it works out. That's basically all she can come up with. Harold is asked the same question. He says that his food has been consistently good throughout the competition, and that he knows that people need to want to work with the chef. You can't do everything alone, and he did a good job of maintaining others' respect. No argument here. The chefs are dismissed so that the judges can deliberate further. Hey, guess what! Harold played it safe, while Tiffani took more risks! I know! I wish the judges had brought that up before now. Harold's quail was overcooked, but the concept was good and the accompanying foie gras and cherries helped it. His beef dish was way, way better than Tiffani's veal dish. Here's something to chew on: Tiffani just got raked over the coals for using "Dave's dessert". There was not one single whisper of Harold using Miguel's beef duo. Not one. These people could not be more desperate to justify a Harold win. Not that I disagree; he deserves the win. I just want them to use fair reasoning to bring it about, and they're not.

Oh, here's some fair reasoning. "A top chef is someone who inspires others to want to work for them." Harold is the clear winner in that respect. In the kitchen, Tiffani tells Harold that it was really tough to hear that everyone thought he should win. "My back just ran into your knife," she drama queens. Where to begin? With the demonstrably false assertion that Harold somehow betrayed her, when if anyone should be blamed, it should be Dave and Stephen? With the implication that Harold is a bad person, and somehow hosed her by being nicer than she is? With the unforgivably smurfy tone of that cliche? Harold just raises his eyebrows and shrugs, as if to say "You want a cliche? Here's one. You made your bed. Now lie in it." Back at the judges' table, Tiffani is being lauded for taking more risks. We really must have fallen onto some sort of Mobius strip in the time-space continuum. RISKS. WE'VE GOT IT. Lorraine makes an interesting point when she says that she really doesn't care about all the backstage drama; the final product is what makes it or breaks it. That's understandable coming from an acting background, and fine for a guest judge. I have to think the main judges need to put more thought into attitude and such. All four of them have a clear winner in mind, though we're not told who they're thinking of. Want a hint? It begins with an "H" and ends with an "arold".

Commercials. Final tally of America's vote? 93% of the voters think Harold should win. 93%. Can you imagine the backlash against this show if Tiffani won? Looks like I was right after all.

OK, let's wrap this up. The chefs are brought back in to the judges' table. They're told that both of them are worthy of winning, but that there can be only one. Tiffani is congratulated for her daring and growth over the course of the competition, but her inability to work with other people is something that cannot be ignored. Harold's food is consistently good, with some extraordinary standouts. Plus, everyone loves him. In the funniest line ever, Ptom says that when it's all said and done, this competition is not a popularity contest. Hahahahahaha!!!!! If I began to point out the million and one ways that he's full of shit, we'd be here till Halloween. Suffice it to say: 93%. KatieBot says that this was a very difficult decision to make. Not to beat a dead horse, but come on. Twenty years of nothing but dramatic music and camera angles. I appreciate that this is the season finale. But I know who's going to win. You know who's going to win. Babies that are still in utero know who's going to win. Really, a Lee Anne/Harold final two would have been exponentially more suspenseful. But you just had to stick with your Bad Girl, didn't you? Sorry, I digress. HAROLD. YOU. ARE. THE. TOP. CHEF. He warmly thanks the judges. He and Tiffani shake hands and hug. He takes the win much like Chloe. Pleased, but not hysterically so, and I love him for it. TIFFANI. I. HAVE. TO. SAY. IT. PLEASE. PACK. YOUR. KNIVES. AND. GO. She and Harold share a sincere good-bye.

Final interview. Tiffani says that it's been a "long fucking road", and to come so close and not win is really tough. She begins to cry as she ruminates on how great it would have been to have money to travel and pay off her debts, which is not really the point of the prize money, but I would have spent it in exactly the same way. Her tear-stained face makes me feel bad for her again, and I want to reiterate that while she certainly deserved to lose for the way she acted as a competitor, I would likely have few qualms with her as a person. I just hope she learned a little something from this experience about how to treat others -- even when you're trying to beat them at something.

The four assistants are brought back in to celebrate with Harold. He hugs everyone, and says he's overwhelmed, which is code for "I don't really feel like making some bullshit winner speech." Woo! He says he's going to put the prize money towards his own restaurant in New York, and even pledges to call his fellow castmates in for help in its execution. Classy to the end.

Overall Grade: B+

So, Top Chef. Inaugural seasons are hard to call, because you never know if the show is going to get better over time (Project Runway) or worse (America's Next Top Model). If I give the season a C, will I think more kindly of it if the next one sucks rocks? This show certainly has plenty to improve upon. I know asking for a new hostess and new judges is like crying for the moon, but I have to try. The judging was far and away the worst thing about the show. Ptom is an egotistical asshole, KatieBot has the charisma of a Saltine, and Gail is...well, I don't have much of a problem with Gail. I'd probably like her more if she were grouped with different people. That's a big stumbling block as far as enjoying the show overall. Disliking the judges is not the same thing as disliking a particular challenge. At least a sucky challenge is dispensed with in one episode. Also, the consistent bringing in the top three, then the bottom three -- combined with showing who winds up at the table in the episode previews -- killed a lot of suspense. Really, the entire judging aspect of the show needs to be overhauled.

Still, there was plenty to love about Top Chef, and they got a lot right for their first try at this. The casting was far better than I thought it was going to be when I first heard about these particular contestants. Ken was a bad idea, but at least it was a mistake that was quickly rectified. Tiffani and Stephen were engaging villains. Lee Anne, Andrea, Cynthia, and Lisa had me in their cheering sections, and Harold was a likable and deserving winner. Most of the guest judges were articulate and fair. Most of the challenges were creative and well-planned. That's nothing to sneeze at.

There's just that fucking Ptom.

Overall Season Grade: B+