Finale - Part 1

Top Chef - Season 1, Episode 11

Previously on Top Chef: I prefer not to give the introduction the show does, because it sucks. Here's what really happened previously: Twelve chefs gathered in San Francisco to get BRAVO some viewers while Project Runway took a rest. Ken was convinced that being a loudmouthed, obnoxious asshole would garner him all sorts of attention and stir up controversy for weeks. He was wrong, and was punted immediately. That may be the best thing that happened all season. The chefs went on to create sexy desserts, and Andrea's poor presentation skills got her canned. In the third episode, Cynthia withdrew from the competition to tend to her dying father, so Andrea was reinstated. Candice and Stephen threw down, while Tiffani and Harold made me want to throw up by disdaining the very people they were supposed to be pleasing. Brian got eliminated, and it doesn't speak well of him that his booting was the least interesting thing to happen that week. Next, the chefs had to create food purchased at a gas station and food prepared in a microwave. Candice's inexperience and a snobby guest judge caught up with her and she was sent on her way. The next week, the chefs had to team up to create fusion street food, and we were forced to bid good-bye to the wonderfully wonderful Lisa. That was a rough one. Harold agreed with me, almost bursting into tears as she left, which almost made up for all the whining he did about challenges. The chefs then collaborated on one large meal. Andrea's lack of competitive drive got her eliminated for the second time. This time I was sorry to see her go. The chefs then set up restaurant space, and Miguel couldn't hide the fact that he's kind of incompetent any longer. Then came the horrible, moronic, bullshit wedding reception challenge, the only redeeming characteristic of which is that the pedantic blowhard Stephen got eliminated. Finally, the chefs prepared a pricy meal for some discriminating judges and Lee Anne got eliminated. Damn it. Oh, and also all of the judges suck except for Gail, who seems to be kind of a non-entity. Now, three chefs remain. Harold: The earnest, likable young man who has an unfortunate tendency to resent the fact that he's...on a reality show. Dave: The emotional, chaotic chef who will cry or snarl at the drop of a hat, but who excels at making tasty, familiar food, and who seems to derive genuine joy from cooking. Tiffani: The brash, aggressive chef who has spectacular talent, imagination, and drive, but who turns people off with her prickly attitude. Who will win Top Chef? Well, nobody tonight. It ain't called "Part 1" for nothing.

Las Vegas, Nevada. I've been there! And I was only drunk, gambling, or slobbering over hot guys, like, 50% of the time! Dave is driven up to the MGM Grand hotel. He's happy to have won the Napa challenge, and looking forward to the end of the Top Chef experience (in more ways than one, I suspect). Huh. I wonder how short Dave is, because the manager and valet who greet him at the hotel tower over him. No judgement -- I'm extremely short myself -- I'm just curious. He's shown into the penthouse suite, which is enormous and beautiful. You're know you're in good hands when your room has a pool table. Harold is the next to pull up to the hotel. He's ready to get to the final challenge, ready to win, blah blah blah. It's the same speech you hear from the finalists on every show ever. He hugs Dave and they get to exploring the place and kicking back with some wine. Nice. Dave interviews that he was happy to see Harold. Tiffani? Not so much. He goes on to say that she treats people like shit, but has the diplomacy to add the qualifier "in the kitchen" at the end of it. It was kind of him to not completely dismiss her. Speaking of Tiffani, here she is pulling up. Harold and Dave are upstairs hoping she won't show up tonight, but their hopes are quickly dashed. Heh, this is almost exactly what happened with Danzzz, Chloe, and Santino. She enters the suite and hugs the guys. Then, this confusing tidbit: "I'm a different person. Were it not for me seeing myself on television, I may not have ever had that wake-up call in my life. I haven't lost any intensity. I haven't lost any edge. The truth is I don't live my life with regrets. I think everything leads you to your next path."

Um. Aren't the two parts of that speech diametrically opposed? If you get a "wake-up call", it means you want to make a change in how you live your life. That implies regret. It's like she started out by trying to apologize for her TV persona, but then slipped right back into...her TV persona. Odd. Anyway, she says that she's gotten a lot of response, both positive and negative, but pulls that asshole move where people who say they've gotten criticized for the way they acted on TV claim it's because their detractors "don't understand" them. They understand you, dear. They just don't like you. Dave says basically the same thing, that Tiffani hiding her attitude behind her competitive drive is "contrived". He's nailed it. He wishes Lee Anne could have been in the finals, and man, do I hear him on that one. He tells the other chefs that when he returned from the show, the restaurant he worked at had closed, so now he's broke and unemployed. Yikes, that sucks. Tiffani says she's been working a lot, and interviews that if she wins, she'd like to explore the world and its food. That does sound awesome. Harold says that he went home from Napa and opened his own restaurant. Hey, good for him. Obviously, winning the show and the money would be a terrific boost for that endeavor. The chefs head off to bed, Dave pausing to answer some fan mail on his computer. Heh. I've got it freeze-framed on the letter he's answering. Part of it is cut off, but the visible part reads "We have been following you on Top Chef...Stephen? He is so pretentious and condesc....Oh, and Tiffany [sic]...where do these people...on!!!" Hehehe. Someone's ticked off! What kind of loser goes online and waxes intellectual about the reality show contestants he likes and dislikes? Wait, don't answer that.

Morning. Blah blah anxious about challenge. Blah blah want to win. Quickfire time. The chefs head to a kitchen where they meet the judges. KatieBot reintroduces Ptom (BOO!), Gail (meh), and the very first guest judge, Hubert Keller. She goes on to say that this will not be a traditional Quickfire Challenge. It will include the rushed elements of a Quickfire, but will really be an Elimination Challenge. Only two chefs will proceed to the actual finale. Surprising. The chefs are non-plussed, and for good reason. You go through all the challenges, go home for a while, watch yourself act like a doof on TV, come back, and get cut almost instantly? Ouch.

Commercials. Does anyone like these ads for the new Yaris cars? Because I find them mildly disturbing.

OK, so. Elimination Challenge. KatieBot says that the challenge will be to cater to varied and specific customer requests in a short space of time. That's right, it's room service. The chefs will get the same room service orders, and there will be three of them. The chefs will have half an hour to throw each order together, and the results will be placed on color-coded napkins. Dave will be black, Tiffani has burgundy, and Harold has teal. A judge will accompany the food to its customer and report back on how they liked everything. KatieBot gives them ten minutes to familiarize themselves with the equipment and supplies available in the kitchen. There's a lot. Tiffani and Harold interview that they've gotten used to really limited supplies for the challenges, and now there's actually an overabundance of choices. Dave interviews that he's not an on-the-fly chef. Harold interviews...you'll never guess what. That this is not his style of challenge! I like Harold. In fact, with Lee Anne gone, I'm actively rooting for him to win. That said? Harold? GET OVER YOURSELF.

Time for the first order. There are three high-rollers in the VIP suite, and they want two seafood courses, one hot and one cold. The thirty minutes starts counting down. Dave is frantic and hysterical. Tiffani is intense and methodical. Harold is laid-back and flexible. I fail to fall off of my couch in wonder. Harold says that his best bet as far as a hot seafood dish will be a mussel and paprika soup, and is making a thin-sliced snapper plate for his cold dish. Ptom is surprised that nobody's using caviar or the available Kobe sirloin to make a surf and turf. Well, Ptom, I'm surprised you can walk down the street without someone pushing you in front of a bus, so I guess it's wonder aplenty. Tiffani's using lobster for her hot dish, and raw carpaccio for the cold. Pretentious Chef to English dictionary. Carpaccio. Noun. Technically, a raw dish made of thinly sliced beef or tuna. Lately, its use has expanded to include any dish that is served in thin slices, from apples to zucchini, and to include several levels of doneness, from raw to fully cooked. Dave is throwing together some crab and prawn for his cold dish, with cinnamon/nutmeg opah for the hot. Those both sound good.

Everyone plates their food, and time runs out. The carts are taken upstairs, accompanied by Hubert. And hey, look who the high rollers are. It's Lee Anne, Stephen, and Miguel. Whoa, Lee Anne. That's quite a rack you're sporting, there. Speaking of clothes, does Miguel ever take that beret off? Stephen is obviously delighted to be a guest judge and have power over the chefs. Lee Anne is mostly just amused by it. I'm glad the chefs' food is color-coded and not presented by name, because I do want the chefs to get a fair shake and not have their personalities cloud the judging. Although if that were the case, Ken may have stuck around a lot longer than he did, so I should probably shut up. They start with the black table (Dave). They like the flavor of both dishes a lot, but feel neither is really sophisticated enough for the "high rollers" they're portraying. The opah could have used a sauce, and the lack of caviar is noted again. Next up is the burgundy cart (Tiffani). Lee Anne takes issue with the way the carpaccio is placed all to the side of the plate. That sounds like a tiny hair to split, but she's right, in that it makes it look like you're getting about two bites of food. Stephen likes the lobster, but feels it's underseasoned. Finally, teal (Harold). His snapper plate is very pretty and makes good use of flavor and texture. They feel it could use a bit of acidic flavor, but that's a minor quibble. They also like the soup, though they think it's a bit sparse for an entree. Stephen says for about the thousandth time that the chefs needed to think more about the fact that the dishes were coming to "high rollers". He's technically right, but you can tell he's enjoying his fake power status far too much. Overall, it looks like Harold's food is the most liked.

Second order. This is for poker players. The chefs have half an hour to prepare a fast food platter with four different types of snacks. Ptom wastes the audience's time some more. I won't inflict his pointless drivel on you. Tiffani thinks she'll do well because she does play poker in the poker rooms of Vegas. Dave is more anxious, because it's been a while since he's been forced to cook under such intense time limits. Harold thinks that the food doesn't need to be pretty or inventive for this order; card players would rather think about their game than their food, so as long as it tastes good, he's golden. In a normal situation, I'd agree with him, but most food prepared for poker players isn't being judged by a panel of critics. He says he just threw together a platter that you could find at any TGI Friday's. Onion rings, mini-pizzas, mini-grilled cheese sandwiches, and chicken wings. The chicken wings and onion rings are pre-prepared except for the frying, but he does make his own honey-mustard sauce for the wings and beer batter for the rings. Tiffani's going the more sophisticated route, frying three different types of potatoes into four different kinds of gourmet chips. She's also doing some goat cheese on crackers, brie and tomato sandwiches, and some herbed grissini with prosciutto. Dave's taking the middle ground. Fried eggrolls, chocolate-covered strawberries, fried shrimp, and a sundried tomato panini sandwich. Those all sound very functional and tasty. Tiffani's surprised at how uninventive Harold's platter is.

Commercials. I have no interest in watching celebrities play cards, but I will say that Jennifer Tilly rocks my world.

Gail accompanies the carts out to the poker tables. One of the players is a professional poker player whom I've never heard of. I love playing cards, but don't really think anyone deserves to be famous for being good at them. Plus, take your sunglasses off, douchebag. Gail briefly describes the food to the players. They eat Dave's first. Everyone loves his stuff. Tiffani's food is next. The players can't really eat her food without a fork, so it's not as functional as it should be. Also, her food is too fancy. One of the players describes himself as not sophisticated enough to really appreciate it. Yeah, the focus should be on the card game, so you don't really want food that needs a lot of attention. Harold's food. Everyone is completely in love with the chicken wings, and likes that his food is easy to eat. Taking all four dishes into consideration, Dave is the clear winner, but Harold's wings are the standout single appetizer. Things aren't looking good for Tiffani.

Third order. The customers this time are performers at the Cirque de Soleil theater. They will be getting three plates of high-carb, high-protein, low-fat food. I like this challenge. The three orders have all been very different and are good tests of the chefs' creativity, adaptability, and instincts. Tiffani says that half an hour for a high-protein meal is not really long enough to do a proper job. I'll take her word for it. Also, is she wearing a ring? While she slices up bloody meat? That seems like it would be uncomfortable and impractical. Whatever floats her boat, I guess. Harold remembers that people about to run a marathon tend to go for pasta, so he's leaning towards that. Dave chooses a Kobe tenderloin and is making a balsamic brown sugar/fig reduction in some garlic. Any dish where you can taste a nice amount of brown sugar is going to be aces in my book. He's also using some pasta and is making a complicated marinara sauce to go on top of it. Harold is using lobster with his pasta, is also working with Kobe beef, and is preparing a roasted chicken with gnocchi and mushrooms for the third plate. Tiffani also gets some Kobe beef, though she's thankfully too busy to throw a fit about what a copycat everyone else is. Ptom is surprised that everyone's using it, because although it has high protein, it's also very fatty. Tiffani's also made some sort of blueberry salad (which sounds really good) and unbreaded pork. As time winds down, Dave brushes by Harold and notices his dishes. It's at this point that he realizes that they needed to make three, but he misunderstood the original instructions and only made two. There's no time to make a third, so he knows he's fucked.

Ptom accompanies the food to the theater. Acrobats fly around, leaping and flipping up to the cart of food. It looks almost exactly like the monkey swarm. He describes the food, and everyone digs in. Harold's cart is up first. It's received well. One of the performers really likes the variety, what with the lobster and beef and chicken. Plus, his food conforms well to the nutrition parameters laid out. Dave's cart is next. His dishes have no oil in them, so that cuts down on the fat content. Good idea. Apart from that and the lovely sauce he's made for the Kobe tenderloin, this is beef and pasta. Snore. The performers do like the flavor of both dishes, though. Tiffani's blueberry salad is even more impressive than I originally thought, because it also incorporates crab, caviar, blood orange vinaigrette, and olive oil. I would really, really like to know how to make that, because it sounds awesome. Her pork dish has some mushrooms on the side, and the Kobe rib eye has most of the fat trimmed off. One of the performers thinks the pork is a little rubbery. Another thinks the salad is too fishy.

The chefs wait in the kitchen. Miguel, Lee Anne, and Stephen stride in. Harold's like "here comes trouble". I almost think he was wondering if this was another hellish twist to the challenge. Miguel tells the chefs that they were the high rollers they were cooking for in the first part of the challenge. None of the chefs is thrilled to hear this. Dave interviews that all three of them can be very critical, especially Stephen. Yeah, no kidding. Tiffani interviews that she knew she'd be seeing the ghosts of eliminated contestants at some point, but didn't know in what capacity. You'd think she'd have been nicer to them if that was the case, because you never know what kind of power old contestants will hold over you, and the last thing you want them to be is bitter towards you. Lee Anne asks how they think they did. Tiffani thinks all three of them did well. Lee Anne takes this as an ass-covering copout answer, sniping that they're in the final three (and implying that Tiffani needs to cut the pageant speech crap). I really didn't see that attitude in Tiffani's answer, and it's making Lee Anne look uncharacteristically snide. Don't burst my bubble about how cool you are, Lee Anne. It's a short walk to the shit list. Dave tells them that the Quickfire is an Elimination Challenge, which the eliminated chefs certainly didn't know. They have shocked looks for a few seconds, then Lee Anne inserts a neatly placed "That sucks." Hahahahaha!!!! Welcome back, Lee Anne. Miguel tells them that they've seen better food throughout the competition than the food he was served. Tiffani takes this as jealousy on his part that he's not in the finals, and I'm not sure I disagree with her. She and Harold point out how easy it is to step outside the game and point the critical finger. Miguel harps on the food some more, then says that he's not trying to play mind games, just asking them questions. Either that's a load of horseshit or his "questions" are rude and unnecessary. Either way it cuts, Miguel sucks.

Commercials. Spray a bunch of Clorox all over your food. Come on, it's good for you!

Judges' table. The judges, including Hubert, seat themselves. KatieBot seems more invested in this challenge, to the point where she sounds almost human. Hubert feels that Harold did the best job for the first order. It had good presentation and flavor. Dave's was too unfocused, and Tiffani's was too simplistic. Gail says she had fun at the poker table. I've never gotten the impression that Gail has fun at anything. In fact, I think that may be my biggest overall problem with the judges. They're so joyless. They don't really seem to care about the chefs or their food at all. Sure, the food needs technical analysis, but it also needs to inspire happiness or disgust or something. If Dave is too emotional, they're not emotional enough. Anyway, poker food. Tiffani's food was not appropriate to the occasion. It would have been nice on its own, but wasn't conducive to eating while playing cards. Harold's food lacked imagination, but Gail is forced to point out the rave reviews his chicken wings got. Dave did the best job overall, with his combination of flavors and just the right level of sophistication. KatieBot points out that Tiffani's kind of flailing right now, and asks Ptom about the third order. He says they enjoyed Dave's beef and Harold's chicken, but that there was a consensus that Tiffani's pork was too salty. Dave is in big trouble for not preparing a third dish.

The chefs are brought in. Ptom compliments all three. He brings up the lack of luxury items in the first order. Tiffani says she's used to cooking for high-rollers, and that they actually prefer simpler foods. I can believe that, though I'm a bit skeptical that Tiffani has the time, necessity or ability to actually differentiate between big gamblers and regular customers. KatieBot tells her that the challenge still called for impressive dishes. Tiffani thinks she delivered that. Harold is told that he won that particular part of the challenge. He gives a simple "thank you" in response, and Tiffani slaps his leg in a gesture of congratulations. In terms of the poker challenge, both the judges and chefs are a bit flabbergasted that Harold's wings were so popular. Dave describes the motivations behind his snack foods, and Gail gives him the news that the poker players really loved everything. He's gratified to hear it. Tiffani dances the best she can around the oversophistication issue by saying that if the poker players are becoming professional and advanced, then the food should advance right along with them. Or something. Third order. Dave is taken to task for the whole missing dish issue, though his beef dish was the clear favorite. Cue his nervous shoulder-rolling tic. Harold is complimented for the variety of his dishes. Decision time. Harold is obviously safe. He did a fantastic job this week. So, it's down to Tiffani and Dave. The tension is unbearable! Or at least, the music wants you to think it is, so I'll indulge it with some exclamation points!!!!

Commercials. When I think of wholesome, natural products, soda certainly springs to mind.

More tense music. Tiffani is told that Harold took two challenges and Dave took one, so she's in bad shape. They're asked if they'd like to add anything. Dave wants the chance to stay and cook some more. As does Tiffani. They'd both like the opportunity to show what they can do when they have more than a freaking half hour to throw everything together. Tiffani's food wasn't impressive this week. Dave forgot to make enough food. TIFFANI. YOU'RE. SAFE. DAVE. PLEASE. PACK. YOUR. KNIVES. AND. GO. Aw, that's a shame. He hugs everyone, including the judges. Tiffani interviews that it was hard to see him go, but hey, better him than her. Harold also thinks it's an unfortunate situation. Dave wonders how he would have fared if he had made that third dish, but doesn't want to make excuses for his ouster. He's the only eliminated chef to be granted a montage, as we see scenes of him laughing, crying, hugging, and goofing around. He thinks his friends and family will be proud of him. He is a touch bitter at losing to Tiffani, and ends with a plea that we not forget him; that he has a lot to offer. I know he's disappointed, but that was a tad undignified.

I've been chewing this elimination over in my mind. Was it justified? Was it inevitable? On the one hand, forgetting to make 33% of the food required cannot be ignored. It can't. It's more than fair that Dave get penalized for that. On the other hand, Dave's food was preferred over Tiffani's. And not just in one or two cases. The chefs made nine dishes total (eight in Dave's case), and every single one of Dave's beat every single one of Tiffani's. Surely that must count for something. So I guess it comes down to whether you think Dave's missing plate was a big enough transgression to completely overshadow his superior food. I'm undecided on that. Really, I could support either choice, except for one small thing niggling at my brain. The cynical part of me is convinced that the judges were looking for any excuse to get rid of Dave. There's no question Tiffani is good television, and do they really want to have a final two where both the contestants are likable? Nobody to root against? No good vs. evil? I'm approaching this from a producer's standpoint, not mine. I'd be thrilled to have a likable final two (and was). It may cut down on the suspense, but there's a lot to be said for knowing that you'll walk away from the finale satisfied. So if Tiffani owes her position in the final two to her blustering and attitude, that doesn't sit well with me. If the judges feel her food is superior to Dave's overall (which it very well may be), then that's fine.

Next week on Top Chef: Somebody wins! And given the edit that Tiffani's received this season, I'd bet money that it's going to be Harold!

Overall Grade: A-