Harper's Island - Season 1, Episode 11
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
We pick up right where we left off. Abby and Wakefield don't have two minutes to exchange words, because Henry and Danny blunder in, frightening Wakefield off. Abby wants to go after him, but Henry won't let her. He's acting awfully suspicious these days. Of course, there are only a handful of people left to suspect.
MEANWHILE, back at the bar, Nikki tends to Jimmy, who's still unconscious. Of course, her "tending" consists of blotting him with a damp rag, but I guess she has to keep busy. Unfortunately, the spate of deaths that have happened since Madison's return still haven't convinced anyone but Shane that they shouldn't go on treating her wike a widdle pwincess. Chloe worries about Blond Tool and Cal. Well, one more than the other. Speaking of them, Blond Tool and Cal leave the clinic. Blond Tool has done a patchy job of fixing Cal up after his bullet wound, but seems to have covered the basics. The two of them head for the sailboat.
MEANWHILE, Henry and Danny have had time to cut the sheriff down, bag him up, and stow him in the back of his wagon. I suppose I should be grateful even a passing mention is made of how silly this is when they know for a fact Wakefield is strolling around. Back at the bar, Madison is telling Shea that she's known Wakefield from day one of the trip. He was the "new friend" who helped her pick flowers for her flower girl basket. Wait, does that mean he's the one who smashed the tea set, too? That seems awfully petty. Madison asks if Richard is dead, and after some hesitation, Shea admits it. Madison also asks if Abby is going to die because of the lie she was told to tell, and that one, Shea's not going to cop to. She and Trish swear that Abby, Henry, and Danny will all be just fine. Abby's not too worried about her own death at the moment; she's too busy swearing vengeance on Wakefield.
As they walk back to the bar, Henry asks Abby why the sheriff was so intent on peddling the story that Wakefield has been dead all these years. "He thought he was doing the right thing," Abby weakly retorts. Henry points out that it didn't do many favors for the stacks of people now moldering all over the island. Danny wonders if Wakefield is done killing, now that the sheriff is gone. That'd make the last few episodes pretty boring, so I doubt it, Danny.
MEANWHILE, back at the bar, Madison has her face pressed up against the window. Shea strokes her hair, because while she's willing to yell at her fellow captives for not treating Madison like delicate porcelain, having her daughter's head displayed like a giant bull's-eye for anyone outside is apparently no problem. Nikki is delivering the bad news that with all the communication lines cut, nobody from the mainland is going to know there's a problem. What about the radio in the cops' plane? Even if the explosion took it out, I have to think that the two cops not reporting back to headquarters would raise a few red flags. The very second I think that, Chloe makes the same point. Thank you, Chloe! You sure have come a long way since that annoying skinny dip. She then loses some of those points I just gave her by haranguing Trish about getting married on this island. I'm pretty sure "Neverending String of Murders" wasn't listed on the Candlewick's amenities list, Chloe.
Shea struts up, seemingly ready to defend Trish, and ignoring Madison's sudden alarm at something outside. It'd be nice if Shea could ever arrange her priorities into a list with a modicum of sense. Madison squeals that Wakefield has arrived, and indeed, he kicks the door down with no problems whatsoever. Guess this wasn't the place to hole up. Nikki tries to shoot him with her shotgun, but he grabs it and aims it at the ceiling. One round goes off before Wakefield stabs Nikki in the gut. The other characters take this as a sign that they should maybe... You know... DO SOMETHING. They all run out the back door, Trish grabbing a gun on the way. Does she shoot him? Nah, she just keeps on running.
Shane stays behind to brandish a tiny knife at Wakefield, who's holding a giant sword. Oh, Shane. Why were you smartest when you were assiest? They fight for a bit before Wakefield naturally slices him to ribbons, then stabs him. Trish stays in the back room with her shotgun as the others slither out of the window. I'm not sure why they can't open the door from the inside. Wakefield does a piss poor job of cleaning Nikki and Shane's blood off the sword before approaching the door to the back room. I guess he's got more important things on his mind. Trish fires two rounds through the door before running out of ammo. It doesn't do her much good, and Wakefield busts through the door. Just as it looks like he's going to get her, Shane reappears, bloody but mobile. Wakefield goes to finish him off, and Trish makes her escape.
MEANWHILE, Blond Tool and Cal reach the dock, but the sailboat is nowhere in sight. They figure they're pretty much doomed. Cal says that he just wants to get Chloe off the island, and Blond Tool says that he just wanted to have sex with Chloe. I guess they're realizing that there's no point in being anything but honest from now on. They head back for the bar. Speaking of which... Abby, Henry, and Danny finally get back there. I guess their teleportation powers are on the fritz. They hear music blaring from inside. Barry Manilow. Wakefield must have wanted to torture Shane to death. The three of them bust in, and find Shane's body trussed up much like Valerie Harper was. No sign of Nikki. Perhaps she gets the comparative dignity of getting to be dead on the floor.
MEANWHILE, Shea, Trish, Chloe, and Madison have made it to the sheriff's attic. Trish hopes to be safe there, though the others aren't thrilled with the Wall of Crazy. Abby, Henry, and Danny cover Nikki and Shane's bodies with blankets that have appeared from nowhere, and discuss the situation. They can't glean much. Abby realizes that Wakefield's gone from killing from the shadows to doing so openly. Danny starts to crack. Back in the attic, Chloe is explaining to Madison that just because Wakefield was nice to her, doesn't mean he's a good man. Shea interrupts this, because as usual, she doesn't want Madison to hear anything useful or true. Trish discovers a map of the tunnel system, and everyone acts shocked that this is how the murderer was able to get around unnoticed. Um, haven't we covered this already?
The church bell starts ringing, startling everyone. Despite knowing that it may well be a trap, both the bar group and the attic group decide to head for it. Trish tells Shea and Madison to stay in the attic until they get back. She tells Shea she loves her before heading out. Aw. And funny, since she didn't say anything to Madison. The two groups find each other at the church. They exchange information, and we discover that Jimmy was not at the bar when the group there stumbled across Shane and Nikki's bodies. Huh. They also learn that none of them rang the bell, and head up there, guns drawn.
Once in the church, they dawdle. Danny lights candles, while Trish apologizes to Abby for suspecting her father. Guys? The bell? Chloe's scream alerts everybody to the other deputy's body, lying in a pew with his throat cut. That about wraps everyone up except the annoying coroner. Where's he? Headlights approach, illuminating Wakefield, who has just walked in. Nobody notices him; they just want to know who's in the car. It unsurprisingly turns out to be Blond Tool and Cal, who must have heard the bell. Cal asks where Chloe is. It seems she has disappeared in all the hubbub. Whoops!
Daylight breaks. Everyone has searched the church for Chloe, but can't find her. Trish surmises that Wakefield took her, using one of the island's handy tunnels. There's a banging at the door. Everyone raises their guns, but it turns out to be Jimmy that staggers in. His story is very odd. He says he woke up in the room with Shane and Nikki's bodies and walked to town. Those bodies weren't alone for very long, so that's some awesome timing on his part. He says that the town has been deserted, so he came to the church when he heard the bells. Yes, but everyone headed for the church when they heard the bells. How has it taken Jimmy so much longer to get there? I know he's limping, and may have been further away, but still. He wonders why Wakefield didn't kill him, and nobody has an answer except Grouchbutt, who's watching this and yelling "Because you're his accomplice!" at the screen.
Cal discovers the entrance to the tunnel. The group figures that if they block all the tunnel entrances, they can trap Wakefield. Trish and Jimmy go to block the storm grate. Danny and Blond Tool head for the entrance in the Candlewick's kitchen. Everyone else heads into the church tunnel to explore. MEANWHILE, Wakefield locks Chloe under the storm grate. She asks why he's doing this to all of them, as they never hurt Wakefield. He snaps that he almost died for a woman like Chloe. OK, but you didn't die and it wasn't Chloe. That's kind of a stretch, sir. Chloe tells him that her friends will kill him, and he menaces her with the (now spotless) sword.
Blond Tool and Danny carefully make their way through the woods. They talk about Cal's fortitude and love for Chloe. Cal, Abby, and Henry make their way down yet another tunnel. They talk about Wakefield's possible motives, and don't come up with anything new. Danny and Blond Tool are boarding up the door in the kitchen, and Blond Tool is vowing to make some changes in his life if he makes it out alive. Well, it'd be nice to be able to refer to him by an actual name, which can only happen if he drops the toolishness. Suddenly, someone (Wakefield, presumably) beats on the other side of the door. Danny and Blond Tool fire through, and wonder if they hit him. Danny scores the win for the dumbest thing anyone on this island has done to date, and sticks his eye up to the bullet hole to peer through. This is where, if this were an actual horror movie, we'd be seeing something very, very gross right about now. Thankfully, it's network TV, and Danny withdraws before the sword thrusts through the hole. Not finding a body to stab, it pulls back, and Wakefield runs off. Danny and Blond Tool are both scared shitless, but accept that they must enter the tunnels and help their friends. They bust through the door.
MEANWHILE, Madison has discovered that the sheriff has a thick file on someone else the party knows. Shea looks at it, and is horrified. Cal, Abby, and Henry find the final tunnel, which leads them to a bit of forest by a wide, running stream. Cal screams for Chloe, and she hears him from her dungeon. She screams back, but the person who approaches isn't Cal, but Wakefield. He asks Chloe if Cal is willing to die for her. Eep! Cal yells for Chloe some more, then asks Abby and Henry if they heard anything. They didn't. All I'm picking up is the background music, which would make life very handy if it really existed. Cal thinks he hears Chloe and sprints off, with Henry and Abby in pursuit. The noise of her banging around soon gets louder, but just as they make some progress, Abby spots Wakefield. She shoots at him and misses, and he just walks off. Henry directs Cal to focus on Chloe, while he and Abby go after Wakefield. Abby wants Henry to promise to shoot Wakefield, even if she's in the way. He refuses, but she's not going to extend the same courtesy to him.
They discover a big stone statue, like they've wandered into a Mayan jungle or something. Where the stream becomes a river with a big canyon and a giant metal bridge (er...I thought this was supposed to be a tiny little island), Cal and Chloe hear each other's voices. He tracks her down, and shoots the lock off of her cage. After pulling her out, Cal asks the question she's been longing to hear, and proposes marriage. She tearfully accepts, but their happy reunion is cut short when they see Wakefield in the distance. Cal takes a shot, and misses. There are no more bullets left, so he and Chloe run for the bridge. Why they cornered themselves in there when they are surrounded on all other sides by vast forest is beyond me.
They reach a locked portion that Cal saw before, and he encourages her to climb over. She makes it about halfway before Wakefield catches up. Poor Cal tells Chloe he loves her, and tries to use his gun as a bludgeon, but is extremely outmatched. Wakefield drives the sword into his chest as Chloe watches and screams. Aw. In most mystery/horror situations, you don't really care about the victims, which makes their deaths less traumatic. Cal was a good egg, though, which makes this much sadder. The pensive music agrees with me as Wakefield throws Cal's body over the bridge down to the water below. Abby and Henry see Wakefield turning his attention to Chloe, but are too far away to do anything. Chloe looks up at Wakefield, and sadly says "You can't have me," before letting go of the bridge and allowing herself to fall. Wakefield looks up at Henry and Abby with a satisfied expression, then walks back towards the forest. Danny and Blond Tool emerge from the tunnel, but I can't tell if they spot Cal and Chloe's bodies or not.
MEANWHILE, Shea and Madison are still reading the file. A newspaper article screams worry that Wakefield wasn't working alone, which is right next to a mugshot of... Jimmy. Grouchbutt nods in triumph. Over at the storm grate, Trish is sleeping in the car, as Jimmy looks at her furtively. He moves to pull the shotgun out of her hands, and she wakes up. He tells her she shouldn't sleep with a loaded gun in her hands, and she settles down again. Jimmy looks extra suspicious. OK, so him as the second murderer makes some sense. I still like going for the longshot in case I'm right and can gloat about it later. So... Trish did it!
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: A-
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Hanging Out
Harper's Island - Season 1, Episode 10
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Shea talks to Madison, who creepily brats about the "game" in which the sheriff hid her for Abby to find. Madison says he promised her the prize of Richard coming back; I'd be curious to see how he explains that one away now. Shane shows Katherine's body to Henry, while the rest of the panicked wedding party discusses how and/or why the sheriff would punish them to get at Abby. Jimmy goes to gas up a boat so that everyone can finally flee. Henry shares the news of Katherine's death with everyone, and makes plans to swing by the clinic to get Cal, Chloe, and the sheriff before heading to the marina.
MEANWHILE, a state police plane makes its way to the island, ostensibly to arrest JD. The two cops blather on for a weirdly long time. Henry and Abby reach the clinic, where they're told by Cal and Chloe about the sheriff's disappearance. Henry promises to find him. Someone in a sheriff's uniform approaches the marina as the state police land, and shoots the two cops dead as they deplane. Oh, no! Now we'll never know more about that one cop and his fascination with what groups of animals are called!
MEANWHILE, the rest of the party hangs out in the woods for no reason. Abby wants to go find her father, directing everyone else to head for the boats. Henry decides to go with her, which makes Trish volunteer to come along, too. Shane and Jimmy reach the marina and spot the police boat, but not the two bodies floating in the water. Abby and company teleport over to the sheriff's house, where they find blueprints detailing the system of tunnels under the inn. Somehow this fills them with the panic to run for the marina, because Madison's testimony just didn't do the trick. I guess I can't blame them. Jimmy and Shane pull up to the gas pump, and find it has no power, so Shane jogs up the dock to the generator, finding the sheriff's missing oxygen tank on top. Rut roh.
MEANWHILE, the rest of the party has regrouped, and approaches the marina. Shane fiddles with the generator. You'd think the oxygen tank would give him pause. Suddenly, he spots the two dead cops floating in the water. That discovery is apparently no match for Jimmy's nagging, so he goes ahead and flips the generator switch, realizing that it's rigged to blow a second too late. He calls to Jimmy, but the entire marina goes up in a series of explosions. Shane runs clear, while Abby freaks out a hundred times harder than she has for all of the other murders (including her mother) combined. She doesn't have much time to process, however, because the person dressed in the sheriff's outfit starts firing on the group with a sniper rifle. Despite his deadly accuracy with arrows and harpoons, he now cannot hit the broad side of a barn. Henry is winged, but everyone makes it to the abandoned bar.
Abby yells at Shane for not warning Jimmy, despite knowing something was wrong. Why yes, this would be a perfect time to bring up the fact that Abby has been menaced and warned about the deaths on the island since Day One, and didn't feel the need to tell anyone. Thanks for noticing! Danny is still pinning his hopes on the state police, and Shane tells everyone about the cops' deaths. Things are looking pretty bleak for the sheriff, especially when Shane adds the evidence of the oxygen tank by the generator. Henry and Abby are still gung ho about innocent until proven guilty blah blah blah. I'm sure the audience is with them, because like the suspicion of JD, it's too simple. That said, the other characters can be forgiven for carping that there's plenty of evidence to at least assume for the time being that the sheriff can't be trusted. Cal takes Henry to the back to look at his wound.
MEANWHILE, Maggie is telling everyone that seven years ago, Wakefield pulled the same trick of blowing up the marina to keep people on the island. Shane adds that this time, the boats went with it. Blond Tool thinks they're all screwed, but Chloe remembers the sailboat that Cal has rented, which is docked far, far away from the marina. Cal says that everyone would fit on board, but getting to it safely is another matter. There's some squabbling about who would go pick the boat up to bring it to the marina. Chloe volunteers Shane, who's, like, "Um, no thanks." Someone approaches the door. Blond Tool tools that they should just shoot whoever it is. Dumbass. Luckily, everyone ignores him, because it turns out to be Nikki. You know, Nikki. That girl who's had about two minutes of screentime who runs the bar, and who discovered Kelly's body. Everyone wonders how she's out wandering without being in danger, and Maggie snarks that maybe the killer is just after the wedding party, not the locals. Shane retorts that Jimmy was local. Nobody mentions poor Kelly, the reverend, or Burnface McGee.
Nikki and Abby go back to the kitchen so Abby can tearfully tell her about Jimmy being on the boat when the marina went up. She cries that she never told Jimmy how she felt about him, because she always expected him to be there waiting for her. You'd think the never-ending string of murders might have spurred her to take some action. If it's any consolation, Jimmy knew how she felt. If it's any further consolation, I don't think he's dead. Abby also tells Nikki that everyone thinks her dad is behind the murders, but she can't believe it. Nikki reluctantly tells Abby that a lot happened while she was in LA, and that something in the sheriff "broke" while she was away.
MEANWHILE, out in the bar, Cal and Blond Tool ready themselves to make a break for the sailboat. Maggie's brain leaks out of the side of her head. I guess I shouldn't say things like that during a murder mystery show, because it may well be taken literally. No, I mean that Maggie decides that since the murderer didn't kill Nikki, then he must not be interested in killing locals, so she's decided to stroll on home. That's some of the weakest reasoning I've ever heard. She ignores me, and resolutely walks out. When she's not immediately cut down, Blond Tool thinks they should all follow her lead. I could use a break from his toolishness. Cal invites him to go whenever he'd like. Blond Tool pusses out.
MEANWHILE, Henry goes to console Shane about Jimmy's death, despite the bad blood between them. Shane says something typically assy, and for once, Henry doesn't jump down his throat, but genuinely inquires into why Shane is like this all the time. He wonders why Shane insults anyone who wasn't born on the island. Shane shrugs that while the locals are stuck there, Henry and his gang were stupid enough to volunteer to come back. He wonders why Henry would ever want to get married here. "Believe me, I'm having second thoughts," Henry cracks. That melts Shane's shell a little, and he smiles. He says that he's not leaving the island, even if it's been turned into a graveyard. Then he sucks down some scotch in honor of Jimmy.
MEANWHILE, Abby finally has time to actually ask Madison about her story. She wonders if the sheriff was physically OK, because she thought his leg was hurt pretty badly. Madison is typically unhelpful. Just when Abby gets to a pertinent question about whether Madison is sure it was Abby's dad who took her, Shea busts in all "Get away from her! Maddy's been through enough!" Yes, let's not get any information that might actually save the rest of your lives. By all means, let's spare Madison's feelings, and get even more people killed. Luckily, this fight is broken up when Madison announces that there's someone on the roof. Once again, the hotheads want to fire their guns madly, and cooler heads prevail. Perhaps this time, the hotheads had the right idea, because Maggie's body slams into the window, suspended by a noose. I hate to say it, but it kind of serves her right. Now, are Madison's pwecious feewings still top priority around here?
The guys head to the bar to concoct a distraction that will give Blond Tool and Cal a chance to escape to the sailboat. They mix up some Molotov cocktails. Abby somewhat hilariously shuts the blinds so that they don't have to stare at Maggie's body. Then they wait for dark. Darkness comes quickly, and we get an outside shot of the bar with Maggie still swinging around. Cal and Chloe confer in a corner. She worries for his safety, and apologizes for bringing him to this wedding. He wishes he didn't have to go, and gives her the ring to hold onto, because he wants to ask her something when he gets back. Talk about tempting Fate.
MEANWHILE, it's time to start tossing bombs. The Molotov cocktails explode into a hopefully distracting fire. Cal kisses Chloe, and upon seeing this, Blond Tool kisses Nikki. Seriously, what a tool. She's kind of a tool, too, so she's charmed. Cal and Blond Tool make a break for it. Cal idiotically dashes for the driver's side, forgetting that he's in America, even though he's been in America for God knows how long before this whole mess even started. This gives the murderer time to plug him with a (non-fatal) bullet. Though the plan is obviously botched, Blond Tool moves forward, shoving Cal into the car, and diving in after him as bullets continue to rain down on them. They manage to get away. As they speed off, Chloe wonders if one of them was hit, but nobody inside the bar can tell.
Blond Tool drives down the road for a bit, but gets concerned about Cal's wound, and takes him to the clinic over Cal's protestations. Back in the bar, Madison starts to catch the snap about where Richard is. As Cal promises to talk Blond Tool through the process of digging a bullet out, a police vehicle approaches the bar. Everyone inside quickly realizes that there's a body on the hood. Jeez, how do you drive around with a body on your hood without it falling off? That's some skill behind the wheel. The car comes to a stop, and Jimmy rolls off the hood onto the ground.
So of course, everyone comes pouring out of the bar, because they've learned nothing this past week. Abby feels for a pulse, and discovers that Jimmy is alive. Hey, it's about time I was right about something! They take Jimmy into the bar, and while I can understand the impulse, you'd think they'd wonder who's behind the wheel first. Oh, wait. It soon becomes apparent that the truck has driven off. It'd have been nice if they'd shown us that. Shane surmises that Jimmy had time to jump into the water before the marina blew up, and Danny finds Abby's room key taped to Jimmy's wrist. Trish interprets this as the sheriff wanting Abby to come to the room, and is offering Jimmy alive as a gesture of peace. Despite defending the sheriff up and down when Abby did it, now Henry declares that it's far too dangerous for Abby to do such a thing, offering everyone up to go with her. It'd be nice if he gave half the thought he gives his friend to his fiancee. Luckily, Abby's drama beacon goes off, and she declares that she's going alone. She struts off in much the same manner Maggie did, though she's got a gun and bit more of a sense of self-preservation.
She arrives at the inn, and finds the sheriff waiting in her old room. He asks if Jimmy arrived safely. Abby confirms this, and the sheriff reveals that he's made a deal with John Wakefield himself to keep Jimmy alive. Abby blabs the old party line about Wakefield being dead. Shut up and listen to what he has to say! She wonders why she should believe a word he says, and he tells her that her coming to the inn was part of a trap. He warns her to stay away from him.
MEANWHILE, Madison tells Trish that she lied about the sheriff kidnapping her. Creepy brat. I guess this time she has more of an excuse, because her "new friend" told her that Shea would disappear like Richard has if Madison didn't lie to Abby. The sheriff becomes more and more distraught, begging Abby to leave before she witnesses something horrible. She won't. She still doesn't buy that Wakefield is alive, and asks if she's Wakefield's daughter. The sheriff swears that she isn't. Abby finally notices the cord attached to the sheriff's hands and a walkie-talkie listening in nearby. The sheriff tells her it's too late for him, and wants her to go be with Jimmy. Abby tearfully asks if the sheriff traded his life for Jimmy's, and the sheriff begs her to kill Wakefield once and for all, as it's the only way to end the reign of terror. He manages to tell Abby that he loves her before he's pulled back through the window, ending up hanged, just as Maggie was. Abby runs outside, and is found by...Wakefield, who tells her she looks just like Valerie Harper. No, Abby looks just like Parker Posey.
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Shea talks to Madison, who creepily brats about the "game" in which the sheriff hid her for Abby to find. Madison says he promised her the prize of Richard coming back; I'd be curious to see how he explains that one away now. Shane shows Katherine's body to Henry, while the rest of the panicked wedding party discusses how and/or why the sheriff would punish them to get at Abby. Jimmy goes to gas up a boat so that everyone can finally flee. Henry shares the news of Katherine's death with everyone, and makes plans to swing by the clinic to get Cal, Chloe, and the sheriff before heading to the marina.
MEANWHILE, a state police plane makes its way to the island, ostensibly to arrest JD. The two cops blather on for a weirdly long time. Henry and Abby reach the clinic, where they're told by Cal and Chloe about the sheriff's disappearance. Henry promises to find him. Someone in a sheriff's uniform approaches the marina as the state police land, and shoots the two cops dead as they deplane. Oh, no! Now we'll never know more about that one cop and his fascination with what groups of animals are called!
MEANWHILE, the rest of the party hangs out in the woods for no reason. Abby wants to go find her father, directing everyone else to head for the boats. Henry decides to go with her, which makes Trish volunteer to come along, too. Shane and Jimmy reach the marina and spot the police boat, but not the two bodies floating in the water. Abby and company teleport over to the sheriff's house, where they find blueprints detailing the system of tunnels under the inn. Somehow this fills them with the panic to run for the marina, because Madison's testimony just didn't do the trick. I guess I can't blame them. Jimmy and Shane pull up to the gas pump, and find it has no power, so Shane jogs up the dock to the generator, finding the sheriff's missing oxygen tank on top. Rut roh.
MEANWHILE, the rest of the party has regrouped, and approaches the marina. Shane fiddles with the generator. You'd think the oxygen tank would give him pause. Suddenly, he spots the two dead cops floating in the water. That discovery is apparently no match for Jimmy's nagging, so he goes ahead and flips the generator switch, realizing that it's rigged to blow a second too late. He calls to Jimmy, but the entire marina goes up in a series of explosions. Shane runs clear, while Abby freaks out a hundred times harder than she has for all of the other murders (including her mother) combined. She doesn't have much time to process, however, because the person dressed in the sheriff's outfit starts firing on the group with a sniper rifle. Despite his deadly accuracy with arrows and harpoons, he now cannot hit the broad side of a barn. Henry is winged, but everyone makes it to the abandoned bar.
Abby yells at Shane for not warning Jimmy, despite knowing something was wrong. Why yes, this would be a perfect time to bring up the fact that Abby has been menaced and warned about the deaths on the island since Day One, and didn't feel the need to tell anyone. Thanks for noticing! Danny is still pinning his hopes on the state police, and Shane tells everyone about the cops' deaths. Things are looking pretty bleak for the sheriff, especially when Shane adds the evidence of the oxygen tank by the generator. Henry and Abby are still gung ho about innocent until proven guilty blah blah blah. I'm sure the audience is with them, because like the suspicion of JD, it's too simple. That said, the other characters can be forgiven for carping that there's plenty of evidence to at least assume for the time being that the sheriff can't be trusted. Cal takes Henry to the back to look at his wound.
MEANWHILE, Maggie is telling everyone that seven years ago, Wakefield pulled the same trick of blowing up the marina to keep people on the island. Shane adds that this time, the boats went with it. Blond Tool thinks they're all screwed, but Chloe remembers the sailboat that Cal has rented, which is docked far, far away from the marina. Cal says that everyone would fit on board, but getting to it safely is another matter. There's some squabbling about who would go pick the boat up to bring it to the marina. Chloe volunteers Shane, who's, like, "Um, no thanks." Someone approaches the door. Blond Tool tools that they should just shoot whoever it is. Dumbass. Luckily, everyone ignores him, because it turns out to be Nikki. You know, Nikki. That girl who's had about two minutes of screentime who runs the bar, and who discovered Kelly's body. Everyone wonders how she's out wandering without being in danger, and Maggie snarks that maybe the killer is just after the wedding party, not the locals. Shane retorts that Jimmy was local. Nobody mentions poor Kelly, the reverend, or Burnface McGee.
Nikki and Abby go back to the kitchen so Abby can tearfully tell her about Jimmy being on the boat when the marina went up. She cries that she never told Jimmy how she felt about him, because she always expected him to be there waiting for her. You'd think the never-ending string of murders might have spurred her to take some action. If it's any consolation, Jimmy knew how she felt. If it's any further consolation, I don't think he's dead. Abby also tells Nikki that everyone thinks her dad is behind the murders, but she can't believe it. Nikki reluctantly tells Abby that a lot happened while she was in LA, and that something in the sheriff "broke" while she was away.
MEANWHILE, out in the bar, Cal and Blond Tool ready themselves to make a break for the sailboat. Maggie's brain leaks out of the side of her head. I guess I shouldn't say things like that during a murder mystery show, because it may well be taken literally. No, I mean that Maggie decides that since the murderer didn't kill Nikki, then he must not be interested in killing locals, so she's decided to stroll on home. That's some of the weakest reasoning I've ever heard. She ignores me, and resolutely walks out. When she's not immediately cut down, Blond Tool thinks they should all follow her lead. I could use a break from his toolishness. Cal invites him to go whenever he'd like. Blond Tool pusses out.
MEANWHILE, Henry goes to console Shane about Jimmy's death, despite the bad blood between them. Shane says something typically assy, and for once, Henry doesn't jump down his throat, but genuinely inquires into why Shane is like this all the time. He wonders why Shane insults anyone who wasn't born on the island. Shane shrugs that while the locals are stuck there, Henry and his gang were stupid enough to volunteer to come back. He wonders why Henry would ever want to get married here. "Believe me, I'm having second thoughts," Henry cracks. That melts Shane's shell a little, and he smiles. He says that he's not leaving the island, even if it's been turned into a graveyard. Then he sucks down some scotch in honor of Jimmy.
MEANWHILE, Abby finally has time to actually ask Madison about her story. She wonders if the sheriff was physically OK, because she thought his leg was hurt pretty badly. Madison is typically unhelpful. Just when Abby gets to a pertinent question about whether Madison is sure it was Abby's dad who took her, Shea busts in all "Get away from her! Maddy's been through enough!" Yes, let's not get any information that might actually save the rest of your lives. By all means, let's spare Madison's feelings, and get even more people killed. Luckily, this fight is broken up when Madison announces that there's someone on the roof. Once again, the hotheads want to fire their guns madly, and cooler heads prevail. Perhaps this time, the hotheads had the right idea, because Maggie's body slams into the window, suspended by a noose. I hate to say it, but it kind of serves her right. Now, are Madison's pwecious feewings still top priority around here?
The guys head to the bar to concoct a distraction that will give Blond Tool and Cal a chance to escape to the sailboat. They mix up some Molotov cocktails. Abby somewhat hilariously shuts the blinds so that they don't have to stare at Maggie's body. Then they wait for dark. Darkness comes quickly, and we get an outside shot of the bar with Maggie still swinging around. Cal and Chloe confer in a corner. She worries for his safety, and apologizes for bringing him to this wedding. He wishes he didn't have to go, and gives her the ring to hold onto, because he wants to ask her something when he gets back. Talk about tempting Fate.
MEANWHILE, it's time to start tossing bombs. The Molotov cocktails explode into a hopefully distracting fire. Cal kisses Chloe, and upon seeing this, Blond Tool kisses Nikki. Seriously, what a tool. She's kind of a tool, too, so she's charmed. Cal and Blond Tool make a break for it. Cal idiotically dashes for the driver's side, forgetting that he's in America, even though he's been in America for God knows how long before this whole mess even started. This gives the murderer time to plug him with a (non-fatal) bullet. Though the plan is obviously botched, Blond Tool moves forward, shoving Cal into the car, and diving in after him as bullets continue to rain down on them. They manage to get away. As they speed off, Chloe wonders if one of them was hit, but nobody inside the bar can tell.
Blond Tool drives down the road for a bit, but gets concerned about Cal's wound, and takes him to the clinic over Cal's protestations. Back in the bar, Madison starts to catch the snap about where Richard is. As Cal promises to talk Blond Tool through the process of digging a bullet out, a police vehicle approaches the bar. Everyone inside quickly realizes that there's a body on the hood. Jeez, how do you drive around with a body on your hood without it falling off? That's some skill behind the wheel. The car comes to a stop, and Jimmy rolls off the hood onto the ground.
So of course, everyone comes pouring out of the bar, because they've learned nothing this past week. Abby feels for a pulse, and discovers that Jimmy is alive. Hey, it's about time I was right about something! They take Jimmy into the bar, and while I can understand the impulse, you'd think they'd wonder who's behind the wheel first. Oh, wait. It soon becomes apparent that the truck has driven off. It'd have been nice if they'd shown us that. Shane surmises that Jimmy had time to jump into the water before the marina blew up, and Danny finds Abby's room key taped to Jimmy's wrist. Trish interprets this as the sheriff wanting Abby to come to the room, and is offering Jimmy alive as a gesture of peace. Despite defending the sheriff up and down when Abby did it, now Henry declares that it's far too dangerous for Abby to do such a thing, offering everyone up to go with her. It'd be nice if he gave half the thought he gives his friend to his fiancee. Luckily, Abby's drama beacon goes off, and she declares that she's going alone. She struts off in much the same manner Maggie did, though she's got a gun and bit more of a sense of self-preservation.
She arrives at the inn, and finds the sheriff waiting in her old room. He asks if Jimmy arrived safely. Abby confirms this, and the sheriff reveals that he's made a deal with John Wakefield himself to keep Jimmy alive. Abby blabs the old party line about Wakefield being dead. Shut up and listen to what he has to say! She wonders why she should believe a word he says, and he tells her that her coming to the inn was part of a trap. He warns her to stay away from him.
MEANWHILE, Madison tells Trish that she lied about the sheriff kidnapping her. Creepy brat. I guess this time she has more of an excuse, because her "new friend" told her that Shea would disappear like Richard has if Madison didn't lie to Abby. The sheriff becomes more and more distraught, begging Abby to leave before she witnesses something horrible. She won't. She still doesn't buy that Wakefield is alive, and asks if she's Wakefield's daughter. The sheriff swears that she isn't. Abby finally notices the cord attached to the sheriff's hands and a walkie-talkie listening in nearby. The sheriff tells her it's too late for him, and wants her to go be with Jimmy. Abby tearfully asks if the sheriff traded his life for Jimmy's, and the sheriff begs her to kill Wakefield once and for all, as it's the only way to end the reign of terror. He manages to tell Abby that he loves her before he's pulled back through the window, ending up hanged, just as Maggie was. Abby runs outside, and is found by...Wakefield, who tells her she looks just like Valerie Harper. No, Abby looks just like Parker Posey.
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: B-
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Feelings... Nothing More Than Feelings
Harper's Island - Season 1, Episode 9
One of the most realistic things that can happen when everyone hiding from a serial killer is holed up for safety is that they'll sit around fighting and talking out their issues. Realistic, but not much fun. In the interest of time and, well...interest, I'm going to gloss over the jabber-jabber.
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Danny, Shea, Katherine, and Trish are wandering around the inn blahing about Madison, when Blond Tool and Beth return from their half-hearted attempt to ditch the island. Cal, Chloe, and Abby tend to the sheriff's wounds at a medical clinic, as Jimmy and Henry drag JD's body in. As the sheriff tells Abby to keep Wakefield's diary safe, Jimmy discovers a few pages of it, which have fallen out of JD's pocket. He gives them to Henry.
MEANWHILE. Blah at the inn. Shea's mad at Blond Tool for attempting to leave. Blond Tool reports on JD's death. Trish wonders if that means JD didn't kill Sinister Dad. Dur. Blond Tool and Danny are lured out of the inn by bright headlights and loud music. They're soon held at gunpoint by Shane, who's looking for JD. Why the ruse and gunplay was needed to ask that question is beyond me. Blond Tool has to announce JD's death again. At the clinic, Henry and Abby blah about a bunch of stuff we've all heard before. Then, Henry teleports back to the inn to stop Shane from terrorizing everyone there.
MEANWHILE, Abby shows the diary to Jimmy. He tells her about the missing pages, and despite the fact that she's got all but a few pages (plenty of which escaped the fire), and the fact that she doesn't know what part of the book is relevant (if any), she decides that she must go get the missing pages from Henry right away. What'ere. Back at the inn, Maggie locks all the ways in or out except one set of doors, which won't do much good when characters can teleport at will. Shane continues being a douche. I'm not sure why the others don't kick him out of the inn and let him fend for himself. Abby and Jimmy teleport in to ask for the missing pages of Wakefield's diary, which leads Abby to discover that she may be Wakefield's daughter. Yeah, the audience jumped to that conclusion the second the sheriff mentioned the relationship between Wakefield and Valerie Harper. Nevertheless, the music is asking us to treat this as a huge reveal. All right, then. OH MY FUCKING GOD, ABBY MIGHT BE WAKEFIELD'S KID!
So of course everyone freaks out. Shane is naturally a huge douche about the whole thing, but his main point that Abby's presence is sparking all these murders isn't anything that friendlier voices haven't opined. The main problem is that even if Abby's presence is causing the murders, that doesn't mean she's committing them. Nobody bothers to think about why her being on the island is precipitating death, and it's annoying.
MEANWHILE, Katherine goes to find Shea, who is moping over Madison. Katherine tries to comfort her, and Shea yells at her, because a woman whose husband has been murdered and her daughter kidnapped isn't keen to accept solace from the Other Woman. Jimmy goes to talk to Abby (who's run outside), and she spills the details of her Ave Maria phone calls and the newspaper article taped to her mirror. Jimmy's like "Um, wouldn't this information have been useful before now?" and Abby sighs that she was hoping it was all a sick joke. You'd think the gobs of death since then might have convinced Miss Drama 2009 otherwise, but no. The whole point is that everything that's happening concerns Abby somehow and WE GET IT NOW.
MEANWHILE, seeing Cal help the sheriff has gotten Chloe all horny. They do it. Chloe and Cal, that is. Not Chloe and the sheriff (or Cal and the sheriff - heh). When Jimmy and Abby return to the inn's door, Shane won't let her back in. Henry beats him up, but they still don't kick him out, or tie him up, or lock him in a room somewhere or anything that would MAKE SENSE. Blond Tool, surprisingly, notices something other than himself or his sex doll, and asks where Beth is. She's such a non-entity that I wouldn't be surprised if she were all "I'm right here. I've been standing here the whole time," but no. She's missing. Danny and Blond Tool look around a bit before finding a trail of blood leading into a labyrinthine system of tunnels beneath the inn. Thus starts the search for Beth, which will take approximately seventeen hours. Even though the tunnels aren't hidden especially well, Maggie claims she had no idea they were there, guessing that they were used during Prohibition to funnel booze back and forth. Henry, Danny, Blond Tool, Abby, and Jimmy wind up being the search party. They've managed to lay their hands on powerful flashlights in the past four seconds.
MEANWHILE, back in the lounge, Shane offers consolation and liquor to Trish. She's not really in the mood for either. Especially when Katherine notes Shea's absence. Trish worriedly rushes to Shea's room, where she finds the Tower tarot card. "This is from my bachelorette party," she says. Well, no it isn't, since the creepy brat stole it, remember? In any event, Trish deduces that Shea must be on her way to visit the psychic. She wants to go get her, but Shane and Katherine try to convince her that wandering around outside at night when a killer is loose isn't the best plan. Trish pretends to agree until she has the chance to slip away and steal Shane's truck. There's that Wellington girl spirit! So headstrong! So stupid!
MEANWHILE, in the tunnels, there's some more snapping back and forth about Abby being Wakefield's kid. Blah. At a T-junction, the search party finds that the blood leads in two different directions, and decides to split up, because none of them have seen a mystery or horror movie ever. Danny and Blond Tool head one direction, while Jimmy, Henry, and Abby take the other. Back in the lounge, Shane and Katherine are having a drink and an awkward conversation about her status as a trophy wife (well, her status until the whole cleaver incident). I've got to say, with the very limited material she has to work with, the actress playing Katherine does a really good job. She cares about what's happening, but nobody wants her around, so she's saddened and helpless. Well done, Claudette Mink. She wanders off in disgust when Shane brings up her inheritance, so he starts carving his name in the bar. Maggie catches him, and he makes the probably-apt argument that nobody's ever going to stay at the inn again, anyway.
MEANWHILE, Trish catches up with Shea, who doesn't even turn around as the truck approaches. Lady, it's not going to do your kid much good if you're decapitated. We all applaud your maternal instincts; now stop being such a dumbass. Trish manages to talk Shea into at least joining her in the truck, if not going back to the inn.
Tunnels. Blah blah blah. Both search teams find small crawlspaces that Danny and Abby squeeze themselves into. Both make important discoveries. For Danny, it's Beth's mutilated corpse. Ah, Beth. Non-entity in life, and with a murder that not even the audience gets to witness, non-entity in death. Danny freaks out and crawls backwards back into the main tunnel. For Abby, it's a trap, of sorts. As she passes the midway point of the crawlspace, a gate closes behind her, blocking any backward movement. The guys aren't able to do anything about it, and ask her to stay put while they get some tools. Miss Drama ignores them, of course, and presses on. She finds her way to another big tunnel, and hears someone walking. She hurriedly squeezes herself into another crawlspace, and someone grabs her ankles and pulls. She manages to kick them off, wriggle through the crawlspace to another tunnel, grab her gun, and fire a round off back in the direction of her attacker. As she flees, she spots a door. It enters into a secret room with a bed. And on the bed...Madison. Alive and well.
MEANWHILE, the guys in the tunnels run into each other, and each explains what they've found. Abby leads Madison down the tunnels to a ladder. They begin to climb. Henry and the gang gets back to the lounge, where Shane is done carving his name. He tells them about Trish taking off. Shea and Trish tool down the road, Trish trying to convince Shea that once the sun is up the state police will arrive (I guess tipped off by the boat that already fled Harper's Island?) and they'll find Madison. Abby and Madison reach the top of the ladder, but cannot move the heavy grate on top. They hear the approaching truck, and Abby asks Madison to wave the flashlight as a signal. It's a good plan, but for the part where any plan that requires Madison to be competent is doomed to failure. She drops the flashlight down to the water below. Once the truck passes, Madison sticks her hand up through the grate. It's actually a very cool, creepy shot. By some miracle, Shea spots her in the mirror. Trish stops the truck, and they both rush back to help Madison and Abby.
MEANWHILE, Cal and Chloe have wrapped up their nookie, and Cal goes to check on the sheriff. The sheriff has vanished, along with his oxygen tank. Hmm. Back at the inn, Henry grabs some wire cutters or shears or whatever. Not sure how that's going to get through a thick iron gate, but A for effort. He's distracted by the truck returning. He drops the shears, gets a gun, and rushes out to talk to Trish (and inform her about Beth's death). As the sun rises, everyone gathers outside to hug and reunite. Well, everyone but Shane and Katherine, that is. Shane, because he's an outsider, and Katherine, because she's busy being dead. She's sitting on a wicker couch, and Shane sees pools of blood spreading beneath her lap. He rushes off, horrified, and the camera pans to the back of the couch, where someone has rammed a pair of shears through, into Katherine's back. Yes, shears. Outside, Madison asks Abby if she liked "the game". That would be the Kidnap Madison game, which Madison says was planned by...the sheriff. Dun dun duuuuuuuun!
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: C+
One of the most realistic things that can happen when everyone hiding from a serial killer is holed up for safety is that they'll sit around fighting and talking out their issues. Realistic, but not much fun. In the interest of time and, well...interest, I'm going to gloss over the jabber-jabber.
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Danny, Shea, Katherine, and Trish are wandering around the inn blahing about Madison, when Blond Tool and Beth return from their half-hearted attempt to ditch the island. Cal, Chloe, and Abby tend to the sheriff's wounds at a medical clinic, as Jimmy and Henry drag JD's body in. As the sheriff tells Abby to keep Wakefield's diary safe, Jimmy discovers a few pages of it, which have fallen out of JD's pocket. He gives them to Henry.
MEANWHILE. Blah at the inn. Shea's mad at Blond Tool for attempting to leave. Blond Tool reports on JD's death. Trish wonders if that means JD didn't kill Sinister Dad. Dur. Blond Tool and Danny are lured out of the inn by bright headlights and loud music. They're soon held at gunpoint by Shane, who's looking for JD. Why the ruse and gunplay was needed to ask that question is beyond me. Blond Tool has to announce JD's death again. At the clinic, Henry and Abby blah about a bunch of stuff we've all heard before. Then, Henry teleports back to the inn to stop Shane from terrorizing everyone there.
MEANWHILE, Abby shows the diary to Jimmy. He tells her about the missing pages, and despite the fact that she's got all but a few pages (plenty of which escaped the fire), and the fact that she doesn't know what part of the book is relevant (if any), she decides that she must go get the missing pages from Henry right away. What'ere. Back at the inn, Maggie locks all the ways in or out except one set of doors, which won't do much good when characters can teleport at will. Shane continues being a douche. I'm not sure why the others don't kick him out of the inn and let him fend for himself. Abby and Jimmy teleport in to ask for the missing pages of Wakefield's diary, which leads Abby to discover that she may be Wakefield's daughter. Yeah, the audience jumped to that conclusion the second the sheriff mentioned the relationship between Wakefield and Valerie Harper. Nevertheless, the music is asking us to treat this as a huge reveal. All right, then. OH MY FUCKING GOD, ABBY MIGHT BE WAKEFIELD'S KID!
So of course everyone freaks out. Shane is naturally a huge douche about the whole thing, but his main point that Abby's presence is sparking all these murders isn't anything that friendlier voices haven't opined. The main problem is that even if Abby's presence is causing the murders, that doesn't mean she's committing them. Nobody bothers to think about why her being on the island is precipitating death, and it's annoying.
MEANWHILE, Katherine goes to find Shea, who is moping over Madison. Katherine tries to comfort her, and Shea yells at her, because a woman whose husband has been murdered and her daughter kidnapped isn't keen to accept solace from the Other Woman. Jimmy goes to talk to Abby (who's run outside), and she spills the details of her Ave Maria phone calls and the newspaper article taped to her mirror. Jimmy's like "Um, wouldn't this information have been useful before now?" and Abby sighs that she was hoping it was all a sick joke. You'd think the gobs of death since then might have convinced Miss Drama 2009 otherwise, but no. The whole point is that everything that's happening concerns Abby somehow and WE GET IT NOW.
MEANWHILE, seeing Cal help the sheriff has gotten Chloe all horny. They do it. Chloe and Cal, that is. Not Chloe and the sheriff (or Cal and the sheriff - heh). When Jimmy and Abby return to the inn's door, Shane won't let her back in. Henry beats him up, but they still don't kick him out, or tie him up, or lock him in a room somewhere or anything that would MAKE SENSE. Blond Tool, surprisingly, notices something other than himself or his sex doll, and asks where Beth is. She's such a non-entity that I wouldn't be surprised if she were all "I'm right here. I've been standing here the whole time," but no. She's missing. Danny and Blond Tool look around a bit before finding a trail of blood leading into a labyrinthine system of tunnels beneath the inn. Thus starts the search for Beth, which will take approximately seventeen hours. Even though the tunnels aren't hidden especially well, Maggie claims she had no idea they were there, guessing that they were used during Prohibition to funnel booze back and forth. Henry, Danny, Blond Tool, Abby, and Jimmy wind up being the search party. They've managed to lay their hands on powerful flashlights in the past four seconds.
MEANWHILE, back in the lounge, Shane offers consolation and liquor to Trish. She's not really in the mood for either. Especially when Katherine notes Shea's absence. Trish worriedly rushes to Shea's room, where she finds the Tower tarot card. "This is from my bachelorette party," she says. Well, no it isn't, since the creepy brat stole it, remember? In any event, Trish deduces that Shea must be on her way to visit the psychic. She wants to go get her, but Shane and Katherine try to convince her that wandering around outside at night when a killer is loose isn't the best plan. Trish pretends to agree until she has the chance to slip away and steal Shane's truck. There's that Wellington girl spirit! So headstrong! So stupid!
MEANWHILE, in the tunnels, there's some more snapping back and forth about Abby being Wakefield's kid. Blah. At a T-junction, the search party finds that the blood leads in two different directions, and decides to split up, because none of them have seen a mystery or horror movie ever. Danny and Blond Tool head one direction, while Jimmy, Henry, and Abby take the other. Back in the lounge, Shane and Katherine are having a drink and an awkward conversation about her status as a trophy wife (well, her status until the whole cleaver incident). I've got to say, with the very limited material she has to work with, the actress playing Katherine does a really good job. She cares about what's happening, but nobody wants her around, so she's saddened and helpless. Well done, Claudette Mink. She wanders off in disgust when Shane brings up her inheritance, so he starts carving his name in the bar. Maggie catches him, and he makes the probably-apt argument that nobody's ever going to stay at the inn again, anyway.
MEANWHILE, Trish catches up with Shea, who doesn't even turn around as the truck approaches. Lady, it's not going to do your kid much good if you're decapitated. We all applaud your maternal instincts; now stop being such a dumbass. Trish manages to talk Shea into at least joining her in the truck, if not going back to the inn.
Tunnels. Blah blah blah. Both search teams find small crawlspaces that Danny and Abby squeeze themselves into. Both make important discoveries. For Danny, it's Beth's mutilated corpse. Ah, Beth. Non-entity in life, and with a murder that not even the audience gets to witness, non-entity in death. Danny freaks out and crawls backwards back into the main tunnel. For Abby, it's a trap, of sorts. As she passes the midway point of the crawlspace, a gate closes behind her, blocking any backward movement. The guys aren't able to do anything about it, and ask her to stay put while they get some tools. Miss Drama ignores them, of course, and presses on. She finds her way to another big tunnel, and hears someone walking. She hurriedly squeezes herself into another crawlspace, and someone grabs her ankles and pulls. She manages to kick them off, wriggle through the crawlspace to another tunnel, grab her gun, and fire a round off back in the direction of her attacker. As she flees, she spots a door. It enters into a secret room with a bed. And on the bed...Madison. Alive and well.
MEANWHILE, the guys in the tunnels run into each other, and each explains what they've found. Abby leads Madison down the tunnels to a ladder. They begin to climb. Henry and the gang gets back to the lounge, where Shane is done carving his name. He tells them about Trish taking off. Shea and Trish tool down the road, Trish trying to convince Shea that once the sun is up the state police will arrive (I guess tipped off by the boat that already fled Harper's Island?) and they'll find Madison. Abby and Madison reach the top of the ladder, but cannot move the heavy grate on top. They hear the approaching truck, and Abby asks Madison to wave the flashlight as a signal. It's a good plan, but for the part where any plan that requires Madison to be competent is doomed to failure. She drops the flashlight down to the water below. Once the truck passes, Madison sticks her hand up through the grate. It's actually a very cool, creepy shot. By some miracle, Shea spots her in the mirror. Trish stops the truck, and they both rush back to help Madison and Abby.
MEANWHILE, Cal and Chloe have wrapped up their nookie, and Cal goes to check on the sheriff. The sheriff has vanished, along with his oxygen tank. Hmm. Back at the inn, Henry grabs some wire cutters or shears or whatever. Not sure how that's going to get through a thick iron gate, but A for effort. He's distracted by the truck returning. He drops the shears, gets a gun, and rushes out to talk to Trish (and inform her about Beth's death). As the sun rises, everyone gathers outside to hug and reunite. Well, everyone but Shane and Katherine, that is. Shane, because he's an outsider, and Katherine, because she's busy being dead. She's sitting on a wicker couch, and Shane sees pools of blood spreading beneath her lap. He rushes off, horrified, and the camera pans to the back of the couch, where someone has rammed a pair of shears through, into Katherine's back. Yes, shears. Outside, Madison asks Abby if she liked "the game". That would be the Kidnap Madison game, which Madison says was planned by...the sheriff. Dun dun duuuuuuuun!
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: C+
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Filet of (Red) Herring
Harper's Island - Season 1, Episode 8
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Despite the fact that Maggie told the wedding party that they'd basically have the inn to themselves, now all sorts of people are crawling out of the woodwork to flee to the mainland. I guess I can't blame them, since the murderer refuses to restrict him or herself to the main cast. Shea wanders the inn, looking for Madison and calling out her name. Even though the inn's staff is fleeing the island along with all those newfound guests, a truly dedicated maid and floor buffer stay behind to do their duties. I'd love to be privy to their thought processes. "Well, a serial killer is on the loose, but these pillowcases aren't going to fold themselves!" Members of the wedding party pack their stuff onto the shuttle that will take them down to the marina. Henry tries to comfort Trish, saying he'll be along as soon as the arrangements with her dad's body are dealt with.
MEANWHILE, at the prison, the sheriff cuffs JD and leads him out of his cell, while Shane, who's been cooling his heels here for a while, smirks and makes obnoxious comments. JD is hauled into another room, where the sheriff sits him down, and asks him to explain all these murders. JD protests his innocence, though not especially vehemently. The sheriff asks about Burnface McGee, and JD tells him where the old coot can be found, but warns the sheriff that he's not too popular in that neighborhood.
MEANWHILE, Jimmy says good-bye to Abby. I have no idea why he's not going to the mainland along with everyone else. Shea arrives in a panic about not being able to find either Madison or Richard. Katherine begins to wonder whether Richard may have spirited Madison off somewhere, but is interrupted by Trish. No idea about that, either. Henry promises Shea that they'll find Madison before the boat goes anywhere. He approaches the rest of the wedding party, and asks for help in finding her. After some initial hesitation, they agree.
MEANWHILE, Shane and JD are fighting in their adjacent cells. A deputy comes in to yell at them. Suddenly, the lights go out, and a shotgun blast fires. The deputy falls dead to the floor, dropping his keys by JD's cell. A few moments later, another blast fires. Shane prays not to be gunned down in his cell, and gets his wish when the lights come back on. JD manages to reach the keys, and lets himself out. Shane makes a rare good point in that if JD leaves without freeing Shane, he's just going to look more guilty. JD doesn't seem to mind, and flings the keys down at the deputy's corpse. Shane threatens to kill JD the next time they meet. I'm not sure the rantings of the local hick would bother anyone who's just seen a real murderer in action.
MEANWHILE, Maggie leads Shea and Trish to the room she gave to Richard last night. You'd think they'd have looked here before now. It turns out not to matter, as it looks like Richard never used it. Trish tries to convince Shea that while Richard was a crappy husband, he's a good father, and would never kidnap Madison. The whole Richard-took-Madison theory is certainly not out of the realm of possibility (as far as the characters know), but I'm surprised that the other obvious conclusion - that whoever killed Sinister Dad has also come for Richard and Madison - hasn't occurred to any of them.
MEANWHILE, the sheriff heads into Burnface McGee's territory. The search parties look for Madison. The sheriff almost sets off one of the forest's many Goonies booby traps, but backs away from the trip-wire when he hears a noise. The noise turns out to be Lucy's purse dog, which causes the sheriff to relax, then set off the trap after all. Creepy little children and purse dogs ruin everything. A pointy implement swings and impales the sheriff in the leg. He does the worst thing you can do, and yanks the implement out. I don't know much about deadly booby traps, but even I remember the basic tenet of first aid that says you don't pull things out of a puncture wound. Chloe, Cal, Shea, and Trish are at the inn, and decide to check the basement, where they find Malcolm's seared handprint on the incinerator door, and his skull in the fire. Shea freaks out, but Cal is able to tell that there's no way it belongs to a child. Abby, Katherine, and Henry are at the water's edge, and discover Richard's body harpooned to a tree. Just then, Abby's phone rings. It's Madison, saying that she's been told to say that she'll be killed if anyone leaves the island. Rut roh.
Abby and Henry try to call the sheriff, but can't get a cell phone signal. They at least have the grace to mention that it's weird that Madison can call them, but they can't call anyone else. They rush back to the inn, where they discover all the phones are dead. Somehow, they manage to gather all the other search parties to form some sort of plan. Katherine brings up the valid question of why Abby was called instead of anyone having any real connection to Madison. This goes unanswered. Also, everyone thinks JD is in jail, so they wonder who induced Madison to make the call. Blond Tool says that the victims have been Richard, Sinister Dad, and Madison, so this is clearly a problem with Trish's family. Everyone jumps down his throat, and although he's being a tool as always, it is the most likely conclusion for him to jump to.
Henry shatters all of that by revealing the murder of Uncle Marty. Blond Tool wants to leave the island immediately, but Shea begs him to stay and find Madison. He snaps that her life isn't more important than any of the others', and Trish smacks him across the face. Again, he's a huge tool, and being dismissive of a child's life in front of her mother is awful, but yeah... It's a tricky situation. He's not only being asked to risk his life for a kid he met (and probably doesn't like, for good reason) a few days ago, but he's not even really being asked. It's expected of him. Now he and every other adult on the island will be easy prey, and even leaving out any locals still hanging around, that's still more than a dozen lives being tossed onto the poker table for one kid. This was actually really clever of the writers as both a moral issue and as a way of keeping the main characters on the island. Kudos to them.
MEANWHILE, the badly wounded sheriff is approached by someone in the woods, but is too weak to do much about it. Back at the inn, Chloe is compiling a list of dead and missing guests. The others snap at her for this, but I don't see why. It won't do anyone any good to pretend that Lucy is partying it up in Seattle or that Malcolm vanished without taking any of his stuff. In fact, I don't see why the groomsmen don't bring up Booth's death right now. They may as well. Suddenly, the lights cut out. This spurs a new plan in which Maggie hands over all the inn's guns (I guess the skeet shooting ones) so that everyone can defend themselves. Cal argues that giving unskilled, terrified people weapons is a recipe for disaster, but to no avail. Jimmy enters, and is almost shot by said unskilled, terrified people. He says he came to take Abby to a boat, as the one carrying all the other people left about a half hour previously.
The people originally not too thrilled about the whole let's-stay-and-die-for-Madison's-sake (Blond Tool, Chloe, and Beth) offer Jimmy money to take them to the mainland. There's some bickering. Abby and Jimmy head to the sheriff's station to try and reach someone on the battery-powered radio.
MEANWHILE, Burnface McGee has taken the sheriff to his cabin. He says that he's been in town a few weeks, setting booby traps and hunting the killer. Well, he certainly excels at one of those things, and sucks at the other. The purse dog has evidently taken the place of his dead attack dog. That's quite a swap. There's some talk about Abby's involvement in the whole affair, and Burnface McGee pulls out a book for the sheriff to read.
MEANWHILE, Henry and Danny go down to the old generator to try and get it working. Danny is bemoaning his karmic punishment for taking the money from Hunter's boat, but Henry doesn't think the two are connected. Danny takes a moment to intelligently suggest that maybe the generator is rigged, just like the chandelier at the church was. Henry basically ignores him, and fiddles with it. For someone who's ostensibly the hero of our story, Henry's kind of an ass. Maybe he's the killer. I have no real evidence of this; he just responds to situations in weird ways. Though a spark gives them both a good scare, the generator doesn't explode. It doesn't turn on, either. Henry suggests jumping it with cables from a nearby truck (Shane's, if I'm not mistaken).
MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy arrive at the sheriff's station to discover that the radio has been smashed. Man, the murderer is busy this week. They also hear Shane calling out for help, and make their way back to the cells, where Jimmy slips on the deputy's blood. Ew. Shane describes what happened earlier, and tells Abby that he knows where her dad went, having overheard the conversation between the sheriff and JD. He promises to tell her what she wants to know if they spring him.
MEANWHILE, the jumping trick works, and the inn's power comes back on. Danny and Henry come back to the lounge, where they discover...nobody. A whistling kettle leads them to Shea, Trish, and Katherine in the kitchen. It seems that everyone else has jumped ship. Henry promises to round them all up, leaving Danny to stay with the women.
MEANWHILE, the sheriff finishes reading what turns out to be Wakefield's diary, which is apparently pretty horrible, though we're never told any specifics. The sheriff and Burnface McGee talk out their issues like they're members of the Babysitter's Club. Burnface McGee insists that JD isn't the killer, and has been helping him try to find the person responsible for the recent murders. He also says that Abby coming back to the island has set off the recent chain of events, but if that's true, I don't see how Cousin Ben's murder fits in. Not wanting the sheriff's death on his hands with Abby wandering around, Burnface McGee leaves the cabin to get medical help. The purse dog goes with him, and senses something. Burnface McGee doesn't react quickly enough, and is pinned to the cabin with an arrow shot out of the woods. He drops the lantern he's holding, starting a fire. I'll say this for the murderer: He or she certainly has an impressive repertoire. Another arrow tears through the window, and the sheriff hurls himself to the floor, dragging himself towards his gun. A final arrow finishes off Burnface McGee, and he drops the satchel containing Wakefield's journal by the fire.
The sheriff reaches his gun. Fat lot of good it does him now. Jimmy and Abby burst in the door. Man, Jimmy's come close to being shot a lot this week. The sheriff sends Abby out to get the satchel before it burns. She manages it. The sheriff asks Jimmy to take him to the marina. Speaking of which, the four fleeing wedding party members arrive there, and select a suitable boat to steal. Cal has second thoughts, and decides that he couldn't live with himself if Madison were hurt because he left. He tells Chloe he knows she feels the same way, and she agrees to go back with him. Beth waffles. Cal spots JD running, which gets Blond Tool and Beth off the boat. I'm not sure why. I guess to go shoot him, which is dumb, given the conversation back at the inn about how JD was in jail when Madison's phone call was made. Abby, Jimmy, and the sheriff arrive, and Abby refuses to abandon her father to go wait in safety on the mainland. Blond Tool approaches to tell them that JD is in the vicinity. Jimmy and Abby take guns to go find him. But... They know JD was in jail when the deputy was shot, and the sheriff knows that JD was helping Burnface McGee. Everyone left on the island knows something isn't adding up. Why still the bandwagon about hunting JD down?
Jimmy leaves Abby alone to check something out. Of course. Why stick together? Abby hears a person in distress, and carefully walks down one of the docks. She finds JD lying on the ground. He's been stabbed in the gut, and is slipping away. So naturally, instead of saying "[So-and-so] did this," he grunts out some enigmatic crap about how all the murders are tied to Abby, then dies. Abby turns around to discover...Henry. Crying and drenched in blood. Well, now. Isn't this an interesting turn of events?
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Despite the fact that Maggie told the wedding party that they'd basically have the inn to themselves, now all sorts of people are crawling out of the woodwork to flee to the mainland. I guess I can't blame them, since the murderer refuses to restrict him or herself to the main cast. Shea wanders the inn, looking for Madison and calling out her name. Even though the inn's staff is fleeing the island along with all those newfound guests, a truly dedicated maid and floor buffer stay behind to do their duties. I'd love to be privy to their thought processes. "Well, a serial killer is on the loose, but these pillowcases aren't going to fold themselves!" Members of the wedding party pack their stuff onto the shuttle that will take them down to the marina. Henry tries to comfort Trish, saying he'll be along as soon as the arrangements with her dad's body are dealt with.
MEANWHILE, at the prison, the sheriff cuffs JD and leads him out of his cell, while Shane, who's been cooling his heels here for a while, smirks and makes obnoxious comments. JD is hauled into another room, where the sheriff sits him down, and asks him to explain all these murders. JD protests his innocence, though not especially vehemently. The sheriff asks about Burnface McGee, and JD tells him where the old coot can be found, but warns the sheriff that he's not too popular in that neighborhood.
MEANWHILE, Jimmy says good-bye to Abby. I have no idea why he's not going to the mainland along with everyone else. Shea arrives in a panic about not being able to find either Madison or Richard. Katherine begins to wonder whether Richard may have spirited Madison off somewhere, but is interrupted by Trish. No idea about that, either. Henry promises Shea that they'll find Madison before the boat goes anywhere. He approaches the rest of the wedding party, and asks for help in finding her. After some initial hesitation, they agree.
MEANWHILE, Shane and JD are fighting in their adjacent cells. A deputy comes in to yell at them. Suddenly, the lights go out, and a shotgun blast fires. The deputy falls dead to the floor, dropping his keys by JD's cell. A few moments later, another blast fires. Shane prays not to be gunned down in his cell, and gets his wish when the lights come back on. JD manages to reach the keys, and lets himself out. Shane makes a rare good point in that if JD leaves without freeing Shane, he's just going to look more guilty. JD doesn't seem to mind, and flings the keys down at the deputy's corpse. Shane threatens to kill JD the next time they meet. I'm not sure the rantings of the local hick would bother anyone who's just seen a real murderer in action.
MEANWHILE, Maggie leads Shea and Trish to the room she gave to Richard last night. You'd think they'd have looked here before now. It turns out not to matter, as it looks like Richard never used it. Trish tries to convince Shea that while Richard was a crappy husband, he's a good father, and would never kidnap Madison. The whole Richard-took-Madison theory is certainly not out of the realm of possibility (as far as the characters know), but I'm surprised that the other obvious conclusion - that whoever killed Sinister Dad has also come for Richard and Madison - hasn't occurred to any of them.
MEANWHILE, the sheriff heads into Burnface McGee's territory. The search parties look for Madison. The sheriff almost sets off one of the forest's many Goonies booby traps, but backs away from the trip-wire when he hears a noise. The noise turns out to be Lucy's purse dog, which causes the sheriff to relax, then set off the trap after all. Creepy little children and purse dogs ruin everything. A pointy implement swings and impales the sheriff in the leg. He does the worst thing you can do, and yanks the implement out. I don't know much about deadly booby traps, but even I remember the basic tenet of first aid that says you don't pull things out of a puncture wound. Chloe, Cal, Shea, and Trish are at the inn, and decide to check the basement, where they find Malcolm's seared handprint on the incinerator door, and his skull in the fire. Shea freaks out, but Cal is able to tell that there's no way it belongs to a child. Abby, Katherine, and Henry are at the water's edge, and discover Richard's body harpooned to a tree. Just then, Abby's phone rings. It's Madison, saying that she's been told to say that she'll be killed if anyone leaves the island. Rut roh.
Abby and Henry try to call the sheriff, but can't get a cell phone signal. They at least have the grace to mention that it's weird that Madison can call them, but they can't call anyone else. They rush back to the inn, where they discover all the phones are dead. Somehow, they manage to gather all the other search parties to form some sort of plan. Katherine brings up the valid question of why Abby was called instead of anyone having any real connection to Madison. This goes unanswered. Also, everyone thinks JD is in jail, so they wonder who induced Madison to make the call. Blond Tool says that the victims have been Richard, Sinister Dad, and Madison, so this is clearly a problem with Trish's family. Everyone jumps down his throat, and although he's being a tool as always, it is the most likely conclusion for him to jump to.
Henry shatters all of that by revealing the murder of Uncle Marty. Blond Tool wants to leave the island immediately, but Shea begs him to stay and find Madison. He snaps that her life isn't more important than any of the others', and Trish smacks him across the face. Again, he's a huge tool, and being dismissive of a child's life in front of her mother is awful, but yeah... It's a tricky situation. He's not only being asked to risk his life for a kid he met (and probably doesn't like, for good reason) a few days ago, but he's not even really being asked. It's expected of him. Now he and every other adult on the island will be easy prey, and even leaving out any locals still hanging around, that's still more than a dozen lives being tossed onto the poker table for one kid. This was actually really clever of the writers as both a moral issue and as a way of keeping the main characters on the island. Kudos to them.
MEANWHILE, the badly wounded sheriff is approached by someone in the woods, but is too weak to do much about it. Back at the inn, Chloe is compiling a list of dead and missing guests. The others snap at her for this, but I don't see why. It won't do anyone any good to pretend that Lucy is partying it up in Seattle or that Malcolm vanished without taking any of his stuff. In fact, I don't see why the groomsmen don't bring up Booth's death right now. They may as well. Suddenly, the lights cut out. This spurs a new plan in which Maggie hands over all the inn's guns (I guess the skeet shooting ones) so that everyone can defend themselves. Cal argues that giving unskilled, terrified people weapons is a recipe for disaster, but to no avail. Jimmy enters, and is almost shot by said unskilled, terrified people. He says he came to take Abby to a boat, as the one carrying all the other people left about a half hour previously.
The people originally not too thrilled about the whole let's-stay-and-die-for-Madison's-sake (Blond Tool, Chloe, and Beth) offer Jimmy money to take them to the mainland. There's some bickering. Abby and Jimmy head to the sheriff's station to try and reach someone on the battery-powered radio.
MEANWHILE, Burnface McGee has taken the sheriff to his cabin. He says that he's been in town a few weeks, setting booby traps and hunting the killer. Well, he certainly excels at one of those things, and sucks at the other. The purse dog has evidently taken the place of his dead attack dog. That's quite a swap. There's some talk about Abby's involvement in the whole affair, and Burnface McGee pulls out a book for the sheriff to read.
MEANWHILE, Henry and Danny go down to the old generator to try and get it working. Danny is bemoaning his karmic punishment for taking the money from Hunter's boat, but Henry doesn't think the two are connected. Danny takes a moment to intelligently suggest that maybe the generator is rigged, just like the chandelier at the church was. Henry basically ignores him, and fiddles with it. For someone who's ostensibly the hero of our story, Henry's kind of an ass. Maybe he's the killer. I have no real evidence of this; he just responds to situations in weird ways. Though a spark gives them both a good scare, the generator doesn't explode. It doesn't turn on, either. Henry suggests jumping it with cables from a nearby truck (Shane's, if I'm not mistaken).
MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy arrive at the sheriff's station to discover that the radio has been smashed. Man, the murderer is busy this week. They also hear Shane calling out for help, and make their way back to the cells, where Jimmy slips on the deputy's blood. Ew. Shane describes what happened earlier, and tells Abby that he knows where her dad went, having overheard the conversation between the sheriff and JD. He promises to tell her what she wants to know if they spring him.
MEANWHILE, the jumping trick works, and the inn's power comes back on. Danny and Henry come back to the lounge, where they discover...nobody. A whistling kettle leads them to Shea, Trish, and Katherine in the kitchen. It seems that everyone else has jumped ship. Henry promises to round them all up, leaving Danny to stay with the women.
MEANWHILE, the sheriff finishes reading what turns out to be Wakefield's diary, which is apparently pretty horrible, though we're never told any specifics. The sheriff and Burnface McGee talk out their issues like they're members of the Babysitter's Club. Burnface McGee insists that JD isn't the killer, and has been helping him try to find the person responsible for the recent murders. He also says that Abby coming back to the island has set off the recent chain of events, but if that's true, I don't see how Cousin Ben's murder fits in. Not wanting the sheriff's death on his hands with Abby wandering around, Burnface McGee leaves the cabin to get medical help. The purse dog goes with him, and senses something. Burnface McGee doesn't react quickly enough, and is pinned to the cabin with an arrow shot out of the woods. He drops the lantern he's holding, starting a fire. I'll say this for the murderer: He or she certainly has an impressive repertoire. Another arrow tears through the window, and the sheriff hurls himself to the floor, dragging himself towards his gun. A final arrow finishes off Burnface McGee, and he drops the satchel containing Wakefield's journal by the fire.
The sheriff reaches his gun. Fat lot of good it does him now. Jimmy and Abby burst in the door. Man, Jimmy's come close to being shot a lot this week. The sheriff sends Abby out to get the satchel before it burns. She manages it. The sheriff asks Jimmy to take him to the marina. Speaking of which, the four fleeing wedding party members arrive there, and select a suitable boat to steal. Cal has second thoughts, and decides that he couldn't live with himself if Madison were hurt because he left. He tells Chloe he knows she feels the same way, and she agrees to go back with him. Beth waffles. Cal spots JD running, which gets Blond Tool and Beth off the boat. I'm not sure why. I guess to go shoot him, which is dumb, given the conversation back at the inn about how JD was in jail when Madison's phone call was made. Abby, Jimmy, and the sheriff arrive, and Abby refuses to abandon her father to go wait in safety on the mainland. Blond Tool approaches to tell them that JD is in the vicinity. Jimmy and Abby take guns to go find him. But... They know JD was in jail when the deputy was shot, and the sheriff knows that JD was helping Burnface McGee. Everyone left on the island knows something isn't adding up. Why still the bandwagon about hunting JD down?
Jimmy leaves Abby alone to check something out. Of course. Why stick together? Abby hears a person in distress, and carefully walks down one of the docks. She finds JD lying on the ground. He's been stabbed in the gut, and is slipping away. So naturally, instead of saying "[So-and-so] did this," he grunts out some enigmatic crap about how all the murders are tied to Abby, then dies. Abby turns around to discover...Henry. Crying and drenched in blood. Well, now. Isn't this an interesting turn of events?
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: B
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