Sleep Deprivation Is Really Starting to Irritate Me

The Amazing Race - Season 9, Episode 6

Previously on The Amazing Race: The entire season. I guess since the show switched timeslots, CBS felt the need to recap everything that's happened so far to fill in new viewers. Briefly? Colorado. Brazil. Russia. Germany. Italy. Several annoying people were eliminated, and so were Wanda and Desiree. Seven teams remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening credits. Too bad snowball fights are unlikely to be a race challenge. It'd be nice for Frankenberry to excel at something.

Segesta, Sicily, Italy. The establishing shot includes two people making out. Go, Sicily! Phil blathers uninterestingly for a minute before we catch up with the Hippies, leaving the mat first at 2:29 AM. Their clue tells them to drive to Catania, Sicily, or as BJ pronounces it, "Catalina". The Italian tourism board calls a meeting to rename all their cities things like Smithville so that idiotic American visitors can figure out where they're going. The clue tells them that once in Catania, they must search for the Anfiteatro Romano, which is... You'll never guess. An amphitheater. How awesome! We've only seen a billion amphitheaters so far this season, so I was really aching for more. The next cluebox will be on the grounds somewhere. The Hippies interview that they feel they have an advantage over the Tools. God, I hope so. Speaking of whom, here they are leaving the mat at 4:11 AM. Wait, what? Last week, it looked like the Tools were practically nipping at the Hippies' heels. You're telling me they're almost two hours behind? OK, then.

At 5:00 AM, MoJo leaves the mat. Monica sheepishly admits to murdering the Italian words in their clue. I can't wait to see these folks in a country like Korea, where saying things like "Fasto cab-o" isn't really going to fly. MoJo talks about how Monica isn't as much of a prissy whiner as they thought she was going to be. Not in those words, of course. They wave someone over and convince him to let them have his map so they can find Catania. They somehow fail to inquire about his relationship with Jesus, because they're not crazy, rude, or the fucking Weavers. Frankenberry leaves the mat at 5:18 AM, and we find out the teams have $63 for this leg. Not that it'll matter in the least. They seem to know where they're going.

The Hippies arrive at the amphitheater, and find it doesn't open until 8:30 AM. They come up with the "hilarious" idea of putting up an "official" sign designating the team order, so that other people will think they're not allowed to get in front of them. Insert sarcastic slow clap here. I mean, saying that as a joke would actually be pretty funny. Actually going through with it smacks of "LOOK HOW FUNNY WE ARE!!!" desperation. They hang their sign and wander off to get some sleep. Lake and Michelle leave the mat at 6:06 AM. They seem pretty cheerful this morning. Is it going to be a Lake and Michelle are kind of cute day? Or a Lake and Michelle make me want to rip out my eardrums with rusty paper clips kind of day? Let's find out. Dave, Lori, and the Happy Tootling Nerd Music leave the mat at 6:25 AM. Dave hopes that they won't be as snippy with each other in this leg, but they really weren't that bad last week. Cripes, Lake's been nastier towards Michelle when he's been in a good mood. Ray and Yolanda are last to depart the mat at 6:34 AM. Yolanda interviews about how she's learning to love Ray even more by seeing what great character he has. Aw. Blood Ray and I make the Eyes of Isn't Yolanda Adorable at each other. They have to ask someone for extensive directions, of course, because they are Ray and Yolanda.

Back in Catania, people are setting up the outdoor marketplace. They probably wouldn't be if they knew the Tools were rolling into town. In a show of how incredibly stupid they are, they actually fall for the fake sign-in sheet that probably wouldn't even have fooled Double D. After dithering over it for a little while, they finally catch the snap. They share a giggle with the nearby Hippies over their joke. Yawn. A cute Sicilian guy offers to lead MoJo to the amphitheater. Frankenberry has made it to Catania, but can't find the amphitheater. I thought maps and directions was the one thing they were good at. The amphitheater grounds open, and the Hippie Tool Brigade enters. That'd be a good band name, but I'm not writing it down, because it would only remind me of these people. They reach the cluebox at about the same time. The clue tells them to count the miniature heads that top the fenceposts surrounding the amphitheater. Once they have the total, they have to find the groundskeeper, who's standing around somewhere. If they tell him the correct number, he'll hand over the next clue. Normally, I'm a fan of these tasks that make people slow down and do something methodically, but quickly. In this case, though, it looks way too easy. The fence has a natural break, so it's not like people will count the same heads twice or anything.

Both teams come up with the correct answer: 41 heads. They find the groundskeeper at the same time, and he hands over the clue. Detour! Big Fish or Little Fish. In Big Fish, both team members pick up a 32-pound swordfish from a street vendor who's slightly ahead in the Most Annoying Voice In The World competition. Then they carry it to a marketplace and deliver it to another vendor at the marketplace. Er. In Little Fish, teams go to the same marketplace and sell off four kilos of a small sardine-lookin' fish. Er. Given that 32 pounds is really...not much, and given that the teams are being asked to sell fish in what looks to be a fish market, this may well be the most boring Detour ever offered. The Tools choose Big Fish. So do the Hippies, giving the reason that it'd be tough to sell fish in the morning. I have no idea what their reasoning is behind this. Frankenberry is still lost, and starting to have a traffic-related meltdown. I had one of those this morning. Fucking Highway 40.

Commercials. So whoever wins the Work Hard/Play More or whatever game from week to week is whichever team does a fairly crappy job. That's really not very exciting.

Frankenberry continues wending their way through the traffic-congested streets. Lake/Michelle and Dave/Lori are doing the same. Looks like Ray and Yolanda aren't quite into town yet. MoJo finds the amphitheater. I see that the fake sign-in sheet is still wafting in the breeze, so thanks for littering, Hippies. They find the clue, and begin counting heads. The Hippie Tool Brigade picks up their swordfish and begin yelling out for directions to the marketplace. Joseph has counted 40 heads, but Monica has the correct 41. They agree to tell the groundskeeper her answer, although it would have cost them about 0.5 seconds if they had told him the wrong number first. They go for Big Fish. The Hippie Tool Brigade drops off their fish. Wow, so that was the Detour. I really hope they weren't counting on this episode to bring in a bunch of new viewers. The clue tells them to drive to the city of Siracusa. Once there, they have to find Fonte Ubertino for their next clue. I don't know if that's spelled right. They meet MoJo on the way out. The Hippies give Monica a big hug to get fish juice all over her. Heh.

Frankenberry has found the amphitheater, which means them getting lost meant absolutely nothing in terms of their placement. Exciting! The Brigade agrees to work together to get to Siracusa, but the Tools ditch the Hippies two seconds later. Shortest alliance ever. Frankenberry is done counting, but Fran seems a bit confused about the "find the groundskeeper" part of the clue. She's shouting for him at the top of the theater, as if he's going to pop out and help her. Barry tries to dissuade her, but she insists on shouting "Hello????" over and over. Whatever, lady. They still have little trouble finding him, and they choose Little Fish for their Detour. MoJo picks up their swordfish. Lake's getting mad at the traffic. Michelle tells him that naturally there's going to be some traffic, as it's a town of 400,000 people. "And they're all right here!", Lake responds. Hahaha. Wow, for once I'm laughing with Lake. Meanwhile, the age old men-won't-ask-directions cliche is rearing its head in the Dave and Lori car. Ray and Yolanda decide to chuck the traffic and just park, figuring they can find the theater faster on foot. I assume they know they're fairly close to it, because that's a pretty big risk. Ray begins asking people for directions, but nobody really wants to talk to him. He says Yolanda might be the one who needs to ask. She kiddingly points out that he's kind of aggressively yelling "TEATRO ROMANO?????" at people, which may be why they're not falling all over themselves to help. Hehehe.

Frankenberry reaches the market and starts selling. I thought I specifically requested not to be shown Barry's hairy shoulders for the remainder of the season. MoJo has reached the market as well, but have trouble finding the specific vendor they need to drop the fish at. This....THIS is what causes Monica to break down into tears, and Joseph to become a snarling jerk. Not missing the entrance to the helicopter Detour three times in Brazil. Not getting hopelessly lost on the way to the Russian trolley depot. No. Wasting five minutes looking for a fish vendor is what truly unhinges them.

Commercials. Puppies are cute. Puppies with mouth motions created with CGI are creepy.

MoJo finally finds the guy. They leave for Siracusa in a foul mood. Frankenberry continues to sell their fish, and finish soon after. They leave for their car in a much better mood. Zzzzz. I'm sorry to keep ragging on the episode, but it's even more apparent on second viewing how dull it is. As Frankenberry jumps in their car to leave, Lake and Michelle arrive at the amphitheater. Frankenberry somehow assumes that Lake wants help finding the cluebox, which doesn't seem very likely, but they take the time to snot that they wouldn't help him anyway. Did Lake piss in their cereal some morning or something? I can understand not liking him, but they seem to have a hatred for him that seems slightly uncalled for. As Lake opens the clue, he predicts it'll be "find something in the middle of frickin' nowhere". Hahahaha! Lake is on fire tonight! They count the fencepost heads, but Michelle feels that there's no way the task could be that easy, so they must be missing something. I know what she feels like. Now, the one thing that made this episode worthwhile. Lake and Michelle approach some random guy in the amphitheater. Lake asks him if he's the groundskeeper, and without waiting for a response, Michelle gives him the 41 fencepost answer. The man casts a nervous glance at the camera, then nods apprehensively. Lake gets all excited, and holds out his hand for the clue. The guy smacks his hand for a low-five. Hehehehe. Michelle finally figures out that they're just talking to some regular guy. They do finally find the groundskeeper and choose Big Fish.

MoJo gets into a little honking contest with a nearby car. Monica is still whining about smelling like fish. Get over it, princess. Lake and Michelle pick up their swordfish. Michelle likens the fish to lugging her kid around. Heh. They drop off the fish, and pick up the Siracusa clue. Dave and Lori are still driving around, but have found someone willing to lead them to the amphitheater. Too late, though, because Ray and Yolanda's strategy to hoof it has paid off, and they have found the theater. I hope you enjoyed this part where one team passed another team, because that's all you're going to see of it tonight. Lake and Michelle head for Siracusa, and snap nastily at each other over the directions. It's what always happens. Michelle is totally right, and Lake refuses to listen to her, and then when they discover that she was right all along, he hardly acknowledges her. I need a shorthand way to say that, because it happens a lot. Ray and Yolanda count heads and choose Big Fish. Dave and Lori arrive, get the clue, count heads, and go for Big Fish.

OK, so. I had typed up the majority of the rest of this episode when my internet crashed. Had this been a good one, I'd take the trouble to redo it. It's not. I won't.

The Tools finish as team 1. The Hippies are 2. MoJo is 3. Frankenberry is 4. Lake and Michelle are 5. Ray and Yolanda are 6. Dave and Lori come in last, and it's unfortunately not a non-elimination episode, so my favorite team gets punted. Aw. They're cute to the end. I'll miss them. Not to mention the Happy Tootling Nerd Music.

Overall Grade: C