Second Helping

Top Chef - Season 3, Episode 10

Previously on Top Chef: The chefs split into two teams to face off in the "anticipated" restaurant challenge. Then both teams sucked. The end. Eight chefs still remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening menu. Aside from the ever-popular fancy cheese and secret blueberry muffin recipe, there was an odd, yet good concoction of cucumber, (fat-free) cream cheese, olives, and (fat-free) salad dressing on bread. A completely guilt-free snack! You know, until the weekend rolled around and I ate my weight in birthday cake.

Sunny beaches! Ill-advised bathing suits! People playing jai alai! Why, this must be Miami. Over at Chef's Manor, Casey and Brian lay out in the sun. Casey looks completely sizzled. Inside, Tre says that the competition is starting to wear on people. Tell me about it. Oh, he means for them. He thinks he's got what it takes to win. CJ talks about how competitive he is. He reacquaints us with his battle with testicular cancer. I'm not sure if he's trying to draw a parallel between fighting to stay alive in an arbitrarily-judged reality program and fighting to stay alive...period. I hope not; the link is tenuous at best. Envelopes are pushed under the door for both teams, and they contain even more criticisms from the food critic blogger, because we didn't get our fill at Judges' Table last week. I'll spare you all the blather, and just say that both teams hope to fix the mistakes they made in their restaurants' soft openings. I'm going to really try not to go for the "soft opening" joke.

We then cut straight to the Kitchen for tonight's Quickfire Challenge. The chefs come in, where Padma and Ptom await. Padma reiterates that both teams did a fairly patchy job with their restaurants. The challenge has changed a little for their second try. There must now be two options for each course. Also, the team that wins the Quickfire will get an additional $200 to shop for wine, and the help of a sommelier that Ptom knows. Gee, who could it be? Maybe the only sommelier to have any sort of connection with this show? I'm almost insulted that they don't just tell us straight out that it's going to be Stephen, because DUUUUUUUUUUUUH. Anyhow, the Quickfire is a kind of relay race. Howie is happy to have Hung on his team for this one, because if there's one thing Hung does well, it's run around like a chipmunk on meth. Hung congratulates himself for this quality, although he uses the word "finesse", which doesn't really apply to people who need to be addressed about almost bisecting their competitors. The race consists of four components: shuck fifteen oysters, finely dice five onions, break down four chickens, and crack and separate three eggs, then beat the whites until they're stiff enough to defy gravity for five seconds. Both teams have two minutes to decide who's going to do what.

The teams break. Team Manic easily decides to put Brian on oysters, what with them being part of his livelihood and all. Casey says that Tre is adept at breaking down chickens, so of the tasks remaining, she volunteers to chop the onions, which she calls "not brain science". Uh, oh. You know what the show does to confident people, Casey? I'll start baking the humble pie. Over on Team Depressive, Hung gleefully volunteers for the chicken. Dale is quietly panicking. He interviews that he sucks at shucking oysters and that his knife skills are crappy. I'd grouse over a chef saying he's got crappy knife skills in addition to his weak sense of smell, but I've got to admit it's refreshing to hear something other than "I rock at everything! All will bow before my mighty cooking prowess!" from these folks. Howie goes ahead and pre-excuses himself from any blame, saying that he knows he's not very fast, but the team wanted him to take on the oysters. The teams take their positions. Ptom actually signals the beginning of the race with a whistle. Heh.

Brian and Howie start tearing into their oysters. Man, I wish poor, slow Saran was around to compete in this challenge. Hot, shucking action ensues. Howie shucks and places each oyster individually, while Brian does all the shucking, then all the placing. Howie doesn't do too bad, but to nobody's surprise, Brian finishes first, so Casey gets the go-ahead to start dicing the onions. She's sliced into a couple by the time Howie completes the oysters. Saram gets started on Team Depressive's onions. Oh, did I say "gets started"? No, what Saram does is annihilate the onions. She may as well have waved a wand over them and used one of those pseudo-Latin spells from Harry Potter. Casey is totally dusted. Other chefs interview about how unimpressive she is. See, this is what comes from that "not brain science" crack. If I ever woke up and found myself on a reality show, I'd make nothing but non-committal statements, if only so I could never be hoisted by my own petard.

Saram interviews that her quick knife skills stem from starting at a young age, cooking her first meal at age 3 or 4. How did she reach the stove? She finishes working her magic, and Hung goes into a similar whirlwind on the chickens. The rest of his teammates take giant steps back. Heh, I can't blame them. Hung certainly has his faults, but lack of speed isn't one of them, and he's done with the chickens while Casey is still working on those onions. Dale gets going on the eggs. Casey finally finishes her onions, and Tre gets started on the chickens. By this point, unless Dale faints or is abducted by aliens, there's no way Team Depressive can lose. Neither of those things happens, so Team Depressive wins the day. They rejoice, which makes me unhappy with my choice of nicknames. Oh, well. Too late now. Casey apologizes to the rest of Team Manic. Before the chefs leave, Ptom tells them that "renowned designer [Madonna's Brother]" will work with both teams to fine tune their concepts and designs. My heart sinks. I guess that attention from last week wasn't enough. Padma dismisses everyone.

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The sun sets. I guess it took the chefs a few hours to walk the fifteen feet to their restaurant spaces. Madonna's brother shows up to offer his "expertise". I refuse to spend any more time than necessary on this twat, so let's just hit the salient points. He gives Team Depressive some generic advice. Dale interviews that he's an asshole (sweet), but that eventually, the team swallowed its pride and listened to his suggestions. He wanders over to Team Manic and tells them to come up with a food-related quote that can be stenciled on the walls.

Tiffany: "Where else could I ever see such a grand design idea? Oh, yeah. The last time I was at a fucking Einstein Bros."

Later that night, the teams reconvene at Chef's Manor. Team Depressive begins discussing ideas while Tre is outside jumping rope (for exercise, not fun -- although that is a wonderfully amusing idea). He indulges in a bit of eavesdropping, and hears that they're going to offer a rabbit and gnocchi dish as part of the first course, which he thinks sounds just as heavy as the food they were criticized for last week. He goes inside and reports on this to the rest of Team Manic. They easily come up with a tweaked menu, and Tre offers to do a bread pudding for dessert, which he can do "in his sleep". More confidence? I'll start whipping up another humble pie. No more tonight, though. I'm running out of eggs. Casey says that she and Tre are like brother and sister, partly because they're both from Dallas. Dallas? A few weeks ago, Casey would have had us believe she could spit off her front porch and hit the Mexican border. Jeez, this is like someone from Minneapolis being all "I'm practically Canadian!" Tre tells us he's here to win.

The next day, the chefs head off to shop for food and wine. They have $800 and forty-five minutes to load up. The store only has a small amount of rabbit meat for sale, so Team Depressive buys game hens instead. Team Manic's menu includes salmon or scallops for the first course, carrot ginger soup or lobster salad for the second, and monkfish or that beef tenderloin from last week (minus the smoking problems) for the third. Tre reiterates that dessert will be one of those easy-peasy bread puddings. Over at the wine store, Team Depressive gets $500, and Team Manic gets $300. They also have forty-five minutes to shop. Dale and Hung meet up with the "mystery" sommelier. Why, it's Stephen! You could knock me over with a feather! You know, provided the feather is glued to a wrecking ball. Apparently, the news that rabbit is no longer on the menu hasn't been passed on to this half of the team, because Stephen starts telling them what would pair well with it. The editing suggests that he then goes on to give one of his patented, long-winded lectures about wine. Aw, I miss the Season 1 windbags and villains. Stephen could smarm Hung into the ground, and Tiffani would demolish Howie. Good times. Wine is purchased.

Back at the restaurants, Brian and Dale make alterations in the decor. I guess the new tablecloths and such were just given to them. Dale thinks their new space looks like Valentine's Day just threw up all over the room. Hehe. He does admit it's more "modern" and "edgy". As on Project Runway, "edgy" is used here to mean "ugly". Team Manic has acquired their food quote, which is from Through the Looking Glass. The murder of anthropomorphic oysters always makes me hungry! The teams have four hours to prep their food, and they'll both be serving thirty people again. Hung says that they have to prepare three times as much food as last week. Er... Here's a fun SAT question for you: Casey is to geography as Hung is to ______.

The judges come into the Kitchen. Ted Allen again? Me want Gail! Bring back Gail! The guest judge this week is Geoffrey Zakarian, whom Tre refers to as "anal". Ooh. Padma wishes both teams luck. Mad preparations begin. Someone pours two full bottles of olive oil into a pot simultaneously. My arteries seize in terror, and I tell them to shut up, because yum. Brian greets the waitstaff out front. Assuming the setup is the same, I was wrong last week. They didn't get two waiters. They got three. Yeah, that service should have been really, really easy. The other three members of Team Manic focus on their individual dishes back in the Kitchen. Tre continues his executive chef duties by checking in with all of them. He trusts Casey, who has a lot of experience working the line, but is more reluctant to rely on the less experienced CJ. Team Depressive has changed their restaurant's name to Quatre (four in French). There's a tiresome conversation involving Madonna's brother that I'm skipping. We're finally let in on Team Depressive's full menu. The same tuna tartare from last week is being offered for the first course, along with the poussin (a schmancy word for the game hens). They've made the wise decision to dump Howie's risotto and are offering lamb or halibut for the second course. The third will be the dessert crepe or a panna cotta with fresh berries.

Saram tells Hung to remake something so that it's crispier. I don't know what she's referring to. Howie vows to continue getting along with his teammates. Ptom drops in to tell the chefs that he'll be staying in the Kitchen with them tonight to observe. Huh, interesting. Is he afraid someone's going to cheat again? The chefs are anxious.

Commercials. Even Christian Bale can't get me to see a Western.

Diners stream in and read the menus. Brian and Dale greet guests. Dale says that his teammates are relying on him to provide great service, so he'll gladly be an asshole in the back of the house if that's what it takes. Saram shouts out the first orders to Hung and Howie. She interviews that people work better when the judges are watching. Brian delivers the first set of orders to Team Manic. Dale slightly envies the rapport they have. Saram confirms some orders with a Team Depressive waitress, shushing Hung, who's butting in. The judges head to Team Depressive's restaurant first. Dale and Stephen greet them. Is Stephen wearing...cowboy boots? With a suit? Oy. Ted disdains Dale's serving outfit, which is a collared short-sleeve shirt and jeans. So, the pinstripe/boot combination doesn't worry him? Good thing Carson handled the clothing on Queer Eye. Stephen knifes a cork off a bottle of champagne to applause from the judges. Dale takes down the judges' orders before some very special guests come in. Team Depressive gets to serve Saran and Rochester Joey tonight! Meanwhile, Team Manic gets Lia and Camille, who are both looking quite fine this evening.

Brian excitedly cracks the news to the rest of Team Manic. Dale takes a more circuitous route, telling the other Team Depressive chefs that they have some VIP guests. Saram doesn't understand, and snips that all the guests are VIP. When Dale spills the news of their former competitors, Saram holds a beat, then coos "Aw, how cute!" Heh. Hung, on the other hand, asks "Who's [Saran] and [Amarillo Joey]?". He's not forgetful. I asked a physics professor to explain this for me, and he says that once you're not in Hung's immediate vicinity, you don't exist anymore, what with the universe revolving around him and all. The judges are served Team Depressive's first course. Hung's tuna tartare is just as popular as it was last week. Geoffrey finds serving tuna tartare cliche. Instead of going into another rant, let's just refer back to the Damned If They Do/Damned If They Don't Extravaganza. The game hen is served with mint gnocchi, sweet pea puree, carrots, and hazelnuts. I like almost nothing on that plate, but must admit that it's beautifully presented. Dale asks Ted how he likes it, and gets some warm praise. Dale happily takes credit. Shrewd little game player.

Back in the Kitchen, Saram is telling Howie that his lamb is a little undercooked. He tells her it just needs to rest for a minute, but she disagrees, saying that they're a little too rare. He continues to argue (not intensely or anything) that they haven't rested, and Saram ends the back and forth with a firm "do them over". Howie angrily slams them into the oven. When the lamb meets with her approval, she allows it to be served (with white beans and "haricot verts" -- why they felt the need to refer to white beans in English and green beans in French is beyond me). The halibut is also offered in this course, and it is served with grapes, grape sauce, and braised leeks. Both the lamb and halibut are met with approval by the judges. Detroit Joey has other ideas. He nails the lamb as a Howie creation, sneering that everything on the plate is undercooked. Not that he's bitter.

Stephen chats up the judges and other various guests about the wine, just like he did the last time. Dale says that Stephen has the reputation of being an "ostentatious chatterbox". He pulls Stephen into the back, and gently tells him that he's not a big fan of "over-service", but that everything else is fantastic. Stephen looks crushed. Dale serves the desserts to the judges. The panna cotta has fresh berries, as promised. The crepe is topped with oranges, whipped cream, and an orange Grand Marnier sauce. A random couple enjoys the crepe immensely. Looks like Team Depressive is doing all right for themselves tonight. The judges excuse themselves, and head over to Team Manic's restaurant, where Brian seats them. CJ informs the other Team Manic chefs that this round of food is going to the judges. Ptom sits off in the corner, looking a bit lonely as he eats by himself. He also holds his utensils very strangely, which I think was referred to in the "reunion" episode, but I really can't remember, on account of the fact that I couldn't watch four continuous seconds of that episode without falling asleep. Tre calmly directs the preparations.

The first course is served. Padma gets the same seared sea scallop on corn and black truffle custard as last week. Well, it's the same dish. I doubt it's the same scallop. The other first course dish is Tre's salmon, which is cured in beet juice, and served with a Macadamia nut pesto and some grapefruit. I sometimes suspect that the judges exaggerate how bad a dish is when they don't like it, but in this case, it appears that they really, genuinely detest it. Padma takes one bite, and her face falls in on itself. Ted calls it the worst dish he's had in a long, long time. Geoffrey calls it a "car wreck in Times Square". So it sucks at under three miles per hour? Ted gulps some wine to wash the taste of the salmon out of his mouth. Yikes. Casey finishes up a chilled carrot and ginger soup as one of the second course options. It also has some sake and rice wine vinegar in it. Casey uses sake a lot. A diner enjoys it. The other option for the second course is CJ's lobster salad, which includes arugula and caramelized cauliflower. Two women find the lobster salty.

The first dish of the third course comes out. It's the monkfish with mascarpone-whipped potatoes, served on a beurre blanc (butter sauce). The same lady who found the lobster salty thinks this dish is gorgeous. The other option is the beef tenderloin, now with properly smoked potatoes. Padma finds the monkfish overcooked. Geoffrey thinks both of the third course options are forgettable. Tre brings out his dessert, which is an apple, cherry, and brioche bread pudding, with a cinnamon and brandy Anglaise sauce on the side that Tre pours on himself. He's hardly out of earshot before Ted is tearing into it. In the bad way. He says there's nothing custardy about it, and the apples are undercooked. A dining couple bonds over their mutual disdain of the dessert. The teams hash out how they think they did. Dale thinks Team Depressive's improvement was miraculous.

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Judges' Table. The chefs chat in the Kitchen, and they all think they did a better job than last time. Saram praises Hung's speed. Hung just sits there. I think he may be exhausted. The chefs raise their plastic cups to each other. Out in the dining room, the judges agree that tonight was a completely different experience than last week. They begin their discussion with Team Depressive. Geoffrey says their food was really good and "on point". The game hen was great. The halibut was great. The lamb was great (though Ptom found the puree a bit chunky). Ted takes a moment to shred Dale's outfit again. If there's one person who doesn't get to whine about appropriate challenge outfits, it's Ted. Gail, where are you? The judges switch over to talking about Team Manic, which Geoffrey thinks had an "honesty" that Team Depressive lacked. No, that comment is never explained. Everyone liked Tre's scallop dish, but his salmon was an "absolute catastrophe" and "disgusting". CJ's lobster was salty and overdressed. The bread pudding was nasty, though Ted liked the table-side presentations. The judges select a winner.

Padma comes back to the Kitchen and summons Team Depressive to the table. They're told they are the winning team. They're all smiles, and they hug. Even Howie. Saram tells the judges she had a good time working with the guys. Ptom tells them they made great improvements. Padma asks Geoffrey to pick an individual winner, and he says that it all comes down to food. He selects Saram. Yay! She deserves it. I don't know what the food tasted like, but she runs a tight ship. She's thrilled to win her first challenge. Padma asks them to send in the other team, and they head back to the Kitchen. Team Manic applauds for Saram, but they're clearly bummed. Odd Asian music. Gong. Team Manic comes into the dining room and stands there grimly. Padma informs them that they're the losing team, and Ptom tells Brian that the service was "too easy" for him. Huh? He goes on to say that Brian didn't focus on the details of the food that went out. That makes no sense, as the only issues the judges had with Team Manic came from their food's flavors, which Brian had nothing to do with. Tre takes responsibility for the first course dishes. He admits the salmon's pesto was "on the strong side". Geoffrey says it was dreadful, and Ptom asks why Tre would combine nuts, garlic, and cheese with marinated fish. Tre thought the texture would work, but the judges make it clear that there was nothing good about it. Geoffrey does compliment the scallop.

Moving on to the second course. Padma asks about CJ's motivations for the lobster salad. CJ's talks about the flavors he used, and Ptom tells him that it was overly salty. Casey's carrot soup that everyone enjoyed is completely passed over, so that she can be taken to task for the overcooked monkfish. Once that's dealt with, it's on to the horrible bread pudding of Tre's. Ted doesn't expect them to be pastry chefs, but thinks bread puddings are easy. They're asked if they have any experience with them, and CJ cops to knowing his way around a bread pudding. Mistake. Geoffrey leaps down his throat for not holding Tre's hand through dessert preparation. CJ duhs that he thought Tre would be all right on his own. When he's asked his opinion of the final product, CJ says that Tre's bread pudding was "a little boring". Meow! This is where Howie would explode, but Tre's a lot more stoic. Geoffrey asks why CJ didn't "watch Tre's back". CJ doesn't have an answer to that. Ptom asks CJ what happened with his hand-picked team, and CJ shrugs that he thought they did a good job. Ptom tells them that Team Depressive learned a lot more from their mistakes in the soft opening. The chefs are asked if they have anything more to say, and are dismissed when they don't.

Team Manic tells Team Depressive what happened. Ptom tells the other judges that Team Manic suffered from overconfidence and lack of intensity. Probably true. Ted and Geoffrey agree that there was a leadership problem. There is some more incomprehensible criticism of Brian. Tre didn't run a good kitchen, and Ted says that CJ and Casey "abdicated leadership", which was a "failing". Um, you do know what a leader is, right? The thing about a team leader is that there's one of them. You can't whine about three people not showing leadership when the fourth has been specifically designated "executive chef". Can Ted please go elsewhere before he loses every shred of credibility? In a more understandable vein, Tre failed as an executive chef, and his salmon and bread pudding were beyond bad. CJ didn't support Tre enough. Brian didn't do a lot of work. Casey's monkfish wasn't good. The judges pretend that this is a difficult decision.

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Elimination. Ptom says that the judges expected more in the hard opening. Casey's monkfish was subpar. Again, Brian's service was "too easy", because they can't come up with a real criticism. CJ put the team together, then removed himself from responsibility, only making one dish that wasn't particularly successful. Tre made two really bad dishes. Padma delivers the bad news. Tre. Please pack your knives and go. He takes the loss with magnanimity. He knew agreeing to be executive chef would put him in a precarious position, so the decision is understandable. He hugs the other chefs. Brian interviews that Tre was one of the best chefs in the house, and that he thought he'd last until the end. Yeah, I thought so, too. CJ is sorry to see him go, but respects that Tre "took it as a man". No ugly crying here. The chefs applaud as he goes, and Tre calmly interviews that if an executive chef can't lead the team, then the executive chef is a flaw. He thinks that the show has given him the knowledge he needed to open his own restaurant, and that he won't make the same mistakes again. I'll bet. I like a man who's ruthlessly competent.

Overall Grade: B+