Wednesday, April 02, 2008

If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere

America's Next Top Model - Season 10, Episode 7

Previously on America's Next Top Model: Everyone hated Dominique, which Omniscient Tyra takes great pleasure in announcing. Claire and Aimee had trouble portraying musical styles, and since Claire has more potential in her breast milk than Aimee had in her whole body, Aimee took her shy self home. Eight girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Whitney is surprised and pleased to have been called first last week. She feels it's time for America's Next Top Model to crown a plus-sized winner. Claire is relieved to have survived the bottom two, but some of the other girls rightfully peg her gleeful dance at seeing Aimee chopped as a bit insensitive. At the model pad, Fatima makes coffee, someone drinks or pours it out, she blames Lauren, and Lauren tells her to fuck off. The end. These pointless fights are getting increasingly tedious.

Tyra Mail informs the girls that they'll be going on their traditional go-sees, but in a new twist, the girls are dispatched in two teams, rather than individually. Dominique and Whitney find themselves on the same team, and swear they'll get along. No mention is made of the fact that Claire, who also hates Dominique, is also on the team. Whitney is criticized for being plus-sized by a designer, but tries to take it gracefully. Less graceful is Dominique, who can't wait to see Whitney's fat ass canned. Shocking. Actually, the same designer has trouble fitting Fatima, because she's too small. Jeez, Goldilocks wasn't this fucking picky. Whitney does better at the next designer, who actually has outfits to fit different body types. Imagine that. Lauren's walk is still horrendous. The teams are mostly tied going into the third and final go-see, but the Claire/Dominique/Whitney/Stacy-Ann team wins, thanks mostly to Stacy-Ann, who all the designers loved. Their prize is a picture in Seventeen. Zzzz.

The next day, the girls head to the photo shoot. They're usually really good at coming up with good ideas for shoots, but this one is a snoozer. Basically, the girls will be approximating "performance" "art" by flinging themselves onto a clear sheet covered in water with no hair or makeup products and photographed from below. Claire does a bellyflop, not really getting that three inches of water does not a swimming pool make. She hurts herself a bit, but eventually pulls it together. OJ feels her poses are a bit stilted. The rest of the girls do fair to middling, though Whitney knocks it out of the park, and Stacy-Ann struggles. Katarzyna gets her hair chopped right before her shoot, and she looks good.

At Panel, most of the pictures wind up looking blurry and bland, though the judges try to convince themselves that it was a fabulous idea. Despite all that, Whitney and Fatima manage to get good pictures. In deliberations, the judges say Claire is becoming one-note, Katarzyna needs to show some personality, and Dominique looked totally trashy at Panel. Fatima is called at the top of the pack, Stacy-Ann's strong challenge performance saves her from her weak photo, and Claire and Lauren wind up as the bottom two. Dun dun duuuuuun! Claire takes good pictures, but they're all the same. Lauren is a gawky mess in person. Shockingly, Lauren gets her photo, and Claire, who started off so strong, is eliminated. Good thing Whitney's around to snap up my loyalty. Claire is disappointed, but not overly bitter about the whole experience.

Next week on America's Next Top Model: Fatima may be kicked out due to legal difficulties. Lauren chops her finger off or something. Oooh, that sounds a lot more interesting than this week's borefest.

Overall Grade: C-

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