Improv

Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 7

Previously on Top Chef: JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. She got off to a good start by winning the Quickfire Challenge. Mark was a mess from beginning to end. The Elimination Challenge was to cook for sports fans, and when Ryan decided the best way to do that was to ignore everything about what sports fans generally like, he was punted. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening menu. The usual assortment of cheese, meat, veggies, and alcohol. I've really fallen down on the whole make-something-for-Top-Chef-night goal.

A breezy morning greets the chefs. Antonia interviews that they've reached the point in the competition where there is absolutely no room for error. She looks a lot different when her hair's down. Oh, and in case you haven't heard... JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. That dispensed with, the chefs head to the Kitchen for the Quickfire Challenge. The Kitchen is filled with rows and rows of delectable desserts. Those are some fine-lookin' cakes. Nikki heartily approves of eating a lot of dessert. Padma introduces the guest judge, who is rather more photogenic than usual. You can tell Padma agrees, by the way she purrs "I'm delighted to introduce out guest judge for this round..."

Tiffany: "...who I've just fucked."

Heh. His name is Johnny Iuzzini, and he's an award-winning pastry chef. Padma pimps the Top Chef cookbook, and although cookbooks are my heroin, I have no interest in that one. I don't know which contestants are featured, but there's no way people like Ilan or Frank are ever getting anywhere near my kitchen. Padma points out that dessert has been the downfall of many a contestant. That's tough luck, because today's Quickfire is to make one. The winning chef gets a recipe in the cookbook. None of them seem to care. Padma starts the ninety-minute countdown, and everyone scatters. Antonia admits that she has no idea what she's doing. Dale had the foresight to bring one dessert recipe, and he's busting it out now. Lisa isn't happy to be stuck with dessert, and explains why the chefs have so many problems with it.

Baking is very technical. There's no throw-a-bit-of-this, now-that, maybe-some-garlic-would-make-this-better kind of experimentation. Everything has to be measured and combined to a specific degree, and there's no fixing it if you mess up. Yay, rules! Seriously, sometimes I watch my friends cook, and Gnat drives me crazy, what with the "Oh, I'll just toss a handful of basil in if the mood strikes, then toss it on the stove until it looks right". I like lists. I like detailed directions. Maybe that's why I turned out some awesome cookies in half an hour last night, while these professional chefs stand around, scratching their heads over baking powder.

Anyway, enough about my anal-retentive recipe love. Richard is improvising, and notes that his bananas look like sea scallops, so he decides to do a little tongue-in-cheek play on them. That's a fine idea, save the patting himself on the back for his own wit. Spike has memorized a recipe for chocolate molten cake, but decides that he'll ignore it in favor of making a souffle. Yes, a souffle, which appears to be as popular with chefs as holy water is with vampires. I guess I can understand wanting to do your risk-taking in the Quickfire. Time runs out. Padma and Johnny go down the line. Spike presents his pineapple/rum/raisin souffle, with toasted coconut. Johnny gives him points for making something difficult. Richard has made banana "scallops" with a banana "guacamole" and chocolate ice cream. Sounds good. I heart bananas. Padma calls the guacamole "strange and delicious". Jennifer has made a very presentable chocolate cake, with chocolate-dipped banana bites on the side. Andrew has a banana/chocolate ravioli with some coffee pudding. Nikki's cake is very pretty. It's made with buttermilk, and has a berry sauce drizzled on top. Padma notes how well-presented it is.

The predictably-awful Titles Department has identified Stephanie as Jennifer, lest you thought Jennifer made two desserts in her quest to WIN THE COMPETITION FOR ZOI. Stephanie has made a chocolate cake with salted basil ganache on top. Dale has made a more cultural dessert called a "halo-halo", which appears to be a mixture of shaved ice, avocado, mango, kiwi, and crushed nuts. I'd be curious to try it. Lisa has yogurt with fruit puree, which is held together by a wall of fried wantons and a ceiling of strawberries. This would be like a shack in a bad neighborhood in Strawberry Shortcake's village. Mark has made a gorgeous assortment of pavlovas, made with a bit of wattleseed. Antonia says that she "attempted" to make a lemon curd brulee, with lemon cake on the side. Hey, if it had worked out, it sounds like it would have been among the tastiest.

Results. First to be called out as one of the worst is Antonia, whose dessert just "didn't come together". Spike gets an A for effort and risk, but it takes more than effort and risk to make a good souffle. Mark's pavlovas were good on their own, but aren't what Johnny would classify as a dessert. That statement makes zero sense. Clam up and go back to being pretty, Johnny. First in the top three is Dale, whose flavors all worked well together. Lisa has overcome her dessert phobia, as her dessert had great balance, and the strawberries were really fresh. OK, but Lisa didn't grow them, Johnny. This guy's weird. Richard had the most original concept. So original that Richard is selected as the winner. Along with his immunity, his recipe will be in the Top Chef cookbook, though I don't know that it's this particular recipe. He's pleased to have it, and especially pleased to prove he's not a one-trick pony.

Padma tells the chefs they'll find out about the Elimination Challenge later, but for now, they'll all be able to relax and attend a show at Second City, the improv comedy troupe that has launched some very impressive careers. Later that evening, the chefs get ready for their night on the town. Stephanie says it'll be nice to just hang out as friends for once. Mark gives the camera a nice shot of his tighty...well, not whities. Tighty-blueys, more like. He makes fun of Richard wearing pink, dryly interviewing that it goes well with his skin tone. Heh. The chefs head to the show, and enjoy some comedy. Relevance strikes when one of the comedians asks for the audience to yell out some colors. After they collect some ideas, they ask for emotions. After emotions, the comic asks for the audience to shout out ingredients. The chefs know what they're about to get hit with, and to their credit, nobody seems shocked. They suspected the comedy show was going to figure into their next challenge, and good for them for learning from the past (and having a modicum of common sense).

A comedian confirms their suspicions, and announces to the audience that the chefs will be cooking a meal for members of the troupe. The meal will be split into five courses, namely:

Yellow Love Vanilla
Depressed Purple Bacon
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage
Green Perplexed Tofu
Orange Turned-On Asparagus

The chefs applaud gamely, though Lisa interviews that they're totally fucked. Back at the house, they decide to draw numbers for who gets which course. Since there are ten chefs and five courses, everyone will be working in pairs. Nikki says the pairs were decided by looking around and thinking "Who have I worked with, who haven't I worked with..."

LabRat: "Who haven't I slept with yet?"

Spike picks the first course, and doesn't want to get anywhere near Richard and his immunity. He winds up with Andrew, who he says he's never worked with before. Never or four episodes ago. Whichever. Anyhow, the teams wind up being:

Yellow Love Vanilla: Spike and Andrew
Depressed Purple Bacon: Nikki and Mark
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage: Lisa and Antonia
Green Perplexed Tofu: Richard and Dale
Orange Turned-On Asparagus: Stephanie and Jennifer

Everyone splits up and starts to discuss ideas. Stephanie reiterates that there's no room left for error. Guess everyone will just have to be perfect, then.

Commercials. There's no way I'm buying that barbecue sauce if a line dance breaks out every time I use it.

Lisa recaps the challenge. The chefs head to Whole Foods with $150 for their half hour of shopping time. Nikki says they'll be glazing Panchetta with honey and ginger. I don't know, honey sounds a little happy for "depressed" bacon. Jennifer and Stephanie buy an enormous hunk of goat cheese and some oranges to pair with their asparagus. Jennifer says it'll be like having a menage a trois, which she's looking forward to. Insert eyebrow wiggle. Dale, who is a lot more on the ball this week with his food metaphors, says that curry can be a good representation of perplexity. Richard buys some beef fat to marinate the tofu in, which he says is a very Seinfeldian thing to do. He does a quick impression, and you can hear a member of the crew giggling in the background. Hehe. Meanwhile, Lisa and Antonia have gotten to thinking that Polish sausage is dumb, and despite the fact that it's the only food item they've clearly been told to use, they don't buy any. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! They buy some sea bass, chorizo, and tequila. Antonia tries to pass this off as another form of "improv". Yeah, nice try. Spike and Andrew buy anything that they can afford, and that catches their fancy.

Back at the Kitchen, a long dining table has been set up, and already has all the place settings ready. The chefs get started on their three hours of prep time. Spike, still stinging from the soup incident, has decided to make a vanilla butternut squash soup for this challenge. It's just as good an idea now as it was then. Antonia, equally stung, says that if Spike wins for the soup she vetoed, she'll vomit in her mouth. That'd make for a fun ending. Dale and Richard work on a green curry and grilled tofu. I like where they're going with this. Dale runs back to the equipment room to get a pot, and discovers that all of the electrical equipment has been removed. Improv! He runs back to the Kitchen to inform everyone else. It's not good news for Andrew and Spike, who are trying to make a smooth soup. To their credit, they don't spend an iota of time whining, and immediately begin thinking their way around it. Andrew starts hand-grinding squash through a ricer. Dale builds on a pre-made curry with his own ingredients. Spike strains ingredients through a bag.

Mark and Nikki work on their roasted pork loin. Jennifer and Stephanie are on the same page as far as their asparagus, but Stephanie interviews that she's not as sure about the big, honkin' piece of grilled bread Jennifer wants to serve with it. Jennifer interviews that they really wanted to "encapture" the idea of turned-on asparagus. Hey, if imaginary words get you there, go for it. They plate in such a way as to make the asparagus look very phallic. Lisa and Antonia are piling sea bass and chorizo on top of purple potato. Antonia notes that it's not looking elegant or refined at all. It's true. She doesn't really care, saying that as long as it tastes good, they'll be fine. With about an hour and twenty minutes left, Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. It's actually not a waste of time for once, as Ptom throws another improv curve at them. Pack up your shit, chefs. They've got twenty minutes to throw everything into containers, then they'll have an hour to cook back at their house, where the actual dinner is being served. Nobody is completely thrown, though Stephanie notes that there are only about six burners in their kitchen. Everyone packs up and rolls out.

Commercials. Okay, this Kitchen Of Tomorrow-esque commercial is a little silly, but I still find myself intrigued by the futuristic controls and the semi-instant boiling water.

Back at the house, the chefs get restarted. Richard tells us about this in interview, which I only bring up to point out that I think his faux-hawk is deflating. Aw. Chefs wrestle over oven and burner space. Nikki tells us that there's no room for error. Hey, if you had to guess, what would you say the contestants think about how much room for error there is now? I'm at a total loss. Spike takes way to long to explain that he's finishing up the soup, and making sure it's seasoned properly. The diners arrive at the house. Aside from the judges and Johnny, some members of Second City are present as well. Time runs out.

Andrew and Spike's soup is served first. All of the diners enjoy it. I'd give them bonus points for being able to make a smooth soup without a lot of equipment to strain it. Thumbs up all around. Stephanie and Jennifer are up next. Jennifer explains that they've cut a wedge of bread to look phallic (which it doesn't -- I know she's not around a lot of penis, but come on), and propped the asparagus on it to stick out lewdly. Stephanie worries about the crouton, saying it's not the right texture. She has a lot of bread issues. They play up the horny angle as they serve it, emphasizing the "menage a trois" of orange, goat cheese, and asparagus, and throwing their heads back to insert it into their gaping mouths. Once they're done fellating their vegetables, they head back into the kitchen, and the diners dig in. They're fairly unimpressed. As Stephanie predicted, the bread isn't a big hit, and the plethora of flavors winds up muddling the plate.

Dale fries some eggplant at the last minute, before he and Richard take out their green, perplexed tofu. Spike finds the big block of tofu dominating each of the plates very odd. It's essentially a bowl with green curry at the bottom, then a layer of fried eggplant, then the beef fat-marinated tofu, and the whole thing is augmented with some greens. It looks good. The diners all love it. Ptom says "This is very good," which if you know him, is some of the highest praise imaginable. Ted likes the way they responded to the word perplexed, as it's difficult to derive food inspiration out of. Antonia and Lisa go next with their magenta, drunk, Polish sausage. Or whatever random shit they threw together to approximate those things. Seriously, it's not magenta, it's not Polish sausage, and the only thing "drunk" about it is the tequila sauce. Spike is disdainful of the whole dish, and while he hasn't been my favorite person of late, I'm with him.

When Antonia and Lisa serve, they toast each other with a shot of tequila, but don't serve any to the diners. Big mistake. The diners are pissy, which probably even further colors their judgment against a dish that's not a good idea to begin with. Nobody likes anything about it. One of the comedians makes a weak crack about Polish sausage while gesturing to Ted, the gay man. Great joke, dude. Could you send it back to 1982 when you get the chance? Mark and Nikki prepare their purple, depressed bacon. Mark describes the bacon as depressed, because it has to share plate space with Brussels sprouts. Heh. The rest of the plate is pork loin, sweet potatoes, grape sauce, and some au jus. It looks delicious, though I detest Brussels sprouts. The diners enjoy it. Ted likes the glaze on the pork. One of the comedians finds it very much like comfort food, which works into the depressed angle nicely. The chefs clean up, and discuss elimination. Stephanie refuses to even speculate, which is wise. Jennifer smilingly tells the camera that she's packing her knives right now, and that it's a bad omen.

Commercials. More Shear Genius? Tabatha was the only non-boring thing about last season, so they've got their work cut out for them. No pun intended.

Judges' Table. Padma comes back into the Kitchen, and summons Dale/Richard and Spike/Andrew to the table. They're told they are the top two teams. Manly hand slaps and hugs are exchanged. Spike and Andrew's soup had a lot of great flavors, and just the right amount of salt. In a season in which seasoning has not been great, this one shined. The soup also had the "love" that was part of their inspiration, being simple and homey. Richard and Dale brought a lot to their dish. Both Richard's tofu and Dale's curry are a big hit. Johnny says that while both teams did a great job, there can be only one winning team, and that team is Richard and Dale. I guess Antonia's gorge is safe. Both Dale and Richard receive $2500 worth of kitchenware. Nice. I don't know about them, but my kitchen could certainly use that boost. Padma asks them to send out this week's losers. The waiting chefs seem even more tense than usual, and Dale wastes no time in telling them that the judges want to see Antonia/Lisa and Stephanie/Jennifer.

Odd Asian music. Gong. The losing teams walk in, and while I make no judgments about these ladies' cooking skills from a reality show (not to mention the fact that I can't taste any of their food), this episode sure isn't doing their Respect For Women Chefs cause much good. Padma informs them that they're the least favorite dishes of the evening. Antonia and Lisa swear up and down that they both came up with the idea to ditch Polish sausage at the same time. Lisa describes her life experience with Polish sausage, and how much she's disliked its preparation. So why not do something different with it? You know...improv? Johnny points out that with the words "Polish sausage" and "drunk", it should have been an natural step to cook the sausage in beer. Seriously, they had the easiest inspiration, and did nothing with it. Lisa openly says that it's tough to accept that they're on the chopping block for a semantic technicality, and Ptom points out that semantic technicalities are all the judges have to go on right now, because the food was fairly good across the board.

Stephanie describes how they came up with the concept of their dish. Ptom's big problem with the food is that the goat cheese took center stage, rather than the orange or the asparagus, which was supposed to be the focus. Johnny says the plate's overall composition was a trainwreck. Jennifer looks surprised at this. There's some discussion of how everything was supposed to look phallic, but Johnny still thinks the bread was a mistake, as it was soggy on one side and tough to cut into. The entire dish lacked finesse. After ascertaining who executed what, the chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Lisa and Antonia complain about how they got in trouble, just because they completely ignored everything they were supposed to do. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Johnny is saying that they took the "improv" aspect too literally, and just changed the entire challenge because they didn't like one of the aspects. Fair point. Lisa says that if they had followed the judges' instructions and just cooked some sausage in beer, they'd have been raked over the coals for making bar food.

LabRat: "I think she's kind of a bitch, but I agree with her on that one."

Ptom says that although Lisa and Antonia didn't stick to the challenge, he still enjoyed their food more than he enjoyed Stephanie and Jennifer's. Their asparagus was overwhelmed by cheese. The judges try to decide which is the worse offense. After dithering a bit, they come to a decision.

Commercials. A health food expert says she's going to get people up off their rumps by giving them granola. I'd say she's doing the exact opposite.

Elimination. Both teams went off the rails when it came to improvisation. Antonia and Lisa ignored what they were expressly told to prepare. Jennifer and Stephanie's goat cheese took over their food. Ptom hates to get rid of someone on a technicality, but as he said before, that's what they have to do. They choose to eliminate someone from the team that had the weaker food, which they feel is Jennifer and Stephanie. This surprises me, as it seemed like they were building up to an Antonia elimination tonight, and I've been semi-depressed about it for forty minutes. Stephanie's had an excellent track record, so it's not surprising that when it comes down to her and Jennifer... Jennifer, please pack your knives and go. Wait, who's going to TOTALLY WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI now? She says she thought it was a great dish, but thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she can take the critique without necessarily agreeing with it. Fair enough. She hugs the other chefs good-bye, and talks about her frustration with what she sees as an undeserved elimination. The other chefs are surprised that she went, but Richard sighs that there's just no room for error now. What? No room for error? Why didn't you tell us that before?

Overall Grade: B+