Ballot Boxes

America's Next Top Model - Season 11, Episode 1

Previously on America's Next Top Model: Thirty-three girls wanted to take home the title. Nineteen of them achieved their goal, if the title they wanted was Loser. The remaining fourteen move on to the second half of the premiere. Who won't last long enough to have all of her hair chopped off?

The girls move into the model pad in Los Angeles, which is just as swanky as ever. Where do they find these places? The inside is decorated with well-known moments of models past, which leads to a plug for Tyra's talk show. It will not be the last. Since we can't have three girls named Brittany wandering around, Brittney B. agrees to go by Sharaun and Brittany S. agrees to go by McKey. We're never told what inspired these names, so I'm going to go with the assumption that they threw darts at a wall of letters and wrote down whatever got hit.

The girls are taken to the Magic Castle (Hey, I've been there! It was uber-fancy and a lot of fun) to meet with the judges. The judges hide in various rooms, and the girls run all over to find them so they can ask and answer questions. Sharaun impresses nobody but herself. Marjorie is a ball of nerves and giggles uncontrollably. McKey is asked what she would do if a photographer propositioned her. She says she'd kick him in the balls and leave, which takes Nigel aback. Hey, she could have given a much worse answer. Nigel's also taken aback by Isis' intelligence and knowledge of how to capture light, though he says there's something a little off about her. Because he totally hasn't been informed beforehand that she's a transexual. I fully believe you, show. In unrelated news, I traded away my cow for some magic beans this afternoon.

The photo shoot, as in seasons past, takes a political tone. Sort of. Tyra's heart is in the right place, as she makes sure to stress the importance of youth voting. Admirable. Still, the photo shoot calls for the girls to make political issues sexy, so it's just a series of shots of girls giving the cameras their best smolders and hooch poses in front of voting booths and flags. Clark, who has reminded us a gazillion times that she's competitive, takes offense when the others won't explain to her what bureaucracy means. I don't know whether to highlight "bureaucracy" or "competitive" in the dictionary I'm going to chuck at her head. Ah, hell. I'll highlight both. I'm nice like that. She never finds out, and her shot in front of a wall of red tape sucks rocks.

Other poor shots include Lauren Brie (education), Sharaun (homeland security), Samantha (economy), and Hannah (nuclear weapons). The others are passable, and notable standouts include Elina (foreign policy), Joslyn (unemployment), and Isis (privacy). At panel, the judges like Marjorie's immigration shot much more than LabRat and I, and she gets called first. Tyra informs us that the girl chosen first each week will have her shot presented as digital art in the model pad. That'll be good for generating envy-motivated drama. Isis and McKey (environment) are also given high marks. Down at the bottom are Nikeysha (cloning), who interrupts the judges during her critique, which is never a way to get into their good graces. Joining her is Sharaun, whose photo is bland and who said hideous things to Isis in the middle of her shoot. She gets booted, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Is there a better experience than watching instant karma take an asshole down?

Overall Grade: B-