Did You Push My Sports Bra Off the Ledge?

The Amazing Race - Season 13, Episode 3

Previously on The Amazing Race: Ten teams raced from Brazil to...Brazil. Nick and Starr's alliance with Ken and Tina pissed off Terence and Sarah, despite the fact that said alliance has yet to accomplish anything. Mark and Bill's mad phat geek skills came in handy at the computer-based Detour, but not enough to beat Ken and Tina to the mat. Meanwhile, at the back of the pack, Anthony's love of dysfunctional cars and Stephanie's love of dysfunctional relationships got them a one-way ticket to Eliminationville. Nine teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?

Opening credits. I wish Anita and Arthur were still around to explain to me why one needs a tractor to be a bee farmer.

Fortaleza, Brazil. Phil fills us in on this week's scintillating pitstop drama. It seems Christy had hung her sports bra on a ledge to dry and it "mysteriously" dropped off. What's mysterious about that? Hanging clothes fall down all the time. It took me three tries to get my lab coat on a hook the other day. Anyhow, Christy suspects that Starr maliciously sabotaged her bra, giving us the titular quote early this week. Starr laughs about this in interview, because she hasn't had more than four minutes' worth of interaction with Christy in her life, so why would she need to concoct some petty revenge scheme? And as Starr adds, what would be gained by doing this? Earth logic doesn't really apply to Christy, though, so she's convinced that Nick and Starr are now her and Kelly's sworn enemies. Jesus. At least Terence and Sarah's pitstop fight had a point, dumb as it was. This is just a waste of downtime. No wonder Kelly and Christy are such shitty racers.

Ken and Tina are first off the mat at 12:51 AM. Rrrrrrrip! The clue tells them to get to La Paz, Bolivia, so the freshman-level Spanish the teams keep yelling out will finally be relevant. Phil warns us that La Paz is 12,000 feet above sea level, so it takes an hour to boil an egg. Or that teams may get altitude sickness. One of the two. Once in town, teams must make their way to a statue of Simon Bolivar. In the morning, a stack of newspapers will be dropped off there, and somewhere in the classified ads is the next clue. Tina tries to lead Ken away from the mat so that other teams won't see them. Um, Tina? I'm pretty sure that everyone's headed to the airport. No need to be quite so devious. She interviews that she and Ken need to work on how they communicate. Ken is silent. Seems like normal breeder communication to me. Zing!

Mark and Bill leave the mat at 12:52 AM. In a statement I didn't catch as portentous the first time, Mark says that taking extra time to analyze situations pays off in ways that rushing headlong into a task doesn't. Terence and Sarah leave the mat at 1:13 AM, and upon learning of their destination, Sarah squeals at such a high pitch that her glasses shatter. OK, not really, but I'm trying to spice up this slow-starting season for you. She interviews that she's realized that other teams are trying to beat them because they're in some kind of race. Nice catch, Sarah. Next week, we'll tackle how eating food helps alleviate hunger. Aja and Ty leave the mat at 1:14 AM. Aja says that so far, the race has helped affirm how much she loves and cares about Ty. Toni and Dallas leave the mat at 1:15 AM. Dallas says it's cool to be learning about his mom on such a different level (i.e., the competitive, physical side). Makes sense. I can't even picture my mother in this setting.

Teams begin to arrive at the airport. Nick and Starr leave the mat at 1:17 AM. Starr says that you have be careful, because you don't want to piss other teams off, thereby putting a target on your back. I don't know. I agree that being needlessly offensive is rude and unwise (And Starr? Perhaps you should pass that lesson along to your brother), but there's a limit to how gentle you need to be with moronic people like Christy. I guess Starr's just worried about being on the business end of a U-Turn, which is understandable. Kelly and Christy leave the mat at 1:18 AM. They giggle stupidly about never getting mad at each other, but ganging up to get mad at other people.

Limecrete: "Hahahashutthefuckup."
LabRat: "You don't like them much, do you?"

Andrew and Dan are off at 1:22 AM. Dan, the tourism management major, announces that they're going to "Laaaaa Paaaaaaz". They seem resignedly satisfied to be in the middle of the pack, though leaving eighth out of nine isn't what I'd consider "middle". Andrew boasts about how sexy he looks, and though he's (partially) kidding, it'd still be a good idea to wait until one's chin isn't breaking out to brag about how hot one is. The captions say that the IBs leave at 1:22 AM, but I think there's a general rule about teams leaving at least one minute apart, no matter how close they were when they checked in, so I'm going to go ahead and assume they meant 1:23 AM. IB#3 is convinced they're underestimated, just cause they've come in second-to-last in both legs so far. Even though there are two flights to La Paz, we're thankfully spared the drama of purchasing tickets and waiting in line at the gate.

La Paz, Bolivia. Costumed dancers sashay through the streets. The sun sets instantly, and the teams arrive in the darkness of night. They immediately notice how much more difficult it is to breathe. As each team arrives at the statue of Simon Bolivar, a nice local lady hands out blankets for what is sure to be a restful night's sleep on the street. There's a little grousing, but IB#3 earns her first point by cracking that at least they get to sleep right next to Simon Bolivar. Heh. In the morning, the locals get bustling. Teams shave and do their makeup as they wait for the paper. Nick tries to make peace with Kelly and Christy. I've got it freeze-framed on their scowling faces, and it couldn't be more obvious that they've already made up their minds to hate Nick and Starr for essentially no reason. Kelly snots that they don't care what Nick or anyone else thinks of them. I sure am shocked that their marriages didn't work out. Other teams have better things to do that actually relate to the race. Go figure. Sarah/Terence/Tina/Starr recruit some Ferns.

The stacks of newspapers land, and teams swarm all over them. Dan is the first to find the clue, which is unfortunately written in English. Think how much cooler it would have been to alert the teams to the clue, but leave the specifics in Spanish. This season is really lacking oomph so far. The clue tells the teams to make their way to Narvaez' Hat and Shoe Store near Plaza Murillo, and to buy a traditional Cholita hat that they should hang onto. Once they buy a hat, the next clue will be handed over. Dan and Andrew take off, closely followed by Ken/Tina/Nick/Starr. Dallas spots the clue. Terence and Sarah. Mark and Bill. The two latter teams are told by Sarah's Fern that it's within walking distance, though the previous teams got taxis. Kelly and Christy spot the clue. Aja and Ty. And once again, last out of the gate are the IBs.

Traffic snarls the cab teams, so Terence and Sarah manage to reach the shop at the same time as the Fratties. Detour! This week, the choice is between Musical March and Bumpy Ride. In Musical March, teams have to walk to two plazas that are several blocks apart. In each plaza, they'll pick up members of a marching band. Once the band is complete, they'll lead it to another plaza where the bandleader will hand over the next clue. In Bumpy Ride, teams make their way to a street, where they'll select a pair of locally-crafted bicycles. The cycles are very cool-looking, but they're certainly not made with modern materials. Termites could take them out, so I'd worry a bit about safety. Once they're geared up, teams follow a provided map, and ride down the bumpy, cobblestone streets to the same plaza that the bandleader stands in. The next clue awaits them there. Oh, and "Caution: U-Turn ahead". Phil explains that the U-Turn allows one team to force another (behind them) to go back and complete the Detour option that they didn't do previously. There are only two U-Turns, and once a team has used one, they cannot use another.

Dan isn't a strong bike rider, so the Fratties go for Musical March. They note that the clue requires that teams make their way to the Detours by foot. It'd be interesting to see them try and cart the band members around in a cab. Sarah and Terence don't have time to read, so they go ahead and grab a taxi. Sigh. I'd say that this jaw-droppingly stupid move of acting without reading the clue is a light motif for this season, but it seems to be a light motif of every season. Mark and Bill choose Bumpy Ride. And...get a cab. Double sigh. The IBs go for Musical March, while Ken and Tina opt for Bumpy Ride. Kelly and Christy choose Bumpy Ride, as do Aja and Ty. Kelly and Christy have actually learned something, and figure out that they can't get a cab. In their cab, Terence (with Fern ensconced on his lap...hehe) points out to Sarah that the clue mentions traveling by foot. Mark and Bill haven't caught the snap.

Sarah says that they have to go back to the hat shop and start over. It cuts to an exterior shot of the car, with Terence saying that "this is a huge mistake". On first viewing, I thought he was suggesting that going back was a bad idea, and gave her all the credit for fixing their error. But seeing this again, I'm forced to give Terence more credit. I think he may have been saying that getting into the cab in the first place was their mistake; not going back. Plus, they don't even show him saying that now, but cut to an exterior shot, which is usually a good clue that a sound byte has been jammed in where it doesn't belong. Mark shoots himself in the foot even further by tempting Fate and saying that he thinks he and Bill are doing really well.

Commercials. Good idea, Zach Braff. Get all the voice-over work you can, before it's too late.

Nick/Starr choose Bumpy Ride, and Toni/Dallas currently in last place, choose the same. That seems like an odd choice on their part, but the bikes do sound faster, if more difficult. Mark and Bill arrive at the bikes in faux first place. Starr hopes someone uses the U-Turn (but not on her and Nick, obviously). Toni is already out of breath. She questions their Detour choice, but Dallas implores her to think positively. Terence convinces Sarah that once they go back to the starting point, they should change their Detour choice to Bumpy Ride. Probably wise. Look at me, all agreeing with Terence so much. The Earth has been thrown into chaos! Mark and Bill begin their ride, which is bumpy, as promised. My bigger concern would be that the brakes are tough to operate, and there's a good chance that you'd careen right into the side of a car, as Mark does now. Tina, breathing hard, wonders how the populace gets around at such a high altitude. I cannot improve upon the response that Reality Blurred had to this, which is that it's not like the entire city just arrived last night. Heh.

Terence and Sarah jog through the streets. The Fratties arrive at their first plaza, and Dan rudely snaps "Let's go, let's go, let's go!" at a couple of drummers. The two musicians begin their processional, and Dan whines about how slow they are. Yes, this is the slow, easy Detour, as opposed to the fast, difficult one. Have you not seen this show before? Andrew tries to jazz up the experience with a couple of dance steps, but Dan's in too sour a mood to go along with it. It's such fun watching someone treat this once-in-a-lifetime experience like a tedious household chore. The IBs are much cheerier, saying that they'll do well on this Detour, because they're so friendly. They draft some drummers. Mark/Bill/Terence/Sarah/Ken/Tina ride their bikes, which are more like scooters. Nobody's pedaling. Aja/Ty/Kelly/Christy get started on their bikes. Christy continues to convince herself that all Nick and Starr think about is her and how to foil her at every turn. Nick and Starr get started. Kelly and Christy veer and crash. Toni and Dallas arrive at the bikes, but Toni needs to sit down for a few minutes to catch her breath.

Mark and Bill coast into the plaza, bypass the U-Turn, and pick up their next clue. Rrrrrrrip! Teams must now make their way eight miles to Los Titanes del Ring, where the next cluebox awaits. They hop into a cab. The Fratties arrive at their second plaza, and pick up the rest of their musicians. The bike riding teams zoom downhill at a scary speed. The IBs arrive at their second plaza. Frankly, the musicians kind of suck. Their band walks a lot faster than the Fratties', and though the IBs give themselves too much credit for this, I can't argue against the idea that a positive attitude serves you better than acting perpetually put-upon. Aja begins to slow down, and Ty tries to jazz her up. This somehow becomes a metaphor for their relationship, but all I saw was a mild pep talk. Toni and Dallas get started, and Dallas begins to lose patience with her slow pace. She snaps that it's not like she's going slow on purpose. The IBs' band passes the Fratties'. The Fratties decide to follow, which is their go-to move, and not a good one. Hilariously, when the IBs spot the bandleader and break into a run, their musicians begin to run right behind them.

Ken/Tina/Terence/Sarah finish their bike ride. The IBs reach the bandleader and declare that they won't be using the U-Turn, as do a breathless Terence/Sarah/Ken/Tina. Once they're all in cabs, the Fratties finish up the Detour, and choose not to use the U-Turn. Kelly and Christy are nervous about actually riding their bikes, so they walk along beside them. This gives Aja and Ty a chance to coast right by, though Aja is chanting a mantra to get herself through it. Nick and Starr spot Kelly and Christy up ahead, and gird themselves, saying they've got to get to the U-Turn first. Kelly and Christy are equally resolute in their refusal to allow Nick and Starr to pass. Unfortunately for them, their fortitude doesn't trump the laws of physics, and Nick and Starr blow right by. It also doesn't help that Christy then has a very scary wipeout, and nearly takes out a pedestrian with her. Ouch! I'm no Christy fan, but that looked painful. As Nick and Starr pass by Ty and Aja, Starr tries to get them to do her dirty work by asking them to U-Turn Kelly and Christy. Kelly tends to the fallen Christy. Nick and Starr reach the cluebox. Nick declares that they don't want to use it, but Starr waffles.

Commercials. A sudden downpour of shoes on my car wouldn't delight me at all. I hope those flats are worth the concussion, lady.

Nick talks Starr out of using the U-Turn, which was dumb. I guess they have no way of knowing their current position, and are worried that Kelly and Christy will survive and be seeking revenge. Still, I think they should have gone for it, and not just because I despise Kelly and Christy. First, no team can bypass the first U-Turn with the idea that they'll be able to use the second one. They might, but it's more likely that either someone else will get to it first, or elimination will loom before the second one shows up. I'm not saying that's what Nick and Starr are doing, but he does mention that they only get to do it once. Well, this is a golden opportunity. They know there are two teams behind them. They know one of those teams already hates them. What would they lose by using it? If it gets Kelly and Christy eliminated, they're free and clear. If Kelly and Christy make it through, then a team that hates them...still hates them. Big deal. That's putting aside the entire argument that Kelly and Christy aren't very good racers, and the likelihood that they'll survive a U-Turn and beat Nick and Starr to the next one is remote. I know it's impossible to assess the situation in the same way that the teams do at the time, but from where I'm sitting, this looked like cowardice, pure and simple.

Aja and Ty aren't stupid enough to dirty their hands for Starr, and bypass the U-Turn as well. Kelly and Christy don't use it either, because they think they're in last place. Nope, that spot still belongs to Toni and Dallas, finishing up their ride. They manage to get a cab before Kelly and Christy. Kelly and Christy are busy whining about Nick and Starr passing them, though they should be grateful that snotting off to Nick at the Simon Bolivar statue didn't get them U-Turned. Mark and Bill's cab has to stop for gas, and Terence and Sarah's driver has no idea where he's going, so Ken and Tina are first to the next cluebox. Rrrrrrrip! Roadblock! Phil explains that in this Roadblock, the chosen team member must set aside all decorum and "fight a girl". Yay! Examples of fighting cholitas pulling each other's hair and fighting are shown. The Roadblock involves putting on an awesome spandex wrestling suit and learning a choreographed fight routine. When the Roadblocker thinks he's/she's ready, they'll enter the main ring and have to perform all six moves correctly. If they fail at any of them, they have to go back to the trainer and relearn the routine.

Ken takes on the Roadblock, which requires that teams hand over the hat from the hat shop. I'll go ahead and tell you now that nobody forgets their hat, so this portion of the task is glossed over from here on out. They enter the arena, which is crowded with spectators. Ken looks around for a cholita, until Tina realizes that the line of women standing right in front of them are the people in question. The Scratching Record of Oh No, You Di'int is played. Ken selects a woman and runs off to change. The IBs arrive next, having picked up some time during their cab ride. IB#3 takes the Roadblock.

All the outfits are funny enough to warrant a mention, so Ken's spandex uniform is dark orange (or red), with a gold belt, purple briefs, gold cape and boots, and a lightning bolt over his belly button. He begins to learn the routine. Mark and Bill arrive. Mark takes the Roadblock. IB#3's outfit is pink (natch), with a silver belt and a red face logo of some type on her chest. Mark's is red, with blue briefs, silver gloves, and a skull on the chest. They begin training, and Ken decides he's ready to give the routine a try. He runs in to the cheers of the crowd. Tina plotzes. The routine is delightful; it's full of kicks and punches and flips and Bolivian ladies bodyslamming referees.

Ken makes it through on his first attempt, and receives the next clue. Rrrrrrrip! Teams must now make their way by taxi to the pitstop, Mirador el Monticulo, a hilltop park that overlooks one of the highest peaks in the area. Last one here will have plenty of time to rest...IN ELIMINATIONVILLE! Ken and Tina grab a cab, and in some very clever editing, Ken begins to chant "Go, go, go, go!" right before a smash cut to Terence and Sarah, saying "Stop, stop, stop, stop!" They've spotted a red and yellow flag, but it's not the one they're looking for. They've arrived at a soccer game, which makes sense as a destination. They learn they're in the wrong place, and take off again. Aja and Ty's cab runs out of gas. Smooth move, driver. The Fratties are again stuck in traffic somewhere, but Toni and Dallas are making good time. Aja and Ty find another cab. Terence and Sarah figure out they're not far away, and ditch their cab to walk.

Shockingly, the next team to arrive is Toni and Dallas, having jumped five places during the ride from the Detour to the Roadblock. Dallas takes the Roadblock. Next is Terence/Sarah, with Sarah taking the Roadblock. Yeah, Terence is more into dealing emotional damage than physical damage. Nick takes the Roadblock. Mark thinks he's ready to do the routine. He flubs his somersault into the ring, and is sent back out to the trainer. Dan and Ty take the Roadblock for their teams. IB#3 attempts her routine, but misses the duck and flip move. She's sent back outside. Dallas, in his very yummy, tight-fitting yellow spandex with purple briefs, gold belt and an eagle logo, is ready to attempt the routine. Kelly and Christy arrive at the Roadblock in last place. Kelly and Christy arrive at the Roadblock in last place. Sorry, I had to say that twice so that I could truly savor the moment. Kelly takes the Roadblock. As the Non-Roadblockers wait for their teammates to learn the routine, Aja tattles to Christy about how Starr tried to convince them to use the U-Turn. Sneaky.

Dallas has no trouble with the routine, and he and Toni are off to the pitstop, having jumped yet another two places. Sarah emerges in her silver spandex suit with...a wolf on her chest? A panther? The chupacabra? Anyhow, she messes up the "taunting" move (essentially running around the ring in a circle before somersaulting back in). Mark describes that the physical exertion of the task plus the high altitude was giving him a lot of trouble. Nick (red spandex with yellow briefs and a jaguar or cougar or some other big cat), Dan (blue spandex with red briefs and a scorpion), and Ty (yellow spandex with black briefs and a lizard) practice. Mark has to pause and suck oxygen from a tank on the sidelines. Uh, oh. That's not a good sign. Dan completes the routine, so the Fratties have picked up a lot of time on this one. They get a cab. Dan has apparently stolen his wrestling outfit. I'd totally want to keep mine, too. Nick and Ty pass their routines. Mark's still hitting the gas. Nick/Starr/Ty/Aja leave, and Mark comes out for his second attempt. He's still light-headed, and screws up again. Rut roh. Mark goes back to training. Bill frets.

Commercials. Political ad after political ad. Ah, the joys of living in a battleground state.

The Geeks continue to worry. Meanwhile, Ken (also still in his spandex) and Tina pull up to the pitstop, and check in as team number one for the second consecutive week. The greeter has a neato outfit on, the pinnacle of which is a giant umbrella of feathers coming out of her hat.

Phil: "You're team number one!"
LabRat: "And here's Janet Jackson to greet you!"

They win a much better prize this time, a trip for two to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Nice. They agree that their relationship is becoming much more enjoyable for both of them, which is sweet, but it'll be more telling to see how they feel about each other when they're not in first place. IB#3 comes out for her second attempt, and Mark comes out for his third. They both pass. Once the IBs and Geeks are gone, Sarah comes out and passes her second attempt. Well, I guess that leaves Kelly and Christy in last place. Well, I guess that leaves Kelly and Christy in last place. Kelly (yellow spandex, green briefs, cobra) begins her routine. The other teams make slow progress in their cabs. Kelly finishes, and they head out. Terence and Sarah pass the Geeks. Toni and Dallas manage to land as team number two, which is really impressive, given their rocky start this week. The IBs have a speedy cab, and pass Nick/Starr/Fratties. Terence and Sarah pass Nick and Starr. I'll skip the rest of the passing action. You get the point that there's a lot of shuffling going on.

During the cab ride, Christy tells Kelly about what Aja said regarding the U-Turn. Kelly uses this as evidence for why Starr sucks, though Starr probably wouldn't have suggested it if Kelly and Christy hadn't been such bitches to begin with. Egocentric people thrive on circular logic. As a result of all the passing, Terence and Sarah manage to slide in as team number three, with the IBs right behind them as team four. As the Geeks ride to the pitstop, Bill finally reads the Detour clue, and discovers that they were supposed to get to the bikes by foot. Now they know they're in for a penalty, which I suppose is a small blessing compared to being hit with the news as a surprise. Nick is convinced that he and Starr can pass Aja and Ty in the footrace to the mat. He is incorrect. Though Aja barely manages to avoid knocking Phil over, she and Ty do make it there first, checking in as team five, with Nick and Starr as team six. The Fratties check in as team seven. If you're a Fratty fan, I'd suggest enjoying your time with them now, because these seventh and eighth place finishes aren't going to cut it when there are...seven or eight teams left.

The Geeks regret not using the U-Turn. Eh. Unlike Nick and Starr's situation, it does no good for the team in first to use it, as they'd have no idea who they should choose. Mark and Bill are told they're "the eighth team to arrive" (as opposed to "team number eight"), but that they've incurred a thirty minute penalty for taking a taxi to the Detour. That's plenty of time for Kelly and Christy to catch up and check in as team number eight. BOO! As I said in the short version, if the Geeks had just taken five seconds to read their clue, or if Nick and Starr had had the balls to use the U-Turn, this episode would have turned out much better. As it is, we now get to enjoy these tiresome women for yet another week, while the genuinely cool Geeks are fairly, but unhappily eliminated. BOO AGAIN! Mark admits that losing a footrace would have been acceptable, but losing because he didn't read something correctly just kills him. I'll bet. They're embarrassed to have gone out on what was supposedly their strength, but are thrilled with the experience and each other. Aw.

Next week on The Amazing Race: Aja and Ty get into a fight. Starr disregards safety instructions and possibly breaks her arm. Christy finds a way to make both events all about her. Phil doesn't say that, of course, but it's probably safe to assume.

Overall Grade: C