Green With Envy

America's Next Top Model - Season 11, Episode 7

Previously on America's Next Top Model: A recap show not interesting enough to recap. Before that? The entire season. Now, seven girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

We begin tonight's episode with a sensitive exploration into cultural differences. That is to say, Marjorie and Elina pawn all their personality quirks off on being raised in European households, and the other girls are all, "Um...but you've lived in America for your entire formative lives". Except nobody's that articulate, and mostly it's a bunch of snotty bullshit flying back and forth. Joslyn, proving her awesomeness once again, interviews that she's not really interested in all that crap, as she's noticed that there's this modeling competition, and it may pay off to focus on that instead.

The episode is chock full of annoying guest stars of seasons past, and I'm not sure whether I find that extra obnoxious, or am relieved that we can dispense with the likes of the swirl twins, the look-at-me-look-at-me guy, and the magazine editor who apparently lives in the ANTM production offices in one fell swoop. Actually, the weekly challenge is rather cool. The girls put on green bodysuits that will make them invisible against a green-screen, so that an audience can focus entirely on how the clothing is presented. Nobody's that good or that bad, and Elina is randomly judged the winner. Her prize is a Christmas-themed photo shoot that's about as Christmasy as corn on the cob. Unless women have started wearing sleeveless mini-dresses in the dead of December, and I just missed it.

Another minor fight breaks out back at the house, because Elina's an atheist and doesn't "deserve" to win a holiday-themed prize. You know, I was relieved when Clark was eliminated, as it paved the way for a bitchless season, but I've got to say, if there isn't going to be a bitch, then there's really no point in airing the fights. Especially fights this stupid.

The week's photo challenge is really the seasonal CoverGirl commercial, which Whitney introduces. She looks good. The girls have a teleprompter this time, because even Tyra and Company are sick of people forgetting their lines. Joslyn, who has been feeling more and more ill, upchucks into a trashcan, but it's mostly liquid. Yes, I was eating dinner as I watched this episode. Thanks for nothing, producers. Elina, Analeigh, and Sheena all do a good job with the commercial. Joslyn and McKey are so-so, while Samantha and Marjorie are terrible. At panel, the girls walk in wooden shoes for no reason other than to foreshadow the upcoming trip to Amsterdam. The judges must have been smoking some of Amsterdam's most famous export, as they decide that Elina's perfectly fine performance was too tight and controlled, while Joslyn's not-great-but-not-terrible performance sucked rocks.

Analeigh is deservedly called first. She may be the most boring contestant to date, but she gave a very natural read of the commercial lines. She's followed by Sheena, Samantha, Marjorie, and McKey, leaving Elina and Joslyn in the bottom two. Tyra pulls the bitchiest move she has in a while, purposely raising Joslyn's hopes of surviving to next week, only to snatch it away and eliminate her instead. Boo! As she fades out, Back to the Future style, we're left with the whitest set of finalists ever. Sheena must be feeling pretty lonely right about now.

Next week on America's Next Top Model: Amsterdam. The girls window-pose in the whore district.

Overall Grade: B