Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 8
Previously on Top Chef: Brian "won" a Quickfire that incorporated the elements of jazz - such as how it often makes no sense whatsoever. For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs broke into teams, made whatever the hell they wanted, and pretended it was potluck food. Nina got into the top three yet again for her gnocchi...
James (with affection): "This bitch and her gnocchi."
...but Stephanie won for fried artichokes which looked so good that I ordered some this past weekend. At a BBQ restaurant. For breakfast. The thread that Patty's been clinging to since the beginning of the season finally snapped, and she was sent home. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire. Another very New Orleansy presence joins shows up to judge. This time, it's gravel-voiced Grammy winner Dr. John, who mumbles around a mouthful of marbles. Padma translates that the challenge will be to make and bottle some hot sauce. Good challenge! I like hot sauce (in moderation), and feel like a lot of people just go for pure heat, when it should really be about something flavorful that incorporates heat. Let's see who falls into the sear-your-taste-buds-off trap.
The chefs get started. Poor Nicholas interviews that he never touches hot sauce, as he is prone to ulcers. Ugh, that sucks. Stephanie and Carrie are similarly inexperienced, but pledge to do their best. Justin makes a sauce with anchovy, and GET IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW. When time runs out, Padma asks for Dr. John's bottom three, which he says are "Dbkdfja, nkfhwlllib afvj fuuryyyslv." Hang on, let's run that through the Padma translator. Carrie's Trinidad-inspired gumbo may have made the cut, but her Trinidad-inspired hot sauce is a dud. Nicholas' was overly-sweet, and Nina's was all heat, no flavor. Yup. Gotta watch out for that.
Now, for the good news. Carlos' habanero sauce with mango and passion fruit hit all the right notes. Justin's pepper sauce with anchovy was odd, but delicious. OF COURSE IT WAS. Sorry, I get heavily invested in anchovy dishes. Brian's green jalapeño sauce incorporated yuzu well. The winner of the challenge and immunity is... "Bjhfs." Sorry, that's Brian. He looks pleased. And stoned. But then, he always looks stoned.
Elimination Challenge. A 300-pound pig is wheeled in, its belly cleaved in two. That reminds me, I'm an episode behind on American Horror Story. The chef (Donald Link - yes, you heard correctly) and butcher (Toby Rodriguez) who bring it in are experts in boucherie, the Cajun tradition of breaking down and using the entire animal in cooking. I mean, there might just be another culture that was on this continent before the Cajuns that was known for using the whole animal. There's an upcoming holiday celebrating them? Starts with an "N"? Ends with "ative Americans"? Still, I get that we're in New Orleans and have to focus on the whole Creole thing.
For the challenge, the chefs must work together to break down the entire hog, and use the entire thing to serve a few hundred people. Everyone must be in charge of at least one dish. Once Padma and the guest judges leave, the chefs fall to squabbling about who gets which part of the pig. Justin and Nicholas handle most of the butchering, with Sara hovering around and nagging them like an annoying backseat driver. Nina and Nicholas both want the head, and compromise by cutting it in half. Justin and Carlos independently decide to make tacos, and while Justin is usually confident in his abilities, he understandably worries that Carlos will spank him on this head-to-head comparison. While the chefs shop for their other ingredients, Donald and Toby's crew cooks up an example boucherie back at the house. It looks so good I can practically smell it.
Prep. The chefs are taken to a place called the Bayou Barn, which is a terrible name. "Bayou Barn" is where overweight women with five teeth buy their muumuus and discount flip-flops. Justin spends time building a fire, and then snarls at anyone else who gets near it. Everyone ignores him, and when he tries to assert his flame ownership, Nina tells him to eat a dick. We had to rewind to make sure that's what she really said; apparently, it's kosher to say that on TV now. Eat a dick, everyone! Meanwhile, Stephanie recoils when she sees an alligator hanging out in the grass a dozen feet away. That...is terrifying. The chefs appear to just keep on cooking, but I dearly hope that someone off camera was in charge of shooing it away. Louis interviews that he was expecting to show up and just be a lone wolf, but that he's actually made some really great friends. Hmmm. He's incorporating popcorn into his dish. Once prep time is complete, the judges and other diners walk around and sample everything. This is one of those challenges I fervently wish I could attend as a taster.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs are delighted when Tom says that this challenge had some of the best food he's ever eaten in the show's entire run. The judges have said that kind of thing before and sounded a bit hollow, but it sounds pretty genuine this time. Whoever goes home will be eliminated for a minor flaw, which is a shame. But first, for the good news. Obviously, Nina is in the top three, because she's Nina. Her pig-head ragout incorporated roasted corn, mustard greens, and spaetzle, and had a nice heat that built over time. Shirley and Carlos join her, and both of them speak emotionally about the inspiration they drew from their families to create their dishes. Shirley's dumplings contained pork scrapings, grilled kidney and were served on a crispy pork fat salad. Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. Carlos' tacos are fried chorizo, served on a pozole verde (a soup made with pork bone). Yuuuuuuuuuuuum. This is why I can believe Tom when he says this is some of the best food ever served on Top Chef. It all looks amazing. The winner of the challenge is... Carlos! I was kind of pulling for Shirley (those dumplings look incredible), but am happy to see him score a win with a recipe that hits so close to home.
Losers' Table. The judges summon Justin, Louis, and Stephanie. Justin is unhappy to be there. He doesn't think there was anything wrong with his pork. The judges assure the chefs that nobody's dish was out-and-out disappointing, but that there were issues of consistency. Some of Justin's servings were dry, which explains an earlier scene of a flare-up of the flames he was so adamant about protecting. I can't tell if Justin is justifiably cheesed about being in the bottom three for a good dish, or if he's one of those tiresome people that can't take any form of criticism. Stephanie braised her pork so much that all the flavor sank into the broth. Louis' popcorn was out-of-place and off-putting, though his grilled pork leg was tasty. Tom throws it over to Padma for the (pork) chop. Louis. Please pack your knives and go. Aw, crud. It's probably fair from a challenge standpoint, but Louis is so... Well, let's just say I'm not going to be buying the Brian calendar anytime soon. Louis takes his loss stoically, and only regrets that he wasn't able to nail a challenge with his personal style of food. Yeah, I'd have liked to see that, too. And maybe what he would have worn for the July photo.
Overall Grade: B
Monday, November 25, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Theme Music
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 7
Previously on Top Chef: Though her dad may have been Prime Minister, it's Nina's turn to rule now. Competitors quaked in her presence, as she calmly went about dominating both the Creole tomato Quickfire and the cream cheese Elimination Challenge. Is her winning streak about to come to an end? There's only one way to find out! Oh, and Bene went home. Twelve chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Sickness has come to the Top Chef household. A doctor is called to examine Nicholas, and she diagnoses him with strep throat, cautioning him to stay away from food and other people for at least twenty-four hours. This must be one of those magical TV cases of strep throat that has the potential to clear up overnight. I was unfortunate enough to get the Real Life version, which I can assure you does not go away in one day. Nicholas stays home to rest, and the other chefs head out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. Padma explains that if Nicholas isn't feeling better by the time the Elimination Challenge rolls around, he'll have to forfeit. Fair enough. Today's guest judge is jazz musician Kermit Ruffins, and while he seems like a cool guy, this challenge... Well, let me explain a bit. The chefs will begin cooking at their stations, but when Kermit begins to play, they have to walk around in a circle. When the music stops, the chefs must continue whatever dish is cooking at their new station. This could happen any number of times, but when the final note dies away, the chefs will be judged at whatever station they happened to end up at. Winning chef gets immunity.
Huh? Listen, I don't mind off-kilter challenges. I think it can be fun to watch them forced out of their comfort zones, and even kind of valuable as a teaching tool. Sure, chefs will never have to create a dish out of gas station convenience store food or need to base a dish around a particular color in their real careers, but when I was watching those Quickfires, I at least felt that each chef's individual skill was being tested. There's something to be said for having the chefs continue someone else's preparation in mid-stream, but immunity for the winner? You may as well give it out at random.
So I'm not going to bother getting into the Quickfire's details too much. Some chefs are delighted by what they find when they arrive at new stations, and some are horrified. Justin out-and-out tosses Shirley's couscous in the garbage without a second thought. When Kermit's tune is at its end, Brian is lucky enough to be standing behind the winning dish, a duck and mussels concoction. He has the good grace to thank the other chefs that made his win possible, but he's also understandably jazzed (see what I did there?) to have immunity basically served to him on a platter (and there?)
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be preparing food to bring to a restaurant that Kermit plays at often. Dishes should be potluck style, and the chefs will pick their own teams. This should have been an interesting segment. How do you treat Brian? Avoid him because he has immunity? How do you treat Nicholas? Treat him as if he'll be there and at full strength? There and weak/distracted? Not there at all? How do you treat Nina? Do you grab her to give your team a boost, or avoid her to lower your chances of elimination should the team falter? Zero of these avenues are explored. People just grab whoever happens to be near them or who their best friends are. Boring. The teams shake out to be:
Blue: Shirley, Justin, Sara, and Louis
Gray: Brian, Travis, Nicholas, and Patty
Green: Nina, Carrie, Carlos, and Stephanie
The chefs go shopping, and Nicholas is looped in via phone call so he can have some input. He rallies enough to join the prep in the Kitchen, so no forfeit tonight, thankfully. Let's hope he doesn't infect a restaurant full of jazz enthusiasts. Although maybe they'd like to have froggy voices for a while; it's one way to infuse your music with some soul. Prep goes fairly smoothly. Nicholas does a lot of the grunt work for the gray team. Brian doesn't much care what's going on, and I think he's the first contestant in history to happily acknowledge that having immunity is giving him some breathing room to rest on his laurels for a bit. None of the standard "I'm going to work as hard as I can despite my immunity!" speeches here. It's actually kind of refreshing. Nina makes gnocchi yet again, which I believe is her third time in seven episodes. Time to give it a rest, ma'am. You don't want to turn into Jamie.
Service. The restaurant's patrons and staff are delighted by the dishes. A lot of them do look good, but let me say that any notion of a "potluck" theme has been violently tossed out the window. The judges may have harped on dishes that didn't match the Halloween theme a couple weeks ago, but they don't really give a shit about this one. Annoying. Words mean things! A couple of things on each team's menu do really appeal to me, though. Just because it's not potlucky doesn't mean it's not tasty. Louis' pickled vegetables with crispy sunflower seeds and Justin's shrimp and hominy grits look fantastic. The gray team presents a fried chicken with bee pollen and ponzu that makes me claw at the screen. Over on the green team, Stephanie makes fried baby artichokes with preserved lemon and anchovy aioli. WAAAAAAAAANNNNNNT. Carrie and Carlos make a nectarine trifle that they insist on calling a tiramisu for some reason. No, really. Words mean things.
Fret 'n sweat. Stephanie's artichokes are praised, and it's funny to watch her during these segments, because no matter if the news is good or bad, every time her name is mentioned, she looks like she's about to pass a kidney stone the size of a baseball. Other dishes are not as popular. The screen goes off, and Padma comes into the Kitchen to summon the gray team to Judges' Table. The other chefs are puzzled by this, because it didn't seem like that team was getting winning reactions from the judges. Indeed, the gray team is the losing one this evening. Patty's watermelon salad was bland, and she admits that time ran out before she was able to dress it with the chili she was going to use. Travis' ribs were well-cooked, but the rub was off. That sounded dirtier than I intended. Nicholas' fish was dry. The fried chicken was good, though.
Before a loser is picked, though, we have to crown a winner. That winner will hail from the green team. Stephanie's artichokes were remarkably good, and Nina's gnocchi are also popular. Carrie and Carlos' dessert is much less lauded, so it comes down to the former two. Stephanie scores her first win, and her face finally registers something other than blind panic, which is nice to see. Elimination. Brian has immunity, so it comes down to the other three, and Patty gets the axe for her disappointing salad. Aw. I had developed a big ol' soft spot for Patty these past few weeks, but given her overall performance in the competition, I think it's fair to say she lasted longer than expected. She sheds a few tears on her way out, and yeah, it's a bummer to get cut because you didn't shake a container of chili powder for three seconds.
Overall Grade: C+
Previously on Top Chef: Though her dad may have been Prime Minister, it's Nina's turn to rule now. Competitors quaked in her presence, as she calmly went about dominating both the Creole tomato Quickfire and the cream cheese Elimination Challenge. Is her winning streak about to come to an end? There's only one way to find out! Oh, and Bene went home. Twelve chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Sickness has come to the Top Chef household. A doctor is called to examine Nicholas, and she diagnoses him with strep throat, cautioning him to stay away from food and other people for at least twenty-four hours. This must be one of those magical TV cases of strep throat that has the potential to clear up overnight. I was unfortunate enough to get the Real Life version, which I can assure you does not go away in one day. Nicholas stays home to rest, and the other chefs head out for the day.
Quickfire Challenge. Padma explains that if Nicholas isn't feeling better by the time the Elimination Challenge rolls around, he'll have to forfeit. Fair enough. Today's guest judge is jazz musician Kermit Ruffins, and while he seems like a cool guy, this challenge... Well, let me explain a bit. The chefs will begin cooking at their stations, but when Kermit begins to play, they have to walk around in a circle. When the music stops, the chefs must continue whatever dish is cooking at their new station. This could happen any number of times, but when the final note dies away, the chefs will be judged at whatever station they happened to end up at. Winning chef gets immunity.
Huh? Listen, I don't mind off-kilter challenges. I think it can be fun to watch them forced out of their comfort zones, and even kind of valuable as a teaching tool. Sure, chefs will never have to create a dish out of gas station convenience store food or need to base a dish around a particular color in their real careers, but when I was watching those Quickfires, I at least felt that each chef's individual skill was being tested. There's something to be said for having the chefs continue someone else's preparation in mid-stream, but immunity for the winner? You may as well give it out at random.
So I'm not going to bother getting into the Quickfire's details too much. Some chefs are delighted by what they find when they arrive at new stations, and some are horrified. Justin out-and-out tosses Shirley's couscous in the garbage without a second thought. When Kermit's tune is at its end, Brian is lucky enough to be standing behind the winning dish, a duck and mussels concoction. He has the good grace to thank the other chefs that made his win possible, but he's also understandably jazzed (see what I did there?) to have immunity basically served to him on a platter (and there?)
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be preparing food to bring to a restaurant that Kermit plays at often. Dishes should be potluck style, and the chefs will pick their own teams. This should have been an interesting segment. How do you treat Brian? Avoid him because he has immunity? How do you treat Nicholas? Treat him as if he'll be there and at full strength? There and weak/distracted? Not there at all? How do you treat Nina? Do you grab her to give your team a boost, or avoid her to lower your chances of elimination should the team falter? Zero of these avenues are explored. People just grab whoever happens to be near them or who their best friends are. Boring. The teams shake out to be:
Blue: Shirley, Justin, Sara, and Louis
Gray: Brian, Travis, Nicholas, and Patty
Green: Nina, Carrie, Carlos, and Stephanie
The chefs go shopping, and Nicholas is looped in via phone call so he can have some input. He rallies enough to join the prep in the Kitchen, so no forfeit tonight, thankfully. Let's hope he doesn't infect a restaurant full of jazz enthusiasts. Although maybe they'd like to have froggy voices for a while; it's one way to infuse your music with some soul. Prep goes fairly smoothly. Nicholas does a lot of the grunt work for the gray team. Brian doesn't much care what's going on, and I think he's the first contestant in history to happily acknowledge that having immunity is giving him some breathing room to rest on his laurels for a bit. None of the standard "I'm going to work as hard as I can despite my immunity!" speeches here. It's actually kind of refreshing. Nina makes gnocchi yet again, which I believe is her third time in seven episodes. Time to give it a rest, ma'am. You don't want to turn into Jamie.
Service. The restaurant's patrons and staff are delighted by the dishes. A lot of them do look good, but let me say that any notion of a "potluck" theme has been violently tossed out the window. The judges may have harped on dishes that didn't match the Halloween theme a couple weeks ago, but they don't really give a shit about this one. Annoying. Words mean things! A couple of things on each team's menu do really appeal to me, though. Just because it's not potlucky doesn't mean it's not tasty. Louis' pickled vegetables with crispy sunflower seeds and Justin's shrimp and hominy grits look fantastic. The gray team presents a fried chicken with bee pollen and ponzu that makes me claw at the screen. Over on the green team, Stephanie makes fried baby artichokes with preserved lemon and anchovy aioli. WAAAAAAAAANNNNNNT. Carrie and Carlos make a nectarine trifle that they insist on calling a tiramisu for some reason. No, really. Words mean things.
Fret 'n sweat. Stephanie's artichokes are praised, and it's funny to watch her during these segments, because no matter if the news is good or bad, every time her name is mentioned, she looks like she's about to pass a kidney stone the size of a baseball. Other dishes are not as popular. The screen goes off, and Padma comes into the Kitchen to summon the gray team to Judges' Table. The other chefs are puzzled by this, because it didn't seem like that team was getting winning reactions from the judges. Indeed, the gray team is the losing one this evening. Patty's watermelon salad was bland, and she admits that time ran out before she was able to dress it with the chili she was going to use. Travis' ribs were well-cooked, but the rub was off. That sounded dirtier than I intended. Nicholas' fish was dry. The fried chicken was good, though.
Before a loser is picked, though, we have to crown a winner. That winner will hail from the green team. Stephanie's artichokes were remarkably good, and Nina's gnocchi are also popular. Carrie and Carlos' dessert is much less lauded, so it comes down to the former two. Stephanie scores her first win, and her face finally registers something other than blind panic, which is nice to see. Elimination. Brian has immunity, so it comes down to the other three, and Patty gets the axe for her disappointing salad. Aw. I had developed a big ol' soft spot for Patty these past few weeks, but given her overall performance in the competition, I think it's fair to say she lasted longer than expected. She sheds a few tears on her way out, and yeah, it's a bummer to get cut because you didn't shake a container of chili powder for three seconds.
Overall Grade: C+
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Philly of the Valley
Top Chef - Season 11, Episode 6
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs unwrapped ingredients and equipment, while the audience unwrapped mini-sized candy. Gail and Padma's moms dropped by to be adorable for a while. The chefs catered a Halloween party and caused the judges to scratch their heads over why a themed vegan menu seemed overly narrow. Yeah, it's a puzzler. Travis and Carlos managed to navigate the tricky challenge and walked away with the win. Nina almost popped when she got stuck on a team with the sexist, condescending Michael, but her mood improved when his lackluster arancini got him booted off the show. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
I've been skipping the Monday Morning Quarterback sessions, but they are fun to watch if you're interested in what the remaining contestants think of whoever just got eliminated. This has been a pretty convivial season so far, so these scenes have mostly been of the "Aw, that's a shame" variety, but hoo boy, not this time. Nina is openly relieved at Michael's ouster, while the rest of the chefs cannot raise a more complimentary sendoff than "So, we just lost our roommate... How about that?"
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are driven out to a farm, so you know Carrie is in a good mood. There they meet guest judge John Besh, and he can never appear without someone making sure to mention how awesome his hair is, so let's get that out of the way now. I don't disagree, by the way; it's totally swoonworthy. Besh explains that for this week's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with highlighting a specific ingredient. I always like the featured-ingredient type of challenge. It tends to lead to some creative choices, but without the final products getting too wacky. Today's star is the Creole tomato. I'd never heard of it before, so I did some cursory internet research. It seems to just be the name for a beefsteak grown in the Creole region, which is a bit of a letdown. I was hoping for something distinctive about it. The challenge time has been cut to twenty minutes, and we get an amusing Patty interview in which she guesses that eventually, the chefs will get about thirty seconds to craft some haute cuisine. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like a sixty-second challenge someday. Mark my words - it's coming.
The timer starts. Brian has the idea to do a kind of toad-in-the-hole, with the tomato standing in for bread. See what I mean about the creative choices? Nina works like mad to make sure her tomato watermelon soup is ice cold, which is difficult to achieve outside in the sun. She tops it with crispy zucchini blossoms, and the whole thing looks delicious. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephanie has zero ideas, Travis throws together a standard salad, tosses some strip loin on top, and calls it a day, while Patty's roasted tomatoes marinated in olive oil and cherry vinegar (with arugula and asparagus) is wilting fast. When time runs out, the latter three are called out as the least favorites. Joining Nina in the top three are Carlos' bright tomato/watermelon salad, and Louis' bold tomato seed bouillon. It's difficult to unseat the queen, though, and Nina wins the challenge and immunity. She's refreshingly realistic about her winning streak, cautioning herself against getting too confident, because it's a short walk to Losers' Table on this show.
Elimination Challenge. It's another highlight-the-ingredient challenge, but not quite as exciting this time. You see, there are bills to be paid around the Top Chef studio. Lots of them! And apparently, no amount of talking about how super-amazing the cars that takes the contestants to the store will cover those bills, so the product placement continues with the Philadelphia Cream Cheese challenge. I don't even understand why they need to advertise that much. I couldn't name another brand of cream cheese if I tried. They've pretty much got the market wrapped up. In any case, the chefs will be cooking for the judges, Besh, and all of Besh's executive chefs. Their dishes must incorporate and highlight the cream cheese, and their courses will be determined by a knife pull. The challenge winner will snag $10,000. Not bad! Oh, but there's one more thing. The cream cheese will be the only dairy product available to use, except for milk/cream. That doesn't sound like too punishing a parameter until you realize that means no butter, which is the life blood of any kitchen.
There is no shopping segment this week. The chefs just grab everything they can from the limited pantry at Besh's restaurant, so it's bedlam for a good thirty seconds or so. Travis hopes to stand out by cutting his vegetables in a certain direction. Oooooookay. Nina stuffs zucchini blossom with eggplant puree. Yum. Justin is combining duck and local mushrooms. Sara, wanting to break out of the middle of the pack, is cooking lamb. Unfortunately, her piping bag is clogged with - you guessed it - cream cheese, which slows her down. That means her meat doesn't have enough time to cook. The middle of the pack is suddenly looking pretty attractive, eh, Sara? Nicholas wants to make beignets, but without yeast, he settles on funnel cake instead. I'm expecting a certificate in the mail any day now, verifying that I am the only person in America that hates funnel cake. Time runs down, and the diners get settled.
Appetizers. Patty and Carlos have the most visually notable dishes. Hers is snapper crudo with cream cheese vinaigrette and shaved purple carrot and chili. His is poached beets and pickled purple carrots with peach, habanero, and cream cheese sauce. The judges like the creativity of Brian's summer squash and zucchini, with poached oyster and emulsified cream cheese, but find the oyster too salty. Sara's lamb is wildly inconsistent. Nina's eggplant is delicious.
Entrees. Fowl is the order of the day, as Bene, Carrie, and Justin all serve chicken (or duck). Bene's is stuffed with caramelized onions and tarragon cream cheese. Carrie has vinegar-braised chicken in cream sauce with chilled cucumber, which sounds good, until the judges complain that the meat is dry and the sauce is goopy. D'oh! Justin's duck breast is served with eggplant vinaigrette, chanterelle mushrooms, and corn puree. Yes, please. Only Travis serves meat (lamb), and like Sara's, the cooking consistency is all over the place. He's not saved by his raggedy cuts of vegetable.
Desserts. Louis serves graham crackers with blackberries and cream cheese mousse. Pretty! It's Shirley's dessert that steals my heart, though. She's got a cream cheese egg custard with macerated blueberries. I'd eat the ever-loving hell out of that. Stephanie has a cream cheese, peach, and cherry mousse and a short dough. The judges notice that her cream has broken, and wonder if she just ran out of time and had to throw something on the plate. Nicholas' funnel cake is a big hit.
At the end of the meal, the judges and executive chefs agree that overall, this was a pretty disappointing challenge. "They didn't seem particularly inspired," one of the judges complains.
James: "Yeah. How dare they not be particularly inspired...by cream cheese."
One of Besh's executive chefs grouses that the contestants should have done better, because "This is how you build your reputation. Cooking for other chefs." Oh, of course! Why even bring the stupid, unwashed public into the equation at all? You know what we should do? Just make restaurants a mutual admiration society where chefs execute their culinary artistic visions for other chefs. Then you'll never need to worry about those other stupid non-chef jerks coming in and trying to exchange money for good food and service. The nerve of those people.
Fret 'n sweat. The judges reiterate how personally let down they were by this challenge. Nina, Justin, and Nicholas did the best at each of their respective courses, and are called in to Judges' Table as the top three. They all had thoughtful, composed dishes, and when it comes to selecting the big money winner, Nina pulls it off yet again. She is dominating this season! She gets applause back in the Kitchen before sending Travis, Sara, and Bene in to face the judges' wrath. It's pretty obvious why the former two were selected; inconsistent cooking is probably the second biggest issue the judges bring up on this show, with underseasoning being the biggest no-no. Bene's vegetables tasted steamed, which... So? It's apparently a pretty bad error, because the king of the tomatoes takes the long walk home. Aw, that's a bummer. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, but I guess we're getting to the point of the season where the chefs need to start busting out the big guns to impress the judges, and Bene never really crept out of his comfort zone.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs unwrapped ingredients and equipment, while the audience unwrapped mini-sized candy. Gail and Padma's moms dropped by to be adorable for a while. The chefs catered a Halloween party and caused the judges to scratch their heads over why a themed vegan menu seemed overly narrow. Yeah, it's a puzzler. Travis and Carlos managed to navigate the tricky challenge and walked away with the win. Nina almost popped when she got stuck on a team with the sexist, condescending Michael, but her mood improved when his lackluster arancini got him booted off the show. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
I've been skipping the Monday Morning Quarterback sessions, but they are fun to watch if you're interested in what the remaining contestants think of whoever just got eliminated. This has been a pretty convivial season so far, so these scenes have mostly been of the "Aw, that's a shame" variety, but hoo boy, not this time. Nina is openly relieved at Michael's ouster, while the rest of the chefs cannot raise a more complimentary sendoff than "So, we just lost our roommate... How about that?"
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are driven out to a farm, so you know Carrie is in a good mood. There they meet guest judge John Besh, and he can never appear without someone making sure to mention how awesome his hair is, so let's get that out of the way now. I don't disagree, by the way; it's totally swoonworthy. Besh explains that for this week's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with highlighting a specific ingredient. I always like the featured-ingredient type of challenge. It tends to lead to some creative choices, but without the final products getting too wacky. Today's star is the Creole tomato. I'd never heard of it before, so I did some cursory internet research. It seems to just be the name for a beefsteak grown in the Creole region, which is a bit of a letdown. I was hoping for something distinctive about it. The challenge time has been cut to twenty minutes, and we get an amusing Patty interview in which she guesses that eventually, the chefs will get about thirty seconds to craft some haute cuisine. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like a sixty-second challenge someday. Mark my words - it's coming.
The timer starts. Brian has the idea to do a kind of toad-in-the-hole, with the tomato standing in for bread. See what I mean about the creative choices? Nina works like mad to make sure her tomato watermelon soup is ice cold, which is difficult to achieve outside in the sun. She tops it with crispy zucchini blossoms, and the whole thing looks delicious. On the other end of the spectrum, Stephanie has zero ideas, Travis throws together a standard salad, tosses some strip loin on top, and calls it a day, while Patty's roasted tomatoes marinated in olive oil and cherry vinegar (with arugula and asparagus) is wilting fast. When time runs out, the latter three are called out as the least favorites. Joining Nina in the top three are Carlos' bright tomato/watermelon salad, and Louis' bold tomato seed bouillon. It's difficult to unseat the queen, though, and Nina wins the challenge and immunity. She's refreshingly realistic about her winning streak, cautioning herself against getting too confident, because it's a short walk to Losers' Table on this show.
Elimination Challenge. It's another highlight-the-ingredient challenge, but not quite as exciting this time. You see, there are bills to be paid around the Top Chef studio. Lots of them! And apparently, no amount of talking about how super-amazing the cars that takes the contestants to the store will cover those bills, so the product placement continues with the Philadelphia Cream Cheese challenge. I don't even understand why they need to advertise that much. I couldn't name another brand of cream cheese if I tried. They've pretty much got the market wrapped up. In any case, the chefs will be cooking for the judges, Besh, and all of Besh's executive chefs. Their dishes must incorporate and highlight the cream cheese, and their courses will be determined by a knife pull. The challenge winner will snag $10,000. Not bad! Oh, but there's one more thing. The cream cheese will be the only dairy product available to use, except for milk/cream. That doesn't sound like too punishing a parameter until you realize that means no butter, which is the life blood of any kitchen.
There is no shopping segment this week. The chefs just grab everything they can from the limited pantry at Besh's restaurant, so it's bedlam for a good thirty seconds or so. Travis hopes to stand out by cutting his vegetables in a certain direction. Oooooookay. Nina stuffs zucchini blossom with eggplant puree. Yum. Justin is combining duck and local mushrooms. Sara, wanting to break out of the middle of the pack, is cooking lamb. Unfortunately, her piping bag is clogged with - you guessed it - cream cheese, which slows her down. That means her meat doesn't have enough time to cook. The middle of the pack is suddenly looking pretty attractive, eh, Sara? Nicholas wants to make beignets, but without yeast, he settles on funnel cake instead. I'm expecting a certificate in the mail any day now, verifying that I am the only person in America that hates funnel cake. Time runs down, and the diners get settled.
Appetizers. Patty and Carlos have the most visually notable dishes. Hers is snapper crudo with cream cheese vinaigrette and shaved purple carrot and chili. His is poached beets and pickled purple carrots with peach, habanero, and cream cheese sauce. The judges like the creativity of Brian's summer squash and zucchini, with poached oyster and emulsified cream cheese, but find the oyster too salty. Sara's lamb is wildly inconsistent. Nina's eggplant is delicious.
Entrees. Fowl is the order of the day, as Bene, Carrie, and Justin all serve chicken (or duck). Bene's is stuffed with caramelized onions and tarragon cream cheese. Carrie has vinegar-braised chicken in cream sauce with chilled cucumber, which sounds good, until the judges complain that the meat is dry and the sauce is goopy. D'oh! Justin's duck breast is served with eggplant vinaigrette, chanterelle mushrooms, and corn puree. Yes, please. Only Travis serves meat (lamb), and like Sara's, the cooking consistency is all over the place. He's not saved by his raggedy cuts of vegetable.
Desserts. Louis serves graham crackers with blackberries and cream cheese mousse. Pretty! It's Shirley's dessert that steals my heart, though. She's got a cream cheese egg custard with macerated blueberries. I'd eat the ever-loving hell out of that. Stephanie has a cream cheese, peach, and cherry mousse and a short dough. The judges notice that her cream has broken, and wonder if she just ran out of time and had to throw something on the plate. Nicholas' funnel cake is a big hit.
At the end of the meal, the judges and executive chefs agree that overall, this was a pretty disappointing challenge. "They didn't seem particularly inspired," one of the judges complains.
James: "Yeah. How dare they not be particularly inspired...by cream cheese."
One of Besh's executive chefs grouses that the contestants should have done better, because "This is how you build your reputation. Cooking for other chefs." Oh, of course! Why even bring the stupid, unwashed public into the equation at all? You know what we should do? Just make restaurants a mutual admiration society where chefs execute their culinary artistic visions for other chefs. Then you'll never need to worry about those other stupid non-chef jerks coming in and trying to exchange money for good food and service. The nerve of those people.
Fret 'n sweat. The judges reiterate how personally let down they were by this challenge. Nina, Justin, and Nicholas did the best at each of their respective courses, and are called in to Judges' Table as the top three. They all had thoughtful, composed dishes, and when it comes to selecting the big money winner, Nina pulls it off yet again. She is dominating this season! She gets applause back in the Kitchen before sending Travis, Sara, and Bene in to face the judges' wrath. It's pretty obvious why the former two were selected; inconsistent cooking is probably the second biggest issue the judges bring up on this show, with underseasoning being the biggest no-no. Bene's vegetables tasted steamed, which... So? It's apparently a pretty bad error, because the king of the tomatoes takes the long walk home. Aw, that's a bummer. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, but I guess we're getting to the point of the season where the chefs need to start busting out the big guns to impress the judges, and Bene never really crept out of his comfort zone.
Overall Grade: B-
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
Bloodless Chew
Previously on Top Chef: Travis and Sara were really confident when it comes to Vietnamese food, so according to the Rules of Reality Competitions, they screwed everything up. One of these days, it will be refreshing to see someone say something like "I've been making dumplings since I was six, and am going to totally dominate this dumpling challenge," and then proceed to do just that. The shrimp dishes decided the day, with Shirley's BBQ shrimp scoring major points, and Janine getting punted for double-cooking hers. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight? Besides the St. Louis Cardinals, goddamn it!
Travis and Sara are bummed after their flogging at Judges' Table, so Travis distracts himself by using the show as his opportunity to come out to his father. That'll be a fun little conversation when the season airs. Over at the Kitchen, Padma and Gail explain this week's Quickfire Challenge. Every ingredient and piece of kitchen equipment has been wrapped in aluminum foil, rendering a lot of it unrecognizable. Then the Quickfire judges are introduced, and it turns out to be Padma and Gail's moms. Aw, cute. The chefs are split into two teams, and the moms have five minutes to pack a couple of carts with food and equipment. Whatever ingredients they pick up, the team must incorporate somehow. Ready? Go!
Carts are packed. When the dust settles, we see what the chefs were able to put together with weird mixtures like strawberries and mustard. One team (Sara, Stephanie, Justin, Michael, Carrie, Louis, and Shirley) makes lamb with cheese sauce, snapper with tomato sauce and rice, and a balsamic sabayon, which Carrie was somehow able to whip together without a whisk. The other team (Brian, Nina, Carlos, Travis, Bene, Patty, and Nick) has poached clams in fish sauce, a fish dish with mustard vinaigrette, and use up the rest of their ingredients by throwing them all into a soup (it incorporates beans, carrots, chili peppers, okra, cherry, strawberry, and coconut. Yeah, that sounds gross.
The moms disagree, I guess, because the latter team wins. Nobody gets immunity, but the chefs get $10,000. To split, that is. Everyone keeps tossing the $10,000 figure around, I guess because it doesn't sound quite as grand to boast that you just won $1,428.56. Still, not bad for half an hour's work. That dispensed with, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. Padma introduces this week's guest judge: Glee star and avowed Top Chef super-fan Lea Michele. She's "hosting" a "Halloween" party, which the chefs will be catering, and... Come on, show. It's fine to air a Halloween-themed episode the day before the actual holiday, but I'm not sure who they're fooling by pretending the challenge was filmed anytime recently or that Lea Michele is hosting the party in any way, shape, or form. Oh, wait. I know who they're fooling - those dweebs who are voting in the insta-polls that irritatingly suck up a third of the screen.
The chefs are given some brief discussion time with Lea, who mentions that she generally sticks to a vegan diet, except when she's indulging in cheese, which she really loves. Plus, the dishes should incorporate an aspect of Halloween. Sigh. It's not that I don't like vegetarian/vegan challenges once in a while, but they don't generally lead to the most inventive dishes. Especially when it's a catering challenge, and the chefs won't have on-site access to a kitchen. Especially especially when they also have to include some visually thematic element. Sometimes, I desperately wish I could be a guest at one of the events these chefs cook for, but this sounds like one I'd happily skip. The chefs are paired off with whoever happens to be standing next to them:
-Carrie/Stephanie
-Nicholas/Patty
-Travis/Carlos
-Nina/Michael
-Justin/Sara
-Shirley/Louis
-Brian/Bene
The chefs shop, and then get to prep cooking. Most of the teams get along with no issue whatsoever. And by "most", I mean six of them. I'll give you one guess as to the pair that's not working out particularly well. A shiny gold star to those who said Nina/Michael. He's as insufferable as ever, and not just because he's reliably condescending and sexist, insisting on calling Nina by diminutive nicknames like "Sweetie" and "Boo-Boo". She's also justifiably worried that he can't pull his weight in terms of his dish, as he's been consistently placing pretty low in the challenges. Not that she does anything about it. I understand why she doesn't want to deal with his truckload of bullshit, but you can't ignore your partner in team challenges, lest they drag you down with them when they fail.
The party kicks into gear. None of the Halloween costumes are particularly inspired, which is a shame. Bravo's got enough to money to dress these people up right. Tom is shocked and dismayed to find that three teams have made arancini, and if he's that het up about it, I'd ask for his extensive list of foods that can be fried and easily served at a catered event, includes cheese, is otherwise vegan, and can be dressed up in Halloween trappings (like an eyeball). Other notable dishes include Justin's "blood" pasta, made with beets despite Lea's general dislike of them, Shirley's "worm" salad made of noodles, and Louis' phyllo spring roll with braised quinoa and onions on a potato puree.
Fret 'n sweat. Before the judges' discussion begins, Nina and Michael finally have it out over their doomed partnership. Michael can add "gobsmackingly clueless" to his list of stellar qualities, as he insists that far from dragging her down, she was the one who needed him to succeed. His hopes are gloriously dashed when the judges' deliberations get beamed in, and they immediately praise her dish and abhor his. That doesn't mean she's out of the woods, of course, as they were supposed to work as a team, but it's nice to watch his bubble get popped so efficiently. Brian and Bene are also in trouble for making "spa food", which beyond sounding silly as an inspiration for a Halloween challenge, worked out to be a couple of boring salads. On the flip side, Nicholas' squash cannoli was delicious and thematically appropriate, and his partner Patty's arancini was the best of the three made today. Also in the top are Travis and Carlos, who have cleverly gone with a Dia de los Muertos theme. Travis' ceviche is light and fresh, while Carlos' fried zucchini in cheese fondue went straight to Lea's heart. In a good way.
It's been a busy couple of episodes for the previously-overlooked Travis. He's invisible! Now he's an expert in Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's terrible at Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's indirectly coming out to his dad! Now he's an expert in Latino cuisine! And now he can add challenge winner to that growing list, as he and Carlos carry the day. Though Brian and Bene get justifiably criticized for their unimaginative dishes, they real question boils down to whether Michael is going to get eliminated solo or if he'll take Nina with him. Sighs of relief are heard all over the country as the condescending Muppet takes the long walk alone. He's blithely self-impressed to the very end, saying that he represented New Orleans well and that everyone has something to add to this world. Well, he's right on that latter point. He added a handy villain to this season. With him gone, who will the anger turn to?
Overall Grade: C+
Travis and Sara are bummed after their flogging at Judges' Table, so Travis distracts himself by using the show as his opportunity to come out to his father. That'll be a fun little conversation when the season airs. Over at the Kitchen, Padma and Gail explain this week's Quickfire Challenge. Every ingredient and piece of kitchen equipment has been wrapped in aluminum foil, rendering a lot of it unrecognizable. Then the Quickfire judges are introduced, and it turns out to be Padma and Gail's moms. Aw, cute. The chefs are split into two teams, and the moms have five minutes to pack a couple of carts with food and equipment. Whatever ingredients they pick up, the team must incorporate somehow. Ready? Go!
Carts are packed. When the dust settles, we see what the chefs were able to put together with weird mixtures like strawberries and mustard. One team (Sara, Stephanie, Justin, Michael, Carrie, Louis, and Shirley) makes lamb with cheese sauce, snapper with tomato sauce and rice, and a balsamic sabayon, which Carrie was somehow able to whip together without a whisk. The other team (Brian, Nina, Carlos, Travis, Bene, Patty, and Nick) has poached clams in fish sauce, a fish dish with mustard vinaigrette, and use up the rest of their ingredients by throwing them all into a soup (it incorporates beans, carrots, chili peppers, okra, cherry, strawberry, and coconut. Yeah, that sounds gross.
The moms disagree, I guess, because the latter team wins. Nobody gets immunity, but the chefs get $10,000. To split, that is. Everyone keeps tossing the $10,000 figure around, I guess because it doesn't sound quite as grand to boast that you just won $1,428.56. Still, not bad for half an hour's work. That dispensed with, it's time to move on to this week's Elimination Challenge. Padma introduces this week's guest judge: Glee star and avowed Top Chef super-fan Lea Michele. She's "hosting" a "Halloween" party, which the chefs will be catering, and... Come on, show. It's fine to air a Halloween-themed episode the day before the actual holiday, but I'm not sure who they're fooling by pretending the challenge was filmed anytime recently or that Lea Michele is hosting the party in any way, shape, or form. Oh, wait. I know who they're fooling - those dweebs who are voting in the insta-polls that irritatingly suck up a third of the screen.
The chefs are given some brief discussion time with Lea, who mentions that she generally sticks to a vegan diet, except when she's indulging in cheese, which she really loves. Plus, the dishes should incorporate an aspect of Halloween. Sigh. It's not that I don't like vegetarian/vegan challenges once in a while, but they don't generally lead to the most inventive dishes. Especially when it's a catering challenge, and the chefs won't have on-site access to a kitchen. Especially especially when they also have to include some visually thematic element. Sometimes, I desperately wish I could be a guest at one of the events these chefs cook for, but this sounds like one I'd happily skip. The chefs are paired off with whoever happens to be standing next to them:
-Carrie/Stephanie
-Nicholas/Patty
-Travis/Carlos
-Nina/Michael
-Justin/Sara
-Shirley/Louis
-Brian/Bene
The chefs shop, and then get to prep cooking. Most of the teams get along with no issue whatsoever. And by "most", I mean six of them. I'll give you one guess as to the pair that's not working out particularly well. A shiny gold star to those who said Nina/Michael. He's as insufferable as ever, and not just because he's reliably condescending and sexist, insisting on calling Nina by diminutive nicknames like "Sweetie" and "Boo-Boo". She's also justifiably worried that he can't pull his weight in terms of his dish, as he's been consistently placing pretty low in the challenges. Not that she does anything about it. I understand why she doesn't want to deal with his truckload of bullshit, but you can't ignore your partner in team challenges, lest they drag you down with them when they fail.
The party kicks into gear. None of the Halloween costumes are particularly inspired, which is a shame. Bravo's got enough to money to dress these people up right. Tom is shocked and dismayed to find that three teams have made arancini, and if he's that het up about it, I'd ask for his extensive list of foods that can be fried and easily served at a catered event, includes cheese, is otherwise vegan, and can be dressed up in Halloween trappings (like an eyeball). Other notable dishes include Justin's "blood" pasta, made with beets despite Lea's general dislike of them, Shirley's "worm" salad made of noodles, and Louis' phyllo spring roll with braised quinoa and onions on a potato puree.
Fret 'n sweat. Before the judges' discussion begins, Nina and Michael finally have it out over their doomed partnership. Michael can add "gobsmackingly clueless" to his list of stellar qualities, as he insists that far from dragging her down, she was the one who needed him to succeed. His hopes are gloriously dashed when the judges' deliberations get beamed in, and they immediately praise her dish and abhor his. That doesn't mean she's out of the woods, of course, as they were supposed to work as a team, but it's nice to watch his bubble get popped so efficiently. Brian and Bene are also in trouble for making "spa food", which beyond sounding silly as an inspiration for a Halloween challenge, worked out to be a couple of boring salads. On the flip side, Nicholas' squash cannoli was delicious and thematically appropriate, and his partner Patty's arancini was the best of the three made today. Also in the top are Travis and Carlos, who have cleverly gone with a Dia de los Muertos theme. Travis' ceviche is light and fresh, while Carlos' fried zucchini in cheese fondue went straight to Lea's heart. In a good way.
It's been a busy couple of episodes for the previously-overlooked Travis. He's invisible! Now he's an expert in Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's terrible at Vietnamese cuisine! Now he's indirectly coming out to his dad! Now he's an expert in Latino cuisine! And now he can add challenge winner to that growing list, as he and Carlos carry the day. Though Brian and Bene get justifiably criticized for their unimaginative dishes, they real question boils down to whether Michael is going to get eliminated solo or if he'll take Nina with him. Sighs of relief are heard all over the country as the condescending Muppet takes the long walk alone. He's blithely self-impressed to the very end, saying that he represented New Orleans well and that everyone has something to add to this world. Well, he's right on that latter point. He added a handy villain to this season. With him gone, who will the anger turn to?
Overall Grade: C+
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