Finale - Part 1

Project Runway - Season 2, Episode 13

Previously on Project Runway: The final four designed evening gowns. Danzzz is "just straight up jealous" of the competitor he's currently pounding into the ground. Chloe's dress made Grace's ass appear huge. Danzzz won yet another challenge, and Kara failed to impress, making her the final designer cut. Then, sixteen designers reunited so that we could all learn a valuable lesson: Lupe is a crack whore. Three designers remain. Who will be "out" tonight? Well, nobody. OK, then. Who will win tonight? Nobody. OK, then. Who will pass an uneventful hour tonight?

Opening credits. At the words "drama has to happen", Andrae's head whips around. I guess his ears are burning.

No morning-after interviews this week, as we cut straight to the runway. Heidi congratulates the final three, and introduces the next challenge. The big one. The designers must design and create a twelve-piece line for Fashion Week. They'll have a few months and $8000 to complete their work. Heidi recaps the prizes which we just heard four seconds ago in the opening credits. And now for our final (I assume) Pointless Model Selection. Danzzz naturally sticks with Rebecca, so we must bid farewell to Eden. Heidi tells her she did a great job. Aw, damn. She was awesome. Heidi sends the designers back to the Atlas. She and Tim meet them on the roof, and toast the season and their success at Fashion Week.

Santino packs up and leaves, and Danzzz gets a dreamy smile on his face, like, "Finally!" Santino interviews that he's thrilled about being in the final three. He holds up three fingers and subtracts two for Chloe and Danzzz, so that only the middle one remains. Yep, you sure are the middle finger, Santino. Back at the Atlas, Danzzz vows to not underestimate Santino: "The arrogant prick is extremely talented." Hehe. He and Chloe pack up and hug good-bye. They wish each other luck.

Flash forward five months (7 weeks until Fashion Week). We're in Los Angeles, and Tim Gunn is going to visit Santino to check on his progress. Several beauty shots of the Saturn he's driving. Subtle. He pulls up to a lovely home with a brick driveway (with house-accessible garage), neatly trimmed lawn, and columns flanking the front door. He knocks on the door, and Santino welcomes him in. Tim asks him what the theme of his collection is. Santino says it's 1940s glamour Hollywood boudoir publicity still. Damn, that's a lot of qualifiers. It'd probably have been faster to ask what his theme isn't. He shows Tim a dress that he says he gets a rock and roll feel from. Because we all know how big rock and roll was in the 1940s. The dress is multicolored and pleated, and is quite pretty, though I don't love the fur thing draped on the shoulder. Tim is very pleased with Santino's progress. They leave to wander around the neighborhood together. Santino interviews that he's quit his job designing for a friend's label, and is pretty much broke. Wow, maybe I should quit my job and go broke, too. That'll apparently allow me to live in a well-manicured, two-story Hollywood home. He goes on to talk about how hard it was to pick up and move to a strange town all by himself. That, I'll certainly buy. He's from St. Charles, Missouri, which he describes as a relatively small town. Guys? St. Charles is booming. It's a suburb of St. Louis, and is off to the west, which is where the most affluent suburbs are. It was no doubt smaller when he was a kid, but he's acting like he fought his way out of Podunk, where all there is to do is sit outside the general store or skip rocks down at the ol' fishin' hole.

We segue into the hard-luck Santino story. There are pictures of him as a kid. His features haven't changed much at all. He says he designed a line a few years ago that fell apart, and pretty much left him homeless. He needed help, and was embarrassed about his circumstances. He knows he comes across as arrogant, but admits that he's majorly insecure; that every unkind thing we, the public think about him, he thinks about himself. Well, if he knows he's insecure, and he's as self-critical as he says, why does he feel the need to be such a dillhole all the time? Don't most horribly insecure people swing the other way into excessive niceness, so that they get approval from everyone around them? What does he hope to accomplish by fighting everyone? He tells Tim he got help from his friend Tony and Tony's wife. Tim is very supportive, and there's a romantic shot of the two of them silhouetted against the sunset, as seagulls take off into the sky. It's almost like they're on a date. Santino takes Tim to meet Tony, who he says is an accomplished model and photographer. I don't recognize him, but apparently, he's Tony Ward, who did a bunch of work with Madonna. I suggest you don't Google for pictures of him unless you want to see some penis. Tim and Santino settle into dinner with Tony, his wife, and his adorable daughters, and Santino lets them in on the fact that he's made the final three. Everyone's happy. Santino interviews that he sees people give up their dreams every day, and that he'll never do that. Well, that's admirable. Commercials.

New York City. It's now the next week, and Tim is visiting Danzzz. There's a Christmas wreath on the door (and there was a Christmas tree back in Tony's place), so Fashion Week must be in late January or early February. Hang on, this is weird... OK, I'm back. Fashion Week was from February 3rd to February 10th. So what we're seeing tonight was only filmed about two and a half weeks ago. Speedy editors. Anyway. Danzzz has gotten a haircut. He interviews that he extremely pleased with the way with his collection's going. He's blending military style with Japanese culture. He describes some of his pieces with great pride. Maybe even a touch of excessive pride, though I'm not quite sure. Tim is happy with where Danzzz is, but warns him to not neglect several finishing touches (hemlines, buttons, etc.) or be too safe in his design. Danzzz agrees with him, and the two of them take off to buy Danzzz some clothing for Fashion Week. Another date! Tim's the belle of the ball. In the store, Danzzz says he'd like to get a blazer. Tim asks him if he wants to call Nick. Ouch! That was low, Tim. And pretty damn funny.

Danzzz's origin story. He grew up in a small town in Michigan. Now, is it a real small town or a St. Charles "small town"? We see pictures of him in his youth as he talks about how tough it is to grow up and be labeled a fag. No arguments here. He talks about how supportive his family was when he came out, and how it allowed him to concentrate on the other details of his life. Well, that's nice. Danzzz buys a blazer. He loves his life. Huzzah.

Houston, Texas. Another week has gone by. More Saturn beauty shots. The car, that is. Not the planet. Although that's awfully pretty, too. Tim knocks on Chloe's door. She opens the door with a huge grin on her face and hugs Tim. Her mom, standing behind her, has a face like "Get this camera crew and their muddy feet out of here!" Tim asks for a tour of the house. First stop - the living room, which has pictures of Chloe and her seven sisters. SEVEN SISTERS! They're all pretty. And they're all in their thirties. No wonder her mom didn't look too thrilled. She's probably still in pain. All of the girls still live in Houston, which is awesome. I always wish I still lived in the same city as my sister. I can't imagine having seven of them to hang out with. And not only that, but Chloe was born in Laos, right around the time the Vietnam war was starting up. As their family tried to leave, they got caught, and were sent to family prison for a few years. FAMILY PRISON!!! Kind of puts Danzzz and Santino's problems to shame, doesn't it?

Chloe takes Tim into her workroom. He asks about her line's concept, and she says that there's not really one unifying theme. She interviews that she's not completely sure what her line's going to be like yet. What has she been doing for five and a half months? She shows Tim a green print dress that's pretty, but simple. Tim's a bit perplexed. He asks to see sketches of the rest of the line, and she tells him she doesn't use sketches. Tim's openly disturbed now. He really wants to know how Chloe is progressing, and from what it looks like right now, she's not. That night, all of Chloe's sisters come over, along with their attending husbands and children. Aw! After visiting with them for a while, Tim says good-bye, and takes his leave. Chloe interviews that she has a lot of work to do. Commercials.

New York City. Five days to the runway show. Danzzz arrives at a hotel, and the doorman asks how his trip was. Danzzz says that his trip from uptown was fine. Hee. He interviews that he's been working non-stop, but still isn't finished. He's excited to be showing, and shows off a purse he's made. It's got gigantic wooden handles. I don't like it at all, but I don't like a lot of stuff that attains the status "high fashion", so my opinion probably doesn't mean much. He thinks he's got a very good chance of winning, and squeals over his collection. I'd be proud, too, if I did this much work, but in the world of reality TV, he's inviting disaster. Chloe arrives at the airport. She says that Tim was justifiably nervous about her collection, but she got it done, and is pleased with it. She's also exhausted, saying she hasn't slept in days. She knows that her "passion" has been questioned, but defends herself, and says that winning would be great validation as a designer. She gets to the hotel and hugs Danzzz.

Santino arrives at the airport. He says he's nervous, not about his collection, but because the show has started airing, so now Chloe and Danzzz will have heard all the shit he's been talking. Indeed, back at the hotel, Chloe says that she's glad she gets to talk to Danzzz before Santino gets there. They talk about the things Santino said behind the scenes, and how it still gnaws at them now. Santino gets to the hotel, and Danzzz "jokingly" tells him he's in the wrong room. They make awkward small talk, mostly about how fast the time has flown by. Santino says that it's been hard to watch the show and read all the blogs that trash him. If you see this, Santino...hi! I don't take back anything, but I'm fairly sure you'd be fun to hang out with! Let me know if you ever come back to visit the folks - we'll get a beer. He interviews that he'll certainly think twice from now on before he opens his mouth. He talks to Chloe about how the show has made him look like an asshole, and Chloe points out that it might be because he said assholish things. Go figure. Danzzz agrees that Santino might have gotten a raw deal as far as editing goes, but that he's made his bed, and now he gets to lie in it. Well handled.

Four days to the runway show. Danzzz questions how sincere Santino's vow to be nicer is. The three designers leave their hotel, and arrive at a brighter, fancier workroom than they had at Parson's. Everyone starts hanging up their work. I'd have put all my stuff in black garment bags. Keep everyone guessing. Danzzz interviews that they all started surreptitiously glancing at each other's stuff. He was most curious to see Santino's, as he may have been pulling a "dildo dress" out of his bag. Hahahahahaha!!!! That is so great. I'm putting Dildo Dress on my Awesome Band Names list. Santino interviews that Chloe's collection looked like a couch was coming at him. Elapsed Time To Collapse Of Kinder, Gentler Santino: one minute. Impressive. Tim enters, greets everyone, and asks them to gather around. I don't know why the gathering was necessary, because all Tim really says is that he wants to look at their collections. Santino's up first. It's looking good. Tim's impressed. Chloe's stuff is different than I thought it'd be. There's a poofy dress, and the colors she used are a lot shinier than the ones she usually goes for. Still, she's coming along nicely. Finally, Danzzz. He interviews again how much he likes his collection and expects Tim to love it too. Seriously, enough with that. Danzzz shows him several pieces. Tim is just staring at the clothes, not saying much at all, though he does mention that he's not wild about the handbags. Danzzz openly tells Tim that this is the least amount of feedback that he's ever gotten, and Tim verrrrrrrry slowly says that he's waiting to see how the pieces look on the models. Danzzz interviews that he's kind of offended at Tim's attitude. If he's offended because Tim didn't offer any advice or useful criticism, I can totally understand where he's coming from. If he's offended because Tim doesn't like his collection as much as Danzzz feels he should, he needs to shut up. It looks to me like Tim really disliked a lot about it, but was trying to avoid saying something like "Well, I don't like this at all, but....too late now, I guess." Commercials.

When we return, the designers are headed to meet Michael Kors for model casting. Danzzz is still upset about Tim's reticence. I'm not sure what makes Michael the most competent mentor for model selection, but whatever. He tells them to make sure they want the models they select, rather than settling for someone they're not wild about. "Let's go girl shopping!", Danzzz says excitedly. Heh. It's no "dildo dress", but still. The model selection is boring. Chloe's on the lookout for curvy models with big chests. Danzzz wants fresh-faced girls who can balance sexyness with a lack of vulgarity. If I never hear the word "vulgar" on this show again, it'll be too soon. Santino wants confident, high-energy models. It looks like Emmett's model Shannon is trying out.

With three days until the runway show, the designers head to the workroom for model fittings. The three "original" models enter first. Danzzz whines to Rebecca about Tim's lack of help. Again, I understand his anxiety over this; Tim was certainly much more full of praise and advice during the previous challenges. Still. Move on. Tim enters as Grace whirls around in one of Chloe's dresses. Danzzz interviews again that Tim wasn't very vocal about his collection, but expects Tim to be blown away once he sees the clothes on a body. Tim examines the dress that Rebecca has put on, and still doesn't say much. Danzzz is on the verge of a breakdown now. He says he values Tim's input, and needs something to work with. Tim asks Rebecca how she likes the outfit, and she says she loves it. Tim hems and haws, then asks Rebecca to put another outfit on. She does, and Tim finally has some input, though I doubt very much it's the input Danzzz wanted to hear. Tim tells him that the outfits are very dependent on details, and Danzzz's clothing is having a lot of detail issues right now, like uneven hemlines and such. Santino interviews that if Danzzz doesn't recognize that his collection needs some work before the show, then he's really worried for him. Let me just repeat that last part. Santino is worried, because he thinks Danzzz isn't listening to the mentor's critiques. Yes. We have, in fact, wandered into a parallel universe. Tim tells everyone they have until midnight to wrap everything up. Here's where I'd be suspicious if I were a designer. It's three days to the show! Why would I need to have everything finished two days in advance? Danzzz continues to worry about Tim's attitude towards his stuff.

The designers go to a hair salon and describe to the stylist how the models' hair should be done. Zzzzzzzz. When they return, they have eight hours left, and Danzzz gets right on the million tiny things he still has to get done. Meanwhile, a lot of Chloe's models show up for fittings. She's glad, because she's got a lot of alterations to do. Danzzz manages to get a fitting or two done as well, but it looks like Santino's girls didn't show. He's pissed. I'd be pissed, too. Jesus, they already have, like, the easiest job in the world. How hard is it to show up for a fitting appointment that'll probably take twenty minutes at most? The designers head back to the hotel.

Two days to runway. Santino's shirt is blurred for some reason. Chloe, in a prophetic statement, says she's totally designed-out by this point, and won't be able to design another piece for a long time. Danzzz talks about the knot of anxiety forming in his stomach. Shortly after the designers enter the workroom, Tim and Heidi enter. Hey, where's her pregnant belly? Man, she dropped that post-baby weight fast. Her hair's long again, thank goodness. She gathers the designers. They know something's up, and are visibly worried about the shit bomb that they're convinced is about to fall. And fall it does. The three of them huddle together in a very adorable hug as Tim tells them they're not done yet. Heidi tells them they must create a thirteenth piece for the collection. Ouch. Chloe starts to cry. Danzzz wants to punch someone. Santino prays for a heart attack. I don't blame any of them. Tim tells them that they'll have some help on this challenge, and brings in all of the eliminated designers. It's clear they're not entirely certain what's going on, because when Tim tells them about the final challenge, they gasp, and Andrae gets a heartbreaking "those poor dears" look on his face. Zulema just kind of hangs around in the back, knowing that this is a colossal waste of her time, because no way in hell are they going to pick her. Heidi randomly picks names to see who chooses first. It's Danzzz. He selects Nick. All respect to Nick's talents, I think he did that because he felt guilty about what went down in "Makeover". Santino chooses Andrae, using the chance to do another Timpression. Yay! Chloe takes Diana. Aw. I'm totally surprised she didn't go for Kara. Looks like Kara's thinking that, too. The non-picked are led out. The designers have thirty minutes to think about their design, then $250 to shop with. All three of them are still kind of "what the hell is happening to me?" about it, so it takes them some time to get going. Commercials.

Danzzz tells Nick that he's got a lot of separate pieces as part of his main line, so he's not above making a very simple dress for the thirteenth piece. Good idea. We're reminded of one of Nick's less charming characteristics, as Danzzz cannot utter three words without Nick interrupting. It's annoying, but I can't be too harsh, because that's a bad habit of mine, too. I'm trying to vanquish it. It's difficult. Chloe decides to go for a baby doll dress. Diana's pleased to be helping her. Santino cannot come up with anything, so Andrae just throws a bunch of ideas at him to see if anything sticks. He's still unclear as they head out to go shopping. They've got an hour to shop. Tim starts to criticize a fabric choice of Chloe's, but she's pretty clear on what she wants by this point, and is in no mood for Tim right now. Heh. I love Tim, but the way she kind of shooed him away right there was funny. Santino's brain is still shut down. He can't bring himself to care about the thirteenth piece. Tim tells him he's overthinking the challenge, which he probably is. He interviews that at this point, he's on the verge of sending pasties and a maxipad down the runway. What, like he didn't come close to that when he was full of creative energy? I kid. I feel for all of the designers having to do this. Santino goes on to say that it's like a scene in the movies where a character looks up at the sky and screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" He demonstrates. There are shots of the skyline, including that statue with the praying-type hands we've seen before. I can't believe they didn't have a shot of birds taking off. That's inexcusable.

Next week on Project Runway. Wait, what? Oh, I guess the episode's over. That was abrupt. Whatever. Next week on Project Runway: Danzzz's models aren't showing up. Chloe's ready to throttle Diana. Santino's freaking out. At the big show, Danzzz is missing a garment bag. One of Chloe's models is made up incorrectly. Andrae disappears on Santino. Lots and lots of clothes are shown. And finally, a winner will be chosen, helped along by guest judge Debra Messing. Whoa, I bet Chloe's regretting that urge to show curvy models now.

Overall Grade: C+