The Final Push

The Amazing Race - Season 12, Episode 11

Previously on The Amazing Race: Los Angeles. Ireland. The Netherlands. Burkina Faso. Lithuania. Croatia. Italy. India. Japan. Taiwan. There were uncooperative animals (yay!). There were uncooperative teammates (boo!). Eight teams fell by the wayside, including all of the annoying ones. Last to get axed were the obnoxious Bickersons, who went out without having won a single leg, and to add insult to injury, were punted on Jennifer's birthday. Oh, yeah. That episode was so good, it just had to be fattening. Now, three teams remain. Ronald and Christina have a truckload of family issues to work through, and though it seems unlikely that everything will be hearts and flowers forever, Ronald has learned that when he stops bitching at his daughter, the two of them race better. Their intelligence and language aptitude has given them the edge time and again. Nicolas and Donald had to contend with the problem of Donald's oldness. Though they seemed ripe for early elimination, Donald's vast experience with every vocation on Earth, combined with Nick's methodical thinking has gotten them into the final three. TK and Rachel miraculously maintained calm attitudes throughout the entire race, even when things weren't going well. Their zen-like demeanor helped them overcome setbacks and find shortcuts, often propelling them ahead of teams who panicked their way into last. Tonight, one of these three teams will win one million dollars. Who will win...The Amazing Race?

Last week, I focused on the fact that all three final teams are relatively nice people, and thus all "deserve" to win. What I didn't notice until now is that not only are they nice, but not a single one of them got into the final three by solely relying on big muscles, like so many have before. The gym-rats are no longer with us. The people who remain got here with intelligence. With language skills. With the ability to avoid emotional meltdowns. With kindness. I can't express just how refreshing it is to spend the last leg with these three teams, rather than some bland bartender/model whose nipple rings are the most interesting thing about him.

Opening credits. Ronald and Christina merrily hike through the forest, grateful that the theme song eliminates the need for conversation.

Oh, ew. Tonight is the first political ad of the season. I couldn't even vote for this Illinois judge if I wanted to, but this serves as a bitter reminder that my television and mailbox will soon overflow with tedious political rhetoric. Once that's dispensed with, we rejoin Phil in Taipei, Taiwan. Ronald and Christina are off the mat first at 9:47 AM. Rrrrrrrip! The clue tells them to fly to the final destination city: Anchorage, Alaska. Once they land, they'll make their way to an outdoor adventure store to pick up their next clue and a bag of supplies. Christina says that all the teams left are strong and smart, but that she and Ronald are stronger and smarter. Way to tempt Fate, Christina. TK and Rachel leave at 10:30 AM, and are super-excited about going to Anchorage. They remind us that keeping calm heads has kept them in the race, so that's the strategy for them.

Ronald and Christina arrive at the airport, and head for China Air. Meanwhile, Nick and Don are leaving the mat at 10:37 AM. Nick interviews that running the race has given him newfound respect for his grandfather. Donald raises his hand, all "That's me!" Hehe. Nick is sure Alaska holds a hunting or fishing challenge, and of course, Don has all sorts of experience with both. Ron and Christina buy tickets, and Ronald asks if there's any way they could get a free upgrade, so that they may use the airline's lounge. The agent agrees, which not only gets Ronald and Christina out of the other teams' view, but provides access to the internet, so they can look up directions to the adventure store. Wow, good thinking. TK and Rachel arrive, and piggyback on Ronald and Christina's flight. Nicolas and Donald also get these tickets, so everyone's tied again. TK/Rachel/Nick/Don fret over the fact that Ronald and Christina are nowhere to be seen, and set off in search of them. They never find them, as Ronald and Christina are hidden in the China Air lounge, writing down information about the adventure store. Eventually, the other teams give up, and settle at the gate. Ronald and Christina join them after a while.

Limecrete: "Heh. They look shifty."
LabRat: "Ancient Chinese secret!"

The flight takes off. Everyone wants to win the race, in case you thought the teams would arrive in Alaska and take a few hours off to sightsee. The flight lands, and everyone prepares to hustle out and grab taxis. TK tries to psych out Nick and Don by innocently asking who's going to be the fastest runner, but kids that he's seen Ron run like a ninja. Heh. Everyone dashes for cabs. TK and Rachel's driver dithers a moment over the name of the adventure store. Ronald and Christina's information pays off, and they arrive at the store first. They pick up their sack of supplies and their clue. Rrrrrrip! Now, the actual clue tells teams to find "Ship Creek Boat Launch". But you know how teams are. They're in a hurry, and read things off quickly. So it sounds for all the world like the teams will be frantically searching for "Shit Creek", to which I dearly hope they bring a paddle.

Ronald and Christina run out of the store, and their driver says he knows exactly where Shit Creek is. Ronald unwraps a big knife, guessing that they'll be filleting some fish, and hoping he doesn't cut himself. Holding the blade like that is not a good start. TK and Rachel arrive, grab their supplies and clue, and head for Shit Creek. Their driver claims to know where it is, but the film goes into slow-motion, so I'm guessing he doesn't. Nick and Don arrive, read their clue, and leave for Shit Creek. Notice what's missing there? Sadly, they've left their bag of supplies behind, sitting on the counter. Nick opines that they're only a couple of minutes behind. That abandoned bag begs to differ.

Shit Creek Boat Launch. Ronald and Christina arrive, and run up to the cluebox. Rrrrrrrip! Detour! Cut the Cod or Grab the Crab. Jeez, this is the dirtiest leg ever. And I don't mean dirty like the mud bog. Mud bog! In Cut the Cod, teams use their great big honkin' knife to cut through fifty-pound cod, looking for a small metal capsule containing the next clue. In Grab the Crab, teams board a boat with large wells of water containing more than 500 live crabs. They then sift through the crabs, looking for one marked with the red/yellow band. Pinching crabs hurt. I'd go for the cod; I've dissected all sorts of stuff. Ronald and Christina agree, and head for Cut the Cod. Like Christina, I didn't really comprehend "fifty-pound cod" until faced with them, but these suckers are way bigger than I expected. Ronald gets to sawing a fish's head off, saying that it's no easy task for a city slicker.

TK and Rachel pull up to an area that is definitely not Shit Creek Boat Launch. Nick and Don's driver is telling them that it's his job as a cabbie to know where stuff like that is. Tell it to TK and Rachel's driver. The one they had last week, too. Rachel asks some nearby fishermen if they know where the Shit Creek Boat Launch is, and they say it's about five minutes thataway. Back in the cab, TK puts his hand on his forehead, which is his version of losing his temper. Back at Cut the Cod, Ronald worries about having to sift through so many guts, but Christina runs across the clue, almost by accident. Most emphatic non-Rrrrrrrip! She reads off the clue quietly, in case other teams are lurking. They must now take a taxi sixty miles to a boat landing, then take a speedboat upriver to 20-Mile Glacier. Phil tells us that teams don't know they'll have to climb the face of the glacier before getting the next clue. He actually demonstrates the task, which is somewhat unusual for Phil. He sure didn't jump in with those crabs.

As Ronald and Christina leave, Nick and Don arrive, with TK and Rachel right behind them. Christina tells her driver that they can't let those other yellow cabs pass them at any point. Because there are only three yellow taxis in the entire state. Nick and Don reach the cluebox just ahead of TK and Rachel. When Nick reads off the Detour, and spots TK and Rachel with their bag, he realizes that they've left their stuff behind at the adventure store. An "Oh, fuckety fuck-fuck" expression settles on his face.

Commercials. Make sure you buy a dishwasher with a "pulverizing food disposer". You know, for those times you inadvertently leave an entire avocado on the rack.

In the cab back to the adventure store, Don admonishes Nick for misreading the clue. Nick brings up the whole hindsight-is-twenty-twenty chestnut, but Donald's not having it. "You read the clue, but you didn't understand it, so we're fucked. That's the way I see it." Ouch. TK and Rachel rip the Detour clue, and don't sound too enamored with slicing open giant cod, so they head for Grab the Crab. Ronald and Christina are happy to be in the lead, and Christina says they've come a long way since the first leg. Strange that their relationship has strengthened over the course of the race, because I have to admit, spending 30,000 miles with me in stress mode would probably lower your opinion of me in a hurry. TK and Rachel hop into one of the crab wells on the boat. They get pinched. A lot. TK says he's not sure if they've chosen the right Detour, but Rachel is too busy fending off crab advances to respond. Nick and Don get back to the adventure store, grab their bag of supplies, and run out. TK and Rachel are not making good progress, and TK suggests changing Detours. In their cab, Nick and Don agree that Don can make short work of gutting a fish, so that's the one they'll be heading for. Rachel hops into another crab well, and gets attacked. She's starting to hop on board the Let's Change Tasks wagon.

Nick and Don arrive back at the Detour. In one of those moments you couldn't plan if you tried, the last crab TK looks at before abandoning the task has the marked band on its claw. Who knows how the race would have turned out if this hadn't happened? TK and Rachel rip their next clue, and leave for the speedboat, just as Nicolas and Donald get started on their cod. TK says that it won't take Donald long, so they've got to hurry. Indeed, Don discovers the clue pretty quickly. They leave for the speedboat. Nick says that they're only a few minutes behind TK and Rachel, but Donald's still not thrilled with being third out of three right now. All three teams sit tensely in their cabs.

Ronald and Christina arrive at the river, and jump into their speedboat, which is thankfully driven by someone who knows what he's doing. They zoom up the river, taking in the picturesque scenery of Alaska. It really is beautiful. They enjoy the ride, and "WOO!" a lot. TK and Rachel's driver, who didn't know where the Shit Creek Boat Launch was, doesn't know where the speedboat one is, either. I'm sensing he's not taking home the Employee of the Year trophy. As he jabbers away on his phone, TK comes close to losing his temper for the first time in the entire race. He tells the driver that either they need to find a way there, or they need a new taxi. Rachel reminds him to stay calm, though she commiserates with the fact that they had more success communicating with taxi drivers in India. Heh. Nick and Don's driver isn't having any problems, boasting that he's number one. Still, TK and Rachel are next to the speedboats. Rachel wants to take the green one. Atta girl! They board, and Nick and Don arrive. As they enjoy their rides, we hear both teams voice-over about how great the experience of the race has been.

Ronald and Christina arrive at the glacier, and the clue/safety wrangler tells them they have to climb the face of the ice wall to get to the next clue. Ronald mentions something about a fear of heights, but a twenty-foot drop into water should be the least of his worries right about now. Besides, he didn't seem to have much trouble with heights when he was cycling across a ravine or zip-lining all over the place. Not that the climb looks easy, just not scary. The wrangler hands him his climbing picks, and he nervously gets started. Christina starts up a few feet behind him. The other teams approach. Ronald makes excellent progress up the glacier, but Christina cannot get herself over the first lip of the ice. It appears to be the most difficult part of the climb, and upper-body strength is key. She's still struggling down there when Ronald reaches the top. TK and Rachel arrive. Christina begins to freak out.

Commercials. A woman eats yogurt, and is transported to a swing covered with flowers, an orgasmic smile on her face.

LabRat: "I always feel like that when I eat yogurt, too."

Christina voices-over that what got her through the climb was knowing that her dad was waiting on top of the glacier. Nice try, but I'm thinking it's because TK and Rachel are right on her ass now. She finally makes it over the ice ridge, and the rest of the climb is quickly dispensed with. As TK gets started on the climb, Ron and Christina open the next clue. Rrrrrrrip! It tells them to take a helicopter to Merrill Field. From there, they'll take a taxi to Goose Lake Park, where the next clue awaits. Ronald and Christina head for one of the three nearby helicopters. TK skitters up the wall quickly, but Rachel is having problems in the exact same place Christina was. I'm telling you, it's their womanly lack of upper-body strength. Because you know my pecs and arms are practically chiseled out of marble. Ronald and Christina take off. Nicolas and Donald have arrived, and are suiting up in their safety gear. TK reaches the top of the wall. Rachel is over the ridge, and soon joins him. They're off to the copters.

Donald gets started on the climb. Once he's over the ridge, he progresses nicely. I dearly hope I can do this sort of stuff when I'm sixty-nine. Nicolas has trouble on the ridge, but in his case, it looks to be because he's so tall. TK and Rachel hope to catch up to Ronald and Christina. Well, it won't be on the helicopter ride, because Ronald and Christina have already landed, and are hopping a taxi to Goose Lake Park. Nick reaches the top of the glacier, and he and Don head for the helicopter. Donald says the Roadblock is their only hope of making up time now. TK and Rachel land, having thoroughly enjoyed their helicopter ride, and get a taxi. Ronald and Christina arrive at the park, and spot the cluebox. Rrrrrrip! Roadblock! "Who wants to relive your experience on the race?" Ah, so as usual, the final Roadblock is a mental task, which I'm all for. And this one is a doozy. As Phil explains, there are fifteen recognizable items from previous legs of the race awaiting nearby. There's also a small stage area. The Roadblocker must place ten items on the stage, one from each of the previous legs. But that's not all! There are requirements:

1) Only one item from each leg can be placed on the stage. No doubling up.
2) Three of the items must be animals or animal by-products (the cleaning man, the donkey, the chicken, the camel's milk, etc.)
3) One of the items must be a U-Turn.
4) Two must be items either brought to a pitstop or awaiting the teams there (the chicken, the gun, etc.)
5) Two must be items of transportation with wheels.
6) Of the two transportation items, one of them must have been used at a Detour.
7) One must be another transportation item, this one resembling the shape of a stick (the stilts, the ditch-vaulting pole, etc.)

Phil explains that there are several items that belong to more than one category, but there's only one correct answer. So this is like one of those logic problems on the Analytical Thinking portion of the GRE. Once the Roadblocker arranges the items correctly, a box will pop open, revealing the next clue. Now, let me preface what I'm about to say by admitting that working this problem out by sitting down to think at a desk in a quiet room would be infinitely easier than in an open field, with cameras in your face, in a race for a million dollars, with your competitors breathing down your neck. That out of the way... I would fucking OWN this task. Of all the tasks in twelve seasons of the race, this is the one that was practically designed for me. I love logic puzzles. That Analytical Thinking part of the GRE? Perfect score. I would take this Roadblock so fast, it'd make my partner's head spin. I do have to say, upon hearing the challenge's parameters, I wish for a split second that the Bickersons were still around, just so I could watch how gloriously they'd screw it up. The feeling passes. Christina takes the Roadblock.

She runs off to one of the three staging areas. Ronald tells the cameraman he hopes she can get it done quickly. Duh. She reads off her parameters, giving us the additional information that Roadblockers may not use writing utensils or paper to work out the answer. Ouch. The audience is let in on the correct grouping of items:

1) Ireland - The tandem bicycle.
2) The Netherlands - The bicycle at the Hunt It Detour.
3) Burkina Faso, Part 1 - The camel's milk.
4) Burkina Faso, Part 2 - The chicken.
5) Lithuania - The stilts.
6) Croatia - The gun.
7) Italy - The BlackBerry.
8) India - The U-Turn.
9) Japan - The cleaning man.
10) Taiwan - The teacup.

Christina gets started, beginning with the easiest item - the U-Turn. She knows it could apply to the India leg as well as to Burkina Faso - Part 2. She then grabs the chicken, working out that since it's certainly one of the items brought to the pitstop, India will be represented by the U-Turn. I live for this shit. The lagging teams vroom along. Christina takes a very literal view of the word "transportation", and she's reluctant to use either the stilts or the ditch-vaulting pole. TK and Rachel arrive. Rachel takes the Roadblock. She goes through the same motions as Christina, placing the U-Turn, then the chicken. I should mention that the stages don't face each other, so no worry that anyone's cheating. TK and Ronald have a friendly chat about how it's really coming down to the wire. Christina has placed the donkey (bzzt), the bicycle (ding!), the chicken (ding!), the camel's milk (ding!), and the U-Turn (ding!). Rachel has placed several items, and I can't quite make out what all of them are, but she lugs the stilts over (ding!).

Nicolas and Donald arrive, and Nick takes the Roadblock. So now, all three Roadblockers plug away, while their partners chat and fret. Christina works out the stilts (ding!). Rachel works out the gun (ding!). Nick has a bunch of stuff on his stage, and I can see, along with several correct items, the cart with the propane tanks (bzzt). Christina works out the teacup (ding!) and the cleaning man (ding!). She claims to be finished, but the cluebox doesn't open, because she's got Ireland wrong. It's not terribly clear, but I think the problem is that she's got the donkey and the tandem bike representing Ireland, and the propane cart representing the second wheeled transportation method (Rule #5). But with the U-Turn, that gives both Ireland and India two items, which violates Rule #1. Rachel checks over her items. She's also tripped up on the donkey, and in addition, has incorrectly placed the propane cart and the bouquet of flowers. Again, the editing's a bit confusing, but I think she's got the flowers and the cleaning man, which doubles up on Japan items.

Nicolas isn't doing well, having incorrectly placed items for Ireland, the Netherlands, and Croatia, and briefly misidentifies the BlackBerry as belonging to the Lithuania leg. Christina realizes that she's got both the donkey and the tandem bike, and fixes the Ireland screwup. She fails to identify the cleaning man as an animal, so she doesn't want to get rid of the donkey. Whuh, oh. Rachel and Nick ask their cleaning men to get on stage. Christina realizes her cleaning man belongs, which gives her too many animals, but doesn't know how to fix it. Rachel doesn't recognize the ditch-vaulting stick. Nick doesn't recognize the gun. Christina rearranges some items, but unfortunately, she's in worse shape now than she was on her first attempt. Her voice wavers. She's confused and frustrated. Rachel and Nick are also flustered. The partners stand by and worry.

Commercials. With all the free internet porn that's available, I really don't see a reason to go see a movie that's basically an excuse for Matthew McBlahblahblah to show off his chest for two hours.

Ronald shows remarkable patience (for him), saying that although Christina was first to the Roadblock, everyone's having problems, so the puzzle must be difficult to solve. Christina is starting to lose her composure, which is understandable, but which is the last thing you want to have happen when working out a problem like this. Rachel, on the other hand, takes a deep breath, and remains calm. As she works out one of her issues, her cleaning man pretends to dust something. Heh. Christina prays to God for help. Her donkey has taken a crap on the stage. Rachel realizes that she's got two Netherlands items, and quickly replaces the ditch-vaulting pole with the tandem bike. That does it, and her cluebox pops open. We get a shot of the other five people's faces, and you can imagine the expression on each one. TK gleefully shouts to Rachel to open the clue. Rrrrrrrip! It tells them to travel by taxi to "Cook's eye view of the Sleeping Lady". Phil explains that this is a statue of Captain Cook, where the next clue awaits. TK and Rachel's taxi driver knows where the Sleeping Lady is, though we never hear what it is.

Christina finishes the Roadblock. She gets her clue, and runs back to Ronald, almost crying as she apologizes. He tells her that she did a good job. Aw. Their taxi driver knows where he's going, and they take off. Christina tells him it'd be swell if he could pass TK and Rachel. Speaking of whom, their driver is now second-guessing himself, and has to turn around. Dun dun duuuuun! Both cabs drive along, and a team arrives at the statue, which stands in Resolution Park. Hahahahaha! Nice job, editors. It's TK and Rachel, who grab the next clue. Rrrrrrrip! It tells them to travel on foot to find the Salmon Hooker, and before you go all pervy on me, it's a statue of a fish which looks as if someone has attacked it with a BeDazzler. TK and Rachel get directions, as Ronald and Christina arrive and rip their clue. Both teams find out that the statue resides at the corner of 5th and G. TK and Rachel are first to the cluebox. Rrrrrrip! It tells them to take a taxi to Girdwood Airport, and run to the finish line. Ron and Christina get their clue. Both teams grab taxis. It sounds like Ronald and Christina use a rape whistle to flag theirs down. Christina asks her ZZ-Top-lookin' driver to go as fast as possible. I'd opt for offering him a thousand bucks if he gets me to the finish line first.

Both teams prepare for the final sprint. Ronald says that if they don't win, they'll be disappointed, but that he's become a better person over the course of the race. Heartening, but I'd still like to peek in on them in six months. Tense music plays. A cab approaches the airport, which is just a barren strip of land, though it has a nice mountain view in the background. Funny that this has been the best season in a long time, and yet the starting and finish lines were some of the least inspired ever. Phil stands at the final mat. The eliminated teams stand by and cheer. And who is it, running for the finish? Well, TK and Rachel, of course. They dash up to the mat, and are declared the winners of the race. Rachel jumps into TK's arms. The other teams clap. Lorena is still amazingly pretty. TK says it doesn't even feel real. Phil asks about their relationship. Smash cuts to Kynt and the Bickersons. Hehehe. TK says that their relationship has grown throughout the race. They're proud of each other, and kiss happily.

Ronald and Christina run for the finish line. They immediately congratulate TK and Rachel, which was nice. Christina says of Ronald that there's nobody else in the entire world she would have rather run the race with. Smash cut to the IBs. Ha! The mean editors are on fire! Ronald says that he didn't come up with first place, but he came up with first place in his daughter's heart. Aw, that's so daddily corny. The two of them hug and cry, and Ronald sort of steps on the moment when he says that he can finally say "I love you" and mean it. I know, he probably means that he's learning to express an emotion he previously thought embarrassing, but it still came off as somewhat assy. They're both happy for forging a deeper meaning to their relationship.

Later. Nicolas and Donald run up to the mat. Phil welcomes them, and tells Donald he's the oldest person ever to have completed the race. Woo! Phil asks him if he ever thought he'd make it so far. "Yeah, but not in third," Donald kids. Heh. Hendekea cracks up. Phil asks Nick if he's accomplished everything he wanted to, aside from winning. Nick says that aside from winning, his main goal was to finish the race, and enjoy the world with his grandfather, so he's gotten everything he wanted and more. Seriously, it's easy to forget, what with the million dollars on the line, but these folks got to experience nine foreign countries for free. That's a pretty awesome prize right there. The other teams crowd the mat and join in a cheer of "Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa!" Donald wipes a tear from his eye, and says that he's happiest that he finished every leg. Rachel loves TK. TK loves Rachel. They managed to not only finish, but win the entire race without a single meltdown. The teams applaud. Vyxsin looks pissed off. Christina grins. We leave on a freeze-frame of the happy winners.

As I've said so many times in the past, the quality of Amazing Race seasons is almost entirely dependent on the teams that remain in the final four or so. The tasks and destinations are almost (though certainly not entirely) irrelevant. I don't look back on Season 6 with much fondness, because the final four teams were Freddy & Kendra (bleh), Adam & Rebecca (bleh), Hayden & Aaron (BOOOOO!), and Kris & Jon (YAAAAAY!). If the final four had been Kris & Jon (YAAAAAY!), Lori & Bolo (Yay!), Don & MJ (Yay!), and Gus & Hera (Yay!), while this one had the Bickersons, Ari & Staella, the IBs, and Lorena & Jason, we'd be looking at very different experiences. Fortunately for us, any team not worth our support was quickly dispatched, except for the Bickersons, who weren't even that bad, compared to some past disasters. They went out at exactly the right time; they remained long enough to inject some drama into the season, but were axed before we had to start bracing ourselves for them to win. The locations this season were wonderful. The tasks were well-designed. The final three were a joy to root for. This season is going to be hard to match. I don't envy the next crop of contestants. They'll have to work hard to win me over as much as this crew did.

Overall Grade: B
Overall Season Grade: A+