Being Polite Sucks Sometimes

The Amazing Race - Season 10, Episode 9

Previously on The Amazing Race: Pure awesomeness. The teams raced from Mauritius to Madagascar, where they were forced to work together, even though there was only one team not in an alliance by that point anyway. That team? KanDustin, who tore through the leg and beat the Fast Forward teams to take first place. The Plastics and the Bottom Feeders struggled, and David and Mary got an emotional, yet overdue elimination. Five teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?

Opening credits. Lyn and Karlyn try to break up a fight. I can't imagine where those kids picked up the habit of arguing about everything.

Antananarivo, Madagascar. Phil doesn't even attempt to pronounce the city's name again. KanDustin is off the mat first at 2:56 AM. Their clue tells them to fly to Helsinki, Finland. Cool! I'd love to go there. Especially after reading all those "Finland is the best place in the world to live" articles. Once in Helsinki, they have to find a coffee house, log onto a marked computer, and AAAAAAAARRRRRGH! Product placement task! I hate product placement tasks. Isn't it enough that we see commercials spread throughout the episode and that the first place team wins a product-placed prize? The worst thing about these tasks (apart from the blatant insult to the audience's intelligence) is that they never have anything to do with the background/culture/history of the country. I can wander down to a coffee shop and check my e-mail here. Anyway, there is one piece of good news, and that is that ignoring most of the aspects of a product-placed task means we can tear right through that segment, which means it won't take as long to get to those Toll House cookies LabRat left in my freezer.

Phil says that flights out of Madagascar are limited, so teams are being provided tickets to Paris, where they'll need to make their own arrangements to get to Helsinki. Nobody is obligated to use the Paris tickets, but they're available. Dustin interviews that a lot of the teams think KanDustin has it easy, and that things are handed to them, but that they really work hard to win. I'm with ya, Dustin! They see that the tickets to Paris aren't until 9:40 PM, which is a ridiculously long time to wait. Dustin asks if Finland is the place with the wooden shoes. Sigh. I wish she'd stop saying things like that so I can feel better about rooting for them. Tyler and James leave at 3:08 AM. Tyler says that him bossing James around comes from "a loving place". I'll bet. RoKi leaves the mat at 3:14 AM. Rob says that their strategy is to get to the pitstop as quickly as possible. Wow, good thinking. Maybe he should write a book. He says that RoKi has a bond with James and Tyler that they don't want to break, but that KanDustin isn't "part of their group". I'm sure KanDustin is crying into their pillows at night about that. Erwin and Godwin leave the mat at 3:24 AM, and let us know that teams are receiving $265 for this leg. Plenty of cab money for everyone! Duke and Lauren are watching this somewhere and spitting at the screen. Godwin says that they'll be running this leg "in memory" of David and Mary. Erwin steps on what would have been my next remark by pointing out that it's not like David and Mary are dead. In fact, they're doing quite nicely, thanks to Rosie O'Donnell.

KanDustin pulls up to the airport. They begin trying to find better tickets to "Helinski". Sigh. Stop it! I want to root for you unfettered! Stop doing and saying things that make me have to defend you! Tyler and James arrive and sarcastically ask if KanDustin doesn't want to wait until 9:40 tonight to leave. Tyler interviews that they have a weird relationship with KanDustin, in which they sometimes help each other, but know that there will be some backstabbing at some point. RoKi arrives. Rob points a line of people out to everyone, and says that there's a flight getting ready to leave right now. He doesn't even know where it's going; just that it's leaving. The agent tells them that it's going to Johannesburg at 5:00 AM. Kandice asks if there's a quicker flight to Finland out of Johannesburg. As she's doing this, Erwin and Godwin arrive. The agent tells the group that the Johannesburg flight connects through Frankfurt, and gets into Helsinki at 10:20 AM. Nice job, folks. Of course, they immediately ruin it by bragging that there's no way Lyn and Karlyn will be able to make the flight. Jeez, what could possibly happen now?

Lyn and Karlyn leave the mat at 3:55 AM. Karlyn is wearing David's ballcap. Aw. Lyn says that although Erwin and Godwin had to work with KanDustin on the last leg, they still have an alliance. Of course, everyone's still in the race to win it. This has been pounded into our skulls a trillion times, and I'm tired of typing the whole thing out. From now on, "We have an alliance with so-and-so, but we know that at some point, we have to try and win this for ourselves (Optional Addendum: No hard feelings)" is simply going to be referred to as Underdogs' Law. Everyone at the airport buys tickets. Lyn and Karlyn arrive as Erwin and Godwin head for their flight, and they discuss the tickets. Erwin and Godwin say that there's pretty much no way Lyn and Karlyn are going to get the same tickets (sigh...#2). Indeed, the ticket agent tells them that check-in is closed now. The other teams board the flight. Kimberly says that Lyn and Karlyn won't make it (#3). Lyn and Karlyn are trying to beg their way on, but the agent (thinking there must be some sort of language barrier problem) makes a plane-taking-off hand gesture. Nice touch, agent.

KanDustin says that Lyn and Karlyn won't make it (#4). The agent calls over some sort of manager, who tells Lyn and Karlyn that they can't get on because there aren't meals for them. Lyn and Karlyn say that they don't care about the meals, just the tickets. The manager relents, and the agent begins preparing tickets. Karlyn tells the camera how appreciative she is that the airline is being so cooperative. She bounces up and down with excitement and nervous energy. Heh. So OF COURSE they make the flight, and I'm sure that was wonderfully surprising to people who have never seen this show, people who have never seen a reality show in their lives, people who don't own televisions, or people who have just come out of cryogenic chambers. As for the rest of us? Yawn. They board. Erwin playfully tries to steal Karlyn's hat. The plane takes off. We trace the journey, which has a stopoff in Addis Ababa as well as Frankfurt. I have no idea why the former was never mentioned.

Helsinki, Finland. Everyone rushes out of the airport and grabs taxis. RoKi bickers, so no news there. Erwin and Godwin's taxi passes Lyn and Karlyn's. Underdogs' Law. Lyn says that KanDustin is doing so well because they run out of airports with their boobs hanging out, so they get attention. Karlyn agrees that it's unfair that they get ahead because of their looks. What a remarkably stupid comment. Interesting point they've got there. I suppose KanDustin couldn't possibly be ahead because they respond to disaster well, or because they work efficiently, or because they're able to intuit information that they've lost, or because they are able to work through a challenging task instead of immediately giving up, or any other actual skills. Nope, they've gotten through this based on blonde hair, big boobs, and straight teeth. Shut the fuck up, Lyn and Karlyn.

Tyler and James pass KanDustin. Both teams peg the other as the biggest competition. Heh. Poor, ignored RoKi. Tyler and James run into the cafe with a miniscule lead. Stupid product placement task. Here's the gist. Log onto a computer. Get a video message from home. When the message is over, the owner of the cafe will give them the next clue. Erwin and Godwin arrive. Tyler/James and KanDustin finish and get the clue. It tells them to travel 125 miles by train and taxi to the town of Tampere, and... Oof. Find a school called Soppeenharjun Koulu. Difficult location names seems to be a light motif for this season. The next cluebox will be on the school's grounds. The train station is a kilometer away, so both lead teams take off jogging. Erwin and Godwin finish listening to their message, and get their clue, just as Lyn and Karlyn arrive. RoKi isn't far behind. Lyn and Karlyn burst into tears upon seeing their children. They get their clue. RoKi listens to their message. They get their clue.

KanDustin and Tyler/James buy train tickets. Erwin and Godwin have wandered in the wrong direction. RoKi takes no chances, getting a taxi to the nearby train station. As they pass Erwin and Godwin, Godwin tries to hail the very cab that they're in. Heh. Lyn and Karlyn manage to get directions from a local, even though they're not blonde and throwing their boobs everywhere! Wow, how'd they manage that? All three of the trailing teams get to the train station at about the same time, and all five teams wind up on the same train. On the train, Karlyn talks about the sacrifice she's made by coming on the show. Yeah, it's times like these that I wish the American government would stop kidnapping people from their homes and forcing them to be on television. Tyler applies moisturizer to his face, making KanDustin giggle. Kandice says she actually relies on Tyler for nail clippers and conditioner. Hehehe. She interviews that when the two teams are together, they have an uneasy truce, but if they're given the chance to run ahead, they'll take it.

The train arrives in Tampere. First out of the station are KanDustin and Tyler and James, who are running and grab the only two available taxis. By the time the other teams wander out of the station, a line has formed for cabs. RoKi begs the people waiting to jump ahead of them, which is fair. Rob is actually down on one knee. Nobody can stand that kind of pressure, and the locals reluctantly allow RoKi to cut the line "this time". Heh. I like how the next time RoKi tries to cut the taxi line, they can just forget it. Erwin and Godwin get into line. Lyn heads for the line as well, and Karlyn says "Forget the line. Let's jump." Again, trying to jump the line when you're in a race for a million dollars is fine. RoKi appealed to the people who had the right to go next. Lyn and Karlyn aren't worried with such trifles. They just park themselves right in front of everyone and start waving at taxis. The guy at the front points out that, hi, there's a line (well, he omits the "hi" and calls the line a "queue", but you get the idea). When a taxi arrives, the man at the front tries to take it and Lyn and Karlyn actively cut him off and get in. Lyn thanks him as if he allowed them this liberty, which he didn't. So once again, we have a shining example of this very curious morality of Lyn and Karlyn's, which allows them to cut a line, but jumping over them in a line should cause people to "examine their conscience". Whatever, bitches. Still in line, Godwin spouts the titular quote. It's true, and you just have to weigh the benefit against the rudeness. I actually don't dislike Lyn and Karlyn for stealing some poor guy's cab. For a million dollars? I'd do it, too. I'd feel bad about it, but it's worth his anger and temporary inconvenience for a chance to get ahead. What pisses me off about Lyn and Karlyn is that they feel they're perfectly entitled to act like this, but nobody else is. Rudeness can sometimes be justified. Being a raging hypocrite cannot.

Commercials. Nice try, but debit cards are not faster than cash. Ever.

Erwin and Godwin are frustrated as they wait out the taxi line. KanDustin arrives at the school. Tyler and James aren't far behind. There's a mini-race to the cluebox, but their open their clues at about the same time. Detour! Swamp This or Swamp That. As Phil introduces the Detour, he stands waist-deep in a mud bog while wearing waders. An enthusiastic gentleman leaps into the mud next to him. Splat. Hehehe. In Swamp This, teams strap on some cross-country skis, and walk a one-mile course through a muddy field. In Swamp That, teams have to go through an equally muddy obstacle course. No skis are involved, but they have to climb, crawl, carry each other, and run. Another enthusiastic gentleman (or perhaps even the same one) crawls past Phil as he warns that teams could get sucked into the wet ground. I'd love to see that happen. KanDustin heads for Swamp This, while Tyler and James opt for Swamp That.

Erwin and Godwin are still in line. They finally get a taxi. RoKi arrives at a school. Rob points out that they should see other taxis, but Kimberly urges them out of the cab, because she sees kids. Sure, why would kids be at any school except the one they're headed for? Lyn and Karlyn arrive at the cluebox. The idea of carrying each other through the mud does not appeal to them, and they head for Swamp This. RoKi figures out that they're at the wrong school, and get directions. Tyler and James leap into their obstacle course as KanDustin starts to strap on their skis. They spot the arriving Lyn and Karlyn and refer to them as the "Sistas". Uh, no. If they were friends with Lyn and Karlyn, I could see how faux ghetto-speak could be construed as an inside joke. They're not, so it just sounds plain racist. I really want you to win this race, KanDustin! Stop making it so difficult for me! Merry oompah music kicks in as KanDustin starts the course. Lyn and Karlyn are right on their tails. Unfortunately, this Detour is really boring, so there's not much to say except "and then so-and-so falls in some mud".

Erwin and Godwin and RoKi arrive at the school at about the same time. Tyler and James crawl through mud. KanDustin walks. Lyn and Karlyn walk. Tyler and James splat into a mud hole. James gets stuck and has to have Tyler come pull him out. Of course he does. If it's not eating whale intestines or something, James is useless. Both RoKi and Erwin and Godwin choose Swamp That. KanDustin has to take off their skis, climb over a wooden structure, jump into the mud, then put the skis back on. Yeesh, that sounds time-consuming. Dustin lands in the mud on her ass, and laments that it'll look like she pooped her pants. Heh. Kandice manages a more graceful jump, sinking up to her ankles in mud. Ick. Lyn and Karlyn stumble along slowly. It's so unfair that KanDustin is getting through the course faster by being pretty. Tyler and James are at the carry section, and I'm just going to go ahead and have you guess who carries whom. You'll be right. KanDustin spots the lagging teams, so that taxi line can't have taken too long. RoKi and Erwin/Godwin sprint into the mud bog. They can't sprint for long. Splat! Tyler and James switch places, so James is contributing something now. Hooray for him. Lyn and Karlyn climb over the wooden structure.

And then so-and-so falls in some mud. Repeat forty times. Rob carries Kimberly. Godwin carries Erwin. And then so-and-so falls in some mud. Tyler and James finish up and narrowly beat KanDustin to the cluebox. Their clue tells them to take a train more than a hundred miles to the city of Turku. Once there, they choose a marked car and drive themselves another 78 miles to the town of Lohja. Once in Lohja, they have to find the Tytyrin (hee...I said Tytyrin) Limestone Mine, and take a tram to the bottom, where the next cluebox awaits. Back at the taxis, Tyler and James open their bags and begin to change clothing. KanDustin catches up and jumps in the cab as-is. Tyler says they may have made a mistake by changing, and KanDustin laughs at the "pretty boys" in their cab. Yeah, it's fun to be all "Tyler and James are so concerned with image that they had to freshen up before going to the station! Tee hee!", but keep in mind that they got a lot dirtier during that Detour. RoKi, Lyn/Karlyn, and Erwin/Godwin get their clues in that order and pretty close together. In the cab, Rob says that it was easier to carry Kimberly through the mud than he thought it would be. "Why, you think I'm fat?" Kimberly asks, and I'm 90% sure that she was kidding, so I'll toss her a hehehehe.

Exciting music masks a routine trip to the train station. KanDustin and Tyler/James get to the station a few minutes before the next train to Turku is scheduled to leave. They hurriedly buy tickets. RoKi arrives at the station. KanDustin/Tyler/James board. RoKi buys tickets. James jokes to Tyler that he can just picture RoKi running and yelling "STOP THE TRAIN!". Smash cut to RoKi running, and Rob yelling "HOLD THE TRAIN!". Hahahahaha! Nice. RoKi arrives to see the train pulling away, so they just missed it. Ouch.

Commercials. Watch this new medical drama on CBS! We swear it's not a cheap knockoff of Grey's Anatomy!

Rob is naturally pissed about missing the train by such a tiny margin. Kimberly points out that they'll just get the next one. "Just let me have my moment," Rob pisses. "Have it," Kimberly says as she wanders away. The Underdogs catch up, and the next train doesn't leave for another hour. On the lead train, Tyler and James ask a local about the mine, while KanDustin works out the way to Lohja on a map. The lagging teams board the train. The Underdogs find a man on the train who actually works for the mining company, which they rejoice over. The lead train arrives in Turku, and the teams hop in their cars and go. KanDustin is right behind Tyler and James. James accuses them of being followers. Shot of Kandice consulting her map -- another nice burn by the editors. Tyler calls KanDustin "crafty". RoKi gets some confusing directions to Lohja (Kimberly pronounces it as you would La Jolla) from a man on the train. They make their way elsewhere on the train, coldly excusing themselves through a knot of Underdogs. Interviews boiling down to the fact that they hate each other.

The two lead teams arrive at the mine and circle around, looking for the place they need to be. Tyler and James spot the marked entrance, but KanDustin misses it. Tyler and James hop into a tram as KanDustin gets set straight by a nearby worker. James smarms over KanDustin missing the entrance, as if he hasn't navigated his way into last place about a zillion times. They ride down. The tram worker tells KanDustin they have to wait a few minutes for the tram to return. The second train arrives in Turku. RoKi runs to their car and peels out, hoping to get away before other teams can follow them. Why is it the horrible navigators who always worry about being followed? RoKi gets lost almost as often as Tyler and James. The Underdogs leave. Underdogs' Law.

Tyler and James reach the bottom of the mine and rip the clue. Roadblock! "Who's ready for a 'minor' inconvenience"? Phil tells us that in this Roadblock, the chosen team member has to ride a bicycle down a steep incline within the mine for more than a mile. Once at the bottom, they'll spot a marked pile of limestone. They have to attach one of the stones to the bike, come back up, and use mining tools (like a hammer and chisel) to break open the stone. The next clue will be inside. James has "been waiting" to do some Roadblocks, and is anxious for the chance to "step up". Yes, please. As it stands now, if they win the million-dollar prize, James deserves about twenty bucks. He starts riding down. The tram comes back for KanDustin. The lagging teams spot the sign of Lohja. James straps the stone to his bike. KanDustin reaches the cluebox, and Kandice takes the Roadblock. A mine worker hands her a bike helmet, and she asks if she's supposed to put it on top of the hardhat she's already wearing. Sigh. She immediately hears herself and rolls her eyes. Tyler laughs at her. She begins coasting down. James is walking his bike up. Yeah, there's no way I'd be able to ride a mile on that steep of an incline. Dustin and Tyler joke that their teammates are probably down in the mine making out. Hehe.

Kandice passes James going the other way. She asks if he walked the whole way, and he tells her that riding down is easy, but coming back up "is a bitch". And how. He makes it back to the top, puts on some safety goggles, and gets to chiseling. Kandice straps her stone onto the bike. James splits the stone and pulls the clue out. This is where we expect a "make your way to the pitstop" clue, but it just says to go to the Olympic stadium in Helsinki, which is about forty miles away. Bleh. I can see what's coming. Tyler and James prepare to leave, and Dustin gives Tyler a high five. I like the relationship between these two teams. They know they're trying to beat each other, but don't take everything as a personal affront, Lyn and Karlyn. Kandice reaches the top, and it appears like she may have made up some time on James. She chisels her stone open, and gets the clue. Tyler and James celebrate over inevitably coming in first place, while KanDustin bemoans losing to them. I can't fathom why the fact that a pitstop wasn't mentioned in the clue isn't pinging their radar, but they're in race mode, so whatever.

The lagging teams arrive at the mine. Rob immediately splits off in the wrong direction, while Karlyn spots the marked entrance. Erwin and Godwin follow them into the mine entrance. Rob approaches what he thinks is the right way to go, but it turns out to be a tunnel entrance into the mine. Yeah, don't drive into that. They back out. The Underdogs cheer about David as they take the tram down into the mine. RoKi circles around aimlessly as Rob sings a chorus of the ever-popular song, "Poor Us, We're Out Of It".

Commercials. Tomato soup sure is good. And it's perfect weather for it right now. That said, it's really not as exciting as these people would have us believe.

RoKi circles back around and spots the other cars, which appears to be the only reason they find the tram. They have to wait for it to come back up. The lead teams drive. The Underdogs rip the clue. Godwin and Karlyn take the Roadblock. They begin riding down. RoKi rides the tram. They reach the cluebox, and Rob takes the Roadblock. Other people sort of coasted down the incline, but he's actively pedaling. It looks kind of dangerous. That thing is really steep. Godwin invokes Dave's name for help. Again. David. Not dead. Godwin and Karlyn reach the stones, and strap them on. Rob is catching up. Godwin starts riding back up the incline, which is pretty damn impressive. Karlyn doesn't even pretend to be able to do that, although she is making an effort to jog quickly. She tells Godwin to go on ahead. Rob straps the stone onto his bike, and yells that he's "comin' for" the Underdogs.

Tyler and James arrive at the stadium, and run in. Hey, remember that small, marked entrance at the mine that they giddily laughed over KanDustin missing? Turns out there's a small, marked entrance at the stadium, too. And they've run right past it. Hehe. KanDustin calls Lyn and Karlyn the "Sistas" again. Arrrgh, stop that! They want Lyn and Karlyn to be eliminated today. Eh, I'd prefer someone who actually had a shot of beating me to be eliminated, but who am I to stand in the way of someone's seething enmity? Godwin has given up riding, and is walking his bicycle up. Karlyn struggles along behind. Rob is running up with his bike alongside, shrieking like an extra in Braveheart. Godwin is first to the top. Rob passes Karlyn. More shrieking. Everyone chisels. Godwin gets the clue first. Then Rob. Then Karlyn. All three teams share a tram up. Tyler and James walk around the stadium, looking for a clue. KanDustin has to stop for directions. They ask a local to lead them to the stadium. The lagging teams get into their cars, and head for the "pitstop". James and Tyler come back out of the stadium and spot the marked entrance, and the cluebox inside. The clue tells them to make their way to the top of the tower they're standing in.

KanDustin bemoans that Finnish drivers don't turn right on red. At the top of the tower, a man is telling Tyler and James that they will be rappelling down face first. Yikes. Tyler goes first. He slowly, but competently starts making his way down. James is freaking out. KanDustin arrives and thanks their guide. They spot the flag. Tyler finishes. On the ground, he says that James is afraid of heights, but knew he'd have to conquer that fear on the race. He says it's a shame that it had to happen when they're in first, but knows that James won't let him down. Thanks, coach. KanDustin gets the tower clue. The lagging teams drive. There's a little following/tailgating pissing match. James starts his rappel. He's clearly terrified, and not leaning all the way forward as he should. Tyler calls up encouragement. James' feet come off the wall, and he essentially begins falling down the rope in little spurts before catching himself. The lagging teams arrive at the stadium. They park and begin running like merry hell. The Underdogs find the marked entrance immediately, whereas RoKi runs off in the wrong direction. Isn't that, like, the third time they've done that today? James finishes the rappel. RoKi runs around like chickens with their heads cut off. James and Tyler rip the clue. "Keep racing." I'm sorry. It's actually "KEEP RACING!!!". Bleh. Rob screams for Kimberly. Tyler and James sigh that the leg's not over. Indeed, it isn't, and I wonder why CBS doesn't realize how freaking anticlimactic and boring it is to have an episode with no pitstop at the end.

Next week on The Amazing Race: Tanks. Underdogs' Law.

Overall Grade: C+