It's Like There's A Party In Bryant Park, And Everyone's Invited!

Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 11

Previously on Project Runway: Nothing! Those bastards took a week off, and nobody told me! Instead of the last episode, we get a summary of each of our four finalists and their challenge wins throughout the season. Poor, forgotten Kayne. Four designers remain. Who will be out tonight? I said... WHO WILL BE OUT TONIGHT?

Opening credits. Aw, look at Bonnie struttin' her stuff. Poor, forgotten Bonnie.

New York. Uli interviews that the final four are all really strong designers, and it's really tough that one of them won't make it to the finals. I said... ONE OF THEM WON'T MAKE IT TO THE FINALS. Jeffrey tries to rouse Michael out of bed. I now think I've seen Jeffrey shirtless more times than I've seen myself shirtless, and I don't appreciate it. Jeffrey says he's got a good shot at getting into the final three. I said... FINAL THREE. He goes on to say that each of the four of them does something very specific and different. Uli does "peasant blouses, big and flowy". Michael does "run-of-the-mill, friendly fashion". Er, I don't think I'd describe Michael's designs as run-of-the-mill. Sure, they are to Jeffrey, because the man couldn't do a straight seam if his Bedazzled sunglasses depended on it. Laura's designs are akin to "mothballs and chicken soup". Chicken soup? Because ill people like low cut cocktail gowns? He laughs at his own hilarity, of course, and says that if you want to "live dangerously", he'll be in the finals. You sexy, sexy, rebel. You and Megg. You're totally HARDCORE. Laura's overdue win has given her the boost she feels she needs to make it to the end. Michael feels he was meant to do this, and wills himself into the finals.

Runway. Heidi comes out holding the velvet bag. Yay, velvet bag! She tells the designers that the next challenge is the big one, because it will decide which three of them will make it to Olympus Fashion Week. I said... WHICH THREE OF THEM WILL MAKE IT TO OLYMPUS FASHION WEEK. They'll meet with Nina tomorrow morning to hear about the challenge, but first, we've got some models to cut. All seven of them come out, which seems a bit weird to me. You'd think Clarissa and Jia (currently still Javi, due to Jia's bicycle accident) would be automatically out after last week. I begin to glaze over a little bit, because each of these four designers have had remarkable success with their current model, so there's no way they're going to switch. Since Laura won the last challenge, she gets to pick first. She sticks with Camilla. Heidi picks Uli's button out of the bag. "Sorry, Lindsay, but I'm going to go with Nazri." Oh, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn! Lindsay does a perfect eyebrow raise, like, "you bitch". Nazri walks off with a tight smile. Michael looks over at Uli, and says "I'm gonna kill you," but not in an overly mean way. He interviews that Uli's switching was fucked up, and I have to agree. Uli makes no apologies in an interview, saying she has to do everything she can to make her outfit look stunning. Remember, this is the second time she's stolen Nazri (and dumped Lindsay), so she must have been wanting to do this for a while. Michael picks Clarissa, which I find surprising. If you need to pick from the dregs, why not Amanda? She's a great model! Jeffrey's the last one. He sticks with Marilinda, so Javi (who couldn't care less), Amanda (who makes a face like "They didn't pick me? I don't understand!"), and Lindsay (crap, I love her) are out. Uli calls out a soft "I'm sorry, Lindsay!" as she leaves the runway. Lindsay blows her a kiss, which is about as friendly as the ones given in The Godfather. Heidi dismisses the designers, and you can see Uli turn to Michael to apologize or beg for forgiveness or spit in his face, but the camera cuts away. Damn. Hooray for exciting model selections! Bless you, velvet bag!

Morning. Laura is excited to finally have some one-on-one interaction with Nina. They get to her office, which is wide and spacious, and has a great view of the city. She gives a short speech about fashion editorial pictures, and then outlines the challenge. The designers will make an outfit of their own choosing. It has to convey a strong point of view, and tell a story of some type, but beyond that, the designers have absolute creative freedom. Uli interviews that creative freedom is great, but she's gotten used to having strict guidelines. Nina hands them each an index card on which they have to write three words describing themselves as a fashion designer. The words should connect to the outfit they create. They all thank Nina, and toddle off to the workroom. Tim tells them they don't have to fill out the cards just yet; they just have to be done before the runway show. Half an hour to sketch, $250 budget, and two days to finish. He leaves with an admonition to wow the judges. As Jeffrey sketches, he interviews that he knows the judges are used to a certain type of look from him, so he's going to take a big risk and try something different and romantic. Uli's not sure what to do, and says she'll work with what she finds in the fabric store. Laura decides to just stick with what she knows how to do best. Michael interviews that he usually sketches a bunch of different ideas, one of which will pop out at him. None of them are popping this time. He's worried about getting stuck.

Time to shop for fabric. Uli finds yet another crazy print. Mood should just put all of their prints in one area, and call it the Uli Section from now on. She interviews that she knows exactly what she's going to do with it, and is completely adorable. Back at the workroom, Michael is still uninspired. Uli asks if he knows what he's going to do, and he replies in the negative, but keeps on plugging. Uli seems genuinely concerned about Michael, and Michael seems to have no hard feelings towards Uli. This is a refreshing change from the acrimony that went down the last time a model was stolen. Good for them. Michael wants to push himself beyond what he normally does, but doesn't want to take it too far. Later, Laura and Jeffrey are in the sewing room. Jeffrey interviews that what something that makes a good designer is range, which he doesn't feel that Laura has. I agree that Laura sticks to a certain aesthetic, but... So do you, Jeffrey. Just because it's a messier aesthetic doesn't mean that it's any wider. This would be like Rob Schneider accusing Jude Law of always playing the same part. I mean... Yes, he does, but you're Rob Schneider.

Back in the workroom, a harp trill and kooky music brings us to Uli. Her dress is currently draped as a "kitchen dress", which is apparently some sort of German garment. She thinks it looks weird. "Why is it weird? It looks just like every other dress you did," Laura says. Meow! She abandons Uli soon after to go work on her own dress. Uli asks Jeffrey to come try her dress on, and he says no, because it'll make him look fat. And I have to say that the way he delivered that line was extremely funny and charming. He does eventually agree, comes over, drapes Uli's wild fabric over himself, and charges her like a bull. Heh. I like this Jeffrey. Can't we have had him for the past couple of months? In less cheery news, Uli's dress looks like crap. With four hours left in Day One, Michael finally gets an idea he's happy with. It'll be a plunging neckline gown with interwoven strips of fabric. Sounds good. He's charged. Tim checks in after a short work montage. He tells Jeffrey that his dress is "unexpected". Jeffrey takes this to mean that Tim is about ready to lay down and weep at its brilliance, which...no. Laura's a little worried that her dress is too safe. Michael gets the warning that he can't just make a pretty dress. It has to be special. Tim tells Uli that her outfits have become extremely predictable. He tells her to do something surprising, while retaining her identity in the outfit. I always hate that critique. Be you, except completely different! It reminds me of that Simpsons quote when Agnes Skinner tells the supermarket bagboy that she wants all her groceries in one bag, but doesn't want the bag to be heavy. Uli's worried. Work montage. With one hour left, Uli decides to rip her dress apart and start all over. Normally, that would worry me, but with the state her outfit's in now, she's got nowhere to go but up. Laura's anxious for her, but says "Go for it, Ules," which is hilarious. Uli interviews in faux-announcer style "Coming up, Uli doesn't finish her dress. But watch what happens on Project Runway." Hehehehe. I love her. Time runs out on Day One.

Commercials. Six Feet Under is coming to Bravo. Wait, if they can't say "fuck", won't every episode be, like, fourteen minutes long?

Morning. Michael recaps the challenge. Uli tells us she's in big trouble, because she has to start over from scratch. Laura tells her she's only got one day to finish instead of two. Um...thanks, Laura. She's German; she's not an idiot. Everyone heads for the workroom. As they enter, Uli hopes that by some trick of magic, her dress will be done. No such luck. Tim enters to make an announcement. He tells the designers that the winning design will be shot by Gilles Bensimon and featured in Elle's "First Look" page. Laura gasps at Gilles' name, as if he hasn't been whoring his work out to America's Next Top Model for years. Everyone is thrilled by the prize, because being seen in Elle is obviously great exposure. Tim has more news, which isn't quite so welcome. At 5:00 PM, the models will arrive, and the designers will dress them in their outfits, take them out into the city, and take photos of them for an hour. Which means Day Two is cut in half. Uli pulls a face, as well she should. She says she has to stop playing around with different styles, and just decide on something. Michael's feeling the time crunch, too.

This segment was shot on Father's Day, and Jeffrey gets a video message from his girlfriend and son. He misses them. With one hour left, everyone is sewing madly. Laura's so tired of beading she wants to lay down and die. Uli says she works better under pressure. Hey, me too. I did an entire semester's lab notebook (and got ready for the final test and lab practical) for Invertebrate Zoology in one night. Not that I relive past glories (that got me an A) or anything. There's a line from Laura about Jeffrey's garment that is so obviously patched together from about seventy different quotes, that she could have been talking about anything. Jeffrey's a little anxious, because there is no real bottom to this challenge. You have to do well, or you won't go to Olympus Fashion week. I said... YOU WON'T GO TO OLYMPUS FASHION WEEK. Time runs out, and Tim brings the models in. Michael says he's not worried about the model switch, but is a little concerned that he has to pin the straps on for now. Laura's almost blind from beading all day.

Everyone goes out into the city for one hour to shoot pictures. Apparently we skipped the part where the models got their hair done, unless Clarissa's hair spontaneously fuses itself into shape from time to time. Michael shoots her in front of a mirror in some building's lobby. Jeffrey takes pictures of Marilinda in Central Park. With half an hour left, Laura is back at the Atlas with Camilla. Her idea is to shoot Camilla inside the elevator, but the elevator has a job to do, and it has no time to deal with the likes of Laura. Every time she steps out to take the picture, the doors slide shut. She tries about five times before mouthing "fuck" and tells Camilla they'll just go do something else. You should be thanking that elevator, Laura. Not only is it dedicated to its job, but it would have been an ugly picture. She takes pictures of Camilla smilingly hailing a cab, instead. Much better. With ten minutes left, Uli takes pictures of Nazri playing along with a street band they've found. Sweet. They head back.

Commercials. New season of Top Chef coming up! With a human host! That's a start. Now just get rid of Ptom, and we'll have the perfect show.

Workroom. The designers have one hour to pick the three words for their sheet, and to choose the photo that will go onto it as well. Laura finds a nice one of Camilla. Her three words are "glamour", "confidence", and "elegance". Good choices. I'd say Laura is consistently good at achieving all three of those. Jeffrey goes with "provocative", "irreverence", and "romantic". His picture is of Marilinda in a hansom cab in Central Park. Well, that's certainly irreverent. Only several thousand people do that every year. Uli selects a picture of Nazri holding drumsticks, with the band jamming behind her. Her words are "fun", "life", and "adventure". She feels they're very representative of her and the women who would wear her clothes. She draws a cartoon squiggle and sun on her sheet. Hee. Michael selects a fairly boring shot of Clarissa posing in front of the mirror. His three words are "sexiness", "sensuality", and "sultry". Um...Michael? Those are all basically the same thing. Uli's worried for Michael, saying his shot makes Clarissa looks like those ads in magazines, all "I'm alone at home, please call me at 1-800-whatever...you know, these sex ads". Hehehe. Jeffrey agrees that Michael has made the weakest dress of the four. He also disdains the three words Michael has chosen, calling them stupid. I hate to side with Jeffrey over Michael, but yeah. Tim comes to kick them out.

Morning. Shot of Jeffrey. Shirtless, of course. Laura is exhausted from all of the challenges, especially with the whole pregnancy thing. Michael says that winning the challenge is secondary to making it to Bryant Park. Tim greets them at the workroom. He tells them that he's very proud of all of them, but that the judges are going to be extra critical this week. They have two hours to prep their models. They come in. Jeffrey reiterates that the judges have a doom-and-gloom opinion of him, but he's really a romantic at heart. First of all, these "risks" he's taken, and "changes" he's made? Well, we'll get to that at the runway show. But the judges never said he's doom-and-gloom. They said he never makes anything elegant; that everything has a rocker edge that he's never shown he's capable of softening. That's not the same thing. Uli makes some minor changes to the dress. The models get made up. Michael likes the way Clarissa looks. Jeffrey is nervous. Laura compliments Camilla, who looks like she's about to vomit. Michael's insides are like "porridge". Uli's gonna fight to get to Bryant Park. Laura's excited. Gee, this is a lot of buildup. I'm on the edge of my seat to see who won't make it to Bryant Park. I said... WHO WON'T MAKE IT TO BRYANT PARK.

Commercials. Wow, not just a war movie, but a war movie with Ryan Phillippe. Throw in a couple of scenes with bees, and it's essentially my nightmare.

Runway. Heidi comes out, looking fantastic. She congratulates the final four for making it this far. She recaps the challenge, and introduces the judges. The guest judge is Teri Agins, lead fashion writer for the Wall Street Journal. Now, Teri seems absolutely delightful, well put together, intelligent, and articulate. That said, I trust fashion advice from the Wall Street Journal about as much as I trust the movie reviews in Newsweek. Heidi says that after tonight, one of the designers will be named the winner, and one of them will be out. I said... ONE OF THEM WILL BE OUT. Let's start the show.

First up is Marilinda, in Jeffrey's dress. Yeah, about those "risks" and "differences"? I don't see them. Looks like a typical Jeffrey dress to me. And I don't like it. The top is sleeveless, shimmering blue with dots of white around the neckline. There's a red belt, and a frilly white skirt with dragonflies or some such on it. I guess those whimsical bugs are the "romantic" side Jeffrey was talking about. In true fashion of not being able to hide seams, the waist of the skirt is as frilly and foofy as the bottom. Give Marilinda some blonde braids, and I'd be wondering when she's going to offer me some cocoa.

Next is Camilla, in Laura's dress. She certainly wasn't kidding when she said she was going to stick with what she knew. Plunging neckline cocktail dress. As usual, it's extremely technically proficient and very cute. It's a champagne sort of color with flapperesque spangles at the bottom. If the judges are looking for a distinct point of view, Laura's in good shape. If the judges are looking for range and risk-taking, she's in trouble. Next is Nazri, in Uli's dress. She looks gorgeous. It's a blue print dress with tie-dye circles on it, but the circles go around the side of Nazri's body, so from the front, it looks like an hourglass. There's a small keyhole in the front; just enough to show a little skin, and a full choker attached to the dress. It's not long. It's not flowy. It is, in effect, an Uli dress without the Uli predictability, which is exactly what Tim advised. Yay! Finally, Clarissa, in Michael's dress. I really like the color, which is a deep plum. The interwoven straps at the waist are cute, and he has a keyhole that is much larger than Uli's was. I'm now intimately acquainted with Clarissa's boobs, which brings us to the dress' main problem. It's a little...hoochie.

The designers step onto the runway. Scores are tallied. Words and photos are reviewed. The models emerge. We start with Laura tonight. She tells the story of Camilla on her way to an event, and she's confident enough...to hail a cab. New Yorkers will have to help me out on this one, but hailing a cab? An act of confidence? Nina finds the dress beautiful, but unsurprising. Michael Kors agrees, adding that if Laura is going to stick to cocktail gowns, she's got to broaden the scope of what that means. Teri likes the dress because it's commercial, but it has no editorial benefits. Everyone's seen it before. Michael. He doesn't really have a story, just saying that his dresses are made to command attention; they are the story. Michael Kors says that it's pretty, but there's no real look behind it. Heidi feels the keyhole isn't executed well and is unflattering. Teri thinks Michael's quest for sexiness went a little too far. Nina feels that Michael's previous work was much better as far as presenting a point of view. Uli. She explains her normal aesthetic; the fun and vibrant kind of lifestyle. Heidi loves the dress, saying that Uli's used a new shape. Teri says that it's fresh. Nina is thrilled that Uli's broken out of her rut. Jeffrey. He says the dress brings heirlooms to mind. Teri says the dress looks dowdy in his picture. Michael thinks the dress is too pretty to be provocative. Nina is confused by the design, and Heidi feels it lacks sophistication. She says it looks like Marilinda should be milking a cow. Zing! The designers are sent off.

Deliberations. Michael doesn't realize what his strengths are. Heidi points out that his words are all the same thing. Jeffrey tried to surprise the judges, but came out with an amateur product that didn't relate to his three words. Heidi would wear all of the dresses Laura has made, but doesn't want twelve versions of the same dress coming down the runway at Fashion Week. Michael says that if he sees beads and feathers attached to the hem of every dress she makes, he'll scream. That'll liven up the show! Nina feels she may evolve. Uli hit it out of the park, and her picture was great. Michael Kors says that the choice will be hard, because each of them has a distinct voice. The designers are brought back out. Heidi tells them that a lot of them had trouble with this challenge, and it made it "difficult" to decide who should go to Fashion Week. More on this in a moment.

This week's nice thing about someone I don't like: Sunday brunch crowds are usually the pits. But everyone was smilingly friendly and helpful today. I think the fact that I was lugging my nephew around may have contributed. Perhaps I should rent a baby once in a while.

Elimination. I said... ELIMINATION. Uli was the only person who got the challenge right, and she wins. She gets the First Look page in Elle, and is guaranteed a spot at Fashion Week. Yay! Michael congratulates her as she skips off happily. Laura has a strong point of view, but the judges are afraid she's one-note. Jeffrey tried to break out of being one-note, and failed at it. Michael confused the judges by making an evening gown instead of sportswear. Laura is in, but is admonished not to make twelve plunging necklines. When she goes backstage, Uli jumps up to congratulate her. "How do you know I made it?" Laura teases. "You must have made it!" Uli prods. "I did!" Hugs. Aw. And hehehehe. That leaves Jeffrey and Michael. And they're both... In. They look at each other like, "Huh?" They thank the judges and walk off. They run back to share the news and more hugs are shared; even between Laura and Jeffrey. No, really. Tim is really pleased to keep all four of them. Laura is interested to see the four shows, and is ready to handle the show while hugely pregnant. Uli is confident. Tim is thrilled some more. OK, so...

The Good: Four extremely different designers will make for a really interesting finale. These four people could not have more different aesthetics, so the ultimate winner will be the viewers, because they get to see such a full range to choose the season's champion from (all four would show anyway, since the person who would have been eliminated tonight would show a decoy line at Fashion Week to avoid having the public know who got cut; Bravo viewers would just have to do a little digging to see this decoy line). Really, winning the show is almost incidental. The money and car are nice, but you'll note that Danzzz and Kara got tons of exposure just from showing, so in essence, all of these people have won already. So it doesn't really matter that nobody was eliminated.

The Bad: Have we not been told week after week after week after week after week how important making the final three is? That people were brought back to compete after being eliminated because they wanted to ensure the best final three competitors? I mean, look up. Even in this episode, tons of references were made to the fact that someone was going to be cut. As I said in the short version, someone losing is...kind of the entire point of competition. And while I'm ultimately happy to see all four lines, I really don't appreciate this blatant switch at the end, just so... Well, see below. In short, go ahead and play Gotcha! with the designers, Bravo. But not with us. Plus, no eliminated contestant this week. Nor next week. Nor the week after that. Jeez, I don't spend this much time with my family!

The Conspiracy: I'm not a huge conspiracy nut, I swear. I do believe that Santino was spared on purpose, despite being fairly clearly the worst design of the week. I suspect (though much less strongly) that Alison was cut so that Vincent could hang around to be crazy. But for the most part, I believe that the judges really feel the winner was the best and the eliminated designer was the worst. BUT. Here's what I think happened here. Had Uli done anything but what she did (that is, fucking rule the challenge), she would have been automatically cut. That would follow the general Bravo protocol: Nice guy/girl finishes fourth. Final three composed of two likable, deserving, wildly different people, and one asshole whose loss we gleefully celebrate. Observe:

Project Runway - Season 1
4th - Austin (Nice guy)
3rd - Wendy (Evil bitch)
2nd - Kara Saun (black - straight - female)
1st - Jay (white - gay - male)

Project Runway - Season 2
4th - Kara (Nice girl)
3rd - Santino (Evil bitch)
2nd - Danzzz (white - gay - male)
1st - Chloe (Asian - straight - female)

Top Chef - Season 1
4th - Lee Anne (Nice girl)
3rd - Dave (white - gay - male)
2nd - Tiffani (Evil bitch)
1st - Harold - (white - straight - male)

See the pattern? Uli is our blameless nice girl. Her head was on the platter from the word "Go" tonight. But horrors! Blameless nice girl actually pulled an awesome design out; one that the judges/producers could not justify cutting. So they deservedly give her the win, and good for them. But what now? Who do they cut? They can't cut the likable, deserving, wildly different people nor the asshole. So they cheat. They figure all four are going to show anyway, so why not just make it official? And while I am not upset that all four are going to show, this does upset me a bit on Uli's behalf. She beat them fair and square. One of them should get eliminated for it. She certainly would have been had they beaten her.

Next week on Project Runway: Reunion! And it looks just as deliciously catty as the last one! Keith thinks his ejection was unfair. Douchebag. The whole mom issue is dragged up again. Vincent can't help but get all hard every time his clothing is mentioned. Malan giggles again. Someone wins $10,000 for being a "fan favorite". Two predictions: it won't be my favorite, and it won't be Stacey.

Overall Grade: B-