Can Horses Smell Fear?

The Amazing Race - Season 10, Episode 2

Previously on The Amazing Race: Twelve teams bolted from Seattle to a place where Starbucks is probably less prevalent; Beijing, China. Sarah pre-boarded a flight, which made other teams mad. Yeah, those people who have had limbs chopped off get all the breaks in life. The teams had barely touched down in China when a "surprise" elimination took Bilal and Sa'eed out of the race. Boo! A very arduous wall climb shuffled the teams so that the young and pretty could elbow their way to the front. Tyler and James won $20,000, which they will not spend on heroin. Because they're off drugs now. They were on them before, but not now. Drugs, that is. David and Mary were certain they were eliminated, but it was charming couple Vipul and Arti who got the chop. Boo! Ten teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?

Opening credits. Seriously...Arti? So pretty. And that sari makes her look even prettier.

Great Wall of China. It's quite great. I've decided to ignore Phil's Opening Questions this season, because they're always either pointless, give away too much information, or both. Tyler and James are first to leave the mat at 9:04 PM. The clue tells them that they are headed for Outer Mongolia. Cool! Phil tells us that teams will be traveling by bus and train, and that their destination is 963 miles away. You know, I always talk about how I'd love to be on this show, and I mostly would. But sometimes I have to stop and remind myself that these people often spend 18 hours in a crowded, noisy, stuffy bus. Then I shut up and go get frozen custard with a friend. The teams are headed for the capital, Ulaanbaatar. Thanks for not giving us a subtitle, jerks. Google must be totally confused at the things I'm looking up today. Once in Ulaanbaatar, teams will head for a specific temple and watch a "ritual" to receive their next clue. Tyler loves that he and James can enjoy this experience in sobriety. Because they were on drugs. Remember? The drugs? They find the bus sign-up sheet, and mark themselves down for the 12:00 AM bus.

Duke and Lauren leave the mat at 9:17 PM. Duke says that he accepts gays and lesbians in general, but the situation is different when it's your own child. I can understand that. My father and sister are Republicans. Don't spread that around, please. Lauren just wishes Duke could see beyond her sexuality, which is also a good point. I'm liking these two more and more. They find the bus station, greet Tyler and James, and sign up for the midnight bus. Peter and Sarah leave the mat at 9:22 PM. Sarah interviews that her knee is continuing to leak hydraulic fluid, so she can get around, but it's difficult. Peter stares at the camera like a serial killer through the whole thing. They sign up for the midnight bus. Dustin and Kandice leave at 9:36 PM. Dustin is glad she has Kandice as a friend, because the world she lives in is so cutthroat and competitive. I'll remind you that these women walk around on a stage in a bathing suit and wave at people. They're on the midnight bus, too. Rob and Kimberly are off at 9:51 PM. We hear teams have $39 for this leg. Man, they're stingy this season! "Rob and I blah blah blah. Should we get married blah blah blah." You're the irritating couple who fights a lot. You'll scream at each other between brief and welcome periods of peace. You'll get eliminated, at which point you'll claim to be soulmates, and Rob will possibly propose. You'll get divorced after two and a half years and rejoin the rest of us in obscurity. You know it. We know it. Just admit it, and save us all some time. They're the last to sign up for the midnight bus.

Kellie and Jamie leave the mat at 9:56 PM. Cheerleading motivates them. Yawn. As they sign up for the 2:00 AM bus, Tyler gives them sympathy so broad and phony, even they pick up on the fact that he's making fun of them. Man, if the bus with the two-hour jump doesn't lead to a substantial advantage later, Tyler's going to look pretty stupid, isn't he? Well, I'm sure that won't happen. Jamie claims being on the later bus is "not fair". Whatever, twit. Erwin and Godwin leave at 10:02 PM. Godwin interviews that this is a competition, but that they want to build relationships with others. Except the interview is shown in front of the Forbidden City, and is probably referring to Bilal and Sa'eed's elimination. They're unhappy to be on the 2:00 bus. Tom and Terry leave at 10:13 PM. They give twin, flaming "Amaaaazing"s to the camera. I want to like them, and they're making it difficult. Tom interviews that they've traveled separately, but never as a couple. Lyn and Karlyn leave at 10:19 PM. Karlyn wants her kids to be proud of her. Aw. David and Mary are last to leave at 10:29 PM. They're wearing matching green shirts and matching green bandanas on their heads. That's entirely too much matching. David wants them to jog to the bus station, and Mary greets this with "Why? We're all on the same bus, [dumbass]." She doesn't actually say "dumbass", but it's so clearly written on her face that it may as well be part of the quote. David interviews that she's blunt, but that's what he loves about her.

Tom and Terry arrive at the bus station and sign up for the bus at "2 AM in the morning". They must work for the Department of Redundancy Department. Lyn/Karlyn and David/Mary sign up for the bus. David checks to see what other teams will be stuck with them. The list includes Erwin/Godwin and Tom/Terry, which is our segue into some awesomeness. Mary voices-over that she's never known an Asian person in her life as she hugs Godwin. Aw. There's a shot of Tom and Terry doing another perky cheerleader cheer with Kellie and Jamie as David and Mary further interview that they've never been around gay people, either. And Mary, her eyes as wide as if she just got her first Easy Bake Oven says "...and I like 'em!" That was terrific. Hilarious and cute and heartwarming and I just might be in love with this season already.

The midnight bus leaves, and we're reminded which teams are on the bus. Sarah calls Dustin and Kandice "The Barbies", which... Yeah, I get it, but those "Barbies" figured out the trick to the paving Detour about five times faster than your blond asses, sweetheart. The folks waiting for the 2 AM bus are dancing. Watching Lyn do her little shimmy is hysterical. Tom and Terry interview that they're surprised with how great their competitors are and how they're having fun. I like it too, which is why I'm not looking forward to the inevitable time when teams are going to fight over a cab or plane tickets or something. They board their bus. In Erenhot, China, the teams on the midnight bus learn that their train will be at 4:00. That's PM. Dustin and Kandice roll their eyes at this development (in sync -- very eerie), and sneak off to do "research", though on what, I don't know. They borrow a cell phone from some lady. Tyler and James see them and join them, asking what they found out. Dustin gives a far-too-obvious "nothing" and Tyler and James are proud of themselves for ruining Dustin and Kandice's "scheme". What scheme? What could they possibly learn? And if there is something to learn, how did Tyler and James ruin it? It's not like Dustin hung up when the guys came over. These people are weird.

Speaking of weird, Peter and Sarah are relaxing outside. A group gathers to gawk at Sarah's artificial leg. Instead of just showing it off and/or trying to explain it to anybody, they take this opportunity to put on a little dog and pony show to try and swindle onlookers out of money. Sarah does a little jig and runs a short distance and back. Yeah, I can see this getting old really, really quickly. To their credit, when Peter cups his palms for money, the guys standing around are, like, "Ummmm......no". The lagging teams arrive, and of course they get the same tickets as everyone else. What was the point of making people take separate buses, show? That was just dumb. The train makes its way to Mongolia, which is very pretty, if desolate. Tyler interviews about his road to recovery. Because he was on drugs. The drugs that he was on. But isn't now. The drugs are all in the past. DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!

The train arrives in Ulaanbaatar, which is rainy and crowded. It looks neat, though. Teams scramble for cabs. Rob and Kimberly's driver hits a puddle, which splashes a little spray of rainwater into her face. She hysterically wipes at it as she asks if she can get diseases from it. Ladies and gentlemen, meet my pick for Ugly American. There's always one. Tyler and James' cab turns a different direction from other teams'. Various teams are happy that their cabs are zooming through the streets. Kellie and Jamie say that they got the lady who checked their passports to write the name of the temple down in Mongolian, so that'll be a help. Smart idea! Indeed, they are first to the temple. Performances of the ritual are done every ten minutes. Tom/Terry and Rob/Kimberly catch up, and these are the only three teams that catch the first performance, which is sadly a little boring. The teams applaud at the end, and are given their next clue. It tells them to select one of the nearby Russian military jeeps (which Phil notes are "old"), and drive themselves 43 miles to the village of Terelj. Once there, they go to the riverbed, get on a horse, and are led a couple of miles by a guide to an open field, where their next clue awaits. Rob and Kimberly's car almost immediately grinds in protest. Kellie and Jamie stop for directions, but get confused pretty easily.

Peter/Sarah, Duke/Lauren, Dustin/Kandice, and David/Mary show up for the next performance. Tyler and James have been taken to the wrong place. I swear their cab driver has something very similar to Hello Kitty pink covers on his seat and headrest. Hehehe. Everyone at the second performance leaves and seeks directions. Dustin and Kandice find a guy who speaks perfect, unaccented English. They're in Outer Mongolia and stumbled across a guy from Sacramento or something. David and Mary try another tack, and convince a smoking Mongolian guy nearby to travel with them. I mean he's actually smoking. He's not smoking like Hugh Jackman is smokin'. Tom and Terry are directionless, which they're not happy about. So stop, doofs! Rob pulls off the main road to an unpaved, dirt road that he's convinced is the right way. Kimberly is unsure, but Rob condescendingly tells her that he's knows what he's doing. Kellie and Jamie get more directions. Two seconds later, and they're confused again.

Third performance. Erwin/Godwin, Lyn/Karlyn, and finally, Tyler/James. Meanwhile, Peter and Sarah have found the sign to Terelj. As have Dustin/Kandice and David/Mary, thanks to their respective helpers. The teams at the third performance get their clues. More direction-getting. Lyn and Karlyn find someone completely different from the guy Dustin and Kandice found, but who is another American. Geez, when did Ulaanbaatar become such a popular tourist spot? He travels with them partway, and gives them directions for the rest of the drive. Lyn refers to him as an angel sent by God. There's a shot of him waving at them from the side of the road. Heh. No halo, though, so maybe he's just a nice person who should be recognized as such, instead of Jesus' messenger. Just a thought. Tom and Terry stop at a tollbooth of some kind, and instead of asking anything useful about Terelj, Terry mimes horseback riding, which gets him nowhere. Odd. When I'm looking for a specific restaurant, I just pull over, mime eating, and whoever I'm showing instantly knows where I'm headed. Even the background music here can best be summed up as "What A Doof". One more doof move, and that's their nickname.

Lyn and Karlyn take a wrong turn. Maybe this is why God doesn't get more involved in the outcome of reality shows. He sends people angels and guides, and they still manage to wander off in the wrong direction. Rob and Kimberly are also finding out that Rob's brilliant strategy to go nowhere has led them...nowhere. As they turn around, Rob says that Kimberly was 100% right, and that he screwed up. Well, it's nice of him not to pull a Lake. Jamie and Kellie are still lost, despite their multiple sets of directions. This is why I love legs where teams have to self-navigate. It shuffles the order based on aptitude, not cab luck. Speaking of shuffling, Erwin and Godwin sail into fourth place as they find the sign for the village. Duke and Lauren get directions. Lyn and Karlyn decide to turn around. At a small traffic backup, Kellie and Jamie ask for directions again. Duke and Lauren find the Terelj sign. Then Tom and Terry. Then Tyler and James.

But they didn't use Russian military jeeps instead of brand-spankin' new offroad vehicles for a reason. Tyler and James blow a tire. They pull over. They try and raise the car, but the jack seems to be broken. I don't know if it's actually broken or they just don't know how to use it, but the car's not going up. Rob and Kimberly pull up. Rob offers to give them his jack, but Kimberly spots incoming teams, and they decide to haul ass instead. Lyn and Karlyn pause as well, but as soon as they see that it's simple car trouble, they take off. Tyler yells "Stop, please," in a snotty tone you'd normally hear when someone says "Excuse you". So Peter and Sarah shouldn't be allowed to pre-board, but other teams should stop and help you fix your tire. Got it. In their car, Karlyn says they're not trying to be mean (which doesn't quite explain her "screw them"), but they want to win. Hey, you don't have to convince me. I believe that pausing to make sure they weren't hurt or something is all the obligation people have to competitors in that sort of scenario. Kellie and Jamie are forced to brake hard on a hill, and the car stalls out. Tyler and James bemoan their tire situation. Kellie and Jamie bemoan their stall situation.

Commercials. Creepy CGI children just love Cheerios' cheap knockoff of Fruit Loops. Good to know.

A man pulls over and helps Tyler and James with their tire. I don't know if he uses his own jack or theirs, which is a shame. If it was theirs, that's a wasted opportunity to laugh at them. Jamie talks Kellie down from hysteria to get their car started again, but they're now in last place. As Peter and Sarah approach Terelj, she switches out her curved metal foot for a human-looking one, just in case she needs to use the stirrups. They park, put on Mongolian helmets, and hop up onto their horses. Dustin and Kandice arrive. David and Mary's helper tries to direct them through a shortcut to the village, but accidentally sends the jeep into a mud bog. Mud bog! David tries to back up to gain some traction, but they sink deeper into the sludge. This segues into a clip where he says Mary thinks she's always right, and he just sits back and takes it. That was...oddly-placed.

Erwin and Godwin arrive at the horses. David and Mary spot other jeeps catching up, then passing. Duke/Lauren, Tom/Terry, Rob/Kimberly, and Lyn/Karlyn all pass by and get their horses. Kimberly's face is all pinchy as she asks the titular question. Rob soothes her by saying that she's thinking of bees and dogs. It's so true about the bees. They are my one true fear, and they somehow know this, and love to sting the crap out of me. Kimberly says she doesn't like to ride horses, because they have a mind of their own. She says this as she's sitting next to Rob. I'll leave it at that. She can't figure out how to steer the horse, and directs herself right into a branch that knocks her off. If she were hurt, I'd feel bad for her. She's not, so hahahahaha!!! Lyn says her kids will be surprised to see her ride a horse. I think they'll be more surprised about the Mongolian helmet. Kimberly, who is fine and is sitting on the ground to retie her shoe, is weeping. Sigh. Kellie and Jamie are still driving.

Dustin and Kandice are having no trouble with their horses, and Dustin interviews that no girl/girl team has ever won this race. What she should be thinking about, as I said in the mini recap, is that more often than not, the girl/girl teams get knocked out in the second and third legs. She should be rubbing a wishing stone right about now. Right on cue, one of them (it's impossible to tell Dustin and Kandice apart unless they're in close-up), tumbles right off her horse. But her foot remains caught in the stirrup, and the horse takes off running, dragging KanDustin on the ground for a good distance. Wow. Ouch. Peter and Sarah have reached the field and the cluebox. Detour! Take it Down or Fill it Up, both of which are related to nomadic Mongolian activities. In Take it Down, teams have to walk up to a shelter that is somewhat like a rounded tepee, take down the canvas covering, and fold it up in a specific way, including specific knots. Then, they pack the material onto a camel. Oof, I'm terrible at knots. In Fill it Up, teams choose a cart drawn by an indigenous animal. It looks a lot like an ox, but Phil calls it a hynek (or something like that). We'll just go with that. Teams lead their hynek to a river 500 yards away, and fill up four metal jugs with water, using a ladle. Then they lead their hynek back to the field and dump the water into a barrel. Once the water reaches a certain level in the barrel, they're done.

Peter and Sarah choose Tear it Down. Kandice runs toward the cluebox, limping a little. I cleverly deduce that it was she who was stuck on the horse. Note that she's shaking off being dragged across the field, and says she's fine, while Kimberly is probably still on the ground crying because she slowly fell three feet onto soft ground. Am I starting to like Dustin and Kandice? I think I am! Who woulda thunk? They choose Fill it Up. Peter and Sarah work on their tent, and Sarah says that they didn't choose the other Detour option because sometimes you can't control animals. Wow, we'll call that a double-ironic comment for reasons that will become clear. Indeed, Dustin and Kandice are a bit wary of their hynek, but he seems to be gentle and easily-led. Peter and Sarah fold. Dustin and Kandice reach the river and use both the ladle and a shoe to speed up the process. Heh. Sarah is muttering to herself as she tries to work out how to fold the canvas. Peter snaps that she can just focus on her task; she doesn't need to talk. I'm sorry, I can't have heard that right. Did he just scold her like a fucking puppy? For trying to organize her thoughts as she worked on the task? What a complete asshole. Sarah says that she was talking to herself, but if he doesn't like it, she can "zip it". Sure, enable his bossiness. That's healthy.

Erwin and Godwin have slow horses, and Duke and Lauren are starting to catch up to them. Meanwhile, poor David and Mary have given up on their sunken jeep and are having a new one brought to them. Phil explains the rule that if a vehicle becomes inoperable, teams can get a replacement, but no time credit will be given for their bad luck. Fair enough. Tyler and James arrive at the field. Then David and Mary. Mary says "I see horses, I see people" in such a patter that I immediately follow up with "I see a church, and I see a steeple" out loud. In a room by myself. I'm a freak. What I need is a boyfriend to tell me to shut up every time I open my mouth. Sounds like a little slice of heaven. Duke and Lauren pass Erwin and Godwin, get to the cluebox, and pick Tear it Down. Peter and Sarah note their arrival, and Sarah hopes they chose the right task. Dustin and Kandice begin to lead their hynek back, losing a little water on the bumpy roads. Peter and Sarah fail to figure out the knots on their first try, so Peter concludes it's a horrible task, and Sarah apologizes for choosing it. Because everything's her fault.

Erwin and Godwin choose Fill it Up. They get along well with their hynek. Godwin wears a tight shirt that clearly defines his pecs and makes me hate myself for staring. Tyler and James are making good time on their horses, and are already back up to fifth place. David and Mary are also enjoying their ride. Who would have thought the folks from Kentucky would be good with horses? Heh. Tom and Terry ride. Lyn and Karlyn ride. Rob and Kimberly have now fallen back to ninth place, because poor widdle Kimberly can't ride after her horrific accident, so she walks alongside. Kellie and Jamie finally get to the village and get their horses. Peter declares that he'll never be able to figure out the knot system, and Sarah gets flustered. Lauren is getting similarly flustered, but when Duke gives her a little peck on the forehead and gently tells her to calm down, she does. Well, he says "chill out", which he's...kind of too old to pull off. Peter declares they're changing tasks. Sarah says that she hates quitting, and Peter screams "SARAH! LET'S GO!" and claps his hands. I know I just said this, but his tone of voice is exactly the one you'd use to scold a puppy that just peed on the rug. Don't you love how these two were cast as the "inspirational couple"? They're about as effective as Ron and Kelly, the "All-American couple". Sarah, I know you're in the middle of something, and it's not the best time, but dump this loser. Now. Peter tries to backpedal with an insincere apology and says that he doesn't like to quit either, but that "this is not quitting". Except for the part where it is.

Tyler and James arrive at the field and choose Fill it Up. David and Mary arrive and choose the same thing. Peter and Sarah begin Fill it Up, and Peter tells Sarah to hold onto the jugs. At the sound of his voice, their hynek takes off running. Awesome. Mary sits on the cart and tries to hold the jugs steady. Tom and Terry arrive at the cluebox. Good God, how long did their horse ride take? They choose Fill it Up. Tom has taken off his Mongolian helmet, and his hair is flying in all directions. He looks insane. Heh. Poor guy. Lyn and Karlyn choose Take it Down. Rob chooses Fill it Up for him and Kimberly. Because your girlfriend's so great with animals? They begin to snip at each other before the hynek has taken three steps. Tyler and James are catching up with Peter and Sarah, whose hynek begins to walk slowly towards Tyler. Either Tyler or James yells over to Peter and Sarah that "I'm over him coming after me." Which do I find most in need of a shut up? The fact that Tyler and James think Peter and Sarah have the slightest bit of control over their animal? The same insufferably snotty, entitled tone they used when trying to make other teams stop for their flat tire? The fact that they felt the need to use hipster lingo? Let's call it a draw, and just tell Tyler and James to shut the fuck up in general. Peter and Sarah's hynek has had enough of all four of them, and takes off running again. Bye, water jugs! Heh.

Peter, seemingly trying to fill his Creepy Boyfriend Behaviors That Should Raise A Red Flag Instantly bingo card in record time, fills in another square. As they gather up their jugs for another try, Peter says that if the hynek runs again, then he's just spooked and there's nothing they can do about it. Sarah is understandably frustrated, and cries a little bit. This is far different from Kimberly sobbing motionless on the ground. These are tears of aggravation, and she doesn't stop trying to complete the task for a single second. Peter tells her to stop and collect herself. She wants to keep pushing forward, because she knows she's fine; she's just venting. No, he can't have that. He refuses to do anything until she stops. Sarah interviews that the way they handle things aren't always in sync. Sarah gets the Understatement of the Year award. Dustin and Kandice pour their jugs into the large barrel, but the water level isn't high enough yet. They head back to the river. Peter and Sarah try again, and again their hynek runs away. Hee. Peter claims to be "done" (i.e., eliminated), just as Tyler and James did when they got their flat tire. Feel free to note these two teams' ending placements and tell them to shut the fuck up. I know I did.

Commercials. I really hope Joan Cusack is getting a huge paycheck for these dumb cellular phone ads, so she can go back to being awesome in quirky movies.

Peter and Sarah give up and change Detours again. Lyn and Karlyn are having problems with the canvas-folding, and are getting a bit snippy with each other. Lyn interviews that they need to work on their communication, because they tend to shut down when they don't agree. Dustin and Kandice fill another jug at the river. When they get back to their cart, they only see one of their Mongolian helmets. They figure it's not important, and don't bother to try and find the other one. Erwin and Godwin pour water into the barrel, as do Tyler/James and Tom/Terry. While riding in his cart over perfectly flat terrain, Rob continually squeals in pain. He screams at Kimberly to stop. She screams at him to shut up. He screams back at her to shut up. I wonder if they'll serve chicken or beef at their wedding reception? I guess it depends on which they find easier to throw at each other.

Dustin and Kandice finish their water barrel, and get the next clue. It tells them to drive themselves 47 miles to the Hotel Mongolia, where the next clue will be waiting. Of course, their jeeps are a couple of miles away, and they need to ride the horses back. And without their helmets for safety, they're not allowed to ride the horses. Rut roh! They look around for an extra helmet, but there are none, so they'll have to find the one they misplaced. Their guide seems to have an idea of where they left it, and they set off in search of it. Duke and Lauren's camel successfully stands up with the canvas packed on his back, so they're done. They're off to the Hotel Mongolia in first place. Yay! Peter and Sarah continue to work, while Lyn and Karlyn give up and decide to switch to Fill it Up. That is a terrible, terrible idea. Peter and Sarah could afford to bleed time by changing Detours because they were in the front of the pack. Lyn and Karlyn were near the back, and losing all the time they've spent working could well get them eliminated. I'm afraid these two aren't long for this race. David and Mary are headed back to the river for their second trip, and agree to lead Lyn and Karlyn there.

Erwin and Godwin are done with Fill it Up, and are ready to leave. Godwin can't find his helmet. Is there a little gnome running out and stealing these things when nobody's looking? Dustin and Kandice ask if Tom and Terry have seen their helmet, but they haven't. Peter and Sarah finish Tear it Down, and leave for the hotel in third place. They must have had one hell of a lead coming into the Detour. Kimberly asks which way to lead their hynek, and Rob screams "LEFT" at her like she just bashed his mother in the face with a lead pipe. Kimberly stops and breaks down crying again, not understanding what he means. Rob points out the clearly visible camp. So he's an asshole whose temper is continually flamed by her stupidity and whining. Got it. I actually hope they never break up, because the dating pool is better off without them. Tyler and James leave for the hotel. Godwin finally locates his helmet, so they can leave now, having slipped from second to fifth. Dustin and Kandice are still running around looking for theirs, and Kandice feels she's let Dustin down. Duke and Lauren drive. Tom and Terry are done with Fill it Up, and go back to their horses. Rob and Kimberly are done, too.

Remember Kellie and Jamie? They are just now arriving at the Detour. Kellie says that they've got to give the task "all they've got". Now that's some cheerleader can-do spirit! I really admire Kellie's never-say-die attitude, and am sure she'll keep it for the remainder of the race! They choose Tear it Down, and get to work. Dustin and Kandice begin to lose hope. In the car, Peter refers to the Detour by saying "wow, what a meltdown!" But if you think he's warming up to apologize in any way, don't, because it becomes clear that they're talking about Sarah's meltdown. You know, the one where she shed five tears while he was running around screaming like his toe was just cut off? Yeah, that one. Erwin and Godwin drive. Lyn and Karlyn fill jugs. Tom and Terry drive. Rob and Kimberly drive. He says he wasn't trying to yell at her (at which point, I have a thankfully brief urge to rewind and watch him screaming again), but didn't know how else to get his point across. Kimberly: "Yeah." Kimberly's Tone Of Voice: "I fucking hate you." She interviews that he shouldn't talk to her that way, regardless of the situation. I agree, but I also feel he'd yell less if she were less tiresome. I don't know why I'm bothering to try and to pick a side. They both suck.

Dustin and Kandice are still standing around waiting for news of their helmet. Kellie and Jamie work on their tent. David and Mary finish Fill it Up, and agree to give Lyn and Karlyn their leftover water. Aw! Lyn and Karlyn are very grateful. The guide finally finds Dustin and Kandice's missing helmet. They leave, having slipped to eighth place. Ick. Even with their borrowed water, Lyn and Karlyn have to make another trip to the river. Kellie and Jamie continue to work on their tent. Lyn and Karlyn finish, and get their clue. "Not the horses again," Karlyn breathes in exhaustion. Heh. Kellie and Jamie's camel stands up. Hey, they didn't do half bad! They get their clue, and appear to only be a short distance behind Lyn and Karlyn. Dustin and Kandice pass David and Mary on the horses. The entire population of Kentucky boos. I think I may have heard them from here. Both teams hop in their jeeps and get going. Peter and Sarah pass Duke and Lauren, as do Tyler and James. Pedal to the metal, Duke! Lyn/Karlyn and Kellie/Jamie get back to their jeeps. But neither of them will start. Erwin and Godwin's car may be far ahead, but stalls out in solidarity. That's what you get for using Russian jeeps. They flag down someone in a truck to help. Tom and Terry pass them, and say they can't stop and help, because they don't know how to fix a car. I suspect that's true, but I also suspect that if they did? They still wouldn't stop. Which is fine, but let's call a spade a spade. Rob and Kimberly pass. Dustin and Kandice pass. David and Mary pass. Erwin seems to get a shock from the engine. Ouch! Their helpers push the jeep down the road, and it successfully starts. Well, that sucked for them. But wow, people in Mongolia sure are nice and helpful.

Back at the parking lot, Lyn/Karlyn and Kellie/Jamie's jeep batteries are dead. They look for someone to give them a jump. A man takes a crank out of Kellie and Jamie's jeep, and Lyn goes to try and crank hers back to life as well. The man successfully gets Jamie and Kellie's jeep started. They're off. Lyn and Karlyn try to crank on their own, but aren't having much luck. The guy starts to make his way over to them, but there's no way we can go into the commercial break without the "look at this team in peril" slow-motion shot and dramatic music, so I guess we're supposed to ignore him for now.

Commercials. Of all the changes they seem to have made to Cold Case, I note they didn't make the most important one; that woman's hair still looks like a bad drag queen wig.

So of course the guys at the parking lot help Lyn and Karlyn get their jeep going. They know they're in last place. See above comment about the wisdom of their changing Detours. Peter and Sarah pull into the parking lot of the Hotel Mongolia, with Tyler and James right behind them. They get to the cluebox at about the same time. Roadblock! "Who's ready to aim high?" I think they should be able to puzzle this one out pretty easily, but I guess you never know. Phil explains that in this Roadblock, the chosen team member has to use a traditional bow to shoot a flaming arrow at a target (shaped like a bowl) 160 feet away. Once they hit it, it will explode into flame, and the team may run to a nearby pavilion, which is this week's pitstop. I love this Roadblock.

Peter and Tyler take it. Sarah lets us in on the additional rule that Roadblockers can only shoot when a nearby man gives the signal. Good idea. I don't think amateurs shooting flaming arrows all willy-nilly would be wise. Peter apparently hits the target on the second try, which is really impressive. He and Sarah run up to the mat, and check in as team number one. They win a trip to Mexico. They hug, and Phil asks Sarah if she could have ever imagined being "two legs" into the race in first place. Hahahahaha! Whoopsie, Phil! Peter talks proudly about Sarah's perseverance, as if he didn't spend the entire leg acting like the asshole parent at his daughter's soccer game. To her credit, Sarah's not blind to this, interviewing that she's learning things about Peter she's not necessarily thrilled with. She says she's not making judgments, but she's certainly making note of it. Good. Tyler hits his target after several attempts. They check in as team number two. There's curiously no mention of the fact that they used to be on DRUUUUUUUUGS. Duke and Lauren arrive, and Lauren agrees to take the Roadblock.

You'll never guess where Kellie and Jamie are. That's right, they're lost again. They turn around and pass Lyn/Karlyn going the other direction. Lyn and Karlyn keep on going. Both teams are convinced they're on the right path. So one of these teams is definitely wrong, but we don't know which. Exciting! Tom takes the Roadblock. Lauren is missing the target, but she's getting closer. Tom can't even get his arrow to fly off the bow. There's a shot of a Mongolian guy laughing at him. Hehehe. Lauren hits, and she and Duke hug while jumping up and down in excitement. Yay! They run off and check in as team number three. Tom gets better at his bow, and after a few attempts, hits the target. He and Terry check in as team number four. Good for them; they really made up a lot of time this week. Phil tells them the news in a really broad New York accent. Heh. I love playful Phil. Kimberly and Dustin take the Roadblock. Kimberly has trouble with her first shot, so of course that's her and Rob's cue to start fighting instantly. Luckily, this spat only lasts a few seconds, but it's worth noting that that's always their first reaction to every setback, no matter how minor. David takes the Roadblock. He has trouble with his first shot, and Mary groans at him, and concludes she should have done this. I like her a great deal more this week, but I wish she'd be as nice to her husband as she is to everyone else.

Dustin hits her target. Rob takes this as a sign that Kimberly should hit hers as soon as possible. Good idea. Maybe there's a think tank position open for him somewhere. Erwin takes the Roadblock. Dustin and Kandice check in as team number five. OK, I've got to say it. At the start of the race, I was fully prepared to despise Dustin and Kandice as bubbleheaded ditzes; in essence to fall in with the "Barbie" line of thinking that the other teams have about them. But in two episodes, Dustin and Kandice have: cheerfully eaten fish eyeballs, sprang back from getting lost on their way to the Roadblock, figured out a puzzling Detour faster than several other teams, quickly skittered up a wall, shaken off being dragged across a field by a horse, responded to a serious setback at the Detour by trying to figure out how to remedy the situation (instead of breaking down into girly hysterics), and hit an archery target on seemingly the first couple of attempts. Dustin and Kandice rock.

Rob tries to give Kimberly helpful advice about her archery technique. I'll leave it to you to guess how she responds to this. David is getting closer. Erwin isn't far off, either. Kellie and Jamie drive. Kimberly hits her target. She and Rob hug, and he tells her that he's so proud of her today. Sure, I can't think of any part of this leg that wouldn't support that claim. Lyn and Karlyn drive. David hits his target. I love the glorious explosion and plume of smoke whenever someone finally hits. While running to the pitstop, Mary twists her ankle a bit. Oh, dear. Rob and Kimberly check in as team number six. See Lyn drive. Drive, Lyn -- drive. David and Mary check in as team number seven. Erwin hits the target. Drive, Lyn -- drive. Erwin and Godwin check in as team number eight. So no matter what happens now, the Curse of the Second Leg will hit yet another female/female team. Lyn drives! Kellie drives! Who will it be?!? Who?!? Next to the Roadblock is... Lyn and Karlyn! Yes!

Lyn takes it on. Kellie and Jamie stop for about their fifth set of directions. Lyn has the same problems with her first couple of shots as the other teams did. Karlyn offers advice, which Lyn rolls her eyes at, probably thinking "Because you go to the archery range every weekend?". Kellie and Jamie don't want to go home. Several shots later, Lyn fires an arrow that hits the target and bounces out. That's enough to ignite it, though, and boom! They're off. They check in as team number nine, and while not giddy about it, are pleased to still be in the race. Kellie and Jamie pull up to the Roadblock. Kellie takes it. She misses. And misses. And misses. The sun sets. After a while, Kellie decides fuck it, she's giving up. And I immediately lose any tiny bit of respect I ever had for her and Jamie. I don't care that they were last. I don't care that they were tired. If I were on this show, I'd shoot flaming arrows until my fingers bled and Phil came out to do a mercy elimination. You just don't give up on this show. You don't give up because you never know what disasters have befallen another team. You don't give up because you want to prove to yourself that you can at least accomplish a task, no matter how difficult it is. And you don't give up because if you do, you've just shown America that your rah-rah-go-team-win attitude is nothing but a facade, and you're really just a big puss. This is probably (and hopefully) your only shot to be on television. How do you want to be remembered? Know how I'll remember you, Kellie and Jamie? As stupid losers.

They step up to the mat and are eliminated. I'm not giving them the dignity of an exit interview. Go the fuck home.

Next week on The Amazing Race: Duke and Lauren run out of money, and won't be able to pay their cab driver. Lauren is afraid their next pitstop is prison. The first team spat flares up as Tom and Terry take on Dustin and Kandice. Will the Curse of the Third Leg take out another female/female team?

Overall Grade: A-