Manhattan Project

Top Chef - Season 3, Episode 13

Previously on Top Chef: The chefs were ecstatic to head for New York, but were stopped in their tracks by Newark and a tough airline challenge. Once Anthony Bourdain and Ptom discovered their mutual disdain for CJ's side dish, they fed off of each other, snowballing a bowl of broccolini into the worst dish ever served. Their disgust was insurmountable, leading to CJ's elimination. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening menu. Wine. Lots of it.

Weird, performance-arty music welcomes us to New York City. The chefs are excited to have made it this far. Dale says that he's a big, gay chef that's going to outcook your ass. Sounds like the premise for a wacko Christian horror film. The chefs stop by a vendor cart to pick up some street grub, and though I was convinced that this would have some implications in the upcoming challenges, it doesn't. Casey is bemused, but pleased that she's been doing so well in the past couple of rounds. Brian describes walking around the city, but all I can focus on is the hat that's about to swallow his head.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs have now changed into their work outfits, and carry their knife cases into Le Cirque. This is the restaurant's third location, which Dale says is unheard of. Really? That seems odd to me, but I live in one of those sprawling cities where everything is really spread out. I'll have to ask one of my New York friends about that. The restaurant is really pretty, and the chefs meander into the dining room, where they are met by Padma and a dapper old fellow named Sirio Maccioni, who owns the restaurant. He's described as a legend, and while I don't know anything about that, he certainly does seem to be one of the "old guard", when owning and operating a restaurant was about more than trying to secure a show on Food Network or having a line of spices sold in every neighborhood supermarket. The chefs are invited to sit, and are presented with a dish to eat. It's a piece of white sea-bass wrapped in a thin layer of potato, and served on a bed of leeks and mushrooms. Casey interviews that Sirio told them the history of this particular dish, and how it's not even on the menu; it's only presented to special guests. Everyone savors it, which is a good thing, because their Quickfire Challenge is to recreate it. They'll work one at a time in Le Cirque's kitchen, and they'll only have twenty-five minutes to get everything ready.

The chefs head back, where as Brian puts it, the restaurant's chefs look at them like "Who the fuck are you?" I have to agree. They don't look happy. One of them points out where the contestants will be working, and asks if they have any questions. Hung asks what number they use on their slicers, and the Le Cirque chef cocks an eyebrow and says that they hand slice the potatoes. Burn! Dale asks about blanching the leeks, and Saram ascertains that the potatoes are not steamed before peeling. That out of the way, all the chefs save Hung are dismissed. He gets started, saying that he's not intimidated by the challenge at all, because one of the easiest things to do is duplicate something that's already been presented to you. Once he's done patting himself on the back, he does give us some helpful information, in that one of the toughest things to do is make sure the potato is sliced perfectly. If it's too thick, it won't brown. If it's too thin, it'll burn. He easily finishes on time, and presents his dish to Sirio and Padma. Sirio approves, calling it "close to the original". "BRAAAK! Very close to the original!" Padma parrots.

Hung goes back to where the other chefs await and congratulates himself on a job well done. He must be a blast at dinner parties. Dale asks him about some of his preparation methods, and Hung mildly responds that he can't tell him about any of that. Saram gives him a dirty look. Oh, please. Dale interviews that they're all after the prize but that "there's a difference", and that Hung is a "different type of chef". The reason that that sentence doesn't seem to make any sense is because it doesn't. Hung can be a total ass, but again, he's not obligated to do your work for you. We see Dale, Brian, and Casey cooking in rapid succession. Casey mentions something about how there are very few female chefs in the industry, so she has to work extra hard for the respect she feels she's entitled to as an executive chef. Dale's nervous, and can't figure out how to use the potato slicer. Maybe he should ask Hung for help, then get all mad when Hung assumes that Dale should be competent enough to work it out on his own.

Dale presents his food, and Silvio says that there are no seasonings on it. "BRAAAK! No seasonings!" says Padma. Somebody give her a cracker. Surely it can't be a coincidence that this was aired on International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Brian's tastes good, but the presentation is off. His potato looks burnt, and doesn't wrap all the way around the fish, as it should. Casey gets high marks. Sirio calls it "better than any". Casey quietly plays off her success in front of the other chefs, but Dale is quick to point out that Casey's recent triumphs are killing Hung. He says that Hung is the better chef technically, but Casey's the one to beat, because she has "heart", so her food tastes better than the heartless Hung's. Ouch!

Saram, like Hung, gets a cooking segment all to herself. Unfortunately, it's not because she's doing well. She has problems from the get-go. She can't find things in the strange kitchen. She feels like she's inconveniencing the restaurant chefs, who are trying to get work done all around her (I feel her on that one; I'd be so worried that I was in the way). She can't keep a grip on her potato. The worst thing, however, is that her fish doesn't have enough time to cook properly, so when time runs out, it's still almost raw. She doesn't pull a Howie, and decides to go ahead and present it. Sirio and Padma predictably hate it. I'm not even sure they eat it. Saram talks about her cooking issues with the other chefs, and Hung smarmerviews that this challenge is "demoralizing" his competitors, because any chef should be able to make this dish.

Sirio and Padma come back to give the results. Sirio congratulates everyone, saying that this is not an easy dish to prepare. Padma asks for the least successful entry, and Sirio points at Saram with a "you", which was obviously going to happen, and more than fair, although I think a basic tenet of respect is learning someone's name. Now, for Sirio's two favorites. Hung is one of them, although Sirio doesn't know his name, either. The other favorite was Casey, and boy, does Sirio ever know her name. He doesn't want to pick a favorite between the two, but he must, so let's see how he manages. "As a man, I would like to say Casey because she is attractive, but I had to say from the beginning...Hung." Everyone laughs delightedly, as if that wasn't an incredibly insulting thing to say. Ah, so that's why we had that snippet of Casey saying how hard it is to get respect as a female chef. In this case, it's not the biggest deal ever, because this is probably a generational thing. Still, sexism is alive and well, lest anybody forget Ted Allen getting snooty with Saran for having the gall to dislike cooking in a low-cut top. Ass. Hung's happy, and naturally unsurprised at his win. Saram wonders why she got so nervous and flustered in this challenge, because that doesn't usually happen to her.

That evening, we get some of that tiresome reality show bluster. At least it's all in one big, easy-to-ignore chunk. Dale snipes that it's easy to sit at home on the couch and think what they're going through is easy, but that it's not. Oh, I don't doubt that these challenges (not to mention the living conditions) are extremely difficult. But here's the scoop: that's the whole point. It's supposed to be hard, ya dink. That's why they're called "challenges" and not "simples". Luckily, there's a really easy way to avoid the hardship. Don't sign up to be on a reality show. Novel, I know. Hung describes being an immigrant, and that he's doing this show for all of the rest of them. The immigrants of America look at each other, like, "THIS is supposed to be our representative? No thanks." The chefs head to bed.

Commercials. If there's one thing women like to do in their bridal dresses, it's take a long stroll on the beach.

The next day, the chefs walk into the French Culinary Institute, where Padma reminds them that this is the last challenge between them and the finale. No pressure! Elimination Challenge. Padma talks about the roster of impressive talent that runs the institute, the members of which have devised today's challenge. The chefs will be working with specific ingredients. Dale happily assumes that it'll be fancy items like foie gras and truffles. Not so. Padma whips a plate cover off to reveal: a chicken, an onion, and a potato. Hung is smug some more, and the word "classic" is said for about the hundredth time this episode. We decide that from this point on, every time someone says "classic", we have to take a drink. Padma tells them to make a "sublime" meal based on these ingredients. Hung's prize for winning the Quickfire is an extra half hour to cook. Not bad. He's also going to serve first, although I'm not sure if that's expected to be part of his prize or not.

A squirrel eats a nut. The chefs walk down the street to an outdoor market. They have $200 and an hour to shop. Brian talks about making shepherd's pie, and is thrilled to find some pheasant meat. Shepherd's pie is great, but I don't know that it would impress a panel of judges versed in French cuisine. That's more of a having-two-friends-over-for-dinner meal. Saram talks about her career goals. If she wins Top Chef, she's going to go to Jamaica and use the money to put into a farm, so that she can open a cheese dairy. Well, it's nice to hear something besides "I'm going to open a restaurant in New York/Las Vegas." Dale and Casey shop together, and Dale interviews about how close they've gotten over the course of the competition. He said the same thing about Saran right before she got eliminated, so shut up, Dale! Casey interviews that she'd like to do a coq au vin as a nod to her grandmother, who used to make it, and who inspired Casey to go into cooking. Everyone finishes up.

Back at the FCI, Hung begins on his extra half hour of cooking time. He shows off for his competitors. Brian admits in interview that Hung has amazing technical skills, but this challenge is more about flavor, which is not his strong suit. Hung says he's going to use "classic French techniques". Drink! He's going to make sous-vide chicken breast, a crisp chicken skin, pommes dauphin, and a salad. He describes the sous-vide method, and says that all chefs should know about it if they've been classically trained. Drink! The extra half hour runs out, and now everyone's got two hours to prep their food. Chaos ensues. Casey admits that she's not classically trained (drink!), but that there's a lot more to being a chef than learning those techniques. She lives and breathes the culinary world, so she thinks she's got a good handle on things. Saram says that when it comes to creating dishes, she tries to "think outside the box". Tally mark! Haven't had one of those in a while. She adds that she tries to do things that are classic, but then give them an added twist. Drink!

Brain tries to use a mixer that refuses to cooperate. Hung says that Brian's meal looks very "homestyle cooking". Brian says that he has a "bright light extreme heavy peasant expensive gourmet meal". Oh, one of those. He's making a peasant's pie (Did I just see the title department use an apostrophe correctly? It's not just the wine?) with chicken, pheasant sausage, potato, and a ramp puree. He combines the potato and ramps, forming a violently green goo. Saram's going a Jamaican route by marinating her chicken in goat yogurt and mustard. She's also making a potato/couscous risotto and a confit of onions. Dale has decided to wow the judges by making a duet, which is a time-honored strategy on this show. He'll be using the same sauce two different ways, in order to show how versatile he can be.

All this time, I'd been aware that I've been enjoying this episode more than the ones in the past few weeks, but couldn't put my finger on why. The reason becomes quite clear, as Ptom makes his first appearance of the episode more than halfway in. Ah, that explains it. Man, did I ever not miss him. Come on, Top Chef! You had the good sense to dump KatieBot! Go the extra mile, and get a head judge with a modicum of respectability. He Ptimewastes his way through the kitchen. It's as pointless as ever, except Casey manages to slip in the word "classic" again. Drink! The only thing of note Ptom says is that coq au vin is usually made with an older rooster, but if Casey can pull it off with a chicken, great. A line of distinguished diners marches in to hilariously imposing music. They're chefs, not Imperial officers. Ptom introduces the diners, who are the deans and masters who run the FCI. Let's get acquainted! Dorothy Hamilton is wearing a pin on her lapel that suggests (despite some contrary evidence) that she's taken the potion. Andre Soltner will represent the deans later at Judges' Table. Alain Sailhac...is there, too. Nils Noren is the only guest diner under fifty. Jacques Torres is the dean of pastry chefs, and has teeth to match. Casare Casella is the dean of Italian studies. They look tough to impress. The chefs are fairly petrified.

Commercials. Oh, I love Tina Fey. Not enough to sign up for a credit card, but still.

When we return, Hung recaps the challenge. The judges and diners toast each other with glasses of wine. As time winds down, Hung asks Casey if she can help him plate. She's not morally opposed to it or anything, but she doesn't have time to abandon her own food, which Hung seems to understand. Time runs out. Hung brings his food out to the dining room, assisted by some random guy. He presents his sous-vide chicken, which has a thin piece of crisp chicken skin on top that looks so good, I'm about ready to put my hand through the television screen to get at it. He's also made the pommes dauphin and a fairly generic salad. The diners dig in. I've already forgotten which diners match up with which names, so I'll just say that Hung's chicken gets excellent reviews. One of the deans didn't enjoy the pommes dauphin, saying they should have been lighter. Dorothy enjoyed everything. Hung spies on them from the kitchen, and feels very confident about this challenge. I know, big surprise. At least he has some reason to be this time around.

Hung helps Saram plate. She interviews that she's not classically trained in French cuisine (drink!), so cooking for this panel is nerve-wracking. Her food is taken out, and she presents her Jamaican fricassee chicken with the potato and couscous risotto and the confit of onions. There is something resting on the top of each of her dishes that is sort of like a piece of waffle cone. I don't know what it really is, but it looks neat. One of the diners says that confits should be very like marmalade, implying that Saram's is not. The dean from Sweden decrees that Saram's dish wasn't Jamaican enough, using the fact that he's been to Jamaica several times as a credential. Oh, I guess that trumps Saram LIVING there. Sorry, no. I don't care how many times someone visits a place; they can't tell a native how things are done there. Gail is finally back (yay!), and isn't thrilled to find that her chicken is very undercooked. She flips a piece over, and it is, indeed, very pink. Dorothy says that Saram had a very ambitious concept, but the execution shows that she needs a couple more years of experience.

Dale plates. He interviews that his dish is very risky, and that while he usually has no problem sacrificing presentation over flavor, he's going to try and go the extra mile on this one. He takes his food out, and presents his duet. One is chicken confit on top of a truffle/onion/potato puree, and the other is supposed to be the same thing, but with the rosemary sauce instead of the truffle. Unfortunately for Dale, he has forgotten the rosemary sauce, so the second half of the dish is just chicken on top of onion and potato. Naturally, the diners have serious issues with that, and one of them finds the chicken cold, which LabRat was somehow able to predict would happen. I have no idea how he did that. Dale frets anxiously when he realizes his mistake. Brian plates up. He interviews that he's gotten into trouble in past challenges for overcomplicating dishes, so he's trying to keep this one relatively simple. But, Brian... That would require that the judges actually have a list of criteria, and don't just pull arbitrary things out of their asses week after week. "You tried to do too many things!" "You didn't do enough!" "You didn't take enough responsibility on your team!" "You taking responsibility means everything is your fault!" "You weren't creative enough!" "You shouldn't have tried to do something outside of your comfort zone!" No wonder the chefs have no idea what to do.

Brian's food is very, very green. Dale calls it a "big, green turd". Brian takes it out, and presents his peasant's pie. Ptom wants to know what's making it so green, and Brian explains that it is the ramps in the puree. I was all set for the diners to rip his food to shreds, but am pleasantly surprised when everyone seems to really enjoy it. They say it's rich, flavorful, smoky, and the first dish to have the correct seasonings and be at the proper temperature. One minor issue is that they can't really taste the chicken. I guess the pheasant sausage is masking it. Casey plates up. She's nervous, and really wants to make it to the finale. Someone drops a bowl, which luckily doesn't seem to have any food in it. She presents her coq au vin, which is a lightly braised chicken thigh (prepared in some red wine and cipollini), and is served with whipped potatoes, sauteed ramps, and some asparagus. Dorothy enjoys the presentation, and calls it "scrumptious". Another diner says it's flavorful without being pretentious. Yet another likes the potatoes.

Ptom jumps in to say that she should have called it a "braised chicken", and not a "coq au vin", because she did it in two hours and used chicken instead of rooster. Um, does anybody else remember "If Casey can pull off coq au vin with a chicken, great"? You know, about five minutes ago? Isn't that what she just did? God, Ptom sucks. The diners discuss the overall meal. Just as in the Quickfire, they seem to agree that Hung's was the most refined, but that if they were to judge on pure flavor, Casey's would triumph. Just as in the Quickfire, Dale and Saram were the least favorites. And just as in the Quickfire, Brian was solid, but unremarkable. Back in the kitchen, the chefs grab a much-needed glass of wine.

Casey interviews that her biggest competition in this challenge is Hung, but that she may have an edge, because this is the second or third time Hung has used the sous-vide method. Really? I don't remember the others. Eh, three times isn't that big a deal anyway. Get back to me when he uses a foam in everything. Dale doesn't regret trying to do something special, but realizes that the judges may take issue with his meal. Yup. Chefs have been axed before the finale for much smaller mistakes. Padma enters the kitchen, and this is the first time the audience can truly appreciate the coochtastic dress she's wearing. She'd better not bend down to pick up a nickel, or she's risking pregnancy. She dismisses the chefs until Judges' Table.

Commercials. Get a car that performs at "Autobahn" speeds, even though you'll be spending 75% of your driving time trapped on a crowded highway at rush hour.

Judges' Table. I see they're still working the bright orange lighting. I'm not a fan. Dale is complaining to the other chefs that no dish he's ever cooked has ever been great the first time he's made it. Again, perfectly reasonable in real life; not necessarily applicable on a reality show. You'd think Dale would have this down by now. Out at panel, Ptom is saying everyone did a fairly good job, considering. Gail says that some of the dishes showed a "depth of technique". Hung's skills are clearly excellent, though the guest judge (Andre) still takes issue with the potatoes. Dale tried too hard, and didn't provide a good contrast between the two components of his duet. Saram's dish was pretty, but her chicken was raw, which is inexcusable. Brian's dish had strong, bold flavors. Padma thinks the pheasant upstaged the chicken. Casey's tasted good, required a lot of skill to make, and was presented wonderfully. Andre says that he wouldn't have chosen to call the dish a coq au vin, but that it came out very well.

Odd Asian music. Gong. All five chefs come out to face the panel. Padma calls this the most important decision they've had to make. Ptom asks Hung why his dish should win. Hung responds that his dish was simple, yet flavorful, and that his techniques were elegant and on-point. Andre gives lavish praise to the chicken, but says that he was surprised by the technique for the pommes dauphin. Hung cannot stop his eyebrow from arching at that. He quickly tries to cover with an "I don't quite understand" furrowed brow. Hung says that perhaps his potatoes weren't fluffy enough because he had to plate them early, and that he had to plate them by himself. Oh, no no no no no no. Hung, you've had me in your corner through all this "Hung's a poor excuse for a chef because he didn't pitch in with my food or reveal his cooking techniques to me" blather, but that cuts two ways. These are your competitors. Not your sous chefs, and not your friends. If you're going to make a big honking deal out of being so independent, then you get to plate by your damn self. Accept it.

Casey is asked why she called her dish a coq au vin. Casey explains that her French grandmother didn't really have the option of wandering out to grab an old rooster, so her version of a coq au vin used chicken. That sounds reasonable to me. Americans put new twists on old foods without changing the name all the time. Think the General Tso chicken at the buffet down the street is prepared the same way in Beijing? Andre liked the dish, overall, and says that it was very classic. Drink! He adds that two hours is not much time to do a coq au vin. Oh, for fuck's sake. Give it a rest. Casey says she was trying to do something bold by making something so traditional.

Tiffany: "Does 'traditional' count as a 'classic'?"
Limecrete: "Sure. Drink!"

The judges move on to Saram. She says she wanted to make something she likes to eat, and mentions the Jamaican style. Ptom asks her if she thinks she used enough of the Jamaican spices, and Saram admits that she didn't want them to be "overpowering". Padma says that one of the diners found the chicken rubbery, but the real problem was that Gail's portion was almost raw. Saram gets a "what the fuck you talkin' about, bitch?" look on her face. She says she sliced the chicken herself, and checked every piece. Presumably, she didn't see any problems with it. When the judges emphasize that it really was undercooked, and this isn't some colossal joke they're trying to pull, Saram heartily apologizes. Padma asks Brian about his sausage masking the chicken, and he says he did worry a bit about that. Ptom says that the dish was good, but wonders if Brian found it refined enough for this challenge. See? "Brian, your food is too complicated!" "Brian, your food isn't refined enough!" There's no reliability in the judging. If they want to get you, they'll get you. I think that poor Brian has been on the business end of most of the Catch-22s this season, although Dale has gotten his share, too. Brian words his answer well, saying that the challenge was to make fabulous food, which is about flavor, not about "putting dots on a dish", and he achieved that. Well said.

Dale explains how his duet was supposed to go, and what went wrong. Ptom says that neglecting to put the sauce on the dish was an issue on "many different levels". He adds that when doing a duet, the two components have to relate to each other, or else they're competing with each other. Dale bluntly says "the duet was a stupid idea". I don't know. I wonder how it would have turned out if he'd remembered the sauce. Ptom reiterates that the judges have got a tough choice to make. Padma dismisses the chefs. Once they're in the back room, Saram grouses and curses that her chicken was not raw. I've got to say, based on the shot they showed us earlier... Yeah, it was. Dale and Hung agree that the judges can nitpick any dish they feel like tearing into. Hey, can they hear me? Hi, guys!

Deliberations. Gail's favorite was Casey's. It tasted good, and was focused and complete. Andre chooses Hung's as the best. Ptom agrees that there's a strong case for Hung to win the challenge. Padma says that Brian's was her favorite, and while Gail agrees that it was "bold, flavorful, and fun", it wasn't her top choice. Saram's food suffered from a lack of execution. Her concept was good, but she couldn't follow through on it. Dale's problem was more one of concept, and he probably should have focused on making one good thing instead of showboating. That's not what they say, but I think that's the gist. Dale is still whining that given some time, the dish he made will be a winner. REALITY SHOW. I'm sure that once he gives it some fine-tuning, it'll be great. But this show isn't about nurturing people through correcting their conceptual mistakes. Ask Sandee. Ptom asks Andre which is worse: conceptualizing a poor dish or executing a poor dish. I'd choose execution. Concepts can always be tweaked. Poor execution shows a lack of skill. The judges reach a decision.

The chefs wish each other luck, then re-emerge. More odd Asian music. Another gong. Ptom tells them that it must have been a lot of pressure to cook for a panel who have more than 200 years of collective culinary experience. Geez, no kidding. Casey, Brian, and Hung were the favorites, and Andre gets to announce who the winner is. He chooses Hung, and I find I'm much more accepting of that choice now than I was on first viewing. I think it's bullshit that Casey got hosed for what was essentially a split semantic hair, but Hung's certainly seemed to showcase some good techniques. Hung is quite happy, even though he doesn't seem to win anything besides a spot in the finale. Casey and Brian are naturally advancing as well, and are dismissed. Casey looks peeved that she didn't win, but thanks the judges. The top three hug the bottom two before leaving. Brian's ready to cook up a storm in the finale. Casey can't believe she "made it through all the bullshit." Hah! Awesome. The top three congratulate each other more animatedly once they're in the back. The judges prepare to chop the next losing chef.

Commercials. The AARP begs for bi-partisan cooperation on healthcare. Like rich, old people aren't half the reason we're slogging through eight years of hell right now.

Elimination. Padma tells Dale and Saram that "one of you are going to the finale [sic], and one of you are going home [sic]." Could one of you attend English class? Ptom once again says that this is a tough decision, although as in episodes past, I think they've long since made up their minds. Ptom asks them what drives them as chefs. Dale says that cooking is love, and that you can tell when a chef has had his/her heart broken or who got laid last night. I shudder to think what ingredients would go into that dish. He finishes up by saying he's always the first one to notice his own faults, and he doesn't want to pass those faults along to the judges. Saram says that everything about food drives her (the beauty, the flavors, the textures), and that food encompasses her whole life. Dale nods with understanding. Ptom says this is the first he's heard of this. "I'm reserved," Saram says simply. "I get the job done, and I try to do it as best as I can." I'll say. Ptom tells Dale that he failed conceptually, but was technically proficient. Saram was the exact opposite. The judges liked her concept, but she failed in execution. He gives it over to Padma for the bad news. "Dale. You are going on to the finale. Saram. Please pack your knives and go." Yeah, I figured.

Saram thanks the judges and gives Dale a hug. In her final interview, she's very practical about the whole thing, saying that they had to eliminate somebody, and that she didn't "cross [her] T's and dot [her] I's". The chefs back in the other room give her good-bye hugs. Saram cries a bit as she interviews that making it to the top five was awesome, and that she's had a good ride, but she'll miss the friends she's made. Brian offers her a plastic glass of champagne. Aw. Saram wraps up by saying that the competition doesn't define her as a chef, so she'll just take the friendships and the experience and go make cheese somewhere in the world. Rock on, Dairy Queen.

The final four have their traditional "bring it on" interviews. Strangely, nobody's whining about how someone else is a jerk. Nobody's forming little cabals to try and backstab a competitor in front of the judges. Nobody's threatening violence. It's almost as if this is a show in which people compete, and not an exercise in who can be the biggest douchebag. Weird! Casey points out that all four of them have placed in both the top and bottom of challenges. Despite the Nice Guys/Girls Finish Fourth rule, I've got to say: I'm rooting for her. Get it, girl!

Overall Grade: B